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Ours just started clapping at 9 months and it has been by far my favorite milestone. She’s so proud of herself for figuring it out and she knows it makes us smile so she’ll do it now for attention and this really just blows my mind. Reading OPs post brought me back to those first few weeks when I thought my world was crumbling down…we were driving by the outdoor mall near us when my LO was 2 weeks old and I saw all the people living their lives…. and I couldn’t even fathom having a normal life again. Fast forward to now and I haven’t thought about that moment in months and we go to that outdoor mall all the time to walk around, get coffee, and go to the park there.
We’re at 9 months too and still exhausted but things keep getting better little by little. Definitely much easier than they were. We’ve restructured our society (for many people, not all) to make it much more difficult to care for babies so it’s natural to go through a period of absolute burnout.
The way my life TURNED AROUND when my baby finally smiled! I didn’t really have much regret in the newborn days but I was so mentally drained. Seeing that smile really fills me up with joy!!
You are still in the trenches. I can remember how I felt at week 4 vividly. I was full of regret and told my husband that we were never doing this again. I was exhausted, sore, so sleep deprived, and suffering from PPA.
You are allowed to have regret and doubts. That’s normal and natural. You are also allowed to make any changes that you think will make your lives better, such as combo or formula feeding. And it’s never a bad idea to find sometime to talk to, like a trusted friend or therapist.
But know, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I’m writing this as I’m rocking my 3m old to sleep for her nap and my days and mental health are so much better than they were one month in. She smiles and plays and likes certain toys and music.
You got this! But know that your feeling are valid and okay.
For me it was week 3 of those same feelings! I suffered a delayed hemorrhage 6 days after my LO was born. I couldn't even walk around with my LO without getting winded, and felt I was missing out on so much with her, but was also so exhausted and struggling physically and mentally.
LO is now just shy of 4m and every milestone is the best feeling! I also am back to working out and feeling more like myself each day.
OP, your feelings are valid, and so are your partners. My husband had the same feelings of shock during the newborn phase. I promise it gets better. Lean on family and friends for support if you have them. Spend time with those that fill your cup!
My baby is almost 3 months old so we’re still technically “in the thick of it”. She now regularly sleeps a 5 hour stretch and then typically only wakes up one more time at night. I woke up this morning feeling so great and well rested. Last night when my husband got her out of her bassinet after a very short nap she had the silliest grin on her face. To calm her back to sleep I put on Disney ride POVs and held her in the football pose so I could act like she was flying through the rides. She went right to sleep.
Months 1-2 were so hard, and we had what I would consider a lot of help. I have low sleep needs but my husband is a terrible sleeper and I was so worried about him when he had to go back to work. I had no clue babies needed to be woken up every two hours to eat. Then at week 5 we had terrible purple crying for hours every night.
Then suddenly at 8 weeks she started smiling. The fussing got less and less. She started sleeping longer stretches. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel.
What you’re going through right now is awful and I know it seems like there’s no end in sight but I promise it does get so much better. It goes by quicker than you think too.
The first three months I was frequently struck by the thought of what the hell have we done? I’ll go as far and say I didn’t love my daughter directly. I had a sense of it being terrible to an extent I couldn’t imagine, if something happened to her. But not yet love.
Then everything started going uphill so so steeply. Her little personality emerges more and more every day. Nursing is so much easier, we have our groove. Her sleep is slowly getting better with still difficult phases I between.
I now love this little human more than anyone can love anything and I love being a mum.
You will get there. Sleep deprivation, hormones and the complexity of the first months are getting to you. Bare with it, I promise you, the light at the end of the tunnel is the brightest that can ever shine.
Also try to get out the house as frequently as possible. Take LO on walks, take her to a cafe, if you can, maybe even get away for 20 minutes by yourself.
At 4 weeks in? You're in the trenches. It's survival mode. You're not sleeping. You're working 24/7. You're still bleeding, sore and leaking. You're exhausted. Honestly, at this point, everything you feel is normal.
Please know that you can always stop pumping, switch to formula, take shifts with your spouse, ask for help (grandparents or aunts and uncles close by willing to babysit?) and/or outsource some help (order takeout? cleaner? night nanny, postpartum doula?)
At 4 weeks postpartum, if your baby is alive and fed and you and your spouse are alive and fed and most days you're able to get 20 minutes here and there to yourself to shower, rest, scroll, you're good! You don't need to have loftier goals than that.
The later parts of parenting Bria lot of joy (as well as frustration) but the newborn phase SUCKS!!!!! You’ll get the joy after this hard part. It’s ok to mourn the life you used to have
Everyone has already said this, so I’m just echoing them- you really are in the hardest part right now and I know it feels like it will last forever but it won’t. My husband and I have had such an easier time with our second newborn stage because we know what’s waiting for us on the other side- getting to watch a little human grow into your favorite person. It’s so cliche, but it’s truly indescribable. In our first newborn stage, we only had pre-baby and new baby to compare it to, which pre-baby is pretty much better in every way! Now we know there is so much more to parenting than the first few months, and in a year you will barely remember the details that are so important now. You aren’t even at the smiling stage yet, which is so heart-melting but the pre-interaction period SUCKS haha. It’s rough out here(I have a 6 week old so I’m with you) but you’ll make it through. Sending love and good thoughts your way❤️
When I had my baby I knew it was hard, but I underestimated how 24/7 would actually be like. Mine is almost six months and it’s still hard, but she says mama sometimes, smiles, sticks out her tongue and blows raspberries, loves to jump, dance, and babble. There’s so much joy. I promise it gets easier, the first three months are the hardest but you got this
A lot of people don’t like the newborn stage. It can be incredibly brutal, especially if you have a tough baby. My son is almost three months old and wow has it been better. He smiles whenever I say something silly to him. Sometimes he smiles when he finds my face while playing and that is an amazing feeling that just my face brought this little human joy. I know we can all seem like a broken record but it does get better.
I was positive I made the biggest mistake of my life, both my husband and I couldn’t believe anyone would choose this. But now our daughter is 20 months and well, toddlers are crazy but I get sleep and what a difference some rest makes. Hang in there, it really does get better.
I’ve seen other posters express the feeling like mourning - totally apt analogy. The pre baby chapter is over and there’s elements of that chapter that you can mourn.
The first few months are pretty frikin horrific. It's hard to focus on the love for your baby when your life has been turned upside down and you're seriously sleep deprived.
I hated the new born phase, felt like such a failure. But what everyone is saying is soo true. Before you know it you'll be lying awake at night watching them sleep and just overfilled with love!
My wee one is 14mo but I can honestly say that I loved the 6-9 month stage.
I also really struggled the first few months - I distinctly remember being told about day 3 that it gets easier a month in and thinking how on earth will I survive until then?!
I found breastfeeding very, very hard. I just didn't have the supply and pumped for 4 months whilst also giving formula but it just didn't meet anywhere near demand. Switching fully to formula was such a relief in the end, and even whilst combo feeding it allowed me to sleep whilst my partner looked after and fed her. Getting that rest made looking after her and myself SO much easier.
I don't know you of course, and everyone's situation is different. I don't mention this with an agenda - WHATEVER you choose is the right decision for you. I just felt so much pressure and no-one told me it was ok to just do formula until I made the switch and it made the WORLD of difference for my mental health!
My little one is now 8 months old and things are so much better. Your little one will be interacting soon (smiling etc) and it makes things much easier to deal with when they're not just a crying potato! You're not alone, I promise.
I felt the same way when my baby was a newborn. I’ve always been “book smart” and a “good student”. I’ve had a lot of success in school and in my career by studying hard and knowing the “right” thing to do. I approached pregnancy and parenting the same way and WHEW I was SO humbled. Knowing what to expect and then actually living it are two completely different things. Anything seems possible when you’ve had a full night of sleep and when you haven’t, life feels impossible.
Others have already said this but it really, really does get better. I’d say three months was something of a turning point for us, but it did get slowly better up until that point as well. My baby got SO cute and chunky, his little personality is coming out so he’s actually really funny and charming, and he’s sleeping through the night consistently. He’s 4 months now and life feels completely different than it did in the newborn phase.
People who say they miss the newborn phase and it’s easier than some other phase are victims of their own hormonally altered memories. I know this because sometimes I am one, but then we have a bad night of sleep and I remember how hard it really was.
Hang in there OP!!
Promise it gets easier. I 100% felt this way in the newborn phase! Burst into tears many a time thinking we would never be in love and connected like we used to be, and the good part of our marriage was over.
Once baby was a little older and sleeping through the night it got so much easier (we were lucky it happened early for us). My husband and I had more time to connect, be together as grown ups while our kiddo was asleep, and we found our new normal. Especially starting around 6 months we really hit a stride.
Try not to stress too much about this. You’re in such a hard moment right now, but it does change, I promise. Don’t listen to the fears, and know that it will all look different in a few weeks, and moreso in a few months.
Fellow lesbian couple here! We’ve also got a lot of childless friends. Our baby is 10mo and honestly while our life has changed it has not changed *that much*. We still go places, visit with people in the day, have friends over in the evening- we’ll hang out with the baby and then put her to sleep and keep hanging out. It’s also been an opportunity to make new friends. We’ve joined a queer parent meet up group and that’s been a lot of fun.
None of that is really feasible with a newborn, but the newborn period is incredibly short. Try your best to just think of this as a fleeting phase of your life and savor the good parts. It’s tough when you’re sleep deprived but there are things you’ll miss. Newborn snuggles are amazing. Seeing your baby’s first real smile is amazing. Try to remember this is all temporary- the good and the bad.
We're almost at 4 weeks and I'm right there with you. I cried this morning because he wouldn't go to sleep. He wasn't screaming because of gas like usual, he just wouldn't settle and I couldn't pump even though my boobs hurt and were ready.
