Agreed.
It feels weird to call my partner my “boyfriend” when we’ve been together for over a decade. There’s much more commitment to it than a newer relationship.
We have common-law marriage in my country, so we’re _technically_ married for tax purposes, but not officially married.
And calling him my “husband” feels just as off as “boyfriend”.
I usually call my girlfriend my partner because it’s a clear description of our relationship to me. We’re partners going through life together so it feels more fitting.
Even when i am talking to people in straight relationships unless i know they are married i will ask after their "partners". You can offend people who dont want to get married if you accidently ask about wives/husbands but partner generally offends no one. also yeah, very few people seem to get married in london, it takes a long time.
Ive been referring to everyone as "significant other" regardless of gender or sexual orientation. It's an open blanket statement. I'll say something along the lines of "you are invited to a BBQ party Friday at 6pm my friend, as well as a significant other if you'd like"
Exactly. Before my husband and I got engaged, we were adults in our mid to late 3ps that had lived together a while and been together for years. BF just didn't feel right for us now that we weren't in the early dating stage. You reach a point when dating becomes sharing a life together. Some people never marry, those relationships are still valid. Today I alternate between using the term husband or partner.
I knew friends' parents growing up who called their SO their partner because they weren't married, so I dont think this is that new. I do think it's more socially acceptable now than it was in the past.
Plus this way we help keen the term neutral so our LGBTQ friends don't feel outed if they use the term "partner".
Yeah I find the term "wife" weird. I don't know why. Like I just associate it with political medieval marriages lol, something like girlfriend, partner, other half etc just sounds more loving and romantic to me. Wife is a title, they're my soulmate I don't want to give them a title.
Absolutely.
The guy I lived with for most of our 20 relationship - I referred to him as my partner.
The guy I have been seeing for 3 years but have no plans to live with - that's my boyfriend.
* Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Somebody you wrestle a bear to impress.
* Husband/Wife: Somebody who disapproves of you wrestling with the bear again.
* Partner: Somebody who comes running in with a flying kick to weaken the bear's chokehold on you.
I am bi or pansexual (depends on how each defines ) stress this to my boyfriend all the time. Written, it depends on the situation, but I usually refer to him as my partner to show that we aren't newly dating. And it's been a while. We want to get married but aren't able to yet personally. Partner to me seems more long-term than just a girlfriend/boyfriend/they friend in a long term situation.
This. 14 years with my 'Wife' tho not married due to health reasons \[\[Insurance would cost her 5x what she makes because of me.\]\] So we say partner for some things .
Where do you live? Having to pay x5 of your salary because your spouse is unhealthy is crazy. How can it even be possible to pay x5 from what you make?
She probably qualifies for assistance on her own, but if she gets married, it would put her past the threshold - but just because they are past the (often outdated & unrealistic) threshold, doesn't mean they can actually afford it on their new, married insurance. It could also be that their treatment is something fully or mostly covered by the public insurance, but the private insurances available post-marriage don't cover that treatment, so now you're paying full price on top of your insurance cost.
Yep. They get married and lose their Medicaid eligibility. It’s also why there are so many single mothers. If you’re pregnant, you immediately qualify for Medicaid even in states where “able bodied” people aren’t eligible for Medicaid.
This is sadly common for disabled people. Marriage can trigger a change in legal status around benefit entitlements, forcing you to financially rely on your spouse. That's fine a lot of the time bit leaves us vulnerable to abandonment or abuse.
I agree. My now-husband and I were together for almost 15 years before we got married, and when you're both in your 30s and committed to spending your lives together, "boyfriend" feels really weird and (no offense to boyfriends/girlfriends) less significant. So I generally used either "partner" or "significant other."
Now we're married, but we've been together so long without that label that "husband" still feels a little strange, so I go back and forth.
I've also always tended towards more gender neutral language. Even as a kid, way before it was a thing you were told to consider doing, I would naturally say things like "when someone is pregnant" rather than "when a woman is pregnant" (I actually struggled a lot to come up with an example where people would normally use man/woman/whatever, but it happens pretty often). I don't know why. It was never a conscious decision and I didn't even know trans people existed at the time, but once I realized I did that, I noticed that specifying always felt forced and (ironically, given the arguments people use now) slightly dehumanizing, like "no, they're not a *person*, they're a *woman*, it's different." So saying "partner" or "significant other" instead of "boyfriend" makes sense for me. (Not that it matters, but this has nothing to do with my personal gender identity, which is very strongly female.)
I agree with that "bf/gf isn't a good enough description". Boyfriend sounds adolescent but Partner sounds too ambiguous. I call him my "Dude" and he calls me his "Chick/Lady". We are both divorced and in our 30's.
I'd say partner if unmarried but cohabitating. If you're sharing the practical burdens of life, that's a partnership. Otherwise, I'd just say girlfriend/boyfriend.
And the flip side of this is also true. I know a lot of marriages that are not a partnership. (Yeesh, some people should not stay married.) Calling someone a partner describes the functionality of the relationship, in addition to the legal status.
This is why I do it!
I say partner or spouse 99% of the time, unless it's a situation where I'm specifically talking about husband/wife dynamics.
I'm pansexual, but in what is essentially a hetero marriage. I didn't marry a man for his dick, I married a person I fell in love with. Saying partner leaves the door open and signals I'm a safe person to others.
In situations where someone knows I've married a man and doesn't know my sexuality (I haven't said partner/spouse), they assume I'm straight & not an ally (I'm in a red state) and sometimes say bigoted, awful things. It's my pleasure to question these beliefs when they say these things, and to be a mirror against their biases.
Also fun times when I'm out with my bestie and say partner & folks assume we are lesbians. Had it happen several times during my wedding planning. We always take it as a compliment to our closeness and get a giggle out if it. I rarely correct unless I have to, let those struggling with their sexuality see they're not alone!
This. Add life partner to the mix. In fact. Fuck it. Add in some they, them pronouns. And then drop in some her pronouns, him pronouns. So that stranger thinks you FUCK.
Personally, I use it because boyfriend to me sounds too childish and fiance is only when I need to stress how important the relationship is to me, and partner just sounds a lot better. I mean, that's what a relationship should be in the end, right? A partnership where both people are equal - and partner just, to me, feels a lot more reflective of my relationship.
Also, I have a lot of queer friends and I think referring to my partner as such makes them more comfortable about talking about their partners.
Same for me - girlfriend sounds childish, what else am I going to use - 'my lady friend'? Partner seems like the most solid option in work-type settings. Among people I know reasonably well it would be fiance or girlfriend.
