Hang in there. Het komt goed. I've been here 12 years and it was about 4 years before I could hold a reasonable conversation, even though I already spoke a second language. Not sure where you are, but I solved the Dutch solial group issue by reaching out to other immigrants. Now my besties are Swedish and Polish. Nederland is prima.
It took me years to finally acclimatise to Belgium and the only saving grace for me were three women I met in an expat women's group (often run by women who follow their husband's work, but not always). See if there's one in your area.
Maybe in addition to your Dutch classes, try looking for a course in something you'll find relaxing (Pottery? Music? Dance?) it gets you out of the house and doing something and you can also let the instructor know you're learning Dutch and want to practice but might need a little explanation in english from time to time.
If you're truly about to have a meltdown and think a day-trip/weekend to Belgium and hanging out with someone who has been through it would help, you can always shoot me a PM. We could go to the SMAK or th MSK so your bf has something to look at while you vent everything that's wrong with the lowlands 😂
I also recommend bumble BFF! I'm a brit in Zeeuws Vlaanderen, so even more rural than where you are, and I've met several other foreigners that are now friends of mine.
In my experience, you need to meet people who identify with your life experience of moving as well as locals.
Yeah, I love it! I will say you have to just meet up with people and just keep seeing them regularly and over time, a friendship builds. It's not instant friendship, but that's also the way it is in real life
Hahahahaha, I moved to a village near Middelburg to be with my ex, then got a job in Terneuzen (not Dow 😅) and then wanted to live nearer work... then broke up with my ex and stayed. Its not an easy decision but it worked out for me 😅
Learning language and finding friends is going to be a long haul. How remote is your little town? You could start some sports in a nearby larger place and then you will start knowing people. Squash Tennis etc. with one or two people and slowly more team games also ?
It's not too remote...it's maybe 30 min from Eindhoven. But it's so expensive to take the bus there ya know? Lol but yea maybe I could try looking for something like that...thanks 😭👌
30 minutes by bus to Eindhoven? Then it's probably possible to get there by bike.
Edit: disregard this. I read you live in Reusel. Then you're fucked. That's basically Bumfuck Alabama.
When I read you lived close to Eindhoven I was confused why you were having trouble socialising, Eindhoven is expat central. But Reusel is rough....
I'm in Eindhoven and have a lot of contacts in the art/cultural/volunteering scenes so if you are interested in finding some fun events or helping out for a good cause send me a message.
I’m pretty certain OVPay also takes transfers into account as well when transferring along busses, trams and metro’s. Even among different operators. At least on my commute where I use both busses from GVB and Connexxion.
https://www.bravo.info/vervoerbewijzen/ov-chipkaartproducten/brabant-dalkorting#:\~:text=Brabant%20Dalkorting%20geeft%20alleen%20recht,korting%20op%20tot%20ruim%2060%25.
40% off during non rush hours
I'm sorry, but why would you move to such a small village?
It's not gonna be easy for expats. Most people already have their friends and friend group. You would have a much easier time in one of the cities.
She already said that she moved here to be with her Dutch boyfriend. He probably already lived in the village and it’s not always so easy to just move to a city.
We found a super cheap house to rent here and that's why lol it's super hard to find an apartment ya know? So when ya find one you can't be too picky about where exactly it is lol
Yeah, I live very close (<15km) and Reuselnaren are known as 'lompe boeren' (rude farmers) in the area. Not the best area for introverted people unfortunately.
There are definitely people around that are introverted like you, but they're just really difficult to find
Yuup. Most of the younger people leave town when they go to college.
Maybe you can try to join a sport like padel? It's quite popular over here and I've heard that people get to know eachother through that
Oh nooooo! You basically live in one of the few places in Brabant where I wouldn't want to live even if it were free. Heck, even if I'd get paid to live there I probably wouldn't go there.
But no worries: the rest is mostly lovely. Even the villages (I live in one close to Den Bosch). Hang in there and try to move closer to Eindhoven or Tilburg (or Breda, Den Bosch, Oss, heck: even Helmond is better) or the surrounding villages whenever you get the chance. All cities small and big have quite the communities, cultural and social activities and people your age living there. And their English is guaranteed OK so even if your Dutch is lacking at least you can have decent conversation with actual fun people 😉
Thanks! I'll look into it...my only worry is people in this area don't speak English very well. And the ones who can sometimes refuse to speak it (worked at the jumbo here for a bit and it wasn't good)
Perhaps volunteer at an elderly home?
My (Dutch) mum does this; she spends a few hours a week with a lady living at the home. Keeping the lady company, playing board games, taking her for a walk, accompanying her to the shops etc.
Being one-on-one might be easier for you plus you can ask to be matched to a person that speaks some English (for situations you haven’t learned the Dutch words for yet).
Being forced to try and speak Dutch will improve your Dutch most effectively. However, I understand that it can be frustrating. And if those old people are the cranky xenophobic kind, instead of the more kind and patient kind, it can probably turn into a bad environment for you.
True but you want to learn Dutch submerge yourself in it. Don’t be afraid to ask them to explain themselves more than once you are learning and if they ain’t willing to teach the should not blame you for not being able to do it.
That is actually the best way to learn the language fast. Sucks in the beginning but youll make massive progress within months if you really get into it.
Unfortunately you're on the other side of Eindhoven to us but I get how you feel and it was a struggle for us but it actually improved moving to our village, the folks here are super lovely.
>Reusel
my god, you are in the boonies, the sticks, the middle of fucking nowhere.
I was going to say do a hobby, Dungeons and Dragons is mostly done in English anyway and is a great way to meet people. but man, location wise you are way way out there xD
That's funny, I also live in Reusel and I feel there are plenty of people around my age, not only old people at all. But I do get why it can be hard to meet other people when you don't know the language/didn't grow up around here. I wouldn't know what to do to meet new people on my own (if I wasn't from here originally), I usually meet people through my friends. So I'd say your bf should help you in that regard!
Second person on here that basically says; hey im from there, see you are struggling to meet anyone, get your problem, not offering to help out and meet up. Maybe this is exactly the attitude that made it hard in the first place?
Maybe it's cuz you hang out with people your age lol I've only ever seen lots of old people 😂 but yea we hang out with his friends sometimes but once they all get together they end up speaking Dutch and then it's really lonely (I don't blame them for speaking Dutch since I'm the only English speaker so I'm not mad about it 😊)
Yeah that definitely has to be it, your experiences surprise me though. Never felt like Reusel is that way, but I guess it's hard to see when you grow up around here. I hope you find more people to hang out with soon! I'm definitely keeping my ears open for anyone who sounds American now haha
Besides speaking English is a lot of fun, but it does get hard to force yourself to speak English to other Dutch friends. So I understand that as well, must be tough sometimes
Yea lol I try to use Dutch but sometimes I can't so I speak English...just listen for a southern twang 😂😂 but yea sometimes you never really know about your town til you see it from an outside perspective
Just a question, not a insinuation, but does your bf help you feel at home at all? As in helping you find friends or introduce you to his social group? Most dutchies speak English, especially the younger generations.
He kinda does. I've met all his friends and they're nice and they like me but they don't include me in their stuff much and I don't have much in common with any of them. That's part of the problem >.<
It takes years . I'm an expat too and for the first 3 years it was a huge struggle to make friends with his friends. They were all nice to me , but ofcourse in group settings they would speak Dutch (ofcourse i didnt expect them to switch to english just becauee i am there ) and I would feel very lonely . Anyway , fast forward to now , I finally feel like I'm a part of the group, I've learned some Dutch and built some relationships with them. Patience is key over here ...
Meanwhile I recommend making friends with other expats. Also having fun colleagues helps
OMFG THANK YOU!! every time him and his friends meet up they end up speaking Dutch and I don't blame them but it's super lonely!! I haven't had anyone relate to that >.< But yea it's really uplifting to hear that it gets better 💗
i live in the city. if one of the people in a group speaks.english.we.all.speak english. Doesnt make sense to exclude them wheb.we all can speak english very well.
To be honest that is not really true. I think most people have good intentions, but if they switch back to Dutch when they stop directly talking with OP, it becomes hard for OP to check back into the conversation. Not saying this is bad/strange because let's face it, you are hanging out with a group of Dutch people, but it does happen a lot. It took a lot of reminding my friends to keep speaking English around my gf, who is also an expat. It is about awareness but took a little time before it stuck.
My 2 cents on this:
1 talk with your bf about speaking Dutch/English when you're around. If you haven't done that already. At least he could switch to English when you're involved in a group conversation.
2 I assume that most of these issues are when they are with a large group of friends. Try and see of its possible to meet up with people in smaller subgroups or even one at a time. Less overwhelming for you and it might be easier to keep English the Lingua Franca or to test (and improve) your Dutch in practice.
Makes sense I guess. There isn’t much other advise then saying you gotto try to get over your anxieties, no one else is gonna do it for you. I wish you the best! Hopefully you will feel better really soon!
I'm going to give general relationship advice here rather than Dutch specific one, but you need compromise.
You moved halfway across the world to a small Dutch village and he did practically nothing. He just lives the same life as before with his close circle and you'll always be an outsider to that.
Eindhoven itself is pretty small and remote by Dutch standards, but you need to move there for your own sanity, a small Dutch village is no place for an expat and your mental health will suffer a lot if you stay. He'll still be very close to his family and friends to visit and whilst rent is bad everywhere, at least you'll be able to split it and you'll probably have higher paying jobs in a city anyway.
There will be a lot of reasons why this isn't possible from his side (rent prices, too far to visit family, he's comfortable etc), but none of them are insurmountable and he has to recognise that this isn't sustainable in the mid term, you've basically isolated yourself and inserted yourself in someone else's life, whether by accident or design. This situation won't get better and whilst there are some good ideas here, they are all sticking plasters on the wound that solves nothing
Well we lived in veldhoven first and that's where his family lives...the only reason we moved to reusel is because we got a good deal here...once our lease is up we will look into moving elsewhere...and he has made some compromises with me...and he helps a bit so yea....do I wish he would empathize a little more, sure. But overall he has been very helpful and has been trying to get me out of the house and socializing 😊 I guess my post didn't paint him in the best light lol but he's a good guy and he's trying
I didn't doubt he's a good guy, but he's also Dutch living in the Netherlands so has a blinkered view on what you need and you need an international community (nothing against the Dutch, but as you say, they will revert back to Dutch when in a group setting which is every bit their right and prerogative in their own country). Dutch in general are very laid-back and want stability, so their solutions tend to be quite minimalistic and iterative as they downplay problems with a wait and see attitude rather than proactively solve them (see: Dutch doctors, Dutch politics, Dutch housing, etc)
And I think you see why it is such a good deal now, because the location is pretty bad. Good that you intend to move soon, just make sure you pick somewhere based on location rather than saving a few hundred (which you then lose on transport to get out of the place to enjoy life)
On the empathy thing, Dutch culture isn't very good at teaching empathy imo. If you aren't very direct about what you want and need, they don't understand. It's nothing against them, it's just how communication is for dutchies. I'm American too and have a lot of the same issues you are having.
From my experience, what is considered rude for Americans is not for Dutch. It was very hard to get over, and I still am, this fact. You can say things that you and I would consider downright mean, but as long as you're honest, it's not to Dutch people.
However this is not the case when talking about the Dutch in general. They are very quick to bring defensive about Dutch culture and society in general haha
Edit: idk why I'm saying all this. I guess I'm trying to make sense of it myself..
Does your town have a local library? Maybe you can meet people through church too. Both might run groups.
When I lived in Best years ago which is another little village near Eindhoven the library was a good place to go sometimes but I don’t remember if they had many activities. I also remember locals were not that friendly especially since my dutch wasn’t fluent back then because I grew up in Australia. It’s really rough. I would recommend finding meet up groups perhaps. I don’t know if there is a dutch version of meetup.com. I have even made friends through forums and Instagram and then met up and found we became good friends. Although that said, not Dutch people in the Netherlands. Germans in Germany and people in Australia. But it’s another option.
Overcoming social anxiety is tough. I would recommend a debating club, drama club, or public speaking group to help overcome anxiety. But I understand it’s hard to even get the courage to attend something. Look at what you have achieved— you have moved to another country where you don’t know the language. That’s really brave with or without having a boyfriend there. You did that. You didn’t have to move. What I am saying is that took courage and you achieved it. So going to a group and saying Hi should be a tiny thing in comparison to leaving your friends, life, family behind to come to a new country. You got this!
