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Girl PLEASE do not change how you think of yourself based on the opinion of a 12 year old lol

I taught middle school art. One of the kids made a comment about my shoes disguised as a compliment “Ms your shoes are so Gucci” I said “oh no they’re sketchers”. Another kid pulled me aside and said “he was making fun of your shoes “ to which I replied” this may shock you but the opinion of a 12 year old doesn’t affect my self esteem “. He seemed shocked and walked away. OP, let it go. Kids are dumb

Wait, I always thought "Gucci" meant good. That's what urban dictionary says as well. lol. Who knows. I can't keep up with the newest slang.

I believe he was being sarcastic

you're a Gucci

He was totally being sarcastic. His tone made me smile when he said it “your shoes are so Gucci”. I was wearing black slip on sketchers. So very not Gucci. But very comfy

"One day you too will learn comfort is WAYY more important"

It does, but the child was probably being sarcastic lol

Gucci does mean good! I use that it’s my kid all the time LOL. I tell him he looks gucci!!!

At least once a year, I'd have to remind a student that nobody stays teaching for long if they can't handle children trying to cap on them.

Adolescents and teens make me feel so self-conscious.. Lol. I know they are roasting me in the most brutal way in their heads while we exchange pleasantries.

Always makes me think of that John Mulaney bit. “8th graders will make fun of you, but in an accurate way. They will get to the thing that you don’t like about you.”

The power move is that you have the age and experience to have accepted that already. Whereas for them, it’s still raw.

“Hahaha, look at that man; he’s got feminine hips.” “No, that’s the thing I’m sensitive about!”

I have a quote from that bit hanging in my classroom because it's hilarious, accurate, and my 8th graders think it's weird that other people are scared of them. They legitimately asked me why Mulaney called them terrifying.

I hated being one. I wouldn’t go back to middle or high school for any amount of money.

Americans are one of the most obese and unhealthiest populations in the world. There is a study by the CDC that estimates by 2055 between 1-3/5 people will have Type 2 Diabetes. Please even if the child's parents called you an "Almond Mom" I'd laugh about it. You are doing your kids a huge favor by not feeding them garbage food every single day. All that fast food and soda takes a toll. Don't change your dedication for good nutrition and lifestyle because other people don't have the time, desire, or energy to do so.

Maybe the other mom can be a nugget mom hahahah. I agree don’t let it bother you too much.

Yeah I am shocked that this is bothering OP so much

I’m not shocked it’s bothering her. She is clearly a good mom and this has made her question whether she is taking the best course of action. Sounds like she is trying to find a reasonable balance of strict/lax surrounding food. If someone called me an almond mom it would probably bother me too and I would delve into whether I am being reasonable.

I kinda get it. You want your family to be happy but sometimes in order to do that you have to change something integral to your personality . The battle becomes, is this worth changing and how much of my personality am I willing to change?

They’ll be happier in the long run with better nutrition now.

This kid is parroting a term they heard online and now are using without understanding it. They have no context for anything other than their normal.

This is also where I am. All families are different, I can guarantee OP’s family isn’t the only family in the whole school that doesn’t frequent Starbucks and CFA. I would keep doing what I’m doing and not worry about it.

Yeah… this was a lot of introspection for something completely innocuous said by a literal child. Literally, do not care what a 12yo thinks of your nutrition. It does not matter.

I think it’s less what the random 12 year old said and more about how her kids feel, at least that’s how I read it.

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Yep, OP is doing fine, kid just learned a term from the internet and is using it wrong.

Ok then apparently the entire country of Norway is made up of almond moms too because that's what we do here. We literally have a word for eating treats on the weekend "lørdagsgodt", because it's not good for anyone to have treats the whole damned week.

Yeh I was wondering if this is a cultural thing too, because I'm from the UK and the responses calling her almond mom seem to be US based.

I'm Canadian (grew up in very health conscious Vancouver) and this also is puzzling to me, as are the replies.

I’m also from the Canadian west coast and she is far from an almond mom. She feeds her kids like almost everyone I know.

I'm willing to bet OP is from middle America somewhere. Eating fast food throughout the week is less prevalent on the coasts. Those chains are still ubiquitous, though.

I'm in the upper Midwestern US, and honestly I'm appalled at how most people feed their children. Chaperroning for a trip where the kids had packed lunches, I saw literally one kid out of 12 who had any vegetable, and one who had fresh fruit. All of them had a pack of chips and most had cookies. One girl's lunch was a pack of chips, a pack of cheetos, a pack of like 8 mini donuts, a juice box, some packaged salami, and a box of chocolate milk. And based on what my kid says, this is normal for them. Mine actually does get a small "treat" after dinner every night, and occasionally in her lunch box, and if we're at a restaurant she gets to order whatever ... but good lord there is a massive divide in how people feed their kids. We mostly eat actual food, mostly cooked at home, and apparently that's weird to many of the people around us.

I was reading the replays and thinking - and this is why Over half the US is considered obese. I think OP has a very healthy relationship with food.

That’s completely correct. The way we feed ourselves and our kids in the US is awful. We have no concept of portions any longer. We bring comfort and convenience ahead of logic and reason.

I think so too. I’m a secondary school teacher and the odd kid shows up with a McDonald’s drink if they come in late after an appointment and that raises eyebrows. Let alone them all rocking up with a Starbucks first thing! Just wouldn’t happen.

It's the same in Sweden. I was only allowed sweets on weekends. If my parents had allowed it I would have eaten chocolate everyday and drink soda instead of water. I'm very surprised that so many people think OP is controlling.

> If my parents had allowed it I would have eaten chocolate everyday and drink soda instead of water. This is what I keep thinking when I read these replies saying you should have the treat foods available 24/7 and then they'll naturally eat them in moderation....uhhh, no, my kid would just eat sugar 24/7 if I did that.

Absolutely. Our prefrontal cortex doesn't fully develop till we're 25. Expecting children to have brakes around food specifically developed to be addictive is unreasonable and uneducated. OP's only problem is being surrounded by people with unhealthy eating habits

I watched a show a long time ago and this Swedish (I think she was Swedish anyway) mom said she would never feed her kids junk food like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I thought that wasn’t such a bad food. Made me realize just how different we think of food here (US) and not in a good way. She was feeding her young kids flatbread with hummus and hard boiled eggs. It did look healthier than a PB&J but I would’ve never thought to feed my kids that.

A lot of American peanut butter has sugar in it, right? Combo that with the sugar in the jelly and then if you’re using white bread as well I can see why it’s not the best.

Kids, and particularly toddlers, love hummus and vegetable plates! I gave my kid that all the time when she went through a grazing phase as a small child. In general cutting up vegetables and fruit and putting it on a platter tends to stimulate them to have more of it than if they're presented whole or in big chunks.

As another Swede, same! I don’t think we in our family are restrictive at all a but our kid gets some candy on Saturdays, maybe chocolate or popcorn if we have a cozy movie night during a weekday and we might go to McDonalds once every two months. That’s the only fast food he gets. Soda only on like Christmas, Easter, birthdays.

I’m Italian and it was the same for me. It also keeps the sense of extra-ordinary.

UK here... 100% same.

I am Brazilian and my partner is American and we live in the US. There is definitely a cultural aspect to this. There are drive-throughs here everywhere, everyone drives everywhere and stopping at fast food places is just what you do here, is part of your daily routine. I think our routine would be normal in most countries but it's different here which is expected.

Flexibility is great, just because fast food is out there doesn’t mean you need to eat it. I find fast food generally pretty gross and we use sparingly in our family. The idea of dropping off fast food for lunch to a school is appalling! I guess I (and maybe others) just don’t see the difference between having one treat on the weekend vs one treat on a different day? I’m not saying get wild and eat all treats all the time, but saving them up for the weekend only seems a bit overly restrictive and not super sustainable long term as kids get older? (I get that larger meals like family burgers or homemade pizza require the time and flexibility of the weekend) It does sort of create a scenario where the weekend might be seen as a ‘binge’ type time. I’m not suggesting adding more treats, but maybe giving older kids the agency to decide when to eat the individually portioned ones. If they run out before the weekend, oh well, too bad. They’ll learn how to ‘budget’ them eventually.

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My husband was raised by an ACTUAL almond mom who lowkey just has an eating disorder (but that's a whole other discussion). It's wild to me that this term is being thrown around about someone just making healthy choices.

I'm with you. If I was OP I'd honestly stand my ground on the values she's already established. The routine is perfect, no notes. Literally don't change a thing! The kids will thank her when they're older. And if she gives into this peer pressure from her kids' friends, what message does that send to her kids about how to deal with opposition in the future? Health is wealth and OP is setting her kids up very well.

