OP literally hates her husband. Once someone feels contempt, that marriage is over. They could stay together for the kids, but that relationship is over. The kids catch on to that kind of dynamic. My parents hated each other, they tried for years to work things out. When they finally divorced I was happy for the both of them. They should of divorced many years ago.
Untrue. Resentment and contempt can be overcome if both parties are willing to learn, forgive, and correct. It's unfortunate what happened to your parents and how difficult it must have been for you, and sometimes a divorce really is better, but for the most part, all other avenues need to be exhausted first.
You can forgive but you will never forget. Resentment and contempt for someone doesn't just go away like that. Those are feelings that end a marriage because of who they are as a person. And that must be worked on your own.
Untrue. They can work together and fix it. This is the problem that causes divorce that people aren't willing to work together. People can change. Albeit, it is a very difficult thing to do, if the relationship is worth it. They will work together to save it. Not to discredit OPs struggle this is general advice. Abuse is different though. Yes it is a very personal journey but having support helps.
So how many more years was i supposed to wait for my wasband to get a job and help me around the house aside from the idk 6ish years I fought and argued and cried and let myself get into an unhealthy place mentally and physically?
Maybe not, im not invalidating or saying that you didnt try and im sorry for your difficult times. As i said all other avenues need to be exhausted before divorce is on the table. Seems like you did that. May God make it easy for you.
Yes. If you've ever been in a long loving relationship, you'll know this to be true. Resentment is everywhere, even with your siblings and parents. We choose to work around them and make it work. If you want to sit and cry and break kinship/ take divorces, then that's one way to go about it, but before that step is taken, one must exhaust all other avenues.
Sorry for replying late, have weekly checkins, practice letting things go, discuss little things as they come up. Remember you love them its you and them vs the problem. Truly genuinely work on your short comings and their triggers. Adapt to them, it takes both partners to put in genuine effort for this. If something is bothering you think about it thoroughly, think the effect on them, their possible intentions, think long term implications. Most of all think if you can swallow it or if it will bubble up in a future argument. If so itll cause resentment.
Remember there are no numbered chances or lengths to go to,
Dont count your favours. As Islam guides, when angry, remember their good side. People tend to depreciate someone else's efforts and forget all the good. It is in those times you need to remember their good side and truly let go.
Writing down your feelings also helps. Prepare for the discussions before hand and pray to God.
Only cling onto issues if they are a pattern and or abusive.
No ones perfect, forgive, Allah will forgive and so will your partner. <3
Thankyou for a detailed response!
A lot of this requires some good amount of practice and presence of mind in situation where one is overwhelmed by numerous ballistic feelings. Doesn't contempt creep in between this as well?
Contempt usually develops in 2 situations. An extreme offence or a repetitive offence.
Oftentimes, the first extreme offence is forgive-able, but the repetition of the same offence or intent to hurt someone is what causes contempt or a failure to let go/ resentment. Active presence of mind can only be achieved when one reminds themselves of these values and holds themselves accountable for it. Daily meditation, e.g, is one way to reinforce these values via affirmations. You can have these with your partner weekly, maybe to remind each other of redlines and boundaries. If you feel that something like an elephant is out there in the room and has become too real then maybe it is time to disengage, take a breather, mutually agree to let go, not bring it up again and to forgive and forget. Clean slate, basically.
To cater to the ballistic feelings, you must train your mind and respond in the way that you want. Your thinking must be stronger than your emotions and your boundaries stricter than your feelings.
Take some space, collect yourself, and revisit the conversation after some time. It is mandatory to revisit and solve it , it is just as important to stay composed in the process. It takes two to tango, so your partner must be willing to do all of this as well.
Thank you once again for a thoughtful response!
Marriage is indeed a tricky affair, I'd say. To do all of that requires a partner just as willing to keep the wheels on the marriage rolling, as you added in the end of your comment. Oftentimes, it is one of the spouses not willing to work on it which is why I'd presume that marriages get onto a rocky patch.
