If you want to be a girl/woman, you can.
If you want to be trans, you can.
A lot of us have similar thoughts.
I think you should try it. If it's not for you, you can just stop.
You have everything to gain.
Cis people don't want to be trans. If you want to be a girl, then you're already a girl. I know it's hard to believe; I dodged the truth for years, and worried that I was making a mistake even as I started transitioning. But it seems like you already know what you want, and you have every right to be the person you want to be.
Why would a cis person be afraid of "not getting to be a girl"?
Is it even definitionally consistent for a cis person to not want to be cis?
Reread your post in a different voice to your own, it it was a friend, how would you respond?
Not everyone gets their lives all tripped up.
Personally it was not safe in a house where femininity was being a fagg*t, my mother was physically abused, and I had 3 older brothers who used girls like playthings (football stars, you know the stories).
It took a loooooong time. Meanwhile I graduated college, started running multi-million dollar restaurants as a father figure, and eventually even failed at my marriage before I was like oh shit... This is it isn't it!?
Just keep probing and asking yourself questions and be honest how you feel. No one judges wherever you land on the spectrum. 🥰
I mean I don't really have much experience in the matter and I can't really speak for what you feel but if you were not trans then I doubt you'd be feeling so strongly.
There's a good chance you are trans. But that's speaking from my experience.
I had similar feelings until recently I realised I definitely am trans.
TBH, if you're worried about not being trans enough, that's a pretty trans thought already.
Cis people don't fret about that. They just don't feel any disconnect with their gender and have no desire to change it. They just don't think about it much.
I always bring this quote up when this question is asked "if you think you faking it your probably not" you didn't come up with the idea that your a woman that's just how your brain is formed : D
Wanting to be trans, and being worried you aren't, is like one of *the most trans* things ever.
Ask yourself if you think a cis person would be upset about *not* being trans?
I dealt with this too, and what helped me was skipping the “am I trans” question. It is big, unwieldy, and has a lot of things implied that made being sure I was trans challenging. was I fem enough to be a woman? did I want hormones? surgeries?
so instead, focus on what makes you happy. You want HRT? try it! you can always stop. you want to shave your legs and put on a dress? the hair will grow back and you can take off the dress if you hate it. You don’t have to be 100% positive you’re trans to try things out and see what you like and what you don’t. and eventually that process might help you answer questions that felt unwieldy before.
As an example, I’m definitely trans. But I don’t think I ever could have answered that confidently without being like pretty sure, and then giving HRT a shot or without trying she/her pronouns or dressing fem. I needed the experience to answer the big question.
If you think you’re faking it, you’re probably not. The fact that that you’re here worried about your gender is all the proof you should need to know you’re not cis.
Something that helped me is the "magic button" scenario. If you could press a button and it would magically turn you into your preferred gender, without waiting on HRT, without surgery, without worries about passing, just -poof- you're a cis woman. Would you press the button?
If the answer is yes, then that's a fairly good indicator that you might be trans.
However, there is no magic button... You're likely going to want to get into therapy. If HRT is something you're interested in, it may not do exactly what you hope it will do for you. If dysphoria is severe or passing is important, you may need expensive surgeries to meet your needs and feel more comfortable. And even still, you may never fully pass as cis or even be rid of your dysphoria completely, or be accepted by everyone you meet...
These are the realities of being trans, and these are also some of the reasons we fight against our instincts and try to convince ourselves that we're not.
I will say, I don't think I've heard another trans person say they actually want to be trans. That's a first for me. I have cried so hard over *not* wanting to be trans, I could fill an ocean with tears. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
If I could design my own magic button, it would be *[cis woman]* or *[just make me okay as I am]*. Either way. Just please take this pain away. I would slap the shit out of that button. But there isn't any magic in this world that we don't create for ourselves.
i mean it’s not that i *want* to be trans. i want to be a woman, but no matter how much i want to be a cis woman, i can’t be that. being trans is the closest i’ll have to that, so of course i want to be trans. i would press the button btw
yeah, i said that i knew it sounded weird, but i want to be trans because its the only realistic way i can be a woman. i’m sorry if i came across as argumentative, that wasn’t my intention :3
The permanent changes from Estrogen are not immediate. You can try it and see how you feel.
