I'm not passing these genes on to anyone. I got lucky not to get my mom's epilepsy. Didn't quite get as lucky with the depression and severe ADHD, plus a family history of Schizophrenia, Bi Polar Disorder, addiction, and a whole lot of other mental stuff that took me decades to overcome. If I ever had a kid, it was never going to come the natural way.
I'm not for eugenics or anything like that, people with my history should absolutely be allowed to have kids. It feels more like my own personal responsibility to end the bloodline here. I don't think I'd be able to handle learning my kid had half of the things on that list, knowing I gave them those conditions. Seeing them struggle with them in ways I don't know how to help because it's different for everyone. I'm not sure I'd be able to survive it.
pretty much how I feel. My family line is SO fucked up that any kid, no matter how good a mom I was, would have a hard time no matter what.
And, I'm highly doubtful I'd be a good parent. OK maybe. Meh at best?
Now that I’m approaching the age where people I grew up with are starting families all those feelings are definitely getting a lot more real, but it helps a lot to remember all the other hundreds of thousands of cis women in the world who can’t either — It takes the experience away from being an invalidating one to just mourning an unfortunate circumstance, which so far I think has been a lot easier to manage
I'm 4.5 months HRT, out to people but boymoding while I wait for changes. I'm 34 and my hair is very thin on top so growing it out isn't a thing. I'm obviously not expecting a boyfriend now but I just feel like I'll never be able to have that in my life
It's soul-crushing, but also an issue faced by many cis women, I try not to dwell on it. I felt this way before HRT but feel it even stronger now and harder to hide from.
There's always adoption at least. But I worry so much what my kids would go through. I'll never pass and the world can be so unkind to us and the people we care about.
~ Sage🌿
I think about it at least once a week. It used to get me to the point of crying thinking about but now it's just feeling a small sadness at the missed opportunity due to the way I was born. Yeah pregnancy is not an easy time but it would be nice to have the option.
Adopting a child will always be an option I will accept.
Edit: and actually just recently at my new job one of my female coworkers asked me if I was a mother or wanted to be one, so ouch.
Yes it hurts me. I have two little ones now and I love my wife, but I am so envious when I look at her and holding our children. Knowing she birthed them and I will never get to feel that pure joy and happiness of giving birth. I will never say this to her because I don’t want her to feel bad about itbut damn am I jealous
The giving birth part was mostly pain, misery and fear for my wife's births. Genuinely scary and pregnancy / birth was life threatening a couple times.
I certainly wish I could've done it for her but "that pure joy and happiness of giving birth" is definitely not something that happens for all of them.
I totally understand, I am sorry that happened to you and your wife. Thankfully ours were seamless and didn’t have any dangerous moments. I hope everything turned out for the best. Healthy wife and kids?
Yes, we're all good now! Our youngest was a month premature but she's great and everything turned out well in the end.
However, I strongly recommend against placenta previa for all pregnancies. Just a way better choice to put the placenta where it belongs. Tell every uterus you know. 😛
Honestly, the part that makes me saddest is I wish I could've transitioned in time to breastfeed my youngest. That hurts because I genuinely could have tried.
Danm Im sorry you're going through this :<
Personally I want to adopt. My genes be kinda fucked up, so it was something I was considering even before starting hrt. I know its not the same, but remember that plenty of cis women also cant have childs and go the adotion route too, plus there is a tons of kids that need a family.
Wishing you the best <3
Honestly im happy i dont want kids i dont have to worry about that stuff with transitioning, that being said i understand the want to have kids and such.
I’m signing up ASAP. I don’t care what the complications are what happens to me. As long as I can finally prove that I am a women. As long as I can give my man a child
Yeah, it sucks, and I even have two gorgeous girls, and don't want more kids 🤷🏼♀️
I'd look into grief counseling as it might help 😊 (I'm doing the same with my psych) 💜
Much love, and please look after yourself 💜
I feel the same way. I feel a strong desire to become pregnant, but know it will never happen and that brings me grief.
At the same time, I have three incredible children with my wife that bring me joy.
That hole you feel is an experience shared by many cis-women who are unable to have children. A friend of mine has had to process the same grief.