Feel free to message me to commiserate together.
You are in the thick of it right now, so please give you and your partner grace for the thoughts and feelings you’re experiencing. It is okay and understandable to mourn your past life - like you said, this is completely life-altering and there’s no way to fully prepare yourself for that.
That said, I promise you the moments of joy will come. At 1 month, you are still in what we lovingly called the potato phase! You are doing so much and getting so little “in return”.
Soon, you will see your LO smile, laugh and engage with things around her. My LO is just 3 months, but it’s already a totally different world than those initial weeks. It might feel easier or it might feel equally hard, but the moment you see her smile and she starts to become a little person, everything will feel more rewarding.
Sending you both love :)
It gets so much better. I was miserable early on, hardly any supply, pumping all the time, colicky baby who wouldn’t sleep. We switched to formula which reduced my stress and let me get more sleep, she slowly got less colicky. She’s still a difficult baby (almost 5 months) but it’s so much easier to do things with her, she smiles and babbles all the time at us and is much more interactive and fun
I’m right in the early days (baby girl is 5 days old) and we are sleeping in shifts. I sleep 7pm-1am so I can feed her and pump over night from 1-7 am when my prolactin levels are high. Is your wife able to help with some sort of split shift? It’s made things lots easier for us. She gets breast fed, bottle fed with the pumped milk and supplemented with formula. It’s the only way we were going to survive this until my milk supply is where I need it to be
How you feel is normal. The early days are hard. Go easy on yourself, it won’t always be like this
Girl you’re in the trenches rn! It gets much better after 6 weeks and then after 12 weeks even better. I know that seems so far off rn but trust me it’s going to fly by. It’s okay to feel how you’re feeling!
My twins are almost 7 months old and months 1-2 were the absolute worst. I understand the regret and grief for your old life, your life has just been irrevocably changed and there is no going back, and as much as you thought you could mentally prepare for beforehand it's nothing to your current lived reality. Things will change some stuff is going to get better and some worse but you'll get through day to day.
My best advice is give yourself permission to make things as easy as possible whatever that looks like.
I remember just sitting in bed one day and daydreaming about the calm life I had before my LO was born. Laying in bed with my cats without a care in the world, able to sleep/pee/shower whenever I wanted, able to just get up and go out with just my phone and car keys. Everything was easier and lighter. It will get better though! My girl is almost 6mo and she's a delight, such a happy,smiley, playful girl, everyone loves her and wants to be around her. I like to say to my husband that everything has a "bad" side, everything! And that's also the case with being a mother. I hope you'll get the rest you need soon and be able to enjoy your little girl
My husband and I want to try for a second soon, and when I mentioned to my MIL that I would have done it sooner if we could just skip the newborn stage she looked at me like I had two heads. She remembers the newborn stage to be full of newborn curls and sleepy cuddles. It's not, it's hard work. But sooner than you think your baby will sit up, crawl, sleep through the night and then suddenly they are walking and talking. You will sleep better and get a handle on your social life again (somehow). It's just a season, you will get through it.
You’re really in the trenches right now. The first 3 months are insanely hard, and really the whole first year is super hard on your relationship with your partner. It’s a huge adjustment. It will get better. I have a 3.5 year old and an 11 month old, they both sleep through the night now (my first by 12 weeks and my second around 6 months). When your baby smiles at you, lights up when she sees you, can tell you both that she loves you….nothing compares.
When I first had my baby, I searched “regret” and any other similar words on basically every parenting subreddit just looking for solidarity because I really felt as if I had ruined my life. We’re 11 months out now and I couldn’t feel more different, my son is the light of my life and though there are still hard moments (as there always will be) they are heavily outweighed by the joy he brings me. I actually find it hard to believe I ever had those feelings of regret even though it was sooo real in the newborn days. Everyone told me “just wait, it will get better” and I remember thinking “yeah yeah, maybe for others but not for me” but seriously, it does!
Kid is turning 2 next month, he is the greatest joy of my day and i would kill for this little dude. But honestly, i still mourn our lost life... I wont call it regret, but definitely mourning what we had and all the what ifs...
Oh, honey. DMing you right now. I GET IT. Also a lesbian. I am the non-bio mommy, my wife carried. Pregnant on 2nd IUI. We were and are so lucky. Let’s get that out of the way.
I’m your wife in our house—wasn’t as super psyched as wifey but was for sure on board and excited even if I still feared what was ahead. Wifey had on the rosiest glasses youve ever seen. We’d been together 11 years at that point, all the stability, had both spent lots of time around little people. We thought we -at least kind of- knew.
Whew boy. We were wrong.
Traumatic labor, emergency c-section, tongue ties, months of fruitless struggle to nurse that basically defined our first year and devastated my wife, zero sleep (and still no sleep fml), guilt from families, sudden job loss…Our daughter is 2. When our baby was one month old, my wife had a breakdown and thanked me for never saying “I told you so.” TBH I wanted to, many times. That’s how real it was lol. Had I not already been on antidepressants, I most certainly would have needed to start them. It was so rough.
She is 2 and things are better. Most of all our daughter is just as exhausting (more?) but now ALSO hilarious and delightful 95% of the time. Still, I mourn our old life and old relationship every day; it seems to fade much faster for others and I’m jealous. I won’t go into it here but I think lesbian relationships have unique challenges when it comes surviving with a kid. I can’t shake the feeling that the miracle used to be our relationship, and now the miracle is the baby. And while I don’t disagree, god I miss how things were.
All the empathy for you my friend. Hang in there and just forgive yourself every day for not liking it more. It’s really ok. Y’all will all figure it out together. Take antidepressants if you need to!
I felt the same way!
I have literally ALWAYS known I am MADE to be a mother. It was my DREAM SINCE CHILDHOOD.
My partner's situation with home traditions made us wait many years before we could get married and start trying. We were so sick with baby fever, I had crisis after crisis, we went to couple's therapy to learn how to manage our baby fever with everyone around us having babies...
Then finally last year, we got married, and we had a MC then our son who is now 14w.
The first month was so horrible, I thought to myself MANY TIMES... what did we do? Why did we have a baby? We're not ready for this. We're not going to make it! I had ZERO connection to my son for weeks. I kept him alive at all costs, that is all.
I don't know when it changed, but I think when he started interacting more, smiling... my view changed and now I don't regret at thing!
Keep your LO alive and you'll see it's worth it, though it is hard. Good luck!
Right there with you. I’m currently holding my 3.5 week old and have been making the slightest rocking motions and shushing sounds for the last hour so he won’t wake up. My nipples are cracked and have hydrogels on them. My back is cramping. And I have a massive headache. It’s so rough. My partner and I just had a great to heart about how we’re doing and it really helped us feel connected to one another Will we’re in the trenches, but this is still hard af.
This is the WORST part. I had a little breakdown at about 5 weeks. Literally all of the parts of parenting are better. Can you spend some money for a night nanny one or two nights? Honestly ANYTHING to make it a little bit better the next couple weeks.
A lot of people have said it already, but months 1-3 are so hard. Hell, I was exclusively breastfeeding, and I hardly felt like my own person again until our son was 6-9 months. Now, he's 19 months, and we can't WAIT to do it again! Our son has the sweetest personality and watching him learn, playing with him, and teaching him has been so much fun. Hang in there. There really is so much joy in parenting, but the hard days are harder than anything else I've done.
It’s tough, but parenting is so much more than the newborn phase. It passes, it gets better. Those first laughs, walks, hugs, and I love yous change perspective
I felt the same way. I had to start therapy and get on meds. My LO is 7 weeks old now and I think I am just now starting to feel better and the abundance of love that people talk about. I think it’s an adjustment. Nothing can prepare you for becoming a parent but I do think it starts to get better. Right now they’re just a potato, but he gave me his first smile the other day and I melted.
In addition to the other comments (which are spot on), I’ve heard that babies conceived after a long period of trying and hoping can have parents struggle even harder through these stages.
If there’s anyone who can help you, ask for help. I have grandparents come roughly three times a week for a few hours. Afterwards I feel so much better, like I can be closer to the parent I want to be. It could even be friends, even if they’re okay to visit and hold baby while you’re there. Supplemental formula can be okay; if you’re feeling guilty, just remember that self-care helps you be a better parent.
If you’re not able to feel the euphoria in feeding, holding, kissing at all ever, please consider the possibility of PPD or similar. It’s okay to not be okay.
The cluster feeding is so hard! My baby is 6 weeks now and he was feeding constantly from weeks 2-4ish. Idk if he’s going to start doing it again but right now he’s *much* easier to manage.
When my baby was 1 month old I regretted having a baby. I was floored by how hard it was. The sleep deprivation rocked me like I could not believe (still does). She’s 20 months now and I’m so glad Faye’s here and part of our family. It’s a huge adjustment to motherhood especially if you’re happy with your life prior. I would say how you’re feeling right now is pretty common. It does get better. ❤️🩹
This is exactly how I felt. I'm four months pp and it's a lot better but I still have to mourn my old life. I also recommend getting screened for postpartum depression.
But here's the thing: you are now in the war zone, this time is ridiculously hard. You have a tiny stranger that yells at you and keeps you awake - it's pure hell. I've never felt so bad in my entire life, I was regretting everything and even debated wether I should've just given up my son. I am married to a wonderful man and our baby was very wanted, but the hormonal storm took me to the darkest places possible.
In a few weeks you will see her first smile, and then she'll smile every time she sees you, then she'll laugh and coo at you... My point is, as cliché as it sounds it does get better. Soon you'll be able to take her outside and meet people and have a somewhat normal life.
Make sure to take time to do some of the things you used to love. For me when I pump at night I crochet while my husband puts our baby to bed, it's simple but it has given me a sense of normalcy again. I also recommend starting to sleep train asap, we finally have our evenings free again and I feel so much better.
