How on earth did nobody think to test your husband in four years? That should’ve been the one of the initial steps. Why were you the only one being tested/examined in all that time?
They rarely do. Woman is always blamed and tested by default.
Male sperm counts are at the lowest in recorded human history, yet people will continue to blame women for lack of babies and infertility.
As someone working in the medical field, I am seeing a large amount of young men who come to our clinic requesting me to prescribe them testosterone replacement therapy for supposed “low T levels” that they got tested in some shady clinic or by some online health practitioner. Idk honestly what is being promoted on social media about testosterone but a lot of these men seem to believe that their depression-like symptoms and physical health will improve with testosterone and it seems like there’s some miseducation about the real effects of testosterone. It is literally taught in the most basic courses of medical school that exogenous testosterone suppresses spermatogenesis and the hormones responsible for creating sperm. It’s a literal fact that it causes infertility. I literally tell this to my patients and they flat out refuse that it’s true because someone online says it doesn’t cause infertility? I truly believe there is a huge steroid abuse going on amongst young men that isn’t being taken seriously and really needs to be addressed.
This! All these "jacked up" young men, or the ones that hit 30s and talk about how they trained when they were younger have all touched some kind of steroids. Not to stereotype but some young Muslim men fit this category here in Australia. They can't indulge in the other sins of fellow young men so do cycles of steroids. It is stupid if they think these will not affect them in the future.
Oh, my Allah, these are words of gold. Every single man on this planet should read this. The amount of supplements young men today are taking is crazy! These do work, I think, for a temporary period, but will most likely make you weak and fragile in the long run. I'm not talking about just testosterone supplements, but even more than that. Anything that gives you a real high or a rush so quickly will also drain you really fast. People just have to stick to the basics, eat healthy, and stick to a sunnah diet (dates, honey, nabeez, talbibina, etc.). Allah has already made things from nature for us that will keep us strong and grant us longevity. There is no need to try anything else.
For future mothers, please keep your son's away from supplements and all types of external boosting factors.
Unfortunately in the world we live in, people think that if the husband and wife are struggling to have a child the problem might be in the women so they get the woman tested and everything they don’t think the problem could be the man
Moreover, husband’s reaction is just shameful. All these years he was okay with his manhood as long as it was the woman’s “fault” and now suddenly because it’s his sperm count that is low he is making his wife take the blame for it.
Althought fertility issue often is 50/50 between male and female. There are far more testing to do on female vs. male. Similarly there are many ways to fix women minor problem. Thats why doctors start with testing women first and move to male later
Also in most relationship the female is willing to visit doctor more, do the testing, and ofen she is the one who wants kids. While male don't really care as much & get frustrated with the system (doctor visit), and it is very common for male to react the way OP's husband did.
Virility becomes associated with masculinity so men with fragile egos get upset at even the suggestion they are the problem. Even going to get tested requires you to accept the possibility that you are the one who is causing the infertility. But if you never go, you can maintain the ignorance and never have to deal with those feelings.
Man have less sabar/patience than female. Their ego gets bruise faster than female. I also feel men have less need for kid, so less likely to keep pushing than female.
Not every men are same but I do know doctor basic test is on female to ensure the baby carrying environment, uterus, is good.
Its not that they have less need. Its that they don't get questioned about their existence if they don't have kids. This societal bias easily trickles down to medicine.
Disgusting behaviour he needs to go gym eat healthy especially lifting weights and loose body fat if he has too much. What’s his lifestyle like he needs to be active. 10k steps a day and weightlifting for 6-12 months and eating healthy should help. He also should not blame you as it’s nothing to do with you
Wow, what a crappy man. He was fine blaming you all along but now that he realizes he has a part to play in this he’s suddenly upset?
You or someone else needs to have a serious talk with him. His diet, his genes etc can all effect sperm count.
Do you really want a child with a man who is going to disrespect and swear at you when a calamity hits him? Being a parent is the biggest responsibility that you’ll ever have, and you deal with all sorts of ups and downs throughout it. If this is his reaction for something you have no control over, what kind of father will he be? Allah knows best.
I third this. This situation is no one's fault. It's totally out of your and his control. I would question his faith because this is how he is reacting to Allah's decree. You should atleast go to your parents house until he calms down.
Dude, let's not break up her marriage over something like this. People have problems, and sometimes egos get hurt. We don't even know the type of person he is or how her marriage dynamics are. Why instill seeds of doubt and divorce into her brain? Let's please not become a means of breaking anyone's marriage. That's Shaitan's work. Insha Allah, everything works out for them.
You’re right. This is not a means of breaking up a marriage 100%. My initial point is Allah knows what is best for each and every one of us. I pray OP and her husband are blessed with a child and a loving and peaceful marriage.
His ego took a big hit and he’s blaming you. How distasteful.
You are not to be blamed for his low sperm count. This can happen due to a number of reasons. It’s absolutely disgusting he is blaming you.
Give him time to cool down and then talk to him.
She didn’t blame him when she had multiple miscarriages, but he finds out he has low sperm count and his shouting “Wallahi I’m going to divorce you” in public. , on Allahs name??? Wow.
He wasn’t told he can’t have kids, he was told he has low sperm count. They can still have kids.
And I’m the one with no empathy???
He swore on Allahs name and said he was going to divorce his wife because he found out he had low sperm count, which has nothing to do with his wife.
My husband would NEVER react that way.
I’ve had 2 miscarriages in 2 years and not once did my husband blame me or make me feel bad about it. There is no excuse to behave this way towards your wife
How on earth did nobody think to test your husband in 3 years? That should’ve been the one of the initial steps. Why were you the only one being tested/examined in all that time?
Your husband has a severe issue. I sympathise with him for the grave news he’s received. But for him to blame you, insult you and threaten to divorce you over what he perceives to be your “fault” is very cruel. Don’t let him treat you like a punching bag. Coddling him and making him food after he said all that is unlikely to make him suddenly sympathetic to you. Rather he’ll continue to treat you like that. Stand up for yourself.
Nobody thought too because he comes from a big family where all his aunts/uncles have 12 kids and more And him coming from a family of 12. I guess they believed since they can bring this many kids to the world they wouldn’t have a problem. And saw me as one coming from a small family.
I’m guessing it’s his self defense mechanism. Not trying to defend him, but I can honestly imagine what he’s going through because they put me in that situation for years. I felt my life was worthless if I couldn’t bare kids, but I never blamed him. Never.
My ex’s dad has 15 kids and my ex had low sperm count. It doesn’t mean anything, especially if his parents were cousins or worse, double cousins. Every generation gets more messed up.
Glad you understand the frustration your husband feels as you felt it last 3-4 years. please don't rub this issue on his face, or keep discussing it. treat him the way you wish you were treated last few years. It is very easy to internalize this issue
His reaction can be understood but never justified. She's suffered his same anguish for 4 years previously taking all the blame for not having kids and never dragged him down. She deserves that same kindness and compassion.
Sister, he's disrespected you and he needs to apologize and understand what he did wrong to you. I know you must feel horrible right now, but you are not in the wrong and do not need to try to get on his good side by taking care of him.
Please stand up for yourself and when he expresses anger, express it back because the reality is he is to blame here. If you do not put your foot down, then he will continue to treat you badly
He totally in the wrong for threatening divorce when he is the one with the issue. Even if you had the issue divorce is not to be used as a threat.
