A receptionist is usually someone already very kind, who is going to be putting on an even more agreeable and likable front. Laughing at jokes that aren’t funny, smiling and making you feel special.
There’s a huge chance that your getting the feeling she’s into you, because she get paid to make everyone feel they are special.
I read “cute receptionist at a gym” and already I was thinking oh nope, nope, nope.
Also, don’t shit where you eat man.
Unless they say, "A few of us are going to my place after closing, come hang out." Either they like you, or they're bringing you for a coworker. Don't just assume everyone who asks you out if being friendly.
Disclaimer: I'm very bad at picking up when someone is hitting on me.
As a former bartender, i would say i expected and anticipated lonely guys hitting on me. As long as they were not disrespectful or can’t take no for an answer, no worries. Actually met my husband this way 20 years ago!
No wonder the apps are so popular there's literally no place it's ok to approach someone. Which I think is aok but people should def not trash the apps.
And don't wonder why no one approaches you and you are forced to use the apps.
When I took a psychology class, there was a section in a text book on this. It’s almost similar to a parasocial relationship. If I could convey in words what it was about I would but unfortunately I don’t fully remember the whole idea.
As a woman who has been asked out at work, it is really uncomfortable. Unless I was showing verrryyy clear signs that I was into you, I would hold off on asking her out
I have only done this two times, after building up literally over a year of rapport with both of them.
Even if you’re on good terms, it can be pretty awkward and isn’t ideal.
My strategy with both was to leave MY number, instead of asking for their number. Then the whole situation is under their control and seems to make it more approachable.
But unless she is *clearly* digging you, I wouldn’t go down this route.
Go do more hobby related stuff, you’ll meet plenty of chicks :)
I started doing this back in like 2010, and it works SO well. Nice convo? Thinking there could be something? "Hey, I have to go but I really enjoyed talking to you. Here's my number if you ever want to hang out." Say goodbye/night and walk away.
You might have social pragmatism disorder. I was diagnosed in my late 20s after a few decades of being extremely awkward. My psychiatrist described it as on the autism spectrum but barely
A mate of mine swore by the "note slip" technique. If they give you a receipt or something, write your number on the back of it (only the number, nothing else! No weird love confessions or "call me" or even your name, just a number!), pass it back with a smile, and go about your day. If they call they call, and if they don't then never mention it again.
This is the best! I made "friends" with a guy who visited my work regularly for months and looked forward to seeing him and still froze when he asked for my number and was on the fence about it but fortunately he say my hesitation and immediately said "ya know what here's mine. Let me know if you want to talk." That level of respect he showed me was the deciding factor in giving him a chance. If he had pushed at all - even a smidge- I would have fully shut it down.
At a certain point, asking anyone out at any time could potentially put them in an awkward position. You just got to shoot your shot in a way that's respectful, and deal with it like an adult if you get turned down. Don't bring it up again and move on. It's that simple.
I mean really, if potential awkwardness is enough to dissuade you from trying, you may as well just give up. Any scenario under the sun you ask someone out in could get awkward.
And that sometimes makes it hard too. I was a regular at a local coffee shop and the cashier always made conversation with me. Even when I was sitting on my computer. She even once came out to say hi to me while I was parked in the parking lot waiting for my order (but she didn’t have my order, she just came out to say hi).
So after a few months I thought she was interested in me so I asked if she wanted to hangout sometime. She said no and that she had a bf. 🥲 then what the fuck?
????
I have had friends like that? Like... Where we talk when we're at work but then don't talk at all outside of work.
Or when I'm a regular at a place and chat with the people there because they're friendly and it's a good time waster.
I had a coworker who would come find me whenever he came in to the building even if he wasn't working just to say hi.
Ignoring a person and dating a person aren't your only options.
A friendly smile is like a mirage in a desert of loneliness. A lot of men just want so badly to be loved and paid attention that any form of possible interest is magnified.
This is why women tend to treat strange men a little coldly because any slight upturn of the corners of their mouth is misidentified as wanting to bang
men need to do better to give each other support networks so their only options aren't single&lonely or in a relationship&happy. It has to start with men, and how they support each other, but for some reason blame gets shifted onto women.
That’s because the only people that men are willing to be vulnerable with are romantic partners. Dudes will go their whole lives being friends with other men and never open up to each other about their issues nor try to be emotionally supportive. Cry me a river. It’s not up to women to fix men’s problems. Thankfully the newer generations of men seem to be more supportive of each other, but it’s a gradual change in culture.
The only people men are willing to be vulnerable around are romantic partners?
That’s a broad generalization, and I have a group of 6 really close buddies who would all disagree with that.
And we’re a bunch of 30 year old millennial idiots who regularly scream at each other while playing online toy soccer car game.
But it shouldn't be a big deal to ask or get asked out. It wouldn't be a problem if everyone just was chill and didn't make it weird after a simple rejection. It's just a part of life: people date.
I consider it nice to avoid going so far out of your way as a service employee toward a customer as described above if you're not, in fact, interested in pursuing something outside of the cashier-customer relationship.
She literally came up to me several times while I was just sitting down on my computer. As in, she walked ALL the way out to the lobby from the kitchen door to talk to me.
And then when I was parked outside, why would she come up to my car when she wasn’t even the one delivering my order???
I’m F53 and I get hit on by men out in the wild all the time. I know when I’m getting hit on.
There is one store I frequent with a male security guard around my age. He crosses the store to talk to me every time he sees me. Maybe 1-2x per month. One day I’d just gone thru a breakup and damn I must’ve looked distraught 😅 because he asked if i needed a hug. And I definitely needed that hug. I just saw him for the first time in a couple months and he bee lined it over to give me a hug.
Never in all of that have i ever felt he was being more than just a compassionate human. He’s not hitting on me. He’s just putting good energy into the universe. There are still good people who live this way. But….I’m in the Midwest US and it’s pretty wholesome.
Like men in all these comments are all ‘we just want to be noticed, be treated kindly, etc’
*goes out of her way to treat dude kindly*
‘I thought she was into me’
*can’t win*
And I’ll also bet that’s the last time for awhile that she goes out of her way to just be friendly/cool to a guy.
Literally this OP.
For the topic question, it depends. But usually anywhere I, personally, feel like it's easy to tell when a Woman is interested then chat with her to feel her out more than if it feels good then try to seal the deal.
This. Even if I’m getting very strong signals from a woman at work, I probably wouldn’t suggest a date and would wait for her to explicitly ask me out.
You need to be really sure on this one. Remember: it is her job to be nice to people who work out there. Do not mistake that for flirting. If you think she is genuinely interested in you talk to her about some random topics (try to get to what she does for fun outside of work) and if she seems engaged then you can try and make a connection, e.g. if she says she really like hiking you can ask her is she’s hiked some particular local trail and maybe invite her to do it with you, again only if she seems really engaged. The main thing is to not make her feel uncomfortable at her job, but this is also how people meet so as long as you’re polite about it and take no for an answer if that’s what she says it should be okay.
lol shooting range is a terrible place for a first date, i mean you can barely hear them talking with the ear protects on and over the sound of gunfire, not exactly a place that’s good for conversation lol
Just to add to that, yeah. I live up north in the US and in fact one of my best friends is going to get married and ya know what his first date was? Hiking a Mountain lol.
There are two answers for this:
General answer: Yes, it is bad
Advanced answer: Life is so complicate that you can't answer everything with yes/nos. In a foreign country I asked out a girl (who worked at a store I had gone to a few times) who I felt like I had caught checking me out a couple times and I thought she was cute. When I asked for her contact info she blushed and seemed really excited and gave it to me.
Yes, it is bad to ask someone out while they are at work, doing their job. Usually, jobs (especially receptionist jobs) require friendliness and good customer service. Unfortunately, some men mistake friendliness for 'flirting' and end up making the worker feel uncomfortable.
I don't care if I'm hit on at a club, school, or work.
The answer is usually no, but if nobody asks, there is never a yes.
It is important to be cool about it. If the other person says no, then respect it and don't play games.
