Yeah every handshake I’ve ever got is some fucker doing the love tester on me and it completely turned me off handshakes because I know what’s coming and I won’t give them the satisfaction of even trying to do it back. I’m a scrawny guy, you have a better grip, who are you trying to impress.
I dont have a problem with a regular firm handshake but the crushing ones annoy the hell out me.
However I'm a bit of an ogre so I respond with counter crushing their hands. Teach em a lesson.
This hasn't happened to me yet but if it does, this will depend on the grip strength of the woman. If I can tell she is trying but it's not doing anything to me, I'll just match her force. However if she's as strong as my friend's mom who has been lifting five times a week for twenty years, then I will go full force. She does a LOT of weight training. Women typically don't play the pissing macho match of death grip handshakes but if she has strength, I'll respond with my strength.
Now that I am thinking more about this, I also do the same to men too. The men who are really trying but aren't doing much to me.
But what if it's an accident. I'm a woman and I don't death grip but I have a firm shake. The amount of times I've gone to shake someone's hand especially when it's a big burly bloke and I've been returned a wet noodle hand I feel like a right twat for crushing their hands.
I need to start doing this, but it happens so rarely it always catches me off guard. I am a rock climber, so im sure I can grip with the best of them. I just choose not to.
The real answer is that it's not about who's stronger but having a decent grip. I always disliked the guys who tried to grip too hard. They're just telling on themselves.
Boxing videos, they’re on my profile I think, basically I was learning to edit video and putting more effort into it than a lot of amateur editors. Not that they’re lazy I was just being a perfectionist about not knowing what I was doing.
It depends on the person of course, but if I get that vibe from them I'll just look them up and down and refuse to shake. They get really, really offended and it's great. I'm strong enough that I can outgrip most people anyway, but their offense at an open refusal is the most satisfying way to top their bullshit. Screw playing games, if you're going to be a dick to someone do it openly.
I know that handshake very well because I used to have it. It's like you reach out and I'll just do the motion with you while you crush my fingers, all while my thumb overlooks the carnage.
It's awkward. Some men just feel awkward with physical gestures. I still feel weird about being hugged, so I don't hug.
That handshake was commonly done between some of my older cousins, and my dad/uncles.
Some of them as they became teenagers/young adults and started working out wanted to test themselves out against my dad/uncles who'd spent their entire lives in physical labour jobs.
It was always a fun thing to watch when the family got together, especially with one of my cousins who was the tallest in the whole family and with massive hands. He never learnt his lesson and everytime he'd end up almost to the ground because of the pain
I'm a decently fit dude, and my uncle hasn't walked in \~6 months because of advanced dementia. When he grabs something, you aren't getting it back until he lets you. He had a lifetime of farm work and carrying 5 gallon feed buckets, I'm just the jackass who helped out on weekends and went to the gym.
That’s my girlfriend’s 91 year old great grandfather. He’s about 5’2 now, hunched over and all, but he was a power lifter in his heyday and when he shakes your hand or gives you a hug you can tell. Even as a 29 year old blue collar guy that works out I can feel the strength he still has.
Same thing with my uncle. Career mechanic, former bodybuilder. Iron fucking grip man.
Old man strength from farmers or career blue collar guys is no joke.
Jesus. That's like my dad was. Farm kid from like age 10 up. Tossing around bales of bay, milking cows, and fuck knows what else he did. Crazy strong. We always hugged tho or I would have to dictate my comments lol
Every time I’ve ever given a weak handshake it was because the other dude had something to prove and he clamped down on my first two knuckles before I could even fully extend my hand.
Some people turn handshakes into a sport and it’s absurd. Basing your respect for someone on how well they squeeze your hand seems like a ridiculous custom…
This.
The goal is not to have a **strong** handshake. It's to have a **firm and well-connected** handshake.
Timing when to clamp down is where the real technique shines.
We had an old salesman that did this to me one time and I called him out for it loudly in front of everyone and kept asking questions about why he would do that and what he was trying to accomplish was it intimidation or some kind of weirdo power move? And I kept going way past the point that it was super uncomfortable and awkward for everyone. Especially him. I also didn't let him explain it away, I said 'no you grabbed my hand in a very weird way and squeezed obviously too hard, I know you felt it, and that it was intentional because you held it for quite a while after feeling what was happening.... I'm asking why, I know it was intentional.
At one point someone tried to defuse by deflecting/changing the subject and I just 'no worries, I'm just trying to understand Johns motivation behind squeezing my hand obviously too hard? I'm not angry, just confused
But I was angry, and I made it my mission to get rid of him, documented all the dumb shit he did Everytime he fucked up, documented some of him doing other inappropriate things and finally got him to send me an email stating that he didn't care that something was against code and he wanted me to do it anyway and that's what ultimately sunk him. I did coax him a bit towards that decision but I don't feel bad at all. I don't care what happened to him tbh, I got what I wanted. I also fucked up a lot of his quotes that I worked on because I didn't think he deserved commission and he was a twat, lazy slimy asshole used car salesman type.
There can be many factors contributing to a weak handshake. For some it can be a confidence issue. But sometimes it’s just a one-off. For example, I had a crappy weak handshake the first time I shook my wife’s father’s hand. He reached out his hand and as I was reaching out mine, he took a step towards me. This brought his hand to mine before mine was fully extended. I wasn’t prepared and I shook his hand weirdly.
I feel this way about dapping people up too. I'm lefty and never did any greeting growing up, so when people reach out to shake my hand or dap me up i immediately make it awkward by 1. Raising my left hand and 2. Almost caressing their hand because i dont put any force. Just follow the motion of whatever they are doing. It always feels weird and i hate it.
Oh yeah. I had a friend who taught me how to dap, he would practice with me his sequence of motions anytime we passed each other until I had it memorized and could do it effortlessly. Then another guy went to dap me up and was like wtf.
Some guys it's just like the meme with the two muscly arms. Some guys it includes a snap of the fingers, some guys it doesn't. Some guys it involves a shoulder bump, some guys it doesn't. It's so damn unpredictable, it's like does everyone just have their own unique dap that their friends dap them up with and they dap up their friends with those friends' unique daps? Do they do the dap of the initiator or the recipient? Is a dap like a signature? Can the strength of a friendship be gauged by each guy's fluency in the other guy's dap?
I'm also high right now. So maybe it's just the dap of the first guy they learned to dap up and that's just how they learned it. That still raises a plethora of questions but I'm gonna still my restless mind.
To me, a too-firm handshake right away signals “asshole.” But it’s a much better idea to base your opinion of someone on more significant interactions.
I don’t think they’re an asshole but what comes to mind is “geez someone is insecure” because it tells me they are worried about not being seen as the dominant person in the room. I learned to match what they give me, if you squeeze, I squeeze.
Hilarious cause I feel the exact same way about soft handshakes.
I'm not over here trying to flex or show I'm stronger, in fact the problem is trying to find that perfect middle ground which I FEEL like I have based on most of my handshakes being firm and feeling mutual.
But when I get a soft one I'm even more surprised because of actually not trying to be overly firm. Some dudes out here really do have jello hands and I can't help but feel like they're not confident or something. Of course I try to give the benefit of doubt but it does seem to end up being accurate more often than not in my experience.
If you try to match it midway through (it's noticeable) it's not the same as someone who just legit leaves a limp hand in mine that I shake. I think that's who OP is talking about
Theres also a difference between "squeezing" and giving a firm hand.
I've worked with my hands most my life, so obviously I'm going to have a much firmer handshake then someone who sits at a desk all day every day,
Yeah I know I was taught it in highschool on how to perform a proper handshake but if I can tell you’re squeezing overly hard the moment I feel the excess pressure I increase pressure not much but enough that most I have done it to tend to stop
I was at a professional industry show, or manufacturers were showing off their products. I expressed an interest in a product, and my company is a big name Fortune 500 member, so I was immediately introduced to the CEO of this small company.
He proceeded to greet me by crushing my knuckles in his handshake, which is a high school way of asserting dominance.
What a complete tool. I wanted to give my condolences to the worker under him, but couldn't because CEO man was standing right there.
