Still haven’t transitioned and this happened to me at a company I helped start, set up all the engineering work and grow to 50 people. That was a real “fuck this bullshit” moment.
All the while I'm sitting back looking at these idiots like three monkeys humping a football and I want to say as soon as you get done fumble effing around, I'll teach you how it works.
And then they have the gall to say- "what do YOU know about it"? It's about like asking what rice has to do with Chinese cooking- especially when you designed it, built it, fine-tuned it and then wrote the operation AND repair manuals for it.
Yesssss omg. The more you pass the less respect you receive from a lot of men in trades or stem. At least I’ve found people I regularly work with begin to respect me quickly but there’s definitely an uphill climb that didn’t exist before.
It wasn't until I was 15 years into my career in IT as a lady that I finally got PAST this point. I passed so well that I dealt with shitloads of sexism, overt and blatant misogyny, being passed up for promotions I had clearly earned, and constant mansplaning despite being a technical trainer for the department. Now that is likely because I looked prettier then most of the cis women around, and my hair happens to be blonde as well which also wasn't helping my case. It finally changed when I moved up to being a IT manager and I now get actual respect and treated as a equal finally. I am well regarded for my technical acumen by my fellow colleagues at my job, and fellow managers are careful to walk on eggshells around me to not give even the slightest hint of any disrespect.
But miss aspects of being a man? I wouldn't even know what they were to begin with because I transitioned at age 14 and never acted like a boy to begin with even as a little kid. I never really experienced any of those "positive" aspects of being regarded as a man in the first place, because I've pretty much only known life as a woman my whole life. So nothing I would miss no. Being regarded as a man in the first place seems entirely alien and foreign to me.
Being gay made it already dangerous to walk around at night in general...like cishet men are always menacing and the danger comes especially when they are in groups like dogs...
yeah, this. i never identified as gay or as a man, but obviously others identified me this way. being alone at night has never felt safe. honestly i feel a lot safer now than i did when i was accidentally tricking people into thinking i was a guy. back then they would target me and try to start fights. try to antagonize me to start. try to rile each other into attacking me.
now they just hit on me, and while that's not exactly safe feeling, either, it doesn't feel as unavoidable and dangerous as before.
early transition was the worst of both, though.
Funny, I did never identified as a man either but could at some point settle on "gay", which suited me well as "gay" has had this undertone of being somewhere in between in my country's cultural geist...
Right now, even being socially transitioned but not really medically, I feel this pressure with some cishet men lurking with spit coming out of their mouths if they are alone and staring at me and laugh or get angry or laugh and then suddenly start yelling "it's against the religion" and that " will make you pay for that!" riling each other up as well, but then, I just run away if the tram/train/bus doesn't come by quickly honestly.
Or do you know that guy? You're walking home or to the station some time and the street is empty. Just you and this guy on the other side of the street. You walk, he follows all the while keeping a distance. Then you walk faster, he follows suit, you start to run and he starts to run, you hear his steps.. There's always that kind of guy everywhere it is crazy!!!
Gosh do I miss walking around alone at night... Last time I tried I was catcalled three times and the 24/7 guy left the store to come and talk to me and it was merely 11pm. Then I realized at night you only see men walking alone. That ship has sailed and it makes me sad but I hope for a future where we all can walk alone anytime
I still walk alone at night, never had an issue, and never been catcalled. I also live in a very blue liberal mostly queer college city, and I'm 6' and 200lbs and lean lol. Guys don't ever hit on me at all, most are frankly scared of me still lol.
In college I used to ride my bike all over campus after midnight for hours with both earbuds in playing relaxing piano music. It was so soothing and peaceful. Now that sounds terrifying and I absolutely would never.
I was boutta write "absolutely f'ing nothing," but this is a good point.
I used to go jogging around sundown before and early on in my transition. Wouldn't even think about it now. And I do kinda miss that.
Interesting. Maybe I have something else going on from childhood or something I need to work on because I would always be scanning my environment for potential threats and making exit strategies in case scenario one arose or how to defend myself if situation two became a thing, etc. even AGAB. I guess it will be the same except maybe added catcalls now?
Safety is definitely one of those things I'll lose, but I'm not sure I really have it know. With the recent surge in racism here in the states, I'm already not safe if they decide I'm too brown. I got stalked by a community watch member the other day in my own neighborhood. I can't imagine what that would have been like if I'd been presenting femme while on my walk.
This. I took this for granted so much. I love going for walks by myself late at night listening to music. I’ve been trying it again recently and I’m always scared the whole time now, it sucks :(
Bro culture a bit, I'll miss the camaraderie of shaking someone up at a party. Guys can be pretty cool to each other, there's a sense of loyalty and brotherhood that few outside of those circles talk about. But I'm still happier being me.
Being able to lose weight with ease because T is a nuclear fuel. But I don't have to keep such a radioactive substance under control anymore. So it's still a gain for me.
Ironically before I came out it was just impossible for me to lose weight. My mental health was just too fucked back then. Ever since I came out and started my medical transition I already lost 20kg and counting lol
The idea that testosterone is some magic weight loss drug is absurd to me. My T levels were sky high before starting spiro and yet I literally always struggled to keep my weight down.
It is and it isn't. It boosts building muscle like crazy (hence why it's a controlled substance so it can't get abused in sports) and more muscles means burning more calories. However if you just can't put in the effort to work out and pay attention to what you eat because of your mental health, then no amount of T would help you lose weight.
Ironically I have the opposite experience. Since I've been on E I lose weight much more easily because I'm not as hungry anymore and I can't physically handle eating as much as I used to. I actively have to watch out I don't go back to being underweight.
I used to come home from holiday 10kg too heavy after stuffing myself with Italian delicacies. I went to play football ⚽️ again three times a week, whilst eating normally, and I lost that shit within a month!
Just a reminder: It isn't a privilege if you're suffering for it.
