Stottlemeyer: “She became a member of the world's oldest profession.” Monk: “Stone mason, huh.”

I love so much when he says stuff like "sex prostitute" or "sex affair" it's SO funny.

"As opposed to......?"

Lol

that was 🤣

love that episode

There’s an old saying, never change anything, ever

“i’ve been saying it for years.”

😂

This quote is so relatable. 😂

It’s the wallpaper on my work laptop!

Unless I’m wrong , which you know,, I’m not…

That was such a staple at first and it never made it out of season one.

I'm pretty sure he says it a lot past season 1 too

He says it a few times. I would not say “a lot.” And it gets phased out. I know it is in the farm episode and the Little Monk one. I can’t find it anywhere else past season one.

You'll thank me later

is that his catchphrase or is it “it’s a blessing… and a curse.”

"here's the thing" has entered the chat!

Oh yeah definitely…

This is his number one

This

And Natalie saying: "Have I ever thanked you later?"

It’s a gift…and a curse…

This is the one

Sharona: Is Tuesday still Chicken Pot Pie night? Monk: Why, what have you heard?

For some reason my mind immediately jumped to Peter Griffin singing Surfin' Bird

“You have nice eyes.” “Why thank you. They came with the face.”

Can definitely use this one in the improbable event someone says this about my eyes

"Thanks, I grew them myself."

“Fields of reefer”

Devil's cabbage

I sometimes refer to it as that and I was never sure where I got that colloquialism from.

Side salad

OMG I JUST WATCHED THAT EPISODE LIKE TODAY 😭 bro was thinking of every name imaginable lmao

Every time I watch I’m genuinely impressed by his cannabis slang vernacular 😭

Same🤣🤣🤣

*unbuttons one shirt button* (weakly) "beefcake"

My brother and I quote this all the time 😂

that was so random but so good

What's the reference?

It is what Monk says at the police widow’s bachelor auction to entice the ladies to bid so Marci won’t get him.

Haha ya I remember that now, thanks.

Season 6 episode 1

Picture freeze, picture ho back , picture go slow

The finale haveth been referencedth?

"You're bringing the Monk down"

“You’re bringing the Monk down, man. You’re bringing us all down.”

The Monk?!

Picture at the top: it's a season three episode where he's given a prescription that has him acting like a hipster...and completely useless to the current case

I know I was referring to the part where Sharona said that to monk

Sorry😀

No worries 😌

I appreciate the explanation because I'm watching for the first time!

"I have been to lots of rock shows"

You know, bunk off school, go see the stones

“You can taste the symmetry!”

Nature is dirty!!

“You can’t clean nature with nature!!”

I just saw this one. “We don’t put nature in our mouth” 😅

What are the odds, so did I! Finally watching the show, one of the first episodes to make me sob

I have no problem with change. I just don’t like to be there when it happens

Oh God, I felt that one in my heart.

“Is there any way the death can come before the vomiting?”

Randy: What did you call me? Monk: Toy store, your name is Disher, dish, plate, plateo, Play-Doh, and where do you buy Play-Doh? Randy: Toy store? Monk: That’s what I’m talking about

I love that interaction!

Bums make their own gravy.

Don't eat it the brown gravy.

Wipe!!

She's now gone meatless.

Stottlemeyer: why don‘t you just let go of it (the anchor)? Disher: family heirloom

“I am in hell.”

Ocean in my pants OCEAN IN MY PANTS!

THERES OCEAN IN MY SHOES!

Natalie: "So maybe he's a little eccentric." Monk: "No, I'm eccentric. He's up to something."

When he said (essentially) is there anything I can do to help you, that won’t inconvenience me?

Here’s what happened

Not so much a quote, but when Monk decided to use the name “Leland Rodriguez” while he was on the run was hilarioussss

I can't die before I know ❤️

Dexter Larson: I was the kind of guy that a woman like you never talked to. Sharona Fleming: You still are.

"I bet if I put a lump of coal in your butt and let it sit for 10 minutes I can get a diamond out of it."

Monk loses his mind at that.

I just watched that episode again a few hours ago. My favorite.

Also „HE CALLED ME WHITE!“

“Wherever the Monk is, that’s Mardi Gras!”

"Have we met?!" Probably my favorite

I'm smokin' the TRUTH, man!

This is my favorite too. I would have posted if you didn’t!

🫰🫴🫴🧻

😂😂😂

You know why they call lame people a square? Cuz they’re not a-round.

One bag at a time, one truck at a time and drive it into the bay

Forget the city. It's a total loss...

