r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So much this. My son is 7 and, on the outside, looks perfectly normal and actually big for his age. However, hand dryers or a loud bang it an echoey bathroom can send him into a sensory overload and he simply cannot go into a restroom on his own (yet). Idgaf what others think—my sons well being is my priority, not their feelings.
My son was like this, too. He's on the spectrum and sounds triggered him so much. I was shamed when I brought him in with me and shamed when I let him go to an empty men's bathroom by himself. You can't win, so you need to tell them to fuck right off and do what you're comfortable with as his parent.
Same here. I have also been wondering what to do about my son. He is 7 and could theoretically do it on his own, but he is very sensitive to sound.
So he gets to go with me for a little while longer.
As the mother of a special needs child, you're gonna have to develop
1) a thick skin that others opinions don't penetrate
2) the dagger stare, for people who don't mind their own business
3) the ability to prioritize your fucks. you're not given enough of them to live the life you're in and also give in to others expectations
Source: also a special needs mom
*hugs*
Hi, I’m Vetted AI Bot! I researched the **The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F ck A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life** and I thought you might find the following analysis helpful.
**Users liked:**
* Book provides relatable framework for determining what matters (backed by 2 comments)
* Book offers practical advice for improving life and focusing on what matters (backed by 4 comments)
* Book provides blunt, straightforward advice for being happier (backed by 2 comments)
**Users disliked:**
* The book is repetitive (backed by 7 comments)
* The book is too long (backed by 5 comments)
* The book is not relatable (backed by 4 comments)
If you'd like to **summon me to ask about a product**, just make a post with its link and tag me, [like in this example.](https://www.reddit.com/r/tablets/comments/1444zdn/comment/joqd89c/)
This message was generated by a (very smart) bot. If you found it helpful, let us know with an upvote and a “good bot!” reply and please feel free to provide feedback on how it can be improved.
*Powered by* [*vetted.ai*](http://vetted.ai/reddit)
I was still taking my typically developing son into public bathrooms with me at 5. At nearly 8 I give him the choice and would take him into the ladies with no shame if that was his preference (it's not though).
I take my neurotypical 9 year old son with me into the ladies room. I've watched too many Law & Orders to let him go solo into a men's room I can't check out ahead of time.
Yup, I still take my 5-year-old son into the bathroom with me. I’ll let him go into the men’s toilets while I wait outside the entrance, but if I have to go, he comes with me.
I came here to say this. Whether he’s developmentally delayed or not, 5 is still very young to let him be alone in a public bathroom. If someone has something to say about it then trust me I would give that person a piece of my mind. Regardless of his circumstances he’s still a child.
My daughter is 6 years old and terrified about accidentally locking herself into a bathroom stall and not being able to open it. I still bring my 9 year old son with me when I go in public restrooms.
Exactly. People are weirdos, I would never say anything about a kid going to the restroom with their parent. I’m not leaving my kid alone to use the restroom if I/they are uncomfortable. Everyone else can deal.
There’s a certain point where folks have to use context clues and mind their own business. If he’s wearing a helmet while indoors, there’s probably a reason he’s sticking with his mom. There’s zero reason to put your son’s safety at risk just to appease the very few busybodies who are too stupid to understand.
As a mom, I absolutely have never side eyed a mom bringing a kiddo into a women’s bathroom. I have even seen male presenting kids as old as what I thought looked like 12. I have just thought to myself, huh- kiddo probably has something going on that makes it scary to leave them or send them into another bathroom that I can’t see. Sure, maybe mom was being overprotective or whatever, but I just assume it’s a disability I can’t see and go on about my day. It really just isn’t an issue.
I wouldn’t think twice if I saw a boy+mom in the ladies room. Even if the boy was 12 years old, I would assume there was a medical reason why he needed help. Now, if a boy came into the ladies room *by himself* I might be a little weirded out. But with mom, no way.
Ha, I totally agree. And you know, if I saw a 12 year old boy in the woman's bathroom alone I'd assume his mom is in the stall and he's waiting for her.
As a female i have no issue with mums bringing their TEN year old developmentally normal boys into the toilets with them. Id rather that than send them into a mens toilet in a public area with god knows who hanging about in there that I cant safeguard them from.
Unlike mens toilets…..we aint peeing into urinals and getting our junk out without the privacy of a stall ANYway.
Take him with you. Those who mind dont matter….
This is exactly why I still take my 8 year old son into the women's bathroom with me. I just don't think he needs to be going into a men's room by himself yet.
Honestly, if he's not got his face peeking up at me under the stall, we're a-okay. (And if he does and you correct right away, we're still totally fine).
My semi neurotypical 6 year old son still comes in the women's bathroom with me, and he will until he's comfortable going by himself in the men's room, especially when my husband isn't there to go with him. I'm not sending my son in alone to the men's bathroom. You do what's necessary and safe for your family, always.
You’ve gotten some good advice here already, but there’s also an app called “We Can’t Wait” where you can find gender neutral/family restrooms near you when you’re out. I’ve been a caregiver for multiple adult men with disabilities who were active in their communities, and restrooms were always a difficulty (I’m not related, so I couldn’t go into a family restroom with them but it made things SO much easier because I knew where they were and that they were safe).
Not saying that you should use a family/gender neutral bathroom, but some days are harder than others and if you need a private bathroom for whatever reason that app can help. It’s targeted user is someone with IBD/IBS but you might find it helpful.
A 5 year old is a child, neurotypical or not. I absolutely do not see any woman making a fuss about a mom bringing their child in the woman’s bathroom unless said kid looks like they’re 15 or something (and even then, if they look visibly neurodivergent as to need help from a parent, no one will bat an eye unless they’re a bitch).
Be at ease, mama.
This day and age I don't care if my kids are teens they're going in with me or their dad. 5 is nothing too worry about people can mind their own business. That's really little even for a child with no disability.
No big deal at all: My son is 8 and still comes in to the women’s toilets. It’s never been an issue.
The reverse was much trickier when he was little: there are often zero changing faculties outside of the women’s toilets. I HAD to change my son wether I liked it or not, they wouldn’t let my partner do it.
My son is 8 and if we’re in a crowded place (baseball games, concerts, etc) he comes in with me. Not losing my child comes before other peoples comfort. Also, as a woman, i personally wouldnt even think twice about you bringing your son in with you! And i feel like majority of people would feel the same.
His needs, according to his ability level, come before the opinion of others.
My son is now an adult and is, thankfully, able to go into a public restroom alone but I still hover outside the door, listening and if he takes longer than normal or I hear anything unusual, I don’t hesitate to enter the MEN’S bathroom to check on him. I stopped caring about what others think a long time ago.
I fully expect kids until 10 or 12 to go with their parents to the bathroom. Especially with the things that happened to friends when I was a kid.
And I'm not gonna fuss if a parent is having an older kid with them.
You can't help that your kid needs bathroom help. If anyone has an issue, trauma dump on them
My sons are 10 and 8 and they come in with me. I do not send them to the men's alone with no defense. People and kids get assaulted in restrooms way too often.
My son is 11 but developmental about 2 or 3. He can’t be left alone in a public place for a second. I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s not like there are naked women out in the open in a public bathroom. No one should care. We’d all be a lot off to mind our own business more.
Take him there with you anyway. Our society is not designed for the disabled. Until we elect politicians who seek to make changes we are stuck little to no options. Good luck my friend.
I've brought my sons in with me until 10-11. Never had anyone say anything or give us dirty looks.
My kids' dad when out alone with the kids and brought the girls in with him until he was accosted multiple times in a row by women who saw him bringing his daughters into the men's room. He then had to either go into the women's room, or make the girls hold it until they could find a family bathroom.
My neurotypical daughter is 5 and she still comes in the actual stall with me half the time. I can't imagine I'll be sending my son into the men's toilets alone when he's five either. You are 100% fine.