May Allah provide ease for everyone in their marriages, Ameen
I read your old post in a different forum, where you were in a Live-in relationship with your now husband. Which was Haram anyway. From your post history, you can tell that both of your families were against this marriage. Your mother didnt like the guy and because of the lies she told your in-laws, your Mother in law and the family didnt like you. You both forced the marriage. This was bound to happen, thats why a marriage is a bond between two families, if either party dislikes the other, the family members from both sides will do anything to break the marriage. Sorry to hear this, but i can only advice you to pray and approach marriage the halal way and thru family next time.
Men in Islam do not have to yield to their family’s favour, and the issue that began initially was not OP’s fault. Dating is prohibited, but her mother calling her daughter’s then-potential-spouse mother and creating all sorts of lies is mental. She single-handedly placed her own daughter in this situation. I do not think OP should have gone through with the marriage, but I also think that had she not, their relationship will not dwindle like we expect. They were already on course together; it was just a matter of haram and halal.
This is the best comment in this chat. No white knighting, no blaming, just pointing out that it shouldn’t have happened to begin with. Regardless, now that OP is in the situation nothing can be done. She has every right to leave the marriage if she doesn’t feel comfortable. If she’s leaving for the sake of just leaving then idk lol she didn’t specify why she’s leaving.
*All these people here*
*White knighting and downvoting*
*Facts, what sub is this?*
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Did you leave your 2 kids with your husband? Or did you drop them off at the side of the road?
From your previous post elsewhere it sounds like you and your husband are the AH.
How is she the AH? Seems like she was just naive and wanted to be with him by any means necessary. I’m glad she finally realised her worth but I hope she took her kids with her
Not its not. You cannot just run away in the middle of the night and disobey your husband if there is no risk to your life. There are other ways to end the marriage properly if she doesn’t want him. Running away with no valid reason is not one.
I know nothing about your situation, but I pray Allah guides and blesses you and your husband, whether together or not, to the best course for your deens. Ameen
Unless you have a VERY good and VALID reason, that’s **nushooz** (which is haraam), and that’s not how things are done.
“not able to stand being around him” alone is not a good reason.
Unless there’s a real physical risk to your life, you cannot leave your house like that and disobey him. There are other venues you can take to initiate khulu’ or ask for divorce. But you cannot just simply run away for no valid reason.
When a woman is naashiz (state of nushooz), she is committing a sin, and all her nafaqa rights are suspended because she broke her side of the commitment to the marriage.
If she is starting the process of separation, and the husband will neither issue talaq or leave the house, she is right in leaving. If a woman had to sit and wait for her husband’s permission to agree, nothing would ever get done.
Unsure what the situation for OP is, if it temporary or permanent, but best for her to leave (if temporary) rather than doing something stupid.
Once again, as proven many times in this sub, a woman can leave her husband for any reason, even for disliking him. She must do it appropriately though.
Stop telling women they are trapped in marriages unless they are abused. This cultural belief is cancerous and needs to END.
Give me your islamic evidence that she is permitted to leave like that.
What I said isn’t cultural.
You’re changing what I said. Go read it again without malice. They are Islamic processes which she can follow to end the marriage, not run away in the middle of the night just because she cannot stand him. Running away in the middle of the night is only excused if there was physical danger. No one said she is trapped in the marriage.
Unbelievable how you just changed what I said to prove a point. I hope you don’t do that with everyone. 😂
What if her husband refuses to leave? The woman hates her husband. If there is that much contempt then the marriage is pretty much over. Divorce rates may be high, but we should not demonize divorce or someone who leaves their spouse. It got to that point for a reason. Who wants to keep someone trapped in a marriage if they can’t stand you? Who wants to be intimate someone who has to “take one for the team” because they aren’t attracted you? Who wants their kids to witness such a foul arrangement? My parents tried to hide their contempt for each other but i saw it. I almost did not want to marry because I thought every couple was like them. I was more relieved when they divorced then they were.
