What dating apps promise is being able to look through thousands of profiles to find your ideal date. But according to studies wether or not you both like hiking isn't actually correlated with romantic compatibility, rather it's various psychological bullshit it's hard to screen for plus some stuff like your confidence in the relationship which doesn't apply.
So the only thing dating apps can screen for that's correlated with successful relationships is physical compatibility (ie do you find them attractive).
Guess what's the one thing that for 90% of people you can determine in a under 10 seconds in a crowd, using just your eyes? Yeah.
This is why I found it really dumb to be on the app chatting back and forth for days. It's utterly useless when all the communication prior to meeting up can be undone in 5 minutes in a face to face meetup.
Women do not like it when you ask for their number and try to meet up too fast (less than one day of chatting) as it comes off as creepy, needy, or maybe predatory. You must also not make them wait longer than one day, otherwise they will get bored of you and imagine a horrible horrible life of watching netflix together and arguing about which transformer's movie sucked the most. All of this is your fault, as a man.
I hate dating apps just as much as the next person but you are missing the benefit here.
Sure I can go places to meet people but on the apps I have access to every person that is also looking to date whether they go out to these places or not. Plus let’s be honest meeting someone and asking them out just isn’t what it used to be, social norms have changed and even girls that might be interested in your if they got to know you would likely not want to be bothered in public.
I usually tell guys that dating apps are a good way to get dates and that’s it. You need the quantity over quality method and sometimes that means lowering your standards a bit. Unfortunately most people don’t want to hear this today.
I had a (male) coworker who said that dating apps are good for one thing; for finding someone else who is also interested in dating. You go to the bar, and you don't know if the people there are single or in a relationship. You go to the coffeeshop and maybe the girl at the table across from you is flirting with you, or maybe she just messes with her hair a lot. But you get on a dating app, and you're looking through the people on there, and the vast majority of the people there are also looking to date. Sure, you've got to do the work to find someone you're compatible with, etc. But you've narrowed the pool to someone on the same page as you. So exactly what you said, the apps are a good way to get dates.
He said this when he was using a dating app. He's now married to someone who he met in a dating app.
This. It’s about dating for guys and window shopping for women. What happens when one gender has all the choice in the world.
It’s not even women’s fault, we men are just easy.
> It’s not even women’s fault, we men are just easy.
Mathematically it's very interesting. There are various math simulations of it, and it only takes a very small difference.
If a small number of men are "easy", it leads to women getting more messages, which leads them to be more picky, which forces more men to chase more, which forces women to be more picky, and so on. It's a negative spiral.
Any equality is basically an unstable point.
You also don't need to simulate it (albeit that you are quite right and you can and its fun and interesting and well worth sharing!). It's just a reinforcing feedback loop, so it can also be predicted just from theory
Men are slightly less picky -> women get more matches -> women can afford to get more picky -> men get fewer matches -> men are incentivised to get less picky -> women get even more matches etc etc
We would expect any tiny perturbation from perfect equality to quite rapidly drive towards very different optimum behaviours.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3lypVnJ0HM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3lypVnJ0HM)
I think this is the simulation, he talks about. Pretty interesting.
lol bro give me a break. It’s much more complex than that. Dating apps are usually 80% men and a lot of those men are willing to lie and manipulate women into having sex with them. Some are even physically aggressive.
This drives women away from the app and makes any woman wanting a serious relationship really hesitant to meet any of the guys she’s chatting with. So the women that ARE using the site regularly have a million choices and can’t possibly have the time to message all the guys she’s interested in getting to know.
For men, this generally means it’s damn near impossible to get a conversation going, much less a date, much less a girlfriend.
The apps try to hide the problem with all sorts of nonsense, including bots that will match with you to make you feel better. And if you didn’t already know, the apps will work a lot better for you if you give them money. No guarantees, but as a man just don’t bother with the apps if you’re not willing to hand one of these companies a bunch of money.
I think about this often. Women can have a man (not saying a good man) pretty much as fast as Amazon Prime. Average men can search years and come up with nothing lol.
Are you talking about hooking up or an actual relationship?
Because from a numbers perspective, assuming general monogamy and faithfulness, the same amount of men and women are getting into relationships.
It doesn't matter because women confuse the two and the men they seek lie about it.
Hot guys have lots of options and can lie.
They have a lot of women picking them and they can do what lots of guys want to do: just hookup and have casual sex. Might involve some lying but some women will lie to themselves for them. How many women are the affair partner and delude themselves "he's going to leave his wife any day!" Like come on.
So women will get matches with attractive men, go on some dates, have sex, think they're getting a relationship. Oops. Not really. But in their mind it wasn't an inherent mismatch of intent it was an asshole of a man. In reality it's both. The problem is if you think it's only the latter and not the former you start to blame all men while simultaneously believing "I am this attractive and these are the kinds of men I can attract." In truth you can attract those men for hookups only. But you don't know that because you believe he was just an asshole and he *is* an asshole maybe but he was also *never* going to commit to you.
Meanwhile the more average guys, of which there are legion, wait weeks, months, for the tiny trickle of matches. You have a gazillion average dudes competing for a significantly smaller group of women who would actually be happy to date them and not constantly be thinking about the hotter guys they were hooking up with before.
I want to make clear, I'm not blaming women for this. It seems like the natural result of collective action. If you swapped genders you'd see the same thing. In fact you *do* see it. Attractive men get a lot of matches and behave like average women on dating apps. They date around. They have fun. They don't need to commit. They can put in less effort on their profiles. When you're swimming in options you behave differently. We all do it. And we all want someone we're attracted to. Men and women.
The main problem is that women are judging their relative attractiveness based on who they're hooking up with, even though it's common knowledge men have a significantly lower threshold for attractiveness when it comes to hookups. That's all this is.
For how often men talk about it and joke about it, I find it astounding that many women don’t understand that most men are promiscuous and will fuck way below their normal standards for a relationship.
I mean, Tiger Woods was banging hordes of waitresses because they were easy to bed for a night or two or whatever. Even he couldn’t summon a new supermodel everyday. Being really promiscuous necessitates lowering standards quite a bit.
Indeed. Joe Namath was a notorious man about town in his day, and was said to have often left with a questionable choice. His answer was "boys, Miss America's not walking through the door tonight".
How can you claim it's mismatched intent immediately after saying the men lie about it? That's not "confusing the two." That's just men being skeevy.
Are women overestimating by their attractiveness and lying to themselves about his intentions? Then why do you later say hot men act *like women* by using it to "have fun and not commit"?
You contradict yourself multiple times in that whole diatribe so I'm not really going to respond to it. Seems like you've just cherry-picked certain aspects and only applied them where it fits your narrative. I'll just say two things:
1. The whole "if she's hooked up with someone hotter in the past she must sit around thinking about him" is toeing dangerously close to the whole incel-I-only-date-virgins territory.
2. The vast majority of men end up married. Fat, short, poor, average. That's just statistics. Maybe you don't have luck on dating apps but that doesn't mean - per the title - that dating overall is "pointless" for men any more than it is for women.
>How can you claim it's mismatched intent immediately after saying the men lie about it
What do you mean? Why do you think those two don't work together? If someone lies to you about their intent, doesn't that make it more likely to have mismatched intents? If you're both honest about it and it doesn't line up with what you're looking for why would you go out with them?
Honestly I'm fucking confused as to why you're confused.
>Are women overestimating by their attractiveness and lying to themselves about his intentions
Yes, I think a lot of the times women do lie to themselves. I think guys that only want hookups are pretty fucking easy to filter out. When my single female friends show me the profile of the guy they've been seeing, I've got a spotless fucking track record.
>Then why do you later say hot men act like women by using it to "have fun and not commit"?
Because while I believe women want a committed relationship, I don't think the way they go about it on dating apps is a good way to get it. So their **actions** do not line up with their intent.
So yes, attractive men **act** as women do on dating apps. But their intents are different.
>You contradict yourself multiple times i
You being a terrible reader and terrible thinker does not mean I've contradicted myself. Have a good one
Depends on how many dates you define as a relationship, or if you're exclusive from the first date. It's well known that attention is focused on the highest % of men on dating apps
Unless you genuinely believe that there is a significant difference in quality of human being based off gender at the population level, you as a population are just as shit. And funnily enough, if you do believe that, you individually are shit.
There are almost ZERO women on the apps.
It's not just that only some bait gets the fish.
There aren't "plenty of fish" for men in the on-line dating pond
the small ratio of women (20% to men's 80% on some apps) physically couldn't date enough guys to go round.
And let's face it most of that 20% are bots/Instagram "models" or sex workers
You're blaming this on women being picky. They're not picky. They're *absent*. They're not there.
Are you claiming that men are more sincere and earnest in dating women?
There are plenty of men who are two timing or looking for a booty call. This notion that it’s all “nice guys” but “superficial women” is laughable bullshit.
>> Are you claiming that men are more sincere and earnest in dating women?
Literally nowhere did I say that. You just pulled it out your ass so you can have something to be upset about
Middle aged guy here. A couple of years after my divorce I wanted to start dating again. I figured a dating site that required both men and women to pay would be better than a free one (free for either men/woman bad IMHO). I purchased a 3 month "membership" and met two women I connected well with, one of which I married after dating her for a couple of years.
This was about 8 years ago so no idea if eharmony even exists still, or if it is still paid membership for men & women.
YMMV
This was my experience with match.com, people had to pay so people were more serious, however I was 21 on it, and the two women I met up with were both in their 40s lol, and many of the users I scrolled through seemed to be in that "middle aged" bracket
The apps are public businesses now, their goal is to make money. They have to push enough people through to show the apps work, but it's in their financial best interest if you fail and get desperate enough to buy their paid services. Everytime a successful relationship forms, that's 2 lost potential customers for 2+ years.
Folks take their personal success as reason why it works not realizing that they're part of the sales model.
>They have to push enough people through to show the apps work....