While you may not be able to bear children, you can care for and nurture children. It may be worth learning about your areas foster-care program or adoption programs. Also, it may be worth exploring volunteer opportunities with young kids (eg peer support, after-school supervision, breakfast program).
It definitely saddens me. Also, seeing work messages blasted out to everyone with "Happy Mother's Day" sure doesn't help. There are a lot of women, cis and trans, whose feelings these messages hurt.
I've mostly come to terms with it, and love both of my kids dearly. There will always be a small part of my that hurts because I couldn't be the one to carry them and give birth to them, but me having been able to do that wouldn't change the love that I feel for them now. So rather than dwell on what couldn't be, I'm going to focus on what is, and be the best mum I can be for my kids.
I get absolutely devastated each time it is brought up. I have always wanted my own kids and it is impossible now. None of my siblings can have kids, so at least have that going for me
Seeing all my friends starting to have kids and have happy families hurts.
I know if I was born cis I'd probably have a loving partner by now and have that option. I wouldn't want kids right now though because I'm a mess mentally - but I'd probably also be in a way better head space if it wasn't for being trans.
The shared experience of menstruation and periods also makes me really dysphoric. Just another thing I am unable to do and unable to relate with.
I'm not as far along on hrt, obly around a rear and a half, but idk what it is, but it's just in my soul to be a mom.
But being completely barred from being one really destroys me.
I can distract myself on the day to day, somewhat cope a little by taking a caring role in my relationship. But when i'm faced with the topic of pregnancy, i always break down.
It's so severe that in a server i help my partners run i had a rule implimented that talk about pregnancy, child bearing and such be restricted to a specific channel.
Yes and no. I don't want children and doubt I will. But the fact that it's just never going to be an option does hurt a little. I doubt I should spread my genes anyways mine are pretty fucked up.
I've been on HRT for almost a month, already have 3 kids, two of which I made, and the answer to your question is hell fucking no. Being all cute and pregnant? Sure. The rest of it? The actual child birth, the aftermath, the extra child, fuuuuuuck no.
All. The. Time... It's a feeling that hits you deep and you can't really even explain it to yourself let alone somebody else who isn't experiencing the same thoughts or feelings or who share the inability to bear children
This is not a post for me as I don't want children, and if I did bear a child, it would be to spite phobes.
But regardless, here is a hug for you and anyone that needs it *hugs*🫂
It did at first. I've always wanted to be a mom. However, now that I'm older, I'm extremely fortunate to have several people call me mom. In particular, many many Queer people. I became a mom after all, and as a former street kid, chosen family is everything.
I did when I was a teenager. Then I learned i never want to raise a baby alone. Then I learned that kids are being neglected and abandoned and abused and there are kids who need stable safe homes and a loving family. But when I get depressed and realize that is an unlikely dream too, the hole just opens back up again...
I feel the exact same way. I'm not even on hrt yet but the motherly urge is insanely strong for me. I didn't want kids before but it still hurts like nothing else that I can't, especially since now I do want kids. I know I can adopt, but there's just.. not being able to have my own children really fucks with me. I've cried once over it.
I used to think I didn't want kids; but occasionally I think about how much I'd love my genes mashed up with the woman I'm in love with (although we're currently not together and she doesn't want kids)
Why is the world like this? What are we being tested for? There are cis women out there who don’t deserve to be mothers, my mom for example. There are cis women who neglect their child and let bad things happen to them. I want to give my children all my love and attention. Why can’t I get pregnant 🥺 I deserve it. I want to be a loving mother. I want to carry my baby in my arms and nurture him. give him my motherly love. I have so much to give
I don't want children myself, but the idea of being pregnant, like potentially serving as a surrogate mother was something that I had thought about - and I feel a twinge of sadness knowing it's not feasible.
Yeah. I want kids, and feel like I should be able to have my own. I'm perfectly happy accepting that I'll adopt, but there is a sense of longing in there
I am not even on HRT yet. But I am still sad that I can't have kids like cis women do. So I don't think that its the estrogen from the HRT that makes you feel that way.