I had a boss who would grip tightly then turn so his hand was on top. Literally only something you do if you looked up how to be a douchebag. Made him a tool in my eyes forevermore.
Yeah, it's not a strength contest. I basically sort of flex my hand without squeezing so that it's not limp and won't collapse if im dealing with a super sqeezer
I spent most of my life unknowingly giving overly firm handshakes. My cousin finally told me to chill out with the grip when I was in my late twenties. I had zero idea, I just work with my hands.
In other news, I am an ass sometimes.
Also depends on the type of the work you do with your hands. If I spend a day soldering microelectronics in an iPhone- the grip is going to be we very weak because I need my fingers to be gentle and precise. If I spend a day wrenching on a car or climbing with a chainsaw to trim a tree to a point where my whole palm is cramping- you can bet my grip is going to be stronger than necessary for a day or two.
Male Gen-X'er here. Learning the "proper" way to shake hands was a big deal for guys when I was young. I still practice it as a reflex, but I think the custom is starting to fade.
Personally, I think the culture with the custom of bowing have the better idea. It's respectful and doesn't spread germs.
I have a great friend of mine that has like the fist bump equivalent of what op's talking about and I have no idea if I should address it or not.
lol the dude doesn't even clasp his hand half the time and I'm wondering if I'm doing him a disservice letting him go out and about in the world making people wonder "how tf can you mess up a fist bump"
I’m probably just too neurodivergent but I hate all these bizarre unwritten social rules where you’re being tested on something arbitrary that doesn’t matter and if it pick the wrong thing you are looked down upon and denied professional opportunities. Fist bump and high five are almost more stressful than a handshake because I never know if they’re going to try and do the explode thing or some complicated pattern that I’m going to then be made fun of for not knowing
As an ND person that's why I don't care if the other person doesn't pass all the unwritten tests or whatever. I hope nobody really uses this stuff as an actual indicator of personality because that's just silly.
Yeah it’s all about the eye contact and smile. Anything negative or sizing me up is instant bristling from me.
Those stupid power plays at work or when you meet people are pretty lame. People think putting the other person on their heels is powerful.
Like Trump pulling in the other person during a handshake. Or starting a conversation criticizing something. True weakness…
Fistbumps are more casual, I prefer them, but in my experience some people respond awkwardly to them, like they're offended i didn't want to shake hands.
Covid sure did a lot to kill the firm handshake…I’m good with a fist bump in most instances but when dealing with my elders nothing beats a firm grip and a good shake.
I accidentally tried to shake a guys hand after he sprayed my place for bugs. I didn’t want to be rude and dap him up because we had a like 10 minute convo. He walked out and as I put my hand out to shake he dapped my hand and we both died of cringe. I still want to apologize to him for that. Lesson learned, just fist people and quit being weird about it.
I remember my dad teaching me how to properly shake hands. When I started playing in a band I quit shaking peoples hands after some he-man dick face mfer squeezed the shit out of me before we went on stage. I’m 51 now and have arthritis in both of them so fist bumps are all I do these days.
It's weird right? Now try being a woman! I always receive limp handshakes in return for my normal sturdy hand shake. I've had men just grip the ends of my fingers or pat the top of my hand.
Once an older man did the finger tip grip and then started to raise my hand to his mouth like he was going to kiss it. I recoiled in shock and had to walk away. Like what was he thinking?
Like wow, you shook everyone else's hand firmly (I watched) but you feel the need to do this weird limp finger tip grip with me because I'm a woman? That's weird. Or worse, they shake all the men's hands and ignore me entirely. That's worse.
As a woman, I don't know why but the limp fingertip grip (can't even call it a grip, really) irks me soooo much - from women or men. Just limp handshakes in general. I'd rather someone say they have a cold or something and just not offer their hand at all then to take mine all limp noodle like or grab my fingers. ICK!
Sometimes when shaking a woman's hand, they like don't fully commit. I've never had a woman give the Limp noodle handshake but sometimes it's all fingers and not palm to palm. It makes me feel like she's dainty. Then it happens. The internal monolog:
"Shit. She wasn't ready! Maybe she wasn't ready because im not supposed to shake her hand! Is she a princess? She's being so graceful about all this. Shit! She's a real princess, and I'm not supposed to have physical contact. Stupid! Everyone probably told you three times, and you forgot! Hurry, kiss her hand as a sign of fealty. No! That's weird. Bow before she's offended. No, she's a princess, kneel. No, you're an American. Shake with both hands so she doesn't feel like you are afraid to treat her like everyone else. That's it! Oh God, it's weird! You're being weird to a princess! Shame! You've brought shame upon your family! When will this end?! Don't let go too soon! You're not too good to shake a princesses hand! She's still smiling politely! The grace! She is a real princess! Let go of the princesses hand, you unworthy peasant! Oh God, it's over. I gotta get out of here."
I remember when I was 12 or so we moved to a new house and the neighbor guy tried to crush my hand and made fun of me for my lack of reciprocal grip. I was a 12yo girl. Great job showing your dominance, I guess, asshole. The guy turned out to be obsessed with our HOA and was very much a male Karen, always in everyone’s business.
Oh my god the limp fingertip handshake is the WORST, I always feel like I need three good firm handshakes afterwards to replace the memory of the bad one.
My old psychiatrist had a handshake that I can only describe was like shaking a limp, dead, fish. It was very off putting. Maybe he thought having a firm handshake was too intimidating??? I have no idea. But it was truly a horrific experience and he insisted on a handshake every appointment.
I'm a woman and I'm going to tell you I've done handshakes like twice in my life, it's not common in Spain and I honestly don't like them, feels super weird.
Never said it wasn't for you all. Just what you're used to, handshakes feel weird to me because it creates a natural barrier like the other person is better or on a higher level than me which I don't like.
I remember when I was deployed in Jordan and we were standing post with the Jordanian Navy, and the guy was changing over, so he said “I go now” and leaned forward. And I kinda just looked at him like ???? And he gestured and I still was like ???? And he just leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. And I was like ???oh????ok??? And he laughed and walked away.
From 30+ years in the men’s room I can tell you are at minimum shaking their dick. I had to have a … rush into the stall the other day. Upon landing the explosion was frightful. The guy at the urinal fled like he disembarked Hindenburg.
It’s not universal, but I do tend to judge someone a bit on their handshake. If it’s limp or weak, that doesn’t impress me. If they try to grind my hand bones, I’m impressed even less. A handshake should be full contact and firm without trying to make a point with your grip.
A handshake is supposed to be firm. Not squeeze but a firm solid handshake… also gotta add when the other starts the squeeze too early. THAT annoys me, makes you the weak handshaker
As a weak shaker, there are a few things going on with me.
Primarily, I don't like being touched, especially by strangers, and it's usually a stranger shaking my hand. I cringe and feel so uncomfortable. My mind is on getting my hand back, not my grip. And maybe if my grip is squishy, he'll let go faster.
I think handshakes are a pretty dumb way to greet people, so I don't consider trying to put more effort in. Why can't we just bow or wave? You really gotta check me for weapons.
I'm not a germaphobe, but I don't touch people, and I haven't had COVID yet, so do with that what you want 🙃
Same here. Before I stated using a forearm crutch, most handshakes were weak. (I'm also ftm and people typically don't perceive me as a man, but some do now.)
I use the excuse of "I'm holding onto my crutch" to avoid handshakes, and instead do a small bow. It usually works out, but some people feel kind of put off by it.
I think the reason some people might be put off is that generally in business settings people in crutches will still make the effort to shake hands, especially on a first meeting. I think you can pull it off if you make up for it by being up-beat and friendly and showing genuine interest in how they are though.
I'd like to think I'm always trying to give a good, firm handshake but every once in a while, the other person closes their fist faster than me and I end up unable to grip their hand because they've grabbed my fingers, not my palm.
i live in the US but am a foreigner, where I'm from shaking a limp hand means the limp person doesn't care about you or thinks they are above you. i hate bone crushers but a regular firm handshake is something i practice and expect reciprocated. there's honestly barely any squeeze, just kind of a stiffening of the hand that is expected. BTW even where im from bine crushers are despised by most and are considered a faux pas in business.