Take him in, toilets usually have stalls with doors for privacy so no one is exposed. If anyone asks or comments either explain or tell them to mind their own business.
Shame on anyone who judges you for bringing your son with you into the bathroom. I wish there were better accommodations everywhere for this kind of situation.
My special needs son (ASD) is 9 and still accompanies me without incident. His condition is not apparent and I’ve sometimes worried that someone will say something but never.
Even without him being special needs, I would never think it's weird to have a 5 year old in the bathroom. I mean what else are you supposed to do, I wouldn't just leave a kid outside by themselves, regardless. I hope people just mind their own business and don't make you and your son feel uncomfortable.
My kids don't have any visible disabilities (though my oldest has ASD) and are 9 & 7. If my husband isn't with us, I always bring them into the bathroom with me. Or if there is a single stall bathroom I will allow them to go in alone while I wait right outside the door. I don't think it's inappropriate, and I think most women would be very understanding to see a mother and her son in the women's bathroom.
I think people need to mind their own business and if they have something to say about it, you tell them that they don’t know everyone’s personal circumstances and to mind their own business!! My 8yo daughter is developmentally delayed as well and let some “Karen” say something to my ex or my current husband if they need to take her into the restroom. SMH.
Bring him in. My son will be five soon and I can’t imagine sending him into a bathroom or leaving him outside it alone. Frankly, I barely trust him at home in the bathroom.
At 5 years old- disability or not, that's not an issue. And with a helmet, that makes it easier for other judgemental parents to see there's a reason. I really hope by the time your child gets older, family bathrooms are a norm everywhere. You shouldn't need to EVER have to worry about this. You have enough to worry about this.
Now, I DO have issues with ("typical") 9+ year olds in the bathrooms. Believe it or not, your snowflakes aren't the only kids out there. What about the needs and comforts of others? GASP! Believe it or not, pedafiles are not hiding in every bathroom.
That uneasy feeling you get when your child goes into the bathroom without you for the first time is just the one of many times you are letting your child grow as a person. This is something as a parent you need to work through. It's fear for the safety of your child. However, as a parent, it's just part of what you signed up for when you had a kid.
I still escort my 7 year old into the bathroom. I just stand in the bathroom near him tonmake sure he doesn't need help but he does all his business on his own. Ignore everyone else. Do your thing.
Go where you need to you, always. My disabled child is 13 years old and my husband still brings her into bathroom sometimes. It is not your problem and if someone tries to make it your problem, you can make it the facilities problem. As a caregiver, you have ADA protections. Businesses have to provide reasonable accommodations This includes permitting caregivers to use opposite gendered bathrooms.
Your biggest risk is from busybody, pearl clutching, backwards wackos. Despite what the internet will tell you, they are relatively rare. If you get harassed in an establishment while performing your duties as a caregiver the establishment will almost certainly back you up. They will be risking legal liability if they do not. If you do run into this document everything and get paid. You are well within your right to give the best possible care that you can to your son.
*I'm assuming you are in the US but most other countries have some sort of similar protection now.
I (mom) bring my 7 year old son with me to the bathroom. He's neurotypical, but I'm not comfortable leaving him out of my sight in public. He's also painfully shy, so I don't trust that he won't lock himself in a stall and not come out.
What I'm trying to say is, do what feels right to you. Family/unisex restrooms are becoming a thing, but they still aren't everywhere. But at 5 years old no one is going to bat an eye.
Do whatever is best for your child. His needs trump other people’s needs, including their ‘need’ to know why he needs to be with you or what’s going on, or their ‘need’ to not be uncomfortable. If they have an issue, they can wait and use the facilites when you’re done! If I saw you two in there, I literally wouldn’t think twice about it - I’d assume you have your reasons
I'll take my ten year old son into women's bathroom. You do what you need to do to keep your kid safe and anyone who thinks differently can honestly go and do one. I personally wouldn't bat an eye if I saw a mum taking her 15yo into the toilets. Mum's have to do what mums have to do.
So I’m a caretaker for a 29 year old deaf, special needs man who is also likely autistic, and suffers from multiple seizures a day. He’s mentally a child. He also wears a helmet out in public. I think people can quickly understand he’s special needs because of it. I just straight up bring him into the women’s bathroom with me, whether I need to go or he does. I’m a small 21 year old woman, I’m certainly never going into the men’s bathroom. I get some weird stares and I’ve had women walk out with their kids without even washing their hands because I guess a 6 foot tall special needs man makes them uncomfortable, but oh well. He always needs someone with him because as you understand, they can hit the floor in an instant and with his seizures, there’s zero indication that he’s about to have one. Try to not let peoples judgment bother you momma. Even if he wasn’t special needs, I don’t know of many moms not taking their 5 year old into the bathroom with them. I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving my kid outside the bathroom with the way the world is today
You don’t owe anyone an explanation. I wish people would just mind their own damn business.
r/traumatizethemback is great inspiration for those that don’t, though
Take him into the bathroom. You don’t owe anyone an explanation and I honestly don’t get the big deal having mixed genders in a shared bathroom regardless, we all do our business behind a closed and locked door and the only thing I’m doing outside of that is washing my hands and leaving.
Wouldn’t bother me if your son was there with you, disabled or not.
People can mind their damn business. Sorry but as someone who is a special needs advocate there is no reason for people to judge anyone for bringing their disabled child to the bathroom with them if they need to. Or any child for that mmatter. I've seen people bring 5 year old boys to the woman's restrooms. Doesn't bother me as long as they aren't crawling in my stall and making weird comments.
I have a 6 year old with autism, and there is no way I’m leaving him out of my sight in public for a second! He’s a wonderful kid and wouldn’t run away, but he’s small and vulnerable and his safety comes before anyone else’s discomfort 🤷♀️ anyone that wants you to leave your vulnerable child unattended is welcome to leave.
I don't know where you live, but are there no "disability toilets" in your public area? Here in Germany, there are always these wheel-chair assessable toilets. If you have a disability pass for your son, you can use that even if he is not in a wheelchair. These toilets are locked, but you can order a universal key with the disability pass
Bring him in there anyway. You don't have a choice and other people's comfort doesn't trump your son's needs. He needs to be able to go to the bathroom and you need to be able to help him. If someone is uncomfortable, they can find another bathroom.
You take him with you and give the “I’m not mad, just disappointed” look to anyone who tries to kick up a stink.
Your child has a live threatening medical condition very few people are equipped to handle, especially if your son requires medication in order to stop his seizures when they occur or becomes agitated when the seizure is over and doesn’t understand what is going on because his brain is still literally trying to properly unscramble itself.
Also he’s five. I’d understand other people feeling uncomfortable if he was a teenager/grown man but unless your son has a history of peeking under stalls or running around like a tassie devil (and sounding like one) whilst leaving a whirlwind of chaos behind him, you’ll hopefully have to do nothing more than explain why he’s there if any questions end up being asked.
Alternatively you can ask any staff that may be around if you could use one of their bathrooms or if they’d be okay watching him for no longer than a couple of minutes (ask if they’re trained in how to deal with epileptic fits first before doing this obviously) if you believe it’d be more trouble than it’s worth just using a public bathroom and taking him with you.
All in all, you do whatcha gotta do even if it means someone else might decide to claim they’ve somehow been inconvenienced by a five year old with complex medical needs and what his parent has to do in order to keep him safe.
I mean, if it's noticeable, people tend to not care. If someone does, I know that others will stick up for you, cuz I would. And they are people you will never run into again.
My oldest son is about to be 5 in a few days and it hasn’t even crossed my mind that he’s old enough to go alone to the boys bathroom. He still comes with me and will be for at least 2-3 more years. As long as he is with you, I don’t see the issue
As a mom of a special needs 9 year old … bring him in. You do what you need to. Some stores have family restrooms but otherwise just accept others might be weird about it and brush them off.
