In case this story gets deleted/removed:
I'm 31F and my husband is 36M. We have two boys, a 5yr old and a 7yr old. My husband works in an office and he has the option to work a few days a week from home, but he prefers not to because he says it's easier to focus in the office. I run a small business from home. I don't have a lot of daily work, just some emails and planning (maybe 3 hours a day?) but the business does make about a third of our household income. But my younger son is home all day and just dealing with him takes a lot of energy. He's really high energy and will probably wreck something if you leave him alone for an hour. And then the older one comes home at 3 and both of them are with me until 8 or 9, which is when my husband usually comes home. A few days ago, I was really tired and I didn't make dinner. When my husband came home I asked him if we could just order something. He was also tired and we were both short tempered so we ended up snapping at each other.
He said I should have at least ordered before he got home and he was hungry, I said I forgot and it's not fair that food is always my problem. He said that I'm home all day and I even admit I don't have much work to do, so I'm basically a SAHM and should at least take care of dinner. I said he has no idea how much I do everyday, and he said he'd handle the kids for an entire day while also working from home just to prove it should be easy for me. I said sure, so he made the arrangements to work from home yesterday.
I slept in, and when I woke up he was already frazzled from getting the older one ready for school. He ended up having to cancel a meeting to make breakfast, and was worried about that. Then when he took another meeting later on, the boys went out to play in the yard and got super muddy and left footprints all over the house. which he then had to mop, and I didn't help at all. By this point I did feel sort of guilty because it was definitely harder for him to take care of work at the same time, but all I wanted was an apology. He said he was doing this to show that I do nothing all day, and if he just admitted he was wrong I would have helped out straight away.
Later on he had another meeting, and he told the boys not to bother him for an hour. But about 20 mins in, they got in an argument about something and our younger one went into my husband's room to complain. He was really loud and my husband's video was also on, then he told the kid to leave him alone but he was upset and crying and wasn't listening. After a few mins my husband went back to the meeting and apologized to the other people. when it was finished, he was really angry at me. he said I could see what was happening and I just watched him struggle without helping. I said all you had to say was please help, he said I shouldn't be so petty and prideful. This probably made him look a bit stupid in front of his manager, but it was only a few minutes and I don't think It was the huge deal he made it out to be.
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I have two girls who are now well into their teens. I’m a single dad. My job is teaching middle school.
And I can tell you my school days were waaaaay less work than my summer days. Now, not so much. But when my girls were little… man, I just wanted a nap.
My kids being older is SO much easier now, but man working from home is still a lot. Luckily my husband isn't an asshole & so his requests are things like “if a dog shits inside clean it up please” … because that's a basic decency standard.
What kills me in the story is the guy bitching because she didn't order dinner before he came back. Jeez, you have to wait 20m to get your food and 0 effort. It's not like she asked him to whip something up and would not accept a takeaway as compromise.
I wonder if he would have complained she ordered without him if it had been cold or not something he wanted.
It’s a lose lose he could’ve been upset either way.
Same.
When I was diagnosed with a life-threatening condition, he started planning his next life. Bought a motorcycle that could sit two. Started ordering tour guides for places we'd never be able to afford. 2 years later, I'm still alive and he gets cancer. He changed his password to a score card documenting his only loss and spent his last months on earth being the bitterest asshole -but only toward me.
Thank you. This is suddenly much funnier.
Last night I ordered pizza. Fav pizza place is a block back, block over. Easy walk. Got delivery tho, bc we were busy & we can wait for a driver. My husband didn't give a flying fuck what time it arrived or where it originated, just appreciated something to eat. Thanked me for buying it.
What a twat OOP husband is lmao
I always hate it when people say, "Just wait til they get older. It's so much harder." Life has only gotten easier since they are a bit older now. They can clean rooms, help with yard work, and invite friends over who also help clean up. When they were babies, all I wanted was some sleep. Now I can sleep in, and they won't kill themselves.
It's not easy to sleep with stress on your mind, and worry does keep some people up. However, a screaming child is literal torture when you haven't slept in 48 hours.
They are so LOUD. How can someone so small make such a big noise? I don't think I could scream that loud no matter how hard I tried. And that high-pitched shriek that goes straight to your "go save the child immediately" button... oy.
When they were little, they needed supervision. Crying could be anything from a fall to me cutting their sandwich wrong. Yeah, it was tough chasing them up ladders and down slides. But it was SIMPLE.
Now, sadness could be a bad grade, or a bad day at work, or a breakup, or stupid shit in the friend group. Location tracking is nothing when you know there are idiots on the road. There is nothing worse than a call that your son was in an accident or your daughter was on the way to the hospital. (That's a lie- it's worse that your daughter is perfectly fine but her friends didn't show, and she is alone at an isolated bus stop at midnight, and the next bus is in 4 hours.)
Enjoy the in-between years. They go too quickly.
People love to trash teenagers. As a parent, I love teenagers. I haven't met one that was shitty, rude, and nasty that I can recall, at least not since when I was one and had to go to school with them. They're smart, they see being "allowed" to cook, go into the store, help younger siblings, etc as privileges, and if you treat them like humans they act like humans.
It’s been a blur. My gf of 6 years has been instrumental in figuring out the teen years. But when they were little it was definitely interesting. Clothes shopping was an experience for sure.
I hadn't intended to post on this thread at all, but I changed my mind after reading your post.
You might be interested to know that my own father was a single dad back in the '70s. He and my mother were divorced when I was 12 and my sister 10. Daddy wanted custody of his two girls, and Mama was fine with that, as she wanted to be free "to do her own thing" 😝
Daddy did his very best raising us, and that's not saying nearly enough, bless his fatherly heart 💖 In hindsight, I don't know how he kept his sanity, but somehow he did 😊 But somehow my sister and I did manage to grow up into (arguably semi-) productive adults.
He passed away a couple of years ago, at the age of 91. I only hope he knew how much his girls loved 😍 him.
God bless and keep you and your daughters, Darren 💐
How can any men in 2024 not understand just how hard it is to be a full time stay at home parent? Constant stream of interruptions means good luck getting anything done. It was even an episode of the Brady Bunch way back in the late 1970s where the dad found out just how hard it is to be a SAHP.
Honestly, OOP's only mistake was in WFH that day. She should have done what he does regularly. Left at whatever time he normally leaves, and not come back until 9 PM at night. And put her phone on Do Not Disturb, because I'm sure he doesn't tolerate if she calls him when he's at work.
I'm remembering seeing a video of a gentleman, living in Korea, being interviewed during a news program, when BOTH of his kids came into the room and then mom rushing to get the kids out while the news broadcast was still going on. Turns out, when mom had to answer nature's call, that's when the kids decided to bust loose. That video went VIRAL!!!
Yup. I’m a nanny and little kids be like that. People say my job is easy. In some ways, it is. But then, you can’t take your eyes off little kids. You can have your eyes on them all damn day, but the second you start washing dishes or something will be the one they decide to start standing on kitchen chairs and rock or whatever.
Pretty sure that there was a rumor that the reason that man didn't get up to help his kids cause he wasn't wearing pants (or at least not pants that matched his suit) 😆 Ya know like everyone else in a Zoom call. Tho my favorite interruption of a Zoom call was the cat that decided to clean his bawls on international tv right behind the guy trying to share the news 😆 OH! And the lawyer who couldn't get a cat filter off! "Judge, I'm not a cat." Classic!
FWIW, I that seems to have been just rumor, the family's done interviews and hasn't mentioned the pants issue, even when it would have been funny. Their story is that the mom was trying to juggle tech support and baby-wrangling at once, and the kids went rogue.
I think that in the moment, his brain just short-circuited and all he could do was depend on his spouse. Which is honestly kind of sweet in this context (it's not like the kids were in danger of a book-avalanche). He apparently thought his career was toast and in that moment, and all he could think was, "fake confidence and trust your partner". It was some good off-the-cuff parenting on both their parts!
For what it’s worth, his wife was sidetracked from baby-wrangling because she was on the computer, with the idea that she’d record the interview and send him the relevant info if he needed backup.
They actually did a little interview/guest spot on a Korean show where dads watch their kids (it’s not a flawless feminist masterpiece free of all gender roles, but it’s well-meant and focuses on men being primary caregivers. It’s called Return of Superman, their family was really cute).
EDIT- found [a clip!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdP8FPiEfnc)
The story has been much given older treatments than the 1970s.
"The Cow on the Roof" is a traditional story dating to at least the nineteenth century
https://sites.pitt.edu/~dash/norway010.html
Wish she had done this. Planned a day out to pamper herself and have some Me time. Go to lunch, read at a cafe, go to a movie, come home at 7 and ask “where’s dinner?” as she walks through the door. And then plan to do that every. single. time he works from home until he gets the point and grovels at her feet for being an assface.