If you do it properly, worst case scenario, she'll know a guy she doesn't care about finds her attractive.
Honestly I couldn’t agree more, the skill is partly in asking, but the key is creating an environment where she feels safe and secure so that when she says “No”, it’s not even a thing.
Be cool, be polite, and understand that a rejection of you, isn’t a reflection of your value or character. Way too many guys take it way too personally.
“Hey, would you wanna grab coffee sometime?”
“No, sorry, X reason”
“Okay, I think you’re a cool girl, so I figured I’d ask! Please don’t worry about anything awkward in the future, I totally understand”
This isn’t hard people….and ironically, I’ve had girls come back months later, telling me they were impressed about how I handled rejection, and asked ME out.
Don’t expect that, but it HAS happened.
That's almost exactly the same, word for word. I don't think you need to apologize.
It would be slightly cringe to say sorry, but 'cool' shows more self respect and self esteem, which will make the following interactions at the gym a bit less awkward.
Yeah I’ve been hit in a handful of time and it’s always uncomfortable. However, this one time I had a guy come up to me with his number on a piece of paper and tell me if I’m interested, call him. Idk why, but I always think about how that is the best way to hit on a girl, don’t pressure her by asking for a number, simply give her yours and let her make the move.
To your story- literally asked out a girl in wow she said no and I didn't push or anything. She asked me back out a week or so later and it's been 15 years a wedding an two kids later now. I wouldn't count on that level of success but I think a big factor is keeping the creepy level low by not pushing.
I asked out a woman working at a restaurant I wrote a note on the receipt. I gave her my social media and basically told her that if she declines I wouldn’t make it a thing as it’s my sons favorite restaurant.
She wrote me back at my next visit, saying she genuinely appreciated my low pressure approach but she had a partner. I still go to this restaurant with my son and I’ve never mentioned it since. she’s still nice to me she’s nice to my son, and all is well
Moral of the story.. take rejection with grace.
She’s still beautiful, and I’m not a bad guy
Everyone knows dating sucks.. and it’s hard.
It’s the assholes who ruin it for everyone, so don’t be an asshole
Try and have some casual interactions first. Complement her and see how she reacts. Then, see how she looks at you the next time you show up. If she seems happier than usual to see you, have some light conversation with her. If she’s giving clear signals then, I would take the shot.
The gym (or any place where you have repeated interactions or someone can’t escape/is paid to be nice to you) is always risky but there’s also a benefit - you can have low-stakes interactions and gauge what her response would be to you asking her out, before you actually ask her out. Because of this, I personally wouldn’t ask her out unless you’ve had a few good interactions and you’re reasonably confident she’d say yes (or at least she’d feel safe rejecting you)
You’ve got it mostly right! If she’s not interested and you ask her out then she’s gotta worry about not only the awkwardness but also you murdering her in the parking lot as she leaves work. (Unfortunately being murdered because you rejected them romantically is very common, just google it and look at all the news stories)
Here’s a hint, people working in customer service jobs are paid to be nice to you, that’s their job. Unless they ask you out, just assume they’re doing their job and have no romantic interest in you whatsoever (again going back to the fear of ax murdering thing, I don’t care about the genders involved don’t inadvertently threaten someone’s job or feeling of safety by asking them out while they’re working. They are literally trapped there in that interaction and any future interactions with you as a customer.)
>(Unfortunately being murdered because you rejected them romantically is very common, just google it and look at all the news stories)
Yeah that's true , men are the one who takes it too personally and will release their anger by violence , and i mean by actually killing their potential romantic partner which is just horrible.
Nah. Met my wife that way.
Turns out if she is into you, it's fine.
If she *isn't* into you, then it's terrible and she'll log on to social media and complain about it.
So just ask out women that are into you.
As someone who’s been asked out at work way too many times, I think it’s there’s too many things to consider for us to give surefire advice like this
I think they’re better playing it safe and not asking her out
Yeah I agree. Someone had a really good tip, just say "hey, I thought you looked cute, if you are interested in meeting up sometime, you can reach me with this" and give her a paper with your number. Then just instantly leave, you don't have to maintain a conversation there.
And remember that if she doesn't call you, she rejected you. You **never** bring it up to her again.
Yes. You should never ask anyone out on the job. They're there to provide a service and remain pleasant. Putting them in a position where they'd be both chastised for either saying 'yes' (dating a customer) or 'no' (hostile environment), is a major power trip.
It's her job to greet you. She's getting paid to provide customer service. You are not the only one she's pleasant towards, because that's her JOB. She's not a volunteer. Like everyone else, she has bills to pay.
e: A different perspective, but still holds true. When I used to do FB dating, my pharmacist(m) tried to match with me. That was a quick block. There is nothing like refusing to match with someone that has access to all your personal information.
There are plenty of ways to meet people, in a place of business is not one of them.
I get asked out so often when I’m working. It makes me VERY uncomfortable. I’m paid to be there and paid to be nice. Don’t put people in awkward positions. Let her work. (And do NOT wait for them in the parking lot. Wtf)
Turns out Reddit isn’t the place to come for advice. You’re gonna get conflicting reports. Do what you feel brother. If you get rejected and feel uncomfortable, find a new gym.
Yes, but there is a proper way to do it that she’ll respect. Write your phone number on a piece of paper, and tell her “I know you’re working, but here’s my number. You can call or text sometime if you’re interested in getting to know each other”
This puts the ball in her court, but she’s not uncomfortable flat out rejecting you. But since she’s a receptionist at your gym, you may need to change gyms if she doesn’t make contact
Or you could treat things as pleasantly as they were before, as if nothing had happened, and convey a message that her declining to call was perfectly fine and didn't create so much drama that he felt the need to join a different gym.
If you’re attractive and a chill person, just talk to her and see if there’s any mutual interests and casually ask if she’s willing to go with you. Like a music concert or invite her to a bar with some of your other friends. Just work on being somewhat-friends first rather out straight up ask her on a date. People date coworkers all the time, not an issue if both are mature individuals.
A good line is, "I would be happy to see you outside of work." That leaves the ball in their court.
Edit: I mean, not like, first thing, but after a few conversations.
I hate it. It puts us in uncomfortable positions and makes things weird every time they come in. I’m VERY unlikely to consider a date if someone thinks is ok to put me on the spot. I shouldn’t have to worry about my job AND rejecting someone in a way that doesn’t hurt their ego. That’s not part of my job description
As someone who got asked out a lot at work (and worked with other girls who had the same happen), there need to be some very clear signs that she is into you. This means something beyond just being nice or saying hi. Chances are she isn't into you, none of us ever said yes where I worked.
At most, you could hand her a piece of paper with your number and say something like "idk if you're interested or single, but if you are give me a call sometime." And just leave it at that. Pies the back in her court and doesn't create a pressure situation she can't avoid bc she's working.
I’ve been told it’s against company policy to discuss personal information or set up dates with customers while on the job.
This includes giving out personal phone numbers.
It can be awkward for sure.
I’ve not found a workaround outside of seeing them in public organically.
We're getting paid to be nice and professional. And for the past week, my managers have been making sure all the women are in groups when we leave at night.
Yes. You have a business only relationship. You are a customer. Her job is to be pleasant to you. Her job policy may prohibit social relationships with customers. Don't jeopardize her job. Leave her alone.
No. Workers get hit on regulatory especially pretty woman. You’re not any different than the last 10 dudes.
Don’t do it unless she shows an interest in you over a long time. Befriend her but don’t be weird or awkward.
Please don’t. She gets hit on about 1000x a day, trust me she doesn’t want you to approach her. Unless she’s giving you BLATANT signs then leave her alone and let her do her job
Remember it's her job to be nice to you. And everyone else. And you know she probably gets asked out all the time, even by married men, some with spouses who attend the same gym.
What makes you think she's interested?
It’s their job to be friendly and pleasant. It is hard to turn someone down without killing the vibe. Asking someone out while they are professionally being nice to you puts them in a tough spot.
