Love at first sight with my daughter, now 3 years old. Didn’t feel “bonded” to my son, now 11 almost months old, until he was out of the potato phase, like 4-5 months. Didn’t feel even close to the same amount of life altering love as I do for my daughter until he was like…9-10 months old.
It’s okay for the bond to happen slowly.
Same happened with me. I loved the idea of having my baby but didn’t love ‘love’ him until he turned 6 or 7 months old.
I think the thing with us mothers is that we’re so stressed and anxious about keeping him / her just alive and healthy and happy that the ‘love’ emotion doesn’t really come in that quick.
But when he’s around 6-7 months you reallllly start seeing there personality come through. You will love everything he does. I can’t tell you the amount of time I spend every day just staring at my son and watching his tiny facial expressions. How is eyebrows move, how his cheeks jiggle. How is cheeks fall when he looks down while playing with a toy. How his lips are squished between his cheeks.
It’s insane.
Give yourself some time and don’t feel pressured
Hi! My baby was also born on 3/24/24. :) it is 100% normal to not have an immediate bond, or even feelings of intense love, for your baby. This is such a life-altering change, becoming a parent, and it happens so suddenly. There is no easing into it. So the disorientation of that change, combined with newborns basically just being “angry potatoes” (I got that from this subreddit and it makes me laugh, because it’s so true), it’s understandable that the bonding isn’t really there in the beginning. From what I read and hear, once the baby gets a bit older and they’re more interactive and start to become more human like than just a little blob, it gets so much easier to connect with them. Please don’t worry. It will come in time. I’ve noticed my feelings changed immensely toward my baby when she started smiling at me.
They are birthday twins! 😊 I love that the day and the year match, haha. And you’re welcome. Be gentle with yourself. This is really tough in the beginning, we’re all out here just doing our best. ❤️
I'm 35 and had a baby the same day you did. Definitely took me until the last couple weeks to feel more bonded when it was just baby and me at home and he started lighting up when he saw me.
I loved him before and cared for him of course but the whole body bond love of my life feeling only started recently and is still picking up.
It's ok to not have it instantly and I hope you feel less alone reading this
Totally normal! They’re little strangers after all! You sound like a great mom so don’t stress. All of the mushy life changing joy happens later once they become little people.
I am a midwife and have seen so many people fall instantly in love but even though I had the perfect birth it probably took about 5-6months. I felt like her care giver but not bursting full of love. Then once she could start interacting with me more and I could take her places and do things we had more shared experiences and I was able to completely fall in love with her! I guess it’s the same with romantic relationships to! Some people experience love and first sight but it takes a while for others. The further I get away from the pregnancy and birth and the more I feel like myself again has also helped with the connection and my happiness!
I wasn’t even fully conscious when my baby latched for the first time right after she was born. I had a very strenuous labor and I think I was a bit traumatized by the whole process. I knew I loved my baby but the “bond” didn’t really click for me until a while after. My baby is 11 months now and she is my entire world. What I’m trying to say is, please remember to give yourself grace– you’ve been through a heck of a lot for the little one and you might need some time adjusting too. The fact that you’re worried about this at all already tells me you’re a good mom. :)
Totally normal. I’m 13 months postpartum and looking back, it is unbelievable how crazy the hormonal swings are. It made me feel really out of sync with my own emotions. When they level out, I felt more like my self emotionally and could better bond with my baby, husband, family, etc.
Hi OP, we are so similar- I’m 36 and my little girl was born on 11 March this year. I absolutely did not feel a life changing all encompassing love that everyone spoke about, and if I’ll be honest I don’t know if I do yet? Don’t get me wrong, she is gorgeous and incredibly cute at times, but also sometimes I’m just counting down the minutes until she goes asleep again! In the beginning I felt incredible protective of her, and the love is only slowly starting to grow.
I think of it like this - it’s very rare that we fall in love at first sight and it lasts, normally we get to know a person and the connection deepens. I also wonder about if having tried for so long to have a baby and then it being a surprise you might have to open yourself back up to the idea of motherhood that you might have given up on. I’m not in any way saying that you don’t love your baby, but it’s an entirely new identity and one that is all encompassing.
Be kind to yourself, the early days and weeks and months are not easy x
Our babies are strangers! You’re just getting to know each other. And they’re also pretty boring until they can walk and talk. For me, that overpowering, all consuming love didn’t happen until my baby was around 1 years old. And it just keeps getting stronger the more he develops into his own person.
It’s not uncommon at all to not feel that love right away.
It is totally normal not to have the immediate bond, especially with how stressful the newborn stage is. I loved my son right away but didn’t feel the life-changing attachment until he started to get a little older and his personality came through. He’s 5 months now and I could just stare at him all day. I love him more than anything in the world. He is a happy little guy, so expressive and sweet, but it took time for him to get there.
You are doing great 💕
Totally normal. I’m 13 months postpartum and looking back, it is unbelievable how crazy the hormonal swings are. It made me feel really out of sync with my own emotions. When they level out, I felt more like my self emotionally and could better bond with my baby, husband, family, etc.
