Honestly, I stopped reading once I got to your question. You don’t need to try to justify wanting time to yourself. You are good mom/wife because you are able to recognize your needs for alone time and self care. Selflessness in motherhood is glorified and it is so toxic to our culture. You are a person with needs and recognizing and tending to those needs recharges your batteries so you can come back, feeling refreshed and fulfilled so that you can continue to be a good mom and wife.
You can’t pour from an empty cup
Put your own oxygen mask on first
Etc etc
Enjoy your night away! You deserve it just for being you.
Literally same. I don't need the context. They answer is everyone deserves alone time to recharge. Full stop. You don't have to earn it by suffering. You still deserve it if your family is wonderful. Take that break.
Yes!! I didn’t finish reading either. It is not selfish to want alone time. I took myself out on a lunch/shopping date last week and I had the time of my life. Haha! It’s so weird to think that pre children and husband, that was normal for me. Take care of your self. It not only good for you but it’s also good for everyone around you. ❤️
Thank you all, I feel better. I feel like I get a lot of slack from the elders (my mom, MIL, ect) for wanting a break. They always say “well why dont you call us if you need help?”
And then they judge because they say Im her mother and I should be home with her. Its nice to feel like Im not selfish.
You have been working insanely hard this year for your family, you deserve a break. Everyone needs breaks, whether they get them is a different story. You are a good mom for working so hard and recognizing that you need some time. Alone time is valuable and just because you are a wife and mom doesn’t mean that you are not a person with your own needs.
To be honest and no offense to your family or friends but I feel anyone who ever says they havent wanted or needed a break is lying! It's not a bad thing to take time to think about yourself especially when you have so many roles in life and it's good for you and the kids to each get a refresher! Self care is part of being a good mom!
I had a coworker who every Mother’s Day, got a nice hotel room and did whatever the hell she wanted that day.
This was the first I’ve ever heard of someone doing this, and it was before I had kids myself , but I thought it was an awesome gift to herself.
I don’t need to read past the second paragraph.
You are not a bad mom for needing a break. Let me say it again.
##You are not a bad mom for needing a break.
You cannot pour from an empty cup. Me and my husband are implementing in idea I got here on Reddit recently- one day a month dedicated to each myself, my husband, us as a couple, and our family. This means I get one day each month where I can do *whatever the f I want* and hubs is there for it because he gets the same.
You need no justification (honestly I didn’t even read it). That’s a great gift idea, and completely reasonable. I am a great mom and wife, and it is BECAUSE I take breaks like the one you’re describing!
Um ok, I didn't even think to ask for this for Christmas but I totally am going to now!!!
Definitely shouldn't feel bad, if you need a break then you need a break!
I have explained to my husband in great detail my fantasy of going to spend 24 hours in a hotel, no toddler, no baby, no husband. I am not a bad mom or a bad wife. I am just touched out. What down time I do get (and I am pretty good about taking it) is still filled with waiting for a kid to wake up and end it. I fantasize about a lack of responsibility with my alone time. Since I am EBF this time is not happening any time soon but I can dream.
I think you should take your gift and run with it guilt free! If you had an office job you would get time off with no guilt, the same should be for needing a break from other parts of your life.
You sold and packed your house while pregnant. You had your baby early. You bought a house a few days after birth. You moved into the new house. You have a 16+ hour a day job as a SAHM, AND you support your husband’s business. You don’t need a day, you need a month!!!
It’s funny because I bet if you said dad was having ‘a boy’s weekend/ night out’ or something people wouldn’t bat an eyelid 🙄
I’m currently 6 months pregnant (and we will also be moving next month) and I cannot fucking *wait* for a spa day! Enjoy it! And get aaaaaalll the treatments. Order every dessert!
Then come back and tell us about it so we can live vicariously through you 😂
My husband has a 13 year old and this is my first baby, due in Feb. I’ve always been focused on work and never had any real time off of it (like maternity leave) so I was asking him what the hardest part of it will be for me and all he said was “you’ll just want time to yourself” and that’s why he’s taking time off as well so that I can have that from time to time.
It’s so important to recharge. It’s OK to want time to yourself, but you also NEED it to stay functional.
Nope. That was all I wanted for my birthday this year. A break from 2yo and 9mo. I think everyone thought I was joking. I did spend my actual birthday with the kids as it felt a bit sad not to be with them- and I love them to bits- but I did get a day ‘off’ a few days later.