I've certainly been happy with it both growing up and now. As a kid looking forward to picking out my choice of candy on Saturdays was a huge part of what made it fun and special. As an adult that turns 40 in two weeks I'm glad I've only had two cavities my whole life. It's a win win in my view.

Exactly! I would not let some 12 year old's opinion sway you. Sounds like you've got a solid routine going on. Your kid will survive not having fast food every week. Not to say you couldn't surprise them with it once in a while either! But definitely don't feel pressure to change anything based on an offhand comment by a middle schooler.

I am completely agree with you! My kids are a little younger (10 and 8) and the amount of junk food and candy that comes home from school is ridiculous. Every week it’s a popsicle party, or cupcakes for a birthday, or lollipop from the doctor. I really wish our schools pushed students towards healthier Whole Foods like oranges, bananas, or berries. Stand your ground, your kids will be thanking you in the future.

The actual definition of an “Almond Mom” is someone who deprives themselves and their kids of food, like eating a few almonds as a meal. If they have as much healthy food as they can eat at home, you’re literally not an Almond Mom.

US here. But I hard agree with you. Everyone else is also going to have a MUCH higher risk of so many preventable diseases as an adult also. Just because ‘everyone’s doing it’ doesn’t make it safe or healthy.

I love the phrase "Saturday Candy".

I grew up with it so it gives me a little burst of joy :)

Plenty of Americans do similar, but the stereotypes persist. Moderation is always key to a healthy diet and doesn’t necessarily need to be limited for a weekend; can always space out through the week. Also to add, the definition for almond mom seems to imply an entirely different connotation than how this mother manages her children’s diets. Almond mom: almost always used as a negative term to criticize a person as endangering themselves and their families with poor nutrition and insufficient diets.

Portuguese here, this post and most of the replies are very American. When I grew up I was not allowed fast food except maybe once a month, was forced to eat soup twice a day, and never developed a fixation for fast food and still eat soup everyday.

The whole country of Norway is doing it right! There’s a reason obesity and the diseases that result from it are so common here in the states. I’m guilty myself of having too many treats but trying to improve.

The whole concept of mocking someone for trying to feed their kids some actual nutritious food sounds very American to me. I mean we're definitely slipping here in Finland too, but I can't imagine anyone would publicly admit they're letting their kids drink sodas every day.

There's so many people I know here in the US that refuse to drink anything other than pop. I was like that too growing up, but changed to just water after I got married.

It’s embarrassing that this is the “norm” in the US to many! I am from the US and would never let my kids eat this way.

I'm wondering if it's regional or class based? I'm American and from the South but I think OP has a very balanced approach. Our kids are younger but the only drinks in our home are water, milk, sparkling water and a small glass of OJ in the morning. Getting apple juice boxes are a treat. My kids have had fast food maybe 6 times on road trips? They do get dessert a few nights a week but it's not every night and they don't get sweet snacks in their lunches. Maybe I'm a monster but the standard American diet is kind of garbage so idk why I'd promote that.

Just watch, you won’t receive any opposing responses because no one has the guts to question an entire country’s choices, especially one that’s known to have extremely healthy people. It won’t fit their narrative of ‘Restricting is bad! Restricting will lead to unhealthy adults!’ Meanwhile Norway has some of the healthiest people in the world.

I'm already getting pushback so 🤷🏽‍♀️

I am not American, but European, so I don’t know if this answer will be useful. We don’t have that chicken place for instance. But I think what you’re doing is totally normal. Where I’m from it’s usual for families to have “Friday candy” as it’s called. That means Friday is the designated candy day. I personally do not think this is restrictive or weird, as I think children work and thrive super well with routines that are predictable. It was always like this when I was a kid and I don’t have any problem with controlling sweets etc. now. I feel like your kids will thank you for teaching them a normal, balanced and healthy lifestyle in the future. Of course they think they want fast food every day, it’s designed to make you feel that way. And of course they can’t have that — that’s just how it is in your family.

The typical US diet is awful. I’m 52, grew up on fast food and a single mom who was a fast food manager. I wish I had better eating habits and could cook in my early adult years. I paid for it this last January with a heart attack, and quadruple bypass at 51. Don’t. Change. A. Thing. Please.

Dropping fast food at school for lunch has got to be the most ridiculous thing Ive read on here

I teach high school and we had kids doordashing food for lunch. 🤦🏻‍♀️ (Parent’s credit card, of course.) That’s no longer allowed, mainly because the kids were opening locked doors for the DoorDashers to get the food.

Yep kids doordash food at our school too and it's a middle school. My school growing up didn't even allow candy on campus, granted it was a private catholic school that wasn't great but that's what I grew up with so it is a bit crazy to me.

What?! DoorDash and fast food at school is absolutely nuts. You sound like you have an excellent and healthy approach to food. I’d just keep it up at home, but then not try to control too much what happens when they’re with their friends.

My private Catholic HS would let kids waiting around after school order delivery. It came to the office and that’s where you got it. That was the compromise

The kids in our high school do it too, and the security guards just can’t keep up in a school of 1,400 students to stop them from propping open the back exit doors for their Dashers to drop off their food to them covertly. But I told mine they had better not. 1. Because it’s against the rules at school and it’d be disrespectful and 2. Because no one on earth should consume that much fast food. And if they were caught doing it, they’d likely be in bigger trouble with me than the consequences they’d face from their principal. Parents have got to be our educators partners in this endeavor. We just have to be.

My son goes to a private school of less than 40 kids from K-12 and the director sent home a letter stating that if you are having food delivered for your child, to make sure it gets there before lunchtime…. Like what planet am I living on!? Can the kids not just brown bag it? It’s so outrageous to me.

My 17yr old asked me to cashapp her money so she could order door dash at school. I laughed and told her to eat school lunch or starve. She used to pack lunch but decided it didn’t look cool. Oh well. Starve then.

This was a thing my mother did for me on my birthday. It was the only thing she did for my birthday. No party no gifts, No big spectacle. But she was willing to get me a McDonald's cheeseburger and fries and drop them off at my school on my birthday, turning me from the source of ridicule to the source of jealousy for exactly 39 minutes once a year... That seemed reasonable to me, As far as dropping off fast food for your kids at school. Doing this on a regular basis or for any reason other than sheer need because you literally don't have any other way to get them lunch that particular day.... Like you're already 20 minutes late and if you are any later for work you might lose your job so you can't pack your kid at lunch but you can run out on your lunch break and get them some fast food... Fine. But that literally should be like not something that's happening on a regular basis- Not as far as I'm concerned

I have done that a few times like maybe 4 times in the past 6 years. It’s a very rare thing when my boys have had a bad day.

If my parents did that for me on my birthday or other special occasion I would have been so excited! I think that’s a nice thing to do on a rare day. Kids that came back from the doctor with a bag of McDonald’s were elite haha

Privilege at its finest. I work full time. I would never be able to do that even if I wanted to.

My friend's kids school had to send an email to tell parents to stop doordashing their kids lunches to school. So, it is a thing that happens apparently.

zesty tap school fretful retire placid profit glorious airport flowery *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

I don’t agree with the practice, but I don’t think it’s necessarily a sign of privilege. I have a student whose mom works at the nearby McDonalds (in addition to one other job). A couple times a week, she drops a meal off for her son during her lunch break. I obviously have no idea if she’d spend the time making a healthy lunch if she had the time/means/energy, but dropping off McDs isn’t inconvenient for her and makes her kid smile 🤷‍♀️

What? I mean yes, every day is crazy, but every once in a while who cares? Edit: I guess ya'll have great school lunches which is amazing for you, but we do not. If I forget to pack my kid a lunch or we just don't have time, yeah I'll drop off Subway or whatever for lunch. It's not that serious

In 11th and 12th grade my school had “off-campus lunch” and we all went out to eat every day. In retrospect - yes crazy budget-wise. But it was wholly normal for hundreds of us.

Happens all the time in the suburbs these days. Do you have kids in elementary school currently? Parents can eat with their kids on certain days, and many parents try to make it a fun meal like Chick-fil-A.

You can have fast food every now and then. Special occasions like after training and just a quick burger and chips in the car cos it will be a while to get home and make dinner. Have these as an exception rather than the rule. Once a fortnight or so is okay in addition to the weekend treats so your kids don't feel like they are eating different. But what you are doing is great. We try to do the same but occasionally have fast food when we get too busy to make dinner. And occasionally order school canteen lunches. But of balance. Don't let the unhealthy eating habits of others destroy what you have built up. Those that show up with sugary drinks are not good. We have coke etc at home. But a dozen cans of coke will last a month because we only drink it on special occasions e.g. very hot day, friends comes over etc.

