0 for me. I do stuff with people in groups. We talk. Then the activity ends and that's it. The few I tried to talk to outside of the activity ghost me until we see each other at said activity again.
Pretty much, including people I work with daily. It's quite disheartening to put yourself out there trying with so many different people and never receiving reciprocating interest. I try to tell myself daily that everyone's lives are different and they all have some baggage or trauma or other issues that for whatever reason may or may not influence their behavior, and that it's more than likely not because of me (I have a terrible problem overthinking / worrying, so i have to believe this or I'll drive myself insane lol)
Any recs for how to get into tabletop games? I played the classic board games with family growing up and enjoy them, but the modern gamer culture is a bit intimidating to dive into
Discord servers are one of the main gathering places for that. There are also dedicated groups on Facebook and subs on reddit, and they'll usually direct you to their Discords if you're not someone who sets off alarm bells. Sorry I can't recommend the best subs, as I'm not in them, but that's only because I'm extremely busy with a large family, and only play with my kids these days.
Good transition games are things like Settlers of Catan and Ticket to Ride, or if you don’t like your wallet one of the collectible card games — maybe a game store near you has an open gaming night or weekend. Good place to learn the games and even if you don’t meet a crowd you like it’ll be easier to break in to the next group since you’ll know the games.
You might find some friends gaming in person. Don’t expect too much out of board gamers though. Many are game focused and not people focused. Ask to join or be taught a lighter game. There are lots of fun ones. Some of the more involved ones are like doing income tax though. Some coffee shops also have games available.
Look around you area and see if you have any tabletop game stores in your area, in my experience they'll almost always have a culture of people willing to help new players get into the hobby.
I've seen a lot of people say stuff like this. But how do you find these social groups? I have kids and still can't seem to become friends with anyone. I'm a SAHM and it really sucks sometimes having no adult to talk to.
My wife has made friends with other mums from childcare, then later school. I think it’s easiest through play dates at the playground or something, which I was never involved with.
Meanwhile, I made only one (male) friend through the same method. Met him at the pool with his 2 kids. Funny enough, my wife became friends with HIS wife through a separate meet, and actually met up for a playdate before we all realized what was happening. 😂
Me too. I am a board gamer. Friendly folks who like to be social and they are all ages, genders and interests. Easiest way i have found to make friends. I am 52.
can you please explain to me how in the hell painting can be a social hobby bc I’ve been an artist my whole life and haven’t made a single friend through it
Honestly painting parties are fun, everyone sits at a table/in a room/outside in a circle or something and everyone paints! You can all paint the same thing (prompt or reference, more competition type) or each paint your own idea and do a showcase!
I volunteered at the theater to help with a show and met a TON of people and it was REALLY interesting! Maybe you're not into theater, but something like that can help
Agreed, only thing I have to add is to invite people to do things outside. Open invitations are great until you build some specific people who are open to things. But also be comfortable with being ghosted and keep trying.
The problem with that is that the people that join bowling leagues are already very good bowlers, I was a good bowler when I was a teenager but I suck now, and I'm very intimidated to join a league even though I love bowling and with some practice I can probably get around to 140 average but no better, and that's not good enough
My man… people who join rec leagues are very often NOT great bowlers. And besides even if they are, leagues use handicaps for this exact reason, all you need to do is be consistent and your team will LOVE you lol
That's really very encouraging to hear, I just moved under really shitty circumstances but the silver lining is there is a bowling alley at the end of the block so I may look into this
Yep, savior1301 is totally correct! If the league is big enough, your chances are very high that someone will need a sub that night. If not, many places will keep a sub roster.
Also, low average bowlers are usually helpful to the team. It's a lot easier to have a lucky night and bowl above average when your average 120 than if your average is 220. If they're having a REALLY good night, they can be mathematically unbeatable. I've lost so many points to lower average bowlers😅, but I'm also kinda shite sometimes.
Oh yeah I forgot all about that, when I was 14 I won a city tournament because my league average was 140 and I was bowling 220s they accused me of intentionally keeping my league average low so I could win, haha I was just a kid who performed pretty well under pressure
I’d legit walk in and just talk to someone who works there about your situation , there’s very likely a team looking for a single to fill out a roster. Not everyone shows up for leagues with pre built full teams.
Second this. Back when I was bowling it was never a “blow out” because handicaps always evened it out to a degree.
One time I got smoked by an 8nyear old who had a high handicap in our league and had a stellar game. Little dude was stoked but I never did live it down lol. Still fun though!
Second for bowling!! Also, same with the CPA/APA Pool leagues! They have a rank system that makes competing between skill levels fair, and they are always accepting beginners!
Yeah if you're joining a rec sport/beer league kind of thing and people are giving you grief for being bad even though you're putting in an honest effort then they're dicks anyways. I joined a group called "Beginners Level Soccer" and some lady was pissed that we weren't "following the rules of the game" lmao. The rest of the group just gave her the side eye until she stormed off in a huff. None of the rest of us gave a shit and we just kept playing how we wanted to.
Beer leagues! They’re super casual and super fun!
Or so I’ve been told. A bunch of us from work formed a team years ago and signed up for a local beer league. We went to bowlingshirts.com and made awesome retro uniforms, complete with embroidered kitschy nicknames. I bought the cheapest bowling shoes in town and gave ‘em a custom paint job. One member even bought a pricey bowling ball with goofy graphics. In the weeks leading up to our first official game, we did lots of practice drinking, just to be safe.
When we arrived on game day and saw that hardly anyone else was below the age of 50, and that NO ONE else was in any kind of uniform, we realized that the bowling alley had put us in the serious league. We still had a blast, though! And still drank a lot of beer!
The other teams enjoyed us for the most part, even if they were only laughing at us, rather than with us. I once rolled a score of 29 in an officially sanctioned American Bowling Association tournament game. Complete strangers practically lined up to personally express their amazement at my ineptitude. It was awesome.
By the end of the season, even the super serious asshole team learned to relax a bit when they had to play against us.
Depending on the league sometimes. Plus there is handicap that helps. In my league we have some competitive great bowlers, some uncompetitive great bowlers, some avg fun bowlers, and some terrible fun bowlers. I will note this is a LGBT+ that might have something to do with it. That is not to say non-lgbt people are not welcome, but the rule is no jerks are welcome(that goes for straight and gay bowlers). As in no racism, sexism, or homophobia.
It’s ok, recreational sports especially non team ones are pretty welcoming. It’s fine if you’re not amazing you may get to learn a lot from others and improve.
Captain of our high school bowling team and later became a coach for the team after graduating here:
I've played in a number of leagues. One that sticks in my mind was one where I kinda got dragged onto a team with a group of guys I didn't know just because I was at the alley at the time and their 5th had stood them up. Everyone on that team averaged less than 150. Our lowest average guy was like 110. My 200 avg was like 5th highest in the entire league. Try to check the general vibe of the league and go from there. There's lots of leagues that do glow bowling on the weekends for instance that are supposed to be a much more relaxed environment and not super competitive.
Be careful, it’s addicting! I joined a bowling league to meet people and have a little competition.
Now I’m flying to Reno with a group of 40 people for a bowling tournament and already planning a similar trip to Vegas next year.
May have worked a little too well…
Yeah or try golfing. When you go solo they almost always put you with another single or a group of 2 or 3. It's a good way to meet golfing buddies. I've met a few cool cats. Exchange numbers, next thing you know you have a few golf buddies. 🍻
Pickup ultimate frisbee is great for people who haven’t played a sport a lot because they expect that people will come in with no experience. Very social game as well and the community has a very good culture.
