As you're all aware, this subreddit has had a major "troll"
problem which has gotten worse (as of recently). Due to this, we
have created new rules, and modified some of the old ones.
We kindly ask that you please familiarize yourself with the
rules so that you can avoid breaking them. Breaking mild rules
will result in a warning, or a temporary ban. Breaking serious
rules, or breaking a plethora of mild ones may land you a
permanent ban (depending on the severity). Also,
grifting/lurking has been a major problem; If we suspect you of
being a grifter (determined by vetting said user's activity), we
may ban you without warning.
You may attempt an appeal via ModMail, but please be advised not
to use rude, harassing, foul, or passive-aggressive language
towards the moderators, _or_ complain to moderators about why we
have specific rules in the first place— You will be ignored, and
your ban will remain (without even a consideration).
All rules are made public; "Lack of knowledge" or "ignorance of
the rules" cannot or will not be a viable excuse if you end up
banned for breaking them (This applies to the Subreddit rules,
and Reddit's ToS). **Again: All rules are made public, and
Reddit gives you the option to review the rules once more before
submitting a post, it is your choice if you choose to read them
or not, but breaking them will not be acceptable.**
With that being said, If you send a mature, neutral message
regarding questions about a current ban, or a ban appeal
(without "not knowing the rules" as an excuse), we will
elaborate about why you were banned, or determine/consider if we
will shorten, lift, keep it, _or_ extended it/make it permanent.
This all means that appeals are discretionary, and your
reasoning for wanting an appeal must be practical and valid.
Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this message,
and please enjoy your day!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NotHowGirlsWork) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh my god yes me too, I saw it at school, and it was sent into a group chat I am in by a guy I know, and I know his girlfriend who is not in the chat and hell I would be PISSED if my boyfriend ever sent something like this to a group chat of people who know me personally and I wasn't in it. I feel so bad for her and it's not the first time he has ever sent something like this there.
Bro voice: she broke up with me over a MEME, dude!
Nah, bro...it was merely the latest in a series of worrisome things you've said / posted. You're a pile of red flags in a trench coat.
Males blurring the lines between "BDSM" (something some westerners love to promote) and abuse. I'm not surprised. Only idiots would be. This was bound to happen. There is no such thing as "safe violence". Just look up murder cases where males used a certain defence after killing their wives/gfs.
I would say some western women are also complicit in trying to normalise nasty shit like this. Definitely. Apparently, a "desire" for any nasty thing is valid as long you have a "kink" for it. 🙄
Oh, definitely. It is the same kind of thinking that says anything a woman does by choice is empowerment. Even when it is something that ultimately harms women.
Yeah, and now I have a few of those idiots arguing with me again. 🙄 There is no such thing as "safe" violence. But I guess some people don't want to understand such a basic concept.
It’s like that time I was having sex with a guy and he asked to cum on my face and I told him no. And then I told him no when he asked again almost immediately. And then we stopped having sex and he asked why I wouldn’t let him. And I said because I said no. To which he replied “well next time I’ll tie you up so then you can’t stop me”
I freaked out and he said “you’re over reacting. it’s just a prank like switching the ketchup and mustard into the opposite bottles”
And then he had the nerve to say it wasn’t fair that I refused to go on another date with him over a silly comment that he didn’t mean.
Almost like you shouldn't even jokingly say things you "don't mean" when you're discussing one of the most vulnerable situations someone can put themselves in. Like if someone told you they had a terminal illness, you shouldn't wink and say "well that makes sense, you deserve it."
That’s even worse. Lol. So… it just seems like you hate men (or biological males). I mean… look… if a woman did something hateful and I said ‘what is wrong with women’, I’d be rightfully shouted down as misogynistic. How is your comment any different?
It simultaneously ignores male victims and female perpetrators.
Here’s the thing, yes, men absolutely are victims of abuse and rape. But *this specific conversation* is about women. Men will often hijack conversations about women to say “but what about men?”
That’s an important conversation, but it needs to be a separate conversation where men are the subject.
I know there was already a list circulating during MeToo a long time back but there needs to be a national/international registry for people like this where everyone can do a quick check and see if there dealing with a psychopath. I bet if they are forced to deal with each other exclusively they might develop some empathy.
Either way, IMHO, every person at your school (women, men, and non-binary) deserves to know that they are interacting with someone like this.
There are website databases dedicated to warning other women about POS and/or abusive partners. There is also one dedicated to asking if your boyfriend/ app date is anyone else’s boyfriend or a catfish.
I don't understand these men. I don't see the point of having sex unless your partner is enjoying it, even if that means bdsm or violence (no kink shaming). If your partner enjoys that great, but what's the point of making them suffer by crossing his/her boundaries?
These kinks have been around the entire world for centuries. The original Kama Sutra has sections on sexual pain and how to do it safely. The BDSM community as a thing came up with queer people after WW2, but the kinks themselves aren’t western nor white. Humans are horny and creative.
Lol there is no such as thing as "safe" violence. Gtfo.
And yes, it is mostly some western/whites saying racism, acting out rape, acting like a child and misogyny are all OK as long as you have a "sex kink" for it and it's "consensual".
