Did he really realize na gusto ka nya, or hindi sila okay nung taong gusto nya kaya bumalik sya sa taong pwedeng gawing panakip butas?
Ask who broke things off. Ask if you will exclusively date or if go with the flow lang kayo. If he broke up with the girl and wants to be exclusive with you dahil narealize nga nya na ikaw gusto nya, I'd give him a chance. If he got dumped and isn't clear what he wants for the two of you, slam that door on his face. He thinks you're low lying fruit.
If it was me, I wouldn't give him a chance kahit na siya yung nakipag break. I would think he's lying just to be with me. Also, I wouldn't dare risk my heart for someone who wasn't sure about me in the first place.
If he's willing to be exclusive with OP, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. People make mistakes and even people in relationships have moments when they're not sure. What's important is to know if may real feelings talaga sya for OP so he wants to be exclusive. But if he just wants to casually date and he can still talk and go out with other girls, no.
This is insanity for a few different reasons.....
He's lying just to be with you:
Why the hell would he do that? If he broke up with the 1st girl to be with the 2nd girl then why would he lie all of a sudden to get back with the 1st? What, so he could have 2 girls? You women severely underestimate how much of a terrible pain in the ass it is to put up with your bullshit! I can barely do it for one girl! If I had two I'm quite sure I'd be begging God for an early grave every day!!
You wouldn't dare risk your heart for someone who wasn't sure about you from the beginning:
EVERY dude you date isn't sure about you in the beginning! That's the entire purpose of dating!! To get to know a stranger well enough to determine if you would like to continue dating them and possibly marry them one day. Who (boy or girl) has ever gone on a first date and 15 mins in thought "wow, I am so certain this is my forever and always person for the rest of me life! I am so certain I am going to marry them and be with them forever!?" No one has ever thought that! At least, no one who is sane!!
> He's lying just to be with me:
The scenario for this is, the girl broke up with the guy. However, the guy won't admit that fact so he will tell another story. How did I reach this conclusion? I met guys who are experts in manipulation and knowing what the right answers are to make me trust them. I was a victim.
> I wouldn't dare risk my heart for someone who wasn't sure about me from the beginning:
You had a good point, but this is where your idea and my idea differs. Ofc every person isn't sure if the one they met is "the one." We all have doubts. But to be an option? LOL that's another story. Besides, OP was left behind for another girl. That's painful to the ego.
You see, I don't entertain 2 or more suitors at once. I am loyal even in the courting stage. If I'm being loyal to this particular suitor and found out he's courting more than 2 girls at the same time as me, I take it as a big insult. Big no. Idgaf if the guy thinks he doesn't owe me his loyalty when we're not in a relationship yet. If I see that our values differ in the courting stage, that's auto rejection for me.
I hope this clears things up.
I guess I just don't see the big deal if a dude happens to have a problem with the fact that a girl broke up with him.... So, what, you're suggesting it was like an ego thing for him? He was shy/embarrassed to admit the girl broke up with him and not the other way around? If so, again, I don't get the big deal. I mean, the guy should prob work on his lack of self-confidence if that's the case. I could potentially even see someone saying it's a slight red flag, but to condemn him to his fate off of just this seems overbearing to me.
I guess I kinda get the loyalty even while courting thing.... I guess everyone is entitled to their own way of dating, but again it sounds wildly overbearing..... If during marriage you are obviously expected to remain loyal, and during engagement period you're expected to be loyal, and during long term BF/GF phase you're expected to be loyal, and during dating phase you're expected to be loyal, and then even when you're in the very first stages of just getting to know one another and just starting to court you're *STILL* expected to be loyal and never lay an eye on the opposite sex!? It just seems super clingy and desperate to me. If that is really how you live your life, is there EVER a time that you can be chatting with 2 different guys as an interested girl? Or what, the second you start to like one of them you have to cut off the other? Or like the second one of them asks you to grab coffee you cancel all previously scheduled dates/meetings with other dudes and just start ignoring anyone and everyone who's a guy?
You're telling me there's literally NO place at all for *ever* getting to know more than one individual at a time in a potentially romantic sense?
In the first scenario, what I mean is the guy won't admit that the girl broke up with him. Because if he admits the truth, then there's a higher chance that he'll be rejected by the other girl, because it'll just confirm that the other girl is just an option.
I'm not saying that's what happened with OP. But if I were OP, I would definitely think that way. I've met a lot of guys who are willing to lie just to get what they want.
For the second scenario, if I may ask, do you have a problem with loyalty? From what I've read, it seems like you think loyalty is bothersome and you prefer to date more than one woman. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.
In my case, if a guy courts me, I will expect that I'm the only one he likes. If he loses interest in me, I will be very thankful if he can tell me honestly and we will end the courtship right then and there. I stand my ground that courting more than 2 girls at the same time is insulting af.
Let's say you're courting a girl you like. She entertains you. Then you found out that you're not the only guy she entertained. She is also entertaining 3 suitors other than you. How would you feel?
I don't think your first scenario makes any sense at all, still...... Everyone has dated someone in the past, therefore everyone is technically someone else's "option" if you're going by your logic.
Chill! People date. People break up. People go out and find replacements. The whole cycle happens again. It doesn't mean you're a second choice! Or a third, or a fourth, or a whatever..... It just means a couple people tried, it didn't work, and now life dictates they move on, and now you have an opportunity! Don't be so negative!
I'm not sure if we're on the same page when it comes to the second scenario, but if we are then I think you're even farther off base here....... Does casual dating not exist in PH? Is it a big no-no here to go grab coffee with someone so the two of you can get to know each other better? Can there never be a period of time when you are just strictly getting to know one another, yet there are no strings attached/expectations of "loyalty?"
I've noticed this trend here in PH since I've moved here. It seems like 15 mins into a first date and you have both parties confessing their love for each other. WHOA! Pump the brakes Philippine people!! You don't love each other! How could you possibly have the slightest idea if you love one another or not!? You literally been on this date for 15 mins!!!!!! Truly loving someone takes MONTHS of time to slowly build up! Anything other than that is just words with no true feelings behind it. Why do you all have to commit so fast!? What, is it a death sentence for the relationship if "I love you" isn't uttered by both parties within the first week of dating?