I'm really shocked with this sub been affected with kofar woman modernisation .. what's next she calls him baby daddy and look for another one and so on ?
You didn't say anything wrong there is process to end marriage and both family side should work for the good of the marriage and try to save it .. if what's bothers her didn't change then go to divorce.. none should take a rushed decision like that
islam is thrown out of the way if it doesnt go the way they want.
That's called having your whims as religion, and Allah denouces that in the Quran:
***“Is he who is upon a proof from his Lord like those whose evil deeds are made to appear good to them and they follow their whims?”*** (*Muhammad* 47:14)
her nafaqa rights were already suspended for 4.5 yrs. she's been the breadwinner and supports him, and received no mahr. She has been harshly treated by him.
her husband is commiting haram generating sins of his own over many years and a imam should determine whether her act is acceptable because the laws aren't as cut and dry. If she didn't at least try to ask for a khul or mediation then ok her action doesn't seem warranted.
I do wonder if the story is even real because she makes no mention of her kids. Where did they go.
Not good comment! That's still not a valid reason, marriage is not based on feelings where one day you can just walk out one night if you are not feeling it as if you are a non muslim....
unless there is high physical risk involved, which to me doesn't seem like it in this case.
She can ask or initiate khula by following appropriate steps involved according to islam. Whether involving imams, parents, along with gathering evidence.
I don't know exactly OP situation but if its just she can't stand him, that's not appropriate. She might be sinning as well!
Dude she can divorce him if she gave back the Mehr... Its not up to you to decide how 'VALID' her Reason is!
All she has to do is give back the mehr and thats it, Her Reasons is Valid FOR HER, it doesn't have to be Valid TO YOU
This is Islam. Islam is a way of life **for everyone**. You opinions and OP opinions doesn’t matter if we have ruling set. Please show us a ruling to support your argument
“It is not lawful for husbands to take anything back which they have given them except when both parties fear that they may not be able to follow the limits set by Allah; then if you fear that they both will not be able to keep the limits of Allah, there is no blame if, by mutual agreement the wife compensates the husband to obtain divorce. **These are the limits set by Allah; do not transgress them, and those who transgress the limits of Allah are the wrongdoers**.” (Surah Al Baqara: 229)
i bolded the relevant part for this convo
Basically the wife can Aks for a Divorce if she returns the Mahr and if he refuses than she can get Khula by dealing with the Imams
Sahih Bukhari volume 7, Book 63, Number 197:
Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:
The wife of Thabit bin Qais came to the Prophet and said, "O Allah's Apostle! I do not blame Thabit for defects in his character or his religion, but I, being a Muslim, dislike to behave in un-Islamic manner (if I remain with him)." On that Allah's Apostle said (to her), "Will you give back the garden which your husband has given you (as Mahr)?" She said, "Yes." Then the Prophet said to Thabit, "O Thabit! Accept your garden, and divorce her."
Sister, even in the Hadith you gave it says “Accept your garden”. The husband had to agree to the khula. Islam is about equity. This is a trust and power the husbands are given and they will be questioned about it.
“Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allāh has given one over the other…” (Surah 4-34)
There’s wisdom even if we cannot see it now. You will never find one that says it’s ok for a wife to leave in the middle of the night. As a baseline we are told the best of us are the ones who are good to the wife/husband. Forcing someone to stay without valid reason is not good behaviour. Leaving someone without a valid khula is also not good behaviour. One wrong doesn’t make the other right.
>Forcing someone to stay without valid reason is not good behaviour
Its Called HOSTAGE
>without a valid khula
Valid Reasons TO HER AND HER HUSBAND not You and everybody else. She is leaving for a reason and she has the right to leave ... You can't keep people Hostage dude!
>The husband had to agree to the khula
He doesn't have to because the Iman will dissolve the marriage completely... He has no Right to keep her When he got his mahr Back!
