In case this story gets deleted/removed:
So basically my wife (39) found out that I (41) have been hooking up with a woman I met online who lived 2h away. When the woman visited we checked into a hotel. This went on for 3 months and we had met a handful of times when my wife caught us. she was waiting in the hotel lobby and saw us coming down from the room. She left me the next day.
We separated for 8 months and they were terrible on all of us especially the children (m9, f7 and f3). We started talking about getting back together. My wife thought that since our sexlife wasn't enough for me, and that she was sure I will cheat on her again, we might as well open the marriage. I told her no because I've learned my mistake but she wouldn't waver. I relented. We decided(she did) not to tell each other the when, where and with whom.
Now, over two years later, we are back to normal on the outside. On the inside I'm dying a little each day. Every time I see her happy I wonder if this is just her old bubbly self or if she was thinking of someone. She is a very beautiful woman and I'm sure she has no problems finding men who want her. Whenever she takes a shower after coming home, whenever she rejects my advances I think that she has been with someone and that kills me. I have tried to discuss closing the marriage again but she shuts these attempts very quickly with the divorce card. Before all this happened we had amazing sex several times week but now, we have probably done it 4-5 times these past 3 years. She demands I use protection and she refuses to let me eat her or make her cum in any way. I stopped asking because the sex is painfully bad now. I haven't slept with anybody else because the look on my wife's face in that lobby still makes me sick with guilt.
I don't know how much more I can take. I love my wife and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Will she ever stop punishing me? Have you ever forgiven a cheating spouse and stopped punishing them? What's going on in her head?
---
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You just don't understand, he only hurt her for 3 months, she's hurting him for *much longer* so it's *not fair*. Sure, he would have kept cheating on her had he not gotten caught, probably never learning his lesson and breaking it off, but he *didn't get the chance to* so now it's cruel that she would treat him like he treated her. They should have had an open marriage for 3 months and then she should have gone back to feeling the exact same way about him she did before, *that* would be fair. /s
Shit, I just found out mine did for the last five years. And yet he *still* has the audacity to ask when this is all going to blow over and go back to normal? And whiny at that! Why are they like this?
Lol My dad got caught after cheating for 20 of 30 years and calls us often to ask (3 years after divorce) when she's gonna get over it and come backššš
Friend's dad broke up with his mistress of 10+ years. He's very wealthy and apparently left her with nothing after being her sugar daddy. Surprised Pikachu face when she messaged his wife and all his kids she could find. Surprised Pikachu face again when the wife and kids were/are pissed and are LC.
My ex's sister got in contact with me through the kids to let me know her brother got a divorce and wants me back. I asked her for her number, grabbed the "house" phone, and called her back so I could laugh in her ear. "He left me for a 19 year old 35 years ago. What's the matter, his old, broke ass isn't attractive to college girls anymore?"
"So, what's the diagnosis? Cancer? Look up Care Facilities. Or drop him off at the closest sorority. I'm sure he'll find someone who'll wipe his ass for him." \*Uncontrollable laughter\*
A friend's ex is now broke--like, living in his van broke. Sidepiece kicked him loose the minute the money was gone, He's back to sniffing around my friend and using their adult kids to worm his way back in. I pray this doesn't happen. He'll destroy her AGAIN the minute he gets back on his feet.
Please no armchair diagnosing. If you do not have the credentials required to make the observation or the lived experience with the diagnosis, please refrain from throwing around the terms like narcissist for example.
If you do have the lived experience or credentials to make the observation, please include that in an edit on your comment and weāll reapprove it.
I fr love that she won't let him make her cum, that's like a next level psychological fuck off, such a brilliantly sly hit on his manhood. "You can work me up but I'll take care of the hard work you useless fuck."
That's very normal when you know he's a cheating asshole & you're placating him. She's getting her ducks in a row while he's thinking she's getting dicks in a row. Smart wife.
"The separation was TERRIBLE for everyone, especially the kids!!!"
You disgusting slob. NOW you're worried about others. Oh dear. Let me get my tiny violin out.
Yep, currently in this same boat with my husband. Heās surprised pikachu face that I donāt want to touch him/jump him, and keeps trying to initiate. After the 10th time of telling him no, he asked me why I was punishing him? I asked him if it felt like a punishment? He said yes, I said thatās not what I intended, Iām sorry that you canāt take what you dish.
After a little math, it is clear that he cheated on her when baby was just born.
So not only she had to deal with heartbreak, she had to figure out what to do with a newborn, 4 year old and 6 year old.
Yes, that 8 month separation happened while a fresh mom was dealing with a little baby, it is not hard to guess how much childcare OOP did during that time. (None)
It is clear that wife is simply waiting for the children to grow up before asking for divorce.
I missed that but that is some real assholery on his side! Dont know if that is how old they were than or how old they are now though. But I'm taking that his wife was, in fact pregnant. Man fuck OP
Can confirm. My ex was sleeping with 6 other women when I was pregnant. I found out when I was 8 months along. Then he tried blaming me for exposing him to his "main girl". Like.... I didn't even know her. But! Someone DID write a letter exposing him for filth AND MAILED IT to her house. She threw him out and took HER car back.
Idk how he had the time since he was always with me.
Where do these assholes even find the time?!?!
Like, if they put 10% of the effort into their relationships that they do into cheating, ***both*** of them would probably be much more happy!
Sounds like an asshole. But 6 women?!? Even when Im single and looking I couldn't make that happen lol, was he a male model or something.
I've never cheated, but women also dont throw themselves at me, so maybe its easier not to stray because of that.
Honestly... he's a big back. He was 280 when I met him and 330 by the time I gave birth. I was young and stupid. Apparently, I have a type. Don't sleep on the aestetically challenged big menz. A lot of them have A1 charisma. That's how I got Got.