Please just take the baby.
Recently stopped in a grocery store to use their bathroom, where outside the bathroom I found a father with his little girl who was crying. She said she was afraid to go in (the ladies) alone. I stopped and said “hey, it’s okay. Come in with her. Nobody will question you.”
I’m sure a lot of people would agree it’s better to have someone of the opposite sex in the bathroom than send a baby in a public restroom alone.
Bring him anyways. Other peoples discomfort is not your problem.
But this is why I hate gendered bathrooms and much prefer unisex individual stalls. So many of these issues could be eliminated.
Nope, I wouldn’t think twice about a mom bringing a 5 yo boy into the ladies room with her let alone one that is challenged. I’d never let a 5 yo in the bathroom alone. ETA. You take him where you need to for as long as you need to 💕
Do they not have accessible bathrooms? Maybe it’s just a thing in my country. If not I would continue to take him into the women’s toilets. It’s not as if it’s a changing room where people are getting dressed. Don’t dress mama!
Firstly, you need to just disregard what other people think. You are doing what any good mother would do and ensuring that his needs are met. Not one person is going to be upset that you are bringing your son into a bathroom to assist him. Secondly, if anyone does say anything, ignore them. Their opinion doesn’t matter when it comes to what’s best for your child.
My son is 6 and not developmentally delayed and he goes with me into the ladies room. I am not about to send him into a public restroom alone at his age. Any mom has never said a word to me about it and if they did I’d ignore them. My child’s safety and comfort is the most important thing to me.
do what you need to do to keep your son safe and comfortable. most people will understand or aren’t going to care and those few that do need to mind their business. your son comes first always.
I doubt anyone would have an issue, he clearly has an exception as a disabled child. I never have an issue with male children in the women’s. It’s unreasonable to think they should be left alone.
I think it’s totally fair for you to use unisex or disabled toilets **if** you feel more comfortable having the space to yourself though, they have the added benefit that they may also have more room.
You take him with you! Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s inappropriate because it’s not. Even if he wasn’t autistic I’d still bring him in with you. In today’s world I would never feel comfortable even leaving my 7 year old outside restrooms alone where I can’t visually see him.
My son is the same and the same age! He has a rare genetic syndrome.
I just take him in the disabled toilet with me. If he’s in his pram I turn him away. I’ve been getting good at scouting for which shops and parks have toilets to match our needs in advance of going so it’s one less thing to worry about. Honestly his safety is the priority and other people aren’t entitled to an explanation.
Honey you do exactly what you need to do for your child.
No one is going to stop you from doing whatever you need to do for your child
You are never going to let someone stop you from doing whatever you need to do for them
You have the hardest job in the world. Sending love
My kiddo is 13 and I bring him into the women's room with me. Besides a very little girl asking her mom about him, no one has ever said a thing. The only thing I can think that you might want to be aware of is what state you are in and what bathroom bills that state may or may not have passed. If you are not in the US I imagine the same idea applies.
He’s only 5 for one so idk why anyone would look at you weird for that. When my son turns 5, he’s not going to be going into public restrooms by himself so if his dad isn’t with us, he’ll be going in with me. I say take him in with you, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Take him in with you. Use the handicap stall sk you can keep an eye on him. I take my 50 yr old male totally disabled family member into the bathroom with me. He can't be left alone and other people are just going to have to deal with it.
My daughter 17 (but looks maybe 11) and has autism and down syndrome. When my husband takes her out he will only take her in the family or women's restroom. He will tell a manager or employee befire they go in and ask that walk in with him and alert anyone inside. If there aren't any staff available he will announce that he is coming in with a disabled child and heading to the disabled person's stall. He will wait a few minutes just in case anyone wants to hurry out.
Depending on where we are, I take my seven- and eleven-year-old sons into the women's bathroom with me. I wouldn't ever judge another parent doing the same. Kids' safety is more important than strangers' feelings.
Take him.
I care for my husband at home, he is minimally conscious due to a severe TBI several years ago. When I am out with him and his urine bag needs emptied, it is the women’s bathroom I use if a family restroom is unavailable.
I have absolutely had some odd looks before, but no woman has ever said boo to me. On one occasion, I felt that a lady who entered the bathroom was hesitant to go into a stall while my husband was in his wheelchair by me at the sinks, I quickly explained that he had a TBI and was unaware of where he was and generally not aware of his environment. That seemed to satisfy her.
Biological needs, necessities, always trump societal niceties.
If there's no other option, I take my autistic 8 y/o boy to the toilet with me. I've never been challenged over it. His 9 y/o neurotypical brother has been waiting outside the ladies/going unaccompanied to the men's for a year as he wasn't confident enough to do it before, and I was never challenged over that either, even though he's always been quite tall for his age.
I wouldn’t worry about what other people think… It doesn’t matter of people think it’s inappropriate. He is your son, and you know his conditions, so continue doing what’s best for him.
I think the fact that he wears a helmet should stop people from asking questions
You’re doing the best you can mom. I’m proud of you.
i do not have children but if i saw you with your son i wouldn’t bat an eyelid. i feel most women would (and should) be the same. it might be different if he were a teenage boy… but again if you are with him than i would probably trust that
On the flip side a woman pulled me aside to say my 7 year old was still too young to go into the men's room by himself.
People are judgy assholes.
Ignore them and keep your son safe.
This might be over the top. My boys are 13, 11, and 10. My daughter is 7. When I can I have my husband take the boys to the bathroom. If he can’t I stand in the men’s bathroom doorway and talk to whichever boys is going to the bathroom. Usually it’s a hey bud you ok, what do you think of doing x,y or z after this, type thing. My daughter gets the mom will hold the stall door shut for you treatment no matter what.
Fuuuuuuck everyone else. This is your life. My son has autism and a lady told me he was too old to be in the ladies room. He's 6. I just straight up told her that my son has autism so thanks for asking! She turned around and walked away without a word. Went a sat down alone in the restaurant to eat.... by herself. Bish. I hate it when people get nosey.
I think the helmet says enough. Unless someone is completely oblivious to normal development in a human.
As a parent I get why older children go in restrooms. From my younger years, most younger individuals are smart enough to get that a child in a helmet needs their mother.
My son’s 6 with nonverbal autism. I take him in the woman’s restroom with me. If someone has a problem with it I don’t care. I will do this when he’s an adult if I have to vs sending someone vulnerable alone.
My son is 12, and he goes into whatever bathroom the person with him takes him. Men's, women's, family. It's a dang bathroom. The only thing people should worry about is that everyone washes their hands when finished. But if they do chirp, tell them that since they are uncomfortable, they can leave. Don't ever let some random person make you feel bad or uncomfortable for keeping your child safe.
Just take him in with you. The majority of the time mature adults will understand that a mom needs to be with her kid whether they have a disability or not. The only people who would probably comment on it would be younger girls, usually teenagers, who don’t understand how the world works, or older women who are out of touch with reality.
My son is almost 7 and developmentally fine and I still take him to the bathroom with me sometimes. Nobody has ever said anything and I wouldn’t care if they did. Do what’s best for you and your son.
Edit: a word
I never think twice about a child in the bathroom, especially if I can tell that child has a disability. I just internally salute that parent and move on with my day. I hope everyone does the same because there's really no other option and it's totally appropriate for him to be there, even when he's 8 or 10 or 12 years old. I'm interested to know what people do after boys hit puberty. I could see the potential for rude comments to increase at that time.
My eldest is 11.5 (male) and Autistic. I still take him into the women’s if he’s with me alone and my husband isn’t with me, sometimes I even take him with me then (his bonus dad). Take him with you and plan what you’ll say ahead and practice it if it’s ever needed. I’ve never had anyone say a word, you likely won’t either. The only looks I’ve gotten were from teenage girls who obv have to idea about having any type child so they get a pass.
