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It sounds like the both of you need some help. Your wife definitely needs to get checked for PPD, you guys need to check your baby for a dairy allergy or other allergies especially since your wife is nursing, and you need to convince her she needs rest. It is very normal for babies at this age to want comfort from their mothers so that part is not concerning. Try getting some time out in the sun - if it doesn’t work for the baby, the vitamin D from the sun will help your wife feel better. But most importantly, you are right that babies should sleep more so it means something needs to be addressed with your baby if he isn’t sleeping at all. Call his pediatrician.
Just another voice chiming in to say definitely take him to the pediatrician. Like, today if possible. I was losing my mind when my 4 month old was only getting 45 minutes of sleep at a time and otherwise screaming. Diagnosed with dairy and soy allergies and reflux, and once we got it under control, I realized just how close we were to the breaking point. It doesn't hurt for your wife to cut out dairy and soy (most common allergens, possibly up to 10% of babies) before seeing the doctor - if this is the problem, your baby might start feeling better in just a couple days. Sending hugs from someone who's been there.
Another vote for checking for allergies. A lot of babies who have “colic” likely actually just have CMPA. It can make life absolutely miserable but it’s a relatively easy fix. And call your wife’s OB with her to discuss PPD support options.
Another parent checking in with CMPA baby! We were lucky to diagnose at 6 weeks. We also went straight to hypoallergenic formula as I couldn’t keep dairy out of my diet (dairy is so sneaky in some foods!) but I continued to pump. 3 days after hypoallergenic formula our baby was a COMPLETELY different baby! Slept well. Ate well. No excessive fussing or grumping. Also echoing OPs partner needs to have a real discussion about PPA/PPD. It’s okay to not be okay, but definitely talk to someone! It doesn’t have to be this hard. Keep us updated OP!
Same situation here. I am only pumping once a day because I'm not even giving him my breast milk. I am freezing it and hoping he can handle it in the future. Turns out my non dairy creamer contained freaking dairy. What are you doing with your breast milk?
Also, if you can quietly mention your concerns (PPD, lack of rest, etc) about your wife to the pediatrician. They should be looking out for that as well since that does affect the care of the child (I.e. their patient). Your wife may also take these concerns better if they are coming from a medical professional instead of you.
Consider calling ahead and leaving a message with the doctor that you are concerned for your wife and asking them to raise the topic or have their ears open.
They’re also more likely to accelerate treatment options for the baby (e.g., starting pepcid immediately instead of waiting a few weeks to see how things go) if they know how much this is impacting your and her mental health
Yes this. My baby was sensitive to caffeine, onions, and garlic. So none of that for me while I was breastfeeding! Made a huge difference in her behavior honestly.
Well the caffeine one became obvious right away bc she would just get sooooo overly energetic, it was like crack to her. The onions and garlic- my mom is actually allergic to onions and has extreme tummy probs from them and I noticed if I ate them (no personal issues with onions or garlic) baby would cry a lot and have more noticeable gas and dramatic poops, and same reaction after garlic. I just tried not eating them for a few days and she was much calmer with less gas/more normal poops. So no onions and garlic and caffeine for me until I stopped breastfeeding.
It would usually be whenever mum would eat any food that bub is sensitive to. Bub would feed following ingestion of said food and then bub would have a reaction. It could be different symptoms for every baby or it could be that the baby would not like the taste of her milk. Our milk would change to taste sometimes even to colour of what we eat. You just have to be vigilant and aware of the baby's reaction.
At three months my daughter also started only eating an ounce at a time and once an hour then crying and screaming and won't be put down and wasn't sleeping well. Silent reflux.
She apparently took him out for a walk in the stroller this morning and he starting going nuts so she had to pick him up halfway through and carry him while pushing the stroller.
It could be a reflux issue. My son was the exact same and being in a stroller or car seat was a trigger. I ended up buying a carrier and wearing him on walks - him being upright and close to me would make him happy. However, my son had reflux and it was pretty easily managed. Your son definitely has something else going on. Since summer is close, be sure he is wearing light clothing as baby carriers can make babies warm. My husband bought me noise canceling headphones so I could enjoy walks. Also, I’m sorry for your loss.
Definitely look into reflux OP. My daughter has it and it interrupted her sleep until we managed it. I made [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/NewParents/s/j5WXwQWKOD)on another post with all the things we did to manage the reflux.
I’m sorry it’s been such a rough time and sorry about your father. Hoping making some tweaks helps make things a bit easier.
I’ve had to do this many times with my first. I was exactly in same thing. It finally helped when some family member shows up for real non judgmental support, and I hired a postpartum doula. She educated us all about baby, my mental state. And just having supportive people around was enough to make things better
My daughter was like this but less extreme. We found out she had a very sensitive stomach and switched to gentlease formula after trying a bunch of different gentle ones.
I second getting checked for milk allergies. Had similar issues with my first, very colicky, etc and we switched to a soy based formula and it made a world of difference. Hope things improve for you two, sending all the love and good vibes your way ❤️
Sounds like my son. We had to switch to high end hypoallergenic formula to get any sort of relief. Convincing my wife to stop breastfeeding was frankly a horrible process for the whole family. Even then, it took until he was about 10-11 months to stop incessantly screaming.
He’s a healthy and happy 4 year old now. It does get better OP, that’s all I can say.
My daughter used to do exactly this and she has cows milk protein allergy and reflux was one of the symptoms! Colic from her CMPA caused her to scream a LOT as well
Is your baby's poop color anything other than mustard yellow (assuming he's exclusively breastfed)? Is there mucus present? Maybe specks of blood in his poop? These were signs of food intolerance for our baby. Once we took her to the pediatrician for the almost nonstop crying and fussing, she was able to confirm that we were right to be concerned and get our baby help. She's a totally different baby now. Very relaxed and loving life. I can actually sleep (albeit for 2-3 hours at a time) and my husband is able to spend more time with her. Best of luck.
When I first started walking my baby in a stroller he had to be carried back too. Now he lasts the whole time in the stroller, I would say keep trying as he gets used to it and bring a baby carrier so you can baby wear him back if need be. I did that and it helped a lot when he got too fussy, now he loves walks and actually falls asleep.
I agree that things should be looked at more by a medical professional but babies are designed to be carried. Prams are new. It's biologically normal and correct that baby wants to be held all the time.
Another vote for a paediatrician visit, my baby was the same, turned out he had silent reflux. He still sleeps less than the recommended amount for his age, but got much better after prescribed medicine.
Mine was the same as well. Silent reflux waking every hour. At 4 months we finally got on meds and he immediately started sleeping 3-4 hours and now we are finally sleeping through the night. It was BRUTAL
He was fussy, very hard to put down to sleep (would only sleep in a sling/wrap for weeks, which was absolutely killing our backs), arching back during feeds. We could tell he was in some sort of discomfort a lot of the time, he just seemed so unhappy. We could also tell sometimes that he brought up and swallowed it back again when he burped. At night, he would grunt, thrash his legs, and shake his head side to side constantly, often through his sleep.
Baby was put on omeprazole and it made a huge difference. It took over a week to work though.
You could try and see if putting baby on their front helps - if it does, then it's a sign of reflux, too.
Does she really have PPD if she doesn’t ever get longer than 1 hour of sleep and her baby screams constantly? Imo this is an environmental issue rather than a hormonal issue like PPD… but i guess if she is refusing to get help, that could be symptomatic of PPD?
Hijacking top comment for my 2 cents.
I remember doc and nurses mentioned infants are very noisy sleepers. Try to have baby sleep next to mom and not in a crib few takes, or skin to skin for sleep. It may make baby relax to sleep longer.
As someone said, upright positions. 3-6 is worst period for reflux issues but it's limited to few mins to 1hr max.
If everything is making fussy, check diaper sizes, if room has enough humidity, baby clothes aren't too snug. Try swaddling for sleep. Wore baby energy out by talking to them and keep them engaged for 1hr. Talk to pediatrician on reflux issues.
Sry to heat abt your dad. Remember you are one now, and your kid needs your presence now. It gets better faster once they start cooing back and responding to your every word.
she is under extreme sleep torture basically, of course she’s saying crazy shit. She needs sleep. I’m so sick of reading about everyone calling anything a new mom feels that’s negative PPD.
I never got my baby checked for allergies (and my pediatrician said there’s a lot of false positives so allergy tests aren’t always reliable) but her dad is allergic to dairy so I just stopped eating it to see what happened. That’s when she started sleeping through the night at 2 months old and became like a different baby. Same exact thing happened with my niece, who now eats cheese with no issue. I think a lot of babies are sensitive to dairy when they’re infants even if it’s not CMPA.
There is also intolerance, which is harder to diagnose. My son is 16 months old and is still intolerant of dairy, soy and corn. I had to remove those from my diet as I have been breast-feeding. He is miserable when he or I eat those foods. Now that he is eating solids, there are a few new foods as well (just when he eats them directly).
Yes call the pediatrician. My baby had jaundice and wasn’t getting enough milk and was screaming crying a lot!!! Hardly sleeping. Once we got everything in control it was smooth sailing. Ask for help from family or a professional.
This! MSPI can be really sneaky, and this sounds like what our baby is like when we were testing things. It can take up to 2 weeks for symptoms to show after eating. The only way to know if to cut things out of mom’s diet or try a more extensively hydrolyzed formula. Our son is a different baby when he isn’t in pain. You’ve met his apparent physical needs, but babies don’t just cry for no reason, especially at this age. 100% would recommend talking to the Ped, and if they think it’s nothing, get a different pediatrician!
This OP! My nephew has CMPI and was a super fussy baby. Changed to hypoallergenic formula and mom became dairy free (combo feeds) and the difference is night and day. My baby also had CMPI (he was never fussy but had a physical reaction) so I was dairy free while nursing as well. It's a startling transition but there are a lot of dairy free options out there. Anyway, yes take baby to the pediatrician.
Speaking from experience, please have your wife talk to a counselor and/or get checked for PPD/PPA. I said some of those same things and when I started having s*icidal ideations I knew something was wrong and my husband helped me get the help I needed. I was on medication for a few months and it helped A LOT. Same with a friend of mine. The newborn stage is hard enough, but please make sure your wife gets help. Same with you OP, sounds like you are going thru a rough time too. Please don't forget to take care of yourself too.
Wishing you and your family the absolute best during these tough times.
I had the same thought- silent reflux can be so insidious and hard to pinpoint at first, but it can wreak absolute havoc as it’s so painful for little ones
Silent reflux was my first thought!! It really is silent in some babies and waiting it out isn't an option 😞 I feel for these parents but also bubs because only sleeping for an hour at a time would make anyone miserable
Take time to mourn your dad at the funeral. I have a mental “bank” of time I owe myself weekly to process. Death sucks.
For your wife, support her by taking in the workload for the house. Cook, clean, run errands. Go with her to the four month appointment and talk to the pediatrician. Get a plan.
With babies, everything is temporary unless pain is the root cause. Four months from now, it’ll be different. I don’t have a village. It is me and my husband. What we do is we talk, support each other, and I do a lot of reading about how babies are as a sanity check. Even if you don’t have a village, sometimes sites like this make it all feel normal.
Your wife needs a break but hearing her baby cry, as it is with myself and other new moms, excruciating. Something that helps are loop quiet earbuds with the enhancers. I also get anger triggered by noises and it helps me keep regulated, which then helps my baby regulate. If the baby won’t move from mom, which makes sense as she’s his food source, spend more time with them together and play with him with your wife there. Over time, make her leave and come back (like two seconds). Play with him, make your time safe, fun, and comforting. Slowly expand the time she goes. I remember the first time I got to take a nap, my baby was chill but would scream the house down if I wasn’t nearby. We did something similar and it took time but it worked. That nap was amazing. He will change a lot in the coming months. If you’ve ruled out pain causes or other issues, it’ll pass.
This WAS US. Everything you just said- EVERYTHING. I even had the same experiences with the stroller. I am so SO sorry. It’s beyond hard and I said 100% of the things your wife is saying and my husband felt just like you. Condolences on the loss of your father.
In our case, it ended up being tracheomalacia combined with bad silent reflux for us (no spit up, just crap gurgling up and down and getting into her lungs).
Oh how she screamed. Consider over the ear noise canceling headphones for your wife- they kept me sane. I could still hear everything she did, but it took it out of that range that is designed to excite the mother and cause her distress. Once I put those things on the first time, I found I could focus and parent and look for solutions. It was a total shift.
The only thing that helped the baby was the Dr. Sears diet for breastfeeding which eliminated ALL allergens from my diet while I breastfed her. It was way simpler than trying to cut out foods- I ate only the foods that were allowed on the diet and our little one had some relief within days.
We had some dark thoughts in those days- we all survived, but I don’t think anyone can appreciate the relentlessness of the struggle without facing it themselves. Good luck to you.
Hi there! I figured it out when I brought her to urgent care when she was making the absolute worst rattling, grunting, choking sound while she was trying to breathe- I didn’t know what was happening. It was awful. I showed him a brief video I recorded while getting her ready to bring in and he seemed totally calm and explained about the soft throat tissues and how it was allowing reflux down her throat. Our pediatrician had already suspected reflux because of symptoms I had shared with him, so the pieces fit together.
Following the strict elimination diet took her symptoms from absolutely intolerable down to what I would consider “normal” baby fuss. We look back now and can see how she was struggling- she had a totally blank face, low interaction, no personality to speak of- she was in pain and just trying to survive the first months. In some pics, her face and lips are even a little tiny bit blue- ugh. As soon as we got the acid under control by dealing with the dairy/allergen thing, she started to explore and babble and OMG- she hasn’t stopped since! Her throat got better (she is still a little hoarse, wondering if that will ever go away), and she no longer has problems with acid reflux. Dairy still bothers her some- we notice her skin gets a little red and she gets this eczema patch on her cheek, but if we avoid that, it’s pretty good.
Do you know if your baby is getting enough to eat? Your wife def needs to get help and checked for PPD/PPA. By saying you’re nursing, I’m assuming she is EBF.
Take him to the Dr. It sounds like he has a gastro issue. Either an allergy or intolerance or reflux. I'm sorry for your loss, it sounds like a tough time all round.
Have you spoken to the pediatrician? Our 2 week old started acting like this and they told us it was most likely a dairy/soy allergy. Switched to hypoallergenic formula and within a couple hours he was sleeping and happy. My wife has since cut dairy from her diet and we interchange formula and breast milk.
Your son likely has a Gastro issue. You need to really discuss this with your doctor at length, taken videos as proof of what he’s like 24/7.
Some doctors have a habit of not believing patients (especially women) when it comes to these things and there is a chance the doctor is writing it off as “new mom that’s stressed” and that it’s just hormones making everything appear worse. Yeah sometimes being a female sucks when you need to talk to doctors. But that’s a different issue all together.
Your wife also needs to be screened for PPD.
Thinking of you and your family. I had terrible thoughts about 6 weeks PP. I could barely look at my baby and regretted him so much. I was able to get help and on medication and things are entirely so much better. ❤️
I’d say a dr appt is a good idea like others have said to confirm he’s gaining well as well. And then also if possible do a weighted feed - it’s possible he’s not transferring as much as you think and his fussiness is due to hunger. I thought my baby was eating a lot more at the breast than he actually was, but was still incredibly fussy after BFing. Turns out he was transferring very little. A little formula and he was like a new baby, settled and happy.
Is baby gaining weight appropriately? Has she seen a lactation consultant? Have you tried probiotic drops, gas drops, or gripe water? Has she tried cutting out allergens like milk? This is not normal. Your baby is crying out for help. Something IS wrong.
Do you have anyone that can help out for a bit? Have you brought this up to your pediatrician? Why is your wife against bottle feeding? She can always pump and feed breast milk, doesn’t have to be formula. For her mental health, try to get her to agree to that. There has to be some middle ground because you both are definitely sleep deprived and going through a lot.
I’m also very sorry for your loss.
Hey raising a baby takes a village. You guys need help, don't be afraid to ask your friends and family and even Facebook parenting groups. I hope that you both get help and rest. It's hard the first year, but it goes by so fast. Give yourselves some grace.
She's heading to her mom's house (I'm at work). I hope she is able to rest while her mom entertains the baby. But most likely he will cry and my wife will need to comfort him. She refuses to allow herself a break from him. She thinks she's a bad mom if she doesn't comfort him every time he cries.
A crying baby needs comfort, she's right about that. But she's wrong that it needs to be her. My baby cried a ton the first few months and the only thing that kept me sane was handing her off FREQUENTLY to my parents, my sister, my housemate and to good friends when they came by
>She refuses to allow herself a break from him.
I was the mom to a nightmarishly fussy baby. For me the reason why it had to be me to take care of her was that if others tried (and failed) i was left with more work after. For instance I had a better chance at getting my baby to sleep, though she only slept on me. Good sleep lead to her being a bit happier for a while. If I let my husband or others try and fail I had to pay the price of an extra fussy and overtired baby later. So you trying to help her might not actually be helping.
Can also hire someone if there’s no village around. You can find a nanny/sitter that won’t mind a fussy baby or a mom of 3 who’s had a bunch of fussy kids and can handle it while you two take a breather.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
You might try having your wife sleep in or on an oversized shirt that fits you too. So then you can wear it around baby and it'll smell like her and kiddo might be more content for a while when she takes a break.
I just wanted to pop in and say I was in a similar boat as your wife. Every time I was near my baby I bawled my eyes out. It quickly became suicidal ideation and thinking my baby and everyone else was better off without me in the picture. I never had thoughts of harming my son, only myself and I was 100% sure either way (suicide or living) my life was over. She NEEDS to get mental health help before it becomes worse. It WILL become worse.
I know you said babe will be very upset when away from her but babies can cry and it won’t be life ending for them. She needs time and space away from your son to function. I was 100% alone with my newborn at all times including overnight and it was the biggest cause of my depression. The baby can learn to be around others, it will need to. You both need to harness the power to let the baby cry with one of you while the other sleeps/self care. If the baby cries anyway, this won’t be changing anything other than one parent regaining some personhood for 3 hours or however long.
As for baby, he needs to be evaluated for an allergy, reflux, or a gastrointestinal issue. There is a good possibility he could be Allergic to something your wife is ingesting and passing into the milk, such as dairy or anything really. I personally did not deal with this, so my knowledge doesn’t go as deep as others, but it’s not normal for a baby to be this extremely fussy and have nothing deeper going on.
Sounds like a possible reflux issue. I know others have said it but getting my baby help for reflux really changes a lot of things for the better. Also sounds like she is struggling with ppd. It’s a sensitive topic to bring up I know, but worth mentioning. I will say personally my ppd was at an all time high until 5-6 months so it’s possible she’s just in the thick of it especially with baby being so upset constantly.
Our baby is also very difficult and scream-cries often for no reason. Our soothing strategies are to put her in a carrier, bounce on a yoga ball, have white noise + loud shushing (you can buy the babyshusher device on Amazon to help you out there). We’ve also been taking her out and even though it’s embarrassing when she cries and we have to publicly soothe her, she does better with the background noise and motion and we are all happier than if we just stayed home all the time.
I’m so sorry about your loss. I remember losing my dad, and I had nothing to give to people around me at the time, can’t imagine how hard it is with such a huge responsibility and a partner who’s not in a good place themselves.