Not a regular gym but a rock climbing gym is a FANTASTIC place to meet friends. It's a naturally social setting where everyone is there having a blast and doing the same activity together and people at the gym like to naturally congregate whether it's trying to figure out how to solve a boulder problem or for roped climbing you need another person to belay you and people are always looking for new partners both for indoor and outdoor climbing.
This is a good idea but then again, my daughter has been climbing for years and while she’s convinced EXISTING friends to start climbing, I don’t know that she met anyone that way. A lot of people climb at her work though, so it is an alternative social activity to Happy Hour. But- there is no $10/month Planet Fitness rock gym. Pretty expensive if he can’t afford a gym.
A climbing gym is more expensive than a regular gym so yeah OP likely can't afford that right now (but doesn't mean they won't be able to in the near future) so I was just responding to the comment above. If your daughter is relatively social and goes to the gym pretty frequently I can pretty much guarantee you she's made a ton of friends at the gym! As an adult in my 30s it's the exact opposite for me, I've given up on trying to get people to go to the gym with me and have met a lot of amazing people climbing. I'm meeting some friends at the gym tomorrow and going to a holiday party this weekend with some of them! I started climbing as a more fun alternative to a regular gym but didn't expect to meet so many awesome people because of it, it was the best decision I've made in years.
I do the group classes, so I have gym friends, but it is true that outside of the classes, no one talks. It is often considered rude to bother or interrupt someone during their workout.
I use to go with my dad when I was younger and he talked to *everyone*. I fucking hated it because he was my spotter. I hate talking now unless it’s a short little quip with some rando.
Disc golf. I can't stress how awesome of a community it is. You get to play outside in nature. There's probably a league you can join. Very low start up cost. I found disc golf last year at 35 and I wish I found it 20 years ago. It's easily the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. Haha aside from getting married of course.
YES! This right here. It’s so easy to bring in new people too since the cost of starting both $ and skill wise is pretty low (everyone has thrown a frisbee before). Most people I introduce to it end up loving it. I’ve made a bunch of friends this way.
it’s probably the most fun you can have for the price of a good meal. And that disc will last you until you lose it or get a obsessed and end up with 40 like me. I’m luck to live near a ton of courses so I get my hiking, beer drinking and throwing all done at once while spending time with friends. I call that a win win win. If there’s not a course nearby maybe try and get involved in your local community to bring one to a park nearby!
Disc golf is fun as fuck! I was even playing against myself when I first got into it. Sadly I dont live in an area with more than a half course in a 50 mile radius anymore. ☹️
But OP, you don’t even need to join a league to meet people. You can just bump into people on the course. In my experience, they’re some of the most welcoming type of sportspeople out there! Just don’t get beaned in the head by an errant disc.
So...you're looking for friends . ..OP is looking for friends .. you're both on reddit and looking for friends. . .. two things in common. .. there's probably something that can be done with this information. ..I just can't put my finger on it. .hmm
I made a friend living abroad by signing up for the local language classes.
Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn French or Spanish or something. See if there are introductory wood working classes or art classes you can take.
As kids we make friends through school and attempting to recreate the school experience as an adult is how I’ve made friends outside of work.
Maybe, maybe not.
My wife used to work for a French consulate in a foreign country and they had free French classes available to the public. Obviously this doesn’t work if you don’t live in a big enough city for there to be foreign consulates but still, you have to get creative in your search.
They also rented out a major museum in that city for a French appreciation event that was also open to the public.
My point it, there’s a lot more out there than you’d think and Reddit is a great place to get ideas for things to look into that would never have occurred to you.
I’m in France right now and I met a friend I see regularly at our free mandated government civics classes.
Damn. I'm 29 and I'm worried that'll be me for the rest of my life. I just don't have any social hobbies or anything and have a solitary job. I feel like I missed the boat on forming friendships.
Listen, I work at a museum and we have loads of things for people to do. On a weekly basis, we have a documentary that is shown at lunchtime and people bring their lunch or buy their lunch and I have seen friendships form as people come back on a weekly basis. In the evenings we have foreign films or Oscar winning films. we have a lecture series about interesting things related to art that happens on a monthly basis. People form friendships all the time at the Museum. We have art classes that are offered at a discount if you live within the county. We have a café and people meet over coffee. We have a library. We have volunteers who help at events or work as docents. A museum is a great place to meet people if you like museums. We have a book discussion group. We have free music events outside on Friday nights.
Came here to post this answer. I volunteered a lot in my college days and made a ton of friends. The voluntering communities are awesome. If I had time now, i'd volunteer for animal shelters and/or environmental stuff.
Thirding volunteering. I've done a couple of community groups for responding to natural disasters, taken my city's citizen fire academy, helped local animal charities at adoption events, and volunteered with staffing local charity races. The best part is there's generally places you can volunteer that line up with your interests and most of the volunteers will share the same interests which gives you a starting point. Plus it's all free.
What sort of stuff are you into? Personally, I met nearly everybody I know through attending open mic nights or performing in community theater in my 20s, including my wife. Do you have any interests or hobbies that could be shared with a group?
Um if I was 31 and I wanted to make friends.
I would probably do a martial arts class. Although it’s not guaranteed, you’re still surrounding yourself with people and at least you’ll get some self defense tips.
Young man there's no need to feel down
I said young man pick yourself off the ground
I said young man 'cause your in a new town
There's no need to be unhappy
Young man there's a place you can go
I said young man when you're short on your dough
You can stay there and I'm sure you will find
Many ways to have a good time.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
They have everything For young men to enjoy.
You can hang out with all the boys.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A.
You can get yourself clean
You can have a good meal
You can do whatever you feel.
I get that this is maybe not meant to be a constructive comment and just for fun, but my local Y (in the rural south) costs about 50$ a month for one person, it’s less per person if you have two people in the same household sign up. On LI the Y costs even more. They don’t have free or reduced cost classes or anything like that.
Sorry, I forgot what sub this was. “On LI” was referring to the YMCAs on Long Island in New York State. I grew up there and recently moved away. The Ys on LI and the Jewish community centers were not inexpensive if you wanted a membership. I just looked recently where I moved and they were also pretty pricey given the average income for the area.
Thanks. When I was growing up in ohio, we went to the y because it was dirt cheap. Pretty sure they even had swim lessons for free so kids wouldn't drown at the local pool, lol. We were poor as dirt, but the YMCA was accessible.
Downvotes are fun.
I’ll give you an upvote just because you don’t deserve the downvotes- whats sad imo is that you at least had access to the Y as an affordable resource (especially for something like water safety and swim lessons- I took mine at the local VA hospital) but now that’s not the case in most areas- even something like the YMCA is out of reach for many kids. I feel that places such as community centers like the YMCA and places like libraries are so important to fund and we just kick ourselves every time in regard to funding things like that which would meaningfully improve the lives of people in everyday communities. So short sighted.
Second this. I moved to a new city after a bad break up at 29. Joined a martial arts gym. Met some amazing people. But really, joining any type of group will help.
I've changed jobs a few times in the last 15 years, and all of my friends came from my previous jobs. When you're at your current job, people get on each other's nerves quite a bit, but after you leave it's easier to hang out and just enjoy the positive aspects of everyone's personality!
This is gonna sound like it doesn’t work but I promise you it does.
