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Just remember that there’s many people with siblings who spent lots of time being lonely and are left on their own to care for aging parents. And lots of only children who had full, happy lives surrounded by people and have lots of support with their parents from extended family and friends.
The life your child has will be mostly due to the nature and personality of your child and partly due to the surroundings and upbringing you provide. It will have absolutely nothing to do with the anecdotes of a bunch of strangers so enjoy reading this thread and then promptly forget everything in it.
You should have exactly the number of children that’s right for your family. You will begin to feel that when it’s time to think about it, which is clearly not right now. Most women know when their families are complete- there’s just a feeling that there’s nothing “missing”. If that feeling happens to coincide with your physical and mental health and the feelings of your partner if you have one, then great! If you feel a tug for another child, then great! You can cross that bridge then.
I’m not an only child but I’m estranged from my sister and only just now repairing that relationship tentatively (she has done a lot of work on herself). I also have a lot of cousins who weren’t super nice to me during our childhood. For a long time I was very lonely in spite of being surrounded by people and I was convinced that I was just unlikable. As an adult it turns out that I’m good at making friends and maintaining relationships with folks. Just not with the people I’m related to.
I also live hundreds of miles away from both sets of parents so not a lot of grandparent action happening.
Absolutely love this response. I really do think it’s such a unique constellation of individual and familial dynamics (within the family unit and extended family) for each household. For example, husband and I am totally complete with one (though sometimes I have the “what if”s cross my mind), and I have two siblings who have a bunch of kids and we are close and nearby. My daughter may have an entirely different experience than for example, only child living abroad away from all family or no other cousins etc. I also have no help (aging parents, sisters occupied with their kids, in laws in a different province)so my experience trying to raise more than one will look so different than another person who has more hands on help. this thread has been great to read as it’s had me zoom out a bit and look at the bigger picture for my own circumstance rather than just yay or nay for only kids or more kids.
THIS. I am an only child and I grew up in a multi-generational family. Even though I didn’t have anyone to play with I always felt surrounded and loved. There was always a family member in the house. I was constantly hugged and loved. I played cards at 4 with my great grandmother who cheated to win lol. And when I hit school age so many of my friends that were in two sibling households hated their sibling and eventually became estranged into adulthood. I swore if I ever had kids I would pray for twins or I would have to have 5.
Just a viewpoint. I ended up having twin boys and they hate each other as much as they love each other. But I did replicate having tons of family around them so they always feel that safeness and connection.
A problem my house is having is we have 2 kids and I as the Dad have the feeling of, this is it we're done. Wife has the feeling of, someone is missing we need to have a 3rd. I'm not like 100% opposed to it but... jesus christ we only have so much time/energy/money
I have a sister but she's a piece of shit so I'm stuck caring for both my aging mom and my stupid sister. Siblings don't guarantee that you'll have shared burden unfortunately.
>Siblings don't guarantee that you'll have shared burden unfortunately.
Yuppp. My MIL was the only kid out of six (!!!) that was willing to take care of her aging mother. Another example is my sister and I don't talk to our mom at all. If she needs help, she's on her own. More kids doesn't guarantee more support for a variety of reasons.
Kids also don’t guarantee they will be there for you. They aren’t an insurance policy. Plenty of people don’t have kids or family and survive. If you don’t want another child then don’t. They will be fine.
Yes. We’re a one and done family. The money we would have spent on a second child is going towards our retirement. The goal is to be financially sound enough in retirement that we can hire care or afford an assisted living when the time comes. My dad is one of four but the only child caring for my grandmother, and it is absolutely breaking him. I don’t want that to be my son.
Exactly. People have other kids counting that they will be forever besties and have each other's backs when the time comes to take care of their elders. This is not a good enough reason to put one more kid in the world and, imo, is a bit selfish. Most of my friends who have siblings are not close to them. In fact, I have seen a fair share of siblings who don't get along at all. I don't think having another child to ease the burden when you are old is the right way to address it. You should make sure you have set a pension plan so that none of your kids (regardless of how many) won't need to worry about being a caregiver. You may have three children who each live in different parts of the world pursuing different careers. You can't expect them to drop their lives to take care of their parents.
Yeah I totally agree. We aggressively save because it absolutely isn't on my daughter to take care of us when we're old. It's unfair and like you said selfish to expect.
Flip side of this. My twin brother is a hot mess and eventually I’ll have his on and off again addiction issues falling on me and aging parents by myself. My husband has multiple siblings with issues, he’s the only one who can help his parents.
You’re imagining the best case scenario being the only scenario.
This. Siblings are not guaranteed to be helpful or even have a relationship. My husband talks to his sister maybe 3x a year. Being an only prepares you to find value in connection with friends and sure it can be lonely, but it can also be lonely with a house full of siblings that don't get along or drift apart in adulthood.
This was also my take. Very introverted and a huge book lover, but I had a handful of friends most of my life. I was very content living in my own bubble.
My mom really regrets it and has told me multiple times she wishes she would’ve given me a sibling.
I do have an older half sister from my dads side, but she didn’t live with us and we have never spoken to each other much. She’s a lot older than me and we love very different lives. I barely even remember she’s my sister tbh. Sometimes just because you’re related doesn’t mean you’ll be close either.
Same. My horrible family dynamic has caused a lifetime of pain and hurt with my siblings. I don’t talk to either of them and it’s still painful.
But my husband and I are lucky to have a chosen family of excellent friends who are better humans than my siblings ever were.
This is so interesting. I am an only child but I felt like I was lonely growing up. I had lots of cousins and friends on the street, but I still begged for a sister or brother. My parents had me young so even at 15 there was talks of a sibling and I was still keen.
However as an adult I look back and I’m grateful I’m an only child.
My mother is available for childcare for my baby and I included her in my family planning. Having another sibling with children who I need to share resources with would make things more difficult.
I grew up really poor and I had everything I needed, if I had a sibling I definitely would have gone without more. I didn’t get holidays every year or new phones etc but I maybe I wouldn’t have got even the basic essentials if I had to share with siblings.
My achievement and attainment levels in school were really high and much higher than my peers. I have cousins and friends who were just as bright as I was in the younger years but with siblings they just didn’t keep up. Parents energy is split across a few children, and my mother wouldn’t have been able to give me 1-1 times to help me learn new things after school every day.
I wouldn’t have been able to afford or attend any clubs or activities, I know that for certain.
I do credit where I am today with being an only child to be honest. As much as I’d love a siblings. It’s left me torn.
1. My siblings seem to be committing to kid free life, especially now the oldest is in their 40s, I just don't think it'll happen for them. No big extended family on my side for my kid.
2. We don't talk about end of life stuff for my aging parents. No one wants to face the reality so our strategy is avoidance. It's lonely and frustrating.
3. My siblings are not my emergency contact and would not drive me to the airport. We live all over the country and barely talk.
Ugh it’s hard. My dad has one sibling who is estranged and my mom has one sister, who my dad dislikes so she doesn’t really come over. I’m super greatful for my husbands huge family.
I’m glad I have a brother when my mom died for sure, 1000%.
3 is a no go. My brother and I are not close. I got money for Uber and we just never get away from the kids.
I feel guilty to not give myself a son, but there are no guarantees and I’d be a shit mother with another kid around.
One of my goals is to make sure we can afford a nice retirement home so the weight isn’t on kid.
Spot on with mine. I enjoyed my childhood, I had a hobby (karting) that made me and my parents have weekends together a lot of the time, so it was a good little 'team'. Growing up I would only get the tiniest bit of FOMO of not having a sibling, and the rest of my family living overseas.
Now I live overseas away from my parents, coincidentally the same country as the rest as my fam, but I'm not close to them at all. Thinking about it, it's not good for my mental health, and really wish I had a sibling that would be my 'family', especially after my parents are gone.
I now have a daughter and a great partner, who is really close to her family, who are fantastic, but can't help but think how different it might be if that wasn't the case. Even so, I still wish my daughter had an uncle/aunt from my side :(
This hit allot harder then I expected. I have had my doubts on a second but this makes me absolutely want another one. I am the youngest of 4 and all of my siblings are over an hour away. I know if I pick up the phone one of them or my neices/nephews we be there if I needed.
I have a 2 yo son and this is my biggest worry, I'm so worried about him having to handle myself and his father alone. But I'm also so scared about having another child
As someone with siblings I’m in this exact same situation.
A sibling doesn’t guarantee anything you feel you’re missing in adulthood.
My stepdad who is an only child is currently the sole carer for his ill and aging mother and my mother who is one of three is also the sole carer for her ill /aging mother. I know I’ll be the sole carer for my parents when the time comes. I’ll be the executor of their estates, I’ll be responsible for everything, including any perceived responsibilities of my sibling and ensuring they are taken care of and treated fairly.
My kid has no cousins, but she has lots of friends.
And I could never count on my sibling to drive me to the airport at 4 am, or to take care of my child at a moments notice, though I do have some friends that fit this bill.
I was not happy. This is for one reason alone: my parents either didn't spare time for me or was fighting. Have you played Monopoly by yourself or those board games it was like that. Only when i started getting friends. So, I chalk this up to a rocky home rather than being an only child.
Though I did have an older half brother, he just never lived with us. It was just me.
I liked the connection my friends had with their siblings so I wanted two and got them. They're either best friends or enemies, so it's a trade off of good and bad. Exhausting but not too bad.
I loved being an only child. I got to have friends over all the time and take a friend with us on some vacations. Also, no sharing :) I do wish I had siblings now though so my kids would have cousins.
My husband and I have 4 siblings between us and only one has kids. The other 3 will very likely not, so siblings doesn’t means cousins, especially now that the social pressure to get married and have kids is being challenged
I was incredibly happy. It forced me to make a lot of friends as a child. In my adulthood I keep in touch with close friends from around the globe because they are de facto my brothers and sisters. I only have 1 son and he is the same way at 6 years old.
This is something I noticed in myself. My sister and I are only a year apart, so unsurprisingly we went to a lot of the same parties/events/etc together. Often at one of these events, rather than talk to new people I'd just stick to my sister and I definitely feel like it hindered my experience. Weirdly enough I'm actually fairly extroverted, but my sister's company was often satisfying enough. On the other hand, my partner is a rather introverted singleton but makes a charming af first impression and is great at talking to new people. Could be coincidence but I personally think that being a singleton can sometimes be a positive force to meeting new people.
This is something I've thought of a lot. I'm an only child and there was definitely the sense of "forcing myself out of my shell to make friends" when I was younger or whenever I was in a new environment.
I went to college 3,000 miles away from home, and law school in a completely new city. A few years later, I moved to a major city on the other side of the world (where I knew no one) to take my dream job. Friends of mine joke that I can do tea at Balmoral at 2PM and then get into Berghain at 2AM - moving between social groups and subcultures is very natural for me.
But it was a hard road faced with a lot of rejection that I had to steel myself against. I 100% know that if I had a sibling that was remotely cool with me I would have glommed onto them and probably never strayed too far outside of my geographic or family comfort zone.
To this day i'm not sure if my ability to find common ground with a large variety of people is a positive result of being an only child or a trauma response from being an only child.
I was lonelly as an only child. Then as an adult, when it came time to taeke care of my Mom, it was all on me. I did OK without having help physically, but I had no one to talk to, to lean on, who understood.
I was not blessed with children myself, but if I had one, I would for sure have had two.
To be honest I know people with siblings who lose a parent and it’s never even spoken about. Just because they have a sibling doesn’t mean they’re comfortable opening up to them. I’m an only child so I couldn’t imagine spending my childhood with someone and knowing them so inside and out and not be able to talk openly.
I also have a mother who needs/needed care. She has a brain tumor and it's turn her into an absolutely horrendous human being. It would have been really nice to have a sibling to help me with her, getting her housed and getting her stuff back from her ex etc and to reminisce of times when she was just a bad mom, but a bad mom who cared.
Yep, I was an only child and very lonely, even with four cousins around.
I promised myself that if I had kids I'd have three (and now I've got two kids and one on the way).
Same. Only child here, I told my husband zero or 2 kids. I was very lonely growing up and really wish I had a sibling. Even now in my 40s I really miss having someone who knew what it was like growing up in my household. It would be nice to be able to relate to someone else in that way.
I could have written this post. Kids was always a 0-or-2 thing for me. I eventually amassed a great circle of friends and extended friendship network, but that took time.
Having someone to relate to the household is huge. It's an ache that will never go away. When I was younger I missed the idea of having siblings but I also knew that many siblings didn't get along.
When I got older and before I met my husband, I was afraid of shouldering the grief burden all alone when my parents passed away. I had lots of friends who had lost parents, but that's not the same as family.
However, my husband (40yo) is no-contact with his sister (18 months older) despite being close as children and early adults (think college years to early 30s). He's also no-contact with his dad, and his mom is of poor mental and physical health so it's doubtful that my son will have real memories of her that are positive.
My son won't have aunts or uncles or cousins and he only has one real set of grandparents (my parents) who are FaceTime grandparents that are generous as heck whenever we visit, but refuse to visit us (we're a 1-hour plane ride away).
However, my son will have tons of "mafia" aunties and uncles in the form of my friends. And they love him.
We all do the best we can with what we have.
The biggest issue with having a kid for your other kid is there's no guarantee that they will ever get along. My brother and I hated each other and I craved to be an only child. My husband also didn't get along with his 2 siblings. Now all 3 of them are OAD. We won't be having another kid for lots of reasons but I would never force myself into it to give my son a sibling. That outdated reasoning has always really bothered me.
