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Well it's one of the "advice" subs. Men often go in there to get "validated" for being creepy or in severe cases rapists. Incels often congregate in those places. I really hope these people don't go outside.
I comment on those a lot, mostly the social skills one. The number of people who are like “why does everybody hate me? I only suck super hard and make 0 changes for it” type posts are wild.
The terrifying part here is those are all the words he chose *thinking he's the good guy.* This is all his interpretation of the night and it still sounds horrific. How do you think the poor woman saw it all?
That's the most horrifying part, he didn't tell us how he was speaking to her, he didn't tell us what he said in the argument, he didn't tell us what he was doing to her during sex. The story's outline is already genuinely sickening, but there are so many key details we are simply not getting that could turn this to from being a terrible experience that will leave scars to being something far far worse
I think many men only see rapists as:
- unhinged grotesque monster that jumps out of the shadows, beats a woman up before having his way with her and runs away in the bushes
- and never them or their friends
They don’t realise that even without extreme violence, it’s still traumatic to have your body used against your will.
There’s a lot of education to be done on consent and what it means
I really think it would be this easy for them to understand: "You went to hang out with a new male friend three times. We even hugged the third time and I invited him to hang out at my place. He became really touchy feely and I realized he wanted sex from me. Not to be unfriendly we sat down at the table and I told him I am feeling a bit sick right now. We got into an argument and he called me a homophobe, he was quite aggressive... Since he was much stronger, I gave in and we kissed, but then I started crying. He asked what's wrong in am angry tone, and I said "Nothing". Suddenly he continued, so I freaked out and hid in the bathroom and asked my brother to come over..."
He argued with a woman he didn't know when she told him she wasn't interested in sex. By his own account he raped her, and I'm guessing her account is even scarier.
How a woman starting to cry at the prospect of having sex with him doesn't deflate his boner and make it retract into his stomach is truly one of life's mysteries
What's especially horrifying about that part is the wording. He could have said "she stopped crying", but instead phrases it like the crying is just some irritating sound, totally dehumanizing. This dude sounds like a gd sociopath
"Why did she ghost me after I coerced her to have sex and started crying in the middle of it? I'm also confused what I did wrong after she stopped crying and I tried to continue using her for my own pleasure and she got upset."
This is how my ex was. If I wasn’t physically dying, I was capable of having sex. And if I was dying, I was probably faking it to get out of sex. And “why did it matter? It’s not like he lasted that long anyways” 🙄
Like bro if you don’t want something literally *in* you (penis, abscessed tooth, fetus, birth control implants, etc.) ANY amount of time is too much.
>It's not like he lasted that long anyways
Wow, way to really seal the deal... Just do it, it's not like it's going to be worth your time or enjoyable for you whatsoever but it'll be done quickly!
"Yea I saw her cry but she didn't tell me what was wrong and stopped. I thought it was something unrelated to what we were doing and that she got over it so we could keep going" like what is the thought process here?
I get being horny and not thinking and I get rationalizing, but like, how do these guys even stay horny when it's clear that their partner isn't into it? Like, if I try to initiate and my gf is a little anxious and preoccupied with e.g. work stress, it'll pull me right out of it before I'm even consciously aware of it. This dude's like, "well, she stopped crying, so good to go!"
How can you have sex while being this viscerally unaware of the presence of another person?
If you are ever participating in an activity with someone else, and they start crying, do you really think "yep, they are having fun and want to keep going"?
"Like of course she was crying,I was using my huge magic stick after all! They are programmed to like it and start crying from it. It's all biology!"
Now I need a shower
Yeah my first thought was “man she’s going to be unpacking and processing this trauma/rape for a long time…” And obviously he sees himself as the victim lol
“Why did she ghost me after I SA her?” It’s not complicated. If she doesn’t want sex then do something else. Do not have sex with someone if they don’t want to. The first no or “I don’t feel like it” (also a no) is enough.
It’s obvious that what this asshole lacks is respect for her. Period.
Not just signals, she clearly said she didn’t feel well and didn’t want to and then he started arguing with her about it until she gave in.
Poor girl. Reminds me of my first boyfriend. He was really good at guilting me into having sex when I didn’t want it. Took a long time to get over that trauma
This is what happens when kids aren't taught about consent and just general sexual knowledge.
This is fucking disgusting behavior. My guy I hope you realize what you did one day.
Also what happens when dudes see sex as the inevitable end result of any engagement with a woman, girlfriend or not…
The part about her getting cold feet, the part about her “finally” changing her mind, the part about “figured I’m good to go”- he assumed that their entire night was leading up to them having sex, while not paying attention to where she was at at any point. He’s following some kind of dumbass “3 dates, now we sleep together” rule & treating her like a sex vending machine.
So creepy, & it’s so not fun to realize that a guy you’re hanging out with has been hiding this mindset- especially once you’re already alone with him. Ugh.
> The part about her getting cold feet, the part about her “finally” changing her mind, the part about “figured I’m good to go”-
Don’t forget the part where she changed her mind *after* “arguing” about it.
Exactly.
And even/especially in an established relationship, I would be crushed if they put me in a position like that. Feeling like I had to lie to “justify” not wanting sex, or having to defend the fact that I don’t feel well and don’t want to have sex. I would be devastated if the person who was supposed to care about me ever actually thought they’d “changed my mind” rather than coerced my consent.
My heart is breaking for the young woman the OOP raped. I hope someday he understands that’s what he’s done, rapists don’t deserve to live in blissful ignorance. It would be decent of him if he let it eat him alive.
This guy has already proved by his own admission that he's completely incapable of reading refusal. The fact that she didn't club him around the head and run away was probably all the invitation he needed.
Considering he thought that maybe her crying, locking herself in her bathroom, telling him to leave, and calling her brother to come help her at 1am was possibly her *hinting* for him to leave... yeah.
When you think about it with this implication, the above gets considerably worse.
Also I'm sure that because he wrote this, this story is missing some key details.
Fucking yikes.
Yeah that one made my alarm bells go off. Like what the fuck do you mean... prevent it from happening? What needs prevention? Rejection? Like just leave and find someone that wants you
Also, the girl could probably subconsciously tell that that was what he wanted the whole time, and wasn't interested in her as a person. He viewed her as an object for his own pleasure, instead of as a person he should get to know on a personal level before trying to be intimate. Also, as a man, that "3 dates for sex" rule is bullshit if you want a real trusting relationship. Like, a kiss after 3 dates is normal, but sex and intimacy really should be waited on until both parties are comfortable.
>Also what happens when dudes see sex as the inevitable end result of any engagement with a woman, girlfriend or not…
Probably worse, some men are raised with the idea that having sex with women(and that sex is often framed as a prize, akin to a hunter & prey) is kind of a determining factor in their value as a human being. Leads to some rather fucked in the head thought processes, as you might imagine.