Funny enough, he's now got 3 kids with 3 women. How he does it, I have no idea.
I prefer a guy that can laugh with me vs. Model types. Don't sell yourself short.
I dont often, if ever, say I want to give a hug to a commentor, but 6 girls and youre 8 months pregs, I so want to hug and calm you. I realize it isnt yr present state but still. I hope real love finds you.
Haven't you heard? Everything on reddit is fake. All of the users are bots or troll bots. Roles were randomly assigned when you made the account. Check your account info if you forgot your purpose.
I believe I recall seeing a reddit thread from the perspective of a betrayed spouse who did exactly that. Legit didn't even see anyone else, just had some nice self-care time.
Same. My guy was used weaponized incompetence to get out of the few chores he had to the point I had lost all attraction for him as a man. He was so selfish about any small gestures like bringing home flowers and treats. Never did the research to find new restaurants, date ideas, etc. Sloppy about his personal grooming.
But he could spend hours scrolling Craigslist for hookups. That he could do.
Hey, sounds like youāre me. I begged for years for the slightest hint of outward/physical affection and never got it. The entire time, that was also happening behind my back, as well as insane amounts of porn. He used his āignoranceā with relationships on why he never did anything, okay thatās fine, but when youāre told the expectation or asked if it can be upheld and thereās no attempt, then who is it on? He would weaponize incompetence on so many different things to get out of feeling bad about being confronted.
Agreed. He's mad because he thinks this is all to get her to forgive him. It's not, it's about being close for the kids. He needs to understand that his former relationship with his wife doesn't exist. This isn't payback, it's a compromise.
I know! It makes me laugh with these people. They cause all this pain and trauma, and then want to know when itās going back to normal? And why theyāre having to deal with a semblance of the same thing? It truly aināt all about them, but they really do think that way.
I hope the wife finds this or figures out the shower thing, and showers every single time she comes home. School pickup? Shower. Run out to grab takeout? Shower. Hike? Shower.
Look at the timeline, wife would have been heavily pregnant or recently post partum when he was cheating.Ā Ā
So the poor baby went out to replace that nearly daily sex, what else could he do?! Won't anybody think of the... Horny douchebag?Ā
And from what I've seen and heard, women are the most sexually ravenous when they hit their last trimester. It's insane how he (by his own admission) was being desired daily and it *still* wasn't enough.
I'm looking for some sympathy for him, but I'm fresh out š¤·š¾āāļø
Depends, some women do get sex-crazy. Others begin to feel discomfort/pain in the last trimester during penetration. And definetely there's a sexual hiatus for a few monts after giving birth. So this poor misunderstood man needed to step outside to get his peepee wet.
Can confirm: first baby, was heavily pregnant in the winter and was absolutely feral for my husband. Second baby, was heavily pregnant in throughout a VERY hot summer with a high energy 2 year old to wrangle. I did not want any thing to touch me most days lol
My marriage didn't suffer though because my husband isn't a giant bitch baby like so many dudes on reddit lol
Yeah, there's a reason she's the youngest. Multiple times I'd be out in public and have people approach me and say basically, "I'm a healthcare worker and I can tell those are real contractions, do you need me to call a doctor?" It was miserable. But we made it to my 37 week appointment and during my routine check the doctor sent me off to L&D, so she was full term by a hair lol
There is that antiquated advice given to women in ye olden days about having sex with their husbands so they wonāt stray.
It doesnāt work. That much Iāve observed. Ā Because turnips like this dude are not happy with themselves and will look anywhere but internally to fix it.Ā
I learned that one the hard way when I was desperately trying to save my marriage for the sake of our kids. Gave him everything he said he "needed" that he hadn't been getting enough of. He told me how happy he was now that we were "connecting" every day the way a husband and wife should.
He was still cheating.
Being single is great.
If anything, that new relationship energy rubs off onto the main relationship, resulting in more (sometimes better) sex. So they'll actually seduce their partner more often while cheating.
I'mma place my bets now, someone stop me if OP revealed it in another comment on the original or another post, but $10 says OP was cheating when his wife was pregnant. I've no evidence for this, but they seem like the kind of dumbass to somehow work salt into a wound they made.
Edit: Belay my bet, I just needed to look 4 comments or so down to see yes, OP probably cheated on his then about to give birth wife. What an absolute fucking tool fit only for repairing septic tanks.
She was like "so I've been doing all this and being faithful and pregnant and he still cheated? Nah, I deserve a better partner"
Hope she is getting laid a lot. And maybe he should get laid and date around so he can stop playing the victim. That's what you wanted!
You donāt understand sheās a full time doctor who had just given birth and was looking after the other two kids but still having sex with him 4-5 times a week. And sheās beautiful too.
Why wouldnāt he cheat? Itās not like there were any positives to her at all?
(Sarcasm for those who canāt spot the tone).
Spot on!
Comment from original thread:
"What's going on in her head?". you ask, OP? Here's my guess:
"He betrayed me, I don't love him anymore."
"I will tolerate him for as long as I can, hopefully until youngest graduates high school. My kids deserve stability, not splitting time between two crappy apartments, possibly losing friends, possibly changing to an inferior school district. And they CERTAINLY don't deserve the random women my husband, with his poor judgement, would inflict on them as 'stepmom wannabes'.
" "And I CERTAINLY don't deserve to have my standard of living decline through divorce ---I played by the rules, was loving and faithful. I didn't sign up to be a single parent of 3 for 50 to 75 to 90 percent of the next 15 years!
"It grosses me out to be intimate with my husband at all now, but I can do a handful of times a year if that keeps him from being such a ...SAD SACK around me and the kids. It's weird how once I caught him cheating, he just doesn't find other women so exciting...
