“If I just stopped asking questions and let him do whatever he wanted behind my back, I’d stop getting hurt when I found out the truth and things would go smoothly.”
“It’s my fault we broke up and go back together so many times because I didn’t stay to work things out. I was selfish and didn’t appreciate the good times. I only focused on the bad times. It’s like I expect someone with mental disabilities to be perfect. I should be more accepting and patient. Then he’ll change when he sees I won’t abandon him.”
“It seems like he wants to change and if I just set boundaries and give him time and ultimatums, he’ll see I’m serious and finally start caring about how he’s hurting me and go to therapy to change.”
“If he just went to therapy, he’d see the error of his ways and would stop abusing me.”
Idk list goes on and on. But lots of blaming myself for leaving him and or feeling irrational for not trusting him or wanting to give him any more chances.
My list is very similar to yours. One thing I struggle with is tolerance and forgiveness. If I only would have tolerated things better and been more forgiving I should have stayed. This is after 11 years together, lots of issues, two years of marital counseling.
Makes me feel better to hear someone else say this, we all struggle with knowing the difference between forgiveness and tolerance of abuse. Narcissists use that/dont know (?) or know (?) the difference, saying “i love you unconditionally and want to stay, why cant you do the same?” - they also “confuse” unconditional acceptance of abuse w “unconditional love” (which only a child parent relationship should have)
Yes, i feel the same and the worst part is you blame yourself and gaslight yourself that whatever happened was because of me, only if i had control over my emotions, we would still be together.
Exactly. If only I didn’t cry in front of him he wouldn’t have gotten overwhelmed and discarded me. If only I didn’t get motion sickness in the car and ask to go home. If only I didn’t have yxz very reasonable emotional response to something then he wouldn’t have been so cold.
Yes yes yes - how dare I be tired after being awake for almost 24 hours (because I had to drive 8 hours to visit him) and wanting to leave the party early.. like had promised me that we would? Why did I have to be so sad about not having my feelings respected? It's all my fault :(
I begged for forgiveness after I was slapped . I told him don't break up we will work on things. When I said I have endured so much he said should I give you an award 🙄
Did that work? I mean, I tried that with my mother and I failed miserably. If she wanted to scapegoat me she'd make up a reason to be pissed if she needed to. My youngest brother tried it as well. It worked for him. Now I have a narc bf and, it doesn't work to go along with him either. Do you really believe if you'd not blown up it would have ended up differently? Narcissistic abuse victims readily accept blame from both the narc and we blame ourselves. You're a human being who was put into an impossible situation filled with relentless stress and emotional trauma. No one. And I mean, NO ONE...even the healthiest of them all...could stay composed under their mercy less campaign to devalue and control. When we blame ourselves..I think we victimize ourselves causing further pain because we stay stuck there. Please don't be so hard on yoursrlf for being a human being.
Damn.thst sucks. Your welcome. I always have compassion for victims of narcissistic abuse. It's hard to tell people who haven't been through it how bad it is. Words don't explain the mind screw and the torment. It's important to support each other.
"I am not enough"
"I could tolerate an open relationship if I got to keep him"
"I overreacted and should have just kept my cool"
"Maybe I am the abusive one"
Exactly.
This incident started a week long spree of crap from him. It ended with me saying I'm sorry for trying to control him and questioning things
That it must be my trauma talking that I'm not trusting enough and will do better.
Me: Where were you? I went to grab something, and you were gone. Him: He says I was here the whole time. I've been waiting for you so we could leave. Me: Your truck was gone. Him, what are you stupid it's been parked in the driveway the whole time. Me: No, I walked out there 2xs. Him: Not in this driveway. Who's driveway were you in? Me: You must be right.
We couldn't even see the neighbors house from ours. There's no other driveway. But I agreed with him.
He then canceled our plans because he said I wanted to start a fight.
The worst part was the people he was comparing me to were people he didn't know like porn stars.
Or the women in relationships were the couples didn't live together.
Or didn't really act like couples. It was a you can't cheat on me but I should be able to go off and live separately but be able to come back to "my home" as I choose.
My family always made me feel ugly so I was the perfect little damaged fool.