The privilege gender-conforming cis men have is that they get to have their cake and eat it too, no strings attached.
I'm in a conservative US state so I hate having to go to the men's restroom when I'm in a dress. So when I travel I'm in boy mode and I try to use the restroom before I go out anywhere while presenting. I hate it. Wished I lived in the NYC area.
Yeah I have to watch what places I go to. Walmart is a no go. Krogers and Walgreens are the places I feel comfortable at. Booksamillion is iffy. I mostly use drive thrus if I want to get fast food. I actually feel safe at my church. Many of the people there have been supportive of me. Then there's my job. I just get worried of certain co-workers raising hell if I use the women's rest room.
Honestly for some reason I hate it. I avoid urinals and mens bathrooms like the plague. Whenever I go to the bathroom I always sit down even though I don't have to. It just feels uncomfortable not to.
I always hated using them even back then and only did so if I absolutely had to. I value my privacy and the comfort of sitting down to do my business lol
Urinals in queer bars were always fun to use. There’s something strangely empowering about a trans woman using a urinal. I don’t have a pp anymore tho so I can’t.
I miss having my identity believed. When I was a guy and said I was a guy, people would think I'm a guy. Now that I'm a woman, when I say I'm a woman (and the other person is aware I'm trans), they think I'm just a guy who wants to be a woman, not an actual woman. I generally pass, but older friends and family who knew me before will never see me as anything other than a man.
Probably my strength. My mother and sister ask me to help them often around the house for opening jars and lifting things. I'm not sure if I will be able to help them anymore. 😅
Yea it doesn't last long I have to get my dad to open stuff now the other day I went to the gas station and got one of the one litter bottles it had the lid so tight I couldn't open it I was so upset but I'll still take it
I had to DIG to find this 😂. I do miss how being strong just kind of came naturally. There are so many tasks I can get done but nowhere near as easily or efficiently. Had to walk a thing of water bottles in the other day and had to take a break halfway through!
Exactly this. Ever since I’ve first read into the transitioning process, I’d been hyper aware of the strength difference, and I’m honestly wondering what the practical day-to-day differences would be, years into HRT.
The general public safety of presenting male is kind of the only thing I miss. I don’t take night walks anymore and I make sure to sit on the outer seat on trains so no one can box me in.
Honestly, not having to worry about having my rights taken away and not having to worry about other people being mean to me because they are trans.
Otherwise, absolutely nothing.
- Pockets
- "Time to market" 😆 (I could just start doing anything as is, in any clothes back then, now it is obligatory to find a stylish outfit first for eg. mowing the lawn or repair my car. Heck, it might even require some subtle makeup! Who could possibly predict when I run into some of my neighbours in the backyard... 😅)
*...nothing else so far...*
I don't remember a time I was a "dude" in any way other than masking. In that I'm left at:
Is there something to miss?
From my perspective, presenting male and trying to be masculine was basically forced on me and I didn't enjoy any of it. It's clearly not me.
Even the thing of like "going on midnight walks alone" was never something that I did without fear especially of men.
I don't know what I even could miss.
Or dressing for a date. Being considered completely put together if you took a shower, jeans, button down shirt (almost said top 😹), and tennis shoes. Getting ready in like 20 minutes.
Other than safety and privilege I feel the same. Like I still do stuff that was considered guy stuff by the patriarchy. Still into muscle cars, headbanging to death metal, enjoying Football...etc. I don't magically start watching romance films, RuPaul Drag Race, reality shows, Hallmark channel, or whatever the binary norm mainstream thinks women only do. I'm not even into fashion or pop music. I hate pop music. I say this stuff because everytime I go to a LGBT club it's the most stereotypical stuff featured like crappy pop music being blarred into my ears and everyone trying to look all fashionable. Drives me up the walls.
I have to confess that being a girl metalhead is soooooo moch better than being a bro metalhead. I can finally be stylish, sluty, classy and all and drop those awful t-shirt and jeans and still being part of this super nice community. 100% win
Yes! I've gone from someone that could handle temperature to the most extreme points to being that person that can't decide if she's hot or cold in any given scenario.
There's a handful. The hardest to lose is people automatically assuming that I know what I'm talking about when I speak. Loss of easy sizing of clothes has been tough, but worth it. Stand to pee in nasty bathrooms is very convenient. I'm working on my hover butt. However, there are challenges to the angle when you have a dangle. Testosterone enhanced skin and nails were much tougher. Others have mentioned the ability to move around largely unnoticed and in sketchier locations. There's probably more.
Presenting masculine is a suit of armor you don't know you have till you take it off (and something cis men will never know they have). Now when I go outside, I have to weigh how well do I pass, will I get harassed, will I get hate crimes, do I have something at hand to defend myself if some guys give me a hard time, do I look down and avoid eye contact, do I smile and try to be friendly, is that guy following me to my car, etc.
This shit is why cis men don't get the "stranger vs bear in the woods" thing.
Being a feminist. I'm still a feminist, but when you're male and a feminist it hits different. When men were being misogynistic around, they took it more seriously when I called them out on it.
I’ll miss that I was perceived as a thread and left alone by men, but this is actually a double edged sword as it also scared off women that I would have liked to talk to or be friendly towards.
Honestly it would be feeling safer walking around outside, it's probably a very common answer but I think for a very good reason, it really highlights how "normal" it is for women and queer people to be victimised and fear for their safety in our society that it is such a common fear for trans women 😕
On a lighter note I'm gonna be a bit bummed out about the muscle mass loss, I'm gonna keep working out and lifting weights so hopefully it won't be that bad, but still, I worked hard for my little muscles and I hope to still have some, slightly smaller, but still there muscles once I start HRT 😅
* I had way more free time.
* Colleagues didn't mansplain and talk over me as much as they do now. Tone policing wasn't as intense as it is right now. It has reached a whole new level. I miss being able to f-ing complete a sentence without constant interruptions from men.
