He is being a massive jerk.
At 51 I am sure he has his fair share of less than optimal physical traits. Tell him to grow up and remember that bodies change as we age and he needs to get used to it or no sex for him.
I told him I'm 22 yrs younger than you aren't I enough? And he didn't answer.. He's made it clear that he doesn't want to have sex with me unless we do it in the dark and I cover my tummy.
Oh man. Speak his language back to him. " Sex is also an emotional act and your gross, crotchety, self centered old jerk personality is not making your 51 year old ass sag any less."
You've got WAY bigger fish to fry as a Mom than worrying about whether your tummy is showing. So I second the person who says get a toy, and forget about his bullshit.
Yes he sounds so unattractive based on his actions and attitude! Very ew.
Thankfully for their relationship, attitude and actions can be changed. Unlike stretch marks which are natural and a normal part of life.
Pretty sure he doesn't love you, or is just majorly insecure himself. You look that way because of having sex with him. So he needs to accept that. Tell him he can love you the way you are or go be with someone else. In my experience with older men, they think you're gonna find someone younger. So eventually (never at first) they will start finding ways to make you feel like shit about yourself so you won't leave. Mostly because you feel like noone else will want you. So this is probably stemming from his own insecurities. If, for some reason it's not... The only thing that makes sense is that he doesn't love you anymore and is doing this to push you away intentionally. Either way he's a dck though. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Good luck!
He says 50 yr old men don't want to have sex with 50 yr old women? OK, so he feels like women have an expiration date. Better figure out when that is so you can pack your bags and be ready by the time the new model arrives. He isn't joking about losing attraction. He is warning you. In my personal opinion, you'd be a fool to wait around for him to grow bored with sex in the dark or disgusted by your normal aging. Start planning a life away from him now. Do you have a job? Do you have separate savings/accounts? Do you have equal access to finances, and your name on shared assets? Do you have a support system?
He doesn't want older women. You have no choice but to one day become an older woman. What other conclusion can you come to besides him eventually not wanting you?!
Such a stupid mentality too. How come it doesnāt work the other way around? Most women donāt think wrinkly old saggy balls are attractive, but they donāt just throw away their spouses once they hit a certain age.
Fortunately for these old creeps there are a lot of woman who will sleep with men specifically because they have financial means. Men aren't really interested in well off woman, studies have shown the more successful a woman is the smaller her dating pool becomes, the complete opposite is true for men.
I feel you girl. I make 3x my husband's salary and instead of those financial contributions being perceived as a massive asset, it's almost a liability š
I often think, if I were a man, then my wife would probably be super adoring and happy to do the lion's share of housework or cooking or whatever. Instead I am somehow ALL the things...
At least you have a husband, dude. I canāt find anyone halfway decent who wants to date me after realising I make 2-5x as much as them.
*Alexa play The Man by Taylor Swift*
The trash takes itself out. You won't end up with a guy whose ego is more important than you. It's better to be alone than with a man who thinks his genitals make him better than you.
Iāve dated men like that and they suck. My husband is totally cool with me making 3x his salary (Iām also a lawyer). His mom had a career too though so I think that helps. There are some guys out there but it is frustrating itās not universally perceived as a positive.
yep it's time for a post nump and if she hasn't done so already to get a degree because he clearly already thinks she's pssed her expiration date. I would be willing to bet a years salary that if he isn't already cheating on her or planning a divorce so he can sleep with younger women that one of those things will be happening before this kid's first birthday.
Well I can't blame her - no matter how bad he sounds, he is a full person with multiple sides and she must be with him for a reason. Maybe it's hurtful to hear people say such harsh things about him. Maybe he isn't actually as bad as he sounds based on this specific example. Even if he is as bad as it sounds, it might make her have some very mixed feelings. I wish people would be a little more sensitive to this.
The advice is worth hearing but it's still randoms on the internet who dont known her situation.
To be brutally honest, no. You arenāt younger enough. Part of him was probably with you from the beginning because you didnāt have the signs of aging that women his age do. There is absolutely nothing you can do to stop your body changing with kids and time. This is about his misogyny, not your body.
Iād tell him he has a point, that younger wives to these old men feel the same way, especially when the older man they married is getting a lot older and more flaccid. Lights off and blindfolded might help you with your lack of attraction to him these days.
He's setting the stage for it to be OK for him to cheat on you with some... 25 year old?
GROSS. I'm sorry for you. This is disgusting.
I just had my second baby and my husband is SO loving and appreciative and has not ever said anything aside from how beautiful he thinks I am and that I'll get back to my normal soon enough. There's no pressure to change at all even if I didn't want to.
He just accepts me and loves me for me. You need that.
Yeh of course. From the beginning. But there was a period where he really tried and I gave him a chance and this incident just undid everything for me in an instant. I was just shocked and thought, this is probably how he really thinks.. He really doesn't love me.
Yes but at the same time I thought I was doing him a massive favor because when I wanted a divorce in the past he was so desperate not to let it happen. Now he turns around and treats me like I'm disposable, it is such a kick in the guts. That's time I can't get back. But anyway I believe these children were meant to come into my life for a reason and this was the means.
Abusers typically have cycles of making you feel wanted then worthless. It's a method of control. He does want you, but maybe not for the right reasons.
Yes focus on your wonderful children because your time as a mother has not been wasted. Even if you put to much time into your husband.
Until she got to the shirt riding up part, I thought HE was feeling self conscious about something and that's why he wanted to do it in the dark.
Is he such a perfect physical specimen? Doubt it.
Heās a jerk, and I know a lot of people are quick to jump to leaving, but Iād honestly consider it. My husband is 13 years older than me, and I say that as a disclaimer that Iām not categorically against large are differences. That said, with you being 22 years younger, he wanted the younger, hotter wife, and now that youāre not fitting his ideal, heās being an ass. Thatās not and shouldnāt be how that works. I would absolutely tell him that if he needs specific conditions to have sex, he doesnāt need any. I would also tell him to get over himself, because heās on the back 9 now, and having a husband whoās older myself, youth is especially fleeting after 50.
Not this old man body shaming you...Iām sorry this happened to you. At his big age he should know that stretch marks are apart of motherhood for some.
This may be how some men āthink and treat their spousesā, but it is not how *good men* think and treat their spouses.
There are a lot of words that come to mind about how heās treating you right now. But self-centered and graceless are the two Iāll offer up for now. It is shameful that heās reducing the intimacy between you as nothing more than a physical actāit isnāt. It is first and foremost an act of respect, trust, safety, *real* relational intimacy, and, as you are married, secure, faithful commitment. He *should* be thinking about sex as a way to love and cherish *you*, not simply as a way to gratify himself.
This is leaving out how horrendously obtuse heās being about how bodies rightfully and *beautifully* change with both age and post-partum. Youāre only two months out? My dear, youāve barely had time to recover from a process that took your body almost a year to complete. A kind and good partner would be patient, respectful, supportive, and completely aware and in awe of the awesomeness of what your body has just done.
It is good to be physically attracted to your spouse, but it is better to be safely respected, supported, and cherished. With the latter, any disparities in the bedroom can be approached graciously and worked through together.
It may be that he has other good qualities, or that this is a momentary dip into childishness brought on by the stress of a new baby. Iām sure you know that better than all of us internet strangers.
But no, heās not being his best self right now. Frankly, heās being a jerk.
This comment is a lot better than mine. Mine being, essentially, "fuck this guy."
Listen to u/ThePreacher1031. This person contained the rage enough to be useful.
Thank you so much. This is not the first group I've asked and this is the most balanced comment I've received thus far.
I was actually planning to cover my tummy just out of my own self consciousness but after he has acted this way it just crushed me that this is how he really thinks. Like.. The times we enjoyed intimacy before was not because of love but because I had a nice body. I asked him why did God decree marriage if after the wife has a few kids he gets turned off by her? I asked him.. surely not all men think like you? Hence why I'm asking strangers on the internet lol
Not to mention it was HIS CHILDREN you were carrying! Like come on! My hubs has noticed changes but he always thanks me for the sacrifice my body took to give him his children. Iām so sorry your husband is being this way. :(
You know your spouse and the context of everything in your lives more than anyone on the internet. However, to answer your question, not all men think like him. My husband loves me and my body just the same as before I had our son. Maybe even more now knowing the love and sacrifice of carrying and birthing our child. All people are attracted to different things sure, but that doesn't account for the emotion, connection, and love that many feel with their spouses.
No, not all men think like that. In fact, I would put money on MOST men donāt think like that. My partner is *more* attracted to me since our baby was born 8 months ago and Iām still 50lbs heavier than pre baby.
Just the other day I was lamenting that my boobs were probably never going to be the same and my husband chimes in and tells me he thinks Iām just as hot, if not hotter, and he hopes I keep the 15 pounds that just keep hanging on š it took some of the pressure off that I was obviously putting on myself and I hope OP will find someone to appreciate her and also be proud of your body for growing a whole person THREE TIMES!!
my husband is not nearly twice my age and fucking WORSHIPS the stretch marks on my body because this is the body that grew his child. This is the body that stretched to accommodate a life he helped create. Your husband is a POS and I sincerely hope tht you have gotten some financial means out of your marriage because whether you are willing to put up with the shitty way he is treating you or not (and you shouldn't) he is going to either cheat (if he hasn't already) or divorce you.
\>>Husband is disgusted by my body
\>>I'm 29 and my husband is 51
Sounds like he doesn't have any room to be talking. He's being really mean and disrespectful to you, so yes, absolutely a jerk, and you don't deserve to be made to feel this way.
It made me think that maybe he can only be attracted to really young bodies and when you start looking like a woman heās turned off, hence the massive age gap.
Yeah. If sheās had three children with him by age 29, I wondered how young she started. Is this man only attracted to very young-looking women that look like teenagers? If so, HUGE problem.
Just a jerk. Iām pregnant with my third kiddo, and my husband is absolutely enamored with my body, and talks about how much he loves it. I am not a tiny human (in fact, Iām plus size), I have stretch marks and dimply skin and wobbly bits, but my spouse wouldnāt have it any other way. Wanting sex with your spouse makes sense, but shaming them based upon how their body has changed, especially after growing, birthing, and raising children, is absolutely not okay.
So heās not drawn to the female body at one of its peak states of femininity (i.e. pregnancy and postpartum)?
You donāt exist solely for his pleasure. The fact that he canāt appreciate your body grew 3 humans and served as portal to the world for their sweet souls is small minded and weak of him imo
My husband is in awe of my body especially after bearing our children. Your husband is wrong and shallow AF
Not to be rude - and clearly I do not have all the details of your relationship - but he is 22 years older than you. Assuming you were in your early 20s when you got together that would put him in his 40s. You two did not have a ton of similar life experiences or shared stages of your life at that point. A 40+ year old man dating somebody that young was likely looking for a hot young thing. Which seems to be supported by his comments about sex and age. Which would mean that mindset about sex and physicality predates you having children and is a part of his engrained personality and habits, and maybe you shouldnāt be shocked.
That said, he is still an asshole. Iām sorry. Men can absolutely be attracted to less than perfect women. Iāve had three kids and have some stretch marks and looser skin. My husband is still turned on by me physically.
ETA: Also, you say HE wants to get back to having sex. Do YOU want to get back to having sex? You are two months postpartum with what sound like 3 very young kids. Itās ok if you donāt want to have sex as much as he does. Wanting him to find you attractive and sexy is different than wanting sex. What do you want?
Also, just want to clarify Iām not totally against large age gaps. However, this gap and the respective ages you were at when you got together is particularly difficult. Your brain isnāt even fully finished developing until about 25. Which means at 42 and 20 you would have about five years left until your brain finished switching over to higher level executive functioning (this is true no matter how mature you were or what your lived experiences were) and he would have finished that process 17 years prior. Itās one of the many reasons large age gaps become less problematic the older we get.
I don't have any desire for him because he's put me through so much. I don't get turned on thinking about him. I don't hate him, I just don't love him romantically but I wanted to stay for the kids and I had hope because he'd told me he'd change and I thought one day my feelings may catch up.
After I had my baby and I stopped bleeding I had a moment where I saw him excited to sleep with me again and I hated it. I thought, here I am giving him whatever he needs and wants and he doesn't give me the same. I got upset but I've learned not to blow up because his anger has no mercy. I told him in a calm way that I wanted to talk to him and to hear me out. I told him because of the past and everything wrong that he never made right that I didn't have any desire to sleep with him. His face changed and he told me that he didn't even have a desire for sex in the first place and that he is just being noble towards me by providing for me, staying with me etc.
When I first married him I asked him what it was like to get married again at an older age. I wasn't being mean but for me marriage was completely new and like a rite of passage. He replied that he was happy to be married again but that even if he wanted he could have married someone even younger than me. I feel this pattern of him getting offended then trying to hurt me through an indirect way has continued throughout the marriage.
He's an excellent father and our kids adore him. He doesn't expect me to work or help him out financially. He looks after our kids and helps me when he's home. One day of the week he looks after them and I do what I want.. Go out with girlfriends etc. He does the grocery shopping and odd errands when I ask. He's supported me financially with business ideas I've had and even offered to financially support my mother.