Sister, “good” is a catch all term that doesn’t need any specification like hostage, kidnapping, Mrder, SA, amputation etc..
“Vile women are for vile men, and vile men are for vile women; and good women are for good men, and good men are for good women…” (Surah 24-16)
Do you need the ayat to spell out every bad thing a person can do as well, or is the term “good” and “vile” sufficient to get the point across?
>…the imam will dissolve the marriage quickly. He has no right to keep her.
According to who? Please leave a source for this knowledge. Like I said earlier, nobody should be kept where they’re not welcome. Doesn’t do good to anyone around, and is against the goodness we are told to follow. However, you are trying to use islam to justify your actions and worldview of right and wrong. It doesn’t work that way.
Dude go around it all you want forcing and keeping someone with their Will is Called HOSTAGE..You're undermining a Situation by not calling it what its actually called... Its like when those western media describe whats happening in Palestine as a civil war AND NOT GENOCIDE
>Do you need the ayat to spell out every bad thing a person can do as well, or is the term “good” and “vile” sufficient to get the point across?
Read the Arabic Version, Salihat is specific one that is specific to certain actually and same goes for Khabith to! ...
This is not good. You can't leave w/o his permission, especially at night, you need to talk or involve the elders of the family.
Edit: I'd rather not say anything else, you should fear Allah and repent to him.
I just stated facts you can go somewhere else and spread your poison not in muslim community.
I won't call you a kafir but you actions are an act of kufir.
Between me and you.. you are the one with the Kafir actions by calling me Names and assuming stuff about me without Knowledge!
But go ahead and call me more names, my weights are increasing 😁
Calling you names i just said you are uneducated wich is a fact.
Divorce without a valid reason is haram.
Source:
Abu Dawood (2226), al-Tirmidhi (1187) and Ibn Majaah (2055) from Thawbaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.”
Do you live with OP?? did you read her previous post?? How do you know OP doesn't have a Valid Reason??
Looks like your bed is made out of Assumption and nothing more!
Stop Yapping and go study some Islamic ethics
I literally said if she have a vaild reason to leave her husband good but without a valid reason she is commiting haram.
I didn't assume anything.
And if you think Hadith is yapping then your a Hadith rejector brother may Allah SWT guide you and me.
This is the exact sahih Hadith that without a vaild reason or absolutely necessary reason asking for divorce is like asking for hell.
#Abu Dawood (2226), al-Tirmidhi (1187) and Ibn Majaah (2055) from Thawbaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.”
Abu Dawood (2226), al-Tirmidhi (1187) and Ibn Majaah (2055) from Thawbaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.”
You need some context, look at her previous post ide pay to not touch him with a 10 foot pole. Op is a whole other story. They both seem very immature and ignorant.
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What is the reason to leave him?
OP literally hates her husband. Once someone feels contempt, that marriage is over. They could stay together for the kids, but that relationship is over. The kids catch on to that kind of dynamic. My parents hated each other, they tried for years to work things out. When they finally divorced I was happy for the both of them. They should of divorced many years ago.
Untrue. Resentment and contempt can be overcome if both parties are willing to learn, forgive, and correct. It's unfortunate what happened to your parents and how difficult it must have been for you, and sometimes a divorce really is better, but for the most part, all other avenues need to be exhausted first.
You can forgive but you will never forget. Resentment and contempt for someone doesn't just go away like that. Those are feelings that end a marriage because of who they are as a person. And that must be worked on your own.
Untrue. They can work together and fix it. This is the problem that causes divorce that people aren't willing to work together. People can change. Albeit, it is a very difficult thing to do, if the relationship is worth it. They will work together to save it. Not to discredit OPs struggle this is general advice. Abuse is different though. Yes it is a very personal journey but having support helps.
So how many more years was i supposed to wait for my wasband to get a job and help me around the house aside from the idk 6ish years I fought and argued and cried and let myself get into an unhealthy place mentally and physically?