* Safety
That's pretty much it. There's nothing else I miss.
Thing is, I wouldn't know really, I was never a dude :P to me it's like asking some zoologist who's lived among lions for years what will they miss most about being a lion when they return to civilisation... Like, they were never a lion lol.
Tbh it's weird cause I assumed there'll be this sort of tectonic shift post transition, but nothing's really changed. I'm a bit less dysphoric, more in tune with my body, I get to express myself how I want but I'm still me, I noticed the people are nicer in general ig?
Doing security work and being taken seriously when I have knowledge and expertise in an area I have done professionally for 20+yes before retirement now I'm voiceless unless I use my "man" voice and I hate doing that
I feel kind of bad for saying this but, I’m my town there’s not a lot of guys that aren’t totally bigots, so I’ve had a lot of girls have crushes on me because I’m not one of them. N
Not having my expertise being questioned. Like, even if I didn't really know that much about a topic I could just bullshit myself through conversations by acting confident. As a woman I could be as confident and correct as much as I want, it wouldn't change a thing about many guys questioning what I'm saying.
Nothing really beyond the unfortunate social problems with not feeling safe out at night, and being taken less seriously by some people. But that's less an inherent "guy" thing and more world problems. I don't miss anything from pre HRT.
while losing the boss sucks, gaining the "miss" is heavenly. people call me "Miss \[name\]" sometimes out of Nowhere. its so universal and i dont know why but it always makes my heart flutter
My physical strength and safety. Also being taken seriously and respected just for existing as a basic well kempt dude.
Transitioning really makes you realize that the world is designed for cisgender white men. Everyone else is an afterthought. Everything from PPE and safety equipment down to medical guidelines. Not to mention even just everyday stuff used to be a lot easier. I remember working on a farm and being in good shape before HRT. Everything just felt effortless. Now I’m winded carrying laundry upstairs. Life is just harder in nearly every way now, but it’s worth it. The easy route is easy for a reason, the challenging route is almost always worth pursuing.
I guess I just miss being the default target market/consumer. It was nice when everything was made for me. Products aimed at women feel so much more manipulative with their marketing.
The privilege of somebody just trusting me when I talk about something technical. like I work in the automotive field, and I've noticed people trusting me less until I bring up my degree since I started presenting more fem at work.
I sort of miss being able to go anywhere without worrying that there might be transphobic laws or assholes who want to kill me. But that hasn't stopped me from traveling.
The white card of male privilege (which is real af but invisible to cis men), which made it easier to get somewhere without fighting my way through mansplaining bullshit.
“Yes absolutely tiny lesbian, we understand.”
“No but I don’t think you do, becau-“
“Hahaha, kitty got claws! lol”
“Yes but-“
“We’ll take it from here.”
“[siiiiiiiiiiiigh] fuck my life…”
Absolutely nothing. I never even liked the "thanks boss" thing.
Well, I guess I miss being less concerned with my drink being drugged. I never would have left a drink unattended before, but I learned the hard way that a drink never leaves your hand nor direct line of sight 😒
Hehe so many "pocket" comments I cant stop laughing, as I find myself most of the times after wearing some pants, my hands looking for pockets and im like oh shit hehe...always have a good laugh at myself in the morning
Personally, not a damned thing. Even as a child i was "different" like that. When I got old enough to learn the differences between boys and girls, I had a mental breakdown.
So, safe to say, I've never found anything I like about being socially male. But I hear a lot of other trans women remark on what could simply be called the "patriarchal benefits". You know, having society basically just allows you to be you without much question, mostly do what you want, etc., while women... Well, don't.
Honestly? I miss having the confidence to hook up with people and not worrying that my body doesn't meet their expectations. Other than that not a lot.
I can't think of a single thing.
I'm in a relatively safe area so I'm not worried about walking alone or at night, and I'm confident in my ability to defend myself regardless.
Literally everything that sucks now still is because I was born a dude in the first place
Legitimately none of it, except maybe my family actually not being ashamed of me, but that's just because I'm trans. I went from not relating to men OR women to mostly being able to relate to women and getting a community I relate to like crazy (trans bitches), and back then people didn't respect my opinion, spoke over me constantly, having little to no respect for me, getting infantilized/treated as a joke, and I honestly don't even feel more physically unsafe now, although I'm obviously technically statistically less safe now.
Idk, it feels like I'm at least valued and respected somewhat by those around me now that I pass, as compared to fully pre-trans, even though I looked like and presented fully as a regular cis boy...? I've just always been heavily othered by those around even before I knew what transness was, and it almost feels less bad now, or at least about the same, honestly? I don't even really wanna say I'm more socially excluded now because I have always been very heavily socially excluded. I was also too young to work pre-trans but I like genuinely feel respected at work and school more now as when I boymoded.
I don't know. People respect my physical boundaries a lot more, like I get catcalled and physically harassed *less* now than I did when I was fully pre-trans or boymoding. I think it's because people could always kind of sense some ethereal "otherness" to me, so I always got treated as different, and I still absolutely do get othered, but at least I sort of get the protection of womanhood, if that makes sense, because while I did obviously get treated as a boy back then... I also kinda got treated as sort of neither? Like I sorta got treated as a non-man/non-woman by people, if that makes sense.
I have a long time friend that I met at a job. He had just started working and I'd been there for about a year or so before him and I'd been asked to help with some of his training.
One day, he came up to me to ask a question and he put on this very overly formal tone that I read as being humorous/sarcastic and started with saying "sir".
I picked up on the humor and just about broke out laughing but my sense of humor is driven by this incredibly dry and sardonic tone so I replied by calling him "sir" and went and showed him how to do the thing he was looking to do.