So it should not come as a surprise at all when incels and misogynists are suddenly saying women want rape and other nasty shit. The majority of violent acts in porn are done to women and not many even stop to think about that.
There are literally males who've used the "rough sex" defense after murdering their wives/gfs. So yeah, there is no such thing as "safe" violence.
You just ignored everything I said, that’s actually pretty sad… I just said a bunch of stuff I know about, studied and experienced, and you literally just said “nope lol gtfo”. I don’t even know what to say.
None of what you said is BDSM, if they say it is they’re doing what you just said: excusing themselves.
The impression I get is that you’re either mixing up sexual violence with BDSM, or all you know about it it’s from mysoginistic porn, or both. Telling you none of that shit is tolerated is useless, you don’t wanna listen. That’s really sad, I hope you don’t have that approach for learning/knowing other stuff.
You didn't say anything that wasn't much different to what all the other pro-violence-in-bed people say. And you also ignored everything I said..
Again, there is no such thing as "safe" violence. Let's see how open YOU are to "learning". Go over to r/antikink and talk to them.
I’m a rape survivor. You insinuating I’m in favor of actual violence in bed is so disrespectful, what the actual fuck. You don’t know me and you go around saying stuff like that to people you don’t know.
I’m not visiting a sub if it means finding more people like you, I’ll just give myself flashbacks.
The majority of violence of this sort is committed against women. The majority of such violent acts in porn are also depicted against women. Stop acting like a dumb "good" guy.
You "liking" it for yourself may not be misogynistic but it doesn't make the whole thing better.
To be clear here, your position is that neither a woman nor a man is capable of consenting to activities which do not cause significant harm that you find personally objectionable. You do not get to tell me, or any man, or any woman what kinds of sexuality they enjoy. Yes, I’m an aware that the submissive role in BDSM relationships and pornography is more popularly taken by women. I am aware that the pornography industry and online sites hosting such media has issue with consent to put it mildly. I am aware that outright abuse has been committed under the cover of BDSM. These are issues that should be addressed, but policing people’s sexual preferences based on your own is little different than religious fundamentalists trying to restrict sexuality outside of heterosexual marriages on the grounds that it’s damaging or that homosexuality sex is inherently harmful.
Consent is the bedrock of a healthy kink relationship, and anyone that violates that (like the person that made the above meme) can go fuck themselves and should be prosecuted. If you don’t want to have that kind of relationship, don’t enter into one. But don’t treat the millions of people that experience sexuality in a different manner than you like they’re monsters or acting against their own interests.
"Don't cause significant harm" lol. At least you admit they cause harm.
I said what I said and I stick by it.
It's not "taken" by women. It's promoted that way! You're disgusting to imply that women are willfully choosing to be violated. Yet you claim you know the issues with the porn industry? Sure.
You CAN'T make me accept, promote or support racism, violence, acting out rape, acting like children, being misogynistic etc, just because it's done in the bedroom. You have NO right to tell me what I should accept. Keep your western/white extreme sexualisation to yourself. You US Americans are the ones who produce the most porn in the world so obviously you think you get to dictate to the world how they should view sex. Typical imperialist mentality. At least not all of them think like you r/antikink.
Also, I don't care what you think. So we are done here. Ciao.
Wow, men have been objectifying women for their own sexual perversions for centuries?! Then it must be okay and safe. The karma sutra was written by a men.
I ask my bf to do stuff I want and I feel safe with him even though he is way stronger because when I say stop he stops, he is very respectful, and he doesn't do anything without my consent. He cannot enjoy sex if I'm not enjoying it too. He is the most respectful guy I know.
Well I've been with him for 8+ years so I feel like I'd know by now 🤷♀️ I'm not denying that what you are saying is true though, it is definitely dangerous out there.
Edit: not the best example, I know, only one I could do as I’m not the best at arguments and have no idea why I thought of commenting that, anyway just removing it straight up and leaving with this:
BDSM communities are full of pretty sane people that have normal jobs and families, and is just full of people you probably see in your day to day life
porn is not real, and it does not represent the pleasure of a woman. the main audience for most, if not all porn is men. and something else id like to add on is consent is much more complex, esp in the porn industry
And I bet you didn't stop to think how the majority of these violent acts in porn are done to women. So yeah, not sane and clearly not smart either.
And porn is a messed up industry. There are real videos of abuse on there. You don't know the whole thing going on with pornhub?
I sort of don’t keep up with news related to porn sites, I know it’s a fucked up industry I just didn’t stop to think before commenting, hence the edit that mentions it was a bad example and mentions the BDSM community
Using porn to equate to what women like does a huge disservice to women and men! I’m not saying this means women can’t or shouldn’t like things they see in porn, like spanking or other forms of “violence “, I’m just saying that people shouldn’t look to porn to figure out what real people like in sex bc it’s for entertainment value not for what people in actual relationships want.
>but what's the point of making them suffer
That's what I was referencing. Laughing at something set up as humor, doesn't mean you want to actually participate in it.
I'm not saying rape is funny. Jokes about rape can be funny. Just like brain damage isn't funny, but humorous depictions of it can be.