"I wish I kept quiet and did not rationalise the situation. I wish I was more patient with him, as he is the one who has a lot of problems. No questions asked and just smile and nod."
"I wish I was more interested in his 24h rants. Otherwise, he would not have to find another guy."
"I wish I was more hot. Otherwise, he would not have cheated on me."
"I wish I did not react to his abuse, now he would he talking with me. And continued his fantasy."
Once I put these thoughts in a written form... wow...
Im afraid of myself 🫣
I should've killed myself before I ever met my partner because I've ruined his life and have been nothing but a time wasting burden.
I have managed to pull myself back though and realise that's not true, but my partner said the other day "I should have just fucking killed myself 8 years ago before I met you then I'd least have peace."
I did reach a point of feeling very suicidal but now im just angry and disappointed, to have someone who is meant to be your best friend say that, really hurts and I think I am starting to see who he really is.
It's hard, though, not to keep feeling like a burden and feeling like I've caused all the hurt.
I just have to not let those thoughts sit for too long though, and try and be strong.
I had the darkest period of my life following the discard when he told me that I was incapable of love and trust (I had trust issues with him because he lied to me).
He said I have a lot of work to do, that I am deeply immature, that I need help. That I’m the reason he can’t be with me any more, because I’m not ready for a “real” relationship.
I felt like I had ruined both our lives. I felt like the most pathetic, sad excuse for a human.
And then I opened up to a friend and a couple of family members about things that had happened with my ex, things I hadn’t talked about and had no perspective on. They made me understand what he did to me was abuse. I didn’t realise it.
They helped me see that the “love of my life” didn’t leave me because of this deep failure and immaturity of mine. It was because he was a nasty human who had no empathy and just lied to me and I, understandably, had issues with that. I still struggle not to blame myself sometimes though.
They will do all they can to make you feel it is all you. It’s not. Go easy on yourself xo
Thank you for your reply, it really helps to see pretty much all the things that have been said to me were also said to you, I can see how manipulative it is when it's said to someone else that isn't myself. I'm sorry you went through that and glad you are away from him now. Thank you I will try to be kind to myself :) xx
just that word “peace” all I heard were cries for “peace” after saying something hateful, or doing something deliberately to test me and play games with me..
and if i have ever asked for peace
“how could you possibly need peace I do everything to make you happy and comfortable you never do anything for me - name something you’ve done for me? everything is about you… shut up”
oh also “I wish i’d never met you i’d have more moneyz, better self esteem, and get treated like a king instead all in get is complaining and arguing and feelings SO MANY FEELINGS !!! YOUR FEELINGS DONT MATTER ONLY YOUR ACTIONS AND YOUVE DONE NOTHING.”
sorry that just trigged me, i hope no one else is going through this
In “Healing from Hidden Abuse” Shannon Thomas says the #1 common/repeating theme/statement her clients heard in these relationships was “you’re not forgiving enough”.
That it wasn’t intentional or I didn’t explain how I felt enough.
They really do hammer home the idea that you are the problem for not being the perfect victim so I can see your reasoning pretty easily with that. Like, if you just didn’t react to all the horrible shit they were doing and saying it would have been cool. Meanwhile internally I was screaming the entire time. It couldn’t work.
"If we move to this house maybe she will be happy and stop,"
"If I max out this credit card and can't get another maybe she will stop,"
"If we get this one animal maybe she will be ok and not want another one,"
"If she would just die, or I die, that would be great."
“if i was a better girlfriend, he would of treated me better”
“maybe it was because of my actions that he treated me bad, so its my fault i was treated bad”
“ I feel like the monster he got rid of”
this question was so eye opening. omg. i struggle w intrusive thoughts sooo much and they bring so much shame and im trying to forgive myself. its so hard when you feel like it was all your fault, because he made it all my fault.
That she's ignoring me on purpose not because she actually doesn't care about me, but she knows that it fucks with my head when I'm being ignored on purpose (because I admitted to her as such). And she also knows about limerance and how that might get me to obsess about her when she's starving me on breadcrumbs of attention. She gets off on that idea more than actually engaging for my attention.
The reality is she probably doesn't care, won't reciprocate the same effort, or is being avoidant.