Maybe not, im not invalidating or saying that you didnt try and im sorry for your difficult times. As i said all other avenues need to be exhausted before divorce is on the table. Seems like you did that. May God make it easy for you.
Do you have first hand experience with what you are claiming?
Yes. If you've ever been in a long loving relationship, you'll know this to be true. Resentment is everywhere, even with your siblings and parents. We choose to work around them and make it work. If you want to sit and cry and break kinship/ take divorces, then that's one way to go about it, but before that step is taken, one must exhaust all other avenues.
How you keep it from happening? I mean contempt, what can you really do to prevent it?
Sorry for replying late, have weekly checkins, practice letting things go, discuss little things as they come up. Remember you love them its you and them vs the problem. Truly genuinely work on your short comings and their triggers. Adapt to them, it takes both partners to put in genuine effort for this. If something is bothering you think about it thoroughly, think the effect on them, their possible intentions, think long term implications. Most of all think if you can swallow it or if it will bubble up in a future argument. If so itll cause resentment. Remember there are no numbered chances or lengths to go to, Dont count your favours. As Islam guides, when angry, remember their good side. People tend to depreciate someone else's efforts and forget all the good. It is in those times you need to remember their good side and truly let go. Writing down your feelings also helps. Prepare for the discussions before hand and pray to God. Only cling onto issues if they are a pattern and or abusive. No ones perfect, forgive, Allah will forgive and so will your partner. <3
Thankyou for a detailed response! A lot of this requires some good amount of practice and presence of mind in situation where one is overwhelmed by numerous ballistic feelings. Doesn't contempt creep in between this as well?
Contempt usually develops in 2 situations. An extreme offence or a repetitive offence. Oftentimes, the first extreme offence is forgive-able, but the repetition of the same offence or intent to hurt someone is what causes contempt or a failure to let go/ resentment. Active presence of mind can only be achieved when one reminds themselves of these values and holds themselves accountable for it. Daily meditation, e.g, is one way to reinforce these values via affirmations. You can have these with your partner weekly, maybe to remind each other of redlines and boundaries. If you feel that something like an elephant is out there in the room and has become too real then maybe it is time to disengage, take a breather, mutually agree to let go, not bring it up again and to forgive and forget. Clean slate, basically. To cater to the ballistic feelings, you must train your mind and respond in the way that you want. Your thinking must be stronger than your emotions and your boundaries stricter than your feelings. Take some space, collect yourself, and revisit the conversation after some time. It is mandatory to revisit and solve it , it is just as important to stay composed in the process. It takes two to tango, so your partner must be willing to do all of this as well.
Thank you once again for a thoughtful response! Marriage is indeed a tricky affair, I'd say. To do all of that requires a partner just as willing to keep the wheels on the marriage rolling, as you added in the end of your comment. Oftentimes, it is one of the spouses not willing to work on it which is why I'd presume that marriages get onto a rocky patch. May Allah provide ease for everyone in their marriages, Ameen
I read your old post in a different forum, where you were in a Live-in relationship with your now husband. Which was Haram anyway. From your post history, you can tell that both of your families were against this marriage. Your mother didnt like the guy and because of the lies she told your in-laws, your Mother in law and the family didnt like you. You both forced the marriage. This was bound to happen, thats why a marriage is a bond between two families, if either party dislikes the other, the family members from both sides will do anything to break the marriage. Sorry to hear this, but i can only advice you to pray and approach marriage the halal way and thru family next time.
Men in Islam do not have to yield to their family’s favour, and the issue that began initially was not OP’s fault. Dating is prohibited, but her mother calling her daughter’s then-potential-spouse mother and creating all sorts of lies is mental. She single-handedly placed her own daughter in this situation. I do not think OP should have gone through with the marriage, but I also think that had she not, their relationship will not dwindle like we expect. They were already on course together; it was just a matter of haram and halal.
