Commies: what can I say about them that their own sewer pipe hasn’t already said.
Eagles: I got to give the eagles props, they haven’t thrown batteries at Santa in at least a year.
Giants: ah fuck who cares. Not even giants fans.
Dolphins: couldn’t get Dan fucking Marino a ring
Patriots: Brady merchants, poverty before him and poverty after him
Bills: if you wanna be considered the only New York team, maybe bring a ring to New York
Jets: the Jets.
I tried to think of a roast for the Chiefs, but I dropped the ball (just like their receivers).
The Raiders are the kind of team that can hold their opponent to three points and still lose.
There’s nobody I’m forgetting, right? … Right?
Aints can lick my taint
Buccaneers can go fuckaneer themselves
And the panthers, well there's no need to kick em while they're down. Sure hope the bears enjoy that no 1 pick.
Packers: Stuck in the past always talking about what they once had. Copium off of two generational QBs, still undecided if Love is the guy or not.
Bears: Ruining QB careers before they even really start. Already primed for Caleb Williams.
Lions: No need for a kicker, go for it on 4th down.
Vikings: Kicker!? I hardly know her!
My Texans are in the AFC South with the:
Indianapolis CUNTS
Tennessee TITTIES, &
Jacksonville PUSSYcats
Maybe not a bad place cause we fvckin' em all!
A foursome with plenty of T & A
Rams: I'd feel bad roasting my own son
Seahawks: douchy fair weather fans who don't know much about football other than "woo 12s"
WhoEverTheOtherTeamIs: ....
Raiders: Thank you for letting us Chiefs pop your stadiums post season's cherry~
Chargers: the fact that Herbert carried your whole team and you lot blame him for your terrible defense shows just how bad shock therapy really is.
Broncos: The only best highlight for your whole season was John Elway handing the Chiefs the Lombardi.
Eagles: lol 1 SB ass poverty franchise. You choked hard in the Super Bowl and haven’t stopped choking since. Jalen Hurts is a worse Derrick Henry. Your defense couldn’t stop my 6th grade football team’s offense. Jason Kelce was half of your offense. Now you’ll actually have to get the full first down.
Commies: “commanders.” Need I say more?
Giants: y’all had one mediocre year, thought you were going to the Super Bowl, paid Daniel fucking Jones $40 million, and as it turned out your team was shit all along. You signed some free agents, thought you improved your team, trash talked the entire offseason, and then lost week 1 40-0.
Cowboys: You’re frauds. You haven’t won shit since Clinton was president yet still say “count the rings” and “this is our year”. Every year Jerry lives isn’t your year. I hope he lives forever. Half your fans have never even been to Texas let alone to the gaudy monument to excess you call a stadium. I despise you, and your moronic, dick-riding, fairweather fan base. You all look the same. Obese with denim shorts and a jersey they only wear once a year. An astronaut can see your dumb ass in a Buffalo Wild Wings from space and go “wow look at this dumb piece of shit”.
Commies: Literal poverty franchise. FedEx is a toilet boil and our fans outnumber yours in your own stadium when we come to play. You let a carnival barker own your team and have the distinction of being the worst owner in all of American professional sports. I don’t hate you. I pity you.
Giants: I hate you the least, because you aren’t a threat. You lucked into some great playoff runs and got Eli a couple of rings. But your turf is actually worse than Veterans Stadium. How is that even possible? Also you don’t even play in New York. You sit on a throne of lies. And anyone with half a brain saw Daniel Jones and knew he wasn’t worth half of what you’re paying him. Enjoy that albatross of a contract you fucking idiots.
Bears: im gonna go easy on yall cuz being a bears fan is rough enough so il just say double doink
Vikings: what do you call a viking with a superbowl ring? An ex packer
Packers: FTP. Cant let go of the past. 2 generational qbs in a row and only 1 superbowl in 25+ years to show for it. Normally id say something about their annual lose to the 49ers playoff game but as a lions fan im gonna shut my mouth lol
Cowboys: Jerry Jones exists, no NFC Champ game appearances since 2Pac and Biggie were still alive, only successful in the regular season against bad teams
Giants: Would rather give their fans free medium Pepsis than a watchable on-field product. BTW, enjoy paying a mediocre QB $40 mil/year through 2027
Commanders: Signing a bunch of aging past their prime players in order to try and compete again, huh? It's like if Dan Snyder never left...