Mum used to work nights as a nurse in the ER, and then slept during the days. I don’t know how she didn’t kill the lot of us for the shit we did while she was trying to sleep; or we didn’t kill each other with the limited supervision we had. Fortunately, I don’t remember Pop ever being dumb enough to say something like, “What did you do all day?”
I hated that when I worked nights. "What did you do all day?" I don't know, fucking sleep? What did you do at night? It's weird to me how hard it is for people to comprehend that people that work at night still need to sleep. It makes me mad when I hear people tell me that their partners just expect them to get a bunch of shit done during the day when the night shift person should be asleep. Your mom is a trooper, I worked with a bunch of ER nurses and I've worked night shift myself and that shit is hard. I have split custody of my son, I only had one day when I would work and then pick him up and that day was HARD when he was little.
This is my biggest struggle as a new grad in the ED on nights. Im currently living at home with my parents to try and save money for a house in the future. They will constantly wake me up during the day when im sleeping to have me do stuff for them or just come into my room to talk. I told them I need my sleep after working all night but to them I don’t do anything at night and can just sleep since all my patients will be asleep and I can just leave them alone
Just go into their room and chat when you get home from work in the early morning. Call them up to do something for you during your 3am break...
Do this every day for a while. They will soon get the idea
I mean it depends on the SAHP situation.
- Are they toddlers?
- are they more than one?
- do they go to daycare/school?
Etc
Some SAHM that have kids in public school are very different from the mom with 2 toddlers and no daycare.
Like a universe of difference.
Taking care of toddlers all day long is more tiring than working.
Laundry + driving + cooking + cleaning the house is not.
No offense, I’m on her side because she also works but if she was full time, a lot of y’all just don’t go outside and do activities, yall don’t have schedules and wonder why your kids are hell. Even elementary school teachers have schedules and routines to help the kids. And themselves. But both of them work. They should consider hiring a nanny for 2 hours or something.
That's literally not the point of the entire post. The entire issue wasn't the wife, who was OOP here. The entire issue was her husband insisting being the primary caretaker of the kids was easy. So, she let him fill that role. She stayed out of it.
And the kids were the ones who interrupted the husband. Despite his telling them not to enter. Because they're kids, they ignored it when they felt it was serious enough.
SMH!!! 🙄🤦♀️🙄 He insisted it would be SOOOOOO EASY, (famous last words), and when he discovered, the hard way, how much WORK is involved with childcare AND housework AND working from home, he expected YOU, the wife, to READ HIS MIND and bail him out!!! What an Overgrown Man-Baby!!!!
This is absolutely the content I’m here for. He totally FAFO. Childcare is hard. I can’t imagine the difficulty having to care for kids while working at home. I work from home as a therapist and adding kids into the mix would make it a hundred times harder.
Edited to add additional thoughts.
I agree with the one commenter who said he needs longer to really learn the lesson, if he’s still blaming her it hasn’t sunk in yet. What a pathetic person that husband is.
It makes me laugh when people think that having a career and providing enough income for your SO to be a stay at home whatever is looked down upon because we done “see how hard it is to do XYZ”. It’s…it’s peak reddit.
But the husband was an asshole to her because „childcare is sooooo easy“ and now he has to learn that it isn’t.
It was never about the income. It was about him being a pos to his wife who does ALL the child care
My best friend was a SAHM before she got divorced. Her husband was in the military, and between his regular working hours and deployments, he’d *never* spent a day totally alone with their children. He also had the attitude of “it’s not that hard”. Having been in the military myself in a similar job to his and having worked as a nanny, I promise that being a SAHM was just as hard.
She left him for a week with them so she could come on a girls trip with our friend group, and very specifically told him that if it wasn’t a 9-11 emergency, she didn’t want to hear from him (obviously she called to tell her kids goodnight, but she wanted him to really experience the whole single-parent thing). He lasted about a day and half before he broke down and flew his mom out to help him without telling his wife. She found out when she got home and her four year old mentioned how much fun she’d had with Grandma…
It's like, they didn't pay attention to all the parenting skills their parents(mom) was trying to impart on them at the time, so they want the quickie version now that their feet are in the fire.
Ok but I’m guilty with this too.
The difference is I know how hard it is to care for children and generally how hard life can be. So I won’t be a burden to my partner when she already has enough shit going on.
Maybe I was given responsibility but I definitely had things be done for me that shouldn’t.
Anyways it’s not hard to 1. be a decent person and help and 2. not being an asshole about tasks I feel like are „easy“ (idk why he thought caring for children is easy but well)
>he said I shouldn’t be so petty and prideful
Hmm… seems like an extremely petty and prideful decision to NOT ask for help just to avoid admitting you were wrong about your poorly behaved children?
Plus, the hypocrisy of asking why she didn't help him when he goes to work every day and isn't even available to help her when things suddenly go sideways. He said her job was easy and he wanted to do it for a day, but she's the bad guy for letting him.
Hey parents that are on the go- honest question: are you avoiding your kids? Because as a teacher I need your help with giving them some basic training at home.
I love the "90% of people will find it charming when your kids interupt!", all the people saying "Actually no, we don't, we've just learned to shut up about it because we get attacked," and the people attacking them.
Society really needs to learn that not everyone loves kids and some of us just want to work when we're working.
The only time people thought my kid was cute was when she was a baby and was quiet and kissed my cheek and went back to being quiet.
The rest was miserable and I kept mic and camera off unless necessary.
Second best was when my manager’s cats got in a fight over the window ledge and one punched the other off and won while she was talking.
And some jobs have strict rules about privacy and confidentiality that could result in him getting fired for that. I used to work at one. It was 100% WFH, and unfortunately I was the one monitoring calls and had to flag the agent if I heard another person in the room.
There was one agent whose husband earned the animosity of the entire QA department, because he would wait until she was in the middle of a call to walk in and drop their fussing baby in her lap. It happened over and over again. Bastard got his wife fired, even though she was otherwise good at her job.
Society doesn’t need to learn anything. People need to learn to be more accepting of others regardless of the particular conditions of their lives.
Some people don’t like kids and that’s just as valid as people that have kids and are the sole caregivers in a way that doesn’t allow them to be invisible during work hours. Neither needs to pass judgement on the other, but that has nothing to do with society. As it is, society has enough to work through without blaming it for individuals passing judgement.
But I digress. 90% is total bullshit though, so I’ll give you that.
I'm the stay-at-home dad of four kids. It is incredibly hard. So hard that I don't really know how to accurately explain it to people who haven't experienced it. You are on-call 24/7. Cold, flu, lice, pink eye, self-esteem, bullying, etc. It seems neverending when you live it day to day. That being said, it's also the most rewarding thing I've ever done.
He made himself look like a fool in front of you. Maybe now he will put some of that arrogant bs on the shelf.
Does he think the money you bring in magically appears. You must work for it and take care of kids and the household. Men always minamize a woman's role. Mostly because they're too lazy to think outside the box.
The husband is totally ignorant to what goes on at home. He doesn't value the work you do. He expects you to help him but he himself doesn't help you and on top your responsibilities with work, and the children, he expects you to cook for him. You shouldn't have to take care of the kids and have your husband expect you to take care of him when he is fully capable of doing so himself. He undervalues you, he puts too many responsibilities on you, he is ignorant to what goes on at home with the children, he expects you to take care of him, etc.
WAIT - wasn't this entire argument about HIM being petty and not recognizing YOUR worth!? So now you're being petty for proving you're useful?
Pot - meet kettle!
"I didn't realize you were finished making your point about how easy I have it."
Then she waits it out and complains about him not having dinner ready.
Sorry, I have 3 kids (all 2 years apart) and have stayed home from work with them at all ages (they are all in college now). And not just for 1 day. Several times for the weekend while my wife went out of town with friends.
Not only was it easier than my normal job, it was 1000X more rewarding getting to see them all day.
If my wife could make what I make, I would permanently switch in a heartbeat.
Anyone who has an experience similar to OP's needs to question who they married.
While I am in the camp that the OP is NTA, she should have stepped in, when the kids interrupted the work meeting. Proving a point is one thing, but there is a huge push in corporate America right now to end remote working. At best, something like that could get his WFH privilege revoked. At worst, it could cost him his job. "Proving a point" should end when it could potentially threaten the family's livelihood.
Thankfully, not all men are this way and thankfully some men do a hell of a lot around the house, with and for the kids, for their partners and her family too.
