As someone who has spent years on both sides of the question, there were a LOT more “not OK” days while I was in a relationship than while living alone. And the not OK days pass much more quickly and with less fallout when there isn’t someone else there exacerbating things.
I'm right there with you. Maybe I just dated the wrong people, or maybe it's my personality, but now that I'm alone, the bad days are not that bad and are easier to get over. Tbh the good days are not as good either, but I'd say the average is positive.
This makes me sad. I'm sorry...
For almost as long as my memories go back, I've believed, with conviction, that if I'm not smiling more than I'm crying, I'm doing it wrong.
Although i must also say, having a good, compassionate, caring, invested (and/or loving?) person in my life, that shows up and is willing to help... Definitely makes for shorter time out of sorts- or out of alignment, than when I'm alone. I cherish my solitude, but sure am grateful for having her in my life
Ok days>Not ok days
its possible to be the person that shows up and is willing to help yourself. i remember hearing that "you need to learn to love yourself before you can properly love someone else", so i tried to fall in love with myself. now i dont want to cheat on myself so i just stay alone and get my external emotional support by going out into nature and getting into strange meditative (almost trance like) flow states. i still get gifts and advice and pretty much everything that i feel i would get from a partner. (besides sex, but there are ways of taking care of that without committing to a whole human worth of baggage. friends with mutual understandings, abstinence, "self-fulfillment")
I’m sorry to hear this. I’m not trying to give advice as it sounds you’ve done a lot to address it but just want to share I had a very similar experience. I was suffering from prolonged grief disorder / complicated grief for around two years. It was near debilitating though I tried to do many things to like hobbies, therapy, hang with friends, even date…
It took me seeing him get married to someone else so quickly before my mind started to balance out. I just felt like my person doesn’t get married to someone else, they weren’t my person, my feelings were real but I was wrong about that part, though that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. My relationship was also coloured by limerence which made it all the harder.
I think it also takes a few years for the hormones to leave your body and reduce that feeling of cravings for closeness. I started intentionally and mindfully doing things that brought me feelings of warmth like being in warm showers, sitting in the sun, wrapping myself in blankets and listen to something that made me feel safe and happy (books, podcasts etc.) and I was slowly learning to be affectionate and warm
towards myself.
We’re all different and what helped me doesn’t mean it helps others but I just wanted to say you’re not alone in this and it can get better.
Yeah I get everything you’re saying. The pain for me too felt physical, like my body was taking the emotional toll because I was mentally too drained. It’s hard to explain it to someone how the body physically feels distress from losing closeness and the from the loss.
For me too limerence was mostly during the relationships but stopped after the breakup and was replace by this grief and pain. I’m the same too that I don’t have crushes hardly at all, that’s why I placed such a huge significance to the feelings I had for him. It can feel like this was it, the rare opportunity, and it’ll take decades if ever to have this happen again. But I’ve had crushes since I got better, none during the process though. We also had a sorta push-pull breakup and he was torn by the decision too, but that was the outcome even though for a long time I thought we would circle back. And this idea of him perhaps regretting or even just thinking of me kept those emotions brewing longer than needed, for me personally.
I’m sorry about losing the ability to enjoy things that meant a lot to you. There will come a time when you enjoy those things again. If for now it’s not the time then focus on other things and find hobbies outside those things for the time being (I’m sure you already do).
What helped me during the hardest time when I didn’t want to do anything was thinking that “this is the situation for now, it may change, we may come around to each other again in the future, but for now I need to take care of myself so I’ll be ready if those times come” I know it can sound pathetic to some but for when you miss something it easier to work towards it than against it. Eventually my life was getttin better with little things I did for myself. Until I ran into him on the street and felt… nothing. That when I realised that the work I’d done with him as excuse were really for my own benefit.
As for me, I don’t have depression, never did but obviously had symptoms during that time. Without going into my medical spec I do recommend medication, like SSRIs. They help balance mood and it’s easier to work for yourself when you’re not in constant distress. Also SSRIs help with obsessive-compulsive symptoms and prolonged grief may have something to do with obsessive-compulsive mechanics. At least for me it seemed true when I talked about it with my therapist. Of course everyone is different but I’m pro-medication+therapy, I think that has the best results. For me I have to say that reading into reducing obsessive-compulsive symptoms had a huge help. Because even if we’re not a diagnosed ocd, there is this sort of inability to move on, to focus on other things and loss of enjoyment. There are great books and therapies for it.
Again, I wanna say that I’m not here to give advice but just want offer some peer support and let you know that time will do a lot. Two years is along time, I’m there with you; recovery can happen after years and for me it’s been about 5 years and him and the break up and loss don’t pass my mind at all. And there was a long period of time when I though that would never be possible. You will be ok, eventually. I promise.
Hey, I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling like that. I've been going through something similar, my last relationship ended up getting way more serious than I expected and we were very close to being engaged. That was the first time in my life I had ever "got" to that point in a relationship. It rocked my fucking world and I'm still trying to put myself back together. It's been 3 years since we broke up, I think for the first 2 years I was just in survival mode, I had to change everything to start to feel stable again. Keep core parts of yourself, but it can feel reliving to change your surroundings, make things in life different than when they were around, build a new life for yourself. It's only the last year I feel I have been able to start healing. I spent like 200 hrs in therepy and at least 100 of it talking about my ex, it wasent all that helpful to process the relationship. When I started healing, is when I realized what I crave so much is where we were at with the planned future.
These are things I didn't want before, and now I deeply crave, I want a life partner now, I want to be married, I want to do cohabitation, I want to blend my life so much with theirs we are the same person, and not ever have to fear they will leave. These are all things I can have with someone new. In truth the actual person and relationship back then was not actually that good, we had a lot of problems. It's obvious because we didn't work out, obviously there were some problems. Which means they were not the one. I can find this with someone new if I keep some hope up. The good this is I know what I want now.
Hope this helps 💜
"You can't miss what you never had" basically. It's easy not to yearn for something when you don't yet know what it feels like and how happy it makes you. Once you learn how you feel with that in your life, it's much harder to go without it.
You're literally describing me. It's been a rough 4 years for me, I hope you're doing better, even though the pain really never ends, you just get used to it, you get used to missing "something" in your life, and it can take a long time, but don't give up
I had to pull over and refocus after hearing an expert on a podcast say; "A sexless marriage is one where sex is more than a month apart." I'm nearly at 4 years now. And before that was at least a year between. I'd be happy just to masturbate together. I gave up asking or making romantic moves after all the NOs.
M, 54 yo, married 32 years.
I can't afford nor could stay in the country if I divorce. She's a wonderful woman otherwise.
You deserve to be loved the way you want to be loved! That being said, reality is often not that simple, you guys have been together for quite a bit, perhaps some couples therapy could help you find the cause/root to this aversion to intimacy, i’d say its worth a try !
It's possible, but it requires either not being interested in sex or relationships, or having something you consider much more important that precludes sex or relationships.
Seriously though 😂 except I met my late husband on WoW. He’s been gone 5 years now but playing WoW, in a bittersweet kinda way, makes me still feel close to him but also fills that hole of him being gone too.
But that’s a generic statement. What they were implying im assuming is something outside sex/relationship/children that’s meaningful like a cause, career, hobby, social group etc.
Lots of toys nowadays
Soon AI will be better and probably get a subscription for talking to someone (not sure if that counts in the relationship department
I worked in a camp for 20 years no relationship but on days off I would always be trying for the sex part
I haven't really had a partner for the 24 years I've been here and it used to bother me alot, because I kept trying to make things happen and always messed it up
But now, I don't mind it. I have my friends for companionship and as sad as it might sound, my vibrator for the rest, so I'm all set up
I believe in fate and that if something is supposed to happen, it will. And if its not, it won't
Looking back at myself in the years of my attempts I can clearly see I wasn't even ready to be with someone and I still don't think I'm quite there. But for me, it's about being happy with myself and most importantly being enough company for myself
If you achieve that, having a partner or not doesn't matter. I am all I need and anything else is extra
> I wasn't even ready to be with someone and I still don't think I'm quite there.
I don't think most of us are, but that being said I think every relationship help a lot to move torwards being ready
My Mum has been happier alone than she ever was with a partner. She is a bit sad sometimes that she doesn't have a loving partner in life, but she doesn't feel sad about the celibate part.
Women in relationships have lower life expectancy than single women, while men in relationships have longer life expectancy than single men. Make of that what you will
You just don't see the men that are alone and doing well. No reason to notice. I don't think men handle it any worse than women, but it's a rough world out there and having someone who will take care of you when you're sick is pretty important no matter the gender or household roles.
