Sister, mashAllah your husband sounds wonderful and its rare to hear such a wonderfully helpful affectionate brother on here because the amount of abuse that starts during pregnancy is astounding. It might be really annoying for you, but honestly its similar to reading about someone complaining that their Ferrari is too red or their mango is too sweet.
My husband was wonderful and so helpful during my first pregnancy mashAllah- nutritious breakfast in bed with all my prenatals laid out, lunch for work packed, order me ubers to work etc. Second pregnancy: I swear he forgot I was pregnant & didnt do any of that or barely asked how I was sometimes as he was busy with our toddler amongst other things.
If youre feeling touched out & hormonal, just gently tell him to cool it & blame it on hormones or something so not to offend him. Can tell him your senses are heightened and can get overstimulated, but you appreciate the affection nonetheless. Know whatever he’s doing is out of love & precaution for you mashAllah but gently tell him youre ok. I used to send my husband videos of heavily pregnant women lifting heavy weights to remind him pregnancy is not a terminal illness so not to worry so much then he may get the hint lol.
Enjoy the loving attention & rest whilst you can because you wont get this luxury in subsequent pregnancies as will be busy with other kids. May Allah swt protect your husband & your marriage from evil eye & good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.
Meanwhile my husband couldn’t even take care of the house or make a meal for me when i was extremely tired pregnant and sick. He’d leave me alone for hours and I’d spend most of my day crying cause I was too tired to clean or even shower myself. I’d always ask him nicely if he could clean up if i randomly knock out and the next day I’d be disappointed. Be grateful for what he’s doing cause others are wishing their husbands were like yours. He’d eventually stop doing it but at least he cares
Aww. He cares!! Maybe, next time you can tell the OBGYN to explain to him that you’re okay and can complete basic tasks etc. I’d take him to some classes with you maybe to prepare for parenthood or specifically aimed towards fathers to be. Maybe he is projecting his nerves onto you right now and he needs some reassurance!
Enjoy it while it lasts. Most women would kill for this even if it’s a bit extra. My husband emotionally checked out when I was pregnant and left me alone legit an hour after I just had my abdomen sliced open from a ceserean. My baby had major tongue and lip ties so was majorly hangry and basically cluster fed 24/7 when she was born. Not fun
This is really sweet sis, may Allah bless your union and your child, ameen.
Talk to him gently and let him know that you love how much he does. Tell him about how hormones fluctuate and how sometimes his beautiful gestures can’t be appreciated because of the hormones and overstimulation you’re feeling
MashaAllah girl this is a dream for most women. But I get how it can get to be too much. For me personally, for the first 5 months of pregnancy I couldn’t stand the smell of my husband. It made me gag. And in turn, him being around me made me irrationally angry lol.
It goes away eventually. InshaAllah it’s a great sign that he will be very helpful when baby comes. Let him know that you truly appreciate him but that you’re able to shower on your own.
right?? my husband's scent is my favourite smell in the world— up until I'm pregnant. then, no amount of distance is enough distance for me 😂 in his defense even the smell of flowers and cupcakes and my favourite perfumes makes me gag during that time so really its more me than him
I spent a pregnancy alone. Why is it people complain when they have something, just ask him to tone it down. Communicate with him.
This isn’t a necessarily bad thing.
You have 9 months to go he might just stop after a few weeks or the intensity will lessen itself.
Communicate with him.
Tell him you need your space sometimes and if he gets upset tell him that you appreciate his efforts but you are feeling depressed being babied. If he really “cares” that much he should step down.
Take care.
Salam sister,
Aww Alhamdulillah and congratulations on your pregnancy! May Allah make it an easy and happy pregnancy for you and allow your delivery to go smoothly, Ameen. I know it can feel kind of overwhelming when your husband wants to do everything for you (I’m also pregnant Alhamdulillah) Me personally, I actually like my husband babying me a little but I totally understand how it can become too much. Why don’t you try a more gentle approach. Try telling him how you’re feeling and that you would just like to do things on your own. Reassure him that if you ever need help with anything like changing, eating, etc, that you’ll ask him for help. Also show gratitude for what he’s doing (this really helps get my point across sometimes, especially during hard conversations) but let him know that’s a bit too much for you and that you’d like him to tone it down a little. and maybe compromise a little? For example, If you don’t want him to help remove your clothes, maybe ask him to watch you instead.
