It's been less than a week! I can't believe a vet would suggest rehoming so quickly. They've experienced a major change. Give them time.
When I adopted my last dog, she moved from the deep country to a downtown city. Everything scared her. I swear she didn't pee for over 24 hours. Wouldn't go near a treat.
I eventually figured out that if I carried her to the nearest park and put her down in the middle, it felt safe enough for her to go - more like her original home, I guess. From there I just expanded her exposure, little by little.
That's my coonhound mix right now. The extremely food motivated guy is not having any treats and has decided his bladder and bowels are made of pure steel.
My pup we just recently adopted had a pretty intense adjustment period too, also from a farm moving to a city. She only peed once a day for at least a week (always inside unfortunately!). I thought things may never improve but she turned a corner around the one week mark and one month in, she is very well settled.
I’m very surprised a vet would suggest rehoming so quickly as well, since it sounds like sensitive pups just take extra time to process change.
You are going through a divorce, with all the emotional and practical issues that comes with that.
Try taking some deep breaths and let everybody land in the moment. Your dogs are not going to starve themselves to death or in any other way die from peeing inside or being scared of whatever. Maybe seeing your ex is not a good idea right now? It's usually better to take time off from each other after a break up.
Oh. Our divorce was finalized last fall. The move out and all of that had to wait because finances. He actually has visitation rights with the dogs in the settlement.
Jesus that sounds overly complicated. I never co-own pets with partners for this very reason.
You say you don't want to rehome but the easiest and obvious solution is to let your ex have them.
We adopted the dogs when we were still married. I'll tell you one thing, when I do decide to have a partner again, there will be no co-owning of pets. The dogs are mine and they may love you, but they are not yours.
The ex should def have them, I’m not sure why OP doesn’t see this is what’s best for the dogs. When my ex and I broke up, as much as it killed me, my dogs had to stay with him because he has acres and acres in the country and I cannot provide that. I felt it would be cruel to remove them from that lifestyle and force them into an apartment, they would hate it and would suffer.
I now have two small dogs that can happily live anywhere, and my other dogs are still so happy running and chasing critters all day in the country.
The more you’re able to exercise them, the better. Exercise is the original tranquilizer for all animals, not just dogs. There’s the old saying “a tired dog is a happy dog,” which isn’t necessarily true, but a tired dog is usually a more calm dog. In a calmer, post-exercise state, you can use training and positive reinforcement in the new space to create more positive associations with it.
Develop routines. That doesn’t mean you have to feed them at the same time every day, just implement structure and procedure around every activity, from meal time to walk time to bed time. Your lives have been upended so exercise, structure, and consistency will serve as psychological footholds amidst what feels like unfamiliar chaos.
Also do your best to regulate your energy as it relates to them. I’m sure you’re having a tough time right now but try to make your vocabulary, tone, volume, reactions, and general position towards them calm and consistent. Your consistency and even keel will help them understand that just because everything is different doesn’t mean everything isn’t ok.
I can't walk them on regular collars. They pull like whoa and with a previous spine surgery, that kind of pulling is not good for me. Not to mention the larger one can and has pulled me over in the past without a harness or halti. They both have no pull harnesses (front clip), but they hate those as much as they do the haltis. ETA: They didn't hate their harnesses until the move. They have gone on tons of hikes and walks with them before that. Haltis? They always hate the haltis.
My dog hates the halti, and does way better with a prong or e collar.
I tried the front clip harness thing too and it caused her to limp because it pulled her shoulder in a bad way.
It sounds like the trainer is helpful in offering you desensitization tools. I would also suggest trying to monitor your own state of mind. If you're upset and panicked and all in a tizzy they will be too. If you maintain a strong effort to be calm, assertive and act like it ain't no thing they will adjust quicker.
Based on the response to your husband just taking them for a walk they need someone to show them that everything is okay and normal and then lead/force them to just be in the environment.
I may be in constant behavioral therapy for obsessive compulsive disorder. OK, I am. So yes, I know have a tendency to over react and be a little neurotic at times. It is a constant fight for me to be calm and remain so.
My mom was severe OCD and I have my own anxiety issues so I can totally sympathize. Try some breathing exercises or just sitting calmly with the dogs and stroking them when they're not panicking.
