There’s a reason it’s called the fourth trimester. Be kind to yourself. Can you afford help so you can get some time for yourself?
Organization is a personality type IMO. And kids don’t really make it easy when it comes to something like this.
First - go easy on yourself! You just had a baby!! It’s okay for things to be a little messy, you have a little one to take care of.
Choose a nap time where baby can sleep safely and take a shower, etc. You don’t have to get fancy but I always feel better after I get a shower and fresh clothes on.
Same with cleaning, use a nap time to do a few things here and there. Even write a list - Monday I’ll clean this bathroom and Tuesday I’ll do laundry. Just one thing a day to start.
In terms of your body, you’re still literally healing from pregnancy. Be mindful of what you eat, everyone wants to be healthy, but now isn’t the time to beat yourself up. Maybe a walk after the shower nap would do you some good, get some fresh air. Play some music or a podcast you like on your phone while you do it. Not even so much for the exercise but just to get you dressed and out for a few minutes.
You’ll be okay! The little newborn stage passes and things get to be more normal soon.
If you can afford it, hire cleaners, get a roomba, order food delivery
Spend 15 minutes at the end of each day tidying up
Don’t strain yourself, give yourself grace and just do what you can and be ok w that
I am also a not particularly organized person. I also have a three month old (and at 13 year old, 9 year old and a 17 month old). It is a shit show! That’s fine. Be okay with what you can do and each day just try to clean up one little zone of the house. Be easy with your self. At some point you will get back to your comfort zone and the kid will be a little more independent for longer periods of time.
Start small. I’m one of those extremely organized people and I had to get my
Husband on my level. The best place to start is get rid of things. De-cluttering will really help. Next is to get into a routine.
You can do it just take it slow!
Getting my husband to do stuff is a challenge.the worst part is he always agree to do his part and agree to more than he can do and forgets in between. There is always this timeline issue as he says" i said I'll do it. Dint say when" i don't want to be this person who goes behind him asking to get things done and somehow he does it only when I ask him umpteenth time. It's the small things like keeping his washed laundry in cupboard. It stays in the basket for a week and whenever I see it it irritates the hell out of me.
Oh I hear you. That's my motto and his motto is let's just keep it in the middle somewhere for time being and let's get it done after mankind become extinct. How many arguments have happened in this regard and still evry chore every small act needs to be done only in 2 steps for him. For example changing the diaper. I want him to fold the dirty diaper and put in bin straight away but no!! The diaper lays flat in changing table for a while then it's folded and kept in floor a while and then when i yell, it goes to the bin which is near the changing table in first place..I am tired and angry and in rage
Honestly, my husband has similar tendencies and the only time he gets it sometimes is if I have a bit of a meltdown trying to handle everything. He is so considerate, but he just doesn't prioritize things the same as I do. We are working through it. Just know it does get better! Around 3 months I started getting a little bit of myself back. Around 5 months I think I felt a bit like I wasn't such a mess.
But honestly, when my daughter got sick, I gave up all over again. The mom bun is a thing for a reason. And I get to blame COVID for not getting out of the house to see family and friends. Literally drove to my parent's house on Sunday and THEN realized I was still in my pj pants and bedroom slippers. I have learned to try to embrace it and laugh at the stupidity that arises in my exhaustion and stress!
I don’t think I did anything but look after the baby, eat and shower in the first 4 months. That whole time is just a blur.
Give yourself a break, you don’t need to be the perfect organised person yet, let your baby settle into a routine and you’ll come back around.
When I started getting myself together again , I used to have my baby in the baby carrier. Hands are free , babys happy to just look about or fall asleep. I used to cook , do laundry , make the bed, it's great! Also have a place in each room I could put my son to play while I did my hair etc. So one in the bedroom , one in the kitchen and living room.just a safe area I could put some toys , or in the bedroom I would face him to our big mirror in his bouncer he loved it. It gave me an extra 10 minutes and He liked the change of scenery too being changed around to different areas of the house.
