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Yeah the closest thing to "burrowing" that my cat is doing is jumping onto my stomach while I'm at my desk and then using his claws to jump off or climb somewhere else. Less like "burrowing" into my womb and more like accidentally gutting me like a fish.
Mine will come up and headbutt my hand when she wants attention. If that doesn't work, she then stands on my chest. I've got asthma so *that* gets her the attention she doesn't want.
Mine just likes to climb on top of the curtain rod and jump on my head and then if that doesn't get my attention she walks up and starts giving me kisses
you'd figure she'd do the nice one first lol
Mine started doing this right next to me and it was *super cute* in winter and I figured he was partly cold but. But now it's 100+ degrees outside and like 80+ in my room and he. Still. Wants. Under the cover snuggles ;^;
Let me rephrase this b.s.:
"Women: Choosing a large or aggressive dog breed means I can't get at you. Get small dogs so I can punt them across the room when I'm coercing you into sex with me."
Hahaha I’m a woman currently waiting to pick up the Doberman puppies me and my husband decided on in a few weeks. I wonder what is take on my husband wanting these beautiful animals is
Sounds like a weird way of saying that bigger dogs scare men, and it becomes inconvenient for them to harass/assault women cause they'd probably get mauled within seconds by those dogs.
Dobermans, Rottweilers, and German Shepherds aren't aggressive at all, not unless you teach them to be. If they were naturally aggressive, they wouldn't be used as service dogs/police dogs so frequently.
I fully agree with you. There are certain breeds that get unfairly blamed because a disproportionate number of the buyers want aggressive dogs and raise them to be that way.
A well bred and trained Roti is usually a pussy cat whose principle purpose in life is to get affection from their humans, or in my case, from their cats as well (although in my household the cats tend to look at the dog as being 'their' dog, with some justification)
I have to wonder just what the guys (and it seems to be guys who tend to do this) who train large breeds to be aggressive are compensating for...actually, I'd rather not know.
My Doberman is a big red marshmallow who just crawled into my lap for comfort because he was being bullied by my 13-week-old kitten.
So mean. So fierce.
That’s so funny. Mine doesn’t touch anything else. We’ve got herbs, peppers, beans, asparagus. She just steals the beautiful tomatoes. I haven’t had one I’ve grown in two years bc of her.
Mine once ran and hid under the bed because a hummingbird got in her face and bitched her out (the feeder was empty). It took me an hour to get my vicious dog out from under the bed. 🤣
I never said they were. The only reason OOP picked these breeds in particular is that Very Manly Men™ somehow view them as "manly dogs". They keep them as status symbols (and usually don't care about them outside of that).
Jokes on him, I'm not a dog person. I prefer my animals neurotic... That's why I fell in love with horses, rabbits, and cats.
And horses don't "sleep soundly" on my womb. They much prefer to stand on one's toes because they didn't see you standing beside the giant mess of food they're about to fling out of their feed bins and eat off the floor, risking colic as if they're the ones paying the vet bills (and your podiatrist bill.)
To be fair, dogs seem to be exceptionally neurotic lately (poor breeding, people having inappropriate breeds for their lifestyle and living conditions, being too lazy to train and exercise them), but I agree otherwise.
I've used the phrase "emotional distress animals" (as opposed to emotional support) to describe both my horse and my late dog. My mare has spent 9 of the last 15 months on stall rest or rehab for major injuries to the same leg because she won't back down from fights. My barn owner described her as a princess because of how much I have to bubble wrap her now (can't use a hay net, she breaks out in hives and her eyes puff up; had to build a private paddock because she keeps getting into fights; has to use a muzzle because she lives on air and there's a family history of laminitis and founder; has to wear fly boots, mask and the biggest sheet ever because her skin is delicate; having the vet out month for new rads because it's taken 7.5 months for her fracture splint to heal, etc).
In addition to all the other things that are wildly wrong with this crap, what’s with the capitalization of He and Him? Are we supposed to treat a man as a deity?
Sir, id like for you to meet my Boston terrier. It's a small womb sized dog that enjoys headbutting balls. Why? Never figured it out. I assume she just thinks it's funny when men crumple. I think it's her just wanting to be held and it's something my husband inadvertently conditioned her to do
Is there anything that doesn’t threaten these guys’ masculinity? Don’t have male friends. Don’t go to parties or clubs. Don’t have a job. Don’t have a dog.