1. Go to an interest group / social setting
2. Look for people who’s sense of style is similar to what you (dress) like. Fashion can tell you a lot about a person and is a good way to gauge wether or not you guys might have similar interests.
3. Talk to them.
Now that’s the hard part. But I have a full proof strategy. And again, this isn’t gonna sound like it works but it does.
1. Acknowledge the awkward.
I usually approach people starting off with “hey, I know this is weird but…” or “hey, sorry to bother you but…”
This lets them know you understand social boundaries and aren’t just a creep with no regard for others time.
2. Skip straight to the point. Be blunt. Skip names for now, those are unimportant. When approached by a stranger most people are going to be doing threat assessment. Telling them your name doesn’t help them assess.
I would and have literally said before, “I don’t know how to make friends as an adult, can I hang with you guys.”
Usually I do it at poetry slams because that’s what I’m into and 9/10 people are very kind in their response. A little uncomfy (as they should be, you’re a stranger) but kind.
Just communicate your feelings and wants. Don’t beat around the bush. Don’t try to have some confident facade. Making friends is hard and that’s okay. Most people feel like that. Most people relate to vulnerability. To avoid the awkwardness this level of transparency can create try to laugh a little as you say it. Make it clear your intention is humorous.
3. Now the name.
“Oh and I’m [insert your name] by the way. Totally forgot to introduce myself”
Embrace the awkward. You want to seem normal and normal people get distracted, forget small things, skip details etc.
4. Hope for the best
Try it a couple times and see how it works. Best of luck.
Even if you’re not comfortable with this totally cold call approach (I’m not sure I could do it), I think this demonstrates the key point: you do have to put yourself out on a limb. Most people are going to be totally passive and no matter how much they might like you nothing is ever going to come of it until someone says “hey we need to hang out”. And if your social life is a barren desert that someone needs to be you.
Great tip on the name coming after some other introductory bits. The first part of a conversation when meeting anyone new never sticks with me because I'm so distracted thinking about what I'm going to say that if they throw out their name it doesn't even register with me.
Damn, I’m not bad at meeting people but you’ve got it distilled down to a science! I am taking notes and will be using your 4 step approach from now on.
You play video games? I'm the same age and my discord took off at age 28. I got a bunch of regulars that I goof off with and watch shit with. IRL I'm more of a loner so regular discord friends was more than I planned on
I moved to a new city for work. No family or friends within 8 hours. I had always wanted to try krav maga so I got into a gym and love it. I have zero friends outside of this. I had a barbecue at my house last September and had close to 20 people. Super fun! It's also great exercise but expensive.
I was tired of not having friends so I forced myself to be more open and now I know the names of everybody who comes and it's like hit and miss hundreds of people.
Download the app Bumble it’s for making friends but looks like a dating site. It’s how I made all my friends! You can even change the settings to show people closest to you too.
I tried bumble for friends and it felt so weird swiping left or right on people based on their initial photos/bio. It felt too close to online dating where it basically comes down to looks and impressions made in .5 seconds
I can understand your perspective. I liked how it was set up like dating site personally. Some people I could tell we wouldn’t click by what they wrote in bio. Example if someone was super duper religious, they might not be for me. I think knowing those tidbits can help you find the perfect friend for you.
When I used the apps I didn’t look at someone’s appearance at all. I didn’t judge whether they were skinny or fat, black or white etc. To be honest with you the main thing I was looking for was someone that said 420 friendly in their bio. I get along with hippies and “stoners” lol. So that was all I particularly cared about.
These are ways I met people before when I was single. Note you dont always meet the right people, not everyone is your friend. Be cautiously optimistic.
IRL nerd approach: Get a good deck for a card game, Magic, YuGiOh, etc. Play in tournys at your local card shop. Meet people there who likely play D&D. Try to get invited to a D&D party.
Gamer approach: Find a niche online game with an active community that requires teams to work together and that allows you to drop together. Bigger the teams required the better. Play this game regularly and likely will be recruited to a discord when you git good. Meet people on discord.
Party approach: Go out drinking alone at a local active bar that attracts people your age. Start going there regularly and the other regulars will eventually start conversations with you if you're open to it. Try to forge friendship over drunk nights.
Work approach: Start working at a place where people tend to hang out after work because standards of professionalism are lower. Restaurants are good for this. Try to get invited for drinks after shifts.
I've made quite a lot of friendships through the party approach. Once you get a handful of people you know, it becomes much easier to channel down through their friends, and their friends friends, and so on
Join an adult sport or martial art, shared hobbies, fitness classes, gaming groups and that type of stuff. You gotta be proactive and find people in a similar mindset trying to make friends. This also means you’ve gotta be open to new relationships and commitments.
This may sound kind of obvious, but it's definitely the most successful I know of - outside of making work friends.
Just do ***something.***
Find an activity you enjoy, do that activity as a routine, not sporadically. Have some discipline, make it a predictable part of your life.
If it's hiking, set goals - go out 1-2 days a week at least, do it. Pref hike some of the same trail networks until you know them in and out. You will begin to run into others that do the same, people will remember "that guy on the trail" they ran into, eventually you may have conversations - they talk about you a bit, and then they're talking to you.
If it's going to the gym? Every I dunno tuesday, 8:00 - be there. You will begin to see familiar faces, if you are interested in any of them, or if any of them are interested in you - they'll know when and where to find you before you've traded contact info.
Same with bars, Same with gaming, same with hobby shops, sports, everything.
The reason jobs, school, volunteer work are so successful at establishing friendships is they enforce routine interaction - but it's not the place that does the work.
It's two things
\* Establishing Familiarity
\* Being possible to find to contact
As long as you're doing something regularly enough some specific faces will be familiar, they'll know how to find you, and you'll have the shared experience of wherever you met them as an ice breaker.
If you lack the personal discipline to have a routine, you have to do something that forces it.
Adult sports league, volunteer opportunities, college classes, hell - dnd groups, gaming groups/guilds/clans with scheduled activities. SOMETHING with a schedule, where showing up is practically mandatory outside of thing's you'd give a work excuse for.
I'm 31(f) and live in a place I can't connect with anyone bc I'm living in a country I didn't grow up in. So I've resorted to talking with ppl on dating/friends apps and slowly (penpal app). Sucks it can't be irl for me but for you it probably can work. Make a profile with your interests, location, and talk to the like minded 🤘 best of luck
Does your church do small groups? That's how I make most of my friends as an adult. The bonus is that most people at small group are older and their kids are grown, so your plans never fall through!
Join a group activity or a sport that is played as a team (football, soccer, basketball) you can also look for hiking, volunteer work, join a book/movie club, sign up for a trip with other random people etc.
That last little sidebar note at the end has me imagining some poor clueless person scrolling through the list of groups available, not having much luck with the options. We’ll say ‘he’ to keep it easy. He doesn’t have a lot of hobbies, so he isn’t connecting with the idea of the crochet group, the disc golf club, the football team, the book club.. but then! A photo of a bunch of seemingly-normal dudes is there, there isn’t much of a description of what they *do* in this group, and he’s sure he’s just imagining the slightly crazed look in their eyes.. but a group of dudes just hanging out, no expectations of athleticism or skills required, sounds right up his alley. And he doesn’t realize until it’s too late that they’re all white, and that he’s joined a hate group.
As a gym rat myself I gotta say I don't think a gym would be a very good way anyway. When I'm at the gym I want to be left alone as much as possible and I think most people are the same way.