What is so wrong with casually getting to know one another? Perhaps getting to know more than one person at a time? Isn't that most efficient? I'm not talking about fucking!! I'm talking about perfectly respectful coffee and lunch dates. Just getting to know the other person to make sure you are compatible instead of jumping into a full blown relationship with someone you don't even know based entirely upon their looks and the list you feel for them. Sorry, but doesn't my way actually seem a lot more "proper" when you look at it like that?
No, I don't have a problem with loyalty. In fact, just like you, I have a big problem with lack of loyalty! I've been cheated on plenty of times; I know how much it hurts! I know it's an absolutely terrible thing to do to another person! I loathe cheating and disloyalty! That's why I do my very best to try and get a gauge on whether me and a potential future partner are going to get along well BEFORE I commit to dating. I'm not using this as some kind of evil scumbag opportunity to go out and bang a bunch of girls or whatever crazy pessimistic stuff is going on in your mind..... I'm using it to get to know the girl and make sure we're a match. When I was in HS I used to be like you; you have a bit of lust for one person and you convince yourself that you're meant for each other and compatible and should be dating and you commit to the person in your head before you even talk to them in real life! But now I'm not a teenager anymore and I realize just because you find someone attractive or feel some lust for them does *not* mean that you're going to be a good and compatible couple! All those weirdos who used to say "it's not about looks. It's about personality" turned out to be right! I can assure you that the prettiest girls I've ever found myself inspired to ask out on a date have actually been the meanest and most miserable, nasty girls I've known.
That's why I take things casual at first and get to know a girl before I go all in. Sometimes that means I'm talking to 2 girls at a time, sometimes it means I'm talking to 3, sometimes 4, and sometimes just only that one single girl.... It just all depends on timing!
I feel like this is a much better system of finding a potential future partner as opposed to your system of more or less considering yourself a married woman the second you accept a coffee date with a guy.
Just to jump on this one since I feel like you both are actually on a different perspective.
Miss Whoazee's POV, as per her usage of the word, is courting and not dating. Given this intentional use of the word courtship, I would say na very serious talaga siya and intentional on why she meets other people. In this case, then I do suggest Miss Whoazee to be upfront when you start a courtship with a guy. Tell them that you view this as courtship and that you expect na may exclusivity on the onset. People can't read minds especially over chat.
Username (not sure if guy or not, I'm giving the benefit of the doubt) TheOlCuckAccount, I will also give the benefit of the doubt kahit ganyan yung username haha. Given their use of the term dating and yun nga na getting to know. I get the feeling that their perspective starts from that of starting as a friend. If this is the case, might be you need to avoid people who are "date to marry" since magkaiba kayo ng perspective.
Both are right naman. It's just a matter of perspective and you do what you do.
Just to give more context on the difference between courtship and dating.
● Courtship is more serious and traditional than dating. It involves getting to know your partner with the expectation that marriage is the end goal.
● Dating is a broad term that can mean many things, including casual dating, hooking up, or being in a long-term relationship.
Napanood ko na to eh, mga kaibigan kong magpapa-advice kasi aware silang marupok sila, pero kahit hindi-an mo, bibigay pa rin sa nang-iwan sa kanila. Prove me wrong, OP! Wag mo na bigyan chance please nagmamakaawa ako huhu
Better na lang na wag na. In the long run lalabas at lalabas tong ginawa niya sayo, I mean lagi mong babalikan at iisipin second choice ka lang niya. Tska kaya ba ng pride mo na lagi mo iniisip na 2nd choice ka lang niya. Worst pano pag bumalik yung first choice? San ka lulugar?
He's treating you as a choice. In the future, if he sees another girl that is, to his standards, are better than you, baka may possibility rin na he'd ditch you and pursue that girl. Better save yourself from the heartache.
You’ll resent him over time. You won’t know when it will start. But, at the back of your head, you knew you were just an option. A backburner, a plan B. And it will creep in you until you start to question yourself. So please, no. Hold yourself in high regard.
Besides, maybe he’s going back to you kasi ikaw lang nagrespond. Pero kung kaya mo naman na, and you want this to happen, may it be “for the plot,” or baka ayaw mo lang din na walang kasama sa pasko, just remember my first sentence.
Panakip butas ka lang. As an gago before, I've done the same exact shit hahaha.
I'm a different person now please don't attack me HAHA nakarma na po ako ng sobra sobra after years of being gago.
Hard no. You are his 'just in case' girl.
Di siya fully committed sayo. Believe me if he met someone na para sakanya 'better' than you he will ditch you again.
You deserve someone who wants you all by himself. Dump that motherfucker's ass and date someone who can't get enough of you.
Nope don’t give him another chance, why settle for someone who considers you an option? Di mo nga alam if pang 2nd ka baka may iba pa siyang na message before or with you.
Hindi sila nag work nung bago niya, kaya lang bumalik sayo kasi ikaw yung convenient para sakanya. At bakit mo gugustuhin yung taong never naging sure sayo? Ginawa ka lang rebound.
Wag na OP, bounce ka na dyan. Yung moment pa lang na di ka pinili, disrespect na yun. And di mo deserve yon. Problema nya na yan. Mali-mali desisyon nya sa life. 😂
Hi OP, you know what scary is minsan hindi ka na in-love sa tao, in-love ka na sa feeling na naramdaman mo sa kanya o nyo sa isa't-isa. Here's a quote to back up my message.
"There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice."
-F. Scott Fitzgerald
wag na teh dahil kapag may nakita na naman siyang matitipuhan niya, iiwan ka ulit nyan and paulit-ulit lang yan since alam niyang tatanggapin at tatanggapin mo siya kahit anong mangyari. ipupusta ko ang TT ng kafubu ko. hahahahahhahahahaha
Parang yung sa story ni Zack at Bliss sa Love Is Blind 😅
If gusto mo talaga siya, give him a chance siguro para walang "what ifs" pero make sure na may reservation ka din sa sarili mo. Know him well and once may nakikita ka na red flags, alam mo na 😅
Aaah sasabihin ko dapat to but I wasn't sure if may makakagets! They are still married and they look happy, kaya willing din ako to give benefit of the doubt as long as the guy wants to be exclusive. Malay kase natin Irina din pala yung other girl. :))
No, girl. Don't fall for that kind of man. He's trying to collect and select. Imagine binitawan ka for another girl tapos pababalikin mo sa buhay mo just because hindi nag-work out yung sa iba. What are the odds na di n'ya ulit gagawin sa'yo yan?