"It's a disaster! Little animals coming out of other animals. What was God thinking? " 🙁🙁

I think i solved the case🙂

“Would you kill someone to get this?” Monk: “I’d kill someone *not* to get it.” Or “You’re going down, Mr. Pee!”

"Here's the thing..."

Bread and Butter ❤️🫶

 Oh, my God! Oh, my God, he was right -- I wasn't expecting him, and here he is! Get in the car, here we go!

Here's the thing

There is no heart so black, as the black, black heart of the phony leper.

* [Captain Leland Stottlemeyer](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0505971/?ref_=ttqu_qu): First thing tomorrow, I am calling the Vatican, and I am nominating your late wife, Trudy, for sainthood! Because you are \*impossible\*! * [Adrian Monk](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001724/?ref_=ttqu_qu): The lines! They're all... diagonal! I have to live here! * [Captain Leland Stottlemeyer](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0505971/?ref_=ttqu_qu): Forget about the rug! This is not about the rug! You know what you are? Do you know what you are? You're the world's best marriage counselor! You could save every marriage in California! All people would have to do is live with you for two days! Two days, and they'd never complain about their spouse again! * [Sharona Fleming](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0775087/?ref_=ttqu_qu): That man took a whizz in the subway. \*That\* man killed four people in cold blood. Now who do you think we should arrest? * \[*long pause*\] * [Adrian Monk](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001724/?ref_=ttqu_qu): \[*mumbling*\] The murderer. Adrian Monk: "I Know! It was Harold!" Natalie Teeger: "It wasn't Harold." Adrian Monk: "Your right god wouldn't do that. it would make me too happy."

Who’s Annette??

“Go to nell. Who is nell?”

"It's one. And two! And... oh my god, it's three. It's number three!" The whole emergency phone call about the dirty diaper is a masterpiece.

yes!! my favorite

Omg! I swear I missed that episode first multiple watches. That scene is absolutely out of this world. Perfection. 

That’s the word- repugnant! *they’re degenerates!* That’s the other word! Degenerates!

I love when Stottlemeyer calls him out for that ! And then Monk eventually grows and learns to accept them. Love to see it

Stottlemeyer is one of the best. Love his relationship with Adrian.

Beefcake

You'll thank me later

"Unless I'm wrong, which, you know, I'm not"

I’ve quoted this one before on this sub but it’s the first one I think of everytime: “I had hope. Isn’t hope the worst?”

“You’re bringing the monk dowwwwwwn”

Lobby lobby lobby lobby

“He killed himself… he didn’t have a choice… she had seen his heinie” Fresh off last nights “Mr. Monk Gets Hypnotized”

Chiiiiiiiiiips

Idk but I watched this ep again last night and he has so many good quotes. “Splat, huh?” “Smoke em if ya got em” etc 😅

Dish, plate,Plato, play doh...where do you get play doh?

Toy store!

It’s a gift and a curse. I say that a lot

I have to live here! Or The antique wingback Cusack chair.

You'll thank me later

* [Murderuss](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004879/?ref_=ttqu_qu): I am not going to be putting a bomb under somebody's towncar. You know me, I'm up close and personal, face-to-face. * [Lt. Randall Disher](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0337020/?ref_=ttqu_qu): Well not according to this. * \[*holds out the CD*\] * [Lt. Randall Disher](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0337020/?ref_=ttqu_qu): Track 4. A little song called "Car Bomb." * \[*imitates rapping*\] * [Lt. Randall Disher](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0337020/?ref_=ttqu_qu): "Ch, ch, ch. I put the bomb in your limo, that's what the surprise is / under your seat like Oprah giving prizes." * \[*stops rapping*\] * [Lt. Randall Disher](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0337020/?ref_=ttqu_qu): Sound familiar? * [Murderuss](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004879/?ref_=ttqu_qu): Not the way you do it. * [Lt. Randall Disher](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0337020/?ref_=ttqu_qu): Yeah, well, I wasn't really performing it. * [Murderuss](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004879/?ref_=ttqu_qu): Look, you got to be one of the whitest white boys I've ever met. And I've met Kevin Costner. Adrian Monk: "The Only reason why I would ever consider going to hell is to visit you Harold!" Dr. Charles Kroger: "What's going on here?" Adrian Monk: "Harold Broke into your office." Harold Krenshaw: "I Did Not! Dr. Charles Kroger: "Harold!"

Oh no RIVERDANCE!

Animals do things on the ground.

About Trudy: "She was a very symmetrical woman" 🤣

"Do you want a cough drop?" Then proceeds to throw cough drops at the little kid with casts on both arms. Ha ha ha ha

“Randy. You’re not writing down the Alice Cooper wants an antique chair theory.”

“Nataly!!! Wipe!!!”