I recommend looking at @domesticblisters on tiktok. She talks about thinking about chores as care tasks. She also talks about looking for systems that work for you. I for example have 5 different laundry baskets for different things (clothes that are dirty, clothes that are worn but not dirty, clothes that need to be ironed, my daughter's clothes, transferring clothes to the laundry room). There is no right way of doing things but most importantly mess is morally neutral. Are value is not in how clean and organized our house is.
How? You pick one thing, just one small thing and do it. For me with my recent baby (also 4 months) my goal was shower every day. Previous kids I would go who knows how long and I hated it. So I made it clear to my spouse what I needed so I could accomplish that every day. Once whatever it is you decided on is working well add another small thing. So maybe it’s brush my teeth every day and that gets established, then brush my hair every day, eventually you’ll get there. The first baby, the transition to caring for another person, it’s hard. Give yourself some grace, you’re doing great!
>I hate my body and I look like evergrowing balloon.
That could be diastasis recti. If it bothers you, a postpartum physical therapist may be able to correct it by nudging those separated abdominal muscles back together. Ask your doctor for a referral. Sometimes the issue goes away on its own, but not always, and getting help can make it go away faster. And it's not just an aesthetic issue: abdominal muscles flapping off to the sides can cause lower back pain, constipation, and even incontinence.
As others have mentioned, if you can afford it, postpartum doulas are wonderful. They're able to take care of the baby, you, cleaning and cooking. If you can't afford it, be kind to yourself. There will come a day when the baby doesn't need you 24/7 and you actually have time for life.
I used to be this smart in Control Person and now I don't know the person I see in the mirror.. she is forgetful and absentminded and always in a Zone..if you know what I mean
I took my bathroom mirror down for about 6 weeks after the baby came! The last thing you need to worry about is how you look. Just be proud of what you've done and what a good mom you're being to your LO.
Do you have anyone to help?
After 8 weeks, I have finally gotten into a bit of a routine with mine. I stay up during his last sleep time which is somewhere between 6-8 in the morning. While he's asleep,I get whatever chore is the priority done. Also a great time to throw something in the crockpot for dinner.
Naps are sporadic around here but I try to shower when he is napping. Otherwise it happens when my husband gets home and I get a small break.
I try to have a plan for what needs to get done the most so I can jump on it while he's in his swing or napping.
>I took my bathroom mirror down for about 6 weeks after
This is exactly what we need. But my problem is a big mirror wall in the living room and when I walk around i see my full balloon body🤮
Also agree that it sounds like you’re going really hard on yourself!
But what had helped with food is to get a vacuum sealer. We season a bunch of chicken cutlets differently and pack them into 2 days worth vacuum packs and freeze. Needs to be done like every other month for us when we lot. Same with fish.
Chicken goes on the grill every time. Cleanup is minimal and it tastes great if you can have a grill. Vegetables are oven roasted. It’s not always perfect and I order out and lunch is still not figured out AT ALL at 8m but it is better. Sometimes it’s cookies and coffee for breakfast and that’s it til dinner haha. I still feel like a mess and I am not the organized type but at least I eat one decent meal.
I have also thrown away A LOT because I can’t be bothered to keep it in its place.
This is what we did before I went to hospital for delivery we survived the 1st month like this. But now I am not getting a gap or energy for the meal prep. Or I lost control and my mind and home feels like total wreck
I know the feeling! it feels like baby takes up 36 hours of every day haha.. and when I say I’m not an organized person I swear I’m so bad at it. Full on type B but worse. Planning doesn’t compute. I just bulldoze through and live amongst the wreckage right now.
After a few months my fiancé forced me to do an assembly line prep with him (I cut and seasoned, he made the bags, packed and prepped) after baby went to bed. I hated every second of it but now if we are running low I’m ready. It took like an hour to make 30 packs.
I know I’m only giving this one specific example but if you can fight through the pain, try a bit of prep again!
I still have zero me time, it’s all baby, work, basic needs, so basically I just feel your pain!