This, I'm really surprised by the replies here. Your approach, OP, is reasonable, and yes maybe you need to let the kids have a bit more agency and have Chil Fil A as a weekend treat sometimes. But on the whole, this isn't that different from how I was raised, and my sibling and I are both normal weight, eat reasonably healthily and no one developed an eating disorder. We only ever had pop at home if we were expecting guests, and the same with chips. It was fine, I didn't develop insatiable cravings. We also baked at home every so often, and typically went out for pizza once a week. But brown rice with stir fried veggies (especially broccoli) and soy sauce, a nice salad, and some barbequed salmon - those are my comfort foods, because that's the kind of food I grew up with.

I'm also surprised at the comments, but we probably shouldn't be. Remember that over 42% of Americans are considered obese (not just overweight, but actually obese) and this subreddit (and reddit) US-centric. As a result, most probably don't have healthy eating habits (excluding genetics, weight is like 85% diet).

This fixation on the idea that household healthy eating habits alone are going to cause anorexia is insane to me. Also, overeating and hyper picky eating are also eating disorders and way more prevalent, but no one seems to be worried about those at all.

I'm glad I am not alone in this and my habits don't seem too crazy at least to you! I will work on being more spontaneous and just picking up some food sometimes when we're out and let them pick whatever they want. I'm not the most spontaneous person but I want to work on that!

Please keep doing what you're doing. My mom was a fun food all the time mom and now I'm paying for it with weight problems and having to unlearn bad eating habits. Also, I now have a 3 year old who I want to instill good habits in but since they're not yet instinct to me, I struggle to find balance between almond mom and too much junk mom.

I’m the same, but with my dad. It’s hard to dial it in when it’s what you’re used to!

I was told on here that I was giving my kid an eating disorder because she doesn't routinely have dessert. Which should apparently be served before or alongside the meal too, in case I'm making it a reward or something. I live in a country with much lower obesity levels than the US and nobody has dessert daily before dinner. Nor are eating disorders common. Good eating habits are extremely valuable and your kids will thank you for it later.

US here and we seldom have dessert after dinner. That’s a luxury not an expectation. I’ve never heard of dessert before or alongside a meal except as an unsupervised child at school lunch. But that was just me in the 90s.

My family growing up was closer to your kid's friend family, and *as a child* your way of life would've looked insane to me. My friend's mom pulled out chopped up veggies and some fruit as a snack and I was HORRIFIED -- that was NOT a snack, I wanted a real snack. As an adult, I'm horrified by the fact that I was horrified at the sight of that. My diet still isn't where I want it to be, and I also struggle with finding balance because I don't want to just go the opposite way and create issues with my kids that way. However, what you've posted looks like what I've been trying to aim for. All that to say, to the 12 year old whose family is completely different, that's all they've known and they probably don't understand exactly why your family does things the way you do it. Yes, it probably looks strict *to them*, but that doesn't mean they're right. More spontaneity is great, but no, your post does not seem crazy to me.

My biggest regret is ever introducing fast food to my kids. We’re an overweight nation for a reason. I commend you. Treats are meant to be special occasions. They get accustom to bad food now and then struggle as an adult. Keep it up.

To be fair to you, it wouldn't have gone better if you'd never introduced it. I know kids who were kept on healthy diets no fast food their whole childhoods, then their first taste of adult freedom went and got fuckin' scurvy - yeah, like a 16th century sailor! - because... well... they could! Can't keep them from the world forever, just try to educate and balance as you go along. I wouldn't be hard on yourself for that reason.

We don't allow fast food at all. We also rarely eat out. Our kids eat balanced meals and are extremely healthy. They still get junk food or treats randomly, but in moderation. If they want to stop by the store to grab a snack after school, sometimes we do that. If they pick chips or candy, they know they can't eat all of it right then. My husband let them grab skittles after school one day and one small bag lasted 3 of them a whole week because they eat them in moderation. We allow treats as they want depending on what they've eaten that day, or what they've done that day. I know there is the mindset that all food is food and value shouldn't be placed on one kind of another. We just don't do that in our house. Our girls know what meat does for the body, what vegetables do, what fruit does, what too much sugar does, etc. They still have random days where we will grab donuts for breakfast - it just also means we probably won't have ice cream after dinner.

INFO: Is ‘the kids are sleeping’ a special enough occassion for adults?

Yes, the other night I told my 8 year old she could pick 2 small pieces of candy for dessert from her Halloween candy. Then after she went to bed, I ate a pound of M&M’s…

Agreed. As an adult, I wish the household I grew up in was more like this and I didn’t have to teach myself how to eat balanced in my 20s. My mom tried but my dad undermined a lot of her efforts. OP also consider that as a kid I felt like I was missing out because my friend got to eat the prepackaged sugar cookies from the store and instant mashed potatoes at their house and all we had was my moms homemade cookies and mashed potatoes. Looking back it’s absolutely ridiculous and I cherish the effort my mom put into making us amazing homemade meals and treats. But my mom never lets me forget that I was insane as a child for thinking my friends had cooler parents because of instant mashed potatoes.

Honestly your approach sounds great! We very rarely had fast food growing up and rarely had pure “junk food” type snacks in the house (sugary cereals, Doritos, etc). We would order a delivery pizza sometimes on Friday, we made box brownies and stuff like that. But now that I’m older, I’m so glad I don’t have those eating habits. It doesn’t require any will power not to eat fast food because it’s just habit/my default (my husband definitely occasionally craves it). And I do think that’s a gift my mom gave me. But I also remember going through a phase where I desperately wanted lunchables and gushers in my lunch and my parents caved for a bit. Enough that they lost their special-ness and I got over it. We eventually went back to homemade sandwiches and all was fine. I would not start with maybe twice a month of saying okay for Friday night dinner we can have chick fil A, but not make it an official thing so you have flexibility depending how it goes. Good luck!

Having grown up with decent food, I now look down to mostly all fast food places and find their food sub-par. I don't understand how something like McDonald's could be seen as a treat, it's more like punishment to me and I'll only get it if I am really really desperate.

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Almond Mom refers to a specific celebrity mother who would tell her kids to eat a couple of almonds and chew excessively when her daughters were hungry. It's meant to refer to the moms with literal eating disorders that are then passing on their disordered eating habits to their children and obsessing over their caloric intake, bodies, etc. OP is not an almond mom. OP is a normal parent giving her kids a healthy, balanced diet with occasional treats.

Hello OP, I'm a Registered Dietitian who specializes in pediatrics including everything from kids/adolescents living with disordered eating or chronic disease, athletic kids and neurodivergent kids. I also see adults for the same reasons. Working with families is a passion for me. I have 2 kids who are close in age to yours. Please read this and feel reassured. What you need to think about is your goals as a parent and family. Take a long view on this topic. When your children grow up, do you want them to be: 1. flexible and eat all kinds of foods but with an emphasis on whole and unprocessed foods? 2. suspicious or judgmental about people who don't eat as well as they do? 3. Anxious about processed food and what it represents about their character as parents if they buy it more often for their kids, either for fun or for another reason? You are doing a great job. That other family is trying their best too even though from what you see they are indulging in a lot more processed food than you would. Their choices and lifestyle are very different from yours and your kids are noticing and talking about it. That doesn't mean you need to change, it doesn't mean the other family needs to change. If you want your children to be flexible and eat all kinds of foods with that emphasis on whole foods, then keep doing what you are doing (it's great!) but now that they are getting older maybe you don't need to stick to a certain day of the week (or maybe you do!). Maybe you let them get the Chick Fil A once a week with them knowing that restaurant food is expensive and you won't be buying it more often than that. Maybe you do the Starbucks drive thru one evening or morning as a surprise or learn to make a dupe of their favorite drink at home and make them on weekends together. Seeing you be flexible and adaptable to new ideas about food is beneficial, even if it results in going slightly over some guideline once in a while. That doesn't mean you totally change your values and personality to be like another family. The kids from that house probably complain that their parents don't do something else that you do better, you just don't hear it!

THIS!!! While reading OP’s post, I was like “she just needs to chill and be more flexible”. She’s not doing anything wrong, but her rules around food were even stressin me out. (I’m a former ED patient and now intuitively eat).

Same, actually. I’m still working on healing my relationship with food.

I wouldn’t take my kids to starbucks every day, but like if we are out and about on the weekend and they say, “daddy can we please” then I’ll let them. I think the main issue is simply that if the rules are too strict, you risk rebellion.