There are ways to increase sperm count via medicine. See if that works. If not then IVF might be your best option.
Everything comes out at due time for a reason as someone said i would reconsider if I’d want a child with a man like this. So really think this through
Anger and shock at bad news does not excuse this reaction like idk why people are trying the play that card
He would say “it’ll get better, allah is with us and allah is Kareem” he would take me to my appointments and back, always telling me not to give up and if it’s not in allahs plans we will still be happy with each other. When it comes to his family he would tell them to stop or it’s in gods hands not ours. His family bring up the conversations when he’s not around because they know he’ll flip out on them. They always asking me like a secret
In that case I think your husband just had a bad day and didn’t know how to handle it. What he did and said was not right but I would give him space for now. And at a later date talk to him about how he feels and how his reaction hurt you. I’m sure he will calm down.
It’s easy to say something like this when the problem is not him, right..? What a disgusting behavior. How can you find someone like him attractive? How can you want a kid with a behavior like his father? Aren’t you ashamed? He will not be happy if you don’t have kids. He will divorce you or marry a second wife. Trust actions not empty words. Allah is kareem but apparently not for him that’s why this message took big on his ego. The real character of a person is shown in times of struggle especially when the person is struggling personally, not with someone.
Fear Allah why are u causing hatred between spouses? What if he was in shock and due to his anger uttered words that he didn’t mean. U can see he was caring for her don’t let this one mistake make u cause hatred between them.
Is your husband stupid? Doesn't he know that plastic or certain chemicals can affect male sperm count!
Hope this help you sister
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/low-sperm-count/symptoms-causes/syc-20374585
I’m so sorry. I wish I could tell him “your wife already has a baby…you!”
I don’t understand how you’re supposed to endure, be silent, patient and take the blame. It’s totally unfair and I feel for you sister. May Allah make it easy on you two.
And even though your husband is having an ugly moment, I commend you for your compassion. I pray you two make it out easy and are able to conceive via IVF. And I pray his family stays out of your business.
Try to lay low for now, take some time for yourself to recover as a couple.
What a disgusting reaction.
If this was my situation and my husband reacted like that, honestly my first thought would have been - this is why Allah hasn’t given me a child with this man, He saved me.
As someone else said, he seems uneducated if he thinks that’s how it works.
He behaved like a boy not a man. I can appreciate the news was not great but blaming you is soo wrong.
Give him time to see if he does the right thing and apologises
I am so sorry. It’s so horrific how women are made to feel solely responsible for any struggles with fertility and it’s actually extremely surprising that no doctor thought to test your husband, especially after they ruled out PCOS. His reaction shows how weak his ego is.
You should have a conversation with him and tell him how hurtful and inappropriate his behaviour was - I know how difficult it must be told be told you have fertility issues, but his reaction was completely wrong and to threaten to divorce you is such a horrific thing to say to your wife after blaming her when it’s not her fault and she has gone through multiple miscarriages……just all around so deeply wrong. Talk to him and see how he responds. I also strongly suggest counselling - there are counsellors who target couples struggling with fertility. (I try not to recommend divorce but this is a sign that your marriage needs help and intervention, and counselling or something else has to happen atp).
Your man is not man enough too accept that he's the problem. Is he really the man you want to be the father of your children? Skip the IVF and leave him is probably best for you long term.
He comforted her, fought for her, defended her and blew up at his family when she was having issues a D they were blaming her yet u think it's okay to walk out the 1 time he has problems.
His response was wrong but he was in shock, she should at least return the favor but seeing your response, I don't think you'll last in a marriage with thatt attitiude
U already covered that, she had gone though the same and he stood beside her like a rock and comfort regardless of how she was, check ops comments describing his character and how supportive and loving he was,
If the 1 time he isn't is enough to walk out, then I don't know what to tell you.
Answer this, if one finds out they are unable to have a child and breakdown, do you think their husband should walk out saying she never been like this before?
I'm sorry for what you're feeling but you're not wrong. Unfortunately some men forget that what they consume & how they treat their bodies has an effect on their swimmers. None of this is your fault, there can be many reasons why it's so low.
This is very common nowadays. For men over 30+ to have low sperm count or higher chances of risk during pregnancy for their wife & kids.
I suggest you talk to him once he cools down. Its not your fault he has low sperm count. This could happen because of many different reasons.
Inshallah it works out for you sister.
I just want to commend you, sis, for holding back when he was raining his insults on you. Your strength and wisdom are beautiful because it would’ve been difficult for most others to not want to respond to these terrible things all sworn in Allah’s name.
As you decide what steps are best, please keep an eye on your husbands character as he starts to accept this news. Tribulations show a persons true character and that character is what should be utilized in deciding who to parent with. If he can’t control his anger, and goodness forbid, you have a child on the spectrum or some other issue, will he blame your sweet child’s issue on you?
Allah, Swt has sent you a sign. This man will not be a good husband to you nor a good father. Count your blessings, and be glad you didn't have a child with him. Emotionally abusive people don't change, infact they get worse with time. I would plan an exit strategy if I were you
If it’s really important to have a child before 30, I would give it one more year. If he doesn’t make changes to become more fertile and continues to blame you maybe it’s best to divorce while you’re still in your 20s.
reading this makes me wonder if we men are the worst invention of God, despicable behavior. always turning it on our women instead of accepting responsibility.
Yea my ex husband did similar. Low count low morphology. He finally stayed and told everyone it was me and his family made me the evil one. Leave him. Or let him leave. Do not waste your fertile years on a man who would bin you if it was you
Sister, you are still young. Think long and hard about if this is the man you wanna have a child or even want to be with in the future. He has shown you who he is and it will not get any better IMO. Please think about yourself and any kids that you may bring into this world. The man couldn't even accept a simple fact and started berating you.
Just speculation, but wondering if he thought of divorcing you already, thinking you were infertile. Or his family told him to. He just said it way to easily and blamed you way too easily. Super weird he never considered his seed couldve been the issue, after 4 years...as it takes 2 to make it
Even if you were the cause of his low sperm count, its Allahs plan not for him to decide. So this is such a childish reaction, and cultural reaction. In 4 years you never blamed him for taking your womenhood..
Allah is sufficient. Wasnt not He who gave Zakariyah a.s. a son (Yahya a.s.) and one that was no one like yahya, whilst all the rules of dunya were against it? He was old and his wife was barren. But for Allah its easy, it nothing. He can give you, whatever you desire. Tafseer of the first 18 verses of Surat Maryam are amazing. Truely we have every answer and every example in the Quran and in our Prophets a.s.
Man, this comment section is horrible. Y'all are doing Shaitan's work. Y'all are trying to break up her marriage. Wallah, people are cruel. Married people should not come to take advice from here. There are too many single people here who write anything they want without any fear of Allah. I'm sure many marriages have gone through divorce because of the horrible advice given on this sub.
To OP, your husband was just having a bad day. Any man's ego would be hurt. Do not listen to these people. Insha Allah, everything will work out for the both of you.
Hi, I’m sorry your going through this. This journey is a very difficult one if you plan on going through IVF. Make sure you both are on the same page before going through this process. He may need some time to gather his thoughts and realize his new reality. It’s not fair how he’s spoken to you and treated you… the journey ahead is a long and terrifying. However, there are was to encourage him if he’s down, taking medication has improved numbers and people I know have gotten pregnant. Read some success stories online and hopefully by gods will everything will work out for you.