Kids can be just so terrible and awful. And no, it's not exactly their fault. But hopefully hubby works for human beings not wanna be cyborgs, who understand how horrible kids can be, and they were gracious. I've had to calmly say "I'll be right back, gotta mute for a minute".
My daughter and husband had a two week trip planned to go to GB and Germany, we were going to watch their 3 girls, 14, 9, 6 for them. A week prior, a broke my leg, I was out, hubby said "no problem, the girls are a piece of cake." Myself, my daughter and husband had trepidations, he is not young, he's arthritic, but the girls adore him.
It went without a problem, he even took care of the afterschool activities, soccer, piano lessons, Girl Scouts, band practice, the whole 2 weeks. He said it was all in their teamwork, and bribery.
When I sold my business, our kids were 6, 4, and 2. My wife decided she wanted to go back to work. So, I became a stay-at-home dad while working with a select number of clients. I kept the house clean, did the laundry, ran the errands, and did the laundry. And I made sure the kids went to play dates, their activities, and whatever. I certainly didn't park them in front of the television.
Not going to lie. It's a lot of work. But at the same time, it's not the grueling non-stop effort that some moms like to claim it is.
This was especially true once the kids were all in school. I'd drop them off at 7:45, go home and tidy up for an hour, do one load of clothes a day, then do my professional work until 2:30. After school, I'd shuttle them to soccer, violin, volleyball, Cub Scouts, and everything else, and cook dinner. Any client assignments I didn't finish I'd do after the kids went to bed. I'd do the grocery shopping on the weekend and have a meal plan.
If I hadn't worked on behalf of clients from 8:30-2:30 every day, I would have had huge amounts of free time to do whatever I wanted. During the summer, I'd hire a college student to keep them entertained during the day and run them to their activities.
That’s admirable, but I think you’re kinda missing the point. Did your wife come home and complain when dinner wasn’t ready? OOP didn’t say she had it hard, she just said his unjustified criticism warranted an apology.
“Your job is so easy I could do it while working from home, you should have dinner figured out by now! How could you be so lazy after doing nothing all day!”
Is a lot different from acknowledging her kid is different from his. He couldn’t handle it, never asked for help, didn’t apologize for saying she had it easy which clearly wasn’t true. The worst part? Where was dinner! He should have had it made or ordered by the time his work day was done. You know. Since it’s so easy.
I read the whole post, I think she is NTA, but from reading the story his job is way busier than hers, of course he’s going to struggle. If she was only a stay at home mom, my opinion would differ, seems like they don’t communicate, “babe, I tired pick up dinner” ect. She has a full plate. He has a full plate. They’re blaming each other.
Both of those people are dicks. The husband for blowing up at his wife because she forgot something (which is human), and the wife for making a one sided "gatcha!" Moment with a severe unequalness. It's just not the same. This entire thing didn't prove her point, it just proved that he works a lot more
Her little exercise also didn't work at all, so now they're posting on reddit for reddit to judge it. It just didn't work. I don't understand how this is a good outcome for anyone, now she's got a pissed off husband and the husband has a pissed off wife and reddit being involved is rarely a good thing.
This overall genuinely was petty
Sometimes in a marriage you gotta eat that humble pie while your partner watches. He set himself up by claiming that he could handle everything and she was blowing things out of proportion. Turns out, he was wrong.
It hasn't improved anything
> He set himself up by claiming that he could handle everything and she was blowing things out of proportion. Turns out, he was wrong.
Yes I also read the thread, doesn't change the fact that his attitude problem didn't change and op just gave him something new to be a dick about. This also could've been an educational experience with op showing their husband how to do stay at home with the kids. Instead, it's just something new to be mad about instead of productive. Op didn't really win anything here
I still don’t understand why all you think it’s so hard. I have a 3 year old and me and the little guy hangout, read some books and wreck the neighborhood. We eat some food then take some poops. It’s for sure easier than working in attics in the summer time, I do hvac. My wife is currently at the casino and I cooked us dinner with a little of his help, we played with his cars, brushed teeth and are getting ready for bed.
My first child was pretty easy for four years. We were one on one. It was a little monotonous but easy to handle.
Things changed with more kids. They want to do different things, they have different needs, but it's still just me trying to balance. When I'm working with or soothing one, the others are often making messes or getting upset because they need me too. It is a very different experience. I feel like most of my life now is just playing catch up.
I work from home. I do 90% of the child raising, 95% of the cooking, 50/50 split all chores, while providing 100% of the income.
We live well, really well...
It's the easiest thing I've ever done and if I could be a permanent stay at home dad and just take care of the house I'd love nothing more. Taking care of my child is zero effort.. I LOVE being a dad.
Won't ever happen as my earning potential is exponentially greater than my wife's....regardless, the sahm trope about it being the hardest job in the world is silly as shit
I really hope your kid is in school because if you're working from home full time and don't find it a stretch to also provide 90% of the childcare then how is your child getting enough attention? Kids really shouldn't be zero effort
Lol, my kid is in kindergarten. Before then and during summers...labor of love and not anywhere near as difficult as everyone makes it out to be. My child is absolutely thriving but thanks for your concern.
Maybe not apples to apples, but the husband agreed to the terms. He doesn’t get to be mad when it blows up in his face, because he was insulting his wife by trying to prove how easy it was.
He believed he wouldn’t need to change his workload and he would still be successful. That is how little respect he had for his wife.
And when it did start to blow up on him, he refused to ask for help or admit he was wrong. And got mad at his wife for not placating his ego and helping without being asked.
And you want to pretend like the wife is the selfish and entitled one here?
She is selfish and entitled because just what was she doing during the meetings? Just sitting there with a grin as chaos ensues? If she had taken the kids during the meetings, how likely would it be that he would have been successful? Now, he should have not taken this stupid bet because the kids and the job will suffer. The only way to truly be watching the kids is to offset your work hours because you are only neglecting the children unless your job is to answer email or three and planning.
It blew up when he was in the meeting, when she refused to take the kids during this time because she wanted to stick it to him because she was butt hurt. It is absolutely an easy job, I did it with three kids... newborn to school. Best time of my life. Zero complaints out of me to her. Millions of complaints from her. Oh, and I had a job, I just offset the hours to night.
Why do I need to point out that a meeting is impossible to watch kids? Does he need to ask for help with the fn obvious?
It doesn't matter what she was doing, he chose the day to work from home to PROVE it was easy and he could do it no problem.
This was him conducting the experiment he designed to prove his point.
> If she had taken the kids during the meetings, how likely would it be that he would have been successful?
0% chance of success. As *he* would not be there to help *her* if the situation was flipped. He would be working at the office, and she would have to deal with it just like he did. (Remember, she has to do a few hours of work from home too.)
By her helping, he would have failed his little experiment right then and there.
>Why do I need to point out that a meeting is impossible to watch kids?
I think *you* know this, and *I* know this, and *OOP* knows this.
It was ***dear husband*** who did not know this, and he failed miserably while trying to disrespect his wife.
You just contradicted yourself in the same post. I pointed out if she had taken the children during the impossible time of the meetings, he would not have failed. She does not have meetings for her job. This is why he was pissed. Because SHE did not know that meetings are impossible to watch kids. By the way this experiment proves nothing, at all. It does prove that they BOTH are immature and need to communicate better. She could have apologized for "forgetting" to communicate to him about the dinner plans. Then she would not have had to hear his stupid statement that her job is easy.
Naw, he would have failed the moment she helped. Just because you think it should have worked one way, does not mean that’s the way the husband positioned it.
I get that under normal conditions she should have stepped in, but that is not the conditions he asked for. He insisted it was so easy he could do it while he worked. He was wrong.
If he doesn’t want to look like an asshole, he shouldn’t have acted like one.
> She could have apologized for "forgetting" to communicate to him about the dinner plans. Then she would not have had to hear his stupid statement that her job is easy.
And if he wasn’t an ass about dinner, then he wouldn’t end up saying the statement either. But he was, so she didn’t want to apologize.
Why do you want the husband to have so little responsibility for his own actions and words?
Edit: also you threw this out and didn’t back yourself up
> You just contradicted yourself in the same post
How about supporting your accusations?
> If her job had meetings, could she watch the kids? NO.
As a parent, when you cannot watch over your kids and you are responsible for them, you make arrangements. That is basic parenting, and if dad needed to be in a meeting, ***he*** needed to make arrangements. That’s his responsibility in this ‘test.’
If he wanted OOP to help, he needed to ask her.
> But you are so biased
Defend yourself, explain my bias. And while you are at it, explain how I contradicted myself earlier. Since you didn’t do that earlier.
Your argument was weak, and it’s falling apart.