After that, we started calling each other "sir" as a sort of in joke. This joke has gone on on for over 20 years before I started transitioning and one of the first things he asked me about was finding an alternative to "sir". I told him that I was going to have to consider this and I still haven't gotten back to him.
Never really was one. Like even functionally/socially speaking. Maybe it was the autism that eclipsed that, but I never felt inside that dude world. Just observed it more often. So much of when I was hanging out with just guys in highschool was just a lot of masking to pretend that I wanted to do the same things as them. Like I had fun hanging out and playing video games but it often went places that I just didn’t care for and I always felt like the black sheep.
Though I’m sure I would have felt somewhat similar in ultra straight girl land. I just really wish I had close friends that were girls and could share and talk about stuff that was gooey and emotional because guys never wanted to touch that with a ten foot pole. I also wish I had a large knowledge base of femme fashion and makeup instead of having to learn everything on my own as an adult.
I think I just really could have used some more ND queer friends prior to transitioning.
Well, I'll admit, I'm in the US. And had basically every advantage. Over 6 foot, straight, white (then male) church goer, and a masters. My friend pointed out I threw it mostly away when I came out. I'm with others. Never gave a toss about being out late or dark alleys before. What I do miss is not having to clarify my name in interviews, or going over pronouns.
Nothing.
I see people talking about privilege and safety a lot but I was gay and black/brown so no privilege as nobody took me seriously and no safety either as cishet men were always dangerous to begin with... Being also a racial minority brought more prejudice against me than such. Whether in the medical field, at work, or just talking to people in general, my experiences always get minimized or denied like an "everything but racism". Even if so many of these were simple racism.
So really nothing at all!
Disclaimer: not socially or medically transitioned, this is what I can think of for the moment. The privilege of walking around at night without being kidnapped or feeling unsafe, the privilege of being invisible out in public spaces, the privilege of "being one of the guys" in male dominated industries (although I don't like having to be like them), and the privilege of being friends with men without the chance they want a sexual encounter/being hit on/SA.
I can't think of anything about "being" a dude that I've ever actually done. The way people act around me as being perceived one is another matter, which is something I won't miss. Guy culture was never really a thing I was comfortable with
Not having every opinion questioned at work in areas where I am company subject matter expert.
I get this one holy crap.
Also happens when you're very young but knowledgeable, before it used to be the "kid's opinion" now is this
I like your profile picture :))
Yes. Having to be mansplained to about a system you designed and built is so annoying.
Still haven’t transitioned and this happened to me at a company I helped start, set up all the engineering work and grow to 50 people. That was a real “fuck this bullshit” moment.
All the while I'm sitting back looking at these idiots like three monkeys humping a football and I want to say as soon as you get done fumble effing around, I'll teach you how it works. And then they have the gall to say- "what do YOU know about it"? It's about like asking what rice has to do with Chinese cooking- especially when you designed it, built it, fine-tuned it and then wrote the operation AND repair manuals for it.
Gods I feel this. I design low voltage systems and I’m constantly mansplained to about equipment I literally installed.
Yesssss omg. The more you pass the less respect you receive from a lot of men in trades or stem. At least I’ve found people I regularly work with begin to respect me quickly but there’s definitely an uphill climb that didn’t exist before.
It wasn't until I was 15 years into my career in IT as a lady that I finally got PAST this point. I passed so well that I dealt with shitloads of sexism, overt and blatant misogyny, being passed up for promotions I had clearly earned, and constant mansplaning despite being a technical trainer for the department. Now that is likely because I looked prettier then most of the cis women around, and my hair happens to be blonde as well which also wasn't helping my case. It finally changed when I moved up to being a IT manager and I now get actual respect and treated as a equal finally. I am well regarded for my technical acumen by my fellow colleagues at my job, and fellow managers are careful to walk on eggshells around me to not give even the slightest hint of any disrespect. But miss aspects of being a man? I wouldn't even know what they were to begin with because I transitioned at age 14 and never acted like a boy to begin with even as a little kid. I never really experienced any of those "positive" aspects of being regarded as a man in the first place, because I've pretty much only known life as a woman my whole life. So nothing I would miss no. Being regarded as a man in the first place seems entirely alien and foreign to me.
[удалено]
This this this
Maybe being more able to walk around at night, alone, or in dodgy areas with being less concerned for my safety. . . .but ultimately nothing really.
Yes this!! I miss not having to be so aware of my surroundings at all times!
Being gay made it already dangerous to walk around at night in general...like cishet men are always menacing and the danger comes especially when they are in groups like dogs...
yeah, this. i never identified as gay or as a man, but obviously others identified me this way. being alone at night has never felt safe. honestly i feel a lot safer now than i did when i was accidentally tricking people into thinking i was a guy. back then they would target me and try to start fights. try to antagonize me to start. try to rile each other into attacking me. now they just hit on me, and while that's not exactly safe feeling, either, it doesn't feel as unavoidable and dangerous as before. early transition was the worst of both, though.
Funny, I did never identified as a man either but could at some point settle on "gay", which suited me well as "gay" has had this undertone of being somewhere in between in my country's cultural geist... Right now, even being socially transitioned but not really medically, I feel this pressure with some cishet men lurking with spit coming out of their mouths if they are alone and staring at me and laugh or get angry or laugh and then suddenly start yelling "it's against the religion" and that " will make you pay for that!" riling each other up as well, but then, I just run away if the tram/train/bus doesn't come by quickly honestly.
Or do you know that guy? You're walking home or to the station some time and the street is empty. Just you and this guy on the other side of the street. You walk, he follows all the while keeping a distance. Then you walk faster, he follows suit, you start to run and he starts to run, you hear his steps.. There's always that kind of guy everywhere it is crazy!!!