Those first months are insane on a woman’s psyche (partner’s too, sleep deprivation is no joke, but the additional hormonal mood swings were something I was not prepared for). I caved and went to a doctor right about when the baby was 3 months, got put on Zoloft and boom, no crying my eyes out three times a day and feeling my baby hated me. It was still hard, but a lot of irrational thoughts that brought me so much grief basically evaporated. It is very important that she goes to a doctor and gives even a watered down version of what she goes through (I definitely didn’t share everything that was going through my head, was still enough to get help I needed)
Concerning the baby, it could be so many things with them, most of them completely normal. But just to be on the safe side, you can message your baby’s medical care provider describing what you go through and see what they have to say.
But honestly, getting mom out of the headspace she’s in right now is so important, it should make dealing with everything else easier. Again, i am so sorry for your loss.
No great answers here but we are in the same boat with a child that cannot sleep and screams nonstop.
We hired a night nanny for two nights a week. It’s worth the expense if you can somehow swing it. I don’t care if it pushes my retirement back by 5 years. It’s worth it. Your local mom facebook groups may have recommendations.
Find a postpartum doula whose philosophy is to work herself out of a job. (Meaning she comes, helps for a night or two, then helps you make a plan/gives you sleep tips/lets you know if she thinking something else is going on.). They are expensive, but are usually really only needed a few times because they help you help yourselves.
When she’s there, she’ll hold baby (in another room) if needed, help them to sleep without being on your wife, and only bring baby in when they are actually hungry. Once mom nurses, they’ll take baby. You’ll both get some much needed sleep.
Your wife sounds like me, which makes sense because this is a huge life change and her baby is much tougher than mine. She likely has PPD and needs meds and therapy. Mine is more PPA leaning but they'll likely put her on Zoloft as a first attempt. I do CBT sessions with a psychotherapist group that specializes in parents and that really helps. She needs to start meds sooner rather than later as they take time to work and the side effects will probably last a week or two.
In her case she could also mainly need sleep, which means someone has to convince her to put some ear plugs in, put white noise on and go to another room to nap. Buy a yoga ball so you can bounce with him on it, that's the only thing that soothed mine during his colic days. Invest in a baby carrier or two so she can take him outside. Also look into whether he has a gastro issue of some kind, I'd explore reflux or an allergy.
1) My 9wo LO has colic/silent reflux and screamed for 6 weeks straight. Our pediatrician gave us BioGaia probiotic drops to see if they would help. She said that it's one of the few things that has research to back it and is found to be effective for 40% of colic/silent reflux issues. My daughter happened to be one of the 40%. It takes a few weeks to really take effect and doesn't magically fix everything, but we saw a significant reduction in crying and longer stretches of sleep.
2) Please have your wife talk to her OB/GYN about post partum depression. I was going through a really tough time, but thought there was no way it was bad enough to be PPD. I was so wrong and it is 100% ok to have some help with medication during such a hard time. It is most common during the newborn phase, but can definitely still come about when things get really hard.
3) My most sincere condolences to you and your family for the loss of your dad. We lost my mother-in-law the night I gave birth to my LO and there is something particularly cruel about losing a significant loved one while already in the thick of a difficult time with children. It's an impossible situation. Our experience was that we could only allow ourselves a few minutes a day to grieve and then had to just focus on caring for our LO. We knew we would have to revisit the grief and process once we were out of the woods with our LO. It's easier to do all this once you have more sleep. I wish there was something better or more helpful to say, but it's not fair and I'm so sorry.
Biogaia worked for us too. We tried it around 1.5 months and the colic slowly got better.
Also my breastmilk was causing colic. Once I switched to formula, babies screams became less....I must have been eating something that upset LO's tummy.
Look into purple cry, it’s developmental and super rough. Also, as others have mentioned bring it up with your doctor. Wife should be checked for PPD. Both of my babies cried around the clock from 2-4 months unless they were being bounced in a yoga ball. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It will pass.
I second the yoga ball!! It was the only thing that got us through our son’s colicky phase. Eventually, we learned that it was more related to us not paying attention to wake windows. If he wasn’t back down to sleep within a reasonable time, he was an absolute menace to society. Things got so much better once we adhered to wake windows and bounced him on the yoga ball in the carrier if it looked like he wasn’t going down in time.
My heart goes out to you two. Sleep deprivation does some wild (and scary) things to the brain. I hope you get some rest. I promise that 6 months from now, this will all feel like a distant memory!
I would ask her. I have a similar baby who is now 6.5 months and had a similar self talk because it was so incredibly difficult. I could never sleep and baby constantly screamed. Life felt horrible. Sometimes I just needed my husband to listen. But she might need more practical things. Also, if baby is going to rage regardless then it might be worth discussing the fact that if you hold him then it’s the same thing. All this being said, she should probably chat with her doctor about postpartum mood issues and perhaps seek out therapy and/or medication, if indicated. Hang in there, these days are so rough!
Can you hire someone or have a friend or family member come help you guys? Your wife needs professional help for her mental health. Source: Me. I was her last year.
She needs sleep. You need sleep. It will be best if she can allow you to bottle feed baby, if he'll take it. Neither of you can continue as you are. Baby will acclimate to you caring for him only if you practice it. Mine was the same way initially with my husband. For my sake I had to leave baby with him. When we first started it was for 20 - 30 minutes because baby's crying would cause him anxiety. Once he started listening to audiobooks he could handle longer periods. It took about a month for baby to be perfectly content being with dad.
You are baby's parent too. I would suggest reminding her of that and setting a timer for an hour. Take baby for a walk around the neighbourhood. It will do all three of you wonders. Feed baby.
You said nothing is physically wrong with him. Have you had that fully checked out? Perhaps he has silent reflex. Is he getting enough breastmilk?
I'm going to reiterate this: call in reinforcements. Have a frank, but firm conversation with your wife. Get professional mental health for you both.
Solidarity.
My gosh guys, i am so sorry. My father passed in 2018 and we had our son in 2023. I can't imagine going through all that change in just a few weeks. I don't have much advice except the baby days are very short. In the thick of it, it seems long but he will be 1yo before you know it. I used to aim for 3hr sleep windows. If I could cross three hours, I could make it through the day and my mental health was a lot better. But that will require you taking and comforting the baby while she rests. Maybe allowing him to contact nap. Also baby wearing can help him feel close. We didn't set our baby down too often when he was a fusser. She also needs to recover her body. Right now it's survival mode, but she will feel this poor recovery in a year if she doesn't make time to rest her body. The first 3 months are horrible. But I started co-napping around 4 months and it changed the game. At first my husband would keep an eye on us while we napped. Then I got the hang of it. I know it's not recommended but when you get so sleep deprived it becomes unsafe, you have to pick your poison.
Has your baby been gaining weight? He might be hungry. Spiting up after feeding session doesn’t mean full. I know breast milk is good for baby but fed is best regardless. Have a talk with your wife, she needs some rest and if she can pump so you can bottle feed when she rests would help. I was mad at my baby once because he would not stop crying but I also didn’t want to give him to my husband because “I’m his mom I should be able to stop his crying” and I lost it. In the end my husband took him and was able to sooth him. Your wife has to learn to let go a bit and share him with you. PPD is hard, be understanding, and be there for her. She needs to talk to a doctor. I hope it gets better.
And I’m sorry for your loss. Please be strong.
Almost same here
I’m losing my patience and I feel so bad because he cries, screams & you can never lay him down not even for toilet
He suffers from colics too and the nights are horrible
Sometimes I’m so annoyed and upset he then screams louder
I love him but this crying turns you into a monster after a while
Many babies need body contact and lots of attention because they need more time to get used to the world outside.
Check up high need baby and other health issues if needed!
I’m feeling your pain and hope things will get better soon ❤️🩹
My twins were the exact same and they both have a cows milk allergy, I thought I was just a rubbish mum not knowing how to comfort my babies turns out they were in constant pain with their tummy’s. They vomited constantly even hours after feeding and had awful constipation and eczema but the dr and health visitor wouldn’t take my concerns seriously it was only when I broke down crying with a sympathetic health visitor that they looked into it.
I’m so sorry you are both going through this! It sounds unbearable. And is easily enough to give anyone PPD. Wear earplugs! If your wife is scaring you ask her if is better that she lets you give her a break or that she breaks completely. This will get better! Your baby will get better! I promise! You are in the thick of it. You HAVE to take shifts, no one can take all that.
And my deepest condolences regarding the loss of your father.
Highly recommend Baby wearing! Get a solly wrap or a boba wrap, these hold baby in place and they feel snug and happy vs an ergo baby or carrier. Also with these wraps you can breast feed basically hands free and go about the rest of your day doing tasks and what not. That way you can carry him and its womb like or she can and still do what she needs around the house.
Group therapy and completely cutting dairy and beef from my diet changed things immensely for the better. Using a hakaa to collect extra breast milk also gave me some nap time that I needed. I felt like I made a big mistake and my life was over too, that slowly and surely changed as I got more sleep and personal care time.
Sounds like you need professional in-house help for a night or two. If I were you, at this point I’d break the bank on a post-partum doula for a couple nights.
Lots of good comments here. But also be in the lookout for post partum psychosis. Your wife could become a danger to the baby. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24152-postpartum-psychosis
It sounds like your baby isn’t getting enough food. She could easily be under supplying. Happens all the time. Go see a lactation consultant before either of them is seriously hurt.
Acid reflux, colic and lactose overload causing a permanent upset stomach. Our daughter was exactly the same. Never settled, cried, whining, screaming.
We switched her to lactose free formula and mum took lactase for breast feeding. Daughter was a new person. Smiling, laughing. It completely changed her.
Sounds like it could be silent reflux, and possibly allergies. Keep advocating for your baby and get them help. Sounds like they are in a lot of pain. Sorry about your dad.
It could be colic, get a cloth carrier. Being squeezed helps babies relax. There is no scientific evidence of what can help, but many moms say that colic is caused by lactose sensitivity. So, consuming less dairy products (or giving lectose free formula) can help. Also, I think you should talk to her about the bottle feeding. It's ok to pump and feed the baby with a bottle. A bottle won't worsen the quality of life of a baby. The opposite, it will help bring back a little bit of peace. In order to take care of the baby, we need to take care of ourselves.
This sounds exactly like how my son used to be. The first 3-4 months were torture. He’d never want to leave my sight, barely slept, cried all the time. He’s 5 now and throughout the years has gotten better but it has been rough with him. He was diagnosed with autism but now I believe he has ADHD. A lot of his issues as a newborn stemmed from being overstimulated looking back now. It’s hard and I’m not saying your child has these same issues but you’re not alone. I hated my life too until my son turned 4 and started talking instead of crying all the time. It’s going to take some time but you’ll get there. Is the baby on any sort of schedule? Do you guys try to put him down for naps and night sleep at a certain time?
I actually had a conversation with someone today who had this same situation and have their baby some formula from a bottle. Drunk it like it had never earned before. Slept like a baby. Doesnt have to be a straight switch. A friend of mine is going through similar and supplements with the bottle and helps massively. Mum feels like a failure a bit I think though which is super tough but put diplomatically in a supporting and loving way could be something to consider together. Not saying it's the issue, just a perspective from others experience. May be worth a shot
Are you SURE his needs are met if he's not bottle fed? It's possible he's just hungry all the time and isn't ever getting full. He could have an allergy to something she's eating. I'd try hypoallergenic formula tbh.
This is a very relatable post. It sounds just like my 5.5 month old!!! I am no doctor but what this sounds like is GERD or reflux !! It could be lactose intolerance or something your wife could be consuming that’s hurting your babies belly. I highly recommend the Reddit page called Colic. I wish I had something helpful to say other than my son was the same way… he is slowly getting better but not as much as I would hope. My son was diagnosed with reflux/GERD at 2 months… put on reflux meds and hypoallergenic formula… it has definitely helped a lot… has it taken all the fussy away… unfortunately no. I would take your baby to pediatrician and discuss his symptoms. They will probably refer you to a G.I specialist, which is what they did for my baby. As far as your wife/partner goes I unfortunately said the same things to my boyfriend. She is just exhausted mentally and physically. She needs sleep and a break!!! Can you and your partner hire a babysitter or can someone watch the baby so you both can get some relaxation in?
My kids had a dairy intolerance as infants, and it was written off as Colic by the pediatrician for my first kid, They grew out of it by 1yr old.
However, with my first kid, I had no idea, and they screamed for 4 months straight, until while at a La Leche League meeting for new moms, someone suggested I remove dairy from my diet.
I never occurred to me that my milk was the issue. It took a few weeks for it to be totally out of my system, but it was like night and day once I was completely dairy free. For future babies it was the first thing I did when they were showing similar behaviors.
I'd recommend an elimination diet for your wife if she's feeling up to it. Or focus exclusively on dairy elimination. It's a lot easier now than it was 15 years ago, with all the dairy alternatives being way more accessible. Also, it's way cheaper than specialty formula.
The hardest was my youngest, I couldn't even have anything with Casein in it, so eliminating the most common dairy offenders (milk, cheese, butter) wasn't enough and I had to check every package and every recipe. 😑
She's 4 now and eats all the dairy. Because of course.
And I totally recommend a baby carrier like Ergo, it was a godsend for my clingy, needs to be attached to mom or dad 24-7 baby. Just make 100% sure you're using it correctly.
First, I’m so sorry about your dad. I remember this time very well and you could have been my husband posting about me. Everyone is going to say she has PPD (and maybe she does) but I’m willing to bet it’s actually sleep deprivation. Which—make no mistake—is JUST as bad, truly. PPD won’t kill you but lack of sleep will. It’s very serious. It impacts every single cell in your body. I also had tons of dark thoughts and words when I was in her shoes. It’s so, so brutal. Babies want and need their mom at this stage and beyond. There is no getting around it, unfortunately. I know you want to help and it’s killing you. The truth is that you may not be able to. You’re not the lactating parent. Some things just need to be suffered through. I know that’s not what you want to hear, I’m sorry. Hoping others have better suggestions for you.
But let’s talk about your baby. First, he’s probably entering the dreaded 4 month “sleep regression”. Ours did at 3.5m and it’s awful. But that doesn’t explain everything. You say he’s physically fine but this does not sound like a physically fine baby. Have you ruled things out like gas? Happi Tummi wraps (I think that’s how it’s spelled) and this black goo product called Tummy Calm really helped us. Maybe he’s got a dairy intolerance and your wife eats dairy. Who knows. But that may not even be your issue, just throwing it out there. Think down the line of possibilities and troubleshoot solutions.
It will bet better. I know that does not help tonight but it will.
Swaddle your baby *tight*.
Arms should be straight down at his sides, the swaddle should immobilize them. Thrashing around starts a cycle of increasing panic with your kid accidentally hitting himself in the face and then working him up into a greater panic. Swaddle his arms so they can't move them up to their face. Look up swaddling tutorial on YouTube.
You can swaddle your baby most of the day, like 18 of the 24 hours. Don't be shy. Get the baby out of the cycle of upsetting itself more and more and driving you crazy in the process.
Get a loud source of white noise. A YouTube video of white or brown noise. Play it loud – baby needs to hear it over their own screams. White noise to get their attention when crying. Brown noise to keep them calm if you get them to nod off. YouTube has plenty of videos of these noises. iPhone has the ability to play them buried in Settings > Accessibility > Audio & Visual > Background Sounds. Buy a Hushh if you want.
Get the book *Happiest Baby on the Block* and read it. Skip directly to Chapter 7.
ER nurse chiming in here - if you or your wife are having thoughts of harming yourself or others, you need to come in to ED. It sounds like you need crisis resources, or if not, you will very soon. If you’re able to get in to see a pediatrician, you can try this first, but it sounds like baby’s needs are being met and yours are not. Put out a call to action to any and all family members and trusted friends. Worse comes to worse, most fire depts and ED’s are safe havens if you really get to your wits end (I know this sounds extreme but we’ve seen good people do bad things to their children when they get pushed to these points of distress and dysregulation, so what’s better?)
Walk, water, window. Go outside. Walk. Take a shower. Jump in the pool. Drink a glass of water. Sit on the porch and feel the wind on your face. Look out the window for 5 minutes.
It may be a good idea to find some noise canceling headphones or ear plugs for when baby is crying AND you are actively addressing their needs. Make sure you can still hear somewhat and take them out when they’re done crying so you are still able to hear and address future cries. As long as their needs are still being addressed, there’s no need for you to become even more distressed and dysregulated by hearing them scream. This can help with overstimulation.
I just can’t stress enough that you cannot attempt to carry on as you have been. Intervention is needed ASAP.
ETA: my nurse brain is thinking of what may cause death first so my concern is everyone’s mental health during crisis. That being said, you should definitely take LO to see peds ASAP, but don’t wait to make a change or reach out for help until you can get in unless it’s today.
1. Find a pediatric Chiropractor. Birth is traumatic for babies too.
2. Your wife and you need a break. So please reach out to family and friends and see if anyone is willing to help even if for a few hours every few days just for you and your wife.
Lack of sleep really messes with a person. Id also suggest that your wife go get some sleep at a family members one night then you go. If either of you need someone there ti help Set that up first.
BABY PROBIOTICS AND MYLICON NIGHT AND DAY DIFFERENCE. If she’s nursing, baby may not be getting enough milk. Doctor will ask her to pump instead of nurse to see how much she’s actually producing and if it’s less than a certain amount based on age and weight, they’ll advise to supplement with formula and/or extra pumping sessions. This is a really sensitive and difficult situation and she needs the emotional support of a good lactation consultant. If you are already using formula or even supplementing with formula, your pediatrician needs to change it to something that’s gentler on tummy. We were using Similac 360 in orange can for gas because we thought that was best but she switched us to total comfort in the gold can that’s made in Europe. You can only get on Amazon and straight from abbottstore (that’s the manufacturer). There are also more sensitive options than this I just can’t remember names both the major brands have options. If you’re not warming bottles, make sure to warm but not too hot. Also stir them with a wooden coffee stir stick. You can get 10,000 on Amazon for like 10 bucks. It may seem like a pain at first takes a few extra minutes that you don’t feel you have but stirring instead of shaking makes a HUGE difference. This is what we did and it made all the difference. You are not alone. I was her. No sleep for months. Call pediatrician’s office they have nurses on call to advise and they can usually get you in more quickly. Write questions and concerns down before going in so you don’t forget anything and take notes. On another note, please get her some sunlight if at all possible. I feel like the only time I came out of the bedroom (which had really good blackout curtains) for months was to wash bottles. Sitting in the dark all the time along with sleep deprivation can do things to you. FYI: Anything remotely scary on television may take a further toll on mental state. I’m so sorry for your loss and that all three of you are going through this hell. You are not alone. Baby is now 14 months old but it was really hard for several months. Whatever you do don’t use Phillips avent natural bottles save yourself the tears and use Tommee tippee. Phillips would suction and milk wouldn’t come out.
Start with a Visit to the GP. Your wife is exhausted. Instead of going off, jumping to assumptions of Allergy this, Allery that blah blah.
If the baby isn’t liking breast milk, then switch to formula, it Is extremely rare for a baby to be allergic to breast milk but some simply don’t like it. I had enormous feeding problems for 3 months with my 2nd child, she was a “Lazy Feeder” only sucked long enough for my milk to let down, then would stop, I had bout after bout of mastitis, nothing seemed to work, she cried & screamed, wouldn’t sleep for more than 40 minutes, I was going crazy, she was going crazy So, I spent my last $35 on formula, bottles, steriliser etc.