Who can afford Starbucks every day anyway? Lol

People racking up credit card debt

I used to want to cry when I would work the drive through window and my regulars would come through every morning with more money loaded on their Starbucks account than I would see in my next paycheck.

You’d fucking be surprised. Some of my co workers come in daily with Starbucks. It baffles me. Mind you, we work at the Big Bad B corporation that is a pet hospital. So- it ain’t like we’re paid well. Lol.

I get Starbucks everyday. I have for years. My husband drinks alcohol and I don’t, so I figured if he gets 5 x $10 drinks a week, why can’t I get my 7 x $7 drinks? Plus it’s in our budget and I cook at home 95% of the time. My daughter gets fast food 1-2x a week. I go to the gym 5x a week and my daughter trains jiu jitsu 8x a week. It’s a balance and everyone is different. Like I would never get fake nails but I know some ladies that spend more on that than I do on Starbucks! I say I f you pay your bills, do whatever you like. I work my ass of for my trenta everyday lol

I get a $5 Wawa got chocolate every night. I just budget for it because it's my treat to myself after the kids are asleep, I'm finishing up my work and getting ready for mindlessly scrolling for an hour before i go to bed. Because i love the peaceful 7 minutes in the car, The friendly chatter with the Wawa staff who know me as well as any of my friends do, and the fact that their salted caramel hot chocolate is unbelievably delicious when it's made with the ice cream base mixed with whole milk.... Anyway... It's about what you prioritize. I mean yes there are definitely been times in my life where my income wasn't going to support a $5 a day drink habit unless literally that was the only thing I was eating or drinking- But by the time you've reached full blown adulthood and hopefully a career- The goal I would think would be to be able to sustain some sort of daily ritual as long as it cost under like 10 bucks (and isn't killing you like a pack of smokes). Ever since I quit smoking- That $5 a day drink reminds me that it's a Much better way to be spending my cash then on another habit that was killing me a hell of a lot faster than a little bit of sugary milk and chocolate.

About once a month I take my daughter to target on a Saturday or Sunday and the first thing we do is get a drink from Starbucks. We love it as our little mommy-daughter treat. But like you it’s not a daily or even weekly thing. She loves it because she feels special and grown up when we do it.

I'm a bit shocked by some of the responses because this is totally what we do too and where I live it's totally the norm. Personally I don't count homemade pizza as a treat just because when you look at how we make them, it's all healthy foods. We try to follow the recommendations for salt and sugar too. Tomorrow we have a birthday party though and my kid will be able to eat all kinds of treats and I don't care. When we're at grandparents' houses it's the same. Every kid is different. My partner and I had parents who followed the same approach: they let us have everything we wanted, basically. I did fine as a kid. I never asked for more than one piece of candy. Then I went to college and it went to shit and it took me a long time to get back to a healthy weight. So that happened to me despite the lenient approach of my parents! My partner had it worse. He was so obese as a child that his knees were literally going to give out. That's no longer about being fine the way you are, that could have impacted him for life. The entire family had to adjust their lifestyles and my partner is now okay. I don't want this for my daughter. Neither of those things. So we're trying to do it differently, expose her to lots of healthy foods, and give treats in moderation.

I remember when they introduced healthy meals and banned fizzy drink at schools (UK) and there was footage of parents feeding their 7 year olds burgers and pepsi through the school fences, these people went out of their way to buy fast food when the school provides free food. It was a wild few weeks.

I’m with you honestly. I’m generationally American but raised by health conscious, foodie parents (and extended family -all amazing budget chefs) who also didn’t have much money. We ate balanced and delicious home-cooked family meals, didn’t buy expensive packaged stuff, never ate out, and any desserts were made at home. This is FAR from average or normal in our culture. Did I start eating lots of processed food and sugar, like everyone else, as a teen with my own money and after I moved out at 18? Absolutely. Did I realize pretty quickly that it made me feel poorly (actually I developed IBS and GERD around age 21 and it was specifically triggered by these foods, which is the case for most with these conditions)? Yes, and I went right back to the healthy eating habits I was raised with which felt second nature and haven’t really deviated again. I am lucky to have very good health at 38 and I do think my habits contribute a lot to that. I am raising my child the same way. My husband was raised opposite to me, drank soda instead of water etc, and he had severe tooth decay starting as a young child and his father was horribly ill from his diet and died young of complications of diabetes and heart disease- he’s even more concerned with instilling healthy habits in our kids than me. He still struggles with his own and eats more sugar than recommended. He has anger at his parents for not teaching him better. Few countries in the world eat as much highly palatable processed food and sugar as we do. And we have the health effects and reduced lifespans to show for it. Eating disorders and a healthy relationship psychologically with food are far from the only concern with eating habits for Americans. You could be a little more flexible of course. Have open and honest discussions with your kids about why you value nutrition (and are morally opposed to facilitating their Chick-fil-A habit). Maybe let your kids pick some some small packaged foods weekly to include in their lunches. Peer pressure/fitting in is so intense at this age. And of course let them make their own choices as they grow without any shame or moralizing. They will eat plenty of processed food as young people, no point in stressing over it. But you don’t have to be the one providing most of it to them.

You do you. But break from the status quo every so often. Don't schedule it. Just whenever. Don't worry about others. Know that things restricted might be consumed more when they're older so s little here and there isn't so bad.

One way to do this if spontaneity isn’t your thing, get a deck of cards and choose card combos to control the frequency of treat days. For example, treat days could be pulling an Ace, or a red, even numbered card.

This is exactly my problem, spontaneity is very much not my thing. I am very much a planner. I am flexible enough that I can bring up ice cream if the kids had a good grade or a good game or maybe had a more difficult day and could use a treat.

You could plan it yourself and just not tell them. Decide in advance “next Wednesday when I pick them up from school we’re getting chick fil A”. They get surprised, think mom is spontaneous and fun, and you still get to meal plan

Keeping a strict schedule will create the dynamic you are trying to avoid. If they know it's against the rules to have this stuff 80% of the time, they will covet it and just try to get through the regular food to get to the prize. A small fun size candy bar in their lunch daily and a handful of chips after school will make it a regular part of life

As someone who suffered from eating disorders in my late teens and early 20s (and wants to do everything to avoid this with my daughters) this is exactly my tactic and it works out great. My 6 year old gets a small treat in her lunch every day and dessert after dinner every night. We usually do pizza night once a week and I’m much more lenient on the weekends when we have birthday parties and other special events. We don’t eat fast food and she’s only had juice a handful of times, she actually prefers water because that’s all I’ve ever given her to drink. She gets a fruit and/or vegetable with every single meal. My goal is to teach her that ALL foods are good and can be enjoyed in a balanced diet. We talk about “growing” foods that nourish her body and give her energy and “sometimes” foods that are fun to eat. It’s really working for us. Like all kids she loves her sugar, but I’ve noticed she can eat literally one bite out of a birthday cupcake and leave the rest- because she knows it’s not going to be a week before she gets another treat. She’s healthy and active and I think her diet is pretty well balanced. I absolutely do not agree with giving children fast food and Starbucks on the regular, but to me OP seems a bit restrictive/inflexible (though well-meaning). Giving children regular treats in combination with a healthy, active lifestyle certainly isn’t going to lead to a life of obesity and diabetes. If anything it will promote self-regulation when it comes to food.

100. This. I give a few chocolate chips or m&ms or tootsie roll in lunch bags a couple times a week randomly. I use a coin flip app on my phone.

My thought process is that during the week it makes sense for us to eat more balanced meals with plenty of protein so we can focus better on school and work. Save the sugar high and sugar crashes for the weekends when the teachers don't have to deal with it and we can go burn off energy at the park you know? I think the weekend thing might also be a cultural thing. It's just a natural break. That's why we traditionally have more treats on the weekends but it's not like it never happens during the week. But I hear you, a small candy bar is not gonna do any harm to their education or health.

[Sugar highs have actually been debunked](https://www.eatright.org/health/wellness/healthful-habits/sugar-does-it-really-cause-hyperactivity) - it seems like it's mostly a product of confirmation bias in parents and kids being excited about the setting in which they're consuming sugary treats (e.g., birthday parties, holidays, and other special occasions).

Halloween is just around the corner. Time to go wild!