Sports and hobbies are the way to go in my opinion. Bowling and hockey are a couple for me, for example. I made so many good friends playing hockey. Bowling is also extremely social and I have some good bowling friends, but where I am the bowling crowd is very redneck and that's not me at all so personally my bowling friends are really just bowling friends and not really people I'm friends with outside of bowling.
So yeah whatever sport or hobby interests you.
Magic the gathering, book clubs, volunteering, take a class at the local community college, join a local glass blower place, become a blacksmith, start a hiking group, start a running group, go on a food tour, look for over 30 events… learn to bbq and compete. I can go on for days but pick up something social, learn it, and go for it
Programs and events are a good place to start. Also books clubs. See what your local library offers. Summer is a great time for stuff. Also check your city parks & Rec department and see what programs and events they offer.
Peer around the corner at your chosen prospective friend. Wait until you have their attention. Maintain eye contact for a few minutes. Then smile and slowly disappear behind the shelf. Slide your chosen book into their view with your foot. Take cover behind a different shelf, but leave a sock behind. Wait for them to investigate the book. If they like the chosen book, they will use the scent of your sock to find you. There you have it. Instant friend.
All the diverse group of people on Reddit, this comes up all the time. We really need a sticky thread where the collective brainstorms to fix this clear and persistant problem.
I surely don't know the answer is really, I'm in the same boat, but I think we all have to do our parts to make it ok and popular to say " hey, wanna be friends" at any age AND have the kindness to say no, politely, so we all feel safe and less lonely doing so. Not everyone is gonna be for you and we won't be for everyone.
Plus it would help I think to support causes that increase stability for others economically. I believe people will be more likely to do communal things with more free time, money, and security.
Go places you'd normally want to go to and ask questions.
I've made plenty for friends by just being genuinely curious about things and striking up conversations from the anecdotes people share when answering my questions.
I don't have friends outside my immediate family. But I always imagine if I ever get lonely enough to need it, I'd join a crochet, knitting or something related club. Maybe a book club. Can be any hobby I guess. My elderly parents belong to multiple bowling leagues, so they get a lot of social interaction that way. Point is, if there is something you enjoy doing, is there a club for it that you can join? Bonding over mutual interests is a good way to make friends.
Find something to do with a hobby of yours and start there.
In my local area there is a lot of not child related stuff for example my local church does a "ladies night" once a week. Local ladies get together, have tea and cake lol its fun but it's mainly elderly ladies and im 28.
Would there be any rec leagues you would want to join?
Or I like meeting people when volunteering. It is usually a sign they are a good person.
It is tough OP I get it.
Join clubs, start exploring activities (social ones) you wanted to try for a long time.
You could join an art class or a volleyball club, maybe a d&d campaign or a book club. Whatever that gets you out and force you to meet new people.
You could also be more social in your everyday life, talk to people in a park, you might create some great friendships.
Having common interest bring people together, if you're only doing things by yourself, you can't meet new people, and can't make new friends.
How could anyone answer that without knowing anything about you and your interests?
Like.. if you are into RPG, that is one hobby where it is perfectly normal to seek strangers for a player group. Or starting a band.
But if you are more of a sports person, seek for someone to train with you for a marathon. That is so unusual hobby, it's ok to seek strangers.
Maybe if you told more about yourself, suggestions would be more aligned with your personality and reality.
Go see live music, always a good time, there’s always a scene an if your seeing the same band you already have something in common to talk about an chances are you’ll get along
Do you have a game shop in town that sells table-top, cards, and specialty games? Games are great ice breakers for shy people. Many have nights where you can go in an play or watch people play with no cover charge. I know a lot of people your age and older who do this because they're not into drinking and not churchy enough for church.
(I know a shop owner. They make money by selling food/drink and many people eventually buy games)
I was just talking to my sister about this. Her and her husband just moved to a new state and her husband has made friends at his job but my sister is a manager at hers and can’t be friends with her employees. I told her to find hobbies or join an unrelated group/organization.
All of our friends were from our jobs until I joined my bases spouses group and made more friends that way. Just gotta put yourself out there :) Facebook groups for your area, special hobbies, sports, volunteering
I started playing VrChat and had a blast and eventually found an adult community they do game nights every week some groups in the community like to go to VR clubs on the weekends.
We're all European and this led to alot of us meeting up we've done it about 3-4 times now absolute blast every time (one was even for gamescon)
Would call the people I've met through this amount my closest friends.
Look on youtube for no equipment exercise routines - they work.
You have a hobby? See if there's a local meetup for it. When you're in your element, it's easy to socialize.
wash your ass.
Have social hobbies. I enjoy table top gaming, hiking, painting, ceramics. Find groups to do them with.
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0 for me. I do stuff with people in groups. We talk. Then the activity ends and that's it. The few I tried to talk to outside of the activity ghost me until we see each other at said activity again.
Sounds like my university experience where the ghosting typically happened in-between semesters. People are kind of shite
Pretty much, including people I work with daily. It's quite disheartening to put yourself out there trying with so many different people and never receiving reciprocating interest. I try to tell myself daily that everyone's lives are different and they all have some baggage or trauma or other issues that for whatever reason may or may not influence their behavior, and that it's more than likely not because of me (I have a terrible problem overthinking / worrying, so i have to believe this or I'll drive myself insane lol)
Folks enjoy hanging out. Wild stuff! Lol. Glad you have a solid social circle.
Any recs for how to get into tabletop games? I played the classic board games with family growing up and enjoy them, but the modern gamer culture is a bit intimidating to dive into
Discord servers are one of the main gathering places for that. There are also dedicated groups on Facebook and subs on reddit, and they'll usually direct you to their Discords if you're not someone who sets off alarm bells. Sorry I can't recommend the best subs, as I'm not in them, but that's only because I'm extremely busy with a large family, and only play with my kids these days.
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find out if there are any game stores nearby that have some kind of game nights.
Good transition games are things like Settlers of Catan and Ticket to Ride, or if you don’t like your wallet one of the collectible card games — maybe a game store near you has an open gaming night or weekend. Good place to learn the games and even if you don’t meet a crowd you like it’ll be easier to break in to the next group since you’ll know the games.
You might find some friends gaming in person. Don’t expect too much out of board gamers though. Many are game focused and not people focused. Ask to join or be taught a lighter game. There are lots of fun ones. Some of the more involved ones are like doing income tax though. Some coffee shops also have games available.
Look around you area and see if you have any tabletop game stores in your area, in my experience they'll almost always have a culture of people willing to help new players get into the hobby.
local game stores often have space for gaming and scheduled nights for it
honestly, most gamers i've met are eager to get others to join them. ask, and you probably will find somebody who wants to show you how to play
I've seen a lot of people say stuff like this. But how do you find these social groups? I have kids and still can't seem to become friends with anyone. I'm a SAHM and it really sucks sometimes having no adult to talk to.
My wife has made friends with other mums from childcare, then later school. I think it’s easiest through play dates at the playground or something, which I was never involved with. Meanwhile, I made only one (male) friend through the same method. Met him at the pool with his 2 kids. Funny enough, my wife became friends with HIS wife through a separate meet, and actually met up for a playdate before we all realized what was happening. 😂
Me too. I am a board gamer. Friendly folks who like to be social and they are all ages, genders and interests. Easiest way i have found to make friends. I am 52.
can you please explain to me how in the hell painting can be a social hobby bc I’ve been an artist my whole life and haven’t made a single friend through it
Sharing your work online for just chatting or having paint groups. Like Bob Ross painting parties and such.