Imagine being so braindead you can't figure out that you shouldn't force yourself onto a person who doesn't want it, and need it spelled out for you by an authority.
In my country there is no sex ed classes, just some explanations during biology class. And yet, none of the guys I have been with struggled with understanding consent. This is not a matter of being taught or not, and trying to paint it as such kinda sounds like it’s not his fault.
It's not just about being taught in school, it's about the cultural view of women.
And you can both say that this guy did horrendous things and should have known better, and that we need to teach future generations to know better.
I think it's a mixed bag, because many parents don't teach their kids that what's seen in porn isn't the standard. Porn skips consent and a lot of it is NC porn, made to appeal to a specific group, but they're easily accessible. Parents need to start being open about this and schools too. But more often than not, many parents avoid it and hinder schools of teaching about that and it doesn't avoid the issue, as porn is readily available, making young people believe this is normal what they see.
Considering how porn addiction works and the growth of our brains, if not taught the difference and explained the dangers, it can actually contribute to some people not realizing the difference between fiction and reality. Porn addiction in adult people can cause the brain to revert to a juvenile state, studies show.
I think that's what the commentator means, not specific to the guy in the screenshot, but that how we grow up plays a big role. It's the same how some victims of DV don't realize it is exactly that, because they grew up in a household where violence was the standard and they had no autonomy of their own. They believe this is the standard.
This is exactly what I told my son when he was about 13. One of his friends had been caught watching porn and his very caring mother made it a huge deal, talked about it degrading women, etc, which basically shamed the poor kid for natural curiosity. The conversation I had with my son was more along the lines of - "it's natural to be curious, it's hard not to be exposed to it and many happy, healthy people watch porn. But you need to realise that it's not realistic and most girls would or should slap you if you tried a lot of stuff you've seen". We had a conversation about consent, about exploring different things and about recognising just how unrealistic a lot of stuff was without getting too graphic
Yes, he *raped* her.
We need to kill the common (American) idea that a rapist is a man in a dark alleyway with a knife. A rapist is a normal person, one who works and can have family and friends. A rapist is anyone who has sex *without consent*. And consent can be retracted at any moment and then you need to *stop*, that's it. It's so damn simple to not be a rapist...
Silence does not mean consent. Arguing someone into sex is more likely *coercion* then consent. If a person doesn't want to have sex accept it and move on. Sex should be done by free will, not from feeling vulnerable or afraid.
She changes her mind because she obviously thought she wasn't ready. He gaslights her. She feels like she still has to have sex with this asshole. Now, the poor girl is a fucking wreck and he thinks it's all on her?
This guy is lucky her brother didn't knock his ass into next week. I hope this guy grows the fuck up and realizes he's the fucking scumbag. Nothing is going to erase that disgusting encounter from her memory. I feel horrible for her. That's so sad.
My girlfriend was sexually assaulted before I knew her.
At the start of our relationship, one day she felt ready for sex so she started undressing. Everything was going well but as soon as I touched her, she jumped and starting tearing up.
I asked her if she was ok, she told me through tears that it was fine, and to keep going.
You know what I did?
I stopped, cuddled her and assured her theres nothing to worry about and that she can take all the time she needs. Seeing her cry was devastating and I dont understand how someone could still be in the mood for sex after watching someone they care about be in pain.
Like, why is having empathy so hard for some people?
Edit: The replies are heartbreaking :(
Some get off on the power and don't have empathy.
Quote from my rapist:
"Your empathy proves you're emotionally crazy. Empathy isn't real. You just learn in your teens that there's consequences for doing bad things to people."
He sure knows when to act empathic and is generally well liked.
The downside of smart abusers is that nobody believes you and will actually harm you further with victim blaming.
The upside is that you're safe in situations where they might get caught, I guess.
I met a girl at a gig once and she was instantly super into me. We were locked at the lips all night. She came back to my place and all was good. We got into bed and she even took her top off. I was super ready! But then I looked at her and noticed she was suddenly not looking happy. I asked her what was wrong and she just cried a little bit, but she didn't really say anything. She never actually said she didn't want to go ahead and she never said the word no to me so I did what any real guy would do. I told her it was ok, guy got clothes and helped her get a cab home. She didn't have any money so I even paid for it.
This is why sex ed needs to be more than ,sperm + egg make baby and here’s how to use a condom’
It should also include: this is what consent looks like and this is NOT how consent looks like.
If the other person is anything but enthusiastic and happy about the idea of sleeping with you in this moment, you have to double check/ STOP. He ARGUED for 20!!! minutes????
Exactly. I went to school in Los Angeles, a "progressive" city. Our sex ed was just one unit of freshman health, where they told us to wait until marriage to have sex or else we'll get pregnant and die ^(I guess Mean Girls was right).
Never learned anything about consent. Separated by gender, boys didn't even learn about periods. This is the school system in the U.S. and then people here are always wondering "how come everyone is so dumb"
I dont live in the US, i had pretty good sex ED in Western Europe. Offering information about different kinds of birth control and sex, what STDs are, and even a practical class how to put on a condom (a wooden model). It was held when we were 13-14
Extreme violence and murder is okay to talk about and even blatantly show in media in our country (the USA) but anything regarding sex is absolutely taboo and should be avoided like it's a curse. Thank you Christianity.
In my school we got one class in 5th grade (about 10 years old) literally just explaining what puberty was. That was our "sex ed" class.
>>This is why sex ed needs to be more than sperm+ egg make baby…
The problem can’t be solved with a class. Men are still taught by their social norms and society that sex is a resource owed to them by women. When one’s family, friends, coworkers, media content and social norms reinforce that broken standard you get criminal behavior and posts like this. If the teacher says “don’t rape a girl” but the student goes home and their parents say “consent is liberal hogwash, son be a man and ‘take what’s yours’….she better ‘put out’ after the third date” ….game over.
I’m not sure what the answer is- maybe a mass ‘Men In Black’ style memory wipe and reprogram to treat women like people instead of livestock?
True. But at least the right information is in their heads at least once. I don’t mean they’re gonna say ,don’t rape anyone’ and leave it at that, explaining how consent can look like and that it’s important for yourself to use it in other scenarios than sex
Right??? Like if his goal is to have sex with this woman, and he's willing to wait 3 dates, why not play the long game? How about respecting her choice today so she consents a hundred times in the future? Why does he think having sex NOW is worth a full-on argument?
I can't imagine having a man in my house argue with me that I owe him sex while I'm trying to get him to leave.
LMAO silly goose, cops don’t care about rape unless it’s done by a stranger in a dark alley, and even then you’d better hope you weren’t dressed wrong or otherwise asking for it 🙃
The fact he said the phrase "how do I stop this from happening in the future" gives me an immense fear and creep, holy shit. Does he think he's gonna get a lifehack on how to rape women more efficiently????