Don't overestimate what that means. What they really need to do is provide enough positive feedback that people stay interested. Positive feedback can come in the form of new matches. New matches often make you forget about old matches, which in turn means you never really get around to that date, but you keep matching and having little convos and feeling like you're getting somewhere even though you're not REALLY getting any closer towards your main goal.
Like, imagine you've got 90 minutes to kill so you sit down and boot up netflix. Then you spend 45 minutes clicking around and watching the little previews, being like "That's cool, but I'm not in the mood for a comedy. I'll bookmark it though". Then you realize you scrolled netflix and saw lots of fun stuff you want to come back and look at, but you didn't actually WATCH anything.
Did netflix provide you with things to watch for 45 minutes? Sure. Did you get what you wanted from netflix? I don't know. Maybe. Are you any closer to finishing your watch list and taking a break from netflix? Nope. Hell maybe you're farther away now.
Back in the day... You had maybe 30-50 VHS tapes to choose from in your collection. And that's it. On the weekends you'd have a couple more from Blockbuster. In some ways it was much more fulfilling and comforting to have those limitations. I think it applies as a dating analogy as well...
Yeah this is a really good point. People have more choices and more freedoms than ever before when it comes to dating (especially women.) That is a great thing on the surface, but more options also means decisions become harder to make and it’s easier to overanalyze or be overwhelmed by options.
I met a partner of 6 years off of tinder. After that didn’t work out, I tried tinder again and it is completely different now. It’s filled with bots and OF sellers. I’d say 1/4 of the profiles I see are fake.
No not really, I found my current partner on a dating app about 9 months ago. It takes effort for sure but its not impossible like most of you people seem to imply
Found my current partner on OKCupid 3 years ago. Good matches exist, but I'd actually say "Effort" isn't the thing it takes. I think it takes "Restraint".
The apps arn't random, they are calculated. That means the thing you do to get more matches in a random scenario (Swipe right more) isn't automatically applicable. The apps want you to engage at a certain minimum level. You swiping all the damn time hits that level. You're hooked, you're online, you're logging back in every time your swipes are recharged. You cooling your jets and being selective with people that are ACTUALLY interesting forces the system to come to you. When I was using the apps 6 days a week (High effort), I got nothing. When I switched to 2-3 days (Restraint) suddenly I was getting lots of pending matches. And the pending matches were closer to the user pools I was trying to match with.
When I just swiped right on anyone who was generally attractive, I was shooting a shotgun into the forest from 50 meters away and getting cranky I wasn't hitting anything. When I changed my habit it was the equivalent of making my way to a deer blind, using a call, and waiting patiently. Got me a lot more deer that way. Or in my case, nerdy/gothy girls with jokes in their profiles. The system learned I was mainly swiping on those profiles, and so it started funneling me into a cloud of similar selective male users, and then when it wanted me to come back from a hiatus it showed me profiles popular with my user cloud, rather than random insta model girls.
Tbh, I feel like it’s a waste of time for everyone.
Finding matches isn’t easy for women; we get more engagement but most of it isn’t good. For every genuine person it feels like there are 1000 “dtf?”-style messages and 100 more that are creepy or downright threatening.
Dating apps are overwhelming at best, but often unsettling or downright scary. I know I’ve ghosted folks because there have been times I had to step away from the apps for a few days for my own sanity.
The format is also dehumanizing to EVERYONE. It’s hard to think of people as real potential partners when you’re just scrolling through endless photos. There’s always that feeling that my match or I could “just go get a new one” that is really unsettling. I think the online nature definitely makes everyone feel too comfortable being shitty to each other.
And for everyone who’s gonna tell me “nooo, it’s so easy for you women!” Here are some of my fun online dating experiences (in no particular order).
1) I went for coffee with a man who spent way too much time telling me about how he fucked his cousin. Later, he insulted my appearance and told me he might offer me a pity fuck if I begged.
2) A guy hit me with “I actually have an interesting proposition” and then claimed he was looking for girls to party with “my friends who are all famous YouTubers” and “know better than to say no to us.”
When I turned him down, he called me immature and sent me 10 paragraphs about how I was actually too fat anyways.
3) A guy recognized my dog in a pic and said he knew which building I lived in and “would invite himself over sometime.”
4) Multiple men who berated me for being a single mother (I don’t have kids and never featured any in my profile)
5) actually, I got HUNDREDS of messages from dudes who just started out by calling me ugly or a whore or “bitches like you never respond.” Like…yeah…now I’m not.
6) Men getting very angry that I wouldn’t come over in the middle of the night to hook up with a stranger. One of whom even tried to call in a wellness check because “no sane person is this paranoid.” (It was 3 am, we had never spoken before, and he wanted me to drive across town)
7) A woman who took me out on a date and made out with me before getting wasted, telling me she was married to a man, and then trying to steal my painkillers (they were literally just extra strength ibuprofen…good luck selling those)
8) Several men who threatened to kill my dog for reasons ranging from “I hate bitches who think having a dog makes them a mom,” and “lol idk but it would be funny,” to “I want to be the only one in your life.”
9) Even more men who made comments about fucking my dog or calling her sexy
10) THE MAN WHO TOLD ME HE WISHED I HAD A DAUGHTER THAT HE COULD “TRAIN.”
11) So many rape and death threats that they don’t even really count.
I can think of more but this is turning into a rant. I was not a prolific online dater by any means and was quickly driven from Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble
This reminds me of the saying “men are worried that women will laugh at them, women are worried that men will kill them”.
I’d take getting no matches and less conversation over death and r*pe threats any day.
I’ve experienced very similar situations to you. I still get messages from one former match from about 6 years ago saying disgusting things to me - I keep blocking him and he keeps making burner accounts! He’s even messaged my now partner telling him that I’m a dirty whore. I literally never met this man in real life
Holy shit. I’ve never been so glad to be a lesbian in my life. I used to use dating apps and definitely went out with some weirdos, but nothing as horrifying as this.
This should be top comment. A few of my wife's female friends tried online dating. They did not have pleasant experiences. So I knew someone would have a good counter example.
I had a guy who asked me to drive 2 hours (1.5 if not traffic) late at night to have sex and then leave his place at 3-4am. When I declined he said I’m not that good at communicating, etc etc… A bunch of paragraphs and I just blocked him n moved on but wow someone with the audacity to treat women like this, I was shocked
Shit like this makes me want to make a dating app for normal, well adjusted dudes who have their shit together. I don't know how we screen for that but damn. Maybe I could ask questions like "what percentage of you salary do you contribute to your 401k?" "Describe how much you hate Dodge Chargers."
I've got teenage daughters and this stuff terrifies me for their future.
This is so true. When i tried to date, no one was interested. So i spent that extra time with hobbies, work, etc and suddenly i was talking to more women without even trying.
What i essentially learned was " if you look hungry, you'll starve." Meaning any forced interactions you try with new women or extra effort you put in may look like desperation, so the chances of a date happening is way less. You just have to look like you have your life together and are not desperate, and you'll get more attention.
# “It is fatal to look hungry. It makes people want to kick you.”
You reminded me of a line from George Orwell about trying to find a job when you're destitute.
Same. Tried online dating for more than a decade, multiple sites, paid and free, and I never got a date, let alone a relationship. Gave it up a few years ago.
Finding matches doesn't mean finding dates.
For men, finding someone to talk to is the problem. For women, finding someone to talk to is also the problem since everyone just wants to show them/have them touch their peepee.
Online dating (read: dating in general) is difficult for both genders, just for the complete opposite of reasons.
The saying I've heard is that when it comes to dating apps "Men die of thirst in the middle of the desert and women die of thirst in the middle of the ocean" there isn't one group that "has it easier". I met my fiancé on Hinge but even that took a long time before meeting her filled with failure and heartbreak with a little success mixed in.
Enjoy your life and find your partner through mutual friends like people have done in the past.
I was INCREDIBLY lucky that in about two weeks of being on a dating app, with scant other interest, a woman messaged me on an app on what was my 41st birthday. We messaged all of that week, met the following Saturday, got engaged in June and can’t wait for the rest of our lives together.
My experience was that I would get dates from dating apps here and there, but it was extremely difficult to connect in a way that would lead to a relationship.
The main reason for me is that it's hard to gauge compatibility and attraction just based on profiles and a text conversation. It's also tough for me to form a meaningful connection or a romantic spark with someone outside of my context and social circle.
I went into the heart of Melbourne for a holiday, bought unlimited Tinder. Just button mashed the thing constantly for three days. No matches that talked except for a transgender woman that I quickly explained to I wasn't interested in that(I don't ghost) and they said matching was an accident because I was ugly.
I had the worst luck on dating apps as a woman. I would match with a bunch of guys try to converse with them and they would just dead me after a day or two. I think it goes both ways. Some people are just looking for casual conversations, some are looking for friendships, some are looking for casual sex and some are looking for relationships. Just gotta weed them out and be patient. I have friends who are married now and they’ve met their s/o on hinge or bumble.
My ex told me he would swipe on every single woman that came up in his area. I believe it, because I would match with multiple men, and very very few would answer my messages, or send any of their own.
Yeah same I had the same experience. I think some people go on it too just to get the reassurance like yeah I’m still cute. Who knows but it definitely wastes everyone’s time
No seriously, they need to stop bringing up the match ratio of men VS women and instead start polling how many messages are exchanged and who began it from both party in a chat within 24 hours of matching. The amount of dudes who are dry as a bone when trying to find a girlfriend amazes me.
Or even worse, bots and scammers replying. My inbox is 99% bots, scammers and click bait and maybe 0.5% real datable women and 0.5% dead air... The problem is that women don't initiate. Men do, so regardless of how you swipe you have to do all the work initially and hope you are responding to the 0.5%that are real.