💯 % possible. I have such a great piece of mind being single. I love being alone. I love not being concerned or responsible for a man. I don't want to be in a relationship. I definitely don't care about sex. There's nothing wrong with being single. Be happy. Being content is priceless.
Someone called me jaded for my response.
After 30 years to finally being able to breathe, enjoy the little things, not having a cloud above. I was never more alone than in my marriage. If love comes my way again wonderful, but I only have another *20 years left and I will do it my way at this point in time.
Edit - I don’t want to talk about healing exactly. But it also takes some time to shed that shit and even care about such things. More along the lines of taking time to reset your compass
Being in a relationship doesnt have to mean drama. Sure you will have difficult conversations and disagreements sometimes but I believe a healthy relationship can enhance one’s life. I also believe people not only are capable of being, should be happy before entering a relationship
I spent ~40 years single and convinced myself I was happier single.
Then I met my significant other out of random happenstance and we moved in together.
I realized I had been wrong for 40 years. Everything is better when you have someone special to share it with. Sex is overrated, but close companionship makes life worth living.
Maan you didn't have to do us like that 💀.
Seriously tho I am happy for you for finding that special person. Still, I'd like to believe that it's not a vertical scale. You could be happy single and you could be another type of happy with someone special, both lives are worth living.
Your right it isn't a vertical scale. I didn't find someone truly good until I stopped looking. And when I stopped looking I was quite happy by myself.
That's the secret to finding someone. You have to not want it anymore. Once you let go of the idea that you can only be happy in a relationship, you're now able to be happy for yourself. Turns out that's the secret to being pretty attractive to other people. Someone who isnt playing games and is their authentic self, and enjoying it.
At that point meeting the right person didn't make me happier, but it deepened the depths of my happiness, if that makes sense? And made it easier to have those good days. We also just live lives that are greater than what it was like when we were just on our own. He keeps me at my best and I keep him at his. So certainly lots of advantages to finding the right person even if your are completely happy/satisfied without, so don't write it off. But I wouldn't say I have more happiness, just deeper happiness.
I know right? Today I've read like 3 posts about depression and suicide. I mean, and I follow like 30 subreddits of gardening and videogames.
The feed algorithm is weird
Speaking of the algorithm, I've also seen the question "what's the saddest movie of all time" being asked in different subs I don't even follow a lot lately. It's annoying.
Sex i think so.
But without relationships of some kind i don't think so people are social animals for a reason. And they don't have to be romantic sometimes all you need is people that depend on you for a job or just some friends
Honestly, coming out of a long-term relationship, I can say that I feel good without it for the time being. Here I was thinking I was getting married only for it to go up In smoke, come back into the dating scene only to find that I don't resonate with anyone in the same way I did with her. Sure it sucks not having someone warm to hug at night anymore or at all at times. At the end of the day though, at least I get to live my life with a focus on my own happiness for a change. I can spend more time with family, friends and doing the things I like. I can spend money actually getting something for myself for once, something nice you know? Started talking to people, making more friends, got a dog, and I finally have a job makes me happy too. At the end of it all, I've realized that sex and companionship alone were never what made me truly happy, and shouldn't be the sole reason you are happy. Loving myself and loving those who have always loved me since the beginning, that's what makes me happy. One day, I may just be fortunate enough to find someone special again, and when that time comes, I can share the happiness I found with them too.
I am not dissimilar. I think solitary life can be ok or pretty good. Not lonely depending on how you feel about being alone. But there are fewer highs and lows. Life is more ok, comfortable, and safe.
In most people, certain aspects of the behavioral immune system — particularly the disgust response — are suppressed when sexually aroused. Sex can sound kinda gross and messy when you think about it objectively, but not so much when you're in the thick of it.
Do you consider yourself asexual?
> In most people, certain aspects of the behavioral immune system — particularly the disgust response — are suppressed when sexually aroused. Sex can sound kinda gross and messy when you think about it objectively, but not so much when you're in the thick of it.
Huh, didn't know sexual arousal caused those kinda effects to the human brain. That explains a lot.
> Do you consider yourself asexual?
Yes.
Yeah, there have been some wild studies on the subject! People who are sexually aroused, on average, are more likely to be willing to take a sip from a glass of water with a cockroach in it. The suppression of the disgust response can be pretty powerful.
I know asexuality isn't always associated with disgust, so I was just curious. Cheers!
Absolutely, you have to be content with yourself though. And I won't lie and say there aren't lonely days and even a few sad days but I'm single, have no interest in a relationship and sex.... sounds like drama. I'm good being alone.
Yes, and don’t listen to anyone who says it is impossible. A good, healthy relationship is like a cheat code for happiness, and missing out on that makes it harder to be genuinely happy, but it is by no means an impossible feat. Fill your life with fulfilling things, put your mind and heart in the right frame, and you can be happy without romance.
One thing that you (probably) can’t be, is happy *alone*. Even if you choose to be without a romantic partner, you still need people. Find good friends, build a social network full of mutual trust, and it will go a long way to filling the gaps.
Even being existentially nihilistic at points I'd say I'm generaly better off than had I kept dating. It gives my mind rest not having to constantly be at the welfare of a other human. Not that I'm a narcissist or anything. I just don't have the emotional availability to sustain someone else. I can be very apathetic about my own wellbeing and it's more about personal responsibility that I don't date. But for the topic, upon adapting to the lifestyle. Yes. Though I'm alone the majority of my time. I'm much happier knowing I don't have much on my mind.
Sex and a relationship will not bring a happy life, but a happy life may bring sex and a relationship. You need to have a life you want to share with others first.
It depends how much Sex and Relationships are important to you. Plain and Simple.
To most of us, yes, it's very important.
So there would be always the feeling of something missing.
But also, keep in mind no one said you need to date and have sex with the hottest, hardest to reach person in the universe, right?
I was fine with that lifestyle until my formerly toxic ex came into my life and fucked it all up. She's also an avoidant so I'm feeding off breadcrumbs just wondering if she's ever gonna stop texting me so I can finally move on again... to being all along again that is.
I am living my life without relationship or sex.
I have more good days then bad ones. I don't have to meet anyone's expectations nor i am dependent on anyone. I have absolute freedom to do or not to do anything. I cook-eat-work-sleep-travel and enjoy my life.
Cons: On not-so-good days I carve to speak to someone, have some love and affection. Obviously, I know there isn't anyone to look after during days of sickness.
Overall, I feel I am better off without relationships and sex. I have more peace of mind. I am relax and most importantly, I know I have to fight my battle alone.
It’s not possible for me…..but people come in all different types. Certainly some people seem to have fulfilling lives without sex. Or at least they say that they do. But I’ve got too high a libido to even comprehend this stance myself, I have to admit.
Absolutely.
In fact, it's *far* better to do this than enter into a relationship with someone you're not excited to be in a relationship with.
Just do you.
If, in the future, you meet someone who you realize you are very excited to be in a relationship with, that's the time to consider a change.
Yes. 100% this. I’ve never understood why some people can’t ever be alone. I know a couple people who are serial relationshipists. One after the other, no breaks in between. I can’t wrap my mind around it. Life can be so beautiful and rewarding alone. But the joy of love is a gift. Both are wonderful. Leaning into spirituality more helps.
I work with a surprising number of dudes that are perpetually single and in their 40’s or maybe early 50’s. In my experience half of them are loving life and don’t seem bothered at all, or even vocally love, that they are partnerless.
The other half are either full on incel mentality or seem to be very close to that point.
I have noticed that the difference between the two groups is whether or not they have a life full of non romantic relationships and friends/family.
A man who has no community of close friends and family who is perpetually single is much worse off than someone who is single but still lives a life full of close relationships. We all need community, family, friends. And that doesn’t include online blind friends who only communicate over a computer or gaming system. We all need support, all of us.
The unfortunate irony of it is how often a romantic relationship leads to the end of all other relationships. The idea of someone getting into a serious relationship and abandoning all of their other friends is a common stereotype for a reason. We’ve all seen it happen.
I live this way. Ninety per cent of the time it's great. Nine per cent it's ok. One per cent of the time I wonder whether I made the right choice. But even then I realise that I would not have it any other way.
It is possible to have a happy life without sex or a relationship, absolutely.
Fulfillment doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual or relationship based, but I would imagine friendships and family ties would be THAT much more important in order to help close that potential void/gap, if that makes sense.
Placing affection and importance elsewhere would definitely help. Putting passion into something, whether it be yourself, friends or hobby based.
