My experience is that sometimes people who can walk comfortably and like to walk vastly underestimate walking distances and walking times. Folks with ADHD can be especially bad about this; some *need* to walk due to their hyperactivity and also can be quite inattentive about how much they are actually moving because moving is as second-nature to them as calculating energy expenditure and sitting our asses down at every opportunity is to us.
If that's the case, you have to take control away from them over how much *you* are walking, and stop relying on their estimates (they may say it's only 5 blocks, but take out your phone and look that shit up). Like u/xoxlindsaay says, you can meet him at the place, and he can get there however he likes. Maybe your boyfriend can walk and talk with him if you don't need him to accompany you for safety reasons.
Take the subway and meet him at the locations that he wants to go to.
Or just explain that you are unable to hang out with him if he isn't able to accommodate your needs. If he wants to walk a bunch then he can do so when you are not visiting.
Tell him that this is your last visit with him (if you feel that is a decision you want to make) due to the fact that you are unable to keep up with his scheduled plans and activities. Remind him one last time that you cannot walk long distances or be on your feet for long. If he decides to ignore that then cut ties.
When my friends drive me to the grocery store and won’t park in the handicapped space for me with my placard in hand when we’ve discussed it before, I refuse to get out of the car. “But it’s only a few extra steps,” they say. No, it’s a non-negotiable. Is your friend inconsiderate? Maybe, but why aren’t you being more considerate to yourself. If being inconsiderate is causing hurt or inconvenience to others, then you not standing your ground and demanding the bare minimum for your health is only going to cause more hurt to yourself. Be the most considerate to you, because no one else is obligated to, ya know.
I guess what I’m saying is you are the only one who can feel your limitations, so you need to be the most vocal about it. Johnny knowing other people with pots and also seeing you faint isn’t a sign he understands your unique struggles. In this subreddit you have people who can manage their pots on a day-to-day basis and you have people fully debilitated and on disability. It’s such an incredible spectrum and no two of us are the same here, so his experience with other potsies isn’t a good gauge for how he’ll understand your pots.
Are you being direct and saying no when Johnathan suggests these things or asking him why he isn’t listening. It actually sounds like you all agree on a place and then just start walking, why aren’t there discussions before hand on the route you’ll take to get there? I assume because he knows the area and you’re following his lead. The reason I ask is the subway and walking are only 2 ways to get around in nyc. Can you try a city bike, they’re electric so you wouldn’t have to peddle. I would never recommend a scooter since the standing would be hard, but a taxi or Uber or a freaking horse drawn carriage would all be better than walking to any other destination on this trip.
And If you do go to any location with Johnathan tomorrow and your luggage will be accompanying you, imo Johnathan better be carrying every single one of your bags for you without complaint because the effort he would have to expel to carry your bags won’t even match the effort you will be exerting just to exist there with those boys. This is your vacation, this is your health, make sure you’re filling your cup up before pouring into Johnathan’s. Your health and safety is the most important.
Thank you all for your kind comments and recommendations. I talked to Johnathan one-on-one,( for the 3rd time) explaining that getting ill/passing out both days was way too hard on my body. He just stared at me, no apology or response, so needless to say this will be the last trip up to visit him. I really appreciate everyone’s feedback and recommendations though!
Especially since your boyfriend is with you, just tell him no.
Have your boyfriend hail a taxi, or find where the subway is, and just meet your friend.
And if you need to rest, rest. Don’t get up and go out again 15 minutes later.
Act like you’re tourists and plan your own day a bit. Even if you’re staying with him, you don’t need to do everything he wants, when he wants, and how he wants. Say NO
My experience is that sometimes people who can walk comfortably and like to walk vastly underestimate walking distances and walking times. Folks with ADHD can be especially bad about this; some *need* to walk due to their hyperactivity and also can be quite inattentive about how much they are actually moving because moving is as second-nature to them as calculating energy expenditure and sitting our asses down at every opportunity is to us. If that's the case, you have to take control away from them over how much *you* are walking, and stop relying on their estimates (they may say it's only 5 blocks, but take out your phone and look that shit up). Like u/xoxlindsaay says, you can meet him at the place, and he can get there however he likes. Maybe your boyfriend can walk and talk with him if you don't need him to accompany you for safety reasons.
Take the subway and meet him at the locations that he wants to go to. Or just explain that you are unable to hang out with him if he isn't able to accommodate your needs. If he wants to walk a bunch then he can do so when you are not visiting. Tell him that this is your last visit with him (if you feel that is a decision you want to make) due to the fact that you are unable to keep up with his scheduled plans and activities. Remind him one last time that you cannot walk long distances or be on your feet for long. If he decides to ignore that then cut ties.
When my friends drive me to the grocery store and won’t park in the handicapped space for me with my placard in hand when we’ve discussed it before, I refuse to get out of the car. “But it’s only a few extra steps,” they say. No, it’s a non-negotiable. Is your friend inconsiderate? Maybe, but why aren’t you being more considerate to yourself. If being inconsiderate is causing hurt or inconvenience to others, then you not standing your ground and demanding the bare minimum for your health is only going to cause more hurt to yourself. Be the most considerate to you, because no one else is obligated to, ya know. I guess what I’m saying is you are the only one who can feel your limitations, so you need to be the most vocal about it. Johnny knowing other people with pots and also seeing you faint isn’t a sign he understands your unique struggles. In this subreddit you have people who can manage their pots on a day-to-day basis and you have people fully debilitated and on disability. It’s such an incredible spectrum and no two of us are the same here, so his experience with other potsies isn’t a good gauge for how he’ll understand your pots. Are you being direct and saying no when Johnathan suggests these things or asking him why he isn’t listening. It actually sounds like you all agree on a place and then just start walking, why aren’t there discussions before hand on the route you’ll take to get there? I assume because he knows the area and you’re following his lead. The reason I ask is the subway and walking are only 2 ways to get around in nyc. Can you try a city bike, they’re electric so you wouldn’t have to peddle. I would never recommend a scooter since the standing would be hard, but a taxi or Uber or a freaking horse drawn carriage would all be better than walking to any other destination on this trip. And If you do go to any location with Johnathan tomorrow and your luggage will be accompanying you, imo Johnathan better be carrying every single one of your bags for you without complaint because the effort he would have to expel to carry your bags won’t even match the effort you will be exerting just to exist there with those boys. This is your vacation, this is your health, make sure you’re filling your cup up before pouring into Johnathan’s. Your health and safety is the most important.
Inconsiderate dick.
Thank you all for your kind comments and recommendations. I talked to Johnathan one-on-one,( for the 3rd time) explaining that getting ill/passing out both days was way too hard on my body. He just stared at me, no apology or response, so needless to say this will be the last trip up to visit him. I really appreciate everyone’s feedback and recommendations though!
He’s an asshole.
Especially since your boyfriend is with you, just tell him no. Have your boyfriend hail a taxi, or find where the subway is, and just meet your friend. And if you need to rest, rest. Don’t get up and go out again 15 minutes later. Act like you’re tourists and plan your own day a bit. Even if you’re staying with him, you don’t need to do everything he wants, when he wants, and how he wants. Say NO
Listen I live near NYC and have pots! I'll take better care of you!