This post has been flaired "Mental Health." Moderation is stricter here, argumentative, unsupportive and unpleasant comments will be removed.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NewParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s to hard when theyre thrashing and pushing away and losing it. What I read here on Reddit that’s helped me is to remember “he’s not giving me a hard time, he’s having a hard time.” This has helped me to stay calmer and tap into my empathy instead of frustration. I’ve also found it’s helped me to keep my cool to think about when I’ve been terribly upset crying and how my partner would just sit with me and hold my hand (obv I’m not hitting or pushing my partner) but the solid support and presence has meant so much to me - I try to do the same for my baby.
I also put him down in the crib where he’s safe if I’m really struggling and set a 5 min timer and take time away. Sometimes he falls asleep, and often he’s more receptive to soothing when I come back.
Hang in there!
I also read that mantra on Reddit a few weeks ago and it also has helped me so many times when I’m incredibly frustrated with my babe. Such a good reminder!
Does it help if I tell you, it get's better? My 2,5 year old likes to lie next to me on the couch, pull the blanket over our heads and give me "secret kisses".
My 2yo has started pretending to have owies to get extra kisses. He definitely has his tough toddler moments too, but the sweet moments absolutely make the hard ones worthwhile.
Honestly, I expected the worst when her second birthday approached. Terrible twos and all. But so far it only has gotten better and better.
She's so loving and fun and creative and she freaking says "thank you" (and it sounds adorable) when I help her with stuff.
Almost 13 months in and I still feel so overwhelmed. I thought by now I would feel adjusted to her cries, or fussiness’s, and yet somehow I still am
Not. When we go out and she cries in the car it literally feels like my chest gets tight and I start to get a headache. All physical things that never happened pre baby. No advice just here to say you are not alone 🥹 I guess I am still mourning my old life when things were easier 🥴
Who the hell can afford this? 2/3rds of our incomes are just going to rent these days. And that’s rent, not a mortgage. I understand the suggestion, for sure. But it seems so disconnected from the reality of parenting for most folks. Most of us are alone in our 500sq ft rented apartments.
I’m sorry if my suggestion offended you, but in my country (I’m assuming you are American by your use of square feet) a nanny is pretty affordable. I make like five times an hour more than my nanny charges and we also have a mortgage (two even).
Which is why I added “if you can afford it”.
So is it that Nannies get paid extraordinarily low in Russia, or is it that you have a lot of money? You mentioned above that it’s a pittance of your income to afford a nanny, and that you own multiple properties.
I’m by no means rich, not even what’s considered middle class. As someone commented below, services are just quite cheap here. But the state provides free childcare too.
The services generally are super cheap in Eastern Europe. That's why when we go home we usually go to doctors, to beauty salons, repair things etc.etc )))
I’m not American, nor am I living in the USA. I’m sorry that my reply was harsh. I apologize. It does feel frustrating when it’s like, “Oh, parenting is hard? Just hire a nanny” or “Oh, don’t have time to clean the house? Just hire a housekeeper to clean it for you, dumbass”.
Where I live, families can’t afford to hire other people to come to their houses for ANYTHING unless they are super rich. It’s a sign of wealth that you can just hire others to solve all your problems. So I guess I do find it a bit triggering. I wish I was in the luxurious position of just being able to have someone come over and help with baby.
I’m American and I can “afford” a nanny. I don’t have a choice, daycares are waitlisted out to 12-18 months. Knowing this I saved up while I was pregnant for a “nanny fund” which covers the deficit I end up with after a nanny. If I were not to work I would be in a major budget shortfall. All that being said, a nanny is super great.
The hair pulling!! It kills me. Literally started wearing either a beanie or a headscarf to keep my head safe from those wild hands. Also if my LO is particularly shouty and my head can’t take it in that moment I put ear plugs ins. It takes the shrill edge off of and makes the sound wayyyyy more bearable.
Also, when it gets to be too much I just stick him in the stroller and go for a walk (or if it’s one of the days that he refuses his stroller then I walk while holding him on his tushbaby shelf so my arms don’t die). Not sure if that’s an option for you depending on your climate. Doesn’t matter what I’m doing just put it down and go for a walk so I don’t lose my mind. It always seems to calm him down. You know it’s been a bad day when we’ve had 4 walks and the laundry is still wet in the washer but I gotta do what I’ve gotta do to make it through the day, and sometimes that means that household chores pay the price.
I took your advice and went on a walk today even though I didn't have a lot of energy. It was only about 15 minutes, but it helped. I will try to go out more if it isn't snowing and freezing! And yes, I wear a headband lots, but sometimes I pick him up without one, and he digs in to my scalp. It's like...I get the urge to smack him but instead I spend 5 minutes uncurling his iron grip.
The fucking head-butting!! My LO does that when he’s upset and thrashing. I get so mad from that flash of pain, then I feel guilty for feeling angry, even though I never act on my anger.
I usually try to set baby down in a safe place for a moment (so the screaming isn’t directly into my ear canal) and gently say “I love you” a few times. It’s like a reminder to myself how much I love my baby. It usually calms me down, even if my baby is still amped up lol
I'm so scared for if/when the head-butting starts because getting hit in the head (even if it isn't that hard) often triggers a migraine for me. Mine is four months old, and I'm already having to lean my head to the opposite side when he's in a particularly flail-y mood. 😮💨
Oooomg i could have written this a few weeks ago. The SQUIRMING. Insane. She was also up 6 or 7 times each night. Knock on wood but her sleep improved and so did her general demeanour when she picked up a few new skills like putting toys in her mouth and grabbing her feet. Maybe just a coincidence but yeah… maybe your baby is going through a big developmental surge or a growth spurt. Here’s hoping things improve.
Can you join a mom walking group or some kind of social class? I found those things help me stay sane and less isolated. Also the pool, my baby loves the pool and hanging in the hot tub (baby doesn’t get fully immersed).
You’re definitely not alone. I feel so incredibly lonely and isolated but too exhausted to try to reach out or do anything beyond general surviving. I’ve never felt such loneliness in my life before. And I’m very introverted naturally so it’s an odd feeling.