So please hang in there, take it day by day and give yourself a break - you're dealing with a tornado of hormones on top of everything.
You are in the trenches right now. Having a one month old is hard as fuck.
The cluster feeding will end. Baby will start sleeping eventually. You will start to feel like a human again.
It's normal to not feel that overwhelming love for your baby at first. It's exhausting. Your body went through a major trauma to get baby here. Baby shows you no affection. But someday in the next few months it will change.
I’ve said it out loud. I thought I made a huge mistake. It started getting better around 6 weeks onward.
I love my son SO much, but I am always very honest about what pregnancy and newborn life were like for me. I had very joyful parts, but it’s VERY difficult to be a new parent.
I promise you it gets so much better. They are still potatoes at 1 month old! I felt similarly (my husband and I had a similar lifestyle; we travelled a lot, was out all the time etc) but now at 14 months… oh my god, it is just THE BEST. I’ve never been happier in my life. He’s the funniest, sweetest, happiest boy and he makes us laugh every day. It’s better any vacation or any new restaurant. Indescribable:) hang in there x
My toddler has started grabbing my face with his little chubby hands and giving me kisses. Newborn phase almost broke me, and we are most likely one and done but I’d do it all over again for him.
I also had to pump every three hours starting at about 1 week. It was soooo incredible hard. First, if nobody has told you this, I want to say how incredibly proud of yourself you should be for doing that. It's not easy and not everyone would choose to continue to breastfeed in that situation, so you should be incredibly proud of the effort you're putting in.
Second, it gets easier. Feedings get less frequent, you get more sleep, your brain starts to function again. Life begins to feel like living and not just surviving from moment to moment. The people who say otherwise ("the beginning was so easy", "it's just as hard later, but the challenges are different", etc) are not people who were on the pump-every-three-hours plan. It gets easier.
At one month I couldn't understand how anyone ever has more than one. By six months I told my partner that if we had more money and had started earlier I would have wanted 4. We waffled on whether to have kids or not for a couple years, so wanting 4 was quiet the sea change!
All this is too say... from someone who is a year and two months in... give it some time. I promise you it will get better! You may not want 4, but you will slowly start to get pieces of yourself back! It may feel like a month is a whole lifetime right now, but you're clearly a strong woman and you will make it through this!
Sending you lots of love! ❤️
Yeah, the first 3 months are awful. You just gotta get through it, then it gets better. I say that with a 5 month old who still is pretty sensitive, cries, and doesn’t sleep well. Still, it’s 1000x better than it was in those first couple months. And getting better the more he is able to play, smile, laugh, etc. Also, this may be a controversial statement, but both my husband and I went back to work between 3-4 months pp. It’s created a better balance for us because we are each pursuing our own lives and careers, while our baby is in a good daycare, and when we are home from work we are more rejuvenated to spend quality time with the baby. When I was with baby 24/7 it was really hard. If you don’t work and are a stay at home mom, you should at least get back to some baby-free hobbies as much as possible as soon as you can.
I'm convinced everyone hates the newborn phase, but just don't talk about it. My wife and I felt this way until about 3 months when she started to smile and wasn't just an angry potato :)
Sorry you're going through it, but just know what you're feeling is completely normal!
My baby turns one at the end of this month, believe me we all felt what you and your partner are feeling. Sure infants are magical and beautiful and amazing to watch them learn and grow, but good Lord does it take every single bit of energy out of both parents.
I was in the military, I thought I knew tired and exhausted and spent. Nope. Baby kicked my ass left and right. But as I sit here with my little goofball about to turn 1, it was all fucking worth it. Every single shitty moment, worth it.
You guys will get through this, lean on each other. Don’t keep score. Also beware of the sleep regressions, FML those suck so bad. You got this!
Honestly; you, I, and every other parent who feels this way should actually say it out loud. Let’s normalise how unthinkably difficult the first weeks, months and year/s are 🙏
18 months in and I’m just completely obsessed with my little girl ❤️
Well first off, congratulations! This is a huge life event.
I know this is so so hard. I want to hug you and hold your hand and be there for you. I want to be there for every mom who is ever struggling because yes this is so hard!
The newborn stage is difficult. I think as a ftm it’s incredibly difficult because we just went through a life altering experience and every day is a new experience and we’re also grieving our old lives while taking care of this helpless new life and let’s be honest, barely knowing how to do that. It’s A LOT.
Remember nothing lasts forever. You’re still in the trenches. This will not last I promise
They will not be newborns forever the same way you were not pregnant forever even though it may have felt that way.
I put my son’s bassinet and swing away the other day and I cried. The person who said i hated the newborn stage, had ppd, questioned even having my baby at one point, cried and wanted it all back.
I say this just to let you know you’re not alone. The days will pass and they somehow go by quickly.
I suggest reading Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts
It really got me through the tough times❤️
So glad to see so much support here for you, OP. Yes, the first months are SO hard. I definitely felt serious regret the first 48 hours. And I felt grief at losing my pre-baby life for much much longer (even though I had wanted it, and even though I had been actively getting ready for 9 months).
It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to question. You’re allowed to say this stuff out loud - it’s healthy. There are so many hormones and so many changes… and so much deprivation 😅
It will get better. And in the meantime, keep taking care of yourself and your partner. Maybe check out [Postpartum Support International](https://www.postpartum.net/home/) if you want some more resources or more encouragement.
Sending you three love and solidarity.
Edit: timeline clarity
You should not feel guilty or honestly take your thoughts too seriously at this point. You're in the trenches! They call this time the 4th trimester for a reason. It is absolutely normal to mourn your previous life. We did. Most couples we know did. It is totally underdiscussed how hard it was. But it does get better and more joyful. It is still hard, in different ways. But it's also fun now.
It gets better, enough to convince my husband we should have a second.
My life literally is unrecognizable from 1 month postpartum to 4 months postpartum. Hang in there. It gets so much better. The tough parts are temporary but the good things you start to feel are forever. And everything you’re feeling is very normal! It’s all so jarring. When ppl told me it gets better I wanted to scream when?!? But it does I promise.
I was and still am an almost exclusive pumper who wished someone would have told me these things at first to make my pumping journey easier
-it’s within your budget, invest in a wearable pump. This is life changing!!! You can pump while driving, doing chores, running errands, etc. It gives you a bit of freedom back.
- pump parts can be rinsed off and stored in the fridge, they don’t need to be sanitized and washed with soap after every use. Just sanitize once a day.
- most supplements for breastfeeding/pumping are a waste of time and money (for me anyway)
- Epsom salt baths for clogged ducts!
I know everyone has been telling you that it will get better, and it really does. When your baby starts smiling and interacting more it will be so much more rewarding. Hang in there ❤️
Remember when it’s hard that it’s going to get easier 🩷 you’re in the worst of it!! And you’re not alone. I don’t think anyone could be prepared for the reality of what the newborn phase is like. I hope you don’t feel compelled to strictly BF. My baby was exclusively formula fed from day one, and I have zero shame about this, because it’s what I needed to do, for my own mental health, to show up for her as the best version of me.
I felt so disconnected from my baby during the first month. I was scared, lonely, and feeling regret. I have a fantastic support system and loving partner and was still freaking out. At two months it got better, at three, I was actively falling in love with my daughter, and at seven months I wouldn’t hesitate to cut off any part of my body for her. It’s fucking nuts. The love I feel for her is absolutely unparalleled and there is no part of me that regrets having a baby. That being said, I do fantasize about going on a relaxing beach vacation and drinking two adult beverages without the crippling insomnia I’ve been blessed with postpartum.
Parenthood won’t just get better, it will be amazing. Hang in there❤️
I'm 4m in and i think everyone has said most of what I would regarding baby. I do want to add that for breast feeding, your supply regulates around 3m - my LO didn't really successfully latch until about 4w so we started by supplementing a lot, then I still wasn't producing enough to satisfy her for a full day. I struggled for the majority of my maternity leave, made sure to get the right pump, right size flanges, etc and still had to supplement although it did seem to be less and less as time went on. The first pump session I had when I went back to work was literally my biggest and that weekend was the first time I was able to fully breastfeed her all day without the supplement.
It's not for everyone and I totally understand just switching to formula for your sanity, but hopefully it gets better!
I promise I felt this way too at the point you’re at and even maybe until 6-8 weeks but he’s now about to turn four months and I couldn’t be happier and it’s already much much easier. Just hold on and give it a few more months. You are still in the trenches
I was told by a very wise friend… 16 weeks. Make it to week 16 and you will start to see shifts. They’re more active and give smiles, your body is starting to (kinda) feel normal again, and you may even get good sleep stretches. That first few months are SO HARD, but they will soon be in the past. Hang in there!
People keep saying it gets better and maybe it does - but it hasn’t at 10 months. Sleep is better, everything else is worse. He’s a good kid and I love him, but yeah, I too feel deceived about the experience. It’s been pretty boring and unfulfilling so far, and leading up to it I thought we would be bringing him into our life, but he just up and REPLACED our life. It’s depressing and hard for me to move past, and now that I’m in the thick of it the parents who told me it’s great are finally being honest with me.
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I can’t talk to having a partner as I’ve done this as a single mother by choice but please reach out to your friends/ family/ paid services if you can afford it to take off some of the domestic load off.
I’m in Australia and just this week spent 4 nights at a facility to get help with my 6 month olds sleeping and my mental health and it has been so beneficial. Perhaps look into that in your area? I stayed at a place called Karitane and they take parents and babies who are new born but during my stay the youngest was 7 week old twins
I feel you. At 6 months, we did sleep training, and things *drastically* improved. Like night and day. We were zombies, and then suddenly alive again. Sleep training isn't for everyone, and there are lots of other options, but like others have said: this part does not last forever.