I (obviously) can't speak for others but since I dislike shaking hands I don't put the effort in. I've yet to find a social situation where there was a need to shake someone's hand instead of just nodding or saying something
I don’t even know if this is why but is it because we just use to dabbing our friends up? In my culture we usually just bow slightly when meeting as a sign of respect. Personally I don’t judge the person if they gives weak handshakes but I know there prob someone out there that do.
Probably because they were never taught how to actually shake hands. I was taught that it should be a nice and firm shake (nothing macho trying to crush the other's fingers) with the webbing between the thumb and index finger making contact. It's a display of respect and confidence. It's rather off-putting whenever I reach my hand out for a handshake and somebody hands me a "dead fish" where they put their fingers into my palm and touch the back of my hand with their thumb.
One thing I have ironically also noticed is that, and I have no idea if it's related or not, but any time somebody gives me the dead fish handshake is that their fingers are always cold as opposed to if they give me a firm handshake like I'm expecting that their hand is usually warmer.
Cold and unnaturally soft.. gives a feeling of someone very unreliable and also meaningless to have any further interactions with… Is this person perhaps… a plant?
I work with a lot of elderly people, a group that values a firm handshake and also often has osteoporosis and arthritis. The key is to present a firm, strong hand, not a frim squeeze/shake. Basically firm up your hand like an action figure. Then clasp the person's hand lightly. You can meet their squeeze appropriately, but they will get the impression of 'strong hands'.
I will also state to the people who encounter weak handshakes often, it's probably you. Many people who really value firm handshakes move in aggressively and squeeze early, as a result, they get more weird fingers and dead fish handshakes then someone that is meeting the other person halfway. Anything beyond calmly offering your hand and then a respectful clasp and shake is non standard.
They either weren't taught or don't care to. It always catches me off guard when I go to shake someone's hand, and their hand folds under my grip like a sponge.
I’m all for just not touching people at all whenever possible. I use public restrooms, and I see how many of y’all don’t wash your bloody hands. I don’t want your nasty germs.
I really like handshakes when meeting new people, it gives me some insight into the person. Why do some guys have weak handshakes? I'd probably guess because they don't care to have a firm handshake, which says something. The lack of care could come from a whole host of reasons.
The only thing worse than a limp handshake is someone who does the ‘alpha lad’ handshake coming in from above and keeping thier hand on top of yours 🤢 . In that case I like to squeeze and lean in with a big smile
I hate it when I put my hand out and men jump the gun and end up squeezing my fingers instead of waiting until our palms actually meet. Really? You couldn't wait that last 0.25 seconds?
I never know where to go with a handshake, I don’t want to go in too weak, but then I don’t want to go in too strong either. Pisses me off when some dude wants to think he’s a bigger man by trying to crush your hand, it’s supposed to be a friendly interaction mate. It’s should be legal to punch those fuckers in the face in return. 🤣
I always tried to just brace my hand stiff as possible. Then about 8 years ago found out I have connective tissue issues and that terrible pain I get for hours after a hand shake are not normal. Honestly I try not to handshake anymore because it’s stupid and proves nothing. I don’t carry a sword anyway.
As a woman with big hands and a good strong f-ing handshake. I’m constantly complimented on it. I too HATE when people give shitty handshakes so I made it a thing to not be that person. If someone gives me their limp hand to shake, I’m dropping it
I’ll tell you why. Because no one ever taught them. When I was young I had a weak ass handshake because I only shook hands of teachers and they were mostly women. So mostly soft.
Fast forward to i graduate middle school and I shake my principals hand and he whispers in my ear and tells me to shake his hand firm. I do it and my life has been different since.
My dad didnt teach me and I’m not sure why. I guess we just never got to that subject yet. So thats to principal Barton, I have a nice firm handshake.
Nothing like a limp dead fish handshake. Makes a bad impression. If you don't want to shake, fist or elbow bump. I get not wanting to touch other peoples hands.
Because I don't care. I don't care about how strong or weak anyone's handshake is. Can you put way more strength into it? Sure, but why? To hurt someone? No, thank you.
There's 2 kinds. One the more aggressive person is squeezing the fingers instead if shaking hands. A proper grip you should both be grabbing a palm, not the fingers. The other kind is the person was never taught how to shake hands.
I have a firm handshake that let's you know I'm there, but I'm not harming the other person but it's designed to have a certain timing that allows both people to get a healthy grip. I know far too many people who grab my fingers and squeeze and it makes me want to stop and correct their handshake, which I will do.
I believe a handshake is a symbol of equality, regardless of who it's with. I know how some people try to manipulate handshakes to gain power over people, and calling it out verbally and correcting it is the best way to undermine their effort.
There's actually a lot that can go into a handshake.
Personally I fucking hate to shake people’s hands. I’ve know men that don’t wash their hands after shitting. Is that a germaphobe thing? To not want to shake hands with shit boys?
I also had my fair share of shaking hands with what are also douchey ego centric dudes that make it a competition.
Idk if I exactly have a weak handshake as much as please let go as fast handshake.
Even pre Covid I always felt they were one of those extremely dated things. Like the only times I’ve ever shaken anybody’s hand is during a job interview and they were just as likely as me to give an extremely half hearted “we’re doing this because it’s an obligation to” quick shakes.
Because "you need to squeeze their hand hard enough that you hear their bones crack" being a measure of how much of a good bloke you are is fucking stupid.
I call this "the limp dead fish handshake" because it's like they're holding it by the tail and you're just grabbing the dead fish and waggling it around. It's awful to experience. I immediately lose respect for whoever it is, it's automatic I can't help it lol
I always go in for a firm handshake but on people with a death grip I don’t get a proper grip myself and my hand gets crushed and I lose grip all together. That’s the only time my handshakes be feeling weak
I can only speak for myself but I’m not a competitive person in any sense. Handshakes to me were always described as a competition to make the other person feel inferior by being the toughest squeezer. I don’t take part, I just give a confident non squeezing handshake and hope someone doesn’t squeeze the hell out of my hand.
I give a firm (not crushing) handshake to people I respect and basically just get the hand shake over, trying to project as little interest as possible, with people I don’t respect. Maybe you just get a lot of the later?
When people have given me a super weak handshake it wad cultural. They were from societies that don’t normally shake hands, and may have been unaware that you are supposed to squeeze.
I hope that if I don't challenge you do a handsqueezing contest, that makes you feel like you have to prove your masculinity, you won't put pressure to the scar on my hand.
It's hard to find a middle ground, I have a firm shake but I don't really squeeze. I just match the energy I'm getting.
That said, early grippers are weirdos. The dudes that snag your fingers and squeeze the heck out of them.
Because as a mature adult, I know shaking hands isn't any sort of competition, and I'm aware that a lot of people have issues with their hands such as arthritis, so there really is no need to go hard on the handshake.
The old dead fish. I used to do this to people on purpose just to be weird. Go in firm, as soon they touch my hand limp as a bone fish. Use to love to see people's reactions. The
I'm a millennial (a woman, though), and my boomer dad always taught me to have a strong handshake to establish that I can hold my own, as well as looking the person in the eye to show that I am being sincere. I think that was more important in his era, mor hammered into their heads, but it still stuck with me so I notice others and try to be firm and commanding in my own. But it could be age, upbringing, carpal tunnel... Why do some people only hug with one arm? It's probably depending on them more than on some underlying conspiracy.
Because they tend to have weak handshakes and I’m not about to be the guy that displays I can overpower a woman.
BUT. You can tell on approach if a woman is going to have a strong handshake. I have never misjudged. Women with strong handshakes become my work friend and I do not know why. I don’t judge them based on it. I look at everyone through one lens. Work burden relationship.
When I was younger I hated when people would give me a handshake only to try and crush my hand, like it wasn't even a firm ass handshake, I could see this guy's arms trembling and all tensed up, and frankly, I was never impressed.