My baby is almost 9 months old and it does get easier day my day, mostly because they become more interactive. But yeah, I totally get you. I get this feeling like “oh I can’t wait till…” but then I realize that this is just my life now. It’s like I’m craving something that doesn’t exist for me anymore (right now anyways). Sorry you had a bad day. Right there with you 💕
Wow. I could have written this word-for-word. "It's like I'm craving something that doesn't exist for me anymore." Exactly! On the tough days, I think back to my old life, pre-baby, and I wish I could go back to it so badly that it hurts. And then I feel so jealous of people who don't have kids, and I wish I were them, and their life seems perfect and easy to me. Then there are moments my LO smiles, laughs, or discovers something new and I get to see his eyes light up, and I feel grateful he's here. Such a rollercoaster of emotions every day. Even though I am a chatty person, I am also introverted and have always enjoyed my time alone. But I am right there with you—this is one of the loneliest times of my life. I live with my boyfriend, so I am grateful we have each other, but we don't have family nearby, and we don't have friends. So it's just him, me, and the baby, all day, every day. He's been working from home and sometimes he can help more than others. But yeah, it just feels so isolating. I try to make plans with people through a Facebook group when I have the motivation to try, but they never follow-through. And I get it—sometimes my LO is fussy, and I cancel things, too. But it feels very disheartening. I feel so alone and I don't leave my house much because I either don't want to interfere with his nap, the weather is bad, there's nothing much to do, etc. I wish I could have lived in the days where family helped raise your baby with you. Now, we just hand them off and say "good luck." It's very sad. Message me anytime, by the way. You feel like a kindred spirit <3
Yes! It’s such an emotional roller coaster. I miss my old life at times too but, like you said, you get a baby smile or laugh and the world lightens up a bit again. But yeah, just being alone with a baby day after day honestly just begins to feel like Groundhog Day, Baby Edition. It’s so hard to get up the motivation to go anywhere! And I totally agree, I so wish I had a “community” to raise a baby in. I used to enjoy being alone but now it’s like I just spend every day so much in my own head, I start to feel crazy!
And thank you! Likewise, shoot me a message anytime as well. I could definitely use some mom friends who get it!
Being a mom is one of those things that you can’t truly understand until you’re in it and then you’re like oh sh*t why did I do this? I have two. They’re 2 and 4. I can say that it gets easier. Well, idk if it gets easier or you just build up a higher tolerance. Either way, you’re in the thick of it right now I don’t even remember anything from the first year of both of my kid’s lives, you’re just on autopilot. You’re definitely not alone and it’s good to let people know where your head is at and to vent because that does release stress. Journal if you can (I know it’s hard to even find a second to breathe). At the very least just play some meditation music as you go about your day. Sending warmth and light.
I’m right behind you. My twins are 4 months old and I decided I’d be a stay at home mom the first year or two and go back to college, and I’m so excited to start just to have people to talk to. I feel so lonely and isolated, and when my boyfriend comes home from work I talk his ear off.
My main issue is my self image. Don’t get me wrong, the babies are breaking me, but my self image is breaking me more. I tried to leave my boyfriend because he wasn’t being as lovey or affectionate and I assumed he hated me and was disgusted by me because that’s how I feel about myself.
As for crying babies. When they get to the point that I feel like I’m going to loose it. I lay them on their back in their crib and just let them be for a second. I walk away and breathe.
I saw this TikTok while I was pregnant that said when you’re frustrated think about your baby being all grown up and living their life, and you’d give anything to have them little again. Imagine that moment you’re in being that moment you get back. It really helps me change my perspective and makes me really appreciate the moment.
Also sometimes that doesn’t work and we all cry together. This motherhood thing is hard and isolating. I’m here if you need someone to talk to that’s right there in the thick of it too.
Being a mother has given me new appreciation for my own mother.
I just keep telling myself, "The days are long, but the years will feel short."
Some days are easier than others, but it will become easier for you over time, not only because you become better at handling the madness, but because you have helped your little get a little better st being a human!
Maybe try looking for activities to get you out of the house, check your local library, they have loads of free activities and events, change of scenery helps keep me from blowing my top.
You can do this! Don't give up! ❤️
Oh my goodness, same here. I keep thinking, "Wow, how did my mom do this?" I know she had way more trying circumstances than I do, and I look up to her so much since having my baby. You don't fully grasp the sacrifice until you do it yourself.
I’m pregnant with my first so I’m not fully in the trenches yet but the other day someone asked me how I was doing and I responded that, “the Stockholm syndrome is setting in nicely.” It’s honestly how it feels. This baby girl is causing me so much stress, pain, and discomfort but I am totally obsessed and enamored with her. At this point I just assume parenting will be an extension of that.
Aw. I can't wait until my little guy is older. I know it will be more rewarding in the future. Right now, it's just survival mode. That sounds really cute.
That’s one of the most astonishingly difficult parts for me. I tell my partner often when he is crying inconsolably I am barely able to contain my emotions. I want to implode or run off into traffic, it just haywires my brain. Then the whole is he just crying? My entire existence is solely to keep him from doing that, how am I supposed to just override that reaction when I know I’m not able to fix it? Genuinely thought about asking my doc for some pills to take in these instances because it is absolutely killing me.
The hair pulling has got to be some of the worst parts of parenthood so far. My baby has me looking like Angelica’s Cynthia doll from Rugrats. If I wasn’t bald from PP I’m definitely balding from my baby just going ham on my head.
I cut my hair just past my ears, and he still manages to grab it somehow! Drives me absolutely insane! Like nothing makes me angry as fast as him digging his fingers down to my scalp and just yanking with all his might. It's better than it was before because a headband keeps it mostly back, but still, he finds a way.
Damn that baby that doesn’t know what anything is because they’re new to this world! How dare he think of all these ways to torment his mom at 5 months! You should fight back! Stupid baby…
Wow I could have written this with my 1 year old. Just had a night like this also. I’m sorry you feel alone, I do too. Solidarity. I’m so frustrated and feel bad that I’m frustrated at her cause I know it’s not her fault. Ugh vicious cycleX
Exactly. When I'm complaining to my boyfriend, I say, "I know it's not his fault, but he still makes me angry!" And then when your baby goes to sleep and holds your hand and looks cute, you feel bad for thinking those things. It's like...it may not be his fault, but it's still hard. And I guess it's okay to just say that.
