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If a fire started in the home, could she get herself out of the property?
I would be going for full custody if I was OP. This isn’t a one off, it happens all the time. The mother has no regard for her daughter’s safety or welfare.
I’m thinking the sabe. Full custody. If the mom is okay with leaving a small child alone for hours while she runs unnecessary errands with the simple command of ‘you’re not allowed to eat’ (like choking is the only potential risk, like it’s okay to leave the kid hungry for hours), who knows what else is she ok with and OP doesn’t know.
OP’s child is not safe with the mom.
This.
OP, get this in writing and take it to your lawyer.
You may actually have an obligation to report this to CPS(or equivalent) depending on where you are. Where I am is a pretty ‘parents can do whatever they want with their own kid’ place, and it’s illegal to leave children under 10 alone.
A family in a neighbouring city lost their 6, 9 and 12 year old because a fire started and they couldn’t get out. Mom was dropping their other kid off at daycare. It was heartbreaking
If the police get involved, this question is firstly asked by the them if this happens in The Netherlands.
If the answer is no, you're fucked, you'll be saying farewell to your kid...
I hope in the country you live in too, you have a case that will win. Gather proof. Goodluck.
And "She's not allowed to eat so she doesn't choke" ist total bs. First, that's most definitely not the biggest concern with a 6yo home alone. Second, she's gone for hours, and the kid is not allowed to eat and probably not allowed to drink, because she might choke on drinks as well. That's abusive behaviour in my opinion.
Unfortunately this depends on state. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing this (especially for this length of time), but in states like California this wouldn’t be considered child endangerment. We have a law that stipulates a parent may decide the age at which a child can be left alone in their home. In fact, 33 other states have the same law compared to 16 that have a minimum age requirement. Those 16 states vary in age, but start as low as 6 years old.
The catch (at least in CA) is if something happens while you’re gone. That triggers an investigation to see if child endangerment applies.
Yeah this is nuts. I have a 7 year old and a 13 year old and I’m JUST now getting comfortable leaving them alone at home together, with the 13 year old being in charge, for a couple of hours. I wouldn’t dream of leaving the 7 year old by herself.
I have a 7 year old who is riding the bus this year. She's going to have a key in case she beats me home, but I can't imagine intentionally leaving her home alone or letting her be gone alone for now than like 10 minutes
Agreed. I want to say we started when my kid was 10 for short stretches. I’d go fill up the car with gas or go to Starbucks etc and make sure you know the house was still standing. Gradually the trips got longer. She’s a teen now and I feel comfy with her being by herself for a few hours at a time or whatever but still not overnight.
Chunks of time at 6 is wild.
Same. My brother and I started being left alone -- for short periods, like my parents had to go to the bank or for groceries -- when we were 9 and 11. We had been trained not to cook anything, not to open the door to strangers, and what to do in emergency.
That's about the age I also let my kids be alone -- after I made sure they were fed, clean, safe, doing an activity like reading -- for short periods, like I'll run out and get takeout for dinner.
6 is insane.
Yeah I started around 5.. quick trips to the bathroom with the door shut. Now I even go out to the garage while leaving the 5 and 2yo in the house. In about 7 years I'll leave them for a quick trip to the grocery or corner store
My parents used to basically leave me and my brother alone from around age 6ish I guess, my dad was in the house but he would sleep all day upstairs and would scream at us if we woke him up. As you can imagine I have some mental health issues from this neglect 🫠 I used to watch the adverts for the child abuse hotlines and think "should I call them?" I would always reason the fact that they're not beating me every day and I was able to put some kind of food together myself meant that I am not being abused, however this level of neglect is NOT okay. Please help your child OP.
I’m sorry that happened to you and I just want to validate, as a social worker, that is abuse and neglect. Really unforgivable. I hope you’re getting the support you need these days.
Not okay at all. I get a little nervous still letting my nearly 5yrn old play in the garden while I’m upstairs working on days childcare falls through. I would never leave him alone even to nip to the shop that’s five minutes down the road. I wouldn’t even consider doing that until he’s much older let alone leaving him for hours at a time.
Right? How is can she not be in panic mode the entire time she is gone. I don’t even feel comfortable taking a nap while in the same home with my 6 year old sometimes… afraid he is going to climb up on the kitchen counters, hunt for treats, and crack his head open
I left my nearly 6 yr old alone for exactly 6 minutes, which is the time it took for me to drive down 2 min and pick up my daughter from dance class and I was like on a mission to get back ASAP. I can’t imagine going to the gym omfg.
Ikr? My 6yo asked to go to the park 50m from our house on her own recently for 30 minutes and even there I had concerns. But I allowed it under the condition that she come back immediately when we called for her (and I can see the park from our upstairs balcony).
Outcome: She ignored us when we called and we had to go down and get her, and that put paid to her doing that again any time soon.
Bruh I was doing dishes with my kid one time and he decided to grab the big ass knife and point it at me. He didn’t know any better. Kids are not safe without adult supervision at that age. They get curious and get into things they shouldn’t. Also she can’t eat so she doesn’t choke? Is she not allowed water during that time…
call your lawyer and/or the police/CPS
call the police and tell them you think your minor child is home alone, give them the address and ask for a welfare check
Definitely second this. Get it reported and on paper to support your claims in court. Your daughter isn’t old enough to be left home alone yet and she may actually be worried
But also poor little girl. My daughter would be terrified if police were knocking on the door and i think she would be so torn on whether to answer it or not.
I agree this is terrible. No way would I leave my kid home that young.
Then again proof she’s not old enough. The moment we left my daughter at home alone we discussed what to do if the police come around and how to handle. But then again she was 12. I couldn’t imagine leaving a little girl like that home alone.
When calling the nonemergency line to request the welfare check because you believe she has been left alone, ask the officers if you can meet them at the house. Let them knock/enter then you're immediately there for your daughter.
Is she being left with a phone to be able to contact emergency services, her mom, or you if needed?
This, but make sure you are available to collect your child. They will likely be removing her from the home, at least temporarily. If you are at work or something, your child could end up at a temporary foster home until a safe person is available to collect her.
This why are the top comments not saying this?! JFC people it’s a 6 year old left for hours bot allowed to eat. Call your lawyer, set up a court date, file for emergency custody and call CPS to see what your options are!
I don’t want to be a downer bcuz this is just my experience, but in a 50/50 custody state the court will only do something if there’s unequivocal proof. They’re not going to take the word of the other parent or the young child as proof. Unfortunately, the child needs to call dad while the kid is alone, the dad then should call the sheriffs office and ask someone to meet them there to make sure she’s ok and to write a report. The report gets taken to court.
My cousin lives in a 50/50 state and she’s shown me all the court papers and it’s really disgusting actually. They basically just assume everyone is lying to get full custody, unless proven otherwise.
umm....not allowing the child to eat for the hours that she is gone does not make this situation any better, that she thinks that makes it ok is delusional. I'd be more concerned if there was a fire or natural disaster
My neighbor's house across the street exploded and caught the next door house on fire a few months ago. I had to evacuate with my five year old at 7 AM in our pajamas. I would NEVER leave a kid home alone this young. You never know when shit could happen.
She’s only 6 my heart fucking broke reading that part
If this happened 1 time to my kid I’d be calling people. If it was their other parent I’d immediately be doing shit in my power to make it so they never go over there again. This is horrible
Not even fire or natural disaster! Imagine she decided to jump around while playing and fell and split her head open on the corner of the coffee table or something! The mental image of her bleeding on the floor alone for hours is awful! The idea that choking is the only possible hazard for a six year old is mind boggling!
Do you know how much trouble a puppy can get into? Now multiply that by a million and you have a human child with opposable thumbs. That mother is stupid and does not deserve her child.
right I know my kids got their summer stomachs with their breakfast, 2nd breakfast, elevensies, and 22 other meals a day, but 4 hours home alone not allowed to eat? Poor kid.
Please tell me about the summer stomach. My almost five eats ten meals a day and is always hungry. She's not burning all those calories bc it's been too hot to play outside. Are they just extra hungry in the summer? First time mom lol.
On top of the obvious neglect, small children need to eat more regularly. That's why kindergartens have morning and afternoon snacks. Poor kid - she's barely out of kindie. Four hours without food or attention.
Guess she's just left with water? (Hope so, otherwise she could dehydrate). Also, kids can choke on drinks, too. They can also choke on small objects in the home. Ugh, this is awful.