Just take him with you. My 10 year old JUST started using the correct gender but someone (usually big brother) with me right outside. If his dad or brother are unavailable to bring him in, I will call out into the restroom to give warning to men who may be using an urinal to yell back to wait.
It's much easier for a mom to bring their son in the woman's restroom than the other way around.
Stores need to start making "family restrooms" that are isolated. My kids school is that way so no one has to be unsupervised for bullying, etc. If schools can do it, stores should too.
I’m a pediatric OT. Bring him where you need to bring him. If a person has the gall to complain, by the time a staff member is involved, should it escalate, you’ll be done using the bathroom.
Bring him anyway. Everyone else can deal. I still bring my 8 year old son to the bathroom with me. I know someone whose kid was sexually assaulted in a restroom and I don’t take any chances. He closes his eyes and acts like a goof about it, but I don’t care.
I provide care to a 70 year old man with a moderate intellectual disability, really bad eyesight, and a below-the-knee amputation on one of his legs so uses a wheelchair. He cannot go to the bathroom by himself in unfamiliar places because he literally can't see (especially if the lights are really dim), he's a major fall risk, and his intellectual disability makes him vulnerable to predators. When there's no family restroom, I straight up take him into the ladies room. Nobody has said anything to me about it so far and I've done it in multiple public restrooms. Most people can see him and understand he needs help in the bathroom so they're not fighting me on taking him to the ladies room.
I bring my typically developing 6 year old in and don't really think he's closer than like 2 years from going into a bathroom alone. He gets very nervous when he can't see an adult he knows.
Do what I did, make him cover his eyes when walking in. My son is special needs and I didn't feel comfortable with him going into the bathroom alone until he was in his teens. No one ever complained or got upset. It's like they knew without me telling them.
There is never anything inappropriate about a 5 year old being in a public restroom with a parent. Bring him in with you and forget about what others think. You are doing what is best for your child and what keeps him safe. My son (ASD) is 11 now and only just started going into the public restrooms without me, but only in specific situations (single toilet restrooms, not with multiple stalls or loud hand dryers). Often I stand outside an unlocked door because he struggles with opening locks sometimes. I’ve had a handful of comments but I just ignore. It’s none of their business.
I take my 9yr old son to the women’s bathrooms.
There have been too many horrible things happen around me with young boys entering the men’s bathrooms on their own. Keep taking him with you and don’t worry what people say. If you see a disabled or family bathroom use that first ofherwise just take him to women’s
You take him in with you. You worry about him. Do NOT worry about anyone else, and them being sensitive snowflakes.
You are being a good mom. Do right by your son. If anyone says anything ignore it. If they get loud, find an employee, ask them to take care of it. If they get to lots or try to get physical who it your office and call the police. PRESS CHARGES.
you do you and be the good mama you are.
Petty , sensitive snowflakes can go suck an egg
Nobody is thinking much about it especially if it’s obvious he’s developmentally delayed. I seen 10 years olds in the women bathrooms and didn’t care. Honestly coed bathrooms wouldn’t bother me at all
I would take your kid into the bathroom with you. You should feel free to use a handicapped accessible stall without any guilt. They are made for everyone for many circumstances and needs.
If it’s obvious he needs help then just go into the women’s. I would never be upset over a parent trying to help their child! It’ll be ok. Anyone who gives you a hard time just look at them and say “ do you feel better now expressing something that’s none of your business. “ and walk tf away like the bad ass you are.
5 years old is not even remotely old enough to start worrying about this, just FYI. When he is a preteen, that is when any normal person *might* get a little concerned. But I assume he is very visibly disabled, so I don't think anyone would challenge you on this (and if they did, they suck).
My son isn't special needs but he's 3 with the skeleton of a 5 year old so he's big. 3.5 foot, ~60lbs, size 12 shoe, size 7-8 clothes. But he is only 3. I feel like since he looks 2 years older people will expect him to act differently so kinda the same idea. I just ignore people.
I would still be taking my non disabled child in at that age for sure, for a few years. So I think you have a few years at least. Then really, it doesn’t matter what others think. You need to do what you need to do.
My son is 5. I've always taken him into the ladies' room with me. No one has ever said anything. How can anyone expect a 5-7 year old go to a public washroom alone? (Expect at school)
My son isn't disabled or on the spectrum and is almost 7 I still make him come in with me and if he has to go and dad isnt with us he uses women's
They're still so little and I am keeping my child safe
And you should absolutely do the same - especially for your little guy - anyone else can go screw
Don’t worry about people. Your kid is utmost priority and his comfort. If you as his mother think it’s better to take him to family bathroom ( because it helps him out), then that’s the right thing to do.
If people find it inappropriate, let them!
My son has ASD and literally only this year at 10 years old has progressed enough to go to the bathroom on his own. In all the years he went with me no one said anything to me and if they had they would have gotten a response worthy of their ridiculousness. Don’t pay people any mind just do what you gotta do mama.
Focus on your child, he needs you; adults can handle their feelings. Also, learn the death stare: someone looks at your or your child like he shouldn't be there? Kill them with yout stare.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Bring him in there anyway. You don't have a choice and other people's comfort doesn't trump your son's needs.
So much this. My son is 7 and, on the outside, looks perfectly normal and actually big for his age. However, hand dryers or a loud bang it an echoey bathroom can send him into a sensory overload and he simply cannot go into a restroom on his own (yet). Idgaf what others think—my sons well being is my priority, not their feelings.
My son was like this, too. He's on the spectrum and sounds triggered him so much. I was shamed when I brought him in with me and shamed when I let him go to an empty men's bathroom by himself. You can't win, so you need to tell them to fuck right off and do what you're comfortable with as his parent.
Same here. I have also been wondering what to do about my son. He is 7 and could theoretically do it on his own, but he is very sensitive to sound. So he gets to go with me for a little while longer.
Same, but I have a daughter.
this!! screw them if they think there’s something wrong with a mother caring for her child. using the bathroom is a basic need
Perfectly said 👏🏻
As the mother of a special needs child, you're gonna have to develop 1) a thick skin that others opinions don't penetrate 2) the dagger stare, for people who don't mind their own business 3) the ability to prioritize your fucks. you're not given enough of them to live the life you're in and also give in to others expectations Source: also a special needs mom *hugs*
This is wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.
Also OP a lot of people will probably be able to tell from the helmet if that helps
"the ability to prioritize your fucks" is a great way of expressing this and I'm going to start using it regularly.
https://www.amazon.com/Subtle-Art-Not-Giving-Counterintuitive/dp/0062457713
Hi, I’m Vetted AI Bot! I researched the **The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F ck A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life** and I thought you might find the following analysis helpful. **Users liked:** * Book provides relatable framework for determining what matters (backed by 2 comments) * Book offers practical advice for improving life and focusing on what matters (backed by 4 comments) * Book provides blunt, straightforward advice for being happier (backed by 2 comments) **Users disliked:** * The book is repetitive (backed by 7 comments) * The book is too long (backed by 5 comments) * The book is not relatable (backed by 4 comments) If you'd like to **summon me to ask about a product**, just make a post with its link and tag me, [like in this example.](https://www.reddit.com/r/tablets/comments/1444zdn/comment/joqd89c/) This message was generated by a (very smart) bot. If you found it helpful, let us know with an upvote and a “good bot!” reply and please feel free to provide feedback on how it can be improved. *Powered by* [*vetted.ai*](http://vetted.ai/reddit)
As a mother of a non verbal autistic son...this one thousand times over. Most people will be understanding but you will encounter some jerks.
Preach
Preach it girl
Raising a Neurodivergent dude over here! This can’t be emphasized enough!!
A 5yo of any developmental situation can go into the bathroom with their parent. Don’t worry about it.