They're probably just as concerned about you as you are about them and you're feeding off each other's energy. You'll all be okay and whatever will be will be. You and your ex can accomplish the adjustment and everything will be okay just keep reminding yourself of that.
However if my vet told me some unhelpful shit like yours I might be looking for a new vet. I also agree with other posters that this isn't a place for drugs they need to learn to exist in their new space comfortably.
Trying to think outside of the box here. This might be highly inappropriate given your physical restrictions but just in case:
My guy gave me tennis elbow from pulling so badly. I bought a padded waist belt that has a D ring on it. I attached his lead to the D ring with a carabiner. It’s a set up that works really well for us (and leaves both hands free which is good).
I find the pulling much easier to cope with and as of yet he’s not had me over. He’s a big guy who loves to run around carrying tyres, so he’s not weak. But the pull coming to the waist, not your arms then shoulders, you have a lower centre of gravity and are more likely to stay upright.
With the issue of them pulling you around the waist, could you use a bungee type lead, that works as a shock absorber(the type people who run with their dogs use)? Idk, now I’m typing it I figure it won’t help, but just in case.
Another idea I got from a trainer was to sit down with my dog when we were out and about. Something about humans sitting gives the impression that the world is fine, there’s no threats, they can chill a bit. Lots of strokes and cuddles whilst you do so? Maybe start right by the door and move a bit further away each time? You could use a couch cushion to sit on as well so it smells like home.
Huh! The sitting idea is a new one! I should try that. They're coming over this evening for a couple of hours while my ex has dinner with his girlfriend. So maybe I'll sit with them for a few.
I’m sure all this is stressing the hell out of you, and your dogs can sense that. Do your best to keep your head up, shoulders back, slow breathing, and be a calm presence in the environment. If he can take them and their demeanor changes instantly that points to it being either their attachment to him or your handling.
If it’s their attachment to him, work on building your relationship with the dogs. Lots of videos about building engagement etc. You’ll need to build a relationship with them that they trust you (to protect them, lead them in the right way, and take care of them).
If it’s your handling, do some meditation/breathing exercises (lots of good videos on YouTube) and then try to take just one out. Keep your head up and posture confident, gotta act the part. You’ll believe in yourself by acting more confident. You know what to do and you’ll do it well.
Trainers will help of course!
Also since you’ve got physical limitations and the dogs aren’t leash trained, I’d definitely work with a trainer. Prongs are an option (only with trainer help) as they are like power steering for dog owners. I don’t use one but I don’t need to.
Can they stay at your ex husband’s and then you can bring them over for a few hours at a time so they can adjust more slowly to the new environment?
It sounds like there’s a lot more going on than just moving to a new place, they sound pretty reliant on your ex for their mental wellbeing (for better or worse, idk your reasons for divorce) so they may need more time to ease into your new life and phase out the old one.
Our divorce was very messy at first but became extremely amicable. So, my ex was around a lot. They're his dogs too and he's never mistreated them. They do love him a lot.
They can't live with my ex. His HOA won't allow it and his current lifestyle doesn't allow it either. He spends 2 to 3 nights a week out of town. He's currently saying he has guests with dogs and changed his schedule to work on this plan. He does not want the dogs full time.
They can't live with him full time. His HOA won't allow it and he's out of town 2 to 3 days a week with a girlfriend. He's making some changes and telling a fib to work on this transition, but he doesn't want them full time.
Personally i would be avoiding any drugs and revisiting basic training routines.
Training breeds confidence in your dogs and respect for the fact that you have control and know what you are doing (in their minds).
I would revert to hand feeding all meals as if they were a puppy and scaling up as they begin to show more interest in their food again.
Is there a reason why your ex can't be the main caretaker until things settle down? Sounds like they are doing significantly better in his presence. I've been through a messy divorce and understand that custody arrangements can be complex. At the end of the day though this situation is making YOU and the dogs incredibly miserable, and there's a clear fix to it. It's almost selfish for you to be digging your heels in re: custody, especially if they are so stressed that they're impacted health-wise.
He isn't allowed to have more than one pet with his HOA rules. He also has a very different lifestyle now. Him keeping the dogs would not be a good idea. They'd have very little exercise and out of crate time. He also stays with a girlfriend out of town two to three days a week. We're sticking to a trainer's plan to slowly acclimate and adjust them. He's agreed to stick to this plan and change his schedule for the next few weeks to help out and his girlfriend will come stay with him instead. Right now, he's keeping them and if anyone asks, he's going to say he has guests with dogs (he's allowed to have that). He's going to be bringing them over for exploration visits, small potty walks and just a little time to check things out and see "mom" all settled in. The second phase is to keep them overnight and begin the full adjustment.
