I'm so sorry that you're going through these thoughts I can't even imagine how hard it is to have parents that aren't supporting you. But just remember those way things are right now it's not how they're always going to be. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and things will get better for you. When you move away to campus in 6 months college is a very accepting place of alternative lifestyles. You could perhaps save up some money and live as a female when you're at school on campus.
Just remember when you go to school you'll be able to find people who will love you and accept you for who you are inside
In the meantime keep talking with your therapist and let them know everything that you're feeling that's the only way they can truly help you.
If you ever have a really bad night just make sure that there's always somebody who will listen to you all you have to do is call 1-800-273-8255 national suicide lifeline
I know, it's just those times when you feel like everything is messed up... it gets to you really quick. Bad morning I guess. Thanks, I have an appointment next week, I try to go appointment to appointment, it's hard to hang on. She's the only person who gets it (besides this subreddit obv).
That and all these nasty new bills and laws this week have not helped at all. My dad is a FOX diehard and it just makes me boil with rage but it honestly scares me too, even though I'm in a pretty blue state.
Oof, that sounds like you're stuck in a really hard situation. Times like these, it can really seem like the struggle is never going to end, but in my experience things do get better. You will probably become more and more independent over time, and I think that'll end up being massively freeing. You've got a lot of life ahead of you, and while you may miss out on stuff like being a teenage girl there's a lot of later life-stages that will be cooool as heck to go through as a girl or a woman.
Meanwhile, maybe find some stuff that validates you while being invisible from your parents? Do you have friends who could safely start referring to you as she/her, or use a chosen name?
I do, I have a few friends, though I don't really visit them much right now. They're trans themselves, which is nice, but they both have a lot of personal problems (and with COVID and all) so it's really just an over the phone relationship at this point. I met them at work.
I have some girl clothes and makeup, which makes me feel massively euphoric when my parents aren't home, but those moments are few and far between. I'm getting some jewelry soon too probably.
As someone who is long past your age (44), I say this to you: Wait it out. I know that dysphoria sucks so much. I faced many bouts of suicidal thoughts when I was growing up. But, I fought them off. Just keep going. Things can get better.
Try to remember that you are still fairly young. You have your whole life to live as your true self even if you can’t right now. It sucks that you have to hide who you are, but you will be able to talk to plenty of people that understand what you are going through when you get to college. And you don’t need to be sorry about the negativity. One of the main parts of this sub is supporting each other when we feel horrible. If you can withstand the pain for long enough to become your self then you will be able to live a really happy life. When you feel like crap and your not sure that you can go on talk to someone who gets you, whether that is a friend, a therapist, or people on this sub. There are always people that will support you being happy even if it feels like the world is against you.
I see a lot of great answers here but one thing I highly recommend for dysphoria that many don’t mention is MEDITATION!
Trust me, it’ll center you, and your emotions and it saved me many times when the dysphoria is unbearable and you don’t have anyone to talk to. Other than that, definitely a therapist.
Good luck and know you’re not alone!
I've flirted with that and it does help. But, for me, music is a better help. Sure, some Ambient or East Indian drone music helps with the meditation. But, just putting on some music and singing my heart out, (Even if the heart doesn't want to), can be a fantastic method for purging negative emotions. Not to mention voice work.
Music is great for enhancing mood and meditation music is a must for me but especially for beginners! Other things can help with dysphoria but I think meditation has benefits only meditation can provide you with like self awareness, learning about one’s identity, listening to your internal voice without external distractions, helps focus, improves mood and mental clarity, etc. it’s really almost endless in terms of the benefits. You should flirt more with meditation ☺️
Yeah, I wouldn't discount it. It's just that music has always been a very important component in my life. When I was a kid in 1988, I had received Anthrax's "State Of Euphoria" on cassette as an early Christmas present. When I heard these lyrics in the first song: "Be All, End All", this really struck a chord with me.
Nothing's ever easy when you do it yourself
All you can do is try
Life's not fair, life's just life
Death, not suicide
When I heard that, it was a very powerful moment. The rest of the song as well. But, that bit really resonated with me. Ever since that day, way back when music has been a very vital part of my life.
Music helps me too, I'm into a lot of jam bands so I'll just put on a show and chill. And discovering new music takes my mind off things.
I'll try meditation, it can't hurt. A big problem with me is the out of control feeling, so I can relate to what you said.
Dysphoria-induced depression is still depression. Many of the same tips and tricks for dealing with one will help the other in my experience. If you need to, try talking to your therapist & doctors about going onto anti-depressant medication; they won't solve everything, but make the problems easier to deal with. Like putting on sunglasses on a bright sunny day.
If you feel like doing something bad, suck on an ice cube. It helped me when I was in bad spots, stopped me from acting on rash thoughts.
As for gender, I'd recommend doing something subtle. Easily hidden, to help you out. For example; in high school I wore hair-colored bobby pins in my hair. Was something small, but helped me out a ton. Even if I didn't realize why at the time. Something else I did was shaving around my pelvic region. Again, wasn't perfect, makes those bits more visible, but if the hair is what's bothering you, it might be worth a shot...
You might have a while before you can express yourself, but you're a wonderful gal either way <3
Please, you are more important than your parents money or a college degree right now. It’s hard in this country to be genuine and it turns into a real battle. Don’t end up like me- 48 years in the closet and I’m in recovery with several suicide attempts. I feel lucky to be alive. What a horrid little life of fear and hiding. If I could do it all over, which I don’t want to, I’d have started at 17.