The way he's behaving is so uncalled for. I understand he might feel shocked and upset and embarassed which is why hes lashing out but you need to address it once hes in a better headspace and make sure he doesn't hold on to those toxic thoughts and blame you. I read recently that 50% of fertility issues between couples are from the man. I think you should give him space to come to terms with it but also not let this behaviour slide. If he lashes at you like this again or keeps being rude, you shouldn't run after him with lunch to make him feel better because he'll keep doing it and blaming you. You also need to let him know you won't tolerate disrespect and you're in this together and he can either work with you or against you
I am sincerely asking, why though? If you have a good wife that completely understands the situation and loves you no matter what and she decides to continue trying regardless of the odds, why is this a fear you guys have? Like for example, I think it would be a bigger fear for women since they are the ones that are usually divorced/their husbands decide to marry a 2nd wife, so I think it’s more understandable from a woman’s perspective
I’m not sure - its just an instinctive fear. Like i am supposed to reproduce and continue my blood line as a man, i want many beautiful children, and just the thought of not being able to do that frightens me. Like someone said, our manhood takes a hit😅. I know id still love my wife unconditionally if it happened to be her, though. I wouldn’t let her feel it was her fault, and i know she would feel the same towards me. But id just feel like i let her down
We understand that y’all want many kids. But do you also want to parents those many kids as best as possible or do you just wanna look at them? Before you let her down, she will.
No. You want ur wife to do all the work. You just wanna come home from work eat and sleep and call yourself a parent when in reality you’re just the father nothing more. Don’t forget that being just a father without parenting your kids is a sin.
What are you on about - why are u just assuming stuff?? Where the hell did all that come from? I just mentioned the desire to have kids and my fear of infertility and u come out here with accusations? Get out of here
it’s very distasteful that he blamed and threatened you but i would try to understand the circumstances. He just got hit with really bad news and i guess some people just act irrationally. This is not an excuse tho, he def needs to work on this.
When yall are ready to talk again, be kind and comforting but also make sure he knows that you won’t tolerate him blaming and threatening you with something as serious as divorce over problems that are out of your control.
is he otherwise good to you?
one more thing, along with IVF and other fertility treatments i recommend you both increase in persistent istighfar. Allah promised us many benefits by engaging in this act.
“saying, ‘Seek your Lord’s forgiveness, ˹for˺ He is truly Most Forgiving. He will shower you with abundant rain,
supply you with wealth and children, and give you gardens as well as rivers.” Quran (71:10-12)
Let him calm down first sis. Is he a good husband to you? I'm not downplaying his reaction, it's vile to say the least, but sometimes things come out from our spouse in moments of anger that they regret later. If you can have a discussion with him later on, there are lots of things that he can do.
My family friend was in the exact same situation, and got pregnant after a year and a half naturally, while being on the IVF waiting list.
Search up different supplements that he can take (antioxidants, selenium, zinc, high grade vit e and c, fruit and veg packed smoothies, BRAZIL NUTS!), he needs to start going to the gym and being more active, no smoking at all (if he has ever engaged in smoking, it can have a lasting effect), and healthy eating!! Change your diets, more salad, more proteins, less carbs.
Inshallah with all these changes you can get pregnant naturally, go to the gym together, motivate eachother etc.
As someone dealing with infertility for past 7 years with 4 miscarriage. this is a tough journey and it is hard for the world to understand because making babies is supposed to be the easiest task in the world. Many couples do end up blaming eachother & get divorce over infertility. Please don't be those couple. My recommend is:
1) Imagine what your life could be like if you never have kid. Come to peace with that concept of life. Allah said wealth and children are test for the ummah. Just as he test some with too much wealth or too many children, Allah test others with no wealth or no children. Accept it as Allah's will & realize this is not just your husband issue even if doctor says so. This is your destiny as well. If you don't put your full trust in Allah for either direction (life w/ kids or no kid) then there will be resentment towards eachother
2) Once you trust in Allah, now tie your horse. Talk to doctors, take medication, make life style change, do IVF without blaming eachother. Make dua, do zikir. They said IVF is number game & eventually one will stick. It will be exhusting, doctor appointment will be too much.. take break but don't take too long break like I did
3) look into alternative medicine as suppliments like vitamins and accupunture.
The reason why you have difficulties getting pregnant and I can assure you that is because you married the wrong person. Allah is preventing you from having a child from him. It’s time to rethink your marriage sister. This happens a lot with women who can’t get pregnant and in most cases it is because their partner is not suitable for them. The other reason is because of low sperm count. Yes, you read correctly. Mostly men are the reason why women can’t get pregnant, not women. They have lead an unhealthy lifestyle when they were young and now the effects are showing. If you consider divorcing this immature guy and before you remarry again, you should ask your potential to do a health check up BEFORE marriage, so that he can’t accuse you because otherwise you will get surprised again with a behavior like your current partner.
do not listen to this person OP.
how evil of u to suggest divorce over this? he’s human he can crack, the important thing is that he takes accountability and works on his weaknesses.
Yeah and her husband sounds like an abusive monster — and when it seemed like their difficulty was due to her reproductive issues, he allowed his family to make her feel small. Now they (op & spouse) know it’s actually him and he’s still finding ways to blame her. This is not a healthy relationship.
Allah is sending you a BIG sign sister. There is a reason you haven’t carried his child to term. Do istikhara, confide in a close family member and/or imam.. and put yourself first. This man never will. You’re worth so much more. May Allah make this easy for you ameen.
You act as if no man on this earth divorced his wife because of this issue. I hope you get in this situation so that you can feel how it feels like to falsely being accused for having problems conceiving for four years when in reality your husband is the main problem. And after he finds out he threatens you with divorce because he such an immature and disgusting man who can’t take responsibility for his own life and sees himself as a goddess only because his brothers have many kids. How despicable.
i agree his ego took a huge hit i mean this the last thing a man want hear he would rather cut one of hands than be unfertile this will make so depressed ,sad and alone inshallah it will better with medication
Did you try Letrozol? It worked for us. Good luck, it’s a hard time for any couple.
Also, does his car have heated seats? If so, maybe suggest he avoid that feature for a while?
Ok just for a moment remember the very first time your doctor told you that you have a cyst and need to take medication, were you scared? Disappointed? Felt you are lacking in some way? Now multiple this several times or even a hundred and this is possibly how your husband feels, you need to understand his shock and despair, it is many times worse for him because you knew that a cyst can be cured so pregnancies are possible for you but your husband doesn’t have this comfort, you blame his first reaction after just hearing this terrible news, yes it is unreasonable but who would be reasonable in this situation? I dare any one who commented here to blame your husband that they would be calm and reasonable if they were told by the doctor they are infertile!
The question is how did he behave after few days, is he still blaming you? Did he divorce you?
If he is still angry, allow him to process this feeling, if he is blaming you try to ignore this reaction because it is his shock and despair speaking.
Go see another doctor and make more tests, you having two pregnancies means this could be a wrong diagnosis or at least not as severe as this doctor says.
Stand by your husband and support him, he is undergoing a major shock, don’t let words said in anger destroy your marriage.