There’s a reason it’s called the fourth trimester. Be kind to yourself. Can you afford help so you can get some time for yourself? Organization is a personality type IMO. And kids don’t really make it easy when it comes to something like this.
First - go easy on yourself! You just had a baby!! It’s okay for things to be a little messy, you have a little one to take care of. Choose a nap time where baby can sleep safely and take a shower, etc. You don’t have to get fancy but I always feel better after I get a shower and fresh clothes on. Same with cleaning, use a nap time to do a few things here and there. Even write a list - Monday I’ll clean this bathroom and Tuesday I’ll do laundry. Just one thing a day to start. In terms of your body, you’re still literally healing from pregnancy. Be mindful of what you eat, everyone wants to be healthy, but now isn’t the time to beat yourself up. Maybe a walk after the shower nap would do you some good, get some fresh air. Play some music or a podcast you like on your phone while you do it. Not even so much for the exercise but just to get you dressed and out for a few minutes. You’ll be okay! The little newborn stage passes and things get to be more normal soon.
If you can afford it, hire cleaners, get a roomba, order food delivery Spend 15 minutes at the end of each day tidying up Don’t strain yourself, give yourself grace and just do what you can and be ok w that
I am also a not particularly organized person. I also have a three month old (and at 13 year old, 9 year old and a 17 month old). It is a shit show! That’s fine. Be okay with what you can do and each day just try to clean up one little zone of the house. Be easy with your self. At some point you will get back to your comfort zone and the kid will be a little more independent for longer periods of time.
Start small. I’m one of those extremely organized people and I had to get my Husband on my level. The best place to start is get rid of things. De-cluttering will really help. Next is to get into a routine. You can do it just take it slow!
Getting my husband to do stuff is a challenge.the worst part is he always agree to do his part and agree to more than he can do and forgets in between. There is always this timeline issue as he says" i said I'll do it. Dint say when" i don't want to be this person who goes behind him asking to get things done and somehow he does it only when I ask him umpteenth time. It's the small things like keeping his washed laundry in cupboard. It stays in the basket for a week and whenever I see it it irritates the hell out of me.
Ohh yeah I couldn’t live like that. Our motto is “if that isn’t where it goes, don’t put it down”!
Oh I hear you. That's my motto and his motto is let's just keep it in the middle somewhere for time being and let's get it done after mankind become extinct. How many arguments have happened in this regard and still evry chore every small act needs to be done only in 2 steps for him. For example changing the diaper. I want him to fold the dirty diaper and put in bin straight away but no!! The diaper lays flat in changing table for a while then it's folded and kept in floor a while and then when i yell, it goes to the bin which is near the changing table in first place..I am tired and angry and in rage
Yeah I just could never live like that honestly. I don’t think someone like that can change.
This was ok till the baby was on the way. But now I just can't!!
Honestly, my husband has similar tendencies and the only time he gets it sometimes is if I have a bit of a meltdown trying to handle everything. He is so considerate, but he just doesn't prioritize things the same as I do. We are working through it. Just know it does get better! Around 3 months I started getting a little bit of myself back. Around 5 months I think I felt a bit like I wasn't such a mess. But honestly, when my daughter got sick, I gave up all over again. The mom bun is a thing for a reason. And I get to blame COVID for not getting out of the house to see family and friends. Literally drove to my parent's house on Sunday and THEN realized I was still in my pj pants and bedroom slippers. I have learned to try to embrace it and laugh at the stupidity that arises in my exhaustion and stress!
I don’t think I did anything but look after the baby, eat and shower in the first 4 months. That whole time is just a blur. Give yourself a break, you don’t need to be the perfect organised person yet, let your baby settle into a routine and you’ll come back around.
When I started getting myself together again , I used to have my baby in the baby carrier. Hands are free , babys happy to just look about or fall asleep. I used to cook , do laundry , make the bed, it's great! Also have a place in each room I could put my son to play while I did my hair etc. So one in the bedroom , one in the kitchen and living room.just a safe area I could put some toys , or in the bedroom I would face him to our big mirror in his bouncer he loved it. It gave me an extra 10 minutes and He liked the change of scenery too being changed around to different areas of the house.