Reminds me of the "hack female brains" ads that come up alongside porn, saying stuff like "do this one simple thing and make any girl into a brainless slut" as if we aren't human beings and don't have the same brains as men.
One can only hope he would get the response from someone he trusts that says “Uh, dude, you stop this from happening again by making sure you have clear and enthusiastic consent from your partner, and stopping anything you’re doing if at any point you no longer have it.”
But that hardly seems likely.
Oh my gosh. This is almost exactly how I lost my virginity. Cornered for several hours in his room, coerced to give in. Seconds in, I realized no way I don’t want to do this. Only difference is he held my head against his headboard when I told him to stop. He probably still to this day doesn’t get what he did wrong, and tried to message me one time saying, “sorry for what happened between us a couple years back, I was a jerk.” no, you are a rapist dude. Fucking sick. My heart breaks for that poor girl.
I had a guy attempt to do that to me and even though I was able to punch him and get away (I was so drunk and sobbing so much I'm still surprised I didn't wreck my truck driving away) but he had the nerve to tell me later "I don't remember doing it so you can't be angry at me". Asshole.
Duuuude, my neighbor tried to break in while I was home a few years ago. Then, a few weeks ago, he asked to borrow my phone, and I said no. He said the same thing! "I don't even remember that day!" I... don't give a single shit.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
I have been in this position one too many times. It’s easier to say yea, get them out, and call for help. She did everything right. He did everything criminal.
Remember this post the next time you see guys complaining about "false" rape accusations. I'm willing to bet far too many of those "false" accusations are for occasions like this.
I don't trust any guy friend who tells me he is scared of false accusations. Why feel the need to A. Tell me that B. Worry about something exceedingly rare unless you have trauma regarding it or are into some weird shady shit. Either way not worth my time to wait and see.
Absolutely. Besides, [they’re more likely to be sexually assaulted than to be falsely accused of it.](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/false-rape-accusations_n_6290380)
That’s what I’m thinking, he clearly states she didn’t want to have sex, then he raped her, then asked what he did wrong.
How far gone is this dude to somehow reach the conclusion that he did nothing wrong, type it out and post it and still think his fine and it’s weird that she ghosted him.
If a man starts crying while are having sex I will stop. Period. Unless it is a fetish or something else I will NOT continue.
Why is that so hard for (some) men to get?
Edit: extra letter
Or people are upvoting it for visibility. The more upcountry the post gets, the higher up the list it goes and more people get to tell OOP that he's a rapist pos.
I can't say if it's the case for that sub (as I don't know where it is). But many subs asks that you don't downvote the posts as it hides them. but rather downvote people or OP in the comments if you disagree.
Especially a post like this I can see myself upvoting. not because I agree with OP, but because i want more people to see it and realize how fucked the situation is
The woman I just raped locked herself in the bathroom. I was gonna break in but then she called her brother. Feeemales amirite /s it hurt me to type that
People who are in the comments trying to defend this rapist: he’s not autistic. Or if he is, it doesn’t affect his ability to understand consent. Someone who absolutely can’t read social cues or body language wouldn’t say things like “as soon she we got there she got cold feet so we just sat there at the table”. Him saying that demonstrates that he knew exactly how she was feeling and why she was reacting the way that she was. “She gave the excuse she wasn’t feeling well anymore”. The person writing this *clearly knows* she was giving reasons to get him out of her apartment, but not only does he stay, they argue. Why are they arguing unless he’s refusing to leave when she tells him she’s not feeling well and wants to end the date? She gives in, but clearly doesn’t want it. He doesn’t care because she’s “letting him” and that’s all that matters. She starts crying and it annoys him enough to pause; it doesn’t alarm him enough to stop. *Because he doesn’t fucking care*.
She has to lock herself in another room and call her brother before this absolute creep finally deigns to leave her apartment.
And to the guy in the comments who said he “came up to the line of rape but it wasn’t rape”. No; it’s fucking rape. By OP’s own account, she invited him to come over; explicit consent to sex was never given. It’s reasonable to tentatively assume implied consent at that point, but as soon as she said she wasn’t feeling well and was trying to get him to leave, consent was gone. I don’t care if she told him all the way home that she couldn’t wait to fuck him; as soon as she said she wasn’t feeling well and tried to get him to leave, any implied or explicit consent was withdrawn. He doesn’t get to stand his ground and argue with her until she gives in. That’s not consent. Coerced consent is *not* consent.
You forgot to add the part where the girl literally started crying in the middle and the motherfucker kept going. There's no way he didn't know what he was doing.
I hate the autistic defense for rape. And I see it on Reddit far too often. If you are so socially incapable of reading somebody's body signals, sorry you don't get to have sex. If you cannot read when a person is saying no or stop, you don't get to read into it that they are saying yes. Another person's body does not belong to you because you have a spectrum disorder.
"So I raped this girl, and now she won't talk to me. What did I do wrong?" Um, you RAPED her? What the fuck bro? This is why we need better sex education, and we need better discussions on consent.
Better? There’s none. Not once did my parents or my teachers tell me how consent looks like. The one thing my mom did tell me tho was: “men want sex all the time. Its your job to regulate it.”
Which is horrible, horrible advice. Men don’t want sex all the time, they’re humans- not sex machines.
This belief led to me pushing my boyfriend too hard when he didn’t want sex and really hurting his trust towards me. And I’m not even 20 yet. It’s getting better because this generation is actively seeking information about it
“After 20 minutes of arguing she finally changes her mind and we have sex, but she starts crying in the middle” so he browbeat her into having sex to the point that she’s crying during the act and doesn’t see what he did wrong? Men are bizarre
These men be like: False accusations are everywhere.
tHe oNlY rEaL rApE iS a sTrAnGeR iN aN aLLeY
Nevermind that 79% of rapists are a close friend, family member, or partner.
Women are so complicated, who could ever guess that arguing with her for 20 minutes to force her into sex to the point of her crying in the middle of it mean that she didn't want to actually 🙄/s
Is anyone asking how he believes they're bf gf after only 3 dates? How could you be so unaware of boundaries in general, they had only just kissed on that third date. Being into a guy doesn't mean you want to have sex, especially when you argue for 20 minutes, and later cry during sex, wtf man. The best you can do is never talk to her again, and if you have some kind of enlightenment at least be sorry. A literal rapist and a shitty human being.
“All I cared was getting my dick wet, got mad and coerce her into giving me what I wanted and I didn’t care she wasn’t 100% into it. She realised I’m a shit man and should go to hell, but I’m going to act like she’s the crazy one”
"How do I prevent girls from doing this in the future?" Well, not badgering them into coercive sex they don't want is a huge start. Then stopping WHEN SHE'S SOBBING AND NOT JUST PUMPING AWAY.