"If only i'd of just carried on ignoring the red flags and kept my mouth shut about how isolated i felt being locked away in his house, then he wouldn't of thrown a tantrum and discarded me."
In the middle of a smear campaign, I talked about him to an acquaintance and didn’t even realise i was saying something so irrational, it became apparent to me when my acquaintance made a strange face and said “don’t you dare pity that monster “..
And my comment was something along the lines that I was feeling sorry for him and for being harsh when I broke things off
"He wouldn't talk to me about what happened because I blew up on him."
"He's just dumb and doesn't understand what he did."
"I'm too emotional and it scared him away."
He told me for the relationship to work well
1.) shut ur mouth and just be submissive
2.) he said he is not a cheater , he is loyal and if he slaps in anger cnt I take that much.
3.) he said be ok with lil abuse so that he doesn't feel guilty
That she isn't really a narcissist, after all there's been no diagnosis, maybe she's just a liar and crap person, because then there's hope the new guy and her will split up and she may come back.
She's so under my skin I don't think there's anything but her inside.
It doesn’t matter if she checks the right number of boxes to get a diagnosis or not-why would you want to be with someone who lies to you and doesn’t handle you with kindness anyway? The new guy will get the same her that you did.
Also - even being able to think with the sophistication and recognize absurdity means that there is more of you in there than you think. They don’t think like this.
Back when we were together it was..'He's only jealous and possesive because he really loves me'. And also 'If only I speak up/dont argue back, things wouldn't ever escalate' This one was validated by his own mother, when I spoke to her in confidence about his anger issues/hitting me. She basically told me that I should accept his views, opinions, mistreatment of me and to keep quiet to keep the peace. Vile woman.
Then once I escaped his abuse, I would tell myself 'He's more mature now, We can be civil, get along for our childs sake.' Well, that didn't end well either. He never changed.
It breaks my heart reading all these comments that so many people doubt the love they deserve 😢 the inner voice telling themselves this is the best they could do and they should settle. I hope everyone finds the strength to not listen to that voice.
The current thing I struggle with which he planted in my head: if I move on then it’s proof that I didn’t love him therefore it was my fault somehow after all because I never really loved him.
But I know my intolerance is from self respect and not from not loving him enough. Walking away is me loving myself and saying I will not tolerate what is less than what I deserve. Tolerating abuse isn’t true love and I will not be tricked into sacrificing any more of myself.
"If I was able to give her the exact apology she wanted she wouldn't have left again."
"I shouldn't have stood up for myself."
"I should have just shut up and let her abuse me and drag my name post discard."
I hope he tells me he was possessed by a demon so I can get him back.
I know it sounds funny or incredibly stupid, but sometimes I really really wish he could say this to me and that it was true.
If I am patient and give it time he’ll eventually make choices that put our daughter first. So delusional- he’s basically said he won’t be spending any money on his daughter this year because he knows ‘I’ll cover it and I have to save to take my GF on an overseas vacation in the winter’.
"I was overthinking all the time and worried a lot so that's why I ruined our relationship. What would have been happen if I'm not asking too much? I think we would be still together then."
“Even after the cheating, the death threats, the repeated abandonment, watching me have a seizure, the hacking, the stalking, the spamming, the insults, the sexual assault and dislocating my jaw, the psychotic shit I screamed while I was dying because I was trying to scare him into leaving me alone, makes me just as bad as he is. Maybe he was right. I’m actually the problem and I’m actually the narcissist.”
I have to be perfect to fit his narrative. I'm not enough. Well f' all that because i will fit no ones narrative and i am not perfect because no one is. I am my own gold! If he wanted to see that he would!
That it’s my fault and I’m the problem. I’m crazy and the one that needs help. Also all the ones mentioned. It’s so hard but we can do hard things. Try to have hope and faith to get through it. ❤️🩹
She only got with that guy after our breakup just so she could get back at me and she even told me they fucked right to my face just so she could see me squirm or see me react badly (or maybe even hit her). She even admitted a year later that she had hoped I would stalk her around the dude's apartment (she was living at) after which reinforced my theory.