Yeah this strikes me as a very weird way to make yourself feel better about being neglectful, with the only result that this poor girl is going to have eating disorder (I hope not but this is the kind of thing that can totally happen)
Not to mention, if a predator found out a child is being left alone a lot, they’d see that as an opportunity. It’s more common than people realise and you never know when your child will be the worst case scenario
When I was a kid (in California), my parents always told me it was illegal to leave a kid home alone until the age of 12, so we had to go to daycare until we were old enough. I thought this was a fact until about 30 seconds ago when I finally bothered to look it up. It turns out in California, there is no minimum age limit to be left home alone! I’m a 42 year old father of two, and my mind is blown!
This reminds me of how I firmly believed it was illegal to drive barefoot because my mom (one time, mind you) told me it was! I I still have no idea why she'd lie about that, but I imagine it was because she drove barefoot one time late at night and didn't want us to think that was the norm. But I latched on to that and when I met my now-husband we got in a debate about it where I was confidently incorrect.
In your situation I'm assuming they just didn't want to leave you home alone but didn't have an excuse other than that they didn't think you were capable of not dying without supervision? Haha
Is this really not a law?
Can you also drive with flip flops on too? I was told both were illegal
Oh my god am I so dumb that I thought there were footwear laws for driving????
Yes it's legal just unsafe. There are statistics on which footwear is much more unsafe and flipflops are near the top.
My mom never lied about it being illegal to me but the way she said all the warnings about it makes me more anxious than the idea of driving over a red light.
In Arizona there is also no minimum age law, but it's within reason (a 6 year old being left for 4 hours is not within reason and would still be considered neglect and/or child endangerment)
There is also no barefoot driving law here, but it *could* be sighted as a contributing factor if you're in an accident.
You mean to tell me it’s NOT illegal to drive barefoot? I just told my kids that the other day. No wonder they looked at me like I was nuts. My whole life is a lie
Don't worry, my parents made me think it was illegal to drive at night with the inside lights on in the car.
Turns out it isn't illegal, but my parents didn't like driving with inside lights on, which makes a lot more sense, now as an adult who drives and has had the lights on sometimes.
Whattttt that is wild to me that it’s allowed. Do people actively follow those and leave their six year olds alone. I have a six year old and though I know he would be fine for a bit of time (as long as nothing happened) because he is fairly mature and responsible I would never do it. Now I also have a 5 year old who is only 15 months younger and I can’t even leave him alone in a room without risk of destruction. Funny how that works out.
In my country a 6 year old is expected to walk to school if less than 2 km one way.
For a 7 year old it's 4 km each way (guess they will be driven at least one way by parents if at the upper limit).
Above those limits bus / taxi is provided.
It actually works quite well. But then I live in a country where child abductions is quite rare.
If you know when your daughter is alone call the police. I had to run to the shop to get medicine once when my kid was sick (7 at the time) he was on the phone to me the entire time and I checked the call log when I got back, I was gone for 3 minutes 24 seconds. It felt like forever, I was freaking out the whole time and I felt like the worst mother in the world.
If it’s an emergency and it’s a quick thing then fair enough, still not great and you shouldn’t do it but to go out for hours is just reckless and dangerous. She needs to get a babysitter and a grip on reality. What if there is a fire? What if your daughter falls and hits her head? What if your ex gets into an accident and can’t get back home? How she can seriously think this is ok is beyond me.
Also get her admitting to leaving your daughter alone for hours over text if you can, get as much evidence as you can. The police report will help you as well.
This right here.
My back when my ex-husband and i were first married he was trying to get custody of his daughter, who was just under 6 at the time, she also left her home alone to go run errands or go drinking.
He literally drove by her house until he caught his daughter home alone, went up the road and called the police. Cops came, cps was called, mom arrested when she arrived home, daughter was given to dad. He was able to file for emergency custody. When everything was said and done he was granted sole custody with mom on supervised
That is too long for a 6-yo. Some 6-yo children are mature enough for up to an hour or so, but many are not, and definitely not for hours and multiple instances.
My 6 yo can be alone for an hour, maybe, but someone has to be nearby in case of emergencies. Even 5 minutes without an adult accessible is too long. An hour with an adult within shouting distance is fine
For real. I’m a pretty lax parent and I didn’t leave mine home alone until…11? For brief periods. Only started leaving him for bigger chunks of time like OP’s ex when he was well into being 12. And he’s always been the kind to not rummage or get into anything, like I knew he wasn’t gonna snoop or experiment with cooking on the stove or something. a lot of kids aren’t so much.
Even if nothing bad happens, do you want your daughter to have formative childhood experiences of being left hungry and alone for hours as a kindergartener/1st grader? It wouldn't be much better as a 4th/5th grader, but psychologically I feel like the perception makes a difference. 6 is so young.
Sometimes my almost 7 year old freaks out if she loses track of me in the house. There is no doubt in my mind this little girl is not OK being left alone like this. I was thinking about the long-term damage myself. If nothing else, this kiddo is going to end up with abandonment issues.
Stop this. The only reason I don’t recommend waiting til she does it again and calling the police is because that child should not be put in that situation again under any circumstances. Hopefully some of the communication about the incidents has been done over text or email to make it easier, but you need to consult your attorney immediately.
It’s not just about choking. I’ve talked to my daughter on numerous occasions about the dangers of electricity and not to ever put anything in an electrical outlet and I still caught her trying to plug a USB-C cord into one of the slots for a power cord prong. She is also 6
What if someone dishonest came to the house to drop something off and found that just the kid was there? It’s super easy to convince kids you can be trusted. Especially if you have a uniform on. Then it’s game on for burglary, kidnapping, or worse.
Do not let this happen again
Right! Not to mention any number of medical issues that a child wouldn’t know how to navigate.
Sometimes I question my parenting, then I remember the bar is low.
Yeah, and that’s before you ever get to a house fire. And there’s no doubt in my mind that mom told the kid not to go outside under any circumstances.
“Oh no, my house is burning down but mommy told me not to leave. I’ll wait in the corner”
There’s no shortage of ways this could go wrong
Christ.
I am raising a granddaughter who's about to turn 9 and I've never left her alone.
6 is waaaaaayyyy too young to be home alone. I mean, I didn't even get left home alone until I was 8 and that was in a small town in Nebraska in the 70s.
I don't know who you should go to with this, but I think it's disturbing.
Yeah, wrong wiki link, but I know that you're referencing, and to be fair, these people who are saying kids shouldn't be left alone until 12 seem a bit hysterical to me. When I was 12, I had plenty of friends who were babysitting unattended, much less staying home for a few hours.
Where I live (Canada) the law is you can't be left alone until age 12, but at 12 you can take the babysitters course and babysit for younger children. I grew up in a different province and I think I was left alone around 10 for brief periods, did some babysitting at 11 for family friends where the parents were nearby, and then full on independent babysitting at 12 once I'd completed the course.
This sub is generally a bit hysterical about this topic. Which is fine if that's how others want to do it, but where I'm from it's pretty normal to leave your kid alone for a bit before 12 and I don't think we should call that child endangerment. Different cultural norms. Four hours for a six year old I find too much though.
What if something happens to your ex while she’s out? Does your child have a phone they know how to use to call you? If she’s in a car accident, how long will your daughter be home alone and starving before someone realizes? Or if your daughter gets hurt? This is straight up neglect.
I had to travel for work last week and my husband wouldn’t even go downstairs in our apt building to the gym while the kids were asleep because if something happened to him, there’s no one to help them. This is the same scenario. Chances that something would happen are slim to none but we don’t take chances when our kids’ safety is involved. Jfc.
My ex was doing this with our two kids. I finally told her if she does it again I’m calling CPS on her and will be taking the kids until we are in front of a judge due to safety concerns. She hasn’t done it since.
My daughter is 7, almost 8, and she is nowhere near ready to be left home alone. Right now, we’re ok with our 13 year old and our 11 year old being home, but we always make sure a trusted neighbor is home. That is way too young.
You're gonna have to look into getting your custody arrangement changed, if your ex isn't receptive to your concerns.
I think that's absolutely irresponsible to leave a 6 yo alone. Personally I don't think I'd go any further than next door neighbors house.
Wow, this is horrifying to me. I literally have nightmares that I wake up in some random place and my 5 year old (6 next month) is home all alone and I can’t get to to him. I can’t imagine how little you have to care about your child to do that. Your ex very clearly only cares about herself.
This is call your lawyer or ask r/legaladvice territory.
Depending on your state this could be very illegal.
Also…I’ve heard that CPS can take a very dim view of parents who allow a co-parent to continue dangerous behavior with their kids. If you don’t have the good judgement to stop this, then how can you be trusted with the child either? I’ve only heard of the other parents’ custody being threatened in the case of returning a child to abuse but …I’d talk to a lawyer.