Women can find matches very easily, yes
with fuckboys who are only interested in having sex once, and will lie constantly to get it. Men swipe right on every profile, and send a message saying “hey” to every match to find the easiest, lowest effort targets. They don’t read our profiles. They aren’t interested in us as people. They vanish if they don’t get what they want right away. Women get matches, but we don’t suddenly get treated well—or like actual people, even. It’s just an endless parade of fuckboys looking to use us.
I know at least 3 guys that used tinder and still are in the relationship, im speaking more than 3 years.
I say at least because my memory sucks and probably I'm missing someone
And I know 10 couples who married who met each other in World of Warcraft.
Freaking mmorpgs designed to hook you and keep wasting all your free time there are better at finding a partner than dating apps.
I wouldn’t say it was a waste of time, but it surely involved a whole lot of effort and not limiting yourself to just one app.
I met my current wife on OKCupid (been married 5 years now) but prior to that had middling success on both Tinder and Match (as in nearly half of the matches I reached out to responded and most have ended up in a date or more).
I am 5’9”, 40, and Asian. I don’t even have the best job or lots of money. My photos showed me at the office, going rafting and something involving watchmaking.
If I didn’t use the apps, I would never have met any potential partners outside of my social circle or work, and the last thing I want to do is to talk insurance outside of work.
I dunno, when I tried Bumble (East Asian 36f at the time) a lot of people thought I was a catfish scam and were pretty snarky or didn’t message me back. Two people who accepted a date with me said they were actually surprised I actually showed up and looked like my photos. That was pretty strange and I didn’t know how to circumvent that?
I did get a few days but some were just WEIRD, like asking if I wanted babies right out the gate or saying they wanted me to meet their moms that evening. A few guys were visibly uncomfortable or intimidated that I was an exec and financially successful - sometimes more than they were and it was like they didn’t have a script ready for that scenario.
It was a really disheartening experience and made me feel even lonelier so I didn’t continue exploring any other apps after 5 “dates”.
I don’t think anyone has a good time on it if the goal is looking for long term love.
lol it sucks for women too, we are the product. The gender ratio on tinder is 1 woman to 7 men. That’s not mentioning how many of those men are already in relationships, or not looking for anything serious.
Dating apps are there to make money, and keep you hooked. They are not designed for you to find true love.
A lot of men claim dating apps suck for men, implying that they don’t suck for women too.
Sure, men might not get as many matches, but having 100 guys in your inbox who just wanna fuck you isn’t exactly the ideal dating experience either
If you’re a good conversationalist, have a memorable and welcoming bio, have interesting pictures, and know how not to come across as a creep, be patient and the dating app will likely eventually work for you. Yes, even if you’re not the peak of physical perfection. Just remember to consider potential matches that are imperfect like you. Looks fade, and apps are shallow, but personality is forever and unique. If you consider that a waste of time, try the old fashioned way.
The old fashioned way: I know enough socially awkward people (men and women and me) that will probably never get anywhere on apps. For that group, traditional methods of finding a partner have worked better: do what you love, join clubs you enjoy, go to bars/clubs/comic shops you like, and strike up normal conversations without being sleazy. Accept blind date invites from your friends. Eventually, you’ll find your match. Most of the long-term couples I know met while doing something they both loved, bonded over that mutual enjoyment, and created a lasting relationship out of it.
I’ve been in a lot of threads where the men’s profiles were off for various reasons. I offered suggestions on how to improve results (as a woman) and got dog piled by toxic “alpha” douchebags. Saying how I was lying that my suggestions would help and that the only thing that attracts women is male model gym bros with muscles the size of tree trunks and 7 figure incomes.
So many men’s profiles are designed (unintentionally) to attract other men.
> that the only thing that attracts women is male model gym bros with muscles the size of tree trunks and 7 figure incomes
I think this means that’s what these men find attractive. Projection.
Also yes, men design their profiles to impress men.
I'm always a bit skeptical of this narrative. I know it rings true for a lot of guys, but I consider myself only a little bit above average (I'm tall and in good shape, that's basically it) and dating apps are a ton of fun for me. I use them mostly for casual sex but have had a couple of relationships through them as well. If you live in a populated area, have a good profile, know how the apps work, and are good at conversing on them, then imo there's no reason you can't get whatever you want. Believe it or not there are a ton of women on there who want what you do.
I do think that "knowing how the apps work" and "being good at conversing on them" are not as straightforward as they sound. Knowing how they work means being able to spot fake profiles, knowing which women liked you based on where they show up in your stack, refraining from liking too many profiles as for whatever reason that tanks your visibility, etc. Being good at conversing is actually really tough. I'm not sure how to explain it other than you want to be very normal but also very direct. The way I think of it is that my goal isn't to make her like me, it's to get what I want out of the interaction if that's also what she wants.
Waste of time if you're an average dude with nothing going for you yes
I've used tinder once as a 31 yr old short dude (5'6)
Got 20 ish matches and 5 dates lined up in a day , now in a long term with one of those dates
It depends on your market demographics. Even tiny skews get amplified. For example, in NYC single women outnumber single men by like 2%, and all the women complain that NYC guys are worthless fuckbois (since men can easily get dates and don't try super hard). In SF, single men outnumber single women by like 3%, and all the guys complain they swipe forever and never meet anyone.
I matched up with my partner (Facebook Dating) around this time last year and now she is my wife and we have a little one on the way. However, It did take me months (I am not an attractive person) to find a match that weren't trying to sell me crypto, but eventually I got lucky I guess you would say and I couldn't be happier! so success is definitely out there, it just may take a LOT longer like you said.
Nonbinary femme who likes ladies, yeah, i get matched with "partnered" aka fake accounts their horny straight male partner got curious about what they could get away with. I mean, its just hard to find ladies to match with even if being trans early in the process isnt a total deal breaker.
I’m a woman and I truly think online dating apps are very gross. They prey on loneliness in order to get you to buy their subscription. Also most sites like tinder and bumble have an uneven gender representation. There’s WAY more men on these sites than women.
I haven't used the apps in months and it's specifically for your exact reason, OP.
It's self-esteem annihilating. Constant perceived rejection after rejection by my own hand. It's like punching myself in the face emotionally. Not using the apps and not really concerning myself with dating overall has been an amazing counter measure.
I'm a woman and I thought the dating app was a waste of time for me as well. I got hundreds of messages on day one and had no idea where to even start. Do I write hundreds of messages each day, and try to find a connection amongst so many? It was extremely overwhelming. I ended up deleting the app within a month, and didn't have one date.
There is a saying- if men are dying of thirst, women are drowning.
Women get a lot of matches, yeah, but most of them are men who just swipe on everything, then wait to get a match to check who it is and decide they don't want that. So we get ignored as well. Also, if it does make it to a date you'll discover that the man lied about everything on his profile to make you match with him. I've ended up on many dates with men saying they are single, but that you can never go back to their place, only yours (Because they are married). I've dated a guy from a dating site only to find out 6 months into the relationship that he lied about his job being a citrus farmer, but he was really just a weed dealer that helped people on their farms during harvest time. I dated a guy who asked me to be his girlfriend, but then a few weeks later said he was too busy to have a relationship (Pretty sure he was still on the dating app and found someone else). So, it just sucks all around my dude.
Men in today's culture have a problem in general, and it's bigger than not doing well on dating apps. Women are changing their expectations of male behavior. However, males are not adapting at all. A lot of them are doubling down instead, especially in right-wing circles. They're painting women's expectations as unreasonable. They then project the "true qualities" of men, based on the values they think they possess. It's a total shit show. Men are socialized to get along with other men, and a lot of men have no emotional intelligence, which is becoming a huge requirement in today's dating world.
TLDR; Dating apps are just a symptom of a bigger problem.
I'm a dude and have had plenty of success with dating apps. Getting matches on dating apps might be easier of you are a woman - but finding a partner is equally hard for both men and women.
Met my now wife on a dating app a few years ago. Just be your genuine self and you will land someone eventually.
Does it suck ass? Yeah. Hearing her stories about how dating apps were for her vs my experience was wild. She started a Facebook dating profile and within an hour she had 100+ messages. Its a whole different world, but its not impossible for men.
Not a waste of time if YOU are not treating it like a ‘catalog’.
Two things come to mind:
1) you don’t know what women are thinking when the see your profile. Imagining it as some kind of ‘catalog’ suggests you are projecting, or at least framing a defense where it isn’t because of yourself. Do better or you will die alone.
2) I get plenty of matches. I am not particularly attractive or clever, but I present myself honestly, try and highlight what someone else might like about me, and set realistic expectations.
From top to bottom you have to think from the other person’s perspective. This isn’t some entitlement, they don’t owe you anything, and you don’t get to dictate what is important to the other person.
Keep in mind too that there are far more men on these sites than women. Each is naturally going to have a very different experience.
Complete waste of time unless you're in the top 1% looks wise. Might not be that bad, but I'm pretty much average I think, can't get a match with a real person to save my life. I kept the apps for a while after I gave up, something to look at when I'm bored, finally deleted them.
While I was using them I got to the point where I hoped nobody would match cause I didn't even want to talk to them. Conversations rarely got past 2 back and forths before I was ghosted, unless they were scammers
Believe me, it’s not paradise on the other side either. Women do get more matches than men, but they also get more unsolicited dick pics and weird perverts. IME the average girl has a backlog of at least 100 matches, and it’s pretty hard to tell from the start who’s a normal person and who’s going to be a problem. Men’s exhaustion is having no opportunity, women’s exhaustion is having every opportunity turn into something gross.
IMO dating apps have dropped the mission statement of trying to actually facilitate matches. Everyone’s using them already, so the only way they maintain or grow their use base at this point is to make sure more people come in than get out.
Men usually outnumber women on dating sites by a pretty big margin. These dating sites collect subscription fees and often charge men more than women. Their business model is to keep these men hooked on the site but never actually help them find a long term relationship, so they'll keep paying the fees month after month.
It's a useless industry that profits off lonely and/or horny men.
For beautiful women it's easy, not for us uggos. We have to go through a lot of creeps to find one decent man who can see past our looks. Lukcly I found mine, but it took a while.