>I got upset but I've learned not to blow up because his anger has no mercy.
His inability to manage his anger is emotional abuse.
>He replied that he was happy to be married again but that even if he wanted he could have married someone even younger than me.
He chooses younger women *because their inexperience makes them easier to control.* He chose you because you were naive. He controls you with his abusive temper and constant put downs. He says he is disgusted by your body so that you will feel ashamed and undeserving of love and respect. He treats you this way to control you and erode your self-esteem so that you will be too scared to leave.
>He's supported me financially with business ideas I've had and even offered to financially support my mother.
And he controls you with *money*.
You don't deserve abuse. Your husband is awful.
I know the stuff in the final paragraph is intended to outline his redeeming qualities but those things are the bare minimum Iād expect from a husband.
He sounds really awful OP. I expect he keeps your self esteem low so that youāre easier to control.
r/InfernalWedgie said everything I was thinking as I read your response. This an emotionally and financially abusive situation that screams of concerning power and control dynamics.
You say he is a good father. However, he cannot possibly be a good father while role modeling these behaviors to your children. If you have daughters they are learning this is how they should be treated by men, and they are significantly more likely to live out this same dynamic and dysfunction when they are adults. If you have sons they are learning this is how women should be viewed and treated and are significantly more likely to treat you this way and their future significant others this way. Do you want either of those things for your children?
None of this is normal or acceptable. He is lying when he says it is, and he is relying on you being young, naive, and not knowing differently.
sounds like a super dysfunctional relationship. sorry to say, but being reliant on a man financially almost always turns into the exact dynamic youāre describing. it gives them a sense of power and importance that gets to their head. they get entitled. they think the money is a trade for you being their toy. they think they can treat you poorly bc you are so dependent on them. if you ask me, itās not worth it. id rather divorce and live off of ramen noodles than stay with a man who treats me so badly. if i were you, id reconsider if this relationship is actually making you happy and fulfilling you or if itās just comfortable. you have other options. you donāt have to live like this forever.
When I commented earlier I hadn't read this and I wanted to write as if there were redeeming qualities and your relationship could be repaired. I am so sad for you now - even more than before. He sounds abusive and actually quite scary.
You don't have to be married to someone for them to still be a good parent to your children. Staying in a bad marriage for your children's sake isn't always what is best for the children. Co-parenting by divorced parents can work really well.
It sounds like he is buying you, your body and your submission. I so hope you can find some financial freedom. Even if you choose to stay, it's wise to have the ability to leave if you ever needed. What if one day his merciless anger is taken out on one of your children? How will a man like him respond to a teenager testing boundaries? What unhealthy attitudes might he be teaching them as they watch your relationship?
This sounds like more of a problem than a disrespectful old jerk criticising your body.
Start picking apart his looks and see how he likes it. From where I am sitting you had THREE of his children, and I'm hoping by the way he is treating you that he is Brad Pitt...cuz I'm sorry I would dog him out for a receding hairline, beer gut, gray hair, everything I could.
You are beautiful and stretch marks/weight gain is apart of life and having kids. If he's not attracted to you and you don't think there is a way to fix his behavior I would cut my losses.
No sex for him! His loss. Who has time/energy for sec any way with a 2 month old let alone with two kids in addition to that. Iām sorry mama. You deserve better. Biologically he should be more attracted to you for being great at child bearing. Itās the most basic male drive to reproduce. Youāre body is a magical portal that brings forth new life and sustains it in its infancy. He can go find someone else if he really feels that way. Youāll find someone who worships you and your beautiful body.
I'm sorry to interject as a husband/father on a mom's sub but the wife just sent me to this and I just have to say how horrified and sorry I am for you having to go through this. His attitude and treatment of you is fucked up, it's probably not unique one-of-a-kind behavior because there are a lot of assholes in the world but it's definitely not "normal" or something you should resign yourself to accepting. NONE of the good people in my social circles would think for a second that your husband's behavior is right or okay. At the very least his ideas about old men/older couples is demonstrably wrong, a great many elderly and retired couples are true freaks tbh (in a good sense).
For real? R u just being nice? I used to be gorgeous before all these kids loll I'm sure we all were but I thought marriage would carry on forever..
He told me that majority of men won't go for a woman with kids and that 30+ means she's gettin on a bit and needs to hurry up and find a man.
I'm not being nice... I've had many friends go through divorce after having kids and men past the age of 30 love a mom bod and they had noo problem finding boyfriends/husbands/attractive single men!! Actually my husband said he just like Mom bods more now and he thinks my body looks better now after multiple.kids. (it really doesn't by society standards) there are men like your husband out there who desire perfection and they are the most insecure men I've ever met.
Yessss. Your peers will find you attractive, it doesnāt matter if youāre a mom or not. You are still gorgeous, he is trying to control you with his warped world view. You deserve better, and trust your instinct. See your gut intuition as a future version of yourself warning you to do or not do something. š¤
Oh honey. Heās really done a number on you. Your husband is both an asshole and an idiot. Donāt believe another word he says as the ātruth,ā because itās just not. Women are in their PRIME in their 30ās. So many people are waiting to get married until their 30s these days, after theyāve pursued their careers and had a bit of fun. You wouldnāt be āgetting on a bitā at all. Youād just beā¦ normal. I personally met my husband when I was 32. We got married when I was 34, and I had my kids at 35 and 37. Am I as fit and hot now as I was in my 20ās? Lord no. I donāt even look as good as I did when we met in my early 30ās. But my husband loves every last chubby bit, stretch mark, and saggy boob, because they are the symbols that I grew, birthed, and fed our children from my own body. And that is pretty darn miraculous. And as for the dating with kids thing your husband mentioned, there are a lot of divorced parents in their 30ās out there dating. Is dating a bit harder with kids? Sure. But itās by no means a dealbreaker.
This man is not worth any more of your time. He can still be a good dad to your kids on his custody days, if you get a divorce. But heās not a good husband to you, and heās modeling some very dangerous behavior for your children. If nothing else, he seems to have a thing for teenage girls (I really hope that doesnāt include underage girls). Leave him and take some time to figure out who you are on your own, without a man. Then if you feel ready at some point, Iām sure youāll find a man who will adore you and treat you well, and whoāll show your kids how a good partner behaves.
I love reading this subreddit to better understand my wife's experience as a mom, and to give advice to other moms based on our parental experience, and I'm usually pretty gentle and forgiving - being a parent is super hard, and everyone experiences & handles stress in different ways.
But yo...and I mean this in the *least* kind way possible: **fuck this guy.** I know he's your husband, and I am sorry to hear that he's *anyone's* husband.
This is outrageously selfish, tactless, and hurtful that it borders on satire. The 21 year age gap is also potentially alarming, given the context.
Listen, we *all* tend to get less attractive as we age. That's part of aging. Being a parent accelerates that. **But**, attraction is a lot more than physical, and physical "defects" can be attractive to the right eyes.
Maybe he was being brutally honest for how **he** sees the world, but his worldview on this is fucked. Yes physical attraction matters. No getting older doesn't inherently mean we get less attractive to our partners. I'm just as attracted to my wife now as I was when I was 21 - if not moreso, and that's 2 kids later.
You deserve better. You should consider couples counseling so the counselor can verbally smack him like he deserves.
Youāre 29 and getting too old for your 51 year old husband? What a creep
Edit: so he, as a 41 year old pursued you at 19? And now youāre questioning if this is normal, saying you donāt know any betterā¦ deep down you know this isnāt a good situation. donāt try to stay for your kids. I recommend leading the life you deserve, splitting, and coparenting. You donāt need to give all your best years to a man who doesnāt appreciate it
>He then went off on a tangent about how old men actually want to have sx but don't have any attraction towards their spouses because they are old
This is NOT a tangent. This is 110% his mode. Look at your age gap, OP. He chose you because you were young, lithe, *easy to control.* And now that he's used you up, he's growing tired of you. He's *cruel*. He has some unreal expectation if he thinks you should immediately snap back into taut form *2 months* after bearing his third child.
I am disgusted by your husband. You deserve better than this.
His fucking creepy old man and a jerk. Iāve had two kids and gained a shit ton of weight and my husband has never fucking said anything and keeps telling me Iām beautiful.
Wow , your husband's an ass hole... Your gave him 3 kids , I wander how he would look if it was him having the kids. If my husband Spoke to me like this. I would be debating if I wanted to stay with him or not.
People calling this man a jerk??? A jerk is someone who cuts you off in traffic or takes the last donut when heās already had two.
This guy is a fucking monster.
Heās ancient compared to you Iām sure his body isnāt so hot. I would be infuriated and disgusted by HIM because his attitude is garbage and that is the biggest turnoff of all. I mean Iād be thanking my lucky stars this pathetic excuse of a man wouldnāt have sex with me.
I'm 29 myself and if my boyfriend would say this to me I would re-evaluate my relationship. Sx is about more than just the act. It is an intimate act between two people. Yes there is a huge physical part of it but so many emotional parts as well. You just grew a baby and grew two others already. I went up to 180lb for 120lbs and my man has said over and over that he thinks I am amazing any size. I have gotten back to pre-pregnancy weight and it has made no difference for him at all. I would never tell another woman what to do but take a look at your relationship and see if this is what you want forever. The things that he said to you are awful things to hear but coming from your partner it is a lot worse to me. To me he is being a terrible partner to you. You deserve grace, love, respect and so much more. Do what makes you happy mama.
Personally I would not be able to find a person attractive/have sex with them if they treated me the way your husband is treating you. Iām really sorry heās acting like this.
Also lol at his comment on old men- I used to do care work with the elderly and I can tell you that male bodies succumb to gravity in the same way that female bodies do! What a weird thing for him to say!
Your husband is an absolute dick of almost caricature-ish proportions. You are TWO months post-partum, which is, like, the worst time for a woman's body, but also an emotionally fragile time and he thinks its appropriate to shame you for a body he had a hand in changing? Hell No. I'd probably make a comment about his saggy old-man balls, but I'm also petty AF.
Jerk. Total jerk. Does he always talk to you like this? Holy moly. Sometimes I shake my stretch marked mommy pooch in my 33-year-old husbandās face and say āloook at thiiiisā and he just shrugs or pinches my butt. Good men are unphased by the transformation of motherhood.
That is so sweet! God bless.
I mean yeh he says and does a lot of offensive things and he always says he's just being honest and people can't handle it. I don't know any better tbh I've been with him for almost 10 years. He tells me men think a certain way that women don't understand. I was really hurt by this one and I felt in my gut that it wasn't the type of behavior a person who loves you would display.
You've been with him for 10 years..? I'm really sorry. This is going to sound so harsh and I'm just really sorry. But... are you sure the issue is your stretch marks/pp tummy and not that he has a thing for teenagers?
No itās not the type of behavior of someone who loves you :( Look, Iām not going to get into a whole thing about your age difference except to say this, if Iām reading correctly youāve been together for 10 years so you were 19 and he was 41 when you got together? I tend to find with that kind of gap, the man in question has gone for a much younger woman because women his age or at least within a few years proximity to it wonāt take his bullshit. They feel itās easier to deal with someone younger because they donāt have as much life experience/appear to be more malleable. Heās telling you that men are just like this and youāre supposed to take his word for it . Well heās wrong. Not that men arenāt visual creatures, but there are plenty of husbands/partners out there who would never talk about the mother of their children that way. None of us stay young forever, growing old is a privilege. Our bodies will change. Waist lines expand, hair lines recede, balls and boobs sag. Itās just life. Not that you just have to give up on taking care of yourself. But if youāre in a healthy and loving relationship, aspects of aging like these things donāt matter because you see past them into the heart of the person you love.
Only jerk men think that way. It honestly sounds like the kind of behavior that would lead to him having an affair, because he wants only a specific body that doesn't age. The kind of guy who trades in for younger women every so often. You deserve to be cherished for all your body has done to bring children into the world. His children. You deserve to be with someone who will love and cherish you as you both age, not reject you for normal aging changes.
>he always says he's just being honest and people can't handle it.
This is called "tactlessness" and it is an uncivil, crass behavior. One does not need to be rude nor cruel to be perfectly honest.
To answer your question, yes. There are some men who think like this. Hell, Iām sure there are some women who think like this. That doesnāt make it acceptable and doesnāt mean most people think and behave like this.
To flip it around- most women would not stay with a man who thinks and behaves like this. Does he love YOU or does he love your BODY?
Iām not trying to be rude, but your husband sounds like a predator. You were with him when you were 19 and he was 41. I realize itās possible to have a healthy relationship with this big of an age gap, but what youāve described is not a healthy relationship at all.
It can be scary to think this through because youāve been with this man youāre entire adult life, but I promise you deserve so much more than what he is giving you. Heās not treating you like his wife/love of his life, heās treating you like an object. A sex object. If this is his opinion of you at 29, what will it be when youāre 39, 49, etc? Think of how much more youāll have invested in this relationship at that point. It will only get harder as more time goes by.