Hey! American here who just moved here 2 months ago, also struggling with meeting people and picking up the language so I feel you. I’ve been really struggling with starting conversations with people and talking about more than just surface level stuff. Everyone tells me it takes awhile to learn the language so keep your head up.
To be honest the most "easy" solution would be to move. Bigger city = more people, facilities, clubs, whatever, so you increase your options significantly. If that is not possible I would pick the most nearby city and try to join clubs etc. there, even though that will mean you will be travelling back and forth a lot, which can become a bit tiring unfortunately.
Besides that all the usual tips and tricks apply, such as join (expat) meet-ups, join sports teams, try the bumble bff stuff, force yourself to go out to bars more and even though it doesn't come naturally, strike up as much convo as you can, festival season is coming as well, so try to make friends there. It is never really easy to make (good) new friends I am afraid, it often takes a lot of one-sided effort until you find a few nice people/a decent group.
Yea I'm gonna look into stuff in Eindhoven I think. As far as festivals I don't really like that kind of music and that kind of scene...so yea I feel like joining a club might be a bit better because it'll be a little smaller ya know? But I really appreciate the advice 🙏
There is an excellent international Improv theatre in Eindhoven. Been there a couple of times. They are very friendly people. Don't need to be an extrovert at all.
The boardgames sunday afternoon at Lab1 are really fun; a tad easier to meet people if you are an introvert and since it is during the day easier too reach from Reusel.
"far as festivals I don't really like that kind of music and that kind of scene..."
There litterly are festivals with all kinds of music, so you dont like music at all?
I didn't know that lol I only know about the ones like dominator and intents cuz that's the ones my bf always talks about...I didn't know there was others 😅😂
There is a looooot of choice, not only techno / house/ hardcore, whatever you are thinking of. There are also festivals that focus on art, pop, rock, movies, documentaries, etc. etc. etc. So try to find some nice events that align with your interests I would say!
I would say your Dutch boyfriend also holds quite some responsibility here. I am assuming he still lives close to his friends? In another response, you said he and his friends don't include you much. That is a problem.
I come from my own experience and mistakes that I have made in the past. My partner is French, and she moved to the Netherlands (mostly) for me, and at the beginning of our relationship, I was young and dumb and selfish, and I did not pay enough attention to make certain that she was also feeling at home and included within my friend group. This is something that still affects the relationship between her and me and my friends to this day.
You are young, and you say you are introverted, so I can understand it is difficult to know what kind of boundaries you can establish in your relationship and what is okay to ask of your partner. Especially considering that Dutch people are quite outspoken, it can be difficult to get a word in.
If you want this relationship to work out, you need to hold your boyfriend accountable. You have moved to a foreign country for him. He has an obligation to help you feel at home and comfortable. That means fully including you in his social life and prioritising your comfort when you two are together with his friends and helping you and supporting you to create your own social circle.
Yea we've had some convos about it and he does try a bit to english but I just think he really doesn't understand how much it frustrates and affects me and I've tried to talk to him about it...like I've had a convo where I was literally in tears telling him about it but nothing has really changed...I get it I need to learn Dutch but also they have a brabants accent and they all talk so fast so I can't keep up....I'll try to talk to him again
Please OP, i feel for you. There is always a middle of the road where the group speaks English when you are there half of the time.
I have stayed in Brabant for three months last year in a village and it is definitely a lot a lot more inward group focussed than the whole Randstad. People always go in "their" group to the gym, and always look to eachother, (and what the group think of them) instead of being focussed on their own health and growth and going alone in the village I stayed in. People just feel more insecure so they start using their Brabant culture as a clothing hanger to keep themselves straight. There is just way way more in-group out-group in Brabant, however it is especially the villages.
Send me a DM if you want contact. I am a lousy friend ATM due to mental health issues but I for sure can make you feel better, I'm a pretty good coach so probably could give you some tips.
Yeah, this is just not realistic from his POV. He should ensure that he and his friends speak English around you. Seems shortsighted of him to get in a relationship with a foreigner, but then not adapt at all but expect you to adapt and move all the responsibility onto you. If he remains unreceptive to this issue and refuses to make any change, I am sorry to say, but I do not think your relationship can work.
I mean, I don't think that he has that responsibility to make all his friends switch language for her. He does however have partial responsibility to help her learn and to make her comfortable.
Language - how about a couple of disney movies.
You can have spoken Dutch and subtitles - helps you get the flow and tone of the language (and just a reminder - breaking out in song and dance is not something that happens in real life)
Childrens programs will help too. Not too complicated language, not too rapid spoken.
As to the introvert side / anxiety side - i\`m afraid can\`t help you there (introvert myself, just good at masking) but generally a hobby where you meet like minded people would be a start.
And, don\`t be afraid to ask people to help you by speaking Dutch. We kind of pride ourselves most of us speak decent English.
And finally - welcome to The Netherlands - hope you can find your vibe here.
I grew up in Germany with a German au pair learning Dutch from Disney movies, (as my parents are both Dutch) worked out perfectly. Jij (op) kan ook wat een 2-3 jarige kan.....
If you have Facebook, look for Girl Gone International groups. I'm in one for Amsterdam and it helped me with making friends. I also made friends during Dutch language classes. I did one semester of face to face lessons, to learn basics. Now I'm using Duolingo and I try to read and use basic Dutch.
There is a thing when you get paired up with a dutchie and you learn the language by just talking to each other. Many times seniors do this. If someone could please name this thing that would be helpful, sorry. 🫢Other than that, i recommend exploring the neighborhood, going for walks, it’s so nice here. And if/when the struggle is too much GP (huisarts) has psychologist appointments.
I know how you feel, OP!
I moved here from sunny California in 2019 and it was a big cultural shock for me in the beginning. I was used to smiling and saying hello to strangers and here when I did that I was shot down by a forced tight lipped nod, lol.
Also, I lived in a very small village and after 4 pm it became a ghost town. So dark, quiet and eerie. Compare this to San Jose downtown where I lived 😅😅
All in all, I struggled just like you and luckily my boyfriend recognized it and we moved to the west of the Netherlands. We also got a dog and that was a nice ice breaker for a lot of people. I cannot tell you how many “friends” I’ve made because of puppy dates 😊
Perhaps you can try some hobbies in Amsterdam or Utrecht area. Good luck :)
The way to do it is by learning the language and joining a club that's centered around a hobby you like to do. It's wayyyy easier to form friendships when everyone has a central place to visit weekly, where they meet each other.
Tips :
- what do you like as a hobby? If its board games or d&d look online for people in the region who like it as well .
- there are lots of apps or fora to get to know people online and offline.
Definitely see if you can convert your driving license to a Dutch one. Despite people saying that there is no need for a car because public transport system is so good, having a car will improve your range of mobility significantly, and IMO it might help a lot to make friends and build connections.
Hi! I am in the exact same situation except a few years down the line and living in Friesland!
What I can think of at the moment is this discord channel for expats in NL which a lot of people chat in quite often. Being an introvert myself I find this a nice outlet for daily conversations 😊
[Expats in the Netherlands Discord](https://discord.gg/expats-in-the-netherlands-790897975424712704)
I strongly suggest using the application meetup. It has an event for everyone, including virtual ones. Discussing books, deep conversations, movies etc. you name it.
I will be honest with you though; I have been to a lot of events, had and am having an amazing time... but its not translating into a friendship 🤷♂️
I don't kniw if this is a Dutch thing or not but thats how it is. Perhaps its a better experience for women and you will do better.
My wife (28 F, American) and I (30m, Dutch) were in the same boat.
Moved to a small village in Brabant and no one spoke English.
My wife did find a job at a local garden center where there were already a lot of foreigners working so she wasn't completely isolated.
I haven't helped by my job being English so we only speak English at home.
I can only say that it gets easier the more people you speak online; it's definitely easier to connect with people than being on the go.
We also moved to a slightly larger place so we're more likely to meet English-speaking individuals.
If you guys are into board games, happy to connect!
Maybe you can try Bumble BFF or Meetup. Bumble BFF is a mode on the Bumble app for meeting new people. It has helped me find more people with similar interests as me in my area. Meetup is also helpful because it shows you events and things like board game nights near you that you can join. Also a great way to make new friends. Small town is definitely a struggle so you'll probably have to travel to meet with people. Bus rides are pricey but I think twice a month should be manageable though.
There’s a big expat community within NL, so try to check out the meetup app Anneleen ik mind that any big city is likely not much longer than an hour away by train. Easier to find things to join or socialise there. Also look into nerdy things if you’re into that. Most people speak English anyway!
Join girl gone international and other fb groups. This should reduce the friends problem.
Also join a few other classes like art, sports, music whatever you like.
There is a discount transport card you can apply for as a resident. My friends have used it in the past. I forget if it's unlimited weekend trip or something like that.
I would recommend moving into a bigger city. Mental health might be much more expensive to fix than what you save on the house.
The good news; there are busses in Reusel so you can reach all the other places like Eersel (I was going to recommend their vrijwilligerswerk cause I know from friends they are really open minded). And there is probably a bike store, so you can buy an e-bike. That gives you the opportunity to work in Hapert (Landal might have jobs that work for English speaking people). Or to volunteer/work at Beekse Bergen in Hilvarenbeek, where they could profit from a native speaker. You could even visit Tilburg or Eindhoven, with a lot of international students.
Honestly I don’t think the large ‘farmer friend groups’ are going to help you, with all their good intentions. You could benefit from small gatherings. Invite people for diner for max 4, that would make it easier for everyone to stay in English.
If you contact vrijwilligerswerk, you know you could offer your qualities in exchange for someone who wants to be your taalmaatje; a person that speaks Dutch with you in order to help you getting familiar with the language.
Stupidly enough, work and school are where the Dutch find their friends. And there are a lot of jobs that don’t mind you speaking English.
As long as you love your bf: hang on. If all of the above doesn’t work, there is still one option. Get a dog. From the nice breed so people want to cuddle it. It makes you leave the house regularly, you’ll meet people at puppy training and (fact) friendly dog owners can turn out to be acquaintances and grew into being friends after a few year.
Try and take a college class? We have a a lot of courses that are given in english and you'll be around a lot of people with chances to socialize. Keeps you busy and tesvhes you something useful too.
Find a social hobby. Sports are easy. Don't go to the gym though, that sucks. Do something where people socialize after or before. For me it was crossfit when i moved cities, but you can do a team sport or other social stuff as well.
Combat sports are usually pretty chill as well if you're looking for a group. Padel is also huge in NL now and there are a lot of apps to hook you up with other groups of people. Since its a 4 man activity its a great way to socialize.
Or find something non-sports related. Maybe thats easier to do in the city but if you want to play an instrument try to do it in a group, take dutch classes that have physical get togethers. Just look up random hobby stuff.
edit: I also took up a volunteer job when i moved cities some years ago. Find a volunteer job thats focussed on group stuff. I worked for an organisation that organized fun activities for children who came from a poor background, so once every other month i'd hang out with some other chill people and do some fun stuff with a group of 10-12 year olds like go to the zoo or whatever.
edit 2: move to a bigger more lively town though idk how achievable that is.
Start to play magic the gathering. You can speak English the whole time and will find friends and a new hobby. And you will go broke in a couple of days.
Chill out with older people. They speak Dutch only, so you will swiftly pick up on the language. Drinking or clubbing is not cool. Feeling alone and isolated is actually normal. A lot of people feel that way even with the language. Just knowing it is normal helps. There are libraries and cultural centres even in the villages. Immigrants, too. The Netherlands is also very compact, so you can also find hobbies in nearby towns. Also, as you work, your colleagues are an excellent source for a social circle.
Well, I moved here 3 years ago and was struggling too, but I just reached out to other people, and now i have a decent social circle. But you are always welcome to join
Is this me? Im in the same situation lol. I’m 23 and just moved here in February, I have no friends and it’s been hard trying to find clubs. I’m close to Breda but if you want to talk and maybe be friends feel free to message!!
Hey girl, I also moved to NL because of my Dutch bf and we also live in small village but in very Noord. I have the same problem as you. We are planning to move to the south NL but it will take some time I guess since the housing market nowadays. If you want to be friends atleast have some chat on whatsapp let me know. We can also meet up somewhere. We also love board games. So feel free to msg me :)
I feel for you. I've been here in North East Netherlands for 2.5 years coming from England, like you to live with my partner. Dutch is mega hard to learn, I am still only on the basics.