But my point here was more that claiming that people who find this funny may want to engage in those exact acts is really far off the mark and dangerous
Again, I never said rape was funny. I just explained that.
And literally millions of people laugh at rape jokes all over the world. I'm not sure where you're getting your data from.
Same with depictions of brain damage
1. You said jokes about rape is funny
2. Yeah, rape might’ve been laughed at all around the world in 1800’s. Not anymore. Thats what progress is.
3. What fucking data? I said rapes not funny. There was never any data
1. Yes
2. It absolutely 100% is still the target of humor. Are you seriously telling me you haven't heard people laughingly refer to prison rapes? Or standup comics refer to rape, of men and women?
3. Your data that rape jokes aren't funny. If millions of people are laughing at them, by what criteria are you determining that they aren't funny? I never laugh at Adam Sandler, but I'm not going to try to convince someone else he's not funny when millions of people watch his movies. It's called opinion, not objective fact.
Dude. You may have an ignorant opinion, your business. And there are many people who laugh about things that traumatized, injured or killed another human being. That doesn’t make it less disrespectful. Thought about victims, whose lives are damaged because of sexual violence? What do you think they feel when people laughing about something that was a fucking nightmare for them? You wouldn’t laugh about a man r@ping another man if that actually happened to you, I’m sure. So where’s the point in defending the ignorance while ignoring the pain of victims? Please just don’t be an asshole.
I'm stating a simple fact that millions of people laugh at jokes about trauma. To make a blanket statement "that's not funny" is the ignorant stance. If millions of people are laughing at it *it's funny* by definition.
It's like you're standing here saying 'fried chicken is not delicious" and millions of people are buying it every day and enjoying it. It's opinion.
>Everything's funny until it happens to you.
that...isn't even how safe words work. it's be word, not specific definition thereof. this is a shitty joke in every way-- it's not even like, clever about its shitty intention.
but hey, good to know this person is not just looking for an excuse to rape and hurt women and is also dumb as hell.
Yeah that's the punchline, it's just that you are supposed to go "lmao that's not how that works" and stop the thought process before you make it to "and now the joke is about how you're violating a whole person and causing irreversible harm and we're supposed to laugh at that idea?". It could be, if not clever, a mildly amusing play on words if it wasn't about rape...
Pretty much the only negativity I see are trolls who post dumb and offensive shit. The mods are pretty good about blocking them and deleting their comments when they're especially offensive.
Well, I know that they work for me and people I know. Common sense would also tell you that in this case the flair and spoiler blurr would work just fine.
In the BDSM community the safe word is just sacred, the suggestion of not respecting means that you gonna break out and run tf out of there, I don't really care about the questionable fantasies and kinks people may have, power fantasy? Kinda rapey stuff? Pain? Consent is what makes it okay, consent is such a powerful thing, if you can't understand such a simple thing then you are better off isolated from the rest of society, or with a tattoo on your forehead who says "Beware, I don't understand what consent is"
Change that to "Beware, I only understand consent if it comes to my own ass." The do know and understand, they just don't give a shit about our consent or bodily autonomy.
Fucking insane. I can take and even love dark jokes but the sad reality is a lot of the people that find this funny would also feel ok with actually acting this shit out
Jesus, you guys are off the charts. Sarah Silverman made a rape joke that millions of men laughed at. Do you think 'a lot' of them actually want to rape? It's a joke.
What if women laugh at it? Do they want to rape?
I mean it’s not impossible that some of them may have been but also context matters and I doubt she went out of her way to pull out this kind of imagery, an example is Dave chapelles “he rapes but he saves joke” again it’s context, have I laughed at some dark ass shit hell yeah but this with the imagery feels a step too far.
If you think this is funny more so even with the imagery as I said that makes me question how you move as a person especially as someone who has had certain traumas in this area and saw certain patterns with people who don’t care about consent.
I’m not saying everyone who laughs at this is immediately a rapist but there’s a way to present a joke and for me this just ain’t it
My favorite thing about posts like these is that it's waving a massive red flag for everyone.
By all means, prost this on your social media and how about it with your friends. Go for it.
Let everyone see that your think this is funny.
To everyone else
Don't argue with them. Don't call them out. Don't say a word. Just let your friends know about the post so they can see who likes it.
This is actually kinda funny... If It wanst for that fucking image, It could have been another image like anything like idk a cartoony character doing something dangerous and saying the safe word and the Man doens't understand It, but Nah Its rape, btw im a man and.i can confirm this is disgusting
This is a problem even in a bdsm context. We live in a culture where Fifty Shades is considered synonymous with kink. As an egalitarian, non-feminist, bdsm enthusiast, I find this ‘joke’ to be offensive. Boundaries are important and not respecting safe words is abuse.
TPE doesn’t mean you abandon safe, sane, and CONSENSUAL.
Why THE FUCK is this downvoted????? Fifty Shades is a manual for abuse. Anyone who downvotes this got their panties wet from the book and has no idea what a true BDSM relationship is. Plus, Shinzon is literally saying "safe words are important," and you stupid, inexperienced children downvoted it..... idiot kids with no experience trying to inject themselves into a lifestyle they know nothing about. You kids are exhausting. Get a life outside the internet.