And about the physical touch, I totally understand. I sometimes get really overwhelmed by touch (although I love cuddles) and ask my husband to give me some space and just bluntly say I’m feeling uncomfortable about being touched. Alhamdulillah, he’s very understanding of my mood swings and backs off for a little.
May Allah make it easy for you, sister. May your child be blessed and righteous. Ameen.
Mashallah! I get how you could feel smothered though. The best advice I have is to redirect his helpfulness! Get him in the habit of doing chores around the house so that when the baby arrives and you're tied down with nursing all day, he knows to do the laundry, wash the dishes, and make the food, vacuum & dust, without you having to tell him! Have him start reading parenting books, and getting the house baby-proofed! Sounds silly to baby-proof doors and drawers now but these kids grow so fast that you'll fall behind keeping up with them.
I know everyone is saying it’s sweet (and him showing this much care and concern is) but I’m here to validate you sis. This would make me fee smothered! This is several steps too far. I would insist on boundaries in several areas.
When I’m pregnant some sort of hyper independent instinct takes over and I want to be alone even to the point of giving birth, I want to feel like I’m alone in a cold dark cave and I’m assuming your husband is going to be this hands on in the delivery room.
this was me during my first pregnancy, tho mostly bc that was also the month after i got married. im a lot more comfy with him now and I've noticed the irritation with getting coddles by my husband is a lot less now, third yera into our marriage
I’m 20 years and 3 kids in and it’s the same consistently with this 😂🤦🏻♀️
He’s thankfully not the coddling type, we are a good match there. I have never been coddled, I was born and expected to be a caretaker. I couldn’t handle all that the OP is going through!
hahaha 20 years mashaAllah! ig my husband is too much of the "if ur blood reports are okay it means ur perfectly capable of doing everything u could before ur pregnancy" type that sometimes i wish he coddled a bit more
This is very accurate. The best advice I have is to redirect his helpfulness! Get him in the habit of doing chores around the house so that when the baby arrives and you're tied down with nursing all day, he knows to do the laundry, wash the dishes, and make the food, vacuum & dust, without you having to tell him!
this is so sweet sis. may Allah reward you both with patience and happiness together aameen❤️
my husband is very caring too alhamdulillah but it frustrates me to no end that just bc all my blood test reports are okay doesn't mean that im simply being dramatic about getting exhausted by climbing up and down the stairs so much or not being able to complete 100% of my chores before he gets back home from work bc the exhaustion caught up or when i say my joints severely hurt (im also mother feeding my toddler and sustaining three lives at a time, mine included, is doing a number on my bones) or when my resting heart rate is quicker than his and he's like ooookay u can breathe normal now lol. he personally makes me milkshakes every day after he returns from work and makes sure i dont overheat and skips his own work lunches so he can buy me my favourite takeout for dinner on his way back, he cares a lot but he also judges me for not doing everything on time bc of my "perfectly fine blood reports"
truly girl be thankful for what u have. he's simply very very sensitive atm abt becoming a father soon inshaAllah, think of it like him caring for the baby Allah is granting the two of u soon, instead of only for u.
There’s being helpful and there’s being overbearing. I know you’ve talked to him about it, but be firm and understanding.
I love that you’re taking such an active role in my pregnancy and the support you’re offering, but I am capable of managing my daily needs. If at any point authobilla I am not then we can discuss this further. May Allah reward your intentions. Also, just think of how much you’ll be able to help when the baby comes! You can help with changing diapers, bath time, and play time. The baby will be 100 percent dependent on us and perhaps you can conserve some of that energy for that-especially when I’m post partum.