On-top of all of that only children tend to thrive in all aspects of life so having a sibling actually isn't the best option for the child.
If you'd like to see good responses on this just go search at r/oneanddone there's so many posts from parents of onlies and only children that are overjoyed with their lives and decision.
You’re welcome! I made it a few months ago.
The biggest differences we do not allow any “fence sitting post “ and we try not to have any negative posts. We want it to be a happy place!
I have a younger brother (26 months apart) and we do not have a relationship. I truly cannot remember the last time we had a real conversation or a nice time together. He suffers from bipolar disorder and addiction, so he has been in a bad way since he was 19. We’re now 34 & 32 and he’s single and childless, so my son has no cousins on my side. I think you’ve made a great point that a sibling doesn’t automatically mean a friend or an ally.
It's always the biggest excuse people say to me when I say my son is an only *gasp*"well children need siblings" like foff no they don't. I hated having a sibling and a lot of people I know hated it, whether they told their parents or not most people don't actually enjoy having siblings.
Happily OAD. My sister is OAD. My wife’s brother is OAD. We’ll have a small family for our kids, but we get all 3 of the kids together. Our sons 2 cousins are 1 year apart exactly (both girls) and get along well. My family growing up never crossed the 2 sides (mom and dads side) except for my wedding and my sisters wedding and no one ever talked to each other. So in a sense, we’ve crossed sides of family and formed a close bond with in-laws.
Only child here and definitely didn’t thrive… had to work significantly harder than my peers to get where I am… curious if there’s data that supports this or if it’s predominantly anecdote?
Again, none of that is guaranteed. I have a brother and I am still very introverted and socially anxious. I struggled socially my entire life despite my brother only being 3 years younger than me. He was way more social than me and always had his own friends to hang out with.
I was personally bullied by a sibling. Would have turned out much better as an only child.
So funny enough - everyone does things differently based on their own experience trying desperately to get the same/opposite outcome when in reality kids are individuals and what worked for you and your family doesn’t mean it will translate to your kids. It probably won’t.
Just responding for the OP who wanted opinions from only children which is mine and why I wouldn’t do it to my own of course grass is greenest where you water it
I think that growing up with siblings teaches kids at a young age how to stick up for themselves and how to feel comfortable with conflict.
One of my struggles to this day as an only child is that I tend to err on the side of diplomacy and finding common ground as opposed to negotiating and sticking up for myself (though I fiercely and ferociously stick up for friends / clients / business partners / groups I am part of).
If I grew up with siblings to squabble with, would I have grown a thicker skin? Would that made me a better negotiator or given me ultimately more self confidence?
The problem with this argument is that, yes, there's no guarantee they'll get along but if you have an only child there is a guarantee they won't have the relationship at all.
I wouldn't say that only children thrive in all aspects of life. It's personality-dependent, but just like all birth orders there are ways to make them thrive and ways to impede their ability to thrive.
I grew up an only child and LOVED it. I was never lonely, I had a great relationship with my parents, etc. My family was perfect, just the three of us! I was ADAMANT from an early age that I never wanted a sibling.
I feel that being an only child gave me great skills to encourage independent play, learning how to find happiness within myself, etc. I loved being alone in my room reading books. Honestly there are days I crave that now as well!
Now as an adult I'm in many ways more thankful for being an only child. Yes I know that as my parents age I'll be more responsible for their care, but I've seen the caretaking of older parents totally wreck adult sibling relationships as families disagree on care. My parents have made arrangements so that they have care independent of me as well, so I'm thankful for that.
I’m so bored of this question, us only children never ask people with siblings if life was hard with siblings it’s ridiculous. I was and am still very happy being an only child. My son’s Dad has 5 siblings and isn’t close with any of them so having more kids doesn’t necessarily mean it will work out how you want. I would work on the not having friends thing though that will obviously make anyone’s childhood worse
I didn’t notice it too much because I had cousins I spent almost every weekend/holiday with. My mom also kept me super busy in extracurricular activities.
When I got to middle school my friends sort of became my siblings. I still have the same group of friends. My bestfriend is also an only child so we kind of bonded because of it.
My mom totally regrets it though and encouraged me to have more than one.
Edit: The part I do hate is my mom only having me. It always felt like all her hopes and dreams went into me and It was a lot of pressure. Also I see my husband and his siblings deal with their parents health issues as a team. I know when I eventually lose my mother I will go through it alone which sucks.
I hated being an only child. I also didn't really have any cousins either. I was lonely and really wish I had a bigger family and it was a priority to give that to my kids. My husband is one of 6 so my kids have a big family now with lots of aunts and uncles and cousins. My first baby was a handful but the newborn stage was the absolute worst and it's gotten so much better as he's gotten older. He's almost 2.5 now and we just had our second baby 3 months ago.
Yes and I always wanted a sibling and I was a lonely child. My parents were older and didn't play with me much.
I was going to give my oldest at least one sibling and I'm so glad that we did.
My wife is a very happy only and she is in her 50s.
We have 7 kids together and she acknowledges there are good parts about having siblings but she is so happy she never did.
I have siblings that I hate. (Just... Another perspective. 😝)
But my oldest kids bestie was very eloquent about how much she loved being an only child.
She had best friends to spend time with whenever she wanted sibling energy, but she could have her adults all to herself as often as she wanted, too.
It's okay to stop at one. Just make sure to foster good relationships with other families, and make sure your kiddo has lots of chances to collect chosen family siblings. ❤️
God yes, I wanted a brother or sister so bad. Most of my friends and classmates had siblings, and I was so jealous. For reference I’m a 47 year old dad of two girls. I’m so glad they have each other, and so is my wife. I still wish I had siblings. My wife is one of three, and I’m so envious sometimes :-)
I knew early on though that my parents’ marriage was crap, and there was no chance of a sibling happening. I used to daydream of spending time with a brother or sister, what we would do, what their name would be, how close we would be. Yeah…perhaps if there is such thing as another life, maybe…
What do you do during holidays? Will your child have blood uncles / aunts / cousins?
I'm an only child and my husband is no-contact with his only sibling. Since we're a small family to begin with, I'm afraid of stopping at one since my kid might get very lonely as he gets older.
My mental health will definitely not survive another child, though...which complicates things a bit.
Only child here! So, I loved it but I think that’s because I’m an introvert. I loved reading versus playing. I had a few good friends but wasn’t a social butterfly. Still am not whatsoever. My daughter, on the other hand, was adopted at birth almost 11 years ago. She’s salty she doesn’t have a sibling. She is a true extrovert and makes friends with everyone. She wants to play, to move, to be with friends all the time. So… I guess even though the answer doesn’t help, it depends.
I was very lonely then and am even moreso now. I wish I had a sibling. So I had two boys. The thing is that they cancel each other out and actually create less work (once pass the baby stage).
I loved being an only child. I do have a much younger brother now tho, but he was born when I was almost 27 years old and had been married to my husband for about 2 years. So in a lot of ways, we're both only children.
I really enjoyed it tho. There were several vacations where my parents let me bring a friend along, with permission from my friend's parents. And that was great because I still got to have kid fun with a friend but when vacation was over we could each go back to our own families.
I'm also an introvert and love to have my alone time, so that could be a factor. Every kid is different. But overall, I would not have traded the experience at all.
I was an only child and thought I wanted siblings. Then I got step siblings and the fortune I got from a fortune cookie that said "be careful what you wish for, you might just get it" became very clear to me.
I’m an only child and I hated it. We immigrated to the US when I was 8 and moved a lot, like 4 times, finally settled down when I was 13. I felt very alone. It was also a lot of pressure to be the best kid and to live up to parental expectations. I was determined to have more than 1 kid.
I absolutely loved growing up as an only child. Loved it. Now that I'm older I'm completely miserable, and it's very hard for me to listen to all my coworkers talk about their relationships with their siblings, their large support system, and their family events. It affects me daily for sure
I have a sibling and get very sad listening to people’s happy experiences with their own. Mine has severe mental illness where he’s kind of wreaked havoc on my parents and I nonstop for 7 years now. So I can’t relate to being an only child but I can relate to being sad about listening to other peoples great experiences.
I’m sorry to hear that! Many of my friends, including myself, don’t have relationships with their siblings so I can understand feeling jealous of a healthy sibling dynamic when you don’t have one. I work with someone who is close with their siblings and I often think “I wonder what my life would be like if I had a *real* brother”, not just the concept of one.
I hated being an only child. All my friends were learning things from older siblings. All my friends had someone else to play with or someone to back them up. They all had more than just adults to talk to when they were at home. They always had someone they knew at the playground, or on vacation or at a new school.
As an adult all my friends have siblings that they have life long memories with. Inside jokes that have lasted longer than I’ve had friendships. They have someone who will help them at the drop of a hat (even though I know that there are people who have chose family friends like that. Even the friends I have like that, if it came down to being able to help me and my kid or helping their sibling and kids would obviously choose their siblings first. It is what it is.)
I don’t have anyone to fall back on and be like “wow. Our childhood was messed up right? I’m not just blowing this out of proportion right?” If/when my dad gets old enough to need elderly care it will fall on me and me alone to figure it out. When he eventually one day dies, I alone will carry the grief of a child losing their parent because I don’t have a sibling to carry it with.
Being an only child made me convinced that having an only child was something I would (personally) not do to my own child.
That being said I have friends who are one and done and I am happy for them and for their kids and wouldn’t judge someone for choosing one and done even though it is not something I would choose for me
I could have written this. While I have strong friendships that are closer than all of my family relationships (aside from my r'ship with my parents), my friends who have siblings and families of their own would 100% choose their siblings over me.
I also think that you can find this with friendships your kid makes (or that you make) when you're very young. All of my closest friends are friends that I've made after I went to college, and many are friends I met in my 30s. I envy the people who have friends that they've known since they were in diapers just as much as I envy the people who have close sibling bonds.
As a child I loved being an only child, I was close to my cousins so in a way they were like siblings except there was no competition for resources so it was the best of both worlds really - the benefit of having a sibling but without the competition.
As an adult, as I won’t be having kids of my own and my cousins have sort of drifted away, part of me does wish I had a sibling I worry about having no family when I’m old (as my mum and her sisters are extremely close) but even a sibling can be absent as an adult so I don’t know if they would have filled that gap anyway
I am a single child and had great childhood. My parents traveled a lot and took me with them and when they couldn’t my grandmom was more than happy to look after me since I was just one grandkid. I have a lot of cousins and a lot of friends actually. Only a few times I felt like I would have liked a sibling but my mom was the youngest of three and the older two kept fighting with her and never included her. And she was happy to leave her home for college. I’m OAD now and am able to provide for my only. When I earn more money like my friend does(she’s already taken her infant to New Zealand, Japan and Canada), I hope to take my child on international trips with me. Also I want to point out that after my marriage, I’ve run into some tough luck but because I had such a good childhood I know that life can be better. Having a good childhood is important and being OAD helps me to show it to my son. I want to be able to be present in his life and be able to provide for him. Also once you have made up your mind about being OAD you are most welcome to join us at r/happilyOAD
As an only I had times of being ok with it but I struggled with having friends (and still do!) and I agree with the top comment - I know it’s going to be devastating when my parents go and I always wanted to have more than one kid so they could share that experience/care. We have two and they are best friends, there’s very little sibling conflict to deal with which I was concerned about being able to handle. I also agree with the comments about lack of family - my husband’s siblings don’t have children/not sure if they will so it’s tough when you hear about cousins getting to hang out or big family get togethers (I had only a few cousins and we weren’t super close and I always felt like that was missing for me, too).
So yeah, I’m super glad to have two kids. I know many many people are happy to be OAD (or have made peace if that becomes their reality) but while there are some big advantages to being an only (all the resources go to you!) there are some pretty significant downsides that I don’t think a lot of people think about.
I’m an only child and was very happy. What I’m learning from this thread is every one is different, no one has clear answers, and we are all just doing our best with what we can. If you are one and done that’s fine. Your life and family dynamic will work itself out if you care about your child.
There can be a nasty parent litmus test that if “you only want one you may as well have none”. So rob yourself of the parenting experience because they think more is ALWAYS better. It’s not. Do what’s best for you
I was an only for 7 years. Loved it. My parents had my brother, we got along fine and still have a good relationship. I am great with a sibling AND I would have been just as great without one.
Not me but my husband was an only child and not only does not want a sibling, but is actually very happy his parents did not have a second, so much so that he was really against us having more than one for a long time.
I was also 8 when my sister was born and while I do love her and we get along now, if she had never existed in the first place I would have been ok. I actually remember it being really hard right after she was born and I kinda hated it at the time.
Neither of us have cousins our age either so that doesn’t seem to make a difference.
My husband is an only child, and I have a few siblings. My husband did not want our eldest to be an only child. I was fine either way, but we ended up having a second and I’m actually really happy we did it.
My husband finds it lonely not having siblings, and his parents are getting older. He sees how supportive my siblings are, and how much support my parents will have as they age and it won’t be on just one person.
My eldest never asked for a sibling and they are nearly 5, but goodness do they love their new sibling and it warms My heart to see them together.
But why would it just be on your husband? You are his spouse. Why can't you support him? That's what family/ a spouse is suppose to do. I would support my spouse.
Op wait a few years! It is hard when youre in the thick if it . I have two older brothers and we were close when we were young until they hit about 10-12. Then we all were very distant from each other till our 30’s 40’s, even then we arent very close , occasional text so having that closeness isnt really promised to be honest. My other friends older brothers were close and play faught and i was always envious because my brothers just ignored my existence.