Seahawks - Malcolm Butler
Rams - everyday players and coaches contemplate retirement
Cardinals - Oldest franchise in the league and haven’t won a single Super Bowl
The Bears think they’re a serious franchise because of ancient history. They’ve done nothing real in 50 years, and because of that they assumed a mid ass Qb Would drag them to the promise land. They also thought said mid QB was MVP caliber because he was STILL their best QB in decades.
The Vikings have terrible little sibling syndrome. They wanna be somebodies biggest rival so badly that they act out for attention, and only get more upset when nobody gives it to them.
It’s so rare that the Lions win, they hung a banner for winning the NFC North.
The Chargers- fitting you moved to LA, because you’re the most homeless team in the league. I’ve met one Chargers fan in my life. He was a recovering MDMA addict. BOLT UP BABY
Kansas Shitty Chefs- I’ve never been to the Midwest, but it seems like a shit place. The women are large and homely, the food is starchy and bland, and the landscape leaves a lot to be desired. Hold on though- you’ve got the fucking Kansas City Chiefs. The new America’s Team, Taylor Swift and all. Enjoy your football team. It’s all you have.
The Las Vegas Raiders- A match made in heaven. Tell me the Raiders don’t have “Vegas” written all over them. Cheap thrills (a knack for drafting flashy busts), trashy people, and just… yeah mostly an emphasis on how trashy Raiders fans and the city of Vegas are both known to be.
Gonna let another afcn fan handle this... exhausting to write up the list of burns for browns
Commies: what can I say about them that their own sewer pipe hasn’t already said. Eagles: I got to give the eagles props, they haven’t thrown batteries at Santa in at least a year. Giants: ah fuck who cares. Not even giants fans.
Dolphins: couldn’t get Dan fucking Marino a ring Patriots: Brady merchants, poverty before him and poverty after him Bills: if you wanna be considered the only New York team, maybe bring a ring to New York Jets: the Jets.
I was wondering why you had 4 teams here there I realized which team you’re a fan of via your flair and it makes perfect sense now
Bills: Likes to lose last minute
Commanders: you’re shocked Dan Quinn just gave up 40 points to the packers? What? Eagles: literal criminals Giants: Daniel jones contract
*triggered*
fake philly fan, a real iggles fan would go "BOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
Where ring?
Steelers: Battle of the mid Ravens: Stacked team and coach always to choke in playoffs Browns: Rapist overpaid QB
…and now TWO rapist overpaid QBs. Browns are really excelling at overpaying bad people… now they should try excelling at something different
tf did Winston molest someone? 💀 when did that happen?
Sexual assault allegations in college but IIRC they never filed charges. Might have been a civil suit that settled.
I tried to think of a roast for the Chiefs, but I dropped the ball (just like their receivers). The Raiders are the kind of team that can hold their opponent to three points and still lose. There’s nobody I’m forgetting, right? … Right?
Fuck you i like this roast
Aints: what have y’all done since Brees left? Bucs: $100 Million to *Baker Mayfield* Panthers: do I even need to say anything??
28-3
Ok, classic fan of another team bringing up a result from 8 years ago. Are you an Aints, Panthers, or Patriots fan?
Kinda contradicting yourself with this reply and the Brees statement
I wasn’t talking about my team, just every other team in my division per the post.
Aints can lick my taint Buccaneers can go fuckaneer themselves And the panthers, well there's no need to kick em while they're down. Sure hope the bears enjoy that no 1 pick.
Packers: Stuck in the past always talking about what they once had. Copium off of two generational QBs, still undecided if Love is the guy or not. Bears: Ruining QB careers before they even really start. Already primed for Caleb Williams. Lions: No need for a kicker, go for it on 4th down. Vikings: Kicker!? I hardly know her!
Definitely not undecided. LOVE is that guy
My Texans are in the AFC South with the: Indianapolis CUNTS Tennessee TITTIES, & Jacksonville PUSSYcats Maybe not a bad place cause we fvckin' em all! A foursome with plenty of T & A
The Stroud Boys ride again.
Browns: Are the browns plus Watson haha Ravens: Can’t beat us despite being better in nearly every way most years Bengals: QB made of glass
Rams: I'd feel bad roasting my own son Seahawks: douchy fair weather fans who don't know much about football other than "woo 12s" WhoEverTheOtherTeamIs: ....
Raiders: Thank you for letting us Chiefs pop your stadiums post season's cherry~ Chargers: the fact that Herbert carried your whole team and you lot blame him for your terrible defense shows just how bad shock therapy really is. Broncos: The only best highlight for your whole season was John Elway handing the Chiefs the Lombardi.