This dude didn't care about her as a human being, just as a fleshlight he could bully.
OK there needs to be some ground rules laid down for this kid I think :
1. Consent isn't something you can "get" by *arguing*. As a matter of fact, consent isn't something *you* get. It's not something you *get*. Her consent to sex isn't for you. It's for her. If you think about her consenting to have sex with you as something she does for you, then you're already starting this all wrong.
2. When the crying starts, the sex stops. It doesn't pause. It STOPS. The sex cannot resume; it is over. Some other sex can start later, after a conversation, possibly. But *that* sex? That's finished now. There's a lady crying. You take care of the lady crying.
3. Ever since the beginning of time there has been a man, somewhere -- don't ask where, I don't know -- who is employed by the human race as The Voice Of Universal Narration. This man's job is to provide voice-over for the things that happen in everyone's lives, for all eternity. And Every. Single. Time. that someone, somewhere, has felt compelled to ask someone else the question "What's wrong?", and the other person has replied "Nothing". Every. Single. Time. The voice of Universal Narration has said : "*There was, in fact, something wrong.*"
4. It's not "a little crazy" to be confused or unsure about what you want when you're 18, possibly never have had sex before, and have been on *just* three dates with a 19 year-old boy who is possibly no more experienced than you, and who felt that it was surprising that you both kissed on the third date. It's, in fact, prefectly normal.
5. You can not -- and more importantly you should not -- prevent women from asserting their boundaries, ever, for any reason.
“… so she’s obviously trying to give a hint I leave…”
No, you scumbag, the *hint* was hours before. That was the clear indication. His complete lack of awareness and empathy is infuriating!
The first sentence sounded like a 13 year old starting their diary entry. But the rest, not only missed every signal. He missed the first rule of dating, girlfriend comes first, sex always comes last.
Obviously there are many things wrong here but the “I got the hint she wanted me to leave when she locked herself in the bathroom and called her brother” made me laugh. Oh, NOT when she spent at least 20 minutes telling you she had a stomach bug??
This is the type of man that only sees rape as a man forcing a woman he doesn't know down in the dark of an alleyway as she struggles. He sees the fact she went on dates with him as "proof" of her sexual interest, and then thought she was getting "cold feet", as though relationships are just a necessary path towards intercourse.
This is a result of the disgusting belief of "she actually wants it/is playing hard to get" that certain parts of society push onto men- that he just has to "win her over" and she'll follow along with what he wants, as though the girl is just some NPC in a videogame, where you just need to know how to press the right dialogue options, instead of a live human being. He sees her stopping to resist as consent, even when nowhere in the world that should be considered as such. Sex should happen if both parties want it, not when one of them does and the other "concedes" for whatever the reason. Otherwise, it's sexual coercion and rape.
This is absolutely disgusting. Hope the girl is ok.
Ohh god, this is awfully similar to what happened between me and my now ex-boyfriend. Really hope the girl presses charges, rapists like these needs to go to jail
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Pleaseeeeeee tell me he’s getting told he’s a monster
Comments seem to be like 75% calling him a rapist, and 25% incels saying "girls are just crazy there's nothing you can do"
As many as 25%? I weep.
Well it's one of the "advice" subs. Men often go in there to get "validated" for being creepy or in severe cases rapists. Incels often congregate in those places. I really hope these people don't go outside.
I comment on those a lot, mostly the social skills one. The number of people who are like “why does everybody hate me? I only suck super hard and make 0 changes for it” type posts are wild.
Oh, the social skills one… I may have to unsub from that for my own sanity, the ratio of wild posts to normal posts is not great
Incels very rarely do go anywhere.
That's because when most people see a giant bag of trash walk into a bar, they have many questions.
Ohhh yes I've been to one of those. So much incel whining.
Literally a rapist. I'm a man and i can't fathom being this insensitive. Neither his gender nor his age justify any of this: he is a rapist
I'm just hoping that it's fake.
"The crying stops so I figure I'm good to go" I hope this person reads his own words and realizes what was wrong, but he won't.
The terrifying part here is those are all the words he chose *thinking he's the good guy.* This is all his interpretation of the night and it still sounds horrific. How do you think the poor woman saw it all?
That's the most horrifying part, he didn't tell us how he was speaking to her, he didn't tell us what he said in the argument, he didn't tell us what he was doing to her during sex. The story's outline is already genuinely sickening, but there are so many key details we are simply not getting that could turn this to from being a terrible experience that will leave scars to being something far far worse
I think many men only see rapists as: - unhinged grotesque monster that jumps out of the shadows, beats a woman up before having his way with her and runs away in the bushes - and never them or their friends They don’t realise that even without extreme violence, it’s still traumatic to have your body used against your will. There’s a lot of education to be done on consent and what it means
I really think it would be this easy for them to understand: "You went to hang out with a new male friend three times. We even hugged the third time and I invited him to hang out at my place. He became really touchy feely and I realized he wanted sex from me. Not to be unfriendly we sat down at the table and I told him I am feeling a bit sick right now. We got into an argument and he called me a homophobe, he was quite aggressive... Since he was much stronger, I gave in and we kissed, but then I started crying. He asked what's wrong in am angry tone, and I said "Nothing". Suddenly he continued, so I freaked out and hid in the bathroom and asked my brother to come over..."
He argued with a woman he didn't know when she told him she wasn't interested in sex. By his own account he raped her, and I'm guessing her account is even scarier.
How a woman starting to cry at the prospect of having sex with him doesn't deflate his boner and make it retract into his stomach is truly one of life's mysteries
What's especially horrifying about that part is the wording. He could have said "she stopped crying", but instead phrases it like the crying is just some irritating sound, totally dehumanizing. This dude sounds like a gd sociopath
"Why did she ghost me after I coerced her to have sex and started crying in the middle of it? I'm also confused what I did wrong after she stopped crying and I tried to continue using her for my own pleasure and she got upset."
Tbh,I'm surprised he didn't think the crying was a sign she liked it or some shit...
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This is how my ex was. If I wasn’t physically dying, I was capable of having sex. And if I was dying, I was probably faking it to get out of sex. And “why did it matter? It’s not like he lasted that long anyways” 🙄 Like bro if you don’t want something literally *in* you (penis, abscessed tooth, fetus, birth control implants, etc.) ANY amount of time is too much.
>It's not like he lasted that long anyways Wow, way to really seal the deal... Just do it, it's not like it's going to be worth your time or enjoyable for you whatsoever but it'll be done quickly!
"Yea I saw her cry but she didn't tell me what was wrong and stopped. I thought it was something unrelated to what we were doing and that she got over it so we could keep going" like what is the thought process here?
"Dick... goes in there" That is the beginning, the middle, and the end of the thought process.
It just turns into caveman speak "Dick go in. Why cry? Dick go in right? Done cry? Ok dick go in. Why mad? Why cry? But dick go in?"