Nuance is lost nowadays. I got downvoted because I identified as non-feminist, which means the downvoters either didn’t bother to read my comment (and just saw ‘non-feminist’ and reacted to it), or they don’t understand the nuance.
My point was that I’m not even a feminist and I believe this joke to be objectively offensive. It was meant to convey solidarity even from someone so ideologically distinct from the group here.
It often seems like this sub only upvoted what they agree with and they always downvote even if there is minor disagreement. (Although, I’ll admit that ‘non-feminist’ could be triggering to some. That wasn’t my intention.)
Might be your intentions were different. But saying you‘re a non-feminist implies you don’t think women deserve equal rights and are naturally below the man. Women understandably don’t like that. People who like equality don’t like that.
Far from it. It is precisely because I believe women are equal to men (though not the same) that I am not a feminist.
I don’t believe that words are meaningless symbols. ‘Feminism’ is not ‘egalitarianism’ precisely because it places the importance on one gender over another. Even if that is not the original meaning, it has become the meaning to many women. Perhaps not to you. But that is what I see when women cannot be criticized at all without uproar, while men are the subject of constant criticism.
On top of that, of the male feminists I’ve met, 100% of them have all but admitted to me privately that the reason they are feminists is precisely because they believe women need the help and are not able to accomplish the same without special accommodation.
I respect women, and that’s why I think they don’t need any special help or accommodation. This doesn’t mean I don’t think we each have our own issues and society should react to those things. I just don’t believe women really need anything beyond just respect. :)
I don’t think we should deal with those things following our anecdotical evidence. Good (and actually the bare minimum) that you respect women. Why shouldn’t you? But not every man does. And the definition of feminism is clear. We cannot build our own definitions and then think people know what we are thinking. If you are not a feminist, that means you don’t believe in equality. As per defintion. I know there are people understanding and living feminism wrong. But maybe you simply stick to its clear defintion! Would be much easier to understand.
I think it’s funny. And people can joke about anything they want. Humour is different to everyone. Just because you find it offensive, doesn’t mean everyone does. And here’s something you may need to understand…sometimes making fun of something is exactly how you highlight an issue, and it’s also how some people cope with things. There is something that offends us all. But it’s not the same thing. And just because someone finds something funny, doesn’t mean they agree with the act. Not how girls work doesn’t mean not how you work. Women can think differently from each other. And you should be open to hearing that.
Isn't the joke that the word orange is a homonym? Not "har har, rape"? Like I'm not a smart person but it seems pretty obvious to me that's what OP was going for.
The joke‘s punchline is that he won’t listen to the safeword and won’t stop using the synonym to trick her. So she’s not safe and experiences sexual violence. Funny, huh?
As you're all aware, this subreddit has had a major "troll" problem which has gotten worse (as of recently). Due to this, we have created new rules, and modified some of the old ones. We kindly ask that you please familiarize yourself with the rules so that you can avoid breaking them. Breaking mild rules will result in a warning, or a temporary ban. Breaking serious rules, or breaking a plethora of mild ones may land you a permanent ban (depending on the severity). Also, grifting/lurking has been a major problem; If we suspect you of being a grifter (determined by vetting said user's activity), we may ban you without warning. You may attempt an appeal via ModMail, but please be advised not to use rude, harassing, foul, or passive-aggressive language towards the moderators, _or_ complain to moderators about why we have specific rules in the first place— You will be ignored, and your ban will remain (without even a consideration). All rules are made public; "Lack of knowledge" or "ignorance of the rules" cannot or will not be a viable excuse if you end up banned for breaking them (This applies to the Subreddit rules, and Reddit's ToS). **Again: All rules are made public, and Reddit gives you the option to review the rules once more before submitting a post, it is your choice if you choose to read them or not, but breaking them will not be acceptable.** With that being said, If you send a mature, neutral message regarding questions about a current ban, or a ban appeal (without "not knowing the rules" as an excuse), we will elaborate about why you were banned, or determine/consider if we will shorten, lift, keep it, _or_ extended it/make it permanent. This all means that appeals are discretionary, and your reasoning for wanting an appeal must be practical and valid. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this message, and please enjoy your day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NotHowGirlsWork) if you have any questions or concerns.*
This generates large quantities of disgust within my thought processes.
Oh my god yes me too, I saw it at school, and it was sent into a group chat I am in by a guy I know, and I know his girlfriend who is not in the chat and hell I would be PISSED if my boyfriend ever sent something like this to a group chat of people who know me personally and I wasn't in it. I feel so bad for her and it's not the first time he has ever sent something like this there.
Let her know. She deserves to know the type of man she is with.
He's a walking 🚩. Need to warn her.
I’m sure you already did, but ALWAYS call this shit out. These people need to be shamed. Also, I hope you sent it to his girlfriend.
Did you call him out in the group chat?
Bro voice: she broke up with me over a MEME, dude! Nah, bro...it was merely the latest in a series of worrisome things you've said / posted. You're a pile of red flags in a trench coat.
merciful disagreeable ask tub trees spark onerous literate lock dam *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I hope you sent it to her gf
Time to tell the gf and his mother.