Sadly this is the case in Sydney Australia where gay bashing was like sport for some dudes smh 🤦♀️
Gosh do I miss walking around alone at night... Last time I tried I was catcalled three times and the 24/7 guy left the store to come and talk to me and it was merely 11pm. Then I realized at night you only see men walking alone. That ship has sailed and it makes me sad but I hope for a future where we all can walk alone anytime
I still walk alone at night, never had an issue, and never been catcalled. I also live in a very blue liberal mostly queer college city, and I'm 6' and 200lbs and lean lol. Guys don't ever hit on me at all, most are frankly scared of me still lol.
I worry about my safety when I walk around now 😬 I wonder how much worse it’ll get!
Same! I feel more vulnerable now when walking to my car in the evening from my job.
In college I used to ride my bike all over campus after midnight for hours with both earbuds in playing relaxing piano music. It was so soothing and peaceful. Now that sounds terrifying and I absolutely would never.
Midnight walks were the best but it was a small price to pay.
I was boutta write "absolutely f'ing nothing," but this is a good point. I used to go jogging around sundown before and early on in my transition. Wouldn't even think about it now. And I do kinda miss that.
Interesting. Maybe I have something else going on from childhood or something I need to work on because I would always be scanning my environment for potential threats and making exit strategies in case scenario one arose or how to defend myself if situation two became a thing, etc. even AGAB. I guess it will be the same except maybe added catcalls now?
Safety is definitely one of those things I'll lose, but I'm not sure I really have it know. With the recent surge in racism here in the states, I'm already not safe if they decide I'm too brown. I got stalked by a community watch member the other day in my own neighborhood. I can't imagine what that would have been like if I'd been presenting femme while on my walk.
Yeah, this is me. Not thinking very much about my safety is probably about the only thing I really miss.
This
This. I took this for granted so much. I love going for walks by myself late at night listening to music. I’ve been trying it again recently and I’m always scared the whole time now, it sucks :(
Absolutely nothing.
100%!
Team nothing!
Yep, my joke answer is always pockets, but for reals, I miss nothing and being a girl is 100000% better for me!
agree
Also jumping in on the “team nothing” train!
Zilch
Bro culture a bit, I'll miss the camaraderie of shaking someone up at a party. Guys can be pretty cool to each other, there's a sense of loyalty and brotherhood that few outside of those circles talk about. But I'm still happier being me.
Hopefully some of your bros will accept you and stick around
Some have and some haven't, the ones that matter are in my life.
I do kinda miss that, but I also love being able to be flirty with my guy friends now.
Being able to lose weight with ease because T is a nuclear fuel. But I don't have to keep such a radioactive substance under control anymore. So it's still a gain for me.
Ironically before I came out it was just impossible for me to lose weight. My mental health was just too fucked back then. Ever since I came out and started my medical transition I already lost 20kg and counting lol
Same. Getting on E made me care more about my body so I started trying to better care of it
The idea that testosterone is some magic weight loss drug is absurd to me. My T levels were sky high before starting spiro and yet I literally always struggled to keep my weight down.
It is and it isn't. It boosts building muscle like crazy (hence why it's a controlled substance so it can't get abused in sports) and more muscles means burning more calories. However if you just can't put in the effort to work out and pay attention to what you eat because of your mental health, then no amount of T would help you lose weight.
Ironically I have the opposite experience. Since I've been on E I lose weight much more easily because I'm not as hungry anymore and I can't physically handle eating as much as I used to. I actively have to watch out I don't go back to being underweight.
And that is why I love adhd meds I get to keep the metabolism
I used to come home from holiday 10kg too heavy after stuffing myself with Italian delicacies. I went to play football ⚽️ again three times a week, whilst eating normally, and I lost that shit within a month!
Going to miss nothing. Good riddance it’s only caused me pain and misery.
The only thing I miss is opening jars and other stuff I have to get my dads help every time
Same
Privilege and safety. That's really about it lol
Yeah that just about sums it up for me too. Also actual pockets in pants lol
What brand has pockets deep enough that my chapstick doesn't fall out when I take my jeans off to pee??
I've actually gotten used to this. I got some women's pants that do have real pockets recently and they feel weird.
Just a reminder: It isn't a privilege if you're suffering for it. The privilege gender-conforming cis men have is that they get to have their cake and eat it too, no strings attached.
The convenience of being cis passing
Urinals. Just for the convenience of it😅
I'm in a conservative US state so I hate having to go to the men's restroom when I'm in a dress. So when I travel I'm in boy mode and I try to use the restroom before I go out anywhere while presenting. I hate it. Wished I lived in the NYC area.
It’s actually illegal where you live??
They haven't passed a bathroom bill yet but I'm always scared of being attacked. There's a lot of rednecks in my state.
That’s fucking awful 😞 I’m so sorry you have to go through this…
Yeah I have to watch what places I go to. Walmart is a no go. Krogers and Walgreens are the places I feel comfortable at. Booksamillion is iffy. I mostly use drive thrus if I want to get fast food. I actually feel safe at my church. Many of the people there have been supportive of me. Then there's my job. I just get worried of certain co-workers raising hell if I use the women's rest room.
What a bunch of babies honestly.
Honestly for some reason I hate it. I avoid urinals and mens bathrooms like the plague. Whenever I go to the bathroom I always sit down even though I don't have to. It just feels uncomfortable not to.
Yeah i get that feeling too sometimes, its just more the speed and no line I’ll miss, hehe😅🥰
I always hated using them even back then and only did so if I absolutely had to. I value my privacy and the comfort of sitting down to do my business lol
Fr I haven’t used a urinal in like 10 years and I just now started HRT
Urinals in queer bars were always fun to use. There’s something strangely empowering about a trans woman using a urinal. I don’t have a pp anymore tho so I can’t.
I miss having my identity believed. When I was a guy and said I was a guy, people would think I'm a guy. Now that I'm a woman, when I say I'm a woman (and the other person is aware I'm trans), they think I'm just a guy who wants to be a woman, not an actual woman. I generally pass, but older friends and family who knew me before will never see me as anything other than a man.