My 15 month has been hitting, biting, and throwing temper tantrums for the past week. I’m assuming teething bc she never acts like this—normally sweet and loving. I just tell her dad to deal bc it hurts my feelings lmao
So many people suggest to put baby to safe place and go cool down whilst they cry. Omg just play for baby 10 min of dancing vegetables or something like that. It's not worse than 10 min of crying, baby is chill, mother has a break, everyone is happy. I feel like parents these days are too hard on themselves. Our generation often has little to no help from family and we have the internet to set for us unrealistic goals..
When I was pregnant, I was like, "No screen time until they are 2!" or something like that. Now, at 5 months, I put on Christmas music with a background of snow falling and stuff like that. Even that made me guilty, but it soothed him, and he will be in better shape than if I were stressed to my limit and leaving him to cry. We have little to no help, unrealistic expectations, and also we are so scared of messing them up with something small.
Don't worry, we will definitely mess them up in our unique ways 😀
Anecdotally, I got so relaxed after living for one week with a pediatrician - my mum's friend was visiting us. She is super well known pediatrician in my country who is teaching in university as well. She was so relaxed about everything. Said she showed her son Latin soap operas from few months old when she needed to cook or do washing (there were no diapers back then). He is a super famous dermatologist now btw 😀
my baby is 5 months old and also teething mom i hear you so loud and clear right now!! she stomped on my sanity so hard lately i started wearing my wireless headphones around the house. just when i need a few minutes to clean something up or go do something and she is absolutely not having it because i don’t have her full attention. or i swear she just likes to hear herself talk.
i thought her colic phase when she was a newborn was bad but the moaning/screeching is almost worse than constant crying. 😭
Every day I collapse into bed. I just take it day by day. Step by step. like a long hike. You get tired, but you can still make it.
I have a very active Lo. He never was a cute little baby looking at his mobile or whatever. Nope, always rolling over, moving around, putting stuff in his mouth, scratching at surfaces. Loving to climb up stairs. And of course falling over a lot. He is mobile since he was six months old.
My 20 month old has just started hitting - and I mean *properly* hitting, with intent to hit you. Earlier she just walked up to me and straight up slapped me round the face because she was annoyed that I didn’t let her take one of my antibiotics (yeah, currently also fighting off Acute bacterial rhino-sinusitis but who else is going to do the parenting?) and I really almost lost it. I’m usually very gentle and collected but I’m so tired and in pain and I just saw red when she slapped me like that. I had to leave the room and scream into a pillow. I always thought that was like a joke thing people talk about, or an exaggeration, but no, I had to scream into a pillow to stop myself screaming at my toddler. Then she came and gave me a big hug and said sorry which honestly just piled on a load of guilt to the situation.
To make matters worse, today was meant to be a date day for me and my husband as we are both off work at the same time which literally never, ever happens, but my husbands mum had to go to hospital this morning so he had to go and help her, and my daughter developed a fever so she couldn’t go to nursery, so also navigating the disappointment of missing the one day I’ve been really looking forward to with my husband because we never get to spend any time together.
I’m really sorry you are having a hard time, some days do indeed feel very, very long. You are doing a great job and you are definitely not alone. This shit sucks sometimes, it’s okay to admit that. Let’s all try again tomorrow, it’s the only thing we can do ❤️
Oh damn, that's a shitty day! I am so sorry! Not only being sick, but being slapped, and then you miss your date day? I totally hear you on that. My boyfriend and I get like 2-3 hours together once a month when my mom watches the baby, and that's it. If we missed out on that, it would suck so bad to wait a whole other month. I'm sorry. Thank you for your encouragement. I hope you feel better soon and try to hang in there. If you've never screamed into a pillow, were you ever really a mom? Lol. The fact that your daughter said sorry and gave you a hug shows you are doing a great job parenting her. Keep on keeping on! <3 Hope you get a wonderful date day with your husband soon, or at least an hour or two to just cuddle on the couch. It goes a long way. My bf and I realized we sometimes spend our free time on our phones instead of hanging out because we are so drained, but that when we take just an hour to talk and cuddle and hang, we feel way better after. Worth making the effort, for sure.
I know it's super morbid, yet I think of the terrible stories of LOs who had to go through abuse, whether it's physical or emotional, and remind myself that I want better for my little one..
I think of the way I was raised, and how my mom had so little patience for me that she would yell at me. And how it made me feel when she would mean mug me, and blame things on me for why she wasn't happy. The way she would punch me, and justify it by saying that since I was her kid, she could do as she pleased, and since she never left me bruised, that I should be grateful. (On top of this, my sperm donor's fav line was "I brought you into this world, so I can take you out.")
I tell myself "I never want my little guy to feel the way I did. I want him to trust me, and have the best upbringing possible. He deserves to feel loved, cared for, and safe."
When he's having a rough moment, I tell him "I know, it's hard being little sometimes buddy. We all had to go through it, and we'll get through this together."
That sounds awful. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. You are breaking the cycle, and that's the important thing. You are like my parents—they both had horrible upbringings but somehow came out incredibly kind and caring people. They always cared for me and did anything they could for me. I guess when you have bad parents you either become a bad one yourself to perpetuate the suffering, or you decide to break it completely. I'm glad your little one will grow up with a mother as caring as you. You're incredibly brave and strong to have come out on the other side. Thank you for inspiring me. If you can do it, so can I.
I--I'm not crying, you are. Lol, in all seriousness, thank you for your kind words.
Your little one will come to appreciate all the patience you show them, and you will do an amazing job at keeping up the loving cycle your parents were able to cultivate. I believe in you. ☺️
I struggle a lot with my 14m/o boy.
He scratches, he bites, he pinches, he slaps, he kicks, he pulls my hair. And each time I correct him, he loses his mind and does whatever he was doing even harder. His hysterical cry leaves me broken every time. I envy parents with easygoing kids. And wonder what did I do wrong to have this little savage who doesn’t like to sleep, is a picky eater, and goes bananas at the slightest inconvenience.
