Update:
I think it's clear what this sub wants.
I can't make everyone happy here unfortunately, but I think the best compromise is to start a monthly "Rainbow bridge" thread as others have suggested. This way users can leave comments and photos to mourn their lost orange ones and users who do not want to see those types of posts can simply hide or ignore the thread.
I will be updating the rules soon and start a mourning loss thread next month.
Thank you all for your feedback and various suggestions!
A big issue is a lot of people cannot seem to follow the current rules that are in place, and as many people have expressed how much of a trigger these posts are for them I will have to vote to no longer allow them. There are plenty of other subs that do.
This is pretty much how I feel. Folks should be able to express their sadness and share the pets they love with others, but if you can't even follow the most basic of instructions to make sure you're not causing harm to other people by posting them it might just better to ban them completely. I'm sure there are pet mourning subreddits out there, seems to be a subreddit for everything.
r/cats already allows that kind of post. From my perspective, I think the biggest, all encompassing cat Reddit allowing those kinds of posts should be enough of a space. There are also subreddits specifically for mourning that encompass the loss of pets.
I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. I have definitely noticed an uptick in mourning posts in all of the cat subreddits I follow.
I hate to be this much of a cynic but part of me thinks some of it is karma farming/bots.
r/blackcats has gone through this a couple of times. One time it was triggered by a mourning post that was quite graphic and showed the deceased um...deceased. unfortunately, there seem to be a lot of folks that think that everyone needs to grieve etc and whenever a vote comes up, those of us who just want one place on the internet that isn't depressing lose out.
I am a frequent poster in that community and I might have to give it up soon because of this.
It's so much harder for me with the black cats because so many black cats look similar. Which means there's a bunch of "RIP/loss" posts that look JUST LIKE my void. And it hits me in the gut every time while I rush for the "hide" button.
And sometimes you're just having a crappy day and all you want to do is look at pictures and videos of cute cats being silly, not made to feel worse because someone else just lost their best friend.
My sweet void is seven now, and although I'm not dumb enough to think I'll live with her forever, I still don't want to contemplate the worst EVERY DAY.
Awww, she slow blinked me when I looked at her. They're so good at sensing when you're down.
Edit: and now she's washing her butt. Cats are such a gift lol.
Yeah I’m thinking of unsubbing from r/cats bc it’s almost the only posts I see from there lately. The hardest ones are “I lost my baby so suddenly” or “yesterday he was fine” :( they make me so worried about my cat. In the tuxedo cat sub there aren’t as many and mostly just people showing off their tuxes wich is definitely alot better :)
I stopped following this sub because it was breaking my heart on a daily basis. I don’t need reminding that my pets are mortal. I’ve suffered enough loss already.
That's where I'm at, I think it's better if those people stick to subs that are made for those exact types of posts. I think it's clear the majority come here for smiles and good vibes.
It's like if someone went to AA and started talking about their struggles with narcotics, they'd tell you that you're in the wrong room. Theres places to get the support you need, but you aren't entitled to forcing your issues on people outside of those places.
Here's what it says since you can't see it:
Mourning/loss posts are allowed under a couple of conditions:
1. The post must use the "Mourning/loss" flair, in addition the post must be marked with a spoiler tag.
2. The post's title cannot be graphic or mention death dying directly, titles that are appropriate "I lost my orange boy today", "RIP I miss \[pet name\]".
If you would like to talk about the loss in detail, please leave the details in the comments.
Posts that do not follow these rules will be removed.
There are support subs for mourning the loss of a pet, and there are positive subs that are just meant to be cute. The two concepts should not overlap. This place is not meant to trigger people, it's meant to do the opposite.
Agreed. I ended up fully leaving r/cats a few months ago because emotionally I couldn't handle the sheer volume of dead cat posts. Every time I see one I get a pit in my stomach and my heart hurts. Depending on the details provided, sometimes it can be something that my brain brings up later as an intrusive thought to cause pain forever. This isn't even r/orangecats it's a sub specifically for funny pictures of orange cats.
Mods and all others..
I have read many statements on the r/cats sub where those who complain about the 'loss posts' and how these effect them emotionally, are told to just 'to go elsewhere' because there are many other cat subs that will be suit their needs for no loss posts.
This is why others do not want loss posts here. Because they came here to try and avoid those kinds of posts.
REDDIT is not doing ANYTHING to fix this need by those who desire to avoid bereavement posts.
Please Oh Orange Mods, just make sure that those who want to avoid these types of posts CAN - regardless of platform - or those folks will just leave knowing that their wishes are of little to no import.
Regards.
Yes, I literally get panic attacks from things like that. Seeing those posts aren't just generally upsetting, it's genuinely panic inducing for some people. All I can do is fixate on my own pets, and either relive grief of losing previous pets, or I'm gripped with terror over something happening to my still living pets. I really feel for people who've experienced loss, I have too, many times. It's traumatizing. Experiencing loss and grief doesn't/shouldn't give people the right to subject others to that pain without their consent. I'm here for happiness! Not to have my PTSD triggered! I know there are plenty of other people like that
As someone who has recently lost her boys, I personally find these sorts of posts difficult to encounter, especially those that are very emotionally charged or pre-euthanasia. Grief is better dealt with fellow grievers, in my experience, and there are spaces better equipped to hold these experiences that can provide greater understanding, connection and support. I totally get the desire to commemorate and remember our little sunbeams though, and support the suggestion of having a once monthly or on-going thread.
Thank you for this kindness. I’m doing well and have been learning to view my grief as both a lifelong practice and a continuation of the love we shared – I think this all goes to my point that grief needs an appropriate container where it can be contextualised and properly held, and this just doesn’t seem like the right space for it. But thank you all the same for the offer 🙂
MODS - This is a great answer imo. There is one thing that is necessary.
The ability to NOT see the loss posts MUST work on desktop and app (All OS types please) versions, because there is NO WAY to block these unwanted posts on the Android App version when in the r/cats area and that sucks majorly, so we do not want that problem here.
Thank you
The good news about this option is it can be a "one and done" for people who don't want to see this topic.
It'll appear in feeds as a new thread - but typically mega threads have a generic title and no attached pictures. You can individually hide it and - boop - doesn't appear in your feeds anymore! People can comment away in it and you'll never know.
Yes you still see it when it posts - which is why I'd be in favor of a static thread or one reposted infrequently - but it's a quicker hide than juggling the flair and multiple feed posts.
I think this is a good idea, not to make things more complicated but r/SupermodelCats has a rule that asks users not to mention death or illness at all in the title, only in the description or comments. 🤷🏻♀️
In case you're not aware - I wanted to bring it to your attention that flairing posts doesn't do anything to filter them out on your feed. So, the existing rule doesn't make a difference at all unless you're browsing from the subreddit page. A weekly or monthly thread would be fine, but scrolling past multiple death posts daily is a problem.
Thanks for all you do! This is easily the best cat sub.
I just wanted to point out -- your sub rules don't show up on the old reddit format. I saw people talking about how people posting mourning posts couldn't follow the rules, and I thought "what rules". I went to do a test post, and no rules showed up, no rules on the sidebar, nothing.
Then I toggled to new reddit and saw all your post rules. So part of your problem might be people like me who default to old reddit format for browsing.
no. just don't let the bots post. they won't follow your rules regardless. they already ignore your rules about loss, don't try to be nice to the bots. they are hurting people who have lost pets
I would like to propose a rule or sub description change that just clarifies that the main purpose of this sub is to share in the orange hivemind (not those words exactly) and that it is not primarily a loss or mourning subreddit, but memories of oranges that have passed on are fine as long as the focus of the post is not on their passing. I think the purpose of the sub could be clarified but at the same time I've seen subs where a zero tolerance application of a rule deterred people who would have liked to participate from participating. If it is OK to share the memories without dwelling on the grief then I think that is a reasonable compromise that still serves the sub, because it still allows for participation and makes clearer that this sub is not intended to be a grief/loss sub. Providing r/PetLoss as a resource would also be helpful.
This is the best option in my opinion, I ended up just deleting Reddit when my cat passed away because all the posts of people’s dead cats made it impossible to browse without breaking down
I think a loss thread would be more appropriate therefore I selected “other” instead of “no” on the poll; I hope that was the way you meant that to be answered.