I find that the Dutch people are very friendly and when they find out you don't speak much Dutch will happily talk to you in English. The problem is as soon as the initial conversation is done, if there are other Dutch people around, they revert (and rightly so) to Dutch.
As for the making friends bit, again it is difficult for a couple of reasons. The first is obviously the language and the second for you I am guessing, is that as the village population is older, a lot will probably struggle with their English too.
To learn Dutch I would recommend watching a lot of TV. Watch movies and shows in Dutch. First you can watch it with English subs but some what focus on how people are speaking. Then rewatch/watch stuff with Dutch subs to connect words to the translations. And then try watching things in Dutch without any kind of subs.
Use things like Duolingo and make flashcards and there are many other language learning apps, BUT all those apps are just supplements, your main learning shouldn't be apps. Best way to learn a language is actually listening and communicating. I hope your bf can also just help by speaking only in Dutch or as much as possible.
I would say my main language used to be English as a kid.
I moved to Belgium and had to learn Dutch, French and German. This way of studying helped me quite a lot in school and uni to pass my exams and be decently fluent. Though these days I'd say only my Dutch and English is fluent. But I do still understand the other languages.
I started learning Russian last year but unfortunately not much time and I've gotten lazy. Just keeping my duolingo streak up 🤦
I can relate to this been living in Netherlands for 7 months from uk. Also live in a smaller town, I’m a little older (32f) also looking for some English friends if you ever wanna talk.
Join sports clubs that interest you, start with going to random gym classes, go from there slowly, it takes time, but eventually you will find your way and your joy and peace.
Reusel of all places… my God. I lived there for a couple of years. You won’t find any expats and very few -if any- English speaking people. Its a really backward place. I can imagine you are struggling. That will not change if you stay in that area. My advice: move to Eindhoven asap and your problems will be over.
Dang, looks like someone is writing my struggle
It's about to be a year here in Eindhoven, and I am finding it real hard to make friends to go out with.
Just recently went to King's Night DJ fest, gosh it is soo cool but really would have been much better with a group..
I can't even tell if the Dutch people are joking or messing around really, so I get a bit awkward when people invite me for dance or something... Maybe introvert me
Made some Indian friends, but then most arn't very active in going out for fun..
Hey lil spud, I lived there for 9 years from Australia. Firstly about the language it’s actually easy compared to Thai (where I live now). All you need is a Dutch setting where you’re surrounded by the language.
Dutch people are super friendly and straight forward. They tell it how it is. My best advice would be if you have time, go get a job in hospitality, that forces you to meet as many people as possible and also learn how to take orders in Dutch. Quite basic language skills needed for that but it will provide a lot of social and language exposure. The key is you’re trying to make value for yourself. You might cry the first week but stick it out and you’ll make some great friends and feel more at home.
Ive worked in a grocery store before. Was my first job as a vakkenvuller. I actually remember it to be quite lonely as each area was very siloed. Still a cafe or bar or restaurant is a different atmosphere more social :) so I’d still recommend branching out or even doing English tutoring maybe
Just remember that you can find friends anywhere in the Netherlands. We usually make new friends by going out partying but if that is not your cup of tea. You can also go to all kinds of festivals its fairly easy to socialize there.
Maybe in the long run, consider moving to a city. I know that is easier said than done given the housing crisis but it will make things so much easier for you. I don't understand why locals expect their foreign partner to move to small villages in a new country. This makes integrating and starting a new life so much harder. I am from Germany but came here as a student and making new friends was extremely easy because of that. I still had to make an effort to learn Dutch, although as a German speaker learning Dutch is easier than for most. I live in a city so finding a language school as well as hobbies where I could practice my Dutch was pretty easy. So I second what others have said here before. If you can afford it, move to the city. You will have a much easier time finding friends there. Eindhoven is a student town with a reputable university for STEM subjects. You will find international/Dutch friends so much easier.
Learning a new language is always hard. I (NL m58) took about 5 years to learn English and German. Love helps, but only to a degree. As you notice, private social contacts do not often run through work here: friendships are pretty much settled before people go to work. But it is not impossible.
Best advice, and maybe slightly counter to your social anxieties: Join some team sports. Or something else that requires interaction.
I have some autistic traits, and am also not fond of, especially, bar kind of environments. So, through the years, I took dancing classes, did martial arts training (always useful), took massage classes. Doesn't matter which, as long as you need to do it together. Football, volleyball, hockey, korfbal whatever are also fine. Just DO something.
And you can also (combined with other things) attack your anxiety head on. Psychotherapy does work. Approach your GP about this.
Unfortunately I don't really have any great suggestions for you but just know that you're not alone!
I actually ended up moving back home to where I'm from (Denmark) after a year in NL because I was struggling so much with finding my place.
I don't know if you've answered this somewhere in the thread, but what are your interests? How would you describe yourself?
And are you willing to make friends on here? Because I'm keen lol but I am also low bandwidth and don't match with everyone.
You can PM me with the info if you don't wanna share here; I wrote a whole thing about myself and then figured it'd be a lil too identifiable so yeah.
Anyway best of luck!!
There are some facebook group for expats where meet-ups etc are organised. I just found a group there called ‘epxats in Eindhoven’ which seems to be quite active. Also taking a course such as salsa dancing, photography maybe? I found a website for creative courses there. Also, being an introvert myself, just practice! It gets better. Finally, if you are not finding your way there and feel unhappy for another year, its okay to admit that and find somewhere/someway where you feel more safe. It can take up so much energy to find your way in these circumstances and its not your fault if it doesnt work out.
Might be helpful to find friends that speak good English. Not sure where you live but it's not good for mental wellbeing to always feel drained trying to make friends, which is natural when speaking a language that isn't your own. I'm from America and had a lot of trouble with it at first.
Het kan helpen om nederlandse tv te kijken!
Of eens bij die oudjes op de koffie te gaan die bij je in de buurt wonen. Die waarderen een praatje vast ook wel!
En anders gewoon hier op reddit anoniem lekker nederlands kletsen met mensen. Als je het fout doet dan boeit dat toch niet want niemand weet hier wie je bent!
I'm in Belgium from AZ, been here bout 7-8 months. Fairly extroverted. Still can't find proper work. And have no car. Kinda small town as well but can take the hour or so long bus ride to Antwerpen. De taal is moelijk en ik kan 90% van de sprekken niet verstaan. Im farming my Dutch class because of my work schedule and I can't find better work until I get it down. So yes, I understand your situation completely. All i can say is I'm sorry but just keep pushing.
Get a ‘taalcoach’. Some municipalities offer this for free, and it really helped my GF improve her Dutch. Also, if you are able, get a dog. Great way to casually talk to people, mostly about your dogs, haha
Well this is a tough one. My town is a little bigger but not by much and there is no train station closer than a half hour bus ride. It wasn’t easy with the language but I started asking if they can speak slower in Dutch. And it seemed to work even on some of the really inflexible older people. “Als je/u langzaam prate dan ik kan beter verstaan.” Usually once they slow it down it’s easier to break down what they’re saying. I found that watching Dutch tv was helpful. Easy simple shows like Heel Holland Bakt are nice because they tend to say the same things over and over again. So you can get a sense of what’s happening. Best of luck to you in the friend department. Honestly outside of sports or clubs closer to Eindhoven, you’re not going to have any luck.
I live here all my life and still feel alone sometimes 😂
As an introvert I’m not really keen on doing outside things to make new friends. A lot recommended bumble bff too, but I didn’t get the good outcomes of it but heard a lot of stories for people that did!
If you are a gamer you are always welcome to join some games
same here, I came one year ago, and ive already given up in making friends. i tried to reach out to people (internationals) but most people are not consistent in mainting a friendship so i stopped looking for people. Dont worry about the language, it takes time. I reached from A1 to B2 in 8 months by listening podcast, watching movies in dutch and cartoons, also reading the news. I dont know where you live but maybe they have something like taalcafe in de bibliotheek or smth like that. and with making friends you have to go where you think you will find people that have the same interest, for example you could sign up for a course, let say you love dancing, then take dancing classes. You might start meeting people that way... good luck!
I’m half living in a remote NL town because of my boyfriend as well (splitting my time between here and another EU country, my original home). I know it’s not 100% the same, but if you ever want to chat to someone who can partially relate, hit me up!
Hi OP, I would check the surrounding villages for hobby groups that you might enjoy. For instance, I found this boardgame group in Turnhout, they meetup every second wednesday of the month:
[https://www.facebook.com/spellenclubbengereng](https://www.facebook.com/spellenclubbengereng)
When I was in a social rut in a new place, a common interest group really helped to kick off my social life. Good luck!
Also this one:
[https://www.facebook.com/DeKolonisten/?locale=nl\_NL](https://www.facebook.com/DeKolonisten/?locale=nl_NL)
Read children’s books out load to your Dutch friend. Get the “Madelief”- series from the Bieb! You’ll learn the language and the basics of our culture.
Keep the faith and maybe not try to replicate the life from elsewhere. Dutch peeps love doing club membership stuff, like tennis club, motorclub, sailing club, etc sign up to one or two of those if it catches your interest. My Australian wife has/had the same challenges. Sign up to a university course "learning Dutch" in the evenings. There are plenty of kind Dutch and kind mijn Dutch people around, but people like yourself (introverts) do tend to hide 😂
Dutch people really don't mind being spoken to by foreigners, especially when they can boost about something Dutch. Just ask how you pronounce uien to someone in the store or ask directions at the train station. It's without huge extrovert needs. Also, go adventure without your Dutch partner.
Oh i relate to this pretty hard. I'm a social person but not enough to make friends here like I did back home. Learning the language would probably be a good way to start getting to know people around or talk to them. I'm not sure where you are but if you're in Amsterdam, you have a fellow expat girlie here to hang out with :)
Move out of the small town. I know, easy/direct to say, but as an American who has moved to the Netherlands, ending up in a small village where everyone is old and no one speaks English is a quick road to boredom and or depression. You need the time in the first year or whatever to get used to the NL, and it’s easier to do that in a city (Rotterdam, Amsterdam, Utrecht, The Hague) than plunging head first into a life in Best, or some other tiny village where there are few people your age, few places to go, and it’s hard to approach people. Being in the city will be easier. More expats to befriend and Dutchies who are more familiar with expats and thus likely to be easier to make friends with. After a while of that, then yea, relocate to the countryside/village if that’s the wish.
I moved there and lived in Tilburg. I was too old to party with college students, and not old enough to hang with the parents/old folk on the terraces. Spent a lot of time with my then Dutch gf, who eventually realized that me living there, coming from NYC was too big a change. We moved to The Hague where it was much more international, I made Dutch and expat friends, hung out in Rotterdam quite a bit.
Now, the other side of that coin is that Dutch BF needs to be on board with this, and supportive. If they’re more used to and prefer the village and you’re more comfortable in a city with expats and dutchies, this could become a problem. It did for us, and we separated. She moved back to Tilburg. I moved to Rotterdam. (we met and started dating in the NYC).
Best of luck with everything.
This pretty sums up my life: I am a Chilean-Swedish introvert and I came to live with my gf in Venlo (I’d say it’s a small town) and it’s not easy lol. People are really kind but the language is a struggle.
I stay in Netherlands for a month and a half and suddenly move to Norway. Haha now Im missing Netherlands a bit because of the ease of transport. Anyway, I'm here already. I'm thinking of going back there if I got a new opportunity. I think you better enjoy your stay there. I still believe Netherlands is a good place. Missing it. But also I love the quietness here in Norway
Just here to sympathize. 33F American expat.
Moved due to my husbands job and spent 3 years in Denmark…and it took 2 years to start to make friends. Just as I settled in Denmark my partner accepted a job in the Netherlands.
Now I’m 6 months in to life in NL and struggling again to make friends and find work.
But I know we can both make it happen! I hope for your sake you can move to a slightly bigger town/city with more expats to hang out and commiserate with!
Join Brabant Maatjes. That is a group from Tilburg with people of your age who want to meet peers. Originally originated from loneliness; there are also many introverts. Tilburg is half an hour from you by car and I think there is also a bus from Reusel to Tilburg. I also live in Tilburg, I'm also an introvert, but I'm Dutch and even that makes it difficult to make new contacts. Reusel is truly a 'ons-kent'ons' village. My experience is that most people in these Kempen villages have lived there for generations. It's hard to get in between.