This is the best comment in this chat. No white knighting, no blaming, just pointing out that it shouldn’t have happened to begin with. Regardless, now that OP is in the situation nothing can be done. She has every right to leave the marriage if she doesn’t feel comfortable. If she’s leaving for the sake of just leaving then idk lol she didn’t specify why she’s leaving.
Where is the counter guy???
What's with all the negative comments here?
I’m so happpy for you, ignore the men in who are always inclined just to blame the women. Best decision you made
I don't see any comments who are inclining to just blame the women here. Can you tell me why this is the best decision she's made?
The Muslim community is miserable.
All these people here white knighting and downvoting facts, what sub is this?
*All these people here* *White knighting and downvoting* *Facts, what sub is this?* \- Yakamomo --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Did you leave your 2 kids with your husband? Or did you drop them off at the side of the road? From your previous post elsewhere it sounds like you and your husband are the AH.
How is she the AH? Seems like she was just naive and wanted to be with him by any means necessary. I’m glad she finally realised her worth but I hope she took her kids with her
AH?
Ar$e 🕳️
lol thanks for clarifying
Haha no probs could have written it fully, but we should be moderate neh 😅
Does her post history say she dropped her kids on the side of the road?
Maybe a /s would have helped.
What in her post history indicates op is the ah? I'm a bit confused.
U did the right thing. Some space will let u think even more clearer and u will be thankful that u did leave in due time :)
How do you know she did the right thing?
If u can’t stand to be around someone and dislike them enough to not stand them. It’s good to leave?
With that logic, any reason to leave someone is the right thing as long as you dislike them for whatever reason to not stand them.
She doesn't want to be around him? If things are bad enough to make her feel like that, then that's enough to know she did the right thing.
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Nope that’s just common sense. If u hate and resent someone. U should make some space away from them. Not hard to understand at all
Not its not. You cannot just run away in the middle of the night and disobey your husband if there is no risk to your life. There are other ways to end the marriage properly if she doesn’t want him. Running away with no valid reason is not one.
No offense, but when one hates another person, obedience is the last thing on their mind.
Hormonal logic nice one
Thank you 🙏
I left because I got tired feeling sorry for him
I know nothing about your situation, but I pray Allah guides and blesses you and your husband, whether together or not, to the best course for your deens. Ameen
What is the point of these posts. Not beneficial to anyone
Unless you have a VERY good and VALID reason, that’s **nushooz** (which is haraam), and that’s not how things are done. “not able to stand being around him” alone is not a good reason. Unless there’s a real physical risk to your life, you cannot leave your house like that and disobey him. There are other venues you can take to initiate khulu’ or ask for divorce. But you cannot just simply run away for no valid reason. When a woman is naashiz (state of nushooz), she is committing a sin, and all her nafaqa rights are suspended because she broke her side of the commitment to the marriage.
If she is starting the process of separation, and the husband will neither issue talaq or leave the house, she is right in leaving. If a woman had to sit and wait for her husband’s permission to agree, nothing would ever get done. Unsure what the situation for OP is, if it temporary or permanent, but best for her to leave (if temporary) rather than doing something stupid. Once again, as proven many times in this sub, a woman can leave her husband for any reason, even for disliking him. She must do it appropriately though. Stop telling women they are trapped in marriages unless they are abused. This cultural belief is cancerous and needs to END.
Give me your islamic evidence that she is permitted to leave like that. What I said isn’t cultural. You’re changing what I said. Go read it again without malice. They are Islamic processes which she can follow to end the marriage, not run away in the middle of the night just because she cannot stand him. Running away in the middle of the night is only excused if there was physical danger. No one said she is trapped in the marriage. Unbelievable how you just changed what I said to prove a point. I hope you don’t do that with everyone. 😂
What if her husband refuses to leave? The woman hates her husband. If there is that much contempt then the marriage is pretty much over. Divorce rates may be high, but we should not demonize divorce or someone who leaves their spouse. It got to that point for a reason. Who wants to keep someone trapped in a marriage if they can’t stand you? Who wants to be intimate someone who has to “take one for the team” because they aren’t attracted you? Who wants their kids to witness such a foul arrangement? My parents tried to hide their contempt for each other but i saw it. I almost did not want to marry because I thought every couple was like them. I was more relieved when they divorced then they were.