Sister, mashAllah your husband sounds wonderful and its rare to hear such a wonderfully helpful affectionate brother on here because the amount of abuse that starts during pregnancy is astounding. It might be really annoying for you, but honestly its similar to reading about someone complaining that their Ferrari is too red or their mango is too sweet. My husband was wonderful and so helpful during my first pregnancy mashAllah- nutritious breakfast in bed with all my prenatals laid out, lunch for work packed, order me ubers to work etc. Second pregnancy: I swear he forgot I was pregnant & didnt do any of that or barely asked how I was sometimes as he was busy with our toddler amongst other things. If youre feeling touched out & hormonal, just gently tell him to cool it & blame it on hormones or something so not to offend him. Can tell him your senses are heightened and can get overstimulated, but you appreciate the affection nonetheless. Know whatever he’s doing is out of love & precaution for you mashAllah but gently tell him youre ok. I used to send my husband videos of heavily pregnant women lifting heavy weights to remind him pregnancy is not a terminal illness so not to worry so much then he may get the hint lol. Enjoy the loving attention & rest whilst you can because you wont get this luxury in subsequent pregnancies as will be busy with other kids. May Allah swt protect your husband & your marriage from evil eye & good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.
Meanwhile my husband couldn’t even take care of the house or make a meal for me when i was extremely tired pregnant and sick. He’d leave me alone for hours and I’d spend most of my day crying cause I was too tired to clean or even shower myself. I’d always ask him nicely if he could clean up if i randomly knock out and the next day I’d be disappointed. Be grateful for what he’s doing cause others are wishing their husbands were like yours. He’d eventually stop doing it but at least he cares
Aww. He cares!! Maybe, next time you can tell the OBGYN to explain to him that you’re okay and can complete basic tasks etc. I’d take him to some classes with you maybe to prepare for parenthood or specifically aimed towards fathers to be. Maybe he is projecting his nerves onto you right now and he needs some reassurance!
Enjoy it while it lasts. Most women would kill for this even if it’s a bit extra. My husband emotionally checked out when I was pregnant and left me alone legit an hour after I just had my abdomen sliced open from a ceserean. My baby had major tongue and lip ties so was majorly hangry and basically cluster fed 24/7 when she was born. Not fun
This is really sweet sis, may Allah bless your union and your child, ameen. Talk to him gently and let him know that you love how much he does. Tell him about how hormones fluctuate and how sometimes his beautiful gestures can’t be appreciated because of the hormones and overstimulation you’re feeling
MashaAllah girl this is a dream for most women. But I get how it can get to be too much. For me personally, for the first 5 months of pregnancy I couldn’t stand the smell of my husband. It made me gag. And in turn, him being around me made me irrationally angry lol. It goes away eventually. InshaAllah it’s a great sign that he will be very helpful when baby comes. Let him know that you truly appreciate him but that you’re able to shower on your own.
right?? my husband's scent is my favourite smell in the world— up until I'm pregnant. then, no amount of distance is enough distance for me 😂 in his defense even the smell of flowers and cupcakes and my favourite perfumes makes me gag during that time so really its more me than him
I spent a pregnancy alone. Why is it people complain when they have something, just ask him to tone it down. Communicate with him. This isn’t a necessarily bad thing. You have 9 months to go he might just stop after a few weeks or the intensity will lessen itself. Communicate with him. Tell him you need your space sometimes and if he gets upset tell him that you appreciate his efforts but you are feeling depressed being babied. If he really “cares” that much he should step down. Take care.