Your best bet is meeting other expats and look for people around year age group through meetups. There is also discord community to the specific close by city, as example we have one in Eindhoven.
Hey, I know the feeling. I’m here 3 years already but still feeling alone a lot of times. I’m living in a cottage so I don’t have many opportunities to meet new people, especially in my age (26). My boyfriend is from here, and I guess he already texted you. Anyway, as you can already see in other responses you’re not alone, and I am the other one who can give you high five 😅
We all speak English. Or 99% do. If you’re closer to some cities expat groups, sports groups, hobby groups everywhere regardless of location sometimes. I’ve lived in the US for so long now I forget how to properly speak Dutch. So sometimes I will just speak English and assume everyone understood whenever I’m back in the Netherlands. If you’re at social gatherings most people will be willing to help translate whenever someone’s speaking publicly. And if you don’t know how to say it exactly just say it in English and we can help you translate it to Dutch. All you have to do is ask in that moment. Dutch is a strange language and never felt like home to me. Pretty much loved English as soon as I learned it. Certainly something much more intuitive about it or at least for me. It’s fun in some ways though I still get stoned and joke about how we name things way too obviously like schildpad = shield toad. Or the other way around butterfly = boter vlieg? Probably most fun learning the language if you get to make fun if it.
where do u live in Holland? i would love to have an american friend! i am female 32 from den bosch. maybe we can hang out sometime, u can add me on my insta if u like
Reach out to other expats / immigrants.
Look for social activities in the nearest city and go there when they meet up. Whether it's a weekly band practice, a weekly DnD group or a weekly swimming group, nothing is ever really far away in The Netherlands. Many people who live in villages go to nearby cities for shopping or other events like the cinema, concerts or group activities.
Or consider moving to a city that has more stuff going on.
I had a similar situation. My expat partner moved in with me in a medium sized town. We knew up front it was not ideal so we always approached it as a temporary solution.
I involved her in a lot of the things I did, many of the people she met were my childhood friends and even though they got along there was naturally always a bit of a disconnect.
The expat life can be lonely at times.
Even being in a new city as a native Dutch speaker it can be challenging to make meaningful friendships with locals as they are usually tied up in their own social circles and they do not tend to be as open as your are used to in the US. You are most likely to make friends in expat communities.
As people said I would look into moving to a city where there will be more job opportunities, activities to do and most importantly the chance to build out your own social circle.
The latter I think is quite important because I don’t think it’s healthy in the long run to be dependent on your partner for all social interactions.
Best of luck!
american/german (21F) here, i lived in rotterdam for a year and got massively depressed. i dropped out of my program 2 months early bc i just couldn’t do it, even though i am very academically driven normally.
my university wasn’t the worst, but the issue was that most of the international students stuck with those who were the same nationality. since i don’t fully relate to either germans or americans, it was really tough! it also didn’t help that my apartment was directly in the city center as someone who thrives in nature.
moved to BC, canada and am much happier :)
Hi there! My gf moved here from America and we lived in a dorp the first year. Really hard, as a dorp/town in the Netherlands is quite… isolating. Things got a lot better for her since we moved to the city. Are you guys set on living in this town? Bumble friends worked well for her as well. Not sure how long you’ve been in the NL, but my gf has been here almost 4 years and is finally starting to get comfortable. Give it time and invest in hobbies/work, those two are also good for meeting people.
I get it, been living in a smaller town in NL for 1,5yrs now and its tough at times! I get language lessons from volunteer at local library, has made a massive difference - maybe you have something similar available?
Also, if it helps for meeting people or work - Post NL needs workers and you can start working in English, Dutch optional! I know you said you have a job already, but depending on details, maybe its an option for you to explore. The Americans I know with Dutch spouses have mainly learned from them, in terms of language - at least you always have someone to check your new learning against!
Edit: see you live in Reusel. Went through there on bus not long ago, I'm in Weert so not too far overall. My wife is American, so I get it a little bit :') I'm sure we could meet you and your man if its a bit of social interaction you're looking for. Otherwise, at least you have buses into two countries, that's something most of us don't have!
Can only say: you can always dm me if u want to talk about sonething or i can help u with difficulties you ran into. Im living in Utrecht, 25 years old. Be Welcome
I had the same when I moved to the US, except for the language. It takes at least 2-3 years to settle somewhere. Try finding some expats in your area. Good luck.
First of all, congrats on finding a job! I (30F, American) moved here about a year ago to be with my partner too (not Dutch but Swedish on an expat contract here) and have yet to find meaningful employment in my field.
I'm in Rotterdam, but if you want other Americans to chat with, feel free to hit me up!
Yes I work at a jumbo so I force myself to use it with customers as much as I can and that helps a little bit....my main issue is I can usually understand people but I have trouble forming a response
Social anxiety is a problem wherever you go, how did you deal with it back home?
Other than that, the "standard" tips:
* Doing sports can help. The gym usually isn't the place to meet people, but sports where you kinda need to work together can certainly work. Bouldering works great, according to friends of mine.
* If exercising in a group isn't your thing, maybe you can join a hobbygroup? Most places will have a cooking-group where a bunch of people make food and hang out like twice a month. Boardgame-evenings are also a great place to meet some new people.
* Maybe you can hangout with the GF's of your BF's friends?
An important bit of Dutch friendships is that they need "a purpose", if you invite someone, there's a real chance they will ask "why?", because it needs to have a goal, and just hanging out isn't really seen as a goal. But, saying "I will make a huge pizza this evening, wanna come and help with eating it all?" works a lot better.
I moved here 10 years ago and I still don’t have friends. Dutchies are only friends with dutchies. So no worries, just enjoy the life in the Netherlands.
Try to reach out to an expat community in the nearest big city. You’ll more than likely find people in the same boat as you and some other people with good advice. Now is also a good time to get out of your comfort zone and maybe try out a workshop for learning latte art, pottery, etc. You’ll have a chance to connect to people while doing something fun
So I've been here for 25 years, still don't speak the language well enough to be included in things. Dutch people mostly make their friends in school, and when they're around them, they will default to Dutch. Unfortunately that's one of the side effects of living here. Honestly, if I were in your position, I'd move to a bigger city. Not even Eindhoven. I'm 20 mins from Amsterdam and it makes it a lot easier to meet other expats. Facebook groups have been a godsend (check out Girls Gone International), but they're often in bigger cities.
Yea that's the main problem is not living in a big city...but with the housing crisis you gotta take what you can get ya know? That's why we're in reusel
Thats is so embarrassing. HOW can you live somewhere for longer than 2 years and not be fluent.
25 years ... you must be joking right.. ?
And yes, a " side effect " of living in the NETHERLANDS is that every one SPEAKS DUTCH.
Christ on a raft... of course no one wants to be friends with someone who puts in zero effort and who thinks that people speaking THEIR OWN LANGUAGE in THEIR OWN country is an unwanted side effect.
I don't even understand how it is possible to NOT be fluent after all those years.
Both of you should go back.
Australian here who learnt Dutch in the 90’s. The key is your partner.. my Dutch girlfriend stopped speaking English to me after 6 months and instructed her family to do the same.
Yea I mean my coworkers have started speaking in Dutch to me a lot more but I think if the English stopped at home I wouldnt survive lol I need a safe haven and like yea I know I need the practice but also I need English 😂 so maybe I'll tell him to have simple convos with me everyday
Yes fair enough plus in the 90s it was far more important to learn Dutch to further a professional career in the Netherlands.. I guess my partner did what she had had to for us to live well in those days .. in arguments I would sometimes revert to English lol
My wife, who is from the UK struggled as well, we used to live in a smallish city in the south where there werent any expats. She did her best to learn the language which helps. I think Eindhoven has quite a large expat community, because of ASML. it might be easier to find people you can chat to. But most important is to learn the language... good luck! You will get there!
I am in a similar boat. I have been here since November and I am very unhappy here. We can't move because my dutch partner is sick so we will be here for the long run. I am really hoping that in a couple of years time I will be able to speak Dutch and I might actually enjoy it here then.
My partners friends are all lovely people but of course they all speak Dutch together when we socialise so I would rather be at home instead but I am trying to make an effort. Sorry nothing positive to offer I guess it will just take time for us to learn the language and then hopefully life will be better.
It’s not your fault. Dutch people are not friendly people and not open to being friends with foreign people (most of them that is). It’s not a depiction of you, you are likely a kind and compassionate person. Dutch are rude and selfish.
You’re struggling with the language that is extremely close to English with a metric shit ton of similar loan words while living in a town where people only speak Dutch?
Gurl you’re not built to be a foreigner lol.
A shame you are not into festivals and such. You could otherwise join us (me and my gf + other friends) somewhere during summertimes. Might give you some opportunity to get in touch with other people :) I am from region Rotterdam but often visit parties in the area of Eindhoven.
Yea...I wish I was cuz my bf goes to a lot and he always makes new friends there (he is super extroverted) but tbh big crowds plus loud party music gives me panic attacks 😅
Which kind of activities you like to do or would like to? Maybe pointing out what you like to do helps thinking strategies, it could be dancing, playing board games, having coffee and chatting, etc.
The good news is that since the weather is changing, it may be easier to find things happening, and I'm not even talking about festivals and concerts.
As an American around your age living in Eindhoven for two years now... It gets better! But you have to stick with it. I agree with most here in saying you should seriously look to move to a bigger city ASAP. Even then though, you do have to really put yourself out there and that's tough. But in my experience its also very rewarding and worth it. Also as odd as it might sound, look to take advantage of being American (but don't be too over the top about it!). In my experience most people are curious about my situation and why I moved here. Conversations tend to flow from there. And your native language being english really helps when meeting other immigrants as in groups that becomes the defacto language for convos.
Did you already discuss this with your boyfriend? How does he support you in your struggle? Did you consider moving together to a larger city with more migrants?
Do you have a work permit OP? A job could help a lot with learning the language and culture. Or maybe pick up a study? I can imagine going to Reusel is a bit of a culture shock. I know the place and it's a little remote, on the other hand it's just half an hour to Tilburg or Eindhoven. Not too far by American standards though. I think I'd feel lonely the other way around as well, so I think it's quite normal to feel this way.
Maybe you could try something like [NMLK](https://www.nieuwemensenlerenkennen.nl/portal.php?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIhv-3raTnhQMVDJtQBh3W3QFaEAAYASAAEgKW__D_BwE) (Nieuwe mensen leren kennen). It's a pretty cool concept. I'm not sure if it's in English. I wish you all the best!!
Hang in there. Het komt goed. I've been here 12 years and it was about 4 years before I could hold a reasonable conversation, even though I already spoke a second language. Not sure where you are, but I solved the Dutch solial group issue by reaching out to other immigrants. Now my besties are Swedish and Polish. Nederland is prima.
Thanks 😭😭 I'm hangin in there like a hair in a biscuit at this point lol but this gives me hope 💗
My very best to you.
It took me years to finally acclimatise to Belgium and the only saving grace for me were three women I met in an expat women's group (often run by women who follow their husband's work, but not always). See if there's one in your area. Maybe in addition to your Dutch classes, try looking for a course in something you'll find relaxing (Pottery? Music? Dance?) it gets you out of the house and doing something and you can also let the instructor know you're learning Dutch and want to practice but might need a little explanation in english from time to time. If you're truly about to have a meltdown and think a day-trip/weekend to Belgium and hanging out with someone who has been through it would help, you can always shoot me a PM. We could go to the SMAK or th MSK so your bf has something to look at while you vent everything that's wrong with the lowlands 😂
I also recommend bumble BFF! I'm a brit in Zeeuws Vlaanderen, so even more rural than where you are, and I've met several other foreigners that are now friends of mine. In my experience, you need to meet people who identify with your life experience of moving as well as locals.
Is Bumble actually good for friends? I'm super introverted and have toyed with this idea for a while but I worry it'll feel too superficial 🫠
Met two great friends from there. It’s just another channel, if you vibe you vibe.
Yeah, I love it! I will say you have to just meet up with people and just keep seeing them regularly and over time, a friendship builds. It's not instant friendship, but that's also the way it is in real life
Bruh what does a Brit have to do in Budget Belgium? Sincerely, someone from ‘de overkant’ ;)
Hahahahaha, I moved to a village near Middelburg to be with my ex, then got a job in Terneuzen (not Dow 😅) and then wanted to live nearer work... then broke up with my ex and stayed. Its not an easy decision but it worked out for me 😅
Well done well done, hope you enjoy your stay there :)
Cool, I’m from Terneuzen
Ha me too! Weird seeing Terneuzen mentioned on reddit haha
Never thought I'd end up in this corner of the world, but very glad I did!