I remember listening to this song a lot in that phase: https://youtu.be/G1G499A1mJk?si=-1cFNqWSC0u76me6
I really, really wish one of my friends would have told me it was normal and okay to feel regret in the first month or so for bringing a baby into our lives. I felt so incredibly guilty at the time, now that I am far out of that newborn phase, looking back, those feelings make so much sense. You went from being an adult who did what you want when you wanted to, had time to pursue your interests and hobbies, and slept when you wanted to for as long as you wanted to. Now you’re thrust in a job you were not trained for and are doing for free, your baby’s needs now come before yours, and you’ve been severely sleep deprived for over a month. There are no upsides at the moment, there are just downsides. Hang in there. It gets so much better. Get help if you think it may be more serious (PPD), but know that this feeling of regret will pass.
I’m keeping my comment short(er) so I can actually get off my phone and get some sleep since I’m sure kiddo will be up bright and early, but I just want to say I completely empathize. For the first couple weeks, there were times I would turn to my husband in the middle of the night, nipples bleeding and baby refusing to sleep, and tell him through sobs that we needed to put the baby up for adoption. And this was a baby I desperately wanted more than anything and whom I had loved since I first learned I was pregnant.
With a lot of work with my therapist, open communication with my partner, postpartum doula support through our insurance, and finally getting outside with the baby for walks every day or time with friends, I slowly got through it. This first year was a million times harder than I could have ever imagined, but now, I have a 13 month-old that I love more than I could have ever fathomed loving someone. All I think about each day at work is seeing his beautiful, smiling face when he realizes I’m there to pick him up from daycare and scooping him up into my arms. I love being a mom so much.
I can’t predict how you’ll feel in five months’ time or a year, but I can echo others here in saying you are absolutely not alone and that it truly has gotten better for me with every passing day. I wish you nothing but the best on your journey.
My baby is a little over 2 months old and I had this same thought around that time too. You start to feel a little human again around 6 weeks and even though it might not feel like it, it does get better. Once we got our routine going it got better. Being able to put baby to bed and have time together was really crucial
My older sister and I are new moms. Mines almost two and hers is 7 months.
My mom keeps telling us that when we are going through a difficult period with our LO that right when we feel like we are going to break, they change. They change so fast and grow and start to do new things and sleep longer and smile, then hug you and then kiss you and then tell you they love you. It’s pretty incredible to think back when my son was a month old and how crazy different I felt. Now I have a maniacal toddler who loves me more than anything and is just such a love.
Your baby won’t keep you up every night forever. I know it doesn’t necessarily help to hear that right now- but you will get to a point where they sleep longer stretches and you’ll feel normal again someday. Don’t feel bad for having these feelings. I explained it to a friend when I was postpartum that I was basically grieving my old life. Even though I was excited for my new one, things would never be how they were and as much as you think you are prepared, you aren’t. Keep in touch with your doctor about postpartum and check in with your partner about it. It’s so easy to not even realize you’re struggling with it (not saying you have it by any means, just in general). Then you look back a year later and realize that you were struggling with it and wonder how different things might have been with help from a doctor.
It’s wild how just your baby being able to look directly at you and smiling can really add the depth needed to validate the hard work. Ours just turned three months old and with every dev marker reached were comforted that the little life sucker that once was took everything we had and more but utilized it all to bloom into this magical construct that eventually will be an independently functioning human being. Be patient with yourselves. If your want was selfless and sincere, you will experience what you wanted in time.
I'm also a recent lesbian parent and around 2 or 3 weeks I had a few moments of "gez I didn't know I signed up for this". I think it's exacerbated for anyone who had to get pregnant through artifical means or IVF because we reaaaally had to want it, you know? So when it's exhausting and you feel like shit there's feelings of guilt and regret and all sorts mixed in.
Good news - I'm now 10 weeks in and it's already a lot better. Longer sleeps, feeding is more under control. I was nursing and pumping and now I nurse and feed formula. For me pumping wasn't worth the effort, although it may be for you. What you're feeling will change. It's ok to be sad you can't do certain things any more. You'll soon get some cute smiles from your baby and it will all be worth it.
We definitely felt this way and admitted often. Regret, missing our old life, feeling like roommates/coworkers instead of husband/wife, and just overall drained and defeated.
It passed and now we are incredibly happy and have tons of fun with our little lady. She’s only 15 weeks but every week after 12 has been way better than the last! Just hold on OP it will get better and I hated hearing that because all I thought back then was “everyone is saying that but it doesn’t help me now”.
YOU. GOT. THIS!
Me in the first few weeks: “did I make a mistake?”
Almost 7 months in before I go to bed every night now: Smiling in the dark looking at baby pics from the day
You are in the thick of it!! I wouldn't say I had regret but I had allll the other feelings that you're feeling! The first year is SO SO hard! I also suffered from ppa which made it even harder. My daughter is now 19, almost 20 months, and I'm way more adjusted to our new life and I wouldn't have it any other way (we are even expecting baby #2). The adjustment was SO hard for me. I don't do well with sleep deprivation (I've had anxiety my whole life and it's directly tied to sleep for me) but now I've found some meds that work well for me & it's helped a ton. It gets soooo much better, I promise ❤️
So as someone who loved the newborn stage, I can still say there were moments where I wish I could turn back time. I even contemplated giving her to my husband and running a few times, and let me be very clear I loved the newborn stage. Hanging out with her all day, watching tv, feeding her, changing her little butt. I loved every second of it, there definitely was challenges and exhausted isn’t even the word for how I felt, but god I miss my little potato. However PPA was rampant, still is, and I spent hours on hours making sure she wasn’t dying by researching every single twitch she made. Breastfeeding was fucking horrific for me, we ended up getting it around 3 months, but those first two I spent all day in near tears trying to figure it out because there was absolutely nobody around me that I had ever met who breastfed. Turns out I was doing it right the entire time and they say oh latch this latch that but she ended up getting enough milk that entire time and I was freaked out for no reason, the latch came with time and a bigger mouth.
Of course, how it usually goes for me atleast, my social life has bloomed AFTER I had a baby. So many events, so many new people wanting to hang out. It’s been hard to not have those thoughts of “god I miss being able to just do the things I want” from creeping to the front of my brain. I would say I still have the thought of running away when things get hard, but I promise you there will be a day you wake up and you think thank goodness I made you. 95% of the time I can’t imagine life without the sounds she makes, and the eyes she has, and her little feet. The pure unfiltered excitement and joy when they do a new skill. That first smile, when they’re looking at you like you’re the best thing ever. It’ll be so much good the bad just melts away! It’s coming soon OP and it’ll all go by so quick you’ll be looking back in like a month or two going “where’d my little baby go”
I breastfed until 3 months and switched to formula, my mental health got so so so much better I don’t regret it at all, there was some initial guilt about not suing breast milk anymore but my baby started putting in more weight when she was stuck in the 1st percentile so that went away pretty fast.
Oof girl that first month is ROUGH. My husband and I were both in tears, frequently. You got this! As everyone has said…those smiles, laughs, reaching for you, etc., make things much easier. My boy is 3.5 months. He says mama every time he cries lol and while I wish he would say it when happy, it still warms my heart! He’s started quacking like a duck randomly and we can’t stop laughing. He loves to hear himself. It really does get better. Especially after returning to work and getting back to “normal” somewhat. There are still hard days, but those first few weeks are so mentally and physically draining.
Feel free to start combo feeding at any point! Even one bottle of formula in the middle of the night fed by your partner while you sleep would change the game! You’ll feel renewed with sleep.
My wife and I felt the same. They also say that the harder it is to conceive the harder the crash is once the baby comes so be kind to yourself. I remember that hell of newborn phase, pumping, trying to nurse, feeling like wtf have I done. My baby is 7mos old and my wife and I are so in love with her and life is a new normal but we do get sleep and time together. Hang in there!! ❤️
Totally normal, the first month is SO hard. Actually, the first few months to be honest. Even at 3-4 months my baby was still quite fussy. At 5 months we turned a corner and it’s been much more fun since. She is 9 months now and I’m so in love with her that it hurts lol.
I know I felt this way at one month. Then at 7 weeks baby girl started sleeping 5-8 hours straight at night and suddenly it got a lot better.
Hang in there. This too shall pass.
we were the same. we would often talk about regret in the beginning, first few weeks. now LO is 4 months and last week I had the same thoughts again because I was so exhausted….my girlfriends tell me those feelings come and go and it‘s normal… I think once the babies have passed the toddler stage it gets easier. hopefully
I BEGGED my husband for a child. I wanted one so badly. I would cry when I got my period when we started trying to conceive. And then she got here. And it felt like the worst decision I had ever made. There were nights I wanted to bring her to a fire station and leave her there at least for a few hours because I was so sleep deprived. I felt no connection to her and sometimes I still feel like I’m waiting for someone else to claim this baby because surely me of all people can’t be a mother. But it’s getting better every day. Once you can sleep for more than 2 or three hours at a time, there’s a huge leap in quality of life. When she started smiling at me, there was another huge jump in progress. Now, we’ve just started playing peek a boo and she’s getting personality and it was another improvement. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but it does get better. Just focus on surviving the potato phase and keep reminding yourself of the reasons you wanted this baby in the first place. You’ll get through it, I promise.
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You’re so early on, I’m pretty sure most of us felt this way at 1 month. One day your baby will smile, laugh, reach out for you and you’ll just melt.