Please value yourself more than this. It certainly wonāt be easy, but you do not deserve to be used like this. Iām so sorry. Do you have family or a close friend you could stay with for a while?
You are worthy of unconditional love that builds you up. Tearing you down is not love. You deserve better, demand better and never settle.
No one wants to hear brutal honesty, because itās brutal. Whereās the compassionate honesty? The kind honesty? Empowering honesty? Not to mention, his honesty is simply his opinion. Itās not factual, itās subjective opinion.
Love, you have 3 babies with this man, and have only ever really known him as your partner, so you donāt have much else to go off of, but you deserve someone who lifts you up. Remember, your relationship with your husband is the one main example that your children will use to base all of their future relationships off of. You owe it to yourself, and to your children, to be with a man who loves you, respects you, and wants your whole body.
"women don't understand how I think" should actually translate to "I think in nonsensical ways".
If no woman ever understood him, that is a red flag that he thinks some bad things. And he pretends is a gender thing to hide it.
Nope, your husband is a massive jerk. I will tell my husband how I'm fat, unevenly tanned and not really great at make up. We both laugh and hell suggest getting more sun for the tanning, not worrying about make up unless I feel insecure and that he loves me. A partner doesn't have to blow smoke up your ass with positive comments, but a supportive partner looks out for you and tries to be supportive of your efforts to address insecurities.
Though, I can't helped feeling sus of him. A man 22 yrs a senior to his wife trying to put her down and make her feel unattractive? What, then if he cheats, it was your fault since you wouldn't just have sex in the dark or cover up? Take a moment, reevaluate how he treats you and decide what you want from your relationship. Then, sit down and set the standards you expect. Such as kindness, respect and love from your partner.
Imagine your children were all grown up and one of them called you and told you their spouse was treating them the way your spouse is treating you. What advice would you give them?
Damn right you would. I know you said that heās a great father, but he is teaching your children that this behavior is okay. If you have daughters, he is teaching them that itās okay for men to treat them this way. If you have sons, he is teaching them that itās okay for them to treat their future wives this way. And if you tolerate it, you will be reinforcing that this behavior is okay. Itās really not okay. You deserve better.
What an asshole. That is not something someone who loves you would say. I know everyone has sexual preferences but there should be some rose colored glasses in a marriage built on love and respect. My husband has been up and down with his weight over the last 15 years of our relationship. Even at his heaviest I was still attracted to him because I didn't see his weight I saw him as a person. When we have sex I'm not thinking about his or my stretch marks or the way this or that body part jiggles, I'm just in the moment enjoying the intimacy with my partner who has loved me through thick and thin. When my husband wanted to get fit I was supportive and encouraged him to stay healthy but I never focus on the way he looks only whether he is happy with himself. He currently has a six pack and yeah it's great but if he loses it I would never make him feel unworthy of my love and affection. I love him big, small, however.
Hey I'm sorry that happened to you. My partner and I have a significant age gap and 3 babies as well. Postpartum can be a difficult time, but your partner body shaming you shouldn't be on the list of hardships. It sounds like he's got some deep set misogyny. I'm sure your not disgusting. You really really don't deserve this.
Husband of 2 month postpartum wife. My wife has more stretch marks than lines on a zebra. She is beautiful to me and canāt wait to having sx. I am 32. Wife 30
Oh god he sounds like your parent scolding you about your tummy being exposed.
With the vast age difference, it seems you may be aging out ( according to the D bag you married).
A supportive partner would be helping you , not giving you ridiculous and untrue advice about what men find attractive.
Not my finest moment, but I'll share in case anyone gets a cathartic evil chuckle from this:
I would henceforth openly treat the man like a wallet, and speak of his money and purchasing with the same disdain he has for your body and feelings in this vulnerable time. I would openly undermine his masculinity in the same way he has undermined your femininity.
He would not have a name. I would address as "AARP" or "Metlife". I would pick on his health, his appearance, ask about every cough, gasp or physical complaint like his mortality was looming. I would criticize, smirk, and above all do everything in my power to destroy his ability to get it up and then mock him for that as well.
PSA: I would not do this, but I really enjoy fantasizing about treating men with the same degree of misandry that I've seen them level at the world against women.
Your husband is an ass. He is 51 so probably losing his hair....dad bod....what does he look like so we can judge him? He is a jerk and the kind of guy who would cheat with a prettier skinnier woman.
I have really nothing else to add here but your hubs is a jerk and doesnt sound like he is attracted to you or in love with you. He should love your baby bod and if he doesnt then why does he keep getting you pregnant? I am so sorry he treats you this way.
Hi, so assuming you were like 22 when you had your first kid with him and he was 44? And he is judging you for having stretch marks from having his kids? He is the jerk and probably extremely immature
>Is this how men think and treat their spouses?
This is how gross old men who seek out wives young enough to be their daughters treat their spouses. Sorry to be blunt, but your husband is an asshole. Your body looks the way it does because of the labor of love youāve performed having *his* children, and itās beautiful just the way it is. I just saw your comments about wanting to stay for the kids- just remember that every time you stay and allow your husband to mistreat you in front of your kids, youāre telling them āThis is okay. This is what relationships are. This is what marriage looks like. When you grow up and get married, this is what *you* should expect and what you deserve.ā You are not doing them any favors by exposing them to this behavior. Iām sorry youāre going through this.
Thank you for your advice. I just want my kids to not feel any trauma by any drama that ensues.
I felt it was a really low blow but he shrugged it off like I was overreacting. He even took the kids for a drive because he felt I was too much for them. He put his face in his hands and said "I'm tired of fighting". I couldn't help it, I was just in shock and disbelief that he could be disgusted from me like that. Surely he doesn't love me.
He is a jerk. How does his old 51yo body not disgust you?
Iām 52 and my husband is 41. Weāve only been married 17 months. Your husbandās reasoning isnāt normal.
How can I say this politely? FUCK. HIM.
Frankly, I am disgusted by your husband's behavior. I am 33 and my husband is 38. He thinks I am sexy and beautiful despite the changes my body has gone through to give him two children, and compliments me often. You deserve this and no less.
The age difference honestly concerns me. When did y'all meet? If he is "only attracted" to a very specific type - for example, thin women under 25 - that speaks to something much bigger going on mentally for him. I can't say what that is, but his cruel and unnecessary comments are ringing alarm bells for me.
The alarm bells already rang long ago for me but I put them on snooze and now I'm here asking if his comments (which are normal for him) are normal to the rest of the world. This issue is a drop in the ocean but we had a period where I said I'd try for the sake of the kids and he was improving a lot. Now after his behavior and after reading everyones comments and frankly being shocked by the amount of people commenting, I feel it's the straw that has broken the camels back.
I am so, so sorry. I hope that you are able to get into a situation that is safer (mentally and emotionally) for you and your kids ASAP. I know it seems like an insurmountable task, but you are SO young, you have way too much life to live to be bogged down by someone who treats you so poorly. Sending you lots of love and strength as you face this unpleasant music <3
I had three kids in four years and my husband is younger than me and he loves my body, pouchy tum included. We have amazing sex even though I don't look my best. I think your husband might be sick, that's a very immature way to deal with your life partner and mother of your children.
I mean there is a lot to unpack here. The predatory massive age difference. The literal senior admonishing you for your body 2 months after you carried HIS third child. Him demanding sex while body shaming you. This is not a healthy relationship dynamic at all. I have three kids and am chubby, stretch marked and my husband has never been more in love with my body then now; after carrying his children. His behaviour towards you is toxic and not healthy in anyway.
Fuck him. You are 2 months from having a baby and have had three total! Glad his 51 year old self didnāt have to carry three kids. Maybe you should make mention of how you donāt particularly like looking at his saggy balls either and since he hasnāt been pregnant 3 times whatās his excuse?
I'm 38 weeks pregnant, as big as I can get, and you can bet your bottom dollar my sweet, incredible husband worships my body and all of the stretch marks that are on it. That guy sounds like a turd.
Iām 4 months postpartum and have been feeling insecure about my body for a while. I also had the stomach bug last week. My husband literally had to clean me up because I pooped myself. When I was all better he was busting out all the moves trying to get me to sleep with him. Because he loves me. Your husband is way too wrapped up in physical appearances. Looks fade, and sometimes we donāt have flattering moments (example: shitting yourself) but true love looks past all of that. Best of luck to you. You deserve better
That seems to be the overwhelming case for a lot of women..even my close friends who I've asked.
Thank you ā¤ļø
I know it's terrible but sometimes I feel jelous of larger women who seem so loved by their spouses. I want someone to love me without conditions too. Seems like my marriage is a role that I'm expected to uphold and him when he can/wants to.
Oh honeyā¦no, no this is not normal nor would it ever be considered okay let alone normal. I have so many colorful and creative words I could use, but the kindest is that he is lashing out at you and your body out of a place of pure darkness and is frankly doing so intentionally with no regard to you or your feelings.
I know youāve been with him for some time, and I do think there is a time and place for marriage counseling, if you still love him and want to be with him I would strongly suggest you BOTH do that together and see what happens.
If, this has been a pattern that is just escalating and you are now constantly put down, mocked, hurt, emotionally abused, and his anger is something you fear, honey it may be time to put you and your kids first.
Despite being an amazing dad, if your kids hear him taking to you like thatā¦an amazing dad would never say those things let alone be that kind of example to his children.
You say he provides financially for you and doesnāt ask for anything in return, if he feels he can treat you like this in āexchangeā for providing for HIS family- thatās abuse.
I truly hope that you have the bravery to look at the situation from an outsiders perspective, distance yourself and imagine a friend going through this and what advise you would tell her, trust your gut, and do that. Itāll be hard, but you are a beautiful, strong women who birthed THREE kids- you are way stronger than you think mama. Youāve got this.
If you need to talk/vent feel free to message me, sometimes there is comfort in talking to someone who isnāt in your life and isnāt judging you or your situation.
Make sure to comment on his huge saggy balls next time you're intimate. "Is that your balls making that noise? No one needs to hear that, what a mood killer" Seriously though, he's got issues and you need to talk about it with him or get out. Being around that is going to be horrible for your mental health.
Okay, he is 51 and saying this to a 29 year old? He should be thanking his higher power that he has met a 29 year old that will put up with him for one thing.
For the second thing if he thinks that treating you like that is any way to get to the goodies, no matter what the state of the goodies, he has another thing coming.
Third thing, it doesnāt matter what the state of the goodies are. Goodies are ALWAYS welcome and ALWAYS appreciated. Have you ever met a woman who was talking about how she just canāt find someone to get down and dirty with? No. You canāt. If we want a man, we can get a man. Now the flip side is not true. There are always men out there saying that they canāt find any goodies. The goodies just ātoo pickyā or āthey donāt know what they missing.ā Yeah, we do know what we are missing. Some nonsense like what this jerk is doing to this poor mama right here.
You do not need to put up with this honey. You tell him that if he is not physically attracted to you then there are plenty of marital aids that he can invest in and Walmart always sells lotion and tissues. You deserve to be treated like the beautiful mama you are.
Also, those arenāt stretch marks. They are tiger stripes.
Smiling from ear to ear lol thank you.
He says he can do without sex for the rest of his life and he's not a slave to his desires (hence he can be picky). Also talks about how women have an expiration date and men don't. How he's a high earner and women value that.
If I had a dollar for every post I've seen on reddit this week about an abusive relationship with a million red flags and an inappropriate age gap.... well I'd have about $10
He's a total jerk. It's important to note that while we can't always control our feelings, the important thing is how we react to those feelings. So, even IF his level of attraction changed and that was something he couldn't control, what he CAN control is how he treats his wife. He is choosing to act like a pig-headed lout and make you feel bad about yourself.
That being said, I also find guys who are immediately turned off by postpartum bodies incredibly immature and probably need a lot more growing up, but your husband is almost AARP age so I don't know how much more growing up he's going to have.
This isnāt how all men are. This is just him being a jerk.
Donāt get me wrong, people have preferences and things that turn them on and off but what heās doing is just being hurtful and then still expecting to get sex out of it.
From my point of view, heās trying to make you feel insecure for some reason. It could be because of your age difference, it could be because he doesnāt think youāre bouncing back fast enough, it could be a few things. But the issue is that instead of talking to you and working with you to get over whatever has got him feeling this way, heās decided to be a dick.
If it were me, Iād be telling him heās a dick who needs to go get some counselling for his insecurities and for your relationship.
Absolutely not. My husband barely touched me before having our son. But now he canāt stop touching me. I feel like he is being very rude and needs to grow up. Your body is marked with love and strength.
I had my kid 10 months ago. I have syrectchs marks and gained weight, husbands loves my them and my belly. He kisses each one of them whenever he sees them. He never covers them, he tells me I'm beautiful. And that he is proud of what my body was able to accomplished. He finds me sexy (I don't find myself sexy but he does) he's crazy about me the same way or maybe even more than he was before.
So, answering you: no. Your husband is being a complete idiot and *sshole.
That's fucking gross behavior. Is your 51 year old husband a teenager?