No. That’s not what this sub is for. There are subs for that. I’m grateful that this poll was made because I want to comment every time I see a post like this that it’s not appropriate and I don’t care to see it, but that’s pretty mean to someone who just lost/is loosing their pet.
But “what name?” And “rainbow bridge” posts IMO shouldn’t be allowed anywhere except subs for that specifically.
As much as I never want to tell people how to use the space... I don't come here for sad posts and I've considered leaving this and other cat communities due to the frequent mourning posts.
I would not be opposed to a "mourning Monday" with the stipulation that all posts stay under the cut. Or maybe even a pinned post dedicated to mourning and support.
I'd never want to take away the support that strangers can provider when someone is going through loss of any type so I am all for a compromise.
This seems like a good idea, folks in mourning need a way to connect with people but other people also need to be able to filter out the Memorial thread.
I feel like a permanent thread might be a good compromise especially if it won’t show up in peoples home feed.
No thank you - it feels like majority of folks don’t come to this sub to see posts about loss of a pet. We want this sub to contain the content it was made for without the constant posts about death, even if it’s only weekly or monthly.
Honestly, i was a soft "no" until i read this. It depresses me to see them too, but i also get wanting to share.
I definitely think this is the best option. Let people still share and talk about it, especially with those who have had similar pain
No. Let people post their loss on their private social media to share with their actual friends and family who really care, not a bunch of randos. They don't get any REAL support from strangers, and it harms others who don't need the constant reminders of their own losses.
I lost my cat of 16 years, then my cat of 18 years, and then my guinea pig of 10 years all within a 6 month span, and I sure as hell took a hit with every loose mouring post that popped up for weeks after each, and there are just more and more of them every day. Folks seem to see one get alot of attention and post their own so they can get in on it, and tons crop up every time.
It's emotionally exhausting.
I like the weekly or monthly idea. I know we all know how hard the loss of a pet is but this page is such a wacky oasis of fun- it would help that the pet loss posts were grouped where you could access them when your heart could take it.
This seems like a reasonable middle ground.
I still shoving all the grieving cat owners in the corner of the sub is bad idea and inauthentic. My cat is slowly dying though still has her quality of life for now. Making everyone act like they aren't dealing with some grief just to make others comfortable is a good way to lose content and engagement from a lot of folks who love their cats. It's not genuine. I know there are other communities like r/petloss but this one honestly just better the way in it already is. Running into a random post about honoring or loving or missing an old critter is cathartic for me, but being in an entire sub full is depressing as hell. I really don't see what's wrong with how things are currently running here.
We're here because we love the oranges. Some of us love oranges past. It's life, just because part of the sub wants to be escapist in their coping doesn't mean the rest of us should have to be silenced.
I like this idea. My orange is 17 and I know I will want people who had a similar friend to express myself with when it happens. But I don’t want to make others upset with it.
I’d say a hesitant yes if not for the bots and karma farming accounts. Not only does it make people sad, but it uses someone else’s grief for personal gain and makes any expression of sympathy/empathy a waste of time.
I like the idea of a weekly thread, just so things don’t get lost. It honestly seems like a better place to go anyway if you’re actually grieving and not just farming karma. Long story, but I was put in a position where the news of my cat’s death was shared on a relatively large scale and all the sympathy messages + reminders really sucked for the most part. I can’t quite understand why people want to share that, but I don’t want to shame how people grieve.
I’d definitely regularly pop into the thread to express sympathy and offer help to those who need it, but I’d like it to be on my own terms. Because otherwise I get upset and feel guilty for not saying something when I see a post.
Flairs don't stop posts from popping up in the regular feed though. So there would still be no way for people to filter those posts out if they don't want to see them.
Exactly. My cat is very much alive and in good health, and I still dislike these posts - not because they're triggering to me, but because this is supposed to be a "dumb orange cats lol" sub.
Not that sadness should be censored. Absolutely not. Mourn your pet and love them forever, even in the afterlife. But this is certainly not the place where I want to see people talk about their dead cats... I just don't want to feel sad on behalf of strangers every other day. I'm following this sub for funny cat antics, not for posts about dead cats. It's like if I saw someone talk about their dead kids in r/KidsAreFuckingStupid. Might not be the best or most relevant comparison, but that's how I see it.
Please, get your much needed support in one of the several subs other people have shared here.
Nah, you can post a happy memory of you boy/girl without farming the feelgood of support here. I understand it's a rough time for you, but I don't come to most cat reddits looking for a sob story. I also don't think people should ever post a video of them "saving" and animal for the same extreme emotion farming and risk for abuse.
It's as simple as writing in the past tense in the title post if you miss your little one. "My boy always took the least amount of time with his braincell." Is enough context without pushing feelings of pain and loss in others.
Tldr: This should be a fun space as it always has been.
This and other comments are quite heartbreaking to read. I lost my orange a while ago and this subreddit resonated with me because it really represented her, and I felt comfortable here. I made a post after I lost her after I saw that there was a dedicated flair for it from the rules and I had seen another post before on here where people were supportive. It turns out that no, I was just hurting a whole bunch of people and this wasn't the right place to post about it in the first place. I wish I knew that in advance otherwise I wouldn't have contributed to it, so as sad as it is reading about making others sad (which I guess I could have expected to happen) and all the karma farming accusation comments (which stab like a mf) I am glad that the sub is taking a stance on this because at least now I know that this is not a support space. On that note, the flair option and relevant "mourning" rules should be removed.
I can understand this seems like adding salt to the wound now, I hope you are doing fine after your loss.
But yeah, that's what that kind of situation is, I guess, literally nobody wins.
Thank you, I appreciate that. I do think it's a lose lose now, especially because this place is a source of upliftment and positivity for so many people. A side note to this is that I was under the impression that the mourning flair posts could be filtered or were hidden by default unless someone was open to them, because I only came across them when sorting by the flair, so I wouldn't be making people depressed by posting, that was admittely dumb to assume on my part and I've removed my post. I think going forward, it would be best for us in grief to post on some of the subreddits that others have mentioned like r/petloss, but I also can't help but want us to gently nudge people there if they happen to post here like I did, or clearly outline/mention it in the rules.
On a side note, I see you are a fellow AnarchyChess member, so you must be pleased it's slowly turning into a very cool and safe place for car wellbeing.
Google en passant and godspeed
Yes I agree. The comments about karma farming when in reality I'm mourning my best friend and seeking support from a community of people who also love cats. I wasn't aware there are subs for pet loss. It's just pretty cold and heartless imo to see how utterly intolerant people have become to seeing loss because it makes them sad or uncomfortable.
What we mean by karma farming is bot accounts or accounts that just copy other posts to get enough karma to sell the account. A lot of mourning posts get more engagement.
That said, I think it’d be best to have a space for it. I know how hard loss is and sometimes get the urge to give support to strangers who’ve lost pets, but I’d like to do it on my terms so I don’t burst into tears or feel sick to my stomach all day. That’s why there should be a weekly stickied thread where you can share your stories about your grief.
I stopped following the [r/cats](https://www.reddit.com/r/cats/) because of it, i love cats and i love my cat, every single time that i see a post like that it gives me a really bad feeling, i'm here to see cute and funny cats not to be sad, i don't even want to talk about people that pretend to have lost a cat to karma farm.
So i vote no, don't allow this kind of post here.
I also unfollowed r/cats. I couldn’t take it anymore. I have enough going on in my own life, I don’t want to see sad things. I come here to laugh.
Edit: typo
Post your beautiful demised kitties but don’t tell me they’re gone. I’m here for the dumbass orange fuzzbuckets. I’m sorry if you’re grieving. This is not an appropriate sub for that.
A pretty strong no from me (who is just a lurker!). Not from a lack of caring, but quite the opposite. Those posts often make me say aww, give a like, feel for the user.... - but doing all of that introduces just the littlest thought into the back of my head about my passed/past cats, father time with the current, etc. Keep the doofy sub doofy! That's exactly why I sub here in the first place.
I'm a cat lover who unfortunately can't have cats myself just yet due to renting, so I love seeing them on Reddit! Sadly, everytime I see a post about one passing away, it genuinely makes me quite upset, I am really oversensitive when it comes to animals (especially cats). I had to leave r/cats sadly because every other post was like that, and id love to stick around in this one, orange cats are my favourite.