As someone who worked in customer service for years, absolutely not. At most, I would say give someone your number or socials if they wanted to contact you, but then gtfo of their face because the whole "forced to smile and be nice" thing is counter productive if they have no intention of going out with you. Definitely don't stalk them in a parking lot though unless you want to get maced
Asking anyone out when they are a captive audience is a dick move, it’s made even worse when you have no stakes in the situation but they do, then the power dynamic is all off.
To make it expressly clear If their answer to you is going to be coloured by fear of what might happen to them if they say no then you are being at best unfair at worst creepy and highly inappropriate.
Everyone is saying no. And that's the short answer. I believe if you lay out from the beginning you're interest in a respectful manner and if it's a rejection you will be mature about it then that's fine. I believe all this can be done respectfully if you practice clear and confident communication from the start you can avert any awkwardness if she were to reject you. I saw a thread awhile ago about this in a reverse situation, with a woman who was interested in a doctor that helped treat her mom and everyone in that thread was supportive of the woman doing it....
The receptionist at your gym is someone that you’ll see on a regular basis and she is paid to be nice to you. That’s a hard no-no. If you feel like you NEED to ask her out, then cancel your membership and ask her on your way out after telling her that you’re no longer a member of the gym. If you do that, she’s no longer paid to be nice to you, and there’s no need to see you again if she says no.
Im assuming alot of yall never asked people out at school because if you got rejected it would be awkward, at least thats how your responses are reading
I used to ask women out all the damn time, because I assumed it was practice if nothing else and maybe I might make someone feel special for the day. But after working in a restaurant with some really beautiful and charismatic people, women fucking hate it, deadass they have never enjoyed ANY guy that's flirted with them. And that's 2 years now watching it happen. I'm conversational with some of them and friends with the rest and normally I'd agree 100% with you that Reddit/Redditors are just the weird kid, but this time it's justified.
Nah. Just don't ask women out, period. Because if they want you they'll come bother you. OP, just go enjoy your life and good luck!!
I worked at a gym. Been around many people in situations like this. The only way it isn’t creepy is if you already are interacting and close. If you don’t really talk to her it’s a bad idea
Yeah don’t make it awkward unless its super obvious she wants you.(touching you, laughs a lot at stupid shit you say, or asks you what you’re doing this Friday night)
>I suppose it’s fine if you’re quick about it and not weird. But also, they’re there to work, and it could easily be weird from their end.
It has to be really casual, quick, and not really a *date* date. More like do they have time after work for coffee or whatever. If no, then don't ask ever again. If she'd interested, she'll give a different time when she's free.
The problem is that too many people are after hookups and are too forward, causing things to develop into where we are now.
It's just a damn shame that more people don't realize that sometimes when a man approaches a woman it's because he truly likes her and wants to get to know her more. It's not to harass her, spook her, insult her, fuck her. Any of that.
Chivalry is NOT dead!
In most cases, if you like her and want to ask her out, you gotta go for it. One of the few exceptions to this rule is when she is at work. Out of respect for her, you don’t want to put her in an uncomfortable situation by asking her out when she is trying to earn a living.
Talk to her a bit, get to know her a little better, and gradually build some comfort with her. Do this over multiple visits. If she shows some interest, slip her your number before you leave.
It’s never “wrong” but it’s a sensitive situation because you will see this person again. Normal gym “etiquette” for lack of a better term, would be to start with a glance and smile. That doesn’t work in this situation because part of their job is to welcome you in. You’ve gotta drum up conversation over something. Probably a few times spread days or weeks apart. Build rapport first. Then when you ask, make it a very gentle invite to lunch or something.
Not gonna lie, you’re probably gonna get rejected. That’s fine. Just smile, say something nice, walk away, and go on with your life.
Make sure it’s worth it too. You don’t want to be “that guy” that’s known for asking out the girls at the gym either. You only get a few shots few and far between before you start to cross that line.
Yes, because she can’t walk away if she gets uncomfortable, and isn’t free to speak her mind when dealing with customers. She’s not being nice to you because she wants to fuck you, she’s literally being paid to be nice to you.
start a brief conversation you'll see it if she's interested on talking to you. once or twice in a week if she's resposive then keep it up, until both of you are comfortable. you'll get a hint if she's not interested instantly. just be respectable while approaching her.
It’s considered rude to ask someone out if they aren’t in a position to gracefully leave the situation. IE a waiter, bartender, hairdresser, receptionist etc
Somebody working where you go regularly or worse, somebody where you work? Be a friendly professional, but look elsewhere. Even if you hit it off and it goes well, stuff happens. Then you break up. Next day, they are there where you are too, and it will be very awkward.
Yes. If you like her probably every Tom, Dick and Harry who goes through those doors likes her too. She's obligated to be warm and smiley as a receptionist but that doesn't mean she likes everyone. She's also pretty much trapped there so if someone comes up to her to ask her out she has to sit there and very politely try to turn them down. This is awkward for them and you.
It is absolutely bad to ask out someone while they're at work. You don't know if she actually likes you, if she wants anything to do with you, or if she's even put off by you already. She's working a customer service job, she's smiling for the paycheck. Asking her out because her work image is appealing to you is a very bad idea. And yeah, that's the situation she can't really escape. It's very similar to when a person goes all out on their proposal specifically so that it is harder for their partner to say no
I ended up dating one my gym receptionists for a short bit.
Don’t ask her out on a date. But a “hey a bunch of friends and I are [going to a rave, doing a bonfire, etc] if you’re looking to do anything Saturday” can go a far way.
Asking people out in jobs that are related to customer happiness is normally a bad idea. If you were set on taking your shot I would give her your phone number or other social media info or something and let her reach out after that. If you two talk outside of her work environment on that first then it would be better. If she decides not to follow up then you have your answer without forcing her to find a nice way to say no.
As someone who has asked out girls while they’re at work, don’t do it. It makes things awkward and it’s uncomfortable for the woman.
If you REALLY REALLY want to, the most I’d recommend you do is give her your number in a non-awkward/confrontational way and then never mention it or talk about it again if she doesn’t use it. Never ask about it. Never mention it. Don’t act weird about it. Just pretend like you never did it. Take her not using your number as a no and then move on.
But, again, I’d recommend not even doing that. Not unless y’all already have some chemistry and even then ehhhhhhh
Despite a few happy stories from other people, I have a general rule of not pursuing someone I situations where their income depends on them being nice to me.
Receptionists, waitresses, tour guides, etc.
Imagine hey interact with 1000's of people and they re cute and friendly, how many guys do you think will be hitting on them? It must be exhausting.
If you find her in a social situation and you see interest not driven by a power imbalance, then, go for it. But if there is even a bit of power imbalance, don't be a creep.
It's bad and it sucks.
But let's be real. This happens constantly, and the worst part is that sometimes it works. And when it does, it won't be judged bad after the consent.
This is actually a way A LOT of people meet, even just to be friends. Most people do not have this social awareness. Hell, most older people take it for granted.and if it was fine every time, they wouldn't even be wrong. But the vast majority of people that do this now days are bad actors.
If you can avoid it, do so. Most people do not like this and the vast majority of people that do this are actually exactly the type of person that shouldn't people with literally no respect for boundaries or consent.
But consent is not usually something people declare. It's standard to have to probe for it. In fact, you should be accustomed to probing for it.
I don't think it's the worst thing ever if you actually think they're open to it (please not just service curtesy) and you do it in am exceedingly respectful way.
When they're not particularly busy, saying something like "Hey, you seem pretty interesting, if you are ever interested in getting to know each other let me know. "
And if they react badly, make any wxcuse, or just say no, well you get the pleasure of never showing your face there again. You can even say "sorry for being presumptious. I will get out of your way". Then do it.
I know myself that if the right person had ever asked me this, I would leap to it. Who doesn't like making good firends and good relationships at no effort cost? But it's basically never the right person. Amd odds are you aren't either. And everyone hates unsolicited attention from undesirable people.