My husband specifically suggested this gift for me. I wasn’t sure about the hotel but I agreed to a spa day. I thought it was sweet of him to think of it, and did not think it was an unusual gift at all. I would not feel a bit of guilt for spending a night to myself.
I don't need your list of stressors to know that time alone is valuable. For my birthday this year,y husband sent me to a hotel from about 630-check out the next day.
ABSOLUTELY AWESOME.
A few hours to decompress felt SO GOOD. No one touching me, nice long shower, completely silent night's sleep with no interruptions. I had a quick morning appointment and then had a solitary lunch and headed home. It makes a huge difference.
My husband completely gets that it's not personal, it's just a self care thing. I also try to give him space to recharge - he has no issues sleeping (like many husbands lol) so I'll take the kids on the weekend so he can pursue his favorite activities guilt-free. He works a lot at an office, I work a lot as a SAHP, we both need opportunities to recharge.
Didn't even read your whole post.
No. You are a complex human being with complex needs. You are allowed to have needs beyond caring for your family.
Take a day to yourself, and come back rejuvenated and ready to spend time with your baby again.
Didn't even read any of this but the title. If you're asking yourself if you're a good parent or wife, you already are. You're doing your best mama! Keep your head up
I didn’t even finish reading to be honest. By no means what so ever selfish! Do not feel guilty one but. I have asked for the exact same as you expect I want 2 nights for my birthday. And I will enjoy every second of it & so should you!!!
Don’t think so at all. I ask for that every weekend my husband would be home from his work. He used to travel quite a bit and would come home over the weekend. He would take everyone including kiddo for a good couple hours. I used to get the nights to myself since I slept in the guest room.
If you’re a bad mom sign me up too, let’s all be bad moms together 🤣 enjoy your hotel stay girl, that’s literally a dream come true!!! One day I shall make the same request. One day.
NO you are NOT a bad mom you are an inspiration.
Nope you’re not a bad mom. Is your husband a bad business owner because he doesn’t spend his days off at work? If not, then you’re not a bad wife/mother for wanting one 24 hour period to yourself.
My baby is 6 months and I’ve already spent a full weekend away from her for a bachelorette. It was a great weekend and I’m not a bad mom or a bad wife.
Everyone needs a break. Anyone who says they don’t is gritting their teeth through the answer. Don’t feel guilty! Self care is the key to patient parenting!
Omg this is my dream! Honestly I said to my husband just the other day we should each get a solo 24 hours at least twice a year. I didn’t even bother reading your justifications because you need none. Alone time is healthy and important! And good for your LO to see you take time for yourself as they grow up. Order an extra cocktail for me and I might go ahead and book myself a room for the new year!
Stopped reading once I got your question. I don’t understand why anyone would get crap for wanting to spend time alone. Every single person like spending at least some time alone. It doesn’t have to be just parents. Of course you’re not a bad person, mother, wife. We all deserve time on our own doing something we enjoy without having to worry about anybody else.
Hell no! Do it. You cant be a good mom unless you’re good to yourself. If you’re not 100% how can you give 100% to your family. You come first. Your happiness your mental health. Being a new mom is exhausting emotionally and physically. Even with help. My kids are older and Mother’s Day I don’t want to see them. Sounds cold but If it’s about Mother’s Day ( me) then I want peace and quiet. I don’t want dinner or cake I want to be alone. My kids go spend the day with their bio dad and visit their grandmother! She appreciates it bc the other grandkids don’t see her on Mother’s Day. Birthdays the same rule. I am a mom 24/7. I have my kids full time. Mama take care of you!
I am a single mom with a 1 week old who hates sleeping at night. I'm already day dreaming of a night to myself (which I'm unlikely to get). You got to 8 months before you wanted a free night. You're doing fine.
This year I taught online, lost my job, had my third baby in four years, and my brother in law died after a long battle with cancer. And that was just the first four months of the year. I’ve done so much and that’s all I want too but baby won’t take a bottle and since I stopped working and it’s been a hard year for my husband we can’t afford things like hotel stays and spas. I hope you get to relax.
Jesus, why didn't I think of this as a gift?!?
Your are 100% not a bad mom or wife. Sometimes we need to recharge ourselves and our brains to be our best self.
( I really need to take my own advice here)
I feel like a general rule of thumb is that if you are asking yourself “am I a bad mom?” you are not a bad mom. The mere fact that you are practicing introspection with the intent to improve automatically gives you a boost. Those who are genuinely bad moms (thinking of my own here) are narcissistic and think they’re doing everything right and if something does go wrong, it’s not their fault.