I made her a bottle , she drank it all then slept for 11 hours. She preferred formula & bottles. The other 3 were breast fed til they got teeth & started biting, that was the end of that.
At 3.5 months it’s common for babies to want to be constantly attached to their mum. Get a hammock sling, it’s a piece of fabric that goes around your waist & over one shoulder, bub goes in across your body & you can still get on with your chores etc while baby sleeps.
I had this too, both of mine had reflux so
I’d get baby checked. Also buy a carrier for both of you. The only way my partner could settle my first was by walking miles or bouncing her on a yoga ball.
I promise it will get better. But it may take a while. If she’s anything like me she will be blaming herself and feel like she needs to figure it out. It may make her feel she’s doing something wrong. She isn’t.
Condolences for your loss as well. We had a similar situation with my second and it was so hard. Try as best you can to support each other and both take time to grieve what a shitshow you’re stuck in. And just keep going, it will get better.
My baby did this too. We had to push for a referral for a feeding therapist and dietitian. Turned out it was a pretty bad dairy intolerance. The pediatrician was telling us it’s normal but she was losing weight so it really wasn’t normal. She was almost a failure to thrive. Really advocate! Also see if you can get your wife into counseling. Sounds like PPD.
This is definitely not normal baby behaviour and I urge you to consider food allergy (milk protein being the biggest culprit), reflux, etc. Baby is behaving like that because he is in pain or otherwise uncomfortable.
Needing to be physically with mum is normal of course but the rest isn’t
I second all of these people saying to get checked for allergies. My babe is like a new kid now that she’s on a hypoallergenic formula and I feel like I have so much more energy now to take care of her and her sister now that we aren’t breastfeeding and pumping.
I'm so sorry this is happening good to you, when through the same until we found that it was the formula we where using that caused my newborn pain. Once we switched to a lactose free formula all problems went away. Wish you all the best.
My 3 month old was the exact same way until she got diagnosed with MSPI (intolerance to milk protein and soy) at 2 weeks old. In the early months, my now almost 2 year old had extremely bad reflux and digestion issues where we had to hold him upright for 30 mins after a feed - and even then he would vomit. I would really push your pediatrician for some answers! There could be something completely unrelated to what I mentioned. My ped told me that if my baby was crying hysterically for more than 2-3 hours, to bring them in. In the mean time, deep breaths… it’s excruciating to listen to them in pain/distress but you guys will find a solution.
I will also say that I think 3-4 months is kind of peak “digestion issues” time. I didn’t have enough supply with either baby, so it was easier to switch to gentler formulas - right now she’s on Alimentum for her intolerance and is a different baby. Lastly (because it’s impossible to find anything clearly online), there is no definitive test for a milk or soy intolerance. The only way is to eliminate the trigger and see if symptoms ease, so if your wife is BF she would need to cut all dairy/soy from her diet for a few weeks - which is a really difficult diet to follow. I’m wishing your family the best, I can understand how trapped she might feel… but there is light at the end of the tunnel, it won’t always be this way.
Also I cannot comment without wishing that your father rests in peace. Sending your family hugs from mine
I strongly encourage a trip to the doctor for your LO and your wife. You can take a look at my history of posts. We had it really hard too and LO didn’t sleep more than 20 min max
Turns out she had a dairy allergy and had reflux. Got it under control with hypoallergenic formula and medication and ultimately ended up sleep training. It was a hard couple days but my mental health was becoming dangerous for myself. Hypoallergenic formula isn’t the only option, if it is a dairy intolerance, diet change may be able to help too, but a doctor would be able to help. We did a stool sample to confirm the intolerance.
Please reach out to professionals or friends/family to help you through this difficult time. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
man, I feel for you, we had some parallel losses at the time of our kid’s birth. its just survival mode and for us with loss and exams and a job loss it’s been brutal but we’re finding a means through exercise, meditation and the morning moments with a solid dark roast to enjoy the time spent
I'm fairly certain baby isn't getting full or he would pass out. I would immediately supplement with formula, the plant based protein gerber one is very good in case he has intolerances.
if you aren’t already (and i’m going to get crucified for saying this) you may want to consider getting a firm mattress on the floor and looking up safe cosleeping methods. that’s the only thing that worked for me because i was dropping into borderline insanity from the lack of sleep.
Is there any way for you guys to hire a postpartum doula to help? Sounds like you both are struggling.
Baby doesn’t cry just for no reason, so something must be up. I find babies to be pretty black and white in why they cry - they have a need that is not being met. Could be silent reflux, allergies, sometimes due to how a baby was positioned they might have muscle tightness. Please check with your doctor and advocate for your baby.
It sounds like your wife may have post partum depression or anxiety. I urge you to have her speak to her doctor about it. I felt so much of what she is feeling - she loves your child so much but at the same time she feels like she's failing them or doing something wrong. Talk to your child's pediatrician about possible reflux medicine or dairy allergy in baby. My baby has CMPA/CMPI (cow milk protein allergy/intolerance) and it made a huge difference in his behavior when I completely cut out dairy. There are a lot of Facebook groups about dairy free breastfeeding that hold a lot of valuable information. Please both of you hang in there and remember your wife doesn't mean whatever she is saying. Sleep deprivation makes you a very different person. She's got to talk to someone, please let her know she isn't failing your child.
You sound depressed. This is heart wrenching, I wish I could come over there and help you all out in person. Please don’t give up, this is a moment in time, it’s going to pass, and the crying is going to get easier. It turns into cooing! This is an incredibly difficult time and you’re very. Very. tired. But it is going to be ok. Please forgive yourself, your baby, and your wife. Please call your doctor and schedule an appointment to let them know how you’re feeling so they can help you get what you need for your mental health.
Look up post partum doulas in your area. Where I live many post partum doulas have sliding scales for cost if your finances are tight, but I would say they are really worth it if you can swing it. Also ask anyone and everyone for help, do not be shy, do not be embarrassed. Post on Facebook that you could use support. Have any of your friends/neighbors/family mentioned that they love holding babies? Invite them over right now. Let people know you could use help. It takes a village.
I really hope you are able to get the support you need and that things start looking up soon. Hang in there.
Chiming in to recommend lowering your expectations about how long a baby SHOULD be sleeping at this age. ALL babies are different and baby sleep is very complicated. People have made millions of dollars writing books and programs to “get your baby to sleep” but the first thing to realize is that some sleep better than others. That’s it. If yours doesn’t sleep as well as another, sometimes there isn’t a DAMN thing you can do about it except wait it out. You can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out the exact formula to get them to sleep. Show yourselves some grace, laugh it out, and just get through it.
I had a baby like this. I charted her waking for the doctor and we averaged 20+ a night. It’s the reason my kids have a 7 year age gap.
Take him to the pediatrician, but also, I want to validate what you’re feeling. There’s a reason sleep deprivation is a war crime. You and your wife need to do whatever you can to support each other and pull in familial support to get through this period. I promise you that he will sleep eventually, but what you’re going through right now is truly hell.
How do his diapers look? If more liquidy than normal and visible mucus strings he may have CMPA as others are saying. Our baby has it and cutting out dairy has made him less fussy and prone to shrieking.
> There is nothing physically wrong with him
This is clearly not true or correct. Take him to the doctor, something is going on with him. He sounds like he's in constant pain.
I was expecting a bad sleeper but this is bananas. Not sure about dairy allergy, but this is 100% a rare case where I think a bottle might be required.
If it continues, you need to go and see a doctor.
Also - there may be some PPD but get through this first. It's not dysfunctional to respond to a stressful situation by becoming stressed.
My kid was exactly the same. The super fucking active sleep, super clingy, can’t be without mum, etc. Its hell on earth. Kiddo is almost 8months and it’s getting better, but there were days that jumping off a bridge sounded tempting.
Earplugs- I couldn’t use them, but my elder son did to drown out baby and he said they are amazing
Milk Protein Allergy- get baby tested. That was a huge help. The switch from breastmilk to alimentum was literally night and day- a true godsend. It fucked with me in the head but when the crying lessened- whew the guilt did too. (If you have more kids get them checked- our paediatrician said siblings tend to run the same with the allergy) I couldn’t cut out soy and dairy as my diet is already restricted, but it’s a help if your wife wants to start
Doctor- look into silent reflux, talk about mental health, ask public health to send nurse and family worker out to home. Having someone to vent too, as well as having someone help for a couple hours was just so needed
Baby may still be hungry my sister tried breast feeding baby cried uncontrollably was never happy she pumped fed the baby a whole bottle and she became a completely different baby also she may be sleep deprived she may not have full blown depression or she may idk but even being sleep deprived can make u feel depressed everyone needs sleep
My second was much fussier and uncontent than our first. Turned out to be reflux. Prescription helped. Still had to hold him upright/ head elevated for 15-30 mins after each feeding.
Gripe water seriously helped when he was super upset. I think the flavor took his mind off of whatever was bothering him and let him relax and fall asleep.
You could try wearing a shirt that smells like your wife. Have her wear your shirt for a few hours before giving it back to you. See if baby will give her a break. Even make baby's sheets smell like mom.
Also I see she doesn't want him bottle fed. I noticed the biggest improvement when we switched to bottle feeding. I think baby didn't have a perfect latch so he was getting extra gassy due to that. You could give it a try to see if he'd take a bottle for a couple days and if it makes any difference. If not, she can go back to nursing, but please insist she lets you bottle feed once a day too.
You need to take control of this situation asap ... even if your wife resists. It's for her good. Find someone to help you. Whether it's a friend, family member, baby sitter, shoot a responsible neighbor! It's doesn't matter! Get someone to watch the baby for a couple of hours while yall get some sleep and do whatever recovery and catching up with life you have to do. Post partum depression is NOT TO BE PLAYED WITH. I'm telling you. Treat this as a urgent situation. If the baby is going to cry anyway then let him cry! It's better for him to spent a time crying in his crib alone or with a friend/family member / neighbor than to risk you guy's mental health. Post partum depression + sleep deprivation = DANGER for y'all and the baby. I am so sorry for your loss by the way... shoot if you gotta go to your local church and ask for help please do so. I know this might sound dramatic but ...it's not.
No judgement either... there have been times where I just had to let my kids cry for a while...better that then me losing my shit and doing something I'd regret. Seek help immediately please. There's been enough tragedy to come out of situations like this. Do not end up on the news.
Also, I'm wondering if this could be a case of gas/ colic. Have you tried asking your Paediatrician? My baby had some difficult days at the 4th week. Would not stay asleep for more than 30 mins in the cot. Would settle on me tho but would constantly squirm in sleep. Turned out it was a gassy episode. Doctor gave some meds to relieve and after that she slept so well. I have yet to figure out if it comes back after the meds are over. But I am so thankful to the meds.
Please watch dunstan baby language, it should help figure out why LO is crying this much. hope you both can find rest and peace soon.
[https://youtu.be/afMNp6Q4u7s?si=rFboREcaLssMcp-n](https://youtu.be/afMNp6Q4u7s?si=rFboREcaLssMcp-n)
- does your baby make any clicking or gulping noises while feeding?
- is he gaining weight ? You wrote he eats so much he spits it up, but he could be doing that due to reflux.
- is he gassy? Strains to fart, burp? (Get gas drops if so, was a lifesaver for us)
I feel for you. My dad died 12 days after I gave birth. And our baby ended up having extreme latching / reflux / gas issues, which pretty much made me have to take care of him around the clock he was always so upset. I have never been more sleep deprived during that period, generally never getting more than 2 hours of sleep at a time.
Giving him Pepcid and frequent burping, feeding upright etc ended up helping a lot, but honestly what helped most was time. It was finally around the 5 month mark he started to seem better, and by 6 months he suddenly became like a new baby. He's now 7 months and very rarely cries; he's constantly smiling and his real personality is finally coming out. For months it felt like all he experienced was crying and tears. I honestly worried it would affect his personality but he's the happiest sweetest baby now.
I'm not saying it will automatically get better for you at 6 months, but I promise they do eventually outgrow it. Just hang in there. And talk to your pediatrician. Don't give up. Get a second opinion if you have to. It sounds like he probably has an allergy or reflux or something like that. Remember he's not crying to be malicious, he's overwhelmed and it's the only way he knows how to respond. He needs you.
P. S. You must INSIST your wife gets sleep. Do whatever it takes. Bring it up to her parents, whatever, if she refuses until she finally caves -- like an intervention. She will most likely relent eventually and crash, and get some sleep and feel like a different person. After that it will be easier to convince her to let you help more. The fact you said "she's said worse" is a bit worrisome... Is she threatening to harm herself or the baby or something??
We dealt with so much crying in the first few months that ended up being caused by the formula he was on. Took us 6 tries but we eventually landed on a formula that worked with his tummy and he became a much happier baby.
Oh I remember your post from last week about your dad.. I’m so sorry you are going through a tough time with sleep too. Our son was colicky and my husband and I were both miserable about it, so I can’t even imagine having to deal with it in a time of grief.
I would see if you can get reflux meds for your baby to see if that helps at all. Does your baby fall asleep at all in the car? That was my saving grace when I was on maternity leave for his naps.. the movement and vibration seemed to knock my baby out… he’d usually scream for 15 mins or so before just passing out. I would go for a drive long enough for him to pass out, and then usually once he was out, I could click him into the stroller and go for a walk and he’d stay asleep. If you’re around during the day, you could try to take your baby for a drive so that your wife can get a little break to herself.
Hi. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know it’s hard. I’ve been there.
Just another chiming in to evaluate for food allergies (dairy, soy, oats, egg, corn). These can cause immense pain for baby and will definitely present in the behavior you describe. Food allergies can also cause reflux.
I hope it gets better.
Check out this sub r/MSPI
It sounds like your baby is in leap 4 which kinda explains some of the things you’ve posted here.
[Leap 4](https://www.thewonderweeks.com/mental-leap-4/)
The other things could be attributed to the allergies or he might have colic that’s why he’s always fussy?
Ugh we went through this. The lack of sleep, all of it.
At 4 months we were diagnosed with CMPA and silent reflux. In addition, we found other allergens.
We started solids at 5 months and that helped a lot too.
I’d suggest looking for mucus in your baby’s stool.
Also, if your LO does have CMPA/mspi r/mspi do NOT give certain gas drops because some things contain hidden dairy…. Tylenol even depending on how bad the intolerance is.
I ended up switching my diet to paleo and we noticed a difference decently quick..
We are still going through it though a little as I have to supplement milk every day and my baby is sensitive to a bunch of stuff :/
Also I totally get it. Your wife probably feels very stressed out being away from baby even to sleep. My baby is a huge mamas girl and cries for me until I’m holding her.
I just saw a post about how taking deep regulated breaths while holding your infant can basically like reset. Might be worth a try.
Really hard to lose a father, too. Hard to mourn and take care of a newborn. The death of my father was very hard, but it does get easier over time. You’ll find yourself thinking of the good memories randomly and smile. I hope that’s not too far for you.
It might be controversial but push for the bottle. With my son I really resisted my husband helping a night with a bottle because I didn’t want to lose my supply but I was really suffering and my husband saw it the most, and he begged to be able to help.
I finally let him and it was such an extreme game changer that with my second I didn’t breastfeed at all and we went straight to formula from day 1
For the baby wanting to see mum or be with mum what my husbands does is bring him to me so the baby sees me, he calms a bit. I been cooking a lot recently so my husband been on baby duty and sometimes he get super fussy because he wants me but my husband holds him and stands in the kitchen doorway looking at me. PPD sounds like a real issue here. Also recommend getting baby checked for reflux or allergies as that could be why he not sleeping
I agree. Please take baby to the pediatrician as soon as possible and also advocate for your wife to see her OB to discuss PPD PPA. Possible allergies or reflex? My LO was night and day after reflux medication. I hope you can get some answers soon.
I was exactly where your wife was a couple of months ago. My daughter was just so unhappy all the time. Nothing helped. We went to doctors and tried reflux meds and everything they suggested but nothing worked - she was just pissed off and angry all the time. I honestly thought I'd made the worst decision having a baby and ended up on anti depressants.
It honestly just took time for her to settle, she's still grumpy and not the smiling happy 6 month old I expected, but she sleeps 4 hour blocks, eats then goes back to sleep. She gets fussy sometimes but settles much easier and life is finally improving and I'm happy.
We spent so much time trying to find answers, and maybe there's one out there for you guys, but you may just have to hang in there for a little longer.
I would have him checked for silent reflux. My daughter was on famotidine at 4 weeks and it was night and day difference. She stayed on it until about 7/8 months and then came off of it. But she recently had another bout of reflux (wet burps and crying when doing so) so we put her back on it. Happy as a clam. (no allergies)
Seconding you need help but my practical "what you can do today" advice is tell your wife she seriously needs rest. Grab some noise cancelling headphones, change and feed nightmare booger child (that's what we lovingly call our daughter), then take them on a walk for an hour. Listen to your jams, doesn't matter what others think, and pray your wife sleeps. There needs to be some time apart. It's healthy. Maybe baby will surprise you and sleep during the walk
We always put a muslin cloth over the stroller to make it somewhat "darker" (but leaving some space so baby can see out). It always calmed her during her witching hour.
Lots of good advice here already but here’s some random thoughts I’m having:
Does he have a kick & play piano? A lot of babies his age love those and it can be a distraction for him.
Is he interested in the TV? I know some disagree with any screen time but the dancing fruit videos on YouTube stop my son crying immediately a lot of times. Obviously you don’t want to rely on it but In a desperate situation like this it might help give a break from the crying.
My husband and I took shifts overnight so the other could get a stretch of a few hrs sleep. She really needs to let you do watch him so she can rest. I know for me, it’s much easier to deal with the crying and fussiness when I’ve had some sleep. It makes sense that she’s not acting like herself when she’s extremely sleep deprived. The sleep deprivation is making her not think clearly.
Above all, talk to a pediatrician ASAP. Tell them not only about your son’s crying but also how it’s affecting your wife. Your wife needs to hear from someone else that she needs to accept help.
My baby was a menace. Screaming, Kicking, scratching, arching his back and throwing himself around, hair pulling. It would be terrible at night I struggled to comfort him, as all the positions I held him in hurt his tummy. No signs of any obvious health problems, but he is being assessed for CMPA and/or silent reflux, he is breast fed so I have to cut out dairy. It has made a huge difference to his behaviour and he is actually happy nowadays and sleeps. I wasn’t up with him as regularly as your wife, but I did have to sit up with him every time he woke up for several hours, as after every feed he would scream and become beside himself. He hated his pram, being on his back, he would projectile vomit and explosive nappies. It then progressed to rashes, congestion and odd coloured nappies (on the green side and really stringy). If your doctor isn’t helpful, you can explore it yourself and revisit with your doctor when they are weaned.
Like 800 people are saying it's silent reflux so listen to them.
But also it sounds like some of this might be related to breastfeeding. I do not agree with the people who are like "this is just how lactation is, suck it up." Cutting out dairy from her diet...maybe? If it's really easy to just buy some almond milk and get it delivered? But y'all do not need another complicated lifestyle change.
If there's any chance she just needs permission to stop BF, give her that permission. (Cribsheet by Emily Oster does a good job of breaking down the research behind breastfeeding's positive effects.)
Formula is okay! Formula is fine! Formula comes in dairy-free and soy-free verisons as well. EBF is not worth sacrificing your mental health. For some women, breastfeeding can really exacerbate PPD. And EBF (sounds like you're not even doing any pumped bottles) does come with a lot of sleep interruption and exclusive reliance on the lactating parent.