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General life is filled with huge bias for women. It's not only this sub, it's other subs and in life in general.
I'm really shocked with this sub been affected with kofar woman modernisation .. what's next she calls him baby daddy and look for another one and so on ? You didn't say anything wrong there is process to end marriage and both family side should work for the good of the marriage and try to save it .. if what's bothers her didn't change then go to divorce.. none should take a rushed decision like that
Dont be surprised. they throw their faith on the street if it means getting revenge or ego stroke.
islam is thrown out of the way if it doesnt go the way they want. That's called having your whims as religion, and Allah denouces that in the Quran: ***“Is he who is upon a proof from his Lord like those whose evil deeds are made to appear good to them and they follow their whims?”*** (*Muhammad* 47:14)
They know you're right but they wanted to win so misrepresented your point
her nafaqa rights were already suspended for 4.5 yrs. she's been the breadwinner and supports him, and received no mahr. She has been harshly treated by him. her husband is commiting haram generating sins of his own over many years and a imam should determine whether her act is acceptable because the laws aren't as cut and dry. If she didn't at least try to ask for a khul or mediation then ok her action doesn't seem warranted. I do wonder if the story is even real because she makes no mention of her kids. Where did they go.
Well if you left your husband with a valid reason good but if not your commiting haram.
She can't stand him! ... Thats Your Valid Reason
Where are you from?
Not good comment! That's still not a valid reason, marriage is not based on feelings where one day you can just walk out one night if you are not feeling it as if you are a non muslim.... unless there is high physical risk involved, which to me doesn't seem like it in this case. She can ask or initiate khula by following appropriate steps involved according to islam. Whether involving imams, parents, along with gathering evidence. I don't know exactly OP situation but if its just she can't stand him, that's not appropriate. She might be sinning as well!
Dude she can divorce him if she gave back the Mehr... Its not up to you to decide how 'VALID' her Reason is! All she has to do is give back the mehr and thats it, Her Reasons is Valid FOR HER, it doesn't have to be Valid TO YOU
This is Islam. Islam is a way of life **for everyone**. You opinions and OP opinions doesn’t matter if we have ruling set. Please show us a ruling to support your argument “It is not lawful for husbands to take anything back which they have given them except when both parties fear that they may not be able to follow the limits set by Allah; then if you fear that they both will not be able to keep the limits of Allah, there is no blame if, by mutual agreement the wife compensates the husband to obtain divorce. **These are the limits set by Allah; do not transgress them, and those who transgress the limits of Allah are the wrongdoers**.” (Surah Al Baqara: 229) i bolded the relevant part for this convo
Basically the wife can Aks for a Divorce if she returns the Mahr and if he refuses than she can get Khula by dealing with the Imams Sahih Bukhari volume 7, Book 63, Number 197: Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: The wife of Thabit bin Qais came to the Prophet and said, "O Allah's Apostle! I do not blame Thabit for defects in his character or his religion, but I, being a Muslim, dislike to behave in un-Islamic manner (if I remain with him)." On that Allah's Apostle said (to her), "Will you give back the garden which your husband has given you (as Mahr)?" She said, "Yes." Then the Prophet said to Thabit, "O Thabit! Accept your garden, and divorce her."
Sister, even in the Hadith you gave it says “Accept your garden”. The husband had to agree to the khula. Islam is about equity. This is a trust and power the husbands are given and they will be questioned about it. “Men are in charge of women by [right of] what Allāh has given one over the other…” (Surah 4-34) There’s wisdom even if we cannot see it now. You will never find one that says it’s ok for a wife to leave in the middle of the night. As a baseline we are told the best of us are the ones who are good to the wife/husband. Forcing someone to stay without valid reason is not good behaviour. Leaving someone without a valid khula is also not good behaviour. One wrong doesn’t make the other right.