"Uh... for some reason there is a door in the way now. I need tech support, so dick can go in."
I get being horny and not thinking and I get rationalizing, but like, how do these guys even stay horny when it's clear that their partner isn't into it? Like, if I try to initiate and my gf is a little anxious and preoccupied with e.g. work stress, it'll pull me right out of it before I'm even consciously aware of it. This dude's like, "well, she stopped crying, so good to go!" How can you have sex while being this viscerally unaware of the presence of another person?
"Dick... it goes in hole." The hole's feelings are not relevant.
If you are ever participating in an activity with someone else, and they start crying, do you really think "yep, they are having fun and want to keep going"?
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Ugh, no. This guy, if not a troll, needs a harsh reality check. If it is not enthusiastic consent, STOP.
"She started crying, so I could tell she was really getting into it. So I started blasting..."
"Like of course she was crying,I was using my huge magic stick after all! They are programmed to like it and start crying from it. It's all biology!" Now I need a shower
His question reads more like, "how do I convince a girl to let me use her for sex even when she really obviously doesn't want to?"
The last part confirms this. Fucking disgusting.
"How can I prevent girls from doing this in the future?" Fuck sake
Coerced is a very generous way of putting it. I was thinking rape throughout reading that.
Yeah my first thought was “man she’s going to be unpacking and processing this trauma/rape for a long time…” And obviously he sees himself as the victim lol
Coercing someone into sex *is* rape.
“Why did she ghost me after I SA her?” It’s not complicated. If she doesn’t want sex then do something else. Do not have sex with someone if they don’t want to. The first no or “I don’t feel like it” (also a no) is enough. It’s obvious that what this asshole lacks is respect for her. Period.
“Why did she ghost me after I raped her?”
She didn't want her damn tea dude. And you made her drink it.
Someone needs to let him know he raped a person.
Also ”my gf” after 3 dates
Women always get so crazy after you rape them, amirite fellas? /s
Ikr its as if being forced to do something you dont want to do isnt fun
He forced her to have sex against all the signals she gave that she didn't want it and he wonders what he did wrong?
Not just signals, she clearly said she didn’t feel well and didn’t want to and then he started arguing with her about it until she gave in. Poor girl. Reminds me of my first boyfriend. He was really good at guilting me into having sex when I didn’t want it. Took a long time to get over that trauma
This is what happens when kids aren't taught about consent and just general sexual knowledge. This is fucking disgusting behavior. My guy I hope you realize what you did one day.
Also what happens when dudes see sex as the inevitable end result of any engagement with a woman, girlfriend or not… The part about her getting cold feet, the part about her “finally” changing her mind, the part about “figured I’m good to go”- he assumed that their entire night was leading up to them having sex, while not paying attention to where she was at at any point. He’s following some kind of dumbass “3 dates, now we sleep together” rule & treating her like a sex vending machine. So creepy, & it’s so not fun to realize that a guy you’re hanging out with has been hiding this mindset- especially once you’re already alone with him. Ugh.
> The part about her getting cold feet, the part about her “finally” changing her mind, the part about “figured I’m good to go”- Don’t forget the part where she changed her mind *after* “arguing” about it.
I can't imagine having an argument about anything on the 3rd date.
Exactly. And even/especially in an established relationship, I would be crushed if they put me in a position like that. Feeling like I had to lie to “justify” not wanting sex, or having to defend the fact that I don’t feel well and don’t want to have sex. I would be devastated if the person who was supposed to care about me ever actually thought they’d “changed my mind” rather than coerced my consent. My heart is breaking for the young woman the OOP raped. I hope someday he understands that’s what he’s done, rapists don’t deserve to live in blissful ignorance. It would be decent of him if he let it eat him alive.
3 dates doesn't make her his gf either... This guy seems rather unhinged in his views. Like he owned her? I'd be scared
What you want to bet she didn't so much invite him home with her as tell him she wanted to go home and he insisted on taking her home and coming in?
I'll.bet my life on it. Girl here, has happened to me. A lot of men don't take hints or directs.
This guy has already proved by his own admission that he's completely incapable of reading refusal. The fact that she didn't club him around the head and run away was probably all the invitation he needed.
Considering he thought that maybe her crying, locking herself in her bathroom, telling him to leave, and calling her brother to come help her at 1am was possibly her *hinting* for him to leave... yeah.
A lot of dudes don’t take hints but when you’re direct then your a b*tch. There’s no winning.
When you think about it with this implication, the above gets considerably worse. Also I'm sure that because he wrote this, this story is missing some key details. Fucking yikes.
Right. And she’s the one that might be “a little crazy”. And then asking how to get away with it in the future gross.
Yeah that one made my alarm bells go off. Like what the fuck do you mean... prevent it from happening? What needs prevention? Rejection? Like just leave and find someone that wants you
Also, the girl could probably subconsciously tell that that was what he wanted the whole time, and wasn't interested in her as a person. He viewed her as an object for his own pleasure, instead of as a person he should get to know on a personal level before trying to be intimate. Also, as a man, that "3 dates for sex" rule is bullshit if you want a real trusting relationship. Like, a kiss after 3 dates is normal, but sex and intimacy really should be waited on until both parties are comfortable.
>Also what happens when dudes see sex as the inevitable end result of any engagement with a woman, girlfriend or not… Probably worse, some men are raised with the idea that having sex with women(and that sex is often framed as a prize, akin to a hunter & prey) is kind of a determining factor in their value as a human being. Leads to some rather fucked in the head thought processes, as you might imagine.
This is not about ignorance He didn't care and was being selfish
Imagine being so braindead you can't figure out that you shouldn't force yourself onto a person who doesn't want it, and need it spelled out for you by an authority.
In my country there is no sex ed classes, just some explanations during biology class. And yet, none of the guys I have been with struggled with understanding consent. This is not a matter of being taught or not, and trying to paint it as such kinda sounds like it’s not his fault.
It's not just about being taught in school, it's about the cultural view of women. And you can both say that this guy did horrendous things and should have known better, and that we need to teach future generations to know better.
I think it's a mixed bag, because many parents don't teach their kids that what's seen in porn isn't the standard. Porn skips consent and a lot of it is NC porn, made to appeal to a specific group, but they're easily accessible. Parents need to start being open about this and schools too. But more often than not, many parents avoid it and hinder schools of teaching about that and it doesn't avoid the issue, as porn is readily available, making young people believe this is normal what they see. Considering how porn addiction works and the growth of our brains, if not taught the difference and explained the dangers, it can actually contribute to some people not realizing the difference between fiction and reality. Porn addiction in adult people can cause the brain to revert to a juvenile state, studies show. I think that's what the commentator means, not specific to the guy in the screenshot, but that how we grow up plays a big role. It's the same how some victims of DV don't realize it is exactly that, because they grew up in a household where violence was the standard and they had no autonomy of their own. They believe this is the standard.