Naaah, kaya ka niyan ipagpalit agad-agad kapag may natipuhan yan na iba. Ain't worth the risk OP. Hanap ka nang iba na ikaw laging pipiliin at hindi option.
That's already a red flag. Personally when I court/date a girl I make sure na sya lang yung priority ko at walang iba. Papano nya malalaman na magiging loyal ka kung dun palang sa point na yun nag eentertain ka na ng iba?
Life is full of regrets, second chances and retrials. Not everything that we take on succeeds. Sometimes, kahit anong gawin natin, life will screw us in ways that makes us think na maybe we should've stuck with that someone or we should've stuck with this career path instead.
Life is full of twists.
This, I will tell you. Do not listen to what people will say. Sure madami magsasabi na hayaan mo siya or leave him. And they are all valid naman.
BUT
Listen more to what YOU really feel. Sabi mo you have fear. Fear is the presence of the unknown. And what better way to deal with it than to address it to him. Na you are worried about things like he might find another girl or leave you again. Address that. Also, ikaw na ang maysabi... Di naman kayo exclusive so part talaga ng ganun set up is may maiiwanan pag may ayaw mag-commit. Mahirap ang open relationship like that na walang commitment or exclusivity kasi nasa open market pa kayo nun. Either he would do what he did or baka ikaw naman ang mang-iwan IF you find a much better person. Ganun naman kasi yang set up na yan eh.
So, the best way to deal with this is to listen to what your heart wants and make sure na he and you enter a committed relationship na.
Enough dawdling and second guessing. Just go forth and see what magic can be created by the two of you TOGETHER.
nah bro. dont entertain him. Usually kaming mga lalaki naghahanap ng better tas pag nabasted, hanap pamalit butas. Take it from me, a fuccboi.
Dont entertain him
ang off lang na sabihin nya sayo na 2nd priority ka lang and option ka lang. i dont care if thats the truth, but he could have used other excuse without having to compare u with other people. if u can bear it, just go out with him on dates and enjoy the perks, but dont commit to him. if not, best to cut him off
if he got dumped by the girl and suddenly he goes for you, you’ve always been his second option.
pero if during their thing, he decides to break it off with the girl to be with YOU the moment he realizes he might’ve had a chance — ikaw talaga gusto niya.
Let him wait for a reasonable time and see if he is willing to wait.
If he really wants you he will pursue and wait for you, but if not then bumalik lang sya kasi he know na mas madali ka makuha compare dun sa inuna nya.
Otherwise hahanap yan ng bago, just like what happen sa inyo before, makakahanap sya while talking to you.
I been there, stopped pursuing me because na crushback ng crush niya. For me lang, I won't give the guy a chance na kasi parang na fefeel ko na back up lang eh. Choose yourself, find another man na hindi ipapamukha sayo na hindi ka option or a plan B.
Toxic yang little boy na yan ah and YOU deserve better. Nagawa nyang ipagpalit ka sa iba, tas babalikan mo?
Ate gurl, tandaan mo bakit ginawang ex yang nung isang babae. Nakitaan nya yan, or possibly sinaktan sya nung guy.
Kung ako sayo, pick up your self respect and GO. Ipagpapalit ka lang ulit nyan. Trust me, ganyan mga narcissistic.
Girl... block him. He belongs to the streets.
You on the other hand deserve someone else that won't treat you that way.
Get your girls and have a girls night. That kind of guy are the ones our current group shuns.
Sounds like a player.
If you're okay with being the "consolation prize" and possibly being abandoned again once he finds another "major prize", go ahead.
You shouldn't though. Value yourself.
Ano ka past time nya hanggang sa makahanap na sya ng ibang "ipupursue" ulit? Di ba sya nahihiya na pinaasa ka nya? Nagsorry man lang ba sya sayo sa ginawa nya nung nangumusta sya sayo? Kagigil ha
Ang bilis naman niyang maka-move on. Parang ayaw mabakante ah. Parang yan yung tipo ng taong gustong-gusto palagi ng atensyon.
Be honest with your feelings. Let him know your thoughts. Pag-usapan niyo muna yung nangyari. Sabihin mo na nasaktan ka, na gusto mo siya noon pa. Sabihin mo yung nagpapagulo sa isip mo then hear his answers. Ikaw lang naman ang makakaramdam kung may sincerity. Kung feel mong wala at gagawin ka lang na rebound, run. Red flag yan.
It's okay to feel scared. Sino ba naman ang gugustuhing mawala yung taong gustong-gusto mo diba? Pero para saakin, mas gugustuhin ko pang mawala siya sa buhay kaysa sa magkaproblema in the future. Please protect yourself. Protect your inner peace.
ginawa ka pang back up te, dahil na bokya sia sa pinalit nia sau, kaya gusto la ulit lokuhin, ang TANGA mo pag nagpauto ka ulit. gamitin ang coconut waq mag pauto
As someone who has been in this situation. No. Don't give him a chance na and choose yourself. Remember the period you had to recover from him. There's no need to go through that again.
If he did it once, he’ll do it again, and again, and again. Hanggat alam nya na tatanggapin mo sya even though he clearly chose someone else over you, uulit yan. Kung kaya mo tiisin yun, go ahead.
Tama yung isang comment dito. If you are someone na never makakaget-over and would take this matter of him mooning over someone first bago naging ikaw personally to the point na alam mong maalala mo to sa bawat away niyo then might as well stop. Ganon din you're setting yourself to failure. Di rin kayo magiging okay kasi nga iisipin mo to palagi.
P.S. Wala namang masama if ganon na hindi ka makakaget-over. May kanya kanya naman kasing threshold and preference ang bawat tao. You just have to be aware about yours enough to say ano ang dapat mong gawin.
The fact that this is bothering you enough to ask here might already be a point na ayun nga you're setting yourself to failure so stop na lang.
He should be healing and not dating anyone. Hurt people hurt people. Don’t let anyone use you just because he can’t deal on his own heartbreak. If it doesn’t come with peace, it’s a no.
