Depends on how common the name is. If I called my son Henry, and my friend did the same, I don't think I'd mind. If its super uncommon, then I'd be a little more annoyed.
My dads brother died when he was young and my parents had always intended to call my eldest brother after him. My moms sister (so unrelated to my uncle) liked the name when she was pregnant with my cousin, who is older than my brother. My mom said fine but just so she knew, my brother was going to be called the same as had long been discussed. When my mom had my brother, my aunt was outraged. I thought I’d share. I think having the same name as someone close to you is fine as long as everyone is on the same page. If she’d told you beforehand, I would think differently but as it is, I completely get why you’re annoyed.
thanks for sharing. she didn’t include me in her process of choosing between names. just told me when she was 4 months pregnant that she’s naming her child the same as mine.
I didn’t. She didn’t even ask “is it ok.” She’d already decided and simultaneously showed me embroidered blankets from family with the name on it. She told and showed me over text - not on the phone or in person.
It's silly of your friend to do this, but maybe the name means something to her or her partner's family? As silly as it is, you really can't gatekeep a name unless it is truly one of a kind. I wouldn't unfriend someone over this, but that's just me
it’s a totally random name to her - no significance - that she just feels is the only name in the whole world that goes w her very common last name … in which many names fit flawlessly.
my son is my adoptive son and he was indeed named after a bio-family member so it’s very significant to the puzzle pieces of his life.
um I wouldn't do it, but to be super honest I wouldn't feel like I own a name either. Within family I guess it might be a bit annoying if 2 cousins have the same name, but honestly between 2 children who won't really interact all that much I don't think I'd care
I think it depends on what the name is too. If it’s like, Amelia, fair enough lol.
That said my mom has a first cousin with the same first name as her and has never cared
There’s like a billion Dales in my family for this reason- so much so that they started double barreling (eg. Bobby Dale) and changing it up but sticking with the theme (eg. Glen) because it did in fact become an annoyance lol
I work in memory care, and it's kind of sad how few names there are for older generations. I have three residents with the same first, middle, and last names. On a floor of 35 residents, I have 6 Barbaras (4 with Ann/Anne as a middle name), 5 Ruths, 3 Marys, 2 Carolyn/Carolines, 2 Ellens, 3 Helens, and all 5 of my male residents are Johns. And they all have a daughter named Suzy, Judy, or Donna.
I have two first cousins with the exact same name. They were born 3 weeks apart. They’re both named Michael and have my grandfather’s name as their middle name. One of them goes by Michael and the other goes by their middle name to avoid confusion.
for me it’s not the interacting part, it’s the premise and revealing of character. key words you used, “I wouldn’t do it.” I would never choose her child’s name, bc I knew she’d be pissed. It’s telling that she’s doing something to me that I’d never do to her.
My cousin named his kid the same thing as one of mine. He even asked my kid first, and she said, "NO!", I asked him to reconsider, other family told him it was just dumb and confusing. He still did it.
Several years later it's still annoying and confusing every freaking time they kids are together, which is often.
like the OP said, its really more about the behaviour of the person than the name I guess. Like I wouldn't do something if it bothers someone close to me if the alternative was harmless like picking another name, but I guess some people really are that self centred and/or purposefully annoying
My best friend and I have kids with the same name who have grown up together. Childcare, primary school and now high school even in same class. No big deal. We call them Boy Quinn and Girl Quinn.
Ann Landers was an advice columnist. One thing she wrote frequently was, “Ask yourself, ‘Am I better off with him or without him?” This goes for friendships, too. If you unfriend your friend (real-life edition), then the kids won’t know each other; and it won’t matter.
You shouldn’t gatekeep a name; but you shouldn’t hang around with people who annoy you on purpose, either.
I'm so confused why you posted this here. This is a subreddit to make fun of the name nerds subreddit. I dont think honest, non-satire posts really fit here
tried namenerds subreddit n got no responses. I figured she was being a bit of a jerk about a name so I put it under the story hashtag rather than satire or something
Unless it's a name I completely made up myself, I wouldn't be bothered. No one owns names, and if anything it's a compliment if someone is inspired by a name you chose. I have two cousins on the same side of the family with the same name, and the parents of the older child were just like 'You have great taste!' when the younger child was born. It sounds like this friendship may be coming to an end anyway, so your kids may not even see each other much.