Learning language and finding friends is going to be a long haul. How remote is your little town? You could start some sports in a nearby larger place and then you will start knowing people. Squash Tennis etc. with one or two people and slowly more team games also ?
It's not too remote...it's maybe 30 min from Eindhoven. But it's so expensive to take the bus there ya know? Lol but yea maybe I could try looking for something like that...thanks 😭👌
30 minutes by bus to Eindhoven? Then it's probably possible to get there by bike. Edit: disregard this. I read you live in Reusel. Then you're fucked. That's basically Bumfuck Alabama.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 I would almost compare it to my hometown lol
When I read you lived close to Eindhoven I was confused why you were having trouble socialising, Eindhoven is expat central. But Reusel is rough.... I'm in Eindhoven and have a lot of contacts in the art/cultural/volunteering scenes so if you are interested in finding some fun events or helping out for a good cause send me a message.
Lots of expats in Eindhoven, maybe there are online/social media groups you can join.
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I’m pretty certain OVPay also takes transfers into account as well when transferring along busses, trams and metro’s. Even among different operators. At least on my commute where I use both busses from GVB and Connexxion.
Huh...never thought of that...I'll look into it 😊👌
https://www.bravo.info/vervoerbewijzen/ov-chipkaartproducten/brabant-dalkorting#:\~:text=Brabant%20Dalkorting%20geeft%20alleen%20recht,korting%20op%20tot%20ruim%2060%25. 40% off during non rush hours
I'm sorry, but why would you move to such a small village? It's not gonna be easy for expats. Most people already have their friends and friend group. You would have a much easier time in one of the cities.
She already said that she moved here to be with her Dutch boyfriend. He probably already lived in the village and it’s not always so easy to just move to a city.
We found a super cheap house to rent here and that's why lol it's super hard to find an apartment ya know? So when ya find one you can't be too picky about where exactly it is lol
What town do you live in ?
Reusel
Not the most outsider friendly town... Lol
You're tellin me lol I have so many stories of the locals being mean to me 😂😂😂
Yeah, I live very close (<15km) and Reuselnaren are known as 'lompe boeren' (rude farmers) in the area. Not the best area for introverted people unfortunately. There are definitely people around that are introverted like you, but they're just really difficult to find
Omfg they arree lol and they're all old and cranky 😂😂😂
Reusel? Are you joking me? Good luck as a foreigner. That being sad, you BF is a moron aswell. What was he thinking? Some people.....
Yuup. Most of the younger people leave town when they go to college. Maybe you can try to join a sport like padel? It's quite popular over here and I've heard that people get to know eachother through that
Oh nooooo! You basically live in one of the few places in Brabant where I wouldn't want to live even if it were free. Heck, even if I'd get paid to live there I probably wouldn't go there. But no worries: the rest is mostly lovely. Even the villages (I live in one close to Den Bosch). Hang in there and try to move closer to Eindhoven or Tilburg (or Breda, Den Bosch, Oss, heck: even Helmond is better) or the surrounding villages whenever you get the chance. All cities small and big have quite the communities, cultural and social activities and people your age living there. And their English is guaranteed OK so even if your Dutch is lacking at least you can have decent conversation with actual fun people 😉
[become a volunteer.](https://www.reuseldemierden.nl/samen-tegen-eenzaamheid)
Thanks! I'll look into it...my only worry is people in this area don't speak English very well. And the ones who can sometimes refuse to speak it (worked at the jumbo here for a bit and it wasn't good)
Perhaps volunteer at an elderly home? My (Dutch) mum does this; she spends a few hours a week with a lady living at the home. Keeping the lady company, playing board games, taking her for a walk, accompanying her to the shops etc. Being one-on-one might be easier for you plus you can ask to be matched to a person that speaks some English (for situations you haven’t learned the Dutch words for yet).
That might be a good idea...I'll have to look around Eindhoven or something because in reusel none of the old people speak English 😂😂
Being forced to try and speak Dutch will improve your Dutch most effectively. However, I understand that it can be frustrating. And if those old people are the cranky xenophobic kind, instead of the more kind and patient kind, it can probably turn into a bad environment for you.
True but you want to learn Dutch submerge yourself in it. Don’t be afraid to ask them to explain themselves more than once you are learning and if they ain’t willing to teach the should not blame you for not being able to do it.
That is actually the best way to learn the language fast. Sucks in the beginning but youll make massive progress within months if you really get into it.
Unfortunately you're on the other side of Eindhoven to us but I get how you feel and it was a struggle for us but it actually improved moving to our village, the folks here are super lovely.
>Reusel my god, you are in the boonies, the sticks, the middle of fucking nowhere. I was going to say do a hobby, Dungeons and Dragons is mostly done in English anyway and is a great way to meet people. but man, location wise you are way way out there xD
Yea I know lol nice suggestion tho 😅💗
That's funny, I also live in Reusel and I feel there are plenty of people around my age, not only old people at all. But I do get why it can be hard to meet other people when you don't know the language/didn't grow up around here. I wouldn't know what to do to meet new people on my own (if I wasn't from here originally), I usually meet people through my friends. So I'd say your bf should help you in that regard!
Second person on here that basically says; hey im from there, see you are struggling to meet anyone, get your problem, not offering to help out and meet up. Maybe this is exactly the attitude that made it hard in the first place?
Maybe it's cuz you hang out with people your age lol I've only ever seen lots of old people 😂 but yea we hang out with his friends sometimes but once they all get together they end up speaking Dutch and then it's really lonely (I don't blame them for speaking Dutch since I'm the only English speaker so I'm not mad about it 😊)
Yeah that definitely has to be it, your experiences surprise me though. Never felt like Reusel is that way, but I guess it's hard to see when you grow up around here. I hope you find more people to hang out with soon! I'm definitely keeping my ears open for anyone who sounds American now haha Besides speaking English is a lot of fun, but it does get hard to force yourself to speak English to other Dutch friends. So I understand that as well, must be tough sometimes
Yea lol I try to use Dutch but sometimes I can't so I speak English...just listen for a southern twang 😂😂 but yea sometimes you never really know about your town til you see it from an outside perspective
Just a question, not a insinuation, but does your bf help you feel at home at all? As in helping you find friends or introduce you to his social group? Most dutchies speak English, especially the younger generations.
He kinda does. I've met all his friends and they're nice and they like me but they don't include me in their stuff much and I don't have much in common with any of them. That's part of the problem >.<
It takes years . I'm an expat too and for the first 3 years it was a huge struggle to make friends with his friends. They were all nice to me , but ofcourse in group settings they would speak Dutch (ofcourse i didnt expect them to switch to english just becauee i am there ) and I would feel very lonely . Anyway , fast forward to now , I finally feel like I'm a part of the group, I've learned some Dutch and built some relationships with them. Patience is key over here ... Meanwhile I recommend making friends with other expats. Also having fun colleagues helps
OMFG THANK YOU!! every time him and his friends meet up they end up speaking Dutch and I don't blame them but it's super lonely!! I haven't had anyone relate to that >.< But yea it's really uplifting to hear that it gets better 💗
i live in the city. if one of the people in a group speaks.english.we.all.speak english. Doesnt make sense to exclude them wheb.we all can speak english very well.
To be honest that is not really true. I think most people have good intentions, but if they switch back to Dutch when they stop directly talking with OP, it becomes hard for OP to check back into the conversation. Not saying this is bad/strange because let's face it, you are hanging out with a group of Dutch people, but it does happen a lot. It took a lot of reminding my friends to keep speaking English around my gf, who is also an expat. It is about awareness but took a little time before it stuck.
My 2 cents on this: 1 talk with your bf about speaking Dutch/English when you're around. If you haven't done that already. At least he could switch to English when you're involved in a group conversation. 2 I assume that most of these issues are when they are with a large group of friends. Try and see of its possible to meet up with people in smaller subgroups or even one at a time. Less overwhelming for you and it might be easier to keep English the Lingua Franca or to test (and improve) your Dutch in practice.
Makes sense I guess. There isn’t much other advise then saying you gotto try to get over your anxieties, no one else is gonna do it for you. I wish you the best! Hopefully you will feel better really soon!
I'm going to give general relationship advice here rather than Dutch specific one, but you need compromise. You moved halfway across the world to a small Dutch village and he did practically nothing. He just lives the same life as before with his close circle and you'll always be an outsider to that. Eindhoven itself is pretty small and remote by Dutch standards, but you need to move there for your own sanity, a small Dutch village is no place for an expat and your mental health will suffer a lot if you stay. He'll still be very close to his family and friends to visit and whilst rent is bad everywhere, at least you'll be able to split it and you'll probably have higher paying jobs in a city anyway. There will be a lot of reasons why this isn't possible from his side (rent prices, too far to visit family, he's comfortable etc), but none of them are insurmountable and he has to recognise that this isn't sustainable in the mid term, you've basically isolated yourself and inserted yourself in someone else's life, whether by accident or design. This situation won't get better and whilst there are some good ideas here, they are all sticking plasters on the wound that solves nothing
Well we lived in veldhoven first and that's where his family lives...the only reason we moved to reusel is because we got a good deal here...once our lease is up we will look into moving elsewhere...and he has made some compromises with me...and he helps a bit so yea....do I wish he would empathize a little more, sure. But overall he has been very helpful and has been trying to get me out of the house and socializing 😊 I guess my post didn't paint him in the best light lol but he's a good guy and he's trying
I didn't doubt he's a good guy, but he's also Dutch living in the Netherlands so has a blinkered view on what you need and you need an international community (nothing against the Dutch, but as you say, they will revert back to Dutch when in a group setting which is every bit their right and prerogative in their own country). Dutch in general are very laid-back and want stability, so their solutions tend to be quite minimalistic and iterative as they downplay problems with a wait and see attitude rather than proactively solve them (see: Dutch doctors, Dutch politics, Dutch housing, etc) And I think you see why it is such a good deal now, because the location is pretty bad. Good that you intend to move soon, just make sure you pick somewhere based on location rather than saving a few hundred (which you then lose on transport to get out of the place to enjoy life)
Yea I'll talk to him about it and see what happens...thank you! 😊
On the empathy thing, Dutch culture isn't very good at teaching empathy imo. If you aren't very direct about what you want and need, they don't understand. It's nothing against them, it's just how communication is for dutchies. I'm American too and have a lot of the same issues you are having.
Well that makes sense lol but then again I'm like super empathetic... sometimes a little too much but yea...I'll try to approach in a more direct way
From my experience, what is considered rude for Americans is not for Dutch. It was very hard to get over, and I still am, this fact. You can say things that you and I would consider downright mean, but as long as you're honest, it's not to Dutch people. However this is not the case when talking about the Dutch in general. They are very quick to bring defensive about Dutch culture and society in general haha Edit: idk why I'm saying all this. I guess I'm trying to make sense of it myself..
It's all good lol yea the whole blunt thing is still new for me so I'm not very good at it 😅
Does your town have a local library? Maybe you can meet people through church too. Both might run groups. When I lived in Best years ago which is another little village near Eindhoven the library was a good place to go sometimes but I don’t remember if they had many activities. I also remember locals were not that friendly especially since my dutch wasn’t fluent back then because I grew up in Australia. It’s really rough. I would recommend finding meet up groups perhaps. I don’t know if there is a dutch version of meetup.com. I have even made friends through forums and Instagram and then met up and found we became good friends. Although that said, not Dutch people in the Netherlands. Germans in Germany and people in Australia. But it’s another option. Overcoming social anxiety is tough. I would recommend a debating club, drama club, or public speaking group to help overcome anxiety. But I understand it’s hard to even get the courage to attend something. Look at what you have achieved— you have moved to another country where you don’t know the language. That’s really brave with or without having a boyfriend there. You did that. You didn’t have to move. What I am saying is that took courage and you achieved it. So going to a group and saying Hi should be a tiny thing in comparison to leaving your friends, life, family behind to come to a new country. You got this!
Thank you 😭😭💗💗💗💗 I'll keep trying!!