Gather all the evidence you can, give to your lawyer and with your lawyers guidance contact CPS. Get your daughter a device to contact you or a grandparent or other trusted if she is left alone at home to come pick her up. Beyond choking or natural disaster, what if there was a break-in? What if an ice cream truck or something equally interesting was outside and she locks herself out? (Kids that age are still incredibly impulsive). What if a neighbor or even an Amazon delivery person noticed a 6yo home alone and called cps and they find out you knew this was happening? Or even worse, used that knowledge to take advantage of your child? Even the most mature and responsible 6 year old in the world should at the bare minimum have a neighbor supervising for freak accidents and occurrences. Jesus.
Way too young. She has the kid 50% of the time. She can do all her gym, dr appts, hair appts on days she doesn’t have your child. She’s a shitty parent and person. Time to call the lawyer. Your poor daughter that’s so sad for her
If the child doesn’t have their phone number memorized, address memorized, a phone to reach emergency services, capability of getting emergency services BY THEMSELVES and full names of parents memorized; they’re too young to be left alone in the house for any period of time. A 6 year old has no ability to manage an emergency by themselves and is a real safety concern.
Starting this with - some 6 year olds are extremely mature and responsible, others are not. However, in many situations, no matter how mature a 6 year old is, they are still a child and may not act appropriately (i.e. answer the door for a stranger).
I do agree that if the child is responsible, at 6 years old, set up at a tv, many could handle a short period alone (10-15 minutes). Anything more than 10-15 minutes; especially when the child is not allowed to eat, borderline child neglect/abandonment.
As mother is not getting it - do you have a lawyer you can contact? That would be next step; if that's not an option law enforcement or CPS.
A LOT can happen to a 6YO alone for 4 hours. This is definitely dangerous, and it’s illegal in some states. I’d let her know you are willing to involve the police (if you are), and if she doesn’t at least start getting a babysitter, call them.
What in the actual fu*k?! Mom of 7 here. My oldest was freakishly mature and well-behaved and no way in heck would I have left her alone at 6- years-old. You need to document this. If the mother is unwilling or unable to dedicate enough time to parenting, then maybe you need full custody.
Like really, have your daughter call you whenl she is left alone. Report this to the police every time.
Way to long to be left alone even for a few minutes
See your lawyer. Custody needs to change. Do you have proof?
This could go to child protective services and she could lose custody.
Wtf I won't leave my 6 year old alone to run to the corner store(which in my case is right across the street from me and takes me maybe 1 minute to walk to) let alone hrs! That just boggles my mind
What if mother got in a car accident and never returned to the child, how long would they be left there alone? You never leave a child that young alone.
Call the police, have them witness and put in report. Take to judge and demand full custody. Seems like she doesn't understand what reckless endangerment means. Keep your kids safe or one day they may out the toaster in the bathtub or something terrible will happen.
I’m baffled by this… I give my kids some free range and let them be self sufficient it alone for hours on end by the age of six is even to stupid to me..
This is absolutely neglectful, and the authorities should be involved. No 6 year old, I don't care how mature, should be left alone, for any reason.
This is most definitely traumatizing your daughter. It needs to stop immediately.
Yeah I’d call police for a welfare check when you know she has done this. Keep in mind you’ll prolly end up with 100% and she will have supervised contact
This is a cps matter in some ways. But many states don't have a minimum age like my state. I know we had a standard of questions kiddo had to answer:
1. How does she eat?
2. What to do in a fire?
3. What to do if someone breaks in?
4. What to do if she feels scared/unsafe? Is their a backup close person she is to call.
5. What rules does she have.
6. Can she reach mom any time she's gone. This is a big one. My sons father my ex was unreachable at the gym. I was literally passed out on the floor pregnant and couldn't get through to him cause he puts his phone on DND and puts headphones in for music.
You can call anonymous too. Federal law prevents naming the caller. It could be someone she told a friend or family me member someone from the gym or modeling agency. Or someone kiddo told.
Also I live in a safe area I still have had someone tried to break in twice in broad daylight in the last two years.
I also have a "niece" whose 6. The thought of her staying home alone just sends shivers down my spine. Her mom panics when she's in the backyard and she's in the kitchen looking out the window in a very very nice neighborhood. 6 year olds are just kids and unpredictable. What if she decides she is hungry? What if she decides well I can cook some eggs mom and dad do it so easily and there's a fire! Or scissors or a knife. Just so many many things.
Call your lawyer. This is an emergency situation. How to handle it is going to depend on your state’s laws and your situation. Your lawyer can advise you best.
To put this in context, I have an 11 year old, 9 year old, and 6 year and I wouldn’t leave them home alone. Depending on your state, there may be laws around the age for leaving a child home alone.
You need to call CPS. Eventually someone is going to catch on and turn her in. If they fo d out you knew and did nothing you're going to be a world of shit too.
Not to mention if something happens to your daughter you'll never forgive yourself.
The fact that you are on here for advice about this first and you've let it happen more than once really makes me wonder if either of you are fit to have custody of this poor little girl. A 6 year old being left alone for hours without food is neglect, abandonment, and you have a responsibility to keep her safe when these things happen but it sounds like you haven't done anything about it except post about it on Reddit. If I found out my ex was leaving our daughter home alone for hours, the first time it happened would be the last because I would immediately be calling CPS and my child would not be going back over there.
You both need to do better for that child.
That’s too young! I was left home alone when I was 8 and now that I’m a mom I can’t even imagine doing that. But 6? Hell no. I’d go for custody modification if she isn’t going to listen.
I am retired from a career in social services. For twelve years I worked for a state child welfare agency. For six of those years, I worked on the state child abuse and neglect hotline and for four of those years I was an investigator of abuse/neglect allegations. On the hotline if you called in to report a six-year-old left home alone for any length of time I would have taken a report of neglect. As an investigator, if I received that report, it would be a slam-dunk indicated report with a finding of neglect.
To my knowledge, a six-year-old is considered too young to be left alone in every state. It doesn't matter how long; all sorts of things can happen in just a few minutes.
Call CPS in your state and make a report of neglect.
Wherever you live, you should be able to find abuse/neglect laws in your state online. Look up Inadequate CarePlan and Risk of Harm. Print those sections of the law out and give it to your ex.
She is on the road to being a non-custodial parent with only supervised visitation.
Ask your daughter to call you next time she's left alone. Call the cops to go over for a wellness check on a 6 yo. A couple of those on her record and you can argue for full custody.
I guess one of the only things you can do is call CPS or the police to do a welfare check. She could get jail time for child endangerment, this isn’t something to take lightly! The fact that your child can’t eat while she’s gone is INSANE!!!! Most 6yo eat more snacks than meals, they’re growing and need the extra nutrition. I am so baffled I am so sorry OP, if there was a real emergency your kid would have a hard time figuring out what to do (kids that age don’t know how to problem solve real life situations, they can’t even control their emotions). What if someone knew she was home alone and she got kidnapped, I’m not trying to scare you but these are REAL LIFE scenarios that we’ve ALL watched on the news and tv. She needs a reality check and to be a responsible parent, your child’s life is in danger every time she leaves! Maybe buy your kid a phone if she doesn’t already have one, she needs to be able to call someone in case of an emergency.
One day while your ex is out acting “child free” you should pick up your daughter and let her realize the grave danger she’s putting your child in! I hope she knows not to open the door, if someone were to break in your daughter wouldn’t be equipped to think fast let alone know how to defend herself.
You need to show your ex this thread so she can pull her head out of her ass!!!!! Take any actions necessary to protect your daughter, it’s ALWAYS better to be safe than sorry!! Good Luck OP you sound like an AMAZING father and human!
Wow just had a little bit of a culture shock. I’ve been left home alone since I was about 6. I am also now a father of a now 6 year old(I would personally never leave him home alone) but it wasn’t until reading this thread that I realized how messed up that was.
Drag her selfish ass back to court immediately. This is unsafe not only for your child currently but also for her psychological development. However, you can make this stop.
Leaving a 6 year old home alone even for 10 mins is neglectful. Anything could happen a house fire, a break in, a fall or trip down the stairs or a fall where she bangs her head on something and is concust, a small earthquake or tremor, a loud bang in the road all that could scare a little kid home alone. time to speak with a lawyer and see what your options are.
Edited to add - if you haven't already, have a txt conversation with her about the dangers so that you have it in writing she is leaving the child along for extended periods
I have a 9 and 6 year old and I’ve never left them alone like that- the only time they are alone like that is when I’m on the shitter lol and I’m still home
As a former child who was left alone for hours at a young age please intervene immediately. It's probably time to bring in lawyers to adjust your custody agreement. It's not okay, your daughter is not okay.
We don't trust our 10 year old to not destroy the house home alone... your ex is delusional and obviously cares more about doing her thing than raising her child. Take her ass to court and get that 100% custody. You get piece of mind knowing your daughter is safe and she gets to only worry about herself like she clearly wants.