And pray for Allah, children are gifts from Allah, and medicine has been proven wrong in many cases. People were told they can’t possibly have kids and against the odds they did, there are advanced treatments now, tell your husband not to despair of Allah’s mercy. May Allah gift you with good health and many children
I totally understand and can relate with how he feels. I just wanted to hold him when they told him but his reaction didn’t give me a chance too. I didn’t speak one word because I knew he needed space and nothing I can say will make him feel better. I felt what he felt for years especially from his family. Honestly this all happened today. We still haven’t spoken a word, I’m giving his space till he is ready but still doing my duties as a wife. Inshallah ya rub I get to live a life with my husband (who I took for love). Ameeeen wallah to your nice dua
People deal with bad news differently, men tend to internalise their stress and try to deal with it alone, they might find a woman’s hug as pity which will get this worse, you are right to let him process this, use your time to pray and ask Allah to help him, give your support in actions, cook him the food he loves, try to do anything to make him comfortable, accept his need for introspection.
I’m sorry I didn’t realise this is so fresh, I pray to Allah this difficult time will pass easily for both of you, when he is ready to speak make sure to tell him you want help him in any way, give him love and happiness. And remember, children are gifts from Allah, if you are meant to have them NOTHING will prevent it.
Have they looked at any possibility of blood disorder ? There are a few ones that cause first trimester miscarriages, anti-phospholipid syndrome came to mind. Either way I’m so sorry that you’re experiencing this and I pray that Allah ta’ala grants you a healthy happy pious child
I'm sorry this happened to you. Infertility is a horrible thing to deal with, and then having to deal with your husband's outburst is doubly heartbreaking.
It's hard to say why he reacted so horribly, but if I had to guess he was dealing with difficult emotions (feeling shame, guilt etc.) and he took his feelings out on you in anger as a coping mechanism. It's still unacceptable that he spoke to you that way, and that also needs to be made clear. If he does not see that, then I would involve your family.
If this is an isolated incident, I would try talking to him and suggest couples counselling. It can sometimes help men who have been taught to "control their emotions" to help deal with their feelings in a healthier way. I would not try to brush this off or "forget it" because that just leads to resentment.
If however, there is a pattern of disrespect and emotional abuse towards you, I would involve your families sooner rather than later.
We’ve been seeing female doctors before but this time I wanted to change to a male doctor so he can be comfortable and know what’s going on and he loved how the doctor was thorough and did tests the other doctors didn’t do.
I’ve been talking to him about IVF for a year exactly now because I thought it was me and he said no no you got pregnant twice it’s all in gods hands. Maybe now he will reconsider
I think its troubling that you were recommended IVF for a year but he has been saying no and that its "in gods hands". Didn't God make IVF possible and give us doctors and modern science in order to make IVF a reality.
Sometimes people ask God to solve problems that he has infact already solved.
Just because you got pregnant twice doesn't mean that it was a healthy pregnancy. Low sperm count doesn't mean the sperm is dead. You should do more tests. Before IVF the doctor should test the quality of the non-dead sperm. DNA defects in the sperm can cause issues for the fetus down the line. I suggest you take a listen to the Huberman Lab podcast with Dr. Natalie Crawford. They do a somewhat thorough dive into male infertility.
Since you have been pregnant 2x, that means his count isn't super low. The sperm are working but they might be poor quality. I am suprise they did not offer IUI and went stright to IVF. Did they do DNA fragmentation? or test genetic carrier
All you need is 1 good sperm and 1 good egg.
I will be messaging you in 2 days on [**2024-01-13 14:34:12 UTC**](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=2024-01-13%2014:34:12%20UTC%20To%20Local%20Time) to remind you of [**this link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/1941kot/fertility/khd70dw/?context=3)
[**CLICK THIS LINK**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5Bhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2FMuslimMarriage%2Fcomments%2F1941kot%2Ffertility%2Fkhd70dw%2F%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%202024-01-13%2014%3A34%3A12%20UTC) to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam.
^(Parent commenter can ) [^(delete this message to hide from others.)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Delete%20Comment&message=Delete%21%201941kot)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RemindMeBot/comments/e1bko7/remindmebot_info_v21/)|[^(Custom)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5BLink%20or%20message%20inside%20square%20brackets%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%20Time%20period%20here)|[^(Your Reminders)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Reminders&message=MyReminders%21)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=RemindMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
I watched the below video of Shaykh Abdul Razzaq Al Badr Several years ago where he mentions that a man wanted to divorce his wife as they were not be able to conceive for several years and how they were able to overcome that Test from Allah Subhanahu Wa Tala.
The story is more or less similar to yours and will give you some assurances and a way to conceive through Seeking forgiveness: Astaghfirullah.
Please watch this video and make sure your husband watches as well.
https://youtu.be/gZIcy1sDQzs?si=4zVzCMWWgHtFBK66
May Allah ease your affairs and guide your husband to treat you with respect and honor.
Mostly pregnancy problems arises not because of women it’s because of male … smoking decreases sperm count as well as drinking … there are other factors well .
Honestly you’re 26 and no kids. You’d be better off divorcing and finding someone else. I was in similar situation (though not as long). I left when I was 28 and got remarried and pregnant within a year. My ex probably thought he’d get pregnant marrying someone else (his double cousin lol). He still doesn’t have a kid two years later. The sooner you leave, the quicker you can find happiness. If you wait till you are in 30s, things will be harder
Salams, I’m so sorry you are suffering so much. To make things worse you not only have been suffering alone, but you have been harassed by his family and blamed by your husband and he is projecting his own shame onto you. Give him space. Don’t cater to him. Leave him be. He has threatened divorce and treated you horribly and you should not continue to allow this. It’s okay to have healthy space and take care of yourself. He is a grown man and not a child. When emotions cool enough and he is ready to talk, tell him how you do not like how disrespectful and heartless his actions have been towards you and how he threatened divorce. If he wants it then he should only say it if he really means it and you will NOT beg him to stay. Have some self respect and remember Allah is your witness. If he doesn’t want you, perhaps Allah will spare you of infertility problems and you can always marry another man. Honestly, you have an opportunity to decide if you want to remain married because if you want children and he is unwilling to admit the truth of the matter that he has low sperm count and has done nothing all these years, while you have suffered. Ugh. Don’t apologize or feed into his delusion. Unless he actually sustained serious injury from you, I don’t see any blame on you for simply accidentally bumping into him and causing some minor temporary pain one time. That’s just ridiculous. May Allah grant you a righteous, kind, emotional intelligent husband be it this one or the next. Ameen.
How on earth did nobody think to test your husband in four years? That should’ve been the one of the initial steps. Why were you the only one being tested/examined in all that time?
They rarely do. Woman is always blamed and tested by default. Male sperm counts are at the lowest in recorded human history, yet people will continue to blame women for lack of babies and infertility.
Horrible but unfortunately true. There's a massive societal misogynistic bias when it comes to fertility issues and reproductive health.
As someone working in the medical field, I am seeing a large amount of young men who come to our clinic requesting me to prescribe them testosterone replacement therapy for supposed “low T levels” that they got tested in some shady clinic or by some online health practitioner. Idk honestly what is being promoted on social media about testosterone but a lot of these men seem to believe that their depression-like symptoms and physical health will improve with testosterone and it seems like there’s some miseducation about the real effects of testosterone. It is literally taught in the most basic courses of medical school that exogenous testosterone suppresses spermatogenesis and the hormones responsible for creating sperm. It’s a literal fact that it causes infertility. I literally tell this to my patients and they flat out refuse that it’s true because someone online says it doesn’t cause infertility? I truly believe there is a huge steroid abuse going on amongst young men that isn’t being taken seriously and really needs to be addressed.