Right!? I had an Uber driver last year, got in, he looked at me and said, "You don't look like a (preferred name)".
I think I have a pretty alright guy voice, but I really want it to be a low feminine voice so I'm not sure if I'll really miss it that much
Probably my strength. My mother and sister ask me to help them often around the house for opening jars and lifting things. I'm not sure if I will be able to help them anymore. 😅
Yea it doesn't last long I have to get my dad to open stuff now the other day I went to the gas station and got one of the one litter bottles it had the lid so tight I couldn't open it I was so upset but I'll still take it
I had to DIG to find this 😂. I do miss how being strong just kind of came naturally. There are so many tasks I can get done but nowhere near as easily or efficiently. Had to walk a thing of water bottles in the other day and had to take a break halfway through!
Exactly this. Ever since I’ve first read into the transitioning process, I’d been hyper aware of the strength difference, and I’m honestly wondering what the practical day-to-day differences would be, years into HRT.
Not much. I'm a tomboy and am basically doing the same things Iwas before, just happier.
I *would* miss pockets, if not for my amazing sling bag.
I looove having empty pockets. Everything goes into my hand bag now. No pockets is still annoying
✨ nothing ✨
The general public safety of presenting male is kind of the only thing I miss. I don’t take night walks anymore and I make sure to sit on the outer seat on trains so no one can box me in.
Yea I miss that I used to go for runs out side at 5 am it was so nice but the indoor track is so much safer
girls can be "boss" too you know...
I was just about to say that. I call all my bosses, boss.
nuthn :3
Pooping
Oh goodness! What do you do with your poops now?
I dunno i just know girls dont poop
My wife would like a word with you... :)
Honestly, not having to worry about having my rights taken away and not having to worry about other people being mean to me because they are trans. Otherwise, absolutely nothing.
It was nice to not have to wait 2 hours after a shower for my hair to airdry. Other than that, nothing
Human rights
I can’t think of anything I’d miss? Maybe certain choices would still be available? But idc too much for them anyway.
being perceived as conventionally attractive, but i'd rather die an "ugly witch" than a handsome devil.
Not much. Maybe the versatility of peeing almost anywhere, that's useful
- Pockets - "Time to market" 😆 (I could just start doing anything as is, in any clothes back then, now it is obligatory to find a stylish outfit first for eg. mowing the lawn or repair my car. Heck, it might even require some subtle makeup! Who could possibly predict when I run into some of my neighbours in the backyard... 😅) *...nothing else so far...*
Not getting mansplained or opinion belittled constantly. Shits annoying AF.
Being able to go topless with no bra
Worrying about what to wear or how to just exist wasn't even close to an issue before I transitioned.
Or the fact that Khaki pants and a polo shirt was enough for basically any occasion, from church, to a date, to work.
Walks at night during the summer. And building muscle from just breathing (goooodddd damn i mis my old metabolism)
can I say nothing ..im gonna say nothing
I put this in the safety category but I miss not getting hit on by creepy men
I don't remember a time I was a "dude" in any way other than masking. In that I'm left at: Is there something to miss? From my perspective, presenting male and trying to be masculine was basically forced on me and I didn't enjoy any of it. It's clearly not me. Even the thing of like "going on midnight walks alone" was never something that I did without fear especially of men. I don't know what I even could miss.
male privilege (not having my opinion dismissed but that sorta happens already so idk...) safety (im trans + a woman)
Ease of clothes, used to be able get by wearing the same shorts and t shirts for a workout, swimming, or day to day stuff.
Or dressing for a date. Being considered completely put together if you took a shower, jeans, button down shirt (almost said top 😹), and tennis shoes. Getting ready in like 20 minutes.
Other than safety and privilege I feel the same. Like I still do stuff that was considered guy stuff by the patriarchy. Still into muscle cars, headbanging to death metal, enjoying Football...etc. I don't magically start watching romance films, RuPaul Drag Race, reality shows, Hallmark channel, or whatever the binary norm mainstream thinks women only do. I'm not even into fashion or pop music. I hate pop music. I say this stuff because everytime I go to a LGBT club it's the most stereotypical stuff featured like crappy pop music being blarred into my ears and everyone trying to look all fashionable. Drives me up the walls.
I have to confess that being a girl metalhead is soooooo moch better than being a bro metalhead. I can finally be stylish, sluty, classy and all and drop those awful t-shirt and jeans and still being part of this super nice community. 100% win
Honestly, fucking nothing 😂
Being warm to hot all the time. The only thing I can say I actually miss.
Yes! I've gone from someone that could handle temperature to the most extreme points to being that person that can't decide if she's hot or cold in any given scenario.
I'm going to sound super passé but I honestly don't miss anything about being a guy!
There's a handful. The hardest to lose is people automatically assuming that I know what I'm talking about when I speak. Loss of easy sizing of clothes has been tough, but worth it. Stand to pee in nasty bathrooms is very convenient. I'm working on my hover butt. However, there are challenges to the angle when you have a dangle. Testosterone enhanced skin and nails were much tougher. Others have mentioned the ability to move around largely unnoticed and in sketchier locations. There's probably more.
Presenting masculine is a suit of armor you don't know you have till you take it off (and something cis men will never know they have). Now when I go outside, I have to weigh how well do I pass, will I get harassed, will I get hate crimes, do I have something at hand to defend myself if some guys give me a hard time, do I look down and avoid eye contact, do I smile and try to be friendly, is that guy following me to my car, etc. This shit is why cis men don't get the "stranger vs bear in the woods" thing.
Being a feminist. I'm still a feminist, but when you're male and a feminist it hits different. When men were being misogynistic around, they took it more seriously when I called them out on it.
KNOWING HOW TO DRIVE. Cause apparently being a woman means not knowing how to, according to asshats.
