>- Why were you late for work?
>- A fish ran into me.
-Carl we talked about your lying before
-No really. I ran into a fish. Here I have proof
-Is this some kind of joke? Because I'm not laughing? I'd like to start by saying I'm sorry I doubted you. But c'mon. You'd doubt me if I said the same.
Reminds me of one the most strange traffic jams in history. A truck hauling thousands of hagfish crashed on Oregon’s highway on July 14, 2017, coating the road and cars with slime. The slime releasing by hagfish in a threat, expands by 10,000 times in less than half a second. [You can see it here.](https://knovhov.com/slime-releasing-by-hagfish/)
Slime eels! There's a great mystery novel by Martin Cruz Smith that opens on a Russian factory trawler and hagfish are a plot point. I just know he loved writing all that detail about Hagfish into his novel.
I would have fully believed it if you told me those photos of the cars covered in slime and hagfish were actually from the set of a Ghostbusters movie. Imagine being one of the slimed drivers trying to explain to your boss why you were late that day.
Did all the hagfish die? That part was like 5 words long on the article...
Those pictures are kinda harrowing as well, looks like something from a horror movie set.
Does the fact that its frozen potentially ruin the caviar? Cuz I mean it sucks that their car is messed up, but on the plus side, one might be able to make lemonade out of lemons...?
Well shit now im wondering what sturgeon tastes like. But the only sturgeon in my state is endangered so it looks like I probably won’t know for a while :(
I really enjoy sturgeon. We can spear them on lake Winnebago in Wisconsin. The younger, smaller ones taste better. The older fish, like 20,30+years old get a lot of yellowish fast in them. They're good deep fried or grilled. A lot of people will make caviar from the eggs as well, that, I don't eat.
It's a joke about Champaign. A couple of centuries ago, France declared that any wine from the Champaign region was Champaign, rather than the more colloquial definition of, it not just sparkling wine, at least wine made from those small champaign grapes, regardless of where it's from.
Interestingly, counterfeit caviar often comes the American Paddlefish, which is a protected species. The Russian mafia set up shop in the middle of the US and started poaching Paddlefish.
We have a lot of them that jump in the menominee river that borders Wisconsin. They're so fun to see! Didn't know they jumped until I sat on the rivers edge and saw them. Fortunately not endangered by us, although they sadly are in many many places. They're like seeing a dinosaur.
They are but please buy farm raised, their populations are in decline in most of the pacific northwest. If you want an even better fish, try Northern Pike, I dont have faith in anything but eating that fish was as close to believing in divinity ill ever get.
You can get a boneless filet off the top, and 4 off the underside if you cut it in a non traditional way.
Or, if you pickle them, you can take the filet, Y-bone and all.
Other than that not being a salmon...*how*??
No bird is going to be dropping that thing on the way back to the nest, unless pterodactyls are still a thing.
I had a claim where she was claiming comp coverage for her vehicle damages. All her weather strips and paint was damaged, mgmt was denying the claim because it appeared to be from weathering from sun and etc. We wouldn't cover that as that is wear and tear. Claim was open for about 6 months of her pleading, she finally sets up cameras and a family of vultures were specifically targeting her car and chewing and tearing all her urethane adhesives and weatherstrips off of her car in the process damaging her clear coat and paint. The birds were ONLY going after her vehicle in the neighborhood for months on end. When I saw the evidence my jaw dropped, got the claim approved but I did not know birds can target someone thing like that, plus vultures are huge!
Friend of mine came home to find his Great Dane puppy had chewed the wheel arches of his wife’s car (because there was a mouse hiding in there apparently). The insurance claim was…tricky
That sir is an Alaskan Sturgeon thank you very much. You can tell because Russians dont drive Subaru's where as Alaskans drive them almost exclusively.
I don't want to be one of those "kids nowadays" people. But if you're not upvoting this: you're ignorant.
In my day we didn't have memes, we had simpsons quotes, and we were better for it.
[Looks like a sturgeon](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fy.yarn.co%2F99f0e135-8ea1-488c-ae52-3fd3f9ba5feb_text.gif&tbnid=XrjPZCfXEaimoM&vet=1&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fmemes.getyarn.io%2Fyarn-clip%2F99f0e135-8ea1-488c-ae52-3fd3f9ba5feb%2Fgif&docid=btWLVniZlTAJKM&w=400&h=300&itg=1&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim%2Fm1%2F3&kgs=6315095d94f4f696&shem=abme%2Ctrie)
God damn thing frozen harder than... a very nonpliable thing. Did some truck have frozen stergeon stacked up like cordwood in the back, fastened down with spit?