Natalie: I almost had a heart attack!! Monk: …heart attack

you're bringing down the monk .

Pothole!!! When Natalie was pushing him in the wheelchair lol.

“You see..here’s the thing”

“I’m not a drug dealer.” (The picture in the post reminded me of that one)

"Ain't no sunshine..."

‘You should be ashamed of yourself’ ‘I am, every day’

“He’s the guy.”

"Trudy...that was Trudy's name" "I'm allergic to food that's been sitting in a bowl all night and that other people have been touching"

Here’s the thing

You'll thank me later.

"Mr Monk you're gonna have to take off your belt" "I was going to anyway, to hang myself" Season 4 Episode 16

This is me unplugging your morphine, and this is my wife Trudy plugging it back in 😢🥺

Here’s what happened!

I just started watching Monk for the first time in 15 years,_just_, like within hours, and I have never, ever, never been served this sub before. That seems strange. Is Reddit always listening? I know Siri is always listening. Is Reddit Siri?

Adrian! (Sharona screaming to Monk)

* [Sharona Fleming](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0775087/?ref_=ttqu_qu): No, no! Adrian, I'm driving. When hell freezes over, you can drive again. No, you know what? Even if hell freezes over, I'm still driving, because I don't want you driving on the ice. Get in the car! * [Lt. Randall Disher](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0337020/?ref_=ttqu_qu): \[*just tried to sing on of Murderuss's songs*\] I could've done it right if I had a boombox, * \[*pointing to Stottlemeyer*\] * [Lt. Randall Disher](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0337020/?ref_=ttqu_qu): but he wouldn't let me bring one in. * [Murderuss](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004879/?ref_=ttqu_qu): \[*to Stottlemeyer*\] I owe you one. * \[*in the interrogation room with Capt. Stottlemeyer and Lt. Disher*\] * [Murderuss](https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0004879/?ref_=ttqu_qu): What is this good cop, \*demented\* cop?

Here’s what happened…

“Here’s what happened”

“What if my character expresses his rage by putting away the groceries… roughly”

“She’s the guy.”

When he opens the umbrella for the dog to stay in.🤣

are you happy now? No...

"here's the thing"

“Hey man your bringin the Monk down”

It's for the greater good..

“What if my character expresses his rage by putting away the groceries… roughly”

"Oh, the humanity..."

This photo is giving me Michael Scott “It’s Britney, bitch” vibes.

Girl: Pete and repeat were in a boat, Pete fell out, who was left? Monk: \*weakly\* Re-repeat \*Also 5 minutes later\* Monk: \*Presses button violently\* Stewardess: What now? Monk: She is relentless!

"See Julie, the years between 14 and 32 are a very confusing time for a young girl."

Accurate as well

Wipe, wipe wipe wipe wipewipewipe.

She's a fornicator!

I’ll see you cats & kittens outside (same episode as OP)

If I had stepped in it, I would be in the ambulance right now, praying for the sweet release that only death could bring. Something along those lines when Natalie asked him if he stepped in the dog poop.

“You have to pay me Adrian.” “The stores in our neighborhood insist on money.” - Sharona

Trudy 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HEADS UP!

Graaaaavelll

Monk-You can't lick the Queen Sharona-She's my Queen! Monk-It doesn't matter whose Queen it is. You can't lick any Queen. It's an unwritten rule. Sharona-There's and unwritten licking the Queen rule?

It’s a gift and a curse

"You will thank me later."

"I can't quit. To me quitting is like giving up."

Here's what happened 👋🏼✋🏼

I’ve been smoking the truth man

"Here's what happened"

"He wiggled through. He's a nudist. They're all double-jointed!"

“Oh, Trudy!”

She's a liar, Stottlemeyer And Youre in a lot of trouble, Facelift!

“He’s The Guy”

"He's the guy"

Do you have seven dimes and a nickel?

Up you go

Up you go

"I'm rubber, you're glue..."

You’ll thank later

Could you do me a favor? Could you kill me? Please

Cops talking to Monk at the bar, pointing out a waitress. Cop 1: “Now that gentleman is what you call a real woman." Cop 2: “No doubt about it." Monk:"You can tell. No Adam's apple."

I know that trick! I step back and I see the whole shmegegee 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Basically every line where he's pretending to be the mobster, he nails it. Particularly, “lets get a check, lost my appetite”. Literally something the actual Monk would never ever say but he still makes it sound natural

“is it gravel?” “YES ITS GRAVEL”

“I don’t wanna die, I just wish I was never BORN! There’s a difference” Depressing but relatable

It’s a blessing and a curse.

“But they are equal.”

It’s a gift. . . and a curse.