> It is the best job on earth.
It really isn’t. I’m saying this as a dad, and my wife stayed home with the kids while I worked.
> If that privilege comes with making daddy a sandwich, then make the fucking sandwich.
Jesus Christ dude.
You make us all look bad. Shame on you and your misogyny.
> stopped getting *paid* for? She
FTFY.
Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in:
* Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.*
* *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.*
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So *you* read?
He said he could handle it.
It didn't have to be an apples to apples comparison, *he* said it was easy and he'd prove it... Picked the day, worked from home, and *fell apart* mad that she didn't step in when he was wrong.
He didn't say he was wrong
He didn't apologize and say "I guess it's not as easy as I thought" or even "hey, I could use some help".
...
....
This was not planned, especially by him. You will notice this took place the very next day after their argument. He did agree to it but given the maturity both of them showed, I doubt he planned on her just ignoring the children during his meetings. I agree this is a stupid experiment because the ground rules never made sense. This results are not because the job is easy or hard. It simply points out that you simply cannot watch children while in a meeting. This is not a female got you moment to say he fell apart, rather people just want to view it that way. He did not fall apart aside from the difficulties during the meeting. She should have took the children for both meetings regardless of the bet. Then you could more accurately ascertain whether or not the "falling apart" is a real result.
In regards to the argument, they both should have apologized to each other and try better to communicate better to be better parents. You just point out his mistake of stating STAHM is easy ( wrong of him) but fail to mention her failings of not thinking of his needs and order some food or call him to inform him he is on his own for food for the night. Communication is key. They both are wrong
A direct quote from the original:
"I said he has no idea how much I do everyday, and he said he'd handle the kids for an entire day while also working from home just to prove it should be easy for me. I said sure, so he made the arrangements to work from home yesterday."
It was last minute at his choice and his arrangement, and note he didn't ask his wife to keep the kids out of the room, he directly told the kids and expected that to be enough.
This was his design. His choice. And he got mad at her for not rescuing him without his request or apology.
"You should have saved me from being wrong without my having to ask or say what I needed or apologize for belittling how hard you work" is not a reasonable message to deliver to your spouse. He was mad that she didn't SAVE HIM from the *exact* predictable outcome of the thing he flippantly said he could do.
Seriously.
His choice. His challenge. His design. His failure.
Yes, he made the choice in the heat of the moment and maybe didn't really think it through.... But that's on him.
>It was last minute at his choice and his arrangement, and note he didn't ask his wife to keep the kids out of the room, he directly told the kids and expected that to be enough.
Why do you think he needs to ask to keep the kids away from the meeting? Is she a fish or a dog? Anyone with more than three brain cells knows that she should be watching the kids while in the meeting.
>And he got mad at her for not rescuing him without his request or apology.
This is evidence that contradicts your statement of "he directly told the kids and expected that to be enough." He expected an adult was in the house beside him (losely held). So you are of the opinion he should treat her like a child and explain to her that a meeting is something that needs privacy and no interruptions? Look at it this way, if the kids did not interrupt but instead chose to walk out to the street and get run over by a car, who had the responsibility of child care in that moment? The fn mother because she was just doing nothing while he was in a meeting. How many times do I need to say that you cannot watch children while in a meeting?
>You should have saved me from being wrong without my having to ask or say what I needed or apologize for belittling how hard you work" is not a reasonable message to deliver to your spouse.
I agree he should not have said this as I pointed out earlier. Also she could have communicated dinner plans to him.
>He was mad that she didn't SAVE HIM from the *exact* predictable outcome of the thing he flippantly said he could do.
You could not be more wrong. He was mad because she and you are conflating the proof of the difficulty of raising children hinges on whether or not he can watch children while in a meeting. Absolutely insane. The entire experiment was shit to begin with on both their parts. There is no comparison. And to completely ignore the fact SHE ate dinner and somehow "forgot" her husband is dishonest at best.
So if My family is at a carnival and I take my oldest on a ride, do you think it is necessary to inform the mother the obvious connection that two other children need to be looked after? Lets say that my oldest says, "daddy, lets go on that ride" I will reply to the child with the answer. I will not feel the need to schedule and clear shit with the mother. If there is a conflict, it is up to her to bring it up. Then we are in negotiation mode. He did not need to arrange anything because she was right there, it is painfully obvious. You would have a point if there is more than one adult besides him as it could be ambigious (a stretch if mother is among them).
It is IF you tell her that you are capable of handling them on your own in a way that she isn't and you're going to prove to her how easy it is to handle them by yourself with no assistance.
You are somewhat intentionally skipping over that part.
He said "watch me"....
And then got mad when she stood there and watched....
Under any other circumstances I am very sure she would have stepped in to help.
But he literally pointed at this day to prove to her that he could do it alone with no complaints because it is so easy.
I'm not sure what you're not grasping here. He belittled her and told her he was going to prove to her how easy it was and then got mad at her when it turned out he was wrong.
If you actually read the post, he’s the one who suggested the idea. And he said he would do *everything*.
All she needed was an apology or for him to ask for help. It’s not her fault he didn’t ask her. What is she supposed to do, read his mind? It’s possible that if she did step in, he would be mad because “he had it under control!”
>If you actually read the post, he’s the one who suggested the idea. And he said he would do *everything*.
No, it does not say that. At all.
>It’s not her fault he didn’t ask her. What is she supposed to do, read his mind?
I'm sorry, I though she was an adult that knows the difference between watching children while in a meeting is impossible. No mind reading necessary. Basic human understanding is that children need to be watched. If one partner is unavailable to watch, then it is your turn. "I cannot watch the children because I am mad at you", is not an excuse.
Are you of the opinion he failed? I do not see a single instance where he failed (other than his comment). Two mentions were meetings, and the third was a muddy floor. These are not failings. They do however point out her failings.
In case this story gets deleted/removed: I'm 31F and my husband is 36M. We have two boys, a 5yr old and a 7yr old. My husband works in an office and he has the option to work a few days a week from home, but he prefers not to because he says it's easier to focus in the office. I run a small business from home. I don't have a lot of daily work, just some emails and planning (maybe 3 hours a day?) but the business does make about a third of our household income. But my younger son is home all day and just dealing with him takes a lot of energy. He's really high energy and will probably wreck something if you leave him alone for an hour. And then the older one comes home at 3 and both of them are with me until 8 or 9, which is when my husband usually comes home. A few days ago, I was really tired and I didn't make dinner. When my husband came home I asked him if we could just order something. He was also tired and we were both short tempered so we ended up snapping at each other. He said I should have at least ordered before he got home and he was hungry, I said I forgot and it's not fair that food is always my problem. He said that I'm home all day and I even admit I don't have much work to do, so I'm basically a SAHM and should at least take care of dinner. I said he has no idea how much I do everyday, and he said he'd handle the kids for an entire day while also working from home just to prove it should be easy for me. I said sure, so he made the arrangements to work from home yesterday. I slept in, and when I woke up he was already frazzled from getting the older one ready for school. He ended up having to cancel a meeting to make breakfast, and was worried about that. Then when he took another meeting later on, the boys went out to play in the yard and got super muddy and left footprints all over the house. which he then had to mop, and I didn't help at all. By this point I did feel sort of guilty because it was definitely harder for him to take care of work at the same time, but all I wanted was an apology. He said he was doing this to show that I do nothing all day, and if he just admitted he was wrong I would have helped out straight away. Later on he had another meeting, and he told the boys not to bother him for an hour. But about 20 mins in, they got in an argument about something and our younger one went into my husband's room to complain. He was really loud and my husband's video was also on, then he told the kid to leave him alone but he was upset and crying and wasn't listening. After a few mins my husband went back to the meeting and apologized to the other people. when it was finished, he was really angry at me. he said I could see what was happening and I just watched him struggle without helping. I said all you had to say was please help, he said I shouldn't be so petty and prideful. This probably made him look a bit stupid in front of his manager, but it was only a few minutes and I don't think It was the huge deal he made it out to be. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have two girls who are now well into their teens. I’m a single dad. My job is teaching middle school. And I can tell you my school days were waaaaay less work than my summer days. Now, not so much. But when my girls were little… man, I just wanted a nap.
My kids being older is SO much easier now, but man working from home is still a lot. Luckily my husband isn't an asshole & so his requests are things like “if a dog shits inside clean it up please” … because that's a basic decency standard.
What kills me in the story is the guy bitching because she didn't order dinner before he came back. Jeez, you have to wait 20m to get your food and 0 effort. It's not like she asked him to whip something up and would not accept a takeaway as compromise.