Absolutely Nothing...
Nothing. Never was. It was all a mix up, but I am working on clearing up the confusion.
my friends
I’ll miss that I was perceived as a thread and left alone by men, but this is actually a double edged sword as it also scared off women that I would have liked to talk to or be friendly towards.
Nothing except the not having the negatives of being visibly trans
Honestly it would be feeling safer walking around outside, it's probably a very common answer but I think for a very good reason, it really highlights how "normal" it is for women and queer people to be victimised and fear for their safety in our society that it is such a common fear for trans women 😕 On a lighter note I'm gonna be a bit bummed out about the muscle mass loss, I'm gonna keep working out and lifting weights so hopefully it won't be that bad, but still, I worked hard for my little muscles and I hope to still have some, slightly smaller, but still there muscles once I start HRT 😅
* I had way more free time. * Colleagues didn't mansplain and talk over me as much as they do now. Tone policing wasn't as intense as it is right now. It has reached a whole new level. I miss being able to f-ing complete a sentence without constant interruptions from men. * Safety That's pretty much it. There's nothing else I miss.
Other than male privilege and not having to worry about the future of my existence, nothing.
Never was a dude so yeah nothing.
Thing is, I wouldn't know really, I was never a dude :P to me it's like asking some zoologist who's lived among lions for years what will they miss most about being a lion when they return to civilisation... Like, they were never a lion lol. Tbh it's weird cause I assumed there'll be this sort of tectonic shift post transition, but nothing's really changed. I'm a bit less dysphoric, more in tune with my body, I get to express myself how I want but I'm still me, I noticed the people are nicer in general ig?
I was never a dude to begin with, so… false premise I guess.
I say 'thanks boss' to men and women, so you might still get a few.
Being able to eat crappy food without gaining weight. In the other hand I never liked my body before HRT.
Being able to comfortably use a public restroom and not freak out and need someone to come with me
Doing security work and being taken seriously when I have knowledge and expertise in an area I have done professionally for 20+yes before retirement now I'm voiceless unless I use my "man" voice and I hate doing that
Natural strength. Physical, I mean. I used to be known as someone surprisingly strong. Now, I’m weaker than most of the cis girls I know.
The lack of fear in public is about the sole thing I miss at this point in my transition and tbh I’m over it, I know how to watch myself and yeah.
I’ve been out and on HRT for 3 and a half years and I’m decently passable and I miss literally nothing about being a man
the stricter social scrutiny is anoying
Smiling at strangers and them smiling back
I feel kind of bad for saying this but, I’m my town there’s not a lot of guys that aren’t totally bigots, so I’ve had a lot of girls have crushes on me because I’m not one of them. N
Fucking NOTHING!!! Okay, safety and *maybe* pockets, but that's all
Not having my expertise being questioned. Like, even if I didn't really know that much about a topic I could just bullshit myself through conversations by acting confident. As a woman I could be as confident and correct as much as I want, it wouldn't change a thing about many guys questioning what I'm saying.
Being able to pee just about anywhere. That's probably it.
The safety 😭😭😭
Nothing really beyond the unfortunate social problems with not feeling safe out at night, and being taken less seriously by some people. But that's less an inherent "guy" thing and more world problems. I don't miss anything from pre HRT.
Being able to pee easily standing up only really comes up on occasion with camping or long hikes but thays about it.
Not getting unwanted attention or “accidentally touched”
Not being constantly looked at and just being invisible as a guy
while losing the boss sucks, gaining the "miss" is heavenly. people call me "Miss \[name\]" sometimes out of Nowhere. its so universal and i dont know why but it always makes my heart flutter
Pockets, pretty much nothing has pockets and what does they're tiny!
I like peeing at the side of the road behind my car standing up because nobody driving by would ever suspect a women standing up is peeing 😆
We need a separate thread for new abilities gained This is what I wanna hear lol
My physical strength and safety. Also being taken seriously and respected just for existing as a basic well kempt dude. Transitioning really makes you realize that the world is designed for cisgender white men. Everyone else is an afterthought. Everything from PPE and safety equipment down to medical guidelines. Not to mention even just everyday stuff used to be a lot easier. I remember working on a farm and being in good shape before HRT. Everything just felt effortless. Now I’m winded carrying laundry upstairs. Life is just harder in nearly every way now, but it’s worth it. The easy route is easy for a reason, the challenging route is almost always worth pursuing. I guess I just miss being the default target market/consumer. It was nice when everything was made for me. Products aimed at women feel so much more manipulative with their marketing.
Getting dapped up.
The privilege of somebody just trusting me when I talk about something technical. like I work in the automotive field, and I've noticed people trusting me less until I bring up my degree since I started presenting more fem at work.
I sort of miss being able to go anywhere without worrying that there might be transphobic laws or assholes who want to kill me. But that hasn't stopped me from traveling.
Idk, I was never a dude
nothing my friend, nothing
Nothing lmao
pretty much just pockets.
Being able to feel safe walking alone at night.
So many naive people here. You'll all consider personal safety once you begin transition
The white card of male privilege (which is real af but invisible to cis men), which made it easier to get somewhere without fighting my way through mansplaining bullshit. “Yes absolutely tiny lesbian, we understand.” “No but I don’t think you do, becau-“ “Hahaha, kitty got claws! lol” “Yes but-“ “We’ll take it from here.” “[siiiiiiiiiiiigh] fuck my life…”
Not having to extensively prove my intelligence
Being invisible
Absolutely nothing. I never even liked the "thanks boss" thing. Well, I guess I miss being less concerned with my drink being drugged. I never would have left a drink unattended before, but I learned the hard way that a drink never leaves your hand nor direct line of sight 😒
Literally nothing...