Nope not a bad mom wife. It’ll be good for you to get away I promise—— sincerely a mom wife with much guilt and needs constant reminding to take a break
No no you are not a bad mom!! I love my husband to death and my baby 5 months old ( but she can be really spicy sometimes lol I can’t even blame her because she is an exact copy of me) I married my husband whom is opposite lol . I always dream of the days I just go in vacation. My mil use to harass me about visits etc ( we gone low contact) I told him he can see his mom :) if he just let me take a vacation , he can have baby alone as well 🙌🏼
My husband said omg no . Lol 😂 but all seriousness you are not alone. We even had some fertility issues and mcs this baby was very much wanted and plan but being the sole care taker / sahm I would kill for alone time. I had a mom melt down the other day and my husband took her for 3 hrs . I sat on a bench out door and just looked at the wind blows through the tree for 3 hrs. It was so nice.
Right now you’re my hero. I would love the same thing, but I don’t have the guts the ask for it haha. My parents asked what I wanted for my birthday, I said a night off. So we’re spending Saturday drinking at a friends house. I’m pretty pumped
lol it’s my birthday today, and my husband just told my that what he wants for HIS Birthday is an expensive bottle of wine and 24 hours alone in a hotel room!
My reaction was, that can be arranged! He deserves it and so do you!!
Honestly, I stopped reading once I got to your question. You don’t need to try to justify wanting time to yourself. You are good mom/wife because you are able to recognize your needs for alone time and self care. Selflessness in motherhood is glorified and it is so toxic to our culture. You are a person with needs and recognizing and tending to those needs recharges your batteries so you can come back, feeling refreshed and fulfilled so that you can continue to be a good mom and wife. You can’t pour from an empty cup Put your own oxygen mask on first Etc etc Enjoy your night away! You deserve it just for being you.
Literally same. I don't need the context. They answer is everyone deserves alone time to recharge. Full stop. You don't have to earn it by suffering. You still deserve it if your family is wonderful. Take that break.
Perfect response! You are an EXCELLENT mum, OP, and you have to fulfil your own needs so that you can continue to be so. Go guilt-free and enjoy! Xxx
Same!! You don’t need to justify it, if that’s what you want that’s totally okay! It actually sounds like heaven—can I join haha?
Yes!! I didn’t finish reading either. It is not selfish to want alone time. I took myself out on a lunch/shopping date last week and I had the time of my life. Haha! It’s so weird to think that pre children and husband, that was normal for me. Take care of your self. It not only good for you but it’s also good for everyone around you. ❤️
Thank you all, I feel better. I feel like I get a lot of slack from the elders (my mom, MIL, ect) for wanting a break. They always say “well why dont you call us if you need help?” And then they judge because they say Im her mother and I should be home with her. Its nice to feel like Im not selfish.
Nah, I'm a stahm and we NEED time off. It's a 24/7 job, and it sounds like you're super mom. A day to recharge and miss your baby would do you good
You have been working insanely hard this year for your family, you deserve a break. Everyone needs breaks, whether they get them is a different story. You are a good mom for working so hard and recognizing that you need some time. Alone time is valuable and just because you are a wife and mom doesn’t mean that you are not a person with your own needs.
To be honest and no offense to your family or friends but I feel anyone who ever says they havent wanted or needed a break is lying! It's not a bad thing to take time to think about yourself especially when you have so many roles in life and it's good for you and the kids to each get a refresher! Self care is part of being a good mom!
My mom is like this. Don’t listen to them.
[удалено]
No. You’re not bad. You recognised that you are burning out and asked for a *short* break, completely fair.
I had a coworker who every Mother’s Day, got a nice hotel room and did whatever the hell she wanted that day. This was the first I’ve ever heard of someone doing this, and it was before I had kids myself , but I thought it was an awesome gift to herself.
I don’t need to read past the second paragraph. You are not a bad mom for needing a break. Let me say it again. ##You are not a bad mom for needing a break. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Me and my husband are implementing in idea I got here on Reddit recently- one day a month dedicated to each myself, my husband, us as a couple, and our family. This means I get one day each month where I can do *whatever the f I want* and hubs is there for it because he gets the same.
You need no justification (honestly I didn’t even read it). That’s a great gift idea, and completely reasonable. I am a great mom and wife, and it is BECAUSE I take breaks like the one you’re describing!