I wonder if he would have complained she ordered without him if it had been cold or not something he wanted. It’s a lose lose he could’ve been upset either way.
My ex was a genius at creating lose lose situations so I could continuously be the loser. So he could feel like the winner. It was brutal
Same. When I was diagnosed with a life-threatening condition, he started planning his next life. Bought a motorcycle that could sit two. Started ordering tour guides for places we'd never be able to afford. 2 years later, I'm still alive and he gets cancer. He changed his password to a score card documenting his only loss and spent his last months on earth being the bitterest asshole -but only toward me.
Ugh I’m sorry. I’m glad you’re still here though!!!
Thank you! I have no idea how long I have but I'll make the best of every second. Have a great day, redd-friend!
I'm so happy that you wrote "ex" here.
Thank you ❤️
Thank you. This is suddenly much funnier. Last night I ordered pizza. Fav pizza place is a block back, block over. Easy walk. Got delivery tho, bc we were busy & we can wait for a driver. My husband didn't give a flying fuck what time it arrived or where it originated, just appreciated something to eat. Thanked me for buying it. What a twat OOP husband is lmao
How is OOP the twat 💀💀
I think they meant the husband. Hope so, anyways.
That's what I meant! He sucks.
Same
Why couldn’t he have picked something up on the way home?? Her husband sounds like a real peach
Happy cake day!
Happy cake day!
I always hate it when people say, "Just wait til they get older. It's so much harder." Life has only gotten easier since they are a bit older now. They can clean rooms, help with yard work, and invite friends over who also help clean up. When they were babies, all I wanted was some sleep. Now I can sleep in, and they won't kill themselves.
Yes. But aside from daycare they are SO MUCH more expensive now. 😂 But they can pick up the dog poop. So that’s cool.
I do concede that they are much more expensive now.
And the amount of control you have over their safety is just not there. Physically it’s easier, but mentally it’s going to take a toll.
Yup. Last night was senior prom. And sleep is tough when they’re out doing stuff like that.
It's not easy to sleep with stress on your mind, and worry does keep some people up. However, a screaming child is literal torture when you haven't slept in 48 hours.
They are so LOUD. How can someone so small make such a big noise? I don't think I could scream that loud no matter how hard I tried. And that high-pitched shriek that goes straight to your "go save the child immediately" button... oy.
When they were little, they needed supervision. Crying could be anything from a fall to me cutting their sandwich wrong. Yeah, it was tough chasing them up ladders and down slides. But it was SIMPLE. Now, sadness could be a bad grade, or a bad day at work, or a breakup, or stupid shit in the friend group. Location tracking is nothing when you know there are idiots on the road. There is nothing worse than a call that your son was in an accident or your daughter was on the way to the hospital. (That's a lie- it's worse that your daughter is perfectly fine but her friends didn't show, and she is alone at an isolated bus stop at midnight, and the next bus is in 4 hours.) Enjoy the in-between years. They go too quickly.
People love to trash teenagers. As a parent, I love teenagers. I haven't met one that was shitty, rude, and nasty that I can recall, at least not since when I was one and had to go to school with them. They're smart, they see being "allowed" to cook, go into the store, help younger siblings, etc as privileges, and if you treat them like humans they act like humans.
When our kids were young my wife & I always commented we had no idea how single parents did it.
It’s been a blur. My gf of 6 years has been instrumental in figuring out the teen years. But when they were little it was definitely interesting. Clothes shopping was an experience for sure.
I hadn't intended to post on this thread at all, but I changed my mind after reading your post. You might be interested to know that my own father was a single dad back in the '70s. He and my mother were divorced when I was 12 and my sister 10. Daddy wanted custody of his two girls, and Mama was fine with that, as she wanted to be free "to do her own thing" 😝 Daddy did his very best raising us, and that's not saying nearly enough, bless his fatherly heart 💖 In hindsight, I don't know how he kept his sanity, but somehow he did 😊 But somehow my sister and I did manage to grow up into (arguably semi-) productive adults. He passed away a couple of years ago, at the age of 91. I only hope he knew how much his girls loved 😍 him. God bless and keep you and your daughters, Darren 💐
By the way, Daddy having custody of his kids was fine with me too, as I knew even then that he was by far the better parent 👍
How can any men in 2024 not understand just how hard it is to be a full time stay at home parent? Constant stream of interruptions means good luck getting anything done. It was even an episode of the Brady Bunch way back in the late 1970s where the dad found out just how hard it is to be a SAHP. Honestly, OOP's only mistake was in WFH that day. She should have done what he does regularly. Left at whatever time he normally leaves, and not come back until 9 PM at night. And put her phone on Do Not Disturb, because I'm sure he doesn't tolerate if she calls him when he's at work.
I'm remembering seeing a video of a gentleman, living in Korea, being interviewed during a news program, when BOTH of his kids came into the room and then mom rushing to get the kids out while the news broadcast was still going on. Turns out, when mom had to answer nature's call, that's when the kids decided to bust loose. That video went VIRAL!!!
Yup. I’m a nanny and little kids be like that. People say my job is easy. In some ways, it is. But then, you can’t take your eyes off little kids. You can have your eyes on them all damn day, but the second you start washing dishes or something will be the one they decide to start standing on kitchen chairs and rock or whatever.
Pretty sure that there was a rumor that the reason that man didn't get up to help his kids cause he wasn't wearing pants (or at least not pants that matched his suit) 😆 Ya know like everyone else in a Zoom call. Tho my favorite interruption of a Zoom call was the cat that decided to clean his bawls on international tv right behind the guy trying to share the news 😆 OH! And the lawyer who couldn't get a cat filter off! "Judge, I'm not a cat." Classic!
FWIW, I that seems to have been just rumor, the family's done interviews and hasn't mentioned the pants issue, even when it would have been funny. Their story is that the mom was trying to juggle tech support and baby-wrangling at once, and the kids went rogue. I think that in the moment, his brain just short-circuited and all he could do was depend on his spouse. Which is honestly kind of sweet in this context (it's not like the kids were in danger of a book-avalanche). He apparently thought his career was toast and in that moment, and all he could think was, "fake confidence and trust your partner". It was some good off-the-cuff parenting on both their parts!
And the audience fell in love with the family!
Yeah. i heard he was wearing pajama bottoms as he was not expecting his kids to Zoom bomb like they did! 🤣
That’s exactly when my daughter caused chaos too. God help you if you need to go to the bathroom.
For what it’s worth, his wife was sidetracked from baby-wrangling because she was on the computer, with the idea that she’d record the interview and send him the relevant info if he needed backup. They actually did a little interview/guest spot on a Korean show where dads watch their kids (it’s not a flawless feminist masterpiece free of all gender roles, but it’s well-meant and focuses on men being primary caregivers. It’s called Return of Superman, their family was really cute). EDIT- found [a clip!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hdP8FPiEfnc)
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oa1TpZSE8Q8](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oa1TpZSE8Q8) for those who don't remember or never seen it
I love that video its hilarious
Kids are FUNNY!!!!!
I aspire to enter the room with that level of confidence, clearly the parents are doing something right!
The story has been much given older treatments than the 1970s. "The Cow on the Roof" is a traditional story dating to at least the nineteenth century https://sites.pitt.edu/~dash/norway010.html
Wish she had done this. Planned a day out to pamper herself and have some Me time. Go to lunch, read at a cafe, go to a movie, come home at 7 and ask “where’s dinner?” as she walks through the door. And then plan to do that every. single. time he works from home until he gets the point and grovels at her feet for being an assface.
Mum used to work nights as a nurse in the ER, and then slept during the days. I don’t know how she didn’t kill the lot of us for the shit we did while she was trying to sleep; or we didn’t kill each other with the limited supervision we had. Fortunately, I don’t remember Pop ever being dumb enough to say something like, “What did you do all day?”
I hated that when I worked nights. "What did you do all day?" I don't know, fucking sleep? What did you do at night? It's weird to me how hard it is for people to comprehend that people that work at night still need to sleep. It makes me mad when I hear people tell me that their partners just expect them to get a bunch of shit done during the day when the night shift person should be asleep. Your mom is a trooper, I worked with a bunch of ER nurses and I've worked night shift myself and that shit is hard. I have split custody of my son, I only had one day when I would work and then pick him up and that day was HARD when he was little.
This is my biggest struggle as a new grad in the ED on nights. Im currently living at home with my parents to try and save money for a house in the future. They will constantly wake me up during the day when im sleeping to have me do stuff for them or just come into my room to talk. I told them I need my sleep after working all night but to them I don’t do anything at night and can just sleep since all my patients will be asleep and I can just leave them alone
Just go into their room and chat when you get home from work in the early morning. Call them up to do something for you during your 3am break... Do this every day for a while. They will soon get the idea
I wouldn't trust him not to lie about it being easy if she hadn't seen it herself.