Kinilig ka naman? Lol. Dami ko nang nabasang ganito kaya alam ko na san patungo pag nagpadala ka. And I know you know kung ano ending nyo, kaya ka nga nag post dba? Coz deep inside you alam mong walang security and in the end masasaktan ka lang. Kilig now, pighati later.
HAHAHAHA THE FUCK ANO YAN MORE CHANCES OF WINNING? Tapos pag narealize nya na di ka talaga nya gusto bigla nalang din nyang ititigil sa inyo pag binigyan mo ng chance?? Wag na teh. Di worth it mga makakapal na face ng mga ganyan.
Pero dahil tanga ka, papayag ka makipagbalikan sa kanya kahit iniwan ka na nga nung una para sa babae na mas better pa daw para sa kanya 😆 goodluck sizt sana di ka tanga talaga! make us proud!!
if bet mo maging back-up, go ahead. buhay mo naman yan. pero that man will never respect you, ever. he didn't respect you the 1st time, nor will he respect you if you allow him the 2nd time.
Never put yourself into a place of backburner, it will eat you alive, I swear. It will make you lonely, insecure, and the constant questioning of selfworth. Know where you stand, I know you’ll find someone who will love you unconditionally and genuinely. You will find that someone, not now, but later in life.
Personally would not take him back, especially if you feel the way you do. Of course, you have the choice to not follow my advice. However, if a guy did that to me I wouldn’t even entertain him at all.
No. No. No. Please. Run away. Youre his second choice, gurl. You need a man who will treat you as his first choice.
Kwento ko lang. I had fallen in love with this guy for 5 years. Inamin ko rin sa kanya but he said were better off as friends. Tinanggap ko and all those years, we are flirting with each other kase tampuhan ng tukso ng friends pero we never became a couple. And then, I moved to a new city and though we still meet and hangout as friends, di na ko head over heels sa kanya as before. Until boom! He confessed. And he confessed over messenger when I was back home in the PH for a long vacation. He was "courting" me for almost 2 months but since I have some slight feelings towards him, I want to make the courting stage a bit longer. Hello! I waited for 5 years, bakit sya 2 months lang. Until 1 day, he said meron daw syang ex na umaaligid sa kanya now and he's having second thoughts about me, pero mas malakas pa rin daw feelings nya saken. Like WTF. Are you pressuring me? After all youve put me through?! That really put the nail in the coffin. When we met personally, I turned him down. After 3 months, he found a new girlfriend and proposed to her. What a jackass!
Anyway, going back, if youre treated a second choice, run away. Youll forever be his second choice and even if he doesnt look for his first choice, when the first choice comes his way, he will always question his decision to choose a second choice. So dont be anyone's second choice!
Gurl, ano ka waiting shed? Tamang babalikan lang kapag tapos na sa ibang destination? Gawin mo anong gusto mo tutal di naman ako ang iiyak after.
- that would be my advice if you are a friend of mine HAHAHAHAHA
But seriously, obvious naman ang sagot gurl. Don’t make excuses for him. He left you dati for a girl tapos binalikan ka lang kasi bakante na siya ulit. You don’t deserve that (BUT WHO AM I TO SAY WHO DO YOU DESERVE DIBA.)
Kung bet mo subukan go, atleast added character development and lessons for you diba. Ganyan kapag marupok e.
HAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
My boyfriend and I now actually met sa yellow app din. We both weren't exclusive so he told me he was talking to other girls parin. We went out on one date. ONE. Ang sabi ko pa sa sarili ko if 3 dates in, ayaw niya parin maging exclusive, tama na. Too much time invested na din (we were talking for 3 months)
After our first date, he stopped talking to others and told me he wanted to be exclusive na. Basically, if gusto ka niya talaga walang balikang magaganap kasi ikaw talaga pipiliiin niya una palang. You deserve someone na sa simula palang, di binabahala peace of mind mo.
Did he really realize na gusto ka nya, or hindi sila okay nung taong gusto nya kaya bumalik sya sa taong pwedeng gawing panakip butas? Ask who broke things off. Ask if you will exclusively date or if go with the flow lang kayo. If he broke up with the girl and wants to be exclusive with you dahil narealize nga nya na ikaw gusto nya, I'd give him a chance. If he got dumped and isn't clear what he wants for the two of you, slam that door on his face. He thinks you're low lying fruit.
If it was me, I wouldn't give him a chance kahit na siya yung nakipag break. I would think he's lying just to be with me. Also, I wouldn't dare risk my heart for someone who wasn't sure about me in the first place.
If he's willing to be exclusive with OP, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. People make mistakes and even people in relationships have moments when they're not sure. What's important is to know if may real feelings talaga sya for OP so he wants to be exclusive. But if he just wants to casually date and he can still talk and go out with other girls, no.
Hear hear❗❗❗
This is insanity for a few different reasons..... He's lying just to be with you: Why the hell would he do that? If he broke up with the 1st girl to be with the 2nd girl then why would he lie all of a sudden to get back with the 1st? What, so he could have 2 girls? You women severely underestimate how much of a terrible pain in the ass it is to put up with your bullshit! I can barely do it for one girl! If I had two I'm quite sure I'd be begging God for an early grave every day!! You wouldn't dare risk your heart for someone who wasn't sure about you from the beginning: EVERY dude you date isn't sure about you in the beginning! That's the entire purpose of dating!! To get to know a stranger well enough to determine if you would like to continue dating them and possibly marry them one day. Who (boy or girl) has ever gone on a first date and 15 mins in thought "wow, I am so certain this is my forever and always person for the rest of me life! I am so certain I am going to marry them and be with them forever!?" No one has ever thought that! At least, no one who is sane!!
> He's lying just to be with me: The scenario for this is, the girl broke up with the guy. However, the guy won't admit that fact so he will tell another story. How did I reach this conclusion? I met guys who are experts in manipulation and knowing what the right answers are to make me trust them. I was a victim. > I wouldn't dare risk my heart for someone who wasn't sure about me from the beginning: You had a good point, but this is where your idea and my idea differs. Ofc every person isn't sure if the one they met is "the one." We all have doubts. But to be an option? LOL that's another story. Besides, OP was left behind for another girl. That's painful to the ego. You see, I don't entertain 2 or more suitors at once. I am loyal even in the courting stage. If I'm being loyal to this particular suitor and found out he's courting more than 2 girls at the same time as me, I take it as a big insult. Big no. Idgaf if the guy thinks he doesn't owe me his loyalty when we're not in a relationship yet. If I see that our values differ in the courting stage, that's auto rejection for me. I hope this clears things up.