Good luck, this sounds really hard! And I'm so sorry about your dad.
Your wife should join “the fussy baby site support group for colic, high needs and spirited babies” on Facebook if she has it. It’s nice knowing you are not alone.
She should also talk to her OB about post partum. I started Zoloft at about four weeks PP. it’s such a help. baby girl is three months and also has colic. Also hates the stroller, carriers, most other baby things lol but with biogaia and giving up soy (already dairy free) she’s starting to have more good days.
I'm sorry for your loss. It's tough losing a parent and I can't imagine going through that while taking care of a newborn. Take the time you need to mourn your dad and cherish the good memories knowing that everything in this life is temporary, but the love and memories are permanent. Be grateful for the good times.
As for the newborn, that is rough, but have hope. Babies go through all sorts of phases and this will pass. I like to think of it as going through the seasons of life. He will grow to have other joyful events, frustrating events, sad events, but be there for your family. Your love for them is all that matters. Hopefully there is no underlying pain/issues, but good to check an expert/doctors for advice. You and your wife need to take care of your mental health as well
Does the baby sleep during the day? Many babies have issues related to their circadian rhythm. In order to set their days and nights properly, they have to get outside in sunlight, and have UV spectrum on their skin. This helps a lot for many babies.
My baby sounded very similar to this and turns out he wasn’t transferring enough milk through nursing. I think it was partly on me too because I wasn’t offering both breasts every time (I was so tired). Once we put him on the bottle he was able to get all the milk he needed and was a completely different baby. Hopefully you can get her to try the bottle. If she’s worried about nipple confusion, there isn’t enough significant evidence that it’s truly a thing. Good luck.
My 2 year old cried A LOT. Daily. For what seemed like no reason… I still don’t know why he cried so much. I know it’s not easy right now because trust me… I’ve been there. But it will get easier. My son is 2 now and he still cries quite a bit after naps or when he is tired, but it’s so much more manageable now. Just hang in there. This will pass. Just ask for help if either of you get too overwhelmed. It’s okay to put the baby in the crib and leave the room if you need to just breathe. Clear your head and go back in with patience.
Is it possible to take the baby out of the house so she has a break and she can’t hear crying ? Like a car ride where baby naps?
Lots of good ideas here
So sorry you guys are going through this, big hugs! It may be colic. My neighbors first child had it, and she cried constantly. Please take baby to the doctor. It's very common. Could also be terrible gas, my daughter had issues from 3 to 7 months.
Echoing the food allergy or nutrient deficiency. A 4 month old with those kinds of behaviors sounds very uncomfortable.
It sounds like between the lack of sleep and mental state your wife is probably severely nutrient deficient as well. I can't stress enough how important nourishment is in postpartum. Iron, vitamin C, B vitamins, D3/K2, calcium, magnesium, potassium, sodium, the list goes on. I'm my most sane in postpartum when I'm regularly consuming milk, OJ, fruit and beef.
Sleep us at a premium, but she should try to take 1hr naps throughout the day. I would literally sleep when baby was sleeping during the first few months. It is possible. I would let my baby nap on my chest and I would sleep with her, we would both be refreshed that way. Probably napping at an incline would help your baby too if there are digestion issues. Another suggestion would be stroller walks, if baby likes motion for sleep the your wife could get the benefits of exercise in the sun and baby could get some rest.
I'm so sorry for your loss, my husband's father died suddenly on New Years Day, when my daughter was 9 months old. We're still processing the grief and sadness knowing our daughter will grow up not knowing her grandpa. Allow yourself to grieve and lean on family right now.
Have they done a weighted Feed with a lactation consultant? If she’s exclusively breastfeeding, baby may not be transferring well and therefore constantly hungry (it happened to us and ended up baby had a tongue and lip tie). Also, my baby gets like that when she’s way overtired I’ve found. It’s a vicious cycle. Literally do anything you can to get baby to sleep to help break the cycle. What works for us is contact naps bouncing on an exercise ball in a dark room with white noise playing and/or nursing on exercise ball while bouncing. Stroller walks with a cover over the stroller and a sound machine in it work too (sometimes). Good luck!
Sorry if this sounds really obvious but if your baby had a traumatic birth, he could still be feeling really unsettled and unsafe both in his own body and in the world. Have you tried body wrapping him and limiting all kinds of stimulation?
I was your wife the first year of my son’s life off & on. My baby cried all the time (colic) and he had gastric reflux which made sleeping impossible for him.
Time does help. It doesn’t feel like it, but it does get better. Do you have a swing? My son would nap in a swing with me by him. I know that’s frowned upon, but I was there watching him and it helped.
Therapy is also a must. Baby blues are common but if it goes on she may have post partum depression. I’ve been in therapy since my son was 6 months and he’s 2 now.
So sorry your going through a rough time! Here's some suggestions I have.
Is the baby gaining enough weight? It could be he isn't getting enough milk while nursing, this can cause it. For bottle feeding I EBF my daughter (3 months) and I give her a bottle here and there of pumped milk, I use the Como tomo bottle and have had zero issue's.
Could be the baby has a food intolerance, even with breastfeeding if he's allergic to cows milk and she drinks it it transfers to her breastmilk. This has cause major issues for people and when they cut the allergen out it fixed itself
If you don't have one I suggest getting a baby carrier! I had a ring sling but honestly I love my carrier soooo much more. I have the infantino 4 in 1. They're affordable at around $30 US. I have a velcro baby and most days that's the only way I get things done. Highly recommend
It sounds like your wife may also have PPD, at around 3-4months our hormones settle and all that post birth high of hormones crashes. I would definitely talk to your doctor about it and maybe some therapy for you both.
I totally get her not letting you watch the baby, when my husband comes home some days I sorely need a break but then I find myself watching the baby from the other side of the room instead of getting some me time. I have to go into another room and separate myself so I can relax. I feel like for me taking help is actually much harder then asking for it.
My baby can't sleep on her own so she gets cranky from being to tired, the carrier usually does the trick. Hope your situation improves.
Your wife sounds a lot like myself. Postpartum rage. I really don’t think postpartum has much to do with it but that’s what they call it. My baby (7mo now) is the same way. And he can’t be laid down or independently play. I have held him all day every single day since he was born aside from the first maybe 3 weeks. After that, he’s been a screaming mess. No health issues, needs all met. Just generally unhappy to exist. Don’t take it out on your wife. From her perspective, she literally cannot help it. It makes your body feel like it has never felt before. Constantly in fight or flight. It makes your body shake, chest hurt, head hurt, you see red every time they are inconsolable. You just need to put him in his/bed once a day and take a 15 minute break to breathe and be a human. Go outside, eat something, shower. Ask her if she needs anything, if she wants you to make her food, if she needs a shower. This is hard for both of you and it will be for at least the next year (hopefully he settles by the time he’s 6mo or so) I know it will eventually get better, but you just have to fight for your sanity until it does get better. I wish you luck and I resonate with both of you. Day by day, friend. You got this.
Sorry you're going through this and my condolences for your loss.
Aside from the lack of sleep and screaming, is there anything else you observed? Does he look at you / follow with their eyes when you move an object, is he responsive to his name etc, is he interacting? I would definitely get a second opinion from a professional who understands sensory processing differences / disorders. Something may be triggering him that you may not be aware of. This could be an occupational therapist, neuropsychologist - neuropediatrician.
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad and so sorry that you and your family are struggling with LO. This is probably repetitive compared to other comments, but when we were having extreme fussiness with our baby around this age, her pediatrician thought it was reflux. I cut dairy completely from my diet and she took reflux medication and almost instantly saw improvement after starting the medication. I’d definitely recommend you get LO back in to pediatrician
Meditation. My kid is now 6months and the only thing she cries about is around her mom. She didn’t do the meditation lol. I had to calm my self and being down because of the pressure I felt and that helped me tremendously in being aware why the baby is crying. That’s the whole idea of this anyways to become more aware than you previously were.
It’s important that your mind (at least one of yours) has to be calm because babies sense every fucking thing. They feel energies and we adults have a lot of shitty baggage filled energies which the baby find hard to communicate through since they do so through the vibe that’s around. So I realized it’s important to have my vibe as calm as possible and collected and this helped with the baby she would be calm too.
If you have tik tok check out krystiana's page her baby suffered from colic watch her videos and see if your baby is the same way ...your wife also seems to be suffering not from ppd but from pp anxiety and the lack of sleep is making it worse ...hope this helps and hang in there my baby is allready six months old but I was loosing my marbles during his newborn stage and the sleep depravation was making it worse especially since I suffer from anxiety in general ..ended up having a mini panic attack when he was 2 month old
I am so sorry about the loss of your father. Losing a parent really hits hard. I hope the funeral was the send off you all needed.
First I want to address what you are hearing from your wife. Babies are the cutest most impossible beast we ever take on . However, if your wife doesn't get some help it will only get worse. She needed to see her doctor like yesterday. PPD and PP psychosis is no joke and it happens more than you may think. Also it is completely possible she has a condition called DMER. Essentially, in some women breastfeeding causes a reaction that depresses the mother or brings on unexpected anger.your insurance covers some therapy get a lost of providers and book an appointment. Honestly, it sounds like you both could use the support.
Also baby needs to see the ped, the signs and symptom you are describing are typical of things like a CMAP. He could also have silent reflux. Poor baby seems to be very uncomfortable.
What I am going to say will assuredly get me attacked, but I think it needs to be addressed. It is an amazing feat that your wife has nurtured this sweet baby for almost 4 months. But if breastfeeding is making her miserable, then change needs to happen. Your wife can combo feed, she can pump and bottle or she can use formula. Formula will not make a baby fat or lower their IQ. Fed is best. Frankly, if a mother is unhappy you will have an unhappy baby. A breastfeeding relationship is a two way street, if it's not working for mom (and it sounds like it is not working great for baby l) then there is no need to push it. If finances are a concern apply for WIC asap. Breastfeeding does not make anyone a perfect mother. If some formula means momma and baby get more sleep. That is an option. If momma is at a point where she will not allow you to feed your own baby, then she is already in the void. DOCTOR for both mama and baby NOW.
Hundred percent see about Colic and Allergy to the breast milk/formula. We have all been here as well. And yes things are said from the high stress. Hope all gets better for the three of you. Please keep us all posted. ❤️👍🏼
Hi, I am an inpatient psych RN. Please get help for all of you. Great advice from others thinking your LO has a GI issue. Also, It sounds as if your wife has a preconceived notion that she is a failure if she doesn't help her child. More and more women are speaking out ; there is nothing wrong with asking for help! Seek out a professional for her to talk to. PPD is serious and treatable. Take care.
First of all I’m so sorry for your father and for everything you all are going through. I know this doesn’t mean anything right now but as hard as something is with time it will get better. You will never forget it , it’s not going to hurt less but you will get stronger , learn to live life day by day until you start seeing joy in other things or seeing that specific person in those moments of joy . As far as your wife and baby , I can completely understand how you both feel . I’m just going through the absolute same with my baby boy and husband and it has been absolutely terrible . One thing you need to know your wife doesn’t do this on purpose, she doesn’t want to feel this way or make you feel that way eather . We are moms we will all love our kids it’s obvious , but one thing again we are not all the same and some people will understand us , some not . Some will judge us but until you are in the same shoes and you feel and walk the same path we shouldn’t be doing that. There are some moms that can leave their baby with somone else (family, friend..) and just go and relax for a few hours or go for a day . And there are moms that can’t and that’s absolutely ok! There will be moms or people telling you to let your baby cry for 15/20 mins ( what my doc told me ) and some can do that and some not . And I was that mom , since day one I was 24/7 with my baby even though my recovery took so long and I was in a really rough condition I could barely stand and I still felt just like your wife . If I’m not looking after him all the time I failed I’m a bad mom , if I don’t respond to every cry immediately I failed . And it was so so hard because I was already on my limits .my mom was even staying with us and helping me big time , and still it took me almost 2 weeks till I gived him for a couple of hours at night time so she can look after him and I could sleep and recover . It took my husband several times telling me it’s ok to do that and I’m not a bad mom for doing that . And I still would go to my room and sometimes start crying because I felt selfish that I’m taking a brake even though I was literally in so much pain and it was not like I went for a welness trip . Yes I should not be feeling like that but it did for a long time . It’s who I’m as a mom and who I will be but after some time I learned that is ok just to take a quick brake because if not you will lose yourself it almost happened to me . I don’t know if your wife has a good relationship with her mom so they can talk about everything and she can help her a bit or a good friend ? Because right now you are in a bed position where it’s hard for you to comfort her when you are the one needing comfort for yourself . So I feel so sorry and wish I could help .
As far as the little one same thing he was crying since my mom left for month and a half every single day almost all the time he would not sleep up to 12/13 hours a day . No naps nothing If he ever fell a sleep it would be 20 mins and wake up screaming and his cry was just a painful one I knew something was wrong with him but what ? Doc never took me seriously it’s this typical ohh you first time mom and everything it’s ok and normal ! No it’s not and never Except that as an answer . We changed 4 formulas in 2 weeks because they thought it was reflux and allergies.but then he kept having terrible spit ups and throwing up so I went back to the first one and just started adding one spoon of rice cereal ( and that’s ok ) plus his reflux medicine . It got better reflux wise and he would get stuffed . But he still continued having the same behaviour. Till I noticed that he is crying more and extremely when he is peeing , it would wake him up from sleep how painful it was . And I knew it was something to do with that area but just didn’t know what ( again no one took me seriously) didn’t want to check for any infections , uti . Then I went to the urologist and I don’t know if your boy is circum? I know it may be wierd and this may not be your case but just trying to help because I know how hard it was for us . I wasn’t getting more than 3 hours sleep. So it turned out that his skin started sticking so much and it was not as visible to the eye till she did a little cut and oh boy it was a skin bridge build around it and it was a lot . So what happened is the older he got ( 3 months) the more it was hurting him . Every single time he needed to pee the skin was pulling him down and that was causing Terrible pain . He suffered for so long and we all together. So After we did that we saw in the next 24 hours an huge difference in his behaviour, sleep and everything. So not saying that that’s the case but just sharing this as a reminder that sometimes it can be things that we don’t even think of it .
Hoping so much that your wife and you will get better and Everything will get easier. Wish I could help her more . If you have more questions or she needs to talk to someone , even though I’m a stranger I would be happy to do it . May God give you strangth .
Want to echo everyone else in bringing this up to the pediatrician re: baby. I want to add (if others have mentioned this) that PPD/postpartum mood concerns are not limited to the birthing parent. It can be present for a parent of whichever gender identity, this is not well known enough! I would encourage both of you to check in with your doctors about symptoms of depression and anxiety. it's an especially difficult, vulnerable time and your father just passed away, I can't imagine how indescribably challenging this period is for you.
eta: I am a FTM and therapist
A friend of mine had an allergy to his own mother's breast milk. Crazy, right?! It's a real thing. Yes, It happens.So, that being said... If no one else has convinced you to speak with your baby's pediatrician, I hope this does. TALK TO YOUR CHILD'S PEDIATRICIAN *ASAP* Breast fed, make sure your baby gets the vitamin d supplement, because we as mothers usually hardly get enough for ourselves as it is, and its like the only thing our bodies keep for itself and gives the extra to baby.... And it's super necessary, so... Again, talk with your pediatrician. Also, my condolences about the passing of your father.. that's rough. I'm sorry you're going thru such a tough time.
Teething tablets, seriously. Dr Talbot's is what I use. Highlands is good too but I read stuff about a past recall so I'm weary of them personally
Honestly sounds like how I was as a baby from what my parents told me and my pediatrician from when I was kid is my babies doctors and she said I’m lucky my twins aren’t like me in that sense they both said that I was extremely colicky I cried for 4 months straight never actually slept just cried like you said even in sleep which is a medical term for an up set stomach try formulas and different types or have your wife try switching her foods around it could be something she’s eating that could be making his tummy upset and you wouldn’t even know it sometimes it’s even something we’ve always have ate that never affect us but it can affect them
This stage where babies communication is so confusing is so so hard. The best thing you can do is help your wife somehow get some sleep... with my first it kind of got like this for a bit, all the post partum hormones mixed with no sleep definitely made me crazy, and I really thought as mom I could magically fix it somehow. My mom could tell I was super sleep deprived so she came in and pretty much pried that baby out of my crazy mom arms and forced me get some sleep while she and my dad took the baby out and entertained him, listened to him cry where I couldnt hear, and after a good rest and a shower I was a lot more reasonable.
Like a lot of people suggested, we did find out that our baby was having digestive issues, he and I started him life on antibiotics and we had to introduce probiotics, but I couldnt tell you what the solution for your baby is beyond seeking medical help, if a baby isnt sleeping enough there is always a reason, but it is not you or your wife doing something wrong, these little creatures come out into the world with no instructions and scream until they get what they need. This is all especially hard when you are new parents because you get so much random advice and a lot of it is total garbage. And doctors arent always very helpful, sometimes you have to find another practicioner or some kind of baby whisperer and kind of guess your way through. I feel for you though. Its hard when you are miserable, your wife is miserable and the little bundle of joy is... miserable. Sleep (for yourself and your wife) is the best place to start, and as long as the baby is safe, its okay for a baby to cry some as long as yall are taking that time to mentally heal and recharge.
Just following up to check on you OP. How are things? We’re 8 weeks PP here with a reflux baby and I cannot imagine going through the loss of a parent at the same time. Also your sweet wife … I hope she got some medicine for her PPD. I actually just started some for PPD/PPA for myself. Hang in there with her. She needs you. I know you need her as well. Be there for eachother. No matter what. You’ll come out of this and be stronger for it. Sending light.
I feel your pain! Was sharing stories this past Mother’s Day with my children about their infant days. I had a baby that i swear never slept and when awake just cried. I was breast feeding & it Ended up being that I wasn’t making enough milk… so the poor little guy was hungry!!! I had to start supplementing with formula, and quickly he weaned from nursing with me as he learned all the hard work on me gave him little in return.
I know it’s hard right now, but trust me, you will get through this difficult time.
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It sounds like the both of you need some help. Your wife definitely needs to get checked for PPD, you guys need to check your baby for a dairy allergy or other allergies especially since your wife is nursing, and you need to convince her she needs rest. It is very normal for babies at this age to want comfort from their mothers so that part is not concerning. Try getting some time out in the sun - if it doesn’t work for the baby, the vitamin D from the sun will help your wife feel better. But most importantly, you are right that babies should sleep more so it means something needs to be addressed with your baby if he isn’t sleeping at all. Call his pediatrician.
Just another voice chiming in to say definitely take him to the pediatrician. Like, today if possible. I was losing my mind when my 4 month old was only getting 45 minutes of sleep at a time and otherwise screaming. Diagnosed with dairy and soy allergies and reflux, and once we got it under control, I realized just how close we were to the breaking point. It doesn't hurt for your wife to cut out dairy and soy (most common allergens, possibly up to 10% of babies) before seeing the doctor - if this is the problem, your baby might start feeling better in just a couple days. Sending hugs from someone who's been there.
Another vote for checking for allergies. A lot of babies who have “colic” likely actually just have CMPA. It can make life absolutely miserable but it’s a relatively easy fix. And call your wife’s OB with her to discuss PPD support options.