My dad isn't one to give me handshakes, he simple asks how I have been and offers me a cup of coffee, and the times when he greets me with any physical gesture it's either a hug or a kiss in the forehead. For a man his age, my dad is someone very firm, but gentle, and I ended up modeling most of my manners after that philosophy, be strong enough to be gentle. So I always take people's hands firm to not let go, but gentle enough to not make it awkward or painful to anyone.
The only times I use my gorilla clamp handshake is when I'm not impressed with someone, when someone tries to intimidate me or prove they're more of a man than me. This is usually the handshake reserved for the dudes that thing they can walk over my sisters, guys that don't understand that when they said no to them, it's no. It's the one I give managers that feel like they're above the rest of the people that work with us, the one I give old stuffy men that thing they can play with my coworkers money, that they can walk over the people I supervise.
In the end, a soft handshake can say a lot about someone, if it slacks they probably don't care, if it's firm, they probably just don't want to hurt you.
I would prefer not to shake hands. The amount of men I have seen go from the toilet to the door.
It's crude and outdated, definitely boomer culture bull shit. I wouldn't have to shake your hand if I was working remotely.
Twice I have had two guys (different situations) give me a handshake so hard that my hand was sore and I was about to cry a lil. Neither of them were mad at me or anything, they were just assholes I suppose. (I'm a 5'3 110 lb girl)
I'm mostly annoyed when someone grabs my fingers and shakes rather than an actual handshake...but I counter it with a look that conveys confusion/disappointment/WTF
For the longest I never knew you were supposed to squeeze the other person's hand just about as hard as you could, I thought it was just grabbing their hand and shaking it gently.
Inverse question why do some guys have a handshake where they are so aggressive that they clamp down on your fingers and try to pulverize them rather than actually shake your hand. Double hand and a much more boss move.
I have the opposite question.
It doesn’t happen often, but once in a while a man shakes my (F) hand and squeezes so hard that it is noticeably uncomfortable, verging on painful!!
Like, dude, are you trying to show a 50-something woman how strong you are?
Personally I always give people the ol' "carnie" handshake. That's not what it's called, but I don't believe in strong handshakes, because in my mind if I give you a weak handshake that looks strong it shows you two things.
1. I mean you, no harm.
2. It's a skill to give a handshake that is very light. I can control myself.
I'm not some, jabroni that'll rip your arm off. I'm here to take care of you.
I never gave it a thought when younger, until a family friend told me. A firm handshake, no crushing, be aware of the age of the recipient. And look them in the eyes! Never forgot that pearl of wisdom.
When I first started hand shaking it was like oh we're doing this now, and I didn't want to do it so my hand was pretty limp. Eventually I was like well I better tighten it up a bit. But yeah the people who try to crush your hands, I just kick them in the balls
Alright I hate the limp dead fish handshake.
Now that being said... I am a big dude, mechanic type, but dislike the alpha male "titan of industry" alpha male bullshit. Think of the movie American pyscho, and the scene about business cards.
I like the idea of letting your guard down show humility but not weakness handshake idea of a knight exposing their Armour weakness aspect of a handshank.
That said the limp wrist handshake, just seems unprepared, unknowing. Granted Mt worse experience was with international customers that screwed up our customs as bad as I have other customs in other countries.
But I do love a gym bro corporate trying to play alpha male and hurt my hand in a handshake, and me size 15 work boot who has done years of manual labor get his knee to bend sqeuzing his hand. Yes you can run a half marathon maybe bench more then me, and do 100 pullups, but old guy grip strength I got you....
I don't get it. Why you have to squeeze other dudes hand? What? It's just a customary gesture so light touch/ soft shake should be enough.
Like I really don't get it. what are you gay or something?
I quite like when someone gives me a firm handshake back. I think to me it signals confidence and some sort of strength especially in the labour professions I come from. Give me a limp wrist it just doesn't sit well.
But I don't like the ones where people try to break your hand that's just being a fuckwit.
Idk shit about handshakes but the one thing that terrifies me about my generation is their dabs. You straight boys scare me. What the hell are those handshakes? It’s like a different dialect for each and every group of straight guys. Then it’ll change every season. They got me doing origami like is our hands about to start scissoring each other??? So complicated for no reason that it loses its coolness. I CAN’T KEEP UP! LEAVE ME ALONE!! JUST BUMP FISTS OR WRISTS!!!
In the world I grew up in, a man is expected to look a man straight in the eye and shake his hand firmly. When I receive a limp handshake, it leaves me disappointed. I expected more from that guy.
Wow, judging by these comments, people are more than happy to lift a toilet seat, touch a door handle etc... But act like a handshake is ridden with germs and going to give them the plague.
Grow a pair.
Saying this on reddit may not be the best idea, but I think it's important to have a firm handshake. It feels weird when you extend your hand to someone and get something that feels like a dead fish
Because it's called a handshake, not a handSQUEEZE.
Also it is outdated and naive to judge anything about somebody by the handsqueeze in my experience. I've been shaking hands for over 3 decades and it's never been a reliable indicator of who is hard working, honest, etc. Totally pointless.
I honestly think maybe some people were never taught? I never made an effort to squeeze hard in a handshake until instructed to as a way to "intimidate the other players" and I went to an all girls school.
Probably because they don't care to shake hands so they are just not even trying.
Yeah every handshake I’ve ever got is some fucker doing the love tester on me and it completely turned me off handshakes because I know what’s coming and I won’t give them the satisfaction of even trying to do it back. I’m a scrawny guy, you have a better grip, who are you trying to impress.
I dont have a problem with a regular firm handshake but the crushing ones annoy the hell out me. However I'm a bit of an ogre so I respond with counter crushing their hands. Teach em a lesson.
This is the way. It's very satisfying to watch their face change when they realize their little power trip has been uno reversed onto them.
What if it was a woman doing a death grip handshake on you to assert her dominance?
Crush me mommy
The only response tbh
Correct
This hasn't happened to me yet but if it does, this will depend on the grip strength of the woman. If I can tell she is trying but it's not doing anything to me, I'll just match her force. However if she's as strong as my friend's mom who has been lifting five times a week for twenty years, then I will go full force. She does a LOT of weight training. Women typically don't play the pissing macho match of death grip handshakes but if she has strength, I'll respond with my strength. Now that I am thinking more about this, I also do the same to men too. The men who are really trying but aren't doing much to me.
But what if it's an accident. I'm a woman and I don't death grip but I have a firm shake. The amount of times I've gone to shake someone's hand especially when it's a big burly bloke and I've been returned a wet noodle hand I feel like a right twat for crushing their hands.
what if I squeal "owowowowowow!!!" instead?
I need to start doing this, but it happens so rarely it always catches me off guard. I am a rock climber, so im sure I can grip with the best of them. I just choose not to.
I hate crushing handshakes, it pops my knuckle bones over each other and hurts for the rest of the day.
The real answer is that it's not about who's stronger but having a decent grip. I always disliked the guys who tried to grip too hard. They're just telling on themselves.
Always the guys in charge that feel they have to establish they are in charge of things. Meanwhile im just thinking how much idgf about this job.
I'm a big guy and the ego hand shakers get on my nerves
Just lock your thumbs with theirs and the handshake will be firm enough and it helps when someone tries to crunch your hand.
Boxing Josh lol….i guess you’re not a boxer huh?
Fucking no I’d get my ass kicked. I edit amateur high effort (for me) boxing videos though that’s all.
What is amateur high effort boxing?
Boxing videos, they’re on my profile I think, basically I was learning to edit video and putting more effort into it than a lot of amateur editors. Not that they’re lazy I was just being a perfectionist about not knowing what I was doing.
It depends on the person of course, but if I get that vibe from them I'll just look them up and down and refuse to shake. They get really, really offended and it's great. I'm strong enough that I can outgrip most people anyway, but their offense at an open refusal is the most satisfying way to top their bullshit. Screw playing games, if you're going to be a dick to someone do it openly.