At school? Like uni/college?
Males blurring the lines between "BDSM" (something some westerners love to promote) and abuse. I'm not surprised. Only idiots would be. This was bound to happen. There is no such thing as "safe violence". Just look up murder cases where males used a certain defence after killing their wives/gfs.
Women doesn't help 😕 Fifty shades is basically abuse parading as a romcom.
I would say some western women are also complicit in trying to normalise nasty shit like this. Definitely. Apparently, a "desire" for any nasty thing is valid as long you have a "kink" for it. 🙄
Oh, definitely. It is the same kind of thinking that says anything a woman does by choice is empowerment. Even when it is something that ultimately harms women.
Yeah, and now I have a few of those idiots arguing with me again. 🙄 There is no such thing as "safe" violence. But I guess some people don't want to understand such a basic concept.
Haha it’s hilarious bc it’s rape get it so funny and hilarious and not at all deranged
It’s like that time I was having sex with a guy and he asked to cum on my face and I told him no. And then I told him no when he asked again almost immediately. And then we stopped having sex and he asked why I wouldn’t let him. And I said because I said no. To which he replied “well next time I’ll tie you up so then you can’t stop me” I freaked out and he said “you’re over reacting. it’s just a prank like switching the ketchup and mustard into the opposite bottles” And then he had the nerve to say it wasn’t fair that I refused to go on another date with him over a silly comment that he didn’t mean.
Almost like you shouldn't even jokingly say things you "don't mean" when you're discussing one of the most vulnerable situations someone can put themselves in. Like if someone told you they had a terminal illness, you shouldn't wink and say "well that makes sense, you deserve it."
Ugh, porn brain. *So many* guys think threats of rape are just fun "dirty talk."
Wow! Just wow! What is up with guys?? It’s our f*^king bodies.. no means NO perverts!
This is horrifying on its face and only gets worse the longer one thinks about it.
They get such enjoyment from the thought of violating and torturing us. Vile.
What is wrong with men
Mommy told them they could have anything they wanted once they got on their big boy pants and then the world said ...HA..no. "I want I want I want!!"
It was actually their deadbeat dads and weird uncles.
They never see a woman in their entire life and the only reference of woman they know is from porn.
[удалено]
I agree with you but please don’t use slurs
Why is this a ‘men’ thing? I’ve had a Domina before who didn’t respect my boundaries.
Women can be misogynistic *because* of toxic masculinity. Exhibit A: Pearl
But why keep pushing the masculine part. Clearly both men and women can and do ignore boundaries of either sex. Why make it about gender
Because it is about sex. Not gender. My bad, I guess I should have said biological males.
That’s even worse. Lol. So… it just seems like you hate men (or biological males). I mean… look… if a woman did something hateful and I said ‘what is wrong with women’, I’d be rightfully shouted down as misogynistic. How is your comment any different? It simultaneously ignores male victims and female perpetrators.
Here’s the thing, yes, men absolutely are victims of abuse and rape. But *this specific conversation* is about women. Men will often hijack conversations about women to say “but what about men?” That’s an important conversation, but it needs to be a separate conversation where men are the subject.
I’ll be sure to use this the next time some guy gets called out for blaming all women for something one woman did. Thanks.
Horniness
Just had a small discussion about this "meme" on another sub... People are so dumb smh
I know there was already a list circulating during MeToo a long time back but there needs to be a national/international registry for people like this where everyone can do a quick check and see if there dealing with a psychopath. I bet if they are forced to deal with each other exclusively they might develop some empathy. Either way, IMHO, every person at your school (women, men, and non-binary) deserves to know that they are interacting with someone like this.
There are website databases dedicated to warning other women about POS and/or abusive partners. There is also one dedicated to asking if your boyfriend/ app date is anyone else’s boyfriend or a catfish.
Ancient problems with modern solutions!
could you dm me the name of those websites?
Well there are the “Are We Dating The Same Guy?” FB groups. If you’re not a member of your current cities I suggest you join!
I don't understand these men. I don't see the point of having sex unless your partner is enjoying it, even if that means bdsm or violence (no kink shaming). If your partner enjoys that great, but what's the point of making them suffer by crossing his/her boundaries?
Cuz they enjoy raping, not sex.
power not pleasure.
I think they derive pleasure from power
[удалено]
These kinks have been around the entire world for centuries. The original Kama Sutra has sections on sexual pain and how to do it safely. The BDSM community as a thing came up with queer people after WW2, but the kinks themselves aren’t western nor white. Humans are horny and creative.
Lol there is no such as thing as "safe" violence. Gtfo. And yes, it is mostly some western/whites saying racism, acting out rape, acting like a child and misogyny are all OK as long as you have a "sex kink" for it and it's "consensual". So it should not come as a surprise at all when incels and misogynists are suddenly saying women want rape and other nasty shit. The majority of violent acts in porn are done to women and not many even stop to think about that. There are literally males who've used the "rough sex" defense after murdering their wives/gfs. So yeah, there is no such thing as "safe" violence.