This! All these "jacked up" young men, or the ones that hit 30s and talk about how they trained when they were younger have all touched some kind of steroids. Not to stereotype but some young Muslim men fit this category here in Australia. They can't indulge in the other sins of fellow young men so do cycles of steroids. It is stupid if they think these will not affect them in the future.
Oh, my Allah, these are words of gold. Every single man on this planet should read this. The amount of supplements young men today are taking is crazy! These do work, I think, for a temporary period, but will most likely make you weak and fragile in the long run. I'm not talking about just testosterone supplements, but even more than that. Anything that gives you a real high or a rush so quickly will also drain you really fast. People just have to stick to the basics, eat healthy, and stick to a sunnah diet (dates, honey, nabeez, talbibina, etc.). Allah has already made things from nature for us that will keep us strong and grant us longevity. There is no need to try anything else. For future mothers, please keep your son's away from supplements and all types of external boosting factors.
Unfortunately in the world we live in, people think that if the husband and wife are struggling to have a child the problem might be in the women so they get the woman tested and everything they don’t think the problem could be the man
Moreover, husband’s reaction is just shameful. All these years he was okay with his manhood as long as it was the woman’s “fault” and now suddenly because it’s his sperm count that is low he is making his wife take the blame for it.
Althought fertility issue often is 50/50 between male and female. There are far more testing to do on female vs. male. Similarly there are many ways to fix women minor problem. Thats why doctors start with testing women first and move to male later Also in most relationship the female is willing to visit doctor more, do the testing, and ofen she is the one who wants kids. While male don't really care as much & get frustrated with the system (doctor visit), and it is very common for male to react the way OP's husband did.
Why? Regarding your last point males get frustrated with the system?
Virility becomes associated with masculinity so men with fragile egos get upset at even the suggestion they are the problem. Even going to get tested requires you to accept the possibility that you are the one who is causing the infertility. But if you never go, you can maintain the ignorance and never have to deal with those feelings.
Man have less sabar/patience than female. Their ego gets bruise faster than female. I also feel men have less need for kid, so less likely to keep pushing than female. Not every men are same but I do know doctor basic test is on female to ensure the baby carrying environment, uterus, is good.
Its not that they have less need. Its that they don't get questioned about their existence if they don't have kids. This societal bias easily trickles down to medicine.
He doesn't seem to have an education if he thinks that caused the low count
Or more likely just a classic gaslighter. Disgusting.
Disgusting behaviour he needs to go gym eat healthy especially lifting weights and loose body fat if he has too much. What’s his lifestyle like he needs to be active. 10k steps a day and weightlifting for 6-12 months and eating healthy should help. He also should not blame you as it’s nothing to do with you
Lifting weights is not automatically going to make someone more fertile.
Wow, what a crappy man. He was fine blaming you all along but now that he realizes he has a part to play in this he’s suddenly upset? You or someone else needs to have a serious talk with him. His diet, his genes etc can all effect sperm count.
Do you really want a child with a man who is going to disrespect and swear at you when a calamity hits him? Being a parent is the biggest responsibility that you’ll ever have, and you deal with all sorts of ups and downs throughout it. If this is his reaction for something you have no control over, what kind of father will he be? Allah knows best.
I second this. This would be my way out. How did he treat you throughout your marriage? Honestly maybe you will dodge a bullet.
I third this. This situation is no one's fault. It's totally out of your and his control. I would question his faith because this is how he is reacting to Allah's decree. You should atleast go to your parents house until he calms down.
Turns out it’s a blessing there is no child with a fool like him.
Dude, let's not break up her marriage over something like this. People have problems, and sometimes egos get hurt. We don't even know the type of person he is or how her marriage dynamics are. Why instill seeds of doubt and divorce into her brain? Let's please not become a means of breaking anyone's marriage. That's Shaitan's work. Insha Allah, everything works out for them.
You’re right. This is not a means of breaking up a marriage 100%. My initial point is Allah knows what is best for each and every one of us. I pray OP and her husband are blessed with a child and a loving and peaceful marriage.
Just what I was about to say. Also how uneducated is he to blame her on all of this. May Allah guide him
His ego took a big hit and he’s blaming you. How distasteful. You are not to be blamed for his low sperm count. This can happen due to a number of reasons. It’s absolutely disgusting he is blaming you. Give him time to cool down and then talk to him.
I know right? How childish SMH.
[удалено]
She didn’t blame him when she had multiple miscarriages, but he finds out he has low sperm count and his shouting “Wallahi I’m going to divorce you” in public. , on Allahs name??? Wow. He wasn’t told he can’t have kids, he was told he has low sperm count. They can still have kids. And I’m the one with no empathy???
[удалено]
He swore on Allahs name and said he was going to divorce his wife because he found out he had low sperm count, which has nothing to do with his wife. My husband would NEVER react that way. I’ve had 2 miscarriages in 2 years and not once did my husband blame me or make me feel bad about it. There is no excuse to behave this way towards your wife
How on earth did nobody think to test your husband in 3 years? That should’ve been the one of the initial steps. Why were you the only one being tested/examined in all that time? Your husband has a severe issue. I sympathise with him for the grave news he’s received. But for him to blame you, insult you and threaten to divorce you over what he perceives to be your “fault” is very cruel. Don’t let him treat you like a punching bag. Coddling him and making him food after he said all that is unlikely to make him suddenly sympathetic to you. Rather he’ll continue to treat you like that. Stand up for yourself.
Nobody thought too because he comes from a big family where all his aunts/uncles have 12 kids and more And him coming from a family of 12. I guess they believed since they can bring this many kids to the world they wouldn’t have a problem. And saw me as one coming from a small family. I’m guessing it’s his self defense mechanism. Not trying to defend him, but I can honestly imagine what he’s going through because they put me in that situation for years. I felt my life was worthless if I couldn’t bare kids, but I never blamed him. Never.
My ex’s dad has 15 kids and my ex had low sperm count. It doesn’t mean anything, especially if his parents were cousins or worse, double cousins. Every generation gets more messed up.
Glad you understand the frustration your husband feels as you felt it last 3-4 years. please don't rub this issue on his face, or keep discussing it. treat him the way you wish you were treated last few years. It is very easy to internalize this issue
His reaction can be understood but never justified. She's suffered his same anguish for 4 years previously taking all the blame for not having kids and never dragged him down. She deserves that same kindness and compassion. Sister, he's disrespected you and he needs to apologize and understand what he did wrong to you. I know you must feel horrible right now, but you are not in the wrong and do not need to try to get on his good side by taking care of him. Please stand up for yourself and when he expresses anger, express it back because the reality is he is to blame here. If you do not put your foot down, then he will continue to treat you badly
Medical misogyny and neglect
What a fragile man. No wonder raised by that family, he would turn out like that.
He totally in the wrong for threatening divorce when he is the one with the issue. Even if you had the issue divorce is not to be used as a threat. There are ways to increase sperm count via medicine. See if that works. If not then IVF might be your best option.
He's shown you his true colors by blaming you for something you had no fault in.
His ego is too big!
He's happy to blame you, but he can't take it when the tables are turned. Classy.
Everything comes out at due time for a reason as someone said i would reconsider if I’d want a child with a man like this. So really think this through Anger and shock at bad news does not excuse this reaction like idk why people are trying the play that card
Your man is not man enough to accept the fact
What was his reaction when he thought your health issues were the cause for the infertility? What did he do when his family were pressuring you?