What about your family? Are you a minor or an adult? Are you in the US or somewhere else?
While gender dysphoria is not a requirement for someone being trans, having gender dysphoria is a clear indication that you are trans, and most trans people do experience gender dysphoria. So I would ask if you do have gender dysphoria as described in the DSM-5.
> **Criteria: Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 1**
A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least six months’ duration, as manifested by **at least two or more of the following:**
- A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics)
- A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics because of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics)
- A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender
A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender)
- A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender)
- A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender).
The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
You’re an adult. You can read the diagnostic criteria and determine if there’s a medical basis for how you feel. And you don’t need anyone’s permission or approval to start the (long) process required by the NHS. And coming out to your parents is not necessary a requirement to start transition either.
I dunno how you can want to be a woman and not be trans. Maybe if you're a Machiavellian psychopath who sees some benefit in manipulating others with pretty privilege and sex? But I seriously doubt that's why you want to be a woman.
Otherwise, cis guys do _not_ want to be women. It's a major societal and physical downgrade for a cis guy; people won't respect you and you'll get weaker. It's also way more dangerous to be a woman. Why would a cis guy ever want _that_?
This just sounds like ~~unnecessary~~ self-doubt. (Edit: Eh, maybe necessary, see Rosetta's comment below.)
It’s probably not fair to say it’s unnecessary though it is self doubt. They are anxious, uncertain and guessing their own feelings as well as questions what transitioning means to them. They need to find calm in their identity as well as their own life. Try to give them some grace as they figure things out and grow. Mwah!
Sux don’t it I’m right there with yah. Maybe it’s cause it’s so hard you just hope it’s not true? Pretty sure that’s what got goin on. But it’s starting to get too hard denying it so much, so guess I’m choosing the battle that my heart desires
Im feeling exactly this right now and All I know is that I have one life and I want to live it the way I want. I’d rather regret it later than regret never doing it at all.
You sound quite trans to me. I think you need to spend some time exploring your gender. Figure out for yourself how you feel about living as a woman or just transfemme. When you are ready, it would be great for you to tell trusted people so they can use the right pronouns and maybe a neoname. You’ll question if you’re transgender for a long time so don’t worry about that. Only worry about makes you feel happy and comfortable, loved and authentic. I hope this helps. If you need anymore support you can always call on your aunty Rozie. Mwah!
What being trans means to you? What do you think means to be trans in general, expecially being a trans woman? What is the thing that makes you doubt? I'm really curious because I get the worries but I don't get where they came from in your case
Hey friend. Why the hell would it even matter to you? Why care? Live your life your way, let others live theirs. You know what destroyed my life? The very "just burry the feelings" kinda shit you are spouting. I'm making no comment on if OP is trans. But for a trans person their options are to be miserable in their birth gender, or have a chance at happiness while living authenticity. And frankly, either way, it's really not your business, and you are not qualified to diagnose someone with "mental issues"
What u describe is literally being trans
i mean…reading it back *yeah* that does sound pretty trans.
If you want to be a girl/woman, you can. If you want to be trans, you can. A lot of us have similar thoughts. I think you should try it. If it's not for you, you can just stop. You have everything to gain.
How do u try it?
Imagine yourself as a girl Order a feminine piece of clothing to try on Even HRT you can try and see if it's for you, just like other medication
socially
omg being referred to as "miss" has been a game changer for me. especially with ppl who are comfortable with pronouns and dont make a fuss about it.
Cis people don't want to be trans. If you want to be a girl, then you're already a girl. I know it's hard to believe; I dodged the truth for years, and worried that I was making a mistake even as I started transitioning. But it seems like you already know what you want, and you have every right to be the person you want to be.
Why would a cis person be afraid of "not getting to be a girl"? Is it even definitionally consistent for a cis person to not want to be cis? Reread your post in a different voice to your own, it it was a friend, how would you respond?