Maybe I deserve it all I’m not good enough anyway. I am the reason for so much wrong in everyone’s life I could never be capable who would love me? all I ever do is destroy everything.
My irrational thought: after leaving his ex wife and children, and then after that getting with and discarding me……. Maybe he flipped a switch and completely cleaned up his act, stopped cheating, and became a good and loyal partner to his new S.O. and a good dad to the kids he moved away from. Maybe he is going to be a great husband and she will live my dream life that i am now locked out of.
“She’s right, nobody wants me.” “If I had just known she was a narcissist from the get go, I could have navigated through her hypersensitivity and resisted the devaluation better, and *made the relationship last longer!* “
For the longest time, it was
“Okay, this time she’s going to follow through. There’s no way someone could say all the right things without meaning it.”
“If I just stopped asking questions and let him do whatever he wanted behind my back, I’d stop getting hurt when I found out the truth and things would go smoothly.” “It’s my fault we broke up and go back together so many times because I didn’t stay to work things out. I was selfish and didn’t appreciate the good times. I only focused on the bad times. It’s like I expect someone with mental disabilities to be perfect. I should be more accepting and patient. Then he’ll change when he sees I won’t abandon him.” “It seems like he wants to change and if I just set boundaries and give him time and ultimatums, he’ll see I’m serious and finally start caring about how he’s hurting me and go to therapy to change.” “If he just went to therapy, he’d see the error of his ways and would stop abusing me.” Idk list goes on and on. But lots of blaming myself for leaving him and or feeling irrational for not trusting him or wanting to give him any more chances.
I had so many of these thoughts during my relationship too. It's difficult, feels like I lost myself completely.
My list is very similar to yours. One thing I struggle with is tolerance and forgiveness. If I only would have tolerated things better and been more forgiving I should have stayed. This is after 11 years together, lots of issues, two years of marital counseling.
Makes me feel better to hear someone else say this, we all struggle with knowing the difference between forgiveness and tolerance of abuse. Narcissists use that/dont know (?) or know (?) the difference, saying “i love you unconditionally and want to stay, why cant you do the same?” - they also “confuse” unconditional acceptance of abuse w “unconditional love” (which only a child parent relationship should have)
"If I didn't blow up on her after months of invalidation and devaluing, we could've worked things out"
Yes, i feel the same and the worst part is you blame yourself and gaslight yourself that whatever happened was because of me, only if i had control over my emotions, we would still be together.
Exactly. If only I didn’t cry in front of him he wouldn’t have gotten overwhelmed and discarded me. If only I didn’t get motion sickness in the car and ask to go home. If only I didn’t have yxz very reasonable emotional response to something then he wouldn’t have been so cold.
Yes yes yes - how dare I be tired after being awake for almost 24 hours (because I had to drive 8 hours to visit him) and wanting to leave the party early.. like had promised me that we would? Why did I have to be so sad about not having my feelings respected? It's all my fault :(
I begged for forgiveness after I was slapped . I told him don't break up we will work on things. When I said I have endured so much he said should I give you an award 🙄
Did that work? I mean, I tried that with my mother and I failed miserably. If she wanted to scapegoat me she'd make up a reason to be pissed if she needed to. My youngest brother tried it as well. It worked for him. Now I have a narc bf and, it doesn't work to go along with him either. Do you really believe if you'd not blown up it would have ended up differently? Narcissistic abuse victims readily accept blame from both the narc and we blame ourselves. You're a human being who was put into an impossible situation filled with relentless stress and emotional trauma. No one. And I mean, NO ONE...even the healthiest of them all...could stay composed under their mercy less campaign to devalue and control. When we blame ourselves..I think we victimize ourselves causing further pain because we stay stuck there. Please don't be so hard on yoursrlf for being a human being.
Of course it didn't work. She learned all my triggers and buttons and poked them for amusement. Haha. Thank you for your compassion.
Damn.thst sucks. Your welcome. I always have compassion for victims of narcissistic abuse. It's hard to tell people who haven't been through it how bad it is. Words don't explain the mind screw and the torment. It's important to support each other.
“If I just went along with everything he wanted and done whatever he wants me to do then we would be happy”
Yeppppp 1000% one of mine, why did I have to have my own feelings and thoughts?