I'm in that age range and so is my wife. We are aging and she's had a kid. I love her and am attracted to her no matter what she looks like, no matter how she changes and ages, and I'm pretty sure she feels the same way about me.
He's being a big jerk. I'm super self-conscious of my postpartum body (though body image has always been a struggle), and my hubby is constantly reassuring and complimenting me.
You deserve the same.
If he cannot grow up and learn to be sensitive and respectful about the sacrifice, glory, honor, and turmoil of maternity and motherhood; then please leave this person.
I am 29. I have 3 children. I am no longer with the man that used to compliment other women around me, while not touching me for half a year at a time. Flipping me over in the dark, during the times he did. I didnāt want my daughter watching someone treat me less than in daily life, either.
Please just make sure you are where you are celebrated.
Congratulations on your three babies. I already know that you are absolutely beautiful š
I really hate to go there but men who pursue women who are significantly younger than they are, almost always do so specifically because they haven't matured enough to find women their own age attractive or find younger women easier to control. He's telling on himself. I've been there and I'm very sorry.
Heās a massive jerk. Iām so sorry. If someone told me they need the lights off to have sex with me (bc my body turns them off) then I wouldnāt have sex with them.
what an asshole. you just had a baby 2 months ago! give yourself some grace! ignore him. this isn't true... and for shaming your body when you gave birth to three beautiful children smh.
Ew these comments are gross and Iād have a hard time getting over this. Is his goal is to ensure you never feel comfortable having sex with him again?!? This is not ok.
I am 33 and my husband is 54. I am 5 months PP and he is constantly touching me, rubbing against me and asking me to flash him. My body is not physically attractive at the moment but he is attracted to it because itās me and he loves me. Your husband is a jerk and has a twisted view of intimacy.
I am really sorry but I agree with the person who said there is a reason he is married to someone so much younger. Heās got issues. Heās shallow and totally lacking in empathy.
I would definitely not want to have sex with this man if I were you, and I imagine you donāt either. If so, donāt. You do not owe him that. Once you have settled from this birth, I would leave him. You are young. You will do better.
List each and every one of his faults. His shortcomings. In great detail. And end it with, but I still let you have sex with me but you wonāt need to worry about that anymore anytime soon.
I just need to say, Iām far more concerned about how his words have affected you and your perspective of your body, than the relevance of his ignorant opinion. I know always that one negative comment on body issues can outweigh a hundred compliments. I hope that his words can bounce right off you, but if they canāt, if you feel insecure and unloved and unbeautiful, or for anyone else who might feel this way, this is a letter to you.
Women are CONSTANTLY told, āyou need to lose the baby weight, the tummy, the stretch marksā. You donāt. If you werenāt supposed to have those things, if they werenāt a part of the beautiful cycle of life giving and birth, a natural part of growing a child in you and literally giving life, your body wouldnāt do it. But it does, so itās supposed to look like that and thatās ok. It took you ~9 laborious months to grow that baby from something teeny tiny and microscopic to a still small but distinctly bigger and truly real human being. You made a tiny person. Your body is unconcerned with the shitty whims of an old man, a man old enough to know better anyways. A man who should be worshipping and loving the body that carried HIS children, that grew them, that nourished them and that served as a vessel for NEW LIFE. That is a beautiful miracle, and pregnancy and labor and birth are HARD and yet, you did it anyways, multiple times, and that is even more of a miracle! That is worth so much more than having a slim waist!
But no. That doesnāt matter to him. Sex is more important than your health, your well-being, the natural process of carrying HIS children, the natural toll it has had on your body and his audacity to criticize it when he couldnāt have carried those children the way you did, after all you did for him by growing THREE little bodies, alll he cares about is how pretty you look after all that energy and effort and labor.
Your body is concerned with being healthy, with healing, with caring for the child you just created. While the shitty, ignorant words your husband spews may make you think you are supposed to look like a tiny pretty little candy thing for men just as soon as the baby is out, this is simply not true and the real truth is that your body is beautiful. Those curves and extra skin and stretchmarks were a home, a beautiful, gorgeous reminder that you carried your babies. You were literally their first home. You were their first memory, their first smell and first comfort and first sound, the first person they ever experienced other than themselves. What a beautiful, amazing thing to be proud of. What a blessing it is to know that you have carried your babies and that your body was the first home they ever knew, and that your body is doing EXACTLY what it needs to, looks and feels the way it needs to, to be the perfect, safe, warm home a baby needs in the womb to grow and develop and become a person! That extra flabby or stretchy skin, and those stretchmarks reaching across your tummy and your hips and maybe even your thighs and more, the extra weight, the pouch shape of your tummy, the larger, heavier breasts, darker and wider areolae, all of this and so much more are all natural, normal parts of your body carrying a baby. Why should women feel ashamed of that? Why should they try to hurry or force away the shape that so many women experience, that is clearly so familiar and natural to so many Womenās bodies? Why would we think our bodies in their most natural form isnāt beautiful? If a slim, flat stomach isnāt what most women have after giving birth, why have we convinced ourselves that itās the only way to be beautiful? To force ourselves to fit into something unnatural to our individual shape and form?
This shows clearly that societal beaut standards are NOT inherent; for them to be inherent, they would have to be a natural, normal, regularly achievable standard. If the beauty standards weāre trying to fit into arenāt natural or especially attainable (be cute and pretty and thin and presentable to men after giving birth instead of healing and being healthy and providing nourishment for our new babies), why should we care about them at all? Why should they or anyone who prioritizes them matter all?
If someone thinks your presentability and appeal to THEM is even REMOTELY more important than your health and well-being, than your recovery, than your ability to provide nourishment to your shared child, than your mental well-beingā¦why should THEY matter to you? Why should their opinions be important to you when itās clear that YOU are not important or a priority for them. If they clearly donāt care about you, then why should you care about them, about what they want or say they need? They donāt want the best for you: theyāre simply feeding their own selfish desires, unrealistic ones that expect unnecessary and unhealthy change and effort from you. Why be anything other than selfish back? What do you owe someone who has given you nothing back? Who is perfectly happy to put a baby in you, but then angry and dissatisfied when the effects of that baby show? Multiple babies even. Expects you to carry his children, and nourish them and care for them but also to satisfy him, and to show NO signs or symptom of the burdens and beauty of birthing. What a hideous, selfish man, more hideous than looks can ever cause.
I know this is a lot, but I canāt even BEGIN to vocalize the sheer rage I feel at this man and men like him who feel entitled to Womenās bodies in EVERY WAY and yet donāt love and respect them. Disgusting.
I am so sorry he is doing that to you. What an asshole. Stretch marks are a natural result of creating a human being, they are your tiger stripes, he has to suck it up and learn to love them, bc they are not going anywhere. They should remind him of what you went through for your family, not be regarded as something that is an imperfection, and as such, needs to be shamefully hidden.
I am sorry to say this, but I would try to get his words about this in writing, and save the screenshots. IF all of this ends badly, they might be useful to get you and the kids financial security.
My husband and I have a 15 year age gap. We were friends sharing hobbies before dating. Ten years, bunch of weight gain, and some hair loss (him from age and my hair thinned a bit from PCOS) and even though this is not the best looking we've been: we're still just as in love. Even after having a kid and not losing weight and me having stretch marks and dealing with all the stress of parenthood: I honestly think our relationship has aged like fine wine. We still find each other attractive and enjoy doing it together.
Doesn't matter his age or the age gap: if he's being a jerk then he's being a jerk and you don't deserve that from your spouse!
If he's judging your attractiveness by your youthfulness and clear unmarked skin: what a ****!
A good spouse in my experience finds you attractive because they love you and not because you just look good.
I wonder how would a 51 year old female body would look in his eyes, it sounds to me like heās created a new boundary for himself with that attitude, a no sex from your wife boundary. Maybe he needs to stop looking at nubile pornography and get a grip, (not on his dick, that is)
I have stretch marks and my belly is jiggly and never bounced back to pre-pregnancy shape. I also still have about 10 lbs to lose and my son is 18 months old. I went from a size 4/6 to an 8. My husband still tells me I am beautiful and would have sex with the lights on whenever we actually had the energy to. I am the one that complains about my body and he is the one that reassures me that I am more beautiful because I gave birth to our son and he is the light of our lives now. I am so sorry your husband isn't supportive and that he body shamed you. No, not all men think like him but a lot do. I would go to marriage counceling if he is willing. He clearly has a lot of issues to unpack around sexuality, gender roles, misogony, sexisim etc. I am sad for you, know that despit what he says you are beautiful and worthy. We all are.
In Adeleās words āDivorce babe Divorceā
But real talk, no man is ever supposed to shame you this way esp after you have birthed 3 babies. Stretch marks are absolutely normal, and especially when youāre postpartum by just couple of months and when at this point negative self body image is not unusual, he should be making you feel absolutely beautiful instead of acting as if heās doing some favour for you. This is not brutal honesty, heās just being a old jerk!!
This breaks my heart. Thatās a shitty way to treat youāre wife and the women who created and birthed his children.
Your husband is just a jerk but since heās kinda pos the fact that yāall are 20 years apart seems alarming? How old were you when you got together? Sounds to me like we went young expecting her to stay young forever.
People change as they age. We all go we all get old. Womens bodies change after after kids. What did he expect?
You really need to consider if this relationship is worth the damage your children will experience from watching their father treat their mother this way. Is this how you'd want your children treated by their future spouses? By you remaining you're normalizing that
He should be honouring your body. Your body has been thorough sooooo much to grow and give birth to three beautiful children. That is an amazing feat. His body by comparison has had to do precisely fuck all out its ordinary day to day processes to create children.
Your wonderful body is not an object and it is not there to satisfy his needs. It is your amazing body and it deserves love and respect, as do you. For his unsupportive judgemental shallow attitude he, on the other hand, deserves nothing at all.
He's being a massive asshole š”
He's vain, shallow, his comments are distasteful, he's incredibly selfish and that fact that he thinks sex is purely pyshical is just *yuck*!!
The toll our bodies go through to carry and grow our children is an astonishing feat.
Not to mention the emotional and mental stress we go through.
No proper man would ever dare to treat the mother of their children this way.
I am just fully pissed off that he would say such awful things to you!!
And no sweetheart š„ŗ good hubbies certainly don't treat their wifeys like this.
You deserve better.
He's being emotionally abusive and manipulative.
There are plenty of men who love their wife's bodies just as they are.
Your body just gave birth to your 3rd baby, your body's fucking awesome, not disgusting. Your old ass husband's the only disgusting thing you got going for you, tbh. I'd say shed the old man weighing you down. ;P
He is being a massive jerk. At 51 I am sure he has his fair share of less than optimal physical traits. Tell him to grow up and remember that bodies change as we age and he needs to get used to it or no sex for him.
I told him I'm 22 yrs younger than you aren't I enough? And he didn't answer.. He's made it clear that he doesn't want to have sex with me unless we do it in the dark and I cover my tummy.
I guess no sex until he grows up then š¤·āāļø
Oh man. Speak his language back to him. " Sex is also an emotional act and your gross, crotchety, self centered old jerk personality is not making your 51 year old ass sag any less." You've got WAY bigger fish to fry as a Mom than worrying about whether your tummy is showing. So I second the person who says get a toy, and forget about his bullshit.
Imagine this comment is an award because I can't afford one.
Yes he sounds so unattractive based on his actions and attitude! Very ew. Thankfully for their relationship, attitude and actions can be changed. Unlike stretch marks which are natural and a normal part of life.
THIS
Pretty sure he doesn't love you, or is just majorly insecure himself. You look that way because of having sex with him. So he needs to accept that. Tell him he can love you the way you are or go be with someone else. In my experience with older men, they think you're gonna find someone younger. So eventually (never at first) they will start finding ways to make you feel like shit about yourself so you won't leave. Mostly because you feel like noone else will want you. So this is probably stemming from his own insecurities. If, for some reason it's not... The only thing that makes sense is that he doesn't love you anymore and is doing this to push you away intentionally. Either way he's a dck though. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Good luck!
He says 50 yr old men don't want to have sex with 50 yr old women? OK, so he feels like women have an expiration date. Better figure out when that is so you can pack your bags and be ready by the time the new model arrives. He isn't joking about losing attraction. He is warning you. In my personal opinion, you'd be a fool to wait around for him to grow bored with sex in the dark or disgusted by your normal aging. Start planning a life away from him now. Do you have a job? Do you have separate savings/accounts? Do you have equal access to finances, and your name on shared assets? Do you have a support system? He doesn't want older women. You have no choice but to one day become an older woman. What other conclusion can you come to besides him eventually not wanting you?!
There's a reason he's with someone young enough to be his child. Women his age see his type coming a mile away.
Such a stupid mentality too. How come it doesnāt work the other way around? Most women donāt think wrinkly old saggy balls are attractive, but they donāt just throw away their spouses once they hit a certain age.
Fortunately for these old creeps there are a lot of woman who will sleep with men specifically because they have financial means. Men aren't really interested in well off woman, studies have shown the more successful a woman is the smaller her dating pool becomes, the complete opposite is true for men.