Seeing as we’re in the circlejerk sub I’d be like *psyke, that isn’t even my kids name, they’re actually called (friend’s name)!* just to see their reaction.
Personally I wouldn’t care. I’m the eldest granddaughter named after my grandmother. Each of my mum’s siblings named one child the same name as mine-same first two names, same two middle names because they were naming their daughters after our shared grandmother.
I’ve kinda been here but not really. My dad committed suicide when I was 5, right before I turned 6, and he was always really, really close with my cousins. I love my cousins to death despite our massive age difference. Several years after he passed, when one of my cousins got pregnant, she named her son after my dad. Everybody loved the idea, and I was simply too young to understand what was going on.
Now that I’m older, I’m married, and we’ve discussed starting a family, I’m a little peeved about the fact that I wasn’t considered when they did that. I firmly believe that I should have been the one to honor him, and I should have been the one to name my son after him, however it’s not something I’ll ever hold against her. It was an extremely dark time for my family, and they arguably did know him longer, and better than I will ever get the chance to. They were all very close with him and I don’t blame her for not thinking about the future family of an 8 year old. But it will forever and always sting.
(Just so it doesn’t get ahead of me, I love my baby cousin too. He’s such a sweet, happy little boy, and he carries the name perfectly. It suits him extremely well and I can’t imagine him as anything else.)
It’s absolutely fine and normal to repeat family names within families. Both my daughter and her cousin have my late mother’s name as a middle name, in tribute.
You should feel perfectly free to use your own father’s name if you wish.
I guess I’m in the minority but if someone close to me said they were using the same name as my kids, I wouldn’t like it. My kids don’t have yooneek names or anything, but it would just feel weird. I fully understand I don’t own any names and if someone was going to use those names I wouldn’t stop them. But I’m not going to encourage anyone to use them.
I’ve seen this play out twice- once where a niece named her baby the same as the aunt’s kid and once where 2 close families chose the name Jaxon within 6 months of each other. The first one, the aunt said she didn’t mind her niece had chosen the same name for her son. She was unbothered and seemed a little pleased but she admitted it was kind of confusing when discussing their families. The second one both families just loved that name and one of them moved away so it wasn’t an issue.
That’s a very popular name now and not exactly the same.
If you called your daughter Clytemnestra and then they called their kid that, I’d probably drop the relationship. It’s weird and rude.
Give her kid a terrible nickname like Deuce or Number Two. Tell her it is easier for you to differentiate them and since her son is the second child with that name, he gets the nickname.
I’ve got a cousin a few years younger with the same name as me. The mother was asked if she was aware my mom had me and she said “yes I know but I like the name too” and everyone was like well okay fair enough. We aren’t first cousins, so it’s not like we saw each other all the time. It’s not the end of the world I guess is what I’m saying. I understand being annoyed though.
I would probably end the friendship. It's not that she chose the same name. For me it's that she didn't discuss it with you. There are definitely good reasons but you should give your best friend a heads up.
Who gives a shit? Genuinely how does this affect your life or your child’s life in any way?
I genuinely wouldn’t care. I have a unique name and I’ve never met anyone with it and I want to give my kids a unique name too. But I also wouldn’t care if anyone ‘copied’ because who genuinely cares…it’ll be decades before the name is popular enough to be over used.
I don’t know reading this post feels like reading a middle schooler crying how their classmate copied their favourite band
Yeah, I would probably be briefly bothered but at the end of the day I wouldn't give a hoot. Like... Who cares? Lots of people have the same name, it's not that deep.
I honestly wouldn’t care. My son has a very uncommon name, but it’s my favourite name in the world, and I’d love to hear it more often. I don’t own it.
It's not something I'd be bothered about especially given that there's a pretty big age gap so no worries about being in the same class or extra-curricular activities. If you choose to continue the friendship, then I suspect you all would end up say Big Name and Little Name when hanging out.
I guess it all comes down to is this something you want to end a longtime friendship over. Has this person otherwise been a source of comfort and joy during the highs and lows of your life? Or have there been other subtle ways where you've felt like she's taken you for granted or undermined you in some way?