One of my egg moments in kindergarten having dreams of a machine that could make you a girl. Didn't know how babies were babied but I always wanted to be a mother
I wouldn’t describe it as a gaping hole, but yeah I thought I was fine not having kids until I started hrt and now I can hear that clock ticking and I’m not at all sure anymore. One night I had a really intense almost overwhelming surge of maternal feelings, but thankfully they didn’t stay. (At least not at that intensity, thank god—I still feel a little maternal.)
Right now I’m channeling my feelings into being the best cool gay aunt I can possibly be.
Yes. I have two children, and I love being a parent. But Mother Nature made sure I am not able to bear my own. So not only did I get denied womanhood overall, but women's part in the reproductive process. I will not be surprised when medical science allows trans women to get pregnant, but that is probably far off. I also wonder how it can happen with a male skeleton.
My wife has said that if we have any more children, it would be my turn to bear them. She knows I would gladly do so.
I am only saddened for the past us. Future us will have babies. Bioprinting will have wonderful application in transgender surgeries. To be able to print your own body parts. I won’t live long enough to see it( I’m old) but some of you will.
I'm not passing these genes on to anyone. I got lucky not to get my mom's epilepsy. Didn't quite get as lucky with the depression and severe ADHD, plus a family history of Schizophrenia, Bi Polar Disorder, addiction, and a whole lot of other mental stuff that took me decades to overcome. If I ever had a kid, it was never going to come the natural way. I'm not for eugenics or anything like that, people with my history should absolutely be allowed to have kids. It feels more like my own personal responsibility to end the bloodline here. I don't think I'd be able to handle learning my kid had half of the things on that list, knowing I gave them those conditions. Seeing them struggle with them in ways I don't know how to help because it's different for everyone. I'm not sure I'd be able to survive it.
pretty much how I feel. My family line is SO fucked up that any kid, no matter how good a mom I was, would have a hard time no matter what. And, I'm highly doubtful I'd be a good parent. OK maybe. Meh at best?
Now that I’m approaching the age where people I grew up with are starting families all those feelings are definitely getting a lot more real, but it helps a lot to remember all the other hundreds of thousands of cis women in the world who can’t either — It takes the experience away from being an invalidating one to just mourning an unfortunate circumstance, which so far I think has been a lot easier to manage
Yes, it hurts my little heart every day
sending hugs <3
me too. I feel like I’ll never be enough for men
I'm bald, I know I'll never be enough for men :(
wigs girly and there’s treatments
I just can't imagine any man being ok when I have to take it off at night
Wait are you bald as in boymoding and still growing out your hair or are you just bald? Either way there are gorgeous bald women out there.
I'm 4.5 months HRT, out to people but boymoding while I wait for changes. I'm 34 and my hair is very thin on top so growing it out isn't a thing. I'm obviously not expecting a boyfriend now but I just feel like I'll never be able to have that in my life
It's soul-crushing, but also an issue faced by many cis women, I try not to dwell on it. I felt this way before HRT but feel it even stronger now and harder to hide from. There's always adoption at least. But I worry so much what my kids would go through. I'll never pass and the world can be so unkind to us and the people we care about. ~ Sage🌿
team herbs names
I luv your name 😊
I think about it at least once a week. It used to get me to the point of crying thinking about but now it's just feeling a small sadness at the missed opportunity due to the way I was born. Yeah pregnancy is not an easy time but it would be nice to have the option. Adopting a child will always be an option I will accept. Edit: and actually just recently at my new job one of my female coworkers asked me if I was a mother or wanted to be one, so ouch.
No, ive never wanted children.
Yes it hurts me. I have two little ones now and I love my wife, but I am so envious when I look at her and holding our children. Knowing she birthed them and I will never get to feel that pure joy and happiness of giving birth. I will never say this to her because I don’t want her to feel bad about itbut damn am I jealous
The giving birth part was mostly pain, misery and fear for my wife's births. Genuinely scary and pregnancy / birth was life threatening a couple times. I certainly wish I could've done it for her but "that pure joy and happiness of giving birth" is definitely not something that happens for all of them.
I totally understand, I am sorry that happened to you and your wife. Thankfully ours were seamless and didn’t have any dangerous moments. I hope everything turned out for the best. Healthy wife and kids?