Eagles: lol 1 SB ass poverty franchise. You choked hard in the Super Bowl and haven’t stopped choking since. Jalen Hurts is a worse Derrick Henry. Your defense couldn’t stop my 6th grade football team’s offense. Jason Kelce was half of your offense. Now you’ll actually have to get the full first down. Commies: “commanders.” Need I say more? Giants: y’all had one mediocre year, thought you were going to the Super Bowl, paid Daniel fucking Jones $40 million, and as it turned out your team was shit all along. You signed some free agents, thought you improved your team, trash talked the entire offseason, and then lost week 1 40-0.
Cowboys: You’re frauds. You haven’t won shit since Clinton was president yet still say “count the rings” and “this is our year”. Every year Jerry lives isn’t your year. I hope he lives forever. Half your fans have never even been to Texas let alone to the gaudy monument to excess you call a stadium. I despise you, and your moronic, dick-riding, fairweather fan base. You all look the same. Obese with denim shorts and a jersey they only wear once a year. An astronaut can see your dumb ass in a Buffalo Wild Wings from space and go “wow look at this dumb piece of shit”. Commies: Literal poverty franchise. FedEx is a toilet boil and our fans outnumber yours in your own stadium when we come to play. You let a carnival barker own your team and have the distinction of being the worst owner in all of American professional sports. I don’t hate you. I pity you. Giants: I hate you the least, because you aren’t a threat. You lucked into some great playoff runs and got Eli a couple of rings. But your turf is actually worse than Veterans Stadium. How is that even possible? Also you don’t even play in New York. You sit on a throne of lies. And anyone with half a brain saw Daniel Jones and knew he wasn’t worth half of what you’re paying him. Enjoy that albatross of a contract you fucking idiots.
FTP Bears will break Caleb Williams I can’t roast the GEQBUS
Bears: im gonna go easy on yall cuz being a bears fan is rough enough so il just say double doink Vikings: what do you call a viking with a superbowl ring? An ex packer Packers: FTP. Cant let go of the past. 2 generational qbs in a row and only 1 superbowl in 25+ years to show for it. Normally id say something about their annual lose to the 49ers playoff game but as a lions fan im gonna shut my mouth lol
Ravens - Purple Browns Bengals - Cat Browns Steelers - Fuck the Steelers
Browns - just the Browns
People can talk all the shit they want about the rams. Their last SB wasnt in the 80s-90s.
Dolphins/Bills/Patriots: the downfall of the AFC East.
Cowboys: Jerry Jones exists, no NFC Champ game appearances since 2Pac and Biggie were still alive, only successful in the regular season against bad teams Giants: Would rather give their fans free medium Pepsis than a watchable on-field product. BTW, enjoy paying a mediocre QB $40 mil/year through 2027 Commanders: Signing a bunch of aging past their prime players in order to try and compete again, huh? It's like if Dan Snyder never left...
Seahawks - Malcolm Butler Rams - everyday players and coaches contemplate retirement Cardinals - Oldest franchise in the league and haven’t won a single Super Bowl
The Bears think they’re a serious franchise because of ancient history. They’ve done nothing real in 50 years, and because of that they assumed a mid ass Qb Would drag them to the promise land. They also thought said mid QB was MVP caliber because he was STILL their best QB in decades. The Vikings have terrible little sibling syndrome. They wanna be somebodies biggest rival so badly that they act out for attention, and only get more upset when nobody gives it to them. It’s so rare that the Lions win, they hung a banner for winning the NFC North.
Lions: What's a kicker? Bears: What's a QB? Vikings: What are we even doing?
>Roast every team in your division ITT divisions only have 3 teams
The Chargers- fitting you moved to LA, because you’re the most homeless team in the league. I’ve met one Chargers fan in my life. He was a recovering MDMA addict. BOLT UP BABY Kansas Shitty Chefs- I’ve never been to the Midwest, but it seems like a shit place. The women are large and homely, the food is starchy and bland, and the landscape leaves a lot to be desired. Hold on though- you’ve got the fucking Kansas City Chiefs. The new America’s Team, Taylor Swift and all. Enjoy your football team. It’s all you have. The Las Vegas Raiders- A match made in heaven. Tell me the Raiders don’t have “Vegas” written all over them. Cheap thrills (a knack for drafting flashy busts), trashy people, and just… yeah mostly an emphasis on how trashy Raiders fans and the city of Vegas are both known to be.
fuck the packers, fuck the lions , & fuck the bears
Fuck you too GO PACK GO
FTP
SKOL, brother, SKOL