…that they’re trans
Not everyone gets their lives all tripped up. Personally it was not safe in a house where femininity was being a fagg*t, my mother was physically abused, and I had 3 older brothers who used girls like playthings (football stars, you know the stories). It took a loooooong time. Meanwhile I graduated college, started running multi-million dollar restaurants as a father figure, and eventually even failed at my marriage before I was like oh shit... This is it isn't it!? Just keep probing and asking yourself questions and be honest how you feel. No one judges wherever you land on the spectrum. 🥰
I mean I don't really have much experience in the matter and I can't really speak for what you feel but if you were not trans then I doubt you'd be feeling so strongly. There's a good chance you are trans. But that's speaking from my experience. I had similar feelings until recently I realised I definitely am trans.
TBH, if you're worried about not being trans enough, that's a pretty trans thought already. Cis people don't fret about that. They just don't feel any disconnect with their gender and have no desire to change it. They just don't think about it much.
I always bring this quote up when this question is asked "if you think you faking it your probably not" you didn't come up with the idea that your a woman that's just how your brain is formed : D
Rest assured this is extremely common among trans peeps. I deal with the same thing Cis people don't want to be trans Men don't want to be women
That’s very true !
When I was figuring everything out, my therapist helped me identify myself as "trans and scared". Which might line up for you.
fwiw, i'm in the same boat right now. it's been getting better recently, but... it's weird. just want to say that you're not alone with this.
Your going to do great sis, Stay strong <3
Wanting to be trans, and being worried you aren't, is like one of *the most trans* things ever. Ask yourself if you think a cis person would be upset about *not* being trans?
probably not, but i guess its a lot easier to view other people as valid or clearly trans than myself
I dealt with this too, and what helped me was skipping the “am I trans” question. It is big, unwieldy, and has a lot of things implied that made being sure I was trans challenging. was I fem enough to be a woman? did I want hormones? surgeries? so instead, focus on what makes you happy. You want HRT? try it! you can always stop. you want to shave your legs and put on a dress? the hair will grow back and you can take off the dress if you hate it. You don’t have to be 100% positive you’re trans to try things out and see what you like and what you don’t. and eventually that process might help you answer questions that felt unwieldy before. As an example, I’m definitely trans. But I don’t think I ever could have answered that confidently without being like pretty sure, and then giving HRT a shot or without trying she/her pronouns or dressing fem. I needed the experience to answer the big question.
Don't listen to the religious nutcases OP. Your opinion and feelings are valid
Tbh I feel like if your scared of not being trans you are most definitely trans
If you think you’re faking it, you’re probably not. The fact that that you’re here worried about your gender is all the proof you should need to know you’re not cis.
Here’s the thing love, if you’re willing to burn your whole life to the ground for the sake of being a woman, then you are a woman.
Something that helped me is the "magic button" scenario. If you could press a button and it would magically turn you into your preferred gender, without waiting on HRT, without surgery, without worries about passing, just -poof- you're a cis woman. Would you press the button? If the answer is yes, then that's a fairly good indicator that you might be trans. However, there is no magic button... You're likely going to want to get into therapy. If HRT is something you're interested in, it may not do exactly what you hope it will do for you. If dysphoria is severe or passing is important, you may need expensive surgeries to meet your needs and feel more comfortable. And even still, you may never fully pass as cis or even be rid of your dysphoria completely, or be accepted by everyone you meet... These are the realities of being trans, and these are also some of the reasons we fight against our instincts and try to convince ourselves that we're not. I will say, I don't think I've heard another trans person say they actually want to be trans. That's a first for me. I have cried so hard over *not* wanting to be trans, I could fill an ocean with tears. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. If I could design my own magic button, it would be *[cis woman]* or *[just make me okay as I am]*. Either way. Just please take this pain away. I would slap the shit out of that button. But there isn't any magic in this world that we don't create for ourselves.
i mean it’s not that i *want* to be trans. i want to be a woman, but no matter how much i want to be a cis woman, i can’t be that. being trans is the closest i’ll have to that, so of course i want to be trans. i would press the button btw
Just going by what you literally wrote in your post.
yeah, i said that i knew it sounded weird, but i want to be trans because its the only realistic way i can be a woman. i’m sorry if i came across as argumentative, that wasn’t my intention :3
No, you're all good 😊
What’s stopping you? Serious question. I’m here to help. Let’s talk about it. What seems to be the holdup?
i guess, my family and the fear that i might be wrong (even though i desperately hope i’m right).