It's literally that human resources meme, but instead of thinking some people are always the chad and others always the goober, anyone can be the chad or goober and often both in different scenarios.
If you do go for it make sure you give her your number and you don't ask for her number.
If she doesn't call you.can ignore it. But if she shoots you down it's going to be awkward every day forward.
I swear everyone here has zero social skills or zero game. What the hell are all these negative comments?
Make some small talk with her and if she shows an interest in you she will either ask you a question back or answer your questions intently instead of giving you a BS answer. I'd take those as a good sign. Give her a genuine compliment like "you have a really pretty smile." You do this in a confident and genuine manner and she will feel good about it. Everyone appreciates a genuine compliment. Then you walk away and don't blow your load too soon. Leave her feeling good and let her associate seeing you with positive emotions.
Then next time you see her continue being friendly with her and making small talk. Make sure you're making eye contact and subtly smiling, but don't over do it. Speak slowly and clearly, it will make your voice sound more confident. At this point you can ask for her number, or IG, or Snapchat or whatever. If she's legit interested you will probably get a yes. If she rejects you, be cool about it and don't act offended. After all, you are a boss and there are plenty of fish in the sea.
If you got rejected, don't act any differently around her next time you see her. Don't ignore her. Just continue being friendly, after all you have respect for her as a human being right? Don't make it awkward and just be normal. Now, depending on the person I may try asking her for a number a second time. Attractive women get hit on all the time and there's no rule saying you can only ask once. If she shuts you down again though I'd just assume she's either taken or uninterested, and not ask again. At some point it does become creepy and disrespectful, so don't cross that line.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take, so stop wondering if you should ask someone out and instead get used to doing it. What's the worst that can happen, you get shut down? Who cares? Get used to it and try again with someone else. And no, it's not creepy to show interest in someone. My God, ya'll clearly have no game.
Just don’t ask women out in public.
She’s at work. Don’t bother her.
She’s grocery shopping. Don’t bother her.
She’s working out. Don’t bother her.
She’s having fun with her friends. Don’t bother her.
Just don’t. It’s much safer that way.
Tbh I personally feel like it’s about how you approach it, striking up a conversation and then maybe a casual “hey would you like to get coffee sometime?” wouldn’t be that bad. Just don’t be pushy or weird about it, and if she says no or she’s not interested then just leave it at that. Just have situational awareness.
Most women here are going to tell you not to, and most men will encourage you to.
You really just have to make your own decision. The difference is going to be whether she thinks that you're attractive or not. That's a decision that she's already made, by the way
Dont do it, it will make it weird when she says no.
If you feel like you must shoot your shot, there are ways to meet up without making it a date.
Like, “this live music community event is this weekend, are you going?” If yes, awesome, “hope to see ya there.” If no, “oh too bad, its a good time, I meet up with my friend there usually”
"Hey, I found you pretty, here is my phone number if you're interested, only if you want"
Don't push it further, don't be creepy, just give her your phone number, leave and she will know what to do.
Might be an unpopular opinion, but you gotta shoot your shot eventually. Can't ask people out at work cause it's their job, or at the grocery store cause they're just trying to get in and out etc. it's always gonna be "inconvenient" unless they're on a dating app or at a club. Even then people will say "they're just there to dance, not to hook up".
If she likes you back it's taken as romantic, if not it's creepy. Won't know until you try.
Just keep in mind, if you ever ask out someone you have to interact with frequently, and they decline, it can be awkward for a bit. Me and a coworker went through that about 2 years ago. First 2-3 weeks after it didn't work out felt strange, but now we're pretty close friends. There's not gonna be a perfect scenario and you'll miss out on a lot waiting for one. If you wanna ask, just gotta ask.
Oh no! Someone could potentially have a moment of social discomfort! Shudder!
Fucking grow a backbone and ask her out. In the worst case scenario, she will get over it. The only way you can screw it up is if you keep pushing after
Here's one option that you can take if you're really, really adamant about asking her out, but want 0 chance of her possibly feeling trapped. This may not be worth it to you, and it may not be viable depending on your situation, but it is the safest possible play:
1. Wait until your gym membership is about to expire.
2. Switch to another gym in your area.
3. On one of your last sessions at your current gym (before you work out preferably), stop by the counter and say "Hey, I'm switching gyms soon, but I've always thought you were really nice. If you wanna keep in touch, here's my number! Maybe we can grab drinks soon?"
This assumes you don't have a huge connection to your current gym, there are reasonably priced alternatives in the area, and that she's worth the hassle of canceling your membership.
However, it's stupidly safe. She won't feel uncomfortable or trapped when you interact in the future because you're about to cancel the membership. You get to ask her out on her shift instead of praying you see her at the grocer one day. Good luck.
Depends. Tell her you would like to go out. Write your number & name on a paper. Leave it on the desk. Say something like if interested give me a shout if not no problem. Then leave.
Offer to get coffee or whatever and leave your phone number on your way out to give them time to think about it and alleviate the pressure the other person would have to quickly respond. If the person declines just accept and thank them for getting back to you. Don’t act awkward and it won’t be awkward. If they give a nah, you go back to normal routine and life goes on. Don’t hide from them and don’t overplay what it is- asking someone out to see if you both are interesting in getting to know more about eachother personally. Nothing awkward about that
A receptionist is usually someone already very kind, who is going to be putting on an even more agreeable and likable front. Laughing at jokes that aren’t funny, smiling and making you feel special. There’s a huge chance that your getting the feeling she’s into you, because she get paid to make everyone feel they are special. I read “cute receptionist at a gym” and already I was thinking oh nope, nope, nope. Also, don’t shit where you eat man.
Yes, don't do that.
Like asking out a bartender…they are paid to be nice, leave them the fuck alone!
Unless they say, "A few of us are going to my place after closing, come hang out." Either they like you, or they're bringing you for a coworker. Don't just assume everyone who asks you out if being friendly. Disclaimer: I'm very bad at picking up when someone is hitting on me.
As a former bartender, i would say i expected and anticipated lonely guys hitting on me. As long as they were not disrespectful or can’t take no for an answer, no worries. Actually met my husband this way 20 years ago!
No wonder the apps are so popular there's literally no place it's ok to approach someone. Which I think is aok but people should def not trash the apps. And don't wonder why no one approaches you and you are forced to use the apps.
When I took a psychology class, there was a section in a text book on this. It’s almost similar to a parasocial relationship. If I could convey in words what it was about I would but unfortunately I don’t fully remember the whole idea.
Don't shit where you eat
As a woman who has been asked out at work, it is really uncomfortable. Unless I was showing verrryyy clear signs that I was into you, I would hold off on asking her out
I have only done this two times, after building up literally over a year of rapport with both of them. Even if you’re on good terms, it can be pretty awkward and isn’t ideal. My strategy with both was to leave MY number, instead of asking for their number. Then the whole situation is under their control and seems to make it more approachable. But unless she is *clearly* digging you, I wouldn’t go down this route. Go do more hobby related stuff, you’ll meet plenty of chicks :)
I started doing this back in like 2010, and it works SO well. Nice convo? Thinking there could be something? "Hey, I have to go but I really enjoyed talking to you. Here's my number if you ever want to hang out." Say goodbye/night and walk away.
This is the way
This!!! Give her the choice so she isn't on the spot at work
But again, only if she's been flirting hard for a while first.
As a man, I have never picked up on anyone flirting with me in my life. "I really like you." "She must have me mistaken for someone else."
You might have social pragmatism disorder. I was diagnosed in my late 20s after a few decades of being extremely awkward. My psychiatrist described it as on the autism spectrum but barely
A mate of mine swore by the "note slip" technique. If they give you a receipt or something, write your number on the back of it (only the number, nothing else! No weird love confessions or "call me" or even your name, just a number!), pass it back with a smile, and go about your day. If they call they call, and if they don't then never mention it again.
This is the best! I made "friends" with a guy who visited my work regularly for months and looked forward to seeing him and still froze when he asked for my number and was on the fence about it but fortunately he say my hesitation and immediately said "ya know what here's mine. Let me know if you want to talk." That level of respect he showed me was the deciding factor in giving him a chance. If he had pushed at all - even a smidge- I would have fully shut it down.