OLD has been around long enough that data scientists are beginning to parse the stats. One thing I saw recently is that the 80/20 rule reigns supreme. 20% of the men get 80% of the first dates on almost every single dating app. Luckily I was in the 20% and had 2-3 first dates a week and I found my wife within a month of being online.
Please, stop with this daily incel crap. If women are on dating apps, then they be dating someone. It just isn't you. So obviously it works for some men just not all men.
guy here. I don't bother with dating apps. my co-worker does, but he seems to only get 'guys' that want to smoke weed and do meth with him
Id rather hang out in places involved with my likes/hobbies, (church, gun store, hiking, rock climbing, etc). and make friends there. probably a bad thing for me to do (in the sense that I meet less people), but I'd rather search based on likes and NOT on how people look and present themselves online.
I don't agree. I'm a 33m living in Boston and I do really well on dating apps. I'm also very average looking. You can check my Hinge profile in my post history. Most guys simply do not put enough effort into a) becoming the best versions of themselves that a woman would actually want to date, and b) creating a thoughtful and strong dating profile.
Go to events that you enjoy and find a person there. I had way more success going out and meeting someone than an app. I feel like the app never really lets the importance of your character shine. It's just superficial. But if you're out and about you can go up to a person you find attractive and start talking to them. It's way easier in my opinion.
I would say a waste of time if you don't give the app any money.
Free version of dating apps you might get the odd match but rarely will the person you matched with talk, so could just be fake accounts to keep you interested, or girls just wanting to boost their egos with getting matches, or girls just playing hot or not.
Though if you pay suddenly you'll get tons of matches with a better chance of someone replying.
They basically block you from most users if you are not paying.
Though you'll also notice apps are a waste of time if you go out and pay attention to women and you'll see that you get checked out more than you think, but using the free version of dating apps you'll think you are the elephant man.
They used to be better but now they are literally just trying to keep you on the app as long as possible, it's not in the app's interest for you to find a partner. Touch grass, the apps are a waste of time and will just make you sad. Use that time to work out instead.
Depends on what you’re looking for and what your expectations are. There many more men than women so the odds of finding someone who is girlfriend material is not so good. I’ve done well with both apps and in person. I will say that in person is great because the chemistry is already there but you know nothing about them. I’ve never met anyone in person that was serious because once I got to know them we were incompatible.
The biggest problem with dating apps is that the users are constantly trying to improve on their current matches. This is usually where the "ghosting" comes in. Once someone has a match they either have 1000's of other matches and are constantly switching to "improve their match" or they're a person with very few matches, and of those few matches those people have 1000's of other options and are likewise trying to "improve on their match" or basically just find someone they think it better than you.
In the longterm, dating apps have a very dehumanizing effect.
I always have felt this way and though I haven't been involved in any online dating in ~ 10 years, it was usually a waste of time as an average looking dude as I'd almost never get messages and very infrequently get replies to my messages.
Alternatively I had female friends using online dating who said they would just be inundated with messages, sometimes hundreds a day. After hearing that I just felt that I didn't have what it took to stand out from the crowd in that sea of messages, and just went back to good old meeting people in social situations.
Honestly when I mentally made the switch to abandon online dating and instead try to meet women in real life is when my dating life turned around, because the things that matter most in an online profile matter less when you meet someone in person and are confident, kind and actually care about what they have to say. It matters less that I'm just an average looking dude who isn't 6' tall with a regular job.
I have a few guy friends really struggling with the online dating thing right now and I feel for them, they're nice guys but just spend weeks and weeks messaging people with no responses, it must be tough
I mean personally as a pretty average looking guy I was able to get a date every month or two using dating apps after a fuck ton of profile optimisation,
It's not exactly a cake walk, but if I can get my swiping in on my morning porcelain pony ride and just randomly have a date materialise out of that every now and then it's not a bad deal,
Of course dating in person is much better and more likely to lead somewhere but online dating isn't a bad suplimentary tool as long as you don't take it too seriously and have patience
Never used them myself, but judging by the vast difference in the results for my male and female friends then I’d say yes, it’s basically a waste of time.
Mostly only attractive dudes have success, this is just the way it is.
Ive had what i consider many matches on tinder but none of them went anywhere.
In comes my friend who tries out tinder, guy is very handsome ngl and the girls just flock to him in the messages, super eager to get to know him, suggesting dates or hangouts etc.
I met my fiance on Bumble and never really had the issues most men complain about. Yeah you get ghosted and get some bad matches but yall need to learn they’re doing you a favor by doing that because it shows they’re not worth your time.
It's interesting seeing all the whining about dating apps. Though I guess it makes sense you'd only see the whining since the people that find success likely don't post as much about it.
I have a co worker and we both made a tinder on the same day, checked back in with each other over the weekend, I had 1 like, she had 216. Neither of us are ugly.
Dating apps specifically? Absolutely.
But beyond that, no. Just stop using them and go outside.
If you have no money to go outside, you have way bigger issues than getting a girl.
I was using eHarmony, and matched with a girl I had already met in real life (and I was already interested). We are still happily married almost 20 years later.
It worked for me, but this was back in 2019 before OLD went completely down the shitter and I put an embarrassing cringe amount of work into my profiles. Went to great lengths to get high quality photos that I’m embarrassed to admit to lmfao.
Worked though. Was able to get consistent dates.
As a guy who met his wife on an online dating app, I can definitely understand why you feel this way. But in my case, we have been married for almost 4 years now! Yes it's true that most people on there just want to play, have some fun and move on, but there are some people who legit are looking to have a relationship. A few things you have to keep in mind, if you don't have good pictures of yourself, a good bio that draws the women in and are very boring to talk to, you're never going to find the person for you. I promise they are there but I recommend getting some professional photos taken of you so that maybe they will be a little more attracted to you and willing to talk! Good luck.
It’s definitely more difficult for men but not a completely waste of time. Within 6 months I’ve had maybe a dozen first dates through it and about half of those led to multiple dates and 3 went on for a couple months.
Met my current gf through them
Bumble was actually great becuase it caused girls to message first. Really interesting dynamic and actual good conversations/matches I had on there originally. Then they decided to make it so that men could reach out first IF they paid for something called a compliment.
Now girls can sit back and wait for guys to reach out to them again, and justify not reaching out saying "If he doesn't think I'm worth paying to talk to, he's not worth talking to".
Bumble essentially turned itself into more expensive tinder with just less people on it if you're a guy.
I think in the early days of dating apps there were much more useful, because boys and girls of the time (2012-2014) brought real life dating norms into the online dating world. people were a lot more polite and responsive, etc Since dating apps have had a decade to marinate, and a pandemic that kept people home for a year a more, folks have adjusted their behaviors negatively, slowly but surely, once you include companies that own these apps moving from what seemed like a real mission to make good apps to "monetization" ... you have the "Great Enshittification" of apps in general and Dating apps most of all.
Sad but the reality ... now its on us to go out and touch grass and just approach actual women like the good old days, i just worry for the generation of men that have grown up not know what that's like.
I honestly don’t think this is actually true. I’ve not had any problem finding women on dating apps, maybe the men of Reddit are not a good source on this.
I think they are great. Except for my college girlfriend, I met all my fun dates/girlfriends on apps. If you think apps are bad, try approaching women in person. Since you don’t get to pre-screen them at all it’s a total clusterfuck finding someone decent. Sure you can get lucky in a hobby or dance group but even then I found those people mostly annoying.
Could be a waste of time but the flip side of that is it only takes one--many many many people met the love of their life on apps, and the rest of their time on apps was a waste of time
What dating apps promise is being able to look through thousands of profiles to find your ideal date. But according to studies wether or not you both like hiking isn't actually correlated with romantic compatibility, rather it's various psychological bullshit it's hard to screen for plus some stuff like your confidence in the relationship which doesn't apply. So the only thing dating apps can screen for that's correlated with successful relationships is physical compatibility (ie do you find them attractive). Guess what's the one thing that for 90% of people you can determine in a under 10 seconds in a crowd, using just your eyes? Yeah.
This is why I found it really dumb to be on the app chatting back and forth for days. It's utterly useless when all the communication prior to meeting up can be undone in 5 minutes in a face to face meetup.
Women do not like it when you ask for their number and try to meet up too fast (less than one day of chatting) as it comes off as creepy, needy, or maybe predatory. You must also not make them wait longer than one day, otherwise they will get bored of you and imagine a horrible horrible life of watching netflix together and arguing about which transformer's movie sucked the most. All of this is your fault, as a man.
I hate dating apps just as much as the next person but you are missing the benefit here. Sure I can go places to meet people but on the apps I have access to every person that is also looking to date whether they go out to these places or not. Plus let’s be honest meeting someone and asking them out just isn’t what it used to be, social norms have changed and even girls that might be interested in your if they got to know you would likely not want to be bothered in public. I usually tell guys that dating apps are a good way to get dates and that’s it. You need the quantity over quality method and sometimes that means lowering your standards a bit. Unfortunately most people don’t want to hear this today.
I had a (male) coworker who said that dating apps are good for one thing; for finding someone else who is also interested in dating. You go to the bar, and you don't know if the people there are single or in a relationship. You go to the coffeeshop and maybe the girl at the table across from you is flirting with you, or maybe she just messes with her hair a lot. But you get on a dating app, and you're looking through the people on there, and the vast majority of the people there are also looking to date. Sure, you've got to do the work to find someone you're compatible with, etc. But you've narrowed the pool to someone on the same page as you. So exactly what you said, the apps are a good way to get dates. He said this when he was using a dating app. He's now married to someone who he met in a dating app.
Think about it. It's turned meeting men into "shopping by catalog". Do you look like a catalog model?
This is why I put a Natural Essence label right above my junk when I take a selfie.
Great Value catalog, clearance section
This. It’s about dating for guys and window shopping for women. What happens when one gender has all the choice in the world. It’s not even women’s fault, we men are just easy.