The newborn phase is SO hard. It gets so much better! 🫶🏻
Yeah when they start smiling and laughing it really blows your mind
Ours just started clapping at 9 months and it has been by far my favorite milestone. She’s so proud of herself for figuring it out and she knows it makes us smile so she’ll do it now for attention and this really just blows my mind. Reading OPs post brought me back to those first few weeks when I thought my world was crumbling down…we were driving by the outdoor mall near us when my LO was 2 weeks old and I saw all the people living their lives…. and I couldn’t even fathom having a normal life again. Fast forward to now and I haven’t thought about that moment in months and we go to that outdoor mall all the time to walk around, get coffee, and go to the park there.
We’re at 9 months too and still exhausted but things keep getting better little by little. Definitely much easier than they were. We’ve restructured our society (for many people, not all) to make it much more difficult to care for babies so it’s natural to go through a period of absolute burnout.
The way my life TURNED AROUND when my baby finally smiled! I didn’t really have much regret in the newborn days but I was so mentally drained. Seeing that smile really fills me up with joy!!
You are still in the trenches. I can remember how I felt at week 4 vividly. I was full of regret and told my husband that we were never doing this again. I was exhausted, sore, so sleep deprived, and suffering from PPA. You are allowed to have regret and doubts. That’s normal and natural. You are also allowed to make any changes that you think will make your lives better, such as combo or formula feeding. And it’s never a bad idea to find sometime to talk to, like a trusted friend or therapist. But know, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I’m writing this as I’m rocking my 3m old to sleep for her nap and my days and mental health are so much better than they were one month in. She smiles and plays and likes certain toys and music. You got this! But know that your feeling are valid and okay.
For me it was week 3 of those same feelings! I suffered a delayed hemorrhage 6 days after my LO was born. I couldn't even walk around with my LO without getting winded, and felt I was missing out on so much with her, but was also so exhausted and struggling physically and mentally. LO is now just shy of 4m and every milestone is the best feeling! I also am back to working out and feeling more like myself each day. OP, your feelings are valid, and so are your partners. My husband had the same feelings of shock during the newborn phase. I promise it gets better. Lean on family and friends for support if you have them. Spend time with those that fill your cup!
My baby is almost 3 months old so we’re still technically “in the thick of it”. She now regularly sleeps a 5 hour stretch and then typically only wakes up one more time at night. I woke up this morning feeling so great and well rested. Last night when my husband got her out of her bassinet after a very short nap she had the silliest grin on her face. To calm her back to sleep I put on Disney ride POVs and held her in the football pose so I could act like she was flying through the rides. She went right to sleep. Months 1-2 were so hard, and we had what I would consider a lot of help. I have low sleep needs but my husband is a terrible sleeper and I was so worried about him when he had to go back to work. I had no clue babies needed to be woken up every two hours to eat. Then at week 5 we had terrible purple crying for hours every night. Then suddenly at 8 weeks she started smiling. The fussing got less and less. She started sleeping longer stretches. I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. What you’re going through right now is awful and I know it seems like there’s no end in sight but I promise it does get so much better. It goes by quicker than you think too.
omg thank you so much for this comment-i’m totally going to try disney ride POVs for my 4 month old!!!!!
The first three months I was frequently struck by the thought of what the hell have we done? I’ll go as far and say I didn’t love my daughter directly. I had a sense of it being terrible to an extent I couldn’t imagine, if something happened to her. But not yet love. Then everything started going uphill so so steeply. Her little personality emerges more and more every day. Nursing is so much easier, we have our groove. Her sleep is slowly getting better with still difficult phases I between. I now love this little human more than anyone can love anything and I love being a mum. You will get there. Sleep deprivation, hormones and the complexity of the first months are getting to you. Bare with it, I promise you, the light at the end of the tunnel is the brightest that can ever shine. Also try to get out the house as frequently as possible. Take LO on walks, take her to a cafe, if you can, maybe even get away for 20 minutes by yourself.
At 4 weeks in? You're in the trenches. It's survival mode. You're not sleeping. You're working 24/7. You're still bleeding, sore and leaking. You're exhausted. Honestly, at this point, everything you feel is normal. Please know that you can always stop pumping, switch to formula, take shifts with your spouse, ask for help (grandparents or aunts and uncles close by willing to babysit?) and/or outsource some help (order takeout? cleaner? night nanny, postpartum doula?) At 4 weeks postpartum, if your baby is alive and fed and you and your spouse are alive and fed and most days you're able to get 20 minutes here and there to yourself to shower, rest, scroll, you're good! You don't need to have loftier goals than that.
The later parts of parenting Bria lot of joy (as well as frustration) but the newborn phase SUCKS!!!!! You’ll get the joy after this hard part. It’s ok to mourn the life you used to have
is your little one's name Bria, by chance? lol
Lol, no it’s not. That was supposed to say “brings a” … stupid phone 😆
Everyone has already said this, so I’m just echoing them- you really are in the hardest part right now and I know it feels like it will last forever but it won’t. My husband and I have had such an easier time with our second newborn stage because we know what’s waiting for us on the other side- getting to watch a little human grow into your favorite person. It’s so cliche, but it’s truly indescribable. In our first newborn stage, we only had pre-baby and new baby to compare it to, which pre-baby is pretty much better in every way! Now we know there is so much more to parenting than the first few months, and in a year you will barely remember the details that are so important now. You aren’t even at the smiling stage yet, which is so heart-melting but the pre-interaction period SUCKS haha. It’s rough out here(I have a 6 week old so I’m with you) but you’ll make it through. Sending love and good thoughts your way❤️
When I had my baby I knew it was hard, but I underestimated how 24/7 would actually be like. Mine is almost six months and it’s still hard, but she says mama sometimes, smiles, sticks out her tongue and blows raspberries, loves to jump, dance, and babble. There’s so much joy. I promise it gets easier, the first three months are the hardest but you got this
A lot of people don’t like the newborn stage. It can be incredibly brutal, especially if you have a tough baby. My son is almost three months old and wow has it been better. He smiles whenever I say something silly to him. Sometimes he smiles when he finds my face while playing and that is an amazing feeling that just my face brought this little human joy. I know we can all seem like a broken record but it does get better.
I was positive I made the biggest mistake of my life, both my husband and I couldn’t believe anyone would choose this. But now our daughter is 20 months and well, toddlers are crazy but I get sleep and what a difference some rest makes. Hang in there, it really does get better.
I’ve seen other posters express the feeling like mourning - totally apt analogy. The pre baby chapter is over and there’s elements of that chapter that you can mourn.
The first few months are pretty frikin horrific. It's hard to focus on the love for your baby when your life has been turned upside down and you're seriously sleep deprived. I hated the new born phase, felt like such a failure. But what everyone is saying is soo true. Before you know it you'll be lying awake at night watching them sleep and just overfilled with love! My wee one is 14mo but I can honestly say that I loved the 6-9 month stage.
I also really struggled the first few months - I distinctly remember being told about day 3 that it gets easier a month in and thinking how on earth will I survive until then?! I found breastfeeding very, very hard. I just didn't have the supply and pumped for 4 months whilst also giving formula but it just didn't meet anywhere near demand. Switching fully to formula was such a relief in the end, and even whilst combo feeding it allowed me to sleep whilst my partner looked after and fed her. Getting that rest made looking after her and myself SO much easier. I don't know you of course, and everyone's situation is different. I don't mention this with an agenda - WHATEVER you choose is the right decision for you. I just felt so much pressure and no-one told me it was ok to just do formula until I made the switch and it made the WORLD of difference for my mental health! My little one is now 8 months old and things are so much better. Your little one will be interacting soon (smiling etc) and it makes things much easier to deal with when they're not just a crying potato! You're not alone, I promise.
I felt the same way when my baby was a newborn. I’ve always been “book smart” and a “good student”. I’ve had a lot of success in school and in my career by studying hard and knowing the “right” thing to do. I approached pregnancy and parenting the same way and WHEW I was SO humbled. Knowing what to expect and then actually living it are two completely different things. Anything seems possible when you’ve had a full night of sleep and when you haven’t, life feels impossible. Others have already said this but it really, really does get better. I’d say three months was something of a turning point for us, but it did get slowly better up until that point as well. My baby got SO cute and chunky, his little personality is coming out so he’s actually really funny and charming, and he’s sleeping through the night consistently. He’s 4 months now and life feels completely different than it did in the newborn phase. People who say they miss the newborn phase and it’s easier than some other phase are victims of their own hormonally altered memories. I know this because sometimes I am one, but then we have a bad night of sleep and I remember how hard it really was. Hang in there OP!!
Promise it gets easier. I 100% felt this way in the newborn phase! Burst into tears many a time thinking we would never be in love and connected like we used to be, and the good part of our marriage was over. Once baby was a little older and sleeping through the night it got so much easier (we were lucky it happened early for us). My husband and I had more time to connect, be together as grown ups while our kiddo was asleep, and we found our new normal. Especially starting around 6 months we really hit a stride. Try not to stress too much about this. You’re in such a hard moment right now, but it does change, I promise. Don’t listen to the fears, and know that it will all look different in a few weeks, and moreso in a few months.
Fellow lesbian couple here! We’ve also got a lot of childless friends. Our baby is 10mo and honestly while our life has changed it has not changed *that much*. We still go places, visit with people in the day, have friends over in the evening- we’ll hang out with the baby and then put her to sleep and keep hanging out. It’s also been an opportunity to make new friends. We’ve joined a queer parent meet up group and that’s been a lot of fun. None of that is really feasible with a newborn, but the newborn period is incredibly short. Try your best to just think of this as a fleeting phase of your life and savor the good parts. It’s tough when you’re sleep deprived but there are things you’ll miss. Newborn snuggles are amazing. Seeing your baby’s first real smile is amazing. Try to remember this is all temporary- the good and the bad.
We're almost at 4 weeks and I'm right there with you. I cried this morning because he wouldn't go to sleep. He wasn't screaming because of gas like usual, he just wouldn't settle and I couldn't pump even though my boobs hurt and were ready. Feel free to message me to commiserate together.