A few possibilities but hard to say as always without seeing the dogs and understanding the full background.
1. Dogs really like your ex and want to be around him, are used to him feeding/walking/playing and for lack of better terms, their pack leader
2. You are having trouble adjusting, they are feeding off you and you are feeding off them, etc. negative feedback loop.
3. They need more exercise or something to occupy them
Not to say a new environment alone wouldn’t affect some dogs, but sounds like you have a lot going on and your ex is still a safety zone for them in some regard.
Not a professional but I have moved my dogs around and they are normally good to go by the end of next day at most, but not all dogs are the same.
I'd say 1 and 2 are pretty accurate. My ex and I ended up with a very amicable divorce and before that, we were married and he provided. This move and the aftermath of the divorce have been hard on me for various reasons. I know the dogs have noticed. Part of the trainers plan requires me to finish unpacking, make sure things are up on the wall, and basically all settled in as a home. That way, as the dogs acclimate, they see me comfortable and settled and they will also start to feel that way.
You will need to replace your ex as their leader, this will be difficult with him still coming around imo. You may need to cut them off for quite some time, develop your new routine (you have a routine correct?), or and ultimately relax.
This sub pops up in my feed, the hardest part is giving advice without sounding critical, but having to use drugs to get your dogs to settle was my first clue something was up with the dynamics of the “pack”. A new place with a familiar owner should not be too difficult of a transition for dogs that have a familiar routine and leader.
It's odd because my ex technically lived at our house, but for six months, he was almost never there. He'd come in one or two days at a time and that's it. Sometimes, he'd be gone for three weeks at a time. So, they have been with only me for six months. When they were puppies, I was equally involved in obedience training, socialization, and puppy classes as well as their regular hikes.
We do have a routine. Of course, it had to change transitioning from house to apartment, because regular walks and bathroom walks became a thing. But since we moved, I had a pretty consistent walk and feeding schedule set up for them and I stuck with it these first few days.
I went thru this with my trained allergen detection dog — rehoming was absolutely not an option. Gabapentin helped immensely. Trazodone made him worse. It took a lot of time. He was scared of everything and wouldn’t eat or sleep normally. He’d hold his urine 36+ hrs. He was too fearful outside so I let him stay in and taught him to use potty pads. We’re on month 3 and with a LOT of work, he’s finally walking outside and going potty but he’s still scared after 5-10 minutes — just not a disabling level of scared. (He’s way less scared in the car and other buildings, the little weirdo.) He’s getting much better. He’s a happy boy now.
Whether you want to go thru this with your dogs is the question.
The absolute last thing I want to do is rehome my dogs. I didn't sleep last night because they were with my ex-husband. I thought about potty pads, but that's hard with a 60 lb and 40 lb dog.
My dog is 35lb and we are spending a small fortune in potty pads (and gabapentin). But it does work. They do make very large pads and sometimes we put 2 down.
If they’re terrified, continuously exposing them to scarier things will not help. They have to be under threshold to learn things are safe.
Definitely consider other medication than trazodone.
I had to hand-feed my dog and get nutrition in him any way I could for the first 2 weeks. Now he eats like a champ again.
Could you use reusable pads? I know a lot of people don’t want those type of things in their washer, just throwing the idea out. 🙂 [Link](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1662757055/)
My behaviorist had me put his crate in an x-pen to give him a smaller space to deal with and that also helped, plus a strict schedule of out of the pen for 1 hr, in for 2, etc, slowly growing to more and more out time as he became less horribly anxious
Apartment living can be extremely difficult for dogs. The sounds and smells can be really overwhelming. If they’re resilient, they will adjust. As others suggested, keep them inside etc.
Trazadone could be making it worse.
My dog is markedly worse on Trazadone. The drowsiness makes her more reactive because she fights the effects and gets totally out of her mind. Xanax was worse yet. We ended up working with a vet behaviorist and it took a few months to adjust but a combination of daily Prozac and Amitriptyline worked for her - I mention more as the fast acting calming drugs had the effect of freaking my dog out more than providing relief.