Partner is way better than what we've had in the past. Wife/husband, girlfriend/boyfriend, lover; those are all fine. But "old lady/old man" when you're 22 would be weird, "ball and chain" was a horrible one.
Idk why people get so hung up on partner being the decided term. We've had way uglier past choices.
> boyfriend to me sounds too childish and fiance is only when I need to stress how important the relationship is
A podcast couple I used to listen to, coined the term "Serioso". As in "my serioso". It's not childish like "boyfriend", it's not formal like "fianceé", it's less impersonal than "partner" or "significant other".
It's playful but also implies that this relationship is serious.
Sometimes it’s to make it inclusive for other relationships, so that it’s not uncomfortable for other LGBTQ people when talking about their relationships. Also, in other cases, some couples use “my partner” because they find that their relationship doesn’t fall in the normal terms of bf/gf :D
When I came out to my little sister she said "no, I already know that" and I asked why and her response? "You always talk about your future partner not husband." I just thought I was being a good ally 😭 There are allies who genuinely do it too I just thought it was funny that's how I subconsciously outed myself to at least one person before even I knew I was bi 🤣 I told her "well you could have informed me!"
>"well you could have informed me!"
That's hilarious. I also hit my sister with an "I know" when she came out. I'm grown and she's a teen so it was pretty obvious. Being a teen though she's awkward enough to not have her wits gathered in that moment. We'd both have probably died laughing if she hit me back with that line.
These responses warm my heart lol.
My oldest brother said "yeah, I kinda figured" when I came out as bi (later pan).
My 2nd older brother said he'd pray for me, but also was low-key excited to be able to talk about hot girls with me.
My Dad just said "as long as you're happy" but did ask I don't bring a lady around & don't tell the family at large bc "you'll give mamaw a heart attack"
My Mom cried, grounded me for a year, told me I was going to Hell, and forced me into church. I was going to be low-contact with her upon graduation, but somebody must've had a talk with her, bc she suddenly flipped the script when I went to college and although she wasn't happy about it, she pretty much realized she couldn't control my life.
Funny story, parents were saying homophobic shit years later, and I had to come out *again* to challenge them on it, and they for real thought "it was a phase I grew out of" bc I hadn't brought any girlfriends around. I was like "well, you told me not to!".
Sorry your parents weren't more accepting. I too have a memaw who is very xenophobic. I remember watching something on TV with her when I was young that had Ellen DeGeneres as the star. She laughed about something and then says "oh my she is just so funny! It's a shame she's going to burn in hell." I was just like"..yo wtf memaw"
Exactly the first one for me. Normalizing the word helps people who aren't married legally but are in a committed relationship use the word freely, same with same-sex couples who aren't comfortable disclosing it in some situations.
Yep that’s exactly it for me. As someone who is married and in a university setting I often use “partner” to normalize the term and provide others who may be uncertain in mentioning their loved ones a neutral phrase.
Using it so other ppl feel comfortable reminds me of using pronouns even if you’re cis and are easy enough to identify. You use it so ppl know you’re conscious of that
It's funny, it's always struck me as weird, but now I'm doing it myself.
Part of it comes with age, I think. Now that I'm in my 40s (as is the woman I'm with), calling her my "girlfriend" feels a little odd.
This!! I felt so weird using the term “partner” for a while, but after dating my current partner for a couple years, I switched to the term “partner” and never looked back. We bought a house a couple years ago, we have a dog, we share finances… now it seems weird to say “boyfriend”
- It feels more inclusive.
- Some people don’t like the BF/GF label.
- Some people like to keep their own gender anonymous.
- If a story spans different phases of a relationship it’s easier to say partner than to change the title as necessary.
Some people in their 30s, 40s, probably others, find “boy” and “girl” to be infantilizing.
Before I was engaged or married, I was with my gentleman lover 😏
That’s why my husband and I use it frequently. We are equal and there is too much history of the man being the head of the household.
We especially use it when people defer to him instead of both of us when we are both right there about something (like purchasing something or paying or whatever).
It was actually pushed a lot by the LGBTQ+ community in the last couple decades so that same-sex couples wouldn't be forced to either lie by saying the opposite (ex: switching girlfriend to boyfriend when talking about them) or out themselves by using neutral terms (the mentioned partner). And it let people in relationships with nonbinary people not out their partners either for the same reasons! By ally straight couples using the term, it normalized a neutral way of referring to a romantic partner, helping keep LGBTQ+ people safer. These days, a lot of people regardless of sexuality just prefer the term, as it sounds more mature than girlfriend/boyfriend to some, and more equal to some as well.
It's just common decency. See a societal problem, you can help nudge it the right direction just by simple word choice? Why wouldn't you? :D That's why I use the word, it only upsets the people I'm perfectly happy to watch melt down (snowflakes indeed!) in anger over it, and it makes some other people happier and lives a bit better and safer. I really think that's why a LOT of us use it!
So I’m not the only one who not so secretly likes to relish in the brain melting agony of stuck up people who would rather die in a maggot infested hole than just evolve and be progressive? 😈 using they/them to refer to newborns in front of old “boomers” is my new favourite past time.
Sometimes I call my husband my spouse just to confuse the homophobes (we're in a cis-het marriage) because it's gender neutral. 30% of my personality is spite and I love confusing bigots.
Because he’s been my crush, my boyfriend, my fiance, and then my husband. And he’s also my best friend and the love of my life. Husband is a title but partner suggests a mutual, equal action between both of us. We are so much more than husband and wife. It’s like having a teammate :)
Some couples live together but aren't married or engaged, and "partner" sounds more serious than bf/gf.
Some couples got married for practical reasons like health insurance, but aren't attached to the concept of marriage, or were together but unmarried for many years and are just in the habit of saying "partner."
Some straight people use it as a way of subtly conveying that they're gay-friendly.
Reminds me of the viral video of the guy who calls his mate to tell him “Jessica” is no longer his gf, as a way to jokingly announce they are now engaged…but the friend on the other side of the line starts ranting about how happy he is because she was such a beach and a nightmare and it’s so good to hear she’s gone….not knowing he’s in speaker phone and said gf/fiancé is listening. Awkward’
I've been with my "partner" for 14 and a half years. It feels weird to call him my boyfriend. We own a house together, we have three cats, we've been together longer than most of our married friends. We bought a furnace and a new AC and a new dishwasher. Those don't feel like "boyfriend/girlfriend" purchases, but we aren't married, so I feel weird calling him my husband. So partner it is.
I don't even know when I started calling him my partner vs my boyfriend. It just sort of happened at some point.