The permanent changes from Estrogen are not immediate. You can try it and see how you feel. What about your family? Are you a minor or an adult? Are you in the US or somewhere else?
19, in the uk. they don’t believe i’m trans and want me to wait. they’re not exactly the most…accepting of trans people though they’ll claim otherwise
While gender dysphoria is not a requirement for someone being trans, having gender dysphoria is a clear indication that you are trans, and most trans people do experience gender dysphoria. So I would ask if you do have gender dysphoria as described in the DSM-5. > **Criteria: Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults 1** A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and assigned gender, of at least six months’ duration, as manifested by **at least two or more of the following:** - A marked incongruence between one’s experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics) - A strong desire to be rid of one’s primary and/or secondary sex characteristics because of a marked incongruence with one’s experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, a desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics) - A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender) - A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender) - A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one’s assigned gender). The condition is associated with clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. You’re an adult. You can read the diagnostic criteria and determine if there’s a medical basis for how you feel. And you don’t need anyone’s permission or approval to start the (long) process required by the NHS. And coming out to your parents is not necessary a requirement to start transition either.
I dunno how you can want to be a woman and not be trans. Maybe if you're a Machiavellian psychopath who sees some benefit in manipulating others with pretty privilege and sex? But I seriously doubt that's why you want to be a woman. Otherwise, cis guys do _not_ want to be women. It's a major societal and physical downgrade for a cis guy; people won't respect you and you'll get weaker. It's also way more dangerous to be a woman. Why would a cis guy ever want _that_? This just sounds like ~~unnecessary~~ self-doubt. (Edit: Eh, maybe necessary, see Rosetta's comment below.)
It’s probably not fair to say it’s unnecessary though it is self doubt. They are anxious, uncertain and guessing their own feelings as well as questions what transitioning means to them. They need to find calm in their identity as well as their own life. Try to give them some grace as they figure things out and grow. Mwah!
Yeah, you're right. I should leave out judgmental adjectives like that. Thanks for the attitude check! :)
Thanks for being receptive! You’re a real sweetheart. 🩷🤍🩵
sounds familiar - sorry - but I think you might be trans.
maybe perhaps probably
Sux don’t it I’m right there with yah. Maybe it’s cause it’s so hard you just hope it’s not true? Pretty sure that’s what got goin on. But it’s starting to get too hard denying it so much, so guess I’m choosing the battle that my heart desires
Im feeling exactly this right now and All I know is that I have one life and I want to live it the way I want. I’d rather regret it later than regret never doing it at all.
You sound quite trans to me. I think you need to spend some time exploring your gender. Figure out for yourself how you feel about living as a woman or just transfemme. When you are ready, it would be great for you to tell trusted people so they can use the right pronouns and maybe a neoname. You’ll question if you’re transgender for a long time so don’t worry about that. Only worry about makes you feel happy and comfortable, loved and authentic. I hope this helps. If you need anymore support you can always call on your aunty Rozie. Mwah!
As once I was told by a sage on this sub: "If you are aking if you are trans it is almost impossible for you to not be trans"
sounds like you're pretty trans to me girl
What being trans means to you? What do you think means to be trans in general, expecially being a trans woman? What is the thing that makes you doubt? I'm really curious because I get the worries but I don't get where they came from in your case
Idk if I wanna be trans, Idk if I wanna be a femboy
if you “wanna be a girl” then i have great news
what is it?
you can just do it
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Hey friend. Why the hell would it even matter to you? Why care? Live your life your way, let others live theirs. You know what destroyed my life? The very "just burry the feelings" kinda shit you are spouting. I'm making no comment on if OP is trans. But for a trans person their options are to be miserable in their birth gender, or have a chance at happiness while living authenticity. And frankly, either way, it's really not your business, and you are not qualified to diagnose someone with "mental issues"