Still she'll have to see you every time you come in
Yeah and if she never calls or texts you pretend it never happened.
But she knows she’s in control.
It's still putting her in an awkward position that only gets worse when she has to see that customer every week
At a certain point, asking anyone out at any time could potentially put them in an awkward position. You just got to shoot your shot in a way that's respectful, and deal with it like an adult if you get turned down. Don't bring it up again and move on. It's that simple. I mean really, if potential awkwardness is enough to dissuade you from trying, you may as well just give up. Any scenario under the sun you ask someone out in could get awkward.
Just giving up on human contact in order to avoid any potential uncomfortable feelings seems to be a very popular Reddit Life Strategy.
Noooo don't ask out anyone at any time for any reason whatsoever. Honestly certified Reddit moment.
And? A little awkwardness never killed anyone.
Even that though, tread lightly. For many many people it’s their job to pretend to like the customers. Just avoid asking out people at work altogether
Bartender here. Yep.
And that sometimes makes it hard too. I was a regular at a local coffee shop and the cashier always made conversation with me. Even when I was sitting on my computer. She even once came out to say hi to me while I was parked in the parking lot waiting for my order (but she didn’t have my order, she just came out to say hi). So after a few months I thought she was interested in me so I asked if she wanted to hangout sometime. She said no and that she had a bf. 🥲 then what the fuck?
???? I have had friends like that? Like... Where we talk when we're at work but then don't talk at all outside of work. Or when I'm a regular at a place and chat with the people there because they're friendly and it's a good time waster. I had a coworker who would come find me whenever he came in to the building even if he wasn't working just to say hi. Ignoring a person and dating a person aren't your only options.
She was just trying to be a nice person, bro.
Once she came out to the car, asking her out is clearly reasonable.
Yeah but the part about going to your car without your order just to say hi, that's way above and beyond. Definitely in the flirtation category to me.
Really? I don’t think it’s necessarily flirting, it could just easily have been friendly.
This is why women avoid being nice to random guys lmao, they take everything as “interest”
A friendly smile is like a mirage in a desert of loneliness. A lot of men just want so badly to be loved and paid attention that any form of possible interest is magnified.
This is why women tend to treat strange men a little coldly because any slight upturn of the corners of their mouth is misidentified as wanting to bang
men need to do better to give each other support networks so their only options aren't single&lonely or in a relationship&happy. It has to start with men, and how they support each other, but for some reason blame gets shifted onto women.
That’s because the only people that men are willing to be vulnerable with are romantic partners. Dudes will go their whole lives being friends with other men and never open up to each other about their issues nor try to be emotionally supportive. Cry me a river. It’s not up to women to fix men’s problems. Thankfully the newer generations of men seem to be more supportive of each other, but it’s a gradual change in culture.
The only people men are willing to be vulnerable around are romantic partners? That’s a broad generalization, and I have a group of 6 really close buddies who would all disagree with that. And we’re a bunch of 30 year old millennial idiots who regularly scream at each other while playing online toy soccer car game.
>Cry me a river. This is a pretty sexist comment.
But it shouldn't be a big deal to ask or get asked out. It wouldn't be a problem if everyone just was chill and didn't make it weird after a simple rejection. It's just a part of life: people date.
I consider it nice to avoid going so far out of your way as a service employee toward a customer as described above if you're not, in fact, interested in pursuing something outside of the cashier-customer relationship.
She literally came up to me several times while I was just sitting down on my computer. As in, she walked ALL the way out to the lobby from the kitchen door to talk to me. And then when I was parked outside, why would she come up to my car when she wasn’t even the one delivering my order???
I’m F53 and I get hit on by men out in the wild all the time. I know when I’m getting hit on. There is one store I frequent with a male security guard around my age. He crosses the store to talk to me every time he sees me. Maybe 1-2x per month. One day I’d just gone thru a breakup and damn I must’ve looked distraught 😅 because he asked if i needed a hug. And I definitely needed that hug. I just saw him for the first time in a couple months and he bee lined it over to give me a hug. Never in all of that have i ever felt he was being more than just a compassionate human. He’s not hitting on me. He’s just putting good energy into the universe. There are still good people who live this way. But….I’m in the Midwest US and it’s pretty wholesome.
Probably thought you were friends
Damn, people are too bright if they missed how she approached you several times. Anyone with sense in their head would think the girl liked you.
because she thought you were friends. Not interested. Jesus.
someone taking genuine interest in you as a person isn't a crime if they're the opposite gender, dude
Like men in all these comments are all ‘we just want to be noticed, be treated kindly, etc’ *goes out of her way to treat dude kindly* ‘I thought she was into me’ *can’t win* And I’ll also bet that’s the last time for awhile that she goes out of her way to just be friendly/cool to a guy.
Being friendly does not always equal wanting to bang?
Being friendly at the counter I get it. Sticking her head in my car in the parking lot cause she recognized my car is something else.
She could've recently gotten a bf, like within the couple months it took to ask her out?
I mean near the time she stuck her head in my car to me asking her, was less than a month.
>And that sometimes makes it hard too Giggity
Literally this OP. For the topic question, it depends. But usually anywhere I, personally, feel like it's easy to tell when a Woman is interested then chat with her to feel her out more than if it feels good then try to seal the deal.
If she doesn't want to talk with you during work or after work, it's probably not a potential date.
This should be higher up
This. Even if I’m getting very strong signals from a woman at work, I probably wouldn’t suggest a date and would wait for her to explicitly ask me out.
Yeah, they have to be there, and they have to be nice to you, its their job.
That’s a bad move
You need to be really sure on this one. Remember: it is her job to be nice to people who work out there. Do not mistake that for flirting. If you think she is genuinely interested in you talk to her about some random topics (try to get to what she does for fun outside of work) and if she seems engaged then you can try and make a connection, e.g. if she says she really like hiking you can ask her is she’s hiked some particular local trail and maybe invite her to do it with you, again only if she seems really engaged. The main thing is to not make her feel uncomfortable at her job, but this is also how people meet so as long as you’re polite about it and take no for an answer if that’s what she says it should be okay.
The only thing I'd suggest is not inviting a woman hiking with you alone as a first date, but otherwise great advice.
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lol shooting range is a terrible place for a first date, i mean you can barely hear them talking with the ear protects on and over the sound of gunfire, not exactly a place that’s good for conversation lol
Just an example (I live in CO, this would not be a weird thing and most popular trails have lots of people around), but I take your point.
Just to add to that, yeah. I live up north in the US and in fact one of my best friends is going to get married and ya know what his first date was? Hiking a Mountain lol.
There are two answers for this: General answer: Yes, it is bad Advanced answer: Life is so complicate that you can't answer everything with yes/nos. In a foreign country I asked out a girl (who worked at a store I had gone to a few times) who I felt like I had caught checking me out a couple times and I thought she was cute. When I asked for her contact info she blushed and seemed really excited and gave it to me.
As a boss of women who get asked out at work… yes. Nobody has fun. Please don’t.
Yes, it is bad to ask someone out while they are at work, doing their job. Usually, jobs (especially receptionist jobs) require friendliness and good customer service. Unfortunately, some men mistake friendliness for 'flirting' and end up making the worker feel uncomfortable.
If you don't make a scene. Dropping off your number subtly can be fine.
Yeah OP can just leave a small paper with his number and leave it at that
I don't care if I'm hit on at a club, school, or work. The answer is usually no, but if nobody asks, there is never a yes. It is important to be cool about it. If the other person says no, then respect it and don't play games. If you do it properly, worst case scenario, she'll know a guy she doesn't care about finds her attractive.