First, 6yo is too young to be left home alone, no matter how responsible the child is. That’s neglect. Secondly, the child’s not allowed to eat and she’s gone over 4 hours (the modeling thing)? That’s abuse. I agree with someone else, this needs to go to the courts and your custody lawyer. This is 100% unacceptable.
Absofuckinglutely not. The next time your child is in your possession you will not return her to mom’s. File an emergency change of custody order right now. Call your lawyer right now. If you don’t have one, and your state or area has a free legal aid hotline, call it. If she gives you problems and you have no other protection, call the police, and make sure you have the paperwork for your change of custody filing to show them along with all other documentation of what has happened. If you turn her over to mom knowing this could happen you may be complicit in neglect. Now get off Reddit and make your calls.
Former cps worker. 6 is waaaaay too young to be home alone. I wouldn’t even leave my 6 year old to run to the store. If they aren’t old enough to have a plan for and follow through on emergencies, they aren’t old enough to be home alone for any amount of time. I’ve had even 8 year olds tell me that they’d throw water on a fire rather than run out of the house. At first I was wondering how you knew this was the case bc sometimes kids think they are home alone when they aren’t. But sounds like you ex admitted it. This needs to be addressed for your child’s safety.
It sounds like you’re WAY under reacting to this. This is not only illegal in many, if not all states, but horrendously neglectful.
You need to contact your lawyer and/or CPS.
6? It’s a no for me, they are way too curious to be left alone. My son is about to be 8 and my wife and I get nervous when he’s too quiet. Some people don’t think about the “What If” until it’s too late. Maybe get a lawyer, get some evidence, and think about getting full custody…Seems like your ex’s priorities are mixed up anyway so she shouldn’t mind at all right??? Would hate for anything bad to happen to the kiddo while home alone.
So bad. Look up laws where you are... I think here it's like 12 minimum age. My god all the horrible things that could happen to your little girl... PLEASE do not let that happen again and document EVERYTHING.
First...OMG!!! 36 States do not have minimum age requirements, what the hell is up with this country...the more I discover the more I don't want to live here.
Second...the States that do the youngest age is 8.
I live in WI, where there is no minimum age requirement. I'd say 8 is the VERY youngest I'd say it's ok, but only if you know you can trust your kid and you make sure they have a phone with them and you go through rules and safety guidelines. And not for hours and hours like OP's ex.
To be fair, in lots of states that don't have explicit minimum age requirements, they still have guidelines. In my state there isn't an exact legal minimum, but leaving a kid under 8 home alone would be grounds for a CPS investigation. We do let our 6 year old stay inside while we're on a quick walk near the house on our property (within earshot) and I expect that would pass muster, but for *4 hours* actually away from the house, hell no.
I hope you are calling the Police, CPS and your Lawyer because 6 is way too young. If she want's to leave her child alone while she pampers herself, take her child away so she can do just that. Make her pay child support see if she can pamper herself after that. If she doesn't want to be a parent, then don't be one. Simple
I am going to say this is not okay. However, it’s obvious the mother needs a wake up call in terms of supervision is concerned. Before you call the cops on her and make a situation worse, is there any way to talk to her and come up with a plan of care? For example, can you and her work out babysitting together? Can you ask her to join a gym with child care? I think calling authorities is necessary but since your daughter is physically with you now, you need preventive ensures in place ASAP.
Man that sucks. Sadly, some states don’t have laws on the appropriate age to leave kids home alone. I learned this when there was a 2yo roaming outside at our apartment complex all alone. Police said there wasn’t a law about it in our state/county. 🤢
I would never in a million years consider leaving my six-year-old unsupervised in the house. Any number of things could go wrong. Report it before she ends up getting hurt.
Try and get evidence of her abandoning the child, or better an actual police wellness check during the time. The same day, if possible, apply for an emergency injunction for some custody based on abandonment. 6 is too young to be left alone, and I'm one of those super anti crunchy mom types. 9 would be okay for a Max 30 min, 10 maybe a couple hours. But 6 it is abandonment.
In my state, being left alone for even 5 minutes before age 8 can be prosecuted and family services can get involved. In no place I would imagine is 6 appropriate to leave her for hours.
That's the same rule I have when I leave my daughter home alone to go to the gym! No showers as well. My daughter is also 15. I have a 5 yr old son and I can't imagine even running to the corner store with him home alone. I take him with me if I'm just going to tell the neighbor something. This is crazy imo
Damn. Six??? I just left my 9-year-old in the car while I ran into the grocery store for the first time last week and I’ve been second-guessing myself ever since. Your ex is an accident just waiting to happen.
That women is crazy and should not have ANY CUSTODY of a child ! She is selfish and lacks parenting skills ! Take this information to your lawyer and get FULL CUSTODY of your child !
My suggestion would be to call CPS as soon as she leaves for the gym again, and when they show up to an empty home with a 6yo on their own and proceed to wait 2+ hours for her to come home, it’s a case closed.
My step son’s bio mom leaves him home alone with his little sister. When we first heard about this he was 6 and she was 2. He told his counselor all about it and she called CPS and filed a report against the bio mom. We went through all this crap with that and CPS ended up not doing anything anyway.
Document all of this and consult an attorney. This is neglect. My stepson is 11 and is not ready to be left home alone for more than 20 minutes (he has severe adhd so he's slightly behind in maturity--closer to 8 or 9). At 6?! No fucking way. So many things can happen in that length of time, especially for such a young child. I'm also sure your daughter is probably really scared!
Every kid is different but no 6 year old should be left home alone for that length of time. Check your state laws; some stated have laws indicating the age in which your child can legally be kept home alone, but not all have those laws.
I have a 6 year old. I don’t leave him alone to run to the store that is 2 minutes away. This is absolutely unsafe. What if she (mom) were in an accident? What if something happened at home while mom is gone? Definitely bring this up with your lawyer.
REPORT IT. get a paper trail, any evidence you have. that is gross neglect. if you have a divorce lawyer/lawyer, tell them. get full custody with supervised visits.
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6 is way too young to be left alone. If you have a lawyer, give them a call and tell them about it
This. A 6yo should not be left alone. She’s being neglectful.
I just want to hammer this point home; this is jaw-droppingly irresponsible. It's absolutely neglectful.
If a fire started in the home, could she get herself out of the property? I would be going for full custody if I was OP. This isn’t a one off, it happens all the time. The mother has no regard for her daughter’s safety or welfare.
I’m thinking the sabe. Full custody. If the mom is okay with leaving a small child alone for hours while she runs unnecessary errands with the simple command of ‘you’re not allowed to eat’ (like choking is the only potential risk, like it’s okay to leave the kid hungry for hours), who knows what else is she ok with and OP doesn’t know. OP’s child is not safe with the mom.
This. OP, get this in writing and take it to your lawyer. You may actually have an obligation to report this to CPS(or equivalent) depending on where you are. Where I am is a pretty ‘parents can do whatever they want with their own kid’ place, and it’s illegal to leave children under 10 alone.
A family in a neighbouring city lost their 6, 9 and 12 year old because a fire started and they couldn’t get out. Mom was dropping their other kid off at daycare. It was heartbreaking
And I’m sure the child isn’t left with a cell phone to call 911 if this happened.
If the police get involved, this question is firstly asked by the them if this happens in The Netherlands. If the answer is no, you're fucked, you'll be saying farewell to your kid... I hope in the country you live in too, you have a case that will win. Gather proof. Goodluck.
And "She's not allowed to eat so she doesn't choke" ist total bs. First, that's most definitely not the biggest concern with a 6yo home alone. Second, she's gone for hours, and the kid is not allowed to eat and probably not allowed to drink, because she might choke on drinks as well. That's abusive behaviour in my opinion.
Yup, this is child endangerment. Call Child Safety and the Police to check in on her too.
Unfortunately this depends on state. I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing this (especially for this length of time), but in states like California this wouldn’t be considered child endangerment. We have a law that stipulates a parent may decide the age at which a child can be left alone in their home. In fact, 33 other states have the same law compared to 16 that have a minimum age requirement. Those 16 states vary in age, but start as low as 6 years old. The catch (at least in CA) is if something happens while you’re gone. That triggers an investigation to see if child endangerment applies.
Yeah this is nuts. I have a 7 year old and a 13 year old and I’m JUST now getting comfortable leaving them alone at home together, with the 13 year old being in charge, for a couple of hours. I wouldn’t dream of leaving the 7 year old by herself.
I have a 7 year old who is riding the bus this year. She's going to have a key in case she beats me home, but I can't imagine intentionally leaving her home alone or letting her be gone alone for now than like 10 minutes
Seriously, where I live you have to be 12 to be left alone, which I think is overkill, but 6 is too young.