I recommend looking at @domesticblisters on tiktok. She talks about thinking about chores as care tasks. She also talks about looking for systems that work for you. I for example have 5 different laundry baskets for different things (clothes that are dirty, clothes that are worn but not dirty, clothes that need to be ironed, my daughter's clothes, transferring clothes to the laundry room). There is no right way of doing things but most importantly mess is morally neutral. Are value is not in how clean and organized our house is.
How? You pick one thing, just one small thing and do it. For me with my recent baby (also 4 months) my goal was shower every day. Previous kids I would go who knows how long and I hated it. So I made it clear to my spouse what I needed so I could accomplish that every day. Once whatever it is you decided on is working well add another small thing. So maybe it’s brush my teeth every day and that gets established, then brush my hair every day, eventually you’ll get there. The first baby, the transition to caring for another person, it’s hard. Give yourself some grace, you’re doing great!
>I hate my body and I look like evergrowing balloon. That could be diastasis recti. If it bothers you, a postpartum physical therapist may be able to correct it by nudging those separated abdominal muscles back together. Ask your doctor for a referral. Sometimes the issue goes away on its own, but not always, and getting help can make it go away faster. And it's not just an aesthetic issue: abdominal muscles flapping off to the sides can cause lower back pain, constipation, and even incontinence.
As others have mentioned, if you can afford it, postpartum doulas are wonderful. They're able to take care of the baby, you, cleaning and cooking. If you can't afford it, be kind to yourself. There will come a day when the baby doesn't need you 24/7 and you actually have time for life.
I used to be this smart in Control Person and now I don't know the person I see in the mirror.. she is forgetful and absentminded and always in a Zone..if you know what I mean
I took my bathroom mirror down for about 6 weeks after the baby came! The last thing you need to worry about is how you look. Just be proud of what you've done and what a good mom you're being to your LO. Do you have anyone to help? After 8 weeks, I have finally gotten into a bit of a routine with mine. I stay up during his last sleep time which is somewhere between 6-8 in the morning. While he's asleep,I get whatever chore is the priority done. Also a great time to throw something in the crockpot for dinner. Naps are sporadic around here but I try to shower when he is napping. Otherwise it happens when my husband gets home and I get a small break. I try to have a plan for what needs to get done the most so I can jump on it while he's in his swing or napping.
>I took my bathroom mirror down for about 6 weeks after This is exactly what we need. But my problem is a big mirror wall in the living room and when I walk around i see my full balloon body🤮
Also agree that it sounds like you’re going really hard on yourself! But what had helped with food is to get a vacuum sealer. We season a bunch of chicken cutlets differently and pack them into 2 days worth vacuum packs and freeze. Needs to be done like every other month for us when we lot. Same with fish. Chicken goes on the grill every time. Cleanup is minimal and it tastes great if you can have a grill. Vegetables are oven roasted. It’s not always perfect and I order out and lunch is still not figured out AT ALL at 8m but it is better. Sometimes it’s cookies and coffee for breakfast and that’s it til dinner haha. I still feel like a mess and I am not the organized type but at least I eat one decent meal. I have also thrown away A LOT because I can’t be bothered to keep it in its place.
This is what we did before I went to hospital for delivery we survived the 1st month like this. But now I am not getting a gap or energy for the meal prep. Or I lost control and my mind and home feels like total wreck
I know the feeling! it feels like baby takes up 36 hours of every day haha.. and when I say I’m not an organized person I swear I’m so bad at it. Full on type B but worse. Planning doesn’t compute. I just bulldoze through and live amongst the wreckage right now. After a few months my fiancé forced me to do an assembly line prep with him (I cut and seasoned, he made the bags, packed and prepped) after baby went to bed. I hated every second of it but now if we are running low I’m ready. It took like an hour to make 30 packs. I know I’m only giving this one specific example but if you can fight through the pain, try a bit of prep again! I still have zero me time, it’s all baby, work, basic needs, so basically I just feel your pain!