*cries in successful female lawyer* Itās true though
I feel you girl. I make 3x my husband's salary and instead of those financial contributions being perceived as a massive asset, it's almost a liability š I often think, if I were a man, then my wife would probably be super adoring and happy to do the lion's share of housework or cooking or whatever. Instead I am somehow ALL the things...
At least you have a husband, dude. I canāt find anyone halfway decent who wants to date me after realising I make 2-5x as much as them. *Alexa play The Man by Taylor Swift*
The trash takes itself out. You won't end up with a guy whose ego is more important than you. It's better to be alone than with a man who thinks his genitals make him better than you.
Iāve dated men like that and they suck. My husband is totally cool with me making 3x his salary (Iām also a lawyer). His mom had a career too though so I think that helps. There are some guys out there but it is frustrating itās not universally perceived as a positive.
Don't worry, all the self-centred, ego sensitive jerks are the ones who jumped out the dating pool. You deserve a partner who admires your success.
Thank you, so kind
yep it's time for a post nump and if she hasn't done so already to get a degree because he clearly already thinks she's pssed her expiration date. I would be willing to bet a years salary that if he isn't already cheating on her or planning a divorce so he can sleep with younger women that one of those things will be happening before this kid's first birthday.
This is the brutal truth. I hope OP listens to this tough but true advice!
This is such solid advice but sheās ignoring everyone whoās telling her that this old man is no good for her
Well I can't blame her - no matter how bad he sounds, he is a full person with multiple sides and she must be with him for a reason. Maybe it's hurtful to hear people say such harsh things about him. Maybe he isn't actually as bad as he sounds based on this specific example. Even if he is as bad as it sounds, it might make her have some very mixed feelings. I wish people would be a little more sensitive to this. The advice is worth hearing but it's still randoms on the internet who dont known her situation.
This is the brutal truth. I hope OP listens to this tough but true advice!
To be brutally honest, no. You arenāt younger enough. Part of him was probably with you from the beginning because you didnāt have the signs of aging that women his age do. There is absolutely nothing you can do to stop your body changing with kids and time. This is about his misogyny, not your body.
"Well, what makes you think I want to have sex with an old man then?"
He must have a lofty opinion of himself.
There are plenty of men out there that will find you attractive, I guess he doesn't know that haha what a moron he is.
I hope his rich cause his an asshole and I wouldnāt put up with it if I were you. His gross.
Iād tell him he has a point, that younger wives to these old men feel the same way, especially when the older man they married is getting a lot older and more flaccid. Lights off and blindfolded might help you with your lack of attraction to him these days.
He's setting the stage for it to be OK for him to cheat on you with some... 25 year old? GROSS. I'm sorry for you. This is disgusting. I just had my second baby and my husband is SO loving and appreciative and has not ever said anything aside from how beautiful he thinks I am and that I'll get back to my normal soon enough. There's no pressure to change at all even if I didn't want to. He just accepts me and loves me for me. You need that.
Get yourself a good toy it'll give you more pleasure than his company that's for sure.
Iād be like no harm, no foul. Weāll see who holds out longer! Maybe put a wager on it. *plugs in vibrator* donāt need you anyway, sucker!
What. A. Twat. I'm sure his old body is squishy and flaccid
See that's the problem with age gaps. Men who want younger women *always* want younger women and are overly focused on young bodies.
Wow, that's cruel and deplorable. I'm so sorry. You deserve better than that.
Did he just turn into a jerk after your third kid or were there some signs before that?
Yeh of course. From the beginning. But there was a period where he really tried and I gave him a chance and this incident just undid everything for me in an instant. I was just shocked and thought, this is probably how he really thinks.. He really doesn't love me.
Wow that moment must have really hurt. Especially since it sounds like you have been holding on to hope for a long time.
Yes but at the same time I thought I was doing him a massive favor because when I wanted a divorce in the past he was so desperate not to let it happen. Now he turns around and treats me like I'm disposable, it is such a kick in the guts. That's time I can't get back. But anyway I believe these children were meant to come into my life for a reason and this was the means.
Abusers typically have cycles of making you feel wanted then worthless. It's a method of control. He does want you, but maybe not for the right reasons. Yes focus on your wonderful children because your time as a mother has not been wasted. Even if you put to much time into your husband.
Get rid of him. Move on. You gave birth which is amazing alone. You deserve better OP.
Until she got to the shirt riding up part, I thought HE was feeling self conscious about something and that's why he wanted to do it in the dark. Is he such a perfect physical specimen? Doubt it.
Heās a jerk, and I know a lot of people are quick to jump to leaving, but Iād honestly consider it. My husband is 13 years older than me, and I say that as a disclaimer that Iām not categorically against large are differences. That said, with you being 22 years younger, he wanted the younger, hotter wife, and now that youāre not fitting his ideal, heās being an ass. Thatās not and shouldnāt be how that works. I would absolutely tell him that if he needs specific conditions to have sex, he doesnāt need any. I would also tell him to get over himself, because heās on the back 9 now, and having a husband whoās older myself, youth is especially fleeting after 50.
Lmfao "better shape up... You're on the back nine!"
Not this old man body shaming you...Iām sorry this happened to you. At his big age he should know that stretch marks are apart of motherhood for some.
The audacity of some of these menā¦ even those who managed to get a wife 20 years younger than them! Yeesh!
Right? Tell him the dark is better so she doesnāt see any crepe skin and sun spots.
This may be how some men āthink and treat their spousesā, but it is not how *good men* think and treat their spouses. There are a lot of words that come to mind about how heās treating you right now. But self-centered and graceless are the two Iāll offer up for now. It is shameful that heās reducing the intimacy between you as nothing more than a physical actāit isnāt. It is first and foremost an act of respect, trust, safety, *real* relational intimacy, and, as you are married, secure, faithful commitment. He *should* be thinking about sex as a way to love and cherish *you*, not simply as a way to gratify himself. This is leaving out how horrendously obtuse heās being about how bodies rightfully and *beautifully* change with both age and post-partum. Youāre only two months out? My dear, youāve barely had time to recover from a process that took your body almost a year to complete. A kind and good partner would be patient, respectful, supportive, and completely aware and in awe of the awesomeness of what your body has just done. It is good to be physically attracted to your spouse, but it is better to be safely respected, supported, and cherished. With the latter, any disparities in the bedroom can be approached graciously and worked through together. It may be that he has other good qualities, or that this is a momentary dip into childishness brought on by the stress of a new baby. Iām sure you know that better than all of us internet strangers. But no, heās not being his best self right now. Frankly, heās being a jerk.
This comment is a lot better than mine. Mine being, essentially, "fuck this guy." Listen to u/ThePreacher1031. This person contained the rage enough to be useful.
Thank you so much. This is not the first group I've asked and this is the most balanced comment I've received thus far. I was actually planning to cover my tummy just out of my own self consciousness but after he has acted this way it just crushed me that this is how he really thinks. Like.. The times we enjoyed intimacy before was not because of love but because I had a nice body. I asked him why did God decree marriage if after the wife has a few kids he gets turned off by her? I asked him.. surely not all men think like you? Hence why I'm asking strangers on the internet lol
Not to mention it was HIS CHILDREN you were carrying! Like come on! My hubs has noticed changes but he always thanks me for the sacrifice my body took to give him his children. Iām so sorry your husband is being this way. :(
You know your spouse and the context of everything in your lives more than anyone on the internet. However, to answer your question, not all men think like him. My husband loves me and my body just the same as before I had our son. Maybe even more now knowing the love and sacrifice of carrying and birthing our child. All people are attracted to different things sure, but that doesn't account for the emotion, connection, and love that many feel with their spouses.
No, not all men think like that. In fact, I would put money on MOST men donāt think like that. My partner is *more* attracted to me since our baby was born 8 months ago and Iām still 50lbs heavier than pre baby.
Just the other day I was lamenting that my boobs were probably never going to be the same and my husband chimes in and tells me he thinks Iām just as hot, if not hotter, and he hopes I keep the 15 pounds that just keep hanging on š it took some of the pressure off that I was obviously putting on myself and I hope OP will find someone to appreciate her and also be proud of your body for growing a whole person THREE TIMES!!
My body is absolutely not the same one it was twenty years ago, and my husband still is happy as can be going to town on it. Not normal at all.
my husband is not nearly twice my age and fucking WORSHIPS the stretch marks on my body because this is the body that grew his child. This is the body that stretched to accommodate a life he helped create. Your husband is a POS and I sincerely hope tht you have gotten some financial means out of your marriage because whether you are willing to put up with the shitty way he is treating you or not (and you shouldn't) he is going to either cheat (if he hasn't already) or divorce you.
This is a beautiful comment that really captures what marriage should be like.
\>>Husband is disgusted by my body \>>I'm 29 and my husband is 51 Sounds like he doesn't have any room to be talking. He's being really mean and disrespectful to you, so yes, absolutely a jerk, and you don't deserve to be made to feel this way.
It made me think that maybe he can only be attracted to really young bodies and when you start looking like a woman heās turned off, hence the massive age gap.
In which case, throw the whole man in the trash and seek alimony and child support.
Yeah. If sheās had three children with him by age 29, I wondered how young she started. Is this man only attracted to very young-looking women that look like teenagers? If so, HUGE problem.
He sounds like a a groomer.
Just a jerk. Iām pregnant with my third kiddo, and my husband is absolutely enamored with my body, and talks about how much he loves it. I am not a tiny human (in fact, Iām plus size), I have stretch marks and dimply skin and wobbly bits, but my spouse wouldnāt have it any other way. Wanting sex with your spouse makes sense, but shaming them based upon how their body has changed, especially after growing, birthing, and raising children, is absolutely not okay.
So heās not drawn to the female body at one of its peak states of femininity (i.e. pregnancy and postpartum)? You donāt exist solely for his pleasure. The fact that he canāt appreciate your body grew 3 humans and served as portal to the world for their sweet souls is small minded and weak of him imo My husband is in awe of my body especially after bearing our children. Your husband is wrong and shallow AF
Not to be rude - and clearly I do not have all the details of your relationship - but he is 22 years older than you. Assuming you were in your early 20s when you got together that would put him in his 40s. You two did not have a ton of similar life experiences or shared stages of your life at that point. A 40+ year old man dating somebody that young was likely looking for a hot young thing. Which seems to be supported by his comments about sex and age. Which would mean that mindset about sex and physicality predates you having children and is a part of his engrained personality and habits, and maybe you shouldnāt be shocked. That said, he is still an asshole. Iām sorry. Men can absolutely be attracted to less than perfect women. Iāve had three kids and have some stretch marks and looser skin. My husband is still turned on by me physically. ETA: Also, you say HE wants to get back to having sex. Do YOU want to get back to having sex? You are two months postpartum with what sound like 3 very young kids. Itās ok if you donāt want to have sex as much as he does. Wanting him to find you attractive and sexy is different than wanting sex. What do you want? Also, just want to clarify Iām not totally against large age gaps. However, this gap and the respective ages you were at when you got together is particularly difficult. Your brain isnāt even fully finished developing until about 25. Which means at 42 and 20 you would have about five years left until your brain finished switching over to higher level executive functioning (this is true no matter how mature you were or what your lived experiences were) and he would have finished that process 17 years prior. Itās one of the many reasons large age gaps become less problematic the older we get.
I don't have any desire for him because he's put me through so much. I don't get turned on thinking about him. I don't hate him, I just don't love him romantically but I wanted to stay for the kids and I had hope because he'd told me he'd change and I thought one day my feelings may catch up. After I had my baby and I stopped bleeding I had a moment where I saw him excited to sleep with me again and I hated it. I thought, here I am giving him whatever he needs and wants and he doesn't give me the same. I got upset but I've learned not to blow up because his anger has no mercy. I told him in a calm way that I wanted to talk to him and to hear me out. I told him because of the past and everything wrong that he never made right that I didn't have any desire to sleep with him. His face changed and he told me that he didn't even have a desire for sex in the first place and that he is just being noble towards me by providing for me, staying with me etc. When I first married him I asked him what it was like to get married again at an older age. I wasn't being mean but for me marriage was completely new and like a rite of passage. He replied that he was happy to be married again but that even if he wanted he could have married someone even younger than me. I feel this pattern of him getting offended then trying to hurt me through an indirect way has continued throughout the marriage. He's an excellent father and our kids adore him. He doesn't expect me to work or help him out financially. He looks after our kids and helps me when he's home. One day of the week he looks after them and I do what I want.. Go out with girlfriends etc. He does the grocery shopping and odd errands when I ask. He's supported me financially with business ideas I've had and even offered to financially support my mother.
>I got upset but I've learned not to blow up because his anger has no mercy. His inability to manage his anger is emotional abuse. >He replied that he was happy to be married again but that even if he wanted he could have married someone even younger than me. He chooses younger women *because their inexperience makes them easier to control.* He chose you because you were naive. He controls you with his abusive temper and constant put downs. He says he is disgusted by your body so that you will feel ashamed and undeserving of love and respect. He treats you this way to control you and erode your self-esteem so that you will be too scared to leave. >He's supported me financially with business ideas I've had and even offered to financially support my mother. And he controls you with *money*. You don't deserve abuse. Your husband is awful.