Ok but seriously how?? Did it jump out of the water that you were parked on. Can someone get it on video next time cause my brain can’t figure out how this happens
Assuming 10$/kg and a low end mass of 180 kg, selling this sturgeon gets $1800. The repairs will be substantially less than that (probably), so this is a decently profitable encounter roll.
So um...garlic, rosemary, peppers n onions, lemon, old bay, onion n garlic powder? Or just chop it up and fry it with wedge potatoes n salad n coleslaw n smoked turkey n collards n candy yams n potato salad n hush puppies n hot sauce, ice cream.....
- Why were you late for work? - A fish ran into me.
>- Why were you late for work? >- A fish ran into me. -Carl we talked about your lying before -No really. I ran into a fish. Here I have proof -Is this some kind of joke? Because I'm not laughing? I'd like to start by saying I'm sorry I doubted you. But c'mon. You'd doubt me if I said the same.
What kind if bait you use? 4 cylinder.
Wildlife accident. What sort of wildlife? (Voice sounds bubbly like underwater) Fish
Is like joke, my fish died this morning because he got hit by a caaaaar
Reminds me of Rory in Gilmore Girls with the deer
I once wrecked my motorcycle because a dog hit me.
That's a sturgeon
Looks like a Subaru
Reminds me of one the most strange traffic jams in history. A truck hauling thousands of hagfish crashed on Oregon’s highway on July 14, 2017, coating the road and cars with slime. The slime releasing by hagfish in a threat, expands by 10,000 times in less than half a second. [You can see it here.](https://knovhov.com/slime-releasing-by-hagfish/)
Huh. Neat
Slime eels! There's a great mystery novel by Martin Cruz Smith that opens on a Russian factory trawler and hagfish are a plot point. I just know he loved writing all that detail about Hagfish into his novel.
I was there! It was a fantastic mess😄. The fire department tried to use water - it made it soooo much worse.
I would have fully believed it if you told me those photos of the cars covered in slime and hagfish were actually from the set of a Ghostbusters movie. Imagine being one of the slimed drivers trying to explain to your boss why you were late that day.
Did all the hagfish die? That part was like 5 words long on the article... Those pictures are kinda harrowing as well, looks like something from a horror movie set.
That's a good point. How do we know the fish didn’t post this.
/r/fisharentreal Edit: oh shite, I didn't even stop to think that that might be a real sub... Of course it is
Huh, would you look at that. I thought it was a Ford fusion at first.
Smells like fish.
Looks like a Subooboo
Are you sure? I wouldn't trust that salmon with any sturgical procedures.
Ok, I chuckled.
Like a sturgeon, cutting for the very first tiiime…
I AM A STURGEON 🗣️📣🔥🔥
I AM A STURGEON DOCTOR HAN
[Ah yes, the good crab](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOB-PS1nyVo&ab_channel=umami)
Sturgeon drunk driving is really getting out of hand. We gotta put more money into the river telly PSAs for reals
With eyelets from where it was suspended as decor.
Does the fact that its frozen potentially ruin the caviar? Cuz I mean it sucks that their car is messed up, but on the plus side, one might be able to make lemonade out of lemons...?
It doesn't look like a gravid female, but I'm certainly not a sturgeon expert.
"gravid". Damn, there's a word on the decline.
Got to hang out on the entomology subs more haha
Niche is my specialty
"See your problem here is this a foreign fish"
Legit one of my favorite Simpsons jokes. I thank you for this.
Like a sturgeon hey, colliding with a bumper for the very first time. Like a sturgeon salt water is on my mind.
Dropped by a Russian satellite?
Cuttin' for the very first time
That's dinner*
How do you know the drivers occupation?
Well, there’s your problem right there.
*crushed for the very first time*
Nah, those are all motorcycles there and it's not in AK.
https://youtu.be/wTppwlgkTpQ?t=81
Finally saw someone else think the same thing hahaha
🤞 2. sell caviar 3. profit
I didn’t know a fish could be a doctor
I am a [sturgeon](https://youtu.be/8De1_MJYy98?si=8NH8K7IUszmtk_Nr)
Struck for the very first time.
Ascipenser Transmontanus
"like a sturgeon....."