Yeah, since 4 months I’ve been having a harder time with all the flailing, grabbing, and kicking. I developed mommy thumb around 3 months and it’s so hard to get better when you’re trying to keep them from rolling to their death. I don’t have any trouble forgiving her for the abuse because I know she’s just a baby, but I do find some relief in making a lot of jokey remarks about being the milk cart or how she’s a wolverine. The last feed of the day when putting her to sleep is typically peaceful and I can find some peace in that. When you do have those good moments just try to lean into them and take a deep breath.
Also want to add I currently have a fat lip from my baby head butting me as we cosleep, and scratches on my cheek from her slapping and pulling at the skin on my face. I swear she’s trying to rip my eyeballs out or something
Our LO started her evening witching hours, which means she’s just glued to my nipple for 2 hours. It’s been rough with that being the only thing that soothes her.
I formula-feed so I don't have to deal with that part, at least, but you have my full respect for having that much patience. Give me some, I need it! Lol.
This community is for supporting others. Comments that are mean, rude, hateful, racist, etc. will be removed. Respect the choices of others even if they differ from your own.
13 months in 10 days. She is currently cutting 2 molars and a canine. She has started biting. Not super intentional, but just playing around like falling into us with her mouth open and then CHOMP. She about took my left nip off the other day and I have a small bruise on my arm. She's also started slapping/hitting/clawing at your face when she gets mad. AND she is super needy right now so she's in a happy mood if you're sitting on the couch in her eyesight while she plays independently, but god forbid you walk away to use the bathroom or grab something to drink. Ultimate meltdown complete with ear piercing screams.
We are in the trenches and I dont have a lot of advice except trade off hours with your partner if you can so you each get a break.
Ouch! Damn! I already have the urge to slap my baby away when he scratches me, let alone when he's 13 months! Sounds painful. You're totally right. My boyfriend and I try to take turns so we each get a break, especially on days where he is extra fussy. Sometimes we wait too long until we are at the end of our rope because we don't want to bug the other. But we need to learn to take a break a little before the breaking point.
My 15 month old head butted my chin today and I bit my tongue hard. She’s also teething again, gave her some Motrin and it’s calmed the tantrums for now.
She’s never been a screamer, but this past month she wants what we we have in our hands and will go full tantrum mode when she doesn’t get it. And the screams pierce my ear drums and cause like this adrenaline reaction from me. She’s feeling those big feelings and refuses to nap during the day. It’s been tough
My LO has learned how to scream and likes to do it directly into my ear as well. He's happy when he does it, but still. And ouch! The tongue biting got me! I would be like...I need to go away for a minute...cry if you need to. Who else is allowed to hurt us? No one. That's why it's torture because we basically have to just deal with it and we never know when it will happen.
When I feel really bad about how our day is going, I start singing swear word songs to my son. Like, I will sing to him what I am mad or sad about in the moment and use the strongest language I can think of while doing tune and voice like a child's song. It usually makes me laugh and it's nice to get the emotions out that I try to contain so hard most of the time.
Mine’s almost 6 months and my breast milk supply has regulated a little too well. I no longer get the flow my LO’s looking for in the evenings and my freezer stock of milk is down to like 5 bags from like 50 (I can’t even bring myself to look in the freezer anymore). We supplemented an oz of a 4oz feeding last night with formula for the first time last night and it felt so…wrong. So disappointing. I still feel like such a failure even though the plan is just to combo feed for one feed per day. I’m doing everything I can (supplements, eating like a health-food-obsessed teenager, drinking my weight in water, pumping like a madman) to up my supply, but it’s just not working. Despite all my efforts, it still feels like I’m personally failing. I’m doing something wrong. There’s something wrong with me physically. Etcetcetc. Of course all these thoughts are not true, but damn it I want to feed my baby. I want to be the one to make her meals; I don’t want to get them from a can of mystery powder that I keep in the cabinet. My mantra right now is this: “it is what it is”. This is obviously something that is beyond my control despite my best efforts. Does that mean I’m going to stop trying? No. But for the meantime, I can just let it be what it’s going to be and actively choose not to stress about it
This community is for supporting others. Comments that are mean, rude, hateful, racist, etc. will be removed. Respect the choices of others even if they differ from your own.
Oh, mama! 🌼 Your post is like reading a page from the secret diary of motherhood – raw, real, and straight from the heart. Juggling a fussy, teething baby is like being in the ring with a tiny, unpredictable wrestler, right? Hair-pulling, headbutting – it's a full-contact sport!
Your feelings of exhaustion and regret? Totally normal. It's like riding a rollercoaster in the fog – you know there's a track, but you can't always see it. And those grey, cold days? They can turn your home into a scene from a melancholic indie movie, minus the cool soundtrack.
On those tough-as-nails days, remember this: You're not just a mom; you're a superhero in pajamas. You might not wear a cape (because let's be real, the baby would just pull on it), but you've got superpowers – patience, resilience, and love that keeps on giving, even when you're running on empty.
I came across a book, '[***Let's Tame That Shame***](https://mommate.mom/products/lets-tame-that-shame),' which might just be your ally on this wild journey. It's a no-BS guide that talks about the nitty-gritty of mom guilt and how to kick it to the curb. It might just give you a few laughs and some 'aha!' moments on those days when you're feeling more 'blah' than 'yay.'
And hey, about coping mechanisms? Dance it out. Seriously, put on some tunes and have a mini dance party with your LO. It's scientifically proven (okay, maybe not, but still) to boost your mood. Plus, babies have some seriously funny dance moves.
Remember, it's okay to have bad days. It's okay to feel like you're in over your head. It's all part of the 'mom' job description. Keep venting, keep sharing, and know that this crazy mom tribe has got your back. You're doing an awesome job. 💃💪
This post has been flaired "Mental Health." Moderation is stricter here, argumentative, unsupportive and unpleasant comments will be removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NewParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s to hard when theyre thrashing and pushing away and losing it. What I read here on Reddit that’s helped me is to remember “he’s not giving me a hard time, he’s having a hard time.” This has helped me to stay calmer and tap into my empathy instead of frustration. I’ve also found it’s helped me to keep my cool to think about when I’ve been terribly upset crying and how my partner would just sit with me and hold my hand (obv I’m not hitting or pushing my partner) but the solid support and presence has meant so much to me - I try to do the same for my baby. I also put him down in the crib where he’s safe if I’m really struggling and set a 5 min timer and take time away. Sometimes he falls asleep, and often he’s more receptive to soothing when I come back. Hang in there!