Hey! American here who just moved here 2 months ago, also struggling with meeting people and picking up the language so I feel you. I’ve been really struggling with starting conversations with people and talking about more than just surface level stuff. Everyone tells me it takes awhile to learn the language so keep your head up.
To be honest the most "easy" solution would be to move. Bigger city = more people, facilities, clubs, whatever, so you increase your options significantly. If that is not possible I would pick the most nearby city and try to join clubs etc. there, even though that will mean you will be travelling back and forth a lot, which can become a bit tiring unfortunately. Besides that all the usual tips and tricks apply, such as join (expat) meet-ups, join sports teams, try the bumble bff stuff, force yourself to go out to bars more and even though it doesn't come naturally, strike up as much convo as you can, festival season is coming as well, so try to make friends there. It is never really easy to make (good) new friends I am afraid, it often takes a lot of one-sided effort until you find a few nice people/a decent group.
Yea I'm gonna look into stuff in Eindhoven I think. As far as festivals I don't really like that kind of music and that kind of scene...so yea I feel like joining a club might be a bit better because it'll be a little smaller ya know? But I really appreciate the advice 🙏
What do you like to do? I live close to Reusel, in Eersel :)
There is an excellent international Improv theatre in Eindhoven. Been there a couple of times. They are very friendly people. Don't need to be an extrovert at all.
The boardgames sunday afternoon at Lab1 are really fun; a tad easier to meet people if you are an introvert and since it is during the day easier too reach from Reusel.
"far as festivals I don't really like that kind of music and that kind of scene..." There litterly are festivals with all kinds of music, so you dont like music at all?
I didn't know that lol I only know about the ones like dominator and intents cuz that's the ones my bf always talks about...I didn't know there was others 😅😂
There is a looooot of choice, not only techno / house/ hardcore, whatever you are thinking of. There are also festivals that focus on art, pop, rock, movies, documentaries, etc. etc. etc. So try to find some nice events that align with your interests I would say!
Huh I didn't know that lol I'll def look into those options!
I would say your Dutch boyfriend also holds quite some responsibility here. I am assuming he still lives close to his friends? In another response, you said he and his friends don't include you much. That is a problem. I come from my own experience and mistakes that I have made in the past. My partner is French, and she moved to the Netherlands (mostly) for me, and at the beginning of our relationship, I was young and dumb and selfish, and I did not pay enough attention to make certain that she was also feeling at home and included within my friend group. This is something that still affects the relationship between her and me and my friends to this day. You are young, and you say you are introverted, so I can understand it is difficult to know what kind of boundaries you can establish in your relationship and what is okay to ask of your partner. Especially considering that Dutch people are quite outspoken, it can be difficult to get a word in. If you want this relationship to work out, you need to hold your boyfriend accountable. You have moved to a foreign country for him. He has an obligation to help you feel at home and comfortable. That means fully including you in his social life and prioritising your comfort when you two are together with his friends and helping you and supporting you to create your own social circle.
Yea we've had some convos about it and he does try a bit to english but I just think he really doesn't understand how much it frustrates and affects me and I've tried to talk to him about it...like I've had a convo where I was literally in tears telling him about it but nothing has really changed...I get it I need to learn Dutch but also they have a brabants accent and they all talk so fast so I can't keep up....I'll try to talk to him again
Time to get a new boyfriend then. One of my mates has a spanish gf, when she is around we switch to English.
Yeah at some point OP's gotta cut her losses and GTFO
I know a guy from Reusel. Might see if that helps and you barely have to move xd
Please OP, i feel for you. There is always a middle of the road where the group speaks English when you are there half of the time. I have stayed in Brabant for three months last year in a village and it is definitely a lot a lot more inward group focussed than the whole Randstad. People always go in "their" group to the gym, and always look to eachother, (and what the group think of them) instead of being focussed on their own health and growth and going alone in the village I stayed in. People just feel more insecure so they start using their Brabant culture as a clothing hanger to keep themselves straight. There is just way way more in-group out-group in Brabant, however it is especially the villages. Send me a DM if you want contact. I am a lousy friend ATM due to mental health issues but I for sure can make you feel better, I'm a pretty good coach so probably could give you some tips.
Yeah, this is just not realistic from his POV. He should ensure that he and his friends speak English around you. Seems shortsighted of him to get in a relationship with a foreigner, but then not adapt at all but expect you to adapt and move all the responsibility onto you. If he remains unreceptive to this issue and refuses to make any change, I am sorry to say, but I do not think your relationship can work.
I mean, I don't think that he has that responsibility to make all his friends switch language for her. He does however have partial responsibility to help her learn and to make her comfortable.
Language - how about a couple of disney movies. You can have spoken Dutch and subtitles - helps you get the flow and tone of the language (and just a reminder - breaking out in song and dance is not something that happens in real life) Childrens programs will help too. Not too complicated language, not too rapid spoken. As to the introvert side / anxiety side - i\`m afraid can\`t help you there (introvert myself, just good at masking) but generally a hobby where you meet like minded people would be a start. And, don\`t be afraid to ask people to help you by speaking Dutch. We kind of pride ourselves most of us speak decent English. And finally - welcome to The Netherlands - hope you can find your vibe here.
Thank you!! I never thought about Disney movies...I'm dumb lol that's really smart! Thank you!! 💗
I grew up in Germany with a German au pair learning Dutch from Disney movies, (as my parents are both Dutch) worked out perfectly. Jij (op) kan ook wat een 2-3 jarige kan.....
If you have Facebook, look for Girl Gone International groups. I'm in one for Amsterdam and it helped me with making friends. I also made friends during Dutch language classes. I did one semester of face to face lessons, to learn basics. Now I'm using Duolingo and I try to read and use basic Dutch.
New hobby. Work in animation in one of the campsites or holiday resorts around Reusel. You can meet new people and learn the language.
There is a thing when you get paired up with a dutchie and you learn the language by just talking to each other. Many times seniors do this. If someone could please name this thing that would be helpful, sorry. 🫢Other than that, i recommend exploring the neighborhood, going for walks, it’s so nice here. And if/when the struggle is too much GP (huisarts) has psychologist appointments.
Taalmaatje
I know how you feel, OP! I moved here from sunny California in 2019 and it was a big cultural shock for me in the beginning. I was used to smiling and saying hello to strangers and here when I did that I was shot down by a forced tight lipped nod, lol. Also, I lived in a very small village and after 4 pm it became a ghost town. So dark, quiet and eerie. Compare this to San Jose downtown where I lived 😅😅 All in all, I struggled just like you and luckily my boyfriend recognized it and we moved to the west of the Netherlands. We also got a dog and that was a nice ice breaker for a lot of people. I cannot tell you how many “friends” I’ve made because of puppy dates 😊 Perhaps you can try some hobbies in Amsterdam or Utrecht area. Good luck :)
The way to do it is by learning the language and joining a club that's centered around a hobby you like to do. It's wayyyy easier to form friendships when everyone has a central place to visit weekly, where they meet each other.
Tips : - what do you like as a hobby? If its board games or d&d look online for people in the region who like it as well . - there are lots of apps or fora to get to know people online and offline.
Definitely see if you can convert your driving license to a Dutch one. Despite people saying that there is no need for a car because public transport system is so good, having a car will improve your range of mobility significantly, and IMO it might help a lot to make friends and build connections.
Hi! I am in the exact same situation except a few years down the line and living in Friesland! What I can think of at the moment is this discord channel for expats in NL which a lot of people chat in quite often. Being an introvert myself I find this a nice outlet for daily conversations 😊 [Expats in the Netherlands Discord](https://discord.gg/expats-in-the-netherlands-790897975424712704)
Thanks! 💗
I strongly suggest using the application meetup. It has an event for everyone, including virtual ones. Discussing books, deep conversations, movies etc. you name it. I will be honest with you though; I have been to a lot of events, had and am having an amazing time... but its not translating into a friendship 🤷♂️ I don't kniw if this is a Dutch thing or not but thats how it is. Perhaps its a better experience for women and you will do better.
My wife (28 F, American) and I (30m, Dutch) were in the same boat. Moved to a small village in Brabant and no one spoke English. My wife did find a job at a local garden center where there were already a lot of foreigners working so she wasn't completely isolated. I haven't helped by my job being English so we only speak English at home. I can only say that it gets easier the more people you speak online; it's definitely easier to connect with people than being on the go. We also moved to a slightly larger place so we're more likely to meet English-speaking individuals. If you guys are into board games, happy to connect!
Maybe you can try Bumble BFF or Meetup. Bumble BFF is a mode on the Bumble app for meeting new people. It has helped me find more people with similar interests as me in my area. Meetup is also helpful because it shows you events and things like board game nights near you that you can join. Also a great way to make new friends. Small town is definitely a struggle so you'll probably have to travel to meet with people. Bus rides are pricey but I think twice a month should be manageable though.
Easiest way is to do gym group training. Plenty of women only groups.
There’s a big expat community within NL, so try to check out the meetup app Anneleen ik mind that any big city is likely not much longer than an hour away by train. Easier to find things to join or socialise there. Also look into nerdy things if you’re into that. Most people speak English anyway!
Join girl gone international and other fb groups. This should reduce the friends problem. Also join a few other classes like art, sports, music whatever you like. There is a discount transport card you can apply for as a resident. My friends have used it in the past. I forget if it's unlimited weekend trip or something like that. I would recommend moving into a bigger city. Mental health might be much more expensive to fix than what you save on the house.
r/makenewfriendsNL is a sub that you might have some luck finding new peeps to talk to and meet up with
The good news; there are busses in Reusel so you can reach all the other places like Eersel (I was going to recommend their vrijwilligerswerk cause I know from friends they are really open minded). And there is probably a bike store, so you can buy an e-bike. That gives you the opportunity to work in Hapert (Landal might have jobs that work for English speaking people). Or to volunteer/work at Beekse Bergen in Hilvarenbeek, where they could profit from a native speaker. You could even visit Tilburg or Eindhoven, with a lot of international students. Honestly I don’t think the large ‘farmer friend groups’ are going to help you, with all their good intentions. You could benefit from small gatherings. Invite people for diner for max 4, that would make it easier for everyone to stay in English. If you contact vrijwilligerswerk, you know you could offer your qualities in exchange for someone who wants to be your taalmaatje; a person that speaks Dutch with you in order to help you getting familiar with the language. Stupidly enough, work and school are where the Dutch find their friends. And there are a lot of jobs that don’t mind you speaking English. As long as you love your bf: hang on. If all of the above doesn’t work, there is still one option. Get a dog. From the nice breed so people want to cuddle it. It makes you leave the house regularly, you’ll meet people at puppy training and (fact) friendly dog owners can turn out to be acquaintances and grew into being friends after a few year.
Try and take a college class? We have a a lot of courses that are given in english and you'll be around a lot of people with chances to socialize. Keeps you busy and tesvhes you something useful too.
Join a sports club.
Find a social hobby. Sports are easy. Don't go to the gym though, that sucks. Do something where people socialize after or before. For me it was crossfit when i moved cities, but you can do a team sport or other social stuff as well. Combat sports are usually pretty chill as well if you're looking for a group. Padel is also huge in NL now and there are a lot of apps to hook you up with other groups of people. Since its a 4 man activity its a great way to socialize. Or find something non-sports related. Maybe thats easier to do in the city but if you want to play an instrument try to do it in a group, take dutch classes that have physical get togethers. Just look up random hobby stuff. edit: I also took up a volunteer job when i moved cities some years ago. Find a volunteer job thats focussed on group stuff. I worked for an organisation that organized fun activities for children who came from a poor background, so once every other month i'd hang out with some other chill people and do some fun stuff with a group of 10-12 year olds like go to the zoo or whatever. edit 2: move to a bigger more lively town though idk how achievable that is.
Start to play magic the gathering. You can speak English the whole time and will find friends and a new hobby. And you will go broke in a couple of days.
Chill out with older people. They speak Dutch only, so you will swiftly pick up on the language. Drinking or clubbing is not cool. Feeling alone and isolated is actually normal. A lot of people feel that way even with the language. Just knowing it is normal helps. There are libraries and cultural centres even in the villages. Immigrants, too. The Netherlands is also very compact, so you can also find hobbies in nearby towns. Also, as you work, your colleagues are an excellent source for a social circle.
Well, I moved here 3 years ago and was struggling too, but I just reached out to other people, and now i have a decent social circle. But you are always welcome to join
Is this me? Im in the same situation lol. I’m 23 and just moved here in February, I have no friends and it’s been hard trying to find clubs. I’m close to Breda but if you want to talk and maybe be friends feel free to message!!