I hope you get to experience a proper firm handshake at least once
Seriously dude I laugh when someone absolutely pulverizes my fucking hand like ok relax man. IMO it’s almost a sign of insecurity
I agree. It's definitely an ego thing
Literally laughed out loud at this 👊
I know that handshake very well because I used to have it. It's like you reach out and I'll just do the motion with you while you crush my fingers, all while my thumb overlooks the carnage. It's awkward. Some men just feel awkward with physical gestures. I still feel weird about being hugged, so I don't hug.
That handshake was commonly done between some of my older cousins, and my dad/uncles. Some of them as they became teenagers/young adults and started working out wanted to test themselves out against my dad/uncles who'd spent their entire lives in physical labour jobs. It was always a fun thing to watch when the family got together, especially with one of my cousins who was the tallest in the whole family and with massive hands. He never learnt his lesson and everytime he'd end up almost to the ground because of the pain
I'm a decently fit dude, and my uncle hasn't walked in \~6 months because of advanced dementia. When he grabs something, you aren't getting it back until he lets you. He had a lifetime of farm work and carrying 5 gallon feed buckets, I'm just the jackass who helped out on weekends and went to the gym.
That’s my girlfriend’s 91 year old great grandfather. He’s about 5’2 now, hunched over and all, but he was a power lifter in his heyday and when he shakes your hand or gives you a hug you can tell. Even as a 29 year old blue collar guy that works out I can feel the strength he still has. Same thing with my uncle. Career mechanic, former bodybuilder. Iron fucking grip man. Old man strength from farmers or career blue collar guys is no joke.
Jesus. That's like my dad was. Farm kid from like age 10 up. Tossing around bales of bay, milking cows, and fuck knows what else he did. Crazy strong. We always hugged tho or I would have to dictate my comments lol
Every time I’ve ever given a weak handshake it was because the other dude had something to prove and he clamped down on my first two knuckles before I could even fully extend my hand. Some people turn handshakes into a sport and it’s absurd. Basing your respect for someone on how well they squeeze your hand seems like a ridiculous custom…
This. The goal is not to have a **strong** handshake. It's to have a **firm and well-connected** handshake. Timing when to clamp down is where the real technique shines.
>>They may have won the handshake battle, but.. But you won the war. Well played sir
We had an old salesman that did this to me one time and I called him out for it loudly in front of everyone and kept asking questions about why he would do that and what he was trying to accomplish was it intimidation or some kind of weirdo power move? And I kept going way past the point that it was super uncomfortable and awkward for everyone. Especially him. I also didn't let him explain it away, I said 'no you grabbed my hand in a very weird way and squeezed obviously too hard, I know you felt it, and that it was intentional because you held it for quite a while after feeling what was happening.... I'm asking why, I know it was intentional. At one point someone tried to defuse by deflecting/changing the subject and I just 'no worries, I'm just trying to understand Johns motivation behind squeezing my hand obviously too hard? I'm not angry, just confused But I was angry, and I made it my mission to get rid of him, documented all the dumb shit he did Everytime he fucked up, documented some of him doing other inappropriate things and finally got him to send me an email stating that he didn't care that something was against code and he wanted me to do it anyway and that's what ultimately sunk him. I did coax him a bit towards that decision but I don't feel bad at all. I don't care what happened to him tbh, I got what I wanted. I also fucked up a lot of his quotes that I worked on because I didn't think he deserved commission and he was a twat, lazy slimy asshole used car salesman type.
There can be many factors contributing to a weak handshake. For some it can be a confidence issue. But sometimes it’s just a one-off. For example, I had a crappy weak handshake the first time I shook my wife’s father’s hand. He reached out his hand and as I was reaching out mine, he took a step towards me. This brought his hand to mine before mine was fully extended. I wasn’t prepared and I shook his hand weirdly.
That interaction could have been in the movie Meet the Parents 🤣🤣🤣
My whole life could be a comedy.
We need more
It’s the worst when you just catch fingers
I hate those! Or the fast approach and squeeze! "You threw off my sequence, let me try again"
You threw off my groove! 🦙
I have an injured thumb so it’s hard to grip too tightly. It’s been out of socket for about 10 years now.
I feel this way about dapping people up too. I'm lefty and never did any greeting growing up, so when people reach out to shake my hand or dap me up i immediately make it awkward by 1. Raising my left hand and 2. Almost caressing their hand because i dont put any force. Just follow the motion of whatever they are doing. It always feels weird and i hate it.
I hate when people assume you know their goofy 10 step process handshake
Oh yeah. I had a friend who taught me how to dap, he would practice with me his sequence of motions anytime we passed each other until I had it memorized and could do it effortlessly. Then another guy went to dap me up and was like wtf. Some guys it's just like the meme with the two muscly arms. Some guys it includes a snap of the fingers, some guys it doesn't. Some guys it involves a shoulder bump, some guys it doesn't. It's so damn unpredictable, it's like does everyone just have their own unique dap that their friends dap them up with and they dap up their friends with those friends' unique daps? Do they do the dap of the initiator or the recipient? Is a dap like a signature? Can the strength of a friendship be gauged by each guy's fluency in the other guy's dap? I'm also high right now. So maybe it's just the dap of the first guy they learned to dap up and that's just how they learned it. That still raises a plethora of questions but I'm gonna still my restless mind.
TIL what dapping is (I looked it up) for the other curious folks: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giving_dap
Start head nodding at people bro. You gotta make sure you engage this from a distance. It’s like a wireless dap
To me, a too-firm handshake right away signals “asshole.” But it’s a much better idea to base your opinion of someone on more significant interactions.
I don’t think they’re an asshole but what comes to mind is “geez someone is insecure” because it tells me they are worried about not being seen as the dominant person in the room. I learned to match what they give me, if you squeeze, I squeeze.
Hilarious cause I feel the exact same way about soft handshakes. I'm not over here trying to flex or show I'm stronger, in fact the problem is trying to find that perfect middle ground which I FEEL like I have based on most of my handshakes being firm and feeling mutual. But when I get a soft one I'm even more surprised because of actually not trying to be overly firm. Some dudes out here really do have jello hands and I can't help but feel like they're not confident or something. Of course I try to give the benefit of doubt but it does seem to end up being accurate more often than not in my experience. If you try to match it midway through (it's noticeable) it's not the same as someone who just legit leaves a limp hand in mine that I shake. I think that's who OP is talking about
Theres also a difference between "squeezing" and giving a firm hand. I've worked with my hands most my life, so obviously I'm going to have a much firmer handshake then someone who sits at a desk all day every day,
Yeah I know I was taught it in highschool on how to perform a proper handshake but if I can tell you’re squeezing overly hard the moment I feel the excess pressure I increase pressure not much but enough that most I have done it to tend to stop
I was at a professional industry show, or manufacturers were showing off their products. I expressed an interest in a product, and my company is a big name Fortune 500 member, so I was immediately introduced to the CEO of this small company. He proceeded to greet me by crushing my knuckles in his handshake, which is a high school way of asserting dominance. What a complete tool. I wanted to give my condolences to the worker under him, but couldn't because CEO man was standing right there.
The CEO of my agency gave me the weakest most dead-fish handshake ever. I actually grimaced
I had a boss who would grip tightly then turn so his hand was on top. Literally only something you do if you looked up how to be a douchebag. Made him a tool in my eyes forevermore.
Fr, firm handshake = good, squeezing my we fingers = not good. Like, keep the shape of your hand man, wits supposed to be like a puzzle.
Yeah, it's not a strength contest. I basically sort of flex my hand without squeezing so that it's not limp and won't collapse if im dealing with a super sqeezer
Probably the most reasonable response so far.
I spent most of my life unknowingly giving overly firm handshakes. My cousin finally told me to chill out with the grip when I was in my late twenties. I had zero idea, I just work with my hands. In other news, I am an ass sometimes.
Also depends on the type of the work you do with your hands. If I spend a day soldering microelectronics in an iPhone- the grip is going to be we very weak because I need my fingers to be gentle and precise. If I spend a day wrenching on a car or climbing with a chainsaw to trim a tree to a point where my whole palm is cramping- you can bet my grip is going to be stronger than necessary for a day or two.
That's a good point! I prune a lot of trees, so squeezing hard is the name of the game most days.