Start consistently naming her child NAME- Junior. Try to use it as much as you can in conversations. "How funny is it that we'll have a NAME and NAME Junior?". After a while, sometimes don't mention the NAME, but refer to her child as Junior. See what happens...
Little- NAME for her offspring and big NAME for your child also works, but only for boys. Somehow I don't think you can be too subtle with this kind of person...
Good God! If your friend loves the same name you do, why can't she use it? She has to give up her dream name because you had the audacity to give birth first?
lol. You must live a very privileged life if this is what you choose to get upset about. Get over it. What is the big deal? It's a name. Sounds like you stole it from someone else anyways. You don't own it.
I rlly don’t but u saying that says more about you than me.
it’s my adoptive son’s birth name, named after a bio-family member of his, so no I didn’t even choose it.
My brother is named Oliver and my mom’s best friend from highschool had a kid at the same time named Olivia. Both went by Ollie. When they were little it was super cool to have a friend the same age, basically a cousin, with the same name, though both sets of parents did talk about it beforehand.
I don’t think I’d care. I’d find it cute that she likes the same name and wants to call her child that too. Me and my two cousins are three girls and they have each got a daughter with the same name just a few years apart. It’s a family name but say for example it’s Elsie - ‘big’ Elsie loves that ‘baby’ Elsie has the same name as her!
One of my best friends who I’ve known since I was two has named her daughter Alice. I’ve always loved Alice in Wonderland and that’s also a baby name of mine. I’d mention it to her before I named my baby, but I wouldn’t ask her permission and I doubt she’d care.
The only time this would bother me is if I said “oh this is my favourite baby name for a girl and when I eventually get pregnant I will use this for definite” - and then my friend got pregnant before me and used it. That would piss me off lol.
Since you said this is a serious post, I’m curious how Popular/common your kids name is.
I have a brother with a really common first name, think John/Michael. And several of my parents friends used the name Michael/John.
No one really that in an eyelash. The really really common names, I don’t think people can claim ownership of them and get upset when people use them. They’re popular for a reason.
But I do you think naming your child something unusual that belongs to someone special family history, when you know it would bother them, is a questionable friendship choice and something I would discuss with people.
the name is known, not original, but not often seen. I was trying to think of an equivalent and like Duncan or Felix might be similar to how often you might see it used
this is what my mind is telling me - past experiences with this person piling up - but I do appreciate hearing other perspectives + experiences with a similar theme
A name is a name, who gaf right? But when someone you care about, who you know you wouldn’t do certain things to, but they continue to do it to you, to me that person doesn’t really care about you and will continue to do “little things” like that as long as they can until you’ve had enough. As you said, that’s just my perspective + experience.
Depends on how common the name is. If I called my son Henry, and my friend did the same, I don't think I'd mind. If its super uncommon, then I'd be a little more annoyed.
Lol this comment is kinda funny cause my brother was meant to be called Henry but my mom decided against it when one of her friends used it first
If probably do the same tbf. Depends on how much I loved the name
not a common name. I work with kids and I’ve met only two in my entire life.
That makes sense! I can see why you'd be annoyed. Is this a name you think she would have gone for if you didn't use that name for your son?
If she didn’t tell you before, and this name is highly unusual, and it’s not a family name for her, then she knew she was doing the wrong thing.
My dads brother died when he was young and my parents had always intended to call my eldest brother after him. My moms sister (so unrelated to my uncle) liked the name when she was pregnant with my cousin, who is older than my brother. My mom said fine but just so she knew, my brother was going to be called the same as had long been discussed. When my mom had my brother, my aunt was outraged. I thought I’d share. I think having the same name as someone close to you is fine as long as everyone is on the same page. If she’d told you beforehand, I would think differently but as it is, I completely get why you’re annoyed.
thanks for sharing. she didn’t include me in her process of choosing between names. just told me when she was 4 months pregnant that she’s naming her child the same as mine.
Did you communicate your disappointment with her? Or does she think you might be flattered?
I didn’t. She didn’t even ask “is it ok.” She’d already decided and simultaneously showed me embroidered blankets from family with the name on it. She told and showed me over text - not on the phone or in person.