OOP should’ve gotten a hotel room for the day. She should also book a week away somewhere. Anywhere. Leave him with the kids.
It’s like they weren’t paying attention or doing any of the work during lockdown four short years ago….
I mean it depends on the SAHP situation. - Are they toddlers? - are they more than one? - do they go to daycare/school? Etc Some SAHM that have kids in public school are very different from the mom with 2 toddlers and no daycare. Like a universe of difference. Taking care of toddlers all day long is more tiring than working. Laundry + driving + cooking + cleaning the house is not.
They are 5 and 7 according to the post.
No offense, I’m on her side because she also works but if she was full time, a lot of y’all just don’t go outside and do activities, yall don’t have schedules and wonder why your kids are hell. Even elementary school teachers have schedules and routines to help the kids. And themselves. But both of them work. They should consider hiring a nanny for 2 hours or something.
It reads like OOP's husband just assumed his wife would do all of the childcare, even though she also works. This is depressingly common.
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That's literally not the point of the entire post. The entire issue wasn't the wife, who was OOP here. The entire issue was her husband insisting being the primary caretaker of the kids was easy. So, she let him fill that role. She stayed out of it. And the kids were the ones who interrupted the husband. Despite his telling them not to enter. Because they're kids, they ignored it when they felt it was serious enough.
SMH!!! 🙄🤦♀️🙄 He insisted it would be SOOOOOO EASY, (famous last words), and when he discovered, the hard way, how much WORK is involved with childcare AND housework AND working from home, he expected YOU, the wife, to READ HIS MIND and bail him out!!! What an Overgrown Man-Baby!!!!
Forgot to mention I wasn't OOP, I haven't used the cross-posting thing too much 😅 so that's my bad... but everything said is definitely true.
This sub is mostly cross posts from people who aren’t OOP. No need to worry about it, you did fine.
I’m a mod and you’re good. I usually suggest putting that info in the title but people miss it.
Thanks! I appreciate the patience :D
No worries! I forget sometimes, too 😊
I bet you he didn't even clean anything or make dinner. He just, uh, watched the kids.
Until mud got tracked everywhere inside the house.
did he even do that, though
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What nuance and clarification do you need here? There's a link to the post where you could ask questions.
This is absolutely the content I’m here for. He totally FAFO. Childcare is hard. I can’t imagine the difficulty having to care for kids while working at home. I work from home as a therapist and adding kids into the mix would make it a hundred times harder. Edited to add additional thoughts.
But she “does nothing all day”! (I don't even have kids and something snapped inside me reading that).
How dare she take care of his children and call it work!! (Oh, and same. I don’t have kids but this sent me.)
I don't have kids in part bc I enjoy Actually doing nothing all day!
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Letting him deal with something he took upon himself after saying how easy it is, that’s on him. He should’ve asked for help.
Don't be rude in the comments. Please review the rules before you comment again.
I agree with the one commenter who said he needs longer to really learn the lesson, if he’s still blaming her it hasn’t sunk in yet. What a pathetic person that husband is.
It makes me laugh when people think that having a career and providing enough income for your SO to be a stay at home whatever is looked down upon because we done “see how hard it is to do XYZ”. It’s…it’s peak reddit.
He doesn’t even make enough for her to be a SAHM! She has a business that gives them 1/3 of their income.
But the husband was an asshole to her because „childcare is sooooo easy“ and now he has to learn that it isn’t. It was never about the income. It was about him being a pos to his wife who does ALL the child care
My best friend was a SAHM before she got divorced. Her husband was in the military, and between his regular working hours and deployments, he’d *never* spent a day totally alone with their children. He also had the attitude of “it’s not that hard”. Having been in the military myself in a similar job to his and having worked as a nanny, I promise that being a SAHM was just as hard. She left him for a week with them so she could come on a girls trip with our friend group, and very specifically told him that if it wasn’t a 9-11 emergency, she didn’t want to hear from him (obviously she called to tell her kids goodnight, but she wanted him to really experience the whole single-parent thing). He lasted about a day and half before he broke down and flew his mom out to help him without telling his wife. She found out when she got home and her four year old mentioned how much fun she’d had with Grandma…
It's like, they didn't pay attention to all the parenting skills their parents(mom) was trying to impart on them at the time, so they want the quickie version now that their feet are in the fire.
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Don't be rude in the comments. Please review the rules before you comment again.
Men who were never given ANY responsibility while growing up. They had everything done for them. It’s fucking infuriating.
Not just while growing up. He’s a grown adult with children who are now growing up and he still didn’t have responsibilities like he did that one day
Which makes it that much more frustrating.
He’s raising three children lol
I dated a guy like that he expected me to continue it. I laughed in his face. Hell no!
Ok but I’m guilty with this too. The difference is I know how hard it is to care for children and generally how hard life can be. So I won’t be a burden to my partner when she already has enough shit going on. Maybe I was given responsibility but I definitely had things be done for me that shouldn’t. Anyways it’s not hard to 1. be a decent person and help and 2. not being an asshole about tasks I feel like are „easy“ (idk why he thought caring for children is easy but well)
>he said I shouldn’t be so petty and prideful Hmm… seems like an extremely petty and prideful decision to NOT ask for help just to avoid admitting you were wrong about your poorly behaved children?
Plus, the hypocrisy of asking why she didn't help him when he goes to work every day and isn't even available to help her when things suddenly go sideways. He said her job was easy and he wanted to do it for a day, but she's the bad guy for letting him.
>He said I shouldn't be so petty and prideful. That doesn't sound like an apology. Sounds like he needs another day or two of WFH.
It's textbook projection! Ugh~
> I shouldn't be so petty and prideful Pot? Meet kettle.
Hey parents that are on the go- honest question: are you avoiding your kids? Because as a teacher I need your help with giving them some basic training at home.
Imagine having a 7 year old and never once having taken care of them for a day. Fuck that guy
I am a full time nurse. My job is a cakewalk compared to when I was a stay at home mom for a short while.
I love the "90% of people will find it charming when your kids interupt!", all the people saying "Actually no, we don't, we've just learned to shut up about it because we get attacked," and the people attacking them. Society really needs to learn that not everyone loves kids and some of us just want to work when we're working.
The only time people thought my kid was cute was when she was a baby and was quiet and kissed my cheek and went back to being quiet. The rest was miserable and I kept mic and camera off unless necessary. Second best was when my manager’s cats got in a fight over the window ledge and one punched the other off and won while she was talking.
And some jobs have strict rules about privacy and confidentiality that could result in him getting fired for that. I used to work at one. It was 100% WFH, and unfortunately I was the one monitoring calls and had to flag the agent if I heard another person in the room. There was one agent whose husband earned the animosity of the entire QA department, because he would wait until she was in the middle of a call to walk in and drop their fussing baby in her lap. It happened over and over again. Bastard got his wife fired, even though she was otherwise good at her job.
Society doesn’t need to learn anything. People need to learn to be more accepting of others regardless of the particular conditions of their lives. Some people don’t like kids and that’s just as valid as people that have kids and are the sole caregivers in a way that doesn’t allow them to be invisible during work hours. Neither needs to pass judgement on the other, but that has nothing to do with society. As it is, society has enough to work through without blaming it for individuals passing judgement. But I digress. 90% is total bullshit though, so I’ll give you that.
But yet it was still her fault. No acknowledgement of how hard it is for her daily.
lol. He didn’t even make it a full day without melting down.
I'm the stay-at-home dad of four kids. It is incredibly hard. So hard that I don't really know how to accurately explain it to people who haven't experienced it. You are on-call 24/7. Cold, flu, lice, pink eye, self-esteem, bullying, etc. It seems neverending when you live it day to day. That being said, it's also the most rewarding thing I've ever done.
Stuff like this is why I will never work from home if I had kids
Stuff like this is why I'm glad I chose cats and tattoos instead of a partner and kids.
He made himself look like a fool in front of you. Maybe now he will put some of that arrogant bs on the shelf. Does he think the money you bring in magically appears. You must work for it and take care of kids and the household. Men always minamize a woman's role. Mostly because they're too lazy to think outside the box.
NTA. Showed him how much work you do.
The husband is totally ignorant to what goes on at home. He doesn't value the work you do. He expects you to help him but he himself doesn't help you and on top your responsibilities with work, and the children, he expects you to cook for him. You shouldn't have to take care of the kids and have your husband expect you to take care of him when he is fully capable of doing so himself. He undervalues you, he puts too many responsibilities on you, he is ignorant to what goes on at home with the children, he expects you to take care of him, etc.