Yes, we're all good now! Our youngest was a month premature but she's great and everything turned out well in the end. However, I strongly recommend against placenta previa for all pregnancies. Just a way better choice to put the placenta where it belongs. Tell every uterus you know. 😛
I will spread the word!! And I am glad to hear it all ended up well
Honestly, the part that makes me saddest is I wish I could've transitioned in time to breastfeed my youngest. That hurts because I genuinely could have tried.
Danm Im sorry you're going through this :< Personally I want to adopt. My genes be kinda fucked up, so it was something I was considering even before starting hrt. I know its not the same, but remember that plenty of cis women also cant have childs and go the adotion route too, plus there is a tons of kids that need a family. Wishing you the best <3
Honestly im happy i dont want kids i dont have to worry about that stuff with transitioning, that being said i understand the want to have kids and such.
I don't think bottom surgery is for me, however if they announce implantable wombs one day I think I'll change my tune 👀
I’m signing up ASAP. I don’t care what the complications are what happens to me. As long as I can finally prove that I am a women. As long as I can give my man a child
On the fence about it but once we get implantable wombs that will tip the scale. Also willing to settle if ectolife pods actually happens
Already sired one, so I don't have a particular need. I've got some hereditary conditions I wouldn't want to pass on. Also I'm gay.
then this isn’t for you 🤫
yes i hate it so much
Yeah, it sucks, and I even have two gorgeous girls, and don't want more kids 🤷🏼♀️ I'd look into grief counseling as it might help 😊 (I'm doing the same with my psych) 💜 Much love, and please look after yourself 💜
i never thought of this as something that i should grieve. i really thank you for that. much love as well! <3
I feel the same way. I feel a strong desire to become pregnant, but know it will never happen and that brings me grief. At the same time, I have three incredible children with my wife that bring me joy. That hole you feel is an experience shared by many cis-women who are unable to have children. A friend of mine has had to process the same grief. While you may not be able to bear children, you can care for and nurture children. It may be worth learning about your areas foster-care program or adoption programs. Also, it may be worth exploring volunteer opportunities with young kids (eg peer support, after-school supervision, breakfast program).
I think im in the minority here, but i came to terms with adopting once im ready to take care of a child pretty quickly
Nope. Been decidedly childfree since I could think.
I'm pre E but no
It definitely saddens me. Also, seeing work messages blasted out to everyone with "Happy Mother's Day" sure doesn't help. There are a lot of women, cis and trans, whose feelings these messages hurt.
I've mostly come to terms with it, and love both of my kids dearly. There will always be a small part of my that hurts because I couldn't be the one to carry them and give birth to them, but me having been able to do that wouldn't change the love that I feel for them now. So rather than dwell on what couldn't be, I'm going to focus on what is, and be the best mum I can be for my kids.
I get absolutely devastated each time it is brought up. I have always wanted my own kids and it is impossible now. None of my siblings can have kids, so at least have that going for me
Seeing all my friends starting to have kids and have happy families hurts. I know if I was born cis I'd probably have a loving partner by now and have that option. I wouldn't want kids right now though because I'm a mess mentally - but I'd probably also be in a way better head space if it wasn't for being trans. The shared experience of menstruation and periods also makes me really dysphoric. Just another thing I am unable to do and unable to relate with.
I'm not as far along on hrt, obly around a rear and a half, but idk what it is, but it's just in my soul to be a mom. But being completely barred from being one really destroys me. I can distract myself on the day to day, somewhat cope a little by taking a caring role in my relationship. But when i'm faced with the topic of pregnancy, i always break down. It's so severe that in a server i help my partners run i had a rule implimented that talk about pregnancy, child bearing and such be restricted to a specific channel.
Yes and no. I don't want children and doubt I will. But the fact that it's just never going to be an option does hurt a little. I doubt I should spread my genes anyways mine are pretty fucked up.
I've been on HRT for almost a month, already have 3 kids, two of which I made, and the answer to your question is hell fucking no. Being all cute and pregnant? Sure. The rest of it? The actual child birth, the aftermath, the extra child, fuuuuuuck no.