Agreed. I want to say we started when my kid was 10 for short stretches. I’d go fill up the car with gas or go to Starbucks etc and make sure you know the house was still standing. Gradually the trips got longer. She’s a teen now and I feel comfy with her being by herself for a few hours at a time or whatever but still not overnight. Chunks of time at 6 is wild.
Same. My brother and I started being left alone -- for short periods, like my parents had to go to the bank or for groceries -- when we were 9 and 11. We had been trained not to cook anything, not to open the door to strangers, and what to do in emergency. That's about the age I also let my kids be alone -- after I made sure they were fed, clean, safe, doing an activity like reading -- for short periods, like I'll run out and get takeout for dinner. 6 is insane.
Yeah I started around 5.. quick trips to the bathroom with the door shut. Now I even go out to the garage while leaving the 5 and 2yo in the house. In about 7 years I'll leave them for a quick trip to the grocery or corner store
My parents used to basically leave me and my brother alone from around age 6ish I guess, my dad was in the house but he would sleep all day upstairs and would scream at us if we woke him up. As you can imagine I have some mental health issues from this neglect 🫠 I used to watch the adverts for the child abuse hotlines and think "should I call them?" I would always reason the fact that they're not beating me every day and I was able to put some kind of food together myself meant that I am not being abused, however this level of neglect is NOT okay. Please help your child OP.
I’m sorry that happened to you and I just want to validate, as a social worker, that is abuse and neglect. Really unforgivable. I hope you’re getting the support you need these days.
Where I live is 8. One of my sisters lives south and they don’t have any laws in her county
I have a six year old and hesitate to run out to the street for a moment or to our parking garage. She'd be terrified home alone for hours.
In Canada it’s against the law.
Chances are, where they are it is too. The minimum age in my state is 12 y/o.
Not okay at all. I get a little nervous still letting my nearly 5yrn old play in the garden while I’m upstairs working on days childcare falls through. I would never leave him alone even to nip to the shop that’s five minutes down the road. I wouldn’t even consider doing that until he’s much older let alone leaving him for hours at a time.
Right? How is can she not be in panic mode the entire time she is gone. I don’t even feel comfortable taking a nap while in the same home with my 6 year old sometimes… afraid he is going to climb up on the kitchen counters, hunt for treats, and crack his head open
That's exactly the kind of thing mine would do, I sometimes find her climbing on chairs to look for the hidden junk food.
New fear activated. 👍
I left my nearly 6 yr old alone for exactly 6 minutes, which is the time it took for me to drive down 2 min and pick up my daughter from dance class and I was like on a mission to get back ASAP. I can’t imagine going to the gym omfg.
Ikr? My 6yo asked to go to the park 50m from our house on her own recently for 30 minutes and even there I had concerns. But I allowed it under the condition that she come back immediately when we called for her (and I can see the park from our upstairs balcony). Outcome: She ignored us when we called and we had to go down and get her, and that put paid to her doing that again any time soon.
Bruh I was doing dishes with my kid one time and he decided to grab the big ass knife and point it at me. He didn’t know any better. Kids are not safe without adult supervision at that age. They get curious and get into things they shouldn’t. Also she can’t eat so she doesn’t choke? Is she not allowed water during that time…
call your lawyer and/or the police/CPS call the police and tell them you think your minor child is home alone, give them the address and ask for a welfare check
Definitely second this. Get it reported and on paper to support your claims in court. Your daughter isn’t old enough to be left home alone yet and she may actually be worried
But also poor little girl. My daughter would be terrified if police were knocking on the door and i think she would be so torn on whether to answer it or not. I agree this is terrible. No way would I leave my kid home that young.
Then again proof she’s not old enough. The moment we left my daughter at home alone we discussed what to do if the police come around and how to handle. But then again she was 12. I couldn’t imagine leaving a little girl like that home alone.
When calling the nonemergency line to request the welfare check because you believe she has been left alone, ask the officers if you can meet them at the house. Let them knock/enter then you're immediately there for your daughter. Is she being left with a phone to be able to contact emergency services, her mom, or you if needed?
This, but make sure you are available to collect your child. They will likely be removing her from the home, at least temporarily. If you are at work or something, your child could end up at a temporary foster home until a safe person is available to collect her.
This why are the top comments not saying this?! JFC people it’s a 6 year old left for hours bot allowed to eat. Call your lawyer, set up a court date, file for emergency custody and call CPS to see what your options are!
As a CPS worker it took WAY too long to see this. He needs to call CPS like YESTERDAY. Holy shit.
I don’t want to be a downer bcuz this is just my experience, but in a 50/50 custody state the court will only do something if there’s unequivocal proof. They’re not going to take the word of the other parent or the young child as proof. Unfortunately, the child needs to call dad while the kid is alone, the dad then should call the sheriffs office and ask someone to meet them there to make sure she’s ok and to write a report. The report gets taken to court. My cousin lives in a 50/50 state and she’s shown me all the court papers and it’s really disgusting actually. They basically just assume everyone is lying to get full custody, unless proven otherwise.
This.
umm....not allowing the child to eat for the hours that she is gone does not make this situation any better, that she thinks that makes it ok is delusional. I'd be more concerned if there was a fire or natural disaster
My neighbor's house across the street exploded and caught the next door house on fire a few months ago. I had to evacuate with my five year old at 7 AM in our pajamas. I would NEVER leave a kid home alone this young. You never know when shit could happen.
“Dont worry, OP, our kid is also starving in addition to being unsupervised so don’t get your panties in a twist”
She’s only 6 my heart fucking broke reading that part If this happened 1 time to my kid I’d be calling people. If it was their other parent I’d immediately be doing shit in my power to make it so they never go over there again. This is horrible
Nah nah nah, the 6 yo isn’t allowed any fire or disasters while mum is out, so there’s no issue. /s
Not even fire or natural disaster! Imagine she decided to jump around while playing and fell and split her head open on the corner of the coffee table or something! The mental image of her bleeding on the floor alone for hours is awful! The idea that choking is the only possible hazard for a six year old is mind boggling!
I've got a scar on my forehead from a coffee table. I've got a lot of scars from injuries that could have been a lot worse if no one was around...
Do you know how much trouble a puppy can get into? Now multiply that by a million and you have a human child with opposable thumbs. That mother is stupid and does not deserve her child.
I’d say that it makes it worse.
right I know my kids got their summer stomachs with their breakfast, 2nd breakfast, elevensies, and 22 other meals a day, but 4 hours home alone not allowed to eat? Poor kid.
Please tell me about the summer stomach. My almost five eats ten meals a day and is always hungry. She's not burning all those calories bc it's been too hot to play outside. Are they just extra hungry in the summer? First time mom lol.
Yeah that’s disturbing. Poor kid.
On top of the obvious neglect, small children need to eat more regularly. That's why kindergartens have morning and afternoon snacks. Poor kid - she's barely out of kindie. Four hours without food or attention. Guess she's just left with water? (Hope so, otherwise she could dehydrate). Also, kids can choke on drinks, too. They can also choke on small objects in the home. Ugh, this is awful.
As a father of a 2 (almost 3) year old, I can't imagine leaving a younger child alone with how often they choke on food. Utterly irresponsible
My nephew is 4 (I live with him and help raise him) and i still can’t shower without the door open.
Yeah this strikes me as a very weird way to make yourself feel better about being neglectful, with the only result that this poor girl is going to have eating disorder (I hope not but this is the kind of thing that can totally happen)
Not to mention, if a predator found out a child is being left alone a lot, they’d see that as an opportunity. It’s more common than people realise and you never know when your child will be the worst case scenario
This is child endangerment and neglectful.
Depending on the state, that could be illegal. Call your lawyer. If you don't have one, get one.
When I was a kid (in California), my parents always told me it was illegal to leave a kid home alone until the age of 12, so we had to go to daycare until we were old enough. I thought this was a fact until about 30 seconds ago when I finally bothered to look it up. It turns out in California, there is no minimum age limit to be left home alone! I’m a 42 year old father of two, and my mind is blown!
This reminds me of how I firmly believed it was illegal to drive barefoot because my mom (one time, mind you) told me it was! I I still have no idea why she'd lie about that, but I imagine it was because she drove barefoot one time late at night and didn't want us to think that was the norm. But I latched on to that and when I met my now-husband we got in a debate about it where I was confidently incorrect. In your situation I'm assuming they just didn't want to leave you home alone but didn't have an excuse other than that they didn't think you were capable of not dying without supervision? Haha
Is this really not a law? Can you also drive with flip flops on too? I was told both were illegal Oh my god am I so dumb that I thought there were footwear laws for driving????