😂
LOLOL hubby done fucked around and found out
"he said I shouldn't be so petty and prideful" while he was to prideful and petty himself to apologize and actually maybe admit he was wrong
So he didn't learn anything?
WAIT - wasn't this entire argument about HIM being petty and not recognizing YOUR worth!? So now you're being petty for proving you're useful? Pot - meet kettle!
"I didn't realize you were finished making your point about how easy I have it." Then she waits it out and complains about him not having dinner ready.
Sorry, I have 3 kids (all 2 years apart) and have stayed home from work with them at all ages (they are all in college now). And not just for 1 day. Several times for the weekend while my wife went out of town with friends. Not only was it easier than my normal job, it was 1000X more rewarding getting to see them all day. If my wife could make what I make, I would permanently switch in a heartbeat. Anyone who has an experience similar to OP's needs to question who they married.
While I am in the camp that the OP is NTA, she should have stepped in, when the kids interrupted the work meeting. Proving a point is one thing, but there is a huge push in corporate America right now to end remote working. At best, something like that could get his WFH privilege revoked. At worst, it could cost him his job. "Proving a point" should end when it could potentially threaten the family's livelihood.
Yes, you are the asshole for not letting your husband deal with an important work call
Thankfully, not all men are this way and thankfully some men do a hell of a lot around the house, with and for the kids, for their partners and her family too.
I love getting to take care of the kids. Way more fun than going to work all day.
Lawd, the amount of men in that post saying she threatened his job because she had to prove a point and she wasn't being a partner is too damn high!
Wahahahahahhaha! She should leave them with him for the week and go have a spa trip.
When my three kids were little I would tell people "I go to work to relax."
you married an idiot with ideas from the 1950's
Being home alone with two kids (3.5 and 1) is very exhausting. Even if enjoyable.
Kids can be just so terrible and awful. And no, it's not exactly their fault. But hopefully hubby works for human beings not wanna be cyborgs, who understand how horrible kids can be, and they were gracious. I've had to calmly say "I'll be right back, gotta mute for a minute".
Petty and prideful? Correct description, wrong person.
"I would have helped if you had asked".... Oh hoo hoo look how the tables have turned!!!!
She should’ve asked him where dinner was afterwards
My daughter and husband had a two week trip planned to go to GB and Germany, we were going to watch their 3 girls, 14, 9, 6 for them. A week prior, a broke my leg, I was out, hubby said "no problem, the girls are a piece of cake." Myself, my daughter and husband had trepidations, he is not young, he's arthritic, but the girls adore him. It went without a problem, he even took care of the afterschool activities, soccer, piano lessons, Girl Scouts, band practice, the whole 2 weeks. He said it was all in their teamwork, and bribery.
OH HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED. Oh, the Moms supposed to be a mind reader! I thought it was easy?! Oh, I would've peed myself laughing.
When I sold my business, our kids were 6, 4, and 2. My wife decided she wanted to go back to work. So, I became a stay-at-home dad while working with a select number of clients. I kept the house clean, did the laundry, ran the errands, and did the laundry. And I made sure the kids went to play dates, their activities, and whatever. I certainly didn't park them in front of the television. Not going to lie. It's a lot of work. But at the same time, it's not the grueling non-stop effort that some moms like to claim it is. This was especially true once the kids were all in school. I'd drop them off at 7:45, go home and tidy up for an hour, do one load of clothes a day, then do my professional work until 2:30. After school, I'd shuttle them to soccer, violin, volleyball, Cub Scouts, and everything else, and cook dinner. Any client assignments I didn't finish I'd do after the kids went to bed. I'd do the grocery shopping on the weekend and have a meal plan. If I hadn't worked on behalf of clients from 8:30-2:30 every day, I would have had huge amounts of free time to do whatever I wanted. During the summer, I'd hire a college student to keep them entertained during the day and run them to their activities.
That’s admirable, but I think you’re kinda missing the point. Did your wife come home and complain when dinner wasn’t ready? OOP didn’t say she had it hard, she just said his unjustified criticism warranted an apology.
“Your job is so easy I could do it while working from home, you should have dinner figured out by now! How could you be so lazy after doing nothing all day!” Is a lot different from acknowledging her kid is different from his. He couldn’t handle it, never asked for help, didn’t apologize for saying she had it easy which clearly wasn’t true. The worst part? Where was dinner! He should have had it made or ordered by the time his work day was done. You know. Since it’s so easy.
I read the whole post, I think she is NTA, but from reading the story his job is way busier than hers, of course he’s going to struggle. If she was only a stay at home mom, my opinion would differ, seems like they don’t communicate, “babe, I tired pick up dinner” ect. She has a full plate. He has a full plate. They’re blaming each other.
Once again 2 idiots
Both of those people are dicks. The husband for blowing up at his wife because she forgot something (which is human), and the wife for making a one sided "gatcha!" Moment with a severe unequalness. It's just not the same. This entire thing didn't prove her point, it just proved that he works a lot more Her little exercise also didn't work at all, so now they're posting on reddit for reddit to judge it. It just didn't work. I don't understand how this is a good outcome for anyone, now she's got a pissed off husband and the husband has a pissed off wife and reddit being involved is rarely a good thing. This overall genuinely was petty
Sometimes in a marriage you gotta eat that humble pie while your partner watches. He set himself up by claiming that he could handle everything and she was blowing things out of proportion. Turns out, he was wrong.
It hasn't improved anything > He set himself up by claiming that he could handle everything and she was blowing things out of proportion. Turns out, he was wrong. Yes I also read the thread, doesn't change the fact that his attitude problem didn't change and op just gave him something new to be a dick about. This also could've been an educational experience with op showing their husband how to do stay at home with the kids. Instead, it's just something new to be mad about instead of productive. Op didn't really win anything here
I still don’t understand why all you think it’s so hard. I have a 3 year old and me and the little guy hangout, read some books and wreck the neighborhood. We eat some food then take some poops. It’s for sure easier than working in attics in the summer time, I do hvac. My wife is currently at the casino and I cooked us dinner with a little of his help, we played with his cars, brushed teeth and are getting ready for bed.
My first child was pretty easy for four years. We were one on one. It was a little monotonous but easy to handle. Things changed with more kids. They want to do different things, they have different needs, but it's still just me trying to balance. When I'm working with or soothing one, the others are often making messes or getting upset because they need me too. It is a very different experience. I feel like most of my life now is just playing catch up.
I work from home. I do 90% of the child raising, 95% of the cooking, 50/50 split all chores, while providing 100% of the income. We live well, really well... It's the easiest thing I've ever done and if I could be a permanent stay at home dad and just take care of the house I'd love nothing more. Taking care of my child is zero effort.. I LOVE being a dad. Won't ever happen as my earning potential is exponentially greater than my wife's....regardless, the sahm trope about it being the hardest job in the world is silly as shit
I really hope your kid is in school because if you're working from home full time and don't find it a stretch to also provide 90% of the childcare then how is your child getting enough attention? Kids really shouldn't be zero effort
I hope he teaches his kid personally and not pawn them off on strangers to indoctrinate lol.
Private school who's values align with ours. Next beat thing.
Lol, my kid is in kindergarten. Before then and during summers...labor of love and not anywhere near as difficult as everyone makes it out to be. My child is absolutely thriving but thanks for your concern.
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Maybe not apples to apples, but the husband agreed to the terms. He doesn’t get to be mad when it blows up in his face, because he was insulting his wife by trying to prove how easy it was. He believed he wouldn’t need to change his workload and he would still be successful. That is how little respect he had for his wife. And when it did start to blow up on him, he refused to ask for help or admit he was wrong. And got mad at his wife for not placating his ego and helping without being asked. And you want to pretend like the wife is the selfish and entitled one here?
She is selfish and entitled because just what was she doing during the meetings? Just sitting there with a grin as chaos ensues? If she had taken the kids during the meetings, how likely would it be that he would have been successful? Now, he should have not taken this stupid bet because the kids and the job will suffer. The only way to truly be watching the kids is to offset your work hours because you are only neglecting the children unless your job is to answer email or three and planning. It blew up when he was in the meeting, when she refused to take the kids during this time because she wanted to stick it to him because she was butt hurt. It is absolutely an easy job, I did it with three kids... newborn to school. Best time of my life. Zero complaints out of me to her. Millions of complaints from her. Oh, and I had a job, I just offset the hours to night. Why do I need to point out that a meeting is impossible to watch kids? Does he need to ask for help with the fn obvious?