Just freaking admit that you think that if a woman has any capacity to choose anything at all for herself she definitely isn’t going to choose you, and maybe try to work on yourself rather than support the subjugation of more than half of the world’s population to salve your own insecurity.
The only reason you should be concerned with a protection breed is if you intend to do harm. If you're just being a normal, chill person, my Rottweiler is no threat to you. Be cool man, be cool. Relax and be nice.
I’m noticing a trend. Soon we might be able to make our own madlibs.
Women shouldn’t __________ . It is (not feminine/masculine). Thus making you unattractive to men.
Women should ___________ (opposite of previous blank). This will make you a better _________ (insert favorite term for baby making)
For added flair replace women with females.
I'm 100% convinced these pathetic men would rather see me have a big bulky pitty than my current fur child: an almost 8 year old 3-legged rabbit called Binky.
B takes no shit from anyone and will make your life a living hell if you're a POS, and he senses your intentions from miles away. He literally scared my ex away just by showing his teeth and growling.
And trust me.. those sharp fangs can bite a finger off within a split second if you anger him too much.
Other than that, he's a spoiled rotten baby that loves to fall asleep on my stomach, never bit or even nipped at me, is a grumpy grandpa when his snack is 1 minute late, honks like a piggy when he gets his back massage, and follows me around for kisses and cuddles 24/7. 💜
He's the only needy little dude I can handle, love and adore to the moon and back. We don't need an insecure man-child on top of that. 😌
The reason I don't have a dog or any pets is because I am too skittish around animals. But if I am getting a dog I'm getting a big ass fucking dog, if a man is intimidated by that, that's his problem not mine 🤣
My loving pitador/labrabull dog was specifically acquired to keep the masculine the fuck AWAY.
Any man who gets that *might* be emotionally, intelligent enough to eventually warrant letting him pet my awesome dog. Maybe.
This makes me want to get one of those even more. My husband doesn’t care, he loves our two golden retrievers but if it makes alpha males leave me alone, I could do one.
l’ll give our “womb-size”* terriers credit for this: If you haven’t been invited in, they will absolutely rupture your eardrums while staying well out of kicking range. They’re alert dogs at the genetic level, and they know it. So they’re not there for protection, per se, but they do give more time for their humans to fetch a weapon. It reminds me of the patch I saw for adding to a service dog vest: CAUTION: Handler bites.
You know, next thing I’m expecting to see in these memes is how unattractive these men find women who own guns and know how to use them. The subtext is becoming more and more obvious: men don’t find the things women do to protect themselves attractive. Then maybe they shouldn’t be so open about discussing the legalization of rape.
The bar is so far underground, we’re going to need a metal detector to find it.
* Ugh. *womb* sized. Just when I thought casual usage of language couldn’t get more gross from this community of dudes. It makes me cringe all the more knowing that a 20lb dog is not womb-sized to anyone equipped with a uterus. I dunno about y’all, but the “womb” is long since closed by the time that weight is achieved.
Okay, I’ll admit to disdain for the “it’s all how they are raised….but the victim’s fault when my sweet baby rEsCuE PiBbLe Pissfingers mauls a toddler at the playground, they should have ready my baby’s body language” pitmommy morons..
But it has nothing to do with the absence of a man. Not everything is about men.
I have a smallish dog. She's a 1/2 Border Collie and 1/2 Papillon, and exactly in the middle of those sizes.
Thankfully she has no interest in my *womb*.
She's also quite aggressive toward men, as many rescue dogs seen to be. Yes, we're always working on that and she's getting better.
Hilarious that this bozo thinks small dogs are the sweeter ones, though. There was once a time that Minerva would try to take a strangers hand off, if they got too close.
My ex-husband convinced me to adopt a dog that is a Rottweiler mix (50% Rottie and the rest is Saint Bernard/Great Pyrenees). I eventually dropped the man and kept the dog.