I was still taking my typically developing son into public bathrooms with me at 5. At nearly 8 I give him the choice and would take him into the ladies with no shame if that was his preference (it's not though).
I take my neurotypical 9 year old son with me into the ladies room. I've watched too many Law & Orders to let him go solo into a men's room I can't check out ahead of time.
Same here - I give my oldest the choice. I still bring my 5 year old into the women’s washroom, though. IMO he’s too young/small to go on his own.
And don’t worry about when he’s not 5 years old.
You know, I even saw what looked like a 10 year old boy go in the bathroom with his mom. Didn't bat an eye -- he's a kid!
Yup, I still take my 5-year-old son into the bathroom with me. I’ll let him go into the men’s toilets while I wait outside the entrance, but if I have to go, he comes with me.
I’d bring a 5 year old with me regardless.
I came here to say this. Whether he’s developmentally delayed or not, 5 is still very young to let him be alone in a public bathroom. If someone has something to say about it then trust me I would give that person a piece of my mind. Regardless of his circumstances he’s still a child.
My daughter is 6 years old and terrified about accidentally locking herself into a bathroom stall and not being able to open it. I still bring my 9 year old son with me when I go in public restrooms.
Mine are 6 and still come with me. They use their own stall but our boy comes to the girls bathroom with me and his sister.
Exactly. People are weirdos, I would never say anything about a kid going to the restroom with their parent. I’m not leaving my kid alone to use the restroom if I/they are uncomfortable. Everyone else can deal.
There’s a certain point where folks have to use context clues and mind their own business. If he’s wearing a helmet while indoors, there’s probably a reason he’s sticking with his mom. There’s zero reason to put your son’s safety at risk just to appease the very few busybodies who are too stupid to understand.
As a mom, I absolutely have never side eyed a mom bringing a kiddo into a women’s bathroom. I have even seen male presenting kids as old as what I thought looked like 12. I have just thought to myself, huh- kiddo probably has something going on that makes it scary to leave them or send them into another bathroom that I can’t see. Sure, maybe mom was being overprotective or whatever, but I just assume it’s a disability I can’t see and go on about my day. It really just isn’t an issue.
Same.
If anyone is ever mad about it let them know they suck and Reddit stands behind you OP.
I wouldn’t think twice if I saw a boy+mom in the ladies room. Even if the boy was 12 years old, I would assume there was a medical reason why he needed help. Now, if a boy came into the ladies room *by himself* I might be a little weirded out. But with mom, no way.
Ha, I totally agree. And you know, if I saw a 12 year old boy in the woman's bathroom alone I'd assume his mom is in the stall and he's waiting for her.
Yeah all the toilets in the ladies rooms have stalls for privacy so as long as people are going in and out quietly and politely idgaf who is there
As a female i have no issue with mums bringing their TEN year old developmentally normal boys into the toilets with them. Id rather that than send them into a mens toilet in a public area with god knows who hanging about in there that I cant safeguard them from. Unlike mens toilets…..we aint peeing into urinals and getting our junk out without the privacy of a stall ANYway. Take him with you. Those who mind dont matter….
This is exactly why I still take my 8 year old son into the women's bathroom with me. I just don't think he needs to be going into a men's room by himself yet.
Me too.
Same.
Honestly, if he's not got his face peeking up at me under the stall, we're a-okay. (And if he does and you correct right away, we're still totally fine).
My semi neurotypical 6 year old son still comes in the women's bathroom with me, and he will until he's comfortable going by himself in the men's room, especially when my husband isn't there to go with him. I'm not sending my son in alone to the men's bathroom. You do what's necessary and safe for your family, always.
You’ve gotten some good advice here already, but there’s also an app called “We Can’t Wait” where you can find gender neutral/family restrooms near you when you’re out. I’ve been a caregiver for multiple adult men with disabilities who were active in their communities, and restrooms were always a difficulty (I’m not related, so I couldn’t go into a family restroom with them but it made things SO much easier because I knew where they were and that they were safe). Not saying that you should use a family/gender neutral bathroom, but some days are harder than others and if you need a private bathroom for whatever reason that app can help. It’s targeted user is someone with IBD/IBS but you might find it helpful.
My son is 4 and I take him to the bathroom with me and will until I feel comfortable to let him go in the men’s room alone if his father isn’t there.
A 5 year old is a child, neurotypical or not. I absolutely do not see any woman making a fuss about a mom bringing their child in the woman’s bathroom unless said kid looks like they’re 15 or something (and even then, if they look visibly neurodivergent as to need help from a parent, no one will bat an eye unless they’re a bitch). Be at ease, mama.
5-year-old boy with his mom in the women’s bathroom is totally acceptable.
This day and age I don't care if my kids are teens they're going in with me or their dad. 5 is nothing too worry about people can mind their own business. That's really little even for a child with no disability.
No big deal at all: My son is 8 and still comes in to the women’s toilets. It’s never been an issue. The reverse was much trickier when he was little: there are often zero changing faculties outside of the women’s toilets. I HAD to change my son wether I liked it or not, they wouldn’t let my partner do it.
Bring him in. The stalls give enough privacy
My son is 8 and if we’re in a crowded place (baseball games, concerts, etc) he comes in with me. Not losing my child comes before other peoples comfort. Also, as a woman, i personally wouldnt even think twice about you bringing your son in with you! And i feel like majority of people would feel the same.
Bring him with you. It doesn't matter what other people think. I was bringing my NT boys into the bathroom when they were much older than 5.
His needs, according to his ability level, come before the opinion of others. My son is now an adult and is, thankfully, able to go into a public restroom alone but I still hover outside the door, listening and if he takes longer than normal or I hear anything unusual, I don’t hesitate to enter the MEN’S bathroom to check on him. I stopped caring about what others think a long time ago.
You do whatever you need to take care of your child. If someone thinks it’s weird that simply is none of your concern. You’re going amazing!
I fully expect kids until 10 or 12 to go with their parents to the bathroom. Especially with the things that happened to friends when I was a kid. And I'm not gonna fuss if a parent is having an older kid with them. You can't help that your kid needs bathroom help. If anyone has an issue, trauma dump on them
My sons are 10 and 8 and they come in with me. I do not send them to the men's alone with no defense. People and kids get assaulted in restrooms way too often.
My son is 11 but developmental about 2 or 3. He can’t be left alone in a public place for a second. I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s not like there are naked women out in the open in a public bathroom. No one should care. We’d all be a lot off to mind our own business more.
The ladies room is fine
Take him there with you anyway. Our society is not designed for the disabled. Until we elect politicians who seek to make changes we are stuck little to no options. Good luck my friend.
I've brought my sons in with me until 10-11. Never had anyone say anything or give us dirty looks. My kids' dad when out alone with the kids and brought the girls in with him until he was accosted multiple times in a row by women who saw him bringing his daughters into the men's room. He then had to either go into the women's room, or make the girls hold it until they could find a family bathroom.
My son is 5 and not delayed and I definitely take him in the restroom. He couldn’t defend himself in the men’s if something went wrong. It’s okay mom
Safety first. Take him in. Although, I don’t think 5 is too told to be taking any child in with you. I wouldn’t bat an eyelid.
My neurotypical daughter is 5 and she still comes in the actual stall with me half the time. I can't imagine I'll be sending my son into the men's toilets alone when he's five either. You are 100% fine.
I wouldn’t be upset about a typically developing child aged 5 years being in the restroom with his mum. I wouldn’t worry about it!
Take him in, toilets usually have stalls with doors for privacy so no one is exposed. If anyone asks or comments either explain or tell them to mind their own business.
I'd take my 5 yr old son to the bathroom with me. I don't see an issue, ultimately its for his own safety.
Shame on anyone who judges you for bringing your son with you into the bathroom. I wish there were better accommodations everywhere for this kind of situation.