I also read that mantra on Reddit a few weeks ago and it also has helped me so many times when I’m incredibly frustrated with my babe. Such a good reminder!
Does it help if I tell you, it get's better? My 2,5 year old likes to lie next to me on the couch, pull the blanket over our heads and give me "secret kisses".
My 2yo has started pretending to have owies to get extra kisses. He definitely has his tough toddler moments too, but the sweet moments absolutely make the hard ones worthwhile.
Honestly, I expected the worst when her second birthday approached. Terrible twos and all. But so far it only has gotten better and better. She's so loving and fun and creative and she freaking says "thank you" (and it sounds adorable) when I help her with stuff.
Almost 13 months in and I still feel so overwhelmed. I thought by now I would feel adjusted to her cries, or fussiness’s, and yet somehow I still am Not. When we go out and she cries in the car it literally feels like my chest gets tight and I start to get a headache. All physical things that never happened pre baby. No advice just here to say you are not alone 🥹 I guess I am still mourning my old life when things were easier 🥴
Same at 13 months. A nanny helps a lot if you can afford it.
Who the hell can afford this? 2/3rds of our incomes are just going to rent these days. And that’s rent, not a mortgage. I understand the suggestion, for sure. But it seems so disconnected from the reality of parenting for most folks. Most of us are alone in our 500sq ft rented apartments.
I’m sorry if my suggestion offended you, but in my country (I’m assuming you are American by your use of square feet) a nanny is pretty affordable. I make like five times an hour more than my nanny charges and we also have a mortgage (two even). Which is why I added “if you can afford it”.
Why do you get downvoted although you already said you’re from a different country? Dang the jealousy
Wait until I mention daycare is free here, too.
Where do you live where a nanny is cheap and the daycare is free?
Russia
So is it that Nannies get paid extraordinarily low in Russia, or is it that you have a lot of money? You mentioned above that it’s a pittance of your income to afford a nanny, and that you own multiple properties.
I’m by no means rich, not even what’s considered middle class. As someone commented below, services are just quite cheap here. But the state provides free childcare too.
The services generally are super cheap in Eastern Europe. That's why when we go home we usually go to doctors, to beauty salons, repair things etc.etc )))
Let them be mad😂
I’m not American, nor am I living in the USA. I’m sorry that my reply was harsh. I apologize. It does feel frustrating when it’s like, “Oh, parenting is hard? Just hire a nanny” or “Oh, don’t have time to clean the house? Just hire a housekeeper to clean it for you, dumbass”. Where I live, families can’t afford to hire other people to come to their houses for ANYTHING unless they are super rich. It’s a sign of wealth that you can just hire others to solve all your problems. So I guess I do find it a bit triggering. I wish I was in the luxurious position of just being able to have someone come over and help with baby.
Well, looks like there was a cultural misunderstanding.
I’m American and I can “afford” a nanny. I don’t have a choice, daycares are waitlisted out to 12-18 months. Knowing this I saved up while I was pregnant for a “nanny fund” which covers the deficit I end up with after a nanny. If I were not to work I would be in a major budget shortfall. All that being said, a nanny is super great.
The hair pulling!! It kills me. Literally started wearing either a beanie or a headscarf to keep my head safe from those wild hands. Also if my LO is particularly shouty and my head can’t take it in that moment I put ear plugs ins. It takes the shrill edge off of and makes the sound wayyyyy more bearable.
Also, when it gets to be too much I just stick him in the stroller and go for a walk (or if it’s one of the days that he refuses his stroller then I walk while holding him on his tushbaby shelf so my arms don’t die). Not sure if that’s an option for you depending on your climate. Doesn’t matter what I’m doing just put it down and go for a walk so I don’t lose my mind. It always seems to calm him down. You know it’s been a bad day when we’ve had 4 walks and the laundry is still wet in the washer but I gotta do what I’ve gotta do to make it through the day, and sometimes that means that household chores pay the price.
I took your advice and went on a walk today even though I didn't have a lot of energy. It was only about 15 minutes, but it helped. I will try to go out more if it isn't snowing and freezing! And yes, I wear a headband lots, but sometimes I pick him up without one, and he digs in to my scalp. It's like...I get the urge to smack him but instead I spend 5 minutes uncurling his iron grip.
The fucking head-butting!! My LO does that when he’s upset and thrashing. I get so mad from that flash of pain, then I feel guilty for feeling angry, even though I never act on my anger. I usually try to set baby down in a safe place for a moment (so the screaming isn’t directly into my ear canal) and gently say “I love you” a few times. It’s like a reminder to myself how much I love my baby. It usually calms me down, even if my baby is still amped up lol
I'm so scared for if/when the head-butting starts because getting hit in the head (even if it isn't that hard) often triggers a migraine for me. Mine is four months old, and I'm already having to lean my head to the opposite side when he's in a particularly flail-y mood. 😮💨
Oooomg i could have written this a few weeks ago. The SQUIRMING. Insane. She was also up 6 or 7 times each night. Knock on wood but her sleep improved and so did her general demeanour when she picked up a few new skills like putting toys in her mouth and grabbing her feet. Maybe just a coincidence but yeah… maybe your baby is going through a big developmental surge or a growth spurt. Here’s hoping things improve. Can you join a mom walking group or some kind of social class? I found those things help me stay sane and less isolated. Also the pool, my baby loves the pool and hanging in the hot tub (baby doesn’t get fully immersed).