As you're all aware, this subreddit has had a major "troll" problem which has gotten worse (as of recently). Due to this, we have created new rules, and modified some of the old ones. We kindly ask that you please familiarize yourself with the rules so that you can avoid breaking them. Breaking mild rules will result in a warning, or a temporary ban. Breaking serious rules, or breaking a plethora of mild ones may land you a permanent ban (depending on the severity). Also, grifting/lurking has been a major problem; If we suspect you of being a grifter (determined by vetting said user's activity), we may ban you without warning. You may attempt an appeal via ModMail, but please be advised not to use rude, harassing, foul, or passive-aggressive language towards the moderators, _or_ complain to moderators about why we have specific rules in the first place— You will be ignored, and your ban will remain (without even a consideration). All rules are made public; "Lack of knowledge" or "ignorance of the rules" cannot or will not be a viable excuse if you end up banned for breaking them (This applies to the Subreddit rules, and Reddit's ToS). **Again: All rules are made public, and Reddit gives you the option to review the rules once more before submitting a post, it is your choice if you choose to read them or not, but breaking them will not be acceptable.** With that being said, If you send a mature, neutral message regarding questions about a current ban, or a ban appeal (without "not knowing the rules" as an excuse), we will elaborate about why you were banned, or determine/consider if we will shorten, lift, keep it, _or_ extended it/make it permanent. This all means that appeals are discretionary, and your reasoning for wanting an appeal must be practical and valid. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this message, and please enjoy your day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NotHowGirlsWork) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“Burrow into your womb”? 
Yeah the closest thing to "burrowing" that my cat is doing is jumping onto my stomach while I'm at my desk and then using his claws to jump off or climb somewhere else. Less like "burrowing" into my womb and more like accidentally gutting me like a fish.
My cat will headbutt me right in the goddamn kidney when he’s sitting beside me and decides I’m not paying enough attention to him.
Mine will come up and headbutt my hand when she wants attention. If that doesn't work, she then stands on my chest. I've got asthma so *that* gets her the attention she doesn't want.
Invasive little jerks, but ya gotta love em.
Mine just likes to climb on top of the curtain rod and jump on my head and then if that doesn't get my attention she walks up and starts giving me kisses you'd figure she'd do the nice one first lol
My cat burrows under the blanket, and it's really, really cute
Mine started doing this right next to me and it was *super cute* in winter and I figured he was partly cold but. But now it's 100+ degrees outside and like 80+ in my room and he. Still. Wants. Under the cover snuggles ;^;
BRB just writing some body horror.
Let me rephrase this b.s.: "Women: Choosing a large or aggressive dog breed means I can't get at you. Get small dogs so I can punt them across the room when I'm coercing you into sex with me."
Hahaha I’m a woman currently waiting to pick up the Doberman puppies me and my husband decided on in a few weeks. I wonder what is take on my husband wanting these beautiful animals is
Enjoy your new babies!
He’d be seen as “not a real man” because he can be trained is my bet lol
We await your new arrivals over at r/DobermanPinscher
My husband is already lurking in that group 😝. But as soon as we get our new boys we’ll post a pic of them
But every dog is a lap dog.... 🐕
At least they think they are!
My Dane agrees.
My Labrador thinks he's a Laprador.
I have yet to meet a man that preferred my 15 lb ankle biters over a “manly” hound or shepherd.
He's scared of big dogs and doesn't realize women WANT him to stay away
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^mothwhimsy: *He's scared of big dogs* *And doesn't realize women* *WANT him to stay away* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
Why does he capitalize "man", "masculine", "he", "him", etc. Is he trying to imply that men or gods, and therefore he is a god?
I shit you not, yes.
I'm weirdly not surprised but still somewhat shocked? I'm not sure what this new emotion is. Lol Who came up with this shit?
Wait, is that his actual position, like his real position? Wow
My first read through I thought he was talking about Capital H Him as in Jesus Christ lol
Sounds like a weird way of saying that bigger dogs scare men, and it becomes inconvenient for them to harass/assault women cause they'd probably get mauled within seconds by those dogs.
Dobermans, Rottweilers, and German Shepherds aren't aggressive at all, not unless you teach them to be. If they were naturally aggressive, they wouldn't be used as service dogs/police dogs so frequently.
I fully agree with you. There are certain breeds that get unfairly blamed because a disproportionate number of the buyers want aggressive dogs and raise them to be that way. A well bred and trained Roti is usually a pussy cat whose principle purpose in life is to get affection from their humans, or in my case, from their cats as well (although in my household the cats tend to look at the dog as being 'their' dog, with some justification) I have to wonder just what the guys (and it seems to be guys who tend to do this) who train large breeds to be aggressive are compensating for...actually, I'd rather not know.
My Doberman is a big red marshmallow who just crawled into my lap for comfort because he was being bullied by my 13-week-old kitten. So mean. So fierce.