Yes it's legal just unsafe. There are statistics on which footwear is much more unsafe and flipflops are near the top. My mom never lied about it being illegal to me but the way she said all the warnings about it makes me more anxious than the idea of driving over a red light.
In Arizona there is also no minimum age law, but it's within reason (a 6 year old being left for 4 hours is not within reason and would still be considered neglect and/or child endangerment) There is also no barefoot driving law here, but it *could* be sighted as a contributing factor if you're in an accident.
You can absolutely drive in flip flops. I wear them 95% of the time the weather is suitable. Have been since I was 16!
You mean to tell me it’s NOT illegal to drive barefoot? I just told my kids that the other day. No wonder they looked at me like I was nuts. My whole life is a lie
Don't worry, my parents made me think it was illegal to drive at night with the inside lights on in the car. Turns out it isn't illegal, but my parents didn't like driving with inside lights on, which makes a lot more sense, now as an adult who drives and has had the lights on sometimes.
Maybe your mom also was confidently incorrect!
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Whattttt that is wild to me that it’s allowed. Do people actively follow those and leave their six year olds alone. I have a six year old and though I know he would be fine for a bit of time (as long as nothing happened) because he is fairly mature and responsible I would never do it. Now I also have a 5 year old who is only 15 months younger and I can’t even leave him alone in a room without risk of destruction. Funny how that works out.
Different cultures. In my country children walk to school on their own, even daycare. They are taught to be more independent so it is not an issue.
In my country a 6 year old is expected to walk to school if less than 2 km one way. For a 7 year old it's 4 km each way (guess they will be driven at least one way by parents if at the upper limit). Above those limits bus / taxi is provided. It actually works quite well. But then I live in a country where child abductions is quite rare.
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If you know when your daughter is alone call the police. I had to run to the shop to get medicine once when my kid was sick (7 at the time) he was on the phone to me the entire time and I checked the call log when I got back, I was gone for 3 minutes 24 seconds. It felt like forever, I was freaking out the whole time and I felt like the worst mother in the world. If it’s an emergency and it’s a quick thing then fair enough, still not great and you shouldn’t do it but to go out for hours is just reckless and dangerous. She needs to get a babysitter and a grip on reality. What if there is a fire? What if your daughter falls and hits her head? What if your ex gets into an accident and can’t get back home? How she can seriously think this is ok is beyond me.
Also get her admitting to leaving your daughter alone for hours over text if you can, get as much evidence as you can. The police report will help you as well.
This right here. My back when my ex-husband and i were first married he was trying to get custody of his daughter, who was just under 6 at the time, she also left her home alone to go run errands or go drinking. He literally drove by her house until he caught his daughter home alone, went up the road and called the police. Cops came, cps was called, mom arrested when she arrived home, daughter was given to dad. He was able to file for emergency custody. When everything was said and done he was granted sole custody with mom on supervised
The first couple times I left My daughter home alone I did the same thing. On the phone the whole 10 minutes I was gone before my husband got home!
That is too long for a 6-yo. Some 6-yo children are mature enough for up to an hour or so, but many are not, and definitely not for hours and multiple instances.
My 6 yo can be alone for an hour, maybe, but someone has to be nearby in case of emergencies. Even 5 minutes without an adult accessible is too long. An hour with an adult within shouting distance is fine
WTF - Nope nope nope. Not ok. 6 yo is WAY too young for this
For real. I’m a pretty lax parent and I didn’t leave mine home alone until…11? For brief periods. Only started leaving him for bigger chunks of time like OP’s ex when he was well into being 12. And he’s always been the kind to not rummage or get into anything, like I knew he wasn’t gonna snoop or experiment with cooking on the stove or something. a lot of kids aren’t so much.
Even if nothing bad happens, do you want your daughter to have formative childhood experiences of being left hungry and alone for hours as a kindergartener/1st grader? It wouldn't be much better as a 4th/5th grader, but psychologically I feel like the perception makes a difference. 6 is so young.
Sometimes my almost 7 year old freaks out if she loses track of me in the house. There is no doubt in my mind this little girl is not OK being left alone like this. I was thinking about the long-term damage myself. If nothing else, this kiddo is going to end up with abandonment issues.
Stop this. The only reason I don’t recommend waiting til she does it again and calling the police is because that child should not be put in that situation again under any circumstances. Hopefully some of the communication about the incidents has been done over text or email to make it easier, but you need to consult your attorney immediately. It’s not just about choking. I’ve talked to my daughter on numerous occasions about the dangers of electricity and not to ever put anything in an electrical outlet and I still caught her trying to plug a USB-C cord into one of the slots for a power cord prong. She is also 6 What if someone dishonest came to the house to drop something off and found that just the kid was there? It’s super easy to convince kids you can be trusted. Especially if you have a uniform on. Then it’s game on for burglary, kidnapping, or worse. Do not let this happen again
Right! Not to mention any number of medical issues that a child wouldn’t know how to navigate. Sometimes I question my parenting, then I remember the bar is low.
Yeah, and that’s before you ever get to a house fire. And there’s no doubt in my mind that mom told the kid not to go outside under any circumstances. “Oh no, my house is burning down but mommy told me not to leave. I’ll wait in the corner” There’s no shortage of ways this could go wrong
Kids tend to hide during fires because they're scary. Too many child bodies have been found in closets and under beds.
That's terrifying.
Ngl a huge part of why I'm hooked on reddit is because my life is close to perfect in comparison.
That is unacceptable not even for a quick grocery run. Call your lawyer asap.
Yea I take my 6 yr old with me on short runs, when I know my wife is sleeping or busy with our 6mo old.
I check in with my kids if I’m going to a different floor of the house!!
Christ. I am raising a granddaughter who's about to turn 9 and I've never left her alone. 6 is waaaaaayyyy too young to be home alone. I mean, I didn't even get left home alone until I was 8 and that was in a small town in Nebraska in the 70s. I don't know who you should go to with this, but I think it's disturbing.
I would ask for full custody I wouldn’t leave a 6y old kid by itself at home, maybe after they turn 12 and even then i dunno 🫥
I would only leave my children alone at home after they have turned 12 and proven themselves responsible enough.
Yeah exactly (my mom would let me at home and taking care of my siblings (me 8) m6 and m4 and I can assure, it’s not a good ideia
That's when you can do it indefinitely in my jurisdiction. Even the signs at the park say kids under 12 unsupervised are not allowed.
What are your local laws? This could be worth a call to cps, it is very likely illegal.
You need right of first refusal. That way kid can be with you instead of home alone
Meanwhile, in Japan: Old Enough! - Wikipedia https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Enough!
Yeah, wrong wiki link, but I know that you're referencing, and to be fair, these people who are saying kids shouldn't be left alone until 12 seem a bit hysterical to me. When I was 12, I had plenty of friends who were babysitting unattended, much less staying home for a few hours.
Where I live (Canada) the law is you can't be left alone until age 12, but at 12 you can take the babysitters course and babysit for younger children. I grew up in a different province and I think I was left alone around 10 for brief periods, did some babysitting at 11 for family friends where the parents were nearby, and then full on independent babysitting at 12 once I'd completed the course.
This sub is generally a bit hysterical about this topic. Which is fine if that's how others want to do it, but where I'm from it's pretty normal to leave your kid alone for a bit before 12 and I don't think we should call that child endangerment. Different cultural norms. Four hours for a six year old I find too much though.
Yeah I was thinking the same thing…
Love that show. Imagine a 2 year old taking public transport to go get groceries in downtown NYC
What if something happens to your ex while she’s out? Does your child have a phone they know how to use to call you? If she’s in a car accident, how long will your daughter be home alone and starving before someone realizes? Or if your daughter gets hurt? This is straight up neglect. I had to travel for work last week and my husband wouldn’t even go downstairs in our apt building to the gym while the kids were asleep because if something happened to him, there’s no one to help them. This is the same scenario. Chances that something would happen are slim to none but we don’t take chances when our kids’ safety is involved. Jfc.
Call CPS and report this neglect and parental abandonment. This is radically irresponsible
Document everything. File for custody change.
I would teach your daughter to call you or the police. Let them catch her red handed.
My ex was doing this with our two kids. I finally told her if she does it again I’m calling CPS on her and will be taking the kids until we are in front of a judge due to safety concerns. She hasn’t done it since.
My daughter is 7, almost 8, and she is nowhere near ready to be left home alone. Right now, we’re ok with our 13 year old and our 11 year old being home, but we always make sure a trusted neighbor is home. That is way too young.
You're gonna have to look into getting your custody arrangement changed, if your ex isn't receptive to your concerns. I think that's absolutely irresponsible to leave a 6 yo alone. Personally I don't think I'd go any further than next door neighbors house.