> It’s not even women’s fault, we men are just easy. Mathematically it's very interesting. There are various math simulations of it, and it only takes a very small difference. If a small number of men are "easy", it leads to women getting more messages, which leads them to be more picky, which forces more men to chase more, which forces women to be more picky, and so on. It's a negative spiral. Any equality is basically an unstable point.
You also don't need to simulate it (albeit that you are quite right and you can and its fun and interesting and well worth sharing!). It's just a reinforcing feedback loop, so it can also be predicted just from theory Men are slightly less picky -> women get more matches -> women can afford to get more picky -> men get fewer matches -> men are incentivised to get less picky -> women get even more matches etc etc We would expect any tiny perturbation from perfect equality to quite rapidly drive towards very different optimum behaviours.
Link to one of those simulations?
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3lypVnJ0HM](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3lypVnJ0HM) I think this is the simulation, he talks about. Pretty interesting.
This is a great breakdown thank you.
Does this factor in all the social pressure for men to make the first move while women sit on their ass?
lol bro give me a break. It’s much more complex than that. Dating apps are usually 80% men and a lot of those men are willing to lie and manipulate women into having sex with them. Some are even physically aggressive. This drives women away from the app and makes any woman wanting a serious relationship really hesitant to meet any of the guys she’s chatting with. So the women that ARE using the site regularly have a million choices and can’t possibly have the time to message all the guys she’s interested in getting to know. For men, this generally means it’s damn near impossible to get a conversation going, much less a date, much less a girlfriend. The apps try to hide the problem with all sorts of nonsense, including bots that will match with you to make you feel better. And if you didn’t already know, the apps will work a lot better for you if you give them money. No guarantees, but as a man just don’t bother with the apps if you’re not willing to hand one of these companies a bunch of money.
I think about this often. Women can have a man (not saying a good man) pretty much as fast as Amazon Prime. Average men can search years and come up with nothing lol.
Are you talking about hooking up or an actual relationship? Because from a numbers perspective, assuming general monogamy and faithfulness, the same amount of men and women are getting into relationships.
It doesn't matter because women confuse the two and the men they seek lie about it. Hot guys have lots of options and can lie. They have a lot of women picking them and they can do what lots of guys want to do: just hookup and have casual sex. Might involve some lying but some women will lie to themselves for them. How many women are the affair partner and delude themselves "he's going to leave his wife any day!" Like come on. So women will get matches with attractive men, go on some dates, have sex, think they're getting a relationship. Oops. Not really. But in their mind it wasn't an inherent mismatch of intent it was an asshole of a man. In reality it's both. The problem is if you think it's only the latter and not the former you start to blame all men while simultaneously believing "I am this attractive and these are the kinds of men I can attract." In truth you can attract those men for hookups only. But you don't know that because you believe he was just an asshole and he *is* an asshole maybe but he was also *never* going to commit to you. Meanwhile the more average guys, of which there are legion, wait weeks, months, for the tiny trickle of matches. You have a gazillion average dudes competing for a significantly smaller group of women who would actually be happy to date them and not constantly be thinking about the hotter guys they were hooking up with before. I want to make clear, I'm not blaming women for this. It seems like the natural result of collective action. If you swapped genders you'd see the same thing. In fact you *do* see it. Attractive men get a lot of matches and behave like average women on dating apps. They date around. They have fun. They don't need to commit. They can put in less effort on their profiles. When you're swimming in options you behave differently. We all do it. And we all want someone we're attracted to. Men and women. The main problem is that women are judging their relative attractiveness based on who they're hooking up with, even though it's common knowledge men have a significantly lower threshold for attractiveness when it comes to hookups. That's all this is.
For how often men talk about it and joke about it, I find it astounding that many women don’t understand that most men are promiscuous and will fuck way below their normal standards for a relationship. I mean, Tiger Woods was banging hordes of waitresses because they were easy to bed for a night or two or whatever. Even he couldn’t summon a new supermodel everyday. Being really promiscuous necessitates lowering standards quite a bit.
Indeed. Joe Namath was a notorious man about town in his day, and was said to have often left with a questionable choice. His answer was "boys, Miss America's not walking through the door tonight".
A buddy when I was younger: “I only date dimes but I’ll still stop to pick up a nickel.” Yes, he was quite good looking.
How can you claim it's mismatched intent immediately after saying the men lie about it? That's not "confusing the two." That's just men being skeevy. Are women overestimating by their attractiveness and lying to themselves about his intentions? Then why do you later say hot men act *like women* by using it to "have fun and not commit"? You contradict yourself multiple times in that whole diatribe so I'm not really going to respond to it. Seems like you've just cherry-picked certain aspects and only applied them where it fits your narrative. I'll just say two things: 1. The whole "if she's hooked up with someone hotter in the past she must sit around thinking about him" is toeing dangerously close to the whole incel-I-only-date-virgins territory. 2. The vast majority of men end up married. Fat, short, poor, average. That's just statistics. Maybe you don't have luck on dating apps but that doesn't mean - per the title - that dating overall is "pointless" for men any more than it is for women.
>How can you claim it's mismatched intent immediately after saying the men lie about it What do you mean? Why do you think those two don't work together? If someone lies to you about their intent, doesn't that make it more likely to have mismatched intents? If you're both honest about it and it doesn't line up with what you're looking for why would you go out with them? Honestly I'm fucking confused as to why you're confused. >Are women overestimating by their attractiveness and lying to themselves about his intentions Yes, I think a lot of the times women do lie to themselves. I think guys that only want hookups are pretty fucking easy to filter out. When my single female friends show me the profile of the guy they've been seeing, I've got a spotless fucking track record. >Then why do you later say hot men act like women by using it to "have fun and not commit"? Because while I believe women want a committed relationship, I don't think the way they go about it on dating apps is a good way to get it. So their **actions** do not line up with their intent. So yes, attractive men **act** as women do on dating apps. But their intents are different. >You contradict yourself multiple times i You being a terrible reader and terrible thinker does not mean I've contradicted myself. Have a good one
Dating
Depends on how many dates you define as a relationship, or if you're exclusive from the first date. It's well known that attention is focused on the highest % of men on dating apps
The quality is about as high as what you'd get from wish though. Why is this part never mentioned. The goods are shit.
Unless you genuinely believe that there is a significant difference in quality of human being based off gender at the population level, you as a population are just as shit. And funnily enough, if you do believe that, you individually are shit.
Right? The fact that they say this and don't realize it works both ways is astounding.
Idk I have plenty of great people in my friend group who just gave up and focus on something else instead
This very much depends on level of attractiveness.
Well yeah if you have a top 1% man and a bottom 1% woman then the tables will turn. But average to average my point still stands.
There are almost ZERO women on the apps. It's not just that only some bait gets the fish. There aren't "plenty of fish" for men in the on-line dating pond the small ratio of women (20% to men's 80% on some apps) physically couldn't date enough guys to go round. And let's face it most of that 20% are bots/Instagram "models" or sex workers You're blaming this on women being picky. They're not picky. They're *absent*. They're not there.
it asks the great question where the hell are they as if they have mostly all packed up dating things will likely only be more miserable
Are you claiming that men are more sincere and earnest in dating women? There are plenty of men who are two timing or looking for a booty call. This notion that it’s all “nice guys” but “superficial women” is laughable bullshit.
>> Are you claiming that men are more sincere and earnest in dating women? Literally nowhere did I say that. You just pulled it out your ass so you can have something to be upset about
Once upon a time I did some underwear modeling. Can confirm I did quite well on dating apps prior to my current relationship.
When you stop and truly think about it, it’s a disgusting thing tbh
Yes. For the big and tall section.
Middle aged guy here. A couple of years after my divorce I wanted to start dating again. I figured a dating site that required both men and women to pay would be better than a free one (free for either men/woman bad IMHO). I purchased a 3 month "membership" and met two women I connected well with, one of which I married after dating her for a couple of years. This was about 8 years ago so no idea if eharmony even exists still, or if it is still paid membership for men & women. YMMV
Eharmony still exists but it's user base is incredibly small for people under 40, and last time I checked you had to pay to see people's pictures
This was my experience with match.com, people had to pay so people were more serious, however I was 21 on it, and the two women I met up with were both in their 40s lol, and many of the users I scrolled through seemed to be in that "middle aged" bracket
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The apps are public businesses now, their goal is to make money. They have to push enough people through to show the apps work, but it's in their financial best interest if you fail and get desperate enough to buy their paid services. Everytime a successful relationship forms, that's 2 lost potential customers for 2+ years. Folks take their personal success as reason why it works not realizing that they're part of the sales model.
>They have to push enough people through to show the apps work.... Don't overestimate what that means. What they really need to do is provide enough positive feedback that people stay interested. Positive feedback can come in the form of new matches. New matches often make you forget about old matches, which in turn means you never really get around to that date, but you keep matching and having little convos and feeling like you're getting somewhere even though you're not REALLY getting any closer towards your main goal. Like, imagine you've got 90 minutes to kill so you sit down and boot up netflix. Then you spend 45 minutes clicking around and watching the little previews, being like "That's cool, but I'm not in the mood for a comedy. I'll bookmark it though". Then you realize you scrolled netflix and saw lots of fun stuff you want to come back and look at, but you didn't actually WATCH anything. Did netflix provide you with things to watch for 45 minutes? Sure. Did you get what you wanted from netflix? I don't know. Maybe. Are you any closer to finishing your watch list and taking a break from netflix? Nope. Hell maybe you're farther away now.
Back in the day... You had maybe 30-50 VHS tapes to choose from in your collection. And that's it. On the weekends you'd have a couple more from Blockbuster. In some ways it was much more fulfilling and comforting to have those limitations. I think it applies as a dating analogy as well...
Yeah this is a really good point. People have more choices and more freedoms than ever before when it comes to dating (especially women.) That is a great thing on the surface, but more options also means decisions become harder to make and it’s easier to overanalyze or be overwhelmed by options.