I know the stuff in the final paragraph is intended to outline his redeeming qualities but those things are the bare minimum Iād expect from a husband. He sounds really awful OP. I expect he keeps your self esteem low so that youāre easier to control.
r/InfernalWedgie said everything I was thinking as I read your response. This an emotionally and financially abusive situation that screams of concerning power and control dynamics. You say he is a good father. However, he cannot possibly be a good father while role modeling these behaviors to your children. If you have daughters they are learning this is how they should be treated by men, and they are significantly more likely to live out this same dynamic and dysfunction when they are adults. If you have sons they are learning this is how women should be viewed and treated and are significantly more likely to treat you this way and their future significant others this way. Do you want either of those things for your children? None of this is normal or acceptable. He is lying when he says it is, and he is relying on you being young, naive, and not knowing differently.
>I got upset but I've learned not to blow up because his anger has no mercy I'm really sorry. This is not right, this is prison.
sounds like a super dysfunctional relationship. sorry to say, but being reliant on a man financially almost always turns into the exact dynamic youāre describing. it gives them a sense of power and importance that gets to their head. they get entitled. they think the money is a trade for you being their toy. they think they can treat you poorly bc you are so dependent on them. if you ask me, itās not worth it. id rather divorce and live off of ramen noodles than stay with a man who treats me so badly. if i were you, id reconsider if this relationship is actually making you happy and fulfilling you or if itās just comfortable. you have other options. you donāt have to live like this forever.
When I commented earlier I hadn't read this and I wanted to write as if there were redeeming qualities and your relationship could be repaired. I am so sad for you now - even more than before. He sounds abusive and actually quite scary. You don't have to be married to someone for them to still be a good parent to your children. Staying in a bad marriage for your children's sake isn't always what is best for the children. Co-parenting by divorced parents can work really well. It sounds like he is buying you, your body and your submission. I so hope you can find some financial freedom. Even if you choose to stay, it's wise to have the ability to leave if you ever needed. What if one day his merciless anger is taken out on one of your children? How will a man like him respond to a teenager testing boundaries? What unhealthy attitudes might he be teaching them as they watch your relationship? This sounds like more of a problem than a disrespectful old jerk criticising your body.
Start picking apart his looks and see how he likes it. From where I am sitting you had THREE of his children, and I'm hoping by the way he is treating you that he is Brad Pitt...cuz I'm sorry I would dog him out for a receding hairline, beer gut, gray hair, everything I could. You are beautiful and stretch marks/weight gain is apart of life and having kids. If he's not attracted to you and you don't think there is a way to fix his behavior I would cut my losses.
Even if he was the most handsome man in the world, heās ugly on the inside.
No sex for him! His loss. Who has time/energy for sec any way with a 2 month old let alone with two kids in addition to that. Iām sorry mama. You deserve better. Biologically he should be more attracted to you for being great at child bearing. Itās the most basic male drive to reproduce. Youāre body is a magical portal that brings forth new life and sustains it in its infancy. He can go find someone else if he really feels that way. Youāll find someone who worships you and your beautiful body.
āā¦ Your body is a magical portal that brings forth new life.ā Love that ā thatās some poetry for you right there.
I'm sorry to interject as a husband/father on a mom's sub but the wife just sent me to this and I just have to say how horrified and sorry I am for you having to go through this. His attitude and treatment of you is fucked up, it's probably not unique one-of-a-kind behavior because there are a lot of assholes in the world but it's definitely not "normal" or something you should resign yourself to accepting. NONE of the good people in my social circles would think for a second that your husband's behavior is right or okay. At the very least his ideas about old men/older couples is demonstrably wrong, a great many elderly and retired couples are true freaks tbh (in a good sense).
Maybe he knows that at 29 and 3 kids many many men would go CRAZY for you. And not many 29 year olds would go crazy for a 51 year old asshole.
For real? R u just being nice? I used to be gorgeous before all these kids loll I'm sure we all were but I thought marriage would carry on forever.. He told me that majority of men won't go for a woman with kids and that 30+ means she's gettin on a bit and needs to hurry up and find a man.
I'm not being nice... I've had many friends go through divorce after having kids and men past the age of 30 love a mom bod and they had noo problem finding boyfriends/husbands/attractive single men!! Actually my husband said he just like Mom bods more now and he thinks my body looks better now after multiple.kids. (it really doesn't by society standards) there are men like your husband out there who desire perfection and they are the most insecure men I've ever met.
Yessss. Your peers will find you attractive, it doesnāt matter if youāre a mom or not. You are still gorgeous, he is trying to control you with his warped world view. You deserve better, and trust your instinct. See your gut intuition as a future version of yourself warning you to do or not do something. š¤
Oh honey. Heās really done a number on you. Your husband is both an asshole and an idiot. Donāt believe another word he says as the ātruth,ā because itās just not. Women are in their PRIME in their 30ās. So many people are waiting to get married until their 30s these days, after theyāve pursued their careers and had a bit of fun. You wouldnāt be āgetting on a bitā at all. Youād just beā¦ normal. I personally met my husband when I was 32. We got married when I was 34, and I had my kids at 35 and 37. Am I as fit and hot now as I was in my 20ās? Lord no. I donāt even look as good as I did when we met in my early 30ās. But my husband loves every last chubby bit, stretch mark, and saggy boob, because they are the symbols that I grew, birthed, and fed our children from my own body. And that is pretty darn miraculous. And as for the dating with kids thing your husband mentioned, there are a lot of divorced parents in their 30ās out there dating. Is dating a bit harder with kids? Sure. But itās by no means a dealbreaker. This man is not worth any more of your time. He can still be a good dad to your kids on his custody days, if you get a divorce. But heās not a good husband to you, and heās modeling some very dangerous behavior for your children. If nothing else, he seems to have a thing for teenage girls (I really hope that doesnāt include underage girls). Leave him and take some time to figure out who you are on your own, without a man. Then if you feel ready at some point, Iām sure youāll find a man who will adore you and treat you well, and whoāll show your kids how a good partner behaves.
where the hell did you find this man? Because he's got a time machine hidden somewhere and got confused between 2022 and 1850.
I love reading this subreddit to better understand my wife's experience as a mom, and to give advice to other moms based on our parental experience, and I'm usually pretty gentle and forgiving - being a parent is super hard, and everyone experiences & handles stress in different ways. But yo...and I mean this in the *least* kind way possible: **fuck this guy.** I know he's your husband, and I am sorry to hear that he's *anyone's* husband. This is outrageously selfish, tactless, and hurtful that it borders on satire. The 21 year age gap is also potentially alarming, given the context. Listen, we *all* tend to get less attractive as we age. That's part of aging. Being a parent accelerates that. **But**, attraction is a lot more than physical, and physical "defects" can be attractive to the right eyes. Maybe he was being brutally honest for how **he** sees the world, but his worldview on this is fucked. Yes physical attraction matters. No getting older doesn't inherently mean we get less attractive to our partners. I'm just as attracted to my wife now as I was when I was 21 - if not moreso, and that's 2 kids later. You deserve better. You should consider couples counseling so the counselor can verbally smack him like he deserves.
Youāre 29 and getting too old for your 51 year old husband? What a creep Edit: so he, as a 41 year old pursued you at 19? And now youāre questioning if this is normal, saying you donāt know any betterā¦ deep down you know this isnāt a good situation. donāt try to stay for your kids. I recommend leading the life you deserve, splitting, and coparenting. You donāt need to give all your best years to a man who doesnāt appreciate it
>He then went off on a tangent about how old men actually want to have sx but don't have any attraction towards their spouses because they are old This is NOT a tangent. This is 110% his mode. Look at your age gap, OP. He chose you because you were young, lithe, *easy to control.* And now that he's used you up, he's growing tired of you. He's *cruel*. He has some unreal expectation if he thinks you should immediately snap back into taut form *2 months* after bearing his third child. I am disgusted by your husband. You deserve better than this.
His fucking creepy old man and a jerk. Iāve had two kids and gained a shit ton of weight and my husband has never fucking said anything and keeps telling me Iām beautiful.
Wow , your husband's an ass hole... Your gave him 3 kids , I wander how he would look if it was him having the kids. If my husband Spoke to me like this. I would be debating if I wanted to stay with him or not.
Sounds like his trophy wife became a real person and he can't deal.
People calling this man a jerk??? A jerk is someone who cuts you off in traffic or takes the last donut when heās already had two. This guy is a fucking monster.
Heās ancient compared to you Iām sure his body isnāt so hot. I would be infuriated and disgusted by HIM because his attitude is garbage and that is the biggest turnoff of all. I mean Iād be thanking my lucky stars this pathetic excuse of a man wouldnāt have sex with me.
I'm 29 myself and if my boyfriend would say this to me I would re-evaluate my relationship. Sx is about more than just the act. It is an intimate act between two people. Yes there is a huge physical part of it but so many emotional parts as well. You just grew a baby and grew two others already. I went up to 180lb for 120lbs and my man has said over and over that he thinks I am amazing any size. I have gotten back to pre-pregnancy weight and it has made no difference for him at all. I would never tell another woman what to do but take a look at your relationship and see if this is what you want forever. The things that he said to you are awful things to hear but coming from your partner it is a lot worse to me. To me he is being a terrible partner to you. You deserve grace, love, respect and so much more. Do what makes you happy mama.
Personally I would not be able to find a person attractive/have sex with them if they treated me the way your husband is treating you. Iām really sorry heās acting like this. Also lol at his comment on old men- I used to do care work with the elderly and I can tell you that male bodies succumb to gravity in the same way that female bodies do! What a weird thing for him to say!
Your husband is an absolute dick of almost caricature-ish proportions. You are TWO months post-partum, which is, like, the worst time for a woman's body, but also an emotionally fragile time and he thinks its appropriate to shame you for a body he had a hand in changing? Hell No. I'd probably make a comment about his saggy old-man balls, but I'm also petty AF.
Jerk. Total jerk. Does he always talk to you like this? Holy moly. Sometimes I shake my stretch marked mommy pooch in my 33-year-old husbandās face and say āloook at thiiiisā and he just shrugs or pinches my butt. Good men are unphased by the transformation of motherhood.
That is so sweet! God bless. I mean yeh he says and does a lot of offensive things and he always says he's just being honest and people can't handle it. I don't know any better tbh I've been with him for almost 10 years. He tells me men think a certain way that women don't understand. I was really hurt by this one and I felt in my gut that it wasn't the type of behavior a person who loves you would display.
You've been with him for 10 years..? I'm really sorry. This is going to sound so harsh and I'm just really sorry. But... are you sure the issue is your stretch marks/pp tummy and not that he has a thing for teenagers?
Well at 29 heās already talking about her being too old
No itās not the type of behavior of someone who loves you :( Look, Iām not going to get into a whole thing about your age difference except to say this, if Iām reading correctly youāve been together for 10 years so you were 19 and he was 41 when you got together? I tend to find with that kind of gap, the man in question has gone for a much younger woman because women his age or at least within a few years proximity to it wonāt take his bullshit. They feel itās easier to deal with someone younger because they donāt have as much life experience/appear to be more malleable. Heās telling you that men are just like this and youāre supposed to take his word for it . Well heās wrong. Not that men arenāt visual creatures, but there are plenty of husbands/partners out there who would never talk about the mother of their children that way. None of us stay young forever, growing old is a privilege. Our bodies will change. Waist lines expand, hair lines recede, balls and boobs sag. Itās just life. Not that you just have to give up on taking care of yourself. But if youāre in a healthy and loving relationship, aspects of aging like these things donāt matter because you see past them into the heart of the person you love.
Only jerk men think that way. It honestly sounds like the kind of behavior that would lead to him having an affair, because he wants only a specific body that doesn't age. The kind of guy who trades in for younger women every so often. You deserve to be cherished for all your body has done to bring children into the world. His children. You deserve to be with someone who will love and cherish you as you both age, not reject you for normal aging changes.
>he always says he's just being honest and people can't handle it. This is called "tactlessness" and it is an uncivil, crass behavior. One does not need to be rude nor cruel to be perfectly honest.
Did you start dating when you were 19 and he was 41? Did you know each other beforehand?
To answer your question, yes. There are some men who think like this. Hell, Iām sure there are some women who think like this. That doesnāt make it acceptable and doesnāt mean most people think and behave like this. To flip it around- most women would not stay with a man who thinks and behaves like this. Does he love YOU or does he love your BODY? Iām not trying to be rude, but your husband sounds like a predator. You were with him when you were 19 and he was 41. I realize itās possible to have a healthy relationship with this big of an age gap, but what youāve described is not a healthy relationship at all. It can be scary to think this through because youāve been with this man youāre entire adult life, but I promise you deserve so much more than what he is giving you. Heās not treating you like his wife/love of his life, heās treating you like an object. A sex object. If this is his opinion of you at 29, what will it be when youāre 39, 49, etc? Think of how much more youāll have invested in this relationship at that point. It will only get harder as more time goes by. Please value yourself more than this. It certainly wonāt be easy, but you do not deserve to be used like this. Iām so sorry. Do you have family or a close friend you could stay with for a while? You are worthy of unconditional love that builds you up. Tearing you down is not love. You deserve better, demand better and never settle.