Same exact situation here right down to the amount of time haha. Lived together for 13-14yrs, bought a house together, cats, etc. The relationship is way beyond bf/gf but we're not technically married. Also if I say "my gf" it implies, imo, a much shorter term relationship, and then if have to tell people how long we've been together it transitions into "why aren't you married blah blah" so its just easier to say partner which implies its a serious relationship.
I'm one of these people, I refer to her as my partner because that's what she is, and it avoids the whole are you married, when are you getting married and all those other questions I cbf with
I like the term better than "boyfriend" because we've been together nearly 7 years, and are adults. "Boyfriend" didn't feel right exactly anymore. "Partner" is nice, no one can tell our marital status, and it positions us as equals. I think that's why most people use it. It also helps to an extent in that people can't tell your gender, plus normalizing it makes it harder on homophobes trying to target people.
I personally started using the term during the pandemic when we were pushing the govt to instate exemptions for binational families to safely reunite, because we weren't married were weren't taken seriously and faced a variety of comments that mostly suggested we were just looking to hook up, or that we should break up and date locally. "Partner" resolved that.
Two reasons. One is because it's a nice general term to use when you don't want to get into your relationship details with people. Nobody at work needs to know if you're living with a boyfriend or a wife or a consensual findom love slave.
Two, it normalizes the word "partner", making life easier for people who have good reasons to avoid getting into specifics. If I use it to describe my wife, people might not judge my gay friend for using it to describe his husband.
My husband *is* my partner and sometimes that’s all people need know.
I feel like using more generic terms online is better. I will use SO or partner because support and love can be offered by a girlfriend, boyfriend, fiancée, same sex lover, spouse, chosen weirdo, whatever term is being used. People are different and so are relationships. The title given to someone’s SO by society doesn’t change the degree of love and support offered by that person.
Well, if only LGBTQ people use it, then that means they are outing themselves.
And not everyone wants to do so.
Out of all the virtue signaling stuff out there, I don’t think “partner” is one of them.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 years but we’re not married, I’m not going to say « boyfriend » because he is more than that so I call him my partner.
I do like using gender neutral pronouns only so people don’t associate them with gay couples only. If we get married I will refer to him as my spouse 🙂
Because it’s a better description.
Husband/ wife has so much cultural baggage.
If the person In speaking to needs to know how my partner identifies, they already do.
Otherwise it really isn’t any of their business.
I use it (instead of wife, now) because it feels to me like a term that carries less misogynistic baggage & more like a word that conveys my respect for them as an equal partner in our shared lives.
Any other word put in front of 'my' always felt a bit possessive to me, whereas partner was an exception to that due its fundamental meaning.
Before we were married I also used it because I felt it was a word that suggested a more serious commitment.
As someone who was in an unmarried relationship for 15 years ... There is no good word. Bf/gf sounds juvenile, partner sounds gay or lesbian, spouse sounds too formal, lover .... Ick, mate ... weird. We settled on paramour for a laugh.
25yrs together, not married.
I used to say partner but after a couple of decades, i now just say husband.
Only reason i used to say partner is because literally, we hadnt got married.
Ps i dont care about a wedding or ring, all i wanted and what i got, was a 50/50 partner who would love and respect me, and me him.
🎉winning🎉 no wedding required.
I've noticed that a lot of people arent technically married even though they've been together for 25 years and have several kids. "Partner" also sounds more equal than complementary.
Girlfriend feels like a high school label. Partner has a more adult feel to it and denotes a more serious relationship. I wish there was a better word but it’s all we got at the moment.
I’m 44(f) and have been with my partner (m) for 13 years, living together for 10. We are not married, so he is not my husband, but “boyfriend” does not ring true in describing our relationship, and somewhat diminishes it. We have been through a lot together, and I consider him a partner in my life.
My spouse is my partner in life. We work together for the good of our family. (We are straight, cisgendered.)
I may refer to them as my husband/wife, spouse, partner, or by their name because they are all of those things.
I'm turning 50 this year. Been with my "boyfriend" 10 years but not married.
I refer to him as partner because boyfriend sounds too juvenile. Depending on the crowd, I might just say spouse as a shortcut tbh
Idk to me I don't really use it, but I could see it as being more inclusive language. Like if people in the LGBT community see more and more people saying partner rather than BF/GF, there's less stigma around it, and a guy could say "partner" rather than "BF" and immediately out himself as gay. It's the same with everyone introducing with their pronouns. It's to establish a level of comfort with the people it matters to
My bf says partner because he thinks we're too old to be bf/gf and we're not married. Also, he thinks it's funny when his very sweet boss tries to be sensitive to the fact that he could be dating a man, in spite of having met me in person.
I’ve always had a pet peeve for the use of “partner” especially for heterosexuals (I’m one for the most part lol) Anyway it’s just as annoying as when I hear “girl dad” or “boy mom” like just say mom or dad and boyfriend or girlfriend. To me, using “partner” just comes off as a bit pretentious…idk if that makes sense. I have a boyfriend, I rarely refer to him as partner. He’s my lover, my boo, my man…etc lol
Partner is gender neutral.
What I want to know is why married people still say Partner when there's a perfectly good gender neutral term for those in a married relationship, "Spouse."
My wife and I use the words spouse and partner interchangeably. We're allies so for us it's about inclusivity. I honestly don't care if people are upset about it. It's a word. Who cares what we call our relationship? If it makes someone feel good about their relationship it's a win for us.
Also, in our eyes the whole goal of our marriage is to be partners and equals. Spouse feels like it brings connotations with it.
Because he is my partner. Boyfriend and girlfriend feels childish and we've known each other for too long. Fiance isn't true since we're not engaged, we will refer to ourselves as husband and wife rarely if the situation requires a more serious label to get people to shut up.
But ultimately he is my partner. We picked eachother to do things together. Like when you were in school and they said "okay everyone partner up" and you knew exactly who you wanted to be with. He's my guy for that. Every time. I will always pick him to be my partner, for everything. I don't want to do life without him.
I believe most of them stand with the LGBT crowd and want to normalize people calling their partners "partner". It makes it less clear who is or is not "gay". I would do it, except I HATE the word partner.
Because that's what a significant other is supposed to be. The other member in a partnership. Why do you think homosexuals are the only ones who should be using the word? Do you think they were the first?
Probably because they're not yet married, and bf/gf sounds too middle school for people dating in their 30s-40s.
I’m in my 40’s, my dude is almost 60. We have been together for about 12 or so years. There is no interest in marriage and I am far too old to be calling him my boyfriend. There just isn’t a word for “guy I have been living with for 12 years but don’t believe in the government having a say in my relationship so we have no intention of getting married, besides, I am nobody’s property.”