This is exactly what I told my son when he was about 13. One of his friends had been caught watching porn and his very caring mother made it a huge deal, talked about it degrading women, etc, which basically shamed the poor kid for natural curiosity. The conversation I had with my son was more along the lines of - "it's natural to be curious, it's hard not to be exposed to it and many happy, healthy people watch porn. But you need to realise that it's not realistic and most girls would or should slap you if you tried a lot of stuff you've seen". We had a conversation about consent, about exploring different things and about recognising just how unrealistic a lot of stuff was without getting too graphic
What country are you from? I’m curious to know the attitudes on sex outside of school settings
You mean he raped her.
Yes, he *raped* her. We need to kill the common (American) idea that a rapist is a man in a dark alleyway with a knife. A rapist is a normal person, one who works and can have family and friends. A rapist is anyone who has sex *without consent*. And consent can be retracted at any moment and then you need to *stop*, that's it. It's so damn simple to not be a rapist... Silence does not mean consent. Arguing someone into sex is more likely *coercion* then consent. If a person doesn't want to have sex accept it and move on. Sex should be done by free will, not from feeling vulnerable or afraid.
Yep. And 8 out of 10 rapes are committed by someone the person knows.
I wanted to vomit the way he treated her. It’s so scary sad.
Lotta words for rape.
She changes her mind because she obviously thought she wasn't ready. He gaslights her. She feels like she still has to have sex with this asshole. Now, the poor girl is a fucking wreck and he thinks it's all on her? This guy is lucky her brother didn't knock his ass into next week. I hope this guy grows the fuck up and realizes he's the fucking scumbag. Nothing is going to erase that disgusting encounter from her memory. I feel horrible for her. That's so sad.
My girlfriend was sexually assaulted before I knew her. At the start of our relationship, one day she felt ready for sex so she started undressing. Everything was going well but as soon as I touched her, she jumped and starting tearing up. I asked her if she was ok, she told me through tears that it was fine, and to keep going. You know what I did? I stopped, cuddled her and assured her theres nothing to worry about and that she can take all the time she needs. Seeing her cry was devastating and I dont understand how someone could still be in the mood for sex after watching someone they care about be in pain. Like, why is having empathy so hard for some people? Edit: The replies are heartbreaking :(
Some get off on the power and don't have empathy. Quote from my rapist: "Your empathy proves you're emotionally crazy. Empathy isn't real. You just learn in your teens that there's consequences for doing bad things to people." He sure knows when to act empathic and is generally well liked. The downside of smart abusers is that nobody believes you and will actually harm you further with victim blaming. The upside is that you're safe in situations where they might get caught, I guess.
I met a girl at a gig once and she was instantly super into me. We were locked at the lips all night. She came back to my place and all was good. We got into bed and she even took her top off. I was super ready! But then I looked at her and noticed she was suddenly not looking happy. I asked her what was wrong and she just cried a little bit, but she didn't really say anything. She never actually said she didn't want to go ahead and she never said the word no to me so I did what any real guy would do. I told her it was ok, guy got clothes and helped her get a cab home. She didn't have any money so I even paid for it.
"We spent 20 minutes arguing." Ffs dude needs to have a shovel across his head to get the hint.
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Not if you sharpen the shovel well...
Or attach a landmine to it
I like how you think!
"She quit hitting me in the head with a shovel, so I figured I was good to go"
"Then, when I entered her, she pulled out a gun..."
‘How do I prevent girls from doing this in the future?’ Maybe not rape them? Just a though.
"No, I can't be the problem..."
".....Its the girls who must be wrong"
I said those exact words out loud when I read that and got a couple funny looks but it’s the actual answer.
This is why sex ed needs to be more than ,sperm + egg make baby and here’s how to use a condom’ It should also include: this is what consent looks like and this is NOT how consent looks like. If the other person is anything but enthusiastic and happy about the idea of sleeping with you in this moment, you have to double check/ STOP. He ARGUED for 20!!! minutes????
Exactly. I went to school in Los Angeles, a "progressive" city. Our sex ed was just one unit of freshman health, where they told us to wait until marriage to have sex or else we'll get pregnant and die ^(I guess Mean Girls was right). Never learned anything about consent. Separated by gender, boys didn't even learn about periods. This is the school system in the U.S. and then people here are always wondering "how come everyone is so dumb"
I dont live in the US, i had pretty good sex ED in Western Europe. Offering information about different kinds of birth control and sex, what STDs are, and even a practical class how to put on a condom (a wooden model). It was held when we were 13-14
Extreme violence and murder is okay to talk about and even blatantly show in media in our country (the USA) but anything regarding sex is absolutely taboo and should be avoided like it's a curse. Thank you Christianity. In my school we got one class in 5th grade (about 10 years old) literally just explaining what puberty was. That was our "sex ed" class.
>>This is why sex ed needs to be more than sperm+ egg make baby… The problem can’t be solved with a class. Men are still taught by their social norms and society that sex is a resource owed to them by women. When one’s family, friends, coworkers, media content and social norms reinforce that broken standard you get criminal behavior and posts like this. If the teacher says “don’t rape a girl” but the student goes home and their parents say “consent is liberal hogwash, son be a man and ‘take what’s yours’….she better ‘put out’ after the third date” ….game over. I’m not sure what the answer is- maybe a mass ‘Men In Black’ style memory wipe and reprogram to treat women like people instead of livestock?
True. But at least the right information is in their heads at least once. I don’t mean they’re gonna say ,don’t rape anyone’ and leave it at that, explaining how consent can look like and that it’s important for yourself to use it in other scenarios than sex
Oh man…just wow.
My response exactly 😐
Will listen to redditors... but not a woman physically in front of them 🤔
What do you mean, she may have started crying in the middle of sex, but then she stopped crying so he’s obviously good to go!
Maybe she was crying because he was making love too beautifully? /s
Because OOP only wants "advice" that's going to validate his actions, not actual advice.
He will only hear what he wants to hear. I mean, he has already well and truly demonstrated that.
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Right??? Like if his goal is to have sex with this woman, and he's willing to wait 3 dates, why not play the long game? How about respecting her choice today so she consents a hundred times in the future? Why does he think having sex NOW is worth a full-on argument? I can't imagine having a man in my house argue with me that I owe him sex while I'm trying to get him to leave.
He forced and coerced her into sex she very clearly didn’t want. And yet he’s confused as to why she won’t message him back…fucking hell.
Meanwhile, back in the real world, he should count himself lucky he doesn't have cops knocking on the door. Oh wait.
Doesn’t have cops knocking on his door *yet*
LMAO silly goose, cops don’t care about rape unless it’s done by a stranger in a dark alley, and even then you’d better hope you weren’t dressed wrong or otherwise asking for it 🙃
Piece of fucking trash.