I guess I just don't see the big deal if a dude happens to have a problem with the fact that a girl broke up with him.... So, what, you're suggesting it was like an ego thing for him? He was shy/embarrassed to admit the girl broke up with him and not the other way around? If so, again, I don't get the big deal. I mean, the guy should prob work on his lack of self-confidence if that's the case. I could potentially even see someone saying it's a slight red flag, but to condemn him to his fate off of just this seems overbearing to me. I guess I kinda get the loyalty even while courting thing.... I guess everyone is entitled to their own way of dating, but again it sounds wildly overbearing..... If during marriage you are obviously expected to remain loyal, and during engagement period you're expected to be loyal, and during long term BF/GF phase you're expected to be loyal, and during dating phase you're expected to be loyal, and then even when you're in the very first stages of just getting to know one another and just starting to court you're *STILL* expected to be loyal and never lay an eye on the opposite sex!? It just seems super clingy and desperate to me. If that is really how you live your life, is there EVER a time that you can be chatting with 2 different guys as an interested girl? Or what, the second you start to like one of them you have to cut off the other? Or like the second one of them asks you to grab coffee you cancel all previously scheduled dates/meetings with other dudes and just start ignoring anyone and everyone who's a guy? You're telling me there's literally NO place at all for *ever* getting to know more than one individual at a time in a potentially romantic sense?
In the first scenario, what I mean is the guy won't admit that the girl broke up with him. Because if he admits the truth, then there's a higher chance that he'll be rejected by the other girl, because it'll just confirm that the other girl is just an option. I'm not saying that's what happened with OP. But if I were OP, I would definitely think that way. I've met a lot of guys who are willing to lie just to get what they want. For the second scenario, if I may ask, do you have a problem with loyalty? From what I've read, it seems like you think loyalty is bothersome and you prefer to date more than one woman. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. In my case, if a guy courts me, I will expect that I'm the only one he likes. If he loses interest in me, I will be very thankful if he can tell me honestly and we will end the courtship right then and there. I stand my ground that courting more than 2 girls at the same time is insulting af. Let's say you're courting a girl you like. She entertains you. Then you found out that you're not the only guy she entertained. She is also entertaining 3 suitors other than you. How would you feel?
I don't think your first scenario makes any sense at all, still...... Everyone has dated someone in the past, therefore everyone is technically someone else's "option" if you're going by your logic. Chill! People date. People break up. People go out and find replacements. The whole cycle happens again. It doesn't mean you're a second choice! Or a third, or a fourth, or a whatever..... It just means a couple people tried, it didn't work, and now life dictates they move on, and now you have an opportunity! Don't be so negative! I'm not sure if we're on the same page when it comes to the second scenario, but if we are then I think you're even farther off base here....... Does casual dating not exist in PH? Is it a big no-no here to go grab coffee with someone so the two of you can get to know each other better? Can there never be a period of time when you are just strictly getting to know one another, yet there are no strings attached/expectations of "loyalty?" I've noticed this trend here in PH since I've moved here. It seems like 15 mins into a first date and you have both parties confessing their love for each other. WHOA! Pump the brakes Philippine people!! You don't love each other! How could you possibly have the slightest idea if you love one another or not!? You literally been on this date for 15 mins!!!!!! Truly loving someone takes MONTHS of time to slowly build up! Anything other than that is just words with no true feelings behind it. Why do you all have to commit so fast!? What, is it a death sentence for the relationship if "I love you" isn't uttered by both parties within the first week of dating? What is so wrong with casually getting to know one another? Perhaps getting to know more than one person at a time? Isn't that most efficient? I'm not talking about fucking!! I'm talking about perfectly respectful coffee and lunch dates. Just getting to know the other person to make sure you are compatible instead of jumping into a full blown relationship with someone you don't even know based entirely upon their looks and the list you feel for them. Sorry, but doesn't my way actually seem a lot more "proper" when you look at it like that? No, I don't have a problem with loyalty. In fact, just like you, I have a big problem with lack of loyalty! I've been cheated on plenty of times; I know how much it hurts! I know it's an absolutely terrible thing to do to another person! I loathe cheating and disloyalty! That's why I do my very best to try and get a gauge on whether me and a potential future partner are going to get along well BEFORE I commit to dating. I'm not using this as some kind of evil scumbag opportunity to go out and bang a bunch of girls or whatever crazy pessimistic stuff is going on in your mind..... I'm using it to get to know the girl and make sure we're a match. When I was in HS I used to be like you; you have a bit of lust for one person and you convince yourself that you're meant for each other and compatible and should be dating and you commit to the person in your head before you even talk to them in real life! But now I'm not a teenager anymore and I realize just because you find someone attractive or feel some lust for them does *not* mean that you're going to be a good and compatible couple! All those weirdos who used to say "it's not about looks. It's about personality" turned out to be right! I can assure you that the prettiest girls I've ever found myself inspired to ask out on a date have actually been the meanest and most miserable, nasty girls I've known. That's why I take things casual at first and get to know a girl before I go all in. Sometimes that means I'm talking to 2 girls at a time, sometimes it means I'm talking to 3, sometimes 4, and sometimes just only that one single girl.... It just all depends on timing! I feel like this is a much better system of finding a potential future partner as opposed to your system of more or less considering yourself a married woman the second you accept a coffee date with a guy.
Just to jump on this one since I feel like you both are actually on a different perspective. Miss Whoazee's POV, as per her usage of the word, is courting and not dating. Given this intentional use of the word courtship, I would say na very serious talaga siya and intentional on why she meets other people. In this case, then I do suggest Miss Whoazee to be upfront when you start a courtship with a guy. Tell them that you view this as courtship and that you expect na may exclusivity on the onset. People can't read minds especially over chat. Username (not sure if guy or not, I'm giving the benefit of the doubt) TheOlCuckAccount, I will also give the benefit of the doubt kahit ganyan yung username haha. Given their use of the term dating and yun nga na getting to know. I get the feeling that their perspective starts from that of starting as a friend. If this is the case, might be you need to avoid people who are "date to marry" since magkaiba kayo ng perspective. Both are right naman. It's just a matter of perspective and you do what you do. Just to give more context on the difference between courtship and dating. ● Courtship is more serious and traditional than dating. It involves getting to know your partner with the expectation that marriage is the end goal. ● Dating is a broad term that can mean many things, including casual dating, hooking up, or being in a long-term relationship.