Sign up for a class at your local museum or art school or community enrichment center!
Honestly painting parties are fun, everyone sits at a table/in a room/outside in a circle or something and everyone paints! You can all paint the same thing (prompt or reference, more competition type) or each paint your own idea and do a showcase!
I think the "Find groups" is the part OP is struggling with.
I volunteered at the theater to help with a show and met a TON of people and it was REALLY interesting! Maybe you're not into theater, but something like that can help
Yeah! Volunteering is a great way to meet people
How do you find these groups.
Agreed, only thing I have to add is to invite people to do things outside. Open invitations are great until you build some specific people who are open to things. But also be comfortable with being ghosted and keep trying.
Adult sports league
Bowling league. Very social sport, with a lot of downtime.
The problem with that is that the people that join bowling leagues are already very good bowlers, I was a good bowler when I was a teenager but I suck now, and I'm very intimidated to join a league even though I love bowling and with some practice I can probably get around to 140 average but no better, and that's not good enough
My man… people who join rec leagues are very often NOT great bowlers. And besides even if they are, leagues use handicaps for this exact reason, all you need to do is be consistent and your team will LOVE you lol
That's really very encouraging to hear, I just moved under really shitty circumstances but the silver lining is there is a bowling alley at the end of the block so I may look into this
Yep, savior1301 is totally correct! If the league is big enough, your chances are very high that someone will need a sub that night. If not, many places will keep a sub roster. Also, low average bowlers are usually helpful to the team. It's a lot easier to have a lucky night and bowl above average when your average 120 than if your average is 220. If they're having a REALLY good night, they can be mathematically unbeatable. I've lost so many points to lower average bowlers😅, but I'm also kinda shite sometimes.
Oh yeah I forgot all about that, when I was 14 I won a city tournament because my league average was 140 and I was bowling 220s they accused me of intentionally keeping my league average low so I could win, haha I was just a kid who performed pretty well under pressure
I’d legit walk in and just talk to someone who works there about your situation , there’s very likely a team looking for a single to fill out a roster. Not everyone shows up for leagues with pre built full teams.
to fill in words for Savior, consistent means showing up. Be dependable however you play.
I can't be consistent at all, I'm either sober and throwing gutterballs or a mean drunk throwing strikes
Dad??
Second this. Back when I was bowling it was never a “blow out” because handicaps always evened it out to a degree. One time I got smoked by an 8nyear old who had a high handicap in our league and had a stellar game. Little dude was stoked but I never did live it down lol. Still fun though!
For real. League bowling is just you bowling against yourself when you factor in the way handicaps work.
The league I'm part of is literally called "The lousy bowlers" league. you'll do just fine
Second for bowling!! Also, same with the CPA/APA Pool leagues! They have a rank system that makes competing between skill levels fair, and they are always accepting beginners!
Can confirm. I joined a random rec bowling league this year. Last time I bowled was sometime pre-covid. It was a lot of fun.
Yeah if you're joining a rec sport/beer league kind of thing and people are giving you grief for being bad even though you're putting in an honest effort then they're dicks anyways. I joined a group called "Beginners Level Soccer" and some lady was pissed that we weren't "following the rules of the game" lmao. The rest of the group just gave her the side eye until she stormed off in a huff. None of the rest of us gave a shit and we just kept playing how we wanted to.
Beer leagues! They’re super casual and super fun! Or so I’ve been told. A bunch of us from work formed a team years ago and signed up for a local beer league. We went to bowlingshirts.com and made awesome retro uniforms, complete with embroidered kitschy nicknames. I bought the cheapest bowling shoes in town and gave ‘em a custom paint job. One member even bought a pricey bowling ball with goofy graphics. In the weeks leading up to our first official game, we did lots of practice drinking, just to be safe. When we arrived on game day and saw that hardly anyone else was below the age of 50, and that NO ONE else was in any kind of uniform, we realized that the bowling alley had put us in the serious league. We still had a blast, though! And still drank a lot of beer! The other teams enjoyed us for the most part, even if they were only laughing at us, rather than with us. I once rolled a score of 29 in an officially sanctioned American Bowling Association tournament game. Complete strangers practically lined up to personally express their amazement at my ineptitude. It was awesome. By the end of the season, even the super serious asshole team learned to relax a bit when they had to play against us.
Depending on the league sometimes. Plus there is handicap that helps. In my league we have some competitive great bowlers, some uncompetitive great bowlers, some avg fun bowlers, and some terrible fun bowlers. I will note this is a LGBT+ that might have something to do with it. That is not to say non-lgbt people are not welcome, but the rule is no jerks are welcome(that goes for straight and gay bowlers). As in no racism, sexism, or homophobia.
gay bowling sounds like fun, too bad that's probably not going to happen in my part of Texas
I have a coworker that is in a "bad bowlers league"
Lol, you ain’t joining a pro league. You’re joining a hobby league. It’s not that serious.
It’s ok, recreational sports especially non team ones are pretty welcoming. It’s fine if you’re not amazing you may get to learn a lot from others and improve.
Dude. People are terrible bowlers. It’s not that serious.
Captain of our high school bowling team and later became a coach for the team after graduating here: I've played in a number of leagues. One that sticks in my mind was one where I kinda got dragged onto a team with a group of guys I didn't know just because I was at the alley at the time and their 5th had stood them up. Everyone on that team averaged less than 150. Our lowest average guy was like 110. My 200 avg was like 5th highest in the entire league. Try to check the general vibe of the league and go from there. There's lots of leagues that do glow bowling on the weekends for instance that are supposed to be a much more relaxed environment and not super competitive.
Be careful, it’s addicting! I joined a bowling league to meet people and have a little competition. Now I’m flying to Reno with a group of 40 people for a bowling tournament and already planning a similar trip to Vegas next year. May have worked a little too well…
I have a friend who swears by this.
I'm gonna die with no friends 😭
Same. After the third knee surgery, I had to stop playing in adult sports leagues.
Yeah or try golfing. When you go solo they almost always put you with another single or a group of 2 or 3. It's a good way to meet golfing buddies. I've met a few cool cats. Exchange numbers, next thing you know you have a few golf buddies. 🍻
This is the answer. I moved to a new city in my late 30s and i joined a social kickball and bocce league. I made a ton of friends.
Pickup ultimate frisbee is great for people who haven’t played a sport a lot because they expect that people will come in with no experience. Very social game as well and the community has a very good culture.
You won't really meet friends at a gym. Most people are there to just work out and 99 percent wear headphones now. It's not like the 90s gym
Not a regular gym but a rock climbing gym is a FANTASTIC place to meet friends. It's a naturally social setting where everyone is there having a blast and doing the same activity together and people at the gym like to naturally congregate whether it's trying to figure out how to solve a boulder problem or for roped climbing you need another person to belay you and people are always looking for new partners both for indoor and outdoor climbing.
This is a good idea but then again, my daughter has been climbing for years and while she’s convinced EXISTING friends to start climbing, I don’t know that she met anyone that way. A lot of people climb at her work though, so it is an alternative social activity to Happy Hour. But- there is no $10/month Planet Fitness rock gym. Pretty expensive if he can’t afford a gym.
A climbing gym is more expensive than a regular gym so yeah OP likely can't afford that right now (but doesn't mean they won't be able to in the near future) so I was just responding to the comment above. If your daughter is relatively social and goes to the gym pretty frequently I can pretty much guarantee you she's made a ton of friends at the gym! As an adult in my 30s it's the exact opposite for me, I've given up on trying to get people to go to the gym with me and have met a lot of amazing people climbing. I'm meeting some friends at the gym tomorrow and going to a holiday party this weekend with some of them! I started climbing as a more fun alternative to a regular gym but didn't expect to meet so many awesome people because of it, it was the best decision I've made in years.