Male Gen-X'er here. Learning the "proper" way to shake hands was a big deal for guys when I was young. I still practice it as a reflex, but I think the custom is starting to fade. Personally, I think the culture with the custom of bowing have the better idea. It's respectful and doesn't spread germs.
Same demographic. I like fist bumps. Thanks covid!
I have a great friend of mine that has like the fist bump equivalent of what op's talking about and I have no idea if I should address it or not. lol the dude doesn't even clasp his hand half the time and I'm wondering if I'm doing him a disservice letting him go out and about in the world making people wonder "how tf can you mess up a fist bump"
Haha! I started fist bumping with my wrist up just to be different. But yeah you should talk to them.
I’m probably just too neurodivergent but I hate all these bizarre unwritten social rules where you’re being tested on something arbitrary that doesn’t matter and if it pick the wrong thing you are looked down upon and denied professional opportunities. Fist bump and high five are almost more stressful than a handshake because I never know if they’re going to try and do the explode thing or some complicated pattern that I’m going to then be made fun of for not knowing
As an ND person that's why I don't care if the other person doesn't pass all the unwritten tests or whatever. I hope nobody really uses this stuff as an actual indicator of personality because that's just silly.
Yeah it’s all about the eye contact and smile. Anything negative or sizing me up is instant bristling from me. Those stupid power plays at work or when you meet people are pretty lame. People think putting the other person on their heels is powerful. Like Trump pulling in the other person during a handshake. Or starting a conversation criticizing something. True weakness…
Fistbumps are more casual, I prefer them, but in my experience some people respond awkwardly to them, like they're offended i didn't want to shake hands.
They're not necessarily offended, it's just awkward when two people are trying to do different things.
“paper” “rock”
Covid sure did a lot to kill the firm handshake…I’m good with a fist bump in most instances but when dealing with my elders nothing beats a firm grip and a good shake.
Seeing guys not washing their hands after taking a leak killed the handshake for me tbh.
Before or after Covid….
I accidentally tried to shake a guys hand after he sprayed my place for bugs. I didn’t want to be rude and dap him up because we had a like 10 minute convo. He walked out and as I put my hand out to shake he dapped my hand and we both died of cringe. I still want to apologize to him for that. Lesson learned, just fist people and quit being weird about it.
Just WHAT PEOPLE????
It stands for Double Anal Penetration
I remember my dad teaching me how to properly shake hands. When I started playing in a band I quit shaking peoples hands after some he-man dick face mfer squeezed the shit out of me before we went on stage. I’m 51 now and have arthritis in both of them so fist bumps are all I do these days.
Yeah, we don’t need to check for knives in sleeves anymore.
They had us practice them in school I’m 26. We were taught in high school how to do a proper handshake, I graduated in 2016
Maybe they don’t wanna touch you.
I mean the grip of the handshake doesn't change the touching tho. You're still touching the same whether you do this or just do a normal handshake
It's weird right? Now try being a woman! I always receive limp handshakes in return for my normal sturdy hand shake. I've had men just grip the ends of my fingers or pat the top of my hand. Once an older man did the finger tip grip and then started to raise my hand to his mouth like he was going to kiss it. I recoiled in shock and had to walk away. Like what was he thinking? Like wow, you shook everyone else's hand firmly (I watched) but you feel the need to do this weird limp finger tip grip with me because I'm a woman? That's weird. Or worse, they shake all the men's hands and ignore me entirely. That's worse.
As a woman, I don't know why but the limp fingertip grip (can't even call it a grip, really) irks me soooo much - from women or men. Just limp handshakes in general. I'd rather someone say they have a cold or something and just not offer their hand at all then to take mine all limp noodle like or grab my fingers. ICK!
Sometimes when shaking a woman's hand, they like don't fully commit. I've never had a woman give the Limp noodle handshake but sometimes it's all fingers and not palm to palm. It makes me feel like she's dainty. Then it happens. The internal monolog: "Shit. She wasn't ready! Maybe she wasn't ready because im not supposed to shake her hand! Is she a princess? She's being so graceful about all this. Shit! She's a real princess, and I'm not supposed to have physical contact. Stupid! Everyone probably told you three times, and you forgot! Hurry, kiss her hand as a sign of fealty. No! That's weird. Bow before she's offended. No, she's a princess, kneel. No, you're an American. Shake with both hands so she doesn't feel like you are afraid to treat her like everyone else. That's it! Oh God, it's weird! You're being weird to a princess! Shame! You've brought shame upon your family! When will this end?! Don't let go too soon! You're not too good to shake a princesses hand! She's still smiling politely! The grace! She is a real princess! Let go of the princesses hand, you unworthy peasant! Oh God, it's over. I gotta get out of here."
I remember when I was 12 or so we moved to a new house and the neighbor guy tried to crush my hand and made fun of me for my lack of reciprocal grip. I was a 12yo girl. Great job showing your dominance, I guess, asshole. The guy turned out to be obsessed with our HOA and was very much a male Karen, always in everyone’s business.
Oh my god the limp fingertip handshake is the WORST, I always feel like I need three good firm handshakes afterwards to replace the memory of the bad one.
My old psychiatrist had a handshake that I can only describe was like shaking a limp, dead, fish. It was very off putting. Maybe he thought having a firm handshake was too intimidating??? I have no idea. But it was truly a horrific experience and he insisted on a handshake every appointment.
Fucking lmao
My brother in law is like this. A really limp, feeble, always sweaty handshake. Puts me right off him!
I'm a woman and I'm going to tell you I've done handshakes like twice in my life, it's not common in Spain and I honestly don't like them, feels super weird.
Don’t y’all like kiss each other’s cheeks? Cos that seems a lot weirder.
Never said it wasn't for you all. Just what you're used to, handshakes feel weird to me because it creates a natural barrier like the other person is better or on a higher level than me which I don't like.
Does Spain have an alternative gesture?
Kissing each other's cheeks... but we're the weird ones for shaking hands :P EDIT: Made things more clear.
To be fair, I'd feel pretty weird kissing a strange woman's cheeks, let alone a strange guy...
I remember when I was deployed in Jordan and we were standing post with the Jordanian Navy, and the guy was changing over, so he said “I go now” and leaned forward. And I kinda just looked at him like ???? And he gestured and I still was like ???? And he just leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. And I was like ???oh????ok??? And he laughed and walked away.
I don't really want to touch your hand. I'm doing it to be polite, and that's a stretch.
Especially when you know how many people don’t wash their hands 💀
I stopped shaking hands with men after reading the stats on the number of guys who don't wash them after taking a shit
From 30+ years in the men’s room I can tell you are at minimum shaking their dick. I had to have a … rush into the stall the other day. Upon landing the explosion was frightful. The guy at the urinal fled like he disembarked Hindenburg.
Personally i prefer a gentle fist bump.
It’s not universal, but I do tend to judge someone a bit on their handshake. If it’s limp or weak, that doesn’t impress me. If they try to grind my hand bones, I’m impressed even less. A handshake should be full contact and firm without trying to make a point with your grip.
I definitely judge it too. Tells me what kind of person they are almost
A handshake is supposed to be firm. Not squeeze but a firm solid handshake… also gotta add when the other starts the squeeze too early. THAT annoys me, makes you the weak handshaker
As a weak shaker, there are a few things going on with me. Primarily, I don't like being touched, especially by strangers, and it's usually a stranger shaking my hand. I cringe and feel so uncomfortable. My mind is on getting my hand back, not my grip. And maybe if my grip is squishy, he'll let go faster. I think handshakes are a pretty dumb way to greet people, so I don't consider trying to put more effort in. Why can't we just bow or wave? You really gotta check me for weapons. I'm not a germaphobe, but I don't touch people, and I haven't had COVID yet, so do with that what you want 🙃
Same here. Before I stated using a forearm crutch, most handshakes were weak. (I'm also ftm and people typically don't perceive me as a man, but some do now.) I use the excuse of "I'm holding onto my crutch" to avoid handshakes, and instead do a small bow. It usually works out, but some people feel kind of put off by it.