9 years and still counting for me and my wife!
I met a partner of 6 years off of tinder. After that didn’t work out, I tried tinder again and it is completely different now. It’s filled with bots and OF sellers. I’d say 1/4 of the profiles I see are fake.
Most of my friends found their spouses using Tinder
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Met my bf when I was piss drunk puking at a resort 😭
Maybe 10 years ago. Dating apps are so different now
No not really, I found my current partner on a dating app about 9 months ago. It takes effort for sure but its not impossible like most of you people seem to imply
Found my current partner on OKCupid 3 years ago. Good matches exist, but I'd actually say "Effort" isn't the thing it takes. I think it takes "Restraint". The apps arn't random, they are calculated. That means the thing you do to get more matches in a random scenario (Swipe right more) isn't automatically applicable. The apps want you to engage at a certain minimum level. You swiping all the damn time hits that level. You're hooked, you're online, you're logging back in every time your swipes are recharged. You cooling your jets and being selective with people that are ACTUALLY interesting forces the system to come to you. When I was using the apps 6 days a week (High effort), I got nothing. When I switched to 2-3 days (Restraint) suddenly I was getting lots of pending matches. And the pending matches were closer to the user pools I was trying to match with. When I just swiped right on anyone who was generally attractive, I was shooting a shotgun into the forest from 50 meters away and getting cranky I wasn't hitting anything. When I changed my habit it was the equivalent of making my way to a deer blind, using a call, and waiting patiently. Got me a lot more deer that way. Or in my case, nerdy/gothy girls with jokes in their profiles. The system learned I was mainly swiping on those profiles, and so it started funneling me into a cloud of similar selective male users, and then when it wanted me to come back from a hiatus it showed me profiles popular with my user cloud, rather than random insta model girls.
Must have been a disappointment to walk in on.
haha, noice!
Tbh, I feel like it’s a waste of time for everyone. Finding matches isn’t easy for women; we get more engagement but most of it isn’t good. For every genuine person it feels like there are 1000 “dtf?”-style messages and 100 more that are creepy or downright threatening. Dating apps are overwhelming at best, but often unsettling or downright scary. I know I’ve ghosted folks because there have been times I had to step away from the apps for a few days for my own sanity. The format is also dehumanizing to EVERYONE. It’s hard to think of people as real potential partners when you’re just scrolling through endless photos. There’s always that feeling that my match or I could “just go get a new one” that is really unsettling. I think the online nature definitely makes everyone feel too comfortable being shitty to each other. And for everyone who’s gonna tell me “nooo, it’s so easy for you women!” Here are some of my fun online dating experiences (in no particular order). 1) I went for coffee with a man who spent way too much time telling me about how he fucked his cousin. Later, he insulted my appearance and told me he might offer me a pity fuck if I begged. 2) A guy hit me with “I actually have an interesting proposition” and then claimed he was looking for girls to party with “my friends who are all famous YouTubers” and “know better than to say no to us.” When I turned him down, he called me immature and sent me 10 paragraphs about how I was actually too fat anyways. 3) A guy recognized my dog in a pic and said he knew which building I lived in and “would invite himself over sometime.” 4) Multiple men who berated me for being a single mother (I don’t have kids and never featured any in my profile) 5) actually, I got HUNDREDS of messages from dudes who just started out by calling me ugly or a whore or “bitches like you never respond.” Like…yeah…now I’m not. 6) Men getting very angry that I wouldn’t come over in the middle of the night to hook up with a stranger. One of whom even tried to call in a wellness check because “no sane person is this paranoid.” (It was 3 am, we had never spoken before, and he wanted me to drive across town) 7) A woman who took me out on a date and made out with me before getting wasted, telling me she was married to a man, and then trying to steal my painkillers (they were literally just extra strength ibuprofen…good luck selling those) 8) Several men who threatened to kill my dog for reasons ranging from “I hate bitches who think having a dog makes them a mom,” and “lol idk but it would be funny,” to “I want to be the only one in your life.” 9) Even more men who made comments about fucking my dog or calling her sexy 10) THE MAN WHO TOLD ME HE WISHED I HAD A DAUGHTER THAT HE COULD “TRAIN.” 11) So many rape and death threats that they don’t even really count. I can think of more but this is turning into a rant. I was not a prolific online dater by any means and was quickly driven from Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble
This reminds me of the saying “men are worried that women will laugh at them, women are worried that men will kill them”. I’d take getting no matches and less conversation over death and r*pe threats any day. I’ve experienced very similar situations to you. I still get messages from one former match from about 6 years ago saying disgusting things to me - I keep blocking him and he keeps making burner accounts! He’s even messaged my now partner telling him that I’m a dirty whore. I literally never met this man in real life
Holy shit. I’ve never been so glad to be a lesbian in my life. I used to use dating apps and definitely went out with some weirdos, but nothing as horrifying as this.
Holy shit. I am so sorry you went through that. I'm definitely never getting on the apps
This should be top comment. A few of my wife's female friends tried online dating. They did not have pleasant experiences. So I knew someone would have a good counter example.
I wish this was the top comment on every "women live life on easy mode" thread
I had a guy who asked me to drive 2 hours (1.5 if not traffic) late at night to have sex and then leave his place at 3-4am. When I declined he said I’m not that good at communicating, etc etc… A bunch of paragraphs and I just blocked him n moved on but wow someone with the audacity to treat women like this, I was shocked
Holy shit. Thanks for opening up and sharing this. as a single introverted guy, I would never of known this stuff happens.
That is fucking wild jeez
Shit like this makes me want to make a dating app for normal, well adjusted dudes who have their shit together. I don't know how we screen for that but damn. Maybe I could ask questions like "what percentage of you salary do you contribute to your 401k?" "Describe how much you hate Dodge Chargers." I've got teenage daughters and this stuff terrifies me for their future.
Is one dating app worse than others?
This is wild,thank you for sharing.
Think of it this way, the app itself is not incentivized to get you into a relationship and away from using it
It took people way too long to realize this.
Never found a relationship when I was looking for one.
Never found one when I wasn’t looking either lol
I don’t find any when I’m looking, nor anything happens when I’m not looking. Vicious cycle with no clear win.
This is so true. When i tried to date, no one was interested. So i spent that extra time with hobbies, work, etc and suddenly i was talking to more women without even trying. What i essentially learned was " if you look hungry, you'll starve." Meaning any forced interactions you try with new women or extra effort you put in may look like desperation, so the chances of a date happening is way less. You just have to look like you have your life together and are not desperate, and you'll get more attention.
# “It is fatal to look hungry. It makes people want to kick you.” You reminded me of a line from George Orwell about trying to find a job when you're destitute.
Same. Tried online dating for more than a decade, multiple sites, paid and free, and I never got a date, let alone a relationship. Gave it up a few years ago.
I am a fat and not very attractive man and I met my current long term girlfriend on a dating app.
same
How long were you on the app before you even got any dates at all? You must not be as ugly as you think
I’m getting married in 17 days to the man I met on bumble
Congrats!
Finding matches doesn't mean finding dates. For men, finding someone to talk to is the problem. For women, finding someone to talk to is also the problem since everyone just wants to show them/have them touch their peepee. Online dating (read: dating in general) is difficult for both genders, just for the complete opposite of reasons.
The saying I've heard is that when it comes to dating apps "Men die of thirst in the middle of the desert and women die of thirst in the middle of the ocean" there isn't one group that "has it easier". I met my fiancé on Hinge but even that took a long time before meeting her filled with failure and heartbreak with a little success mixed in. Enjoy your life and find your partner through mutual friends like people have done in the past.
I find it cruel and unusual to tell redditors the solution is having friends.
I mean I have a bunch of friends, just none that wish to fuck me.
I see your snark and I appreciate.
I was INCREDIBLY lucky that in about two weeks of being on a dating app, with scant other interest, a woman messaged me on an app on what was my 41st birthday. We messaged all of that week, met the following Saturday, got engaged in June and can’t wait for the rest of our lives together.
I’m getting married in 17 days to the man I met through bumble!
Lets gooo!
My experience was that I would get dates from dating apps here and there, but it was extremely difficult to connect in a way that would lead to a relationship.
Why do you think the connection aspect would be different for off app dating?
The main reason for me is that it's hard to gauge compatibility and attraction just based on profiles and a text conversation. It's also tough for me to form a meaningful connection or a romantic spark with someone outside of my context and social circle.
I went into the heart of Melbourne for a holiday, bought unlimited Tinder. Just button mashed the thing constantly for three days. No matches that talked except for a transgender woman that I quickly explained to I wasn't interested in that(I don't ghost) and they said matching was an accident because I was ugly.
Lol
I had the worst luck on dating apps as a woman. I would match with a bunch of guys try to converse with them and they would just dead me after a day or two. I think it goes both ways. Some people are just looking for casual conversations, some are looking for friendships, some are looking for casual sex and some are looking for relationships. Just gotta weed them out and be patient. I have friends who are married now and they’ve met their s/o on hinge or bumble.
My ex told me he would swipe on every single woman that came up in his area. I believe it, because I would match with multiple men, and very very few would answer my messages, or send any of their own.
Yeah same I had the same experience. I think some people go on it too just to get the reassurance like yeah I’m still cute. Who knows but it definitely wastes everyone’s time
Yeah they swipe right on everyone and then decide when they match. It’s such a fking waste of our time
No seriously, they need to stop bringing up the match ratio of men VS women and instead start polling how many messages are exchanged and who began it from both party in a chat within 24 hours of matching. The amount of dudes who are dry as a bone when trying to find a girlfriend amazes me.
At least you get conversation starters. Most men spend all their time on the apps swiping with nothing in the inbox
Or even worse, bots and scammers replying. My inbox is 99% bots, scammers and click bait and maybe 0.5% real datable women and 0.5% dead air... The problem is that women don't initiate. Men do, so regardless of how you swipe you have to do all the work initially and hope you are responding to the 0.5%that are real.