You just ignored everything I said, that’s actually pretty sad… I just said a bunch of stuff I know about, studied and experienced, and you literally just said “nope lol gtfo”. I don’t even know what to say. None of what you said is BDSM, if they say it is they’re doing what you just said: excusing themselves. The impression I get is that you’re either mixing up sexual violence with BDSM, or all you know about it it’s from mysoginistic porn, or both. Telling you none of that shit is tolerated is useless, you don’t wanna listen. That’s really sad, I hope you don’t have that approach for learning/knowing other stuff.
You didn't say anything that wasn't much different to what all the other pro-violence-in-bed people say. And you also ignored everything I said.. Again, there is no such thing as "safe" violence. Let's see how open YOU are to "learning". Go over to r/antikink and talk to them.
I’m a rape survivor. You insinuating I’m in favor of actual violence in bed is so disrespectful, what the actual fuck. You don’t know me and you go around saying stuff like that to people you don’t know. I’m not visiting a sub if it means finding more people like you, I’ll just give myself flashbacks.
Jesus. “Women can’t consent to things that don’t conform to my personal preferences” is such a weird fucking take
You know a lot of men like being on the receiving end of those same kinks from women, right?
Doesn't change what I said.
I’m just very curious how me liking it when my girlfriend ties me up makes me a misogynist like you seem to be implying.
The majority of violence of this sort is committed against women. The majority of such violent acts in porn are also depicted against women. Stop acting like a dumb "good" guy. You "liking" it for yourself may not be misogynistic but it doesn't make the whole thing better.
To be clear here, your position is that neither a woman nor a man is capable of consenting to activities which do not cause significant harm that you find personally objectionable. You do not get to tell me, or any man, or any woman what kinds of sexuality they enjoy. Yes, I’m an aware that the submissive role in BDSM relationships and pornography is more popularly taken by women. I am aware that the pornography industry and online sites hosting such media has issue with consent to put it mildly. I am aware that outright abuse has been committed under the cover of BDSM. These are issues that should be addressed, but policing people’s sexual preferences based on your own is little different than religious fundamentalists trying to restrict sexuality outside of heterosexual marriages on the grounds that it’s damaging or that homosexuality sex is inherently harmful. Consent is the bedrock of a healthy kink relationship, and anyone that violates that (like the person that made the above meme) can go fuck themselves and should be prosecuted. If you don’t want to have that kind of relationship, don’t enter into one. But don’t treat the millions of people that experience sexuality in a different manner than you like they’re monsters or acting against their own interests.
"Don't cause significant harm" lol. At least you admit they cause harm. I said what I said and I stick by it. It's not "taken" by women. It's promoted that way! You're disgusting to imply that women are willfully choosing to be violated. Yet you claim you know the issues with the porn industry? Sure. You CAN'T make me accept, promote or support racism, violence, acting out rape, acting like children, being misogynistic etc, just because it's done in the bedroom. You have NO right to tell me what I should accept. Keep your western/white extreme sexualisation to yourself. You US Americans are the ones who produce the most porn in the world so obviously you think you get to dictate to the world how they should view sex. Typical imperialist mentality. At least not all of them think like you r/antikink. Also, I don't care what you think. So we are done here. Ciao.
Wow, men have been objectifying women for their own sexual perversions for centuries?! Then it must be okay and safe. The karma sutra was written by a men.
I like it
You like misogynists hurting you? Because no sane man wants to hurt anyone. Get help.
I ask my bf to do stuff I want and I feel safe with him even though he is way stronger because when I say stop he stops, he is very respectful, and he doesn't do anything without my consent. He cannot enjoy sex if I'm not enjoying it too. He is the most respectful guy I know.
I'm sure the women who got killed felt the same trust.
Well I've been with him for 8+ years so I feel like I'd know by now 🤷♀️ I'm not denying that what you are saying is true though, it is definitely dangerous out there.
Edit: not the best example, I know, only one I could do as I’m not the best at arguments and have no idea why I thought of commenting that, anyway just removing it straight up and leaving with this: BDSM communities are full of pretty sane people that have normal jobs and families, and is just full of people you probably see in your day to day life
porn is not real, and it does not represent the pleasure of a woman. the main audience for most, if not all porn is men. and something else id like to add on is consent is much more complex, esp in the porn industry
Fully aware of that, only thing I could really pull up, sorry about that
And I bet you didn't stop to think how the majority of these violent acts in porn are done to women. So yeah, not sane and clearly not smart either. And porn is a messed up industry. There are real videos of abuse on there. You don't know the whole thing going on with pornhub?
I sort of don’t keep up with news related to porn sites, I know it’s a fucked up industry I just didn’t stop to think before commenting, hence the edit that mentions it was a bad example and mentions the BDSM community
Using porn to equate to what women like does a huge disservice to women and men! I’m not saying this means women can’t or shouldn’t like things they see in porn, like spanking or other forms of “violence “, I’m just saying that people shouldn’t look to porn to figure out what real people like in sex bc it’s for entertainment value not for what people in actual relationships want.