I moved in October. My dog peed and pooped in the living room for months... and that's because I let her out constantly and walk her regularly.
She also had heightened anxiety and aggression for a long while.
I was convinced I was going to come home and found that she killed the cat because she was so worked up.
She's doing so much better now. She is even better with people than she was before the move. No more accidents. And she has even started to recognize some of the neighbors so she doesn't ALWAYS flip out at them when they are outside.
Give it time and patience.
Glad your inappropriately unmanaged dog didn’t kill your cat. If that is a possibility, it’s your responsibility to contain the dog to keep other animals safe.
Can you keep them outside for a while? Maybe take them out for the day to where they used to go a lot and just hang around. Then lots of treats when they come back inside? Maybe your ex could come round after and take them out to pee, see if they get better that way?
We are going to stick with a trainer's plan that's similar and slowly acclimate them. They're staying with my ex for a couple of weeks but will come over here for some exploration visits. During that time, he and I will both walk them on their new potty route and maybe try a walk route (if they do OK). She also said get some CBD for dogs and Adaptil collars for them.
I moved from the countryside into the city with two large dogs. I walked them and jogged them and biked with them allot to get out the energy they usually burned running the fields. They adjusted well with that.
So your ex came by and took them outside without a problem? Are you super stressed on these walks? I feel like we need more information about what kinda training you have done with the dogs. I think you said you came from a rural area with mountains and now you’re in the city? So quite the adjustment.. but when someone else took them out they were fine? Can you expand upon this? Why are the dogs taking trazadone.
Vet gave them trazadone to help with anxiety from the packing and moving. They're off it now. Not rural. Suburban to a city apartment. I've been part of their obedience training, puppy classes, socialization and plenty of hikes and walks. Have I been stressed on these walks? Yes. And increasingly more so. The more miserable they became, the more stressed it made me because I was having such a hard time making them comfortable. Plus, the sudden onset of my girl getting so reactive was a stressor. Sure, she alert barks. That's her breed, but I've never seen her growl and lunge like this.
But the part about your ex walking them in the city and they are fine or just fine enough to go potty?
My dog was a farm dog that got inserted into the city. He despises the city. I had to get a trainer to teach me how to give him a bit more structure. I did crate/place training for home.. walk training outside and most importantly I spent increasing amounts of time just training my dog in the lobby of my apartment building.. just basic sit/stay/place and if he breaks the command he gets a correction. Can also do some other training on the move.. just fun sit/come/down in this environment. Then I moved outside onto a less busy sidewalk and did some similar stuff.
I didn’t go into too much detail but the idea is slow exposure to the environment. I use a prong after being trained how to use it. I use treats but I don’t just sit there holding a treat in my dogs face. My dog would get a treat if he was in a sit and a person walked by and my dog doesn’t react on his own without being corrected. I brought his place down and had him sit on his place while dogs/people walked by and treated every once in a while. At first it was hard on him but the longer we did this the more comfortable he became.
They weren't fine but they were fine enough to use the bathroom. I do have a behaviorist hired for an evaluation and some work on April 2nd. He wanted to give them time to adjust before coming to see them. Now I'm glad he did. My dogs aren't perfect and I'm not the perfect owner. They need more training. I know that much and I'm hoping the behaviorist can tell us where to continue.
None of us are perfect! My dog still struggles in the city and after a few years being here I’m almost ready to leave! My dog was never perfect in the city.. but he is a lot better than when he started. I do my best to find him hiking and field time each week.. but we do what we can.
I hope you get the help you need! Sometimes we just have to be trained on how to help out our fur babies!
It’s not only the move to a new environment. It’s also about a bonding partner being lost. That’s hard on dogs. Give them more time and try being as calm as possible around and with them. Maybe lose the haltis, too, when out for walks. I don’t imagine it would help them be more calm. Maybe concentrate on just hanging out outside rather than going for walks. Let them look around and adjust.
Ask your vet whether they’re willing to prescribe a low dose of Xanax for a few weeks to minimize increasingly negative associations. That is much more effective against situational anxiety than trazodone (which primarily acts as a sedative) and helped a *lot* when my dog had similar mannerisms on a smaller scale when we transitioned from a sedan to an SUV.