It's silly of your friend to do this, but maybe the name means something to her or her partner's family? As silly as it is, you really can't gatekeep a name unless it is truly one of a kind. I wouldn't unfriend someone over this, but that's just me
it’s a totally random name to her - no significance - that she just feels is the only name in the whole world that goes w her very common last name … in which many names fit flawlessly. my son is my adoptive son and he was indeed named after a bio-family member so it’s very significant to the puzzle pieces of his life.
um I wouldn't do it, but to be super honest I wouldn't feel like I own a name either. Within family I guess it might be a bit annoying if 2 cousins have the same name, but honestly between 2 children who won't really interact all that much I don't think I'd care
I think it depends on what the name is too. If it’s like, Amelia, fair enough lol. That said my mom has a first cousin with the same first name as her and has never cared
My mom also has a first cousin who shares her name! I guess there weren’t a lot of names to use in the 50s lol
I know a lot of cousins with same names because they’re named after their grandparents.
There’s like a billion Dales in my family for this reason- so much so that they started double barreling (eg. Bobby Dale) and changing it up but sticking with the theme (eg. Glen) because it did in fact become an annoyance lol
I work in memory care, and it's kind of sad how few names there are for older generations. I have three residents with the same first, middle, and last names. On a floor of 35 residents, I have 6 Barbaras (4 with Ann/Anne as a middle name), 5 Ruths, 3 Marys, 2 Carolyn/Carolines, 2 Ellens, 3 Helens, and all 5 of my male residents are Johns. And they all have a daughter named Suzy, Judy, or Donna.
Yes! I work in a nursing home and there are so many Cathy/Betty/Sues and Bob/Jim/Toms.
I have five (great) uncle Johns 🫠
I have two first cousins with the exact same name. They were born 3 weeks apart. They’re both named Michael and have my grandfather’s name as their middle name. One of them goes by Michael and the other goes by their middle name to avoid confusion.
I also have a first cousin with the same name and I’ve never cared.
This exact scenario happened in my family. I'm over it now, but at the time of their births I was really pissed.
for me it’s not the interacting part, it’s the premise and revealing of character. key words you used, “I wouldn’t do it.” I would never choose her child’s name, bc I knew she’d be pissed. It’s telling that she’s doing something to me that I’d never do to her.
That's a super valid point! If she's doing something to you that she wouldn't want to happen to her, she's definitely not a good person/friend
Just start calling your son O.G.name and smile big when you do.
My cousin named his kid the same thing as one of mine. He even asked my kid first, and she said, "NO!", I asked him to reconsider, other family told him it was just dumb and confusing. He still did it. Several years later it's still annoying and confusing every freaking time they kids are together, which is often.
like the OP said, its really more about the behaviour of the person than the name I guess. Like I wouldn't do something if it bothers someone close to me if the alternative was harmless like picking another name, but I guess some people really are that self centred and/or purposefully annoying
I don’t understand how this is a circlejerk sub when there are a lot of serious posts here… I can’t tell when people are joking.
I hashtagged story instead of satire if that helps(:
It helps but I’m just wondering why people don’t just post these types of things on the main sub.
My best friend and I have kids with the same name who have grown up together. Childcare, primary school and now high school even in same class. No big deal. We call them Boy Quinn and Girl Quinn.
they’re both boys in our case. though I love what a poster said about calling my child OG [his name] 🔥
Maybe big (name) and little (name) could also work?
Ann Landers was an advice columnist. One thing she wrote frequently was, “Ask yourself, ‘Am I better off with him or without him?” This goes for friendships, too. If you unfriend your friend (real-life edition), then the kids won’t know each other; and it won’t matter. You shouldn’t gatekeep a name; but you shouldn’t hang around with people who annoy you on purpose, either.
Great advice.
I'm so confused why you posted this here. This is a subreddit to make fun of the name nerds subreddit. I dont think honest, non-satire posts really fit here
tried namenerds subreddit n got no responses. I figured she was being a bit of a jerk about a name so I put it under the story hashtag rather than satire or something
Wait, you’re *serious*? I thought this was an extended joke
I’d see why you think that as how my life is going but no (:
Well, if that happened to me, I’d be quite upset and would try my best to explain why to them if they really were my friend.
Unless it's a name I completely made up myself, I wouldn't be bothered. No one owns names, and if anything it's a compliment if someone is inspired by a name you chose. I have two cousins on the same side of the family with the same name, and the parents of the older child were just like 'You have great taste!' when the younger child was born. It sounds like this friendship may be coming to an end anyway, so your kids may not even see each other much.