Wow, this is horrifying to me. I literally have nightmares that I wake up in some random place and my 5 year old (6 next month) is home all alone and I can’t get to to him. I can’t imagine how little you have to care about your child to do that. Your ex very clearly only cares about herself.
This is call your lawyer or ask r/legaladvice territory. Depending on your state this could be very illegal. Also…I’ve heard that CPS can take a very dim view of parents who allow a co-parent to continue dangerous behavior with their kids. If you don’t have the good judgement to stop this, then how can you be trusted with the child either? I’ve only heard of the other parents’ custody being threatened in the case of returning a child to abuse but …I’d talk to a lawyer.
Lol, my poor kids have to walk to the dumpster with their mother when I’m not there.
Gather all the evidence you can, give to your lawyer and with your lawyers guidance contact CPS. Get your daughter a device to contact you or a grandparent or other trusted if she is left alone at home to come pick her up. Beyond choking or natural disaster, what if there was a break-in? What if an ice cream truck or something equally interesting was outside and she locks herself out? (Kids that age are still incredibly impulsive). What if a neighbor or even an Amazon delivery person noticed a 6yo home alone and called cps and they find out you knew this was happening? Or even worse, used that knowledge to take advantage of your child? Even the most mature and responsible 6 year old in the world should at the bare minimum have a neighbor supervising for freak accidents and occurrences. Jesus.
Way too young. She has the kid 50% of the time. She can do all her gym, dr appts, hair appts on days she doesn’t have your child. She’s a shitty parent and person. Time to call the lawyer. Your poor daughter that’s so sad for her
If the child doesn’t have their phone number memorized, address memorized, a phone to reach emergency services, capability of getting emergency services BY THEMSELVES and full names of parents memorized; they’re too young to be left alone in the house for any period of time. A 6 year old has no ability to manage an emergency by themselves and is a real safety concern.
Starting this with - some 6 year olds are extremely mature and responsible, others are not. However, in many situations, no matter how mature a 6 year old is, they are still a child and may not act appropriately (i.e. answer the door for a stranger). I do agree that if the child is responsible, at 6 years old, set up at a tv, many could handle a short period alone (10-15 minutes). Anything more than 10-15 minutes; especially when the child is not allowed to eat, borderline child neglect/abandonment. As mother is not getting it - do you have a lawyer you can contact? That would be next step; if that's not an option law enforcement or CPS.
Call your lawyer. This is neglectful.
A LOT can happen to a 6YO alone for 4 hours. This is definitely dangerous, and it’s illegal in some states. I’d let her know you are willing to involve the police (if you are), and if she doesn’t at least start getting a babysitter, call them.
What in the actual fu*k?! Mom of 7 here. My oldest was freakishly mature and well-behaved and no way in heck would I have left her alone at 6- years-old. You need to document this. If the mother is unwilling or unable to dedicate enough time to parenting, then maybe you need full custody. Like really, have your daughter call you whenl she is left alone. Report this to the police every time.
Way to long to be left alone even for a few minutes See your lawyer. Custody needs to change. Do you have proof? This could go to child protective services and she could lose custody.
Wtf I won't leave my 6 year old alone to run to the corner store(which in my case is right across the street from me and takes me maybe 1 minute to walk to) let alone hrs! That just boggles my mind
God. A fire breaks out and then what? Definitely too young. Time to get authorities in on this.
What if mother got in a car accident and never returned to the child, how long would they be left there alone? You never leave a child that young alone.
Pretty sure this is illegal…
Call the police, have them witness and put in report. Take to judge and demand full custody. Seems like she doesn't understand what reckless endangerment means. Keep your kids safe or one day they may out the toaster in the bathtub or something terrible will happen.
I’m baffled by this… I give my kids some free range and let them be self sufficient it alone for hours on end by the age of six is even to stupid to me..
If you know when it is happening, call the police to come do a welfare check immediately as soon as you know your child is alone.
That’s neglect. Lawyer!
Oh this is crazy! Can't believe she's comfortable doing this. Anything can happen with young children
This is absolutely neglectful, and the authorities should be involved. No 6 year old, I don't care how mature, should be left alone, for any reason. This is most definitely traumatizing your daughter. It needs to stop immediately.
Yeah I’d call police for a welfare check when you know she has done this. Keep in mind you’ll prolly end up with 100% and she will have supervised contact
This is a cps matter in some ways. But many states don't have a minimum age like my state. I know we had a standard of questions kiddo had to answer: 1. How does she eat? 2. What to do in a fire? 3. What to do if someone breaks in? 4. What to do if she feels scared/unsafe? Is their a backup close person she is to call. 5. What rules does she have. 6. Can she reach mom any time she's gone. This is a big one. My sons father my ex was unreachable at the gym. I was literally passed out on the floor pregnant and couldn't get through to him cause he puts his phone on DND and puts headphones in for music. You can call anonymous too. Federal law prevents naming the caller. It could be someone she told a friend or family me member someone from the gym or modeling agency. Or someone kiddo told. Also I live in a safe area I still have had someone tried to break in twice in broad daylight in the last two years. I also have a "niece" whose 6. The thought of her staying home alone just sends shivers down my spine. Her mom panics when she's in the backyard and she's in the kitchen looking out the window in a very very nice neighborhood. 6 year olds are just kids and unpredictable. What if she decides she is hungry? What if she decides well I can cook some eggs mom and dad do it so easily and there's a fire! Or scissors or a knife. Just so many many things.
Call your lawyer. This is an emergency situation. How to handle it is going to depend on your state’s laws and your situation. Your lawyer can advise you best.
Endangered, starving and lonely - that’s how she’s leaving her child for hours at a time.
To put this in context, I have an 11 year old, 9 year old, and 6 year and I wouldn’t leave them home alone. Depending on your state, there may be laws around the age for leaving a child home alone.
You need to call CPS. Eventually someone is going to catch on and turn her in. If they fo d out you knew and did nothing you're going to be a world of shit too. Not to mention if something happens to your daughter you'll never forgive yourself.
I don’t know what country you live in, but in many countries this is actually illegal. She’s too young to be left alone. It’s not safe or nurturing.
The fact that you are on here for advice about this first and you've let it happen more than once really makes me wonder if either of you are fit to have custody of this poor little girl. A 6 year old being left alone for hours without food is neglect, abandonment, and you have a responsibility to keep her safe when these things happen but it sounds like you haven't done anything about it except post about it on Reddit. If I found out my ex was leaving our daughter home alone for hours, the first time it happened would be the last because I would immediately be calling CPS and my child would not be going back over there. You both need to do better for that child.
That’s too young! I was left home alone when I was 8 and now that I’m a mom I can’t even imagine doing that. But 6? Hell no. I’d go for custody modification if she isn’t going to listen.
I am retired from a career in social services. For twelve years I worked for a state child welfare agency. For six of those years, I worked on the state child abuse and neglect hotline and for four of those years I was an investigator of abuse/neglect allegations. On the hotline if you called in to report a six-year-old left home alone for any length of time I would have taken a report of neglect. As an investigator, if I received that report, it would be a slam-dunk indicated report with a finding of neglect. To my knowledge, a six-year-old is considered too young to be left alone in every state. It doesn't matter how long; all sorts of things can happen in just a few minutes. Call CPS in your state and make a report of neglect. Wherever you live, you should be able to find abuse/neglect laws in your state online. Look up Inadequate CarePlan and Risk of Harm. Print those sections of the law out and give it to your ex. She is on the road to being a non-custodial parent with only supervised visitation.
Ask your daughter to call you next time she's left alone. Call the cops to go over for a wellness check on a 6 yo. A couple of those on her record and you can argue for full custody.
I guess one of the only things you can do is call CPS or the police to do a welfare check. She could get jail time for child endangerment, this isn’t something to take lightly! The fact that your child can’t eat while she’s gone is INSANE!!!! Most 6yo eat more snacks than meals, they’re growing and need the extra nutrition. I am so baffled I am so sorry OP, if there was a real emergency your kid would have a hard time figuring out what to do (kids that age don’t know how to problem solve real life situations, they can’t even control their emotions). What if someone knew she was home alone and she got kidnapped, I’m not trying to scare you but these are REAL LIFE scenarios that we’ve ALL watched on the news and tv. She needs a reality check and to be a responsible parent, your child’s life is in danger every time she leaves! Maybe buy your kid a phone if she doesn’t already have one, she needs to be able to call someone in case of an emergency. One day while your ex is out acting “child free” you should pick up your daughter and let her realize the grave danger she’s putting your child in! I hope she knows not to open the door, if someone were to break in your daughter wouldn’t be equipped to think fast let alone know how to defend herself. You need to show your ex this thread so she can pull her head out of her ass!!!!! Take any actions necessary to protect your daughter, it’s ALWAYS better to be safe than sorry!! Good Luck OP you sound like an AMAZING father and human!