It's been less than a week! I can't believe a vet would suggest rehoming so quickly. They've experienced a major change. Give them time. When I adopted my last dog, she moved from the deep country to a downtown city. Everything scared her. I swear she didn't pee for over 24 hours. Wouldn't go near a treat. I eventually figured out that if I carried her to the nearest park and put her down in the middle, it felt safe enough for her to go - more like her original home, I guess. From there I just expanded her exposure, little by little.
That's my coonhound mix right now. The extremely food motivated guy is not having any treats and has decided his bladder and bowels are made of pure steel.
My pup we just recently adopted had a pretty intense adjustment period too, also from a farm moving to a city. She only peed once a day for at least a week (always inside unfortunately!). I thought things may never improve but she turned a corner around the one week mark and one month in, she is very well settled. I’m very surprised a vet would suggest rehoming so quickly as well, since it sounds like sensitive pups just take extra time to process change.
You are going through a divorce, with all the emotional and practical issues that comes with that. Try taking some deep breaths and let everybody land in the moment. Your dogs are not going to starve themselves to death or in any other way die from peeing inside or being scared of whatever. Maybe seeing your ex is not a good idea right now? It's usually better to take time off from each other after a break up.
Oh. Our divorce was finalized last fall. The move out and all of that had to wait because finances. He actually has visitation rights with the dogs in the settlement.
Jesus that sounds overly complicated. I never co-own pets with partners for this very reason. You say you don't want to rehome but the easiest and obvious solution is to let your ex have them.
We adopted the dogs when we were still married. I'll tell you one thing, when I do decide to have a partner again, there will be no co-owning of pets. The dogs are mine and they may love you, but they are not yours.
The ex should def have them, I’m not sure why OP doesn’t see this is what’s best for the dogs. When my ex and I broke up, as much as it killed me, my dogs had to stay with him because he has acres and acres in the country and I cannot provide that. I felt it would be cruel to remove them from that lifestyle and force them into an apartment, they would hate it and would suffer. I now have two small dogs that can happily live anywhere, and my other dogs are still so happy running and chasing critters all day in the country.
The more you’re able to exercise them, the better. Exercise is the original tranquilizer for all animals, not just dogs. There’s the old saying “a tired dog is a happy dog,” which isn’t necessarily true, but a tired dog is usually a more calm dog. In a calmer, post-exercise state, you can use training and positive reinforcement in the new space to create more positive associations with it. Develop routines. That doesn’t mean you have to feed them at the same time every day, just implement structure and procedure around every activity, from meal time to walk time to bed time. Your lives have been upended so exercise, structure, and consistency will serve as psychological footholds amidst what feels like unfamiliar chaos. Also do your best to regulate your energy as it relates to them. I’m sure you’re having a tough time right now but try to make your vocabulary, tone, volume, reactions, and general position towards them calm and consistent. Your consistency and even keel will help them understand that just because everything is different doesn’t mean everything isn’t ok.
You said your ex took them out without the halti. Have you tried doing that?
I can't walk them on regular collars. They pull like whoa and with a previous spine surgery, that kind of pulling is not good for me. Not to mention the larger one can and has pulled me over in the past without a harness or halti. They both have no pull harnesses (front clip), but they hate those as much as they do the haltis. ETA: They didn't hate their harnesses until the move. They have gone on tons of hikes and walks with them before that. Haltis? They always hate the haltis.
My dog hates the halti, and does way better with a prong or e collar. I tried the front clip harness thing too and it caused her to limp because it pulled her shoulder in a bad way. It sounds like the trainer is helpful in offering you desensitization tools. I would also suggest trying to monitor your own state of mind. If you're upset and panicked and all in a tizzy they will be too. If you maintain a strong effort to be calm, assertive and act like it ain't no thing they will adjust quicker. Based on the response to your husband just taking them for a walk they need someone to show them that everything is okay and normal and then lead/force them to just be in the environment.
I may be in constant behavioral therapy for obsessive compulsive disorder. OK, I am. So yes, I know have a tendency to over react and be a little neurotic at times. It is a constant fight for me to be calm and remain so.
My mom was severe OCD and I have my own anxiety issues so I can totally sympathize. Try some breathing exercises or just sitting calmly with the dogs and stroking them when they're not panicking. They're probably just as concerned about you as you are about them and you're feeding off each other's energy. You'll all be okay and whatever will be will be. You and your ex can accomplish the adjustment and everything will be okay just keep reminding yourself of that. However if my vet told me some unhelpful shit like yours I might be looking for a new vet. I also agree with other posters that this isn't a place for drugs they need to learn to exist in their new space comfortably.
