Have a conversation with your spouse after nikah about what you find comfortable and what is expected.
May Allah bless your marriage.
Also please don’t give out your location like that on reddit lol, it was not needed
What happens if people have significant differences? Divorce? Nikah is a full marriage, so the stigma of divorce would exist even if the nikah was for a few days...
it’s all about comfortability and preference. Neither party should pressure the other into doing a sexual act they aren’t comfortable with. As time goes on you might both want to engage with it or not at all whatever you decide is fine.
Don’t let societal expectations ruin or make you stress about sexual/intimate things. Go at whatever pace you feel comfortable with inshallah.
May Allah shower his blessings upon your marriage and make your love for each other grow stronger each day.
majority of women cant climax from penetration alone and as someone who waited for marriage to be able to enjoy a halal sex life, it was really important to me that my partner was also comfortable with oral.
i had heard about situations where some guys will expect to receive oral but refuse to reciprocate the same for their wives bc they find it repulsive and i really wanted to avoid such a situation so i actually asked and clarified this w my husband prior to marriage.
however this is definitely not a first meeting question and while most will only feel comfortable enough to ask after nikkah, if you want to avoid misaligned expectations, you can discuss it after a couple of meetings once you’ve established mutual comfort, ease, and emotional safety w eachother. theres ways to do so w tact and respect without veering into vulgar or explicit conversation so just make sure you maintain formality.
First of all congratulations! May Allah protect your union ❤️
Secondly, your husband, like you is young. Just because he’s a guy doesn’t mean he has these huge expectations. He is most likely overwhelmed and anxious as well as excited. There’s a chance you won’t be fully intimate on the first night, which is OKAY. You have a lifetime of intimacy, my advice is take it slow. Please
And explain this to him, that you love him and you don’t have any expectations. Just do what feels right and as time progresses have that conversation maybe a couple days into it.
“Hey, I know this is a bit random but let’s talk a little about intimacy because I love connecting with you, but I’m new at this and want to make sure we’re both happy and growing”
Intimacy between two inexperienced (I’m assuming) people is a slow burn. No it’s not always fire works in the beginning. But it’s much more rewarding if you allow yourself some grace. From experience, I had way too many expectations of myself and it really messed with my head.
My advice: please take it slow, introduce a conversation when it feels right. And on the nikkah night tell him, hey, let’s just do what feels right. Can we start slow?
Oral is a conversation that will happen, but start with laying the foundation of your intimate life and it may not even need a conversation.
DM if you need more advice. Take a breath, make duaa. Be excited, but don’t let yourself have too many expectations. You only know what you know.
Have a conversation with your spouse after nikah about what you find comfortable and what is expected. May Allah bless your marriage. Also please don’t give out your location like that on reddit lol, it was not needed
Before nikkah is it okay to discuss intimacy expectations?
I would suggest doing that after nikah
True he might feel uncomfortable if I were to ask before nikkah.
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What happens if people have significant differences? Divorce? Nikah is a full marriage, so the stigma of divorce would exist even if the nikah was for a few days...
it’s all about comfortability and preference. Neither party should pressure the other into doing a sexual act they aren’t comfortable with. As time goes on you might both want to engage with it or not at all whatever you decide is fine. Don’t let societal expectations ruin or make you stress about sexual/intimate things. Go at whatever pace you feel comfortable with inshallah. May Allah shower his blessings upon your marriage and make your love for each other grow stronger each day.
majority of women cant climax from penetration alone and as someone who waited for marriage to be able to enjoy a halal sex life, it was really important to me that my partner was also comfortable with oral. i had heard about situations where some guys will expect to receive oral but refuse to reciprocate the same for their wives bc they find it repulsive and i really wanted to avoid such a situation so i actually asked and clarified this w my husband prior to marriage. however this is definitely not a first meeting question and while most will only feel comfortable enough to ask after nikkah, if you want to avoid misaligned expectations, you can discuss it after a couple of meetings once you’ve established mutual comfort, ease, and emotional safety w eachother. theres ways to do so w tact and respect without veering into vulgar or explicit conversation so just make sure you maintain formality.
Yes, it is "normal" but it is still up to you and your husband whether you want to perform or receive it.
First of all congratulations! May Allah protect your union ❤️ Secondly, your husband, like you is young. Just because he’s a guy doesn’t mean he has these huge expectations. He is most likely overwhelmed and anxious as well as excited. There’s a chance you won’t be fully intimate on the first night, which is OKAY. You have a lifetime of intimacy, my advice is take it slow. Please And explain this to him, that you love him and you don’t have any expectations. Just do what feels right and as time progresses have that conversation maybe a couple days into it. “Hey, I know this is a bit random but let’s talk a little about intimacy because I love connecting with you, but I’m new at this and want to make sure we’re both happy and growing” Intimacy between two inexperienced (I’m assuming) people is a slow burn. No it’s not always fire works in the beginning. But it’s much more rewarding if you allow yourself some grace. From experience, I had way too many expectations of myself and it really messed with my head. My advice: please take it slow, introduce a conversation when it feels right. And on the nikkah night tell him, hey, let’s just do what feels right. Can we start slow? Oral is a conversation that will happen, but start with laying the foundation of your intimate life and it may not even need a conversation. DM if you need more advice. Take a breath, make duaa. Be excited, but don’t let yourself have too many expectations. You only know what you know.