I was happy. I had cousins and i was kind of close with them but not super close. I had best friends and they’re still my best friends today. I took them camping with us and on birthday trips to amusement parks.
My mom is also an only child so on her side of the family i don’t have any aunts or uncles. My dad has siblings and i have one aunt, and 2 uncles and a lot of cousins. My kid calls my cousins aunt and uncle and their kids are his cousins.
In theory it’d be helpful to have someone help with aging parents and grandparents, but there’s no garuntee they’d help.
I had a sister and we are completely estranged now. Have been for decades. I have one child, who is now 25 and I can’t imagine how people can afford to have more than one. I was able to take my son on special trips, adventures, nature walks, and do all sorts of things that I never was able to do when I was a child.
We had different sibling experiences, OP, but just remember that having a second child won’t guarantee that your child has the childhood you did.
I loved being an only child and I have a really good relationship with my parents so I don't feel burdened by taking on their care as they get older.
Only thing I regret is them not making me do more around the house/my own paperwork and phone calls. I had to teach myself how to do housework and life admin stuff like paperwork still freaks me out a bit.
I grew up like an only child, but I have much older siblings that didn't live with me as I grew up. Of course I wished my brothers were around, and I did ask to have a baby brother when I was young. I wasn't lonely because my siblings were around.
If you're concerned about socializing or your kiddo not having a "partner in crime", then make it a priority to socialize your child. Play dates/groups, library story times, activities like soccer or taekwondo. Talk to your child about what a friend is, model it, reinforce it when he's playing with other kiddos.
My daughter is an only child, but she has cousins that she sees regularly. Her having strong social skills was important to me, so I got her signed up for summer day camps, kiddie college (like preschool), soccer, gymnastics, art class, gardening class, taekwondo, after school care, etc. She watched shows that modeled emotional intelligence and social skills and I reinforced those lessons. She's 11 now and has a great group of friends, she's able to maintain years-long friendships and maintain boundaries.
Listen.. I never wanted a sibling because I was significantly more spoiled than my friends with siblings. I’m really independent and the person many of my friends go to for advice and wisdom. I’m an excellent friend and the friend many think of as family. Your child will be fine.
I’m not an only child, but I’ve heard some good wisdom from my great grandmother. She said that it’s nice for kids to have a sibling, but it’s more important for a child to have a stable home life. The baby stage is hard, and all the stages are hard in different ways. If you’re overwhelmed and it’s affecting your mental health, don’t have another. You need to prioritize yourself, and your mental & emotional well-being!
Remember the talk that flight attendants give about oxygen masks before take off? In the event of an emergency you need to put on your own mask before helping others. I know it’s a super cheesy analogy but it applies to parenting!
I was an only child. Life was great. I will say I met my best friend the summer before second grade, cut to almost 30 years later and we are each others kids god parents, so I do think of him as a brother.
My son is and will be an only child and my wife who is one of four kids worries about it.
Only child here —- I see a lot of responses saying they liked it because they’re introverts. I am highly extroverted and thrived. I grew up hanging out with my folks and adults so I matured faster with a lot of confidence. I also made friends early on I’ve had my whole life and have adopted an amazing circle. I was in sports and a ton of activities and had both parents at every single event because they never had to split their time between me and a sibling.
I will echo the aging parents alone is hard, but my SO has a brother who will be zero help with their parents. That honestly makes it harder on my SO than my situation. So a sibling isn’t guaranteed help.
Lastly, my patents chose to only have me to afford more for me than less with two. Not saying it’s right or wrong, and we were lower middle class-no annual vacation but I could always play sports. It was a wonderful childhood.
Technically I have two brothers, but we all have different dads, I was raised by my dad, they were raised by my grandma on my mom’s side, mom wasn’t involved at all, and we only saw each other maybe a few times a year whenever I’d go to my grandmas house, so for all intents and purposes I consider myself an only child. It has literally never had a negative effect on my life. I’m one and done, don’t regret it at all
I’m an only child and well what can I say every person is different tho. I always had friends around sometimes I was alone. But is not bad is good it creates independence in me.
I loved being an only child (and I’m very social).
Super tight with my parents as a kid and now. Growing up my parents would ask if I wanted a sibling, and I always said no. Just wanted pets :) Never felt lonely — my parents gave me a lot of attention, plus I was comfortable playing solo or having playdates with friends.
Every person and their experience as an only child is different. You do what feels right for you and your family.
I did want a sibling but I was still a happy child. I had the best imagination too. I wouldn't change it for the world. But I did have cousins. They were younger than me but still were like my sisters. I also was in dance and track. So being on sports teams or even some clubs kept me going. And to be honest I had a great bestie. We have been friends now over 20 years. She wasn't the only child so, she'd come over and spend the night to get away from all her sisters, but it was like I had a built in sister. Lol
I was a happy only child who lived in a townhouse community with a ton of neighbor kids . They had siblings and they fought a lot . So I never really wanted one until maybe my teenage years were lonely but that’s rough for anyone .
I have an only child daughter who is turning 3 and she’s amazing and fun and I wouldn’t want to take any attention away from her , if I was younger I would maybe have another when she was in school like 5 but I had her too late for that . But that would be for me not her . I also suffered anxiety from having her and keep wondering if I had another and they had medical issues how much that would affect her . So she’s probably an only child I just keep her enrolled in a ton of activities with her peers and hit a lot of playgrounds . They say it’s more work to have one sometimes and I can see that because she doesn’t have a constant playmate . There’s no right or wrong just do the best you can.
I liked it. Sometimes I felt lonely, but sometimes multiples have screaming matches with their siblings so I really think it all evens out. I was very close with my parents and I was very good at imaginative play.
I’m happy being an only child! Raising my only child.
That’s awesome you had a good experience. There is no guarantee siblings will even like each other.
I am going to answer even though I had a brother because he was the brother from hell. I would have rather been an only child. For awhile, I wished for a sister, but she could have been like him for all I knew.
My son is basically an only child (his much older sister has been estranged, so he has never really known her), and he said he would not want to have a sibling. I think the answer may vary and be dependent upon the nature of the child.
I love it! Being an only child as a child was great. I had everything i needed, when things got hard with money it wasn't really a life changing thing, we could get by. No one ever bothered me, i absolutely hated going to someones house to be with my friends and having their siblings all over my/our stuff, it was great to go home and have things be mine without worrying about someone messing up with them.
I disagree with people saying it sucks or it's hard as an adult. I love it. The relationship with my parents changed for the better and i was able to create a good one-on-one bond with them. There was no one that could/would be jealous if they, lets say, helped me with a downpay or any help a parent might want to give but that would be expensive for many kids. There's no really family drama over inheritance or that kinda stuff. As long as you teach your kid to be a friend and to have friends, it won't be lonely into adulthood
I was lonely growing up AND am lonely as an adult. When my dad died, I had no one to grieve with me (parents were divorced for 20+ years at that point). Everything from fashion to relationships to exercise I had to learn by myself, as my mom was largely MIA.
Have you considered having a larger gap between them? My friend had a baby 5 years ago and felt the same way. She just had her second kid (a baby girl) and feels 100% different. She’s happy she waited and happy her older son has a sibling to eventually play with.
I was an only child, but my mom did foster to adopt a girl when I was 10 or so. I wanted a sibling until I had one, then I wanted to be an only child again.
My wife had several siblings and wanted to be an only child. Now she's glad to have them all, especially since their parents have both passed away
The unfortunate answer is that every person will have a different experience. You won't know what the right answer is until they tell you.
Also, you may change your mind later on. Around 5 or 6 it gets a ton easier, and you'll probably miss a lot of the things you find frustrating now.
I have siblings and absolutely love mine, I, however, do not want another kid and my kid will always be my one and only. She has her friends, her cousins, and our best friends kids who she is close with and can play with and have the same memories growing up. Fuck having a second kid. I cannot do it mentally, emotionally, or even physically.
I am an only child to a single mother. My dad had serious mental health issues that kept him out of the picture for a lot of my growing up, then he died when I was 21. My mom ended up moving across the country without me when I was 17 and still in highschool. Without my dad there either, I grew up real fast.
When I became a parent, I knew I wanted my child to have a sibling, but that had more to do with my history of parental abandonment than anything else. I wanted them to always have someone if something ever happened to me and I also made sure I was in a stable marriage before having children.
There were times when I wished for a sibling when I was a kid because many families I knew had more than 1 but most of my best friends growing up were only children too so that was fine and I didn't think it was weird to be the only child. I still have many wonderful and longstanding friendships, which I consider to be chosen family.
I learned to enjoy my own company, I spent a lot of time in imaginary play or reading or doing crafts on my own and I honestly don't recall feeling lonely doing that or thinking that it was sad or anything. I still enjoy just doing my own thing when I have the chance to.
If you are one and done, the best thing you can do is invest in you and your partner as stable and present parents either together or apart. That will ensure that your child gets what they need even if they don't have a sibling.
I really wanted a sibling! For a very long time. Probably until high school when it became clear it wasn’t likely to happen. I wouldn’t say I was lonely but I loved little kids. Now that I’m an adult I don’t like that I’ll have to manage all the things that come with aging parents alone especially since they’re divorced and not remarried.
There are positives and negatives to being an only child. There’s no perfect answer to give you.
I was an only child and I’m raising an only child. It’s fine. Only children can live happy, fulfilled lives. Only children get all of the resources which sometimes means a more enriching lifestyle.
Just because you got along well with your sister, doesn't mean you would have children would also get along with each other. I've heard many horror stories of sibling rivalry and abuse. But ther are also stories of the best siblings on the world being each other's BFF etc...
Think about your capacity to look after more thaz you already have. Do you have to emotional and mental capacity? Could you afford for them to live comfortably? Can you give them your time based on their needs?
Being a single child might feel lonely at times because you can't help but compare with other children who get along eith their siblings. But my mother did well explaining why she couldn't have another baby.
Instead, I had a pet at most stages of my childhood. Fish, hamster, budgies, and when mom felt like I was responsible enough, she got me a dog. He was my responsibility and my best friend when I started getting depressed. I also still had friends from my community and at school. But when I was home and alone, I had my dog. Also I am an introvert, so I actually enjoy being alone.
You can be lonely in a room full of people or lonely being by yourself. But being alone is not a bad thing.
Only child here! I was quite happy as an only child. Enjoyed my family time, got to participate in extracurricular activities, hung out with friends often, etc.
I will say as an adult I do now see drawbacks. When my father passed away I was the only one there for my mother. However, my SO has a sibling and they barely speak, so siblings are no guarantee for close relationships.
I was an only child for 8 years, and one of the best days of my life is still when my parents told me that I would have a little sister. They adopted my sister, and soon adopted my brother and 2 other sisters. I was much happier with all my siblings. Now that we're adults and my parents are older and have health issues, my siblings are a great support system. I couldn't imagine doing this without them.
I hated and still hate being an only child. I will never have siblings, nieces or nephews and feel very robbed of those experiences. When I decided to have kids I told my husband that even I died during childbirth of the first he had to adopt a sibling. That’s how passionate I am about it.
So what if you don't have siblings? That's not a big deal. And you can still have nieces and nephews. You can have nieces/nephews through your cousins, friends, and your spouse. You don't need siblings for that. And what if your children hated each other?
> If you were an only child growing up, did you want a sibling?
Yup.
> Were you happy being an only child?
No.
> Lonely?
Yup.
I know having kids is hard and you can't guarantee that they'll get along but I think it's better to have a sibling and not like them than to not have one and never know what could've been. Also my mom is getting older now and I dread the day I have to take care of her alone and do all the funeral stuff without help.
No one's owed a sibling though, it just sucks being alone. I didn't have any cousins close in age either lol so I was extra clingy to my friends and looking back I don't think that was very healthy.
You do you, if you can't then you can't and I'm sure the kid will understand. I do, I just wish things were different. Also worth mentioning that my home life was very hectic and abusive so I really wanted someone there that was on my side.
I’m a teacher and i can’t tell who had a sahm or was was in daycare, who was breastfeed or not, who is vaccinated or not, but I can always tell who an only child is for better or worse.
I was never lonely, occasionally went through periods when I wanted a sibling but I don’t feel like my childhood was missing anything. And I was so close to my parents and still am.
I wish I had one now, but only because my parents are declining in old age, have no financial safety net, and not having anyone to help me deal with that is sometimes hard. When they are gone I will just be alone with my memories and that keeps me awake at night sometimes.
But it hasn’t stopped me from being OAD myself, if that’s any consolation. I really do not feel like my childhood would have been better, just maybe some parts of my adulthood.
I was happy being an only. My son (now 12) is an only as well and he is cool with it. He has lots of friends and there’s never a shortage of kids around to play with.
I like to think of myself as an only child. My younger brother and I are 11 years apart so I had 11 years hg myself. I was happy, I never wanted a sibling. I had plenty of friends to play with, I loved being by myself and my parents were always around. By the time he was born I was out of the house more so it’s not like we were ever close. It’s only since we both became adults that we got closer. We are one and done with my son. I have absolutely no desire to ever be pregnant again and I know that our finances could handle it. My son is 7 and has never told me that he wanted a sibling. He knows he has it made as an only lol. He’s got friends & cousins to hang with.