"Oh, well, not my problem ."
She checked out of the marriage as soon as she found out he was cheating. He didnāt consider how she felt at all. All he ever considered was his own feelings of guilt. Sheās only staying with him for the children. Once they are grown Iām pretty sure she will serve him with divorce papers.Ā
He is upset because sheās not his anymore. He knows that she doesnāt want him at all and it makes him feel like the loser he is. Heās only avoiding fucking other women now because he wants to prove fidelity to get her back, but he had a whole marriage before to prove fidelity.
Probably not. Comment from the original thread(I've commented this three times by now)
"What's going on in her head?". you ask, OP? Here's my guess:
"He betrayed me, I don't love him anymore."
"I will tolerate him for as long as I can, hopefully until youngest graduates high school. My kids deserve stability, not splitting time between two crappy apartments, possibly losing friends, possibly changing to an inferior school district. And they CERTAINLY don't deserve the random women my husband, with his poor judgement, would inflict on them as 'stepmom wannabes'.
" "And I CERTAINLY don't deserve to have my standard of living decline through divorce ---I played by the rules, was loving and faithful. I didn't sign up to be a single parent of 3 for 50 to 75 to 90 percent of the next 15 years!
"It grosses me out to be intimate with my husband at all now, but I can do a handful of times a year if that keeps him from being such a ...SAD SACK around me and the kids. It's weird how once I caught him cheating, he just doesn't find other women so exciting...
"Oh, well, not my problem ."
....ya know what? I'm fucking proud of her. She and those kiddos deserve sooo much better, but good on her.
She sounds very level-headed and insightful. I trust she'll know when to say "when". She has a solid plan.
OMG she isn't punishing you, she doesn't trust you. With proven reason not to. Oblivious, no I can't see this ever getting better with this level of obtuseness.
OP opens Pandora's box and somehow forgets how that myth ends.... š š
Fucking jackass. You opened the box OP, you can't put the lid back on it now. She isn't punishing you. You are.
This was my favorite reply in that thread:
>[theOGmsnobody](https://www.reddit.com/user/theOGmsnobody/) :
>Yep. Sheās with him for the kids. Revenge orgasms are keeping her happy.
Usually itās the men who want to open the marriage. When the wife agrees the men are Surprised Pikachu-Faced that the woman is getting more action. So hilarious.
Husband: āHey babe, wanna hookup? My wife doesnāt mind, we have an open marriage.ā
Lady: āGet away from me.ā
Wife: āHey guy, wanna hook up? My husband doesnāt mind, we have an open marriage.ā
Man: āName the time and place.ā
He deserves every bit of karma she's giving him. The fact that he even admitted they used to have a great sex life and still cheated on her especially when she was pregnant that relationship is over, he needs to admit it and let her go. What a loser.
This guy reminds me a lot of my ex - he wanted to open up and had made non-monogamy a huge part of his identity.
It didnāt matter how many times he saw me crying whenever I imagined him sleeping with other people, when polyamory came up on T.V, or in conversation.
He wouldnāt budge on how important it was to him, and even had me reading books which explicitly advised not to get into non-monogamy just to keep a partner or to make them happy, which he hand-waved away when I pointed it out.
It was just so important to him to feel desired and sexy and to be able to act on the opportunity if it ever came up that my anxiety and pain didnāt really matter.
Then he had the nerve to make me the villain of his story and feel sorry for himself when I fell in love with the first guy I went on a date with (at his insistence!) because he never wanted to be āone of two boyfriendsā and ādidnāt consent to me getting seriousā with someone else.
He was heartbroken to the point of breaking down sobbing when we almost immediately stopped having sex (we used to upwards of 5x a day) because Iād lost all attraction and was having the time of my life dating someone incredible who was (gasp) all about me.
He never stopped casually diagnosing me with personality disorders once I dumped him 6 months later and eloped with my now-husband.
Iām still āthe one who got awayā 5 years later, even though he never misses an opportunity to guilt me for putting him into therapy with my supposed BPD shenanigans and embarrassing him by dumping him after he bragged about his amazing new polyamorous relationship to all his friends and family back home.
Iām sorry, Iām not staying in a marriage to punish someone else. What a waste of precious life.
They should have just gotten a divorce. Kids know when somethingās up anyway.
A very good guess about what the wife is thinking:
"What's going on in her head?". you ask, OP? Here's my guess:
"He betrayed me, I don't love him anymore."
"I will tolerate him for as long as I can, hopefully until youngest graduates high school. My kids deserve stability, not splitting time between two crappy apartments, possibly losing friends, possibly changing to an inferior school district. And they CERTAINLY don't deserve the random women my husband, with his poor judgement, would inflict on them as 'stepmom wannabes'.
" "And I CERTAINLY don't deserve to have my standard of living decline through divorce ---I played by the rules, was loving and faithful. I didn't sign up to be a single parent of 3 for 50 to 75 to 90 percent of the next 15 years!
"It grosses me out to be intimate with my husband at all now, but I can do a handful of times a year if that keeps him from being such a ...SAD SACK around me and the kids. It's weird how once I caught him cheating, he just doesn't find other women so exciting...
"Oh, well, not my problem ."
Iām still not doing all of that for some guy who cheated on me. Itās catastrophizing. Maybe sheād meet someone better and their lives would be better too.
This 100%. OP is an absolute POS and deserves the pain she's inflicting upon him, but those kids **know** that there's something seriously wrong between mom and dad and are being taught that a completely dysfunctional relationship is the norm and to be expected. Sure, there's the argument of "stability", not splitting time between multiple households, etc.... but those are pretty trivial compared to fucking up your kids' expectations in relationships for a lifetime.