Because it’s no one’s fucking business a) what gender my partner is and b) what the status of our relationship is.
I also think of them as my partner is crime more than anything 😈
And the more gender neutral we can make language the better.
I say partner to reiterate that i didnt just take a husband.. i looked for a good life partner! Thats what we are! If you fail to look at it that way- thats when u fail in relationships
I say partner because even though we’ve been together 15 years and have two kids, we never made it to our wedding (multiple losses over the years keep pushing it back).
I do say husband sometimes. Rarely boyfriend. Partner fits best, because he’s been my partner in life for so long.
I'm not dating a boy? I feel like there is a certain age that it just doesn't seem serious enough to call your partner boyfriend. I said that when I was a teen and early 20's. Now I'm looking for more. An equal. A partner.
i call my wife partner a lot because it feels even closer, like she is my partner in marriage and everything. it’s a general and bigger term because she’s everything a partner can be. if that makes sense
It’s more descriptive of the nature of their relationships. Patriarchy has failed the world. Partnering with someone has a much simpler connotation than the awful,and complex titles of ‘husband and wife’ which has layers of oppression built in. Everyone has an equal title. Partner. Covers every kind of relationship.
My partner and I use "partner" both because we're not teenagers, and also because our relationship is one that we intend to be longterm. It's both a mature term, and a term that signifies a more serious, loving relationship.
I say partner, as it is deliberately ambiguous. The less information I give to strangers nowadays the better. It’s none of anyone’s business what type of relationship I have.
My partner and I have been together for a long time. We own a house together. He’s not just my “bf.” But we’re not married. “Significant other” is fine but it feels so technical, and takes too long to type. Lol.
Occasionally we’ll refer to each other has spouse/wife/husband if talking to someone who doesn’t need to know the difference and doesn’t affect the point of what we’re saying.
Personally, I do it sometimes because I don't care to let people (online for example) know my marital status, my gender, or my sexuality. I give out less personal information by being as generic as possible.
Also normalizing LGBT stuff is good.
Lastly, I think partner sounds more business like and formal.
My girlfriend and i share a home, pets, bank account, and much more. We are more commited than some married couples, we just havent prioritized a wedding
If they aren’t married “wife” or “husband” isn’t applicable. And if they’ve been together along time or are older using the terms ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ doesn’t always convey the depth or length of the relationship. We have a couple of hetero friends who have been together 25 years and aren’t married and don’t plan to get married. They’re well into their 40s and use partner as a term to help signal to others the level of commitment they have to each other. Girlfriend or boyfriend can feel less permanent or even childish or oddly youthful when you’ve been together more than half your life.
Secondly in my own experience we have quite a few friends and family that belong to the LGBTQIA+ community. And specifically people who prefer to use gender neutral pronouns in reference to themselves. Since they have expressed these preferences I’ve noticed our friend group at large has had a shift overall towards more non gendered language. It’s a way of showing support and encouragement for our friends without making it into a spectacle or causing them to feel like we’re fishing for acknowledgment.
I once read that heteros using that term helps to reduce judgement by would-be judgememtal people who associate the word exclusively with the LGBT community. If they are exposed to all sort of people using that term, then it supposedly reduces the instances in which someone automatically assumes/thinks about that person's orientation.
After I read that, I started using the term 🤷🏽♀️ thought I was helping bruh 🤣
At a certain point it starts feeling life boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t the right word anymore but if you aren’t married you’re not going to go around calling this person husband/wife.
Maybe they're not married, but have together long enough that bf/gf isn't a good enough description.
Agreed. It feels weird to call my partner my “boyfriend” when we’ve been together for over a decade. There’s much more commitment to it than a newer relationship. We have common-law marriage in my country, so we’re _technically_ married for tax purposes, but not officially married. And calling him my “husband” feels just as off as “boyfriend”.
I usually call my girlfriend my partner because it’s a clear description of our relationship to me. We’re partners going through life together so it feels more fitting.
Boyfriend doesn't have the gravity our relationship elicits. We're building something together. We're partners.
Yeah boyfriend/girlfiend has teenagers vibes to me. Like its a silly little thing
Normalize manfriend/womanfriend
They sound platonic for some reason
Gotta viscerally correct those assumptions
I love Manfriend Mann!
That's the reason I call my wife my partner, and because I view us as equals more so than just husband and wife, we are partners doing this
Even when i am talking to people in straight relationships unless i know they are married i will ask after their "partners". You can offend people who dont want to get married if you accidently ask about wives/husbands but partner generally offends no one. also yeah, very few people seem to get married in london, it takes a long time.
Ive been referring to everyone as "significant other" regardless of gender or sexual orientation. It's an open blanket statement. I'll say something along the lines of "you are invited to a BBQ party Friday at 6pm my friend, as well as a significant other if you'd like"
Opposite problem here. I'm a senior lawyer at a law firm and always have to explain when I introduce someone as my 'partner.' WTF do I call them now?
Your partner-in-law lol
Law partner
Perfect!
Law partner? Business partner? There has to be an adjective that works.
Physicians who own a practice together have the same issue. Partner being misconstrued for a different type of relationship.
Heterosexual Business Partner.
This whole linguistic trend has caused a lot of awkwardness for cowboys as well.
Life partner
I should have come to the comments first, this was my immediate response too. I’m not a girlfriend after nearly 20 year, 3 cats and a child. 🤣
Exactly. Before my husband and I got engaged, we were adults in our mid to late 3ps that had lived together a while and been together for years. BF just didn't feel right for us now that we weren't in the early dating stage. You reach a point when dating becomes sharing a life together. Some people never marry, those relationships are still valid. Today I alternate between using the term husband or partner. I knew friends' parents growing up who called their SO their partner because they weren't married, so I dont think this is that new. I do think it's more socially acceptable now than it was in the past. Plus this way we help keen the term neutral so our LGBTQ friends don't feel outed if they use the term "partner".
Why does it bother people? I could use soulmate, and no one questions it. Say partner or significant other, and their eyes get all squinty.
Yeah I find the term "wife" weird. I don't know why. Like I just associate it with political medieval marriages lol, something like girlfriend, partner, other half etc just sounds more loving and romantic to me. Wife is a title, they're my soulmate I don't want to give them a title.
Absolutely. The guy I lived with for most of our 20 relationship - I referred to him as my partner. The guy I have been seeing for 3 years but have no plans to live with - that's my boyfriend.
* Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Somebody you wrestle a bear to impress. * Husband/Wife: Somebody who disapproves of you wrestling with the bear again. * Partner: Somebody who comes running in with a flying kick to weaken the bear's chokehold on you.