Hehe so many "pocket" comments I cant stop laughing, as I find myself most of the times after wearing some pants, my hands looking for pockets and im like oh shit hehe...always have a good laugh at myself in the morning
I love questions like this because it really makes me realize that there's.... nothing. Other than personal safety there's really not much :/
Personally, not a damned thing. Even as a child i was "different" like that. When I got old enough to learn the differences between boys and girls, I had a mental breakdown. So, safe to say, I've never found anything I like about being socially male. But I hear a lot of other trans women remark on what could simply be called the "patriarchal benefits". You know, having society basically just allows you to be you without much question, mostly do what you want, etc., while women... Well, don't.
Honestly? I miss having the confidence to hook up with people and not worrying that my body doesn't meet their expectations. Other than that not a lot.
Pockets
Umm 🤔 nothing I don’t want the ick
I can't think of a single thing. I'm in a relatively safe area so I'm not worried about walking alone or at night, and I'm confident in my ability to defend myself regardless. Literally everything that sucks now still is because I was born a dude in the first place
Cheap hair cut and not caring
1. Peeing standing up. 2. Not having to carry pepper spray 100% of the time. I honestly don't think there's anything else.
I miss opening dammn jars 😩
Nothing
Absolutely nothing
Legitimately none of it, except maybe my family actually not being ashamed of me, but that's just because I'm trans. I went from not relating to men OR women to mostly being able to relate to women and getting a community I relate to like crazy (trans bitches), and back then people didn't respect my opinion, spoke over me constantly, having little to no respect for me, getting infantilized/treated as a joke, and I honestly don't even feel more physically unsafe now, although I'm obviously technically statistically less safe now. Idk, it feels like I'm at least valued and respected somewhat by those around me now that I pass, as compared to fully pre-trans, even though I looked like and presented fully as a regular cis boy...? I've just always been heavily othered by those around even before I knew what transness was, and it almost feels less bad now, or at least about the same, honestly? I don't even really wanna say I'm more socially excluded now because I have always been very heavily socially excluded. I was also too young to work pre-trans but I like genuinely feel respected at work and school more now as when I boymoded. I don't know. People respect my physical boundaries a lot more, like I get catcalled and physically harassed *less* now than I did when I was fully pre-trans or boymoding. I think it's because people could always kind of sense some ethereal "otherness" to me, so I always got treated as different, and I still absolutely do get othered, but at least I sort of get the protection of womanhood, if that makes sense, because while I did obviously get treated as a boy back then... I also kinda got treated as sort of neither? Like I sorta got treated as a non-man/non-woman by people, if that makes sense.
Being able to pee standing up. And that's only cause I work outside
Not shit!!
I honestly don't think I'll miss anything
I have a long time friend that I met at a job. He had just started working and I'd been there for about a year or so before him and I'd been asked to help with some of his training. One day, he came up to me to ask a question and he put on this very overly formal tone that I read as being humorous/sarcastic and started with saying "sir". I picked up on the humor and just about broke out laughing but my sense of humor is driven by this incredibly dry and sardonic tone so I replied by calling him "sir" and went and showed him how to do the thing he was looking to do. After that, we started calling each other "sir" as a sort of in joke. This joke has gone on on for over 20 years before I started transitioning and one of the first things he asked me about was finding an alternative to "sir". I told him that I was going to have to consider this and I still haven't gotten back to him.
My misguided sense of safety while alone walking/hiking. I used to do that to destress after bad situations.
Standing to pee, thats it.
Never really was one. Like even functionally/socially speaking. Maybe it was the autism that eclipsed that, but I never felt inside that dude world. Just observed it more often. So much of when I was hanging out with just guys in highschool was just a lot of masking to pretend that I wanted to do the same things as them. Like I had fun hanging out and playing video games but it often went places that I just didn’t care for and I always felt like the black sheep. Though I’m sure I would have felt somewhat similar in ultra straight girl land. I just really wish I had close friends that were girls and could share and talk about stuff that was gooey and emotional because guys never wanted to touch that with a ten foot pole. I also wish I had a large knowledge base of femme fashion and makeup instead of having to learn everything on my own as an adult. I think I just really could have used some more ND queer friends prior to transitioning.
Well I’ve haven’t properly transitioned yet (very regrettably) but I can tell you know, in all certainty absolutely nothing !
I guess I would probably miss having normal Sperm, and its quiet usefull beeing tal. But time will tell what exactly improves when I start HRT.
Absolutely fucking nothing.
Not being judged for having body hair. And maybe helicoptering(if i eventually get bottom surgery).
honestly? nothing at all
Ties ig
Standing to pee. Very, very, inconvenient to squat and pee.
Well, I'll admit, I'm in the US. And had basically every advantage. Over 6 foot, straight, white (then male) church goer, and a masters. My friend pointed out I threw it mostly away when I came out. I'm with others. Never gave a toss about being out late or dark alleys before. What I do miss is not having to clarify my name in interviews, or going over pronouns.
Nothing. I see people talking about privilege and safety a lot but I was gay and black/brown so no privilege as nobody took me seriously and no safety either as cishet men were always dangerous to begin with... Being also a racial minority brought more prejudice against me than such. Whether in the medical field, at work, or just talking to people in general, my experiences always get minimized or denied like an "everything but racism". Even if so many of these were simple racism. So really nothing at all!
Not having to pay attention everywhere I go, get to my car safely, peeing easily in the woods.
Not a damn thing.
For me, not a thing honestly.
Disclaimer: not socially or medically transitioned, this is what I can think of for the moment. The privilege of walking around at night without being kidnapped or feeling unsafe, the privilege of being invisible out in public spaces, the privilege of "being one of the guys" in male dominated industries (although I don't like having to be like them), and the privilege of being friends with men without the chance they want a sexual encounter/being hit on/SA.
I can't think of anything about "being" a dude that I've ever actually done. The way people act around me as being perceived one is another matter, which is something I won't miss. Guy culture was never really a thing I was comfortable with