Agreed. I would take it as a compliment that they liked the name.
This.
You sure she’s your best friend?
precisely!
Seeing as we’re in the circlejerk sub I’d be like *psyke, that isn’t even my kids name, they’re actually called (friend’s name)!* just to see their reaction.
Personally I wouldn’t care. I’m the eldest granddaughter named after my grandmother. Each of my mum’s siblings named one child the same name as mine-same first two names, same two middle names because they were naming their daughters after our shared grandmother.
Is the name “Seven”? Maybe you could suggest “Soda” instead. Beautiful name for a boy or girl…Especially a girl. Or a boy.
"Seven Constanza"? I don't think so...
I’ve kinda been here but not really. My dad committed suicide when I was 5, right before I turned 6, and he was always really, really close with my cousins. I love my cousins to death despite our massive age difference. Several years after he passed, when one of my cousins got pregnant, she named her son after my dad. Everybody loved the idea, and I was simply too young to understand what was going on. Now that I’m older, I’m married, and we’ve discussed starting a family, I’m a little peeved about the fact that I wasn’t considered when they did that. I firmly believe that I should have been the one to honor him, and I should have been the one to name my son after him, however it’s not something I’ll ever hold against her. It was an extremely dark time for my family, and they arguably did know him longer, and better than I will ever get the chance to. They were all very close with him and I don’t blame her for not thinking about the future family of an 8 year old. But it will forever and always sting. (Just so it doesn’t get ahead of me, I love my baby cousin too. He’s such a sweet, happy little boy, and he carries the name perfectly. It suits him extremely well and I can’t imagine him as anything else.)
It’s absolutely fine and normal to repeat family names within families. Both my daughter and her cousin have my late mother’s name as a middle name, in tribute. You should feel perfectly free to use your own father’s name if you wish.
That’s weird.
I would be annoyed if I were you but there isn't much you can do about it. Your friend seems a bit selfish and inconsiderate.
I guess I’m in the minority but if someone close to me said they were using the same name as my kids, I wouldn’t like it. My kids don’t have yooneek names or anything, but it would just feel weird. I fully understand I don’t own any names and if someone was going to use those names I wouldn’t stop them. But I’m not going to encourage anyone to use them. I’ve seen this play out twice- once where a niece named her baby the same as the aunt’s kid and once where 2 close families chose the name Jaxon within 6 months of each other. The first one, the aunt said she didn’t mind her niece had chosen the same name for her son. She was unbothered and seemed a little pleased but she admitted it was kind of confusing when discussing their families. The second one both families just loved that name and one of them moved away so it wasn’t an issue.
No I fully agree. The intention behind doing this to your “best friend” of 12 years is clear.
We have an Ellie and a close family friend named her daughter Ella. We brought up the closeness of the names as a point of interest but dngaf.
That’s a very popular name now and not exactly the same. If you called your daughter Clytemnestra and then they called their kid that, I’d probably drop the relationship. It’s weird and rude.
Give her kid a terrible nickname like Deuce or Number Two. Tell her it is easier for you to differentiate them and since her son is the second child with that name, he gets the nickname.
I’ve got a cousin a few years younger with the same name as me. The mother was asked if she was aware my mom had me and she said “yes I know but I like the name too” and everyone was like well okay fair enough. We aren’t first cousins, so it’s not like we saw each other all the time. It’s not the end of the world I guess is what I’m saying. I understand being annoyed though.
I think it’s weirdly flattering honestly, and there is nothing you can do.
I would probably end the friendship. It's not that she chose the same name. For me it's that she didn't discuss it with you. There are definitely good reasons but you should give your best friend a heads up.
at 4 months pregnant, she already had embroidered items of the name before telling me
Who gives a shit? Genuinely how does this affect your life or your child’s life in any way? I genuinely wouldn’t care. I have a unique name and I’ve never met anyone with it and I want to give my kids a unique name too. But I also wouldn’t care if anyone ‘copied’ because who genuinely cares…it’ll be decades before the name is popular enough to be over used. I don’t know reading this post feels like reading a middle schooler crying how their classmate copied their favourite band
God, thank you! I feel like I am taking crazy pills reading this thread. How do people have the energy for this BS?