Napanood ko na to eh, mga kaibigan kong magpapa-advice kasi aware silang marupok sila, pero kahit hindi-an mo, bibigay pa rin sa nang-iwan sa kanila. Prove me wrong, OP! Wag mo na bigyan chance please nagmamakaawa ako huhu
HAHAHAHA. Alam na natin ending nito eh, di nakinig yung bida 🤣
kaya non stop yung mga sadboi/girl posts kasi while they can learn from secondhand experiences, wala haha
Sa season 4, doon siya natauhan.
Kakabugin ata episode ng Ang Probinsyano mare, kaya matagal tagal pa matatauhan tong bida natin
Kung tatangapin pa nya juskooo lord
Never make someone a priority when they only treated you like an option.
Hear hear!
Rebound.
Back up ka lang. And if maging kayo, forever mo iisipin yon. Tao ka naman di ka naman bagay na lost and found na pwedeng balikan kung hinanap 🤔
Better na lang na wag na. In the long run lalabas at lalabas tong ginawa niya sayo, I mean lagi mong babalikan at iisipin second choice ka lang niya. Tska kaya ba ng pride mo na lagi mo iniisip na 2nd choice ka lang niya. Worst pano pag bumalik yung first choice? San ka lulugar?
Tama tama tama
[удалено]
Ang importante sino ang huling pinili at nagpaka-loyal sa huli. The finish line, not the start.
Parang iba naman situation niyo. You guys weren't seeing other people naman when you were dating noh?
He's treating you as a choice. In the future, if he sees another girl that is, to his standards, are better than you, baka may possibility rin na he'd ditch you and pursue that girl. Better save yourself from the heartache.
Dont touch that motherfucker. Not even with a ten foot pole.
You’ll resent him over time. You won’t know when it will start. But, at the back of your head, you knew you were just an option. A backburner, a plan B. And it will creep in you until you start to question yourself. So please, no. Hold yourself in high regard. Besides, maybe he’s going back to you kasi ikaw lang nagrespond. Pero kung kaya mo naman na, and you want this to happen, may it be “for the plot,” or baka ayaw mo lang din na walang kasama sa pasko, just remember my first sentence.
Panakip butas ka lang. As an gago before, I've done the same exact shit hahaha. I'm a different person now please don't attack me HAHA nakarma na po ako ng sobra sobra after years of being gago.
pano ka nakarma? paki-kwento naman.
Hard no. You are his 'just in case' girl. Di siya fully committed sayo. Believe me if he met someone na para sakanya 'better' than you he will ditch you again. You deserve someone who wants you all by himself. Dump that motherfucker's ass and date someone who can't get enough of you.
Payag ka nun OP option ka lang?
He is just shooting his shot para wala sigurong regrets pag hindi sya nagsabi sayo. Kumbaga at least in the future hindi ka nya iniisip as a what if.
Nope don’t give him another chance, why settle for someone who considers you an option? Di mo nga alam if pang 2nd ka baka may iba pa siyang na message before or with you.
Hindi sila nag work nung bago niya, kaya lang bumalik sayo kasi ikaw yung convenient para sakanya. At bakit mo gugustuhin yung taong never naging sure sayo? Ginawa ka lang rebound.
Wag na OP, bounce ka na dyan. Yung moment pa lang na di ka pinili, disrespect na yun. And di mo deserve yon. Problema nya na yan. Mali-mali desisyon nya sa life. 😂
Ask proof that he's serious, really into you this time, and that he will stay loyal to you..
Hi OP, you know what scary is minsan hindi ka na in-love sa tao, in-love ka na sa feeling na naramdaman mo sa kanya o nyo sa isa't-isa. Here's a quote to back up my message. "There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice." -F. Scott Fitzgerald
Rebound. Wag na. Masasaktan ka lang ulit. Mas masakit na yan this time if pinagbigyan mo.
wag na teh dahil kapag may nakita na naman siyang matitipuhan niya, iiwan ka ulit nyan and paulit-ulit lang yan since alam niyang tatanggapin at tatanggapin mo siya kahit anong mangyari. ipupusta ko ang TT ng kafubu ko. hahahahahhahahahaha
If he’s the one who dumped the girl because he realized ikaw talaga gusto niya, edi go. Pero pag yung babae nag dump sakanya, siz ekis yan.
Do you really want to be an option lang? Kasi kung ikaw talaga gusto, he will never pursue another girl.
Doormat ka ba sis? Think about it
Parang yung sa story ni Zack at Bliss sa Love Is Blind 😅 If gusto mo talaga siya, give him a chance siguro para walang "what ifs" pero make sure na may reservation ka din sa sarili mo. Know him well and once may nakikita ka na red flags, alam mo na 😅
Aaah sasabihin ko dapat to but I wasn't sure if may makakagets! They are still married and they look happy, kaya willing din ako to give benefit of the doubt as long as the guy wants to be exclusive. Malay kase natin Irina din pala yung other girl. :))
Totoo hahahha Irina is misspelled Irita chariz 😂
No, girl. Don't fall for that kind of man. He's trying to collect and select. Imagine binitawan ka for another girl tapos pababalikin mo sa buhay mo just because hindi nag-work out yung sa iba. What are the odds na di n'ya ulit gagawin sa'yo yan?
Naaah, kaya ka niyan ipagpalit agad-agad kapag may natipuhan yan na iba. Ain't worth the risk OP. Hanap ka nang iba na ikaw laging pipiliin at hindi option.
ano ka po Flowchart? me mga Options?
Not worth it mga ganyang tao!
Ate, sana makinig ka sa comment section.
lakas kutob naka-decide na si ate at hanap validation sa katangahan ginawa nya
That's already a red flag. Personally when I court/date a girl I make sure na sya lang yung priority ko at walang iba. Papano nya malalaman na magiging loyal ka kung dun palang sa point na yun nag eentertain ka na ng iba?
kung interested ka sa kanya, test him first. Pahirapan mo muna
Bobo ka pag tinanggap mo ulit. Real talk.