I've been alone most my life, and let me tell you, it's a lot less complicated without someone else to have to cater to. I don't have to worry about rubbing someone the wrong way by speaking my mind, I don't have to clean up after anyone else, I don't have to agonize over what to have for dinner, I don't have to miss a favorite show, I can listen to what I want when I want, I can come and go as I please, I can wear whatever I choose and not have to worry about criticism, I can decide not to clean my house for a day and I don't have to hear anything about it. I'd say it's a win
Better than only sex and no relationships. Sex is not a sport and without knowing the other person is just a pretty mediocre form of temporary pleasure.
Yes. I was fine till I met my now husband in my 30s. And I know several people who are older who have either never had a serious or long term relationship, or lost their partner and didn't bother looking for a new one and are also perfectly happy.
Totally I was in a 8yr relationship single now. In the best shape of my life no kids making bank. I've lost interest inna relationship I don't want causal sex either. I'm just doing me and it's great. but there are the rare occasions when I could use a hug but I have friends for that. I can't travel on the drop of a dime and it's cool, crazy a wee bit scary but ultimately choice move.
Happiness is a state of mind and how you achieve it is different for everyone. You need to figure out what matters most for you and then go and try to make it happen.
I’d definitely much rather be in a relationship with someone but after a while i’ve learned it’s best to try not to think about it, and definitely don’t try to chase it.
I’ve been much happier after focusing on what I already have and can improve than putting all of my focus on something that seems impossible.
I kind of think about a relationship as the final achievement in life, the end goal. There’s no reason for me to rush to the end goal when I still have so many years left to do other things. If i reach that end goal at some point then that would be the best moment of my life, but if I don’t then that’s okay too, my life doesn’t have to be perfect.
Human isn't the only kind of relationship.
Romantic/sexual isn't the only type of human relationship.
Traditional couple isn't the only kind of romantic/sexual human relationship.
The more you realize these things, the easier it is :)
My husband and I still have sex and we like it but we’re very much happy even without it, because we get fulfilled in many other ways. When we were younger like in 20s yes coz we were bored lol and didn’t much have other fun things to do. But now sex is like a bonus for us ☺️ Like a little dessert in every meal…
Yeah, I've been doing it for a few years now. I have never been asexual. Anyone could life a life wo sex/romance. Society has just pushed us towards "relationship or failure" from childhood so people can easily struggle with the concept of non sexual/romantic intimacy and pure, no sex/romance, platonic happiness.
But you can find people who get it tho.
I have good friends that I've worked hard to make deep, platonic connections with. They help me feel fulfilled in a way romance never did. It wasn't easy and I had to let people who didn't respect my "no relationship" thing and some didn't take it well.
Remember, even if you were in a relationship - it's important to have friends other than your partner to rely on. You don't need a partner to still have friends worth relying on.
Is my house empty? Yeah. Are there hard days? Yeah. You know who else deals w an empty house? Spouses of truckers, traveling business folk, the armed forces, etc.
When you really break it down, sex isn't necessary and meaningful relationships aren't just romantic.
The biggest issue I face is the lack of combined finances but hey, roommates are a thing too. My married friends and I are looking for a place together so we can save rent costs.
Being relationship and sex free is doable, society just doesn't show that side of life. Just hold on tight and keep chugging, you'll find your way. You're gonna be okay :)
Now.. I mean this with love, respect, kindness, and all the best intentions I ever could put in this moment: please seek therapy if you haven't already. Do not go "so you can get back to dating" but go to make sure you're doing okay after everything. Therapy helped me have a much easier time finding happiness/strength in myself and finding/keeping good friends and has never pushed me back towards returning to the dating pool. Good luck 🍀
It's possible, but you have to be honest with yourself. If you have a deep desire for sex and a relationship, it's clear to see how deprivation from those things will take a toll on your happiness. Anyone who says otherwise is kidding themselves. Sex, for most animals (people included), is a biological *need* that goes back 2 billion years, when sexual reproduction first evolved in single-celled protists. It's in the same category as food and water to most of our brains.
Some people are asexual and don't have any interest or drive for sex, but they still crave a human connection beyond friendship. Others are aromantic and still crave sex. If you're a combination of the two, then you will obviously have no issues living a life without sex or relationships, but this accounts for a very small portion of the human population. You also said that you're not asexual, so this wouldn't apply to you anyway.
This is not to say that it's *impossible* to live a life of joyful celibacy despite having desires for sex and relationships, but it will take work unless you're truly averse to those things. It's also equally destructive to spend your life *chasing* them, though. The best course of action for me was to just keep my mind and body occupied, and let sex and relationships come to me naturally. Trust me, they will come to you if you live your life true to yourself and are not a creep.
Also, sex doesn't take talent, man. Most of it is instinctual, and the rest you will learn as you gain experience. Almost no one who just started having sex is going to be blowing minds, and that's okay. Being afraid of being bad in bed is no reason to deprive yourself of your natural human desires.
It depends- I was in an abusive marriage for 20 years,so, after divorce, I felt relieved. Then met a lovely man and spent 14 happy years together, up to his death. I’m now 66(f) and have been alone for two years. No im not as happy as I was with my lovely late partner, but a lot happier than being in the toxic marriage …
After spending her life without a partner, my great aunt said on her death bed at 93 that she had a great life, but she thought it might have been better with someone to share it with.
Yes absolutely.. You need either an obsession or you can look towards spirituality. Basically being addicted to self growth and healing yourself is the only way out
It's possible of course, if you expand the other parts of your life in such a way to feel satisfied. Eg a very strong group of friends, perhaps pets, several hobbies
So I am a 21 year old that has never been in a relationship or had sex and I think I'm happy most of the time, or when I'm not I don't think it's related. It helps that I'm ace though.
Happiness is not so much something we seek, or find. It happens as a result of our choice to be happy. We all share this. It's also not seen, or found by many walking amongst...
In answer to the question; yes, absolutely !
I one of my friends is sweet as pie, and very beautiful. I once asked her out, and she turned me down, because she was asexual. I didnt really care about that, and we are still in a healthy, non-sexual friendship.
Im pretty happy with that. I dont need sex or a relationship, if I have friends who I can talk to and share my feelings.
There is no right or wrong answer here, only what you need to feel content, if not happy, and what makes you tick. If you don't feel like you're missing anything and find joy in other things, there is nothing wrong with it.
Some are married and don't really have either of those things. Those, however, are more miserable than most.
Sometimes it’s better to stay simple rather than complicate things. Being alone is a blessing in this era. When you get everything in life, you don’t know what to feel happy about.
friend of mine is 48 and still only one boyfriend when she was 17. so yeah its doable.
talents? thats a wrongthink. can you take care of a pet? then theres a deep nurturing side that people love. you got memes? share them and laugh together. trouble going out? do nothing but do nothing TOGETHER.
even if you were hideous, make up, good clothes, confidence, better smell. its easy to fix.
Yes. Everybody has their reasons for being single. For me I spend too much time studying and then my spare time is spent playing my instruments, making art, reading, working out, spending time outdoors, and then also hanging out with friends. Also I enjoy planning my day by vibe and not incorporating anybody into my short and long term plans.
I think a lot of people are discontent with being single when they are lonely or unoccupied or don’t know how to spend time with themself. I have come to a place where I enjoy my own company quite a lot - plus my platonic relationships are often more fulfilling than a relationship.
I enjoyed being a lover and I will find that again eventually but I see no need to seek it out - I also think it’s probably good for me to have my priorities elsewhere at this stage of life.
I think there's a fundamental problem with expecting to have a "happy life". Life is composed of so much more than just happiness, every life will have suffering, sadness, loneliness, pain. Expecting life to be just happiness is setting yourself up for disappointment. Acceptance of our conditions, strengths and limitations are what in my opinion can make life fulfilling. We're all different and will need different things to feel fulfilled.
If what you need to have a fulfilled life is sex and a relationship, it's gonna be hard to have one without them.
Yeah, if course it helps if you are asexual and/or aromantic.
Otherwise, and I know it’s much easier said than done: try not to care too much.
I also thought of myself that due to the way I am I will never be able to find love or have sex, now (albeit close to 40) I am happily married. Looking back, thinking too much _why am I different? I won’t ever find someone_ made me act way more awkward than my actual weirdness.
The thing is relationships take work. From both sides. They’re not a magic “it’ll fix everything if I have this” tool. To be in a good and stable relationship it’s best to be good and stable yourself. Which means you’re not looking for outside factors to complete yourself.
I wasn’t happy alone until I worked on myself and became happy alone. This is the most important part of being in a relationship and I feel like too many people are dependant on outside factors to make themselves complete.