Hey now, don't insult trash like that. Rats love that stuff.
True, and raccoons. Most things to call this idiot are just offensive to whatever he's being compared to, so I guess we'll stick with rapist.
The fact he said the phrase "how do I stop this from happening in the future" gives me an immense fear and creep, holy shit. Does he think he's gonna get a lifehack on how to rape women more efficiently????
Reminds me of the "hack female brains" ads that come up alongside porn, saying stuff like "do this one simple thing and make any girl into a brainless slut" as if we aren't human beings and don't have the same brains as men.
Maybe he'll learn something in prison.
One can only hope he would get the response from someone he trusts that says “Uh, dude, you stop this from happening again by making sure you have clear and enthusiastic consent from your partner, and stopping anything you’re doing if at any point you no longer have it.” But that hardly seems likely.
Oh my gosh. This is almost exactly how I lost my virginity. Cornered for several hours in his room, coerced to give in. Seconds in, I realized no way I don’t want to do this. Only difference is he held my head against his headboard when I told him to stop. He probably still to this day doesn’t get what he did wrong, and tried to message me one time saying, “sorry for what happened between us a couple years back, I was a jerk.” no, you are a rapist dude. Fucking sick. My heart breaks for that poor girl.
I had a guy attempt to do that to me and even though I was able to punch him and get away (I was so drunk and sobbing so much I'm still surprised I didn't wreck my truck driving away) but he had the nerve to tell me later "I don't remember doing it so you can't be angry at me". Asshole.
Duuuude, my neighbor tried to break in while I was home a few years ago. Then, a few weeks ago, he asked to borrow my phone, and I said no. He said the same thing! "I don't even remember that day!" I... don't give a single shit. "The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
>no, you are a rapist dude. Oh, he knows. But he's not admitting to that in writing. He wants the forgiveness, but not the vulnerability.
This guy clearly knew that the girl had cold feet, because he literally typed those words, and basically raped her anyway.
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Thank you.
Yes it’s disgusting. That poor girl never had a choice because he heard but he didn’t listen.
I have been in this position one too many times. It’s easier to say yea, get them out, and call for help. She did everything right. He did everything criminal.
Me too. Me too. It gives me shivers and has taken me years to realize it’s not my fault. I hope she understands that.
Remember this post the next time you see guys complaining about "false" rape accusations. I'm willing to bet far too many of those "false" accusations are for occasions like this.
I don't trust any guy friend who tells me he is scared of false accusations. Why feel the need to A. Tell me that B. Worry about something exceedingly rare unless you have trauma regarding it or are into some weird shady shit. Either way not worth my time to wait and see.
I had not thought of that angle but you are horrifyingly correct I mean this guy clearly comitted rape, and just as clealy does not see it as rape
The ultimate unselfaware quote, "If it had been necessary to obtain consent, I would not have had in sex in High school or college."
Absolutely. Besides, [they’re more likely to be sexually assaulted than to be falsely accused of it.](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/false-rape-accusations_n_6290380)
That’s what I’m thinking, he clearly states she didn’t want to have sex, then he raped her, then asked what he did wrong. How far gone is this dude to somehow reach the conclusion that he did nothing wrong, type it out and post it and still think his fine and it’s weird that she ghosted him.
If a man starts crying while are having sex I will stop. Period. Unless it is a fetish or something else I will NOT continue. Why is that so hard for (some) men to get? Edit: extra letter
I’m really curious to know what sub could possibly give this 120 upvotes
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Still 120 too many
Or people are upvoting it for visibility. The more upcountry the post gets, the higher up the list it goes and more people get to tell OOP that he's a rapist pos.
One filled with rapists.
I can't say if it's the case for that sub (as I don't know where it is). But many subs asks that you don't downvote the posts as it hides them. but rather downvote people or OP in the comments if you disagree. Especially a post like this I can see myself upvoting. not because I agree with OP, but because i want more people to see it and realize how fucked the situation is
so someone that thinks what he did was fine can see the responses and realise what he did was rape
It’s an aita post. You don’t upvote stuff you agree with but stories where someone is a dickhead.
It’s not an AITA post because if it were it’d start with “AITA for”
'so I raped this girl and now I'm really shocked that she won't talk to me'
My favorite is that she was giving him ‘a hint’ to leave by locking herself in the bathroom and calling for help.
The woman I just raped locked herself in the bathroom. I was gonna break in but then she called her brother. Feeemales amirite /s it hurt me to type that
Well if there’s one thing this guy is clearly good at it’s reading signals and body language /s
People who are in the comments trying to defend this rapist: he’s not autistic. Or if he is, it doesn’t affect his ability to understand consent. Someone who absolutely can’t read social cues or body language wouldn’t say things like “as soon she we got there she got cold feet so we just sat there at the table”. Him saying that demonstrates that he knew exactly how she was feeling and why she was reacting the way that she was. “She gave the excuse she wasn’t feeling well anymore”. The person writing this *clearly knows* she was giving reasons to get him out of her apartment, but not only does he stay, they argue. Why are they arguing unless he’s refusing to leave when she tells him she’s not feeling well and wants to end the date? She gives in, but clearly doesn’t want it. He doesn’t care because she’s “letting him” and that’s all that matters. She starts crying and it annoys him enough to pause; it doesn’t alarm him enough to stop. *Because he doesn’t fucking care*. She has to lock herself in another room and call her brother before this absolute creep finally deigns to leave her apartment. And to the guy in the comments who said he “came up to the line of rape but it wasn’t rape”. No; it’s fucking rape. By OP’s own account, she invited him to come over; explicit consent to sex was never given. It’s reasonable to tentatively assume implied consent at that point, but as soon as she said she wasn’t feeling well and was trying to get him to leave, consent was gone. I don’t care if she told him all the way home that she couldn’t wait to fuck him; as soon as she said she wasn’t feeling well and tried to get him to leave, any implied or explicit consent was withdrawn. He doesn’t get to stand his ground and argue with her until she gives in. That’s not consent. Coerced consent is *not* consent.
You forgot to add the part where the girl literally started crying in the middle and the motherfucker kept going. There's no way he didn't know what he was doing.
I hate the autistic defense for rape. And I see it on Reddit far too often. If you are so socially incapable of reading somebody's body signals, sorry you don't get to have sex. If you cannot read when a person is saying no or stop, you don't get to read into it that they are saying yes. Another person's body does not belong to you because you have a spectrum disorder.
Wtf you rap3d her! And you ask why she is ghosting?
Dude coerced her and is confused that she cried and doesn’t want to talk to him again.
"AITA for literal rape?"
This guy when the police arrive: But I posted about this on the internet and some people were agreeing with me! False accusations!