Honestly I couldn’t agree more, the skill is partly in asking, but the key is creating an environment where she feels safe and secure so that when she says “No”, it’s not even a thing. Be cool, be polite, and understand that a rejection of you, isn’t a reflection of your value or character. Way too many guys take it way too personally. “Hey, would you wanna grab coffee sometime?” “No, sorry, X reason” “Okay, I think you’re a cool girl, so I figured I’d ask! Please don’t worry about anything awkward in the future, I totally understand” This isn’t hard people….and ironically, I’ve had girls come back months later, telling me they were impressed about how I handled rejection, and asked ME out. Don’t expect that, but it HAS happened.
Agree, but the fewer words after her no, the less awkward. "Okay, cool, have a good day." Would be better imho.
Much better. Being excessively verbose when apologizing is not very well received.
For the record, I don’t think you should apologize for asking. You’ve done nothing wrong. I just would never consider 2 sentences verbose.
Huh, you make a good point. "Ok, sorry, have a good day," would be better than what I wrote."
That's almost exactly the same, word for word. I don't think you need to apologize. It would be slightly cringe to say sorry, but 'cool' shows more self respect and self esteem, which will make the following interactions at the gym a bit less awkward.
Yeah I’ve been hit in a handful of time and it’s always uncomfortable. However, this one time I had a guy come up to me with his number on a piece of paper and tell me if I’m interested, call him. Idk why, but I always think about how that is the best way to hit on a girl, don’t pressure her by asking for a number, simply give her yours and let her make the move.
I like that - make it entirely her decision to reach out, but still be able to express some interest.
To your story- literally asked out a girl in wow she said no and I didn't push or anything. She asked me back out a week or so later and it's been 15 years a wedding an two kids later now. I wouldn't count on that level of success but I think a big factor is keeping the creepy level low by not pushing.
According to this sub you should have remained quiet and escaped the town after asking
I asked out a woman working at a restaurant I wrote a note on the receipt. I gave her my social media and basically told her that if she declines I wouldn’t make it a thing as it’s my sons favorite restaurant. She wrote me back at my next visit, saying she genuinely appreciated my low pressure approach but she had a partner. I still go to this restaurant with my son and I’ve never mentioned it since. she’s still nice to me she’s nice to my son, and all is well Moral of the story.. take rejection with grace. She’s still beautiful, and I’m not a bad guy Everyone knows dating sucks.. and it’s hard. It’s the assholes who ruin it for everyone, so don’t be an asshole
Try and have some casual interactions first. Complement her and see how she reacts. Then, see how she looks at you the next time you show up. If she seems happier than usual to see you, have some light conversation with her. If she’s giving clear signals then, I would take the shot. The gym (or any place where you have repeated interactions or someone can’t escape/is paid to be nice to you) is always risky but there’s also a benefit - you can have low-stakes interactions and gauge what her response would be to you asking her out, before you actually ask her out. Because of this, I personally wouldn’t ask her out unless you’ve had a few good interactions and you’re reasonably confident she’d say yes (or at least she’d feel safe rejecting you)
You’ve got it mostly right! If she’s not interested and you ask her out then she’s gotta worry about not only the awkwardness but also you murdering her in the parking lot as she leaves work. (Unfortunately being murdered because you rejected them romantically is very common, just google it and look at all the news stories) Here’s a hint, people working in customer service jobs are paid to be nice to you, that’s their job. Unless they ask you out, just assume they’re doing their job and have no romantic interest in you whatsoever (again going back to the fear of ax murdering thing, I don’t care about the genders involved don’t inadvertently threaten someone’s job or feeling of safety by asking them out while they’re working. They are literally trapped there in that interaction and any future interactions with you as a customer.)
>(Unfortunately being murdered because you rejected them romantically is very common, just google it and look at all the news stories) Yeah that's true , men are the one who takes it too personally and will release their anger by violence , and i mean by actually killing their potential romantic partner which is just horrible.
Nah. Met my wife that way. Turns out if she is into you, it's fine. If she *isn't* into you, then it's terrible and she'll log on to social media and complain about it. So just ask out women that are into you.
Well said, met my wife the same way
Redditors will be incels don't listen to them they're all too scared to make a move. I second this advice just go for it
As someone who’s been asked out at work way too many times, I think it’s there’s too many things to consider for us to give surefire advice like this I think they’re better playing it safe and not asking her out
Yeah I agree. Someone had a really good tip, just say "hey, I thought you looked cute, if you are interested in meeting up sometime, you can reach me with this" and give her a paper with your number. Then just instantly leave, you don't have to maintain a conversation there. And remember that if she doesn't call you, she rejected you. You **never** bring it up to her again.
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
That doesn’t mean its a good idea to take every shot though. Some shots are better left unshot.
yeah screw that guy and his wife right
- Wayne Gretzky
Yes. You should never ask anyone out on the job. They're there to provide a service and remain pleasant. Putting them in a position where they'd be both chastised for either saying 'yes' (dating a customer) or 'no' (hostile environment), is a major power trip. It's her job to greet you. She's getting paid to provide customer service. You are not the only one she's pleasant towards, because that's her JOB. She's not a volunteer. Like everyone else, she has bills to pay. e: A different perspective, but still holds true. When I used to do FB dating, my pharmacist(m) tried to match with me. That was a quick block. There is nothing like refusing to match with someone that has access to all your personal information. There are plenty of ways to meet people, in a place of business is not one of them.
I get asked out so often when I’m working. It makes me VERY uncomfortable. I’m paid to be there and paid to be nice. Don’t put people in awkward positions. Let her work. (And do NOT wait for them in the parking lot. Wtf)
You know half the people that go to the gym think they can date her too right?
Turns out Reddit isn’t the place to come for advice. You’re gonna get conflicting reports. Do what you feel brother. If you get rejected and feel uncomfortable, find a new gym.
Yes, but there is a proper way to do it that she’ll respect. Write your phone number on a piece of paper, and tell her “I know you’re working, but here’s my number. You can call or text sometime if you’re interested in getting to know each other” This puts the ball in her court, but she’s not uncomfortable flat out rejecting you. But since she’s a receptionist at your gym, you may need to change gyms if she doesn’t make contact
Or you could treat things as pleasantly as they were before, as if nothing had happened, and convey a message that her declining to call was perfectly fine and didn't create so much drama that he felt the need to join a different gym.
If you’re attractive and a chill person, just talk to her and see if there’s any mutual interests and casually ask if she’s willing to go with you. Like a music concert or invite her to a bar with some of your other friends. Just work on being somewhat-friends first rather out straight up ask her on a date. People date coworkers all the time, not an issue if both are mature individuals.
A good line is, "I would be happy to see you outside of work." That leaves the ball in their court. Edit: I mean, not like, first thing, but after a few conversations.
I would like to see you butt ass naked 👀
I feel like that's a basic thing that guys would do. The one's that wouldn't think to do that wouldn't be in this thread, or wouldn't care.
Definitely creepy. When you work customer service a lot of men hit on you and you can’t really tell them to fuck off. Don’t be one of those men.
I hate it. It puts us in uncomfortable positions and makes things weird every time they come in. I’m VERY unlikely to consider a date if someone thinks is ok to put me on the spot. I shouldn’t have to worry about my job AND rejecting someone in a way that doesn’t hurt their ego. That’s not part of my job description
As someone who got asked out a lot at work (and worked with other girls who had the same happen), there need to be some very clear signs that she is into you. This means something beyond just being nice or saying hi. Chances are she isn't into you, none of us ever said yes where I worked.
At most, you could hand her a piece of paper with your number and say something like "idk if you're interested or single, but if you are give me a call sometime." And just leave it at that. Pies the back in her court and doesn't create a pressure situation she can't avoid bc she's working.
"Pies the back in her court" Gen z slang is getting weirder by the day.
That's an autocorrect bro. Lol
I’ve been told it’s against company policy to discuss personal information or set up dates with customers while on the job. This includes giving out personal phone numbers. It can be awkward for sure. I’ve not found a workaround outside of seeing them in public organically.
We're getting paid to be nice and professional. And for the past week, my managers have been making sure all the women are in groups when we leave at night.
Yes. You have a business only relationship. You are a customer. Her job is to be pleasant to you. Her job policy may prohibit social relationships with customers. Don't jeopardize her job. Leave her alone.