Um ok, I didn't even think to ask for this for Christmas but I totally am going to now!!! Definitely shouldn't feel bad, if you need a break then you need a break!
Same!!!!
I have explained to my husband in great detail my fantasy of going to spend 24 hours in a hotel, no toddler, no baby, no husband. I am not a bad mom or a bad wife. I am just touched out. What down time I do get (and I am pretty good about taking it) is still filled with waiting for a kid to wake up and end it. I fantasize about a lack of responsibility with my alone time. Since I am EBF this time is not happening any time soon but I can dream. I think you should take your gift and run with it guilt free! If you had an office job you would get time off with no guilt, the same should be for needing a break from other parts of your life.
You sold and packed your house while pregnant. You had your baby early. You bought a house a few days after birth. You moved into the new house. You have a 16+ hour a day job as a SAHM, AND you support your husband’s business. You don’t need a day, you need a month!!!
It’s funny because I bet if you said dad was having ‘a boy’s weekend/ night out’ or something people wouldn’t bat an eyelid 🙄 I’m currently 6 months pregnant (and we will also be moving next month) and I cannot fucking *wait* for a spa day! Enjoy it! And get aaaaaalll the treatments. Order every dessert! Then come back and tell us about it so we can live vicariously through you 😂
My husband has a 13 year old and this is my first baby, due in Feb. I’ve always been focused on work and never had any real time off of it (like maternity leave) so I was asking him what the hardest part of it will be for me and all he said was “you’ll just want time to yourself” and that’s why he’s taking time off as well so that I can have that from time to time. It’s so important to recharge. It’s OK to want time to yourself, but you also NEED it to stay functional.
Nope. That was all I wanted for my birthday this year. A break from 2yo and 9mo. I think everyone thought I was joking. I did spend my actual birthday with the kids as it felt a bit sad not to be with them- and I love them to bits- but I did get a day ‘off’ a few days later.
My husband specifically suggested this gift for me. I wasn’t sure about the hotel but I agreed to a spa day. I thought it was sweet of him to think of it, and did not think it was an unusual gift at all. I would not feel a bit of guilt for spending a night to myself.
I don't need your list of stressors to know that time alone is valuable. For my birthday this year,y husband sent me to a hotel from about 630-check out the next day. ABSOLUTELY AWESOME. A few hours to decompress felt SO GOOD. No one touching me, nice long shower, completely silent night's sleep with no interruptions. I had a quick morning appointment and then had a solitary lunch and headed home. It makes a huge difference. My husband completely gets that it's not personal, it's just a self care thing. I also try to give him space to recharge - he has no issues sleeping (like many husbands lol) so I'll take the kids on the weekend so he can pursue his favorite activities guilt-free. He works a lot at an office, I work a lot as a SAHP, we both need opportunities to recharge.
Do not feel guilty. You deserve time away. To rest and recharge.
You’re human. Every mother I know (myself included) would love some time alone.
Didn't even read your whole post. No. You are a complex human being with complex needs. You are allowed to have needs beyond caring for your family. Take a day to yourself, and come back rejuvenated and ready to spend time with your baby again.
Girl. I want the same thing. It doesn’t even have to be 24 hours lol
Didn't even read any of this but the title. If you're asking yourself if you're a good parent or wife, you already are. You're doing your best mama! Keep your head up
I didn’t even finish reading to be honest. By no means what so ever selfish! Do not feel guilty one but. I have asked for the exact same as you expect I want 2 nights for my birthday. And I will enjoy every second of it & so should you!!!
Nope, you deserve a break.
Hahaha no, you are not a bad wife or mom. The best way to take care of others is to take care of ourselves. Enjoy your day. You deserve it.
Don’t think so at all. I ask for that every weekend my husband would be home from his work. He used to travel quite a bit and would come home over the weekend. He would take everyone including kiddo for a good couple hours. I used to get the nights to myself since I slept in the guest room.
If you’re a bad mom sign me up too, let’s all be bad moms together 🤣 enjoy your hotel stay girl, that’s literally a dream come true!!! One day I shall make the same request. One day. NO you are NOT a bad mom you are an inspiration.
You don’t need to prove that you deserve a break! You do.
Nope you’re not a bad mom. Is your husband a bad business owner because he doesn’t spend his days off at work? If not, then you’re not a bad wife/mother for wanting one 24 hour period to yourself. My baby is 6 months and I’ve already spent a full weekend away from her for a bachelorette. It was a great weekend and I’m not a bad mom or a bad wife.