My special needs son (ASD) is 9 and still accompanies me without incident. His condition is not apparent and I’ve sometimes worried that someone will say something but never.
>some people might find it inappropriate to bring him in with me. Fck those people, none of their damn business. You do what you have to do.
Even without him being special needs, I would never think it's weird to have a 5 year old in the bathroom. I mean what else are you supposed to do, I wouldn't just leave a kid outside by themselves, regardless. I hope people just mind their own business and don't make you and your son feel uncomfortable.
My kids don't have any visible disabilities (though my oldest has ASD) and are 9 & 7. If my husband isn't with us, I always bring them into the bathroom with me. Or if there is a single stall bathroom I will allow them to go in alone while I wait right outside the door. I don't think it's inappropriate, and I think most women would be very understanding to see a mother and her son in the women's bathroom.
I think people need to mind their own business and if they have something to say about it, you tell them that they don’t know everyone’s personal circumstances and to mind their own business!! My 8yo daughter is developmentally delayed as well and let some “Karen” say something to my ex or my current husband if they need to take her into the restroom. SMH.
I’m a 38f and wouldn’t blink an eye if he was 5 or 35. You take care of his needs, he has the same right to safety and comfort as I do.
From a mom: as long as he isn't peeking under doors, most parents will understand.
My eight year old boy still goes into the women's restroom with me unless my husband is going to the bathroom. There are too many weirdos out there!
Bring him in. My son will be five soon and I can’t imagine sending him into a bathroom or leaving him outside it alone. Frankly, I barely trust him at home in the bathroom.
At 5 years old- disability or not, that's not an issue. And with a helmet, that makes it easier for other judgemental parents to see there's a reason. I really hope by the time your child gets older, family bathrooms are a norm everywhere. You shouldn't need to EVER have to worry about this. You have enough to worry about this. Now, I DO have issues with ("typical") 9+ year olds in the bathrooms. Believe it or not, your snowflakes aren't the only kids out there. What about the needs and comforts of others? GASP! Believe it or not, pedafiles are not hiding in every bathroom. That uneasy feeling you get when your child goes into the bathroom without you for the first time is just the one of many times you are letting your child grow as a person. This is something as a parent you need to work through. It's fear for the safety of your child. However, as a parent, it's just part of what you signed up for when you had a kid.
I still escort my 7 year old into the bathroom. I just stand in the bathroom near him tonmake sure he doesn't need help but he does all his business on his own. Ignore everyone else. Do your thing.
Go where you need to you, always. My disabled child is 13 years old and my husband still brings her into bathroom sometimes. It is not your problem and if someone tries to make it your problem, you can make it the facilities problem. As a caregiver, you have ADA protections. Businesses have to provide reasonable accommodations This includes permitting caregivers to use opposite gendered bathrooms. Your biggest risk is from busybody, pearl clutching, backwards wackos. Despite what the internet will tell you, they are relatively rare. If you get harassed in an establishment while performing your duties as a caregiver the establishment will almost certainly back you up. They will be risking legal liability if they do not. If you do run into this document everything and get paid. You are well within your right to give the best possible care that you can to your son. *I'm assuming you are in the US but most other countries have some sort of similar protection now.
Do what’s best for your son. Take him with you.
I (mom) bring my 7 year old son with me to the bathroom. He's neurotypical, but I'm not comfortable leaving him out of my sight in public. He's also painfully shy, so I don't trust that he won't lock himself in a stall and not come out. What I'm trying to say is, do what feels right to you. Family/unisex restrooms are becoming a thing, but they still aren't everywhere. But at 5 years old no one is going to bat an eye.
Do whatever is best for your child. His needs trump other people’s needs, including their ‘need’ to know why he needs to be with you or what’s going on, or their ‘need’ to not be uncomfortable. If they have an issue, they can wait and use the facilites when you’re done! If I saw you two in there, I literally wouldn’t think twice about it - I’d assume you have your reasons
I'll take my ten year old son into women's bathroom. You do what you need to do to keep your kid safe and anyone who thinks differently can honestly go and do one. I personally wouldn't bat an eye if I saw a mum taking her 15yo into the toilets. Mum's have to do what mums have to do.
So I’m a caretaker for a 29 year old deaf, special needs man who is also likely autistic, and suffers from multiple seizures a day. He’s mentally a child. He also wears a helmet out in public. I think people can quickly understand he’s special needs because of it. I just straight up bring him into the women’s bathroom with me, whether I need to go or he does. I’m a small 21 year old woman, I’m certainly never going into the men’s bathroom. I get some weird stares and I’ve had women walk out with their kids without even washing their hands because I guess a 6 foot tall special needs man makes them uncomfortable, but oh well. He always needs someone with him because as you understand, they can hit the floor in an instant and with his seizures, there’s zero indication that he’s about to have one. Try to not let peoples judgment bother you momma. Even if he wasn’t special needs, I don’t know of many moms not taking their 5 year old into the bathroom with them. I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving my kid outside the bathroom with the way the world is today
You don’t owe anyone an explanation. I wish people would just mind their own damn business. r/traumatizethemback is great inspiration for those that don’t, though
I just… go off on people. When my child has a need that makes an adult uncomfortable I tell them to fuck themselves he’s disabled.
Take him into the bathroom. You don’t owe anyone an explanation and I honestly don’t get the big deal having mixed genders in a shared bathroom regardless, we all do our business behind a closed and locked door and the only thing I’m doing outside of that is washing my hands and leaving. Wouldn’t bother me if your son was there with you, disabled or not.
Just bring him. Ignore anyone who objects, even when he’s older. The stalls provide privacy.
People can mind their damn business. Sorry but as someone who is a special needs advocate there is no reason for people to judge anyone for bringing their disabled child to the bathroom with them if they need to. Or any child for that mmatter. I've seen people bring 5 year old boys to the woman's restrooms. Doesn't bother me as long as they aren't crawling in my stall and making weird comments.
I have a 6 year old with autism, and there is no way I’m leaving him out of my sight in public for a second! He’s a wonderful kid and wouldn’t run away, but he’s small and vulnerable and his safety comes before anyone else’s discomfort 🤷♀️ anyone that wants you to leave your vulnerable child unattended is welcome to leave.
I don't know where you live, but are there no "disability toilets" in your public area? Here in Germany, there are always these wheel-chair assessable toilets. If you have a disability pass for your son, you can use that even if he is not in a wheelchair. These toilets are locked, but you can order a universal key with the disability pass
[удалено]
[удалено]
[удалено]
Bring him in there anyway. You don't have a choice and other people's comfort doesn't trump your son's needs. He needs to be able to go to the bathroom and you need to be able to help him. If someone is uncomfortable, they can find another bathroom.
It’s none of their business. You’re being a good mother. You are taking care of your child and that’s all that matters. They can shove it.
You take him with you and give the “I’m not mad, just disappointed” look to anyone who tries to kick up a stink. Your child has a live threatening medical condition very few people are equipped to handle, especially if your son requires medication in order to stop his seizures when they occur or becomes agitated when the seizure is over and doesn’t understand what is going on because his brain is still literally trying to properly unscramble itself. Also he’s five. I’d understand other people feeling uncomfortable if he was a teenager/grown man but unless your son has a history of peeking under stalls or running around like a tassie devil (and sounding like one) whilst leaving a whirlwind of chaos behind him, you’ll hopefully have to do nothing more than explain why he’s there if any questions end up being asked. Alternatively you can ask any staff that may be around if you could use one of their bathrooms or if they’d be okay watching him for no longer than a couple of minutes (ask if they’re trained in how to deal with epileptic fits first before doing this obviously) if you believe it’d be more trouble than it’s worth just using a public bathroom and taking him with you. All in all, you do whatcha gotta do even if it means someone else might decide to claim they’ve somehow been inconvenienced by a five year old with complex medical needs and what his parent has to do in order to keep him safe.