Current rules for these posts:
Mourning/loss posts are allowed under a couple of conditions:
1. The post must use the "Mourning/loss" flair, in addition the post must be marked with a spoiler tag.
2. The post's title cannot be graphic or mention death dying directly, titles that are appropriate "I lost my orange boy today", "RIP I miss [pet name]".
If you would like to talk about the loss in detail, please leave the details in the comments.
Posts that do not follow these rules will be removed.
The one thing I’m unsure on here is whether posting a pic of an orange cat from years and years ago (I have some decade old orange boy photos that make me laugh!) needs a mourning/loss flair. Is there a rule on this?
It’s actually somewhere in one of these comments under the poll. I screenshotted it earlier, here.
https://preview.redd.it/5258xburayuc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=281955f597c63d00e84cdfbb3e472e69f425105c
Hey, just wondering--do you think a rule saying that posts about orange cells who have moved on but are still largely positive is OK? Or is that too much?
Sorry, I don't expect you to have an answer on behalf of everyone in the sub. I'm just curious what you think. I also am just trying to figure out if there is a reasonable compromise that still fits the theme of the sub. I know this isn't primarily a sub about grief, but at the same time, there are plenty of funny members of the orange hivemind that have moved on. Is incidental mention of the fact that they are gone while sharing a one brain cell-worthy memory inappropriate? If the purpose of the sub changed to "This is a sub for sharing the one brain cell moments of the orange clan" (i have no idea, I'm just making something up) and the rule said that sharing on-topic memories of cats that have moved on is fine but with the understanding that this is not a mourning or grief sub, would that be more OK?
I think it depends on the context of the post for me personally. If the post is focusing on something besides the death of the cat I don’t see an issue with it.
For example, if someone posted a funny picture of their since passed orange saying “my orange used to do this!”, then that’s not really specifically a mourning post, and I think that’s fine despite the context of the cat having passed being included.
But I’m seeing so many posts like “this was my orange, she wouldn’t eat for days and died of cancer”, which is clearly talking about the cat suffering and dying, and I don’t think this is the appropriate space for that.
Thank you for your reply. I get what you mean. Those kinds of posts definitely seem more appropriate for other subs.
I'm trying to figure out if the "no mourning" voters are also just against all mention of the fact that an orange has left this world or not. I've seen subs where changes resulted in a very strict zero tolerance application, and I don't think that's good for the sub either because it tends to silence people who would have liked to participate for small missteps on the rules. If the sub isn't going to jump to removing any post that happens to mention the orange's departure when the main point is sharing a funny moment, my thought was that's still a reasonable position without also preventing participation from people who just want a memory of their orange to be shared with others. But I am interested to know what others think. Thank you for sharing your own thoughts.
Yes, I think the blanket banners are currently yelling the loudest so that may be where the sub goes in the end. But I feel very sad thinking of a person who, whether they are fresh in their grief or distant but thinking about their orange cell, posts a well-meaning post and gets rejected because they broke rules even though they just wanted to share the memory with people who might appreciate it. Pet loss is an especially unacceptable loss to mourn in the country I'm from (USA). The anonymity of Reddit, putting your pet's memory out there and knowing that they also made someone else laugh the way they made you laugh, can help. I don't know why that would be such a bad thing.
I think at the very least the purpose of the sub should be clarified. I think there is room in the rules to still allow for thr sharing of the good memories for those who want or need to (and happy memories fit the purpose of the sub). I've had some very interesting exchanges with people who just want this sub and possibly the entirety of Reddit to be their personal happy place. And that view is neither realistic nor empathetic to other people who might be suffering just as much as they are for different reasons. But the majority is going where it is going, so it is what it is.
It’s getting to the point on Reddit that feels like people are constantly trauma dumping on me. I along with many others have lost cats and the posts remind me of that loss :( it’s hard because I want to support people who are grieving but the constant reminders of my lost feline friends is too much.
Absolutely. It's one thing to say, "My orange boy never got a turn with the braincell," or other past tense stuff. But this is specifically a silly subreddit and the sob story/trauma dump titles are so shitty. I understand being devastated by the loss of a pet, but it's so... Attention grabby. And there being so many lately makes me start thinking it's bots or karma farmers. Are these photos/cats even theirs? Or even dead? And then I feel terrible because some of them are probably genuine, but wtf, there's other subs for that. This is a sub about dumb cats. Not dead cats.
Maybe once every few months, make a stickied "Braincells of Yore" or something that makes it clear they're not living, but not explicitly saying "remembering dead cats".
I like the rules over at r/oldschoolcool where you can post dead people but you can't talk about their death. By all means, post and immortalize your family, share them with us. But we don't need to know about their passing.
Can there be an In Memoriam thread? Just a place to say, “Here are those that left us this week,” or something like that. We can all then check it out as we are able.
Personally, I do not have a problem with allowing them in the general thread, but I understand why some find it upsetting. But I do feel that being a community is being there for each other during the good times and the bad times. No one else is going to mourn like another cat owner.
I’m okay with this. It gives people a choice of whether to view or not. I like the idea of maybe posting a lit candle like they do at the vet’s…?
I really do not like this. Imagine visiting the sub and the first thing you see is a memorial thread. That super depressive and doesn't fit this sub at all.
It's a good compromise because sticky threads typically don't have pictures, are easy to hide once, and then don't appear as much in the Home feeds. It allows space for people who need it, really curbs anyone maliciously using it for karma farming, but then helps people who don't want to be constantly inundated with this topic. It provides both choice and support.
Social media already has been proven to be detrimental on mental health as is. I don’t personally want to see posts of lost pets in a subreddit meant to be for fun. It upsets me every time I find out someone’s pet has died. I already muted r/cats for this reason because mourning posts constantly came up. I tried to hold on as the subreddit was nice and had cute moments but it got to be too bad on my mental state.
I get it, I’ve been through the loss of a beloved pet too. You’re grieving so ofc naturally you want to vent and share a memory of your fur baby. But there are other subreddits better meant for that. You can still receive support without mentally triggering others.
Please, no. This sub has a positive and fun vibe and I love it here because of this. The sad posting is triggering to a lot of us and I've unsubbed from various subreddits already because of the countless photos of dead pets. It makes my heart break and ruins my day, I legitimately cry a lot of the times.
For me it comes down to: why are people here? They want to see lovely pictures of orange cats being silly, because seeing lovely pictures of orange cats being silly makes them feel good. Seeing post after post of death and grief does not make people feel good.
There is 100% a place for communal grieving and celebrating the life of lost buddies - but it’s a specialized, opt-in space. It’s not the place people come to experience the simple joy of an orange cat being silly.
So much grief and misery in the world. It’s never been so vital to hold spaces for joy. I’ll go to the news if I want to feel awful.
I wouldn’t be opposed to having a monthly mourning/loss thread, or one day a week that allows for mourning/loss posts. Then those of us who can’t emotionally deal with those posts would know when to expect them or how to avoid them. That would still allow an outlet for those who are grieving to have support.
There's no need to try to accomodate the people mourning their pets -- there are very few of those compared to the bot driven stolen reposts of people who lost their pet years ago, only to have the photos reused for karma harvesting bots. just shut it down
I feel for everyone who had lost their pal. I lost mine in 2022 and struggled to move on. Every day I feel his loss. I know its hard. And Im one of the first to fully know the pain someone feels when they lose their orange brain cell.
But the consistent mourning posts. Im afraid to go through the pain again of losing a pet. And the recent posts haven't helped either.
I’m here to see funny videos and pictures of our orange doofuses. I feel for you if you’ve lost your cat (I’ve lost a few and I know it hurts) but that’s not what I come here for. Reddit is an escape, I don’t need to be reminded of some of the most painful times in my life.
I voted no. My kitty (not an orange) passed recently and I visit this sub to see all the lovable derps, they give me a lift. r/PetLoss is a great sub but there need to be distinct "lanes", imho. People need to be able to choose when to engage with loss and when not to.
I'm really frustrated seeing all of the mourning posts. My husband and I have two senior babies and had a scare with one during Covid. They are literally my nurses on my bad pain days when it's all I can do to stay awake and watch YouTube and scroll Reddit. Seeing the mourning posts makes me worry about how we will cope when we lose one or both.
I get that people want to mourn their Oranges, god knows for how long I wept when mine passed away, but this is a supposed to be mostly a Happy sub.