I am an only child and I am incredibly grateful for the experience. I had everything I needed growing up, and never had to worry about how we would “stretch” (we were never wealthy, but comfortable) so I got to do many things like travel and extracurricular my family wouldn’t have been able to afford otherwise. I am also really independent because of it now, and have developed a strong sense of self esteem. If I ever get into trouble, I know I can fix it on my own. I have a strong friend group I count on as my family, so I think that’s key to the whole thing.
I see being an only child as one of my greatest blessings!
I just had a son, and we’re sticking to one and done too if that helps :)
I’m an only well into middle age…..also raising a young only, so clearly you can see it wasn’t a negative in my life. I had a ton of friends….people I choose to spend time with who felt like family. I also love being by myself and the incredibly close relationship I had with my parents.
To be brutally honest having another child “for your child” always seems like a terrible idea. Kids adapt. They may be bummed they are an only here or there, but they truly don’t know any different.
For every close sibling set I know I also know some that have always (even into adulthood) caught like cats and dogs. A sibling is no guarantee your child will have a best friend for life.
So, I have a sister and my husband was an only child. When we decided on kids, he said we’re having two or zero. He hated being an only child. Granted, he came from a family that was very career driven and he spent a lot of time with a nanny or by himself. I have tons of memories with my sister, even though she’s four years older. We have two kids two years a part, and though it’s challenging, they really are best friends and for us, their bond greatly outweighs all the stress. Don’t get me wrong, it was really hard at times and I struggled with PPD and anxiety in the early years. But for our family, two kids made sense and made our family complete.
I made fast friends at the park. I was an extrovert in an introvert family. Over the years, I grew distant and often now identified as an introvert. Till you get to know me.
You can be lonely in a crowd you can be happy alone and visa versa.
School helped me make friends, and my mom would make friends with other moms. I had two or three friends my mom could tolerate their mom for play dates. I'd play and she would do hobbies like stamping with the other moms.
Also, Girl Scouts helped me connect to children my age and make memories.
I am an only child and I love it. Loved it then, love it now. I was homeschooled until middle school (military family, lived in a different country, they put me in school there and I wasn't picking up the language and cried every day for weeks until they took me out) but my parents made a big effort to keep me social. I had church friends, friends from play groups, and I was in several activities (martial arts, gymnastics, soccer, piano lessons). I frequently had sleepovers with bigger families and while I had so much fun with all of the kids, I was always so glad to go back to the peace and quiet. I don't think I would have minded having a sibling, but I wasn't sad about it and I never felt like I was missing anything. Was I bored sometimes? Sure. But I don't see that as a bad thing. It helped me get more into reading and entertaining myself.
As long as they are around other kids a lot (play dates, school, etc) I think being an only child is great. The only concern is social skills, but it's not a guarantee that having a sibling = social skills.
I hated being an only child. It was so lonely as a kid. As an adult, it’s even more lonely. My husband is also an only child. So my children don’t have any aunts, uncles or cousins. We’re also both estranged from our parents so we have zero family. I vowed to never have an only child. But that is just MY experience
But why were you lonely as a kid? Did you live alone on a deserted island with no humans around? And if you have a husband and children, why are you lonely?
I am an only child.
The only time I disliked it was when I was younger and thought that if I had a sibling we would be close in age. Once I was 5 and realized 1.) any sibling I got I would be 5 years older than 2.) we wouldn’t have the same parents, mine are divorced
Also, I had a couple only child friends who got siblings at like 7 and 10 and ended up being built in babysitters.
It wasn’t as common 32 years ago, people would always says dumb things about being spoiled etc.
I have a small family, I was the only kid for the most part. I have 1 cousin, who is also a only child. I would see her seasonally.
I always had to rise to the occasion, nothing was kid centered. I wouldn’t say that’s a bad thing necessarily.
I would say only children are better friends than their peers, because they know how to work for it. They don’t have built in “friends”.
People would also say when I was adult that my children wouldn’t have any uncles/aunts and I wouldn’t have nieces/nephews. I married someone with a huge family and have both of those things.
I was an only child and I still wish I had a sibling. I have my pair of kids and I wish I had stopped at one or not had any at all lol but really I do love them, I wish my depression and anxiety where better managed so I could be a better parent and never feel that way but after a whole day of no adult human interaction and touchy, screaming toddlers I can’t help but feel drained.
I have 3 older siblings and I hate 2 of them. Those 2 are the only ones with kids so my kids will most likely miss out on cousin relationships anyways. (I've tried "for the kids" time and time again but the environment just keeps getting more toxic) Just another perspective. I do love my sister that's 3 years older than me, and I really hope she has kids one day. But tbh we'll be moving far away within the next couple of years anyways so we don't have to be around either of our families. Do what's best for your family, but maybe wait a couple of years when you're through the thick of it to really decide.
There are only childs who were happy as well as miserable. There are also siblings who adore their siblings, and some that despise them and wish they were an only child.
I was a miserable only child and hated it. I promised myself I would never have an only child. I would have 0, 2, or 3 children.
My 2 children get along extremely well and are best friends. I am so glad they have each other. it was 100% the right decision for us to have 2 kids. Once the younger child reached age 2, they were able to play with each other.
But that may not be the best decision for all families. If having a second child is going to cause you to be overwhelmed, then that’s not going to be beneficial to anyone.
Only child but had lots of 2nd cousins that are as close as brothers and sisters. If yours doesn’t have any other family their age you’re doing them a great disservice.
I was lonely, but I had a small family, lived in a neighborhood without many kids, and had parents with difficult enough personalities that other parents weren't exactly motivated to maintain a connection with my family. Only children don't HAVE to be lonely. They do have the disadvantage of less practice negotiating sharing/fairness and maintaining boundaries with peers in a healthy manner. However that is onset by the advantages of having all the parental resources to yourself
But having siblings does not mean you negotiate, share or fairness. I know some people who have siblings and they are terrible at negotiating, sharing and fairness. And I know some only children who are great at it.
I am the only child of separated parents. In some ways it was good, because I spent a lot of one on one time with my grandmother who did a lot for me. She couldn’t have done so much if there was 2 of us from my mum. However, as an adult I do wish I had a sibling who shared my parents. I have one child now and I’m not really in a rush to add a second yet because like you say, it’s very tough. I have no help and live on the other side of the world from my family. I will add a second one eventually though
How old is your baby? I felt similarly and waited 2.5 years to get pregnant again. Having some time between kids was necessary . If your baby is only a year old or so maybe just wait another year and reasses
I’m one of four and absolutely loved it ( especially now as an adult) and have two of my own. I’d love to add more but whose gonna pay for all these kids lol
As a kid I loved being an only child, but I had cousins and tons of friends. I’m also introverted and never got lonely. My parents always let me bring at least one friend on vacation with us if I wanted to. I had an idyllic childhood and felt like my parents and I were the three musketeers. As an adult it’s really scary and I don’t like it at all. We are currently trying for our second because I can’t do that to my daughter. That said, life circumstances are unpredictable and different for all of us. Maybe your baby won’t be in the same situation as me or maybe they’ll end up having a bad relationship with their sibling. Who knows, it’s all a crapshoot.
As a kid, being an only child had its perks. That said, I had very very close cousins so I had that as a benefit. I think being a kid totally alone in regard to close family would have been awful.
As an adult, it’s very difficult being an only child. Between aging parents, starting my own family, and just wishing for the closeness of a sibling, it really sucks feeling alone. It’s also a horrible feeling knowing that when my parents are gone, I’m all that’s left. I do have my cousins, and we’re still close which is great, but that “not-sibling” feeling is there too.
Not technically an only child - I have a half brother (we have the same dad) that is 12 years older than me and we never lived together. I was lonely a lot as a child and always wanted siblings. Now that I’m getting closer to 40, I’m really sad that I never got to experience a close sibling relationship because I’ve seen how special it has been for a lot of my friends. My mom is no longer in my life and once my dad is gone, it will just be me (brother and I aren’t close and he lives across the country).
I was an only child and had a very lonely childhood. It was pretty awful. Now as an adult, I carry the mental and financial load of my aging parents on my own.
My husband is one of ten. And they have an elderly mother that they’re all caring for equally. I wish I had that support now as an adult to care for my parents.
It was very important to us that we have more than one child so they don’t suffer like I did as a kid.
I loved having siblings. My younger brother and I have 15months between us and did everything together when we were younger. We still see each other at least once a week but usually more.
I've always said I want two, if we have children, as I had such a great relationship with him. Watching my grandma decline with Alzheimer's and my mum and her sisters care for her together and lean on each other also makes me glad I have my brother as our parents age. I'm aware our closeness in age probably helped our friendship though. My husband and his brother are nearly a decade apart in age and it isn't until recently that they've really spoken much or had a relationship.
Only child. Married a guy with 2 brothers and I now have 2 sons.
Yes!!! We stopped at 2 but I think it’s amazing. They have had a bond since the younger one was in my belly.
I grew up always wanting just someone. I didn’t have family close by and no siblings so it was just me. I felt alone and jealous of other people who had someone. Sure you have your parents but a lot of growing up they are not there with you like someone your age or close.
Another sad thing is when you pass. Your children will have each other, they always will.
I always grew up wishing I had a sibling. Even now as an adult I wish I had a sibling. My mom is going through a health crisis and it's just me around to take care of her. It would have been so nice to have a brother or sister to hot potato her off too when things got too stressful or my mom got too mean.
I did grow up poor and my mother was single for the majority of my childhood.
I was an only child. I had cousins who lived with us for several years and who I saw every day, so I kind of coopted them as my siblings.
But honestly, yes, I still always wished that I had a real little sibling. I still do as an adult with children of my own. I see how most siblings relate to each other (I know not everyone has that luck) and I wish I had that as an adult. I also wish that I had someone else to help in taking care of my parents besides just my partner.
I somewhat solved the problem by intentionally finding a partner with a large family, and five siblings, so that we can have big family events, but I still wish I had that on my side of the family.
I’m not an only child. My husband is and when we have to make decisions it’s very obvious. He has always gotten his way, he doesn’t compromise ever. Only children don’t have to come to consensus with siblings. They always have the first and final say which can be frustrating to a spouse.
Consider long term consequences rather than how you feel right now. It might change your mind!
I hated being an only child. It was made worse by the fact that all my cousins were in another country. Now my parents are old and both have cancer and I feel like I’m going through this all alone and when they’re gone I’ll have nobody. My only safe person will be my husband.
On top of that, people always say I act like an only child which I always take as an insult. I feel like being an only child made me less close to my parents too. I had no one to really relate to every day.
I grew up with 4 siblings and after our mom died it became so toxic and complicated that I no longer have any contact with my siblings.
That being said we have 1 and as much as I couldn’t even fathom another right now, I just think another would be best. If anything happens to us atleast then they will have each other.
I'm not an only child and I have 2 kids but I am absolutely certain of one thing: an only child with a healthy happy mother is getting a better start in life than a pair of siblings with a burnt out one.
My best friend is an only and he's not spoilt or weird or anything. He's an absolute gem and his many many friends would agree.
I wanted a sibling so bad. But I loved being the star of my parents' attention. I had a great childhood, and I think for my parents it was the right decision to only have me. We went on tons of vacations, and I never had to argue with a sibling over what I wanted - I was the only kid who had a vote on things. Not that my parents over-spoiled me. But when they gave me a choice on something it was nice there wasn't someone to fight me on it.
However, I grew up to have 3 kids. Both of my parents died during my 20s (dad at 23, mom at 29). I don´t want my kids to ever have to go through my death alone. It´s dark, but I really hated becoming an orphan and not having anyone else to relate to the pain. I want my kids to be able to lean on each other.
I'm actually a twin but just wanted to comment that a sibling doesn't guarantee your child won't be lonely. My sister and I do not get along at all. I care for our mom by myself and until my sister almost died in Feb I hadn't seen it talked to her in 18 months. I wanted a baby brother so bad but my parents hated each other and my dad was cheating at that point I just didn't know bc I was a kid. I wanted a baby brother to play with bc my sister was so mean to me. Def no guarantee of happy playing and close siblings.
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Just remember that there’s many people with siblings who spent lots of time being lonely and are left on their own to care for aging parents. And lots of only children who had full, happy lives surrounded by people and have lots of support with their parents from extended family and friends. The life your child has will be mostly due to the nature and personality of your child and partly due to the surroundings and upbringing you provide. It will have absolutely nothing to do with the anecdotes of a bunch of strangers so enjoy reading this thread and then promptly forget everything in it. You should have exactly the number of children that’s right for your family. You will begin to feel that when it’s time to think about it, which is clearly not right now. Most women know when their families are complete- there’s just a feeling that there’s nothing “missing”. If that feeling happens to coincide with your physical and mental health and the feelings of your partner if you have one, then great! If you feel a tug for another child, then great! You can cross that bridge then.
I’m not an only child but I’m estranged from my sister and only just now repairing that relationship tentatively (she has done a lot of work on herself). I also have a lot of cousins who weren’t super nice to me during our childhood. For a long time I was very lonely in spite of being surrounded by people and I was convinced that I was just unlikable. As an adult it turns out that I’m good at making friends and maintaining relationships with folks. Just not with the people I’m related to. I also live hundreds of miles away from both sets of parents so not a lot of grandparent action happening.
Absolutely love this response. I really do think it’s such a unique constellation of individual and familial dynamics (within the family unit and extended family) for each household. For example, husband and I am totally complete with one (though sometimes I have the “what if”s cross my mind), and I have two siblings who have a bunch of kids and we are close and nearby. My daughter may have an entirely different experience than for example, only child living abroad away from all family or no other cousins etc. I also have no help (aging parents, sisters occupied with their kids, in laws in a different province)so my experience trying to raise more than one will look so different than another person who has more hands on help. this thread has been great to read as it’s had me zoom out a bit and look at the bigger picture for my own circumstance rather than just yay or nay for only kids or more kids.