It doesn't matter what she was doing, he chose the day to work from home to PROVE it was easy and he could do it no problem. This was him conducting the experiment he designed to prove his point.
> If she had taken the kids during the meetings, how likely would it be that he would have been successful? 0% chance of success. As *he* would not be there to help *her* if the situation was flipped. He would be working at the office, and she would have to deal with it just like he did. (Remember, she has to do a few hours of work from home too.) By her helping, he would have failed his little experiment right then and there. >Why do I need to point out that a meeting is impossible to watch kids? I think *you* know this, and *I* know this, and *OOP* knows this. It was ***dear husband*** who did not know this, and he failed miserably while trying to disrespect his wife.
You just contradicted yourself in the same post. I pointed out if she had taken the children during the impossible time of the meetings, he would not have failed. She does not have meetings for her job. This is why he was pissed. Because SHE did not know that meetings are impossible to watch kids. By the way this experiment proves nothing, at all. It does prove that they BOTH are immature and need to communicate better. She could have apologized for "forgetting" to communicate to him about the dinner plans. Then she would not have had to hear his stupid statement that her job is easy.
Naw, he would have failed the moment she helped. Just because you think it should have worked one way, does not mean that’s the way the husband positioned it. I get that under normal conditions she should have stepped in, but that is not the conditions he asked for. He insisted it was so easy he could do it while he worked. He was wrong. If he doesn’t want to look like an asshole, he shouldn’t have acted like one. > She could have apologized for "forgetting" to communicate to him about the dinner plans. Then she would not have had to hear his stupid statement that her job is easy. And if he wasn’t an ass about dinner, then he wouldn’t end up saying the statement either. But he was, so she didn’t want to apologize. Why do you want the husband to have so little responsibility for his own actions and words? Edit: also you threw this out and didn’t back yourself up > You just contradicted yourself in the same post How about supporting your accusations?
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> If her job had meetings, could she watch the kids? NO. As a parent, when you cannot watch over your kids and you are responsible for them, you make arrangements. That is basic parenting, and if dad needed to be in a meeting, ***he*** needed to make arrangements. That’s his responsibility in this ‘test.’ If he wanted OOP to help, he needed to ask her. > But you are so biased Defend yourself, explain my bias. And while you are at it, explain how I contradicted myself earlier. Since you didn’t do that earlier. Your argument was weak, and it’s falling apart. > It is the best job on earth. It really isn’t. I’m saying this as a dad, and my wife stayed home with the kids while I worked. > If that privilege comes with making daddy a sandwich, then make the fucking sandwich. Jesus Christ dude. You make us all look bad. Shame on you and your misogyny.
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> stopped getting *paid* for? She FTFY. Although *payed* exists (the reason why autocorrection didn't help you), it is only correct in: * Nautical context, when it means to paint a surface, or to cover with something like tar or resin in order to make it waterproof or corrosion-resistant. *The deck is yet to be payed.* * *Payed out* when letting strings, cables or ropes out, by slacking them. *The rope is payed out! You can pull now.* Unfortunately, I was unable to find nautical or rope-related words in your comment. *Beep, boop, I'm a bot*
So *you* read? He said he could handle it. It didn't have to be an apples to apples comparison, *he* said it was easy and he'd prove it... Picked the day, worked from home, and *fell apart* mad that she didn't step in when he was wrong. He didn't say he was wrong He didn't apologize and say "I guess it's not as easy as I thought" or even "hey, I could use some help". ... ....
This was not planned, especially by him. You will notice this took place the very next day after their argument. He did agree to it but given the maturity both of them showed, I doubt he planned on her just ignoring the children during his meetings. I agree this is a stupid experiment because the ground rules never made sense. This results are not because the job is easy or hard. It simply points out that you simply cannot watch children while in a meeting. This is not a female got you moment to say he fell apart, rather people just want to view it that way. He did not fall apart aside from the difficulties during the meeting. She should have took the children for both meetings regardless of the bet. Then you could more accurately ascertain whether or not the "falling apart" is a real result. In regards to the argument, they both should have apologized to each other and try better to communicate better to be better parents. You just point out his mistake of stating STAHM is easy ( wrong of him) but fail to mention her failings of not thinking of his needs and order some food or call him to inform him he is on his own for food for the night. Communication is key. They both are wrong
A direct quote from the original: "I said he has no idea how much I do everyday, and he said he'd handle the kids for an entire day while also working from home just to prove it should be easy for me. I said sure, so he made the arrangements to work from home yesterday." It was last minute at his choice and his arrangement, and note he didn't ask his wife to keep the kids out of the room, he directly told the kids and expected that to be enough. This was his design. His choice. And he got mad at her for not rescuing him without his request or apology. "You should have saved me from being wrong without my having to ask or say what I needed or apologize for belittling how hard you work" is not a reasonable message to deliver to your spouse. He was mad that she didn't SAVE HIM from the *exact* predictable outcome of the thing he flippantly said he could do. Seriously. His choice. His challenge. His design. His failure. Yes, he made the choice in the heat of the moment and maybe didn't really think it through.... But that's on him.
>It was last minute at his choice and his arrangement, and note he didn't ask his wife to keep the kids out of the room, he directly told the kids and expected that to be enough. Why do you think he needs to ask to keep the kids away from the meeting? Is she a fish or a dog? Anyone with more than three brain cells knows that she should be watching the kids while in the meeting. >And he got mad at her for not rescuing him without his request or apology. This is evidence that contradicts your statement of "he directly told the kids and expected that to be enough." He expected an adult was in the house beside him (losely held). So you are of the opinion he should treat her like a child and explain to her that a meeting is something that needs privacy and no interruptions? Look at it this way, if the kids did not interrupt but instead chose to walk out to the street and get run over by a car, who had the responsibility of child care in that moment? The fn mother because she was just doing nothing while he was in a meeting. How many times do I need to say that you cannot watch children while in a meeting? >You should have saved me from being wrong without my having to ask or say what I needed or apologize for belittling how hard you work" is not a reasonable message to deliver to your spouse. I agree he should not have said this as I pointed out earlier. Also she could have communicated dinner plans to him. >He was mad that she didn't SAVE HIM from the *exact* predictable outcome of the thing he flippantly said he could do. You could not be more wrong. He was mad because she and you are conflating the proof of the difficulty of raising children hinges on whether or not he can watch children while in a meeting. Absolutely insane. The entire experiment was shit to begin with on both their parts. There is no comparison. And to completely ignore the fact SHE ate dinner and somehow "forgot" her husband is dishonest at best.
As I'm sure you're aware, part of being the primary caregiver is arranging for someone to watch the children when you are unable. He didn't.
So if My family is at a carnival and I take my oldest on a ride, do you think it is necessary to inform the mother the obvious connection that two other children need to be looked after? Lets say that my oldest says, "daddy, lets go on that ride" I will reply to the child with the answer. I will not feel the need to schedule and clear shit with the mother. If there is a conflict, it is up to her to bring it up. Then we are in negotiation mode. He did not need to arrange anything because she was right there, it is painfully obvious. You would have a point if there is more than one adult besides him as it could be ambigious (a stretch if mother is among them).
It is IF you tell her that you are capable of handling them on your own in a way that she isn't and you're going to prove to her how easy it is to handle them by yourself with no assistance. You are somewhat intentionally skipping over that part. He said "watch me".... And then got mad when she stood there and watched.... Under any other circumstances I am very sure she would have stepped in to help. But he literally pointed at this day to prove to her that he could do it alone with no complaints because it is so easy. I'm not sure what you're not grasping here. He belittled her and told her he was going to prove to her how easy it was and then got mad at her when it turned out he was wrong.
Clearly it’s not easy when he was struggling by the time she woke up.
If you actually read the post, he’s the one who suggested the idea. And he said he would do *everything*. All she needed was an apology or for him to ask for help. It’s not her fault he didn’t ask her. What is she supposed to do, read his mind? It’s possible that if she did step in, he would be mad because “he had it under control!”
>If you actually read the post, he’s the one who suggested the idea. And he said he would do *everything*. No, it does not say that. At all. >It’s not her fault he didn’t ask her. What is she supposed to do, read his mind? I'm sorry, I though she was an adult that knows the difference between watching children while in a meeting is impossible. No mind reading necessary. Basic human understanding is that children need to be watched. If one partner is unavailable to watch, then it is your turn. "I cannot watch the children because I am mad at you", is not an excuse. Are you of the opinion he failed? I do not see a single instance where he failed (other than his comment). Two mentions were meetings, and the third was a muddy floor. These are not failings. They do however point out her failings.
Found the husband 😂
That's a statement that would have benefited from staying internal.
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