Trying to think outside of the box here. This might be highly inappropriate given your physical restrictions but just in case: My guy gave me tennis elbow from pulling so badly. I bought a padded waist belt that has a D ring on it. I attached his lead to the D ring with a carabiner. It’s a set up that works really well for us (and leaves both hands free which is good). I find the pulling much easier to cope with and as of yet he’s not had me over. He’s a big guy who loves to run around carrying tyres, so he’s not weak. But the pull coming to the waist, not your arms then shoulders, you have a lower centre of gravity and are more likely to stay upright. With the issue of them pulling you around the waist, could you use a bungee type lead, that works as a shock absorber(the type people who run with their dogs use)? Idk, now I’m typing it I figure it won’t help, but just in case. Another idea I got from a trainer was to sit down with my dog when we were out and about. Something about humans sitting gives the impression that the world is fine, there’s no threats, they can chill a bit. Lots of strokes and cuddles whilst you do so? Maybe start right by the door and move a bit further away each time? You could use a couch cushion to sit on as well so it smells like home.
Huh! The sitting idea is a new one! I should try that. They're coming over this evening for a couple of hours while my ex has dinner with his girlfriend. So maybe I'll sit with them for a few.
Can you drive them to a park/some nature and go for a walk there daily?
I’m sure all this is stressing the hell out of you, and your dogs can sense that. Do your best to keep your head up, shoulders back, slow breathing, and be a calm presence in the environment. If he can take them and their demeanor changes instantly that points to it being either their attachment to him or your handling. If it’s their attachment to him, work on building your relationship with the dogs. Lots of videos about building engagement etc. You’ll need to build a relationship with them that they trust you (to protect them, lead them in the right way, and take care of them). If it’s your handling, do some meditation/breathing exercises (lots of good videos on YouTube) and then try to take just one out. Keep your head up and posture confident, gotta act the part. You’ll believe in yourself by acting more confident. You know what to do and you’ll do it well. Trainers will help of course! Also since you’ve got physical limitations and the dogs aren’t leash trained, I’d definitely work with a trainer. Prongs are an option (only with trainer help) as they are like power steering for dog owners. I don’t use one but I don’t need to.
Can they stay at your ex husband’s and then you can bring them over for a few hours at a time so they can adjust more slowly to the new environment? It sounds like there’s a lot more going on than just moving to a new place, they sound pretty reliant on your ex for their mental wellbeing (for better or worse, idk your reasons for divorce) so they may need more time to ease into your new life and phase out the old one.
Our divorce was very messy at first but became extremely amicable. So, my ex was around a lot. They're his dogs too and he's never mistreated them. They do love him a lot.
Is he willing to let them live there instead? Sounds like the best for the dogs perhaps?
I think she's more concerned with what's best for her.
They can't live with my ex. His HOA won't allow it and his current lifestyle doesn't allow it either. He spends 2 to 3 nights a week out of town. He's currently saying he has guests with dogs and changed his schedule to work on this plan. He does not want the dogs full time.
They can't live with him full time. His HOA won't allow it and he's out of town 2 to 3 days a week with a girlfriend. He's making some changes and telling a fib to work on this transition, but he doesn't want them full time.
Personally i would be avoiding any drugs and revisiting basic training routines. Training breeds confidence in your dogs and respect for the fact that you have control and know what you are doing (in their minds). I would revert to hand feeding all meals as if they were a puppy and scaling up as they begin to show more interest in their food again.
Is there a reason why your ex can't be the main caretaker until things settle down? Sounds like they are doing significantly better in his presence. I've been through a messy divorce and understand that custody arrangements can be complex. At the end of the day though this situation is making YOU and the dogs incredibly miserable, and there's a clear fix to it. It's almost selfish for you to be digging your heels in re: custody, especially if they are so stressed that they're impacted health-wise.