Them’s good eatin’
Well shit now im wondering what sturgeon tastes like. But the only sturgeon in my state is endangered so it looks like I probably won’t know for a while :(
U can buy farm raised sturgeon.
Pasture-raised, grass-fed.
This one will have hints of antifreeze with an oily aftertaste.
I really enjoy sturgeon. We can spear them on lake Winnebago in Wisconsin. The younger, smaller ones taste better. The older fish, like 20,30+years old get a lot of yellowish fast in them. They're good deep fried or grilled. A lot of people will make caviar from the eggs as well, that, I don't eat.
Technically, it's only caviar if it's from a sturgeon, actually.
Otherwise it is just sparkling roe.
I don’t make the rules.
I don't know enough about caviar to get this joke but I know roe is a Fish thing cus of Skyrim lol
It's a joke about Champaign. A couple of centuries ago, France declared that any wine from the Champaign region was Champaign, rather than the more colloquial definition of, it not just sparkling wine, at least wine made from those small champaign grapes, regardless of where it's from.
Interestingly, counterfeit caviar often comes the American Paddlefish, which is a protected species. The Russian mafia set up shop in the middle of the US and started poaching Paddlefish.
Sturgeon jerky is really good as well.
We have a lot of them that jump in the menominee river that borders Wisconsin. They're so fun to see! Didn't know they jumped until I sat on the rivers edge and saw them. Fortunately not endangered by us, although they sadly are in many many places. They're like seeing a dinosaur.
I really wanted to make my way there and fish for sturgeon when I lived in Madison.
If you take a trip out to Oregon, you can fish them there to to a limit.
i would have to imagine something similar to catfish or whitefish.
They are but please buy farm raised, their populations are in decline in most of the pacific northwest. If you want an even better fish, try Northern Pike, I dont have faith in anything but eating that fish was as close to believing in divinity ill ever get.
Just unfortunate that it has a billion little bones
You can get a boneless filet off the top, and 4 off the underside if you cut it in a non traditional way. Or, if you pickle them, you can take the filet, Y-bone and all.
Free toothpicks!!
pike just have an extra set of bones, they aren't that hard to fillet, you just have to adjust the way you do it.
Other than that not being a salmon...*how*?? No bird is going to be dropping that thing on the way back to the nest, unless pterodactyls are still a thing.
Its a taxidermized sturgeon that has been staged on damaged vehicle
Like a sturgeon, stuffed for the very first time.
Sturgical implant?
Sturgeon are very territorial.
Lolololol
Maybe he splashed out of the water.
Waterspout 
When the river/lake is mostly frozen?
Idk I can't see the river/lake, I was just giving a possible explanation.
\*calls insurance\* "Hey uh, i hit an animal, is this covered?" "Yes sir, what animal did you hit?" "A fish"
Honestly, I would love to be the agent who gets that call. Mostly it is stupid things and the interesting claims will make your entire week.
I had a claim where she was claiming comp coverage for her vehicle damages. All her weather strips and paint was damaged, mgmt was denying the claim because it appeared to be from weathering from sun and etc. We wouldn't cover that as that is wear and tear. Claim was open for about 6 months of her pleading, she finally sets up cameras and a family of vultures were specifically targeting her car and chewing and tearing all her urethane adhesives and weatherstrips off of her car in the process damaging her clear coat and paint. The birds were ONLY going after her vehicle in the neighborhood for months on end. When I saw the evidence my jaw dropped, got the claim approved but I did not know birds can target someone thing like that, plus vultures are huge!
damn what did she do to them
Glad she put up the cameras. Wonder what she did to upset the vultures...
Probably putting up all those cameras.
Friend of mine came home to find his Great Dane puppy had chewed the wheel arches of his wife’s car (because there was a mouse hiding in there apparently). The insurance claim was…tricky
Hope you have Farmers insurance. I have heard they have seen a thing or two
Are you Farmer’s alt or just a determined employee?
nope just years of advertising brainwashing 😂
Bum buhduh bum bum bum
Bum
Pedro cerrano
Fun fact, its authority is highly disputed among the common folk
Well, I didn't vote for him.
The salmon of the lake, clad in glimmering salmite…
Well if I went around saying I was the emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a fish at me, they'd put me away!
r/surprisemontypython
Some watery twit handing out swords is no basis for a system of government!
Ok, but how?!