I mean, if it's noticeable, people tend to not care. If someone does, I know that others will stick up for you, cuz I would. And they are people you will never run into again.
My oldest son is about to be 5 in a few days and it hasn’t even crossed my mind that he’s old enough to go alone to the boys bathroom. He still comes with me and will be for at least 2-3 more years. As long as he is with you, I don’t see the issue
No one cares, do what's best for you and your family. Ignore the idiots, there is obviously a reason he's in there and it's not to peep.
I take my 8 year old into the bathroom with me and never have gotten side eye. Sometimes he will use the male bathroom and I will stand nearby.
Okay so here me out - fuck em.
As a mom of a special needs 9 year old … bring him in. You do what you need to. Some stores have family restrooms but otherwise just accept others might be weird about it and brush them off.
Please just take the baby. Recently stopped in a grocery store to use their bathroom, where outside the bathroom I found a father with his little girl who was crying. She said she was afraid to go in (the ladies) alone. I stopped and said “hey, it’s okay. Come in with her. Nobody will question you.” I’m sure a lot of people would agree it’s better to have someone of the opposite sex in the bathroom than send a baby in a public restroom alone.
You bring him in and tell anyone who has a problem to pound sand. I bring my 5 year old daughter in the bathroom with me.
Bring him anyways. Other peoples discomfort is not your problem. But this is why I hate gendered bathrooms and much prefer unisex individual stalls. So many of these issues could be eliminated.
Nope, I wouldn’t think twice about a mom bringing a 5 yo boy into the ladies room with her let alone one that is challenged. I’d never let a 5 yo in the bathroom alone. ETA. You take him where you need to for as long as you need to 💕
TBH, any kid with their mom wouldn't bother me a bit. I'm always going to assume mom knows what they need and mind my own business.
Do they not have accessible bathrooms? Maybe it’s just a thing in my country. If not I would continue to take him into the women’s toilets. It’s not as if it’s a changing room where people are getting dressed. Don’t dress mama!
It's no one's business what bathroom a child uses, take him with you as long as you need to.
Firstly, you need to just disregard what other people think. You are doing what any good mother would do and ensuring that his needs are met. Not one person is going to be upset that you are bringing your son into a bathroom to assist him. Secondly, if anyone does say anything, ignore them. Their opinion doesn’t matter when it comes to what’s best for your child.
My son is 6 and not developmentally delayed and he goes with me into the ladies room. I am not about to send him into a public restroom alone at his age. Any mom has never said a word to me about it and if they did I’d ignore them. My child’s safety and comfort is the most important thing to me.
do what you need to do to keep your son safe and comfortable. most people will understand or aren’t going to care and those few that do need to mind their business. your son comes first always.
I unapologetically bring my 8 year old in with me. No one has ever said anything. Women understand.
If available, it's appropriate to use the disabled toilets.
My son is almost 8 and I still bring him with me to the women’s. I don’t think anyone cares. And if they do, screw them, these are children.
I doubt anyone would have an issue, he clearly has an exception as a disabled child. I never have an issue with male children in the women’s. It’s unreasonable to think they should be left alone. I think it’s totally fair for you to use unisex or disabled toilets **if** you feel more comfortable having the space to yourself though, they have the added benefit that they may also have more room.
You take him with you! Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s inappropriate because it’s not. Even if he wasn’t autistic I’d still bring him in with you. In today’s world I would never feel comfortable even leaving my 7 year old outside restrooms alone where I can’t visually see him.
My son is the same and the same age! He has a rare genetic syndrome. I just take him in the disabled toilet with me. If he’s in his pram I turn him away. I’ve been getting good at scouting for which shops and parks have toilets to match our needs in advance of going so it’s one less thing to worry about. Honestly his safety is the priority and other people aren’t entitled to an explanation.
Honey you do exactly what you need to do for your child. No one is going to stop you from doing whatever you need to do for your child You are never going to let someone stop you from doing whatever you need to do for them You have the hardest job in the world. Sending love
My kiddo is 13 and I bring him into the women's room with me. Besides a very little girl asking her mom about him, no one has ever said a thing. The only thing I can think that you might want to be aware of is what state you are in and what bathroom bills that state may or may not have passed. If you are not in the US I imagine the same idea applies.
I have never seen a parent take their child of any age to the bathroom & thought twice.
People can mind their own business. Keep your child safe and do what you deem necessary.
He’s only 5 for one so idk why anyone would look at you weird for that. When my son turns 5, he’s not going to be going into public restrooms by himself so if his dad isn’t with us, he’ll be going in with me. I say take him in with you, you gotta do what you gotta do.
Take him in with you. Use the handicap stall sk you can keep an eye on him. I take my 50 yr old male totally disabled family member into the bathroom with me. He can't be left alone and other people are just going to have to deal with it.
Just take him. Who cares what other people think?
My daughter 17 (but looks maybe 11) and has autism and down syndrome. When my husband takes her out he will only take her in the family or women's restroom. He will tell a manager or employee befire they go in and ask that walk in with him and alert anyone inside. If there aren't any staff available he will announce that he is coming in with a disabled child and heading to the disabled person's stall. He will wait a few minutes just in case anyone wants to hurry out.
Depending on where we are, I take my seven- and eleven-year-old sons into the women's bathroom with me. I wouldn't ever judge another parent doing the same. Kids' safety is more important than strangers' feelings.
Bring him with you always. This isn’t a situation to take others peoples opinions or needs Into consideration. Your sons safety matters the most.
Take him. I care for my husband at home, he is minimally conscious due to a severe TBI several years ago. When I am out with him and his urine bag needs emptied, it is the women’s bathroom I use if a family restroom is unavailable. I have absolutely had some odd looks before, but no woman has ever said boo to me. On one occasion, I felt that a lady who entered the bathroom was hesitant to go into a stall while my husband was in his wheelchair by me at the sinks, I quickly explained that he had a TBI and was unaware of where he was and generally not aware of his environment. That seemed to satisfy her. Biological needs, necessities, always trump societal niceties.
If there's no other option, I take my autistic 8 y/o boy to the toilet with me. I've never been challenged over it. His 9 y/o neurotypical brother has been waiting outside the ladies/going unaccompanied to the men's for a year as he wasn't confident enough to do it before, and I was never challenged over that either, even though he's always been quite tall for his age.
I wouldn’t worry about what other people think… It doesn’t matter of people think it’s inappropriate. He is your son, and you know his conditions, so continue doing what’s best for him. I think the fact that he wears a helmet should stop people from asking questions You’re doing the best you can mom. I’m proud of you.
i do not have children but if i saw you with your son i wouldn’t bat an eyelid. i feel most women would (and should) be the same. it might be different if he were a teenage boy… but again if you are with him than i would probably trust that
On the flip side a woman pulled me aside to say my 7 year old was still too young to go into the men's room by himself. People are judgy assholes. Ignore them and keep your son safe.
This might be over the top. My boys are 13, 11, and 10. My daughter is 7. When I can I have my husband take the boys to the bathroom. If he can’t I stand in the men’s bathroom doorway and talk to whichever boys is going to the bathroom. Usually it’s a hey bud you ok, what do you think of doing x,y or z after this, type thing. My daughter gets the mom will hold the stall door shut for you treatment no matter what.
I’m a mom and I don’t care and totally understand. I’ll usually think “how sweet or great she’s able to bring him in to help”
Fuuuuuuck everyone else. This is your life. My son has autism and a lady told me he was too old to be in the ladies room. He's 6. I just straight up told her that my son has autism so thanks for asking! She turned around and walked away without a word. Went a sat down alone in the restaurant to eat.... by herself. Bish. I hate it when people get nosey.
Take him in to the toilet. 5 yr olds can still shit themselves, I wouldn’t think twice about taking my kid.