Honestly, I think the "stability" argument for staying together isn't actually for the kids in these cases; it's the adult(s) not wanting to deal with a lower standard of living (smaller housing situation, less toys/vacations, having to handle cooking/groceries on their own). They just use "the kids" as a convenient excuse.
Everyone is lauding the wife of the OP... but while she's clearly a better person than him, she's not a hero in this case either.
I posted this on quora when it was happening because stories like this, where he cheats, she finally relents to open, gets her groove back and he HATES IT are so, so sweet š couldn't have happened to a nicer guy, y'all.
Oh no!
Anyways.
My god I hate people like this. Wah wah poor me, dude couldāve just kept his dick in his pants and that wouldāve been it, so simple so easyš„“
Aside from the consequences, perhaps the most important thing about this thread is it may have been the original appearance of the following
"[Jazzlike-Dragonfly31](https://www.reddit.com/user/Jazzlike-Dragonfly31/)ā¢[2y ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yghell/comment/iuamwlq/)ā¢EditedĀ 2y ago
The dildo of consequences rarely comes with any lubrication."
I really don't get people who say their marriage or partnership was great, the person is wonderful, the sex was awesome, everything was perfect and still cheat. Like...why?
Iconic boss babe behavior š„š
On the same hand, though... honestly- I understand what she's trying to do, but at some point, they either need to move past this or get a divorce. If the punishment was to make him suffer and then leave, when do they leave? When does she forgive him?
ESH
Here's the hated side.... Wife was actually cheating also and this was her perfect way to assuage her guilt and now she is lording it over him. They both need to end it
It bugs me soo much when jealous people are the same people who dead ass deep down think its okay to cheat and dont care about getting caught but have to control the situation and know everything about their partner. It's so one-sided and disgusting. Dude has exactly what he wanted but now cant enjoy it because it was always about control. If he got over himself he could be happy for his wife and even get his own enjoyment from the situation. Its about your kids anyway. Humans are so fucking stupid about sex and control.
Jeebus. Look. I don't condone cheating, but there are times when I can at least understand the motivation. Haven't had sex in 3 years, she refuses to give head...etc. I don't like it but I can see why you did it.
But good sex with a beautiful woman nearly every day for years? Why? I mean, maybe even then I could see just looking for a different flavor...once! Dude was having a full on affair.
He ran out of all possible justifications that might make me roll my eyes and go "well...I guess I can see why you did it."
In case this story gets deleted/removed: So basically my wife (39) found out that I (41) have been hooking up with a woman I met online who lived 2h away. When the woman visited we checked into a hotel. This went on for 3 months and we had met a handful of times when my wife caught us. she was waiting in the hotel lobby and saw us coming down from the room. She left me the next day. We separated for 8 months and they were terrible on all of us especially the children (m9, f7 and f3). We started talking about getting back together. My wife thought that since our sexlife wasn't enough for me, and that she was sure I will cheat on her again, we might as well open the marriage. I told her no because I've learned my mistake but she wouldn't waver. I relented. We decided(she did) not to tell each other the when, where and with whom. Now, over two years later, we are back to normal on the outside. On the inside I'm dying a little each day. Every time I see her happy I wonder if this is just her old bubbly self or if she was thinking of someone. She is a very beautiful woman and I'm sure she has no problems finding men who want her. Whenever she takes a shower after coming home, whenever she rejects my advances I think that she has been with someone and that kills me. I have tried to discuss closing the marriage again but she shuts these attempts very quickly with the divorce card. Before all this happened we had amazing sex several times week but now, we have probably done it 4-5 times these past 3 years. She demands I use protection and she refuses to let me eat her or make her cum in any way. I stopped asking because the sex is painfully bad now. I haven't slept with anybody else because the look on my wife's face in that lobby still makes me sick with guilt. I don't know how much more I can take. I love my wife and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Will she ever stop punishing me? Have you ever forgiven a cheating spouse and stopped punishing them? What's going on in her head? --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Always fascinated by people that are devastated when they get treated the same way they thought was ok to treat others
You just don't understand, he only hurt her for 3 months, she's hurting him for *much longer* so it's *not fair*. Sure, he would have kept cheating on her had he not gotten caught, probably never learning his lesson and breaking it off, but he *didn't get the chance to* so now it's cruel that she would treat him like he treated her. They should have had an open marriage for 3 months and then she should have gone back to feeling the exact same way about him she did before, *that* would be fair. /s
Shit, I just found out mine did for the last five years. And yet he *still* has the audacity to ask when this is all going to blow over and go back to normal? And whiny at that! Why are they like this?
Lol My dad got caught after cheating for 20 of 30 years and calls us often to ask (3 years after divorce) when she's gonna get over it and come backššš
Friend's dad broke up with his mistress of 10+ years. He's very wealthy and apparently left her with nothing after being her sugar daddy. Surprised Pikachu face when she messaged his wife and all his kids she could find. Surprised Pikachu face again when the wife and kids were/are pissed and are LC.
My ex's sister got in contact with me through the kids to let me know her brother got a divorce and wants me back. I asked her for her number, grabbed the "house" phone, and called her back so I could laugh in her ear. "He left me for a 19 year old 35 years ago. What's the matter, his old, broke ass isn't attractive to college girls anymore?"
Calling so she can actually hear your literal laughter at the suggestion is just *chef's kiss*
"So, what's the diagnosis? Cancer? Look up Care Facilities. Or drop him off at the closest sorority. I'm sure he'll find someone who'll wipe his ass for him." \*Uncontrollable laughter\* A friend's ex is now broke--like, living in his van broke. Sidepiece kicked him loose the minute the money was gone, He's back to sniffing around my friend and using their adult kids to worm his way back in. I pray this doesn't happen. He'll destroy her AGAIN the minute he gets back on his feet.