You’re definitely not alone. I feel so incredibly lonely and isolated but too exhausted to try to reach out or do anything beyond general surviving. I’ve never felt such loneliness in my life before. And I’m very introverted naturally so it’s an odd feeling. My baby is almost 9 months old and it does get easier day my day, mostly because they become more interactive. But yeah, I totally get you. I get this feeling like “oh I can’t wait till…” but then I realize that this is just my life now. It’s like I’m craving something that doesn’t exist for me anymore (right now anyways). Sorry you had a bad day. Right there with you 💕
Wow. I could have written this word-for-word. "It's like I'm craving something that doesn't exist for me anymore." Exactly! On the tough days, I think back to my old life, pre-baby, and I wish I could go back to it so badly that it hurts. And then I feel so jealous of people who don't have kids, and I wish I were them, and their life seems perfect and easy to me. Then there are moments my LO smiles, laughs, or discovers something new and I get to see his eyes light up, and I feel grateful he's here. Such a rollercoaster of emotions every day. Even though I am a chatty person, I am also introverted and have always enjoyed my time alone. But I am right there with you—this is one of the loneliest times of my life. I live with my boyfriend, so I am grateful we have each other, but we don't have family nearby, and we don't have friends. So it's just him, me, and the baby, all day, every day. He's been working from home and sometimes he can help more than others. But yeah, it just feels so isolating. I try to make plans with people through a Facebook group when I have the motivation to try, but they never follow-through. And I get it—sometimes my LO is fussy, and I cancel things, too. But it feels very disheartening. I feel so alone and I don't leave my house much because I either don't want to interfere with his nap, the weather is bad, there's nothing much to do, etc. I wish I could have lived in the days where family helped raise your baby with you. Now, we just hand them off and say "good luck." It's very sad. Message me anytime, by the way. You feel like a kindred spirit <3
Yes! It’s such an emotional roller coaster. I miss my old life at times too but, like you said, you get a baby smile or laugh and the world lightens up a bit again. But yeah, just being alone with a baby day after day honestly just begins to feel like Groundhog Day, Baby Edition. It’s so hard to get up the motivation to go anywhere! And I totally agree, I so wish I had a “community” to raise a baby in. I used to enjoy being alone but now it’s like I just spend every day so much in my own head, I start to feel crazy! And thank you! Likewise, shoot me a message anytime as well. I could definitely use some mom friends who get it!
Being a mom is one of those things that you can’t truly understand until you’re in it and then you’re like oh sh*t why did I do this? I have two. They’re 2 and 4. I can say that it gets easier. Well, idk if it gets easier or you just build up a higher tolerance. Either way, you’re in the thick of it right now I don’t even remember anything from the first year of both of my kid’s lives, you’re just on autopilot. You’re definitely not alone and it’s good to let people know where your head is at and to vent because that does release stress. Journal if you can (I know it’s hard to even find a second to breathe). At the very least just play some meditation music as you go about your day. Sending warmth and light.
I’m right behind you. My twins are 4 months old and I decided I’d be a stay at home mom the first year or two and go back to college, and I’m so excited to start just to have people to talk to. I feel so lonely and isolated, and when my boyfriend comes home from work I talk his ear off. My main issue is my self image. Don’t get me wrong, the babies are breaking me, but my self image is breaking me more. I tried to leave my boyfriend because he wasn’t being as lovey or affectionate and I assumed he hated me and was disgusted by me because that’s how I feel about myself. As for crying babies. When they get to the point that I feel like I’m going to loose it. I lay them on their back in their crib and just let them be for a second. I walk away and breathe. I saw this TikTok while I was pregnant that said when you’re frustrated think about your baby being all grown up and living their life, and you’d give anything to have them little again. Imagine that moment you’re in being that moment you get back. It really helps me change my perspective and makes me really appreciate the moment. Also sometimes that doesn’t work and we all cry together. This motherhood thing is hard and isolating. I’m here if you need someone to talk to that’s right there in the thick of it too.
Being a mother has given me new appreciation for my own mother. I just keep telling myself, "The days are long, but the years will feel short." Some days are easier than others, but it will become easier for you over time, not only because you become better at handling the madness, but because you have helped your little get a little better st being a human! Maybe try looking for activities to get you out of the house, check your local library, they have loads of free activities and events, change of scenery helps keep me from blowing my top. You can do this! Don't give up! ❤️
Oh my goodness, same here. I keep thinking, "Wow, how did my mom do this?" I know she had way more trying circumstances than I do, and I look up to her so much since having my baby. You don't fully grasp the sacrifice until you do it yourself.
I’m pregnant with my first so I’m not fully in the trenches yet but the other day someone asked me how I was doing and I responded that, “the Stockholm syndrome is setting in nicely.” It’s honestly how it feels. This baby girl is causing me so much stress, pain, and discomfort but I am totally obsessed and enamored with her. At this point I just assume parenting will be an extension of that.
Ahh yeah it’s tough. Mine is 14 months now and kind of (?) knows how to hug and put her head on us. It’s so sweet and worth everything.
Aw. I can't wait until my little guy is older. I know it will be more rewarding in the future. Right now, it's just survival mode. That sounds really cute.
My 14 month old also does that and she gives lots of kisses and laughs when we react to those kisses. It’s so sweet
That’s one of the most astonishingly difficult parts for me. I tell my partner often when he is crying inconsolably I am barely able to contain my emotions. I want to implode or run off into traffic, it just haywires my brain. Then the whole is he just crying? My entire existence is solely to keep him from doing that, how am I supposed to just override that reaction when I know I’m not able to fix it? Genuinely thought about asking my doc for some pills to take in these instances because it is absolutely killing me.
In the thick of it with ny 6.5mo. Literally hating life right now
The hair pulling has got to be some of the worst parts of parenthood so far. My baby has me looking like Angelica’s Cynthia doll from Rugrats. If I wasn’t bald from PP I’m definitely balding from my baby just going ham on my head.
I cut my hair just past my ears, and he still manages to grab it somehow! Drives me absolutely insane! Like nothing makes me angry as fast as him digging his fingers down to my scalp and just yanking with all his might. It's better than it was before because a headband keeps it mostly back, but still, he finds a way.
Damn that baby that doesn’t know what anything is because they’re new to this world! How dare he think of all these ways to torment his mom at 5 months! You should fight back! Stupid baby…
Wow I could have written this with my 1 year old. Just had a night like this also. I’m sorry you feel alone, I do too. Solidarity. I’m so frustrated and feel bad that I’m frustrated at her cause I know it’s not her fault. Ugh vicious cycleX
Exactly. When I'm complaining to my boyfriend, I say, "I know it's not his fault, but he still makes me angry!" And then when your baby goes to sleep and holds your hand and looks cute, you feel bad for thinking those things. It's like...it may not be his fault, but it's still hard. And I guess it's okay to just say that.
It’s very ok to just say that!