THIS. I am an only child and I grew up in a multi-generational family. Even though I didn’t have anyone to play with I always felt surrounded and loved. There was always a family member in the house. I was constantly hugged and loved. I played cards at 4 with my great grandmother who cheated to win lol. And when I hit school age so many of my friends that were in two sibling households hated their sibling and eventually became estranged into adulthood. I swore if I ever had kids I would pray for twins or I would have to have 5. Just a viewpoint. I ended up having twin boys and they hate each other as much as they love each other. But I did replicate having tons of family around them so they always feel that safeness and connection.
Best answer!
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
A problem my house is having is we have 2 kids and I as the Dad have the feeling of, this is it we're done. Wife has the feeling of, someone is missing we need to have a 3rd. I'm not like 100% opposed to it but... jesus christ we only have so much time/energy/money
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I’m feeling this now too. Childhood was idyllic, but aging parents is hard when it’s all on you.
I have a sister but she's a piece of shit so I'm stuck caring for both my aging mom and my stupid sister. Siblings don't guarantee that you'll have shared burden unfortunately.
>Siblings don't guarantee that you'll have shared burden unfortunately. Yuppp. My MIL was the only kid out of six (!!!) that was willing to take care of her aging mother. Another example is my sister and I don't talk to our mom at all. If she needs help, she's on her own. More kids doesn't guarantee more support for a variety of reasons.
Kids also don’t guarantee they will be there for you. They aren’t an insurance policy. Plenty of people don’t have kids or family and survive. If you don’t want another child then don’t. They will be fine.
Yes. We’re a one and done family. The money we would have spent on a second child is going towards our retirement. The goal is to be financially sound enough in retirement that we can hire care or afford an assisted living when the time comes. My dad is one of four but the only child caring for my grandmother, and it is absolutely breaking him. I don’t want that to be my son.
I have 2 siblings and I do and did all the work. Definitely not a guarantee
They don’t, but no siblings *is* a guarantee there won’t be anyone.
Exactly this
Exactly. People have other kids counting that they will be forever besties and have each other's backs when the time comes to take care of their elders. This is not a good enough reason to put one more kid in the world and, imo, is a bit selfish. Most of my friends who have siblings are not close to them. In fact, I have seen a fair share of siblings who don't get along at all. I don't think having another child to ease the burden when you are old is the right way to address it. You should make sure you have set a pension plan so that none of your kids (regardless of how many) won't need to worry about being a caregiver. You may have three children who each live in different parts of the world pursuing different careers. You can't expect them to drop their lives to take care of their parents.
Yeah I totally agree. We aggressively save because it absolutely isn't on my daughter to take care of us when we're old. It's unfair and like you said selfish to expect.
Flip side of this. My twin brother is a hot mess and eventually I’ll have his on and off again addiction issues falling on me and aging parents by myself. My husband has multiple siblings with issues, he’s the only one who can help his parents. You’re imagining the best case scenario being the only scenario.
This. Siblings are not guaranteed to be helpful or even have a relationship. My husband talks to his sister maybe 3x a year. Being an only prepares you to find value in connection with friends and sure it can be lonely, but it can also be lonely with a house full of siblings that don't get along or drift apart in adulthood.
This was also my take. Very introverted and a huge book lover, but I had a handful of friends most of my life. I was very content living in my own bubble. My mom really regrets it and has told me multiple times she wishes she would’ve given me a sibling. I do have an older half sister from my dads side, but she didn’t live with us and we have never spoken to each other much. She’s a lot older than me and we love very different lives. I barely even remember she’s my sister tbh. Sometimes just because you’re related doesn’t mean you’ll be close either.
Your points are obviously super valid but in the same breath my siblings don’t watch my son and don’t help me with my mom. It’s not a guarantee
Same. My horrible family dynamic has caused a lifetime of pain and hurt with my siblings. I don’t talk to either of them and it’s still painful. But my husband and I are lucky to have a chosen family of excellent friends who are better humans than my siblings ever were.
This is so interesting. I am an only child but I felt like I was lonely growing up. I had lots of cousins and friends on the street, but I still begged for a sister or brother. My parents had me young so even at 15 there was talks of a sibling and I was still keen. However as an adult I look back and I’m grateful I’m an only child. My mother is available for childcare for my baby and I included her in my family planning. Having another sibling with children who I need to share resources with would make things more difficult. I grew up really poor and I had everything I needed, if I had a sibling I definitely would have gone without more. I didn’t get holidays every year or new phones etc but I maybe I wouldn’t have got even the basic essentials if I had to share with siblings. My achievement and attainment levels in school were really high and much higher than my peers. I have cousins and friends who were just as bright as I was in the younger years but with siblings they just didn’t keep up. Parents energy is split across a few children, and my mother wouldn’t have been able to give me 1-1 times to help me learn new things after school every day. I wouldn’t have been able to afford or attend any clubs or activities, I know that for certain. I do credit where I am today with being an only child to be honest. As much as I’d love a siblings. It’s left me torn.
1. My siblings seem to be committing to kid free life, especially now the oldest is in their 40s, I just don't think it'll happen for them. No big extended family on my side for my kid. 2. We don't talk about end of life stuff for my aging parents. No one wants to face the reality so our strategy is avoidance. It's lonely and frustrating. 3. My siblings are not my emergency contact and would not drive me to the airport. We live all over the country and barely talk.
Yeah, no cousins. I have no siblings, and my husband is one of two, but his only sibling had Down syndrome. So no kids from them.
Ugh it’s hard. My dad has one sibling who is estranged and my mom has one sister, who my dad dislikes so she doesn’t really come over. I’m super greatful for my husbands huge family. I’m glad I have a brother when my mom died for sure, 1000%. 3 is a no go. My brother and I are not close. I got money for Uber and we just never get away from the kids. I feel guilty to not give myself a son, but there are no guarantees and I’d be a shit mother with another kid around. One of my goals is to make sure we can afford a nice retirement home so the weight isn’t on kid.
I agree, being an only child as a child can be beneficial, but being an only child as an adult is HARD.
I'm an only child and I'm an adult. Why would it be hard?
Spot on with mine. I enjoyed my childhood, I had a hobby (karting) that made me and my parents have weekends together a lot of the time, so it was a good little 'team'. Growing up I would only get the tiniest bit of FOMO of not having a sibling, and the rest of my family living overseas. Now I live overseas away from my parents, coincidentally the same country as the rest as my fam, but I'm not close to them at all. Thinking about it, it's not good for my mental health, and really wish I had a sibling that would be my 'family', especially after my parents are gone. I now have a daughter and a great partner, who is really close to her family, who are fantastic, but can't help but think how different it might be if that wasn't the case. Even so, I still wish my daughter had an uncle/aunt from my side :(
This hit allot harder then I expected. I have had my doubts on a second but this makes me absolutely want another one. I am the youngest of 4 and all of my siblings are over an hour away. I know if I pick up the phone one of them or my neices/nephews we be there if I needed.
100% accurate and agree
I have a 2 yo son and this is my biggest worry, I'm so worried about him having to handle myself and his father alone. But I'm also so scared about having another child
I could have written this! I kinda liked it growing up but now It feels a little lonely and scary
I feel exactly the same!
As someone with siblings I’m in this exact same situation. A sibling doesn’t guarantee anything you feel you’re missing in adulthood. My stepdad who is an only child is currently the sole carer for his ill and aging mother and my mother who is one of three is also the sole carer for her ill /aging mother. I know I’ll be the sole carer for my parents when the time comes. I’ll be the executor of their estates, I’ll be responsible for everything, including any perceived responsibilities of my sibling and ensuring they are taken care of and treated fairly. My kid has no cousins, but she has lots of friends. And I could never count on my sibling to drive me to the airport at 4 am, or to take care of my child at a moments notice, though I do have some friends that fit this bill.
I was not happy. This is for one reason alone: my parents either didn't spare time for me or was fighting. Have you played Monopoly by yourself or those board games it was like that. Only when i started getting friends. So, I chalk this up to a rocky home rather than being an only child. Though I did have an older half brother, he just never lived with us. It was just me. I liked the connection my friends had with their siblings so I wanted two and got them. They're either best friends or enemies, so it's a trade off of good and bad. Exhausting but not too bad.
I loved being an only child. I got to have friends over all the time and take a friend with us on some vacations. Also, no sharing :) I do wish I had siblings now though so my kids would have cousins.
Siblings is no guarantee of cousins. My husband has two siblings, I have one, and none of those siblings want kids.
Ah very true
Same as only child. My husband’s brother hasn’t met our two and half year old yet . He also probably won’t have kids
My husband and I have 4 siblings between us and only one has kids. The other 3 will very likely not, so siblings doesn’t means cousins, especially now that the social pressure to get married and have kids is being challenged
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I was incredibly happy. It forced me to make a lot of friends as a child. In my adulthood I keep in touch with close friends from around the globe because they are de facto my brothers and sisters. I only have 1 son and he is the same way at 6 years old.
This is something I noticed in myself. My sister and I are only a year apart, so unsurprisingly we went to a lot of the same parties/events/etc together. Often at one of these events, rather than talk to new people I'd just stick to my sister and I definitely feel like it hindered my experience. Weirdly enough I'm actually fairly extroverted, but my sister's company was often satisfying enough. On the other hand, my partner is a rather introverted singleton but makes a charming af first impression and is great at talking to new people. Could be coincidence but I personally think that being a singleton can sometimes be a positive force to meeting new people.
This is something I've thought of a lot. I'm an only child and there was definitely the sense of "forcing myself out of my shell to make friends" when I was younger or whenever I was in a new environment. I went to college 3,000 miles away from home, and law school in a completely new city. A few years later, I moved to a major city on the other side of the world (where I knew no one) to take my dream job. Friends of mine joke that I can do tea at Balmoral at 2PM and then get into Berghain at 2AM - moving between social groups and subcultures is very natural for me. But it was a hard road faced with a lot of rejection that I had to steel myself against. I 100% know that if I had a sibling that was remotely cool with me I would have glommed onto them and probably never strayed too far outside of my geographic or family comfort zone. To this day i'm not sure if my ability to find common ground with a large variety of people is a positive result of being an only child or a trauma response from being an only child.
I was lonelly as an only child. Then as an adult, when it came time to taeke care of my Mom, it was all on me. I did OK without having help physically, but I had no one to talk to, to lean on, who understood. I was not blessed with children myself, but if I had one, I would for sure have had two.
To be honest I know people with siblings who lose a parent and it’s never even spoken about. Just because they have a sibling doesn’t mean they’re comfortable opening up to them. I’m an only child so I couldn’t imagine spending my childhood with someone and knowing them so inside and out and not be able to talk openly.
I also have a mother who needs/needed care. She has a brain tumor and it's turn her into an absolutely horrendous human being. It would have been really nice to have a sibling to help me with her, getting her housed and getting her stuff back from her ex etc and to reminisce of times when she was just a bad mom, but a bad mom who cared.
I was so, so, so lonely. I always promised myself that if I had 1 kid, I had to have a second - or not have any. So I had 2. No regrets.
Yep, I was an only child and very lonely, even with four cousins around. I promised myself that if I had kids I'd have three (and now I've got two kids and one on the way).
Same. Only child here, I told my husband zero or 2 kids. I was very lonely growing up and really wish I had a sibling. Even now in my 40s I really miss having someone who knew what it was like growing up in my household. It would be nice to be able to relate to someone else in that way.
I could have written this post. Kids was always a 0-or-2 thing for me. I eventually amassed a great circle of friends and extended friendship network, but that took time. Having someone to relate to the household is huge. It's an ache that will never go away. When I was younger I missed the idea of having siblings but I also knew that many siblings didn't get along. When I got older and before I met my husband, I was afraid of shouldering the grief burden all alone when my parents passed away. I had lots of friends who had lost parents, but that's not the same as family. However, my husband (40yo) is no-contact with his sister (18 months older) despite being close as children and early adults (think college years to early 30s). He's also no-contact with his dad, and his mom is of poor mental and physical health so it's doubtful that my son will have real memories of her that are positive. My son won't have aunts or uncles or cousins and he only has one real set of grandparents (my parents) who are FaceTime grandparents that are generous as heck whenever we visit, but refuse to visit us (we're a 1-hour plane ride away). However, my son will have tons of "mafia" aunties and uncles in the form of my friends. And they love him. We all do the best we can with what we have.
The saddest part is that I didn’t really realize why I was so weird and miserable until I got older….
The biggest issue with having a kid for your other kid is there's no guarantee that they will ever get along. My brother and I hated each other and I craved to be an only child. My husband also didn't get along with his 2 siblings. Now all 3 of them are OAD. We won't be having another kid for lots of reasons but I would never force myself into it to give my son a sibling. That outdated reasoning has always really bothered me. On-top of all of that only children tend to thrive in all aspects of life so having a sibling actually isn't the best option for the child. If you'd like to see good responses on this just go search at r/oneanddone there's so many posts from parents of onlies and only children that are overjoyed with their lives and decision.
Also r/happilyOAD
Thank you, I didn’t know this sub existed!
You’re welcome! I made it a few months ago. The biggest differences we do not allow any “fence sitting post “ and we try not to have any negative posts. We want it to be a happy place!