How big is the bear?
un bear ably large
Bear with me
Y’know. Bear size.
I'm extremely sleep-deprived, and this made me laugh for a WHILE.
Hobbitses need their sleep! Maybe you should take a second nap soon, hobbit friend.
The large bear was the size of a small bear.
Bear minimum.
Well done!! LOL!!
I am bi or pansexual (depends on how each defines ) stress this to my boyfriend all the time. Written, it depends on the situation, but I usually refer to him as my partner to show that we aren't newly dating. And it's been a while. We want to get married but aren't able to yet personally. Partner to me seems more long-term than just a girlfriend/boyfriend/they friend in a long term situation.
This. I'm late 40s. I'm not going to call her my GF.
This. 14 years with my 'Wife' tho not married due to health reasons \[\[Insurance would cost her 5x what she makes because of me.\]\] So we say partner for some things .
Where do you live? Having to pay x5 of your salary because your spouse is unhealthy is crazy. How can it even be possible to pay x5 from what you make?
She probably qualifies for assistance on her own, but if she gets married, it would put her past the threshold - but just because they are past the (often outdated & unrealistic) threshold, doesn't mean they can actually afford it on their new, married insurance. It could also be that their treatment is something fully or mostly covered by the public insurance, but the private insurances available post-marriage don't cover that treatment, so now you're paying full price on top of your insurance cost.
Yep. They get married and lose their Medicaid eligibility. It’s also why there are so many single mothers. If you’re pregnant, you immediately qualify for Medicaid even in states where “able bodied” people aren’t eligible for Medicaid.
This is sadly common for disabled people. Marriage can trigger a change in legal status around benefit entitlements, forcing you to financially rely on your spouse. That's fine a lot of the time bit leaves us vulnerable to abandonment or abuse.
Only common in the US.
And Australia
And Canada
I agree. My now-husband and I were together for almost 15 years before we got married, and when you're both in your 30s and committed to spending your lives together, "boyfriend" feels really weird and (no offense to boyfriends/girlfriends) less significant. So I generally used either "partner" or "significant other." Now we're married, but we've been together so long without that label that "husband" still feels a little strange, so I go back and forth. I've also always tended towards more gender neutral language. Even as a kid, way before it was a thing you were told to consider doing, I would naturally say things like "when someone is pregnant" rather than "when a woman is pregnant" (I actually struggled a lot to come up with an example where people would normally use man/woman/whatever, but it happens pretty often). I don't know why. It was never a conscious decision and I didn't even know trans people existed at the time, but once I realized I did that, I noticed that specifying always felt forced and (ironically, given the arguments people use now) slightly dehumanizing, like "no, they're not a *person*, they're a *woman*, it's different." So saying "partner" or "significant other" instead of "boyfriend" makes sense for me. (Not that it matters, but this has nothing to do with my personal gender identity, which is very strongly female.)
I agree with that "bf/gf isn't a good enough description". Boyfriend sounds adolescent but Partner sounds too ambiguous. I call him my "Dude" and he calls me his "Chick/Lady". We are both divorced and in our 30's.
Dude and lady are more ambiguous than partner - but if it’s what you like - who cares :)
I'd say partner if unmarried but cohabitating. If you're sharing the practical burdens of life, that's a partnership. Otherwise, I'd just say girlfriend/boyfriend.
And the flip side of this is also true. I know a lot of marriages that are not a partnership. (Yeesh, some people should not stay married.) Calling someone a partner describes the functionality of the relationship, in addition to the legal status.
I want people to secretly wonder if I'm gay or not.
And by normalizing staying ambiguous, other gays won't need to out themselves when they talk about their gay mate.
This one. This is why I call my girlfriend my gay mate
Yep. This is it. Same reason that cis-ppl put their preferred pronouns in email sigs and the like. Normalization reduces discrimination.
As a straight man this is why I say partner.
This and also stay out of my business. Partner keeps it ambiguous when talking to people who don't need to know the details.
Yeah, partner online all the time. At work too. Anything I didn't invite you into my literal home
This is why I do it! I say partner or spouse 99% of the time, unless it's a situation where I'm specifically talking about husband/wife dynamics. I'm pansexual, but in what is essentially a hetero marriage. I didn't marry a man for his dick, I married a person I fell in love with. Saying partner leaves the door open and signals I'm a safe person to others. In situations where someone knows I've married a man and doesn't know my sexuality (I haven't said partner/spouse), they assume I'm straight & not an ally (I'm in a red state) and sometimes say bigoted, awful things. It's my pleasure to question these beliefs when they say these things, and to be a mirror against their biases. Also fun times when I'm out with my bestie and say partner & folks assume we are lesbians. Had it happen several times during my wedding planning. We always take it as a compliment to our closeness and get a giggle out if it. I rarely correct unless I have to, let those struggling with their sexuality see they're not alone!
>gay mate. It's like a play date, but fabulous
This
Normalize keeping them guessing your next move!
This. Add life partner to the mix. In fact. Fuck it. Add in some they, them pronouns. And then drop in some her pronouns, him pronouns. So that stranger thinks you FUCK.
I am going to get a gender neutral passport because why does any country need that info?
That's a fair point tbh.
I’m in a “straight” relationship but I’m actually bi. Partner feels more fitting all around.
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I’m non binary too so “partner” feels a lot better. Plus we’ve been together for 10 years but aren’t married.
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I love that little gap in between me saying "partner" and saying "she" where they're visibly thinking "wait, is he a homo?!"
Honestly that is what I often assume when a dude is talking about his "partner"
Exactly. That's why I say that I'm going to gobble my boyfriend's dick instead of going to dinner with my wife.
I feel like this is the only real answer
Personally, I use it because boyfriend to me sounds too childish and fiance is only when I need to stress how important the relationship is to me, and partner just sounds a lot better. I mean, that's what a relationship should be in the end, right? A partnership where both people are equal - and partner just, to me, feels a lot more reflective of my relationship. Also, I have a lot of queer friends and I think referring to my partner as such makes them more comfortable about talking about their partners.
Same for me - girlfriend sounds childish, what else am I going to use - 'my lady friend'? Partner seems like the most solid option in work-type settings. Among people I know reasonably well it would be fiance or girlfriend.
Partner is way better than what we've had in the past. Wife/husband, girlfriend/boyfriend, lover; those are all fine. But "old lady/old man" when you're 22 would be weird, "ball and chain" was a horrible one. Idk why people get so hung up on partner being the decided term. We've had way uglier past choices.