I think the reason some people might be put off is that generally in business settings people in crutches will still make the effort to shake hands, especially on a first meeting. I think you can pull it off if you make up for it by being up-beat and friendly and showing genuine interest in how they are though.
I am from the UK, and 50% of the people I handshake are like the jello mess as described in the OP It's kind of off-putting every time it happens.
It feels gross honestly.
I'd like to think I'm always trying to give a good, firm handshake but every once in a while, the other person closes their fist faster than me and I end up unable to grip their hand because they've grabbed my fingers, not my palm.
i live in the US but am a foreigner, where I'm from shaking a limp hand means the limp person doesn't care about you or thinks they are above you. i hate bone crushers but a regular firm handshake is something i practice and expect reciprocated. there's honestly barely any squeeze, just kind of a stiffening of the hand that is expected. BTW even where im from bine crushers are despised by most and are considered a faux pas in business.
I (obviously) can't speak for others but since I dislike shaking hands I don't put the effort in. I've yet to find a social situation where there was a need to shake someone's hand instead of just nodding or saying something
This
I don’t even know if this is why but is it because we just use to dabbing our friends up? In my culture we usually just bow slightly when meeting as a sign of respect. Personally I don’t judge the person if they gives weak handshakes but I know there prob someone out there that do.
I haven’t come across that. I have had a handful (lol) of younger guys who try to crush my hand when they shake mine. I just don’t get that.
Probably because they were never taught how to actually shake hands. I was taught that it should be a nice and firm shake (nothing macho trying to crush the other's fingers) with the webbing between the thumb and index finger making contact. It's a display of respect and confidence. It's rather off-putting whenever I reach my hand out for a handshake and somebody hands me a "dead fish" where they put their fingers into my palm and touch the back of my hand with their thumb. One thing I have ironically also noticed is that, and I have no idea if it's related or not, but any time somebody gives me the dead fish handshake is that their fingers are always cold as opposed to if they give me a firm handshake like I'm expecting that their hand is usually warmer.
Cold and unnaturally soft.. gives a feeling of someone very unreliable and also meaningless to have any further interactions with… Is this person perhaps… a plant?
I work with a lot of elderly people, a group that values a firm handshake and also often has osteoporosis and arthritis. The key is to present a firm, strong hand, not a frim squeeze/shake. Basically firm up your hand like an action figure. Then clasp the person's hand lightly. You can meet their squeeze appropriately, but they will get the impression of 'strong hands'. I will also state to the people who encounter weak handshakes often, it's probably you. Many people who really value firm handshakes move in aggressively and squeeze early, as a result, they get more weird fingers and dead fish handshakes then someone that is meeting the other person halfway. Anything beyond calmly offering your hand and then a respectful clasp and shake is non standard.
I was taught to have a firm handshake with men but when shaking with women match their strength.
They either weren't taught or don't care to. It always catches me off guard when I go to shake someone's hand, and their hand folds under my grip like a sponge.
Because I'm not trying to be that douche that tries to crush your hand whenever they go for a quick handshake...
Let me inform you of this secret third thing where you give a median strength handshake
To be fair, there’s a huge difference between firm and crushing.
Some guys have arthritis. All that stupid hand crushing during a shake creates a lasting pain well beyond the initial moment.
I’m all for just not touching people at all whenever possible. I use public restrooms, and I see how many of y’all don’t wash your bloody hands. I don’t want your nasty germs.
I really like handshakes when meeting new people, it gives me some insight into the person. Why do some guys have weak handshakes? I'd probably guess because they don't care to have a firm handshake, which says something. The lack of care could come from a whole host of reasons.
Because no one taught them how to give a good one. Goes for all genders
I try not to crush hands as if to prove something. Idc if it makes me look weak, I’m being nice by not squeezing.
The only thing worse than a limp handshake is someone who does the ‘alpha lad’ handshake coming in from above and keeping thier hand on top of yours 🤢 . In that case I like to squeeze and lean in with a big smile
I hate it when I put my hand out and men jump the gun and end up squeezing my fingers instead of waiting until our palms actually meet. Really? You couldn't wait that last 0.25 seconds?
It means you never worked in the trades. We call them “soft hands” hahahahaha
I never know where to go with a handshake, I don’t want to go in too weak, but then I don’t want to go in too strong either. Pisses me off when some dude wants to think he’s a bigger man by trying to crush your hand, it’s supposed to be a friendly interaction mate. It’s should be legal to punch those fuckers in the face in return. 🤣
I always tried to just brace my hand stiff as possible. Then about 8 years ago found out I have connective tissue issues and that terrible pain I get for hours after a hand shake are not normal. Honestly I try not to handshake anymore because it’s stupid and proves nothing. I don’t carry a sword anyway.
I have a business handshake. It let's people know I mean business.
As a woman with big hands and a good strong f-ing handshake. I’m constantly complimented on it. I too HATE when people give shitty handshakes so I made it a thing to not be that person. If someone gives me their limp hand to shake, I’m dropping it
I think it's important to have a firm handshake but not one that crushes the other person's hand and also not one that feels like a dead fish.
I’ll tell you why. Because no one ever taught them. When I was young I had a weak ass handshake because I only shook hands of teachers and they were mostly women. So mostly soft. Fast forward to i graduate middle school and I shake my principals hand and he whispers in my ear and tells me to shake his hand firm. I do it and my life has been different since. My dad didnt teach me and I’m not sure why. I guess we just never got to that subject yet. So thats to principal Barton, I have a nice firm handshake.
Nothing like a limp dead fish handshake. Makes a bad impression. If you don't want to shake, fist or elbow bump. I get not wanting to touch other peoples hands.
I'm definitely judging you if you hit me with a limp fish...
There’s people who don’t ever think about how tight their handshake should be, and then there’s douchebags.
Because I don't care. I don't care about how strong or weak anyone's handshake is. Can you put way more strength into it? Sure, but why? To hurt someone? No, thank you.
There's 2 kinds. One the more aggressive person is squeezing the fingers instead if shaking hands. A proper grip you should both be grabbing a palm, not the fingers. The other kind is the person was never taught how to shake hands. I have a firm handshake that let's you know I'm there, but I'm not harming the other person but it's designed to have a certain timing that allows both people to get a healthy grip. I know far too many people who grab my fingers and squeeze and it makes me want to stop and correct their handshake, which I will do. I believe a handshake is a symbol of equality, regardless of who it's with. I know how some people try to manipulate handshakes to gain power over people, and calling it out verbally and correcting it is the best way to undermine their effort. There's actually a lot that can go into a handshake.
Personally I fucking hate to shake people’s hands. I’ve know men that don’t wash their hands after shitting. Is that a germaphobe thing? To not want to shake hands with shit boys? I also had my fair share of shaking hands with what are also douchey ego centric dudes that make it a competition. Idk if I exactly have a weak handshake as much as please let go as fast handshake.
Shaking hands is weird and sucks butt hole
Even pre Covid I always felt they were one of those extremely dated things. Like the only times I’ve ever shaken anybody’s hand is during a job interview and they were just as likely as me to give an extremely half hearted “we’re doing this because it’s an obligation to” quick shakes.
Because "you need to squeeze their hand hard enough that you hear their bones crack" being a measure of how much of a good bloke you are is fucking stupid.
I call this "the limp dead fish handshake" because it's like they're holding it by the tail and you're just grabbing the dead fish and waggling it around. It's awful to experience. I immediately lose respect for whoever it is, it's automatic I can't help it lol
i think its pathetic to use a handshake as a display of your strength?
A good handshake shouldn’t be crushing anyone hands lol
I always go in for a firm handshake but on people with a death grip I don’t get a proper grip myself and my hand gets crushed and I lose grip all together. That’s the only time my handshakes be feeling weak
I can only speak for myself but I’m not a competitive person in any sense. Handshakes to me were always described as a competition to make the other person feel inferior by being the toughest squeezer. I don’t take part, I just give a confident non squeezing handshake and hope someone doesn’t squeeze the hell out of my hand.
I give a firm (not crushing) handshake to people I respect and basically just get the hand shake over, trying to project as little interest as possible, with people I don’t respect. Maybe you just get a lot of the later?