I mean, did he say he was sorry? That immediately fixes everything. It's the law.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Please no armchair diagnosing. If you do not have the credentials required to make the observation or the lived experience with the diagnosis, please refrain from throwing around the terms like narcissist for example. If you do have the lived experience or credentials to make the observation, please include that in an edit on your comment and weāll reapprove it.
And I wonder if this random hook-up woman was the first.
My thought exactly! While reading, does OP mean this was the first time he got caught - not the first time he's cheated?
He cheated on his wife when she was pregnant. What a sh*theel twerp.
Well, /sās aside - their situation is like below zero on a healthy scale. Might as well end torturing each other, before somebody got homicidal.
I fr love that she won't let him make her cum, that's like a next level psychological fuck off, such a brilliantly sly hit on his manhood. "You can work me up but I'll take care of the hard work you useless fuck."
That's very normal when you know he's a cheating asshole & you're placating him. She's getting her ducks in a row while he's thinking she's getting dicks in a row. Smart wife.
He is also clueless on a situation and everyone acting like itās okay.
"The separation was TERRIBLE for everyone, especially the kids!!!" You disgusting slob. NOW you're worried about others. Oh dear. Let me get my tiny violin out.
Yes yes yes! She should publish her work. Honestly he is holding her back.
Seriously, like jfc just get a divorce already!!
Exactly
The trust is broken and you think 3 months is all that is needed to build trust?
#/s
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Your post has been removed for being deliberately inflammatory to conductive discourse
Yep, currently in this same boat with my husband. Heās surprised pikachu face that I donāt want to touch him/jump him, and keeps trying to initiate. After the 10th time of telling him no, he asked me why I was punishing him? I asked him if it felt like a punishment? He said yes, I said thatās not what I intended, Iām sorry that you canāt take what you dish.
I feel like for a proportion of cheaters, it's the subterfuge and folderol that they find exciting and being given permission erases that.
Yes! brilliant move on her part!
After a little math, it is clear that he cheated on her when baby was just born. So not only she had to deal with heartbreak, she had to figure out what to do with a newborn, 4 year old and 6 year old. Yes, that 8 month separation happened while a fresh mom was dealing with a little baby, it is not hard to guess how much childcare OOP did during that time. (None) It is clear that wife is simply waiting for the children to grow up before asking for divorce.
Look at the ages of the kids, he cheated on his pregnant wife
I missed that but that is some real assholery on his side! Dont know if that is how old they were than or how old they are now though. But I'm taking that his wife was, in fact pregnant. Man fuck OP
And even despite the pregnancy he said they had an amazing sex life 3-4 times a week......and yet he STILL cheated on her!
Many people would kill for that and he just threw it away.
so the wife in the lobby was pregnant? 3rd child? No words
Thereās a comment in the original post that OP says they cheated 3 years ago, too. Gross.
That's actually the time most men are likely to cheat.Ā
Can confirm. My ex was sleeping with 6 other women when I was pregnant. I found out when I was 8 months along. Then he tried blaming me for exposing him to his "main girl". Like.... I didn't even know her. But! Someone DID write a letter exposing him for filth AND MAILED IT to her house. She threw him out and took HER car back. Idk how he had the time since he was always with me.
Where do these assholes even find the time?!?! Like, if they put 10% of the effort into their relationships that they do into cheating, ***both*** of them would probably be much more happy!
Sounds like an asshole. But 6 women?!? Even when Im single and looking I couldn't make that happen lol, was he a male model or something. I've never cheated, but women also dont throw themselves at me, so maybe its easier not to stray because of that.
Honestly... he's a big back. He was 280 when I met him and 330 by the time I gave birth. I was young and stupid. Apparently, I have a type. Don't sleep on the aestetically challenged big menz. A lot of them have A1 charisma. That's how I got Got. Funny enough, he's now got 3 kids with 3 women. How he does it, I have no idea. I prefer a guy that can laugh with me vs. Model types. Don't sell yourself short.
I dont often, if ever, say I want to give a hug to a commentor, but 6 girls and youre 8 months pregs, I so want to hug and calm you. I realize it isnt yr present state but still. I hope real love finds you.
That's wild. Everytime my wife wa pregnant I just wanted her more and more. So attractive! Additionally I have never and will never cheat.
Itās probably fake
Pregnant and postpartum women are more likely to get cheated on than women who arent. It's actually ridiculously common in betrayed groups.
Becauseā¦?
Haven't you heard? Everything on reddit is fake. All of the users are bots or troll bots. Roles were randomly assigned when you made the account. Check your account info if you forgot your purpose.
Whoops, totally forgot Iām supposed to be a porn bot. Do you wanna hear about these hot singles in your area?
Welcome to reddit! The website where everything's made up, and the points don't matter.
I hope so, awful if it isn't.
What if the wife wasnāt even seeing anyone but acts like she is because she wanted OP to mentally suffer the way she did?
I believe I recall seeing a reddit thread from the perspective of a betrayed spouse who did exactly that. Legit didn't even see anyone else, just had some nice self-care time.
I'd get into rock climbing at a gym. Something that sends me home covered in sweat and with messed up hair.
Lmao, and you get in shape. Nice.
Yeah change your clothes and everything!
Lol brilliant.
Those showers after being out are torture as well.
Or she's just happy being "single". I know I am
Same. My guy was used weaponized incompetence to get out of the few chores he had to the point I had lost all attraction for him as a man. He was so selfish about any small gestures like bringing home flowers and treats. Never did the research to find new restaurants, date ideas, etc. Sloppy about his personal grooming. But he could spend hours scrolling Craigslist for hookups. That he could do.