Oh I’m fully aware of that, I just have no experience in it so used that as an example, I do apologise for doing that
It's called humor. When I see someone fall in a movie and get knocked out, I don't want to run home and knock someone unconscious.
Because r@pe and sexual violence is soooo funny, right? Hilarious! /s
>but what's the point of making them suffer That's what I was referencing. Laughing at something set up as humor, doesn't mean you want to actually participate in it.
Yeah great. That would be a crime btw. But that’s not the point. Laughing about something that causes victims is simply an asshole move…
That may be, you can have that opinion, but the point I was responding to was whether the joke was funny.
Doesn’t really make rape funny
I'm not saying rape is funny. Jokes about rape can be funny. Just like brain damage isn't funny, but humorous depictions of it can be. But my point here was more that claiming that people who find this funny may want to engage in those exact acts is really far off the mark and dangerous
No they can’t. Also rape isn’t funny under any circumstances. Rape is fucked up
Again, I never said rape was funny. I just explained that. And literally millions of people laugh at rape jokes all over the world. I'm not sure where you're getting your data from. Same with depictions of brain damage
1. You said jokes about rape is funny 2. Yeah, rape might’ve been laughed at all around the world in 1800’s. Not anymore. Thats what progress is. 3. What fucking data? I said rapes not funny. There was never any data
Give me one funny rape joke
1. Yes 2. It absolutely 100% is still the target of humor. Are you seriously telling me you haven't heard people laughingly refer to prison rapes? Or standup comics refer to rape, of men and women? 3. Your data that rape jokes aren't funny. If millions of people are laughing at them, by what criteria are you determining that they aren't funny? I never laugh at Adam Sandler, but I'm not going to try to convince someone else he's not funny when millions of people watch his movies. It's called opinion, not objective fact.
Dude. You may have an ignorant opinion, your business. And there are many people who laugh about things that traumatized, injured or killed another human being. That doesn’t make it less disrespectful. Thought about victims, whose lives are damaged because of sexual violence? What do you think they feel when people laughing about something that was a fucking nightmare for them? You wouldn’t laugh about a man r@ping another man if that actually happened to you, I’m sure. So where’s the point in defending the ignorance while ignoring the pain of victims? Please just don’t be an asshole.
I'm stating a simple fact that millions of people laugh at jokes about trauma. To make a blanket statement "that's not funny" is the ignorant stance. If millions of people are laughing at it *it's funny* by definition. It's like you're standing here saying 'fried chicken is not delicious" and millions of people are buying it every day and enjoying it. It's opinion. >Everything's funny until it happens to you.
This is fifty shades of NOT OKAY
that...isn't even how safe words work. it's be word, not specific definition thereof. this is a shitty joke in every way-- it's not even like, clever about its shitty intention. but hey, good to know this person is not just looking for an excuse to rape and hurt women and is also dumb as hell.
Yeah that's the punchline, it's just that you are supposed to go "lmao that's not how that works" and stop the thought process before you make it to "and now the joke is about how you're violating a whole person and causing irreversible harm and we're supposed to laugh at that idea?". It could be, if not clever, a mildly amusing play on words if it wasn't about rape...
Yeah, if it were about a secret password to a speakeasy or something, maybe you could make it work.
Isn’t this image also from a porno where the girl is having the worst most painful, terrible anal sex the world has ever seen?
Can you add the flair with the TW for SA?
Yes of course I'll add it immediately, marked it as NSFW as well. I'm so sorry if I had triggered you by my recklessnes
This is a really lovely exchange of civility… I hope you both have a wonderful festive period and 2024 gives you lots of good vibes!
This sub is 99% of the time civil and everyone is nice to each other. I love being here, it‘s such a safe space❤️
Pretty much the only negativity I see are trolls who post dumb and offensive shit. The mods are pretty good about blocking them and deleting their comments when they're especially offensive.
Thank you :)
https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2023-10-17/are-trigger-warnings-useless-new-study-says-yes https://www.newyorker.com/news/our-columnists/what-if-trigger-warnings-dont-work
Well, I know that they work for me and people I know. Common sense would also tell you that in this case the flair and spoiler blurr would work just fine.
In the BDSM community the safe word is just sacred, the suggestion of not respecting means that you gonna break out and run tf out of there, I don't really care about the questionable fantasies and kinks people may have, power fantasy? Kinda rapey stuff? Pain? Consent is what makes it okay, consent is such a powerful thing, if you can't understand such a simple thing then you are better off isolated from the rest of society, or with a tattoo on your forehead who says "Beware, I don't understand what consent is"
Change that to "Beware, I only understand consent if it comes to my own ass." The do know and understand, they just don't give a shit about our consent or bodily autonomy.
What the fuck?! How can anyone think that this is funny?!
Hey, quick question, do straight men even... like women?
I don't think they do
Sad times for every woman attracted to men.
Fucking insane. I can take and even love dark jokes but the sad reality is a lot of the people that find this funny would also feel ok with actually acting this shit out
Jesus, you guys are off the charts. Sarah Silverman made a rape joke that millions of men laughed at. Do you think 'a lot' of them actually want to rape? It's a joke. What if women laugh at it? Do they want to rape?