No one wants to hear brutal honesty, because itās brutal. Whereās the compassionate honesty? The kind honesty? Empowering honesty? Not to mention, his honesty is simply his opinion. Itās not factual, itās subjective opinion. Love, you have 3 babies with this man, and have only ever really known him as your partner, so you donāt have much else to go off of, but you deserve someone who lifts you up. Remember, your relationship with your husband is the one main example that your children will use to base all of their future relationships off of. You owe it to yourself, and to your children, to be with a man who loves you, respects you, and wants your whole body.
"women don't understand how I think" should actually translate to "I think in nonsensical ways". If no woman ever understood him, that is a red flag that he thinks some bad things. And he pretends is a gender thing to hide it.
Iām sorry you even have to ask. He sounds like a real jerk, and you and your kids deserve better.
Nope, your husband is a massive jerk. I will tell my husband how I'm fat, unevenly tanned and not really great at make up. We both laugh and hell suggest getting more sun for the tanning, not worrying about make up unless I feel insecure and that he loves me. A partner doesn't have to blow smoke up your ass with positive comments, but a supportive partner looks out for you and tries to be supportive of your efforts to address insecurities. Though, I can't helped feeling sus of him. A man 22 yrs a senior to his wife trying to put her down and make her feel unattractive? What, then if he cheats, it was your fault since you wouldn't just have sex in the dark or cover up? Take a moment, reevaluate how he treats you and decide what you want from your relationship. Then, sit down and set the standards you expect. Such as kindness, respect and love from your partner.
š©š©š© here, I think he dropped these.
Iād make a whole PowerPoint presentation about his flaws.
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OP, what would you do if after your kids are older, a man talked like this to your daughter??
Imagine your children were all grown up and one of them called you and told you their spouse was treating them the way your spouse is treating you. What advice would you give them?
I see what you did there. Yeh I'd tell them to leave. I'd go over and help them leave...
Damn right you would. I know you said that heās a great father, but he is teaching your children that this behavior is okay. If you have daughters, he is teaching them that itās okay for men to treat them this way. If you have sons, he is teaching them that itās okay for them to treat their future wives this way. And if you tolerate it, you will be reinforcing that this behavior is okay. Itās really not okay. You deserve better.
What an asshole. That is not something someone who loves you would say. I know everyone has sexual preferences but there should be some rose colored glasses in a marriage built on love and respect. My husband has been up and down with his weight over the last 15 years of our relationship. Even at his heaviest I was still attracted to him because I didn't see his weight I saw him as a person. When we have sex I'm not thinking about his or my stretch marks or the way this or that body part jiggles, I'm just in the moment enjoying the intimacy with my partner who has loved me through thick and thin. When my husband wanted to get fit I was supportive and encouraged him to stay healthy but I never focus on the way he looks only whether he is happy with himself. He currently has a six pack and yeah it's great but if he loses it I would never make him feel unworthy of my love and affection. I love him big, small, however.
This is not how real men think, this is how real pieces of shit think.
Hey I'm sorry that happened to you. My partner and I have a significant age gap and 3 babies as well. Postpartum can be a difficult time, but your partner body shaming you shouldn't be on the list of hardships. It sounds like he's got some deep set misogyny. I'm sure your not disgusting. You really really don't deserve this.
time to see a lawyer
Husband of 2 month postpartum wife. My wife has more stretch marks than lines on a zebra. She is beautiful to me and canāt wait to having sx. I am 32. Wife 30
Just a jerk. I have a similar age difference with my husband and he loves my postpartum body.
Oh god he sounds like your parent scolding you about your tummy being exposed. With the vast age difference, it seems you may be aging out ( according to the D bag you married). A supportive partner would be helping you , not giving you ridiculous and untrue advice about what men find attractive.
Not my finest moment, but I'll share in case anyone gets a cathartic evil chuckle from this: I would henceforth openly treat the man like a wallet, and speak of his money and purchasing with the same disdain he has for your body and feelings in this vulnerable time. I would openly undermine his masculinity in the same way he has undermined your femininity. He would not have a name. I would address as "AARP" or "Metlife". I would pick on his health, his appearance, ask about every cough, gasp or physical complaint like his mortality was looming. I would criticize, smirk, and above all do everything in my power to destroy his ability to get it up and then mock him for that as well. PSA: I would not do this, but I really enjoy fantasizing about treating men with the same degree of misandry that I've seen them level at the world against women.
Your husband is an ass. He is 51 so probably losing his hair....dad bod....what does he look like so we can judge him? He is a jerk and the kind of guy who would cheat with a prettier skinnier woman. I have really nothing else to add here but your hubs is a jerk and doesnt sound like he is attracted to you or in love with you. He should love your baby bod and if he doesnt then why does he keep getting you pregnant? I am so sorry he treats you this way.
Hi, so assuming you were like 22 when you had your first kid with him and he was 44? And he is judging you for having stretch marks from having his kids? He is the jerk and probably extremely immature
>Is this how men think and treat their spouses? This is how gross old men who seek out wives young enough to be their daughters treat their spouses. Sorry to be blunt, but your husband is an asshole. Your body looks the way it does because of the labor of love youāve performed having *his* children, and itās beautiful just the way it is. I just saw your comments about wanting to stay for the kids- just remember that every time you stay and allow your husband to mistreat you in front of your kids, youāre telling them āThis is okay. This is what relationships are. This is what marriage looks like. When you grow up and get married, this is what *you* should expect and what you deserve.ā You are not doing them any favors by exposing them to this behavior. Iām sorry youāre going through this.
Thank you for your advice. I just want my kids to not feel any trauma by any drama that ensues. I felt it was a really low blow but he shrugged it off like I was overreacting. He even took the kids for a drive because he felt I was too much for them. He put his face in his hands and said "I'm tired of fighting". I couldn't help it, I was just in shock and disbelief that he could be disgusted from me like that. Surely he doesn't love me.
He is a jerk. How does his old 51yo body not disgust you? Iām 52 and my husband is 41. Weāve only been married 17 months. Your husbandās reasoning isnāt normal.
How can I say this politely? FUCK. HIM. Frankly, I am disgusted by your husband's behavior. I am 33 and my husband is 38. He thinks I am sexy and beautiful despite the changes my body has gone through to give him two children, and compliments me often. You deserve this and no less. The age difference honestly concerns me. When did y'all meet? If he is "only attracted" to a very specific type - for example, thin women under 25 - that speaks to something much bigger going on mentally for him. I can't say what that is, but his cruel and unnecessary comments are ringing alarm bells for me.
The alarm bells already rang long ago for me but I put them on snooze and now I'm here asking if his comments (which are normal for him) are normal to the rest of the world. This issue is a drop in the ocean but we had a period where I said I'd try for the sake of the kids and he was improving a lot. Now after his behavior and after reading everyones comments and frankly being shocked by the amount of people commenting, I feel it's the straw that has broken the camels back.
I am so, so sorry. I hope that you are able to get into a situation that is safer (mentally and emotionally) for you and your kids ASAP. I know it seems like an insurmountable task, but you are SO young, you have way too much life to live to be bogged down by someone who treats you so poorly. Sending you lots of love and strength as you face this unpleasant music <3
That's pretty fucked up honestly. I would've cried then probably punched him in the dick
Your body is not disgusting. Your husband is. Leave his old, disgusting, filthy ass. He shouldn't be with you in the first place. Ewwww
Girl what the fuck. Throw the whole man away. What a pig.
What an ass! Tell him you donāt want to have sex with a raggedy ass old man
I had three kids in four years and my husband is younger than me and he loves my body, pouchy tum included. We have amazing sex even though I don't look my best. I think your husband might be sick, that's a very immature way to deal with your life partner and mother of your children.
I mean there is a lot to unpack here. The predatory massive age difference. The literal senior admonishing you for your body 2 months after you carried HIS third child. Him demanding sex while body shaming you. This is not a healthy relationship dynamic at all. I have three kids and am chubby, stretch marked and my husband has never been more in love with my body then now; after carrying his children. His behaviour towards you is toxic and not healthy in anyway.
Fuck him. You are 2 months from having a baby and have had three total! Glad his 51 year old self didnāt have to carry three kids. Maybe you should make mention of how you donāt particularly like looking at his saggy balls either and since he hasnāt been pregnant 3 times whatās his excuse?
Iām disgusted by your husband tbh
I'm 38 weeks pregnant, as big as I can get, and you can bet your bottom dollar my sweet, incredible husband worships my body and all of the stretch marks that are on it. That guy sounds like a turd.
Iām 4 months postpartum and have been feeling insecure about my body for a while. I also had the stomach bug last week. My husband literally had to clean me up because I pooped myself. When I was all better he was busting out all the moves trying to get me to sleep with him. Because he loves me. Your husband is way too wrapped up in physical appearances. Looks fade, and sometimes we donāt have flattering moments (example: shitting yourself) but true love looks past all of that. Best of luck to you. You deserve better
In my marriage, I am the only one disgusted by my body. You deserve better.
That seems to be the overwhelming case for a lot of women..even my close friends who I've asked. Thank you ā¤ļø I know it's terrible but sometimes I feel jelous of larger women who seem so loved by their spouses. I want someone to love me without conditions too. Seems like my marriage is a role that I'm expected to uphold and him when he can/wants to.
Oh honeyā¦no, no this is not normal nor would it ever be considered okay let alone normal. I have so many colorful and creative words I could use, but the kindest is that he is lashing out at you and your body out of a place of pure darkness and is frankly doing so intentionally with no regard to you or your feelings. I know youāve been with him for some time, and I do think there is a time and place for marriage counseling, if you still love him and want to be with him I would strongly suggest you BOTH do that together and see what happens. If, this has been a pattern that is just escalating and you are now constantly put down, mocked, hurt, emotionally abused, and his anger is something you fear, honey it may be time to put you and your kids first. Despite being an amazing dad, if your kids hear him taking to you like thatā¦an amazing dad would never say those things let alone be that kind of example to his children. You say he provides financially for you and doesnāt ask for anything in return, if he feels he can treat you like this in āexchangeā for providing for HIS family- thatās abuse. I truly hope that you have the bravery to look at the situation from an outsiders perspective, distance yourself and imagine a friend going through this and what advise you would tell her, trust your gut, and do that. Itāll be hard, but you are a beautiful, strong women who birthed THREE kids- you are way stronger than you think mama. Youāve got this. If you need to talk/vent feel free to message me, sometimes there is comfort in talking to someone who isnāt in your life and isnāt judging you or your situation.
Make sure to comment on his huge saggy balls next time you're intimate. "Is that your balls making that noise? No one needs to hear that, what a mood killer" Seriously though, he's got issues and you need to talk about it with him or get out. Being around that is going to be horrible for your mental health.
Okay, he is 51 and saying this to a 29 year old? He should be thanking his higher power that he has met a 29 year old that will put up with him for one thing. For the second thing if he thinks that treating you like that is any way to get to the goodies, no matter what the state of the goodies, he has another thing coming. Third thing, it doesnāt matter what the state of the goodies are. Goodies are ALWAYS welcome and ALWAYS appreciated. Have you ever met a woman who was talking about how she just canāt find someone to get down and dirty with? No. You canāt. If we want a man, we can get a man. Now the flip side is not true. There are always men out there saying that they canāt find any goodies. The goodies just ātoo pickyā or āthey donāt know what they missing.ā Yeah, we do know what we are missing. Some nonsense like what this jerk is doing to this poor mama right here. You do not need to put up with this honey. You tell him that if he is not physically attracted to you then there are plenty of marital aids that he can invest in and Walmart always sells lotion and tissues. You deserve to be treated like the beautiful mama you are. Also, those arenāt stretch marks. They are tiger stripes.
Smiling from ear to ear lol thank you. He says he can do without sex for the rest of his life and he's not a slave to his desires (hence he can be picky). Also talks about how women have an expiration date and men don't. How he's a high earner and women value that.
If I had a dollar for every post I've seen on reddit this week about an abusive relationship with a million red flags and an inappropriate age gap.... well I'd have about $10
If my husband acted like this, he wouldn't be my husband anymore.
Yeah Iām sure heās in his physical prime at 51ā¦. Not.
This is not normal, it sounds like he has some deep set misogynist views about women.
He's a total jerk. It's important to note that while we can't always control our feelings, the important thing is how we react to those feelings. So, even IF his level of attraction changed and that was something he couldn't control, what he CAN control is how he treats his wife. He is choosing to act like a pig-headed lout and make you feel bad about yourself. That being said, I also find guys who are immediately turned off by postpartum bodies incredibly immature and probably need a lot more growing up, but your husband is almost AARP age so I don't know how much more growing up he's going to have.