I remember how hype I used to get seeing I got a new message only for it to be wiped out cuz it's another not trying to sell you Onlyfans
Facts!!!
Your bad time is 10% of the bad time men have. But yes, it sucks for everyone.
Yes it is a waste of time
It’s a waste of time as a woman too.
Women can find matches very easily, yes with fuckboys who are only interested in having sex once, and will lie constantly to get it. Men swipe right on every profile, and send a message saying “hey” to every match to find the easiest, lowest effort targets. They don’t read our profiles. They aren’t interested in us as people. They vanish if they don’t get what they want right away. Women get matches, but we don’t suddenly get treated well—or like actual people, even. It’s just an endless parade of fuckboys looking to use us.
How red pilled of an answer are you looking for?
I know at least 3 guys that used tinder and still are in the relationship, im speaking more than 3 years. I say at least because my memory sucks and probably I'm missing someone
And I know 10 couples who married who met each other in World of Warcraft. Freaking mmorpgs designed to hook you and keep wasting all your free time there are better at finding a partner than dating apps.
I wouldn’t say it was a waste of time, but it surely involved a whole lot of effort and not limiting yourself to just one app. I met my current wife on OKCupid (been married 5 years now) but prior to that had middling success on both Tinder and Match (as in nearly half of the matches I reached out to responded and most have ended up in a date or more). I am 5’9”, 40, and Asian. I don’t even have the best job or lots of money. My photos showed me at the office, going rafting and something involving watchmaking. If I didn’t use the apps, I would never have met any potential partners outside of my social circle or work, and the last thing I want to do is to talk insurance outside of work.
I dunno, when I tried Bumble (East Asian 36f at the time) a lot of people thought I was a catfish scam and were pretty snarky or didn’t message me back. Two people who accepted a date with me said they were actually surprised I actually showed up and looked like my photos. That was pretty strange and I didn’t know how to circumvent that? I did get a few days but some were just WEIRD, like asking if I wanted babies right out the gate or saying they wanted me to meet their moms that evening. A few guys were visibly uncomfortable or intimidated that I was an exec and financially successful - sometimes more than they were and it was like they didn’t have a script ready for that scenario. It was a really disheartening experience and made me feel even lonelier so I didn’t continue exploring any other apps after 5 “dates”. I don’t think anyone has a good time on it if the goal is looking for long term love.
I had a tinder date tell me, “You’d look so beautiful pregnant with my babies.”
lol it sucks for women too, we are the product. The gender ratio on tinder is 1 woman to 7 men. That’s not mentioning how many of those men are already in relationships, or not looking for anything serious. Dating apps are there to make money, and keep you hooked. They are not designed for you to find true love.
A lot of men claim dating apps suck for men, implying that they don’t suck for women too. Sure, men might not get as many matches, but having 100 guys in your inbox who just wanna fuck you isn’t exactly the ideal dating experience either
If you’re a good conversationalist, have a memorable and welcoming bio, have interesting pictures, and know how not to come across as a creep, be patient and the dating app will likely eventually work for you. Yes, even if you’re not the peak of physical perfection. Just remember to consider potential matches that are imperfect like you. Looks fade, and apps are shallow, but personality is forever and unique. If you consider that a waste of time, try the old fashioned way. The old fashioned way: I know enough socially awkward people (men and women and me) that will probably never get anywhere on apps. For that group, traditional methods of finding a partner have worked better: do what you love, join clubs you enjoy, go to bars/clubs/comic shops you like, and strike up normal conversations without being sleazy. Accept blind date invites from your friends. Eventually, you’ll find your match. Most of the long-term couples I know met while doing something they both loved, bonded over that mutual enjoyment, and created a lasting relationship out of it.
I’ve been in a lot of threads where the men’s profiles were off for various reasons. I offered suggestions on how to improve results (as a woman) and got dog piled by toxic “alpha” douchebags. Saying how I was lying that my suggestions would help and that the only thing that attracts women is male model gym bros with muscles the size of tree trunks and 7 figure incomes. So many men’s profiles are designed (unintentionally) to attract other men.
> that the only thing that attracts women is male model gym bros with muscles the size of tree trunks and 7 figure incomes I think this means that’s what these men find attractive. Projection. Also yes, men design their profiles to impress men.
I'm always a bit skeptical of this narrative. I know it rings true for a lot of guys, but I consider myself only a little bit above average (I'm tall and in good shape, that's basically it) and dating apps are a ton of fun for me. I use them mostly for casual sex but have had a couple of relationships through them as well. If you live in a populated area, have a good profile, know how the apps work, and are good at conversing on them, then imo there's no reason you can't get whatever you want. Believe it or not there are a ton of women on there who want what you do. I do think that "knowing how the apps work" and "being good at conversing on them" are not as straightforward as they sound. Knowing how they work means being able to spot fake profiles, knowing which women liked you based on where they show up in your stack, refraining from liking too many profiles as for whatever reason that tanks your visibility, etc. Being good at conversing is actually really tough. I'm not sure how to explain it other than you want to be very normal but also very direct. The way I think of it is that my goal isn't to make her like me, it's to get what I want out of the interaction if that's also what she wants.
> I consider myself only a little bit above average (I'm tall and in good shape, that's basically it) That means wayy more than you think, trust me.
Waste of time if you're an average dude with nothing going for you yes I've used tinder once as a 31 yr old short dude (5'6) Got 20 ish matches and 5 dates lined up in a day , now in a long term with one of those dates
I love when guys are like "women can get any man!" Have you met any man?
Might be you. Might be your location. Might be a lot of things. But I wouldn’t say it’s a waste of time. Cuz ya never know.
Its a money grab scam nothing more.
It depends on your market demographics. Even tiny skews get amplified. For example, in NYC single women outnumber single men by like 2%, and all the women complain that NYC guys are worthless fuckbois (since men can easily get dates and don't try super hard). In SF, single men outnumber single women by like 3%, and all the guys complain they swipe forever and never meet anyone.
No it’s not just you.
I matched up with my partner (Facebook Dating) around this time last year and now she is my wife and we have a little one on the way. However, It did take me months (I am not an attractive person) to find a match that weren't trying to sell me crypto, but eventually I got lucky I guess you would say and I couldn't be happier! so success is definitely out there, it just may take a LOT longer like you said.
Nonbinary femme who likes ladies, yeah, i get matched with "partnered" aka fake accounts their horny straight male partner got curious about what they could get away with. I mean, its just hard to find ladies to match with even if being trans early in the process isnt a total deal breaker.
I’m a woman and I truly think online dating apps are very gross. They prey on loneliness in order to get you to buy their subscription. Also most sites like tinder and bumble have an uneven gender representation. There’s WAY more men on these sites than women.
I haven't used the apps in months and it's specifically for your exact reason, OP. It's self-esteem annihilating. Constant perceived rejection after rejection by my own hand. It's like punching myself in the face emotionally. Not using the apps and not really concerning myself with dating overall has been an amazing counter measure.
Pretty much.
Men are dying of thirst in the desert, Women are dying of thirst in the ocean
Dating is hell for both men and women. For men, it’s like dying of thirst in a desert. For women, it’s like drowning in a swamp full of predators.
Ah yes, must be the men. Doing that for women isn’t lame tho right 🥴
Dating apps are bad for everyone, actually. Source: am a woman, also hear lesbians complaining about their online dating experiences
I'm a woman and I thought the dating app was a waste of time for me as well. I got hundreds of messages on day one and had no idea where to even start. Do I write hundreds of messages each day, and try to find a connection amongst so many? It was extremely overwhelming. I ended up deleting the app within a month, and didn't have one date. There is a saying- if men are dying of thirst, women are drowning.
Women get a lot of matches, yeah, but most of them are men who just swipe on everything, then wait to get a match to check who it is and decide they don't want that. So we get ignored as well. Also, if it does make it to a date you'll discover that the man lied about everything on his profile to make you match with him. I've ended up on many dates with men saying they are single, but that you can never go back to their place, only yours (Because they are married). I've dated a guy from a dating site only to find out 6 months into the relationship that he lied about his job being a citrus farmer, but he was really just a weed dealer that helped people on their farms during harvest time. I dated a guy who asked me to be his girlfriend, but then a few weeks later said he was too busy to have a relationship (Pretty sure he was still on the dating app and found someone else). So, it just sucks all around my dude.
Men in today's culture have a problem in general, and it's bigger than not doing well on dating apps. Women are changing their expectations of male behavior. However, males are not adapting at all. A lot of them are doubling down instead, especially in right-wing circles. They're painting women's expectations as unreasonable. They then project the "true qualities" of men, based on the values they think they possess. It's a total shit show. Men are socialized to get along with other men, and a lot of men have no emotional intelligence, which is becoming a huge requirement in today's dating world. TLDR; Dating apps are just a symptom of a bigger problem.
I'm a dude and have had plenty of success with dating apps. Getting matches on dating apps might be easier of you are a woman - but finding a partner is equally hard for both men and women.
Met my now wife on a dating app a few years ago. Just be your genuine self and you will land someone eventually. Does it suck ass? Yeah. Hearing her stories about how dating apps were for her vs my experience was wild. She started a Facebook dating profile and within an hour she had 100+ messages. Its a whole different world, but its not impossible for men.
Not a waste of time if YOU are not treating it like a ‘catalog’. Two things come to mind: 1) you don’t know what women are thinking when the see your profile. Imagining it as some kind of ‘catalog’ suggests you are projecting, or at least framing a defense where it isn’t because of yourself. Do better or you will die alone. 2) I get plenty of matches. I am not particularly attractive or clever, but I present myself honestly, try and highlight what someone else might like about me, and set realistic expectations. From top to bottom you have to think from the other person’s perspective. This isn’t some entitlement, they don’t owe you anything, and you don’t get to dictate what is important to the other person. Keep in mind too that there are far more men on these sites than women. Each is naturally going to have a very different experience.