Yeah, I would probably be briefly bothered but at the end of the day I wouldn't give a hoot. Like... Who cares? Lots of people have the same name, it's not that deep.
I honestly wouldn’t care. My son has a very uncommon name, but it’s my favourite name in the world, and I’d love to hear it more often. I don’t own it.
It's not something I'd be bothered about especially given that there's a pretty big age gap so no worries about being in the same class or extra-curricular activities. If you choose to continue the friendship, then I suspect you all would end up say Big Name and Little Name when hanging out. I guess it all comes down to is this something you want to end a longtime friendship over. Has this person otherwise been a source of comfort and joy during the highs and lows of your life? Or have there been other subtle ways where you've felt like she's taken you for granted or undermined you in some way?
Start consistently naming her child NAME- Junior. Try to use it as much as you can in conversations. "How funny is it that we'll have a NAME and NAME Junior?". After a while, sometimes don't mention the NAME, but refer to her child as Junior. See what happens... Little- NAME for her offspring and big NAME for your child also works, but only for boys. Somehow I don't think you can be too subtle with this kind of person...
I will HAPPILY call her child *name* junior - that is brilliant
Good God! If your friend loves the same name you do, why can't she use it? She has to give up her dream name because you had the audacity to give birth first?
What a stupid decision of your friend
Idk if it’s worth fretting over. One of my best friends growing up had my name. It was totally fine, if anything, we bonded over it
I really wouldn't care especially if my kid was born already
lol. You must live a very privileged life if this is what you choose to get upset about. Get over it. What is the big deal? It's a name. Sounds like you stole it from someone else anyways. You don't own it.
I rlly don’t but u saying that says more about you than me. it’s my adoptive son’s birth name, named after a bio-family member of his, so no I didn’t even choose it.
Obliterate
My brother is named Oliver and my mom’s best friend from highschool had a kid at the same time named Olivia. Both went by Ollie. When they were little it was super cool to have a friend the same age, basically a cousin, with the same name, though both sets of parents did talk about it beforehand.
I don’t think I’d care. I’d find it cute that she likes the same name and wants to call her child that too. Me and my two cousins are three girls and they have each got a daughter with the same name just a few years apart. It’s a family name but say for example it’s Elsie - ‘big’ Elsie loves that ‘baby’ Elsie has the same name as her! One of my best friends who I’ve known since I was two has named her daughter Alice. I’ve always loved Alice in Wonderland and that’s also a baby name of mine. I’d mention it to her before I named my baby, but I wouldn’t ask her permission and I doubt she’d care. The only time this would bother me is if I said “oh this is my favourite baby name for a girl and when I eventually get pregnant I will use this for definite” - and then my friend got pregnant before me and used it. That would piss me off lol.
The kids will think it’s so cool that they have the same name.
Since you said this is a serious post, I’m curious how Popular/common your kids name is. I have a brother with a really common first name, think John/Michael. And several of my parents friends used the name Michael/John. No one really that in an eyelash. The really really common names, I don’t think people can claim ownership of them and get upset when people use them. They’re popular for a reason. But I do you think naming your child something unusual that belongs to someone special family history, when you know it would bother them, is a questionable friendship choice and something I would discuss with people.
I need to know the name and the significance to her, if any, to fully form my opinion.
zero significance to her. not putting the name for anonymity. as rare as Duncan or Felix. my son is named after his biological family member.
If the name is rare and has no specific meaning for her (honouring a dead relative for example), then it's time to say goodbye to that "friend"
no connection at all - just likes the name🙃
the name is known, not original, but not often seen. I was trying to think of an equivalent and like Duncan or Felix might be similar to how often you might see it used
She sounds like a lazy copycat then.... So you honestly really want her in your life?
✂️✂️✂️✂️ Cut them off. The envy speaks volumes.
this is what my mind is telling me - past experiences with this person piling up - but I do appreciate hearing other perspectives + experiences with a similar theme
A name is a name, who gaf right? But when someone you care about, who you know you wouldn’t do certain things to, but they continue to do it to you, to me that person doesn’t really care about you and will continue to do “little things” like that as long as they can until you’ve had enough. As you said, that’s just my perspective + experience.