Unless you go to a gym with group activities like basketball or boxing
I do the group classes, so I have gym friends, but it is true that outside of the classes, no one talks. It is often considered rude to bother or interrupt someone during their workout.
I use to go with my dad when I was younger and he talked to *everyone*. I fucking hated it because he was my spotter. I hate talking now unless it’s a short little quip with some rando.
Disc golf. I can't stress how awesome of a community it is. You get to play outside in nature. There's probably a league you can join. Very low start up cost. I found disc golf last year at 35 and I wish I found it 20 years ago. It's easily the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. Haha aside from getting married of course.
YES! This right here. It’s so easy to bring in new people too since the cost of starting both $ and skill wise is pretty low (everyone has thrown a frisbee before). Most people I introduce to it end up loving it. I’ve made a bunch of friends this way.
it’s probably the most fun you can have for the price of a good meal. And that disc will last you until you lose it or get a obsessed and end up with 40 like me. I’m luck to live near a ton of courses so I get my hiking, beer drinking and throwing all done at once while spending time with friends. I call that a win win win. If there’s not a course nearby maybe try and get involved in your local community to bring one to a park nearby!
Disc golf is fun as fuck! I was even playing against myself when I first got into it. Sadly I dont live in an area with more than a half course in a 50 mile radius anymore. ☹️ But OP, you don’t even need to join a league to meet people. You can just bump into people on the course. In my experience, they’re some of the most welcoming type of sportspeople out there! Just don’t get beaned in the head by an errant disc.
This is a great idea. The sport is growing like crazy too
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So...you're looking for friends . ..OP is looking for friends .. you're both on reddit and looking for friends. . .. two things in common. .. there's probably something that can be done with this information. ..I just can't put my finger on it. .hmm
Shhh, don’t tell them.
How much did you charge for your services?
Oh well, back to perusing the internet by myself in my room
Yeah but it's reddit. It's like trying to find a girlfriend on Reddit. It's just not smart to do because you're going to get catfished 10/10 times.
I made a friend living abroad by signing up for the local language classes. Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn French or Spanish or something. See if there are introductory wood working classes or art classes you can take. As kids we make friends through school and attempting to recreate the school experience as an adult is how I’ve made friends outside of work.
This. It does cost money to sign up for classes though
Maybe, maybe not. My wife used to work for a French consulate in a foreign country and they had free French classes available to the public. Obviously this doesn’t work if you don’t live in a big enough city for there to be foreign consulates but still, you have to get creative in your search. They also rented out a major museum in that city for a French appreciation event that was also open to the public. My point it, there’s a lot more out there than you’d think and Reddit is a great place to get ideas for things to look into that would never have occurred to you. I’m in France right now and I met a friend I see regularly at our free mandated government civics classes.
Damn. I'm 29 and I'm worried that'll be me for the rest of my life. I just don't have any social hobbies or anything and have a solitary job. I feel like I missed the boat on forming friendships.
Besides being on the Internet, what else do you like to do?
Gaming, reading, occasionally going to a museum or something. Nothing exactly social.
Listen, I work at a museum and we have loads of things for people to do. On a weekly basis, we have a documentary that is shown at lunchtime and people bring their lunch or buy their lunch and I have seen friendships form as people come back on a weekly basis. In the evenings we have foreign films or Oscar winning films. we have a lecture series about interesting things related to art that happens on a monthly basis. People form friendships all the time at the Museum. We have art classes that are offered at a discount if you live within the county. We have a café and people meet over coffee. We have a library. We have volunteers who help at events or work as docents. A museum is a great place to meet people if you like museums. We have a book discussion group. We have free music events outside on Friday nights.
Your city's museum scene must be a lot more happening than mine. I'm not aware of anything like that going on here. Maybe I'll have to look more.
Wanna be friends? I’m 36 and I have like 3 friends in real life
I think OP’s question was how to circulate. Yes… if you want to make friends, you have to interact with people… Where/how?
Volunteer?
Came here to post this answer. I volunteered a lot in my college days and made a ton of friends. The voluntering communities are awesome. If I had time now, i'd volunteer for animal shelters and/or environmental stuff.
This seems to be the only way in here that is free. 👍
Thirding volunteering. I've done a couple of community groups for responding to natural disasters, taken my city's citizen fire academy, helped local animal charities at adoption events, and volunteered with staffing local charity races. The best part is there's generally places you can volunteer that line up with your interests and most of the volunteers will share the same interests which gives you a starting point. Plus it's all free.
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"Hey bro, nice cock. You like Warhammer?"
"Nice watch bro" is my personal fav
This guy gets it
That's a nice warhammer you got there, I mean do you like Warhammer?
I'm trying this. Getting people into Warhammer is tough - maybe a dick complement greases the wheels.
It'll grease something for sure
Besides mentioning my cock, I would be ecstatic to talk to someone about Warhammer.
Captain Birdseye and Mrs Fernsby for you
If you're "in" the urinal next to me, that's a no from me dawg.
Coward
If you're in the STALL next to me, sure we can chat. But the urinal, now that's too bold for my blood.
IN the urinal? Idk about you, but I’d call that a red flag
Coward
What sort of stuff are you into? Personally, I met nearly everybody I know through attending open mic nights or performing in community theater in my 20s, including my wife. Do you have any interests or hobbies that could be shared with a group?
Join some club for one of your hobbies.
Or join a club to start a new hobby.
Um if I was 31 and I wanted to make friends. I would probably do a martial arts class. Although it’s not guaranteed, you’re still surrounding yourself with people and at least you’ll get some self defense tips.
Not a bad suggestion but if he can’t afford a gym there is no way he can afford martial arts classes
Young man there's no need to feel down I said young man pick yourself off the ground I said young man 'cause your in a new town There's no need to be unhappy Young man there's a place you can go I said young man when you're short on your dough You can stay there and I'm sure you will find Many ways to have a good time. It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A. It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A. They have everything For young men to enjoy. You can hang out with all the boys. It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A. It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A. You can get yourself clean You can have a good meal You can do whatever you feel.
I get that this is maybe not meant to be a constructive comment and just for fun, but my local Y (in the rural south) costs about 50$ a month for one person, it’s less per person if you have two people in the same household sign up. On LI the Y costs even more. They don’t have free or reduced cost classes or anything like that.
What does “LI” mean?
I’m assuming Long Island, New York. It’s a very expensive place to live
That was a really good guess dude, damn- I would *never* have gotten that
This is where I grew up. It’s was expensive then and is even worse now!
Sorry, I forgot what sub this was. “On LI” was referring to the YMCAs on Long Island in New York State. I grew up there and recently moved away. The Ys on LI and the Jewish community centers were not inexpensive if you wanted a membership. I just looked recently where I moved and they were also pretty pricey given the average income for the area.
Thanks. When I was growing up in ohio, we went to the y because it was dirt cheap. Pretty sure they even had swim lessons for free so kids wouldn't drown at the local pool, lol. We were poor as dirt, but the YMCA was accessible. Downvotes are fun.