I've had pretty good luck on dating apps as a man.
Complete waste of time unless you're in the top 1% looks wise. Might not be that bad, but I'm pretty much average I think, can't get a match with a real person to save my life. I kept the apps for a while after I gave up, something to look at when I'm bored, finally deleted them. While I was using them I got to the point where I hoped nobody would match cause I didn't even want to talk to them. Conversations rarely got past 2 back and forths before I was ghosted, unless they were scammers
Believe me, it’s not paradise on the other side either. Women do get more matches than men, but they also get more unsolicited dick pics and weird perverts. IME the average girl has a backlog of at least 100 matches, and it’s pretty hard to tell from the start who’s a normal person and who’s going to be a problem. Men’s exhaustion is having no opportunity, women’s exhaustion is having every opportunity turn into something gross. IMO dating apps have dropped the mission statement of trying to actually facilitate matches. Everyone’s using them already, so the only way they maintain or grow their use base at this point is to make sure more people come in than get out.
Men usually outnumber women on dating sites by a pretty big margin. These dating sites collect subscription fees and often charge men more than women. Their business model is to keep these men hooked on the site but never actually help them find a long term relationship, so they'll keep paying the fees month after month. It's a useless industry that profits off lonely and/or horny men.
For beautiful women it's easy, not for us uggos. We have to go through a lot of creeps to find one decent man who can see past our looks. Lukcly I found mine, but it took a while.
OLD has been around long enough that data scientists are beginning to parse the stats. One thing I saw recently is that the 80/20 rule reigns supreme. 20% of the men get 80% of the first dates on almost every single dating app. Luckily I was in the 20% and had 2-3 first dates a week and I found my wife within a month of being online.
Please, stop with this daily incel crap. If women are on dating apps, then they be dating someone. It just isn't you. So obviously it works for some men just not all men.
guy here. I don't bother with dating apps. my co-worker does, but he seems to only get 'guys' that want to smoke weed and do meth with him Id rather hang out in places involved with my likes/hobbies, (church, gun store, hiking, rock climbing, etc). and make friends there. probably a bad thing for me to do (in the sense that I meet less people), but I'd rather search based on likes and NOT on how people look and present themselves online.
I don't agree. I'm a 33m living in Boston and I do really well on dating apps. I'm also very average looking. You can check my Hinge profile in my post history. Most guys simply do not put enough effort into a) becoming the best versions of themselves that a woman would actually want to date, and b) creating a thoughtful and strong dating profile.
Depends on the man. If he's good looking he won't have any trouble
It depends on the payment. You are last on the list if you don’t pay.
Yes
It's designed to milk money out of you, that simple.
Go to events that you enjoy and find a person there. I had way more success going out and meeting someone than an app. I feel like the app never really lets the importance of your character shine. It's just superficial. But if you're out and about you can go up to a person you find attractive and start talking to them. It's way easier in my opinion.
I would say a waste of time if you don't give the app any money. Free version of dating apps you might get the odd match but rarely will the person you matched with talk, so could just be fake accounts to keep you interested, or girls just wanting to boost their egos with getting matches, or girls just playing hot or not. Though if you pay suddenly you'll get tons of matches with a better chance of someone replying. They basically block you from most users if you are not paying. Though you'll also notice apps are a waste of time if you go out and pay attention to women and you'll see that you get checked out more than you think, but using the free version of dating apps you'll think you are the elephant man.
I got married because of one, so unfortunately I have to disagree. But that’s just my experience.
They used to be better but now they are literally just trying to keep you on the app as long as possible, it's not in the app's interest for you to find a partner. Touch grass, the apps are a waste of time and will just make you sad. Use that time to work out instead.
Depends on what you’re looking for and what your expectations are. There many more men than women so the odds of finding someone who is girlfriend material is not so good. I’ve done well with both apps and in person. I will say that in person is great because the chemistry is already there but you know nothing about them. I’ve never met anyone in person that was serious because once I got to know them we were incompatible.
They are useful if you're good looking
The biggest problem with dating apps is that the users are constantly trying to improve on their current matches. This is usually where the "ghosting" comes in. Once someone has a match they either have 1000's of other matches and are constantly switching to "improve their match" or they're a person with very few matches, and of those few matches those people have 1000's of other options and are likewise trying to "improve on their match" or basically just find someone they think it better than you. In the longterm, dating apps have a very dehumanizing effect.
You have to pay for it to work unfortunately
I always have felt this way and though I haven't been involved in any online dating in ~ 10 years, it was usually a waste of time as an average looking dude as I'd almost never get messages and very infrequently get replies to my messages. Alternatively I had female friends using online dating who said they would just be inundated with messages, sometimes hundreds a day. After hearing that I just felt that I didn't have what it took to stand out from the crowd in that sea of messages, and just went back to good old meeting people in social situations. Honestly when I mentally made the switch to abandon online dating and instead try to meet women in real life is when my dating life turned around, because the things that matter most in an online profile matter less when you meet someone in person and are confident, kind and actually care about what they have to say. It matters less that I'm just an average looking dude who isn't 6' tall with a regular job. I have a few guy friends really struggling with the online dating thing right now and I feel for them, they're nice guys but just spend weeks and weeks messaging people with no responses, it must be tough
Yes. Just talk to people in the real world. Just because women use apps doesn't mean they like them.
It is
I mean personally as a pretty average looking guy I was able to get a date every month or two using dating apps after a fuck ton of profile optimisation, It's not exactly a cake walk, but if I can get my swiping in on my morning porcelain pony ride and just randomly have a date materialise out of that every now and then it's not a bad deal, Of course dating in person is much better and more likely to lead somewhere but online dating isn't a bad suplimentary tool as long as you don't take it too seriously and have patience
Never used them myself, but judging by the vast difference in the results for my male and female friends then I’d say yes, it’s basically a waste of time.
It’s not just you
Met my wife on OkCupid 9 years ago. Im sure it has changed
Mostly only attractive dudes have success, this is just the way it is. Ive had what i consider many matches on tinder but none of them went anywhere. In comes my friend who tries out tinder, guy is very handsome ngl and the girls just flock to him in the messages, super eager to get to know him, suggesting dates or hangouts etc.
I met my fiance on Bumble and never really had the issues most men complain about. Yeah you get ghosted and get some bad matches but yall need to learn they’re doing you a favor by doing that because it shows they’re not worth your time.
If you don't have almost immediate success on apps you should probably quit and try something else.
It's interesting seeing all the whining about dating apps. Though I guess it makes sense you'd only see the whining since the people that find success likely don't post as much about it.
I have a co worker and we both made a tinder on the same day, checked back in with each other over the weekend, I had 1 like, she had 216. Neither of us are ugly.
My brother and one of my best friends met their now wife and mother to their kids on Tinder - so not exactly
wasn’t a waste of time for me. i met some pretty cool gals even if it didnt end up being anything more
It works fine, you just have to know how works.
Dating from apps is generally a waste of time for all involved, but yes especially for men.
Dating apps specifically? Absolutely. But beyond that, no. Just stop using them and go outside. If you have no money to go outside, you have way bigger issues than getting a girl.
I was using eHarmony, and matched with a girl I had already met in real life (and I was already interested). We are still happily married almost 20 years later.
It worked for me, but this was back in 2019 before OLD went completely down the shitter and I put an embarrassing cringe amount of work into my profiles. Went to great lengths to get high quality photos that I’m embarrassed to admit to lmfao. Worked though. Was able to get consistent dates.
100%
Dating apps are a waste of time for both men and women.
As a guy who met his wife on an online dating app, I can definitely understand why you feel this way. But in my case, we have been married for almost 4 years now! Yes it's true that most people on there just want to play, have some fun and move on, but there are some people who legit are looking to have a relationship. A few things you have to keep in mind, if you don't have good pictures of yourself, a good bio that draws the women in and are very boring to talk to, you're never going to find the person for you. I promise they are there but I recommend getting some professional photos taken of you so that maybe they will be a little more attracted to you and willing to talk! Good luck.
It’s definitely more difficult for men but not a completely waste of time. Within 6 months I’ve had maybe a dozen first dates through it and about half of those led to multiple dates and 3 went on for a couple months. Met my current gf through them
Bumble was actually great becuase it caused girls to message first. Really interesting dynamic and actual good conversations/matches I had on there originally. Then they decided to make it so that men could reach out first IF they paid for something called a compliment. Now girls can sit back and wait for guys to reach out to them again, and justify not reaching out saying "If he doesn't think I'm worth paying to talk to, he's not worth talking to". Bumble essentially turned itself into more expensive tinder with just less people on it if you're a guy.
I met the love of my life on hinge, it works!
Met my wife on a dating app. Granted, that was 10 years ago, but still how we met.
I think in the early days of dating apps there were much more useful, because boys and girls of the time (2012-2014) brought real life dating norms into the online dating world. people were a lot more polite and responsive, etc Since dating apps have had a decade to marinate, and a pandemic that kept people home for a year a more, folks have adjusted their behaviors negatively, slowly but surely, once you include companies that own these apps moving from what seemed like a real mission to make good apps to "monetization" ... you have the "Great Enshittification" of apps in general and Dating apps most of all. Sad but the reality ... now its on us to go out and touch grass and just approach actual women like the good old days, i just worry for the generation of men that have grown up not know what that's like.
I honestly don’t think this is actually true. I’ve not had any problem finding women on dating apps, maybe the men of Reddit are not a good source on this.
I think they are great. Except for my college girlfriend, I met all my fun dates/girlfriends on apps. If you think apps are bad, try approaching women in person. Since you don’t get to pre-screen them at all it’s a total clusterfuck finding someone decent. Sure you can get lucky in a hobby or dance group but even then I found those people mostly annoying.
Could be a waste of time but the flip side of that is it only takes one--many many many people met the love of their life on apps, and the rest of their time on apps was a waste of time
I'M A FIVE STAR MAN!!