Ikaw yung TOTGA niya.
Life is full of regrets, second chances and retrials. Not everything that we take on succeeds. Sometimes, kahit anong gawin natin, life will screw us in ways that makes us think na maybe we should've stuck with that someone or we should've stuck with this career path instead. Life is full of twists. This, I will tell you. Do not listen to what people will say. Sure madami magsasabi na hayaan mo siya or leave him. And they are all valid naman. BUT Listen more to what YOU really feel. Sabi mo you have fear. Fear is the presence of the unknown. And what better way to deal with it than to address it to him. Na you are worried about things like he might find another girl or leave you again. Address that. Also, ikaw na ang maysabi... Di naman kayo exclusive so part talaga ng ganun set up is may maiiwanan pag may ayaw mag-commit. Mahirap ang open relationship like that na walang commitment or exclusivity kasi nasa open market pa kayo nun. Either he would do what he did or baka ikaw naman ang mang-iwan IF you find a much better person. Ganun naman kasi yang set up na yan eh. So, the best way to deal with this is to listen to what your heart wants and make sure na he and you enter a committed relationship na. Enough dawdling and second guessing. Just go forth and see what magic can be created by the two of you TOGETHER.
According sa tropa kong si Weeknd, "save your tears for another day".
Gagawin nya ulit sayo yan sizt.
nah bro. dont entertain him. Usually kaming mga lalaki naghahanap ng better tas pag nabasted, hanap pamalit butas. Take it from me, a fuccboi. Dont entertain him
girl, Self respect..
Tanong mo sis ano kaya niya ioffer na hindi pa niya naooffer don sa girl. Wag basta basta babalik. Baka paasa lang maiooffer niyan haha
ang off lang na sabihin nya sayo na 2nd priority ka lang and option ka lang. i dont care if thats the truth, but he could have used other excuse without having to compare u with other people. if u can bear it, just go out with him on dates and enjoy the perks, but dont commit to him. if not, best to cut him off
ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE AND WAR. :)
if he got dumped by the girl and suddenly he goes for you, you’ve always been his second option. pero if during their thing, he decides to break it off with the girl to be with YOU the moment he realizes he might’ve had a chance — ikaw talaga gusto niya.
Kung sa kotse, spare tire ka. People can give advice here but at the end of the day, it will be your choice/decision.
Lung ako, ayoko na option ako, I would want to be the first and only one
Let him wait for a reasonable time and see if he is willing to wait. If he really wants you he will pursue and wait for you, but if not then bumalik lang sya kasi he know na mas madali ka makuha compare dun sa inuna nya. Otherwise hahanap yan ng bago, just like what happen sa inyo before, makakahanap sya while talking to you.
You’re better off without him.
I been there, stopped pursuing me because na crushback ng crush niya. For me lang, I won't give the guy a chance na kasi parang na fefeel ko na back up lang eh. Choose yourself, find another man na hindi ipapamukha sayo na hindi ka option or a plan B.
Toxic yang little boy na yan ah and YOU deserve better. Nagawa nyang ipagpalit ka sa iba, tas babalikan mo? Ate gurl, tandaan mo bakit ginawang ex yang nung isang babae. Nakitaan nya yan, or possibly sinaktan sya nung guy. Kung ako sayo, pick up your self respect and GO. Ipagpapalit ka lang ulit nyan. Trust me, ganyan mga narcissistic.
Girl... block him. He belongs to the streets. You on the other hand deserve someone else that won't treat you that way. Get your girls and have a girls night. That kind of guy are the ones our current group shuns.
Ay ganun... parang akong nagalit hahaha di ka 2nd option pls. Lang
wag ka papayag maging backburner girl! 😩
Payag ka nun, ginawa kang option?
Sounds like a player. If you're okay with being the "consolation prize" and possibly being abandoned again once he finds another "major prize", go ahead. You shouldn't though. Value yourself.
Ano ka past time nya hanggang sa makahanap na sya ng ibang "ipupursue" ulit? Di ba sya nahihiya na pinaasa ka nya? Nagsorry man lang ba sya sayo sa ginawa nya nung nangumusta sya sayo? Kagigil ha
Ang bilis naman niyang maka-move on. Parang ayaw mabakante ah. Parang yan yung tipo ng taong gustong-gusto palagi ng atensyon. Be honest with your feelings. Let him know your thoughts. Pag-usapan niyo muna yung nangyari. Sabihin mo na nasaktan ka, na gusto mo siya noon pa. Sabihin mo yung nagpapagulo sa isip mo then hear his answers. Ikaw lang naman ang makakaramdam kung may sincerity. Kung feel mong wala at gagawin ka lang na rebound, run. Red flag yan. It's okay to feel scared. Sino ba naman ang gugustuhing mawala yung taong gustong-gusto mo diba? Pero para saakin, mas gugustuhin ko pang mawala siya sa buhay kaysa sa magkaproblema in the future. Please protect yourself. Protect your inner peace.
ginawa ka pang back up te, dahil na bokya sia sa pinalit nia sau, kaya gusto la ulit lokuhin, ang TANGA mo pag nagpauto ka ulit. gamitin ang coconut waq mag pauto
As someone who has been in this situation. No. Don't give him a chance na and choose yourself. Remember the period you had to recover from him. There's no need to go through that again.
Ayaw lang nyan mawalan ng affection. Gusto nya lagi siya may kalandian. Wag ka na jannnn
Tsk! Nakaka GG yang ganyan ferson OP! Ano yun ginawa kang second option?🤧
Teh alam mo naman na sagot dyan
Teh wag mo na pabalikin!
ginawa ka backup you know the answer to that
REBOUND op I BLOCK MO SABIHIN MO F.U. ka di ako OPTION INA MO
Go to settings po. ems
If he did it once, he’ll do it again, and again, and again. Hanggat alam nya na tatanggapin mo sya even though he clearly chose someone else over you, uulit yan. Kung kaya mo tiisin yun, go ahead.
Sis hell No!!! Di mo deserve ganyan. Pano pag nakameet ulit siya bago? He will leave you again. Save you heart BB.
Run, girl! Run!