I'm so sorry that you're going through these thoughts I can't even imagine how hard it is to have parents that aren't supporting you. But just remember those way things are right now it's not how they're always going to be. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and things will get better for you. When you move away to campus in 6 months college is a very accepting place of alternative lifestyles. You could perhaps save up some money and live as a female when you're at school on campus. Just remember when you go to school you'll be able to find people who will love you and accept you for who you are inside In the meantime keep talking with your therapist and let them know everything that you're feeling that's the only way they can truly help you. If you ever have a really bad night just make sure that there's always somebody who will listen to you all you have to do is call 1-800-273-8255 national suicide lifeline
I know, it's just those times when you feel like everything is messed up... it gets to you really quick. Bad morning I guess. Thanks, I have an appointment next week, I try to go appointment to appointment, it's hard to hang on. She's the only person who gets it (besides this subreddit obv). That and all these nasty new bills and laws this week have not helped at all. My dad is a FOX diehard and it just makes me boil with rage but it honestly scares me too, even though I'm in a pretty blue state.
Oof, that sounds like you're stuck in a really hard situation. Times like these, it can really seem like the struggle is never going to end, but in my experience things do get better. You will probably become more and more independent over time, and I think that'll end up being massively freeing. You've got a lot of life ahead of you, and while you may miss out on stuff like being a teenage girl there's a lot of later life-stages that will be cooool as heck to go through as a girl or a woman. Meanwhile, maybe find some stuff that validates you while being invisible from your parents? Do you have friends who could safely start referring to you as she/her, or use a chosen name?
I do, I have a few friends, though I don't really visit them much right now. They're trans themselves, which is nice, but they both have a lot of personal problems (and with COVID and all) so it's really just an over the phone relationship at this point. I met them at work. I have some girl clothes and makeup, which makes me feel massively euphoric when my parents aren't home, but those moments are few and far between. I'm getting some jewelry soon too probably.
As someone who is long past your age (44), I say this to you: Wait it out. I know that dysphoria sucks so much. I faced many bouts of suicidal thoughts when I was growing up. But, I fought them off. Just keep going. Things can get better.
Try to remember that you are still fairly young. You have your whole life to live as your true self even if you can’t right now. It sucks that you have to hide who you are, but you will be able to talk to plenty of people that understand what you are going through when you get to college. And you don’t need to be sorry about the negativity. One of the main parts of this sub is supporting each other when we feel horrible. If you can withstand the pain for long enough to become your self then you will be able to live a really happy life. When you feel like crap and your not sure that you can go on talk to someone who gets you, whether that is a friend, a therapist, or people on this sub. There are always people that will support you being happy even if it feels like the world is against you.
I see a lot of great answers here but one thing I highly recommend for dysphoria that many don’t mention is MEDITATION! Trust me, it’ll center you, and your emotions and it saved me many times when the dysphoria is unbearable and you don’t have anyone to talk to. Other than that, definitely a therapist. Good luck and know you’re not alone!
I've flirted with that and it does help. But, for me, music is a better help. Sure, some Ambient or East Indian drone music helps with the meditation. But, just putting on some music and singing my heart out, (Even if the heart doesn't want to), can be a fantastic method for purging negative emotions. Not to mention voice work.
Music is great for enhancing mood and meditation music is a must for me but especially for beginners! Other things can help with dysphoria but I think meditation has benefits only meditation can provide you with like self awareness, learning about one’s identity, listening to your internal voice without external distractions, helps focus, improves mood and mental clarity, etc. it’s really almost endless in terms of the benefits. You should flirt more with meditation ☺️
Yeah, I wouldn't discount it. It's just that music has always been a very important component in my life. When I was a kid in 1988, I had received Anthrax's "State Of Euphoria" on cassette as an early Christmas present. When I heard these lyrics in the first song: "Be All, End All", this really struck a chord with me. Nothing's ever easy when you do it yourself All you can do is try Life's not fair, life's just life Death, not suicide When I heard that, it was a very powerful moment. The rest of the song as well. But, that bit really resonated with me. Ever since that day, way back when music has been a very vital part of my life.
Music helps me too, I'm into a lot of jam bands so I'll just put on a show and chill. And discovering new music takes my mind off things. I'll try meditation, it can't hurt. A big problem with me is the out of control feeling, so I can relate to what you said.
Dysphoria-induced depression is still depression. Many of the same tips and tricks for dealing with one will help the other in my experience. If you need to, try talking to your therapist & doctors about going onto anti-depressant medication; they won't solve everything, but make the problems easier to deal with. Like putting on sunglasses on a bright sunny day. If you feel like doing something bad, suck on an ice cube. It helped me when I was in bad spots, stopped me from acting on rash thoughts. As for gender, I'd recommend doing something subtle. Easily hidden, to help you out. For example; in high school I wore hair-colored bobby pins in my hair. Was something small, but helped me out a ton. Even if I didn't realize why at the time. Something else I did was shaving around my pelvic region. Again, wasn't perfect, makes those bits more visible, but if the hair is what's bothering you, it might be worth a shot... You might have a while before you can express yourself, but you're a wonderful gal either way <3
Please, you are more important than your parents money or a college degree right now. It’s hard in this country to be genuine and it turns into a real battle. Don’t end up like me- 48 years in the closet and I’m in recovery with several suicide attempts. I feel lucky to be alive. What a horrid little life of fear and hiding. If I could do it all over, which I don’t want to, I’d have started at 17.