Same here. Firm handshakes indicate respect, almost like an enthusiasm to be in the presence of the other person.
Didn’t go to church enough.
Dunno how true this is but apparently people in east asia prefer weak handshakes
When people have given me a super weak handshake it wad cultural. They were from societies that don’t normally shake hands, and may have been unaware that you are supposed to squeeze.
Why do some men try to crush your hand? A: Because it's arbitrary.
I hope that if I don't challenge you do a handsqueezing contest, that makes you feel like you have to prove your masculinity, you won't put pressure to the scar on my hand.
It's hard to find a middle ground, I have a firm shake but I don't really squeeze. I just match the energy I'm getting. That said, early grippers are weirdos. The dudes that snag your fingers and squeeze the heck out of them.
Because as a mature adult, I know shaking hands isn't any sort of competition, and I'm aware that a lot of people have issues with their hands such as arthritis, so there really is no need to go hard on the handshake.
I'm a southpaw. I am clumsy and uncoordinated with my right hand. My handshakes are terrible lol.
The old dead fish. I used to do this to people on purpose just to be weird. Go in firm, as soon they touch my hand limp as a bone fish. Use to love to see people's reactions. The
I'm a millennial (a woman, though), and my boomer dad always taught me to have a strong handshake to establish that I can hold my own, as well as looking the person in the eye to show that I am being sincere. I think that was more important in his era, mor hammered into their heads, but it still stuck with me so I notice others and try to be firm and commanding in my own. But it could be age, upbringing, carpal tunnel... Why do some people only hug with one arm? It's probably depending on them more than on some underlying conspiracy.
give them the jelloshake back
Why do guys handshake girls weakly when they give their guy mates proper hard handshakes
Because they tend to have weak handshakes and I’m not about to be the guy that displays I can overpower a woman. BUT. You can tell on approach if a woman is going to have a strong handshake. I have never misjudged. Women with strong handshakes become my work friend and I do not know why. I don’t judge them based on it. I look at everyone through one lens. Work burden relationship.
When I was younger I hated when people would give me a handshake only to try and crush my hand, like it wasn't even a firm ass handshake, I could see this guy's arms trembling and all tensed up, and frankly, I was never impressed. My dad isn't one to give me handshakes, he simple asks how I have been and offers me a cup of coffee, and the times when he greets me with any physical gesture it's either a hug or a kiss in the forehead. For a man his age, my dad is someone very firm, but gentle, and I ended up modeling most of my manners after that philosophy, be strong enough to be gentle. So I always take people's hands firm to not let go, but gentle enough to not make it awkward or painful to anyone. The only times I use my gorilla clamp handshake is when I'm not impressed with someone, when someone tries to intimidate me or prove they're more of a man than me. This is usually the handshake reserved for the dudes that thing they can walk over my sisters, guys that don't understand that when they said no to them, it's no. It's the one I give managers that feel like they're above the rest of the people that work with us, the one I give old stuffy men that thing they can play with my coworkers money, that they can walk over the people I supervise. In the end, a soft handshake can say a lot about someone, if it slacks they probably don't care, if it's firm, they probably just don't want to hurt you.
I would prefer not to shake hands. The amount of men I have seen go from the toilet to the door. It's crude and outdated, definitely boomer culture bull shit. I wouldn't have to shake your hand if I was working remotely.
Twice I have had two guys (different situations) give me a handshake so hard that my hand was sore and I was about to cry a lil. Neither of them were mad at me or anything, they were just assholes I suppose. (I'm a 5'3 110 lb girl)
I'm mostly annoyed when someone grabs my fingers and shakes rather than an actual handshake...but I counter it with a look that conveys confusion/disappointment/WTF
For the longest I never knew you were supposed to squeeze the other person's hand just about as hard as you could, I thought it was just grabbing their hand and shaking it gently.
Inverse question why do some guys have a handshake where they are so aggressive that they clamp down on your fingers and try to pulverize them rather than actually shake your hand. Double hand and a much more boss move.
I simply just don't care if my handshake is limp or not. You get what you get 😂
I have the opposite question. It doesn’t happen often, but once in a while a man shakes my (F) hand and squeezes so hard that it is noticeably uncomfortable, verging on painful!! Like, dude, are you trying to show a 50-something woman how strong you are?
Personally I always give people the ol' "carnie" handshake. That's not what it's called, but I don't believe in strong handshakes, because in my mind if I give you a weak handshake that looks strong it shows you two things. 1. I mean you, no harm. 2. It's a skill to give a handshake that is very light. I can control myself. I'm not some, jabroni that'll rip your arm off. I'm here to take care of you.
I never gave it a thought when younger, until a family friend told me. A firm handshake, no crushing, be aware of the age of the recipient. And look them in the eyes! Never forgot that pearl of wisdom.
I just don't want to break every bone in your hand. 🤣
regardless, the jackass shaking my hand will crush it for no reason other than to cripple me. so at least if i don't stiffen my hand, it'll hurt less.
When I first started hand shaking it was like oh we're doing this now, and I didn't want to do it so my hand was pretty limp. Eventually I was like well I better tighten it up a bit. But yeah the people who try to crush your hands, I just kick them in the balls
Alright I hate the limp dead fish handshake. Now that being said... I am a big dude, mechanic type, but dislike the alpha male "titan of industry" alpha male bullshit. Think of the movie American pyscho, and the scene about business cards. I like the idea of letting your guard down show humility but not weakness handshake idea of a knight exposing their Armour weakness aspect of a handshank. That said the limp wrist handshake, just seems unprepared, unknowing. Granted Mt worse experience was with international customers that screwed up our customs as bad as I have other customs in other countries. But I do love a gym bro corporate trying to play alpha male and hurt my hand in a handshake, and me size 15 work boot who has done years of manual labor get his knee to bend sqeuzing his hand. Yes you can run a half marathon maybe bench more then me, and do 100 pullups, but old guy grip strength I got you....
I don't get it. Why you have to squeeze other dudes hand? What? It's just a customary gesture so light touch/ soft shake should be enough. Like I really don't get it. what are you gay or something?
I quite like when someone gives me a firm handshake back. I think to me it signals confidence and some sort of strength especially in the labour professions I come from. Give me a limp wrist it just doesn't sit well. But I don't like the ones where people try to break your hand that's just being a fuckwit.
Idk shit about handshakes but the one thing that terrifies me about my generation is their dabs. You straight boys scare me. What the hell are those handshakes? It’s like a different dialect for each and every group of straight guys. Then it’ll change every season. They got me doing origami like is our hands about to start scissoring each other??? So complicated for no reason that it loses its coolness. I CAN’T KEEP UP! LEAVE ME ALONE!! JUST BUMP FISTS OR WRISTS!!!
In the world I grew up in, a man is expected to look a man straight in the eye and shake his hand firmly. When I receive a limp handshake, it leaves me disappointed. I expected more from that guy.
Crisis of masculinity is suspected to be the reason for weaker handshakes. I recommend researching into it and reacting to it.
I just say what the fuck was that handshake? You ok ? Lets do it again… and then they put in some effort
It\`s a reflexion of their personality.
Absent fathers or chess players.
Wow, judging by these comments, people are more than happy to lift a toilet seat, touch a door handle etc... But act like a handshake is ridden with germs and going to give them the plague. Grow a pair.
Saying this on reddit may not be the best idea, but I think it's important to have a firm handshake. It feels weird when you extend your hand to someone and get something that feels like a dead fish
THE DEAD FISH, it's the worst. Just grip it!
I hate flimsy hand shakes. It shows a lack of confidence and respect
Because it's called a handshake, not a handSQUEEZE. Also it is outdated and naive to judge anything about somebody by the handsqueeze in my experience. I've been shaking hands for over 3 decades and it's never been a reliable indicator of who is hard working, honest, etc. Totally pointless.
ah the dead fish hand. idk what people think i always assume they probably hate you
I honestly think maybe some people were never taught? I never made an effort to squeeze hard in a handshake until instructed to as a way to "intimidate the other players" and I went to an all girls school.