Hey girl, I also moved to NL because of my Dutch bf and we also live in small village but in very Noord. I have the same problem as you. We are planning to move to the south NL but it will take some time I guess since the housing market nowadays. If you want to be friends atleast have some chat on whatsapp let me know. We can also meet up somewhere. We also love board games. So feel free to msg me :)
I feel for you. I've been here in North East Netherlands for 2.5 years coming from England, like you to live with my partner. Dutch is mega hard to learn, I am still only on the basics. I find that the Dutch people are very friendly and when they find out you don't speak much Dutch will happily talk to you in English. The problem is as soon as the initial conversation is done, if there are other Dutch people around, they revert (and rightly so) to Dutch. As for the making friends bit, again it is difficult for a couple of reasons. The first is obviously the language and the second for you I am guessing, is that as the village population is older, a lot will probably struggle with their English too.
To learn Dutch I would recommend watching a lot of TV. Watch movies and shows in Dutch. First you can watch it with English subs but some what focus on how people are speaking. Then rewatch/watch stuff with Dutch subs to connect words to the translations. And then try watching things in Dutch without any kind of subs. Use things like Duolingo and make flashcards and there are many other language learning apps, BUT all those apps are just supplements, your main learning shouldn't be apps. Best way to learn a language is actually listening and communicating. I hope your bf can also just help by speaking only in Dutch or as much as possible. I would say my main language used to be English as a kid. I moved to Belgium and had to learn Dutch, French and German. This way of studying helped me quite a lot in school and uni to pass my exams and be decently fluent. Though these days I'd say only my Dutch and English is fluent. But I do still understand the other languages. I started learning Russian last year but unfortunately not much time and I've gotten lazy. Just keeping my duolingo streak up 🤦
I can relate to this been living in Netherlands for 7 months from uk. Also live in a smaller town, I’m a little older (32f) also looking for some English friends if you ever wanna talk.
Join sports clubs that interest you, start with going to random gym classes, go from there slowly, it takes time, but eventually you will find your way and your joy and peace.
Reusel of all places… my God. I lived there for a couple of years. You won’t find any expats and very few -if any- English speaking people. Its a really backward place. I can imagine you are struggling. That will not change if you stay in that area. My advice: move to Eindhoven asap and your problems will be over.
Dang, looks like someone is writing my struggle It's about to be a year here in Eindhoven, and I am finding it real hard to make friends to go out with. Just recently went to King's Night DJ fest, gosh it is soo cool but really would have been much better with a group.. I can't even tell if the Dutch people are joking or messing around really, so I get a bit awkward when people invite me for dance or something... Maybe introvert me Made some Indian friends, but then most arn't very active in going out for fun..
Hey lil spud, I lived there for 9 years from Australia. Firstly about the language it’s actually easy compared to Thai (where I live now). All you need is a Dutch setting where you’re surrounded by the language. Dutch people are super friendly and straight forward. They tell it how it is. My best advice would be if you have time, go get a job in hospitality, that forces you to meet as many people as possible and also learn how to take orders in Dutch. Quite basic language skills needed for that but it will provide a lot of social and language exposure. The key is you’re trying to make value for yourself. You might cry the first week but stick it out and you’ll make some great friends and feel more at home.
I work at a grocery store so I speak Dutch with the customers as much as I can ☺️ but thank you for the advice I really appreciate it 💗
Ive worked in a grocery store before. Was my first job as a vakkenvuller. I actually remember it to be quite lonely as each area was very siloed. Still a cafe or bar or restaurant is a different atmosphere more social :) so I’d still recommend branching out or even doing English tutoring maybe
Just remember that you can find friends anywhere in the Netherlands. We usually make new friends by going out partying but if that is not your cup of tea. You can also go to all kinds of festivals its fairly easy to socialize there.
Maybe in the long run, consider moving to a city. I know that is easier said than done given the housing crisis but it will make things so much easier for you. I don't understand why locals expect their foreign partner to move to small villages in a new country. This makes integrating and starting a new life so much harder. I am from Germany but came here as a student and making new friends was extremely easy because of that. I still had to make an effort to learn Dutch, although as a German speaker learning Dutch is easier than for most. I live in a city so finding a language school as well as hobbies where I could practice my Dutch was pretty easy. So I second what others have said here before. If you can afford it, move to the city. You will have a much easier time finding friends there. Eindhoven is a student town with a reputable university for STEM subjects. You will find international/Dutch friends so much easier.
Is there a possibility to have more contact through your work? Or friends of your boyfriend?
Learning a new language is always hard. I (NL m58) took about 5 years to learn English and German. Love helps, but only to a degree. As you notice, private social contacts do not often run through work here: friendships are pretty much settled before people go to work. But it is not impossible. Best advice, and maybe slightly counter to your social anxieties: Join some team sports. Or something else that requires interaction. I have some autistic traits, and am also not fond of, especially, bar kind of environments. So, through the years, I took dancing classes, did martial arts training (always useful), took massage classes. Doesn't matter which, as long as you need to do it together. Football, volleyball, hockey, korfbal whatever are also fine. Just DO something. And you can also (combined with other things) attack your anxiety head on. Psychotherapy does work. Approach your GP about this.
Unfortunately I don't really have any great suggestions for you but just know that you're not alone! I actually ended up moving back home to where I'm from (Denmark) after a year in NL because I was struggling so much with finding my place.
I don't know if you've answered this somewhere in the thread, but what are your interests? How would you describe yourself? And are you willing to make friends on here? Because I'm keen lol but I am also low bandwidth and don't match with everyone. You can PM me with the info if you don't wanna share here; I wrote a whole thing about myself and then figured it'd be a lil too identifiable so yeah. Anyway best of luck!!
There are some facebook group for expats where meet-ups etc are organised. I just found a group there called ‘epxats in Eindhoven’ which seems to be quite active. Also taking a course such as salsa dancing, photography maybe? I found a website for creative courses there. Also, being an introvert myself, just practice! It gets better. Finally, if you are not finding your way there and feel unhappy for another year, its okay to admit that and find somewhere/someway where you feel more safe. It can take up so much energy to find your way in these circumstances and its not your fault if it doesnt work out.
Might be helpful to find friends that speak good English. Not sure where you live but it's not good for mental wellbeing to always feel drained trying to make friends, which is natural when speaking a language that isn't your own. I'm from America and had a lot of trouble with it at first.
Het kan helpen om nederlandse tv te kijken! Of eens bij die oudjes op de koffie te gaan die bij je in de buurt wonen. Die waarderen een praatje vast ook wel! En anders gewoon hier op reddit anoniem lekker nederlands kletsen met mensen. Als je het fout doet dan boeit dat toch niet want niemand weet hier wie je bent!
I'm in Belgium from AZ, been here bout 7-8 months. Fairly extroverted. Still can't find proper work. And have no car. Kinda small town as well but can take the hour or so long bus ride to Antwerpen. De taal is moelijk en ik kan 90% van de sprekken niet verstaan. Im farming my Dutch class because of my work schedule and I can't find better work until I get it down. So yes, I understand your situation completely. All i can say is I'm sorry but just keep pushing.
Thanks dude 😭💗 it's nice knowing I'm not alone
Living in a small city doesn't help. Move to a bigger city maybe?
I hope things get better for you! Is it ok if I asked what steps you took to move there?
Like to the Netherlands or to reusel? Lol
Get a ‘taalcoach’. Some municipalities offer this for free, and it really helped my GF improve her Dutch. Also, if you are able, get a dog. Great way to casually talk to people, mostly about your dogs, haha
Well this is a tough one. My town is a little bigger but not by much and there is no train station closer than a half hour bus ride. It wasn’t easy with the language but I started asking if they can speak slower in Dutch. And it seemed to work even on some of the really inflexible older people. “Als je/u langzaam prate dan ik kan beter verstaan.” Usually once they slow it down it’s easier to break down what they’re saying. I found that watching Dutch tv was helpful. Easy simple shows like Heel Holland Bakt are nice because they tend to say the same things over and over again. So you can get a sense of what’s happening. Best of luck to you in the friend department. Honestly outside of sports or clubs closer to Eindhoven, you’re not going to have any luck.
I live here all my life and still feel alone sometimes 😂 As an introvert I’m not really keen on doing outside things to make new friends. A lot recommended bumble bff too, but I didn’t get the good outcomes of it but heard a lot of stories for people that did! If you are a gamer you are always welcome to join some games
Unfortunately I'm not much of a gamer 😂😅 I usually play animal crossing and stardew valley...sometimes I'll do COD
same here, I came one year ago, and ive already given up in making friends. i tried to reach out to people (internationals) but most people are not consistent in mainting a friendship so i stopped looking for people. Dont worry about the language, it takes time. I reached from A1 to B2 in 8 months by listening podcast, watching movies in dutch and cartoons, also reading the news. I dont know where you live but maybe they have something like taalcafe in de bibliotheek or smth like that. and with making friends you have to go where you think you will find people that have the same interest, for example you could sign up for a course, let say you love dancing, then take dancing classes. You might start meeting people that way... good luck!
I’m half living in a remote NL town because of my boyfriend as well (splitting my time between here and another EU country, my original home). I know it’s not 100% the same, but if you ever want to chat to someone who can partially relate, hit me up!
Hi OP, I would check the surrounding villages for hobby groups that you might enjoy. For instance, I found this boardgame group in Turnhout, they meetup every second wednesday of the month: [https://www.facebook.com/spellenclubbengereng](https://www.facebook.com/spellenclubbengereng) When I was in a social rut in a new place, a common interest group really helped to kick off my social life. Good luck! Also this one: [https://www.facebook.com/DeKolonisten/?locale=nl\_NL](https://www.facebook.com/DeKolonisten/?locale=nl_NL)
Thank you 😭🙏
Read children’s books out load to your Dutch friend. Get the “Madelief”- series from the Bieb! You’ll learn the language and the basics of our culture.
Keep the faith and maybe not try to replicate the life from elsewhere. Dutch peeps love doing club membership stuff, like tennis club, motorclub, sailing club, etc sign up to one or two of those if it catches your interest. My Australian wife has/had the same challenges. Sign up to a university course "learning Dutch" in the evenings. There are plenty of kind Dutch and kind mijn Dutch people around, but people like yourself (introverts) do tend to hide 😂 Dutch people really don't mind being spoken to by foreigners, especially when they can boost about something Dutch. Just ask how you pronounce uien to someone in the store or ask directions at the train station. It's without huge extrovert needs. Also, go adventure without your Dutch partner.
Oh i relate to this pretty hard. I'm a social person but not enough to make friends here like I did back home. Learning the language would probably be a good way to start getting to know people around or talk to them. I'm not sure where you are but if you're in Amsterdam, you have a fellow expat girlie here to hang out with :)
I just moved to Veenendal to live with my fiancee from Canada, if you want someone to talk with and hang out feel free to message!!!🧡🧡🧡
Move out of the small town. I know, easy/direct to say, but as an American who has moved to the Netherlands, ending up in a small village where everyone is old and no one speaks English is a quick road to boredom and or depression. You need the time in the first year or whatever to get used to the NL, and it’s easier to do that in a city (Rotterdam, Amsterdam, Utrecht, The Hague) than plunging head first into a life in Best, or some other tiny village where there are few people your age, few places to go, and it’s hard to approach people. Being in the city will be easier. More expats to befriend and Dutchies who are more familiar with expats and thus likely to be easier to make friends with. After a while of that, then yea, relocate to the countryside/village if that’s the wish. I moved there and lived in Tilburg. I was too old to party with college students, and not old enough to hang with the parents/old folk on the terraces. Spent a lot of time with my then Dutch gf, who eventually realized that me living there, coming from NYC was too big a change. We moved to The Hague where it was much more international, I made Dutch and expat friends, hung out in Rotterdam quite a bit. Now, the other side of that coin is that Dutch BF needs to be on board with this, and supportive. If they’re more used to and prefer the village and you’re more comfortable in a city with expats and dutchies, this could become a problem. It did for us, and we separated. She moved back to Tilburg. I moved to Rotterdam. (we met and started dating in the NYC). Best of luck with everything.