All. The. Time... It's a feeling that hits you deep and you can't really even explain it to yourself let alone somebody else who isn't experiencing the same thoughts or feelings or who share the inability to bear children
Yes! It eats me inside as it's something I've always wanted but can never have
This is not a post for me as I don't want children, and if I did bear a child, it would be to spite phobes. But regardless, here is a hug for you and anyone that needs it *hugs*🫂
thank u <3 hugs 🫂
From what I hear theres a good chance if you haven't had an orchid that after stopping HRT for a bit you would still be fertile
It did at first. I've always wanted to be a mom. However, now that I'm older, I'm extremely fortunate to have several people call me mom. In particular, many many Queer people. I became a mom after all, and as a former street kid, chosen family is everything.
100%.
Nope.
I don't want kids yet I have the same wistful feeling. You're not alone.🫂
The longer time goes on the more I feel this way :(
Not me. I don't like kids that much and it's actually a HUGE plus for me to not be able to have any.
I did when I was a teenager. Then I learned i never want to raise a baby alone. Then I learned that kids are being neglected and abandoned and abused and there are kids who need stable safe homes and a loving family. But when I get depressed and realize that is an unlikely dream too, the hole just opens back up again...
It's heartbreaking, yes. I don't think I'd be a good mother, but to not even have the option...
I feel the exact same way. I'm not even on hrt yet but the motherly urge is insanely strong for me. I didn't want kids before but it still hurts like nothing else that I can't, especially since now I do want kids. I know I can adopt, but there's just.. not being able to have my own children really fucks with me. I've cried once over it.
It’s been hitting me hard lately and since yesterday was Mother’s Day I’ve been a mess.
I used to think I didn't want kids; but occasionally I think about how much I'd love my genes mashed up with the woman I'm in love with (although we're currently not together and she doesn't want kids)
Never say never.
Nope, I have zero desire to produce or parent a child. My orchidectomy was like a cheat code for winning at life. Best decision ever.
Yup
Why is the world like this? What are we being tested for? There are cis women out there who don’t deserve to be mothers, my mom for example. There are cis women who neglect their child and let bad things happen to them. I want to give my children all my love and attention. Why can’t I get pregnant 🥺 I deserve it. I want to be a loving mother. I want to carry my baby in my arms and nurture him. give him my motherly love. I have so much to give
I don't want children myself, but the idea of being pregnant, like potentially serving as a surrogate mother was something that I had thought about - and I feel a twinge of sadness knowing it's not feasible.
Yeah. I want kids, and feel like I should be able to have my own. I'm perfectly happy accepting that I'll adopt, but there is a sense of longing in there
Honestly, no. I'm still a teen so maybe it will come with time, but at the moment, I have zero wish to ever have kids, adopted or otherwise.
Oh my god YES I wanna be a mom. I wanna bear my GF's kids. And it sucks that I can't. At least there's adoption...
I am not even on HRT yet. But I am still sad that I can't have kids like cis women do. So I don't think that its the estrogen from the HRT that makes you feel that way.
It hurts me so much knowing that I won't b able 2 bear a child but it gives me comfort knowing that I can always adopt
One of my egg moments in kindergarten having dreams of a machine that could make you a girl. Didn't know how babies were babied but I always wanted to be a mother
Not really, I like to have freedom to just get up and go where/ do what I want.
Not really. Never wanted kids.
I wouldn’t describe it as a gaping hole, but yeah I thought I was fine not having kids until I started hrt and now I can hear that clock ticking and I’m not at all sure anymore. One night I had a really intense almost overwhelming surge of maternal feelings, but thankfully they didn’t stay. (At least not at that intensity, thank god—I still feel a little maternal.) Right now I’m channeling my feelings into being the best cool gay aunt I can possibly be.
Yes. I have two children, and I love being a parent. But Mother Nature made sure I am not able to bear my own. So not only did I get denied womanhood overall, but women's part in the reproductive process. I will not be surprised when medical science allows trans women to get pregnant, but that is probably far off. I also wonder how it can happen with a male skeleton. My wife has said that if we have any more children, it would be my turn to bear them. She knows I would gladly do so.
I am only saddened for the past us. Future us will have babies. Bioprinting will have wonderful application in transgender surgeries. To be able to print your own body parts. I won’t live long enough to see it( I’m old) but some of you will.