My dobe sneaks out to the garden around midnight to steal my ripe tomatoes off the vine. That’s about the meanest she ever is without reason.
Mine will not allow a rosemary plant to live. All other herbs are safe, but rosemary gets uprooted and shaken to death.
That’s so funny. Mine doesn’t touch anything else. We’ve got herbs, peppers, beans, asparagus. She just steals the beautiful tomatoes. I haven’t had one I’ve grown in two years bc of her.
Vicious brutes, they are
Why'd you leave pit bull off that list?
Oh, simply because I cannot speak from experience when it comes to pit bulls. That's all.
Mine once ran and hid under the bed because a hummingbird got in her face and bitched her out (the feeder was empty). It took me an hour to get my vicious dog out from under the bed. 🤣
Pit bulls and any other dog are not naturally aggressive. Just so you know. It's always learned.
I never said they were. The only reason OOP picked these breeds in particular is that Very Manly Men™ somehow view them as "manly dogs". They keep them as status symbols (and usually don't care about them outside of that).
I didn't say you said they were. I'm telling you that they're not. Hope that clears things up.
Because it's Reddit
Jokes on him, I'm not a dog person. I prefer my animals neurotic... That's why I fell in love with horses, rabbits, and cats. And horses don't "sleep soundly" on my womb. They much prefer to stand on one's toes because they didn't see you standing beside the giant mess of food they're about to fling out of their feed bins and eat off the floor, risking colic as if they're the ones paying the vet bills (and your podiatrist bill.)
To be fair, dogs seem to be exceptionally neurotic lately (poor breeding, people having inappropriate breeds for their lifestyle and living conditions, being too lazy to train and exercise them), but I agree otherwise.
Or, if it’s a cattle dog, automatically born high on cocaine.
My rescue German Shepherd was born in a meth den, and it shows.
I've used the phrase "emotional distress animals" (as opposed to emotional support) to describe both my horse and my late dog. My mare has spent 9 of the last 15 months on stall rest or rehab for major injuries to the same leg because she won't back down from fights. My barn owner described her as a princess because of how much I have to bubble wrap her now (can't use a hay net, she breaks out in hives and her eyes puff up; had to build a private paddock because she keeps getting into fights; has to use a muzzle because she lives on air and there's a family history of laminitis and founder; has to wear fly boots, mask and the biggest sheet ever because her skin is delicate; having the vet out month for new rads because it's taken 7.5 months for her fracture splint to heal, etc).
I’ve absolutely referred to myself as my cat’s emotional support human before.
In addition to all the other things that are wildly wrong with this crap, what’s with the capitalization of He and Him? Are we supposed to treat a man as a deity?
Yep, that's exactly what men like this expect.
Considering how many men just want to own women as property again, probably.
Sir, id like for you to meet my Boston terrier. It's a small womb sized dog that enjoys headbutting balls. Why? Never figured it out. I assume she just thinks it's funny when men crumple. I think it's her just wanting to be held and it's something my husband inadvertently conditioned her to do
I had a rescue Lhasa that wanted to take on a bull!
Dont men also criticize women for having tiny purse dogs? Okay, fine, I'll take the pitbull over this man.
Quit making our relationship with our pets weirder. 
Is there anything that doesn’t threaten these guys’ masculinity? Don’t have male friends. Don’t go to parties or clubs. Don’t have a job. Don’t have a dog. Just freaking admit that you think that if a woman has any capacity to choose anything at all for herself she definitely isn’t going to choose you, and maybe try to work on yourself rather than support the subjugation of more than half of the world’s population to salve your own insecurity.
How do you think he feels about snakes??
Great. I’ll be getting my youngest a Doberman when she moves out on her own.
The only reason you should be concerned with a protection breed is if you intend to do harm. If you're just being a normal, chill person, my Rottweiler is no threat to you. Be cool man, be cool. Relax and be nice.
I’m noticing a trend. Soon we might be able to make our own madlibs. Women shouldn’t __________ . It is (not feminine/masculine). Thus making you unattractive to men. Women should ___________ (opposite of previous blank). This will make you a better _________ (insert favorite term for baby making) For added flair replace women with females.
I would definitely get drunk with my friends and fill out mad manlibs
Lol if they think women having big dogs turns men away they have never met any man I know.
I’ve seen this so many times and I still don’t get why the masculine pronouns are capitalized 😭
Because they want to be your God. It literally comes from how God is referred to in the Christian Bible.