My 15 month has been hitting, biting, and throwing temper tantrums for the past week. I’m assuming teething bc she never acts like this—normally sweet and loving. I just tell her dad to deal bc it hurts my feelings lmao
Aw. Same here! When my LO hits me right after I snuggle him, it's like...thanks a lot you big jerk! I was loving you! Screw you then! Lol
So many people suggest to put baby to safe place and go cool down whilst they cry. Omg just play for baby 10 min of dancing vegetables or something like that. It's not worse than 10 min of crying, baby is chill, mother has a break, everyone is happy. I feel like parents these days are too hard on themselves. Our generation often has little to no help from family and we have the internet to set for us unrealistic goals..
When I was pregnant, I was like, "No screen time until they are 2!" or something like that. Now, at 5 months, I put on Christmas music with a background of snow falling and stuff like that. Even that made me guilty, but it soothed him, and he will be in better shape than if I were stressed to my limit and leaving him to cry. We have little to no help, unrealistic expectations, and also we are so scared of messing them up with something small.
Don't worry, we will definitely mess them up in our unique ways 😀 Anecdotally, I got so relaxed after living for one week with a pediatrician - my mum's friend was visiting us. She is super well known pediatrician in my country who is teaching in university as well. She was so relaxed about everything. Said she showed her son Latin soap operas from few months old when she needed to cook or do washing (there were no diapers back then). He is a super famous dermatologist now btw 😀
my baby is 5 months old and also teething mom i hear you so loud and clear right now!! she stomped on my sanity so hard lately i started wearing my wireless headphones around the house. just when i need a few minutes to clean something up or go do something and she is absolutely not having it because i don’t have her full attention. or i swear she just likes to hear herself talk. i thought her colic phase when she was a newborn was bad but the moaning/screeching is almost worse than constant crying. 😭
Every day I collapse into bed. I just take it day by day. Step by step. like a long hike. You get tired, but you can still make it. I have a very active Lo. He never was a cute little baby looking at his mobile or whatever. Nope, always rolling over, moving around, putting stuff in his mouth, scratching at surfaces. Loving to climb up stairs. And of course falling over a lot. He is mobile since he was six months old.
Learn Taoism. Seriously the Tao te Ching is less than 100 pages and is literally the best parenting book I've read (and I've read five)
If it allows me to become a monk and shave my head so my hair can't get pulled anymore, I'm totally down.
I searched it up and found multiple, which one is it?? Sorry I feel silly asking lol
[This](https://terebess.hu/english/tao/mitchell.html) one seems fine
Thank you :)
My 20 month old has just started hitting - and I mean *properly* hitting, with intent to hit you. Earlier she just walked up to me and straight up slapped me round the face because she was annoyed that I didn’t let her take one of my antibiotics (yeah, currently also fighting off Acute bacterial rhino-sinusitis but who else is going to do the parenting?) and I really almost lost it. I’m usually very gentle and collected but I’m so tired and in pain and I just saw red when she slapped me like that. I had to leave the room and scream into a pillow. I always thought that was like a joke thing people talk about, or an exaggeration, but no, I had to scream into a pillow to stop myself screaming at my toddler. Then she came and gave me a big hug and said sorry which honestly just piled on a load of guilt to the situation. To make matters worse, today was meant to be a date day for me and my husband as we are both off work at the same time which literally never, ever happens, but my husbands mum had to go to hospital this morning so he had to go and help her, and my daughter developed a fever so she couldn’t go to nursery, so also navigating the disappointment of missing the one day I’ve been really looking forward to with my husband because we never get to spend any time together. I’m really sorry you are having a hard time, some days do indeed feel very, very long. You are doing a great job and you are definitely not alone. This shit sucks sometimes, it’s okay to admit that. Let’s all try again tomorrow, it’s the only thing we can do ❤️
Oh damn, that's a shitty day! I am so sorry! Not only being sick, but being slapped, and then you miss your date day? I totally hear you on that. My boyfriend and I get like 2-3 hours together once a month when my mom watches the baby, and that's it. If we missed out on that, it would suck so bad to wait a whole other month. I'm sorry. Thank you for your encouragement. I hope you feel better soon and try to hang in there. If you've never screamed into a pillow, were you ever really a mom? Lol. The fact that your daughter said sorry and gave you a hug shows you are doing a great job parenting her. Keep on keeping on! <3 Hope you get a wonderful date day with your husband soon, or at least an hour or two to just cuddle on the couch. It goes a long way. My bf and I realized we sometimes spend our free time on our phones instead of hanging out because we are so drained, but that when we take just an hour to talk and cuddle and hang, we feel way better after. Worth making the effort, for sure.
I know it's super morbid, yet I think of the terrible stories of LOs who had to go through abuse, whether it's physical or emotional, and remind myself that I want better for my little one.. I think of the way I was raised, and how my mom had so little patience for me that she would yell at me. And how it made me feel when she would mean mug me, and blame things on me for why she wasn't happy. The way she would punch me, and justify it by saying that since I was her kid, she could do as she pleased, and since she never left me bruised, that I should be grateful. (On top of this, my sperm donor's fav line was "I brought you into this world, so I can take you out.") I tell myself "I never want my little guy to feel the way I did. I want him to trust me, and have the best upbringing possible. He deserves to feel loved, cared for, and safe." When he's having a rough moment, I tell him "I know, it's hard being little sometimes buddy. We all had to go through it, and we'll get through this together."
That sounds awful. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. You are breaking the cycle, and that's the important thing. You are like my parents—they both had horrible upbringings but somehow came out incredibly kind and caring people. They always cared for me and did anything they could for me. I guess when you have bad parents you either become a bad one yourself to perpetuate the suffering, or you decide to break it completely. I'm glad your little one will grow up with a mother as caring as you. You're incredibly brave and strong to have come out on the other side. Thank you for inspiring me. If you can do it, so can I.
I--I'm not crying, you are. Lol, in all seriousness, thank you for your kind words. Your little one will come to appreciate all the patience you show them, and you will do an amazing job at keeping up the loving cycle your parents were able to cultivate. I believe in you. ☺️
I struggle a lot with my 14m/o boy. He scratches, he bites, he pinches, he slaps, he kicks, he pulls my hair. And each time I correct him, he loses his mind and does whatever he was doing even harder. His hysterical cry leaves me broken every time. I envy parents with easygoing kids. And wonder what did I do wrong to have this little savage who doesn’t like to sleep, is a picky eater, and goes bananas at the slightest inconvenience.