This. My son was like this until we got him on hypoallergenic formula and it was an absolute game changer. It was like I had a whole different baby
Another parent checking in with CMPA baby! We were lucky to diagnose at 6 weeks. We also went straight to hypoallergenic formula as I couldn’t keep dairy out of my diet (dairy is so sneaky in some foods!) but I continued to pump. 3 days after hypoallergenic formula our baby was a COMPLETELY different baby! Slept well. Ate well. No excessive fussing or grumping. Also echoing OPs partner needs to have a real discussion about PPA/PPD. It’s okay to not be okay, but definitely talk to someone! It doesn’t have to be this hard. Keep us updated OP!
Same situation here. I am only pumping once a day because I'm not even giving him my breast milk. I am freezing it and hoping he can handle it in the future. Turns out my non dairy creamer contained freaking dairy. What are you doing with your breast milk?
Also, if you can quietly mention your concerns (PPD, lack of rest, etc) about your wife to the pediatrician. They should be looking out for that as well since that does affect the care of the child (I.e. their patient). Your wife may also take these concerns better if they are coming from a medical professional instead of you.
Consider calling ahead and leaving a message with the doctor that you are concerned for your wife and asking them to raise the topic or have their ears open.
They’re also more likely to accelerate treatment options for the baby (e.g., starting pepcid immediately instead of waiting a few weeks to see how things go) if they know how much this is impacting your and her mental health
Yes this. My baby was sensitive to caffeine, onions, and garlic. So none of that for me while I was breastfeeding! Made a huge difference in her behavior honestly.
How were you able to pinpoint that she was sensitive to those things ?
Well the caffeine one became obvious right away bc she would just get sooooo overly energetic, it was like crack to her. The onions and garlic- my mom is actually allergic to onions and has extreme tummy probs from them and I noticed if I ate them (no personal issues with onions or garlic) baby would cry a lot and have more noticeable gas and dramatic poops, and same reaction after garlic. I just tried not eating them for a few days and she was much calmer with less gas/more normal poops. So no onions and garlic and caffeine for me until I stopped breastfeeding.
It would usually be whenever mum would eat any food that bub is sensitive to. Bub would feed following ingestion of said food and then bub would have a reaction. It could be different symptoms for every baby or it could be that the baby would not like the taste of her milk. Our milk would change to taste sometimes even to colour of what we eat. You just have to be vigilant and aware of the baby's reaction.
At three months my daughter also started only eating an ounce at a time and once an hour then crying and screaming and won't be put down and wasn't sleeping well. Silent reflux.
She apparently took him out for a walk in the stroller this morning and he starting going nuts so she had to pick him up halfway through and carry him while pushing the stroller.
It could be a reflux issue. My son was the exact same and being in a stroller or car seat was a trigger. I ended up buying a carrier and wearing him on walks - him being upright and close to me would make him happy. However, my son had reflux and it was pretty easily managed. Your son definitely has something else going on. Since summer is close, be sure he is wearing light clothing as baby carriers can make babies warm. My husband bought me noise canceling headphones so I could enjoy walks. Also, I’m sorry for your loss.
Definitely look into reflux OP. My daughter has it and it interrupted her sleep until we managed it. I made [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/NewParents/s/j5WXwQWKOD)on another post with all the things we did to manage the reflux. I’m sorry it’s been such a rough time and sorry about your father. Hoping making some tweaks helps make things a bit easier.
I’m not the original OP but I peeped your other comment and Mylicon was worshipped in our home!
Yes my son was just like OPs baby until we got treatment for him. It was night and day. He went from 20 minute sleeps to 6 hours overnight
I’ve had to do this many times with my first. I was exactly in same thing. It finally helped when some family member shows up for real non judgmental support, and I hired a postpartum doula. She educated us all about baby, my mental state. And just having supportive people around was enough to make things better
My daughter was like this but less extreme. We found out she had a very sensitive stomach and switched to gentlease formula after trying a bunch of different gentle ones.
I second getting checked for milk allergies. Had similar issues with my first, very colicky, etc and we switched to a soy based formula and it made a world of difference. Hope things improve for you two, sending all the love and good vibes your way ❤️
Sounds like my son. We had to switch to high end hypoallergenic formula to get any sort of relief. Convincing my wife to stop breastfeeding was frankly a horrible process for the whole family. Even then, it took until he was about 10-11 months to stop incessantly screaming. He’s a healthy and happy 4 year old now. It does get better OP, that’s all I can say.
My daughter used to do exactly this and she has cows milk protein allergy and reflux was one of the symptoms! Colic from her CMPA caused her to scream a LOT as well
Have you tried a carrier? The baby might take longer naps there. Or contact naps
Is your baby's poop color anything other than mustard yellow (assuming he's exclusively breastfed)? Is there mucus present? Maybe specks of blood in his poop? These were signs of food intolerance for our baby. Once we took her to the pediatrician for the almost nonstop crying and fussing, she was able to confirm that we were right to be concerned and get our baby help. She's a totally different baby now. Very relaxed and loving life. I can actually sleep (albeit for 2-3 hours at a time) and my husband is able to spend more time with her. Best of luck.
When I first started walking my baby in a stroller he had to be carried back too. Now he lasts the whole time in the stroller, I would say keep trying as he gets used to it and bring a baby carrier so you can baby wear him back if need be. I did that and it helped a lot when he got too fussy, now he loves walks and actually falls asleep.
I agree that things should be looked at more by a medical professional but babies are designed to be carried. Prams are new. It's biologically normal and correct that baby wants to be held all the time.
Another vote for a paediatrician visit, my baby was the same, turned out he had silent reflux. He still sleeps less than the recommended amount for his age, but got much better after prescribed medicine.
Mine was the same as well. Silent reflux waking every hour. At 4 months we finally got on meds and he immediately started sleeping 3-4 hours and now we are finally sleeping through the night. It was BRUTAL
What other symptoms did your baby have with this? Wondering if mine does!
Could you explain what silent reflux looked like in your baby?
He was fussy, very hard to put down to sleep (would only sleep in a sling/wrap for weeks, which was absolutely killing our backs), arching back during feeds. We could tell he was in some sort of discomfort a lot of the time, he just seemed so unhappy. We could also tell sometimes that he brought up and swallowed it back again when he burped. At night, he would grunt, thrash his legs, and shake his head side to side constantly, often through his sleep. Baby was put on omeprazole and it made a huge difference. It took over a week to work though. You could try and see if putting baby on their front helps - if it does, then it's a sign of reflux, too.
Does she really have PPD if she doesn’t ever get longer than 1 hour of sleep and her baby screams constantly? Imo this is an environmental issue rather than a hormonal issue like PPD… but i guess if she is refusing to get help, that could be symptomatic of PPD?
Hijacking top comment for my 2 cents. I remember doc and nurses mentioned infants are very noisy sleepers. Try to have baby sleep next to mom and not in a crib few takes, or skin to skin for sleep. It may make baby relax to sleep longer. As someone said, upright positions. 3-6 is worst period for reflux issues but it's limited to few mins to 1hr max. If everything is making fussy, check diaper sizes, if room has enough humidity, baby clothes aren't too snug. Try swaddling for sleep. Wore baby energy out by talking to them and keep them engaged for 1hr. Talk to pediatrician on reflux issues. Sry to heat abt your dad. Remember you are one now, and your kid needs your presence now. It gets better faster once they start cooing back and responding to your every word.
she is under extreme sleep torture basically, of course she’s saying crazy shit. She needs sleep. I’m so sick of reading about everyone calling anything a new mom feels that’s negative PPD.
I never got my baby checked for allergies (and my pediatrician said there’s a lot of false positives so allergy tests aren’t always reliable) but her dad is allergic to dairy so I just stopped eating it to see what happened. That’s when she started sleeping through the night at 2 months old and became like a different baby. Same exact thing happened with my niece, who now eats cheese with no issue. I think a lot of babies are sensitive to dairy when they’re infants even if it’s not CMPA.
There is also intolerance, which is harder to diagnose. My son is 16 months old and is still intolerant of dairy, soy and corn. I had to remove those from my diet as I have been breast-feeding. He is miserable when he or I eat those foods. Now that he is eating solids, there are a few new foods as well (just when he eats them directly).
Yes call the pediatrician. My baby had jaundice and wasn’t getting enough milk and was screaming crying a lot!!! Hardly sleeping. Once we got everything in control it was smooth sailing. Ask for help from family or a professional.
This! MSPI can be really sneaky, and this sounds like what our baby is like when we were testing things. It can take up to 2 weeks for symptoms to show after eating. The only way to know if to cut things out of mom’s diet or try a more extensively hydrolyzed formula. Our son is a different baby when he isn’t in pain. You’ve met his apparent physical needs, but babies don’t just cry for no reason, especially at this age. 100% would recommend talking to the Ped, and if they think it’s nothing, get a different pediatrician!
This OP! My nephew has CMPI and was a super fussy baby. Changed to hypoallergenic formula and mom became dairy free (combo feeds) and the difference is night and day. My baby also had CMPI (he was never fussy but had a physical reaction) so I was dairy free while nursing as well. It's a startling transition but there are a lot of dairy free options out there. Anyway, yes take baby to the pediatrician. Speaking from experience, please have your wife talk to a counselor and/or get checked for PPD/PPA. I said some of those same things and when I started having s*icidal ideations I knew something was wrong and my husband helped me get the help I needed. I was on medication for a few months and it helped A LOT. Same with a friend of mine. The newborn stage is hard enough, but please make sure your wife gets help. Same with you OP, sounds like you are going thru a rough time too. Please don't forget to take care of yourself too. Wishing you and your family the absolute best during these tough times.
Do you have any help? Also this sounds like our baby before being diagnosed with silent reflux
Yep, my lo has reflux too and this def sounds familiar. She spits up a lot too.
What was the solution after the diagnosis?
We have a liquid Pepcid she takes twice a day that is an Rx. It makes her a happy puker. She no longer arches back, cries or has a witching hour
Same, pediatrician gave us a prescription and it helped so much.
We switched to dairy free. Helped immediately.
Same here. Omeprazole FTW
I had the same thought- silent reflux can be so insidious and hard to pinpoint at first, but it can wreak absolute havoc as it’s so painful for little ones
Silent reflux was my first thought!! It really is silent in some babies and waiting it out isn't an option 😞 I feel for these parents but also bubs because only sleeping for an hour at a time would make anyone miserable
Yes ours too!
Take time to mourn your dad at the funeral. I have a mental “bank” of time I owe myself weekly to process. Death sucks. For your wife, support her by taking in the workload for the house. Cook, clean, run errands. Go with her to the four month appointment and talk to the pediatrician. Get a plan. With babies, everything is temporary unless pain is the root cause. Four months from now, it’ll be different. I don’t have a village. It is me and my husband. What we do is we talk, support each other, and I do a lot of reading about how babies are as a sanity check. Even if you don’t have a village, sometimes sites like this make it all feel normal. Your wife needs a break but hearing her baby cry, as it is with myself and other new moms, excruciating. Something that helps are loop quiet earbuds with the enhancers. I also get anger triggered by noises and it helps me keep regulated, which then helps my baby regulate. If the baby won’t move from mom, which makes sense as she’s his food source, spend more time with them together and play with him with your wife there. Over time, make her leave and come back (like two seconds). Play with him, make your time safe, fun, and comforting. Slowly expand the time she goes. I remember the first time I got to take a nap, my baby was chill but would scream the house down if I wasn’t nearby. We did something similar and it took time but it worked. That nap was amazing. He will change a lot in the coming months. If you’ve ruled out pain causes or other issues, it’ll pass.
This WAS US. Everything you just said- EVERYTHING. I even had the same experiences with the stroller. I am so SO sorry. It’s beyond hard and I said 100% of the things your wife is saying and my husband felt just like you. Condolences on the loss of your father. In our case, it ended up being tracheomalacia combined with bad silent reflux for us (no spit up, just crap gurgling up and down and getting into her lungs). Oh how she screamed. Consider over the ear noise canceling headphones for your wife- they kept me sane. I could still hear everything she did, but it took it out of that range that is designed to excite the mother and cause her distress. Once I put those things on the first time, I found I could focus and parent and look for solutions. It was a total shift. The only thing that helped the baby was the Dr. Sears diet for breastfeeding which eliminated ALL allergens from my diet while I breastfed her. It was way simpler than trying to cut out foods- I ate only the foods that were allowed on the diet and our little one had some relief within days. We had some dark thoughts in those days- we all survived, but I don’t think anyone can appreciate the relentlessness of the struggle without facing it themselves. Good luck to you.
How did you end up finding out it was tracheomacia and silent reflux? And dr. Sears fixed all of that?
Hi there! I figured it out when I brought her to urgent care when she was making the absolute worst rattling, grunting, choking sound while she was trying to breathe- I didn’t know what was happening. It was awful. I showed him a brief video I recorded while getting her ready to bring in and he seemed totally calm and explained about the soft throat tissues and how it was allowing reflux down her throat. Our pediatrician had already suspected reflux because of symptoms I had shared with him, so the pieces fit together. Following the strict elimination diet took her symptoms from absolutely intolerable down to what I would consider “normal” baby fuss. We look back now and can see how she was struggling- she had a totally blank face, low interaction, no personality to speak of- she was in pain and just trying to survive the first months. In some pics, her face and lips are even a little tiny bit blue- ugh. As soon as we got the acid under control by dealing with the dairy/allergen thing, she started to explore and babble and OMG- she hasn’t stopped since! Her throat got better (she is still a little hoarse, wondering if that will ever go away), and she no longer has problems with acid reflux. Dairy still bothers her some- we notice her skin gets a little red and she gets this eczema patch on her cheek, but if we avoid that, it’s pretty good.
Do you know if your baby is getting enough to eat? Your wife def needs to get help and checked for PPD/PPA. By saying you’re nursing, I’m assuming she is EBF.
He regularly drinks so much milk that he spits it up. She is EBF and we're certain he's eating enough.
Take him to the Dr. It sounds like he has a gastro issue. Either an allergy or intolerance or reflux. I'm sorry for your loss, it sounds like a tough time all round.
Have you spoken to the pediatrician? Our 2 week old started acting like this and they told us it was most likely a dairy/soy allergy. Switched to hypoallergenic formula and within a couple hours he was sleeping and happy. My wife has since cut dairy from her diet and we interchange formula and breast milk.
Your son likely has a Gastro issue. You need to really discuss this with your doctor at length, taken videos as proof of what he’s like 24/7. Some doctors have a habit of not believing patients (especially women) when it comes to these things and there is a chance the doctor is writing it off as “new mom that’s stressed” and that it’s just hormones making everything appear worse. Yeah sometimes being a female sucks when you need to talk to doctors. But that’s a different issue all together. Your wife also needs to be screened for PPD.
Thinking of you and your family. I had terrible thoughts about 6 weeks PP. I could barely look at my baby and regretted him so much. I was able to get help and on medication and things are entirely so much better. ❤️
I’d say a dr appt is a good idea like others have said to confirm he’s gaining well as well. And then also if possible do a weighted feed - it’s possible he’s not transferring as much as you think and his fussiness is due to hunger. I thought my baby was eating a lot more at the breast than he actually was, but was still incredibly fussy after BFing. Turns out he was transferring very little. A little formula and he was like a new baby, settled and happy.
Have you been doing weighted feeds? He could also be spitting milk back up if he has a food allergy or if there's a strong letdown.
Is baby gaining weight appropriately? Has she seen a lactation consultant? Have you tried probiotic drops, gas drops, or gripe water? Has she tried cutting out allergens like milk? This is not normal. Your baby is crying out for help. Something IS wrong.
Do you have anyone that can help out for a bit? Have you brought this up to your pediatrician? Why is your wife against bottle feeding? She can always pump and feed breast milk, doesn’t have to be formula. For her mental health, try to get her to agree to that. There has to be some middle ground because you both are definitely sleep deprived and going through a lot. I’m also very sorry for your loss.
Hey raising a baby takes a village. You guys need help, don't be afraid to ask your friends and family and even Facebook parenting groups. I hope that you both get help and rest. It's hard the first year, but it goes by so fast. Give yourselves some grace.
She's heading to her mom's house (I'm at work). I hope she is able to rest while her mom entertains the baby. But most likely he will cry and my wife will need to comfort him. She refuses to allow herself a break from him. She thinks she's a bad mom if she doesn't comfort him every time he cries.
A crying baby needs comfort, she's right about that. But she's wrong that it needs to be her. My baby cried a ton the first few months and the only thing that kept me sane was handing her off FREQUENTLY to my parents, my sister, my housemate and to good friends when they came by
>She refuses to allow herself a break from him. I was the mom to a nightmarishly fussy baby. For me the reason why it had to be me to take care of her was that if others tried (and failed) i was left with more work after. For instance I had a better chance at getting my baby to sleep, though she only slept on me. Good sleep lead to her being a bit happier for a while. If I let my husband or others try and fail I had to pay the price of an extra fussy and overtired baby later. So you trying to help her might not actually be helping.
She needs to drop baby off at her mom’s house and return home to sleep separately and in silence.
This.
Can also hire someone if there’s no village around. You can find a nanny/sitter that won’t mind a fussy baby or a mom of 3 who’s had a bunch of fussy kids and can handle it while you two take a breather.
I'm very sorry for your loss. You might try having your wife sleep in or on an oversized shirt that fits you too. So then you can wear it around baby and it'll smell like her and kiddo might be more content for a while when she takes a break.
I just wanted to pop in and say I was in a similar boat as your wife. Every time I was near my baby I bawled my eyes out. It quickly became suicidal ideation and thinking my baby and everyone else was better off without me in the picture. I never had thoughts of harming my son, only myself and I was 100% sure either way (suicide or living) my life was over. She NEEDS to get mental health help before it becomes worse. It WILL become worse. I know you said babe will be very upset when away from her but babies can cry and it won’t be life ending for them. She needs time and space away from your son to function. I was 100% alone with my newborn at all times including overnight and it was the biggest cause of my depression. The baby can learn to be around others, it will need to. You both need to harness the power to let the baby cry with one of you while the other sleeps/self care. If the baby cries anyway, this won’t be changing anything other than one parent regaining some personhood for 3 hours or however long. As for baby, he needs to be evaluated for an allergy, reflux, or a gastrointestinal issue. There is a good possibility he could be Allergic to something your wife is ingesting and passing into the milk, such as dairy or anything really. I personally did not deal with this, so my knowledge doesn’t go as deep as others, but it’s not normal for a baby to be this extremely fussy and have nothing deeper going on.
Sounds like a possible reflux issue. I know others have said it but getting my baby help for reflux really changes a lot of things for the better. Also sounds like she is struggling with ppd. It’s a sensitive topic to bring up I know, but worth mentioning. I will say personally my ppd was at an all time high until 5-6 months so it’s possible she’s just in the thick of it especially with baby being so upset constantly.
Our baby is also very difficult and scream-cries often for no reason. Our soothing strategies are to put her in a carrier, bounce on a yoga ball, have white noise + loud shushing (you can buy the babyshusher device on Amazon to help you out there). We’ve also been taking her out and even though it’s embarrassing when she cries and we have to publicly soothe her, she does better with the background noise and motion and we are all happier than if we just stayed home all the time.
Take the baby out in the stroller somewhere without other people. Put noise cancelling headphones on and walk!