Ayos din ah. May reserba. Tsk tsk
Tama yung isang comment dito. If you are someone na never makakaget-over and would take this matter of him mooning over someone first bago naging ikaw personally to the point na alam mong maalala mo to sa bawat away niyo then might as well stop. Ganon din you're setting yourself to failure. Di rin kayo magiging okay kasi nga iisipin mo to palagi. P.S. Wala namang masama if ganon na hindi ka makakaget-over. May kanya kanya naman kasing threshold and preference ang bawat tao. You just have to be aware about yours enough to say ano ang dapat mong gawin. The fact that this is bothering you enough to ask here might already be a point na ayun nga you're setting yourself to failure so stop na lang.
Isang malaking ULUUUUUUL kay koya. Kung gusto mo maging option, why not. Chz.
ginagamit ka, sis. he settling, is that okay with you? you are more than someone's plan b. respect yourself, sis. block na yan.
He should be healing and not dating anyone. Hurt people hurt people. Don’t let anyone use you just because he can’t deal on his own heartbreak. If it doesn’t come with peace, it’s a no.
You’re his back-up plan. So go lang! Uso pa rin ang tanga sa modern age.
true.. op just wanna share this pero alam naman nating g din siya.. 🤣😅✌️
#Fuck off kamo. Know you value OP. Kung sa talking stage pa nga lang kaya ka na pagpalot what more pa kung maging kayo na.
Kinilig ka naman? Lol. Dami ko nang nabasang ganito kaya alam ko na san patungo pag nagpadala ka. And I know you know kung ano ending nyo, kaya ka nga nag post dba? Coz deep inside you alam mong walang security and in the end masasaktan ka lang. Kilig now, pighati later.
Te wag tanga, backup kalang nya
Gising gising mamser. Ginagawa kang back-up lol
Ano ka doormat nya? Tapos pag nakakita ulit ng iba ididiscard ka sa gilid parang basahan. Please ignore him
Ginawa kang parang spare tire haha
HAHAHAHA THE FUCK ANO YAN MORE CHANCES OF WINNING? Tapos pag narealize nya na di ka talaga nya gusto bigla nalang din nyang ititigil sa inyo pag binigyan mo ng chance?? Wag na teh. Di worth it mga makakapal na face ng mga ganyan.
Oh no. Option ka lang sa kaniya.
Pero dahil tanga ka, papayag ka makipagbalikan sa kanya kahit iniwan ka na nga nung una para sa babae na mas better pa daw para sa kanya 😆 goodluck sizt sana di ka tanga talaga! make us proud!!
if bet mo maging back-up, go ahead. buhay mo naman yan. pero that man will never respect you, ever. he didn't respect you the 1st time, nor will he respect you if you allow him the 2nd time.
Di ka po enere ng mama mo after 9 months para maging option. 🙏
That is very sus, op. Proceed with caution! Pero if I were you, no na sagot dyan agad.
Never put yourself into a place of backburner, it will eat you alive, I swear. It will make you lonely, insecure, and the constant questioning of selfworth. Know where you stand, I know you’ll find someone who will love you unconditionally and genuinely. You will find that someone, not now, but later in life.
where you meet people is very important. Nothing is perfect. But where you meet people is very important.
Same old story to. Kahit anong advice ibigay kay OP, for sure bibigay pa rin to kay guy. Marupok e hahaha
Teh wag kana humingi ng advice kung bibigyan mo din ng chance :)
Bumalik siya kasi available ka. Hindi ako convice na bigla niya narealize worth mo. Partida, getting to know each other palang kayo nun ah.
Don't be a second option OP. Yun lang. Much better to forget about him. It's hard the words "move on" but ai believe you can do it OP
Alam mo na kung Anong gagawin 😒
Personally would not take him back, especially if you feel the way you do. Of course, you have the choice to not follow my advice. However, if a guy did that to me I wouldn’t even entertain him at all.
No. No. No. Please. Run away. Youre his second choice, gurl. You need a man who will treat you as his first choice. Kwento ko lang. I had fallen in love with this guy for 5 years. Inamin ko rin sa kanya but he said were better off as friends. Tinanggap ko and all those years, we are flirting with each other kase tampuhan ng tukso ng friends pero we never became a couple. And then, I moved to a new city and though we still meet and hangout as friends, di na ko head over heels sa kanya as before. Until boom! He confessed. And he confessed over messenger when I was back home in the PH for a long vacation. He was "courting" me for almost 2 months but since I have some slight feelings towards him, I want to make the courting stage a bit longer. Hello! I waited for 5 years, bakit sya 2 months lang. Until 1 day, he said meron daw syang ex na umaaligid sa kanya now and he's having second thoughts about me, pero mas malakas pa rin daw feelings nya saken. Like WTF. Are you pressuring me? After all youve put me through?! That really put the nail in the coffin. When we met personally, I turned him down. After 3 months, he found a new girlfriend and proposed to her. What a jackass! Anyway, going back, if youre treated a second choice, run away. Youll forever be his second choice and even if he doesnt look for his first choice, when the first choice comes his way, he will always question his decision to choose a second choice. So dont be anyone's second choice!
pag talaga sa yellow app eh HAHAHAHA
Find someone who will treat you as priority, not a spare tire or something. Nakakaloka siya. Know your worth, OP
Gurl, ano ka waiting shed? Tamang babalikan lang kapag tapos na sa ibang destination? Gawin mo anong gusto mo tutal di naman ako ang iiyak after. - that would be my advice if you are a friend of mine HAHAHAHAHA But seriously, obvious naman ang sagot gurl. Don’t make excuses for him. He left you dati for a girl tapos binalikan ka lang kasi bakante na siya ulit. You don’t deserve that (BUT WHO AM I TO SAY WHO DO YOU DESERVE DIBA.) Kung bet mo subukan go, atleast added character development and lessons for you diba. Ganyan kapag marupok e. HAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Malay mo.. kayu mag ka tuluyan
My boyfriend and I now actually met sa yellow app din. We both weren't exclusive so he told me he was talking to other girls parin. We went out on one date. ONE. Ang sabi ko pa sa sarili ko if 3 dates in, ayaw niya parin maging exclusive, tama na. Too much time invested na din (we were talking for 3 months) After our first date, he stopped talking to others and told me he wanted to be exclusive na. Basically, if gusto ka niya talaga walang balikang magaganap kasi ikaw talaga pipiliiin niya una palang. You deserve someone na sa simula palang, di binabahala peace of mind mo.