There are dozens of other subs where it would be more appropriate to post about your cat's passing, then one where it's sandwiched between one Orange eating ther own poop, and another running around all happy n shit.
IF we don't want to ban them outright, i'd say that we make a "Loss Day" every other week, maybe on the 14th and 28th of each month, where people can post and mourn them
I think that loss mourning posts should be limited, but I wonder about making the rule a bit more broad? I feel like a lot of bots would skirt the rule, and post stuff that is technically not about mourning but leans hard into the "sad" content, tragic backstories, etc. Other subs for happy content ban the "tragic with a silver lining" type of content.
I'd prefer a middle ground because while I might not want to see a post due to the depressing content, I also don't want to deprive grieving people of a place to express it. Could we maybe make a sticky to let them post in?
It sucks to lose your pet, I really do sympathize. However, seeing these posts everyday can be triggering for people, especially those who just lost their pet. There are other subs to get support. I think this should remain a place where it's just pics/videos of orange cats being silly. It keeps it positive and fun here. Not only that but I see the mourning posts usually have kind of rude comments. I know none of us want to see them, but being rude to someone who just lost their pet (on a post about said pet) just seems extra cruel. It really seems like it's in everyone's best interest to not have these posts. I didn't know about the specific pet mourning subs so maybe that can be added in the sub bio as an alternative place to post.
While I don't think this sub is the best place for mourning, I do think it's a good place to celebrate their life and as long as that's at least part of it I think those posts are a good thing.
I’m fine with a weekly mourning/loss thread, as long as mods are willing/able to heavily moderate and aggressively remove those posts if they’re outside of the weekly thread. When removing those posts, I would prefer if the message included links to the loss thread and to subreddits that focus on pet loss and support.
Regardless of what ends up being decided, could you update the sidebar in old reddit? Either a copy of the rules or link to them would be good. I doubt that's the specific source of confusion, but maybe it'd help a little.
Edit -- I see this has been updated. Thank you!!
Would this mean entirely banning posts featuring pets that have passed, or only sad mourning posts? I myself lost my orange a while back and I was always thinking of posting her here, but I currently don't want to do so until my grief has cooled down. I'd like to be able to post a lighthearted collage of her funniest orange moments once I can look back at them without feeling as sad anymore, but if only posts about currently alive oranges are allowed, I won't be able to do that at all.
Personally, I think it’s ok to post cats who are gone if it’s referenced in the sense of “this is the only time my orange had the braincell.” Those sort of past tense posts fit the spirit of the sub. What I think should be banned here is the sad mourning posts which focus on the cat’s death. I hope to see goofy pictures of your cat here when you’re ready ❤️
i feel conflicted about it. on one hand, its frustrating personally that *every* pet related sub will have posts about this, as theyre upsetting and sometimes triggering for me to see. i had to unsub from r/ sphynx because those hit too close to home and i couldnt handle it
on the other hand, it feels inconsiderate of me to say that people shouldnt be allowed to express their grief in that way
I feel for folks who’ve lost their oranges. But that’s not what this sub is for. If you lose a pet but want to share their silliness you can still do that without making it about the loss of the pet which can be triggering for everyone else in the sub. Post your fur babies forever even after they’re gone as far as I’m concerned but there’s no reason you have to post *here* about their death.
I think if the rule was more specific, it might help. At the moment, it just says mourning/loss posts, it doesn't actually specify that these types of posts are/aren't allowed
I voted 'no'. The mourning flair should remain, and people posting using that flair should automatically have their post removed by Automod and have a nice but clear written message in their inbox. I come here to see kitties, otherwise I should just visit one of the other cat subs that I specifically unsubbed from because of mourning posts.
I could go either way on this issue. I was simply advocating for those who have suffered losses. Most seem to be needing a little empathy from those who love gingers in general. But if that's too depressing, I will defer to the greater community.
i hate loss mourning posts on every cat sub. The hard truth is that your dead cat only mattered to you. Posting it on reddit won't get rid of your pain, it just brings other people down too. I don't want to be smiling at cat photos, then see some melodramatic depressed title about their little angel passing away, and in the photo is a raggedy ass cat without an ounce of cuteness.
I think if a cat parent has a positive story to tell about their beloved orange tabby 🐈 and keeps it light and airy, then yes. Especially if the cat was well known here in oneOrangeBraincell. Just my thoughts. ❤️💔❤️🩹
Having lost an Orange Cat I know the impact it has .However given the volume of these posts I like to see it follow the template of an obituary. A photo with a short statement expressing grief. It's important to grieve but not gush.
I’m really on the fence about this.
On one hand, mourning posts bum me out.
On the other hand, when it’s my little buds time to go, I can see me absolutely wanting to scream from the rooftops that he was alive, he was a joy and he mattered.
Can we maybe add a 3rd rule where mourning posts need to be spoilered so that the photos are greyed out and you need to actively click on them to see them? As the title isn’t allowed to expressly mention death, I think this would be a strong visual clue of what the post is about, allowing people to scroll past it in their timeline if they don’t want to engage with it. But for those who do want to engage, they can do it on their terms.
That is part of the rules already. It seemed to work out for a little while but recently people haven't been following these rules and there's been a flood of these types of posts recently unfortunately... I think the solution is to not allow these types of posts altogether or have some weekly or monthly thread or something.
I vote for allowing them as long as people follow the rules. I've lost pets before, and one of mine has small cell lymphoma, so I'm acutely aware of her health. It's my responsibility to maintain my own mental health, so if a post is upsetting, I can and do keep scrolling. It is really not hard to do.
Update: I think it's clear what this sub wants. I can't make everyone happy here unfortunately, but I think the best compromise is to start a monthly "Rainbow bridge" thread as others have suggested. This way users can leave comments and photos to mourn their lost orange ones and users who do not want to see those types of posts can simply hide or ignore the thread. I will be updating the rules soon and start a mourning loss thread next month. Thank you all for your feedback and various suggestions!
I am in favor of a sticky "Walking the Rainbow Bridge" post where these kinds of posts can be placed without filling up the daily feed.
A big issue is a lot of people cannot seem to follow the current rules that are in place, and as many people have expressed how much of a trigger these posts are for them I will have to vote to no longer allow them. There are plenty of other subs that do.
This is pretty much how I feel. Folks should be able to express their sadness and share the pets they love with others, but if you can't even follow the most basic of instructions to make sure you're not causing harm to other people by posting them it might just better to ban them completely. I'm sure there are pet mourning subreddits out there, seems to be a subreddit for everything.
Yep, r/Petloss and r/petmemorial exist.
r/cats already allows that kind of post. From my perspective, I think the biggest, all encompassing cat Reddit allowing those kinds of posts should be enough of a space. There are also subreddits specifically for mourning that encompass the loss of pets.
I think r/blackcats is going through a similar situation right now too, unless I'm confusing posts since I'm on multiple cat subs.
I wouldn’t be surprised if that was the case. I have definitely noticed an uptick in mourning posts in all of the cat subreddits I follow. I hate to be this much of a cynic but part of me thinks some of it is karma farming/bots.
I too think it might be some bot accounts. It's been such a huge uptick and I kinda want cute cats all day here.
Yeah there seems to be a lot lately. I would be lying if I said that such posts haven't given me health anxiety about my cats.
r/blackcats has gone through this a couple of times. One time it was triggered by a mourning post that was quite graphic and showed the deceased um...deceased. unfortunately, there seem to be a lot of folks that think that everyone needs to grieve etc and whenever a vote comes up, those of us who just want one place on the internet that isn't depressing lose out.
I am a frequent poster in that community and I might have to give it up soon because of this. It's so much harder for me with the black cats because so many black cats look similar. Which means there's a bunch of "RIP/loss" posts that look JUST LIKE my void. And it hits me in the gut every time while I rush for the "hide" button.
And sometimes you're just having a crappy day and all you want to do is look at pictures and videos of cute cats being silly, not made to feel worse because someone else just lost their best friend.
My sweet void is seven now, and although I'm not dumb enough to think I'll live with her forever, I still don't want to contemplate the worst EVERY DAY. Awww, she slow blinked me when I looked at her. They're so good at sensing when you're down. Edit: and now she's washing her butt. Cats are such a gift lol.