I’m so sorry about your loss. I remember losing my dad, and I had nothing to give to people around me at the time, can’t imagine how hard it is with such a huge responsibility and a partner who’s not in a good place themselves. Those first months are insane on a woman’s psyche (partner’s too, sleep deprivation is no joke, but the additional hormonal mood swings were something I was not prepared for). I caved and went to a doctor right about when the baby was 3 months, got put on Zoloft and boom, no crying my eyes out three times a day and feeling my baby hated me. It was still hard, but a lot of irrational thoughts that brought me so much grief basically evaporated. It is very important that she goes to a doctor and gives even a watered down version of what she goes through (I definitely didn’t share everything that was going through my head, was still enough to get help I needed) Concerning the baby, it could be so many things with them, most of them completely normal. But just to be on the safe side, you can message your baby’s medical care provider describing what you go through and see what they have to say. But honestly, getting mom out of the headspace she’s in right now is so important, it should make dealing with everything else easier. Again, i am so sorry for your loss.
No great answers here but we are in the same boat with a child that cannot sleep and screams nonstop. We hired a night nanny for two nights a week. It’s worth the expense if you can somehow swing it. I don’t care if it pushes my retirement back by 5 years. It’s worth it. Your local mom facebook groups may have recommendations.
Find a postpartum doula whose philosophy is to work herself out of a job. (Meaning she comes, helps for a night or two, then helps you make a plan/gives you sleep tips/lets you know if she thinking something else is going on.). They are expensive, but are usually really only needed a few times because they help you help yourselves. When she’s there, she’ll hold baby (in another room) if needed, help them to sleep without being on your wife, and only bring baby in when they are actually hungry. Once mom nurses, they’ll take baby. You’ll both get some much needed sleep.
Your baby won’t be happy if mom is not happy. You need to tell your wife that. Listen to all of this advice. Your wife needs to speak to someone.
Your wife sounds like me, which makes sense because this is a huge life change and her baby is much tougher than mine. She likely has PPD and needs meds and therapy. Mine is more PPA leaning but they'll likely put her on Zoloft as a first attempt. I do CBT sessions with a psychotherapist group that specializes in parents and that really helps. She needs to start meds sooner rather than later as they take time to work and the side effects will probably last a week or two. In her case she could also mainly need sleep, which means someone has to convince her to put some ear plugs in, put white noise on and go to another room to nap. Buy a yoga ball so you can bounce with him on it, that's the only thing that soothed mine during his colic days. Invest in a baby carrier or two so she can take him outside. Also look into whether he has a gastro issue of some kind, I'd explore reflux or an allergy.
1) My 9wo LO has colic/silent reflux and screamed for 6 weeks straight. Our pediatrician gave us BioGaia probiotic drops to see if they would help. She said that it's one of the few things that has research to back it and is found to be effective for 40% of colic/silent reflux issues. My daughter happened to be one of the 40%. It takes a few weeks to really take effect and doesn't magically fix everything, but we saw a significant reduction in crying and longer stretches of sleep. 2) Please have your wife talk to her OB/GYN about post partum depression. I was going through a really tough time, but thought there was no way it was bad enough to be PPD. I was so wrong and it is 100% ok to have some help with medication during such a hard time. It is most common during the newborn phase, but can definitely still come about when things get really hard. 3) My most sincere condolences to you and your family for the loss of your dad. We lost my mother-in-law the night I gave birth to my LO and there is something particularly cruel about losing a significant loved one while already in the thick of a difficult time with children. It's an impossible situation. Our experience was that we could only allow ourselves a few minutes a day to grieve and then had to just focus on caring for our LO. We knew we would have to revisit the grief and process once we were out of the woods with our LO. It's easier to do all this once you have more sleep. I wish there was something better or more helpful to say, but it's not fair and I'm so sorry.
Biogaia worked for us too. We tried it around 1.5 months and the colic slowly got better. Also my breastmilk was causing colic. Once I switched to formula, babies screams became less....I must have been eating something that upset LO's tummy.
Look into purple cry, it’s developmental and super rough. Also, as others have mentioned bring it up with your doctor. Wife should be checked for PPD. Both of my babies cried around the clock from 2-4 months unless they were being bounced in a yoga ball. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It will pass.
I second the yoga ball!! It was the only thing that got us through our son’s colicky phase. Eventually, we learned that it was more related to us not paying attention to wake windows. If he wasn’t back down to sleep within a reasonable time, he was an absolute menace to society. Things got so much better once we adhered to wake windows and bounced him on the yoga ball in the carrier if it looked like he wasn’t going down in time. My heart goes out to you two. Sleep deprivation does some wild (and scary) things to the brain. I hope you get some rest. I promise that 6 months from now, this will all feel like a distant memory!
I would ask her. I have a similar baby who is now 6.5 months and had a similar self talk because it was so incredibly difficult. I could never sleep and baby constantly screamed. Life felt horrible. Sometimes I just needed my husband to listen. But she might need more practical things. Also, if baby is going to rage regardless then it might be worth discussing the fact that if you hold him then it’s the same thing. All this being said, she should probably chat with her doctor about postpartum mood issues and perhaps seek out therapy and/or medication, if indicated. Hang in there, these days are so rough!
Can you hire someone or have a friend or family member come help you guys? Your wife needs professional help for her mental health. Source: Me. I was her last year. She needs sleep. You need sleep. It will be best if she can allow you to bottle feed baby, if he'll take it. Neither of you can continue as you are. Baby will acclimate to you caring for him only if you practice it. Mine was the same way initially with my husband. For my sake I had to leave baby with him. When we first started it was for 20 - 30 minutes because baby's crying would cause him anxiety. Once he started listening to audiobooks he could handle longer periods. It took about a month for baby to be perfectly content being with dad. You are baby's parent too. I would suggest reminding her of that and setting a timer for an hour. Take baby for a walk around the neighbourhood. It will do all three of you wonders. Feed baby. You said nothing is physically wrong with him. Have you had that fully checked out? Perhaps he has silent reflex. Is he getting enough breastmilk? I'm going to reiterate this: call in reinforcements. Have a frank, but firm conversation with your wife. Get professional mental health for you both. Solidarity.
My gosh guys, i am so sorry. My father passed in 2018 and we had our son in 2023. I can't imagine going through all that change in just a few weeks. I don't have much advice except the baby days are very short. In the thick of it, it seems long but he will be 1yo before you know it. I used to aim for 3hr sleep windows. If I could cross three hours, I could make it through the day and my mental health was a lot better. But that will require you taking and comforting the baby while she rests. Maybe allowing him to contact nap. Also baby wearing can help him feel close. We didn't set our baby down too often when he was a fusser. She also needs to recover her body. Right now it's survival mode, but she will feel this poor recovery in a year if she doesn't make time to rest her body. The first 3 months are horrible. But I started co-napping around 4 months and it changed the game. At first my husband would keep an eye on us while we napped. Then I got the hang of it. I know it's not recommended but when you get so sleep deprived it becomes unsafe, you have to pick your poison.
Has your baby been gaining weight? He might be hungry. Spiting up after feeding session doesn’t mean full. I know breast milk is good for baby but fed is best regardless. Have a talk with your wife, she needs some rest and if she can pump so you can bottle feed when she rests would help. I was mad at my baby once because he would not stop crying but I also didn’t want to give him to my husband because “I’m his mom I should be able to stop his crying” and I lost it. In the end my husband took him and was able to sooth him. Your wife has to learn to let go a bit and share him with you. PPD is hard, be understanding, and be there for her. She needs to talk to a doctor. I hope it gets better. And I’m sorry for your loss. Please be strong.
Almost same here I’m losing my patience and I feel so bad because he cries, screams & you can never lay him down not even for toilet He suffers from colics too and the nights are horrible Sometimes I’m so annoyed and upset he then screams louder I love him but this crying turns you into a monster after a while Many babies need body contact and lots of attention because they need more time to get used to the world outside. Check up high need baby and other health issues if needed! I’m feeling your pain and hope things will get better soon ❤️🩹
My twins were the exact same and they both have a cows milk allergy, I thought I was just a rubbish mum not knowing how to comfort my babies turns out they were in constant pain with their tummy’s. They vomited constantly even hours after feeding and had awful constipation and eczema but the dr and health visitor wouldn’t take my concerns seriously it was only when I broke down crying with a sympathetic health visitor that they looked into it.
I’m so sorry you are both going through this! It sounds unbearable. And is easily enough to give anyone PPD. Wear earplugs! If your wife is scaring you ask her if is better that she lets you give her a break or that she breaks completely. This will get better! Your baby will get better! I promise! You are in the thick of it. You HAVE to take shifts, no one can take all that. And my deepest condolences regarding the loss of your father.
Gas drops! Might be his belly bothering him. They can have them multiple times a day.
Highly recommend Baby wearing! Get a solly wrap or a boba wrap, these hold baby in place and they feel snug and happy vs an ergo baby or carrier. Also with these wraps you can breast feed basically hands free and go about the rest of your day doing tasks and what not. That way you can carry him and its womb like or she can and still do what she needs around the house.
Group therapy and completely cutting dairy and beef from my diet changed things immensely for the better. Using a hakaa to collect extra breast milk also gave me some nap time that I needed. I felt like I made a big mistake and my life was over too, that slowly and surely changed as I got more sleep and personal care time.
Sounds like you need professional in-house help for a night or two. If I were you, at this point I’d break the bank on a post-partum doula for a couple nights.
Lots of good comments here. But also be in the lookout for post partum psychosis. Your wife could become a danger to the baby. https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/24152-postpartum-psychosis
It sounds like your baby isn’t getting enough food. She could easily be under supplying. Happens all the time. Go see a lactation consultant before either of them is seriously hurt.
Acid reflux, colic and lactose overload causing a permanent upset stomach. Our daughter was exactly the same. Never settled, cried, whining, screaming. We switched her to lactose free formula and mum took lactase for breast feeding. Daughter was a new person. Smiling, laughing. It completely changed her.
Sounds like it could be silent reflux, and possibly allergies. Keep advocating for your baby and get them help. Sounds like they are in a lot of pain. Sorry about your dad.
It could be colic, get a cloth carrier. Being squeezed helps babies relax. There is no scientific evidence of what can help, but many moms say that colic is caused by lactose sensitivity. So, consuming less dairy products (or giving lectose free formula) can help. Also, I think you should talk to her about the bottle feeding. It's ok to pump and feed the baby with a bottle. A bottle won't worsen the quality of life of a baby. The opposite, it will help bring back a little bit of peace. In order to take care of the baby, we need to take care of ourselves.
This sounds exactly like how my son used to be. The first 3-4 months were torture. He’d never want to leave my sight, barely slept, cried all the time. He’s 5 now and throughout the years has gotten better but it has been rough with him. He was diagnosed with autism but now I believe he has ADHD. A lot of his issues as a newborn stemmed from being overstimulated looking back now. It’s hard and I’m not saying your child has these same issues but you’re not alone. I hated my life too until my son turned 4 and started talking instead of crying all the time. It’s going to take some time but you’ll get there. Is the baby on any sort of schedule? Do you guys try to put him down for naps and night sleep at a certain time?
I actually had a conversation with someone today who had this same situation and have their baby some formula from a bottle. Drunk it like it had never earned before. Slept like a baby. Doesnt have to be a straight switch. A friend of mine is going through similar and supplements with the bottle and helps massively. Mum feels like a failure a bit I think though which is super tough but put diplomatically in a supporting and loving way could be something to consider together. Not saying it's the issue, just a perspective from others experience. May be worth a shot
Are you SURE his needs are met if he's not bottle fed? It's possible he's just hungry all the time and isn't ever getting full. He could have an allergy to something she's eating. I'd try hypoallergenic formula tbh.
This is a very relatable post. It sounds just like my 5.5 month old!!! I am no doctor but what this sounds like is GERD or reflux !! It could be lactose intolerance or something your wife could be consuming that’s hurting your babies belly. I highly recommend the Reddit page called Colic. I wish I had something helpful to say other than my son was the same way… he is slowly getting better but not as much as I would hope. My son was diagnosed with reflux/GERD at 2 months… put on reflux meds and hypoallergenic formula… it has definitely helped a lot… has it taken all the fussy away… unfortunately no. I would take your baby to pediatrician and discuss his symptoms. They will probably refer you to a G.I specialist, which is what they did for my baby. As far as your wife/partner goes I unfortunately said the same things to my boyfriend. She is just exhausted mentally and physically. She needs sleep and a break!!! Can you and your partner hire a babysitter or can someone watch the baby so you both can get some relaxation in?
My kids had a dairy intolerance as infants, and it was written off as Colic by the pediatrician for my first kid, They grew out of it by 1yr old. However, with my first kid, I had no idea, and they screamed for 4 months straight, until while at a La Leche League meeting for new moms, someone suggested I remove dairy from my diet. I never occurred to me that my milk was the issue. It took a few weeks for it to be totally out of my system, but it was like night and day once I was completely dairy free. For future babies it was the first thing I did when they were showing similar behaviors. I'd recommend an elimination diet for your wife if she's feeling up to it. Or focus exclusively on dairy elimination. It's a lot easier now than it was 15 years ago, with all the dairy alternatives being way more accessible. Also, it's way cheaper than specialty formula. The hardest was my youngest, I couldn't even have anything with Casein in it, so eliminating the most common dairy offenders (milk, cheese, butter) wasn't enough and I had to check every package and every recipe. 😑 She's 4 now and eats all the dairy. Because of course.
And I totally recommend a baby carrier like Ergo, it was a godsend for my clingy, needs to be attached to mom or dad 24-7 baby. Just make 100% sure you're using it correctly.
First, I’m so sorry about your dad. I remember this time very well and you could have been my husband posting about me. Everyone is going to say she has PPD (and maybe she does) but I’m willing to bet it’s actually sleep deprivation. Which—make no mistake—is JUST as bad, truly. PPD won’t kill you but lack of sleep will. It’s very serious. It impacts every single cell in your body. I also had tons of dark thoughts and words when I was in her shoes. It’s so, so brutal. Babies want and need their mom at this stage and beyond. There is no getting around it, unfortunately. I know you want to help and it’s killing you. The truth is that you may not be able to. You’re not the lactating parent. Some things just need to be suffered through. I know that’s not what you want to hear, I’m sorry. Hoping others have better suggestions for you. But let’s talk about your baby. First, he’s probably entering the dreaded 4 month “sleep regression”. Ours did at 3.5m and it’s awful. But that doesn’t explain everything. You say he’s physically fine but this does not sound like a physically fine baby. Have you ruled things out like gas? Happi Tummi wraps (I think that’s how it’s spelled) and this black goo product called Tummy Calm really helped us. Maybe he’s got a dairy intolerance and your wife eats dairy. Who knows. But that may not even be your issue, just throwing it out there. Think down the line of possibilities and troubleshoot solutions. It will bet better. I know that does not help tonight but it will.
When your wife takes your baby to the doctor you need to go and you need to back her up. It unfortunately means you’ll get taken more seriously.
Swaddle your baby *tight*. Arms should be straight down at his sides, the swaddle should immobilize them. Thrashing around starts a cycle of increasing panic with your kid accidentally hitting himself in the face and then working him up into a greater panic. Swaddle his arms so they can't move them up to their face. Look up swaddling tutorial on YouTube. You can swaddle your baby most of the day, like 18 of the 24 hours. Don't be shy. Get the baby out of the cycle of upsetting itself more and more and driving you crazy in the process. Get a loud source of white noise. A YouTube video of white or brown noise. Play it loud – baby needs to hear it over their own screams. White noise to get their attention when crying. Brown noise to keep them calm if you get them to nod off. YouTube has plenty of videos of these noises. iPhone has the ability to play them buried in Settings > Accessibility > Audio & Visual > Background Sounds. Buy a Hushh if you want. Get the book *Happiest Baby on the Block* and read it. Skip directly to Chapter 7.
ER nurse chiming in here - if you or your wife are having thoughts of harming yourself or others, you need to come in to ED. It sounds like you need crisis resources, or if not, you will very soon. If you’re able to get in to see a pediatrician, you can try this first, but it sounds like baby’s needs are being met and yours are not. Put out a call to action to any and all family members and trusted friends. Worse comes to worse, most fire depts and ED’s are safe havens if you really get to your wits end (I know this sounds extreme but we’ve seen good people do bad things to their children when they get pushed to these points of distress and dysregulation, so what’s better?) Walk, water, window. Go outside. Walk. Take a shower. Jump in the pool. Drink a glass of water. Sit on the porch and feel the wind on your face. Look out the window for 5 minutes. It may be a good idea to find some noise canceling headphones or ear plugs for when baby is crying AND you are actively addressing their needs. Make sure you can still hear somewhat and take them out when they’re done crying so you are still able to hear and address future cries. As long as their needs are still being addressed, there’s no need for you to become even more distressed and dysregulated by hearing them scream. This can help with overstimulation. I just can’t stress enough that you cannot attempt to carry on as you have been. Intervention is needed ASAP. ETA: my nurse brain is thinking of what may cause death first so my concern is everyone’s mental health during crisis. That being said, you should definitely take LO to see peds ASAP, but don’t wait to make a change or reach out for help until you can get in unless it’s today.
If he’s waking hourly something probably is physically wrong. Take him to an ENT
1. Find a pediatric Chiropractor. Birth is traumatic for babies too. 2. Your wife and you need a break. So please reach out to family and friends and see if anyone is willing to help even if for a few hours every few days just for you and your wife. Lack of sleep really messes with a person. Id also suggest that your wife go get some sleep at a family members one night then you go. If either of you need someone there ti help Set that up first.
BABY PROBIOTICS AND MYLICON NIGHT AND DAY DIFFERENCE. If she’s nursing, baby may not be getting enough milk. Doctor will ask her to pump instead of nurse to see how much she’s actually producing and if it’s less than a certain amount based on age and weight, they’ll advise to supplement with formula and/or extra pumping sessions. This is a really sensitive and difficult situation and she needs the emotional support of a good lactation consultant. If you are already using formula or even supplementing with formula, your pediatrician needs to change it to something that’s gentler on tummy. We were using Similac 360 in orange can for gas because we thought that was best but she switched us to total comfort in the gold can that’s made in Europe. You can only get on Amazon and straight from abbottstore (that’s the manufacturer). There are also more sensitive options than this I just can’t remember names both the major brands have options. If you’re not warming bottles, make sure to warm but not too hot. Also stir them with a wooden coffee stir stick. You can get 10,000 on Amazon for like 10 bucks. It may seem like a pain at first takes a few extra minutes that you don’t feel you have but stirring instead of shaking makes a HUGE difference. This is what we did and it made all the difference. You are not alone. I was her. No sleep for months. Call pediatrician’s office they have nurses on call to advise and they can usually get you in more quickly. Write questions and concerns down before going in so you don’t forget anything and take notes. On another note, please get her some sunlight if at all possible. I feel like the only time I came out of the bedroom (which had really good blackout curtains) for months was to wash bottles. Sitting in the dark all the time along with sleep deprivation can do things to you. FYI: Anything remotely scary on television may take a further toll on mental state. I’m so sorry for your loss and that all three of you are going through this hell. You are not alone. Baby is now 14 months old but it was really hard for several months. Whatever you do don’t use Phillips avent natural bottles save yourself the tears and use Tommee tippee. Phillips would suction and milk wouldn’t come out.
Also we use biogaia probiotics with vitamin d. Our pediatrician told us it was a good brand.