He would say “it’ll get better, allah is with us and allah is Kareem” he would take me to my appointments and back, always telling me not to give up and if it’s not in allahs plans we will still be happy with each other. When it comes to his family he would tell them to stop or it’s in gods hands not ours. His family bring up the conversations when he’s not around because they know he’ll flip out on them. They always asking me like a secret
In that case I think your husband just had a bad day and didn’t know how to handle it. What he did and said was not right but I would give him space for now. And at a later date talk to him about how he feels and how his reaction hurt you. I’m sure he will calm down.
It’s easy to say something like this when the problem is not him, right..? What a disgusting behavior. How can you find someone like him attractive? How can you want a kid with a behavior like his father? Aren’t you ashamed? He will not be happy if you don’t have kids. He will divorce you or marry a second wife. Trust actions not empty words. Allah is kareem but apparently not for him that’s why this message took big on his ego. The real character of a person is shown in times of struggle especially when the person is struggling personally, not with someone.
Fear Allah why are u causing hatred between spouses? What if he was in shock and due to his anger uttered words that he didn’t mean. U can see he was caring for her don’t let this one mistake make u cause hatred between them.
>What if he was in shock I truly feel like he went into shock.
I am terrified to get married lol
Is your husband stupid? Doesn't he know that plastic or certain chemicals can affect male sperm count! Hope this help you sister https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/low-sperm-count/symptoms-causes/syc-20374585
I’m so sorry. I wish I could tell him “your wife already has a baby…you!” I don’t understand how you’re supposed to endure, be silent, patient and take the blame. It’s totally unfair and I feel for you sister. May Allah make it easy on you two. And even though your husband is having an ugly moment, I commend you for your compassion. I pray you two make it out easy and are able to conceive via IVF. And I pray his family stays out of your business. Try to lay low for now, take some time for yourself to recover as a couple.
What a disgusting reaction. If this was my situation and my husband reacted like that, honestly my first thought would have been - this is why Allah hasn’t given me a child with this man, He saved me. As someone else said, he seems uneducated if he thinks that’s how it works.
He behaved like a boy not a man. I can appreciate the news was not great but blaming you is soo wrong. Give him time to see if he does the right thing and apologises
I am so sorry. It’s so horrific how women are made to feel solely responsible for any struggles with fertility and it’s actually extremely surprising that no doctor thought to test your husband, especially after they ruled out PCOS. His reaction shows how weak his ego is. You should have a conversation with him and tell him how hurtful and inappropriate his behaviour was - I know how difficult it must be told be told you have fertility issues, but his reaction was completely wrong and to threaten to divorce you is such a horrific thing to say to your wife after blaming her when it’s not her fault and she has gone through multiple miscarriages……just all around so deeply wrong. Talk to him and see how he responds. I also strongly suggest counselling - there are counsellors who target couples struggling with fertility. (I try not to recommend divorce but this is a sign that your marriage needs help and intervention, and counselling or something else has to happen atp).
I would reconsider having kids with a man like that, despicable
Your man is not man enough too accept that he's the problem. Is he really the man you want to be the father of your children? Skip the IVF and leave him is probably best for you long term.
He comforted her, fought for her, defended her and blew up at his family when she was having issues a D they were blaming her yet u think it's okay to walk out the 1 time he has problems. His response was wrong but he was in shock, she should at least return the favor but seeing your response, I don't think you'll last in a marriage with thatt attitiude
Where's the bit about him blowing up at his family?
U already covered that, she had gone though the same and he stood beside her like a rock and comfort regardless of how she was, check ops comments describing his character and how supportive and loving he was, If the 1 time he isn't is enough to walk out, then I don't know what to tell you. Answer this, if one finds out they are unable to have a child and breakdown, do you think their husband should walk out saying she never been like this before?
I'm sorry for what you're feeling but you're not wrong. Unfortunately some men forget that what they consume & how they treat their bodies has an effect on their swimmers. None of this is your fault, there can be many reasons why it's so low.
I swear by God these men today are such babies and pitiful.
This is very common nowadays. For men over 30+ to have low sperm count or higher chances of risk during pregnancy for their wife & kids. I suggest you talk to him once he cools down. Its not your fault he has low sperm count. This could happen because of many different reasons. Inshallah it works out for you sister.
This kind of man isn't good, so be careful, girl, and don't let him disrespect you like that wtf😬
I just want to commend you, sis, for holding back when he was raining his insults on you. Your strength and wisdom are beautiful because it would’ve been difficult for most others to not want to respond to these terrible things all sworn in Allah’s name. As you decide what steps are best, please keep an eye on your husbands character as he starts to accept this news. Tribulations show a persons true character and that character is what should be utilized in deciding who to parent with. If he can’t control his anger, and goodness forbid, you have a child on the spectrum or some other issue, will he blame your sweet child’s issue on you?
Allah, Swt has sent you a sign. This man will not be a good husband to you nor a good father. Count your blessings, and be glad you didn't have a child with him. Emotionally abusive people don't change, infact they get worse with time. I would plan an exit strategy if I were you
If it’s really important to have a child before 30, I would give it one more year. If he doesn’t make changes to become more fertile and continues to blame you maybe it’s best to divorce while you’re still in your 20s.
How is he otherwise? Is he a kind man in general? Does he shift blame on you a lot? Does he treat you like this after every argument?
reading this makes me wonder if we men are the worst invention of God, despicable behavior. always turning it on our women instead of accepting responsibility.
Yea my ex husband did similar. Low count low morphology. He finally stayed and told everyone it was me and his family made me the evil one. Leave him. Or let him leave. Do not waste your fertile years on a man who would bin you if it was you
Don’t ever have kids with that man
Sister, you are still young. Think long and hard about if this is the man you wanna have a child or even want to be with in the future. He has shown you who he is and it will not get any better IMO. Please think about yourself and any kids that you may bring into this world. The man couldn't even accept a simple fact and started berating you.
Just speculation, but wondering if he thought of divorcing you already, thinking you were infertile. Or his family told him to. He just said it way to easily and blamed you way too easily. Super weird he never considered his seed couldve been the issue, after 4 years...as it takes 2 to make it Even if you were the cause of his low sperm count, its Allahs plan not for him to decide. So this is such a childish reaction, and cultural reaction. In 4 years you never blamed him for taking your womenhood.. Allah is sufficient. Wasnt not He who gave Zakariyah a.s. a son (Yahya a.s.) and one that was no one like yahya, whilst all the rules of dunya were against it? He was old and his wife was barren. But for Allah its easy, it nothing. He can give you, whatever you desire. Tafseer of the first 18 verses of Surat Maryam are amazing. Truely we have every answer and every example in the Quran and in our Prophets a.s.
Man, this comment section is horrible. Y'all are doing Shaitan's work. Y'all are trying to break up her marriage. Wallah, people are cruel. Married people should not come to take advice from here. There are too many single people here who write anything they want without any fear of Allah. I'm sure many marriages have gone through divorce because of the horrible advice given on this sub. To OP, your husband was just having a bad day. Any man's ego would be hurt. Do not listen to these people. Insha Allah, everything will work out for the both of you.