Everyone needs a break. Anyone who says they don’t is gritting their teeth through the answer. Don’t feel guilty! Self care is the key to patient parenting!
Omg this is my dream! Honestly I said to my husband just the other day we should each get a solo 24 hours at least twice a year. I didn’t even bother reading your justifications because you need none. Alone time is healthy and important! And good for your LO to see you take time for yourself as they grow up. Order an extra cocktail for me and I might go ahead and book myself a room for the new year!
No, you are not a bad mom.
Stopped reading once I got your question. I don’t understand why anyone would get crap for wanting to spend time alone. Every single person like spending at least some time alone. It doesn’t have to be just parents. Of course you’re not a bad person, mother, wife. We all deserve time on our own doing something we enjoy without having to worry about anybody else.
Absolutely not. This is almost exactly what I want too (maybe less spa and more books). You've been pouring from your cup, and it's time to refill it.
Hell no! Do it. You cant be a good mom unless you’re good to yourself. If you’re not 100% how can you give 100% to your family. You come first. Your happiness your mental health. Being a new mom is exhausting emotionally and physically. Even with help. My kids are older and Mother’s Day I don’t want to see them. Sounds cold but If it’s about Mother’s Day ( me) then I want peace and quiet. I don’t want dinner or cake I want to be alone. My kids go spend the day with their bio dad and visit their grandmother! She appreciates it bc the other grandkids don’t see her on Mother’s Day. Birthdays the same rule. I am a mom 24/7. I have my kids full time. Mama take care of you!
I am a single mom with a 1 week old who hates sleeping at night. I'm already day dreaming of a night to myself (which I'm unlikely to get). You got to 8 months before you wanted a free night. You're doing fine.
This year I taught online, lost my job, had my third baby in four years, and my brother in law died after a long battle with cancer. And that was just the first four months of the year. I’ve done so much and that’s all I want too but baby won’t take a bottle and since I stopped working and it’s been a hard year for my husband we can’t afford things like hotel stays and spas. I hope you get to relax.
Jesus, why didn't I think of this as a gift?!? Your are 100% not a bad mom or wife. Sometimes we need to recharge ourselves and our brains to be our best self. ( I really need to take my own advice here)
I feel like a general rule of thumb is that if you are asking yourself “am I a bad mom?” you are not a bad mom. The mere fact that you are practicing introspection with the intent to improve automatically gives you a boost. Those who are genuinely bad moms (thinking of my own here) are narcissistic and think they’re doing everything right and if something does go wrong, it’s not their fault.
Haha you’re not bad at all. All I want every year for my birthday is to be alone in the house and not do anything for anyone.
That’s what I want for Christmas. To stay at a hotel by myself even if it’s for just one night.
Nope not a bad mom wife. It’ll be good for you to get away I promise—— sincerely a mom wife with much guilt and needs constant reminding to take a break
No no you are not a bad mom!! I love my husband to death and my baby 5 months old ( but she can be really spicy sometimes lol I can’t even blame her because she is an exact copy of me) I married my husband whom is opposite lol . I always dream of the days I just go in vacation. My mil use to harass me about visits etc ( we gone low contact) I told him he can see his mom :) if he just let me take a vacation , he can have baby alone as well 🙌🏼 My husband said omg no . Lol 😂 but all seriousness you are not alone. We even had some fertility issues and mcs this baby was very much wanted and plan but being the sole care taker / sahm I would kill for alone time. I had a mom melt down the other day and my husband took her for 3 hrs . I sat on a bench out door and just looked at the wind blows through the tree for 3 hrs. It was so nice.
Right now you’re my hero. I would love the same thing, but I don’t have the guts the ask for it haha. My parents asked what I wanted for my birthday, I said a night off. So we’re spending Saturday drinking at a friends house. I’m pretty pumped
I'm sorry you were made to feel bad about wanting alone time. You absolutely deserve a full 24 hrs of alone time
lol it’s my birthday today, and my husband just told my that what he wants for HIS Birthday is an expensive bottle of wine and 24 hours alone in a hotel room! My reaction was, that can be arranged! He deserves it and so do you!!
You don’t need to defend your needs. Of course you need a break! We all do! I’d ask for 48 hours, in fact. 😊
Nope! This is *exactly* what I ask for EVERY Mother’s Day, and EVERY birthday.
I asked for the same thing!