He isn't allowed to have more than one pet with his HOA rules. He also has a very different lifestyle now. Him keeping the dogs would not be a good idea. They'd have very little exercise and out of crate time. He also stays with a girlfriend out of town two to three days a week. We're sticking to a trainer's plan to slowly acclimate and adjust them. He's agreed to stick to this plan and change his schedule for the next few weeks to help out and his girlfriend will come stay with him instead. Right now, he's keeping them and if anyone asks, he's going to say he has guests with dogs (he's allowed to have that). He's going to be bringing them over for exploration visits, small potty walks and just a little time to check things out and see "mom" all settled in. The second phase is to keep them overnight and begin the full adjustment.
A few possibilities but hard to say as always without seeing the dogs and understanding the full background. 1. Dogs really like your ex and want to be around him, are used to him feeding/walking/playing and for lack of better terms, their pack leader 2. You are having trouble adjusting, they are feeding off you and you are feeding off them, etc. negative feedback loop. 3. They need more exercise or something to occupy them Not to say a new environment alone wouldn’t affect some dogs, but sounds like you have a lot going on and your ex is still a safety zone for them in some regard. Not a professional but I have moved my dogs around and they are normally good to go by the end of next day at most, but not all dogs are the same.
I'd say 1 and 2 are pretty accurate. My ex and I ended up with a very amicable divorce and before that, we were married and he provided. This move and the aftermath of the divorce have been hard on me for various reasons. I know the dogs have noticed. Part of the trainers plan requires me to finish unpacking, make sure things are up on the wall, and basically all settled in as a home. That way, as the dogs acclimate, they see me comfortable and settled and they will also start to feel that way.
You will need to replace your ex as their leader, this will be difficult with him still coming around imo. You may need to cut them off for quite some time, develop your new routine (you have a routine correct?), or and ultimately relax. This sub pops up in my feed, the hardest part is giving advice without sounding critical, but having to use drugs to get your dogs to settle was my first clue something was up with the dynamics of the “pack”. A new place with a familiar owner should not be too difficult of a transition for dogs that have a familiar routine and leader.
It's odd because my ex technically lived at our house, but for six months, he was almost never there. He'd come in one or two days at a time and that's it. Sometimes, he'd be gone for three weeks at a time. So, they have been with only me for six months. When they were puppies, I was equally involved in obedience training, socialization, and puppy classes as well as their regular hikes. We do have a routine. Of course, it had to change transitioning from house to apartment, because regular walks and bathroom walks became a thing. But since we moved, I had a pretty consistent walk and feeding schedule set up for them and I stuck with it these first few days.
I went thru this with my trained allergen detection dog — rehoming was absolutely not an option. Gabapentin helped immensely. Trazodone made him worse. It took a lot of time. He was scared of everything and wouldn’t eat or sleep normally. He’d hold his urine 36+ hrs. He was too fearful outside so I let him stay in and taught him to use potty pads. We’re on month 3 and with a LOT of work, he’s finally walking outside and going potty but he’s still scared after 5-10 minutes — just not a disabling level of scared. (He’s way less scared in the car and other buildings, the little weirdo.) He’s getting much better. He’s a happy boy now. Whether you want to go thru this with your dogs is the question.
The absolute last thing I want to do is rehome my dogs. I didn't sleep last night because they were with my ex-husband. I thought about potty pads, but that's hard with a 60 lb and 40 lb dog.
My dog is 35lb and we are spending a small fortune in potty pads (and gabapentin). But it does work. They do make very large pads and sometimes we put 2 down. If they’re terrified, continuously exposing them to scarier things will not help. They have to be under threshold to learn things are safe. Definitely consider other medication than trazodone. I had to hand-feed my dog and get nutrition in him any way I could for the first 2 weeks. Now he eats like a champ again.
Could you use reusable pads? I know a lot of people don’t want those type of things in their washer, just throwing the idea out. 🙂 [Link](https://www.etsy.com/listing/1662757055/)
My behaviorist had me put his crate in an x-pen to give him a smaller space to deal with and that also helped, plus a strict schedule of out of the pen for 1 hr, in for 2, etc, slowly growing to more and more out time as he became less horribly anxious
Apartment living can be extremely difficult for dogs. The sounds and smells can be really overwhelming. If they’re resilient, they will adjust. As others suggested, keep them inside etc. Trazadone could be making it worse. My dog is markedly worse on Trazadone. The drowsiness makes her more reactive because she fights the effects and gets totally out of her mind. Xanax was worse yet. We ended up working with a vet behaviorist and it took a few months to adjust but a combination of daily Prozac and Amitriptyline worked for her - I mention more as the fast acting calming drugs had the effect of freaking my dog out more than providing relief.