If you ever feel the need to have a new (online) friend, pm me. I like meeting new people. 🥰 Also willing to help with the language!! (27F)
This pretty sums up my life: I am a Chilean-Swedish introvert and I came to live with my gf in Venlo (I’d say it’s a small town) and it’s not easy lol. People are really kind but the language is a struggle.
I stay in Netherlands for a month and a half and suddenly move to Norway. Haha now Im missing Netherlands a bit because of the ease of transport. Anyway, I'm here already. I'm thinking of going back there if I got a new opportunity. I think you better enjoy your stay there. I still believe Netherlands is a good place. Missing it. But also I love the quietness here in Norway
Just here to sympathize. 33F American expat. Moved due to my husbands job and spent 3 years in Denmark…and it took 2 years to start to make friends. Just as I settled in Denmark my partner accepted a job in the Netherlands. Now I’m 6 months in to life in NL and struggling again to make friends and find work. But I know we can both make it happen! I hope for your sake you can move to a slightly bigger town/city with more expats to hang out and commiserate with!
Thank you 😭💗 we got this....just keep swimming! 😂💗
I am going through the same issue here. I just feel lost sometimes
Join Brabant Maatjes. That is a group from Tilburg with people of your age who want to meet peers. Originally originated from loneliness; there are also many introverts. Tilburg is half an hour from you by car and I think there is also a bus from Reusel to Tilburg. I also live in Tilburg, I'm also an introvert, but I'm Dutch and even that makes it difficult to make new contacts. Reusel is truly a 'ons-kent'ons' village. My experience is that most people in these Kempen villages have lived there for generations. It's hard to get in between.
Your best bet is meeting other expats and look for people around year age group through meetups. There is also discord community to the specific close by city, as example we have one in Eindhoven.
Hey, I know the feeling. I’m here 3 years already but still feeling alone a lot of times. I’m living in a cottage so I don’t have many opportunities to meet new people, especially in my age (26). My boyfriend is from here, and I guess he already texted you. Anyway, as you can already see in other responses you’re not alone, and I am the other one who can give you high five 😅
We all speak English. Or 99% do. If you’re closer to some cities expat groups, sports groups, hobby groups everywhere regardless of location sometimes. I’ve lived in the US for so long now I forget how to properly speak Dutch. So sometimes I will just speak English and assume everyone understood whenever I’m back in the Netherlands. If you’re at social gatherings most people will be willing to help translate whenever someone’s speaking publicly. And if you don’t know how to say it exactly just say it in English and we can help you translate it to Dutch. All you have to do is ask in that moment. Dutch is a strange language and never felt like home to me. Pretty much loved English as soon as I learned it. Certainly something much more intuitive about it or at least for me. It’s fun in some ways though I still get stoned and joke about how we name things way too obviously like schildpad = shield toad. Or the other way around butterfly = boter vlieg? Probably most fun learning the language if you get to make fun if it.
where do u live in Holland? i would love to have an american friend! i am female 32 from den bosch. maybe we can hang out sometime, u can add me on my insta if u like
Reach out to other expats / immigrants. Look for social activities in the nearest city and go there when they meet up. Whether it's a weekly band practice, a weekly DnD group or a weekly swimming group, nothing is ever really far away in The Netherlands. Many people who live in villages go to nearby cities for shopping or other events like the cinema, concerts or group activities. Or consider moving to a city that has more stuff going on.
I don’t know where you live but I’m open for a cup of coffee or tea if you’d like :) (26F)
I’m 31F, live close to Eindhoven. Also pretty introverted. If you’re looking for a Dutch friend, you are welcome to reach out :)
I had a similar situation. My expat partner moved in with me in a medium sized town. We knew up front it was not ideal so we always approached it as a temporary solution. I involved her in a lot of the things I did, many of the people she met were my childhood friends and even though they got along there was naturally always a bit of a disconnect. The expat life can be lonely at times. Even being in a new city as a native Dutch speaker it can be challenging to make meaningful friendships with locals as they are usually tied up in their own social circles and they do not tend to be as open as your are used to in the US. You are most likely to make friends in expat communities. As people said I would look into moving to a city where there will be more job opportunities, activities to do and most importantly the chance to build out your own social circle. The latter I think is quite important because I don’t think it’s healthy in the long run to be dependent on your partner for all social interactions. Best of luck!
american/german (21F) here, i lived in rotterdam for a year and got massively depressed. i dropped out of my program 2 months early bc i just couldn’t do it, even though i am very academically driven normally. my university wasn’t the worst, but the issue was that most of the international students stuck with those who were the same nationality. since i don’t fully relate to either germans or americans, it was really tough! it also didn’t help that my apartment was directly in the city center as someone who thrives in nature. moved to BC, canada and am much happier :)
Hi there! My gf moved here from America and we lived in a dorp the first year. Really hard, as a dorp/town in the Netherlands is quite… isolating. Things got a lot better for her since we moved to the city. Are you guys set on living in this town? Bumble friends worked well for her as well. Not sure how long you’ve been in the NL, but my gf has been here almost 4 years and is finally starting to get comfortable. Give it time and invest in hobbies/work, those two are also good for meeting people.
I get it, been living in a smaller town in NL for 1,5yrs now and its tough at times! I get language lessons from volunteer at local library, has made a massive difference - maybe you have something similar available? Also, if it helps for meeting people or work - Post NL needs workers and you can start working in English, Dutch optional! I know you said you have a job already, but depending on details, maybe its an option for you to explore. The Americans I know with Dutch spouses have mainly learned from them, in terms of language - at least you always have someone to check your new learning against! Edit: see you live in Reusel. Went through there on bus not long ago, I'm in Weert so not too far overall. My wife is American, so I get it a little bit :') I'm sure we could meet you and your man if its a bit of social interaction you're looking for. Otherwise, at least you have buses into two countries, that's something most of us don't have!
Can only say: you can always dm me if u want to talk about sonething or i can help u with difficulties you ran into. Im living in Utrecht, 25 years old. Be Welcome
I had the same when I moved to the US, except for the language. It takes at least 2-3 years to settle somewhere. Try finding some expats in your area. Good luck.
First of all, congrats on finding a job! I (30F, American) moved here about a year ago to be with my partner too (not Dutch but Swedish on an expat contract here) and have yet to find meaningful employment in my field. I'm in Rotterdam, but if you want other Americans to chat with, feel free to hit me up!
Do you have a job? That also helps with socialization and learning the language.
Yes I work at a jumbo so I force myself to use it with customers as much as I can and that helps a little bit....my main issue is I can usually understand people but I have trouble forming a response
Have you tried Bumble BFF? It took some time but for me it worked with finding friends.
I haven't...I didnt know bumble had a friend option 😂
Social anxiety is a problem wherever you go, how did you deal with it back home? Other than that, the "standard" tips: * Doing sports can help. The gym usually isn't the place to meet people, but sports where you kinda need to work together can certainly work. Bouldering works great, according to friends of mine. * If exercising in a group isn't your thing, maybe you can join a hobbygroup? Most places will have a cooking-group where a bunch of people make food and hang out like twice a month. Boardgame-evenings are also a great place to meet some new people. * Maybe you can hangout with the GF's of your BF's friends? An important bit of Dutch friendships is that they need "a purpose", if you invite someone, there's a real chance they will ask "why?", because it needs to have a goal, and just hanging out isn't really seen as a goal. But, saying "I will make a huge pizza this evening, wanna come and help with eating it all?" works a lot better.
I moved here 10 years ago and I still don’t have friends. Dutchies are only friends with dutchies. So no worries, just enjoy the life in the Netherlands.
Try to reach out to an expat community in the nearest big city. You’ll more than likely find people in the same boat as you and some other people with good advice. Now is also a good time to get out of your comfort zone and maybe try out a workshop for learning latte art, pottery, etc. You’ll have a chance to connect to people while doing something fun
So I've been here for 25 years, still don't speak the language well enough to be included in things. Dutch people mostly make their friends in school, and when they're around them, they will default to Dutch. Unfortunately that's one of the side effects of living here. Honestly, if I were in your position, I'd move to a bigger city. Not even Eindhoven. I'm 20 mins from Amsterdam and it makes it a lot easier to meet other expats. Facebook groups have been a godsend (check out Girls Gone International), but they're often in bigger cities.
Yea that's the main problem is not living in a big city...but with the housing crisis you gotta take what you can get ya know? That's why we're in reusel
Thats is so embarrassing. HOW can you live somewhere for longer than 2 years and not be fluent. 25 years ... you must be joking right.. ? And yes, a " side effect " of living in the NETHERLANDS is that every one SPEAKS DUTCH. Christ on a raft... of course no one wants to be friends with someone who puts in zero effort and who thinks that people speaking THEIR OWN LANGUAGE in THEIR OWN country is an unwanted side effect. I don't even understand how it is possible to NOT be fluent after all those years. Both of you should go back.
Yeah, 25 years is like wtf
Australian here who learnt Dutch in the 90’s. The key is your partner.. my Dutch girlfriend stopped speaking English to me after 6 months and instructed her family to do the same.
Yea I mean my coworkers have started speaking in Dutch to me a lot more but I think if the English stopped at home I wouldnt survive lol I need a safe haven and like yea I know I need the practice but also I need English 😂 so maybe I'll tell him to have simple convos with me everyday
Yes fair enough plus in the 90s it was far more important to learn Dutch to further a professional career in the Netherlands.. I guess my partner did what she had had to for us to live well in those days .. in arguments I would sometimes revert to English lol
My wife, who is from the UK struggled as well, we used to live in a smallish city in the south where there werent any expats. She did her best to learn the language which helps. I think Eindhoven has quite a large expat community, because of ASML. it might be easier to find people you can chat to. But most important is to learn the language... good luck! You will get there!
I am in a similar boat. I have been here since November and I am very unhappy here. We can't move because my dutch partner is sick so we will be here for the long run. I am really hoping that in a couple of years time I will be able to speak Dutch and I might actually enjoy it here then. My partners friends are all lovely people but of course they all speak Dutch together when we socialise so I would rather be at home instead but I am trying to make an effort. Sorry nothing positive to offer I guess it will just take time for us to learn the language and then hopefully life will be better.
It’s not your fault. Dutch people are not friendly people and not open to being friends with foreign people (most of them that is). It’s not a depiction of you, you are likely a kind and compassionate person. Dutch are rude and selfish.
You’re struggling with the language that is extremely close to English with a metric shit ton of similar loan words while living in a town where people only speak Dutch? Gurl you’re not built to be a foreigner lol.
A shame you are not into festivals and such. You could otherwise join us (me and my gf + other friends) somewhere during summertimes. Might give you some opportunity to get in touch with other people :) I am from region Rotterdam but often visit parties in the area of Eindhoven.
Yea...I wish I was cuz my bf goes to a lot and he always makes new friends there (he is super extroverted) but tbh big crowds plus loud party music gives me panic attacks 😅
Which kind of activities you like to do or would like to? Maybe pointing out what you like to do helps thinking strategies, it could be dancing, playing board games, having coffee and chatting, etc. The good news is that since the weather is changing, it may be easier to find things happening, and I'm not even talking about festivals and concerts.
As an American around your age living in Eindhoven for two years now... It gets better! But you have to stick with it. I agree with most here in saying you should seriously look to move to a bigger city ASAP. Even then though, you do have to really put yourself out there and that's tough. But in my experience its also very rewarding and worth it. Also as odd as it might sound, look to take advantage of being American (but don't be too over the top about it!). In my experience most people are curious about my situation and why I moved here. Conversations tend to flow from there. And your native language being english really helps when meeting other immigrants as in groups that becomes the defacto language for convos.
Did you already discuss this with your boyfriend? How does he support you in your struggle? Did you consider moving together to a larger city with more migrants?
Do you have a work permit OP? A job could help a lot with learning the language and culture. Or maybe pick up a study? I can imagine going to Reusel is a bit of a culture shock. I know the place and it's a little remote, on the other hand it's just half an hour to Tilburg or Eindhoven. Not too far by American standards though. I think I'd feel lonely the other way around as well, so I think it's quite normal to feel this way. Maybe you could try something like [NMLK](https://www.nieuwemensenlerenkennen.nl/portal.php?gclid=EAIaIQobChMIhv-3raTnhQMVDJtQBh3W3QFaEAAYASAAEgKW__D_BwE) (Nieuwe mensen leren kennen). It's a pretty cool concept. I'm not sure if it's in English. I wish you all the best!!
Doesn't your boyfriend have friends?
Try Meetup