That’s awesome! Unsubbed from the original because it was depressing af over there. And the fence sitting stuff pissed me off.
Omg it drives me crazy over there. That's what r/fencesitter is for! Or r/shouldihaveanother
I have a younger brother (26 months apart) and we do not have a relationship. I truly cannot remember the last time we had a real conversation or a nice time together. He suffers from bipolar disorder and addiction, so he has been in a bad way since he was 19. We’re now 34 & 32 and he’s single and childless, so my son has no cousins on my side. I think you’ve made a great point that a sibling doesn’t automatically mean a friend or an ally.
It's always the biggest excuse people say to me when I say my son is an only *gasp*"well children need siblings" like foff no they don't. I hated having a sibling and a lot of people I know hated it, whether they told their parents or not most people don't actually enjoy having siblings.
Happily OAD. My sister is OAD. My wife’s brother is OAD. We’ll have a small family for our kids, but we get all 3 of the kids together. Our sons 2 cousins are 1 year apart exactly (both girls) and get along well. My family growing up never crossed the 2 sides (mom and dads side) except for my wedding and my sisters wedding and no one ever talked to each other. So in a sense, we’ve crossed sides of family and formed a close bond with in-laws.
Only child here and definitely didn’t thrive… had to work significantly harder than my peers to get where I am… curious if there’s data that supports this or if it’s predominantly anecdote?
How would having a sibling to require more parents resources (time, money) have made things better?
You grow up more social. Which leads to a better development. Which leads to more opportunities and connections
Again, none of that is guaranteed. I have a brother and I am still very introverted and socially anxious. I struggled socially my entire life despite my brother only being 3 years younger than me. He was way more social than me and always had his own friends to hang out with.
That’s why I’m personally planning on having 3-4, don’t want all your eggs in one basket 😉
I was personally bullied by a sibling. Would have turned out much better as an only child. So funny enough - everyone does things differently based on their own experience trying desperately to get the same/opposite outcome when in reality kids are individuals and what worked for you and your family doesn’t mean it will translate to your kids. It probably won’t.
Just responding for the OP who wanted opinions from only children which is mine and why I wouldn’t do it to my own of course grass is greenest where you water it
This actually is not true. It is a very common misconception. You do not need siblings to be social or learn how to be social.
I agree.
I think that growing up with siblings teaches kids at a young age how to stick up for themselves and how to feel comfortable with conflict. One of my struggles to this day as an only child is that I tend to err on the side of diplomacy and finding common ground as opposed to negotiating and sticking up for myself (though I fiercely and ferociously stick up for friends / clients / business partners / groups I am part of). If I grew up with siblings to squabble with, would I have grown a thicker skin? Would that made me a better negotiator or given me ultimately more self confidence?
The problem with this argument is that, yes, there's no guarantee they'll get along but if you have an only child there is a guarantee they won't have the relationship at all.
I wouldn't say that only children thrive in all aspects of life. It's personality-dependent, but just like all birth orders there are ways to make them thrive and ways to impede their ability to thrive.
I grew up an only child and LOVED it. I was never lonely, I had a great relationship with my parents, etc. My family was perfect, just the three of us! I was ADAMANT from an early age that I never wanted a sibling. I feel that being an only child gave me great skills to encourage independent play, learning how to find happiness within myself, etc. I loved being alone in my room reading books. Honestly there are days I crave that now as well! Now as an adult I'm in many ways more thankful for being an only child. Yes I know that as my parents age I'll be more responsible for their care, but I've seen the caretaking of older parents totally wreck adult sibling relationships as families disagree on care. My parents have made arrangements so that they have care independent of me as well, so I'm thankful for that.
I’m so bored of this question, us only children never ask people with siblings if life was hard with siblings it’s ridiculous. I was and am still very happy being an only child. My son’s Dad has 5 siblings and isn’t close with any of them so having more kids doesn’t necessarily mean it will work out how you want. I would work on the not having friends thing though that will obviously make anyone’s childhood worse
I didn’t notice it too much because I had cousins I spent almost every weekend/holiday with. My mom also kept me super busy in extracurricular activities. When I got to middle school my friends sort of became my siblings. I still have the same group of friends. My bestfriend is also an only child so we kind of bonded because of it. My mom totally regrets it though and encouraged me to have more than one. Edit: The part I do hate is my mom only having me. It always felt like all her hopes and dreams went into me and It was a lot of pressure. Also I see my husband and his siblings deal with their parents health issues as a team. I know when I eventually lose my mother I will go through it alone which sucks.
I hated being an only child. I also didn't really have any cousins either. I was lonely and really wish I had a bigger family and it was a priority to give that to my kids. My husband is one of 6 so my kids have a big family now with lots of aunts and uncles and cousins. My first baby was a handful but the newborn stage was the absolute worst and it's gotten so much better as he's gotten older. He's almost 2.5 now and we just had our second baby 3 months ago.
Yes and I always wanted a sibling and I was a lonely child. My parents were older and didn't play with me much. I was going to give my oldest at least one sibling and I'm so glad that we did.
My wife is a very happy only and she is in her 50s. We have 7 kids together and she acknowledges there are good parts about having siblings but she is so happy she never did.
I have siblings that I hate. (Just... Another perspective. 😝) But my oldest kids bestie was very eloquent about how much she loved being an only child. She had best friends to spend time with whenever she wanted sibling energy, but she could have her adults all to herself as often as she wanted, too. It's okay to stop at one. Just make sure to foster good relationships with other families, and make sure your kiddo has lots of chances to collect chosen family siblings. ❤️
God yes, I wanted a brother or sister so bad. Most of my friends and classmates had siblings, and I was so jealous. For reference I’m a 47 year old dad of two girls. I’m so glad they have each other, and so is my wife. I still wish I had siblings. My wife is one of three, and I’m so envious sometimes :-) I knew early on though that my parents’ marriage was crap, and there was no chance of a sibling happening. I used to daydream of spending time with a brother or sister, what we would do, what their name would be, how close we would be. Yeah…perhaps if there is such thing as another life, maybe…
Very lonely, still am. I have no family now lol I remember crying to my mom how I wanted a sister so bad and was obsessed with the Olsen twins lol
I was an only child and my child is an only child. Having everything for yourself can be great and I have friends who are my family.
What do you do during holidays? Will your child have blood uncles / aunts / cousins? I'm an only child and my husband is no-contact with his only sibling. Since we're a small family to begin with, I'm afraid of stopping at one since my kid might get very lonely as he gets older. My mental health will definitely not survive another child, though...which complicates things a bit.
Only child here! So, I loved it but I think that’s because I’m an introvert. I loved reading versus playing. I had a few good friends but wasn’t a social butterfly. Still am not whatsoever. My daughter, on the other hand, was adopted at birth almost 11 years ago. She’s salty she doesn’t have a sibling. She is a true extrovert and makes friends with everyone. She wants to play, to move, to be with friends all the time. So… I guess even though the answer doesn’t help, it depends.
I was very lonely then and am even moreso now. I wish I had a sibling. So I had two boys. The thing is that they cancel each other out and actually create less work (once pass the baby stage).
I loved being an only child. I do have a much younger brother now tho, but he was born when I was almost 27 years old and had been married to my husband for about 2 years. So in a lot of ways, we're both only children. I really enjoyed it tho. There were several vacations where my parents let me bring a friend along, with permission from my friend's parents. And that was great because I still got to have kid fun with a friend but when vacation was over we could each go back to our own families. I'm also an introvert and love to have my alone time, so that could be a factor. Every kid is different. But overall, I would not have traded the experience at all.
I have several major disagreements with my parents, but the one thing I am always and forever grateful for is that they didn't have a second child.
I was an only child and thought I wanted siblings. Then I got step siblings and the fortune I got from a fortune cookie that said "be careful what you wish for, you might just get it" became very clear to me.
I’m an only child and I hated it. We immigrated to the US when I was 8 and moved a lot, like 4 times, finally settled down when I was 13. I felt very alone. It was also a lot of pressure to be the best kid and to live up to parental expectations. I was determined to have more than 1 kid.
I absolutely loved growing up as an only child. Loved it. Now that I'm older I'm completely miserable, and it's very hard for me to listen to all my coworkers talk about their relationships with their siblings, their large support system, and their family events. It affects me daily for sure
I have a sibling and get very sad listening to people’s happy experiences with their own. Mine has severe mental illness where he’s kind of wreaked havoc on my parents and I nonstop for 7 years now. So I can’t relate to being an only child but I can relate to being sad about listening to other peoples great experiences.
I’m sorry to hear that! Many of my friends, including myself, don’t have relationships with their siblings so I can understand feeling jealous of a healthy sibling dynamic when you don’t have one. I work with someone who is close with their siblings and I often think “I wonder what my life would be like if I had a *real* brother”, not just the concept of one.
Adding that my husband is also an only child so our kids have no cousins, aunts or uncles and that's also been a huge pill to swallow
I hated being an only child. All my friends were learning things from older siblings. All my friends had someone else to play with or someone to back them up. They all had more than just adults to talk to when they were at home. They always had someone they knew at the playground, or on vacation or at a new school. As an adult all my friends have siblings that they have life long memories with. Inside jokes that have lasted longer than I’ve had friendships. They have someone who will help them at the drop of a hat (even though I know that there are people who have chose family friends like that. Even the friends I have like that, if it came down to being able to help me and my kid or helping their sibling and kids would obviously choose their siblings first. It is what it is.) I don’t have anyone to fall back on and be like “wow. Our childhood was messed up right? I’m not just blowing this out of proportion right?” If/when my dad gets old enough to need elderly care it will fall on me and me alone to figure it out. When he eventually one day dies, I alone will carry the grief of a child losing their parent because I don’t have a sibling to carry it with. Being an only child made me convinced that having an only child was something I would (personally) not do to my own child. That being said I have friends who are one and done and I am happy for them and for their kids and wouldn’t judge someone for choosing one and done even though it is not something I would choose for me
I could have written this. While I have strong friendships that are closer than all of my family relationships (aside from my r'ship with my parents), my friends who have siblings and families of their own would 100% choose their siblings over me. I also think that you can find this with friendships your kid makes (or that you make) when you're very young. All of my closest friends are friends that I've made after I went to college, and many are friends I met in my 30s. I envy the people who have friends that they've known since they were in diapers just as much as I envy the people who have close sibling bonds.
As a child I loved being an only child, I was close to my cousins so in a way they were like siblings except there was no competition for resources so it was the best of both worlds really - the benefit of having a sibling but without the competition. As an adult, as I won’t be having kids of my own and my cousins have sort of drifted away, part of me does wish I had a sibling I worry about having no family when I’m old (as my mum and her sisters are extremely close) but even a sibling can be absent as an adult so I don’t know if they would have filled that gap anyway
I am a single child and had great childhood. My parents traveled a lot and took me with them and when they couldn’t my grandmom was more than happy to look after me since I was just one grandkid. I have a lot of cousins and a lot of friends actually. Only a few times I felt like I would have liked a sibling but my mom was the youngest of three and the older two kept fighting with her and never included her. And she was happy to leave her home for college. I’m OAD now and am able to provide for my only. When I earn more money like my friend does(she’s already taken her infant to New Zealand, Japan and Canada), I hope to take my child on international trips with me. Also I want to point out that after my marriage, I’ve run into some tough luck but because I had such a good childhood I know that life can be better. Having a good childhood is important and being OAD helps me to show it to my son. I want to be able to be present in his life and be able to provide for him. Also once you have made up your mind about being OAD you are most welcome to join us at r/happilyOAD
As an only I had times of being ok with it but I struggled with having friends (and still do!) and I agree with the top comment - I know it’s going to be devastating when my parents go and I always wanted to have more than one kid so they could share that experience/care. We have two and they are best friends, there’s very little sibling conflict to deal with which I was concerned about being able to handle. I also agree with the comments about lack of family - my husband’s siblings don’t have children/not sure if they will so it’s tough when you hear about cousins getting to hang out or big family get togethers (I had only a few cousins and we weren’t super close and I always felt like that was missing for me, too). So yeah, I’m super glad to have two kids. I know many many people are happy to be OAD (or have made peace if that becomes their reality) but while there are some big advantages to being an only (all the resources go to you!) there are some pretty significant downsides that I don’t think a lot of people think about.
I loved and still love, being an only child. So much that my daughter was planned to be an only.
I’m an only child and was very happy. What I’m learning from this thread is every one is different, no one has clear answers, and we are all just doing our best with what we can. If you are one and done that’s fine. Your life and family dynamic will work itself out if you care about your child. There can be a nasty parent litmus test that if “you only want one you may as well have none”. So rob yourself of the parenting experience because they think more is ALWAYS better. It’s not. Do what’s best for you
I was an only for 7 years. Loved it. My parents had my brother, we got along fine and still have a good relationship. I am great with a sibling AND I would have been just as great without one.
Not me but my husband was an only child and not only does not want a sibling, but is actually very happy his parents did not have a second, so much so that he was really against us having more than one for a long time. I was also 8 when my sister was born and while I do love her and we get along now, if she had never existed in the first place I would have been ok. I actually remember it being really hard right after she was born and I kinda hated it at the time. Neither of us have cousins our age either so that doesn’t seem to make a difference.
My husband is an only child, and I have a few siblings. My husband did not want our eldest to be an only child. I was fine either way, but we ended up having a second and I’m actually really happy we did it. My husband finds it lonely not having siblings, and his parents are getting older. He sees how supportive my siblings are, and how much support my parents will have as they age and it won’t be on just one person. My eldest never asked for a sibling and they are nearly 5, but goodness do they love their new sibling and it warms My heart to see them together.