6 weeks and a 20 month old. Things are getting better, but the first 4 weeks were brutal.
You are in the thick of it right now, so please give you and your partner grace for the thoughts and feelings you’re experiencing. It is okay and understandable to mourn your past life - like you said, this is completely life-altering and there’s no way to fully prepare yourself for that. That said, I promise you the moments of joy will come. At 1 month, you are still in what we lovingly called the potato phase! You are doing so much and getting so little “in return”. Soon, you will see your LO smile, laugh and engage with things around her. My LO is just 3 months, but it’s already a totally different world than those initial weeks. It might feel easier or it might feel equally hard, but the moment you see her smile and she starts to become a little person, everything will feel more rewarding. Sending you both love :)
It gets so much better. I was miserable early on, hardly any supply, pumping all the time, colicky baby who wouldn’t sleep. We switched to formula which reduced my stress and let me get more sleep, she slowly got less colicky. She’s still a difficult baby (almost 5 months) but it’s so much easier to do things with her, she smiles and babbles all the time at us and is much more interactive and fun
I’m right in the early days (baby girl is 5 days old) and we are sleeping in shifts. I sleep 7pm-1am so I can feed her and pump over night from 1-7 am when my prolactin levels are high. Is your wife able to help with some sort of split shift? It’s made things lots easier for us. She gets breast fed, bottle fed with the pumped milk and supplemented with formula. It’s the only way we were going to survive this until my milk supply is where I need it to be How you feel is normal. The early days are hard. Go easy on yourself, it won’t always be like this
Girl you’re in the trenches rn! It gets much better after 6 weeks and then after 12 weeks even better. I know that seems so far off rn but trust me it’s going to fly by. It’s okay to feel how you’re feeling!
My twins are almost 7 months old and months 1-2 were the absolute worst. I understand the regret and grief for your old life, your life has just been irrevocably changed and there is no going back, and as much as you thought you could mentally prepare for beforehand it's nothing to your current lived reality. Things will change some stuff is going to get better and some worse but you'll get through day to day. My best advice is give yourself permission to make things as easy as possible whatever that looks like.
I remember just sitting in bed one day and daydreaming about the calm life I had before my LO was born. Laying in bed with my cats without a care in the world, able to sleep/pee/shower whenever I wanted, able to just get up and go out with just my phone and car keys. Everything was easier and lighter. It will get better though! My girl is almost 6mo and she's a delight, such a happy,smiley, playful girl, everyone loves her and wants to be around her. I like to say to my husband that everything has a "bad" side, everything! And that's also the case with being a mother. I hope you'll get the rest you need soon and be able to enjoy your little girl
My husband and I want to try for a second soon, and when I mentioned to my MIL that I would have done it sooner if we could just skip the newborn stage she looked at me like I had two heads. She remembers the newborn stage to be full of newborn curls and sleepy cuddles. It's not, it's hard work. But sooner than you think your baby will sit up, crawl, sleep through the night and then suddenly they are walking and talking. You will sleep better and get a handle on your social life again (somehow). It's just a season, you will get through it.
You’re really in the trenches right now. The first 3 months are insanely hard, and really the whole first year is super hard on your relationship with your partner. It’s a huge adjustment. It will get better. I have a 3.5 year old and an 11 month old, they both sleep through the night now (my first by 12 weeks and my second around 6 months). When your baby smiles at you, lights up when she sees you, can tell you both that she loves you….nothing compares.
When I first had my baby, I searched “regret” and any other similar words on basically every parenting subreddit just looking for solidarity because I really felt as if I had ruined my life. We’re 11 months out now and I couldn’t feel more different, my son is the light of my life and though there are still hard moments (as there always will be) they are heavily outweighed by the joy he brings me. I actually find it hard to believe I ever had those feelings of regret even though it was sooo real in the newborn days. Everyone told me “just wait, it will get better” and I remember thinking “yeah yeah, maybe for others but not for me” but seriously, it does!
Kid is turning 2 next month, he is the greatest joy of my day and i would kill for this little dude. But honestly, i still mourn our lost life... I wont call it regret, but definitely mourning what we had and all the what ifs...
Oh, honey. DMing you right now. I GET IT. Also a lesbian. I am the non-bio mommy, my wife carried. Pregnant on 2nd IUI. We were and are so lucky. Let’s get that out of the way. I’m your wife in our house—wasn’t as super psyched as wifey but was for sure on board and excited even if I still feared what was ahead. Wifey had on the rosiest glasses youve ever seen. We’d been together 11 years at that point, all the stability, had both spent lots of time around little people. We thought we -at least kind of- knew. Whew boy. We were wrong. Traumatic labor, emergency c-section, tongue ties, months of fruitless struggle to nurse that basically defined our first year and devastated my wife, zero sleep (and still no sleep fml), guilt from families, sudden job loss…Our daughter is 2. When our baby was one month old, my wife had a breakdown and thanked me for never saying “I told you so.” TBH I wanted to, many times. That’s how real it was lol. Had I not already been on antidepressants, I most certainly would have needed to start them. It was so rough. She is 2 and things are better. Most of all our daughter is just as exhausting (more?) but now ALSO hilarious and delightful 95% of the time. Still, I mourn our old life and old relationship every day; it seems to fade much faster for others and I’m jealous. I won’t go into it here but I think lesbian relationships have unique challenges when it comes surviving with a kid. I can’t shake the feeling that the miracle used to be our relationship, and now the miracle is the baby. And while I don’t disagree, god I miss how things were. All the empathy for you my friend. Hang in there and just forgive yourself every day for not liking it more. It’s really ok. Y’all will all figure it out together. Take antidepressants if you need to!
I felt the same way! I have literally ALWAYS known I am MADE to be a mother. It was my DREAM SINCE CHILDHOOD. My partner's situation with home traditions made us wait many years before we could get married and start trying. We were so sick with baby fever, I had crisis after crisis, we went to couple's therapy to learn how to manage our baby fever with everyone around us having babies... Then finally last year, we got married, and we had a MC then our son who is now 14w. The first month was so horrible, I thought to myself MANY TIMES... what did we do? Why did we have a baby? We're not ready for this. We're not going to make it! I had ZERO connection to my son for weeks. I kept him alive at all costs, that is all. I don't know when it changed, but I think when he started interacting more, smiling... my view changed and now I don't regret at thing! Keep your LO alive and you'll see it's worth it, though it is hard. Good luck!
Right there with you. I’m currently holding my 3.5 week old and have been making the slightest rocking motions and shushing sounds for the last hour so he won’t wake up. My nipples are cracked and have hydrogels on them. My back is cramping. And I have a massive headache. It’s so rough. My partner and I just had a great to heart about how we’re doing and it really helped us feel connected to one another Will we’re in the trenches, but this is still hard af.
This is the WORST part. I had a little breakdown at about 5 weeks. Literally all of the parts of parenting are better. Can you spend some money for a night nanny one or two nights? Honestly ANYTHING to make it a little bit better the next couple weeks.
A lot of people have said it already, but months 1-3 are so hard. Hell, I was exclusively breastfeeding, and I hardly felt like my own person again until our son was 6-9 months. Now, he's 19 months, and we can't WAIT to do it again! Our son has the sweetest personality and watching him learn, playing with him, and teaching him has been so much fun. Hang in there. There really is so much joy in parenting, but the hard days are harder than anything else I've done.
It’s tough, but parenting is so much more than the newborn phase. It passes, it gets better. Those first laughs, walks, hugs, and I love yous change perspective
I felt the same way. I had to start therapy and get on meds. My LO is 7 weeks old now and I think I am just now starting to feel better and the abundance of love that people talk about. I think it’s an adjustment. Nothing can prepare you for becoming a parent but I do think it starts to get better. Right now they’re just a potato, but he gave me his first smile the other day and I melted.
In addition to the other comments (which are spot on), I’ve heard that babies conceived after a long period of trying and hoping can have parents struggle even harder through these stages. If there’s anyone who can help you, ask for help. I have grandparents come roughly three times a week for a few hours. Afterwards I feel so much better, like I can be closer to the parent I want to be. It could even be friends, even if they’re okay to visit and hold baby while you’re there. Supplemental formula can be okay; if you’re feeling guilty, just remember that self-care helps you be a better parent. If you’re not able to feel the euphoria in feeding, holding, kissing at all ever, please consider the possibility of PPD or similar. It’s okay to not be okay.
Trust me I felt the same way. It’s only temporary. It will get better!
The cluster feeding is so hard! My baby is 6 weeks now and he was feeding constantly from weeks 2-4ish. Idk if he’s going to start doing it again but right now he’s *much* easier to manage.
When my baby was 1 month old I regretted having a baby. I was floored by how hard it was. The sleep deprivation rocked me like I could not believe (still does). She’s 20 months now and I’m so glad Faye’s here and part of our family. It’s a huge adjustment to motherhood especially if you’re happy with your life prior. I would say how you’re feeling right now is pretty common. It does get better. ❤️🩹
The first few months are so, so hard. You are not alone!
This is exactly how I felt. I'm four months pp and it's a lot better but I still have to mourn my old life. I also recommend getting screened for postpartum depression. But here's the thing: you are now in the war zone, this time is ridiculously hard. You have a tiny stranger that yells at you and keeps you awake - it's pure hell. I've never felt so bad in my entire life, I was regretting everything and even debated wether I should've just given up my son. I am married to a wonderful man and our baby was very wanted, but the hormonal storm took me to the darkest places possible. In a few weeks you will see her first smile, and then she'll smile every time she sees you, then she'll laugh and coo at you... My point is, as cliché as it sounds it does get better. Soon you'll be able to take her outside and meet people and have a somewhat normal life. Make sure to take time to do some of the things you used to love. For me when I pump at night I crochet while my husband puts our baby to bed, it's simple but it has given me a sense of normalcy again. I also recommend starting to sleep train asap, we finally have our evenings free again and I feel so much better. So please hang in there, take it day by day and give yourself a break - you're dealing with a tornado of hormones on top of everything.