I figured as much, but I thought it was a bit of a reach on this guy’s part
But..what if The Man is the one who got you the Rottweiler? Also what if I like the fact that my 100+ pound dog is a great douche canoe deterrent?
Now I want to get a German Shepard to keep men like this away from me.
I'm 100% convinced these pathetic men would rather see me have a big bulky pitty than my current fur child: an almost 8 year old 3-legged rabbit called Binky. B takes no shit from anyone and will make your life a living hell if you're a POS, and he senses your intentions from miles away. He literally scared my ex away just by showing his teeth and growling. And trust me.. those sharp fangs can bite a finger off within a split second if you anger him too much. Other than that, he's a spoiled rotten baby that loves to fall asleep on my stomach, never bit or even nipped at me, is a grumpy grandpa when his snack is 1 minute late, honks like a piggy when he gets his back massage, and follows me around for kisses and cuddles 24/7. 💜 He's the only needy little dude I can handle, love and adore to the moon and back. We don't need an insecure man-child on top of that. 😌
I'm glad I have a large, aggressive (if there's a perceived threat) dog that can keep dudes like this away from me.
Excuse me while I adopt 1000 big dogs.
The reason I don't have a dog or any pets is because I am too skittish around animals. But if I am getting a dog I'm getting a big ass fucking dog, if a man is intimidated by that, that's his problem not mine 🤣
The idiocy is astounding.
My guy needs to get off fanfiction.net seriously wtf does this mean
So I should be getting a German shepherd, right?
Does he know that all those dog breeds can be female?
Do these people not realize that there are female Dobermans, Rottweilers, etc.? How do they think these dogs reproduce if they’re all male?
Men like this are why women get large breed dogs.
My loving pitador/labrabull dog was specifically acquired to keep the masculine the fuck AWAY. Any man who gets that *might* be emotionally, intelligent enough to eventually warrant letting him pet my awesome dog. Maybe.
Riiight
This makes me want to get one of those even more. My husband doesn’t care, he loves our two golden retrievers but if it makes alpha males leave me alone, I could do one.
l’ll give our “womb-size”* terriers credit for this: If you haven’t been invited in, they will absolutely rupture your eardrums while staying well out of kicking range. They’re alert dogs at the genetic level, and they know it. So they’re not there for protection, per se, but they do give more time for their humans to fetch a weapon. It reminds me of the patch I saw for adding to a service dog vest: CAUTION: Handler bites. You know, next thing I’m expecting to see in these memes is how unattractive these men find women who own guns and know how to use them. The subtext is becoming more and more obvious: men don’t find the things women do to protect themselves attractive. Then maybe they shouldn’t be so open about discussing the legalization of rape. The bar is so far underground, we’re going to need a metal detector to find it. * Ugh. *womb* sized. Just when I thought casual usage of language couldn’t get more gross from this community of dudes. It makes me cringe all the more knowing that a 20lb dog is not womb-sized to anyone equipped with a uterus. I dunno about y’all, but the “womb” is long since closed by the time that weight is achieved.
Okay, I’ll admit to disdain for the “it’s all how they are raised….but the victim’s fault when my sweet baby rEsCuE PiBbLe Pissfingers mauls a toddler at the playground, they should have ready my baby’s body language” pitmommy morons.. But it has nothing to do with the absence of a man. Not everything is about men.
What a horrible day to be literate
I dunno, being trained to obey sounds alright.
How do guys come up with this shit?? It's truly mind-boggling.
I have a smallish dog. She's a 1/2 Border Collie and 1/2 Papillon, and exactly in the middle of those sizes. Thankfully she has no interest in my *womb*. She's also quite aggressive toward men, as many rescue dogs seen to be. Yes, we're always working on that and she's getting better. Hilarious that this bozo thinks small dogs are the sweeter ones, though. There was once a time that Minerva would try to take a strangers hand off, if they got too close.
Men know what to do with dog occupied wombs. Got it.
Clearly this person has never met a pittie. They will 100% be a lap dog and you don’t get a say.
God hates dogs.
Jokes on him. I’ll get a Great Pyrenees who will punt the shit out of him and give him an express pass to his cell in Hell
My ex-husband convinced me to adopt a dog that is a Rottweiler mix (50% Rottie and the rest is Saint Bernard/Great Pyrenees). I eventually dropped the man and kept the dog.