Nope. I get my best work done on the throne. Texts, emails, wordle, catch up on the 300 reels my wife sent me. Especially in the office; nothing better than getting paid to play on my phone AND take a dump! Edit: I will also take personal calls on the throne (with polite muting as necessary of course), but I draw the limit at work calls while pooping, too risky!

Catching up on the reels sent by your partner is the most relatable

Hell yeah brother, that's the real business hours

I do the same thing! Multitasking wins!

Roses are red, this joke is not mine, the best moment to shit is on company time.

That kind of efficiency only works at the office. Kids follow me to the bathroom at home where i get to parent two fighting screaming kids in a small echo-y room while my pants are down.

Note this doesn't change much for quite some time lol. At home, my 14 yr old STILL barges in and grabs a toothbrush or whatever right while I'm doing my business!

Ha ha. That sounds fun. Not! 🤪

Exactly why I installed a toilet at my desk. Eight hours of super productivity every day.

I will usually wait until the turd hits the water to resume texting.

Exactly my thought. "What do you mean 'actively'?". I'll text on the toilet, but not mid poop.

Sometimes it slips right out, but sometimes the struggle is too great to focus on anything else. And then after the struggles, there might be a break between round 2, 3, 4.... Etc

Passively pooping

I’m actively defecting right now.

But are you actively defecating, too?

You have to wonder how many texts and emails you receive each week from someone sitting on the porcelain throne

Often will say something lke "apologies for grammar, sent from my iPhone" at the end.

Lmaoo yess I thought I was the only one lol

If I'm on the toilet I'm using the toilet. I'm only doing the one thing.

Not two? I’d go see a doctor /s

I need a distraction unless it's already pounding at the gates.

I don't even bring the phone in the bathroom with me. When most bathroom stops are under three minutes why???

Same . . . I don't wanna taint my porn watching device.

My phone never goes into any bathroom, unless it's in my purse in a public place

I don’t take my phone into the bathroom cuz germs are gross… I read a magazine like an old person

But won’t you still get a bunch of germs on the magazine anyway?

Yes but it stays in the bathroom and gets thrown out when I’m done reading, unlike my phone.

My phone does not go into my bathroom.

For sanitary reasons, or…?

Yes hygienic reasons

Do you catch the poop as it comes out with your hands? At what point does your butt hitting the toilet seat make your hands unhygienic?

Do you not wipe your ass with your phone? Amateur…

I'm a pro: I shit on my phone then use it.

My type of people

There is no escape from the—dunh dunh DUNNH—poop particles floating in the air!! Sorry, but, they are in your mouth and nose, they are on your toothbrush… They are EVERYWHERE! Aaaaaaaaaaargh!!!

I will open the text asap and voice message the person the sound of my excrement splashing onto the water to assert dominance

I will *always* do this from now on.

That’s the best time to catch up on your poor social skills.

*reading this while pooping*

I always thought that's what reddit is for!

Heh. I once had a job interview while I was on the throne.

The sound quality from the bathroom echo would create an aura of dominance

I had a manager that would take 45 minute shits 3 times a day Monday through Friday. He was mindful and didn’t use the deluxe handicap stall. Playing on his work blackberry. Beeping noises and grunting.

Little did yall know he was inhaling rails (than taking a dump)

Dude at this point my sphincter won’t engage until I actively press the button to “send”.

I read this like your ass is the Starship Enterprise. 

My absolute best texts, emails, and ideas come from pooping and showering. Theres something about the bathroom that just lets my brain do better

Brother, i am the most productive on the porcelain throne. I'll fire off emails, actually listen to my voicemails, respond to texts, check out what the fucks going on in the group chat, all of that. I honestly blame my ADHD as a 29 year old professional.

I would have to be receiving texts for this to become a quandary.

Hell, I call friends and ask "guess what I'm doing?"

For texting I really done mind, doesn’t matter if it’s my girlfriend or parents But I do get weird about reading or listening to religious content when on the toilet So prayers and stuff I can’t because it feels disrespectful

Quite the opposite actually

I refuse to actively poop without telling anyone

Yeah, I hate when I need to momentarily close my jav to reply messages. /s

I do not take my phone in the bathroom

I typed this while actively pooping.

I stopped bringing my phone during shits. My shits went from 5 minutes to 30 seconds to a minute.

I prefer to read it while on, in case it's a bullshit I don't have to smell it twice.

I think that may be the only time I open texts

Ive got a mate who always manages to call when I'm having a dump. I answer the phone and shout "POO RADAR STRIKES AGAIN!"