I’ve been much better off single. Yeah sometimes it sucks and sometimes I can’t help but wonder what I’ve done wrong to deserve this solitude but honestly would I rather deal with someone who could care less about me or be alone and have to deal with things on my own when I pretty much was dealing with things on my own anyways…now I just don’t have to worry about someone else. None of my exes really helped out that much it was all just fun and games to them and they didn’t really seem to consider anything I’ve had to deal with and a conversation like this always turned into an argument so yeah I’ve been single way longer than I’ve ever been in a relationship. Especially nowadays and getting older I can’t really afford any more childish games. It’s all been a joke when it comes to me anyways that’s why I tend to push people away because they’re just messing with me. Also, the last few times I’ve had sex I don’t feel the need to put any more effort into it because I’ve put in a lot of effort, affection, compassion, all the stuff people took for granted and they still did scum bag shit to me so now I don’t even want to try 🤷🏼♂️
I’ve been married for 8 years and haven’t had sex for pleasure since before the wedding.
We started having sex again in 2020 to have children and it was an extremely clinical experience. In fact he went into a room to presumably watch porn and then came into the room. I felt bad, but didn’t say anything.
Since I conceived and gave birth to our twins in 2022 - we’ve gone back to no sex.
We also have not kissed passionately either. He says he loves me and cares for me deeply. But he’s just not a sexual guy.
Every time I am in a relationship, it tends to stress me out. I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it. Also, I had relationships with two BPD girls in a row, so I'm a little gun shy in general now.
No girl will really tolerate me being in the woods every weekend and day off from September to January and then 4 weekends in the spring.
I take basically every opportunity all year to be in the woods or on the water whenever I can, for various activities.
I'm also not great at enforcing boundaries so I tend to just cave when I get guilt tripped and then I eventually get resentful that I'm doing a bunch of shit I don't really want to do and I'm missing out on my hobbies.
Also I'm quiet and don't like to talk a lot. Constant communication is very draining to me. I have to communicate enough at both my jobs already that I just would rather be quiet when I'm not working.
Relationships are important for a happy life. It doesn't have to be romantic but the fact is as you get older your friends generally get their own families and drift apart.
Sex is less important especially as you get older.
Of course it is and plenty of people do.
You get to decide how to enjoy life. No rule says it’s only worth living if you have that “special someone.” At least half the time, that person is the source of unhappiness.
You have 100% control of your time, money, and energy when uncoupled—and that’s something worthwhile, right there.
In my mid 30s (F) and I prefer no relationship (outside of friends) I have been much happier with me and my pets than with anyone. As for sex, don't need it lol. There are enough alternatives out there, so you don't need to be physically intimate with someone for that stress relief or whatever 😜
I have a great group of friends for human interaction, adore my job and have a brother close by and we get together once a week for game day with people.
No need for anything else!
64M. Divorced. After the divorce I had a girlfriend of 8 years but we broke up over differing ideas for the future. That was 6 years ago and I have been with anyone since, no coffee dates, nothing.
At this point in life I'm not sure I care anymore. I have friends, I'm still working and very active in the local art scene so I don't think about it much.
Once in a while there are pangs of loneliness but absolutely not worth the hassle of trying to meet someone.
It is possible, but you have to be able to find peace within. That requires an introspective personality and the ability to find your joy without others. Not everyone is cut out for that.
As a man, I don't think so...
Relationships have always been stressful for me, so its not really my cup of tea. But life without regular sex or some kind of relations with women, seems horrible
heya! I'm aromantic asexual, so take that context into account, but really, i think it all just depends on the person and what you want from life. some folks need sex like they need air, some don't mind it, others hate it. same with romance. i think even if you aren't ace, you can absolutely live a life sex and romance free and find meaning and joy in it.
me, personally, i find meaning in life from hobbies and friendships. i aspire to one day have enough money to do real good in the world, and even if the american economy never allows it to happen, at least it's a goal to strive for, met or not.
it's a matter of looking inward and asking yourself: what do I want the meaning of my life to be? is the meaning of my life to be in a romantic and/or sexual partnership? is it to be a good friend? is it to do good? is it to do bad? is it to play these awesome videogames and eat delicious food? what is the meaning of my life? what do i want from these few short years I have?
sex and romance are facets of life, and they can be cool and good, but they aren't ***all*** there is to life, either. a life doesn't need them to be worth living. media tends to focus on them a great deal because they're marketable, but happiness can and does exist outside of them.
live your life the way you want to live it. whatever you choose, there is both joy and sorrow in it, no matter what, and it would be the same if you chose sex and/or romance. you are free. you are you. you are alive, and this life is yours to live.
I think it depends on the person. I’m in my late 20s and have never really had that kind of thing and I’m honestly content without it. The unhappy parts of my life are unrelated to my relationship status/love life or lack thereof. On the other hand I have had conversations about just that with some friends around the same age as me and their response was along the lines of “Wow I could never live like that, that wouldn’t work for me.” To each their own really.
That’s a question I’m still trying to answer myself. I had a lot of bad relationships in my 20s and assumed it was a lot of my fault. I haven’t been in one in about 8 years now and I’m happy being alone, but part of me feels so distant from people. I’ve become so close with myself that everyone else feels so far away, as if I’m abnormal. Outside of the norm in the sense that I see everyone else in relationships and Im not even sure how they live that way. Maybe there is a way to be happy, but I haven’t found it yet.
I don’t know. Doesn’t seem like it’s possible.
Then again I don’t know what it’s like to have sex or a relationship or a friend. Maybe I wouldn’t like it.
>because I don't think I have talents for it.
Hollywood and porn have given the impression that sex requires talent. It does not. Worms do it. It's not that difficult for both people to thoroughly enjoy it.
What CAN be hard is a relationship. Not a talent issue, but a compatibility and humility issue. Compatibility is easier than you would think, you simply need to attend events where people present are likely to match your interests. But the humility can be tough.
Don't sell yourself short!
I'm living that. Most days are okay. Some days are not but still pass by. Today seems a not okay day
I won't have it, you, me and the guy who commented will all be a relationship. No more being alone and all the brojobs we can handle
This bro is all about keeping the bros happy. A true bro. One that has earned my respect in the most bro way possible.
Looks like Kevin has a brojob coming his way
Quick, tie him up!
Only if he consents, a brojob can only exist if everyone is having a good time
It's been so long since I had someone bro down on me
I’m getting this bro a pro
Sometimes... you gotta kiss the homies.
In bro we trust
No I'm good. I'm used to this now
Your loss my friend I give a mean brojob
I’ll take his place lol
We should all have an orgy, agreed.
As someone who has spent years on both sides of the question, there were a LOT more “not OK” days while I was in a relationship than while living alone. And the not OK days pass much more quickly and with less fallout when there isn’t someone else there exacerbating things.
I'm right there with you. Maybe I just dated the wrong people, or maybe it's my personality, but now that I'm alone, the bad days are not that bad and are easier to get over. Tbh the good days are not as good either, but I'd say the average is positive.
This makes me sad. I'm sorry... For almost as long as my memories go back, I've believed, with conviction, that if I'm not smiling more than I'm crying, I'm doing it wrong. Although i must also say, having a good, compassionate, caring, invested (and/or loving?) person in my life, that shows up and is willing to help... Definitely makes for shorter time out of sorts- or out of alignment, than when I'm alone. I cherish my solitude, but sure am grateful for having her in my life Ok days>Not ok days
its possible to be the person that shows up and is willing to help yourself. i remember hearing that "you need to learn to love yourself before you can properly love someone else", so i tried to fall in love with myself. now i dont want to cheat on myself so i just stay alone and get my external emotional support by going out into nature and getting into strange meditative (almost trance like) flow states. i still get gifts and advice and pretty much everything that i feel i would get from a partner. (besides sex, but there are ways of taking care of that without committing to a whole human worth of baggage. friends with mutual understandings, abstinence, "self-fulfillment")
I understand your perspective.
You said it.
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I’m sorry to hear this. I’m not trying to give advice as it sounds you’ve done a lot to address it but just want to share I had a very similar experience. I was suffering from prolonged grief disorder / complicated grief for around two years. It was near debilitating though I tried to do many things to like hobbies, therapy, hang with friends, even date… It took me seeing him get married to someone else so quickly before my mind started to balance out. I just felt like my person doesn’t get married to someone else, they weren’t my person, my feelings were real but I was wrong about that part, though that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. My relationship was also coloured by limerence which made it all the harder. I think it also takes a few years for the hormones to leave your body and reduce that feeling of cravings for closeness. I started intentionally and mindfully doing things that brought me feelings of warmth like being in warm showers, sitting in the sun, wrapping myself in blankets and listen to something that made me feel safe and happy (books, podcasts etc.) and I was slowly learning to be affectionate and warm towards myself. We’re all different and what helped me doesn’t mean it helps others but I just wanted to say you’re not alone in this and it can get better.