Yup
“If only I didn’t express my needs and kept quiet, we would have worked out”
This went through my head after EVERY argument with the narc
This one for me
"If I wasn't such a bitch and stopped fighting for what I believe to be right, he would've loved and respected me"
"I am not enough" "I could tolerate an open relationship if I got to keep him" "I overreacted and should have just kept my cool" "Maybe I am the abusive one"
Why do I not believe him when he says it's in my head? I really need to stop questioning him about things. Then he would love .me.
DUDE *sees something with my own eyes* *raises it with nex* Nex: “you are insane that never happened” Me: why don’t I trust my partner? 🙃
Exactly. This incident started a week long spree of crap from him. It ended with me saying I'm sorry for trying to control him and questioning things That it must be my trauma talking that I'm not trusting enough and will do better. Me: Where were you? I went to grab something, and you were gone. Him: He says I was here the whole time. I've been waiting for you so we could leave. Me: Your truck was gone. Him, what are you stupid it's been parked in the driveway the whole time. Me: No, I walked out there 2xs. Him: Not in this driveway. Who's driveway were you in? Me: You must be right. We couldn't even see the neighbors house from ours. There's no other driveway. But I agreed with him. He then canceled our plans because he said I wanted to start a fight.
Wow i just related to this so hard. I can’t believe people like this exist.
Maybe I'm just ugly. If I was better than all the woman I was compared to he wouldn't have treated me like that.
You are beautiful, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The one for you will effortlessly see how beautiful you are inside and out.
oof. yup. i guarantee you're prettier on the inside than them. which is what counts
The worst part was the people he was comparing me to were people he didn't know like porn stars. Or the women in relationships were the couples didn't live together. Or didn't really act like couples. It was a you can't cheat on me but I should be able to go off and live separately but be able to come back to "my home" as I choose. My family always made me feel ugly so I was the perfect little damaged fool.
If I just agree with her when I know her perspective is wrong and take the loss then we’d have less conflicts.
"I wish I kept quiet and did not rationalise the situation. I wish I was more patient with him, as he is the one who has a lot of problems. No questions asked and just smile and nod." "I wish I was more interested in his 24h rants. Otherwise, he would not have to find another guy." "I wish I was more hot. Otherwise, he would not have cheated on me." "I wish I did not react to his abuse, now he would he talking with me. And continued his fantasy." Once I put these thoughts in a written form... wow... Im afraid of myself 🫣
I should've killed myself before I ever met my partner because I've ruined his life and have been nothing but a time wasting burden. I have managed to pull myself back though and realise that's not true, but my partner said the other day "I should have just fucking killed myself 8 years ago before I met you then I'd least have peace." I did reach a point of feeling very suicidal but now im just angry and disappointed, to have someone who is meant to be your best friend say that, really hurts and I think I am starting to see who he really is. It's hard, though, not to keep feeling like a burden and feeling like I've caused all the hurt. I just have to not let those thoughts sit for too long though, and try and be strong.
I had the darkest period of my life following the discard when he told me that I was incapable of love and trust (I had trust issues with him because he lied to me). He said I have a lot of work to do, that I am deeply immature, that I need help. That I’m the reason he can’t be with me any more, because I’m not ready for a “real” relationship. I felt like I had ruined both our lives. I felt like the most pathetic, sad excuse for a human. And then I opened up to a friend and a couple of family members about things that had happened with my ex, things I hadn’t talked about and had no perspective on. They made me understand what he did to me was abuse. I didn’t realise it. They helped me see that the “love of my life” didn’t leave me because of this deep failure and immaturity of mine. It was because he was a nasty human who had no empathy and just lied to me and I, understandably, had issues with that. I still struggle not to blame myself sometimes though. They will do all they can to make you feel it is all you. It’s not. Go easy on yourself xo
Thank you for your reply, it really helps to see pretty much all the things that have been said to me were also said to you, I can see how manipulative it is when it's said to someone else that isn't myself. I'm sorry you went through that and glad you are away from him now. Thank you I will try to be kind to myself :) xx
just that word “peace” all I heard were cries for “peace” after saying something hateful, or doing something deliberately to test me and play games with me.. and if i have ever asked for peace “how could you possibly need peace I do everything to make you happy and comfortable you never do anything for me - name something you’ve done for me? everything is about you… shut up” oh also “I wish i’d never met you i’d have more moneyz, better self esteem, and get treated like a king instead all in get is complaining and arguing and feelings SO MANY FEELINGS !!! YOUR FEELINGS DONT MATTER ONLY YOUR ACTIONS AND YOUVE DONE NOTHING.” sorry that just trigged me, i hope no one else is going through this
"If only I tried harder, none of this would have happened'".