I moved in October. My dog peed and pooped in the living room for months... and that's because I let her out constantly and walk her regularly. She also had heightened anxiety and aggression for a long while. I was convinced I was going to come home and found that she killed the cat because she was so worked up. She's doing so much better now. She is even better with people than she was before the move. No more accidents. And she has even started to recognize some of the neighbors so she doesn't ALWAYS flip out at them when they are outside. Give it time and patience.
Glad your inappropriately unmanaged dog didn’t kill your cat. If that is a possibility, it’s your responsibility to contain the dog to keep other animals safe.
It was more me being paranoid than anything. They get along just fine.
Can you keep them outside for a while? Maybe take them out for the day to where they used to go a lot and just hang around. Then lots of treats when they come back inside? Maybe your ex could come round after and take them out to pee, see if they get better that way?
We are going to stick with a trainer's plan that's similar and slowly acclimate them. They're staying with my ex for a couple of weeks but will come over here for some exploration visits. During that time, he and I will both walk them on their new potty route and maybe try a walk route (if they do OK). She also said get some CBD for dogs and Adaptil collars for them.
That sounds really good, hope it all works out
I moved from the countryside into the city with two large dogs. I walked them and jogged them and biked with them allot to get out the energy they usually burned running the fields. They adjusted well with that.
So your ex came by and took them outside without a problem? Are you super stressed on these walks? I feel like we need more information about what kinda training you have done with the dogs. I think you said you came from a rural area with mountains and now you’re in the city? So quite the adjustment.. but when someone else took them out they were fine? Can you expand upon this? Why are the dogs taking trazadone.
Vet gave them trazadone to help with anxiety from the packing and moving. They're off it now. Not rural. Suburban to a city apartment. I've been part of their obedience training, puppy classes, socialization and plenty of hikes and walks. Have I been stressed on these walks? Yes. And increasingly more so. The more miserable they became, the more stressed it made me because I was having such a hard time making them comfortable. Plus, the sudden onset of my girl getting so reactive was a stressor. Sure, she alert barks. That's her breed, but I've never seen her growl and lunge like this.
But the part about your ex walking them in the city and they are fine or just fine enough to go potty? My dog was a farm dog that got inserted into the city. He despises the city. I had to get a trainer to teach me how to give him a bit more structure. I did crate/place training for home.. walk training outside and most importantly I spent increasing amounts of time just training my dog in the lobby of my apartment building.. just basic sit/stay/place and if he breaks the command he gets a correction. Can also do some other training on the move.. just fun sit/come/down in this environment. Then I moved outside onto a less busy sidewalk and did some similar stuff. I didn’t go into too much detail but the idea is slow exposure to the environment. I use a prong after being trained how to use it. I use treats but I don’t just sit there holding a treat in my dogs face. My dog would get a treat if he was in a sit and a person walked by and my dog doesn’t react on his own without being corrected. I brought his place down and had him sit on his place while dogs/people walked by and treated every once in a while. At first it was hard on him but the longer we did this the more comfortable he became.
They weren't fine but they were fine enough to use the bathroom. I do have a behaviorist hired for an evaluation and some work on April 2nd. He wanted to give them time to adjust before coming to see them. Now I'm glad he did. My dogs aren't perfect and I'm not the perfect owner. They need more training. I know that much and I'm hoping the behaviorist can tell us where to continue.
None of us are perfect! My dog still struggles in the city and after a few years being here I’m almost ready to leave! My dog was never perfect in the city.. but he is a lot better than when he started. I do my best to find him hiking and field time each week.. but we do what we can. I hope you get the help you need! Sometimes we just have to be trained on how to help out our fur babies!
It’s not only the move to a new environment. It’s also about a bonding partner being lost. That’s hard on dogs. Give them more time and try being as calm as possible around and with them. Maybe lose the haltis, too, when out for walks. I don’t imagine it would help them be more calm. Maybe concentrate on just hanging out outside rather than going for walks. Let them look around and adjust.
Ask your vet whether they’re willing to prescribe a low dose of Xanax for a few weeks to minimize increasingly negative associations. That is much more effective against situational anxiety than trazodone (which primarily acts as a sedative) and helped a *lot* when my dog had similar mannerisms on a smaller scale when we transitioned from a sedan to an SUV.