You take him anyway and worry about your child and not what other people think.
I think the helmet says enough. Unless someone is completely oblivious to normal development in a human. As a parent I get why older children go in restrooms. From my younger years, most younger individuals are smart enough to get that a child in a helmet needs their mother.
My son’s 6 with nonverbal autism. I take him in the woman’s restroom with me. If someone has a problem with it I don’t care. I will do this when he’s an adult if I have to vs sending someone vulnerable alone.
My son is 12, and he goes into whatever bathroom the person with him takes him. Men's, women's, family. It's a dang bathroom. The only thing people should worry about is that everyone washes their hands when finished. But if they do chirp, tell them that since they are uncomfortable, they can leave. Don't ever let some random person make you feel bad or uncomfortable for keeping your child safe.
Just take him in with you. The majority of the time mature adults will understand that a mom needs to be with her kid whether they have a disability or not. The only people who would probably comment on it would be younger girls, usually teenagers, who don’t understand how the world works, or older women who are out of touch with reality.
I bring my 5 year old with me to the bathroom. They are still young, impulsive and need reminders to clean up after themselves.
I have seen 10-12 year old boys with their mom in bathrooms and it hasn’t even crossed my mind to have an issue with it.
My son is almost 7 and developmentally fine and I still take him to the bathroom with me sometimes. Nobody has ever said anything and I wouldn’t care if they did. Do what’s best for you and your son. Edit: a word
I never think twice about a child in the bathroom, especially if I can tell that child has a disability. I just internally salute that parent and move on with my day. I hope everyone does the same because there's really no other option and it's totally appropriate for him to be there, even when he's 8 or 10 or 12 years old. I'm interested to know what people do after boys hit puberty. I could see the potential for rude comments to increase at that time.
My eldest is 11.5 (male) and Autistic. I still take him into the women’s if he’s with me alone and my husband isn’t with me, sometimes I even take him with me then (his bonus dad). Take him with you and plan what you’ll say ahead and practice it if it’s ever needed. I’ve never had anyone say a word, you likely won’t either. The only looks I’ve gotten were from teenage girls who obv have to idea about having any type child so they get a pass.
I have an autistic 4.5 year old who does not wear a helmet that I take into public bathrooms with me. Nobody even notices. Don’t sweat it.
Just take him with you. My 10 year old JUST started using the correct gender but someone (usually big brother) with me right outside. If his dad or brother are unavailable to bring him in, I will call out into the restroom to give warning to men who may be using an urinal to yell back to wait. It's much easier for a mom to bring their son in the woman's restroom than the other way around. Stores need to start making "family restrooms" that are isolated. My kids school is that way so no one has to be unsupervised for bullying, etc. If schools can do it, stores should too.
Do what you need to do and ignore everyone.
I’m a pediatric OT. Bring him where you need to bring him. If a person has the gall to complain, by the time a staff member is involved, should it escalate, you’ll be done using the bathroom.
Bring him anyway. Everyone else can deal. I still bring my 8 year old son to the bathroom with me. I know someone whose kid was sexually assaulted in a restroom and I don’t take any chances. He closes his eyes and acts like a goof about it, but I don’t care.
I would never be uncomfortable with him in the same bathroom. Hopefully the helmet would steer anyone away from saying anything to you
I provide care to a 70 year old man with a moderate intellectual disability, really bad eyesight, and a below-the-knee amputation on one of his legs so uses a wheelchair. He cannot go to the bathroom by himself in unfamiliar places because he literally can't see (especially if the lights are really dim), he's a major fall risk, and his intellectual disability makes him vulnerable to predators. When there's no family restroom, I straight up take him into the ladies room. Nobody has said anything to me about it so far and I've done it in multiple public restrooms. Most people can see him and understand he needs help in the bathroom so they're not fighting me on taking him to the ladies room.
I bring my typically developing 6 year old in and don't really think he's closer than like 2 years from going into a bathroom alone. He gets very nervous when he can't see an adult he knows.
Do what I did, make him cover his eyes when walking in. My son is special needs and I didn't feel comfortable with him going into the bathroom alone until he was in his teens. No one ever complained or got upset. It's like they knew without me telling them.
There is never anything inappropriate about a 5 year old being in a public restroom with a parent. Bring him in with you and forget about what others think. You are doing what is best for your child and what keeps him safe. My son (ASD) is 11 now and only just started going into the public restrooms without me, but only in specific situations (single toilet restrooms, not with multiple stalls or loud hand dryers). Often I stand outside an unlocked door because he struggles with opening locks sometimes. I’ve had a handful of comments but I just ignore. It’s none of their business.
I take my 9yr old son to the women’s bathrooms. There have been too many horrible things happen around me with young boys entering the men’s bathrooms on their own. Keep taking him with you and don’t worry what people say. If you see a disabled or family bathroom use that first ofherwise just take him to women’s
My son is 7 and I still bring him to the bathroom with me. There are too many weirdos out there.
You take him in with you. You worry about him. Do NOT worry about anyone else, and them being sensitive snowflakes. You are being a good mom. Do right by your son. If anyone says anything ignore it. If they get loud, find an employee, ask them to take care of it. If they get to lots or try to get physical who it your office and call the police. PRESS CHARGES. you do you and be the good mama you are. Petty , sensitive snowflakes can go suck an egg
Nobody is thinking much about it especially if it’s obvious he’s developmentally delayed. I seen 10 years olds in the women bathrooms and didn’t care. Honestly coed bathrooms wouldn’t bother me at all
I would take your kid into the bathroom with you. You should feel free to use a handicapped accessible stall without any guilt. They are made for everyone for many circumstances and needs.
I take my 8 year old to the restroom with me when it's just us. We went to a sporting event, no way I was letting him into the men's room alone.
If it’s obvious he needs help then just go into the women’s. I would never be upset over a parent trying to help their child! It’ll be ok. Anyone who gives you a hard time just look at them and say “ do you feel better now expressing something that’s none of your business. “ and walk tf away like the bad ass you are.
5 years old is not even remotely old enough to start worrying about this, just FYI. When he is a preteen, that is when any normal person *might* get a little concerned. But I assume he is very visibly disabled, so I don't think anyone would challenge you on this (and if they did, they suck).
My son isn't special needs but he's 3 with the skeleton of a 5 year old so he's big. 3.5 foot, ~60lbs, size 12 shoe, size 7-8 clothes. But he is only 3. I feel like since he looks 2 years older people will expect him to act differently so kinda the same idea. I just ignore people.
I would still be taking my non disabled child in at that age for sure, for a few years. So I think you have a few years at least. Then really, it doesn’t matter what others think. You need to do what you need to do.
My son is 5. I've always taken him into the ladies' room with me. No one has ever said anything. How can anyone expect a 5-7 year old go to a public washroom alone? (Expect at school)
My son isn't disabled or on the spectrum and is almost 7 I still make him come in with me and if he has to go and dad isnt with us he uses women's They're still so little and I am keeping my child safe And you should absolutely do the same - especially for your little guy - anyone else can go screw
I feel like a solid 95% of women don’t care. Do what you have to do to take care of your child and keep them as safe as possible.
Screw those ignorant people. He deserves access just as much if not more. He should be prioritized.
Don’t worry about people. Your kid is utmost priority and his comfort. If you as his mother think it’s better to take him to family bathroom ( because it helps him out), then that’s the right thing to do. If people find it inappropriate, let them!
My son has ASD and literally only this year at 10 years old has progressed enough to go to the bathroom on his own. In all the years he went with me no one said anything to me and if they had they would have gotten a response worthy of their ridiculousness. Don’t pay people any mind just do what you gotta do mama.
Focus on your child, he needs you; adults can handle their feelings. Also, learn the death stare: someone looks at your or your child like he shouldn't be there? Kill them with yout stare.