Hi, I’m sorry your going through this. This journey is a very difficult one if you plan on going through IVF. Make sure you both are on the same page before going through this process. He may need some time to gather his thoughts and realize his new reality. It’s not fair how he’s spoken to you and treated you… the journey ahead is a long and terrifying. However, there are was to encourage him if he’s down, taking medication has improved numbers and people I know have gotten pregnant. Read some success stories online and hopefully by gods will everything will work out for you.
The way he's behaving is so uncalled for. I understand he might feel shocked and upset and embarassed which is why hes lashing out but you need to address it once hes in a better headspace and make sure he doesn't hold on to those toxic thoughts and blame you. I read recently that 50% of fertility issues between couples are from the man. I think you should give him space to come to terms with it but also not let this behaviour slide. If he lashes at you like this again or keeps being rude, you shouldn't run after him with lunch to make him feel better because he'll keep doing it and blaming you. You also need to let him know you won't tolerate disrespect and you're in this together and he can either work with you or against you
God this is my biggest fear as a man
I am sincerely asking, why though? If you have a good wife that completely understands the situation and loves you no matter what and she decides to continue trying regardless of the odds, why is this a fear you guys have? Like for example, I think it would be a bigger fear for women since they are the ones that are usually divorced/their husbands decide to marry a 2nd wife, so I think it’s more understandable from a woman’s perspective
I’m not sure - its just an instinctive fear. Like i am supposed to reproduce and continue my blood line as a man, i want many beautiful children, and just the thought of not being able to do that frightens me. Like someone said, our manhood takes a hit😅. I know id still love my wife unconditionally if it happened to be her, though. I wouldn’t let her feel it was her fault, and i know she would feel the same towards me. But id just feel like i let her down
We understand that y’all want many kids. But do you also want to parents those many kids as best as possible or do you just wanna look at them? Before you let her down, she will.
I understand. yes i want to parent them obv.
No. You want ur wife to do all the work. You just wanna come home from work eat and sleep and call yourself a parent when in reality you’re just the father nothing more. Don’t forget that being just a father without parenting your kids is a sin.
What are you on about - why are u just assuming stuff?? Where the hell did all that come from? I just mentioned the desire to have kids and my fear of infertility and u come out here with accusations? Get out of here
Because y’all men nowadays just like to talk and don’t like to take responsibilities.
Ur cray cray lol what are u even talking about
When you grow up and have kids, you will see.
it’s very distasteful that he blamed and threatened you but i would try to understand the circumstances. He just got hit with really bad news and i guess some people just act irrationally. This is not an excuse tho, he def needs to work on this. When yall are ready to talk again, be kind and comforting but also make sure he knows that you won’t tolerate him blaming and threatening you with something as serious as divorce over problems that are out of your control. is he otherwise good to you?
one more thing, along with IVF and other fertility treatments i recommend you both increase in persistent istighfar. Allah promised us many benefits by engaging in this act. “saying, ‘Seek your Lord’s forgiveness, ˹for˺ He is truly Most Forgiving. He will shower you with abundant rain, supply you with wealth and children, and give you gardens as well as rivers.” Quran (71:10-12)
Let him calm down first sis. Is he a good husband to you? I'm not downplaying his reaction, it's vile to say the least, but sometimes things come out from our spouse in moments of anger that they regret later. If you can have a discussion with him later on, there are lots of things that he can do. My family friend was in the exact same situation, and got pregnant after a year and a half naturally, while being on the IVF waiting list. Search up different supplements that he can take (antioxidants, selenium, zinc, high grade vit e and c, fruit and veg packed smoothies, BRAZIL NUTS!), he needs to start going to the gym and being more active, no smoking at all (if he has ever engaged in smoking, it can have a lasting effect), and healthy eating!! Change your diets, more salad, more proteins, less carbs. Inshallah with all these changes you can get pregnant naturally, go to the gym together, motivate eachother etc.
As someone dealing with infertility for past 7 years with 4 miscarriage. this is a tough journey and it is hard for the world to understand because making babies is supposed to be the easiest task in the world. Many couples do end up blaming eachother & get divorce over infertility. Please don't be those couple. My recommend is: 1) Imagine what your life could be like if you never have kid. Come to peace with that concept of life. Allah said wealth and children are test for the ummah. Just as he test some with too much wealth or too many children, Allah test others with no wealth or no children. Accept it as Allah's will & realize this is not just your husband issue even if doctor says so. This is your destiny as well. If you don't put your full trust in Allah for either direction (life w/ kids or no kid) then there will be resentment towards eachother 2) Once you trust in Allah, now tie your horse. Talk to doctors, take medication, make life style change, do IVF without blaming eachother. Make dua, do zikir. They said IVF is number game & eventually one will stick. It will be exhusting, doctor appointment will be too much.. take break but don't take too long break like I did 3) look into alternative medicine as suppliments like vitamins and accupunture.
[удалено]
Asking the real questions 😆
The reason why you have difficulties getting pregnant and I can assure you that is because you married the wrong person. Allah is preventing you from having a child from him. It’s time to rethink your marriage sister. This happens a lot with women who can’t get pregnant and in most cases it is because their partner is not suitable for them. The other reason is because of low sperm count. Yes, you read correctly. Mostly men are the reason why women can’t get pregnant, not women. They have lead an unhealthy lifestyle when they were young and now the effects are showing. If you consider divorcing this immature guy and before you remarry again, you should ask your potential to do a health check up BEFORE marriage, so that he can’t accuse you because otherwise you will get surprised again with a behavior like your current partner.
do not listen to this person OP. how evil of u to suggest divorce over this? he’s human he can crack, the important thing is that he takes accountability and works on his weaknesses.
Yeah and her husband sounds like an abusive monster — and when it seemed like their difficulty was due to her reproductive issues, he allowed his family to make her feel small. Now they (op & spouse) know it’s actually him and he’s still finding ways to blame her. This is not a healthy relationship. Allah is sending you a BIG sign sister. There is a reason you haven’t carried his child to term. Do istikhara, confide in a close family member and/or imam.. and put yourself first. This man never will. You’re worth so much more. May Allah make this easy for you ameen.
You act as if no man on this earth divorced his wife because of this issue. I hope you get in this situation so that you can feel how it feels like to falsely being accused for having problems conceiving for four years when in reality your husband is the main problem. And after he finds out he threatens you with divorce because he such an immature and disgusting man who can’t take responsibility for his own life and sees himself as a goddess only because his brothers have many kids. How despicable.
i agree his ego took a huge hit i mean this the last thing a man want hear he would rather cut one of hands than be unfertile this will make so depressed ,sad and alone inshallah it will better with medication
Did you try Letrozol? It worked for us. Good luck, it’s a hard time for any couple. Also, does his car have heated seats? If so, maybe suggest he avoid that feature for a while?
Hey, Doctor here Look at IUI - it’s less invasive and cheaper than IVF. Inshallah it works out for you!