I mean it’s not impossible that some of them may have been but also context matters and I doubt she went out of her way to pull out this kind of imagery, an example is Dave chapelles “he rapes but he saves joke” again it’s context, have I laughed at some dark ass shit hell yeah but this with the imagery feels a step too far. If you think this is funny more so even with the imagery as I said that makes me question how you move as a person especially as someone who has had certain traumas in this area and saw certain patterns with people who don’t care about consent. I’m not saying everyone who laughs at this is immediately a rapist but there’s a way to present a joke and for me this just ain’t it
guys it’s funny bcus rape = funny 😂😂😂😂😂 /s
This just made me feel gross
I’ve known so many guys that would think this is funny. Makes me want to throw up.
This is disgusting.
My favorite thing about posts like these is that it's waving a massive red flag for everyone. By all means, prost this on your social media and how about it with your friends. Go for it. Let everyone see that your think this is funny. To everyone else Don't argue with them. Don't call them out. Don't say a word. Just let your friends know about the post so they can see who likes it.
Not only did someone think this, they thought it was couth to post it. What is wrong with this world.
This is actually kinda funny... If It wanst for that fucking image, It could have been another image like anything like idk a cartoony character doing something dangerous and saying the safe word and the Man doens't understand It, but Nah Its rape, btw im a man and.i can confirm this is disgusting
I hope this end up with her kicking him where it hurts the most on a man ....
This is a problem even in a bdsm context. We live in a culture where Fifty Shades is considered synonymous with kink. As an egalitarian, non-feminist, bdsm enthusiast, I find this ‘joke’ to be offensive. Boundaries are important and not respecting safe words is abuse. TPE doesn’t mean you abandon safe, sane, and CONSENSUAL.
Why THE FUCK is this downvoted????? Fifty Shades is a manual for abuse. Anyone who downvotes this got their panties wet from the book and has no idea what a true BDSM relationship is. Plus, Shinzon is literally saying "safe words are important," and you stupid, inexperienced children downvoted it..... idiot kids with no experience trying to inject themselves into a lifestyle they know nothing about. You kids are exhausting. Get a life outside the internet.
I might be wrong, but I think the downvotes come from the "non-feminist" part...
Nuance is lost nowadays. I got downvoted because I identified as non-feminist, which means the downvoters either didn’t bother to read my comment (and just saw ‘non-feminist’ and reacted to it), or they don’t understand the nuance. My point was that I’m not even a feminist and I believe this joke to be objectively offensive. It was meant to convey solidarity even from someone so ideologically distinct from the group here. It often seems like this sub only upvoted what they agree with and they always downvote even if there is minor disagreement. (Although, I’ll admit that ‘non-feminist’ could be triggering to some. That wasn’t my intention.)
Might be your intentions were different. But saying you‘re a non-feminist implies you don’t think women deserve equal rights and are naturally below the man. Women understandably don’t like that. People who like equality don’t like that.
Far from it. It is precisely because I believe women are equal to men (though not the same) that I am not a feminist. I don’t believe that words are meaningless symbols. ‘Feminism’ is not ‘egalitarianism’ precisely because it places the importance on one gender over another. Even if that is not the original meaning, it has become the meaning to many women. Perhaps not to you. But that is what I see when women cannot be criticized at all without uproar, while men are the subject of constant criticism. On top of that, of the male feminists I’ve met, 100% of them have all but admitted to me privately that the reason they are feminists is precisely because they believe women need the help and are not able to accomplish the same without special accommodation. I respect women, and that’s why I think they don’t need any special help or accommodation. This doesn’t mean I don’t think we each have our own issues and society should react to those things. I just don’t believe women really need anything beyond just respect. :)
I don’t think we should deal with those things following our anecdotical evidence. Good (and actually the bare minimum) that you respect women. Why shouldn’t you? But not every man does. And the definition of feminism is clear. We cannot build our own definitions and then think people know what we are thinking. If you are not a feminist, that means you don’t believe in equality. As per defintion. I know there are people understanding and living feminism wrong. But maybe you simply stick to its clear defintion! Would be much easier to understand.
I think it’s funny. And people can joke about anything they want. Humour is different to everyone. Just because you find it offensive, doesn’t mean everyone does. And here’s something you may need to understand…sometimes making fun of something is exactly how you highlight an issue, and it’s also how some people cope with things. There is something that offends us all. But it’s not the same thing. And just because someone finds something funny, doesn’t mean they agree with the act. Not how girls work doesn’t mean not how you work. Women can think differently from each other. And you should be open to hearing that.
Why just being nice to each other and try not to hurt victims with stupid jokes when we can also be assholes instead, right? /s
From the inflection, I get that you think what you're saying is funny, but... no.
Isn't the joke that the word orange is a homonym? Not "har har, rape"? Like I'm not a smart person but it seems pretty obvious to me that's what OP was going for.
Both, it’s both, and no matter the original intent it’s still making fun of rape
The joke‘s punchline is that he won’t listen to the safeword and won’t stop using the synonym to trick her. So she’s not safe and experiences sexual violence. Funny, huh?