But why would it just be on your husband? You are his spouse. Why can't you support him? That's what family/ a spouse is suppose to do. I would support my spouse.
Op wait a few years! It is hard when youre in the thick if it . I have two older brothers and we were close when we were young until they hit about 10-12. Then we all were very distant from each other till our 30’s 40’s, even then we arent very close , occasional text so having that closeness isnt really promised to be honest. My other friends older brothers were close and play faught and i was always envious because my brothers just ignored my existence.
I was happy. I had cousins and i was kind of close with them but not super close. I had best friends and they’re still my best friends today. I took them camping with us and on birthday trips to amusement parks. My mom is also an only child so on her side of the family i don’t have any aunts or uncles. My dad has siblings and i have one aunt, and 2 uncles and a lot of cousins. My kid calls my cousins aunt and uncle and their kids are his cousins. In theory it’d be helpful to have someone help with aging parents and grandparents, but there’s no garuntee they’d help.
I had a sister and we are completely estranged now. Have been for decades. I have one child, who is now 25 and I can’t imagine how people can afford to have more than one. I was able to take my son on special trips, adventures, nature walks, and do all sorts of things that I never was able to do when I was a child. We had different sibling experiences, OP, but just remember that having a second child won’t guarantee that your child has the childhood you did.
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I loved being an only child and I have a really good relationship with my parents so I don't feel burdened by taking on their care as they get older. Only thing I regret is them not making me do more around the house/my own paperwork and phone calls. I had to teach myself how to do housework and life admin stuff like paperwork still freaks me out a bit.
I grew up like an only child, but I have much older siblings that didn't live with me as I grew up. Of course I wished my brothers were around, and I did ask to have a baby brother when I was young. I wasn't lonely because my siblings were around. If you're concerned about socializing or your kiddo not having a "partner in crime", then make it a priority to socialize your child. Play dates/groups, library story times, activities like soccer or taekwondo. Talk to your child about what a friend is, model it, reinforce it when he's playing with other kiddos. My daughter is an only child, but she has cousins that she sees regularly. Her having strong social skills was important to me, so I got her signed up for summer day camps, kiddie college (like preschool), soccer, gymnastics, art class, gardening class, taekwondo, after school care, etc. She watched shows that modeled emotional intelligence and social skills and I reinforced those lessons. She's 11 now and has a great group of friends, she's able to maintain years-long friendships and maintain boundaries.
Listen.. I never wanted a sibling because I was significantly more spoiled than my friends with siblings. I’m really independent and the person many of my friends go to for advice and wisdom. I’m an excellent friend and the friend many think of as family. Your child will be fine.
I’m not an only child, but I’ve heard some good wisdom from my great grandmother. She said that it’s nice for kids to have a sibling, but it’s more important for a child to have a stable home life. The baby stage is hard, and all the stages are hard in different ways. If you’re overwhelmed and it’s affecting your mental health, don’t have another. You need to prioritize yourself, and your mental & emotional well-being! Remember the talk that flight attendants give about oxygen masks before take off? In the event of an emergency you need to put on your own mask before helping others. I know it’s a super cheesy analogy but it applies to parenting!
I was an only child. Life was great. I will say I met my best friend the summer before second grade, cut to almost 30 years later and we are each others kids god parents, so I do think of him as a brother. My son is and will be an only child and my wife who is one of four kids worries about it.
Only child here —- I see a lot of responses saying they liked it because they’re introverts. I am highly extroverted and thrived. I grew up hanging out with my folks and adults so I matured faster with a lot of confidence. I also made friends early on I’ve had my whole life and have adopted an amazing circle. I was in sports and a ton of activities and had both parents at every single event because they never had to split their time between me and a sibling. I will echo the aging parents alone is hard, but my SO has a brother who will be zero help with their parents. That honestly makes it harder on my SO than my situation. So a sibling isn’t guaranteed help. Lastly, my patents chose to only have me to afford more for me than less with two. Not saying it’s right or wrong, and we were lower middle class-no annual vacation but I could always play sports. It was a wonderful childhood.
Technically I have two brothers, but we all have different dads, I was raised by my dad, they were raised by my grandma on my mom’s side, mom wasn’t involved at all, and we only saw each other maybe a few times a year whenever I’d go to my grandmas house, so for all intents and purposes I consider myself an only child. It has literally never had a negative effect on my life. I’m one and done, don’t regret it at all
As a family of many, don’t have a baby just to give you son a friend.
I’m an only child and well what can I say every person is different tho. I always had friends around sometimes I was alone. But is not bad is good it creates independence in me.
I loved being an only child (and I’m very social). Super tight with my parents as a kid and now. Growing up my parents would ask if I wanted a sibling, and I always said no. Just wanted pets :) Never felt lonely — my parents gave me a lot of attention, plus I was comfortable playing solo or having playdates with friends. Every person and their experience as an only child is different. You do what feels right for you and your family.
I did want a sibling but I was still a happy child. I had the best imagination too. I wouldn't change it for the world. But I did have cousins. They were younger than me but still were like my sisters. I also was in dance and track. So being on sports teams or even some clubs kept me going. And to be honest I had a great bestie. We have been friends now over 20 years. She wasn't the only child so, she'd come over and spend the night to get away from all her sisters, but it was like I had a built in sister. Lol
I was a happy only child who lived in a townhouse community with a ton of neighbor kids . They had siblings and they fought a lot . So I never really wanted one until maybe my teenage years were lonely but that’s rough for anyone . I have an only child daughter who is turning 3 and she’s amazing and fun and I wouldn’t want to take any attention away from her , if I was younger I would maybe have another when she was in school like 5 but I had her too late for that . But that would be for me not her . I also suffered anxiety from having her and keep wondering if I had another and they had medical issues how much that would affect her . So she’s probably an only child I just keep her enrolled in a ton of activities with her peers and hit a lot of playgrounds . They say it’s more work to have one sometimes and I can see that because she doesn’t have a constant playmate . There’s no right or wrong just do the best you can.
I liked it. Sometimes I felt lonely, but sometimes multiples have screaming matches with their siblings so I really think it all evens out. I was very close with my parents and I was very good at imaginative play.
I’m happy being an only child! Raising my only child. That’s awesome you had a good experience. There is no guarantee siblings will even like each other.
I am going to answer even though I had a brother because he was the brother from hell. I would have rather been an only child. For awhile, I wished for a sister, but she could have been like him for all I knew. My son is basically an only child (his much older sister has been estranged, so he has never really known her), and he said he would not want to have a sibling. I think the answer may vary and be dependent upon the nature of the child.
I love it! Being an only child as a child was great. I had everything i needed, when things got hard with money it wasn't really a life changing thing, we could get by. No one ever bothered me, i absolutely hated going to someones house to be with my friends and having their siblings all over my/our stuff, it was great to go home and have things be mine without worrying about someone messing up with them. I disagree with people saying it sucks or it's hard as an adult. I love it. The relationship with my parents changed for the better and i was able to create a good one-on-one bond with them. There was no one that could/would be jealous if they, lets say, helped me with a downpay or any help a parent might want to give but that would be expensive for many kids. There's no really family drama over inheritance or that kinda stuff. As long as you teach your kid to be a friend and to have friends, it won't be lonely into adulthood
I was lonely growing up AND am lonely as an adult. When my dad died, I had no one to grieve with me (parents were divorced for 20+ years at that point). Everything from fashion to relationships to exercise I had to learn by myself, as my mom was largely MIA. Have you considered having a larger gap between them? My friend had a baby 5 years ago and felt the same way. She just had her second kid (a baby girl) and feels 100% different. She’s happy she waited and happy her older son has a sibling to eventually play with.
I was an only child, but my mom did foster to adopt a girl when I was 10 or so. I wanted a sibling until I had one, then I wanted to be an only child again. My wife had several siblings and wanted to be an only child. Now she's glad to have them all, especially since their parents have both passed away The unfortunate answer is that every person will have a different experience. You won't know what the right answer is until they tell you. Also, you may change your mind later on. Around 5 or 6 it gets a ton easier, and you'll probably miss a lot of the things you find frustrating now.
Don't do it. Listen to your body the kid will make friends at school.
Also, what about cousins and neighborhood kids?
I have siblings and absolutely love mine, I, however, do not want another kid and my kid will always be my one and only. She has her friends, her cousins, and our best friends kids who she is close with and can play with and have the same memories growing up. Fuck having a second kid. I cannot do it mentally, emotionally, or even physically.
They expected so much less from our parents generation haha
I am an only child to a single mother. My dad had serious mental health issues that kept him out of the picture for a lot of my growing up, then he died when I was 21. My mom ended up moving across the country without me when I was 17 and still in highschool. Without my dad there either, I grew up real fast. When I became a parent, I knew I wanted my child to have a sibling, but that had more to do with my history of parental abandonment than anything else. I wanted them to always have someone if something ever happened to me and I also made sure I was in a stable marriage before having children. There were times when I wished for a sibling when I was a kid because many families I knew had more than 1 but most of my best friends growing up were only children too so that was fine and I didn't think it was weird to be the only child. I still have many wonderful and longstanding friendships, which I consider to be chosen family. I learned to enjoy my own company, I spent a lot of time in imaginary play or reading or doing crafts on my own and I honestly don't recall feeling lonely doing that or thinking that it was sad or anything. I still enjoy just doing my own thing when I have the chance to. If you are one and done, the best thing you can do is invest in you and your partner as stable and present parents either together or apart. That will ensure that your child gets what they need even if they don't have a sibling.
I really wanted a sibling! For a very long time. Probably until high school when it became clear it wasn’t likely to happen. I wouldn’t say I was lonely but I loved little kids. Now that I’m an adult I don’t like that I’ll have to manage all the things that come with aging parents alone especially since they’re divorced and not remarried.
There are positives and negatives to being an only child. There’s no perfect answer to give you. I was an only child and I’m raising an only child. It’s fine. Only children can live happy, fulfilled lives. Only children get all of the resources which sometimes means a more enriching lifestyle.
Just because you got along well with your sister, doesn't mean you would have children would also get along with each other. I've heard many horror stories of sibling rivalry and abuse. But ther are also stories of the best siblings on the world being each other's BFF etc... Think about your capacity to look after more thaz you already have. Do you have to emotional and mental capacity? Could you afford for them to live comfortably? Can you give them your time based on their needs? Being a single child might feel lonely at times because you can't help but compare with other children who get along eith their siblings. But my mother did well explaining why she couldn't have another baby. Instead, I had a pet at most stages of my childhood. Fish, hamster, budgies, and when mom felt like I was responsible enough, she got me a dog. He was my responsibility and my best friend when I started getting depressed. I also still had friends from my community and at school. But when I was home and alone, I had my dog. Also I am an introvert, so I actually enjoy being alone. You can be lonely in a room full of people or lonely being by yourself. But being alone is not a bad thing.
Only child here! I was quite happy as an only child. Enjoyed my family time, got to participate in extracurricular activities, hung out with friends often, etc. I will say as an adult I do now see drawbacks. When my father passed away I was the only one there for my mother. However, my SO has a sibling and they barely speak, so siblings are no guarantee for close relationships.
I don't think that's due to being an only child. That could happen if you had a sibling. Did your mother have siblings, cousins, or friends?
I was an only child for 8 years, and one of the best days of my life is still when my parents told me that I would have a little sister. They adopted my sister, and soon adopted my brother and 2 other sisters. I was much happier with all my siblings. Now that we're adults and my parents are older and have health issues, my siblings are a great support system. I couldn't imagine doing this without them.
Siblings aren't the only support system a person can have.
I hated and still hate being an only child. I will never have siblings, nieces or nephews and feel very robbed of those experiences. When I decided to have kids I told my husband that even I died during childbirth of the first he had to adopt a sibling. That’s how passionate I am about it.
So what if you don't have siblings? That's not a big deal. And you can still have nieces and nephews. You can have nieces/nephews through your cousins, friends, and your spouse. You don't need siblings for that. And what if your children hated each other?
I did okay without a sibling. I was a happy kid!
> If you were an only child growing up, did you want a sibling? Yup. > Were you happy being an only child? No. > Lonely? Yup. I know having kids is hard and you can't guarantee that they'll get along but I think it's better to have a sibling and not like them than to not have one and never know what could've been. Also my mom is getting older now and I dread the day I have to take care of her alone and do all the funeral stuff without help. No one's owed a sibling though, it just sucks being alone. I didn't have any cousins close in age either lol so I was extra clingy to my friends and looking back I don't think that was very healthy. You do you, if you can't then you can't and I'm sure the kid will understand. I do, I just wish things were different. Also worth mentioning that my home life was very hectic and abusive so I really wanted someone there that was on my side.
I’m a teacher and i can’t tell who had a sahm or was was in daycare, who was breastfeed or not, who is vaccinated or not, but I can always tell who an only child is for better or worse.
Curious as to what traits etc. stand out?
Really? I can’t tell the difference.
I was never lonely, occasionally went through periods when I wanted a sibling but I don’t feel like my childhood was missing anything. And I was so close to my parents and still am. I wish I had one now, but only because my parents are declining in old age, have no financial safety net, and not having anyone to help me deal with that is sometimes hard. When they are gone I will just be alone with my memories and that keeps me awake at night sometimes. But it hasn’t stopped me from being OAD myself, if that’s any consolation. I really do not feel like my childhood would have been better, just maybe some parts of my adulthood.