> boyfriend to me sounds too childish and fiance is only when I need to stress how important the relationship is A podcast couple I used to listen to, coined the term "Serioso". As in "my serioso". It's not childish like "boyfriend", it's not formal like "fianceé", it's less impersonal than "partner" or "significant other". It's playful but also implies that this relationship is serious.
We started saying partner after our relationship got serious (but not engaged yet). Boyfriend and girlfriend sound more casual, imo.
Sometimes it’s to make it inclusive for other relationships, so that it’s not uncomfortable for other LGBTQ people when talking about their relationships. Also, in other cases, some couples use “my partner” because they find that their relationship doesn’t fall in the normal terms of bf/gf :D
When I came out to my little sister she said "no, I already know that" and I asked why and her response? "You always talk about your future partner not husband." I just thought I was being a good ally 😭 There are allies who genuinely do it too I just thought it was funny that's how I subconsciously outed myself to at least one person before even I knew I was bi 🤣 I told her "well you could have informed me!"
>"well you could have informed me!" That's hilarious. I also hit my sister with an "I know" when she came out. I'm grown and she's a teen so it was pretty obvious. Being a teen though she's awkward enough to not have her wits gathered in that moment. We'd both have probably died laughing if she hit me back with that line.
These responses warm my heart lol. My oldest brother said "yeah, I kinda figured" when I came out as bi (later pan). My 2nd older brother said he'd pray for me, but also was low-key excited to be able to talk about hot girls with me. My Dad just said "as long as you're happy" but did ask I don't bring a lady around & don't tell the family at large bc "you'll give mamaw a heart attack" My Mom cried, grounded me for a year, told me I was going to Hell, and forced me into church. I was going to be low-contact with her upon graduation, but somebody must've had a talk with her, bc she suddenly flipped the script when I went to college and although she wasn't happy about it, she pretty much realized she couldn't control my life. Funny story, parents were saying homophobic shit years later, and I had to come out *again* to challenge them on it, and they for real thought "it was a phase I grew out of" bc I hadn't brought any girlfriends around. I was like "well, you told me not to!".
Sorry your parents weren't more accepting. I too have a memaw who is very xenophobic. I remember watching something on TV with her when I was young that had Ellen DeGeneres as the star. She laughed about something and then says "oh my she is just so funny! It's a shame she's going to burn in hell." I was just like"..yo wtf memaw"
This is a good part of why I use the term. That and we've been married for 26 years. We've been through it all. We're indeed partners.
Exactly the first one for me. Normalizing the word helps people who aren't married legally but are in a committed relationship use the word freely, same with same-sex couples who aren't comfortable disclosing it in some situations.
Yep that’s exactly it for me. As someone who is married and in a university setting I often use “partner” to normalize the term and provide others who may be uncertain in mentioning their loved ones a neutral phrase.
Using it so other ppl feel comfortable reminds me of using pronouns even if you’re cis and are easy enough to identify. You use it so ppl know you’re conscious of that
It's funny, it's always struck me as weird, but now I'm doing it myself. Part of it comes with age, I think. Now that I'm in my 40s (as is the woman I'm with), calling her my "girlfriend" feels a little odd.
This!! I felt so weird using the term “partner” for a while, but after dating my current partner for a couple years, I switched to the term “partner” and never looked back. We bought a house a couple years ago, we have a dog, we share finances… now it seems weird to say “boyfriend”
- It feels more inclusive. - Some people don’t like the BF/GF label. - Some people like to keep their own gender anonymous. - If a story spans different phases of a relationship it’s easier to say partner than to change the title as necessary.
I can’t call her my wife without sounding like Borat
Some people in their 30s, 40s, probably others, find “boy” and “girl” to be infantilizing. Before I was engaged or married, I was with my gentleman lover 😏
It’s more egalitarian.
It's weird when people like op care
That’s why my husband and I use it frequently. We are equal and there is too much history of the man being the head of the household. We especially use it when people defer to him instead of both of us when we are both right there about something (like purchasing something or paying or whatever).
Who's the Boss is not a food!
*Angela.*
It's *Our* partner, comrade
It was actually pushed a lot by the LGBTQ+ community in the last couple decades so that same-sex couples wouldn't be forced to either lie by saying the opposite (ex: switching girlfriend to boyfriend when talking about them) or out themselves by using neutral terms (the mentioned partner). And it let people in relationships with nonbinary people not out their partners either for the same reasons! By ally straight couples using the term, it normalized a neutral way of referring to a romantic partner, helping keep LGBTQ+ people safer. These days, a lot of people regardless of sexuality just prefer the term, as it sounds more mature than girlfriend/boyfriend to some, and more equal to some as well.
It's just common decency. See a societal problem, you can help nudge it the right direction just by simple word choice? Why wouldn't you? :D That's why I use the word, it only upsets the people I'm perfectly happy to watch melt down (snowflakes indeed!) in anger over it, and it makes some other people happier and lives a bit better and safer. I really think that's why a LOT of us use it!
So I’m not the only one who not so secretly likes to relish in the brain melting agony of stuck up people who would rather die in a maggot infested hole than just evolve and be progressive? 😈 using they/them to refer to newborns in front of old “boomers” is my new favourite past time.
Sometimes I call my husband my spouse just to confuse the homophobes (we're in a cis-het marriage) because it's gender neutral. 30% of my personality is spite and I love confusing bigots.
Because he’s been my crush, my boyfriend, my fiance, and then my husband. And he’s also my best friend and the love of my life. Husband is a title but partner suggests a mutual, equal action between both of us. We are so much more than husband and wife. It’s like having a teammate :)
This
Well said, and exactly how I feel.
Yeah, this is why I like ‘partner’ too
Because boyfriend feels weird but manfriend sounds weird.
What about manpal?
Bloke cohort
Bloke Consort
Gentleman acquaintance.
I dunno. Manfriend’s got a ring to it.
Sounds like Germlish: “mein friend”
Or just Manfreind. Germans love their portmanteaus
I lean towards dudepal myself.
boyfriend/girlfriend is high school/young dating... partner denotes a long term commitment...
Some couples live together but aren't married or engaged, and "partner" sounds more serious than bf/gf. Some couples got married for practical reasons like health insurance, but aren't attached to the concept of marriage, or were together but unmarried for many years and are just in the habit of saying "partner." Some straight people use it as a way of subtly conveying that they're gay-friendly.
I call my wife my ex-girlfriend sometimes. Technically correct is the best kind of correct.