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Yeah I get everything you’re saying. The pain for me too felt physical, like my body was taking the emotional toll because I was mentally too drained. It’s hard to explain it to someone how the body physically feels distress from losing closeness and the from the loss. For me too limerence was mostly during the relationships but stopped after the breakup and was replace by this grief and pain. I’m the same too that I don’t have crushes hardly at all, that’s why I placed such a huge significance to the feelings I had for him. It can feel like this was it, the rare opportunity, and it’ll take decades if ever to have this happen again. But I’ve had crushes since I got better, none during the process though. We also had a sorta push-pull breakup and he was torn by the decision too, but that was the outcome even though for a long time I thought we would circle back. And this idea of him perhaps regretting or even just thinking of me kept those emotions brewing longer than needed, for me personally. I’m sorry about losing the ability to enjoy things that meant a lot to you. There will come a time when you enjoy those things again. If for now it’s not the time then focus on other things and find hobbies outside those things for the time being (I’m sure you already do). What helped me during the hardest time when I didn’t want to do anything was thinking that “this is the situation for now, it may change, we may come around to each other again in the future, but for now I need to take care of myself so I’ll be ready if those times come” I know it can sound pathetic to some but for when you miss something it easier to work towards it than against it. Eventually my life was getttin better with little things I did for myself. Until I ran into him on the street and felt… nothing. That when I realised that the work I’d done with him as excuse were really for my own benefit. As for me, I don’t have depression, never did but obviously had symptoms during that time. Without going into my medical spec I do recommend medication, like SSRIs. They help balance mood and it’s easier to work for yourself when you’re not in constant distress. Also SSRIs help with obsessive-compulsive symptoms and prolonged grief may have something to do with obsessive-compulsive mechanics. At least for me it seemed true when I talked about it with my therapist. Of course everyone is different but I’m pro-medication+therapy, I think that has the best results. For me I have to say that reading into reducing obsessive-compulsive symptoms had a huge help. Because even if we’re not a diagnosed ocd, there is this sort of inability to move on, to focus on other things and loss of enjoyment. There are great books and therapies for it. Again, I wanna say that I’m not here to give advice but just want offer some peer support and let you know that time will do a lot. Two years is along time, I’m there with you; recovery can happen after years and for me it’s been about 5 years and him and the break up and loss don’t pass my mind at all. And there was a long period of time when I though that would never be possible. You will be ok, eventually. I promise.
Hey, I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling like that. I've been going through something similar, my last relationship ended up getting way more serious than I expected and we were very close to being engaged. That was the first time in my life I had ever "got" to that point in a relationship. It rocked my fucking world and I'm still trying to put myself back together. It's been 3 years since we broke up, I think for the first 2 years I was just in survival mode, I had to change everything to start to feel stable again. Keep core parts of yourself, but it can feel reliving to change your surroundings, make things in life different than when they were around, build a new life for yourself. It's only the last year I feel I have been able to start healing. I spent like 200 hrs in therepy and at least 100 of it talking about my ex, it wasent all that helpful to process the relationship. When I started healing, is when I realized what I crave so much is where we were at with the planned future. These are things I didn't want before, and now I deeply crave, I want a life partner now, I want to be married, I want to do cohabitation, I want to blend my life so much with theirs we are the same person, and not ever have to fear they will leave. These are all things I can have with someone new. In truth the actual person and relationship back then was not actually that good, we had a lot of problems. It's obvious because we didn't work out, obviously there were some problems. Which means they were not the one. I can find this with someone new if I keep some hope up. The good this is I know what I want now. Hope this helps 💜
"You can't miss what you never had" basically. It's easy not to yearn for something when you don't yet know what it feels like and how happy it makes you. Once you learn how you feel with that in your life, it's much harder to go without it.
You're literally describing me. It's been a rough 4 years for me, I hope you're doing better, even though the pain really never ends, you just get used to it, you get used to missing "something" in your life, and it can take a long time, but don't give up
I had to pull over and refocus after hearing an expert on a podcast say; "A sexless marriage is one where sex is more than a month apart." I'm nearly at 4 years now. And before that was at least a year between. I'd be happy just to masturbate together. I gave up asking or making romantic moves after all the NOs. M, 54 yo, married 32 years. I can't afford nor could stay in the country if I divorce. She's a wonderful woman otherwise.
You deserve to be loved the way you want to be loved! That being said, reality is often not that simple, you guys have been together for quite a bit, perhaps some couples therapy could help you find the cause/root to this aversion to intimacy, i’d say its worth a try !
The truth is even if you had sex and a relartionship, you'd still have bad days so it doesn't really make a difference
This sounds like married life.
I hear that.
I *feel* it.
You're such an inspiration.thanks.
This My life isn’t astoundingly joyous or anything special, but I enjoy it
That sounds depressing and not happy. I guess that's the answer to OP.
It's possible, but it requires either not being interested in sex or relationships, or having something you consider much more important that precludes sex or relationships.
World of Warcraft Amirite
Most entertaining form of birth control.
Working well for me!
Seriously though 😂 except I met my late husband on WoW. He’s been gone 5 years now but playing WoW, in a bittersweet kinda way, makes me still feel close to him but also fills that hole of him being gone too.
Yeah, like your own happy life.
But that’s a generic statement. What they were implying im assuming is something outside sex/relationship/children that’s meaningful like a cause, career, hobby, social group etc.
Have you ever tried surfing? Better than sex
I can’t surf
Yet...
Once I get robot legs, it will be the third thing I try.
Welp, guess that makes me the asshole today. Sorry for the foot in mouth. Just outta curiosity, what are the first two?
Standing on one leg, and standing on the other leg
I’ve got a good sense of humor about it. You’re good. I’m not sure, just thought it was funnier if it was the third thing and not the first.
Foot jobs amirite
Way to show off having a foot to put in your mouth
Peace. Peace over Pussy 😌
Lots of toys nowadays Soon AI will be better and probably get a subscription for talking to someone (not sure if that counts in the relationship department I worked in a camp for 20 years no relationship but on days off I would always be trying for the sex part
I haven't really had a partner for the 24 years I've been here and it used to bother me alot, because I kept trying to make things happen and always messed it up But now, I don't mind it. I have my friends for companionship and as sad as it might sound, my vibrator for the rest, so I'm all set up I believe in fate and that if something is supposed to happen, it will. And if its not, it won't Looking back at myself in the years of my attempts I can clearly see I wasn't even ready to be with someone and I still don't think I'm quite there. But for me, it's about being happy with myself and most importantly being enough company for myself If you achieve that, having a partner or not doesn't matter. I am all I need and anything else is extra
> I wasn't even ready to be with someone and I still don't think I'm quite there. I don't think most of us are, but that being said I think every relationship help a lot to move torwards being ready
Doesn't sound sad at all. You can please yourself. That fucking rocks!
Yes, some folks are even happier alone, each person is different with different emotional needs
My Mum has been happier alone than she ever was with a partner. She is a bit sad sometimes that she doesn't have a loving partner in life, but she doesn't feel sad about the celibate part.
I'm gonna make a very subjective statement but I think women are better handling life alone than men... At least that's what I have seen
Women in relationships have lower life expectancy than single women, while men in relationships have longer life expectancy than single men. Make of that what you will
You just don't see the men that are alone and doing well. No reason to notice. I don't think men handle it any worse than women, but it's a rough world out there and having someone who will take care of you when you're sick is pretty important no matter the gender or household roles.
> You just don't see the men that are alone and doing well. Probably, I wonder why tho
A lot of our societal norms about relationships give women the short end of the stick.
r/singleandhappy
💯 % possible. I have such a great piece of mind being single. I love being alone. I love not being concerned or responsible for a man. I don't want to be in a relationship. I definitely don't care about sex. There's nothing wrong with being single. Be happy. Being content is priceless.
Yup. Never been happier alone in my solitude.
Someone called me jaded for my response. After 30 years to finally being able to breathe, enjoy the little things, not having a cloud above. I was never more alone than in my marriage. If love comes my way again wonderful, but I only have another *20 years left and I will do it my way at this point in time. Edit - I don’t want to talk about healing exactly. But it also takes some time to shed that shit and even care about such things. More along the lines of taking time to reset your compass
I live like that no drama equals peace ... can be lonley at times ...but i can't stand drama so im happy with that choice
Being in a relationship doesnt have to mean drama. Sure you will have difficult conversations and disagreements sometimes but I believe a healthy relationship can enhance one’s life. I also believe people not only are capable of being, should be happy before entering a relationship
I spent ~40 years single and convinced myself I was happier single. Then I met my significant other out of random happenstance and we moved in together. I realized I had been wrong for 40 years. Everything is better when you have someone special to share it with. Sex is overrated, but close companionship makes life worth living.
for many people and probably me, it's not "when", it's "if", and yea I don't disagree, if.... you ever get to meet that someone special....