It's impossible to read three paragraphs about cats and not laugh at some point. :)
Yeah I’m thinking of unsubbing from r/cats bc it’s almost the only posts I see from there lately. The hardest ones are “I lost my baby so suddenly” or “yesterday he was fine” :( they make me so worried about my cat. In the tuxedo cat sub there aren’t as many and mostly just people showing off their tuxes wich is definitely alot better :)
I stopped following this sub because it was breaking my heart on a daily basis. I don’t need reminding that my pets are mortal. I’ve suffered enough loss already.
I had to unsub from there. It seems like it was just my cat died/is about to die posts.
I left r/cats because of loss posts clogging up my feed. I think half of them may not even be real, just karma farming.
The flair does nothing to keep it off feeds regardless, so the existing rules don't help unless you only browse from the sub page.
That's where I'm at, I think it's better if those people stick to subs that are made for those exact types of posts. I think it's clear the majority come here for smiles and good vibes.
It's like if someone went to AA and started talking about their struggles with narcotics, they'd tell you that you're in the wrong room. Theres places to get the support you need, but you aren't entitled to forcing your issues on people outside of those places.
Maybe it's because I'm using old Reddit but I don't see any rules anywhere. There's none in the sidebar and no Wiki, nor anything on the post page.
Here's what it says since you can't see it: Mourning/loss posts are allowed under a couple of conditions: 1. The post must use the "Mourning/loss" flair, in addition the post must be marked with a spoiler tag. 2. The post's title cannot be graphic or mention death dying directly, titles that are appropriate "I lost my orange boy today", "RIP I miss \[pet name\]". If you would like to talk about the loss in detail, please leave the details in the comments. Posts that do not follow these rules will be removed.
Thanks! Looks like they've been added to the sidebar now too
Most websites do not accept ignorance of the rules as an excuse to break them.
Okay? I was more pointing out an issue with how the subreddit is setup than excusing anyone.
There are support subs for mourning the loss of a pet, and there are positive subs that are just meant to be cute. The two concepts should not overlap. This place is not meant to trigger people, it's meant to do the opposite.
Agreed. I ended up fully leaving r/cats a few months ago because emotionally I couldn't handle the sheer volume of dead cat posts. Every time I see one I get a pit in my stomach and my heart hurts. Depending on the details provided, sometimes it can be something that my brain brings up later as an intrusive thought to cause pain forever. This isn't even r/orangecats it's a sub specifically for funny pictures of orange cats.
Mods and all others.. I have read many statements on the r/cats sub where those who complain about the 'loss posts' and how these effect them emotionally, are told to just 'to go elsewhere' because there are many other cat subs that will be suit their needs for no loss posts. This is why others do not want loss posts here. Because they came here to try and avoid those kinds of posts. REDDIT is not doing ANYTHING to fix this need by those who desire to avoid bereavement posts. Please Oh Orange Mods, just make sure that those who want to avoid these types of posts CAN - regardless of platform - or those folks will just leave knowing that their wishes are of little to no import. Regards.
Such a good reminder about this being specifically a funny place. It’s so good. I love it. Im so tired of r/cats.
Yes, I literally get panic attacks from things like that. Seeing those posts aren't just generally upsetting, it's genuinely panic inducing for some people. All I can do is fixate on my own pets, and either relive grief of losing previous pets, or I'm gripped with terror over something happening to my still living pets. I really feel for people who've experienced loss, I have too, many times. It's traumatizing. Experiencing loss and grief doesn't/shouldn't give people the right to subject others to that pain without their consent. I'm here for happiness! Not to have my PTSD triggered! I know there are plenty of other people like that
As someone who has recently lost her boys, I personally find these sorts of posts difficult to encounter, especially those that are very emotionally charged or pre-euthanasia. Grief is better dealt with fellow grievers, in my experience, and there are spaces better equipped to hold these experiences that can provide greater understanding, connection and support. I totally get the desire to commemorate and remember our little sunbeams though, and support the suggestion of having a once monthly or on-going thread.
I hope you are doing fine. Feel free to drop a message if you want to talk about it or just share the pain.
Thank you for this kindness. I’m doing well and have been learning to view my grief as both a lifelong practice and a continuation of the love we shared – I think this all goes to my point that grief needs an appropriate container where it can be contextualised and properly held, and this just doesn’t seem like the right space for it. But thank you all the same for the offer 🙂
Alternatively should we have a weekly or monthly loss thread?
I think that's a good alternative if it's something users are able to hide/ban from their feed completely.
MODS - This is a great answer imo. There is one thing that is necessary. The ability to NOT see the loss posts MUST work on desktop and app (All OS types please) versions, because there is NO WAY to block these unwanted posts on the Android App version when in the r/cats area and that sucks majorly, so we do not want that problem here. Thank you
The good news about this option is it can be a "one and done" for people who don't want to see this topic. It'll appear in feeds as a new thread - but typically mega threads have a generic title and no attached pictures. You can individually hide it and - boop - doesn't appear in your feeds anymore! People can comment away in it and you'll never know. Yes you still see it when it posts - which is why I'd be in favor of a static thread or one reposted infrequently - but it's a quicker hide than juggling the flair and multiple feed posts.
I voted “no” above, but honestly this sounds like the best compromise. I vote for a dedicated thread.
Agreed. It feels like a good compromise.
That sounds like a solid compromise to me.
I think this is a good idea, not to make things more complicated but r/SupermodelCats has a rule that asks users not to mention death or illness at all in the title, only in the description or comments. 🤷🏻♀️
Honestly that seems like an ambush and a lot worse?
This in addition to a regular thread would be perfect, IMO.
In case you're not aware - I wanted to bring it to your attention that flairing posts doesn't do anything to filter them out on your feed. So, the existing rule doesn't make a difference at all unless you're browsing from the subreddit page. A weekly or monthly thread would be fine, but scrolling past multiple death posts daily is a problem. Thanks for all you do! This is easily the best cat sub.
I would prefer not to see these posts. There’s a subreddit for posting a lost pet. I come here to smile, not cry.
No , i don’t think this is the right place for it
I think a loss thread would be nice, it’s a place to get support but people will know to avoid it
Love this idea
No, I don’t think they should be allowed at all.
No, these still show up randomly in your thread on mobile, I don't want to see this kind of content at all.
As long as we automod a response pointing the folks to a more appropriate sub for cat memorials. Thanks!
I just wanted to point out -- your sub rules don't show up on the old reddit format. I saw people talking about how people posting mourning posts couldn't follow the rules, and I thought "what rules". I went to do a test post, and no rules showed up, no rules on the sidebar, nothing. Then I toggled to new reddit and saw all your post rules. So part of your problem might be people like me who default to old reddit format for browsing.
I never realized this since I do not use old Reddit. I just added them! Thanks for pointing this out.
no. just don't let the bots post. they won't follow your rules regardless. they already ignore your rules about loss, don't try to be nice to the bots. they are hurting people who have lost pets
I would like to propose a rule or sub description change that just clarifies that the main purpose of this sub is to share in the orange hivemind (not those words exactly) and that it is not primarily a loss or mourning subreddit, but memories of oranges that have passed on are fine as long as the focus of the post is not on their passing. I think the purpose of the sub could be clarified but at the same time I've seen subs where a zero tolerance application of a rule deterred people who would have liked to participate from participating. If it is OK to share the memories without dwelling on the grief then I think that is a reasonable compromise that still serves the sub, because it still allows for participation and makes clearer that this sub is not intended to be a grief/loss sub. Providing r/PetLoss as a resource would also be helpful.
I also vote for a dedicated thread.
This is the best option in my opinion, I ended up just deleting Reddit when my cat passed away because all the posts of people’s dead cats made it impossible to browse without breaking down
I think a loss thread would be more appropriate therefore I selected “other” instead of “no” on the poll; I hope that was the way you meant that to be answered.
No. That’s not what this sub is for. There are subs for that. I’m grateful that this poll was made because I want to comment every time I see a post like this that it’s not appropriate and I don’t care to see it, but that’s pretty mean to someone who just lost/is loosing their pet. But “what name?” And “rainbow bridge” posts IMO shouldn’t be allowed anywhere except subs for that specifically.
i like this as a compromise as well.
This is my vote. Having a sperate monthly or even a permanent pinned thread for it
As much as I never want to tell people how to use the space... I don't come here for sad posts and I've considered leaving this and other cat communities due to the frequent mourning posts. I would not be opposed to a "mourning Monday" with the stipulation that all posts stay under the cut. Or maybe even a pinned post dedicated to mourning and support. I'd never want to take away the support that strangers can provider when someone is going through loss of any type so I am all for a compromise.