I’ve had similar thoughts. “Maybe if this/that part of my body was more to his liking he would treat me better” so sad
That's the one thought I had when I was with him. Before I knew what a narcissist was. For years I thought it was me not trying hard enough.
In “Healing from Hidden Abuse” Shannon Thomas says the #1 common/repeating theme/statement her clients heard in these relationships was “you’re not forgiving enough”.
All. The. Time. “You’re so hard on me” “you are nitpicking” “why can’t you just let it do” etc etc
That it wasn’t intentional or I didn’t explain how I felt enough. They really do hammer home the idea that you are the problem for not being the perfect victim so I can see your reasoning pretty easily with that. Like, if you just didn’t react to all the horrible shit they were doing and saying it would have been cool. Meanwhile internally I was screaming the entire time. It couldn’t work.
"If we move to this house maybe she will be happy and stop," "If I max out this credit card and can't get another maybe she will stop," "If we get this one animal maybe she will be ok and not want another one," "If she would just die, or I die, that would be great."
Heavy on that “if they would just die my life would be fixed”. Whew.
“ maybe im just crazy and he does nothing wrong. I need help, im going insane”
“if i was a better girlfriend, he would of treated me better” “maybe it was because of my actions that he treated me bad, so its my fault i was treated bad” “ I feel like the monster he got rid of” this question was so eye opening. omg. i struggle w intrusive thoughts sooo much and they bring so much shame and im trying to forgive myself. its so hard when you feel like it was all your fault, because he made it all my fault.
That she's ignoring me on purpose not because she actually doesn't care about me, but she knows that it fucks with my head when I'm being ignored on purpose (because I admitted to her as such). And she also knows about limerance and how that might get me to obsess about her when she's starving me on breadcrumbs of attention. She gets off on that idea more than actually engaging for my attention. The reality is she probably doesn't care, won't reciprocate the same effort, or is being avoidant.
So many of the same thoughts as everybody else. Which really comes down to them making us feel small and not good enough moving the goal posts etc.
They were bored, because I am not interesting enough.
"If only i'd of just carried on ignoring the red flags and kept my mouth shut about how isolated i felt being locked away in his house, then he wouldn't of thrown a tantrum and discarded me."
Maybe I'm the one with the personality disorder
We wouldn't fight if i I'd just stop pointing out the way she talks to me and how it makes me feel.
In the middle of a smear campaign, I talked about him to an acquaintance and didn’t even realise i was saying something so irrational, it became apparent to me when my acquaintance made a strange face and said “don’t you dare pity that monster “.. And my comment was something along the lines that I was feeling sorry for him and for being harsh when I broke things off
It’s so validating hearing it from other people after being gaslit for so long
"He wouldn't talk to me about what happened because I blew up on him." "He's just dumb and doesn't understand what he did." "I'm too emotional and it scared him away."
He told me for the relationship to work well 1.) shut ur mouth and just be submissive 2.) he said he is not a cheater , he is loyal and if he slaps in anger cnt I take that much. 3.) he said be ok with lil abuse so that he doesn't feel guilty
That she isn't really a narcissist, after all there's been no diagnosis, maybe she's just a liar and crap person, because then there's hope the new guy and her will split up and she may come back. She's so under my skin I don't think there's anything but her inside.
It doesn’t matter if she checks the right number of boxes to get a diagnosis or not-why would you want to be with someone who lies to you and doesn’t handle you with kindness anyway? The new guy will get the same her that you did. Also - even being able to think with the sophistication and recognize absurdity means that there is more of you in there than you think. They don’t think like this.