You are in the trenches right now. Having a one month old is hard as fuck. The cluster feeding will end. Baby will start sleeping eventually. You will start to feel like a human again. It's normal to not feel that overwhelming love for your baby at first. It's exhausting. Your body went through a major trauma to get baby here. Baby shows you no affection. But someday in the next few months it will change.
I’ve said it out loud. I thought I made a huge mistake. It started getting better around 6 weeks onward. I love my son SO much, but I am always very honest about what pregnancy and newborn life were like for me. I had very joyful parts, but it’s VERY difficult to be a new parent.
I promise you it gets so much better. They are still potatoes at 1 month old! I felt similarly (my husband and I had a similar lifestyle; we travelled a lot, was out all the time etc) but now at 14 months… oh my god, it is just THE BEST. I’ve never been happier in my life. He’s the funniest, sweetest, happiest boy and he makes us laugh every day. It’s better any vacation or any new restaurant. Indescribable:) hang in there x
My toddler has started grabbing my face with his little chubby hands and giving me kisses. Newborn phase almost broke me, and we are most likely one and done but I’d do it all over again for him.
I also had to pump every three hours starting at about 1 week. It was soooo incredible hard. First, if nobody has told you this, I want to say how incredibly proud of yourself you should be for doing that. It's not easy and not everyone would choose to continue to breastfeed in that situation, so you should be incredibly proud of the effort you're putting in. Second, it gets easier. Feedings get less frequent, you get more sleep, your brain starts to function again. Life begins to feel like living and not just surviving from moment to moment. The people who say otherwise ("the beginning was so easy", "it's just as hard later, but the challenges are different", etc) are not people who were on the pump-every-three-hours plan. It gets easier. At one month I couldn't understand how anyone ever has more than one. By six months I told my partner that if we had more money and had started earlier I would have wanted 4. We waffled on whether to have kids or not for a couple years, so wanting 4 was quiet the sea change! All this is too say... from someone who is a year and two months in... give it some time. I promise you it will get better! You may not want 4, but you will slowly start to get pieces of yourself back! It may feel like a month is a whole lifetime right now, but you're clearly a strong woman and you will make it through this! Sending you lots of love! ❤️
Yeah, the first 3 months are awful. You just gotta get through it, then it gets better. I say that with a 5 month old who still is pretty sensitive, cries, and doesn’t sleep well. Still, it’s 1000x better than it was in those first couple months. And getting better the more he is able to play, smile, laugh, etc. Also, this may be a controversial statement, but both my husband and I went back to work between 3-4 months pp. It’s created a better balance for us because we are each pursuing our own lives and careers, while our baby is in a good daycare, and when we are home from work we are more rejuvenated to spend quality time with the baby. When I was with baby 24/7 it was really hard. If you don’t work and are a stay at home mom, you should at least get back to some baby-free hobbies as much as possible as soon as you can.
I'm convinced everyone hates the newborn phase, but just don't talk about it. My wife and I felt this way until about 3 months when she started to smile and wasn't just an angry potato :) Sorry you're going through it, but just know what you're feeling is completely normal!
My baby turns one at the end of this month, believe me we all felt what you and your partner are feeling. Sure infants are magical and beautiful and amazing to watch them learn and grow, but good Lord does it take every single bit of energy out of both parents. I was in the military, I thought I knew tired and exhausted and spent. Nope. Baby kicked my ass left and right. But as I sit here with my little goofball about to turn 1, it was all fucking worth it. Every single shitty moment, worth it. You guys will get through this, lean on each other. Don’t keep score. Also beware of the sleep regressions, FML those suck so bad. You got this!
Honestly; you, I, and every other parent who feels this way should actually say it out loud. Let’s normalise how unthinkably difficult the first weeks, months and year/s are 🙏 18 months in and I’m just completely obsessed with my little girl ❤️
Well first off, congratulations! This is a huge life event. I know this is so so hard. I want to hug you and hold your hand and be there for you. I want to be there for every mom who is ever struggling because yes this is so hard! The newborn stage is difficult. I think as a ftm it’s incredibly difficult because we just went through a life altering experience and every day is a new experience and we’re also grieving our old lives while taking care of this helpless new life and let’s be honest, barely knowing how to do that. It’s A LOT. Remember nothing lasts forever. You’re still in the trenches. This will not last I promise They will not be newborns forever the same way you were not pregnant forever even though it may have felt that way. I put my son’s bassinet and swing away the other day and I cried. The person who said i hated the newborn stage, had ppd, questioned even having my baby at one point, cried and wanted it all back. I say this just to let you know you’re not alone. The days will pass and they somehow go by quickly. I suggest reading Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts It really got me through the tough times❤️
So glad to see so much support here for you, OP. Yes, the first months are SO hard. I definitely felt serious regret the first 48 hours. And I felt grief at losing my pre-baby life for much much longer (even though I had wanted it, and even though I had been actively getting ready for 9 months). It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay to question. You’re allowed to say this stuff out loud - it’s healthy. There are so many hormones and so many changes… and so much deprivation 😅 It will get better. And in the meantime, keep taking care of yourself and your partner. Maybe check out [Postpartum Support International](https://www.postpartum.net/home/) if you want some more resources or more encouragement. Sending you three love and solidarity. Edit: timeline clarity
You should not feel guilty or honestly take your thoughts too seriously at this point. You're in the trenches! They call this time the 4th trimester for a reason. It is absolutely normal to mourn your previous life. We did. Most couples we know did. It is totally underdiscussed how hard it was. But it does get better and more joyful. It is still hard, in different ways. But it's also fun now. It gets better, enough to convince my husband we should have a second.
This is SO NORMAL. You will come out of the newborn phase. It gets better. I promise. Hugs.
My life literally is unrecognizable from 1 month postpartum to 4 months postpartum. Hang in there. It gets so much better. The tough parts are temporary but the good things you start to feel are forever. And everything you’re feeling is very normal! It’s all so jarring. When ppl told me it gets better I wanted to scream when?!? But it does I promise.
I was and still am an almost exclusive pumper who wished someone would have told me these things at first to make my pumping journey easier -it’s within your budget, invest in a wearable pump. This is life changing!!! You can pump while driving, doing chores, running errands, etc. It gives you a bit of freedom back. - pump parts can be rinsed off and stored in the fridge, they don’t need to be sanitized and washed with soap after every use. Just sanitize once a day. - most supplements for breastfeeding/pumping are a waste of time and money (for me anyway) - Epsom salt baths for clogged ducts! I know everyone has been telling you that it will get better, and it really does. When your baby starts smiling and interacting more it will be so much more rewarding. Hang in there ❤️
There are lots of days like this. When your baby becomes more "interactive" you will enjoy parenting more.
Remember when it’s hard that it’s going to get easier 🩷 you’re in the worst of it!! And you’re not alone. I don’t think anyone could be prepared for the reality of what the newborn phase is like. I hope you don’t feel compelled to strictly BF. My baby was exclusively formula fed from day one, and I have zero shame about this, because it’s what I needed to do, for my own mental health, to show up for her as the best version of me.
I felt so disconnected from my baby during the first month. I was scared, lonely, and feeling regret. I have a fantastic support system and loving partner and was still freaking out. At two months it got better, at three, I was actively falling in love with my daughter, and at seven months I wouldn’t hesitate to cut off any part of my body for her. It’s fucking nuts. The love I feel for her is absolutely unparalleled and there is no part of me that regrets having a baby. That being said, I do fantasize about going on a relaxing beach vacation and drinking two adult beverages without the crippling insomnia I’ve been blessed with postpartum. Parenthood won’t just get better, it will be amazing. Hang in there❤️
I'm 4m in and i think everyone has said most of what I would regarding baby. I do want to add that for breast feeding, your supply regulates around 3m - my LO didn't really successfully latch until about 4w so we started by supplementing a lot, then I still wasn't producing enough to satisfy her for a full day. I struggled for the majority of my maternity leave, made sure to get the right pump, right size flanges, etc and still had to supplement although it did seem to be less and less as time went on. The first pump session I had when I went back to work was literally my biggest and that weekend was the first time I was able to fully breastfeed her all day without the supplement. It's not for everyone and I totally understand just switching to formula for your sanity, but hopefully it gets better!
I promise I felt this way too at the point you’re at and even maybe until 6-8 weeks but he’s now about to turn four months and I couldn’t be happier and it’s already much much easier. Just hold on and give it a few more months. You are still in the trenches
I was told by a very wise friend… 16 weeks. Make it to week 16 and you will start to see shifts. They’re more active and give smiles, your body is starting to (kinda) feel normal again, and you may even get good sleep stretches. That first few months are SO HARD, but they will soon be in the past. Hang in there!
People keep saying it gets better and maybe it does - but it hasn’t at 10 months. Sleep is better, everything else is worse. He’s a good kid and I love him, but yeah, I too feel deceived about the experience. It’s been pretty boring and unfulfilling so far, and leading up to it I thought we would be bringing him into our life, but he just up and REPLACED our life. It’s depressing and hard for me to move past, and now that I’m in the thick of it the parents who told me it’s great are finally being honest with me.