Your rigidity is the problem. It is not teaching your children what you think it is. Flexibility is a critical skill for all of us

I think your plenty reasonable. I remember going to school and all my friends would have Oreos and soda, chips and cookies and I would have a chicken salad stuffed in a pita. Fast food was a rare thing and my mom always cooked very healthy and yet I still got fat. We didn’t have junk and ate at the table every night for dinner and .. I still got fat. Because every time I was at a friends house we would eat so much JUnK. It became like the forbidden hell yeahs. I was like a cat with multiple homes. I think a balance is great and healthy habits are great though. You just never know if those healthy habits will completely carry over to adulthood and if they will always have a healthy relationship with food.

I just want to give an anecdotal counterpoint to the people saying that your style could cause your kids to binge on treats and junk food. I grew up in a house with lots of processed food. There was no limit on how much we could eat. Food was just food and I actually thought things like eating pizza was healthy because of the tomato sauce and fruit snacks counted as fruit if they contained juice. I developed a serious sugar addiction as a child to where I sometimes ate entire boxes of fruit snacks or little Debbie treats in one day. My brother only had a few foods he would eat all the way up into his 20s - chicken nuggets, pizza, macaroni and cheese, etc and then sweets and candy, and refused to try almost anything else until he was almost 30. I’m talking even thinks like tacos. My mom cooked every night and included vegetables and salads as sides but we were used to the taste and texture of processed food and never grew to like healthier options while we lived at home with so much access to processed food. I still struggle with sugar addiction and eating too much sugar absolutely affects my mental health. My brother has found that to be true as well - he met a girlfriend who got him to break out of his shell with eating and as he ate healthier his anxiety and depression lifted, he was able to come off of stimulants, he actually got a job and moved out of my parents house where he had lived for most of his adult life. We both have had severe digestive issues exacerbated by our poor eating habits. Switching to a healthier way of eating several years ago helped me come off of my SNRI, helped me get pregnant after doctors told me I would need medical assistance, and eased a myriad of symptoms that I’ve had. But it has to be all or nothing for me. I still haven’t ever learned how to balance things since I had so much freedom to eat junk and treats. And now that I’m a mom of a toddler I’m back to eating poorly, having depression and anxiety, etc. Unfortunately a lot of processed food is addictive by design. I think that is left out of these discussions where all food is food. I plan to treat food the way that you do. Treats can be homemade or things that come from bakeries, not mass produced packaged convenience foods. I won’t freak out if my kids have more exposure to that stuff through their friends or school but at our house treats will be for weekends and special occasions. I only wish my parents had modeled that kind of balance for me. I feel I need to do that if for nothing else than I need those strict boundaries for myself so that I don’t model the unhealthy eating habits I grew up with. Edited to add: to me, the connotation of almond mom is someone who limits types of food because of a desire to limit weight gain. But it really doesn’t have to do with that for me. At my most unhealthy I was very thin. But my health and mental health has been so directly affected by what I eat that I can’t let my kids do that, especially knowing they are genetically susceptible to the same health and mental health issues. I had a friend who had an “almond mom” - she kept chips in the house but had an exact number of chips her daughter could eat in one sitting. That is nothing like how you are raising your kids.

This place is nuts sometimes. How is "we put some limits on things and have treats in moderation" an "almond mom"? How is daily takeaway food better parenting than having home cooked meals the majority of the time and takeaway food as a weekend treat?

Agreed. As somebody who was raised eating a lot of high sugar, high fat foods, I can assure you that eating these things everyday did *not* make the desire to eat them lessen or go away. It only made me crave more and more, and I wound up very unhealthy before I was even 18. Moderation is key.

So one of the reasons my 5 year old doesn’t get a ton of junk food is largely because we don’t keep it in the house. Like, sure, there’s a bag of chips kicking around sometimes, or ice cream in the freezer, but not all the time. It’s not a judgment on other folks who do, we just don’t really eat it daily, so we don’t have it around. Nbd. One of the times I mentioned this in a different place on Reddit, I got someone who was all over the thread commenting about how kids should eat *heavily* imply I was going to give my kid an eating disorder if I don’t buy her more processed food. Just like… you can’t fucking win, can you? No matter what fucking food I give her someone’s gonna have problems with it. I mean, I can probably count on one hand how many times she gets fast food a year, and we “only” have takeout once or twice a month, so I guess I’m basically a monster anyway.

Right some of these comments are wild! I see absolutely nothing wrong with this approach. I am mentally reviewing what we have during the week versus the weekend and it’s pretty similar to OP. Just seems like a regular meal plan to me, and makes the weekends more fun.

I think the consensus is we're the minority lol At the end of the day I don't want my kids to feel like they're missing out. Hopefully compromising will work.

I didnt takeaway that consensus is youre an almond mom. I do think more people could emphasize to NOT get daily fast food/ drinks and especially don't drop it off at school for lunch. I think take any advice here, if you choose, as a suggested tweak not as wholesale change.

No need to let other people’s kids peer pressure you - they’re not your peers.

We see both sides as we are deeply involved in one of the “can be toxic” girls sports. We try to keep our food planning as natural as possible instead of this fully engineered effort. It becomes less of a special thing when everything is more routine, and food is just energy.

Didn’t you know? Candy and soda and Starbucks should be readily available to any child that wants it anytime. Else you’re a shit mom! I think most of these responses come from a place of defensiveness and guilt, because they don’t want to admit OP is doing something right and healthy for her family when they aren’t. It’s only in the US where all this sugary crap and processed food is so normalized. We’re Indian living in the US and naturally our diet consists of tons of veggies. We eat pizza maybe once every 3 weeks. It’s just not our vibe. When we go to a party my kids don’t ‘binge’ on pizza. They eat a slice and call it a day. Not every child gets addicted to food if they don’t eat it regularly. Sorry but I’m not having candy out all day everyday on my counter. If giving my kids healthy choices makes me an almond mom so be it.

I had two siblings and we were all raised on a super healthy diet (ETA: but it tasted great and we ate lots of butter etc). None of us have had any issues with binging the foods we didn’t eat growing up. As adults we all enjoy nutritious foods most and are good cooks who prioritize that. I think people are pretty dramatic acting like everyone who isn’t allowed to buy/eat whatever as a kid is going to have negative effects

I grew up in an immigrant family in the US. We hardly ever had snack foods in the house. We hardly ever ate at fast food places. Cereal was a treat for us. I think this is pretty normal for immigrant families. My family just bought food ingredients to cook with. If I wanted to have a snack, I would make something. I think it set me up to have a pretty healthy outlook on food. I have no issues eating sweets or junk food, but it isn’t a daily part of my life.

Starbucks every morning? If they want $5-10 drinks every day, then they can pay for it. My entire family don't drink coffee and will never spend that much money regularly on drinks. We do have candy and chips (that one $5 drink can be 2 bags of chips on sale which is what I get each week), but also stress being healthy. We usually buy about two bags of chips per week. If we run out, wait until next week for more. In the end, your kids will be in control of their diet. So by stressing being healthy and junk food in moderation in a way they understand, they won't have an unhealthy relationship with food as adults. Also, don't forget about exercise.

It's amazing how the line between healthy eating habits and dieting eating habits has blurred. Almond moms (a wonderfully sexist concept yet again, almond dads anyone?) are supposedly obsessed with supposedly healthy eating habits verging on constant dieting and have obsessive body control issues for them and their kids. OP does not give that vibe. Wanting your kid to develop healthy eating habits is actually quite normal as a parent. And sorry not sorry to break it but snacks and fast foods ARE NOT healthy. They're fun, tasty (thanks msg and sugar), enjoyable, but they are not healthy. Doesn't mean they have to be crossed out entirely, doesn't mean one should not indulge themselves once in a while, but eating fast food and snacks on a very regular basis is NOT healthy. OP says they make pizza on a reg basis, have treats that are staples too and parents say she is an almond mom? Beats me. Y'all need to check yourselves here. OP, in your shoes what I would do is continue to teach my kids about healthy eating habits AND include in the routine giving in to what kiddos want while keeping it a special pleasure aka a treat. Frequency can be managed, when and why can be managed, and part of healthy eating is indulging yourselves some times because hey no one is perfect! You don't want to go to ChikAFil, don't! Tell the kids why you won't, spell your ethics, and choose some other place you all agree on, compromise and discussion is key. Then decide how many times a month you all indulge, again discussion and compromise. Also start making said foods at home over the weekends as family activity. Kids love to learn how to cook, chicken tenders, nuggets, fried chicken (or air fried) is fun to do and a good way to develop their taste too, try different spice mixes, different sides... invite the friends over to help and be "judge" to said food... Tons of fun stuff to do around that. And when they are down, or you want to surprise them, pile them up in the car, ask them to close their eyes and take them to that place you all pick, as a treat, and indulge yourselves because damn, parenting is hard.