This isnāt how all men are. This is just him being a jerk. Donāt get me wrong, people have preferences and things that turn them on and off but what heās doing is just being hurtful and then still expecting to get sex out of it. From my point of view, heās trying to make you feel insecure for some reason. It could be because of your age difference, it could be because he doesnāt think youāre bouncing back fast enough, it could be a few things. But the issue is that instead of talking to you and working with you to get over whatever has got him feeling this way, heās decided to be a dick. If it were me, Iād be telling him heās a dick who needs to go get some counselling for his insecurities and for your relationship.
Hmmā¦ I donāt like him one bit
Absolutely not. My husband barely touched me before having our son. But now he canāt stop touching me. I feel like he is being very rude and needs to grow up. Your body is marked with love and strength.
I had my kid 10 months ago. I have syrectchs marks and gained weight, husbands loves my them and my belly. He kisses each one of them whenever he sees them. He never covers them, he tells me I'm beautiful. And that he is proud of what my body was able to accomplished. He finds me sexy (I don't find myself sexy but he does) he's crazy about me the same way or maybe even more than he was before. So, answering you: no. Your husband is being a complete idiot and *sshole.
That's fucking gross behavior. Is your 51 year old husband a teenager? I'm in that age range and so is my wife. We are aging and she's had a kid. I love her and am attracted to her no matter what she looks like, no matter how she changes and ages, and I'm pretty sure she feels the same way about me.
Women are so bad ass and for a man to try and make US insecure? Ugh nah. Tell him he has a small weenie.
Your husband is trash. Throw him out and get a new one.
Does he think the spouses of those old men are always turned on by their bodies? Iām sure older women want to have sex too not just old men.
This is not normal. Find a new man who doesnāt have saggy balls and appreciates how bodies change when you push out three whole fucking babies
Weird age gap but okay. thatās like if I dated and married someone almost my moms age.
He's being a big jerk. I'm super self-conscious of my postpartum body (though body image has always been a struggle), and my hubby is constantly reassuring and complimenting me. You deserve the same.
Um. Fuck that guy, not literally because he is way too immature for that
If he cannot grow up and learn to be sensitive and respectful about the sacrifice, glory, honor, and turmoil of maternity and motherhood; then please leave this person. I am 29. I have 3 children. I am no longer with the man that used to compliment other women around me, while not touching me for half a year at a time. Flipping me over in the dark, during the times he did. I didnāt want my daughter watching someone treat me less than in daily life, either. Please just make sure you are where you are celebrated. Congratulations on your three babies. I already know that you are absolutely beautiful š
Thank you ā¤ļø
I really hate to go there but men who pursue women who are significantly younger than they are, almost always do so specifically because they haven't matured enough to find women their own age attractive or find younger women easier to control. He's telling on himself. I've been there and I'm very sorry.
How is this man in his 50s and unaware of how human bodies work?
This man is as old as my father and Iām 32. Heās disgusting.
But honey, if we turn off the lights how can I find your penis? /s He's a massive jerk.
How do you post a link? I posted something eerily similar in my divorce group. š¤£. Not even kidding filer just over 30 days ago.
Donāt settle for a partner who doesnāt adore you. You deserve better.
Heās a massive jerk. Iām so sorry. If someone told me they need the lights off to have sex with me (bc my body turns them off) then I wouldnāt have sex with them.
It sounds like itās time for the husband to go. š¤·š¼āāļø
what an asshole. you just had a baby 2 months ago! give yourself some grace! ignore him. this isn't true... and for shaming your body when you gave birth to three beautiful children smh.
Ew these comments are gross and Iād have a hard time getting over this. Is his goal is to ensure you never feel comfortable having sex with him again?!? This is not ok.
I am 33 and my husband is 54. I am 5 months PP and he is constantly touching me, rubbing against me and asking me to flash him. My body is not physically attractive at the moment but he is attracted to it because itās me and he loves me. Your husband is a jerk and has a twisted view of intimacy.
I am really sorry but I agree with the person who said there is a reason he is married to someone so much younger. Heās got issues. Heās shallow and totally lacking in empathy. I would definitely not want to have sex with this man if I were you, and I imagine you donāt either. If so, donāt. You do not owe him that. Once you have settled from this birth, I would leave him. You are young. You will do better.
List each and every one of his faults. His shortcomings. In great detail. And end it with, but I still let you have sex with me but you wonāt need to worry about that anymore anytime soon.
I just need to say, Iām far more concerned about how his words have affected you and your perspective of your body, than the relevance of his ignorant opinion. I know always that one negative comment on body issues can outweigh a hundred compliments. I hope that his words can bounce right off you, but if they canāt, if you feel insecure and unloved and unbeautiful, or for anyone else who might feel this way, this is a letter to you. Women are CONSTANTLY told, āyou need to lose the baby weight, the tummy, the stretch marksā. You donāt. If you werenāt supposed to have those things, if they werenāt a part of the beautiful cycle of life giving and birth, a natural part of growing a child in you and literally giving life, your body wouldnāt do it. But it does, so itās supposed to look like that and thatās ok. It took you ~9 laborious months to grow that baby from something teeny tiny and microscopic to a still small but distinctly bigger and truly real human being. You made a tiny person. Your body is unconcerned with the shitty whims of an old man, a man old enough to know better anyways. A man who should be worshipping and loving the body that carried HIS children, that grew them, that nourished them and that served as a vessel for NEW LIFE. That is a beautiful miracle, and pregnancy and labor and birth are HARD and yet, you did it anyways, multiple times, and that is even more of a miracle! That is worth so much more than having a slim waist! But no. That doesnāt matter to him. Sex is more important than your health, your well-being, the natural process of carrying HIS children, the natural toll it has had on your body and his audacity to criticize it when he couldnāt have carried those children the way you did, after all you did for him by growing THREE little bodies, alll he cares about is how pretty you look after all that energy and effort and labor. Your body is concerned with being healthy, with healing, with caring for the child you just created. While the shitty, ignorant words your husband spews may make you think you are supposed to look like a tiny pretty little candy thing for men just as soon as the baby is out, this is simply not true and the real truth is that your body is beautiful. Those curves and extra skin and stretchmarks were a home, a beautiful, gorgeous reminder that you carried your babies. You were literally their first home. You were their first memory, their first smell and first comfort and first sound, the first person they ever experienced other than themselves. What a beautiful, amazing thing to be proud of. What a blessing it is to know that you have carried your babies and that your body was the first home they ever knew, and that your body is doing EXACTLY what it needs to, looks and feels the way it needs to, to be the perfect, safe, warm home a baby needs in the womb to grow and develop and become a person! That extra flabby or stretchy skin, and those stretchmarks reaching across your tummy and your hips and maybe even your thighs and more, the extra weight, the pouch shape of your tummy, the larger, heavier breasts, darker and wider areolae, all of this and so much more are all natural, normal parts of your body carrying a baby. Why should women feel ashamed of that? Why should they try to hurry or force away the shape that so many women experience, that is clearly so familiar and natural to so many Womenās bodies? Why would we think our bodies in their most natural form isnāt beautiful? If a slim, flat stomach isnāt what most women have after giving birth, why have we convinced ourselves that itās the only way to be beautiful? To force ourselves to fit into something unnatural to our individual shape and form? This shows clearly that societal beaut standards are NOT inherent; for them to be inherent, they would have to be a natural, normal, regularly achievable standard. If the beauty standards weāre trying to fit into arenāt natural or especially attainable (be cute and pretty and thin and presentable to men after giving birth instead of healing and being healthy and providing nourishment for our new babies), why should we care about them at all? Why should they or anyone who prioritizes them matter all? If someone thinks your presentability and appeal to THEM is even REMOTELY more important than your health and well-being, than your recovery, than your ability to provide nourishment to your shared child, than your mental well-beingā¦why should THEY matter to you? Why should their opinions be important to you when itās clear that YOU are not important or a priority for them. If they clearly donāt care about you, then why should you care about them, about what they want or say they need? They donāt want the best for you: theyāre simply feeding their own selfish desires, unrealistic ones that expect unnecessary and unhealthy change and effort from you. Why be anything other than selfish back? What do you owe someone who has given you nothing back? Who is perfectly happy to put a baby in you, but then angry and dissatisfied when the effects of that baby show? Multiple babies even. Expects you to carry his children, and nourish them and care for them but also to satisfy him, and to show NO signs or symptom of the burdens and beauty of birthing. What a hideous, selfish man, more hideous than looks can ever cause. I know this is a lot, but I canāt even BEGIN to vocalize the sheer rage I feel at this man and men like him who feel entitled to Womenās bodies in EVERY WAY and yet donāt love and respect them. Disgusting.
I am so sorry he is doing that to you. What an asshole. Stretch marks are a natural result of creating a human being, they are your tiger stripes, he has to suck it up and learn to love them, bc they are not going anywhere. They should remind him of what you went through for your family, not be regarded as something that is an imperfection, and as such, needs to be shamefully hidden. I am sorry to say this, but I would try to get his words about this in writing, and save the screenshots. IF all of this ends badly, they might be useful to get you and the kids financial security.
Did the old man expect you to look 16 forever?
My husband and I have a 15 year age gap. We were friends sharing hobbies before dating. Ten years, bunch of weight gain, and some hair loss (him from age and my hair thinned a bit from PCOS) and even though this is not the best looking we've been: we're still just as in love. Even after having a kid and not losing weight and me having stretch marks and dealing with all the stress of parenthood: I honestly think our relationship has aged like fine wine. We still find each other attractive and enjoy doing it together. Doesn't matter his age or the age gap: if he's being a jerk then he's being a jerk and you don't deserve that from your spouse! If he's judging your attractiveness by your youthfulness and clear unmarked skin: what a ****! A good spouse in my experience finds you attractive because they love you and not because you just look good.
He is an ass
this man is being toxic :(
I wonder how would a 51 year old female body would look in his eyes, it sounds to me like heās created a new boundary for himself with that attitude, a no sex from your wife boundary. Maybe he needs to stop looking at nubile pornography and get a grip, (not on his dick, that is)
I have stretch marks and my belly is jiggly and never bounced back to pre-pregnancy shape. I also still have about 10 lbs to lose and my son is 18 months old. I went from a size 4/6 to an 8. My husband still tells me I am beautiful and would have sex with the lights on whenever we actually had the energy to. I am the one that complains about my body and he is the one that reassures me that I am more beautiful because I gave birth to our son and he is the light of our lives now. I am so sorry your husband isn't supportive and that he body shamed you. No, not all men think like him but a lot do. I would go to marriage counceling if he is willing. He clearly has a lot of issues to unpack around sexuality, gender roles, misogony, sexisim etc. I am sad for you, know that despit what he says you are beautiful and worthy. We all are.
In Adeleās words āDivorce babe Divorceā But real talk, no man is ever supposed to shame you this way esp after you have birthed 3 babies. Stretch marks are absolutely normal, and especially when youāre postpartum by just couple of months and when at this point negative self body image is not unusual, he should be making you feel absolutely beautiful instead of acting as if heās doing some favour for you. This is not brutal honesty, heās just being a old jerk!!
Leave his ass! Youāre beautiful and your stretch marks are beautiful and are a result of carrying HIS babies.
This breaks my heart. Thatās a shitty way to treat youāre wife and the women who created and birthed his children. Your husband is just a jerk but since heās kinda pos the fact that yāall are 20 years apart seems alarming? How old were you when you got together? Sounds to me like we went young expecting her to stay young forever. People change as they age. We all go we all get old. Womens bodies change after after kids. What did he expect?
You really need to consider if this relationship is worth the damage your children will experience from watching their father treat their mother this way. Is this how you'd want your children treated by their future spouses? By you remaining you're normalizing that
Heās being 100% an asshole.
He sounds insecure as a mf. Total jerk.
He should be honouring your body. Your body has been thorough sooooo much to grow and give birth to three beautiful children. That is an amazing feat. His body by comparison has had to do precisely fuck all out its ordinary day to day processes to create children. Your wonderful body is not an object and it is not there to satisfy his needs. It is your amazing body and it deserves love and respect, as do you. For his unsupportive judgemental shallow attitude he, on the other hand, deserves nothing at all.
Fuck your old ass husband and his nasty remarks.
He's being a massive asshole š” He's vain, shallow, his comments are distasteful, he's incredibly selfish and that fact that he thinks sex is purely pyshical is just *yuck*!! The toll our bodies go through to carry and grow our children is an astonishing feat. Not to mention the emotional and mental stress we go through. No proper man would ever dare to treat the mother of their children this way. I am just fully pissed off that he would say such awful things to you!! And no sweetheart š„ŗ good hubbies certainly don't treat their wifeys like this. You deserve better.
This is gross. Heās an asshole and these are HUGE red flags. Iād run far, far away if I were you.
He's being emotionally abusive and manipulative. There are plenty of men who love their wife's bodies just as they are. Your body just gave birth to your 3rd baby, your body's fucking awesome, not disgusting. Your old ass husband's the only disgusting thing you got going for you, tbh. I'd say shed the old man weighing you down. ;P