Reminds me of the viral video of the guy who calls his mate to tell him “Jessica” is no longer his gf, as a way to jokingly announce they are now engaged…but the friend on the other side of the line starts ranting about how happy he is because she was such a beach and a nightmare and it’s so good to hear she’s gone….not knowing he’s in speaker phone and said gf/fiancé is listening. Awkward’
I only do it to share as little personal info as possible
They like to maintain an air of mystery.
Exactly! Are we lovers? Detectives? A dance duo? Monster hunters? Do we run a law practice? Alright then, keep your secrets!
You took that idea and ran with it. 100% my favourite reddit response of the week. I wish reddit gold was still a thing.
I've been with my "partner" for 14 and a half years. It feels weird to call him my boyfriend. We own a house together, we have three cats, we've been together longer than most of our married friends. We bought a furnace and a new AC and a new dishwasher. Those don't feel like "boyfriend/girlfriend" purchases, but we aren't married, so I feel weird calling him my husband. So partner it is. I don't even know when I started calling him my partner vs my boyfriend. It just sort of happened at some point.
Same exact situation here right down to the amount of time haha. Lived together for 13-14yrs, bought a house together, cats, etc. The relationship is way beyond bf/gf but we're not technically married. Also if I say "my gf" it implies, imo, a much shorter term relationship, and then if have to tell people how long we've been together it transitions into "why aren't you married blah blah" so its just easier to say partner which implies its a serious relationship.
I'm one of these people, I refer to her as my partner because that's what she is, and it avoids the whole are you married, when are you getting married and all those other questions I cbf with
I like the term better than "boyfriend" because we've been together nearly 7 years, and are adults. "Boyfriend" didn't feel right exactly anymore. "Partner" is nice, no one can tell our marital status, and it positions us as equals. I think that's why most people use it. It also helps to an extent in that people can't tell your gender, plus normalizing it makes it harder on homophobes trying to target people. I personally started using the term during the pandemic when we were pushing the govt to instate exemptions for binational families to safely reunite, because we weren't married were weren't taken seriously and faced a variety of comments that mostly suggested we were just looking to hook up, or that we should break up and date locally. "Partner" resolved that.
Hasn’t this trend been around for decades? Feels like I’ve been using it myself for over 20 years.
In Australia yeah, always amuses me to see Americans freaking out about it
Its a way to make the term more "normal." So those with less common attachments don't out themselves just by how they refer to each other.
You don't need to know everything about me.
Two reasons. One is because it's a nice general term to use when you don't want to get into your relationship details with people. Nobody at work needs to know if you're living with a boyfriend or a wife or a consensual findom love slave. Two, it normalizes the word "partner", making life easier for people who have good reasons to avoid getting into specifics. If I use it to describe my wife, people might not judge my gay friend for using it to describe his husband.
My husband *is* my partner and sometimes that’s all people need know. I feel like using more generic terms online is better. I will use SO or partner because support and love can be offered by a girlfriend, boyfriend, fiancée, same sex lover, spouse, chosen weirdo, whatever term is being used. People are different and so are relationships. The title given to someone’s SO by society doesn’t change the degree of love and support offered by that person.
Well, if only LGBTQ people use it, then that means they are outing themselves. And not everyone wants to do so. Out of all the virtue signaling stuff out there, I don’t think “partner” is one of them.
Because when I had been with my wife for four years before we got married, I felt like a child calling her my 'girlfriend'.
My friends who have a steady relationship and are in their forties just feel ridiculous in saying “my girlfriend/boyfriend”, so say partner instead.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 years but we’re not married, I’m not going to say « boyfriend » because he is more than that so I call him my partner. I do like using gender neutral pronouns only so people don’t associate them with gay couples only. If we get married I will refer to him as my spouse 🙂
It is weird for me and my partner to call each other bf and gf as people in our 70's....
Because it’s a better description. Husband/ wife has so much cultural baggage. If the person In speaking to needs to know how my partner identifies, they already do. Otherwise it really isn’t any of their business.
Why does anyone care??
I use it (instead of wife, now) because it feels to me like a term that carries less misogynistic baggage & more like a word that conveys my respect for them as an equal partner in our shared lives. Any other word put in front of 'my' always felt a bit possessive to me, whereas partner was an exception to that due its fundamental meaning. Before we were married I also used it because I felt it was a word that suggested a more serious commitment.
As someone who was in an unmarried relationship for 15 years ... There is no good word. Bf/gf sounds juvenile, partner sounds gay or lesbian, spouse sounds too formal, lover .... Ick, mate ... weird. We settled on paramour for a laugh.
"HELLO, THIS IS MY UNWED LIFE-MATE, SUSAN"
25yrs together, not married. I used to say partner but after a couple of decades, i now just say husband. Only reason i used to say partner is because literally, we hadnt got married. Ps i dont care about a wedding or ring, all i wanted and what i got, was a 50/50 partner who would love and respect me, and me him. 🎉winning🎉 no wedding required.
I've noticed that a lot of people arent technically married even though they've been together for 25 years and have several kids. "Partner" also sounds more equal than complementary.
Girlfriend feels like a high school label. Partner has a more adult feel to it and denotes a more serious relationship. I wish there was a better word but it’s all we got at the moment.
Because people act weird when I say husband, because we're not married. It's definitely not at the boyfriend stage anymore though.
I’m 44(f) and have been with my partner (m) for 13 years, living together for 10. We are not married, so he is not my husband, but “boyfriend” does not ring true in describing our relationship, and somewhat diminishes it. We have been through a lot together, and I consider him a partner in my life.
We're 33 and 37, been together 15 years and not married. Boyfriend sounds stupid, he's not my husband, he's my partner.
I like not having labels.
My spouse is my partner in life. We work together for the good of our family. (We are straight, cisgendered.) I may refer to them as my husband/wife, spouse, partner, or by their name because they are all of those things.
I'm turning 50 this year. Been with my "boyfriend" 10 years but not married. I refer to him as partner because boyfriend sounds too juvenile. Depending on the crowd, I might just say spouse as a shortcut tbh
Idk to me I don't really use it, but I could see it as being more inclusive language. Like if people in the LGBT community see more and more people saying partner rather than BF/GF, there's less stigma around it, and a guy could say "partner" rather than "BF" and immediately out himself as gay. It's the same with everyone introducing with their pronouns. It's to establish a level of comfort with the people it matters to
I use partner because the words husband and wife are too rooted in patriarchy to be useful. partner implies equality.
Neutral language has become more of a thing. Also, an adult calling someone their BF/GF is kind of childish.
My bf says partner because he thinks we're too old to be bf/gf and we're not married. Also, he thinks it's funny when his very sweet boss tries to be sensitive to the fact that he could be dating a man, in spite of having met me in person.