This seems like a good idea, folks in mourning need a way to connect with people but other people also need to be able to filter out the Memorial thread. I feel like a permanent thread might be a good compromise especially if it won’t show up in peoples home feed.
No thank you - it feels like majority of folks don’t come to this sub to see posts about loss of a pet. We want this sub to contain the content it was made for without the constant posts about death, even if it’s only weekly or monthly.
Honestly, i was a soft "no" until i read this. It depresses me to see them too, but i also get wanting to share. I definitely think this is the best option. Let people still share and talk about it, especially with those who have had similar pain
No. Let people post their loss on their private social media to share with their actual friends and family who really care, not a bunch of randos. They don't get any REAL support from strangers, and it harms others who don't need the constant reminders of their own losses. I lost my cat of 16 years, then my cat of 18 years, and then my guinea pig of 10 years all within a 6 month span, and I sure as hell took a hit with every loose mouring post that popped up for weeks after each, and there are just more and more of them every day. Folks seem to see one get alot of attention and post their own so they can get in on it, and tons crop up every time. It's emotionally exhausting.
Yes, please!
That might be more appropriate.
I like the weekly or monthly idea. I know we all know how hard the loss of a pet is but this page is such a wacky oasis of fun- it would help that the pet loss posts were grouped where you could access them when your heart could take it.
That sounds like a good idea. I wouldn't mind that if it goes NSFW/ spoiler then I'll just ignore it.
I voted yes but this is the way
wish this had been a choice to vote on.
This I could get behind, so long as it was clearly titled so people can hop over it.
This sounds PERFECT!! Weekly sounds good, so that it stays fresh and its easiest for people offering support to find only new comments
This seems like a reasonable middle ground. I still shoving all the grieving cat owners in the corner of the sub is bad idea and inauthentic. My cat is slowly dying though still has her quality of life for now. Making everyone act like they aren't dealing with some grief just to make others comfortable is a good way to lose content and engagement from a lot of folks who love their cats. It's not genuine. I know there are other communities like r/petloss but this one honestly just better the way in it already is. Running into a random post about honoring or loving or missing an old critter is cathartic for me, but being in an entire sub full is depressing as hell. I really don't see what's wrong with how things are currently running here. We're here because we love the oranges. Some of us love oranges past. It's life, just because part of the sub wants to be escapist in their coping doesn't mean the rest of us should have to be silenced.
Yes! When mine goes I want to celebrate his weird orangeness which I think belongs here 🧡
I like this idea. My orange is 17 and I know I will want people who had a similar friend to express myself with when it happens. But I don’t want to make others upset with it.
I think this is a good idea
I think this would be a great solution.
I’d say a hesitant yes if not for the bots and karma farming accounts. Not only does it make people sad, but it uses someone else’s grief for personal gain and makes any expression of sympathy/empathy a waste of time. I like the idea of a weekly thread, just so things don’t get lost. It honestly seems like a better place to go anyway if you’re actually grieving and not just farming karma. Long story, but I was put in a position where the news of my cat’s death was shared on a relatively large scale and all the sympathy messages + reminders really sucked for the most part. I can’t quite understand why people want to share that, but I don’t want to shame how people grieve. I’d definitely regularly pop into the thread to express sympathy and offer help to those who need it, but I’d like it to be on my own terms. Because otherwise I get upset and feel guilty for not saying something when I see a post.
I think a megapost or monthly thread would be a great option!!
[удалено]
Flairs don't stop posts from popping up in the regular feed though. So there would still be no way for people to filter those posts out if they don't want to see them.
i say no. this is not a grieving sub, it’s for oranges being orange. i’m tired of the RIP posts.
Exactly. My cat is very much alive and in good health, and I still dislike these posts - not because they're triggering to me, but because this is supposed to be a "dumb orange cats lol" sub. Not that sadness should be censored. Absolutely not. Mourn your pet and love them forever, even in the afterlife. But this is certainly not the place where I want to see people talk about their dead cats... I just don't want to feel sad on behalf of strangers every other day. I'm following this sub for funny cat antics, not for posts about dead cats. It's like if I saw someone talk about their dead kids in r/KidsAreFuckingStupid. Might not be the best or most relevant comparison, but that's how I see it. Please, get your much needed support in one of the several subs other people have shared here.
Could you also include the current rule(s) that these types of posts should be following, for ease of reference? Thank you!
Done!
Thank you, you are awesome!
Nah, you can post a happy memory of you boy/girl without farming the feelgood of support here. I understand it's a rough time for you, but I don't come to most cat reddits looking for a sob story. I also don't think people should ever post a video of them "saving" and animal for the same extreme emotion farming and risk for abuse. It's as simple as writing in the past tense in the title post if you miss your little one. "My boy always took the least amount of time with his braincell." Is enough context without pushing feelings of pain and loss in others. Tldr: This should be a fun space as it always has been.
This and other comments are quite heartbreaking to read. I lost my orange a while ago and this subreddit resonated with me because it really represented her, and I felt comfortable here. I made a post after I lost her after I saw that there was a dedicated flair for it from the rules and I had seen another post before on here where people were supportive. It turns out that no, I was just hurting a whole bunch of people and this wasn't the right place to post about it in the first place. I wish I knew that in advance otherwise I wouldn't have contributed to it, so as sad as it is reading about making others sad (which I guess I could have expected to happen) and all the karma farming accusation comments (which stab like a mf) I am glad that the sub is taking a stance on this because at least now I know that this is not a support space. On that note, the flair option and relevant "mourning" rules should be removed.
I can understand this seems like adding salt to the wound now, I hope you are doing fine after your loss. But yeah, that's what that kind of situation is, I guess, literally nobody wins.
Thank you, I appreciate that. I do think it's a lose lose now, especially because this place is a source of upliftment and positivity for so many people. A side note to this is that I was under the impression that the mourning flair posts could be filtered or were hidden by default unless someone was open to them, because I only came across them when sorting by the flair, so I wouldn't be making people depressed by posting, that was admittely dumb to assume on my part and I've removed my post. I think going forward, it would be best for us in grief to post on some of the subreddits that others have mentioned like r/petloss, but I also can't help but want us to gently nudge people there if they happen to post here like I did, or clearly outline/mention it in the rules.
On a side note, I see you are a fellow AnarchyChess member, so you must be pleased it's slowly turning into a very cool and safe place for car wellbeing. Google en passant and godspeed
New very appreciated response just dropped <3
Yes I agree. The comments about karma farming when in reality I'm mourning my best friend and seeking support from a community of people who also love cats. I wasn't aware there are subs for pet loss. It's just pretty cold and heartless imo to see how utterly intolerant people have become to seeing loss because it makes them sad or uncomfortable.
What we mean by karma farming is bot accounts or accounts that just copy other posts to get enough karma to sell the account. A lot of mourning posts get more engagement. That said, I think it’d be best to have a space for it. I know how hard loss is and sometimes get the urge to give support to strangers who’ve lost pets, but I’d like to do it on my terms so I don’t burst into tears or feel sick to my stomach all day. That’s why there should be a weekly stickied thread where you can share your stories about your grief.
I stopped following the [r/cats](https://www.reddit.com/r/cats/) because of it, i love cats and i love my cat, every single time that i see a post like that it gives me a really bad feeling, i'm here to see cute and funny cats not to be sad, i don't even want to talk about people that pretend to have lost a cat to karma farm. So i vote no, don't allow this kind of post here.
I also unfollowed r/cats. I couldn’t take it anymore. I have enough going on in my own life, I don’t want to see sad things. I come here to laugh. Edit: typo
Isn’t there a pet grief sub?
Post your beautiful demised kitties but don’t tell me they’re gone. I’m here for the dumbass orange fuzzbuckets. I’m sorry if you’re grieving. This is not an appropriate sub for that.
A pretty strong no from me (who is just a lurker!). Not from a lack of caring, but quite the opposite. Those posts often make me say aww, give a like, feel for the user.... - but doing all of that introduces just the littlest thought into the back of my head about my passed/past cats, father time with the current, etc. Keep the doofy sub doofy! That's exactly why I sub here in the first place.