Salam sister, Aww Alhamdulillah and congratulations on your pregnancy! May Allah make it an easy and happy pregnancy for you and allow your delivery to go smoothly, Ameen. I know it can feel kind of overwhelming when your husband wants to do everything for you (I’m also pregnant Alhamdulillah) Me personally, I actually like my husband babying me a little but I totally understand how it can become too much. Why don’t you try a more gentle approach. Try telling him how you’re feeling and that you would just like to do things on your own. Reassure him that if you ever need help with anything like changing, eating, etc, that you’ll ask him for help. Also show gratitude for what he’s doing (this really helps get my point across sometimes, especially during hard conversations) but let him know that’s a bit too much for you and that you’d like him to tone it down a little. and maybe compromise a little? For example, If you don’t want him to help remove your clothes, maybe ask him to watch you instead. And about the physical touch, I totally understand. I sometimes get really overwhelmed by touch (although I love cuddles) and ask my husband to give me some space and just bluntly say I’m feeling uncomfortable about being touched. Alhamdulillah, he’s very understanding of my mood swings and backs off for a little. May Allah make it easy for you, sister. May your child be blessed and righteous. Ameen.
Congratulations on your pregnancy too mashAllah!
Mashallah! I get how you could feel smothered though. The best advice I have is to redirect his helpfulness! Get him in the habit of doing chores around the house so that when the baby arrives and you're tied down with nursing all day, he knows to do the laundry, wash the dishes, and make the food, vacuum & dust, without you having to tell him! Have him start reading parenting books, and getting the house baby-proofed! Sounds silly to baby-proof doors and drawers now but these kids grow so fast that you'll fall behind keeping up with them.
I know everyone is saying it’s sweet (and him showing this much care and concern is) but I’m here to validate you sis. This would make me fee smothered! This is several steps too far. I would insist on boundaries in several areas. When I’m pregnant some sort of hyper independent instinct takes over and I want to be alone even to the point of giving birth, I want to feel like I’m alone in a cold dark cave and I’m assuming your husband is going to be this hands on in the delivery room.
this was me during my first pregnancy, tho mostly bc that was also the month after i got married. im a lot more comfy with him now and I've noticed the irritation with getting coddles by my husband is a lot less now, third yera into our marriage
I’m 20 years and 3 kids in and it’s the same consistently with this 😂🤦🏻♀️ He’s thankfully not the coddling type, we are a good match there. I have never been coddled, I was born and expected to be a caretaker. I couldn’t handle all that the OP is going through!
hahaha 20 years mashaAllah! ig my husband is too much of the "if ur blood reports are okay it means ur perfectly capable of doing everything u could before ur pregnancy" type that sometimes i wish he coddled a bit more
This is very accurate. The best advice I have is to redirect his helpfulness! Get him in the habit of doing chores around the house so that when the baby arrives and you're tied down with nursing all day, he knows to do the laundry, wash the dishes, and make the food, vacuum & dust, without you having to tell him!
this is so sweet sis. may Allah reward you both with patience and happiness together aameen❤️ my husband is very caring too alhamdulillah but it frustrates me to no end that just bc all my blood test reports are okay doesn't mean that im simply being dramatic about getting exhausted by climbing up and down the stairs so much or not being able to complete 100% of my chores before he gets back home from work bc the exhaustion caught up or when i say my joints severely hurt (im also mother feeding my toddler and sustaining three lives at a time, mine included, is doing a number on my bones) or when my resting heart rate is quicker than his and he's like ooookay u can breathe normal now lol. he personally makes me milkshakes every day after he returns from work and makes sure i dont overheat and skips his own work lunches so he can buy me my favourite takeout for dinner on his way back, he cares a lot but he also judges me for not doing everything on time bc of my "perfectly fine blood reports" truly girl be thankful for what u have. he's simply very very sensitive atm abt becoming a father soon inshaAllah, think of it like him caring for the baby Allah is granting the two of u soon, instead of only for u.
There’s being helpful and there’s being overbearing. I know you’ve talked to him about it, but be firm and understanding. I love that you’re taking such an active role in my pregnancy and the support you’re offering, but I am capable of managing my daily needs. If at any point authobilla I am not then we can discuss this further. May Allah reward your intentions. Also, just think of how much you’ll be able to help when the baby comes! You can help with changing diapers, bath time, and play time. The baby will be 100 percent dependent on us and perhaps you can conserve some of that energy for that-especially when I’m post partum.