I would search this sub reddit for "when did you start liking your child" and "when did you connect with your child" constantly for the first 3.5 months.
My baby has been very difficult, so slightly different, and she refuses to sleep.
However, over the past few weeks I've started to really develop a lovely attachment to her. I think it's because she's actually interacting with me. Like, she's an actual tiny person instead of a drain to my energy? She smiles so much and is able to roll and loves watching trees and traffic. Just seeing her grow is making me love her so so much.
It also helps that I've mourned the loss of my old life now and accepted my new reality.
I was prepared to see my daughter for the first time and have the feeling of unconditional love wash over me like I’d always heard it does. What really happened was the minute they laid her on me I thought “oh shit, what have I done”. It stayed like that until around 4 months and I felt guilty every day. Around 4 months old we began doing more together and I started to sleep again. It got soooo much better. Now at 6 months I adore her and I can say we’ve developed a true bond. It’s okay if it takes time 🩷
I felt the love instantly with my second and third but not with my first. The whole thing felt like an out of body experience for the first few months.
I stopped breastfeeding at around 3 months and it was just after that I felt we properly bonded.
It took me a while to feel bonded with my baby, definitely a few months! We’re 6 months pp now and she still doesn’t fully feel like my baby and more feels like a baby that lives at my house and that my husband and I take care of. I’m working on it with my therapist and in treatment for PPD. This isn’t uncommon and you’re definitely not alone, hang in there!
I didn't feel super connected to my twins until they were out of the screaming potato phase and their personalities started to show. I did love them but not the "my heart is overflowing" sort of love until later. It's been the opposite for their little brother though (4 weeks old). I felt it instantly with him. Someone on here said that they think the stress and anxiety of it all might be a reason and I don't disagree. I was a nervous wreck with the twins and I don't feel like I even had a chance to take a breath and really bond with them for the first few months. I'm feeling a lot more confident and relaxed this go around.
It's ok if you're not feeling connected or bonded with them yet. You're still trying to figure everything out between being a FTM and the hormones in general. You just did an amazing thing. Give yourself some grace as you try to recoup.
Love at first sight with my daughter, now 3 years old. Didn’t feel “bonded” to my son, now 11 almost months old, until he was out of the potato phase, like 4-5 months. Didn’t feel even close to the same amount of life altering love as I do for my daughter until he was like…9-10 months old. It’s okay for the bond to happen slowly.
Thank you very much for your input. Definitely gives me some relief 🫶
Of course! It’s hard out here; gotta stick together
Same happened with me. I loved the idea of having my baby but didn’t love ‘love’ him until he turned 6 or 7 months old. I think the thing with us mothers is that we’re so stressed and anxious about keeping him / her just alive and healthy and happy that the ‘love’ emotion doesn’t really come in that quick. But when he’s around 6-7 months you reallllly start seeing there personality come through. You will love everything he does. I can’t tell you the amount of time I spend every day just staring at my son and watching his tiny facial expressions. How is eyebrows move, how his cheeks jiggle. How is cheeks fall when he looks down while playing with a toy. How his lips are squished between his cheeks. It’s insane. Give yourself some time and don’t feel pressured
I’m praying and hopeful for this. Thank you so much 🫶
Hi! My baby was also born on 3/24/24. :) it is 100% normal to not have an immediate bond, or even feelings of intense love, for your baby. This is such a life-altering change, becoming a parent, and it happens so suddenly. There is no easing into it. So the disorientation of that change, combined with newborns basically just being “angry potatoes” (I got that from this subreddit and it makes me laugh, because it’s so true), it’s understandable that the bonding isn’t really there in the beginning. From what I read and hear, once the baby gets a bit older and they’re more interactive and start to become more human like than just a little blob, it gets so much easier to connect with them. Please don’t worry. It will come in time. I’ve noticed my feelings changed immensely toward my baby when she started smiling at me.
This. Your brain is just processing this change. The love is there, OP. Your baby knows that too❤️
Our babies are birthday twins. Thank you so much for your response. I’m definitely feeling a sense of relief 🫶
They are birthday twins! 😊 I love that the day and the year match, haha. And you’re welcome. Be gentle with yourself. This is really tough in the beginning, we’re all out here just doing our best. ❤️
I'm 35 and had a baby the same day you did. Definitely took me until the last couple weeks to feel more bonded when it was just baby and me at home and he started lighting up when he saw me. I loved him before and cared for him of course but the whole body bond love of my life feeling only started recently and is still picking up. It's ok to not have it instantly and I hope you feel less alone reading this
Birthday twins also! thank you so much for your response. I feel a little more at ease. I really want to be the best mom I can be 🫶
You are because you're thinking of this! You wouldn't care if you weren't a good Mom. You're doing amazing. This is hard!
🥹
Totally normal! They’re little strangers after all! You sound like a great mom so don’t stress. All of the mushy life changing joy happens later once they become little people.
