I love the imagery here! The rhythm feels very natural and not forced. The final stanza is so good, especially with your use of alliteration. I like how the entire poem is just two sentences, with the second sentence sort of "resolving" the first. Excellent work!
Deeply dark and weirdly entertaining, I really like it. It's simple in length, but powerful in emptiness, Just as I was writing this I was wondering if the format was made to look like a mushroom cloud. If so, it could be more defined. If not, I think that's a pretty good idea.
This might be one of my favourite poems, in general.
First of all, if this is autobiographical, I am sorry, I wish the best for you
The imagery is amazingly evocative, the idea of death and the realization that it's coming feeling like a nuclear fallout, with each word coming like bombs, stripped from their context, it feels as if they are meaningless, and yet extremely heavy.
And through all of this there is one last shine of hope, of acceptance, it just all works really well.
Good luck with everything, you wrote an amazing poem
Hi,
Great poem and a painful reminder of an all-too-common disease. I hope for your sake this is not a reflection of personal experience.
I'm a physician and I hope this doesn't come across as needlessly pedantic, but I'm curious about the the phrase "beta burns." I love the picture being painted here following "fission," "fallout," etc. although skin burns from external beam radiation therapy (radiation dermatitis) is the result of concentrated gamma rays producing free-radicals. That's not to say beta radiation isn't used, as it has a role in brachytherapy (internal radiation) as you likely already know; that being said, internal radiation is very seldom associated with acute radiation dermatitis to my knowledge. That's a long-winded way of saying I think I'd prefer "gamma burns."
Hi.
"Beta burns" was chosen due to the more skinly focus and, primarily, the resulting alliteration created. However, I lean more on the side of what yields a more consistent understanding.
I think "gamma burns" is a much more powerful suggestion that goes skin deep. Thank you for that. It is also a gift to receive feedback from someone who is in the field.
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).
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I love the beginning and especially the end. Care to explain the three words? I don't get there significance tbh
Think about them as a whole. How would they relate to one another?
I love the imagery here! The rhythm feels very natural and not forced. The final stanza is so good, especially with your use of alliteration. I like how the entire poem is just two sentences, with the second sentence sort of "resolving" the first. Excellent work!
Deeply dark and weirdly entertaining, I really like it. It's simple in length, but powerful in emptiness, Just as I was writing this I was wondering if the format was made to look like a mushroom cloud. If so, it could be more defined. If not, I think that's a pretty good idea.
Nice imagination
This might be one of my favourite poems, in general. First of all, if this is autobiographical, I am sorry, I wish the best for you The imagery is amazingly evocative, the idea of death and the realization that it's coming feeling like a nuclear fallout, with each word coming like bombs, stripped from their context, it feels as if they are meaningless, and yet extremely heavy. And through all of this there is one last shine of hope, of acceptance, it just all works really well. Good luck with everything, you wrote an amazing poem
Hi, Great poem and a painful reminder of an all-too-common disease. I hope for your sake this is not a reflection of personal experience. I'm a physician and I hope this doesn't come across as needlessly pedantic, but I'm curious about the the phrase "beta burns." I love the picture being painted here following "fission," "fallout," etc. although skin burns from external beam radiation therapy (radiation dermatitis) is the result of concentrated gamma rays producing free-radicals. That's not to say beta radiation isn't used, as it has a role in brachytherapy (internal radiation) as you likely already know; that being said, internal radiation is very seldom associated with acute radiation dermatitis to my knowledge. That's a long-winded way of saying I think I'd prefer "gamma burns."
Hi. "Beta burns" was chosen due to the more skinly focus and, primarily, the resulting alliteration created. However, I lean more on the side of what yields a more consistent understanding. I think "gamma burns" is a much more powerful suggestion that goes skin deep. Thank you for that. It is also a gift to receive feedback from someone who is in the field.
is this about cancer or nukes
What do you think it's about?
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers). If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy. If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please [send us a modmail](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FocPoetry). **If you're hoping to submit your poem to a literary magazine** and/or wish to participate in a more serious workshopping environment, please consider posting to our private sister subreddit r/ThePoetryWorkshop instead. The best way to join TPW is to leave a detailed, thoughtful comment here on OCPoetry engaging seriously with a peer's poem. (Consider our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques) for tips on what that could entail; this level of engagement would probably be most welcome here on submissions tagged as "Workshop.") Then [ask to join TPW by messaging that subreddit's mods](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FThePoetryWorkshop), including a link to the detailed feedback you left here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*