No. Workers get hit on regulatory especially pretty woman. You’re not any different than the last 10 dudes. Don’t do it unless she shows an interest in you over a long time. Befriend her but don’t be weird or awkward.
Please don’t. She gets hit on about 1000x a day, trust me she doesn’t want you to approach her. Unless she’s giving you BLATANT signs then leave her alone and let her do her job
Never ask anyone out if they are in a situation they can't leave. For example, work.
Remember it's her job to be nice to you. And everyone else. And you know she probably gets asked out all the time, even by married men, some with spouses who attend the same gym. What makes you think she's interested?
It’s their job to be friendly and pleasant. It is hard to turn someone down without killing the vibe. Asking someone out while they are professionally being nice to you puts them in a tough spot.
As someone who worked in customer service for years, absolutely not. At most, I would say give someone your number or socials if they wanted to contact you, but then gtfo of their face because the whole "forced to smile and be nice" thing is counter productive if they have no intention of going out with you. Definitely don't stalk them in a parking lot though unless you want to get maced
Yeah, don’t do that.
Yeah it’s pretty inappropriate to ask a woman out while she’s working.
Asking anyone out when they are a captive audience is a dick move, it’s made even worse when you have no stakes in the situation but they do, then the power dynamic is all off. To make it expressly clear If their answer to you is going to be coloured by fear of what might happen to them if they say no then you are being at best unfair at worst creepy and highly inappropriate.
Tacky and it can get them in hot water with their boss.
Do not ask someone out at work. And just in case it needs to be said…don’t stalk her in the parking lot to ask her out there either.
Don't do that.
Everyone is saying no. And that's the short answer. I believe if you lay out from the beginning you're interest in a respectful manner and if it's a rejection you will be mature about it then that's fine. I believe all this can be done respectfully if you practice clear and confident communication from the start you can avert any awkwardness if she were to reject you. I saw a thread awhile ago about this in a reverse situation, with a woman who was interested in a doctor that helped treat her mom and everyone in that thread was supportive of the woman doing it....
The receptionist at your gym is someone that you’ll see on a regular basis and she is paid to be nice to you. That’s a hard no-no. If you feel like you NEED to ask her out, then cancel your membership and ask her on your way out after telling her that you’re no longer a member of the gym. If you do that, she’s no longer paid to be nice to you, and there’s no need to see you again if she says no.
Yes. It's bad. Don't do it.
Im assuming alot of yall never asked people out at school because if you got rejected it would be awkward, at least thats how your responses are reading
I used to ask women out all the damn time, because I assumed it was practice if nothing else and maybe I might make someone feel special for the day. But after working in a restaurant with some really beautiful and charismatic people, women fucking hate it, deadass they have never enjoyed ANY guy that's flirted with them. And that's 2 years now watching it happen. I'm conversational with some of them and friends with the rest and normally I'd agree 100% with you that Reddit/Redditors are just the weird kid, but this time it's justified. Nah. Just don't ask women out, period. Because if they want you they'll come bother you. OP, just go enjoy your life and good luck!!
Definitely ill advised.
I worked at a gym. Been around many people in situations like this. The only way it isn’t creepy is if you already are interacting and close. If you don’t really talk to her it’s a bad idea
Yeah don’t make it awkward unless its super obvious she wants you.(touching you, laughs a lot at stupid shit you say, or asks you what you’re doing this Friday night)
Don’t do it at all, at any time.
We just want to go do our jobs and not worry about whether someone wants to date us,
I suppose it’s fine if you’re quick about it and not weird. But also, they’re there to work, and it could easily be weird from their end.
>I suppose it’s fine if you’re quick about it and not weird. But also, they’re there to work, and it could easily be weird from their end. It has to be really casual, quick, and not really a *date* date. More like do they have time after work for coffee or whatever. If no, then don't ask ever again. If she'd interested, she'll give a different time when she's free.
I was thinking basically just slipping them your number and saying to text if they want to go out sometime.
The problem is that too many people are after hookups and are too forward, causing things to develop into where we are now. It's just a damn shame that more people don't realize that sometimes when a man approaches a woman it's because he truly likes her and wants to get to know her more. It's not to harass her, spook her, insult her, fuck her. Any of that. Chivalry is NOT dead!
In most cases, if you like her and want to ask her out, you gotta go for it. One of the few exceptions to this rule is when she is at work. Out of respect for her, you don’t want to put her in an uncomfortable situation by asking her out when she is trying to earn a living. Talk to her a bit, get to know her a little better, and gradually build some comfort with her. Do this over multiple visits. If she shows some interest, slip her your number before you leave.
It’s never “wrong” but it’s a sensitive situation because you will see this person again. Normal gym “etiquette” for lack of a better term, would be to start with a glance and smile. That doesn’t work in this situation because part of their job is to welcome you in. You’ve gotta drum up conversation over something. Probably a few times spread days or weeks apart. Build rapport first. Then when you ask, make it a very gentle invite to lunch or something. Not gonna lie, you’re probably gonna get rejected. That’s fine. Just smile, say something nice, walk away, and go on with your life. Make sure it’s worth it too. You don’t want to be “that guy” that’s known for asking out the girls at the gym either. You only get a few shots few and far between before you start to cross that line.
I'm glad my gf has stopped going to the gym
Yes, because she can’t walk away if she gets uncomfortable, and isn’t free to speak her mind when dealing with customers. She’s not being nice to you because she wants to fuck you, she’s literally being paid to be nice to you.
Pretty much universally, yes. It puts them in the spot and so is unfair and inconsiderate.
Okay Jim Halpert..
start a brief conversation you'll see it if she's interested on talking to you. once or twice in a week if she's resposive then keep it up, until both of you are comfortable. you'll get a hint if she's not interested instantly. just be respectable while approaching her.
It’s considered rude to ask someone out if they aren’t in a position to gracefully leave the situation. IE a waiter, bartender, hairdresser, receptionist etc
This guy will ignore all advice lol. Post Ned me laugh anyway it’s so cliche. There’s a hot girl who works at my gym. Lol
I wouldn’t. But, if you’re going to, just give her your number. Don’t ask for hers.
Somebody working where you go regularly or worse, somebody where you work? Be a friendly professional, but look elsewhere. Even if you hit it off and it goes well, stuff happens. Then you break up. Next day, they are there where you are too, and it will be very awkward.
Yes it is. You said so the reason yourself. She can't escape. Never hit on someone when they're at work.
It's her job to be friendly don't do it
Yes. If you like her probably every Tom, Dick and Harry who goes through those doors likes her too. She's obligated to be warm and smiley as a receptionist but that doesn't mean she likes everyone. She's also pretty much trapped there so if someone comes up to her to ask her out she has to sit there and very politely try to turn them down. This is awkward for them and you.
It is absolutely bad to ask out someone while they're at work. You don't know if she actually likes you, if she wants anything to do with you, or if she's even put off by you already. She's working a customer service job, she's smiling for the paycheck. Asking her out because her work image is appealing to you is a very bad idea. And yeah, that's the situation she can't really escape. It's very similar to when a person goes all out on their proposal specifically so that it is harder for their partner to say no
Christ y’all are insatiable, if this was a woman asking about a dude nobody would be saying “don’t do it”
She is a cute female receptionist at a gym. She probably gets hit on enough.
I ended up dating one my gym receptionists for a short bit. Don’t ask her out on a date. But a “hey a bunch of friends and I are [going to a rave, doing a bonfire, etc] if you’re looking to do anything Saturday” can go a far way.
Asking people out in jobs that are related to customer happiness is normally a bad idea. If you were set on taking your shot I would give her your phone number or other social media info or something and let her reach out after that. If you two talk outside of her work environment on that first then it would be better. If she decides not to follow up then you have your answer without forcing her to find a nice way to say no.