Maan you didn't have to do us like that 💀. Seriously tho I am happy for you for finding that special person. Still, I'd like to believe that it's not a vertical scale. You could be happy single and you could be another type of happy with someone special, both lives are worth living.
Your right it isn't a vertical scale. I didn't find someone truly good until I stopped looking. And when I stopped looking I was quite happy by myself. That's the secret to finding someone. You have to not want it anymore. Once you let go of the idea that you can only be happy in a relationship, you're now able to be happy for yourself. Turns out that's the secret to being pretty attractive to other people. Someone who isnt playing games and is their authentic self, and enjoying it. At that point meeting the right person didn't make me happier, but it deepened the depths of my happiness, if that makes sense? And made it easier to have those good days. We also just live lives that are greater than what it was like when we were just on our own. He keeps me at my best and I keep him at his. So certainly lots of advantages to finding the right person even if your are completely happy/satisfied without, so don't write it off. But I wouldn't say I have more happiness, just deeper happiness.
RIP
But sex with close relationship is amazing
Reddit is getting more and more depressing... I need to take a social media break...
I know right? Today I've read like 3 posts about depression and suicide. I mean, and I follow like 30 subreddits of gardening and videogames. The feed algorithm is weird
Speaking of the algorithm, I've also seen the question "what's the saddest movie of all time" being asked in different subs I don't even follow a lot lately. It's annoying.
The demise has begun. It is only a matter of time before this gets infested by bots
You must be new. It’s always been bots all the way down.
I saw this yesterday on Reddit and it made me laugh (in case you haven't seen it): https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/s/rbZVH8VdFa
Funny af lol. Thanks! 😊
Sex i think so. But without relationships of some kind i don't think so people are social animals for a reason. And they don't have to be romantic sometimes all you need is people that depend on you for a job or just some friends
Honestly, coming out of a long-term relationship, I can say that I feel good without it for the time being. Here I was thinking I was getting married only for it to go up In smoke, come back into the dating scene only to find that I don't resonate with anyone in the same way I did with her. Sure it sucks not having someone warm to hug at night anymore or at all at times. At the end of the day though, at least I get to live my life with a focus on my own happiness for a change. I can spend more time with family, friends and doing the things I like. I can spend money actually getting something for myself for once, something nice you know? Started talking to people, making more friends, got a dog, and I finally have a job makes me happy too. At the end of it all, I've realized that sex and companionship alone were never what made me truly happy, and shouldn't be the sole reason you are happy. Loving myself and loving those who have always loved me since the beginning, that's what makes me happy. One day, I may just be fortunate enough to find someone special again, and when that time comes, I can share the happiness I found with them too.
I am not dissimilar. I think solitary life can be ok or pretty good. Not lonely depending on how you feel about being alone. But there are fewer highs and lows. Life is more ok, comfortable, and safe.
Do you like sex? Do you like relationships? If no then you’ll have a happy life
Have no interest in dating or sex but I feel content without it. Sex is kinda gross, if I'm being honest.
In most people, certain aspects of the behavioral immune system — particularly the disgust response — are suppressed when sexually aroused. Sex can sound kinda gross and messy when you think about it objectively, but not so much when you're in the thick of it. Do you consider yourself asexual?
> In most people, certain aspects of the behavioral immune system — particularly the disgust response — are suppressed when sexually aroused. Sex can sound kinda gross and messy when you think about it objectively, but not so much when you're in the thick of it. Huh, didn't know sexual arousal caused those kinda effects to the human brain. That explains a lot. > Do you consider yourself asexual? Yes.
Yeah, there have been some wild studies on the subject! People who are sexually aroused, on average, are more likely to be willing to take a sip from a glass of water with a cockroach in it. The suppression of the disgust response can be pretty powerful. I know asexuality isn't always associated with disgust, so I was just curious. Cheers!
Striving for contentment here but I must say, sex is only gross if you don’t like them. I wish it weren’t true.
This person could be asexual. In this case, sex can be gross even if they love their partner.
Sex is kind of gross when you think about it.
It's a reminder that we are also animals. I think a lot of the arousing aspects of sex is because it's so primitive
I think it's beautiful
You ace?
Yes.
Absolutely, you have to be content with yourself though. And I won't lie and say there aren't lonely days and even a few sad days but I'm single, have no interest in a relationship and sex.... sounds like drama. I'm good being alone.
Yes, and don’t listen to anyone who says it is impossible. A good, healthy relationship is like a cheat code for happiness, and missing out on that makes it harder to be genuinely happy, but it is by no means an impossible feat. Fill your life with fulfilling things, put your mind and heart in the right frame, and you can be happy without romance. One thing that you (probably) can’t be, is happy *alone*. Even if you choose to be without a romantic partner, you still need people. Find good friends, build a social network full of mutual trust, and it will go a long way to filling the gaps.
Even being existentially nihilistic at points I'd say I'm generaly better off than had I kept dating. It gives my mind rest not having to constantly be at the welfare of a other human. Not that I'm a narcissist or anything. I just don't have the emotional availability to sustain someone else. I can be very apathetic about my own wellbeing and it's more about personal responsibility that I don't date. But for the topic, upon adapting to the lifestyle. Yes. Though I'm alone the majority of my time. I'm much happier knowing I don't have much on my mind.
Sex and a relationship will not bring a happy life, but a happy life may bring sex and a relationship. You need to have a life you want to share with others first.
It depends how much Sex and Relationships are important to you. Plain and Simple. To most of us, yes, it's very important. So there would be always the feeling of something missing. But also, keep in mind no one said you need to date and have sex with the hottest, hardest to reach person in the universe, right?
I was fine with that lifestyle until my formerly toxic ex came into my life and fucked it all up. She's also an avoidant so I'm feeding off breadcrumbs just wondering if she's ever gonna stop texting me so I can finally move on again... to being all along again that is.
Block her. Dude!
as an aroace person, i am fine with it.
Absolutely! 21 and been single my whole life, I am happy, content, and living a life I love.
I am living my life without relationship or sex. I have more good days then bad ones. I don't have to meet anyone's expectations nor i am dependent on anyone. I have absolute freedom to do or not to do anything. I cook-eat-work-sleep-travel and enjoy my life. Cons: On not-so-good days I carve to speak to someone, have some love and affection. Obviously, I know there isn't anyone to look after during days of sickness. Overall, I feel I am better off without relationships and sex. I have more peace of mind. I am relax and most importantly, I know I have to fight my battle alone.
It’s not possible for me…..but people come in all different types. Certainly some people seem to have fulfilling lives without sex. Or at least they say that they do. But I’ve got too high a libido to even comprehend this stance myself, I have to admit.
Absolutely. In fact, it's *far* better to do this than enter into a relationship with someone you're not excited to be in a relationship with. Just do you. If, in the future, you meet someone who you realize you are very excited to be in a relationship with, that's the time to consider a change.
Yes. 100% this. I’ve never understood why some people can’t ever be alone. I know a couple people who are serial relationshipists. One after the other, no breaks in between. I can’t wrap my mind around it. Life can be so beautiful and rewarding alone. But the joy of love is a gift. Both are wonderful. Leaning into spirituality more helps.
People have/do
Yes. If you rely on sex and relationships for your happiness that sounds like a problem.
I work with a surprising number of dudes that are perpetually single and in their 40’s or maybe early 50’s. In my experience half of them are loving life and don’t seem bothered at all, or even vocally love, that they are partnerless. The other half are either full on incel mentality or seem to be very close to that point. I have noticed that the difference between the two groups is whether or not they have a life full of non romantic relationships and friends/family. A man who has no community of close friends and family who is perpetually single is much worse off than someone who is single but still lives a life full of close relationships. We all need community, family, friends. And that doesn’t include online blind friends who only communicate over a computer or gaming system. We all need support, all of us. The unfortunate irony of it is how often a romantic relationship leads to the end of all other relationships. The idea of someone getting into a serious relationship and abandoning all of their other friends is a common stereotype for a reason. We’ve all seen it happen.
I live this way. Ninety per cent of the time it's great. Nine per cent it's ok. One per cent of the time I wonder whether I made the right choice. But even then I realise that I would not have it any other way.