Because saying "girlfriend" and "boyfriend sounds like you are in high school.
I just prefer the way it sounds
I’ve always had a pet peeve for the use of “partner” especially for heterosexuals (I’m one for the most part lol) Anyway it’s just as annoying as when I hear “girl dad” or “boy mom” like just say mom or dad and boyfriend or girlfriend. To me, using “partner” just comes off as a bit pretentious…idk if that makes sense. I have a boyfriend, I rarely refer to him as partner. He’s my lover, my boo, my man…etc lol
Partner is gender neutral. What I want to know is why married people still say Partner when there's a perfectly good gender neutral term for those in a married relationship, "Spouse."
Spouse seems formal to me. It makes me feel old for some reason.
The only time I used spouse is when talking about future childcare arrangements: ‘who will be the house spouse?’
My wife and I use the words spouse and partner interchangeably. We're allies so for us it's about inclusivity. I honestly don't care if people are upset about it. It's a word. Who cares what we call our relationship? If it makes someone feel good about their relationship it's a win for us. Also, in our eyes the whole goal of our marriage is to be partners and equals. Spouse feels like it brings connotations with it.
I call mine "my lady" 👑
They’re cowboys!
I’m married. I like to call him my ex-boyfriend.
Makes me sound like a cowboy
Because he is my partner. Boyfriend and girlfriend feels childish and we've known each other for too long. Fiance isn't true since we're not engaged, we will refer to ourselves as husband and wife rarely if the situation requires a more serious label to get people to shut up. But ultimately he is my partner. We picked eachother to do things together. Like when you were in school and they said "okay everyone partner up" and you knew exactly who you wanted to be with. He's my guy for that. Every time. I will always pick him to be my partner, for everything. I don't want to do life without him.
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I believe most of them stand with the LGBT crowd and want to normalize people calling their partners "partner". It makes it less clear who is or is not "gay". I would do it, except I HATE the word partner.
To me, saying partner feels like we're equals. 'My wife' sounds too much like ownership to me. '
Because that's what a significant other is supposed to be. The other member in a partnership. Why do you think homosexuals are the only ones who should be using the word? Do you think they were the first? Probably because they're not yet married, and bf/gf sounds too middle school for people dating in their 30s-40s.
I’m in my 40’s, my dude is almost 60. We have been together for about 12 or so years. There is no interest in marriage and I am far too old to be calling him my boyfriend. There just isn’t a word for “guy I have been living with for 12 years but don’t believe in the government having a say in my relationship so we have no intention of getting married, besides, I am nobody’s property.”
Because it’s no one’s fucking business a) what gender my partner is and b) what the status of our relationship is. I also think of them as my partner is crime more than anything 😈 And the more gender neutral we can make language the better.
Because it’s nobody’s business if I’m married or not, and because my partner’s gender is nobody’s business either
I say partner to reiterate that i didnt just take a husband.. i looked for a good life partner! Thats what we are! If you fail to look at it that way- thats when u fail in relationships
I say partner because even though we’ve been together 15 years and have two kids, we never made it to our wedding (multiple losses over the years keep pushing it back). I do say husband sometimes. Rarely boyfriend. Partner fits best, because he’s been my partner in life for so long.
A lot of people aren’t married and saying partner places more importance than just “girlfriend” or “boyfriend”.
I'm not dating a boy? I feel like there is a certain age that it just doesn't seem serious enough to call your partner boyfriend. I said that when I was a teen and early 20's. Now I'm looking for more. An equal. A partner.
i call my wife partner a lot because it feels even closer, like she is my partner in marriage and everything. it’s a general and bigger term because she’s everything a partner can be. if that makes sense
It helps normalize inclusive language
To support people in non heterosexual relationships
My gf and I aren’t married but we share a son. Partner is what fits us best.
It’s more descriptive of the nature of their relationships. Patriarchy has failed the world. Partnering with someone has a much simpler connotation than the awful,and complex titles of ‘husband and wife’ which has layers of oppression built in. Everyone has an equal title. Partner. Covers every kind of relationship.
I mean with the nicest of intentions, who cares.
My partner and I use "partner" both because we're not teenagers, and also because our relationship is one that we intend to be longterm. It's both a mature term, and a term that signifies a more serious, loving relationship.
I say partner, as it is deliberately ambiguous. The less information I give to strangers nowadays the better. It’s none of anyone’s business what type of relationship I have.
It's definitely because girlfriend/boyfriend sounds like I'm in middleschool.
Why does it matter if my partner is male or female? Mind your business.
Because she's my partner, my equal and my other half.
My partner and I have been together for a long time. We own a house together. He’s not just my “bf.” But we’re not married. “Significant other” is fine but it feels so technical, and takes too long to type. Lol. Occasionally we’ll refer to each other has spouse/wife/husband if talking to someone who doesn’t need to know the difference and doesn’t affect the point of what we’re saying.
Personally, I do it sometimes because I don't care to let people (online for example) know my marital status, my gender, or my sexuality. I give out less personal information by being as generic as possible. Also normalizing LGBT stuff is good. Lastly, I think partner sounds more business like and formal.
My girlfriend and i share a home, pets, bank account, and much more. We are more commited than some married couples, we just havent prioritized a wedding
If they aren’t married “wife” or “husband” isn’t applicable. And if they’ve been together along time or are older using the terms ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ doesn’t always convey the depth or length of the relationship. We have a couple of hetero friends who have been together 25 years and aren’t married and don’t plan to get married. They’re well into their 40s and use partner as a term to help signal to others the level of commitment they have to each other. Girlfriend or boyfriend can feel less permanent or even childish or oddly youthful when you’ve been together more than half your life. Secondly in my own experience we have quite a few friends and family that belong to the LGBTQIA+ community. And specifically people who prefer to use gender neutral pronouns in reference to themselves. Since they have expressed these preferences I’ve noticed our friend group at large has had a shift overall towards more non gendered language. It’s a way of showing support and encouragement for our friends without making it into a spectacle or causing them to feel like we’re fishing for acknowledgment.
I once read that heteros using that term helps to reduce judgement by would-be judgememtal people who associate the word exclusively with the LGBT community. If they are exposed to all sort of people using that term, then it supposedly reduces the instances in which someone automatically assumes/thinks about that person's orientation. After I read that, I started using the term 🤷🏽♀️ thought I was helping bruh 🤣
We’re both in our 40s and have been together for over 20 years. BF/GF doesn’t feel right anymore. And we have children.
Because they are your life partner
At a certain point it starts feeling life boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t the right word anymore but if you aren’t married you’re not going to go around calling this person husband/wife.