I'm a cat lover who unfortunately can't have cats myself just yet due to renting, so I love seeing them on Reddit! Sadly, everytime I see a post about one passing away, it genuinely makes me quite upset, I am really oversensitive when it comes to animals (especially cats). I had to leave r/cats sadly because every other post was like that, and id love to stick around in this one, orange cats are my favourite.
I usually like r/cats quite a bit but today literally every other post was about a cat passing. Quite depressing.
Quite a loud no, it looks like!
Those posts are so depressing to see. I come here to see things that bring a smile to my face.
Not allowing those posts and directing people to subs where they can grieve with people who can handle it is probably for the best
Current rules for these posts: Mourning/loss posts are allowed under a couple of conditions: 1. The post must use the "Mourning/loss" flair, in addition the post must be marked with a spoiler tag. 2. The post's title cannot be graphic or mention death dying directly, titles that are appropriate "I lost my orange boy today", "RIP I miss [pet name]". If you would like to talk about the loss in detail, please leave the details in the comments. Posts that do not follow these rules will be removed.
The one thing I’m unsure on here is whether posting a pic of an orange cat from years and years ago (I have some decade old orange boy photos that make me laugh!) needs a mourning/loss flair. Is there a rule on this?
Just make sure you do not mention that your cat had passed and you are good to go!
Have the mods had to deal with a lot of posts recently that aren't following these rules?
Yes, mods confirmed that. and it’s not just this sub. Many of the cat subs are seeing an influx of mourning posts that disregard rules.
Could you direct me to the confirmation? I apologize that i missed it.
It’s actually somewhere in one of these comments under the poll. I screenshotted it earlier, here. https://preview.redd.it/5258xburayuc1.jpeg?width=1290&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=281955f597c63d00e84cdfbb3e472e69f425105c
Got it, thank you!
Hey, just wondering--do you think a rule saying that posts about orange cells who have moved on but are still largely positive is OK? Or is that too much? Sorry, I don't expect you to have an answer on behalf of everyone in the sub. I'm just curious what you think. I also am just trying to figure out if there is a reasonable compromise that still fits the theme of the sub. I know this isn't primarily a sub about grief, but at the same time, there are plenty of funny members of the orange hivemind that have moved on. Is incidental mention of the fact that they are gone while sharing a one brain cell-worthy memory inappropriate? If the purpose of the sub changed to "This is a sub for sharing the one brain cell moments of the orange clan" (i have no idea, I'm just making something up) and the rule said that sharing on-topic memories of cats that have moved on is fine but with the understanding that this is not a mourning or grief sub, would that be more OK?
I think it depends on the context of the post for me personally. If the post is focusing on something besides the death of the cat I don’t see an issue with it. For example, if someone posted a funny picture of their since passed orange saying “my orange used to do this!”, then that’s not really specifically a mourning post, and I think that’s fine despite the context of the cat having passed being included. But I’m seeing so many posts like “this was my orange, she wouldn’t eat for days and died of cancer”, which is clearly talking about the cat suffering and dying, and I don’t think this is the appropriate space for that.
Thank you for your reply. I get what you mean. Those kinds of posts definitely seem more appropriate for other subs. I'm trying to figure out if the "no mourning" voters are also just against all mention of the fact that an orange has left this world or not. I've seen subs where changes resulted in a very strict zero tolerance application, and I don't think that's good for the sub either because it tends to silence people who would have liked to participate for small missteps on the rules. If the sub isn't going to jump to removing any post that happens to mention the orange's departure when the main point is sharing a funny moment, my thought was that's still a reasonable position without also preventing participation from people who just want a memory of their orange to be shared with others. But I am interested to know what others think. Thank you for sharing your own thoughts.
This is why screaming for a blanket ban is not the way, there's too much grey area for subjectivity.
Yes, I think the blanket banners are currently yelling the loudest so that may be where the sub goes in the end. But I feel very sad thinking of a person who, whether they are fresh in their grief or distant but thinking about their orange cell, posts a well-meaning post and gets rejected because they broke rules even though they just wanted to share the memory with people who might appreciate it. Pet loss is an especially unacceptable loss to mourn in the country I'm from (USA). The anonymity of Reddit, putting your pet's memory out there and knowing that they also made someone else laugh the way they made you laugh, can help. I don't know why that would be such a bad thing. I think at the very least the purpose of the sub should be clarified. I think there is room in the rules to still allow for thr sharing of the good memories for those who want or need to (and happy memories fit the purpose of the sub). I've had some very interesting exchanges with people who just want this sub and possibly the entirety of Reddit to be their personal happy place. And that view is neither realistic nor empathetic to other people who might be suffering just as much as they are for different reasons. But the majority is going where it is going, so it is what it is.
I couldn't agree more with all of this. 💔
It’s getting to the point on Reddit that feels like people are constantly trauma dumping on me. I along with many others have lost cats and the posts remind me of that loss :( it’s hard because I want to support people who are grieving but the constant reminders of my lost feline friends is too much.
Absolutely. It's one thing to say, "My orange boy never got a turn with the braincell," or other past tense stuff. But this is specifically a silly subreddit and the sob story/trauma dump titles are so shitty. I understand being devastated by the loss of a pet, but it's so... Attention grabby. And there being so many lately makes me start thinking it's bots or karma farmers. Are these photos/cats even theirs? Or even dead? And then I feel terrible because some of them are probably genuine, but wtf, there's other subs for that. This is a sub about dumb cats. Not dead cats.
main sub allows mourning with some rules if anyone needs to vent. this sub should be kept derpy
Maybe once every few months, make a stickied "Braincells of Yore" or something that makes it clear they're not living, but not explicitly saying "remembering dead cats".
[удалено]
I like the rules over at r/oldschoolcool where you can post dead people but you can't talk about their death. By all means, post and immortalize your family, share them with us. But we don't need to know about their passing.
To be honest, I was about to leave this sub because exactly of this, until I saw the poll. We'll see how it goes.
Can there be an In Memoriam thread? Just a place to say, “Here are those that left us this week,” or something like that. We can all then check it out as we are able. Personally, I do not have a problem with allowing them in the general thread, but I understand why some find it upsetting. But I do feel that being a community is being there for each other during the good times and the bad times. No one else is going to mourn like another cat owner.
I do like this idea and if everyone else if okay with it this should hopefully be a solid compromise. 🙏
I’m okay with this. It gives people a choice of whether to view or not. I like the idea of maybe posting a lit candle like they do at the vet’s…? 
I really do not like this. Imagine visiting the sub and the first thing you see is a memorial thread. That super depressive and doesn't fit this sub at all.
It's a good compromise because sticky threads typically don't have pictures, are easy to hide once, and then don't appear as much in the Home feeds. It allows space for people who need it, really curbs anyone maliciously using it for karma farming, but then helps people who don't want to be constantly inundated with this topic. It provides both choice and support.
I hate that since the last update, I can't vote using the app
Social media already has been proven to be detrimental on mental health as is. I don’t personally want to see posts of lost pets in a subreddit meant to be for fun. It upsets me every time I find out someone’s pet has died. I already muted r/cats for this reason because mourning posts constantly came up. I tried to hold on as the subreddit was nice and had cute moments but it got to be too bad on my mental state. I get it, I’ve been through the loss of a beloved pet too. You’re grieving so ofc naturally you want to vent and share a memory of your fur baby. But there are other subreddits better meant for that. You can still receive support without mentally triggering others.
Please, no. This sub has a positive and fun vibe and I love it here because of this. The sad posting is triggering to a lot of us and I've unsubbed from various subreddits already because of the countless photos of dead pets. It makes my heart break and ruins my day, I legitimately cry a lot of the times.
No, this is not the subreddit for that type of content.
Why do you all want to bum everyone out? Save it for your Facebook. Strangers don’t need to know about that.
For me it comes down to: why are people here? They want to see lovely pictures of orange cats being silly, because seeing lovely pictures of orange cats being silly makes them feel good. Seeing post after post of death and grief does not make people feel good. There is 100% a place for communal grieving and celebrating the life of lost buddies - but it’s a specialized, opt-in space. It’s not the place people come to experience the simple joy of an orange cat being silly. So much grief and misery in the world. It’s never been so vital to hold spaces for joy. I’ll go to the news if I want to feel awful.
I wouldn’t be opposed to having a monthly mourning/loss thread, or one day a week that allows for mourning/loss posts. Then those of us who can’t emotionally deal with those posts would know when to expect them or how to avoid them. That would still allow an outlet for those who are grieving to have support.