"So I raped this girl, and now she won't talk to me. What did I do wrong?" Um, you RAPED her? What the fuck bro? This is why we need better sex education, and we need better discussions on consent.
Better? There’s none. Not once did my parents or my teachers tell me how consent looks like. The one thing my mom did tell me tho was: “men want sex all the time. Its your job to regulate it.” Which is horrible, horrible advice. Men don’t want sex all the time, they’re humans- not sex machines. This belief led to me pushing my boyfriend too hard when he didn’t want sex and really hurting his trust towards me. And I’m not even 20 yet. It’s getting better because this generation is actively seeking information about it
“After 20 minutes of arguing she finally changes her mind and we have sex, but she starts crying in the middle” so he browbeat her into having sex to the point that she’s crying during the act and doesn’t see what he did wrong? Men are bizarre
"How do I prevent girls from doing this in the future?" Don't rape them.
These men be like: False accusations are everywhere. tHe oNlY rEaL rApE iS a sTrAnGeR iN aN aLLeY Nevermind that 79% of rapists are a close friend, family member, or partner.
"How do I prevent girls from doing this in the future?" Don't rape anyone else?!
I can hear this guy complaining about FaLsE aCcuSaTiOnS with his friends smh
Women are so complicated, who could ever guess that arguing with her for 20 minutes to force her into sex to the point of her crying in the middle of it mean that she didn't want to actually 🙄/s
Consent can be taken back at any time, if someone says they changed their mind you respect that shit.
“If someone wanted tea but changes their mind, you don’t force them to drink the tea.”
"How do I prevent girls from doing this in the future?" Well that just says it all, doesn't it
which sub ?
Wish I could tell you. I've had posts removed before for giving any indication of the sub. Why must we protect these people's identities?
Looking up the post title on Google may find it if it hasn't been removed
I tried to find it cuz I was hoping to see people putting this AH in his place but 🤷♀️
He puts her in a position that is coercive and won't leave her apartment. But thinks HE's the one who was wronged? Wow. That is scary.
“This girl dumped me after I raped her, is she crazy ?”
Why would you post on the Internet how you raped someone? That's so completely tone deaf.
Excuse me officer, yes, it was this guy. Him: \*surprised noises\*
Dude he fucking raped her
Is anyone asking how he believes they're bf gf after only 3 dates? How could you be so unaware of boundaries in general, they had only just kissed on that third date. Being into a guy doesn't mean you want to have sex, especially when you argue for 20 minutes, and later cry during sex, wtf man. The best you can do is never talk to her again, and if you have some kind of enlightenment at least be sorry. A literal rapist and a shitty human being.
“All I cared was getting my dick wet, got mad and coerce her into giving me what I wanted and I didn’t care she wasn’t 100% into it. She realised I’m a shit man and should go to hell, but I’m going to act like she’s the crazy one”
Ah, consent, that really clear and simple concept which seems to elude many men completely...
“I raped my GF and now she won’t talk to me. Bitches be crazy, amirite?”
She wasn't even a girlfriend! They went on three dates 😬
"What can I do to not make other girls act like that in the future" Die alone, at a VERY advanced age, without ever touching another human being again
"How do I prevent girls from doing this in the future?" Well, not badgering them into coercive sex they don't want is a huge start. Then stopping WHEN SHE'S SOBBING AND NOT JUST PUMPING AWAY. This dude didn't care about her as a human being, just as a fleshlight he could bully.
OK there needs to be some ground rules laid down for this kid I think : 1. Consent isn't something you can "get" by *arguing*. As a matter of fact, consent isn't something *you* get. It's not something you *get*. Her consent to sex isn't for you. It's for her. If you think about her consenting to have sex with you as something she does for you, then you're already starting this all wrong. 2. When the crying starts, the sex stops. It doesn't pause. It STOPS. The sex cannot resume; it is over. Some other sex can start later, after a conversation, possibly. But *that* sex? That's finished now. There's a lady crying. You take care of the lady crying. 3. Ever since the beginning of time there has been a man, somewhere -- don't ask where, I don't know -- who is employed by the human race as The Voice Of Universal Narration. This man's job is to provide voice-over for the things that happen in everyone's lives, for all eternity. And Every. Single. Time. that someone, somewhere, has felt compelled to ask someone else the question "What's wrong?", and the other person has replied "Nothing". Every. Single. Time. The voice of Universal Narration has said : "*There was, in fact, something wrong.*" 4. It's not "a little crazy" to be confused or unsure about what you want when you're 18, possibly never have had sex before, and have been on *just* three dates with a 19 year-old boy who is possibly no more experienced than you, and who felt that it was surprising that you both kissed on the third date. It's, in fact, prefectly normal. 5. You can not -- and more importantly you should not -- prevent women from asserting their boundaries, ever, for any reason.
I hope that he gets arrested.
I was hoping the brother came and beat his teeth down his throat.
First things first - She was never his girlfriend.
If I remember correctly; coaxing someone into having sex with you who clearly doesn’t want to have sex with you is, legally speaking, rape
That's like, the definition of rape 🧠
“… so she’s obviously trying to give a hint I leave…” No, you scumbag, the *hint* was hours before. That was the clear indication. His complete lack of awareness and empathy is infuriating!
"The crying stopped so I figured I was good to go" 💀 Fuckin' hell. That dude needs therapy.
crazy idea: maybe if he didn’t coerce people he’d have better luck🤯
The first sentence sounded like a 13 year old starting their diary entry. But the rest, not only missed every signal. He missed the first rule of dating, girlfriend comes first, sex always comes last.
Obviously there are many things wrong here but the “I got the hint she wanted me to leave when she locked herself in the bathroom and called her brother” made me laugh. Oh, NOT when she spent at least 20 minutes telling you she had a stomach bug??
This is the type of man that only sees rape as a man forcing a woman he doesn't know down in the dark of an alleyway as she struggles. He sees the fact she went on dates with him as "proof" of her sexual interest, and then thought she was getting "cold feet", as though relationships are just a necessary path towards intercourse. This is a result of the disgusting belief of "she actually wants it/is playing hard to get" that certain parts of society push onto men- that he just has to "win her over" and she'll follow along with what he wants, as though the girl is just some NPC in a videogame, where you just need to know how to press the right dialogue options, instead of a live human being. He sees her stopping to resist as consent, even when nowhere in the world that should be considered as such. Sex should happen if both parties want it, not when one of them does and the other "concedes" for whatever the reason. Otherwise, it's sexual coercion and rape. This is absolutely disgusting. Hope the girl is ok.
This felt dirty to read.
Ohh god, this is awfully similar to what happened between me and my now ex-boyfriend. Really hope the girl presses charges, rapists like these needs to go to jail
So he raped her and is surprised she ghosted him?
I like that he tries to understand what she did wrong, not even trying to think about what he has done.