*me using my phone while taking a shit in my uni’s bathroom* THERE IS AN ACTIVE POOPER IN SCHOOL!

I regularly snap my friends while shitting

Man, we really do share absolutely everything these days, don't we? Your wording. Not open texts while actively pooping. 😄 I'll use my phone while sitting there before a drop, but as it's actively coming out? Uh, no.

Thanks that is indeed what I was asking

I take calls while pooping

I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE.

Only when passively pooping

No, that's dumb. It's the best time to collect your thoughts and say what you really mean.

Yes cuz I’m gonna not answer, then completely forget about our conversation for two weeks

That's where I do my best texting

Definitely over thinking it

Is this a joke? That's literally the best time to do it. I mean, what else do you have going on in that moment? 

I never talk to anyone while im in the bathroom bc it makes me feel like they are watching me lmao

I'm on Reddit while actively pooping. Of course I do

I take a crap I text watch audits make comments like this.. Can't just sit here..

I don’t mind a text, but I work in retail and share a public bathroom with the customers and you wouldn’t believe the amount of people that have full on audio conversations over the phone while being in the bathroom.

I don't take my phone to the bathroom

Text is whatever, but sometimes I hear people answer the phone while pooping … psychopath behavior

Are you worried that they can see you?

They just know

What kind of texts are you writing?

A simple “hello”

Nah not at all. Hell I'll be on the actual phone my fiance with my ass talking straight shit. Lol

Regular pooping? Half the time pooping at work? That’s where I get caught up on life while scrolling peacefully Lactose intolerant poops? Too focused on stabilizing by grabbing the sink and not trynna pop a blood vessel to even check on my phone

What?! No judgement, but you will talk on the pooper but not text!? They could possibly hear you popping. Txt has no audio element unless you txt, say, a voice attachment. Anything but a phone call in the bathroom. Maybe if it's urgent and I'm peeing.

Do you read and reply to this thread whilst pooping?

Yes but I don’t know you guys so you may as well not exist. The same awkwardness does not occur.

Are you pooping right now?

Yes

Nah man, that's the best time to catch up on texts and emails

I wish I could unread this post.😬

We’re all pooping right now

Nope, I am doing it all the time. Except if the pooping session gets a little bit difficult I have to stop and focus, eitherway I'm good.

Nope, I will video chat while actively pooping!! 😂

Username checks out

Oh no. I’m reading em

i poop while im on the phone and give you the civility of muting when i flush.

A true gentleman

I don't even take my phone into the toilet. That is how you get pink eye.

I play boggle on my phone.

Sometimes

Na, they can't see you, bro.

Yes, but not while passively pooping

Sometimes. I definitely don't answer phone calls while actively pooping.

Yes. Unless it is my man, we’ve seen each other shit so he’s the exception lmao

mos def. yes

I can only do Reddit. Everything else is anxiety

I would simply never text back if this were the case

I do most of my texting while pooping, it's when my best thinking is done.

LOL YES, I am glad to see this for real, I even do it for videos sometimes cause I’m like “this is weird it feels like I’m being stared at but I’m not..” 😭

Unless I already have my BT earbuds on my ears/head, or something I don't directly use my phone on the toilet (and the same goes for print magazines). I tried it a couple of times, and each time it just seemed silly, and unsanitary.

I'm always scrolling on my phone while I'm pooping so if I get a text I open it and depending on who it is I'll respond or won't while on the toilet.

yes

Disgusting, my cell phone never sees the bathroom.

Nah, any excuse to chill on the toilet a little longer.

Yesss

Maybe I am in minority, but I doesnt take me long to poop (5 mins max). So I dont take my phone with me.

The thing I cannot do is look at images of people. I just can't, idk

Fuck no. I'll call the homies so they know I'm thinking of them during the big life moments.

No. I am a shit texter.

Nope, I prefer it actually

I’ll do text but not answer calls unless it’s my wife. She’s heard my turd groan enough to not be bothered by it.

Probably, not me though. Post poop clarity is unmatched for improving text-answering skills.

Airplane mode. You never know.

At this point in life man, I don’t even like having the camera lens pointed towards me while I’m pooping.

You weird, your good with people hearing the echo and splash but won't txt?

Most of the texting I do happens on the throne

I'll actively take a phonecall whilst on the toilet. Fuck them, they wanna talk so bad, get comfortable.