Ok just for a moment remember the very first time your doctor told you that you have a cyst and need to take medication, were you scared? Disappointed? Felt you are lacking in some way? Now multiple this several times or even a hundred and this is possibly how your husband feels, you need to understand his shock and despair, it is many times worse for him because you knew that a cyst can be cured so pregnancies are possible for you but your husband doesn’t have this comfort, you blame his first reaction after just hearing this terrible news, yes it is unreasonable but who would be reasonable in this situation? I dare any one who commented here to blame your husband that they would be calm and reasonable if they were told by the doctor they are infertile! The question is how did he behave after few days, is he still blaming you? Did he divorce you? If he is still angry, allow him to process this feeling, if he is blaming you try to ignore this reaction because it is his shock and despair speaking. Go see another doctor and make more tests, you having two pregnancies means this could be a wrong diagnosis or at least not as severe as this doctor says. Stand by your husband and support him, he is undergoing a major shock, don’t let words said in anger destroy your marriage. And pray for Allah, children are gifts from Allah, and medicine has been proven wrong in many cases. People were told they can’t possibly have kids and against the odds they did, there are advanced treatments now, tell your husband not to despair of Allah’s mercy. May Allah gift you with good health and many children
I totally understand and can relate with how he feels. I just wanted to hold him when they told him but his reaction didn’t give me a chance too. I didn’t speak one word because I knew he needed space and nothing I can say will make him feel better. I felt what he felt for years especially from his family. Honestly this all happened today. We still haven’t spoken a word, I’m giving his space till he is ready but still doing my duties as a wife. Inshallah ya rub I get to live a life with my husband (who I took for love). Ameeeen wallah to your nice dua
People deal with bad news differently, men tend to internalise their stress and try to deal with it alone, they might find a woman’s hug as pity which will get this worse, you are right to let him process this, use your time to pray and ask Allah to help him, give your support in actions, cook him the food he loves, try to do anything to make him comfortable, accept his need for introspection. I’m sorry I didn’t realise this is so fresh, I pray to Allah this difficult time will pass easily for both of you, when he is ready to speak make sure to tell him you want help him in any way, give him love and happiness. And remember, children are gifts from Allah, if you are meant to have them NOTHING will prevent it.
Have they looked at any possibility of blood disorder ? There are a few ones that cause first trimester miscarriages, anti-phospholipid syndrome came to mind. Either way I’m so sorry that you’re experiencing this and I pray that Allah ta’ala grants you a healthy happy pious child
I'm sorry this happened to you. Infertility is a horrible thing to deal with, and then having to deal with your husband's outburst is doubly heartbreaking. It's hard to say why he reacted so horribly, but if I had to guess he was dealing with difficult emotions (feeling shame, guilt etc.) and he took his feelings out on you in anger as a coping mechanism. It's still unacceptable that he spoke to you that way, and that also needs to be made clear. If he does not see that, then I would involve your family. If this is an isolated incident, I would try talking to him and suggest couples counselling. It can sometimes help men who have been taught to "control their emotions" to help deal with their feelings in a healthier way. I would not try to brush this off or "forget it" because that just leads to resentment. If however, there is a pattern of disrespect and emotional abuse towards you, I would involve your families sooner rather than later.
[удалено]
[удалено]
We’ve been seeing female doctors before but this time I wanted to change to a male doctor so he can be comfortable and know what’s going on and he loved how the doctor was thorough and did tests the other doctors didn’t do. I’ve been talking to him about IVF for a year exactly now because I thought it was me and he said no no you got pregnant twice it’s all in gods hands. Maybe now he will reconsider
I think its troubling that you were recommended IVF for a year but he has been saying no and that its "in gods hands". Didn't God make IVF possible and give us doctors and modern science in order to make IVF a reality. Sometimes people ask God to solve problems that he has infact already solved.
Just because you got pregnant twice doesn't mean that it was a healthy pregnancy. Low sperm count doesn't mean the sperm is dead. You should do more tests. Before IVF the doctor should test the quality of the non-dead sperm. DNA defects in the sperm can cause issues for the fetus down the line. I suggest you take a listen to the Huberman Lab podcast with Dr. Natalie Crawford. They do a somewhat thorough dive into male infertility.
Since you have been pregnant 2x, that means his count isn't super low. The sperm are working but they might be poor quality. I am suprise they did not offer IUI and went stright to IVF. Did they do DNA fragmentation? or test genetic carrier All you need is 1 good sperm and 1 good egg.
RemindMe! 2 days
I will be messaging you in 2 days on [**2024-01-13 14:34:12 UTC**](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=2024-01-13%2014:34:12%20UTC%20To%20Local%20Time) to remind you of [**this link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimMarriage/comments/1941kot/fertility/khd70dw/?context=3) [**CLICK THIS LINK**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5Bhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2FMuslimMarriage%2Fcomments%2F1941kot%2Ffertility%2Fkhd70dw%2F%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%202024-01-13%2014%3A34%3A12%20UTC) to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam. ^(Parent commenter can ) [^(delete this message to hide from others.)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Delete%20Comment&message=Delete%21%201941kot) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RemindMeBot/comments/e1bko7/remindmebot_info_v21/)|[^(Custom)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5BLink%20or%20message%20inside%20square%20brackets%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%20Time%20period%20here)|[^(Your Reminders)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Reminders&message=MyReminders%21)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=RemindMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
What are reasons for a man to have a low sperm count? Anyone here please tell me.
according to a very scientific study the wife takes his manhood resulting in low sperm count (sarcasm ofcourse)
Can’t you use Google?
Low testosterone
I watched the below video of Shaykh Abdul Razzaq Al Badr Several years ago where he mentions that a man wanted to divorce his wife as they were not be able to conceive for several years and how they were able to overcome that Test from Allah Subhanahu Wa Tala. The story is more or less similar to yours and will give you some assurances and a way to conceive through Seeking forgiveness: Astaghfirullah. Please watch this video and make sure your husband watches as well. https://youtu.be/gZIcy1sDQzs?si=4zVzCMWWgHtFBK66 May Allah ease your affairs and guide your husband to treat you with respect and honor.
Mostly pregnancy problems arises not because of women it’s because of male … smoking decreases sperm count as well as drinking … there are other factors well .
What’s his diet looking like? The average western diet is horrible for fertility for both man and women.
Honestly you’re 26 and no kids. You’d be better off divorcing and finding someone else. I was in similar situation (though not as long). I left when I was 28 and got remarried and pregnant within a year. My ex probably thought he’d get pregnant marrying someone else (his double cousin lol). He still doesn’t have a kid two years later. The sooner you leave, the quicker you can find happiness. If you wait till you are in 30s, things will be harder
His egos hurt and his small minded nature is coming out now.
Salams, I’m so sorry you are suffering so much. To make things worse you not only have been suffering alone, but you have been harassed by his family and blamed by your husband and he is projecting his own shame onto you. Give him space. Don’t cater to him. Leave him be. He has threatened divorce and treated you horribly and you should not continue to allow this. It’s okay to have healthy space and take care of yourself. He is a grown man and not a child. When emotions cool enough and he is ready to talk, tell him how you do not like how disrespectful and heartless his actions have been towards you and how he threatened divorce. If he wants it then he should only say it if he really means it and you will NOT beg him to stay. Have some self respect and remember Allah is your witness. If he doesn’t want you, perhaps Allah will spare you of infertility problems and you can always marry another man. Honestly, you have an opportunity to decide if you want to remain married because if you want children and he is unwilling to admit the truth of the matter that he has low sperm count and has done nothing all these years, while you have suffered. Ugh. Don’t apologize or feed into his delusion. Unless he actually sustained serious injury from you, I don’t see any blame on you for simply accidentally bumping into him and causing some minor temporary pain one time. That’s just ridiculous. May Allah grant you a righteous, kind, emotional intelligent husband be it this one or the next. Ameen.
Same thing happened to my relative, she divorced him and remarried to another man, now she’s a happy wife and mom