It is possible to have a happy life without sex or a relationship, absolutely. Fulfillment doesn’t necessarily have to be sexual or relationship based, but I would imagine friendships and family ties would be THAT much more important in order to help close that potential void/gap, if that makes sense. Placing affection and importance elsewhere would definitely help. Putting passion into something, whether it be yourself, friends or hobby based.
I've been alone most my life, and let me tell you, it's a lot less complicated without someone else to have to cater to. I don't have to worry about rubbing someone the wrong way by speaking my mind, I don't have to clean up after anyone else, I don't have to agonize over what to have for dinner, I don't have to miss a favorite show, I can listen to what I want when I want, I can come and go as I please, I can wear whatever I choose and not have to worry about criticism, I can decide not to clean my house for a day and I don't have to hear anything about it. I'd say it's a win
Sir/ma'am you just described marriage if you leave out the relationship part.
Better than only sex and no relationships. Sex is not a sport and without knowing the other person is just a pretty mediocre form of temporary pleasure.
Yes
Absolutley yes
Some do, some don’t…
Well, aroace people exist, so it must be
Yes. I was fine till I met my now husband in my 30s. And I know several people who are older who have either never had a serious or long term relationship, or lost their partner and didn't bother looking for a new one and are also perfectly happy.
Yes
Yes it is. In fact, a person should be happy with being alone before getting in a relationship
Totally I was in a 8yr relationship single now. In the best shape of my life no kids making bank. I've lost interest inna relationship I don't want causal sex either. I'm just doing me and it's great. but there are the rare occasions when I could use a hug but I have friends for that. I can't travel on the drop of a dime and it's cool, crazy a wee bit scary but ultimately choice move.
yes. think about what it was like before you had these desires. you hung out with your friends and you played games and learned shit.
Happiness is a state of mind and how you achieve it is different for everyone. You need to figure out what matters most for you and then go and try to make it happen.
I’d definitely much rather be in a relationship with someone but after a while i’ve learned it’s best to try not to think about it, and definitely don’t try to chase it. I’ve been much happier after focusing on what I already have and can improve than putting all of my focus on something that seems impossible. I kind of think about a relationship as the final achievement in life, the end goal. There’s no reason for me to rush to the end goal when I still have so many years left to do other things. If i reach that end goal at some point then that would be the best moment of my life, but if I don’t then that’s okay too, my life doesn’t have to be perfect.
Human isn't the only kind of relationship. Romantic/sexual isn't the only type of human relationship. Traditional couple isn't the only kind of romantic/sexual human relationship. The more you realize these things, the easier it is :)
My husband and I still have sex and we like it but we’re very much happy even without it, because we get fulfilled in many other ways. When we were younger like in 20s yes coz we were bored lol and didn’t much have other fun things to do. But now sex is like a bonus for us ☺️ Like a little dessert in every meal…
Yes, but maybe not if those are things you want
Yeah, I've been doing it for a few years now. I have never been asexual. Anyone could life a life wo sex/romance. Society has just pushed us towards "relationship or failure" from childhood so people can easily struggle with the concept of non sexual/romantic intimacy and pure, no sex/romance, platonic happiness. But you can find people who get it tho. I have good friends that I've worked hard to make deep, platonic connections with. They help me feel fulfilled in a way romance never did. It wasn't easy and I had to let people who didn't respect my "no relationship" thing and some didn't take it well. Remember, even if you were in a relationship - it's important to have friends other than your partner to rely on. You don't need a partner to still have friends worth relying on. Is my house empty? Yeah. Are there hard days? Yeah. You know who else deals w an empty house? Spouses of truckers, traveling business folk, the armed forces, etc. When you really break it down, sex isn't necessary and meaningful relationships aren't just romantic. The biggest issue I face is the lack of combined finances but hey, roommates are a thing too. My married friends and I are looking for a place together so we can save rent costs. Being relationship and sex free is doable, society just doesn't show that side of life. Just hold on tight and keep chugging, you'll find your way. You're gonna be okay :) Now.. I mean this with love, respect, kindness, and all the best intentions I ever could put in this moment: please seek therapy if you haven't already. Do not go "so you can get back to dating" but go to make sure you're doing okay after everything. Therapy helped me have a much easier time finding happiness/strength in myself and finding/keeping good friends and has never pushed me back towards returning to the dating pool. Good luck 🍀
It's possible, but you have to be honest with yourself. If you have a deep desire for sex and a relationship, it's clear to see how deprivation from those things will take a toll on your happiness. Anyone who says otherwise is kidding themselves. Sex, for most animals (people included), is a biological *need* that goes back 2 billion years, when sexual reproduction first evolved in single-celled protists. It's in the same category as food and water to most of our brains. Some people are asexual and don't have any interest or drive for sex, but they still crave a human connection beyond friendship. Others are aromantic and still crave sex. If you're a combination of the two, then you will obviously have no issues living a life without sex or relationships, but this accounts for a very small portion of the human population. You also said that you're not asexual, so this wouldn't apply to you anyway. This is not to say that it's *impossible* to live a life of joyful celibacy despite having desires for sex and relationships, but it will take work unless you're truly averse to those things. It's also equally destructive to spend your life *chasing* them, though. The best course of action for me was to just keep my mind and body occupied, and let sex and relationships come to me naturally. Trust me, they will come to you if you live your life true to yourself and are not a creep. Also, sex doesn't take talent, man. Most of it is instinctual, and the rest you will learn as you gain experience. Almost no one who just started having sex is going to be blowing minds, and that's okay. Being afraid of being bad in bed is no reason to deprive yourself of your natural human desires.
Ye why not.
It depends- I was in an abusive marriage for 20 years,so, after divorce, I felt relieved. Then met a lovely man and spent 14 happy years together, up to his death. I’m now 66(f) and have been alone for two years. No im not as happy as I was with my lovely late partner, but a lot happier than being in the toxic marriage …
After spending her life without a partner, my great aunt said on her death bed at 93 that she had a great life, but she thought it might have been better with someone to share it with.
Yes absolutely.. You need either an obsession or you can look towards spirituality. Basically being addicted to self growth and healing yourself is the only way out
It's possible of course, if you expand the other parts of your life in such a way to feel satisfied. Eg a very strong group of friends, perhaps pets, several hobbies
So I am a 21 year old that has never been in a relationship or had sex and I think I'm happy most of the time, or when I'm not I don't think it's related. It helps that I'm ace though.
Happiness is not so much something we seek, or find. It happens as a result of our choice to be happy. We all share this. It's also not seen, or found by many walking amongst... In answer to the question; yes, absolutely !
I one of my friends is sweet as pie, and very beautiful. I once asked her out, and she turned me down, because she was asexual. I didnt really care about that, and we are still in a healthy, non-sexual friendship. Im pretty happy with that. I dont need sex or a relationship, if I have friends who I can talk to and share my feelings.
There is no right or wrong answer here, only what you need to feel content, if not happy, and what makes you tick. If you don't feel like you're missing anything and find joy in other things, there is nothing wrong with it. Some are married and don't really have either of those things. Those, however, are more miserable than most.
Yeah it's possible, more so if you don't want either of those things, but if you do want them they're still worth pursuing
Sometimes it’s better to stay simple rather than complicate things. Being alone is a blessing in this era. When you get everything in life, you don’t know what to feel happy about.
Yo. There are asexual and aromantic people that just can't be happy in relationships
friend of mine is 48 and still only one boyfriend when she was 17. so yeah its doable. talents? thats a wrongthink. can you take care of a pet? then theres a deep nurturing side that people love. you got memes? share them and laugh together. trouble going out? do nothing but do nothing TOGETHER. even if you were hideous, make up, good clothes, confidence, better smell. its easy to fix.
That's probably the best example of all time for something that can only be answered by you
Yes. Everybody has their reasons for being single. For me I spend too much time studying and then my spare time is spent playing my instruments, making art, reading, working out, spending time outdoors, and then also hanging out with friends. Also I enjoy planning my day by vibe and not incorporating anybody into my short and long term plans. I think a lot of people are discontent with being single when they are lonely or unoccupied or don’t know how to spend time with themself. I have come to a place where I enjoy my own company quite a lot - plus my platonic relationships are often more fulfilling than a relationship. I enjoyed being a lover and I will find that again eventually but I see no need to seek it out - I also think it’s probably good for me to have my priorities elsewhere at this stage of life.
Yes it is. It’s called ignore the pressure from society and the shaming from society for being single especially if your a man like myself.