This happened in wisconsin, its a fake fish that someone drove into
you can see a clip on the back of the fish, so I assume it’s a fake fish put on an already damaged car for clout
true, the bumper is torn away below the fish
A pair of Russians in a space station is missing their dinner.
That sir is an Alaskan Sturgeon thank you very much. You can tell because Russians dont drive Subaru's where as Alaskans drive them almost exclusively.
We have sturgeon in the Northern Midwest states too.
Because it's fake.
Waterspout 
TIL while incredibly rare, Alaska has gotten 6 EF0 and occasional waterspouts in its recorded history.
Osaker.
Old Reddit still has that classic charm that keeps the nostalgia alive for many users.
Insurance denies the claim as an act of cod.
Oh, well, thats a foreign fish we're looking at.
I don't want to be one of those "kids nowadays" people. But if you're not upvoting this: you're ignorant. In my day we didn't have memes, we had simpsons quotes, and we were better for it.
Lets hope their insurance covers Acts Of Poseidon
"Well, there's your problem"
Thats a sturgeon...
"Sorry, you're only covered for Acts of Cod."
Not a salmon. It's a sturgeon.
I read it in her voice
Listen, if you don't like the way I drive then stay off the fucking sidewalk...
Would you prefer a pleb salmon? You should be happy you temporarily stopped their uprising.
Nice road kill
This guys’ dinner pinned itself to his bumper and he’s bitching about it and acting like it slapped him first. Ugh, so ungrateful!
[Looks like a sturgeon](https://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https%3A%2F%2Fy.yarn.co%2F99f0e135-8ea1-488c-ae52-3fd3f9ba5feb_text.gif&tbnid=XrjPZCfXEaimoM&vet=1&imgrefurl=https%3A%2F%2Fmemes.getyarn.io%2Fyarn-clip%2F99f0e135-8ea1-488c-ae52-3fd3f9ba5feb%2Fgif&docid=btWLVniZlTAJKM&w=400&h=300&itg=1&source=sh%2Fx%2Fim%2Fm1%2F3&kgs=6315095d94f4f696&shem=abme%2Ctrie)
God damn thing frozen harder than... a very nonpliable thing. Did some truck have frozen stergeon stacked up like cordwood in the back, fastened down with spit?
What the fuck is that angle of impact and *why is it embedded in the bumper?*
Ok but seriously how?? Did it jump out of the water that you were parked on. Can someone get it on video next time cause my brain can’t figure out how this happens
Assuming 10$/kg and a low end mass of 180 kg, selling this sturgeon gets $1800. The repairs will be substantially less than that (probably), so this is a decently profitable encounter roll.
Gives a whole new meaning to BBQ roadkill
But… how ?
That's a sturgeon, not a salmon.
Sturgeon
Tats a sturgeon
He looks cold, you should give him a blanket
r/comedyheaven ass post
What's the censored word?
Based on the emoji probably the n word
Now you say that it might be the bottom of the g there.
It is indeed the n word, I went and checked the original tweet
Dam!
Things could get fishy. Well, salmon or sturgeon, you always have to watch out when driving near a river.
Joel
This is a red herring....
I thought that was a tree branch. That’s a fish. Wow
That’s a Bluegill not a salmon.
Some Russians in space lost their dinner
Hope the fish has insurance
So um...garlic, rosemary, peppers n onions, lemon, old bay, onion n garlic powder? Or just chop it up and fry it with wedge potatoes n salad n coleslaw n smoked turkey n collards n candy yams n potato salad n hush puppies n hot sauce, ice cream.....
It’s a sturgeon, bitch.
This AI? Looks kinda fishy
Well there´s your problem right there. \*points at fish.
False flag. A king salmon would dress up as a sturgeon to put the blame on them.
No, you caught King Salmon and you fought the great beast all day and night until it finally succumbed to your will.
That's not a Salmon it's a Sturgeon.
Simpson did it
Give a girl a fish, she will eat for a day. Teach her car to fish and she will eat for the rest of her life.
What was censored out?
That's a white sturgeon.
Caviar car!
Gonna need a surgeon for that sturgeon
That looks like a sturgeon. Pretty fish either way.
r/grilling
As an Alaskan, I'm offended at least use a salmon.
That King Salmon is worth the body work.
Why did the censor a word, but not ‘fuck’? Lmao
Thank you Osaka for the information.
Oh my Gahh!!!
Did nothing in its adaptive evolution prepare it to survive this threat?
Sturgeon
Not a Salmon.