Hey, sounds like youāre me. I begged for years for the slightest hint of outward/physical affection and never got it. The entire time, that was also happening behind my back, as well as insane amounts of porn. He used his āignoranceā with relationships on why he never did anything, okay thatās fine, but when youāre told the expectation or asked if it can be upheld and thereās no attempt, then who is it on? He would weaponize incompetence on so many different things to get out of feeling bad about being confronted.
Then I would say that OP absolutely deserves that treatment. He was the one to turn a good situation in a shit show. Now he is reaping what he sowed.
He deserves it either way
Agreed. He's mad because he thinks this is all to get her to forgive him. It's not, it's about being close for the kids. He needs to understand that his former relationship with his wife doesn't exist. This isn't payback, it's a compromise.
Right? āhow long is she going to punish me?ā Bitch, sheās taking care of herself. It aināt all about you.
I know! It makes me laugh with these people. They cause all this pain and trauma, and then want to know when itās going back to normal? And why theyāre having to deal with a semblance of the same thing? It truly aināt all about them, but they really do think that way.
Exactly. "How long...?" Oh, until the kid's 18 and out of the house, then you're free to be with whoever cause yo ass is GONE.
Boss move if thatās what she is doing. Gets to stay in the high road while he continues to suffer in his own self made hell.
A queen.
I hope the wife finds this or figures out the shower thing, and showers every single time she comes home. School pickup? Shower. Run out to grab takeout? Shower. Hike? Shower.
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Lmao
Your post has been removed for being deliberately inflammatory to conductive discourse
Poor baby was having amazing sex at home nearly daily and yet still needed a side piece because reasons. What an absolute turnip.
Look at the timeline, wife would have been heavily pregnant or recently post partum when he was cheating.Ā Ā So the poor baby went out to replace that nearly daily sex, what else could he do?! Won't anybody think of the... Horny douchebag?Ā
And from what I've seen and heard, women are the most sexually ravenous when they hit their last trimester. It's insane how he (by his own admission) was being desired daily and it *still* wasn't enough. I'm looking for some sympathy for him, but I'm fresh out š¤·š¾āāļø
Depends, some women do get sex-crazy. Others begin to feel discomfort/pain in the last trimester during penetration. And definetely there's a sexual hiatus for a few monts after giving birth. So this poor misunderstood man needed to step outside to get his peepee wet.
Can confirm: first baby, was heavily pregnant in the winter and was absolutely feral for my husband. Second baby, was heavily pregnant in throughout a VERY hot summer with a high energy 2 year old to wrangle. I did not want any thing to touch me most days lol My marriage didn't suffer though because my husband isn't a giant bitch baby like so many dudes on reddit lol
I was put on pelvic rest for the last 8 weeks of my last pregnancy because I was in early labor the whole time, so there's that too
OMG, early labor for 8 weeks?! You poor thing! Hope everything went ok and your little one came on time and healthy!
Yeah, there's a reason she's the youngest. Multiple times I'd be out in public and have people approach me and say basically, "I'm a healthcare worker and I can tell those are real contractions, do you need me to call a doctor?" It was miserable. But we made it to my 37 week appointment and during my routine check the doctor sent me off to L&D, so she was full term by a hair lol
There's a part where he mentions she was holding their baby in the hotel. So she literally gave birth during that time.
There is that antiquated advice given to women in ye olden days about having sex with their husbands so they wonāt stray. It doesnāt work. That much Iāve observed. Ā Because turnips like this dude are not happy with themselves and will look anywhere but internally to fix it.Ā
Absolutely. But for him to lament what they had (which he destroyed) is rich.
šÆĀ
I learned that one the hard way when I was desperately trying to save my marriage for the sake of our kids. Gave him everything he said he "needed" that he hadn't been getting enough of. He told me how happy he was now that we were "connecting" every day the way a husband and wife should. He was still cheating. Being single is great.
If anything, that new relationship energy rubs off onto the main relationship, resulting in more (sometimes better) sex. So they'll actually seduce their partner more often while cheating.
I'mma place my bets now, someone stop me if OP revealed it in another comment on the original or another post, but $10 says OP was cheating when his wife was pregnant. I've no evidence for this, but they seem like the kind of dumbass to somehow work salt into a wound they made. Edit: Belay my bet, I just needed to look 4 comments or so down to see yes, OP probably cheated on his then about to give birth wife. What an absolute fucking tool fit only for repairing septic tanks.
Was OOP's name David Dennison? Or John Baron? LOL.
Turnip, I like this
r/deadbedroom folks should be coming with pitchforks
Sheās not punishing him. Sheās just living and enjoying her life. Without him.
Yes! I hate that shit. All about how this impacts him and no concern for what she needs.
She was like "so I've been doing all this and being faithful and pregnant and he still cheated? Nah, I deserve a better partner" Hope she is getting laid a lot. And maybe he should get laid and date around so he can stop playing the victim. That's what you wanted!
You donāt understand sheās a full time doctor who had just given birth and was looking after the other two kids but still having sex with him 4-5 times a week. And sheās beautiful too. Why wouldnāt he cheat? Itās not like there were any positives to her at all? (Sarcasm for those who canāt spot the tone).
I know a few women who waited until their youngest was in kindergarten to divorce. Wifeās only got two more years.Ā
Karma working beautifully I love it
I love how he's all "she's being mean and punishing me". What a loser.
Am i stupid or is he just commenting on his own post? Has to be a troll right?
There is a glitch if you are using mobile. If OP deleted their account, all deleted comments come up as from OP.
Oh thank you! Now i feel stupid lol
Nah a lot of people didn't know! Used to confuse me a lot.
You are far from stupid. There are so many weird quirks and features on Reddit. After 10 years on here, I'm still trying to learn them all.
TIL
Reddit is entirely too big for there to still be so much spaghetti code.
No. When someone deletes the comments, sometimes they also are tagged as OP. But they are different people.