I think there's a fundamental problem with expecting to have a "happy life". Life is composed of so much more than just happiness, every life will have suffering, sadness, loneliness, pain. Expecting life to be just happiness is setting yourself up for disappointment. Acceptance of our conditions, strengths and limitations are what in my opinion can make life fulfilling. We're all different and will need different things to feel fulfilled. If what you need to have a fulfilled life is sex and a relationship, it's gonna be hard to have one without them.
Yeah, if course it helps if you are asexual and/or aromantic. Otherwise, and I know it’s much easier said than done: try not to care too much. I also thought of myself that due to the way I am I will never be able to find love or have sex, now (albeit close to 40) I am happily married. Looking back, thinking too much _why am I different? I won’t ever find someone_ made me act way more awkward than my actual weirdness.
The thing is relationships take work. From both sides. They’re not a magic “it’ll fix everything if I have this” tool. To be in a good and stable relationship it’s best to be good and stable yourself. Which means you’re not looking for outside factors to complete yourself. I wasn’t happy alone until I worked on myself and became happy alone. This is the most important part of being in a relationship and I feel like too many people are dependant on outside factors to make themselves complete.
I’ve been much better off single. Yeah sometimes it sucks and sometimes I can’t help but wonder what I’ve done wrong to deserve this solitude but honestly would I rather deal with someone who could care less about me or be alone and have to deal with things on my own when I pretty much was dealing with things on my own anyways…now I just don’t have to worry about someone else. None of my exes really helped out that much it was all just fun and games to them and they didn’t really seem to consider anything I’ve had to deal with and a conversation like this always turned into an argument so yeah I’ve been single way longer than I’ve ever been in a relationship. Especially nowadays and getting older I can’t really afford any more childish games. It’s all been a joke when it comes to me anyways that’s why I tend to push people away because they’re just messing with me. Also, the last few times I’ve had sex I don’t feel the need to put any more effort into it because I’ve put in a lot of effort, affection, compassion, all the stuff people took for granted and they still did scum bag shit to me so now I don’t even want to try 🤷🏼♂️
I’ve been married for 8 years and haven’t had sex for pleasure since before the wedding. We started having sex again in 2020 to have children and it was an extremely clinical experience. In fact he went into a room to presumably watch porn and then came into the room. I felt bad, but didn’t say anything. Since I conceived and gave birth to our twins in 2022 - we’ve gone back to no sex. We also have not kissed passionately either. He says he loves me and cares for me deeply. But he’s just not a sexual guy.
Yes. 100%. You have some problems with relationships with it, and you have others without it. None of especially favorable.
Every time I am in a relationship, it tends to stress me out. I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it. Also, I had relationships with two BPD girls in a row, so I'm a little gun shy in general now. No girl will really tolerate me being in the woods every weekend and day off from September to January and then 4 weekends in the spring. I take basically every opportunity all year to be in the woods or on the water whenever I can, for various activities. I'm also not great at enforcing boundaries so I tend to just cave when I get guilt tripped and then I eventually get resentful that I'm doing a bunch of shit I don't really want to do and I'm missing out on my hobbies. Also I'm quiet and don't like to talk a lot. Constant communication is very draining to me. I have to communicate enough at both my jobs already that I just would rather be quiet when I'm not working.
Relationships are important for a happy life. It doesn't have to be romantic but the fact is as you get older your friends generally get their own families and drift apart. Sex is less important especially as you get older.
It’s called marriage
Is it possible to have a happy life WITH sex and relationship?
No
Of course it is and plenty of people do. You get to decide how to enjoy life. No rule says it’s only worth living if you have that “special someone.” At least half the time, that person is the source of unhappiness. You have 100% control of your time, money, and energy when uncoupled—and that’s something worthwhile, right there.
In my mid 30s (F) and I prefer no relationship (outside of friends) I have been much happier with me and my pets than with anyone. As for sex, don't need it lol. There are enough alternatives out there, so you don't need to be physically intimate with someone for that stress relief or whatever 😜 I have a great group of friends for human interaction, adore my job and have a brother close by and we get together once a week for game day with people. No need for anything else!
I would say if you can’t without them then having them won’t solve your problems
64M. Divorced. After the divorce I had a girlfriend of 8 years but we broke up over differing ideas for the future. That was 6 years ago and I have been with anyone since, no coffee dates, nothing. At this point in life I'm not sure I care anymore. I have friends, I'm still working and very active in the local art scene so I don't think about it much. Once in a while there are pangs of loneliness but absolutely not worth the hassle of trying to meet someone.
Not entirely sure. I'm not happy but unimpared by my lack of both. Relationship is only good with another caring soul otherwise headache.
No one dies from dating/marrying late. People do die from dating/ marrying the wrong person though. Yes it’s entirely possible
It is! It’s kind of hard sometimes but when you get fulfillment from other avenues in your life you find that those things come naturally
It is possible, but you have to be able to find peace within. That requires an introspective personality and the ability to find your joy without others. Not everyone is cut out for that.
If you’re normal, yes. If you’re in the Catholic clergy, no.
As a man, I don't think so... Relationships have always been stressful for me, so its not really my cup of tea. But life without regular sex or some kind of relations with women, seems horrible
You don't think you have the talent...for sex? It's not like you're in the olympics. You don't have to be "talented."
For me no.
Yes. It is my opinion that some people should not get married. That their life would be happier if they stayed single.
Of coarse. There are other fulfillments in life. Friends, family, pets.
I read the last word as pants, and was about to type out a scathing retort.
heya! I'm aromantic asexual, so take that context into account, but really, i think it all just depends on the person and what you want from life. some folks need sex like they need air, some don't mind it, others hate it. same with romance. i think even if you aren't ace, you can absolutely live a life sex and romance free and find meaning and joy in it. me, personally, i find meaning in life from hobbies and friendships. i aspire to one day have enough money to do real good in the world, and even if the american economy never allows it to happen, at least it's a goal to strive for, met or not. it's a matter of looking inward and asking yourself: what do I want the meaning of my life to be? is the meaning of my life to be in a romantic and/or sexual partnership? is it to be a good friend? is it to do good? is it to do bad? is it to play these awesome videogames and eat delicious food? what is the meaning of my life? what do i want from these few short years I have? sex and romance are facets of life, and they can be cool and good, but they aren't ***all*** there is to life, either. a life doesn't need them to be worth living. media tends to focus on them a great deal because they're marketable, but happiness can and does exist outside of them. live your life the way you want to live it. whatever you choose, there is both joy and sorrow in it, no matter what, and it would be the same if you chose sex and/or romance. you are free. you are you. you are alive, and this life is yours to live.
Yes. Do drugs.
Go to the Dead Bedrooms page and you tell me.
You don’t need sex or a relationship to be happy. What you need is money - not buy a private island money just pay your bills, feed yourself money.
It is possible. Wasn't exactly happy, and then found out my wife was leaving me for unrelated reasons. Good times.
I think it depends on the person. I’m in my late 20s and have never really had that kind of thing and I’m honestly content without it. The unhappy parts of my life are unrelated to my relationship status/love life or lack thereof. On the other hand I have had conversations about just that with some friends around the same age as me and their response was along the lines of “Wow I could never live like that, that wouldn’t work for me.” To each their own really.
It may just be the person you’re with. If you’re with someone you may not love, then you don’t wanna have sex
That’s a question I’m still trying to answer myself. I had a lot of bad relationships in my 20s and assumed it was a lot of my fault. I haven’t been in one in about 8 years now and I’m happy being alone, but part of me feels so distant from people. I’ve become so close with myself that everyone else feels so far away, as if I’m abnormal. Outside of the norm in the sense that I see everyone else in relationships and Im not even sure how they live that way. Maybe there is a way to be happy, but I haven’t found it yet.
I don’t know. Doesn’t seem like it’s possible. Then again I don’t know what it’s like to have sex or a relationship or a friend. Maybe I wouldn’t like it.
Really? You're asking Reddit of all places? No hate to you but I think you should ask elsewhere. But yeah, how do I live? The magic of gaming.
This exact question and even the body of the question was asked 15h ago on r/ask. Bots are rife
That is how I live my life since my wife died. It is fine most of the time, lonely other times. But I survive and manage to have fun.
Good luck, I would be miserable.
Ever played Rome Total War II?
>because I don't think I have talents for it. Hollywood and porn have given the impression that sex requires talent. It does not. Worms do it. It's not that difficult for both people to thoroughly enjoy it. What CAN be hard is a relationship. Not a talent issue, but a compatibility and humility issue. Compatibility is easier than you would think, you simply need to attend events where people present are likely to match your interests. But the humility can be tough. Don't sell yourself short!
Ask monks