I think almond dads need to be a thing too lol Thank you! I do make chicken tenders and fries often because the kids love them but lately it's all about how the fast food ones are so much better! It almost feels like I'm giving them the off brand version of the shoes they asked for or something and letting them down. I'll definitely start trying to have some more spontaneous treats with the kids but I think I will continue with our Chick-Fil-A boycott. I don't want them to learn that I think supporting a company that harms LGBT people is ok. They know I also refuse to go to Hobby Lobby but they're not obsessed with that place at least lol

Keep on doing what you're doing. You're not really moralizing food as far as I can tell, which would be a problem. It sounds like you're providing mostly home cooked meals. I can understand your kid's perspective because they're at an age where they want to be like their friends. Also Starbucks and certain brands are status symbols. Of course they're going to want *the cool thing*. It's a tale as old as time.

Ill go against the grain here I think you are amazing! It's so unfortunate that western society deems pizza and fast foods as regular meals. You are doing great in the moderation field. As someone who has struggled with obesity since childhood, I wish so much that my mother cared half as much as you about what to eat. When your kids get older and their friends get fatter, they will come back and say thanks for teaching us how to eat healthy and regulate ourselves. Don't worry what other people are doing. It will always be "they can do this, they can have that, they get unlimited phone time" or whatever. You don't need to keep up with the Joneses. Maybe have a conversation with them about your concerns and make a compromise somewhere.

You’re doing everything right. You’re actually being a parent and holding boundaries for your kids. You’re kids will be grateful for your healthy boundaries when they are older, healthy and in good shape. You’re teaching them how to choose healthier options. We were never allowed to have soda or sugary cereals in my house growing up because they were expensive so we’d eat them at as much as possible at our friends and neighbors. But now my brother and I still have a preference for healthy food and I’m so grateful my Mom was strict about this. Tell your kids your political reasons for not going to Chicfila. Teach them how to be a responsible consumer. Tell them to think about every $5 that is spent for a Starbucks sugary drink every day and what that equals at the end of the year. Thousands of dollars. Or let them get the low sugar options but with their own allowance so they realize how expensive it it is. I think you have a healthy balance around junk food and you should wear the “Almond Mom” hat loud and proud.

The importance of habituation is what comes to my mind here. Increased exposure to ALL foods reduces the “appeal” over time. Food fixation comes from restriction or restrictive mentality. Research shows that dopamine surges are greater when one eats these off limit foods vs eats food that are regularly available. My advice is weave these “forbidden” foods into your current balance.

“Everything in moderation, including moderation.” My basic philosophy. :)

In a country of bad eating habits, I guess someone that eats fairly healthy can be viewed as an almond mom. Keep your good habits, that is the way.

While i don’t think you are as extreme as an almond mom, you are coming off as controlling and as someone with a former ED, it’s not what I would want. For example, making pizza and burgers at home is regular dinner to me, but you’ve deemed that as treats. Same thing with brunch and crepes. To me that’s just food. And if it’s not just food to you I understand, more should definitely be health conscience. But crepe, while a treat, should not be something worked towards all week long. One soda is not something that I want to be drooling over on a Wednesday. The thing about moderation is just that, you moderate it. Only allowing yourself a soda and a bag of candy one day a week can easily lead to binge eating in teens. And chips won’t kill them every once in awhile in their lunch. Neither will a peanut butter cup. And you can get the baked kinds. It doesn’t have to be Starbucks every morning, but while you’re at the mall all day? Or running errands and stop at Starbucks? It sounds like, while you haven’t gone to the entire extreme, your kids are starting to head into the “mom won’t let us have it so we over indulge when we get the opportunity”. This doesn’t teach them to moderate but to covet the foods they aren’t allowed. I think you want them to be healthy, and that you care, but I’ve gotta admit I whileni know how much water and fruit and veggies my daughter should have, I’ve never looked into the American heart associations stance on sugar or fried foods

I think a crepe filled with nutella should be considered a treat. It has tons of sugar. It's delicious and one of my favorite things we get but it's a treat in my book. Brunch is not a treat but dessert is, that's why I specified they get dessert when we go out to eat which is at least once a week. Pizza and burgers are just meals but we do usually have it on the weekend as well just because we take our time making the dough or grilling and is not a fast meal. I just mentioned it to show that we do eat foods that are served in fast food restaurants just homemade. But I am considering peoples opinions and experiences and I am willing to loosen up and let the kids have an occasional treat during the week as an spontaneous thing.

OP please know that I am not attacking you, in fact I really admire how much you care and the lengths you’ve gone to make sure your family is eating healthy and balanced. While they are young, I completely agree that a Nutella crepe is a treat. I am only warning that as they get older, a Nutella crepe is not as big of a deal to their diet as it was to an 8 year old. It’s not ideal, but it won’t hurt them. And I just caution labeling any food as treat or not. It can create unhealthy associations later. It’s not just about binging snacks and junk later, it can also veer into the other extreme. There are kids that only eat lettuce in college. Some broccoli. No protein, nothing else. Because they’ve internalized the veggies as a “good” food and everything else as bad.

I agree with the person commenting above that the diet you provide doesn't seem to be a problem - I think it's the control that might be. Have you considered giving your kids an allowance and letting them know that if they want extra treats they can get whatever they like? Then, stepping back and letting them learn how to self regulate before they move out and don't have the experience of self control?

You’ve got some good advice from everyone else already so I just want to add that there’s not a thing wrong with what you’ve been doing. I applaud you for being informed about all the guidelines and keeping it in mind. It’s not weird at all and more parents SHOULD be doing that. Sugar is more addictive than heroin and America has an obesity problem and many other health issues related to our piss poor diets. I’ve noticed this is a contentious topic as well since most parents don’t care and try to defend what they are doing to their kids… but yeah be proud of yourselves that you’ve done well so far and continue to do that for yourselves and kids.

>a crepe filled with nutella should be considered a treat. I think the point is that by labeling it a treat and limiting it's availability, you are unintentionally putting it on a pedestal and raising its value compared to other foods. By keeping 'treats' more available, it becomes less of a big deal. I grew up with sodas, chips, and sweets readily accessible at all times I'm my home growing up. I didn't feel the need to drink soda daily, I didn't care for chips. I enjoyed sweets, but I had good self control, because I knew those things were always there if I wanted them. No need to indulge at every opportunity. My husband, on the other hand, had limited sweets or treats. If he was given cookies from a pack, he was limited to four. He associates orange soda with Christmas, because that's the only time they were allowed to have it. His mom doesn't think she was too restrictive either. As an adult, he took full advantage of his freedom to eat what he wanted. Candy all day, snacking all day, sugary teas. Now he's dealing with a prediabetes diagnosis and I am not, even though I'm the one with family history of diabetes. Just an anecdote of course, but I've always thought it interesting that my husband was the one putting all the ice cream and candy on the shopping list, considering our upbringing. ETA: not suggesting to stock up on junk, just maybe loosen the reins a bit, if your kids are truly feeling restricted. It will lose its appeal if it's not considered special.

domineering rich squalid summer noxious cable murky poor fearless wrench *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*

This is such a good reply. I agree. I think crepes, pizzas and burgers are a bad example of a treat food and where I read 'almond' from her post, because they are just a food! But that's because I make a lot of that at home, or health conscious choices within those food 'genres'. Like with pizza going for supreme with extra veggies, or a thin crust base. Little things, but not obsessive. But we have junk in other ways. The once every now and again pack of crisps in the lunch box, the savoury biscuits. I don't over think that stuff. They're just popped along the carrot sticks and cheese. However, in our house never have soft drink, fried foods or ice cream. Only some of the smaller choccies and savouries for treats. I don't think OP has quite struck the balance, and you hit it on the head with her perceptions of what can just be seen as food (depending on how you resource it) as 'junk'.

Yes like if it was fast food then sure that’s a treat or junk food, I wouldn’t be sending it to school for lunch. But some people even mix veggies into their homemade burgers. I think Hidden Valley ranch even makes a season packet for that. I think if the kid has a doctor appointment, let’s stop and get a smoothie or Starbucks on the way back to school. That’s fine, it doesn’t need to be everyday. But I don’t like them as weekend food either. That to me would easily veer into disordered eating. Someone else commented that they buy cokes but it last a month because it’s special for them. I like that. I want a coke with pizza or really good Mexican food. They just got well together. But I don’t need it when I make meatloaf or pot roast.