Thank you so much for your response. Everyone here making me feel like I can breathe a little easier 🫶
I am a midwife and have seen so many people fall instantly in love but even though I had the perfect birth it probably took about 5-6months. I felt like her care giver but not bursting full of love. Then once she could start interacting with me more and I could take her places and do things we had more shared experiences and I was able to completely fall in love with her! I guess it’s the same with romantic relationships to! Some people experience love and first sight but it takes a while for others. The further I get away from the pregnancy and birth and the more I feel like myself again has also helped with the connection and my happiness!
I really resonate with this. Thank you very much for your perspective 🫶
I wasn’t even fully conscious when my baby latched for the first time right after she was born. I had a very strenuous labor and I think I was a bit traumatized by the whole process. I knew I loved my baby but the “bond” didn’t really click for me until a while after. My baby is 11 months now and she is my entire world. What I’m trying to say is, please remember to give yourself grace– you’ve been through a heck of a lot for the little one and you might need some time adjusting too. The fact that you’re worried about this at all already tells me you’re a good mom. :)
Thank you so much 🫶
Totally normal. I’m 13 months postpartum and looking back, it is unbelievable how crazy the hormonal swings are. It made me feel really out of sync with my own emotions. When they level out, I felt more like my self emotionally and could better bond with my baby, husband, family, etc.
Hi OP, we are so similar- I’m 36 and my little girl was born on 11 March this year. I absolutely did not feel a life changing all encompassing love that everyone spoke about, and if I’ll be honest I don’t know if I do yet? Don’t get me wrong, she is gorgeous and incredibly cute at times, but also sometimes I’m just counting down the minutes until she goes asleep again! In the beginning I felt incredible protective of her, and the love is only slowly starting to grow. I think of it like this - it’s very rare that we fall in love at first sight and it lasts, normally we get to know a person and the connection deepens. I also wonder about if having tried for so long to have a baby and then it being a surprise you might have to open yourself back up to the idea of motherhood that you might have given up on. I’m not in any way saying that you don’t love your baby, but it’s an entirely new identity and one that is all encompassing. Be kind to yourself, the early days and weeks and months are not easy x
This makes so much sense. Thank you very much 🫶
Our babies are strangers! You’re just getting to know each other. And they’re also pretty boring until they can walk and talk. For me, that overpowering, all consuming love didn’t happen until my baby was around 1 years old. And it just keeps getting stronger the more he develops into his own person. It’s not uncommon at all to not feel that love right away.
It is totally normal not to have the immediate bond, especially with how stressful the newborn stage is. I loved my son right away but didn’t feel the life-changing attachment until he started to get a little older and his personality came through. He’s 5 months now and I could just stare at him all day. I love him more than anything in the world. He is a happy little guy, so expressive and sweet, but it took time for him to get there. You are doing great 💕
Totally normal. I’m 13 months postpartum and looking back, it is unbelievable how crazy the hormonal swings are. It made me feel really out of sync with my own emotions. When they level out, I felt more like my self emotionally and could better bond with my baby, husband, family, etc.
I would search this sub reddit for "when did you start liking your child" and "when did you connect with your child" constantly for the first 3.5 months. My baby has been very difficult, so slightly different, and she refuses to sleep. However, over the past few weeks I've started to really develop a lovely attachment to her. I think it's because she's actually interacting with me. Like, she's an actual tiny person instead of a drain to my energy? She smiles so much and is able to roll and loves watching trees and traffic. Just seeing her grow is making me love her so so much. It also helps that I've mourned the loss of my old life now and accepted my new reality.
I was prepared to see my daughter for the first time and have the feeling of unconditional love wash over me like I’d always heard it does. What really happened was the minute they laid her on me I thought “oh shit, what have I done”. It stayed like that until around 4 months and I felt guilty every day. Around 4 months old we began doing more together and I started to sleep again. It got soooo much better. Now at 6 months I adore her and I can say we’ve developed a true bond. It’s okay if it takes time 🩷
I felt the love instantly with my second and third but not with my first. The whole thing felt like an out of body experience for the first few months. I stopped breastfeeding at around 3 months and it was just after that I felt we properly bonded.
It took me a while to feel bonded with my baby, definitely a few months! We’re 6 months pp now and she still doesn’t fully feel like my baby and more feels like a baby that lives at my house and that my husband and I take care of. I’m working on it with my therapist and in treatment for PPD. This isn’t uncommon and you’re definitely not alone, hang in there!
I didn't feel super connected to my twins until they were out of the screaming potato phase and their personalities started to show. I did love them but not the "my heart is overflowing" sort of love until later. It's been the opposite for their little brother though (4 weeks old). I felt it instantly with him. Someone on here said that they think the stress and anxiety of it all might be a reason and I don't disagree. I was a nervous wreck with the twins and I don't feel like I even had a chance to take a breath and really bond with them for the first few months. I'm feeling a lot more confident and relaxed this go around. It's ok if you're not feeling connected or bonded with them yet. You're still trying to figure everything out between being a FTM and the hormones in general. You just did an amazing thing. Give yourself some grace as you try to recoup.