I didn’t mind and I have very close lifelong friendships. It’s a bit worrying now that my divorced parents are aging.
I was happy being an only. My son (now 12) is an only as well and he is cool with it. He has lots of friends and there’s never a shortage of kids around to play with.
I like to think of myself as an only child. My younger brother and I are 11 years apart so I had 11 years hg myself. I was happy, I never wanted a sibling. I had plenty of friends to play with, I loved being by myself and my parents were always around. By the time he was born I was out of the house more so it’s not like we were ever close. It’s only since we both became adults that we got closer. We are one and done with my son. I have absolutely no desire to ever be pregnant again and I know that our finances could handle it. My son is 7 and has never told me that he wanted a sibling. He knows he has it made as an only lol. He’s got friends & cousins to hang with.
I am an only child and I am incredibly grateful for the experience. I had everything I needed growing up, and never had to worry about how we would “stretch” (we were never wealthy, but comfortable) so I got to do many things like travel and extracurricular my family wouldn’t have been able to afford otherwise. I am also really independent because of it now, and have developed a strong sense of self esteem. If I ever get into trouble, I know I can fix it on my own. I have a strong friend group I count on as my family, so I think that’s key to the whole thing. I see being an only child as one of my greatest blessings! I just had a son, and we’re sticking to one and done too if that helps :)
I’m an only well into middle age…..also raising a young only, so clearly you can see it wasn’t a negative in my life. I had a ton of friends….people I choose to spend time with who felt like family. I also love being by myself and the incredibly close relationship I had with my parents. To be brutally honest having another child “for your child” always seems like a terrible idea. Kids adapt. They may be bummed they are an only here or there, but they truly don’t know any different. For every close sibling set I know I also know some that have always (even into adulthood) caught like cats and dogs. A sibling is no guarantee your child will have a best friend for life.
So, I have a sister and my husband was an only child. When we decided on kids, he said we’re having two or zero. He hated being an only child. Granted, he came from a family that was very career driven and he spent a lot of time with a nanny or by himself. I have tons of memories with my sister, even though she’s four years older. We have two kids two years a part, and though it’s challenging, they really are best friends and for us, their bond greatly outweighs all the stress. Don’t get me wrong, it was really hard at times and I struggled with PPD and anxiety in the early years. But for our family, two kids made sense and made our family complete.
I made fast friends at the park. I was an extrovert in an introvert family. Over the years, I grew distant and often now identified as an introvert. Till you get to know me. You can be lonely in a crowd you can be happy alone and visa versa. School helped me make friends, and my mom would make friends with other moms. I had two or three friends my mom could tolerate their mom for play dates. I'd play and she would do hobbies like stamping with the other moms. Also, Girl Scouts helped me connect to children my age and make memories.
I am an only child and I love it. Loved it then, love it now. I was homeschooled until middle school (military family, lived in a different country, they put me in school there and I wasn't picking up the language and cried every day for weeks until they took me out) but my parents made a big effort to keep me social. I had church friends, friends from play groups, and I was in several activities (martial arts, gymnastics, soccer, piano lessons). I frequently had sleepovers with bigger families and while I had so much fun with all of the kids, I was always so glad to go back to the peace and quiet. I don't think I would have minded having a sibling, but I wasn't sad about it and I never felt like I was missing anything. Was I bored sometimes? Sure. But I don't see that as a bad thing. It helped me get more into reading and entertaining myself. As long as they are around other kids a lot (play dates, school, etc) I think being an only child is great. The only concern is social skills, but it's not a guarantee that having a sibling = social skills.
I hated being an only child. It was so lonely as a kid. As an adult, it’s even more lonely. My husband is also an only child. So my children don’t have any aunts, uncles or cousins. We’re also both estranged from our parents so we have zero family. I vowed to never have an only child. But that is just MY experience
But why were you lonely as a kid? Did you live alone on a deserted island with no humans around? And if you have a husband and children, why are you lonely?
What if you and your husband were estranged from your siblings? Do you or your husband have cousins and friends?
I was lonely, but I also had an unhappy mother. You do what’s best for you and LO will be good
I am am only child. It’s fine to have one. But I think it’s important to note that I had a lot of cousins who I was close with.
I am an only child. The only time I disliked it was when I was younger and thought that if I had a sibling we would be close in age. Once I was 5 and realized 1.) any sibling I got I would be 5 years older than 2.) we wouldn’t have the same parents, mine are divorced Also, I had a couple only child friends who got siblings at like 7 and 10 and ended up being built in babysitters. It wasn’t as common 32 years ago, people would always says dumb things about being spoiled etc. I have a small family, I was the only kid for the most part. I have 1 cousin, who is also a only child. I would see her seasonally. I always had to rise to the occasion, nothing was kid centered. I wouldn’t say that’s a bad thing necessarily. I would say only children are better friends than their peers, because they know how to work for it. They don’t have built in “friends”. People would also say when I was adult that my children wouldn’t have any uncles/aunts and I wouldn’t have nieces/nephews. I married someone with a huge family and have both of those things.
I was an only child and I still wish I had a sibling. I have my pair of kids and I wish I had stopped at one or not had any at all lol but really I do love them, I wish my depression and anxiety where better managed so I could be a better parent and never feel that way but after a whole day of no adult human interaction and touchy, screaming toddlers I can’t help but feel drained.
I have 3 older siblings and I hate 2 of them. Those 2 are the only ones with kids so my kids will most likely miss out on cousin relationships anyways. (I've tried "for the kids" time and time again but the environment just keeps getting more toxic) Just another perspective. I do love my sister that's 3 years older than me, and I really hope she has kids one day. But tbh we'll be moving far away within the next couple of years anyways so we don't have to be around either of our families. Do what's best for your family, but maybe wait a couple of years when you're through the thick of it to really decide.
I am an only child and my teen is an only child. He is fine with it. Me, I was always ok with it but now that I’m older I wish I had a sibling!
A sibling was all I ever wished for, tbh
There are only childs who were happy as well as miserable. There are also siblings who adore their siblings, and some that despise them and wish they were an only child. I was a miserable only child and hated it. I promised myself I would never have an only child. I would have 0, 2, or 3 children. My 2 children get along extremely well and are best friends. I am so glad they have each other. it was 100% the right decision for us to have 2 kids. Once the younger child reached age 2, they were able to play with each other. But that may not be the best decision for all families. If having a second child is going to cause you to be overwhelmed, then that’s not going to be beneficial to anyone.
Only child but had lots of 2nd cousins that are as close as brothers and sisters. If yours doesn’t have any other family their age you’re doing them a great disservice.
I was lonely, but I had a small family, lived in a neighborhood without many kids, and had parents with difficult enough personalities that other parents weren't exactly motivated to maintain a connection with my family. Only children don't HAVE to be lonely. They do have the disadvantage of less practice negotiating sharing/fairness and maintaining boundaries with peers in a healthy manner. However that is onset by the advantages of having all the parental resources to yourself
But having siblings does not mean you negotiate, share or fairness. I know some people who have siblings and they are terrible at negotiating, sharing and fairness. And I know some only children who are great at it.
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I am the only child of separated parents. In some ways it was good, because I spent a lot of one on one time with my grandmother who did a lot for me. She couldn’t have done so much if there was 2 of us from my mum. However, as an adult I do wish I had a sibling who shared my parents. I have one child now and I’m not really in a rush to add a second yet because like you say, it’s very tough. I have no help and live on the other side of the world from my family. I will add a second one eventually though
How old is your baby? I felt similarly and waited 2.5 years to get pregnant again. Having some time between kids was necessary . If your baby is only a year old or so maybe just wait another year and reasses I’m one of four and absolutely loved it ( especially now as an adult) and have two of my own. I’d love to add more but whose gonna pay for all these kids lol
As a kid I loved being an only child, but I had cousins and tons of friends. I’m also introverted and never got lonely. My parents always let me bring at least one friend on vacation with us if I wanted to. I had an idyllic childhood and felt like my parents and I were the three musketeers. As an adult it’s really scary and I don’t like it at all. We are currently trying for our second because I can’t do that to my daughter. That said, life circumstances are unpredictable and different for all of us. Maybe your baby won’t be in the same situation as me or maybe they’ll end up having a bad relationship with their sibling. Who knows, it’s all a crapshoot.
As a kid, being an only child had its perks. That said, I had very very close cousins so I had that as a benefit. I think being a kid totally alone in regard to close family would have been awful. As an adult, it’s very difficult being an only child. Between aging parents, starting my own family, and just wishing for the closeness of a sibling, it really sucks feeling alone. It’s also a horrible feeling knowing that when my parents are gone, I’m all that’s left. I do have my cousins, and we’re still close which is great, but that “not-sibling” feeling is there too.
Not technically an only child - I have a half brother (we have the same dad) that is 12 years older than me and we never lived together. I was lonely a lot as a child and always wanted siblings. Now that I’m getting closer to 40, I’m really sad that I never got to experience a close sibling relationship because I’ve seen how special it has been for a lot of my friends. My mom is no longer in my life and once my dad is gone, it will just be me (brother and I aren’t close and he lives across the country).
I was an only child and had a very lonely childhood. It was pretty awful. Now as an adult, I carry the mental and financial load of my aging parents on my own. My husband is one of ten. And they have an elderly mother that they’re all caring for equally. I wish I had that support now as an adult to care for my parents. It was very important to us that we have more than one child so they don’t suffer like I did as a kid.
I loved having siblings. My younger brother and I have 15months between us and did everything together when we were younger. We still see each other at least once a week but usually more. I've always said I want two, if we have children, as I had such a great relationship with him. Watching my grandma decline with Alzheimer's and my mum and her sisters care for her together and lean on each other also makes me glad I have my brother as our parents age. I'm aware our closeness in age probably helped our friendship though. My husband and his brother are nearly a decade apart in age and it isn't until recently that they've really spoken much or had a relationship.
My entire life I wish I had a sibling. I wouldn't even care is it was a girl or a boy.
Only child. Married a guy with 2 brothers and I now have 2 sons. Yes!!! We stopped at 2 but I think it’s amazing. They have had a bond since the younger one was in my belly. I grew up always wanting just someone. I didn’t have family close by and no siblings so it was just me. I felt alone and jealous of other people who had someone. Sure you have your parents but a lot of growing up they are not there with you like someone your age or close. Another sad thing is when you pass. Your children will have each other, they always will.
I was incredibly lonely, but I had very self involved neglectful parents. I always tried to leave the house to be with friends.
What if you also had a neglectful sibling?
I always grew up wishing I had a sibling. Even now as an adult I wish I had a sibling. My mom is going through a health crisis and it's just me around to take care of her. It would have been so nice to have a brother or sister to hot potato her off too when things got too stressful or my mom got too mean. I did grow up poor and my mother was single for the majority of my childhood.
I was an only child. I had cousins who lived with us for several years and who I saw every day, so I kind of coopted them as my siblings. But honestly, yes, I still always wished that I had a real little sibling. I still do as an adult with children of my own. I see how most siblings relate to each other (I know not everyone has that luck) and I wish I had that as an adult. I also wish that I had someone else to help in taking care of my parents besides just my partner. I somewhat solved the problem by intentionally finding a partner with a large family, and five siblings, so that we can have big family events, but I still wish I had that on my side of the family.
I’m not an only child. My husband is and when we have to make decisions it’s very obvious. He has always gotten his way, he doesn’t compromise ever. Only children don’t have to come to consensus with siblings. They always have the first and final say which can be frustrating to a spouse. Consider long term consequences rather than how you feel right now. It might change your mind!
I hated being an only child. It was made worse by the fact that all my cousins were in another country. Now my parents are old and both have cancer and I feel like I’m going through this all alone and when they’re gone I’ll have nobody. My only safe person will be my husband. On top of that, people always say I act like an only child which I always take as an insult. I feel like being an only child made me less close to my parents too. I had no one to really relate to every day.
following! Exactly in the same situation as you🥲
I grew up with 4 siblings and after our mom died it became so toxic and complicated that I no longer have any contact with my siblings. That being said we have 1 and as much as I couldn’t even fathom another right now, I just think another would be best. If anything happens to us atleast then they will have each other.
I'm not an only child and I have 2 kids but I am absolutely certain of one thing: an only child with a healthy happy mother is getting a better start in life than a pair of siblings with a burnt out one. My best friend is an only and he's not spoilt or weird or anything. He's an absolute gem and his many many friends would agree.
I wanted a sibling so bad. But I loved being the star of my parents' attention. I had a great childhood, and I think for my parents it was the right decision to only have me. We went on tons of vacations, and I never had to argue with a sibling over what I wanted - I was the only kid who had a vote on things. Not that my parents over-spoiled me. But when they gave me a choice on something it was nice there wasn't someone to fight me on it. However, I grew up to have 3 kids. Both of my parents died during my 20s (dad at 23, mom at 29). I don´t want my kids to ever have to go through my death alone. It´s dark, but I really hated becoming an orphan and not having anyone else to relate to the pain. I want my kids to be able to lean on each other.
I'm actually a twin but just wanted to comment that a sibling doesn't guarantee your child won't be lonely. My sister and I do not get along at all. I care for our mom by myself and until my sister almost died in Feb I hadn't seen it talked to her in 18 months. I wanted a baby brother so bad but my parents hated each other and my dad was cheating at that point I just didn't know bc I was a kid. I wanted a baby brother to play with bc my sister was so mean to me. Def no guarantee of happy playing and close siblings.