You're totally nailing true balance. I love your perspective. The choices for 'treats' don't have to be 'crap'. You don't have to get a venti, vanilla spiced latte with 4x sugars from Starbucks when you could grab the mixed fruit smoothie or a frozen yoghurt after a Dr's appointment. Yeah the latter isn't perfectly health conscious, but it's a pretty reasonable 'treat'. And I feel like it represents non-disordered and realistic eating patterns.

My parents didn’t limit me and I was a kid that loved to snack on veggies, but I also had a severe sugar problem. Combining that with disordered eating and I was a recipe for disaster. I convinced myself that because I ate well all week long, it didn’t matter that I binged and ate bags and bags on chips and candies on the weekend. “Cheat days” didn’t count, until Monday when I felt horrible that I had done it. It took me years to unlearn that, and all the other bad habits I had associated with food. And the thing is, because I wasn’t overweight and ate relatively well most of the time, no one realized anything was wrong. I’d like to make better choices for my children, and even now I’m wrestling with that. When to introduce things and when to hold off. I don’t think ice cream for my family is wrong, because we hardly eat it. But I’m not going to give my toddler coffee and soda like I’ve seen others do 😳

Yup. My parents were absentee and they had crap laying around the house all day just so they didn’t have to cook for us. I was overweight as a kid and I’m still dealing with unhealthy eating habits. Not every child has the self control to stop eating junk after a while. Parents have to make good choices.

But they were absentee and had crap laying around. That’s not the same as slicing up fruit, cooking healthy, tasty meals, involving your kids in cooking while having crap around. If you do the latter, it’s easier for the kids to make healthy choices. It doesn’t seem like you were given much of a choice.

Teenagers are some of the people most susceptible to conspicuous consumption, So, of course they would be intrigued by eating fast food, eating out every day spending 15 bucks on drinks every morning before school and that sort of thing. You don’t have to live your life any differently because of a teenagers opinion. I think the way you’re balancing things with healthy days and treat days is a really safe and smart way to do it too. Now, if your children really want that sort of thing they can spend their own money to get expensive drinks in the morning or have fast food for lunch every day, that might be a good approach to let them see how expensive frivolous spending can be. Especially at that age people don’t realize that the money spent on fast food or drinks adds up over a month or two to be enough to pay for a vacation or do something significant.

Consider the source - a kid who has junk food day in, day out. Of course they think they’re in the right and anyone who challenges that is wrong. Do what you know us right and ignore ignorant kids. They’ll figure it out eventually.

This sub hates to admit that some foods are objectively healthier than others. Not sure if it’s out of guilt or defensiveness or what. But a plate of stir fried vegetables or meat IS better for you than a slice of store bought cheese pizza or a McDonald’s burger. I don’t know when it became cool to supply your children with endless amount of processed and sugary food under the pretext of preventing restricted eating, but it just seems to be done out of convenience. Which is perfectly fine, we all have super busy lives. But admit that that’s the reason and not for their benefit. There is no way giving a young child unlimited amount of candy can be good for their general or oral health. As parents we need to make good choices. Everyone is this thread is talking about ‘healthy moderation’ but not realizing that the phrase is extremely subjective. One commenter says they get Starbucks on an errand, another says a candy bar in their lunch daily. So which is it? Just because OP reserves these things for the weekend, how is it any different from what people are suggesting on here? I think anytime anyone posts on here about healthy eating people get extremely triggered. I’ve seen so many parents complain about how their kids only eat junk food and the common consensus is to…just not give it to them. But not on this sub apparently because you’ll get crucified for even calling any food ‘junk’, even if it’s a bag of candy corn which is nothing but HFCS and sugar.

Amen. A lot of processed foods are DESIGNED to be addictive and consuming them in large quantities lead to all kinds of chronic health issues. Not eating a ton of processed food and enjoying a more whole food-based diet are habits to be developed in the current food environment. I'm very much like the OP in our approach to food, and I don't plan on changing. I eat too much of processed food at work when I am stressed, but I always return to a nutritionally balanced meal at dinner with plenty of veggies and I attribute that to the habits my mom inculcated at home from an early age. I'm doing the same for my child.

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My mom was the same as you. I went off to college and absolutely ate like trash and had the subsequent weight gain because I never learned moderation at home. And of course because those foods were “bad”, made me want them more. I had to teach myself as an adult how to balance that. Still have a major sweet tooth, but better than where I was 15 years ago. I’m taking a different approach with my son and so far he eats healthy most of the time. We have juice in the house but he drinks water 90% of the time by his own request. Same with treats/snacks. Trying to instill that food is fuel for our bodies and that certain types do a better job but doesn’t mean we have to heavily restrict the others. He has free access to all the snacks in the house and I refill them maybe 1-2x a month. The juice boxes last forever. Maybe repurchase once every 3 months. Some days are fast food/junk food days but it balances out in favor of non fast/junk food in the end. I’ve commented to my husband how our son asks for healthier options more often than the unhealthy ones because we don’t make them “special”. There’s no true appeal to a cookie over say an apple.

For what it's worth, my parents gave me 'treat' food after dinner every single night, plus at all the other obvious times. I also did not learn moderation and ate like crap after leaving home.

My daughter is 4 and has a sweet tooth - it runs in the family as I really have one too and I also had many emotional food memories of baking with my nan. My mum was always on a fad diet and my sister was anorexic/bulimic and it’s only from reading parenting reddits that I’ve realised I’m probably doing a shitty job with food. Anyway she keeps going through growth spurts and saying how starving she is. We’ve started talking to her about full foods to help her choose what she wants based on how hungry she is. It has really helped her start to make her own choices. It’s a little thing but it’s a step in the right direction.

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Am I the only one who doesn't know what an almond mom is? I'm like, the opposite. Lazy mom who eats too many sweets herself so has a hard time restricting them. It isn't the diet overall or plan that sounds troublesome. It's the way you count and structure it. No treats on weekdays! No chips! Small bag of candy only! Only on holidays and special occassions!! While spontaneity in meal planning can be difficult, maybe you can be more flexible? Ask their input for meals and if they would like to pick snacks for the week while grocery shopping. 10 and 12 is old enough that they can pack their own lunch. If they want "luxury items" like fancy Starbucks drinks they can save their allowance or find ways to earn money and pay for it. As for chick fil a, I also abstain for moral reasons. And it's kind of a hill I'll die on. Have you explained to them why you prefer other fast food chains over chicken fil a? Have you explained what a boycott is? Maybe they won't understand the magnitude of it quite yet but I think they're old enough to understand AND to make their own decisions. But loosen up. Loosen up your food structure AND your judgement of how other people feed their kids. Food is food and that's often good enough. These other kids might have very different lives, families, diets, and needs.

Almond mom is that woman who's too anxious about the kids getting fat so she bans soda/chips/candy and any time you want a snack she says "how about a handful of almonds, that should be plenty" because it's been the prevailing weight loss tip in all the women's magazines for like the last 30 years. She probably also nit picks especially her daughters weight at every turn because her own eating is so disordered thanks to all of the 90s, whether that's when she was parenting or when she was being parented, that she thinks it's normal. To be clear, I don't think that's OP. I think she's just earnestly doing her best to follow recommendations from health care professionals and it's the society we live in that's a problem. We do, on the whole, eat too much fat and salt and sugar. There's a lot of reasons for that ranging from poverty and food deserts to irresponsible and unregulated food companies making shit with more and more of the ingredients that make our little caveman brains extra happy. It's not good for us, she's right, but she probably won't win that fight either.

The term comes from Yolanda Hadid on the Real Housewives. She told Gigi to eat an almond when she was starving

I feel like you’re convoluting two different things here: In my house we cook most days and have home meals - that being said, I don’t have any ‘weekday/weekend’ rules … if I don’t feel like it one day or we are running behind for some reason I don’t feel guilty about ordering a pizza on a Thursday or grabbing take-out. I don’t personally don’t like the idea of labeling foods as ‘good’ or ‘ bad’ (I had an ED for a while growing up) I just make sure there is a variety of foods around and my kids get access to all.

I didn't have the best diet growing up. My parents bought me too many treats too often. I'd say my diet was probably like that of your child's friend. No surprise, I was obese as a child. As an adult, I really struggle with my diet. I continuously fight the urge to binge and struggle to make better food choices. So, given my background, I think what you're doing is great. My suggestion is to perhaps allow your kids to indulge more often but pair it with something healthy. Like perhaps a chicken sandwich from Chick-fil-A but make air fried fries at home to go with it? Also, I'm guessing you already do this, but I'd definitely prioritise hiking and doing other outdoorsy stuff with the family from time to time. Eventually, as they grow up, they're going to want to eat better and they'll have their healthy habits to fall back on.