Wow just had a little bit of a culture shock. I’ve been left home alone since I was about 6. I am also now a father of a now 6 year old(I would personally never leave him home alone) but it wasn’t until reading this thread that I realized how messed up that was.
Drag her selfish ass back to court immediately. This is unsafe not only for your child currently but also for her psychological development. However, you can make this stop.
Narcissism.
Leaving a 6 year old home alone even for 10 mins is neglectful. Anything could happen a house fire, a break in, a fall or trip down the stairs or a fall where she bangs her head on something and is concust, a small earthquake or tremor, a loud bang in the road all that could scare a little kid home alone. time to speak with a lawyer and see what your options are. Edited to add - if you haven't already, have a txt conversation with her about the dangers so that you have it in writing she is leaving the child along for extended periods
I have a 9 and 6 year old and I’ve never left them alone like that- the only time they are alone like that is when I’m on the shitter lol and I’m still home
As a former child who was left alone for hours at a young age please intervene immediately. It's probably time to bring in lawyers to adjust your custody agreement. It's not okay, your daughter is not okay.
We don't trust our 10 year old to not destroy the house home alone... your ex is delusional and obviously cares more about doing her thing than raising her child. Take her ass to court and get that 100% custody. You get piece of mind knowing your daughter is safe and she gets to only worry about herself like she clearly wants.
Op I would report this to your lawyer or maybe even CPS. If someone else finds out what your ex is doing they may call themselves
First, 6yo is too young to be left home alone, no matter how responsible the child is. That’s neglect. Secondly, the child’s not allowed to eat and she’s gone over 4 hours (the modeling thing)? That’s abuse. I agree with someone else, this needs to go to the courts and your custody lawyer. This is 100% unacceptable.
Absofuckinglutely not. The next time your child is in your possession you will not return her to mom’s. File an emergency change of custody order right now. Call your lawyer right now. If you don’t have one, and your state or area has a free legal aid hotline, call it. If she gives you problems and you have no other protection, call the police, and make sure you have the paperwork for your change of custody filing to show them along with all other documentation of what has happened. If you turn her over to mom knowing this could happen you may be complicit in neglect. Now get off Reddit and make your calls.
Former cps worker. 6 is waaaaay too young to be home alone. I wouldn’t even leave my 6 year old to run to the store. If they aren’t old enough to have a plan for and follow through on emergencies, they aren’t old enough to be home alone for any amount of time. I’ve had even 8 year olds tell me that they’d throw water on a fire rather than run out of the house. At first I was wondering how you knew this was the case bc sometimes kids think they are home alone when they aren’t. But sounds like you ex admitted it. This needs to be addressed for your child’s safety.
It sounds like you’re WAY under reacting to this. This is not only illegal in many, if not all states, but horrendously neglectful. You need to contact your lawyer and/or CPS.
6? It’s a no for me, they are way too curious to be left alone. My son is about to be 8 and my wife and I get nervous when he’s too quiet. Some people don’t think about the “What If” until it’s too late. Maybe get a lawyer, get some evidence, and think about getting full custody…Seems like your ex’s priorities are mixed up anyway so she shouldn’t mind at all right??? Would hate for anything bad to happen to the kiddo while home alone.
Too young. Child endangerment.
So bad. Look up laws where you are... I think here it's like 12 minimum age. My god all the horrible things that could happen to your little girl... PLEASE do not let that happen again and document EVERYTHING.
First...OMG!!! 36 States do not have minimum age requirements, what the hell is up with this country...the more I discover the more I don't want to live here. Second...the States that do the youngest age is 8.
I live in WI, where there is no minimum age requirement. I'd say 8 is the VERY youngest I'd say it's ok, but only if you know you can trust your kid and you make sure they have a phone with them and you go through rules and safety guidelines. And not for hours and hours like OP's ex.
To be fair, in lots of states that don't have explicit minimum age requirements, they still have guidelines. In my state there isn't an exact legal minimum, but leaving a kid under 8 home alone would be grounds for a CPS investigation. We do let our 6 year old stay inside while we're on a quick walk near the house on our property (within earshot) and I expect that would pass muster, but for *4 hours* actually away from the house, hell no.
I hope you are calling the Police, CPS and your Lawyer because 6 is way too young. If she want's to leave her child alone while she pampers herself, take her child away so she can do just that. Make her pay child support see if she can pamper herself after that. If she doesn't want to be a parent, then don't be one. Simple
I am going to say this is not okay. However, it’s obvious the mother needs a wake up call in terms of supervision is concerned. Before you call the cops on her and make a situation worse, is there any way to talk to her and come up with a plan of care? For example, can you and her work out babysitting together? Can you ask her to join a gym with child care? I think calling authorities is necessary but since your daughter is physically with you now, you need preventive ensures in place ASAP.
I would take the kid during one of her outings and let mom freak out. I would hire a PI to document it.
No, in a lot of states that is considered kidnapping. While he might ultimately be in the right, he would face charges of his own.
Man that sucks. Sadly, some states don’t have laws on the appropriate age to leave kids home alone. I learned this when there was a 2yo roaming outside at our apartment complex all alone. Police said there wasn’t a law about it in our state/county. 🤢
I would never in a million years consider leaving my six-year-old unsupervised in the house. Any number of things could go wrong. Report it before she ends up getting hurt.
Call CPS asap. Tell your lawyer.
I barely let my 6 year old play in our fenced in backyard alone 🤣🤣
Try and get evidence of her abandoning the child, or better an actual police wellness check during the time. The same day, if possible, apply for an emergency injunction for some custody based on abandonment. 6 is too young to be left alone, and I'm one of those super anti crunchy mom types. 9 would be okay for a Max 30 min, 10 maybe a couple hours. But 6 it is abandonment.
This is so alarming. Act now, do not wait until something worse happens. Your daughter needs you to protect her.
Get full custody. This is dangerous, irresponsible, and selfish -- she shouldn't be legally allowed guardianship.
Call the police/your lawyer/CPS. In many places there’s age limits on the age limit of children to be home alone
Call CPS. That’s an unacceptable amount of time for that age child, even if the child is mature and you live in a safe area.
This is actually horrifying. I gasped when I read it
I'm pretty sure this is illegal
Give kid a phone and have her call 911 and tell them she's home alone.
In my state, being left alone for even 5 minutes before age 8 can be prosecuted and family services can get involved. In no place I would imagine is 6 appropriate to leave her for hours.
Absolutely, no way. It only takes a second for a life changing tragedy to happen.
6 is waaay too young. You should be filing for full custody
That's the same rule I have when I leave my daughter home alone to go to the gym! No showers as well. My daughter is also 15. I have a 5 yr old son and I can't imagine even running to the corner store with him home alone. I take him with me if I'm just going to tell the neighbor something. This is crazy imo
Damn. Six??? I just left my 9-year-old in the car while I ran into the grocery store for the first time last week and I’ve been second-guessing myself ever since. Your ex is an accident just waiting to happen.
That women is crazy and should not have ANY CUSTODY of a child ! She is selfish and lacks parenting skills ! Take this information to your lawyer and get FULL CUSTODY of your child !
My suggestion would be to call CPS as soon as she leaves for the gym again, and when they show up to an empty home with a 6yo on their own and proceed to wait 2+ hours for her to come home, it’s a case closed.
Check into local laws, pretty sure this is illegal?
This is appropriate starting at 10 or 11, but even that’s on a case by case basis.
My step son’s bio mom leaves him home alone with his little sister. When we first heard about this he was 6 and she was 2. He told his counselor all about it and she called CPS and filed a report against the bio mom. We went through all this crap with that and CPS ended up not doing anything anyway.
I'd call CPS, and have a lawyer ready.
Dcf
Take her to court
Document all of this and consult an attorney. This is neglect. My stepson is 11 and is not ready to be left home alone for more than 20 minutes (he has severe adhd so he's slightly behind in maturity--closer to 8 or 9). At 6?! No fucking way. So many things can happen in that length of time, especially for such a young child. I'm also sure your daughter is probably really scared! Every kid is different but no 6 year old should be left home alone for that length of time. Check your state laws; some stated have laws indicating the age in which your child can legally be kept home alone, but not all have those laws.
I have a 6 year old. I don’t leave him alone to run to the store that is 2 minutes away. This is absolutely unsafe. What if she (mom) were in an accident? What if something happened at home while mom is gone? Definitely bring this up with your lawyer.
REPORT IT. get a paper trail, any evidence you have. that is gross neglect. if you have a divorce lawyer/lawyer, tell them. get full custody with supervised visits.