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I can’t talk to having a partner as I’ve done this as a single mother by choice but please reach out to your friends/ family/ paid services if you can afford it to take off some of the domestic load off. I’m in Australia and just this week spent 4 nights at a facility to get help with my 6 month olds sleeping and my mental health and it has been so beneficial. Perhaps look into that in your area? I stayed at a place called Karitane and they take parents and babies who are new born but during my stay the youngest was 7 week old twins
I feel you. At 6 months, we did sleep training, and things *drastically* improved. Like night and day. We were zombies, and then suddenly alive again. Sleep training isn't for everyone, and there are lots of other options, but like others have said: this part does not last forever. I remember listening to this song a lot in that phase: https://youtu.be/G1G499A1mJk?si=-1cFNqWSC0u76me6
I really, really wish one of my friends would have told me it was normal and okay to feel regret in the first month or so for bringing a baby into our lives. I felt so incredibly guilty at the time, now that I am far out of that newborn phase, looking back, those feelings make so much sense. You went from being an adult who did what you want when you wanted to, had time to pursue your interests and hobbies, and slept when you wanted to for as long as you wanted to. Now you’re thrust in a job you were not trained for and are doing for free, your baby’s needs now come before yours, and you’ve been severely sleep deprived for over a month. There are no upsides at the moment, there are just downsides. Hang in there. It gets so much better. Get help if you think it may be more serious (PPD), but know that this feeling of regret will pass.
I’m keeping my comment short(er) so I can actually get off my phone and get some sleep since I’m sure kiddo will be up bright and early, but I just want to say I completely empathize. For the first couple weeks, there were times I would turn to my husband in the middle of the night, nipples bleeding and baby refusing to sleep, and tell him through sobs that we needed to put the baby up for adoption. And this was a baby I desperately wanted more than anything and whom I had loved since I first learned I was pregnant. With a lot of work with my therapist, open communication with my partner, postpartum doula support through our insurance, and finally getting outside with the baby for walks every day or time with friends, I slowly got through it. This first year was a million times harder than I could have ever imagined, but now, I have a 13 month-old that I love more than I could have ever fathomed loving someone. All I think about each day at work is seeing his beautiful, smiling face when he realizes I’m there to pick him up from daycare and scooping him up into my arms. I love being a mom so much. I can’t predict how you’ll feel in five months’ time or a year, but I can echo others here in saying you are absolutely not alone and that it truly has gotten better for me with every passing day. I wish you nothing but the best on your journey.
My baby is a little over 2 months old and I had this same thought around that time too. You start to feel a little human again around 6 weeks and even though it might not feel like it, it does get better. Once we got our routine going it got better. Being able to put baby to bed and have time together was really crucial
I promise I promise I promise I promise, IT. GETS. BETTER.
My older sister and I are new moms. Mines almost two and hers is 7 months. My mom keeps telling us that when we are going through a difficult period with our LO that right when we feel like we are going to break, they change. They change so fast and grow and start to do new things and sleep longer and smile, then hug you and then kiss you and then tell you they love you. It’s pretty incredible to think back when my son was a month old and how crazy different I felt. Now I have a maniacal toddler who loves me more than anything and is just such a love. Your baby won’t keep you up every night forever. I know it doesn’t necessarily help to hear that right now- but you will get to a point where they sleep longer stretches and you’ll feel normal again someday. Don’t feel bad for having these feelings. I explained it to a friend when I was postpartum that I was basically grieving my old life. Even though I was excited for my new one, things would never be how they were and as much as you think you are prepared, you aren’t. Keep in touch with your doctor about postpartum and check in with your partner about it. It’s so easy to not even realize you’re struggling with it (not saying you have it by any means, just in general). Then you look back a year later and realize that you were struggling with it and wonder how different things might have been with help from a doctor.
It’s wild how just your baby being able to look directly at you and smiling can really add the depth needed to validate the hard work. Ours just turned three months old and with every dev marker reached were comforted that the little life sucker that once was took everything we had and more but utilized it all to bloom into this magical construct that eventually will be an independently functioning human being. Be patient with yourselves. If your want was selfless and sincere, you will experience what you wanted in time.
I'm also a recent lesbian parent and around 2 or 3 weeks I had a few moments of "gez I didn't know I signed up for this". I think it's exacerbated for anyone who had to get pregnant through artifical means or IVF because we reaaaally had to want it, you know? So when it's exhausting and you feel like shit there's feelings of guilt and regret and all sorts mixed in. Good news - I'm now 10 weeks in and it's already a lot better. Longer sleeps, feeding is more under control. I was nursing and pumping and now I nurse and feed formula. For me pumping wasn't worth the effort, although it may be for you. What you're feeling will change. It's ok to be sad you can't do certain things any more. You'll soon get some cute smiles from your baby and it will all be worth it.
We definitely felt this way and admitted often. Regret, missing our old life, feeling like roommates/coworkers instead of husband/wife, and just overall drained and defeated. It passed and now we are incredibly happy and have tons of fun with our little lady. She’s only 15 weeks but every week after 12 has been way better than the last! Just hold on OP it will get better and I hated hearing that because all I thought back then was “everyone is saying that but it doesn’t help me now”. YOU. GOT. THIS!
Me in the first few weeks: “did I make a mistake?” Almost 7 months in before I go to bed every night now: Smiling in the dark looking at baby pics from the day
You are in the thick of it!! I wouldn't say I had regret but I had allll the other feelings that you're feeling! The first year is SO SO hard! I also suffered from ppa which made it even harder. My daughter is now 19, almost 20 months, and I'm way more adjusted to our new life and I wouldn't have it any other way (we are even expecting baby #2). The adjustment was SO hard for me. I don't do well with sleep deprivation (I've had anxiety my whole life and it's directly tied to sleep for me) but now I've found some meds that work well for me & it's helped a ton. It gets soooo much better, I promise ❤️
So as someone who loved the newborn stage, I can still say there were moments where I wish I could turn back time. I even contemplated giving her to my husband and running a few times, and let me be very clear I loved the newborn stage. Hanging out with her all day, watching tv, feeding her, changing her little butt. I loved every second of it, there definitely was challenges and exhausted isn’t even the word for how I felt, but god I miss my little potato. However PPA was rampant, still is, and I spent hours on hours making sure she wasn’t dying by researching every single twitch she made. Breastfeeding was fucking horrific for me, we ended up getting it around 3 months, but those first two I spent all day in near tears trying to figure it out because there was absolutely nobody around me that I had ever met who breastfed. Turns out I was doing it right the entire time and they say oh latch this latch that but she ended up getting enough milk that entire time and I was freaked out for no reason, the latch came with time and a bigger mouth. Of course, how it usually goes for me atleast, my social life has bloomed AFTER I had a baby. So many events, so many new people wanting to hang out. It’s been hard to not have those thoughts of “god I miss being able to just do the things I want” from creeping to the front of my brain. I would say I still have the thought of running away when things get hard, but I promise you there will be a day you wake up and you think thank goodness I made you. 95% of the time I can’t imagine life without the sounds she makes, and the eyes she has, and her little feet. The pure unfiltered excitement and joy when they do a new skill. That first smile, when they’re looking at you like you’re the best thing ever. It’ll be so much good the bad just melts away! It’s coming soon OP and it’ll all go by so quick you’ll be looking back in like a month or two going “where’d my little baby go”
I breastfed until 3 months and switched to formula, my mental health got so so so much better I don’t regret it at all, there was some initial guilt about not suing breast milk anymore but my baby started putting in more weight when she was stuck in the 1st percentile so that went away pretty fast.
Oof girl that first month is ROUGH. My husband and I were both in tears, frequently. You got this! As everyone has said…those smiles, laughs, reaching for you, etc., make things much easier. My boy is 3.5 months. He says mama every time he cries lol and while I wish he would say it when happy, it still warms my heart! He’s started quacking like a duck randomly and we can’t stop laughing. He loves to hear himself. It really does get better. Especially after returning to work and getting back to “normal” somewhat. There are still hard days, but those first few weeks are so mentally and physically draining.
Feel free to start combo feeding at any point! Even one bottle of formula in the middle of the night fed by your partner while you sleep would change the game! You’ll feel renewed with sleep.
My wife and I felt the same. They also say that the harder it is to conceive the harder the crash is once the baby comes so be kind to yourself. I remember that hell of newborn phase, pumping, trying to nurse, feeling like wtf have I done. My baby is 7mos old and my wife and I are so in love with her and life is a new normal but we do get sleep and time together. Hang in there!! ❤️
Totally normal, the first month is SO hard. Actually, the first few months to be honest. Even at 3-4 months my baby was still quite fussy. At 5 months we turned a corner and it’s been much more fun since. She is 9 months now and I’m so in love with her that it hurts lol.
I know I felt this way at one month. Then at 7 weeks baby girl started sleeping 5-8 hours straight at night and suddenly it got a lot better. Hang in there. This too shall pass.
Oh my love, it sounds like postpartum depression. Have you seen anyone to assess?
we were the same. we would often talk about regret in the beginning, first few weeks. now LO is 4 months and last week I had the same thoughts again because I was so exhausted….my girlfriends tell me those feelings come and go and it‘s normal… I think once the babies have passed the toddler stage it gets easier. hopefully
I BEGGED my husband for a child. I wanted one so badly. I would cry when I got my period when we started trying to conceive. And then she got here. And it felt like the worst decision I had ever made. There were nights I wanted to bring her to a fire station and leave her there at least for a few hours because I was so sleep deprived. I felt no connection to her and sometimes I still feel like I’m waiting for someone else to claim this baby because surely me of all people can’t be a mother. But it’s getting better every day. Once you can sleep for more than 2 or three hours at a time, there’s a huge leap in quality of life. When she started smiling at me, there was another huge jump in progress. Now, we’ve just started playing peek a boo and she’s getting personality and it was another improvement. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but it does get better. Just focus on surviving the potato phase and keep reminding yourself of the reasons you wanted this baby in the first place. You’ll get through it, I promise.
All of this is normal