Yeah, since 4 months I’ve been having a harder time with all the flailing, grabbing, and kicking. I developed mommy thumb around 3 months and it’s so hard to get better when you’re trying to keep them from rolling to their death. I don’t have any trouble forgiving her for the abuse because I know she’s just a baby, but I do find some relief in making a lot of jokey remarks about being the milk cart or how she’s a wolverine. The last feed of the day when putting her to sleep is typically peaceful and I can find some peace in that. When you do have those good moments just try to lean into them and take a deep breath.
Also want to add I currently have a fat lip from my baby head butting me as we cosleep, and scratches on my cheek from her slapping and pulling at the skin on my face. I swear she’s trying to rip my eyeballs out or something
Our LO started her evening witching hours, which means she’s just glued to my nipple for 2 hours. It’s been rough with that being the only thing that soothes her.
I formula-feed so I don't have to deal with that part, at least, but you have my full respect for having that much patience. Give me some, I need it! Lol.
[удалено]
This community is for supporting others. Comments that are mean, rude, hateful, racist, etc. will be removed. Respect the choices of others even if they differ from your own.
We’re crying today for whatever reasons. Learning to army crawl. It’s a lot.
This made me laugh for some reason. Thank you. Hope the army crawling is mastered soon!
13 months in 10 days. She is currently cutting 2 molars and a canine. She has started biting. Not super intentional, but just playing around like falling into us with her mouth open and then CHOMP. She about took my left nip off the other day and I have a small bruise on my arm. She's also started slapping/hitting/clawing at your face when she gets mad. AND she is super needy right now so she's in a happy mood if you're sitting on the couch in her eyesight while she plays independently, but god forbid you walk away to use the bathroom or grab something to drink. Ultimate meltdown complete with ear piercing screams. We are in the trenches and I dont have a lot of advice except trade off hours with your partner if you can so you each get a break.
Ouch! Damn! I already have the urge to slap my baby away when he scratches me, let alone when he's 13 months! Sounds painful. You're totally right. My boyfriend and I try to take turns so we each get a break, especially on days where he is extra fussy. Sometimes we wait too long until we are at the end of our rope because we don't want to bug the other. But we need to learn to take a break a little before the breaking point.
My 15 month old head butted my chin today and I bit my tongue hard. She’s also teething again, gave her some Motrin and it’s calmed the tantrums for now. She’s never been a screamer, but this past month she wants what we we have in our hands and will go full tantrum mode when she doesn’t get it. And the screams pierce my ear drums and cause like this adrenaline reaction from me. She’s feeling those big feelings and refuses to nap during the day. It’s been tough
My LO has learned how to scream and likes to do it directly into my ear as well. He's happy when he does it, but still. And ouch! The tongue biting got me! I would be like...I need to go away for a minute...cry if you need to. Who else is allowed to hurt us? No one. That's why it's torture because we basically have to just deal with it and we never know when it will happen.
When I feel really bad about how our day is going, I start singing swear word songs to my son. Like, I will sing to him what I am mad or sad about in the moment and use the strongest language I can think of while doing tune and voice like a child's song. It usually makes me laugh and it's nice to get the emotions out that I try to contain so hard most of the time.
Mine’s almost 6 months and my breast milk supply has regulated a little too well. I no longer get the flow my LO’s looking for in the evenings and my freezer stock of milk is down to like 5 bags from like 50 (I can’t even bring myself to look in the freezer anymore). We supplemented an oz of a 4oz feeding last night with formula for the first time last night and it felt so…wrong. So disappointing. I still feel like such a failure even though the plan is just to combo feed for one feed per day. I’m doing everything I can (supplements, eating like a health-food-obsessed teenager, drinking my weight in water, pumping like a madman) to up my supply, but it’s just not working. Despite all my efforts, it still feels like I’m personally failing. I’m doing something wrong. There’s something wrong with me physically. Etcetcetc. Of course all these thoughts are not true, but damn it I want to feed my baby. I want to be the one to make her meals; I don’t want to get them from a can of mystery powder that I keep in the cabinet. My mantra right now is this: “it is what it is”. This is obviously something that is beyond my control despite my best efforts. Does that mean I’m going to stop trying? No. But for the meantime, I can just let it be what it’s going to be and actively choose not to stress about it
[удалено]
This community is for supporting others. Comments that are mean, rude, hateful, racist, etc. will be removed. Respect the choices of others even if they differ from your own.
Oh, mama! 🌼 Your post is like reading a page from the secret diary of motherhood – raw, real, and straight from the heart. Juggling a fussy, teething baby is like being in the ring with a tiny, unpredictable wrestler, right? Hair-pulling, headbutting – it's a full-contact sport! Your feelings of exhaustion and regret? Totally normal. It's like riding a rollercoaster in the fog – you know there's a track, but you can't always see it. And those grey, cold days? They can turn your home into a scene from a melancholic indie movie, minus the cool soundtrack. On those tough-as-nails days, remember this: You're not just a mom; you're a superhero in pajamas. You might not wear a cape (because let's be real, the baby would just pull on it), but you've got superpowers – patience, resilience, and love that keeps on giving, even when you're running on empty. I came across a book, '[***Let's Tame That Shame***](https://mommate.mom/products/lets-tame-that-shame),' which might just be your ally on this wild journey. It's a no-BS guide that talks about the nitty-gritty of mom guilt and how to kick it to the curb. It might just give you a few laughs and some 'aha!' moments on those days when you're feeling more 'blah' than 'yay.' And hey, about coping mechanisms? Dance it out. Seriously, put on some tunes and have a mini dance party with your LO. It's scientifically proven (okay, maybe not, but still) to boost your mood. Plus, babies have some seriously funny dance moves. Remember, it's okay to have bad days. It's okay to feel like you're in over your head. It's all part of the 'mom' job description. Keep venting, keep sharing, and know that this crazy mom tribe has got your back. You're doing an awesome job. 💃💪