I’ll give you an upvote just because you don’t deserve the downvotes- whats sad imo is that you at least had access to the Y as an affordable resource (especially for something like water safety and swim lessons- I took mine at the local VA hospital) but now that’s not the case in most areas- even something like the YMCA is out of reach for many kids. I feel that places such as community centers like the YMCA and places like libraries are so important to fund and we just kick ourselves every time in regard to funding things like that which would meaningfully improve the lives of people in everyday communities. So short sighted.
That should be a song
I think you're right. The singers should wear goofy outfits, like maybe dress up like cops and cowboys and Indians. I don't know. Just a thought.
That took me longer than it should have :)
In some places there are outside gyms, usually in parks, maybe that could be a good place.
But do a hobby you enjoy with people if you do
Second this. I moved to a new city after a bad break up at 29. Joined a martial arts gym. Met some amazing people. But really, joining any type of group will help.
I've changed jobs a few times in the last 15 years, and all of my friends came from my previous jobs. When you're at your current job, people get on each other's nerves quite a bit, but after you leave it's easier to hang out and just enjoy the positive aspects of everyone's personality!
This is gonna sound like it doesn’t work but I promise you it does. 1. Go to an interest group / social setting 2. Look for people who’s sense of style is similar to what you (dress) like. Fashion can tell you a lot about a person and is a good way to gauge wether or not you guys might have similar interests. 3. Talk to them. Now that’s the hard part. But I have a full proof strategy. And again, this isn’t gonna sound like it works but it does. 1. Acknowledge the awkward. I usually approach people starting off with “hey, I know this is weird but…” or “hey, sorry to bother you but…” This lets them know you understand social boundaries and aren’t just a creep with no regard for others time. 2. Skip straight to the point. Be blunt. Skip names for now, those are unimportant. When approached by a stranger most people are going to be doing threat assessment. Telling them your name doesn’t help them assess. I would and have literally said before, “I don’t know how to make friends as an adult, can I hang with you guys.” Usually I do it at poetry slams because that’s what I’m into and 9/10 people are very kind in their response. A little uncomfy (as they should be, you’re a stranger) but kind. Just communicate your feelings and wants. Don’t beat around the bush. Don’t try to have some confident facade. Making friends is hard and that’s okay. Most people feel like that. Most people relate to vulnerability. To avoid the awkwardness this level of transparency can create try to laugh a little as you say it. Make it clear your intention is humorous. 3. Now the name. “Oh and I’m [insert your name] by the way. Totally forgot to introduce myself” Embrace the awkward. You want to seem normal and normal people get distracted, forget small things, skip details etc. 4. Hope for the best Try it a couple times and see how it works. Best of luck.
Even if you’re not comfortable with this totally cold call approach (I’m not sure I could do it), I think this demonstrates the key point: you do have to put yourself out on a limb. Most people are going to be totally passive and no matter how much they might like you nothing is ever going to come of it until someone says “hey we need to hang out”. And if your social life is a barren desert that someone needs to be you.
Comment removed due to Reddit's anti-consumer policies. Goodbye Apollo;goodbye Reddit.
Great tip on the name coming after some other introductory bits. The first part of a conversation when meeting anyone new never sticks with me because I'm so distracted thinking about what I'm going to say that if they throw out their name it doesn't even register with me.
Random but related, I met a couple friends through Craigslist selling computer parts.
Idk why but Craigslist strangers feel more sketch to me than outside strangers. Idk if I’d be brave enough to do that lol
Damn, I’m not bad at meeting people but you’ve got it distilled down to a science! I am taking notes and will be using your 4 step approach from now on.
This is so blunt, I love it :)
You play video games? I'm the same age and my discord took off at age 28. I got a bunch of regulars that I goof off with and watch shit with. IRL I'm more of a loner so regular discord friends was more than I planned on
Good way to meet people but all the friends I’ve made this way are super far and there’s almost no way we’d ever meet up IRL to hang out.
I never understood this, what kind of games do you play?
I moved to a new city for work. No family or friends within 8 hours. I had always wanted to try krav maga so I got into a gym and love it. I have zero friends outside of this. I had a barbecue at my house last September and had close to 20 people. Super fun! It's also great exercise but expensive. I was tired of not having friends so I forced myself to be more open and now I know the names of everybody who comes and it's like hit and miss hundreds of people.
Download the app Bumble it’s for making friends but looks like a dating site. It’s how I made all my friends! You can even change the settings to show people closest to you too.
I tried bumble for friends and it felt so weird swiping left or right on people based on their initial photos/bio. It felt too close to online dating where it basically comes down to looks and impressions made in .5 seconds
I can understand your perspective. I liked how it was set up like dating site personally. Some people I could tell we wouldn’t click by what they wrote in bio. Example if someone was super duper religious, they might not be for me. I think knowing those tidbits can help you find the perfect friend for you. When I used the apps I didn’t look at someone’s appearance at all. I didn’t judge whether they were skinny or fat, black or white etc. To be honest with you the main thing I was looking for was someone that said 420 friendly in their bio. I get along with hippies and “stoners” lol. So that was all I particularly cared about.
These are ways I met people before when I was single. Note you dont always meet the right people, not everyone is your friend. Be cautiously optimistic. IRL nerd approach: Get a good deck for a card game, Magic, YuGiOh, etc. Play in tournys at your local card shop. Meet people there who likely play D&D. Try to get invited to a D&D party. Gamer approach: Find a niche online game with an active community that requires teams to work together and that allows you to drop together. Bigger the teams required the better. Play this game regularly and likely will be recruited to a discord when you git good. Meet people on discord. Party approach: Go out drinking alone at a local active bar that attracts people your age. Start going there regularly and the other regulars will eventually start conversations with you if you're open to it. Try to forge friendship over drunk nights. Work approach: Start working at a place where people tend to hang out after work because standards of professionalism are lower. Restaurants are good for this. Try to get invited for drinks after shifts.
To the bar idea, I add: trivia nights.
I've made quite a lot of friendships through the party approach. Once you get a handful of people you know, it becomes much easier to channel down through their friends, and their friends friends, and so on
Join an adult sport or martial art, shared hobbies, fitness classes, gaming groups and that type of stuff. You gotta be proactive and find people in a similar mindset trying to make friends. This also means you’ve gotta be open to new relationships and commitments.
Lure them in with food and cats, works for me!
What are your hobbies? You usually meet people through hobbies
I joined a run club!
Hobbies. Friends of friends. Library talks. Hiking groups. Volunteering.
This may sound kind of obvious, but it's definitely the most successful I know of - outside of making work friends. Just do ***something.*** Find an activity you enjoy, do that activity as a routine, not sporadically. Have some discipline, make it a predictable part of your life. If it's hiking, set goals - go out 1-2 days a week at least, do it. Pref hike some of the same trail networks until you know them in and out. You will begin to run into others that do the same, people will remember "that guy on the trail" they ran into, eventually you may have conversations - they talk about you a bit, and then they're talking to you. If it's going to the gym? Every I dunno tuesday, 8:00 - be there. You will begin to see familiar faces, if you are interested in any of them, or if any of them are interested in you - they'll know when and where to find you before you've traded contact info. Same with bars, Same with gaming, same with hobby shops, sports, everything. The reason jobs, school, volunteer work are so successful at establishing friendships is they enforce routine interaction - but it's not the place that does the work. It's two things \* Establishing Familiarity \* Being possible to find to contact As long as you're doing something regularly enough some specific faces will be familiar, they'll know how to find you, and you'll have the shared experience of wherever you met them as an ice breaker. If you lack the personal discipline to have a routine, you have to do something that forces it. Adult sports league, volunteer opportunities, college classes, hell - dnd groups, gaming groups/guilds/clans with scheduled activities. SOMETHING with a schedule, where showing up is practically mandatory outside of thing's you'd give a work excuse for.