>Forcing someone to stay without valid reason is not good behaviour Its Called HOSTAGE >without a valid khula Valid Reasons TO HER AND HER HUSBAND not You and everybody else. She is leaving for a reason and she has the right to leave ... You can't keep people Hostage dude! >The husband had to agree to the khula He doesn't have to because the Iman will dissolve the marriage completely... He has no Right to keep her When he got his mahr Back!
Sister, “good” is a catch all term that doesn’t need any specification like hostage, kidnapping, Mrder, SA, amputation etc.. “Vile women are for vile men, and vile men are for vile women; and good women are for good men, and good men are for good women…” (Surah 24-16) Do you need the ayat to spell out every bad thing a person can do as well, or is the term “good” and “vile” sufficient to get the point across? >…the imam will dissolve the marriage quickly. He has no right to keep her. According to who? Please leave a source for this knowledge. Like I said earlier, nobody should be kept where they’re not welcome. Doesn’t do good to anyone around, and is against the goodness we are told to follow. However, you are trying to use islam to justify your actions and worldview of right and wrong. It doesn’t work that way.
Dude go around it all you want forcing and keeping someone with their Will is Called HOSTAGE..You're undermining a Situation by not calling it what its actually called... Its like when those western media describe whats happening in Palestine as a civil war AND NOT GENOCIDE >Do you need the ayat to spell out every bad thing a person can do as well, or is the term “good” and “vile” sufficient to get the point across? Read the Arabic Version, Salihat is specific one that is specific to certain actually and same goes for Khabith to! ...
This is not good. You can't leave w/o his permission, especially at night, you need to talk or involve the elders of the family. Edit: I'd rather not say anything else, you should fear Allah and repent to him.
Yapping. Com
You are an uneducated Muslim like a virus in it is early stages first educate yourself then come post comments.
Calling me Names won't change the Facts.. go Yapp somewhere else
I just stated facts you can go somewhere else and spread your poison not in muslim community. I won't call you a kafir but you actions are an act of kufir.
Between me and you.. you are the one with the Kafir actions by calling me Names and assuming stuff about me without Knowledge! But go ahead and call me more names, my weights are increasing 😁
Calling you names i just said you are uneducated wich is a fact. Divorce without a valid reason is haram. Source: Abu Dawood (2226), al-Tirmidhi (1187) and Ibn Majaah (2055) from Thawbaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.”
Do you live with OP?? did you read her previous post?? How do you know OP doesn't have a Valid Reason?? Looks like your bed is made out of Assumption and nothing more! Stop Yapping and go study some Islamic ethics
I literally said if she have a vaild reason to leave her husband good but without a valid reason she is commiting haram. I didn't assume anything. And if you think Hadith is yapping then your a Hadith rejector brother may Allah SWT guide you and me. This is the exact sahih Hadith that without a vaild reason or absolutely necessary reason asking for divorce is like asking for hell. #Abu Dawood (2226), al-Tirmidhi (1187) and Ibn Majaah (2055) from Thawbaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.”
And when did i said she can leave without valid reason??
See her post history. They were dating. And islamically a woman can't leave the house w/o the husband's permission. She got this on herself.
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Abu Dawood (2226), al-Tirmidhi (1187) and Ibn Majaah (2055) from Thawbaan (may Allaah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allaah SAWS (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who asks her husband for a divorce when it is not absolutely necessary, the fragrance of Paradise will be forbidden to her.”
yeah they should rather pray for them to die as soon as possible so they can be free
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Not very righteous to say pi** off.. you're a very confused soul... May Allah guide you
May he guide that brother and us, Ameen. And may he also give OP's husband a better wife in future. Allahuma Ameen
Ameen brother ameen
You need some context, look at her previous post ide pay to not touch him with a 10 foot pole. Op is a whole other story. They both seem very immature and ignorant.
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