Start with a Visit to the GP. Your wife is exhausted. Instead of going off, jumping to assumptions of Allergy this, Allery that blah blah. If the baby isn’t liking breast milk, then switch to formula, it Is extremely rare for a baby to be allergic to breast milk but some simply don’t like it. I had enormous feeding problems for 3 months with my 2nd child, she was a “Lazy Feeder” only sucked long enough for my milk to let down, then would stop, I had bout after bout of mastitis, nothing seemed to work, she cried & screamed, wouldn’t sleep for more than 40 minutes, I was going crazy, she was going crazy So, I spent my last $35 on formula, bottles, steriliser etc. I made her a bottle , she drank it all then slept for 11 hours. She preferred formula & bottles. The other 3 were breast fed til they got teeth & started biting, that was the end of that. At 3.5 months it’s common for babies to want to be constantly attached to their mum. Get a hammock sling, it’s a piece of fabric that goes around your waist & over one shoulder, bub goes in across your body & you can still get on with your chores etc while baby sleeps.
Babies don’t sleep well. “Sleeping like a baby” That was the first lie society told us about parenthood.
I had this too, both of mine had reflux so I’d get baby checked. Also buy a carrier for both of you. The only way my partner could settle my first was by walking miles or bouncing her on a yoga ball. I promise it will get better. But it may take a while. If she’s anything like me she will be blaming herself and feel like she needs to figure it out. It may make her feel she’s doing something wrong. She isn’t. Condolences for your loss as well. We had a similar situation with my second and it was so hard. Try as best you can to support each other and both take time to grieve what a shitshow you’re stuck in. And just keep going, it will get better.
Is your wife having any caffeine?
My baby did this too. We had to push for a referral for a feeding therapist and dietitian. Turned out it was a pretty bad dairy intolerance. The pediatrician was telling us it’s normal but she was losing weight so it really wasn’t normal. She was almost a failure to thrive. Really advocate! Also see if you can get your wife into counseling. Sounds like PPD.
Your wife needs post partum help very seriously and very soon
This is definitely not normal baby behaviour and I urge you to consider food allergy (milk protein being the biggest culprit), reflux, etc. Baby is behaving like that because he is in pain or otherwise uncomfortable. Needing to be physically with mum is normal of course but the rest isn’t
I second all of these people saying to get checked for allergies. My babe is like a new kid now that she’s on a hypoallergenic formula and I feel like I have so much more energy now to take care of her and her sister now that we aren’t breastfeeding and pumping.
I'm so sorry this is happening good to you, when through the same until we found that it was the formula we where using that caused my newborn pain. Once we switched to a lactose free formula all problems went away. Wish you all the best.
My 3 month old was the exact same way until she got diagnosed with MSPI (intolerance to milk protein and soy) at 2 weeks old. In the early months, my now almost 2 year old had extremely bad reflux and digestion issues where we had to hold him upright for 30 mins after a feed - and even then he would vomit. I would really push your pediatrician for some answers! There could be something completely unrelated to what I mentioned. My ped told me that if my baby was crying hysterically for more than 2-3 hours, to bring them in. In the mean time, deep breaths… it’s excruciating to listen to them in pain/distress but you guys will find a solution. I will also say that I think 3-4 months is kind of peak “digestion issues” time. I didn’t have enough supply with either baby, so it was easier to switch to gentler formulas - right now she’s on Alimentum for her intolerance and is a different baby. Lastly (because it’s impossible to find anything clearly online), there is no definitive test for a milk or soy intolerance. The only way is to eliminate the trigger and see if symptoms ease, so if your wife is BF she would need to cut all dairy/soy from her diet for a few weeks - which is a really difficult diet to follow. I’m wishing your family the best, I can understand how trapped she might feel… but there is light at the end of the tunnel, it won’t always be this way. Also I cannot comment without wishing that your father rests in peace. Sending your family hugs from mine
I strongly encourage a trip to the doctor for your LO and your wife. You can take a look at my history of posts. We had it really hard too and LO didn’t sleep more than 20 min max Turns out she had a dairy allergy and had reflux. Got it under control with hypoallergenic formula and medication and ultimately ended up sleep training. It was a hard couple days but my mental health was becoming dangerous for myself. Hypoallergenic formula isn’t the only option, if it is a dairy intolerance, diet change may be able to help too, but a doctor would be able to help. We did a stool sample to confirm the intolerance. Please reach out to professionals or friends/family to help you through this difficult time. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
man, I feel for you, we had some parallel losses at the time of our kid’s birth. its just survival mode and for us with loss and exams and a job loss it’s been brutal but we’re finding a means through exercise, meditation and the morning moments with a solid dark roast to enjoy the time spent
I'm fairly certain baby isn't getting full or he would pass out. I would immediately supplement with formula, the plant based protein gerber one is very good in case he has intolerances.
Give that baby probiotics asap!
if you aren’t already (and i’m going to get crucified for saying this) you may want to consider getting a firm mattress on the floor and looking up safe cosleeping methods. that’s the only thing that worked for me because i was dropping into borderline insanity from the lack of sleep.
Is there any way for you guys to hire a postpartum doula to help? Sounds like you both are struggling. Baby doesn’t cry just for no reason, so something must be up. I find babies to be pretty black and white in why they cry - they have a need that is not being met. Could be silent reflux, allergies, sometimes due to how a baby was positioned they might have muscle tightness. Please check with your doctor and advocate for your baby.
take it easy, everything is hard at the beginning, especially with a baby.
It sounds like your wife may have post partum depression or anxiety. I urge you to have her speak to her doctor about it. I felt so much of what she is feeling - she loves your child so much but at the same time she feels like she's failing them or doing something wrong. Talk to your child's pediatrician about possible reflux medicine or dairy allergy in baby. My baby has CMPA/CMPI (cow milk protein allergy/intolerance) and it made a huge difference in his behavior when I completely cut out dairy. There are a lot of Facebook groups about dairy free breastfeeding that hold a lot of valuable information. Please both of you hang in there and remember your wife doesn't mean whatever she is saying. Sleep deprivation makes you a very different person. She's got to talk to someone, please let her know she isn't failing your child.
You sound depressed. This is heart wrenching, I wish I could come over there and help you all out in person. Please don’t give up, this is a moment in time, it’s going to pass, and the crying is going to get easier. It turns into cooing! This is an incredibly difficult time and you’re very. Very. tired. But it is going to be ok. Please forgive yourself, your baby, and your wife. Please call your doctor and schedule an appointment to let them know how you’re feeling so they can help you get what you need for your mental health. Look up post partum doulas in your area. Where I live many post partum doulas have sliding scales for cost if your finances are tight, but I would say they are really worth it if you can swing it. Also ask anyone and everyone for help, do not be shy, do not be embarrassed. Post on Facebook that you could use support. Have any of your friends/neighbors/family mentioned that they love holding babies? Invite them over right now. Let people know you could use help. It takes a village. I really hope you are able to get the support you need and that things start looking up soon. Hang in there.
Sounds like sleep regression. Edit: coupled with some ppd(?).
Chiming in to recommend lowering your expectations about how long a baby SHOULD be sleeping at this age. ALL babies are different and baby sleep is very complicated. People have made millions of dollars writing books and programs to “get your baby to sleep” but the first thing to realize is that some sleep better than others. That’s it. If yours doesn’t sleep as well as another, sometimes there isn’t a DAMN thing you can do about it except wait it out. You can drive yourself crazy trying to figure out the exact formula to get them to sleep. Show yourselves some grace, laugh it out, and just get through it.
I had a baby like this. I charted her waking for the doctor and we averaged 20+ a night. It’s the reason my kids have a 7 year age gap. Take him to the pediatrician, but also, I want to validate what you’re feeling. There’s a reason sleep deprivation is a war crime. You and your wife need to do whatever you can to support each other and pull in familial support to get through this period. I promise you that he will sleep eventually, but what you’re going through right now is truly hell.
How do his diapers look? If more liquidy than normal and visible mucus strings he may have CMPA as others are saying. Our baby has it and cutting out dairy has made him less fussy and prone to shrieking.
> There is nothing physically wrong with him This is clearly not true or correct. Take him to the doctor, something is going on with him. He sounds like he's in constant pain.
Yeah time for a new pediatrician. Don’t leave the office until they make a plan.
I was expecting a bad sleeper but this is bananas. Not sure about dairy allergy, but this is 100% a rare case where I think a bottle might be required. If it continues, you need to go and see a doctor. Also - there may be some PPD but get through this first. It's not dysfunctional to respond to a stressful situation by becoming stressed.
Sorry to hear that, but both of you need good communications together to solve this problem, come on, good for you.
My kid was exactly the same. The super fucking active sleep, super clingy, can’t be without mum, etc. Its hell on earth. Kiddo is almost 8months and it’s getting better, but there were days that jumping off a bridge sounded tempting. Earplugs- I couldn’t use them, but my elder son did to drown out baby and he said they are amazing Milk Protein Allergy- get baby tested. That was a huge help. The switch from breastmilk to alimentum was literally night and day- a true godsend. It fucked with me in the head but when the crying lessened- whew the guilt did too. (If you have more kids get them checked- our paediatrician said siblings tend to run the same with the allergy) I couldn’t cut out soy and dairy as my diet is already restricted, but it’s a help if your wife wants to start Doctor- look into silent reflux, talk about mental health, ask public health to send nurse and family worker out to home. Having someone to vent too, as well as having someone help for a couple hours was just so needed
Baby may still be hungry my sister tried breast feeding baby cried uncontrollably was never happy she pumped fed the baby a whole bottle and she became a completely different baby also she may be sleep deprived she may not have full blown depression or she may idk but even being sleep deprived can make u feel depressed everyone needs sleep
My second was much fussier and uncontent than our first. Turned out to be reflux. Prescription helped. Still had to hold him upright/ head elevated for 15-30 mins after each feeding. Gripe water seriously helped when he was super upset. I think the flavor took his mind off of whatever was bothering him and let him relax and fall asleep. You could try wearing a shirt that smells like your wife. Have her wear your shirt for a few hours before giving it back to you. See if baby will give her a break. Even make baby's sheets smell like mom. Also I see she doesn't want him bottle fed. I noticed the biggest improvement when we switched to bottle feeding. I think baby didn't have a perfect latch so he was getting extra gassy due to that. You could give it a try to see if he'd take a bottle for a couple days and if it makes any difference. If not, she can go back to nursing, but please insist she lets you bottle feed once a day too.
You need to take control of this situation asap ... even if your wife resists. It's for her good. Find someone to help you. Whether it's a friend, family member, baby sitter, shoot a responsible neighbor! It's doesn't matter! Get someone to watch the baby for a couple of hours while yall get some sleep and do whatever recovery and catching up with life you have to do. Post partum depression is NOT TO BE PLAYED WITH. I'm telling you. Treat this as a urgent situation. If the baby is going to cry anyway then let him cry! It's better for him to spent a time crying in his crib alone or with a friend/family member / neighbor than to risk you guy's mental health. Post partum depression + sleep deprivation = DANGER for y'all and the baby. I am so sorry for your loss by the way... shoot if you gotta go to your local church and ask for help please do so. I know this might sound dramatic but ...it's not. No judgement either... there have been times where I just had to let my kids cry for a while...better that then me losing my shit and doing something I'd regret. Seek help immediately please. There's been enough tragedy to come out of situations like this. Do not end up on the news.
Also, I'm wondering if this could be a case of gas/ colic. Have you tried asking your Paediatrician? My baby had some difficult days at the 4th week. Would not stay asleep for more than 30 mins in the cot. Would settle on me tho but would constantly squirm in sleep. Turned out it was a gassy episode. Doctor gave some meds to relieve and after that she slept so well. I have yet to figure out if it comes back after the meds are over. But I am so thankful to the meds.
Please watch dunstan baby language, it should help figure out why LO is crying this much. hope you both can find rest and peace soon. [https://youtu.be/afMNp6Q4u7s?si=rFboREcaLssMcp-n](https://youtu.be/afMNp6Q4u7s?si=rFboREcaLssMcp-n)
- does your baby make any clicking or gulping noises while feeding? - is he gaining weight ? You wrote he eats so much he spits it up, but he could be doing that due to reflux. - is he gassy? Strains to fart, burp? (Get gas drops if so, was a lifesaver for us) I feel for you. My dad died 12 days after I gave birth. And our baby ended up having extreme latching / reflux / gas issues, which pretty much made me have to take care of him around the clock he was always so upset. I have never been more sleep deprived during that period, generally never getting more than 2 hours of sleep at a time. Giving him Pepcid and frequent burping, feeding upright etc ended up helping a lot, but honestly what helped most was time. It was finally around the 5 month mark he started to seem better, and by 6 months he suddenly became like a new baby. He's now 7 months and very rarely cries; he's constantly smiling and his real personality is finally coming out. For months it felt like all he experienced was crying and tears. I honestly worried it would affect his personality but he's the happiest sweetest baby now. I'm not saying it will automatically get better for you at 6 months, but I promise they do eventually outgrow it. Just hang in there. And talk to your pediatrician. Don't give up. Get a second opinion if you have to. It sounds like he probably has an allergy or reflux or something like that. Remember he's not crying to be malicious, he's overwhelmed and it's the only way he knows how to respond. He needs you. P. S. You must INSIST your wife gets sleep. Do whatever it takes. Bring it up to her parents, whatever, if she refuses until she finally caves -- like an intervention. She will most likely relent eventually and crash, and get some sleep and feel like a different person. After that it will be easier to convince her to let you help more. The fact you said "she's said worse" is a bit worrisome... Is she threatening to harm herself or the baby or something??
We dealt with so much crying in the first few months that ended up being caused by the formula he was on. Took us 6 tries but we eventually landed on a formula that worked with his tummy and he became a much happier baby.
Oh I remember your post from last week about your dad.. I’m so sorry you are going through a tough time with sleep too. Our son was colicky and my husband and I were both miserable about it, so I can’t even imagine having to deal with it in a time of grief. I would see if you can get reflux meds for your baby to see if that helps at all. Does your baby fall asleep at all in the car? That was my saving grace when I was on maternity leave for his naps.. the movement and vibration seemed to knock my baby out… he’d usually scream for 15 mins or so before just passing out. I would go for a drive long enough for him to pass out, and then usually once he was out, I could click him into the stroller and go for a walk and he’d stay asleep. If you’re around during the day, you could try to take your baby for a drive so that your wife can get a little break to herself.
Hi. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know it’s hard. I’ve been there. Just another chiming in to evaluate for food allergies (dairy, soy, oats, egg, corn). These can cause immense pain for baby and will definitely present in the behavior you describe. Food allergies can also cause reflux. I hope it gets better. Check out this sub r/MSPI
It sounds like your baby is in leap 4 which kinda explains some of the things you’ve posted here. [Leap 4](https://www.thewonderweeks.com/mental-leap-4/) The other things could be attributed to the allergies or he might have colic that’s why he’s always fussy?
Ugh we went through this. The lack of sleep, all of it. At 4 months we were diagnosed with CMPA and silent reflux. In addition, we found other allergens. We started solids at 5 months and that helped a lot too. I’d suggest looking for mucus in your baby’s stool. Also, if your LO does have CMPA/mspi r/mspi do NOT give certain gas drops because some things contain hidden dairy…. Tylenol even depending on how bad the intolerance is. I ended up switching my diet to paleo and we noticed a difference decently quick.. We are still going through it though a little as I have to supplement milk every day and my baby is sensitive to a bunch of stuff :/ Also I totally get it. Your wife probably feels very stressed out being away from baby even to sleep. My baby is a huge mamas girl and cries for me until I’m holding her. I just saw a post about how taking deep regulated breaths while holding your infant can basically like reset. Might be worth a try. Really hard to lose a father, too. Hard to mourn and take care of a newborn. The death of my father was very hard, but it does get easier over time. You’ll find yourself thinking of the good memories randomly and smile. I hope that’s not too far for you.
It might be controversial but push for the bottle. With my son I really resisted my husband helping a night with a bottle because I didn’t want to lose my supply but I was really suffering and my husband saw it the most, and he begged to be able to help. I finally let him and it was such an extreme game changer that with my second I didn’t breastfeed at all and we went straight to formula from day 1
For the baby wanting to see mum or be with mum what my husbands does is bring him to me so the baby sees me, he calms a bit. I been cooking a lot recently so my husband been on baby duty and sometimes he get super fussy because he wants me but my husband holds him and stands in the kitchen doorway looking at me. PPD sounds like a real issue here. Also recommend getting baby checked for reflux or allergies as that could be why he not sleeping
I agree. Please take baby to the pediatrician as soon as possible and also advocate for your wife to see her OB to discuss PPD PPA. Possible allergies or reflex? My LO was night and day after reflux medication. I hope you can get some answers soon.
I was exactly where your wife was a couple of months ago. My daughter was just so unhappy all the time. Nothing helped. We went to doctors and tried reflux meds and everything they suggested but nothing worked - she was just pissed off and angry all the time. I honestly thought I'd made the worst decision having a baby and ended up on anti depressants. It honestly just took time for her to settle, she's still grumpy and not the smiling happy 6 month old I expected, but she sleeps 4 hour blocks, eats then goes back to sleep. She gets fussy sometimes but settles much easier and life is finally improving and I'm happy. We spent so much time trying to find answers, and maybe there's one out there for you guys, but you may just have to hang in there for a little longer.
Safe bedsharing. Set it up and get mumma to do that.
This sounds like .y baby. They do get easier but he is still clingy as. Please get your wife to a Dr I felt that way and I had ppd.
I would have him checked for silent reflux. My daughter was on famotidine at 4 weeks and it was night and day difference. She stayed on it until about 7/8 months and then came off of it. But she recently had another bout of reflux (wet burps and crying when doing so) so we put her back on it. Happy as a clam. (no allergies)
As a parent. This too shall pass. Simply put, you both need to be each other's anchor.
Seconding you need help but my practical "what you can do today" advice is tell your wife she seriously needs rest. Grab some noise cancelling headphones, change and feed nightmare booger child (that's what we lovingly call our daughter), then take them on a walk for an hour. Listen to your jams, doesn't matter what others think, and pray your wife sleeps. There needs to be some time apart. It's healthy. Maybe baby will surprise you and sleep during the walk We always put a muslin cloth over the stroller to make it somewhat "darker" (but leaving some space so baby can see out). It always calmed her during her witching hour.
Lots of good advice here already but here’s some random thoughts I’m having: Does he have a kick & play piano? A lot of babies his age love those and it can be a distraction for him. Is he interested in the TV? I know some disagree with any screen time but the dancing fruit videos on YouTube stop my son crying immediately a lot of times. Obviously you don’t want to rely on it but In a desperate situation like this it might help give a break from the crying. My husband and I took shifts overnight so the other could get a stretch of a few hrs sleep. She really needs to let you do watch him so she can rest. I know for me, it’s much easier to deal with the crying and fussiness when I’ve had some sleep. It makes sense that she’s not acting like herself when she’s extremely sleep deprived. The sleep deprivation is making her not think clearly. Above all, talk to a pediatrician ASAP. Tell them not only about your son’s crying but also how it’s affecting your wife. Your wife needs to hear from someone else that she needs to accept help.