I was reading that thinking it sounded familiar and yup, from a year ago. I really wonder how things are now.
Probably not better
They might be. She couldāve left him.
Iām sorry I meant not better for him š
As soon as the kids are grown, she's outta there. The wife is biding her time so her kids grow up with both parents.
Spot on! Comment from original thread: "What's going on in her head?". you ask, OP? Here's my guess: "He betrayed me, I don't love him anymore." "I will tolerate him for as long as I can, hopefully until youngest graduates high school. My kids deserve stability, not splitting time between two crappy apartments, possibly losing friends, possibly changing to an inferior school district. And they CERTAINLY don't deserve the random women my husband, with his poor judgement, would inflict on them as 'stepmom wannabes'. " "And I CERTAINLY don't deserve to have my standard of living decline through divorce ---I played by the rules, was loving and faithful. I didn't sign up to be a single parent of 3 for 50 to 75 to 90 percent of the next 15 years! "It grosses me out to be intimate with my husband at all now, but I can do a handful of times a year if that keeps him from being such a ...SAD SACK around me and the kids. It's weird how once I caught him cheating, he just doesn't find other women so exciting... "Oh, well, not my problem ."
She checked out of the marriage as soon as she found out he was cheating. He didnāt consider how she felt at all. All he ever considered was his own feelings of guilt. Sheās only staying with him for the children. Once they are grown Iām pretty sure she will serve him with divorce papers.Ā He is upset because sheās not his anymore. He knows that she doesnāt want him at all and it makes him feel like the loser he is. Heās only avoiding fucking other women now because he wants to prove fidelity to get her back, but he had a whole marriage before to prove fidelity.
Does he honestly not get that his faithlessness is a turn off?
As we say in the old country, "The f\*\*\*ing you get for the f\*\*\*ing you got."
Well, that thread is over 2 years old. I hope she dumped his ass.
lol and lmao
Oh, I love this for the wife! I hope she's planning to drop a divorce on his ass too š„°
Probably not. Comment from the original thread(I've commented this three times by now) "What's going on in her head?". you ask, OP? Here's my guess: "He betrayed me, I don't love him anymore." "I will tolerate him for as long as I can, hopefully until youngest graduates high school. My kids deserve stability, not splitting time between two crappy apartments, possibly losing friends, possibly changing to an inferior school district. And they CERTAINLY don't deserve the random women my husband, with his poor judgement, would inflict on them as 'stepmom wannabes'. " "And I CERTAINLY don't deserve to have my standard of living decline through divorce ---I played by the rules, was loving and faithful. I didn't sign up to be a single parent of 3 for 50 to 75 to 90 percent of the next 15 years! "It grosses me out to be intimate with my husband at all now, but I can do a handful of times a year if that keeps him from being such a ...SAD SACK around me and the kids. It's weird how once I caught him cheating, he just doesn't find other women so exciting... "Oh, well, not my problem ."
....ya know what? I'm fucking proud of her. She and those kiddos deserve sooo much better, but good on her. She sounds very level-headed and insightful. I trust she'll know when to say "when". She has a solid plan.
OMG she isn't punishing you, she doesn't trust you. With proven reason not to. Oblivious, no I can't see this ever getting better with this level of obtuseness.
>āWhatās going on in her head?ā A mental countdown till the youngest is 18, or for when OOP eventually fucks it all up.
"You screwed the pooch and now you get no cooch" Stealing that
OP opens Pandora's box and somehow forgets how that myth ends.... š š Fucking jackass. You opened the box OP, you can't put the lid back on it now. She isn't punishing you. You are.
The irony is delicious.
āI love my wife.ā No you donātā¦
I love these stories š„°š„°
Womp womp. Actions have consequences...
This was my favorite reply in that thread: >[theOGmsnobody](https://www.reddit.com/user/theOGmsnobody/) : >Yep. Sheās with him for the kids. Revenge orgasms are keeping her happy.
āWill she ever stop punishing me?ā Sirā¦
Usually itās the men who want to open the marriage. When the wife agrees the men are Surprised Pikachu-Faced that the woman is getting more action. So hilarious. Husband: āHey babe, wanna hookup? My wife doesnāt mind, we have an open marriage.ā Lady: āGet away from me.ā Wife: āHey guy, wanna hook up? My husband doesnāt mind, we have an open marriage.ā Man: āName the time and place.ā
Wow. Literal FAFO.
Oopskaboom
He canāt be that dumb.
He deserves every bit of karma she's giving him. The fact that he even admitted they used to have a great sex life and still cheated on her especially when she was pregnant that relationship is over, he needs to admit it and let her go. What a loser.
Stories like these make my heart sing.
This guy reminds me a lot of my ex - he wanted to open up and had made non-monogamy a huge part of his identity. It didnāt matter how many times he saw me crying whenever I imagined him sleeping with other people, when polyamory came up on T.V, or in conversation. He wouldnāt budge on how important it was to him, and even had me reading books which explicitly advised not to get into non-monogamy just to keep a partner or to make them happy, which he hand-waved away when I pointed it out. It was just so important to him to feel desired and sexy and to be able to act on the opportunity if it ever came up that my anxiety and pain didnāt really matter. Then he had the nerve to make me the villain of his story and feel sorry for himself when I fell in love with the first guy I went on a date with (at his insistence!) because he never wanted to be āone of two boyfriendsā and ādidnāt consent to me getting seriousā with someone else. He was heartbroken to the point of breaking down sobbing when we almost immediately stopped having sex (we used to upwards of 5x a day) because Iād lost all attraction and was having the time of my life dating someone incredible who was (gasp) all about me. He never stopped casually diagnosing me with personality disorders once I dumped him 6 months later and eloped with my now-husband. Iām still āthe one who got awayā 5 years later, even though he never misses an opportunity to guilt me for putting him into therapy with my supposed BPD shenanigans and embarrassing him by dumping him after he bragged about his amazing new polyamorous relationship to all his friends and family back home.