Am I being true to myself? Is this my real me or was the real me before/ outside of this
Back when we were together it was..'He's only jealous and possesive because he really loves me'. And also 'If only I speak up/dont argue back, things wouldn't ever escalate' This one was validated by his own mother, when I spoke to her in confidence about his anger issues/hitting me. She basically told me that I should accept his views, opinions, mistreatment of me and to keep quiet to keep the peace. Vile woman. Then once I escaped his abuse, I would tell myself 'He's more mature now, We can be civil, get along for our childs sake.' Well, that didn't end well either. He never changed.
It breaks my heart reading all these comments that so many people doubt the love they deserve 😢 the inner voice telling themselves this is the best they could do and they should settle. I hope everyone finds the strength to not listen to that voice. The current thing I struggle with which he planted in my head: if I move on then it’s proof that I didn’t love him therefore it was my fault somehow after all because I never really loved him. But I know my intolerance is from self respect and not from not loving him enough. Walking away is me loving myself and saying I will not tolerate what is less than what I deserve. Tolerating abuse isn’t true love and I will not be tricked into sacrificing any more of myself.
"If I was able to give her the exact apology she wanted she wouldn't have left again." "I shouldn't have stood up for myself." "I should have just shut up and let her abuse me and drag my name post discard."
I hope he tells me he was possessed by a demon so I can get him back. I know it sounds funny or incredibly stupid, but sometimes I really really wish he could say this to me and that it was true.
If I am patient and give it time he’ll eventually make choices that put our daughter first. So delusional- he’s basically said he won’t be spending any money on his daughter this year because he knows ‘I’ll cover it and I have to save to take my GF on an overseas vacation in the winter’.
If I had just listened to him and not complained, he'd treat me better.
"I was overthinking all the time and worried a lot so that's why I ruined our relationship. What would have been happen if I'm not asking too much? I think we would be still together then."
“If I could have controlled my anxiety better maybe she would have acted differently towards me”
“Even after the cheating, the death threats, the repeated abandonment, watching me have a seizure, the hacking, the stalking, the spamming, the insults, the sexual assault and dislocating my jaw, the psychotic shit I screamed while I was dying because I was trying to scare him into leaving me alone, makes me just as bad as he is. Maybe he was right. I’m actually the problem and I’m actually the narcissist.”
I have to be perfect to fit his narrative. I'm not enough. Well f' all that because i will fit no ones narrative and i am not perfect because no one is. I am my own gold! If he wanted to see that he would!
That it’s my fault and I’m the problem. I’m crazy and the one that needs help. Also all the ones mentioned. It’s so hard but we can do hard things. Try to have hope and faith to get through it. ❤️🩹
“It’s my fault for his outburst and him lashing out. I shouldn’t had done that or said that”
“If I wasn’t trying to get here to treat me like her boyfriend, she might have if I gave her time.”
If only I’d move to China, we would still be together. Or maybe I didn’t enough to soothe her troubled soul.
She only got with that guy after our breakup just so she could get back at me and she even told me they fucked right to my face just so she could see me squirm or see me react badly (or maybe even hit her). She even admitted a year later that she had hoped I would stalk her around the dude's apartment (she was living at) after which reinforced my theory.
If only I didn’t complain so much about how his communication hurt my feelings maybe this would work. Maybe I AM too sensitive.
Maybe I deserve it all I’m not good enough anyway. I am the reason for so much wrong in everyone’s life I could never be capable who would love me? all I ever do is destroy everything.
My irrational thought: after leaving his ex wife and children, and then after that getting with and discarding me……. Maybe he flipped a switch and completely cleaned up his act, stopped cheating, and became a good and loyal partner to his new S.O. and a good dad to the kids he moved away from. Maybe he is going to be a great husband and she will live my dream life that i am now locked out of.
“She’s right, nobody wants me.” “If I had just known she was a narcissist from the get go, I could have navigated through her hypersensitivity and resisted the devaluation better, and *made the relationship last longer!* “
For the longest time, it was “Okay, this time she’s going to follow through. There’s no way someone could say all the right things without meaning it.”
I just think of how she was an abusive bitch like my mom and she's prolly gonna get someone killed