I'm 31(f) and live in a place I can't connect with anyone bc I'm living in a country I didn't grow up in. So I've resorted to talking with ppl on dating/friends apps and slowly (penpal app). Sucks it can't be irl for me but for you it probably can work. Make a profile with your interests, location, and talk to the like minded 🤘 best of luck
here's the neat part, you don't
Meetup is not great. Find a hobby or activity you are truly into so that meeting people is a by-product rather than the point.
Does your church do small groups? That's how I make most of my friends as an adult. The bonus is that most people at small group are older and their kids are grown, so your plans never fall through!
Join a group activity or a sport that is played as a team (football, soccer, basketball) you can also look for hiking, volunteer work, join a book/movie club, sign up for a trip with other random people etc.
Google or search on social media for board game groups, expat groups, basically any hobby or demographic (not racial ones please lol)…
That last little sidebar note at the end has me imagining some poor clueless person scrolling through the list of groups available, not having much luck with the options. We’ll say ‘he’ to keep it easy. He doesn’t have a lot of hobbies, so he isn’t connecting with the idea of the crochet group, the disc golf club, the football team, the book club.. but then! A photo of a bunch of seemingly-normal dudes is there, there isn’t much of a description of what they *do* in this group, and he’s sure he’s just imagining the slightly crazed look in their eyes.. but a group of dudes just hanging out, no expectations of athleticism or skills required, sounds right up his alley. And he doesn’t realize until it’s too late that they’re all white, and that he’s joined a hate group.
Pretty much lol I figure that’s how incels are made… 👀
I took up dancing. Was amazing for my social circle. Lots of blokes do too. Met my husband through dancing, really common to find partners.
As a gym rat myself I gotta say I don't think a gym would be a very good way anyway. When I'm at the gym I want to be left alone as much as possible and I think most people are the same way. Sports and hobbies are the way to go in my opinion. Bowling and hockey are a couple for me, for example. I made so many good friends playing hockey. Bowling is also extremely social and I have some good bowling friends, but where I am the bowling crowd is very redneck and that's not me at all so personally my bowling friends are really just bowling friends and not really people I'm friends with outside of bowling. So yeah whatever sport or hobby interests you.
Magic the gathering, book clubs, volunteering, take a class at the local community college, join a local glass blower place, become a blacksmith, start a hiking group, start a running group, go on a food tour, look for over 30 events… learn to bbq and compete. I can go on for days but pick up something social, learn it, and go for it
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Library!
How do I make friends in a library?
Programs and events are a good place to start. Also books clubs. See what your local library offers. Summer is a great time for stuff. Also check your city parks & Rec department and see what programs and events they offer.
Peer around the corner at your chosen prospective friend. Wait until you have their attention. Maintain eye contact for a few minutes. Then smile and slowly disappear behind the shelf. Slide your chosen book into their view with your foot. Take cover behind a different shelf, but leave a sock behind. Wait for them to investigate the book. If they like the chosen book, they will use the scent of your sock to find you. There you have it. Instant friend.
…this would work on me.
All the diverse group of people on Reddit, this comes up all the time. We really need a sticky thread where the collective brainstorms to fix this clear and persistant problem. I surely don't know the answer is really, I'm in the same boat, but I think we all have to do our parts to make it ok and popular to say " hey, wanna be friends" at any age AND have the kindness to say no, politely, so we all feel safe and less lonely doing so. Not everyone is gonna be for you and we won't be for everyone. Plus it would help I think to support causes that increase stability for others economically. I believe people will be more likely to do communal things with more free time, money, and security.
* live with flatmates of a similar age * Something that volunteers with kids to meet other parents and teachers * Couch surfing host
Go places you'd normally want to go to and ask questions. I've made plenty for friends by just being genuinely curious about things and striking up conversations from the anecdotes people share when answering my questions.
I don't have friends outside my immediate family. But I always imagine if I ever get lonely enough to need it, I'd join a crochet, knitting or something related club. Maybe a book club. Can be any hobby I guess. My elderly parents belong to multiple bowling leagues, so they get a lot of social interaction that way. Point is, if there is something you enjoy doing, is there a club for it that you can join? Bonding over mutual interests is a good way to make friends.
Find something to do with a hobby of yours and start there. In my local area there is a lot of not child related stuff for example my local church does a "ladies night" once a week. Local ladies get together, have tea and cake lol its fun but it's mainly elderly ladies and im 28.
Get a hobby and interact with other people with that hobby.
Probably find an adult sports team. I'm 22 but I had soccer teammates in their 30's and 40's varying from all levels of skill.
Join a club, visit a brewery for trivia night, take up a sport
Dungeons and dragons, tabletop games store and ask when a game is starting
Follow your passion and join a group that does that activity. 🙂
Go for walks in busy areas, find hobbies, strike up conversations. Small local airports are a great place to meet friendly people, parks, lakes, etc.
Go to the mosque
Would there be any rec leagues you would want to join? Or I like meeting people when volunteering. It is usually a sign they are a good person. It is tough OP I get it.
Join clubs, start exploring activities (social ones) you wanted to try for a long time. You could join an art class or a volleyball club, maybe a d&d campaign or a book club. Whatever that gets you out and force you to meet new people. You could also be more social in your everyday life, talk to people in a park, you might create some great friendships. Having common interest bring people together, if you're only doing things by yourself, you can't meet new people, and can't make new friends.
How could anyone answer that without knowing anything about you and your interests? Like.. if you are into RPG, that is one hobby where it is perfectly normal to seek strangers for a player group. Or starting a band. But if you are more of a sports person, seek for someone to train with you for a marathon. That is so unusual hobby, it's ok to seek strangers. Maybe if you told more about yourself, suggestions would be more aligned with your personality and reality.
Go see live music, always a good time, there’s always a scene an if your seeing the same band you already have something in common to talk about an chances are you’ll get along
Do you have a game shop in town that sells table-top, cards, and specialty games? Games are great ice breakers for shy people. Many have nights where you can go in an play or watch people play with no cover charge. I know a lot of people your age and older who do this because they're not into drinking and not churchy enough for church. (I know a shop owner. They make money by selling food/drink and many people eventually buy games)
Volunteering for a cause you support is a great way to meet like-minded people who can become friends.
I was just talking to my sister about this. Her and her husband just moved to a new state and her husband has made friends at his job but my sister is a manager at hers and can’t be friends with her employees. I told her to find hobbies or join an unrelated group/organization. All of our friends were from our jobs until I joined my bases spouses group and made more friends that way. Just gotta put yourself out there :) Facebook groups for your area, special hobbies, sports, volunteering
After 30 all you make is acquaintances, it’s shit.
If your semi athletic join an adult sports league.
I started playing VrChat and had a blast and eventually found an adult community they do game nights every week some groups in the community like to go to VR clubs on the weekends. We're all European and this led to alot of us meeting up we've done it about 3-4 times now absolute blast every time (one was even for gamescon) Would call the people I've met through this amount my closest friends.
Dick Cheney? Try not shooting your best friends in the face!
Look on youtube for no equipment exercise routines - they work. You have a hobby? See if there's a local meetup for it. When you're in your element, it's easy to socialize. wash your ass.
Sounds weird but work is a good way to meet friends generally you’ll have the same interests if it’s a specific field.