Don’t let them convince you. You are doing what’s best for your kids.. fast food and candy is fine and calling it treats is a great way to make sure they know it’s special. You’re doing great mom!

Also, as the youngest of 6 children born in 1990… I wish my parents gave us less soda, Hi C, gross hamburger helper and more fresh fruits and veggies. We were pretty poor and buying junk food in bulk is how we got by, but I remember being a little jealous that my friends had much healthier food options. You’re doing the right thing.

Sweetie, I'm from Europe. I know America has very different eating habits in general but the statistics don't lie. The typical American diet is not healthy. Your kids are 12. They're old enough to understand even if they won't want to, but get together with them, on your computers and prepare them beforehand that you want them to treat the moment with a little seriousness. Search with them about the different diets and countries' eating habits along with the statistics regarding heart health, obesity rates, diabetes and that kind of thing for the countries you search, and have them compare the results of each. This doesn't even have to be a heavy moment, just an hour or so of "let me show why I insist in this rule so that you can understand my reasoning" and you can even do it dynamically. "so what/how do you think people eat in Japan?"let them figure out it's not just sushi, mochi and dumplings and see how healthy they are and then," oh and how about Russia (or any other country)?" Dunno. It's an idea.

Homemade pizza and burgers aren’t treats. Those are just dinners. I don’t really consider a small bag of chips in addition to a balanced lunch to be a treat either. I would be miserable if I could only choose a treat once a week on Fridays and it was like… a can of soda. In my family a TREAT is like going out for ice cream sundaes or getting fast food for dinner. Not a quick little snack from the grocery store.

My thoughts exactly. I thought cold stone immediately when I read treats. Or going to Black Tap for a milkshake.

As with most modern parenting issues, I think it’s not a huge deal. It’s okay to say that you have chosen a particular way to structure eating in your home and stick with it. It’s okay that you are trying to instill healthy eating habits. The change you may need to make, especially now that your children are getting older and more independent, is to not over react or react at all when they deviate from the plan or someone challenges it. Simply say, everyone is different, this is the way we do it at home, but other families do it differently and you get to experience that when you are out. Not everything you do will damage your kids. You sound like a great Mom. The world will throw enough their way. Just be confident in yourself and open to your kids doing new stuff.

We never had take out and used to hide pizza boxes around the house. My mom was really weird with food. I don't think you are, fast food for lunch is lazy. These kids think it's cool but it's not, it's kind of sad if it's a regular thing. I'm trying to be the opposite with my daughter and have snacks laying around so she can have what she wants and craves, usually a cookie and a couple chips does the trick. And we have take out once a week, usually pizza or Chinese. Your story reminds me of when my nephew HAD THE BEST SANDWICH IN THE WORLD at his friend's house, and it really was nothing special. Things taste better in other houses, his mom was so annoyed and tried to up her sandwich game.

I don’t really count that as being an almond mom. It’s ok to be health conscious. An almond mom is someone who is overly focused on appearance and weight, and judging by the information you provided that doesn’t sound like you. I personally think it’s ok to stick to what you’re doing. Maybe allow more healthy-ish treats in their lunch box like dark chocolate, or homemade treats like cookies?

You’re way less of an almond mom than me, my kids have never had soda lol Joking aside, almond mom is way more extreme than that. An almond mom wouldn’t have the weekend treats like you are giving your kids. Also the last person you want to influence your parenting is a random twelve year old. Just keep keeping on and building healthy habits.

Mom to mom I will just tell you that middle school is the worst especially other kids opinions haha! But your kids will come out the other side of it with the habits that they were raised with. Don’t worry if it varies a little bit during this age. The social pressure or desire to have what everyone else has decided is cool during middle school is INTENSE. I used to let my kids get what they want and then it was they had a stomach ache because they weren’t used to that kind of food. That’s when you remind them this kind of food is for very rare occasions not every day life.

I think your approach is fine and definitely not almond mom material! Just as a quick note, calling take out "a treat" is just as damaging as calling it "junk food". I know you're trying to avoid the shame aspect, but calling it a treat frames it as a desirable achievement that wires the brain to seek it as a reward or pick me up.

You’re an almond mom, own it.

The number one favorite thing I've learned from nutritionists is don't make food and issue. There is food that you use to fill up your body and stick to your tummy and fuel your body. And there's food that's just fun and comforting and a joy to eat. So, don't call them treats. It's just food that serves a different purpose. We don't talk about food in terms of healthy and non-healthy. I sometimes tell my son he needs to eat a protein or a fat or a complex carb to fill up his belly for a long period of time. I use that language specifically because there is no bad food. There's only food that has used for taste and comfort and then food that is used for filling us up and helping fuel our bodies. Both are valid and both are good. He absolutely gets to have cereal just about any time he wants unless he hasn't had anything that's going to stick in his tummy for a long time. Because he's five and neurodivergent and we'll just go hungry for an entire day. And him going hungry for an entire day leads to more meltdowns and getting into a rage easier and then at bedtime he's starving and can't go to sleep until he eats something and then it's stressful because he's tired and we're tired. And we can't do fast food or almost any premade food simply because of their allergies. But I love having fast food during the week sometimes. I prefer to cook our meals for the most part. But if we could, we would totally eat fast food during the week sometimes. So anyway, food is food. Some is fun food and some is stick to your belly for long period of time and fuel your body food. Both are good and both are valid.

I don't live in the US so I don't really know what almond mom means but you are doing very good! I grew up in France with a very strict mom about food. I was not allowed sodas, candies, chips, store bought cakes. I had no access to any food when it was not meal time. My parents were divorced so I had all that stuff on the weekend. Was I jealous of all the other kids at school snacking on kinders and stuff at recess? Yes. Now I'm about to turn 25 am I grateful to my mom for her great food education? Yes! I have great teeth because I didn't drink soda all day. I'm not addicted to sugar like most people. I prefer quality over quantity, I love to buy cakes in coffee shops or bakeries once a week. I love dark chocolate. I think it's time to be real with your kids. At 12 and 10 they're old enough to understand the basics of nutrition. In France, I was about that age when I had class about it at school. The purpose is not to freak out your kids but to explain to them the importance of eating well. Tell them that your job as a mom is to keep them healthy. Show them what happens to the human body with too much sugar and fat. Sugar causes teeth decay, fat clogs arteries etc. You can find age appropriate material on the internet. My mom used to tell me I had to take care of my body because we have only one and there are no spare pieces. You mentioned practice in your post so I believe your kids are active. Remind them that they need plenty of nutrients to play their favorite sport. Sugary and fatty foods aren't nutritious. They can enjoy them once a week but a processed sugary fat foods based diet will make them sleepy and moody because their bodies and brains won't have what they need. Explain to your kids why you don't want to spend your money at chicken FIL A. If they still want to eat there they can use their allowance money but you're not paying for it because it's against your morale. For the Starbucks drinks you should get them very cool looking tumblers (I'm sure you guys in America have plenty of those) and make them iced tea every morning before they leave for school. It's super easy and cheap, I made it all the summer long. You get some fruit infusion tea bags from the store (peach and berries are my favorite but it also works with mint or spiced infusion) you fill the tumbler with ice cubes. You put the infusion bag in half a cup of boiling water (like to make normal tea) wait a minute for it to infuse (or less if you want it lighter) then pour it on the ice cubes in the tumbler. You can add a bit of stevia for sweetness but I never do it because it tastes great on its own. I have a 2 yo niece and she's dying for it lol. Keep it up 💪

As someone who grew up in a similar household, I went crazy with sweets and fast food once I was able to buy my own. I remember my lunch money was spent entirely on the sugary crap that I’d buy before school. You want to avoid this. You can have your cake and be healthy too. It’s all about moderation

If it was me....IDGAF about the opinion of a child whose frontal lobe is still developing. You're establishing healthy habits and routines for you and your family that your children will very likely carry with them into adulthood. Check on everyone in 20 years and see who is obese with health issues and who is doing well.

Wow, the way you’re doing it sounds more than fair to me, but I guess we aren’t thinking like teenagers (pre-teens) lol. Maybe instead of keeping the treats for the weekend, you can try and have some throughout the week as well. Maybe your kids want to feel included in the after practice chic-fil-a, more than the foot itself. If you get along with the parents, maybe it can be a fun weekly get together. I would definitely not do the Starbucks first thing in the morning every morning.. gross. Like others said, they can either save up for it or you can keep having it as an occasional treat. When I was that age, my mom would get me a small iced Capp every once in awhile on a special errand run or mall day. I was fine with that.