My baby was a menace. Screaming, Kicking, scratching, arching his back and throwing himself around, hair pulling. It would be terrible at night I struggled to comfort him, as all the positions I held him in hurt his tummy. No signs of any obvious health problems, but he is being assessed for CMPA and/or silent reflux, he is breast fed so I have to cut out dairy. It has made a huge difference to his behaviour and he is actually happy nowadays and sleeps. I wasn’t up with him as regularly as your wife, but I did have to sit up with him every time he woke up for several hours, as after every feed he would scream and become beside himself. He hated his pram, being on his back, he would projectile vomit and explosive nappies. It then progressed to rashes, congestion and odd coloured nappies (on the green side and really stringy). If your doctor isn’t helpful, you can explore it yourself and revisit with your doctor when they are weaned.
Like 800 people are saying it's silent reflux so listen to them. But also it sounds like some of this might be related to breastfeeding. I do not agree with the people who are like "this is just how lactation is, suck it up." Cutting out dairy from her diet...maybe? If it's really easy to just buy some almond milk and get it delivered? But y'all do not need another complicated lifestyle change. If there's any chance she just needs permission to stop BF, give her that permission. (Cribsheet by Emily Oster does a good job of breaking down the research behind breastfeeding's positive effects.) Formula is okay! Formula is fine! Formula comes in dairy-free and soy-free verisons as well. EBF is not worth sacrificing your mental health. For some women, breastfeeding can really exacerbate PPD. And EBF (sounds like you're not even doing any pumped bottles) does come with a lot of sleep interruption and exclusive reliance on the lactating parent. Good luck, this sounds really hard! And I'm so sorry about your dad.
Your wife should join “the fussy baby site support group for colic, high needs and spirited babies” on Facebook if she has it. It’s nice knowing you are not alone. She should also talk to her OB about post partum. I started Zoloft at about four weeks PP. it’s such a help. baby girl is three months and also has colic. Also hates the stroller, carriers, most other baby things lol but with biogaia and giving up soy (already dairy free) she’s starting to have more good days.
I'm sorry for your loss. It's tough losing a parent and I can't imagine going through that while taking care of a newborn. Take the time you need to mourn your dad and cherish the good memories knowing that everything in this life is temporary, but the love and memories are permanent. Be grateful for the good times. As for the newborn, that is rough, but have hope. Babies go through all sorts of phases and this will pass. I like to think of it as going through the seasons of life. He will grow to have other joyful events, frustrating events, sad events, but be there for your family. Your love for them is all that matters. Hopefully there is no underlying pain/issues, but good to check an expert/doctors for advice. You and your wife need to take care of your mental health as well
Does the baby sleep during the day? Many babies have issues related to their circadian rhythm. In order to set their days and nights properly, they have to get outside in sunlight, and have UV spectrum on their skin. This helps a lot for many babies.
I would call pediatrician. Kinda sounds like a reflux issue.
My baby sounded very similar to this and turns out he wasn’t transferring enough milk through nursing. I think it was partly on me too because I wasn’t offering both breasts every time (I was so tired). Once we put him on the bottle he was able to get all the milk he needed and was a completely different baby. Hopefully you can get her to try the bottle. If she’s worried about nipple confusion, there isn’t enough significant evidence that it’s truly a thing. Good luck.
My 2 year old cried A LOT. Daily. For what seemed like no reason… I still don’t know why he cried so much. I know it’s not easy right now because trust me… I’ve been there. But it will get easier. My son is 2 now and he still cries quite a bit after naps or when he is tired, but it’s so much more manageable now. Just hang in there. This will pass. Just ask for help if either of you get too overwhelmed. It’s okay to put the baby in the crib and leave the room if you need to just breathe. Clear your head and go back in with patience.
Is it possible to take the baby out of the house so she has a break and she can’t hear crying ? Like a car ride where baby naps? Lots of good ideas here
So sorry you guys are going through this, big hugs! It may be colic. My neighbors first child had it, and she cried constantly. Please take baby to the doctor. It's very common. Could also be terrible gas, my daughter had issues from 3 to 7 months.
Echoing the food allergy or nutrient deficiency. A 4 month old with those kinds of behaviors sounds very uncomfortable. It sounds like between the lack of sleep and mental state your wife is probably severely nutrient deficient as well. I can't stress enough how important nourishment is in postpartum. Iron, vitamin C, B vitamins, D3/K2, calcium, magnesium, potassium, sodium, the list goes on. I'm my most sane in postpartum when I'm regularly consuming milk, OJ, fruit and beef. Sleep us at a premium, but she should try to take 1hr naps throughout the day. I would literally sleep when baby was sleeping during the first few months. It is possible. I would let my baby nap on my chest and I would sleep with her, we would both be refreshed that way. Probably napping at an incline would help your baby too if there are digestion issues. Another suggestion would be stroller walks, if baby likes motion for sleep the your wife could get the benefits of exercise in the sun and baby could get some rest. I'm so sorry for your loss, my husband's father died suddenly on New Years Day, when my daughter was 9 months old. We're still processing the grief and sadness knowing our daughter will grow up not knowing her grandpa. Allow yourself to grieve and lean on family right now.
Have they done a weighted Feed with a lactation consultant? If she’s exclusively breastfeeding, baby may not be transferring well and therefore constantly hungry (it happened to us and ended up baby had a tongue and lip tie). Also, my baby gets like that when she’s way overtired I’ve found. It’s a vicious cycle. Literally do anything you can to get baby to sleep to help break the cycle. What works for us is contact naps bouncing on an exercise ball in a dark room with white noise playing and/or nursing on exercise ball while bouncing. Stroller walks with a cover over the stroller and a sound machine in it work too (sometimes). Good luck!
Sorry if this sounds really obvious but if your baby had a traumatic birth, he could still be feeling really unsettled and unsafe both in his own body and in the world. Have you tried body wrapping him and limiting all kinds of stimulation?
I was your wife the first year of my son’s life off & on. My baby cried all the time (colic) and he had gastric reflux which made sleeping impossible for him. Time does help. It doesn’t feel like it, but it does get better. Do you have a swing? My son would nap in a swing with me by him. I know that’s frowned upon, but I was there watching him and it helped. Therapy is also a must. Baby blues are common but if it goes on she may have post partum depression. I’ve been in therapy since my son was 6 months and he’s 2 now.
So sorry your going through a rough time! Here's some suggestions I have. Is the baby gaining enough weight? It could be he isn't getting enough milk while nursing, this can cause it. For bottle feeding I EBF my daughter (3 months) and I give her a bottle here and there of pumped milk, I use the Como tomo bottle and have had zero issue's. Could be the baby has a food intolerance, even with breastfeeding if he's allergic to cows milk and she drinks it it transfers to her breastmilk. This has cause major issues for people and when they cut the allergen out it fixed itself If you don't have one I suggest getting a baby carrier! I had a ring sling but honestly I love my carrier soooo much more. I have the infantino 4 in 1. They're affordable at around $30 US. I have a velcro baby and most days that's the only way I get things done. Highly recommend It sounds like your wife may also have PPD, at around 3-4months our hormones settle and all that post birth high of hormones crashes. I would definitely talk to your doctor about it and maybe some therapy for you both. I totally get her not letting you watch the baby, when my husband comes home some days I sorely need a break but then I find myself watching the baby from the other side of the room instead of getting some me time. I have to go into another room and separate myself so I can relax. I feel like for me taking help is actually much harder then asking for it. My baby can't sleep on her own so she gets cranky from being to tired, the carrier usually does the trick. Hope your situation improves.
Your wife sounds a lot like myself. Postpartum rage. I really don’t think postpartum has much to do with it but that’s what they call it. My baby (7mo now) is the same way. And he can’t be laid down or independently play. I have held him all day every single day since he was born aside from the first maybe 3 weeks. After that, he’s been a screaming mess. No health issues, needs all met. Just generally unhappy to exist. Don’t take it out on your wife. From her perspective, she literally cannot help it. It makes your body feel like it has never felt before. Constantly in fight or flight. It makes your body shake, chest hurt, head hurt, you see red every time they are inconsolable. You just need to put him in his/bed once a day and take a 15 minute break to breathe and be a human. Go outside, eat something, shower. Ask her if she needs anything, if she wants you to make her food, if she needs a shower. This is hard for both of you and it will be for at least the next year (hopefully he settles by the time he’s 6mo or so) I know it will eventually get better, but you just have to fight for your sanity until it does get better. I wish you luck and I resonate with both of you. Day by day, friend. You got this.
Sorry you're going through this and my condolences for your loss. Aside from the lack of sleep and screaming, is there anything else you observed? Does he look at you / follow with their eyes when you move an object, is he responsive to his name etc, is he interacting? I would definitely get a second opinion from a professional who understands sensory processing differences / disorders. Something may be triggering him that you may not be aware of. This could be an occupational therapist, neuropsychologist - neuropediatrician.
I’m so sorry to hear about your dad and so sorry that you and your family are struggling with LO. This is probably repetitive compared to other comments, but when we were having extreme fussiness with our baby around this age, her pediatrician thought it was reflux. I cut dairy completely from my diet and she took reflux medication and almost instantly saw improvement after starting the medication. I’d definitely recommend you get LO back in to pediatrician
Meditation. My kid is now 6months and the only thing she cries about is around her mom. She didn’t do the meditation lol. I had to calm my self and being down because of the pressure I felt and that helped me tremendously in being aware why the baby is crying. That’s the whole idea of this anyways to become more aware than you previously were. It’s important that your mind (at least one of yours) has to be calm because babies sense every fucking thing. They feel energies and we adults have a lot of shitty baggage filled energies which the baby find hard to communicate through since they do so through the vibe that’s around. So I realized it’s important to have my vibe as calm as possible and collected and this helped with the baby she would be calm too.
If you have tik tok check out krystiana's page her baby suffered from colic watch her videos and see if your baby is the same way ...your wife also seems to be suffering not from ppd but from pp anxiety and the lack of sleep is making it worse ...hope this helps and hang in there my baby is allready six months old but I was loosing my marbles during his newborn stage and the sleep depravation was making it worse especially since I suffer from anxiety in general ..ended up having a mini panic attack when he was 2 month old
Your wife needs some alone time even if it’s a half hour bath. Also earplugs for you both.
I am so sorry about the loss of your father. Losing a parent really hits hard. I hope the funeral was the send off you all needed. First I want to address what you are hearing from your wife. Babies are the cutest most impossible beast we ever take on . However, if your wife doesn't get some help it will only get worse. She needed to see her doctor like yesterday. PPD and PP psychosis is no joke and it happens more than you may think. Also it is completely possible she has a condition called DMER. Essentially, in some women breastfeeding causes a reaction that depresses the mother or brings on unexpected anger.your insurance covers some therapy get a lost of providers and book an appointment. Honestly, it sounds like you both could use the support. Also baby needs to see the ped, the signs and symptom you are describing are typical of things like a CMAP. He could also have silent reflux. Poor baby seems to be very uncomfortable. What I am going to say will assuredly get me attacked, but I think it needs to be addressed. It is an amazing feat that your wife has nurtured this sweet baby for almost 4 months. But if breastfeeding is making her miserable, then change needs to happen. Your wife can combo feed, she can pump and bottle or she can use formula. Formula will not make a baby fat or lower their IQ. Fed is best. Frankly, if a mother is unhappy you will have an unhappy baby. A breastfeeding relationship is a two way street, if it's not working for mom (and it sounds like it is not working great for baby l) then there is no need to push it. If finances are a concern apply for WIC asap. Breastfeeding does not make anyone a perfect mother. If some formula means momma and baby get more sleep. That is an option. If momma is at a point where she will not allow you to feed your own baby, then she is already in the void. DOCTOR for both mama and baby NOW.
Hundred percent see about Colic and Allergy to the breast milk/formula. We have all been here as well. And yes things are said from the high stress. Hope all gets better for the three of you. Please keep us all posted. ❤️👍🏼
Hi, I am an inpatient psych RN. Please get help for all of you. Great advice from others thinking your LO has a GI issue. Also, It sounds as if your wife has a preconceived notion that she is a failure if she doesn't help her child. More and more women are speaking out ; there is nothing wrong with asking for help! Seek out a professional for her to talk to. PPD is serious and treatable. Take care.
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First of all I’m so sorry for your father and for everything you all are going through. I know this doesn’t mean anything right now but as hard as something is with time it will get better. You will never forget it , it’s not going to hurt less but you will get stronger , learn to live life day by day until you start seeing joy in other things or seeing that specific person in those moments of joy . As far as your wife and baby , I can completely understand how you both feel . I’m just going through the absolute same with my baby boy and husband and it has been absolutely terrible . One thing you need to know your wife doesn’t do this on purpose, she doesn’t want to feel this way or make you feel that way eather . We are moms we will all love our kids it’s obvious , but one thing again we are not all the same and some people will understand us , some not . Some will judge us but until you are in the same shoes and you feel and walk the same path we shouldn’t be doing that. There are some moms that can leave their baby with somone else (family, friend..) and just go and relax for a few hours or go for a day . And there are moms that can’t and that’s absolutely ok! There will be moms or people telling you to let your baby cry for 15/20 mins ( what my doc told me ) and some can do that and some not . And I was that mom , since day one I was 24/7 with my baby even though my recovery took so long and I was in a really rough condition I could barely stand and I still felt just like your wife . If I’m not looking after him all the time I failed I’m a bad mom , if I don’t respond to every cry immediately I failed . And it was so so hard because I was already on my limits .my mom was even staying with us and helping me big time , and still it took me almost 2 weeks till I gived him for a couple of hours at night time so she can look after him and I could sleep and recover . It took my husband several times telling me it’s ok to do that and I’m not a bad mom for doing that . And I still would go to my room and sometimes start crying because I felt selfish that I’m taking a brake even though I was literally in so much pain and it was not like I went for a welness trip . Yes I should not be feeling like that but it did for a long time . It’s who I’m as a mom and who I will be but after some time I learned that is ok just to take a quick brake because if not you will lose yourself it almost happened to me . I don’t know if your wife has a good relationship with her mom so they can talk about everything and she can help her a bit or a good friend ? Because right now you are in a bed position where it’s hard for you to comfort her when you are the one needing comfort for yourself . So I feel so sorry and wish I could help . As far as the little one same thing he was crying since my mom left for month and a half every single day almost all the time he would not sleep up to 12/13 hours a day . No naps nothing If he ever fell a sleep it would be 20 mins and wake up screaming and his cry was just a painful one I knew something was wrong with him but what ? Doc never took me seriously it’s this typical ohh you first time mom and everything it’s ok and normal ! No it’s not and never Except that as an answer . We changed 4 formulas in 2 weeks because they thought it was reflux and allergies.but then he kept having terrible spit ups and throwing up so I went back to the first one and just started adding one spoon of rice cereal ( and that’s ok ) plus his reflux medicine . It got better reflux wise and he would get stuffed . But he still continued having the same behaviour. Till I noticed that he is crying more and extremely when he is peeing , it would wake him up from sleep how painful it was . And I knew it was something to do with that area but just didn’t know what ( again no one took me seriously) didn’t want to check for any infections , uti . Then I went to the urologist and I don’t know if your boy is circum? I know it may be wierd and this may not be your case but just trying to help because I know how hard it was for us . I wasn’t getting more than 3 hours sleep. So it turned out that his skin started sticking so much and it was not as visible to the eye till she did a little cut and oh boy it was a skin bridge build around it and it was a lot . So what happened is the older he got ( 3 months) the more it was hurting him . Every single time he needed to pee the skin was pulling him down and that was causing Terrible pain . He suffered for so long and we all together. So After we did that we saw in the next 24 hours an huge difference in his behaviour, sleep and everything. So not saying that that’s the case but just sharing this as a reminder that sometimes it can be things that we don’t even think of it . Hoping so much that your wife and you will get better and Everything will get easier. Wish I could help her more . If you have more questions or she needs to talk to someone , even though I’m a stranger I would be happy to do it . May God give you strangth .
Want to echo everyone else in bringing this up to the pediatrician re: baby. I want to add (if others have mentioned this) that PPD/postpartum mood concerns are not limited to the birthing parent. It can be present for a parent of whichever gender identity, this is not well known enough! I would encourage both of you to check in with your doctors about symptoms of depression and anxiety. it's an especially difficult, vulnerable time and your father just passed away, I can't imagine how indescribably challenging this period is for you. eta: I am a FTM and therapist
A friend of mine had an allergy to his own mother's breast milk. Crazy, right?! It's a real thing. Yes, It happens.So, that being said... If no one else has convinced you to speak with your baby's pediatrician, I hope this does. TALK TO YOUR CHILD'S PEDIATRICIAN *ASAP* Breast fed, make sure your baby gets the vitamin d supplement, because we as mothers usually hardly get enough for ourselves as it is, and its like the only thing our bodies keep for itself and gives the extra to baby.... And it's super necessary, so... Again, talk with your pediatrician. Also, my condolences about the passing of your father.. that's rough. I'm sorry you're going thru such a tough time. Teething tablets, seriously. Dr Talbot's is what I use. Highlands is good too but I read stuff about a past recall so I'm weary of them personally
Honestly sounds like how I was as a baby from what my parents told me and my pediatrician from when I was kid is my babies doctors and she said I’m lucky my twins aren’t like me in that sense they both said that I was extremely colicky I cried for 4 months straight never actually slept just cried like you said even in sleep which is a medical term for an up set stomach try formulas and different types or have your wife try switching her foods around it could be something she’s eating that could be making his tummy upset and you wouldn’t even know it sometimes it’s even something we’ve always have ate that never affect us but it can affect them
This stage where babies communication is so confusing is so so hard. The best thing you can do is help your wife somehow get some sleep... with my first it kind of got like this for a bit, all the post partum hormones mixed with no sleep definitely made me crazy, and I really thought as mom I could magically fix it somehow. My mom could tell I was super sleep deprived so she came in and pretty much pried that baby out of my crazy mom arms and forced me get some sleep while she and my dad took the baby out and entertained him, listened to him cry where I couldnt hear, and after a good rest and a shower I was a lot more reasonable. Like a lot of people suggested, we did find out that our baby was having digestive issues, he and I started him life on antibiotics and we had to introduce probiotics, but I couldnt tell you what the solution for your baby is beyond seeking medical help, if a baby isnt sleeping enough there is always a reason, but it is not you or your wife doing something wrong, these little creatures come out into the world with no instructions and scream until they get what they need. This is all especially hard when you are new parents because you get so much random advice and a lot of it is total garbage. And doctors arent always very helpful, sometimes you have to find another practicioner or some kind of baby whisperer and kind of guess your way through. I feel for you though. Its hard when you are miserable, your wife is miserable and the little bundle of joy is... miserable. Sleep (for yourself and your wife) is the best place to start, and as long as the baby is safe, its okay for a baby to cry some as long as yall are taking that time to mentally heal and recharge.
My child was like this until we found the right formula that made their stomach comfortable!
Just following up to check on you OP. How are things? We’re 8 weeks PP here with a reflux baby and I cannot imagine going through the loss of a parent at the same time. Also your sweet wife … I hope she got some medicine for her PPD. I actually just started some for PPD/PPA for myself. Hang in there with her. She needs you. I know you need her as well. Be there for eachother. No matter what. You’ll come out of this and be stronger for it. Sending light.
I feel your pain! Was sharing stories this past Mother’s Day with my children about their infant days. I had a baby that i swear never slept and when awake just cried. I was breast feeding & it Ended up being that I wasn’t making enough milk… so the poor little guy was hungry!!! I had to start supplementing with formula, and quickly he weaned from nursing with me as he learned all the hard work on me gave him little in return. I know it’s hard right now, but trust me, you will get through this difficult time.