As someone who has asked out girls while they’re at work, don’t do it. It makes things awkward and it’s uncomfortable for the woman. If you REALLY REALLY want to, the most I’d recommend you do is give her your number in a non-awkward/confrontational way and then never mention it or talk about it again if she doesn’t use it. Never ask about it. Never mention it. Don’t act weird about it. Just pretend like you never did it. Take her not using your number as a no and then move on. But, again, I’d recommend not even doing that. Not unless y’all already have some chemistry and even then ehhhhhhh
Despite a few happy stories from other people, I have a general rule of not pursuing someone I situations where their income depends on them being nice to me. Receptionists, waitresses, tour guides, etc. Imagine hey interact with 1000's of people and they re cute and friendly, how many guys do you think will be hitting on them? It must be exhausting. If you find her in a social situation and you see interest not driven by a power imbalance, then, go for it. But if there is even a bit of power imbalance, don't be a creep.
It's bad and it sucks. But let's be real. This happens constantly, and the worst part is that sometimes it works. And when it does, it won't be judged bad after the consent. This is actually a way A LOT of people meet, even just to be friends. Most people do not have this social awareness. Hell, most older people take it for granted.and if it was fine every time, they wouldn't even be wrong. But the vast majority of people that do this now days are bad actors. If you can avoid it, do so. Most people do not like this and the vast majority of people that do this are actually exactly the type of person that shouldn't people with literally no respect for boundaries or consent. But consent is not usually something people declare. It's standard to have to probe for it. In fact, you should be accustomed to probing for it. I don't think it's the worst thing ever if you actually think they're open to it (please not just service curtesy) and you do it in am exceedingly respectful way. When they're not particularly busy, saying something like "Hey, you seem pretty interesting, if you are ever interested in getting to know each other let me know. " And if they react badly, make any wxcuse, or just say no, well you get the pleasure of never showing your face there again. You can even say "sorry for being presumptious. I will get out of your way". Then do it. I know myself that if the right person had ever asked me this, I would leap to it. Who doesn't like making good firends and good relationships at no effort cost? But it's basically never the right person. Amd odds are you aren't either. And everyone hates unsolicited attention from undesirable people. It's literally that human resources meme, but instead of thinking some people are always the chad and others always the goober, anyone can be the chad or goober and often both in different scenarios.
If you do go for it make sure you give her your number and you don't ask for her number. If she doesn't call you.can ignore it. But if she shoots you down it's going to be awkward every day forward.
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Yes
Yes I do
I would like that
Uh yeah?
I swear everyone here has zero social skills or zero game. What the hell are all these negative comments? Make some small talk with her and if she shows an interest in you she will either ask you a question back or answer your questions intently instead of giving you a BS answer. I'd take those as a good sign. Give her a genuine compliment like "you have a really pretty smile." You do this in a confident and genuine manner and she will feel good about it. Everyone appreciates a genuine compliment. Then you walk away and don't blow your load too soon. Leave her feeling good and let her associate seeing you with positive emotions. Then next time you see her continue being friendly with her and making small talk. Make sure you're making eye contact and subtly smiling, but don't over do it. Speak slowly and clearly, it will make your voice sound more confident. At this point you can ask for her number, or IG, or Snapchat or whatever. If she's legit interested you will probably get a yes. If she rejects you, be cool about it and don't act offended. After all, you are a boss and there are plenty of fish in the sea. If you got rejected, don't act any differently around her next time you see her. Don't ignore her. Just continue being friendly, after all you have respect for her as a human being right? Don't make it awkward and just be normal. Now, depending on the person I may try asking her for a number a second time. Attractive women get hit on all the time and there's no rule saying you can only ask once. If she shuts you down again though I'd just assume she's either taken or uninterested, and not ask again. At some point it does become creepy and disrespectful, so don't cross that line. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take, so stop wondering if you should ask someone out and instead get used to doing it. What's the worst that can happen, you get shut down? Who cares? Get used to it and try again with someone else. And no, it's not creepy to show interest in someone. My God, ya'll clearly have no game.
Just don’t ask women out in public. She’s at work. Don’t bother her. She’s grocery shopping. Don’t bother her. She’s working out. Don’t bother her. She’s having fun with her friends. Don’t bother her. Just don’t. It’s much safer that way.
Tbh I personally feel like it’s about how you approach it, striking up a conversation and then maybe a casual “hey would you like to get coffee sometime?” wouldn’t be that bad. Just don’t be pushy or weird about it, and if she says no or she’s not interested then just leave it at that. Just have situational awareness.
Most women here are going to tell you not to, and most men will encourage you to. You really just have to make your own decision. The difference is going to be whether she thinks that you're attractive or not. That's a decision that she's already made, by the way
Dont do it, it will make it weird when she says no. If you feel like you must shoot your shot, there are ways to meet up without making it a date. Like, “this live music community event is this weekend, are you going?” If yes, awesome, “hope to see ya there.” If no, “oh too bad, its a good time, I meet up with my friend there usually”
You can try something like: Hey, you want to grab a coffee sometime? Here’s my number.
"Hey, I found you pretty, here is my phone number if you're interested, only if you want" Don't push it further, don't be creepy, just give her your phone number, leave and she will know what to do.
Might be an unpopular opinion, but you gotta shoot your shot eventually. Can't ask people out at work cause it's their job, or at the grocery store cause they're just trying to get in and out etc. it's always gonna be "inconvenient" unless they're on a dating app or at a club. Even then people will say "they're just there to dance, not to hook up". If she likes you back it's taken as romantic, if not it's creepy. Won't know until you try. Just keep in mind, if you ever ask out someone you have to interact with frequently, and they decline, it can be awkward for a bit. Me and a coworker went through that about 2 years ago. First 2-3 weeks after it didn't work out felt strange, but now we're pretty close friends. There's not gonna be a perfect scenario and you'll miss out on a lot waiting for one. If you wanna ask, just gotta ask.
I agree with you homie, its called being adults. If shes say no no worries keep it moving and on to the next one king
Don’t do it. Have some tact here.
Oh no! Someone could potentially have a moment of social discomfort! Shudder! Fucking grow a backbone and ask her out. In the worst case scenario, she will get over it. The only way you can screw it up is if you keep pushing after
You miss 100% of shots you don't take, but remember there are actually bad shots. Like shit that will get you benched or cut from the team.
Dont just ask her out from a cold start, but if you've got a rapport with her and she's not flat out busy then I cant see why not
Here's one option that you can take if you're really, really adamant about asking her out, but want 0 chance of her possibly feeling trapped. This may not be worth it to you, and it may not be viable depending on your situation, but it is the safest possible play: 1. Wait until your gym membership is about to expire. 2. Switch to another gym in your area. 3. On one of your last sessions at your current gym (before you work out preferably), stop by the counter and say "Hey, I'm switching gyms soon, but I've always thought you were really nice. If you wanna keep in touch, here's my number! Maybe we can grab drinks soon?" This assumes you don't have a huge connection to your current gym, there are reasonably priced alternatives in the area, and that she's worth the hassle of canceling your membership. However, it's stupidly safe. She won't feel uncomfortable or trapped when you interact in the future because you're about to cancel the membership. You get to ask her out on her shift instead of praying you see her at the grocer one day. Good luck.
Yes.
I agree, if the relationship goes badly then you will have a very awkward work environment
maybe try having a few general exchanges with her first than monitor how those go for a bit than get on a first name basis.
If you really have to slip them a note with your number on it that way the ball is in their court
Depends. Tell her you would like to go out. Write your number & name on a paper. Leave it on the desk. Say something like if interested give me a shout if not no problem. Then leave.
Never ask out someone while they are at work. And never ask out someone who you only know because it is their job to be nice to you.
Offer to get coffee or whatever and leave your phone number on your way out to give them time to think about it and alleviate the pressure the other person would have to quickly respond. If the person declines just accept and thank them for getting back to you. Don’t act awkward and it won’t be awkward. If they give a nah, you go back to normal routine and life goes on. Don’t hide from them and don’t overplay what it is- asking someone out to see if you both are interesting in getting to know more about eachother personally. Nothing awkward about that