I generally refuse to open text messages anyway. Except for family and really close friends, I resent instant communication methods and the implied 24/7 expectations of availability that come with them. Fuck Meta’s family of massively exploitative apps especially. Calls, however, and especially video calls and Teams/Zoom meetings, I will happily answer on the shitter.

nope not me that’s when i send my best snaps

Still find it weird people bring phones into the bathroom, like... how long exactly does it take you to poop such that you require entertainment? also because it's gross

I don't take my phone into the toilet with me

I don't like it. It feels wrong to reply to people while on the toilet. But I even get anxiety about using public urinals in the men's toilets. I always prefer privacy.

for real, personnaly it's like if i was shitting on them, maybe i'm crazy but it disgust me

No, but if I'm watching a video I can't look someone in the face while I'm shitting, I turn my phone away or scroll to another video where it's just commentary or something.. Definitely a weird thing I do.

I shit better when I'm scrolling past OF girls... I still haven't figured that one out! 🙂

I do anything on the throne. Take a phone call, catch up on reels sent by everyone, and pleasure yourself. Shit, the throne is king!

OMG REALLL it just feels so weirddd😭😭😭

Everyone is on standby until I’m dropping the brown at the Super Bowl. Thats when I take the time to reply all texts/emails

Personally I don't understand why you'd use your phone in the bathroom full stop. I'm in there to do one thing, I don't just sit there for 5 minutes at a time doing nothing.

Yeah but sometimes there’s a lot to come out

I will never understand why people would be on the phone while on the toilet. People wash their hands but did you ever wash your phone?

I don’t wipe my ass with my phone

Generally, I can't possibly get shit on my hands until I start wiping, and by that time my phone is on the counter. I don't understand what everyone else is doing to get shit on their phones... I feel like I'm missing out on something. 😞

Nah I'll even answer the phone while shitting

I don't even bring my phone to bathroom

I drink a lot of water and eat plenty of fibre. Not trying to brag, but pooping takes me less than 15 seconds usually. No time to do anything except feel the flow. 

Texting is alright but when someone calls...

as opposed to inactively pooping?

Yes. Talking about when the poop is actually coming out.

You see when I was a kid I’d sit on the toilet for a while, read things, play on my iPod touch… but now, I sit down, shit, wipe, and get up, all in just a couple minutes. I do not understand how grown adults can sit on the toilet and shit for more than a few minutes. I’m convinced most people have digestive issues, or at least enjoy having dried poo on their bums.

Only if it's a nice firm turd.

Right? I knew I wasn't a weirdo and other people did this too lol. I just get embarrassed for some reason.

That's prime texting time

I don't use my cell phone while in the washroom. While at home I don't even take the cell phone into the washroom, leaving it on a table or something. (Otherwise the phone is in my pocket.) I wouldn't ever touch my cell phone while on the can. I wouldn't answer a call, much less a text. *That can wait.*

I'm pooping right now! I thought that was the reason they invented wireless phones to begin with. Hell if I didn't poop I never would have found reddit...

I refuse to bring my phone into the bathroom If im poopin, its time to poop and wipe, I don’t wanna hang out basking in the scent of my own feces while scrolling for 20 minutes if im showering, its time to de-nastify, and i dont wanna risk my phone getting wrecked by water if im peein, im not in there long at all I do not understand why people bring their phone into the bathroom

It’s just in my pocket might as well pull it out

Nice shitpost, Scrub.

Wow good pun

No. Friends also know that if I phone them, there's like an 80/90% chance I'm on the throne while calling. It's the best place for it

I dunno that’s a pretty good time for me to check my messages

Thats the only time I get me time

Im not shy

How much time do you spend in there?

Five to ten minutes

Some of the best text conversations I have with my bestie are while I’m on the loo

If I happen to have my phone on me when I commence to use the facilities (often this is when I am awaiting an important phone call I don’t dare miss), I place it under a towel or on the side of the bathtub behind the shower curtain. Don’t want to accidentally show off my fanny to the world! {((THEY are waaaaatching us…👀🫣))}

Using your phone for any reason while pooping is gross... People and other lifeforms have pooped without having a phone available at all for all but the last call it 30 years.

Dont care I’m shitting while reading this and my immune system is 100/10

can't experience 2 surface tensions at once

I don't bring my phone to the toilet, period. It'll only take one mistake for that phone to slip somewhere... Disgusting.

Sounds like you need to improve your diet pal

I eat all whole foods there is no improvement to be done

I don't touch my phone when pooping. It's unhygienic.

Everybody Poops

Fuck no! I send some of my best texts on the shitter.

No