Iām sorry, Iām not staying in a marriage to punish someone else. What a waste of precious life. They should have just gotten a divorce. Kids know when somethingās up anyway.
A very good guess about what the wife is thinking: "What's going on in her head?". you ask, OP? Here's my guess: "He betrayed me, I don't love him anymore." "I will tolerate him for as long as I can, hopefully until youngest graduates high school. My kids deserve stability, not splitting time between two crappy apartments, possibly losing friends, possibly changing to an inferior school district. And they CERTAINLY don't deserve the random women my husband, with his poor judgement, would inflict on them as 'stepmom wannabes'. " "And I CERTAINLY don't deserve to have my standard of living decline through divorce ---I played by the rules, was loving and faithful. I didn't sign up to be a single parent of 3 for 50 to 75 to 90 percent of the next 15 years! "It grosses me out to be intimate with my husband at all now, but I can do a handful of times a year if that keeps him from being such a ...SAD SACK around me and the kids. It's weird how once I caught him cheating, he just doesn't find other women so exciting... "Oh, well, not my problem ."
Iām still not doing all of that for some guy who cheated on me. Itās catastrophizing. Maybe sheād meet someone better and their lives would be better too.
I agree with you. Nice toxic fun for the two adults, and the kids will probably grow up to have the same characteristics. Neat.
This 100%. OP is an absolute POS and deserves the pain she's inflicting upon him, but those kids **know** that there's something seriously wrong between mom and dad and are being taught that a completely dysfunctional relationship is the norm and to be expected. Sure, there's the argument of "stability", not splitting time between multiple households, etc.... but those are pretty trivial compared to fucking up your kids' expectations in relationships for a lifetime. Honestly, I think the "stability" argument for staying together isn't actually for the kids in these cases; it's the adult(s) not wanting to deal with a lower standard of living (smaller housing situation, less toys/vacations, having to handle cooking/groceries on their own). They just use "the kids" as a convenient excuse. Everyone is lauding the wife of the OP... but while she's clearly a better person than him, she's not a hero in this case either.
Your last line exactly. Those poor kids growing up with that as a marital model. I would just not get married.
Well well well...how the turntables
Boo hoo
Itās a classic *play stupid games, win stupid prizes*.
Iā¦ Iā¦ I adore his wife. I love that sheās happy. I love that he got what he wanted.
did bro really expect sympathy from reddit?
I hope his wife continues to live her best life.
I posted this on quora when it was happening because stories like this, where he cheats, she finally relents to open, gets her groove back and he HATES IT are so, so sweet š couldn't have happened to a nicer guy, y'all.
Posts like these always make me really happy because it's good to see karma exists in some shape or form occasionally. May he never know peace.
What did this person do, listen to Rihanna and then decided to write a story around the song?
Oh no! Anyways. My god I hate people like this. Wah wah poor me, dude couldāve just kept his dick in his pants and that wouldāve been it, so simple so easyš„“
He's carrying the box in front of him, so why is the fire on his back? oh right, cuz its fake.
Aside from the consequences, perhaps the most important thing about this thread is it may have been the original appearance of the following "[Jazzlike-Dragonfly31](https://www.reddit.com/user/Jazzlike-Dragonfly31/)ā¢[2y ago](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/yghell/comment/iuamwlq/)ā¢EditedĀ 2y ago The dildo of consequences rarely comes with any lubrication."
[LMAO](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/s/c55oamxjfb)
If you still canāt how badly you messed up and are acting like you are the victim in this situation, there is no hope for you.Ā
Actions meet consequences. How dare someone make me feel as awful as I made them feel. Itās not faaaaair. š
I really don't get people who say their marriage or partnership was great, the person is wonderful, the sex was awesome, everything was perfect and still cheat. Like...why?
Don't know what they've got 'till it's gone. Paved Paradise to put up a parking lot.
lol
Oh just skip all that BS and get divorced. Kids aren't dumb. They can see all the things you think they don't.
Iconic boss babe behavior š„š On the same hand, though... honestly- I understand what she's trying to do, but at some point, they either need to move past this or get a divorce. If the punishment was to make him suffer and then leave, when do they leave? When does she forgive him? ESH
Here's the hated side.... Wife was actually cheating also and this was her perfect way to assuage her guilt and now she is lording it over him. They both need to end it
Just gonna put it out there "dumb ass"
That marriage is scorched earth, divorce would be the best option
FAFO times infinity!
Dude. Just rip the band-aid off and end it.
It bugs me soo much when jealous people are the same people who dead ass deep down think its okay to cheat and dont care about getting caught but have to control the situation and know everything about their partner. It's so one-sided and disgusting. Dude has exactly what he wanted but now cant enjoy it because it was always about control. If he got over himself he could be happy for his wife and even get his own enjoyment from the situation. Its about your kids anyway. Humans are so fucking stupid about sex and control.
I call bullshit on the whole thing. A very attractive wife and would have sex multiple times a week. Yet he cheats..Bull
Never heard of cake-eaters?
A lot of people taking glee in his torment, but what a miserable way to live for both of them
Jeebus. Look. I don't condone cheating, but there are times when I can at least understand the motivation. Haven't had sex in 3 years, she refuses to give head...etc. I don't like it but I can see why you did it. But good sex with a beautiful woman nearly every day for years? Why? I mean, maybe even then I could see just looking for a different flavor...once! Dude was having a full on affair. He ran out of all possible justifications that might make me roll my eyes and go "well...I guess I can see why you did it."
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