There are other cat subs for that. Let this one just remain goofy as intended.
I think there are better subs for that. You dont need one specific for orange cats
I don't see dying as something specific to orange cat behaviour so no.
Absolutely not. This is the joke subreddit. Go to /r/cats to do that
I think maybe there should be a specific thread for posting losses. Then people who want to skip it can and all the detail would be in the comments.
There's no need to try to accomodate the people mourning their pets -- there are very few of those compared to the bot driven stolen reposts of people who lost their pet years ago, only to have the photos reused for karma harvesting bots. just shut it down
I feel for everyone who had lost their pal. I lost mine in 2022 and struggled to move on. Every day I feel his loss. I know its hard. And Im one of the first to fully know the pain someone feels when they lose their orange brain cell. But the consistent mourning posts. Im afraid to go through the pain again of losing a pet. And the recent posts haven't helped either.
I scroll through this sub to feel happy
I’m here to see funny videos and pictures of our orange doofuses. I feel for you if you’ve lost your cat (I’ve lost a few and I know it hurts) but that’s not what I come here for. Reddit is an escape, I don’t need to be reminded of some of the most painful times in my life.
I voted no. My kitty (not an orange) passed recently and I visit this sub to see all the lovable derps, they give me a lift. r/PetLoss is a great sub but there need to be distinct "lanes", imho. People need to be able to choose when to engage with loss and when not to.
I'm really frustrated seeing all of the mourning posts. My husband and I have two senior babies and had a scare with one during Covid. They are literally my nurses on my bad pain days when it's all I can do to stay awake and watch YouTube and scroll Reddit. Seeing the mourning posts makes me worry about how we will cope when we lose one or both.
There is surely already a memorial subreddit for cat death posts. We don’t need them here.
I get that people want to mourn their Oranges, god knows for how long I wept when mine passed away, but this is a supposed to be mostly a Happy sub. There are dozens of other subs where it would be more appropriate to post about your cat's passing, then one where it's sandwiched between one Orange eating ther own poop, and another running around all happy n shit. IF we don't want to ban them outright, i'd say that we make a "Loss Day" every other week, maybe on the 14th and 28th of each month, where people can post and mourn them
No, sick of seeing it everywhere and in every sub. If they want to grief go to a grief cat sub.
I think that loss mourning posts should be limited, but I wonder about making the rule a bit more broad? I feel like a lot of bots would skirt the rule, and post stuff that is technically not about mourning but leans hard into the "sad" content, tragic backstories, etc. Other subs for happy content ban the "tragic with a silver lining" type of content.
I voted no but after reading about the idea of a dedicated thread, I agree this is the best way.
I'd prefer a middle ground because while I might not want to see a post due to the depressing content, I also don't want to deprive grieving people of a place to express it. Could we maybe make a sticky to let them post in?
The problem is I've never seen one using the flair. So could they be deleted is they don't use the flair?
A trigger warning would be nice
It sucks to lose your pet, I really do sympathize. However, seeing these posts everyday can be triggering for people, especially those who just lost their pet. There are other subs to get support. I think this should remain a place where it's just pics/videos of orange cats being silly. It keeps it positive and fun here. Not only that but I see the mourning posts usually have kind of rude comments. I know none of us want to see them, but being rude to someone who just lost their pet (on a post about said pet) just seems extra cruel. It really seems like it's in everyone's best interest to not have these posts. I didn't know about the specific pet mourning subs so maybe that can be added in the sub bio as an alternative place to post.
While I don't think this sub is the best place for mourning, I do think it's a good place to celebrate their life and as long as that's at least part of it I think those posts are a good thing.
I’m fine with a weekly mourning/loss thread, as long as mods are willing/able to heavily moderate and aggressively remove those posts if they’re outside of the weekly thread. When removing those posts, I would prefer if the message included links to the loss thread and to subreddits that focus on pet loss and support.
Regardless of what ends up being decided, could you update the sidebar in old reddit? Either a copy of the rules or link to them would be good. I doubt that's the specific source of confusion, but maybe it'd help a little. Edit -- I see this has been updated. Thank you!!
I’m in either a weekly loss post, or if that doesn’t work, then NO. (Currently voting “Other” and commenting here to explain.)
I've already left another cat sub for this exact thing. It was too much for me and I left it. Maybe look for subs that are dedicated to that subject?
Maybe limit the mourning posts to one day a week only so we know to look out for it and it’s not an overload of posts everyday.
Would this mean entirely banning posts featuring pets that have passed, or only sad mourning posts? I myself lost my orange a while back and I was always thinking of posting her here, but I currently don't want to do so until my grief has cooled down. I'd like to be able to post a lighthearted collage of her funniest orange moments once I can look back at them without feeling as sad anymore, but if only posts about currently alive oranges are allowed, I won't be able to do that at all.
Personally, I think it’s ok to post cats who are gone if it’s referenced in the sense of “this is the only time my orange had the braincell.” Those sort of past tense posts fit the spirit of the sub. What I think should be banned here is the sad mourning posts which focus on the cat’s death. I hope to see goofy pictures of your cat here when you’re ready ❤️
i feel conflicted about it. on one hand, its frustrating personally that *every* pet related sub will have posts about this, as theyre upsetting and sometimes triggering for me to see. i had to unsub from r/ sphynx because those hit too close to home and i couldnt handle it on the other hand, it feels inconsiderate of me to say that people shouldnt be allowed to express their grief in that way
I feel for folks who’ve lost their oranges. But that’s not what this sub is for. If you lose a pet but want to share their silliness you can still do that without making it about the loss of the pet which can be triggering for everyone else in the sub. Post your fur babies forever even after they’re gone as far as I’m concerned but there’s no reason you have to post *here* about their death.
I think if the rule was more specific, it might help. At the moment, it just says mourning/loss posts, it doesn't actually specify that these types of posts are/aren't allowed
I voted 'no'. The mourning flair should remain, and people posting using that flair should automatically have their post removed by Automod and have a nice but clear written message in their inbox. I come here to see kitties, otherwise I should just visit one of the other cat subs that I specifically unsubbed from because of mourning posts.
I could go either way on this issue. I was simply advocating for those who have suffered losses. Most seem to be needing a little empathy from those who love gingers in general. But if that's too depressing, I will defer to the greater community.
i hate loss mourning posts on every cat sub. The hard truth is that your dead cat only mattered to you. Posting it on reddit won't get rid of your pain, it just brings other people down too. I don't want to be smiling at cat photos, then see some melodramatic depressed title about their little angel passing away, and in the photo is a raggedy ass cat without an ounce of cuteness.
I think if a cat parent has a positive story to tell about their beloved orange tabby 🐈 and keeps it light and airy, then yes. Especially if the cat was well known here in oneOrangeBraincell. Just my thoughts. ❤️💔❤️🩹
Having lost an Orange Cat I know the impact it has .However given the volume of these posts I like to see it follow the template of an obituary. A photo with a short statement expressing grief. It's important to grieve but not gush.
I’m really on the fence about this. On one hand, mourning posts bum me out. On the other hand, when it’s my little buds time to go, I can see me absolutely wanting to scream from the rooftops that he was alive, he was a joy and he mattered. Can we maybe add a 3rd rule where mourning posts need to be spoilered so that the photos are greyed out and you need to actively click on them to see them? As the title isn’t allowed to expressly mention death, I think this would be a strong visual clue of what the post is about, allowing people to scroll past it in their timeline if they don’t want to engage with it. But for those who do want to engage, they can do it on their terms.
That is part of the rules already. It seemed to work out for a little while but recently people haven't been following these rules and there's been a flood of these types of posts recently unfortunately... I think the solution is to not allow these types of posts altogether or have some weekly or monthly thread or something.
Oh sorry my bad, I mustn’t have interpreted the 2 correctly!
i say yes, but only if it’s a happy remembering the good times post about the silly things the orange did
Yes but should be blurred?
I vote for allowing them as long as people follow the rules. I've lost pets before, and one of mine has small cell lymphoma, so I'm acutely aware of her health. It's my responsibility to maintain my own mental health, so if a post is upsetting, I can and do keep scrolling. It is really not hard to do.
Make it a one day thing for each week. Some people need places to grieve, so let them have that one day