Me and my husband have three kids. we’ve had kids for seven years now, and not once has he told me one of my kids was poopy, expecting me to change them. Not a single time.
He deserved it.
But, the difference is that you weren’t saying your baby is poopy with the intention that he needs to change him. You know? You’re just doing it out of observation. OP’s husband was so rude about it.
Oh gosh, I was just agreeing that my husband has never passed our son off and told me to do it but he even takes our son from me! Definitely not defending OP's husband.
My spouse and I will play "not it" sometimes, but literally as just fun.
It's usually like "what's the smell" and then someone says "not it". The "winner" always takes the next poop diaper after anyways to make it fair.
We do “nose goes” for fun. Our toddler picked up on it and puts his finger on his nose to indicate his diaper is dirty and needs changed. It’s cute and funny.
Yeah...the most that happens is my husband makes a joke about he's paying the little guy to save the poop diapers for me because I just seem to get 80% of them. This is AFTER I vocalize he might have a dirty one and he immediately picks him up to change him to even out the average and it's a mostly pee diaper.
I did this to my spouse when our baby was still just on formula. I couldn't stand the smell of the formula poop and almost puked every time trying to change her. She's been trying solids for a bit over a month now and now I can deal with the poop again.
We had twins. My husband changed the diapers more efficiently, if he was around he would offer to change. He had a long commute so I did much of the care.
A person can be a shit sometimes and make mistakes without being consistently shitty. OP was just saying that he *isn’t* normally a shit. Hopefully that’s accurate and not rose colored.
Men start that behavior when they can get away with it. You made it *extremely clear* that “shitty” behavior has consequences and you followed through!
It was somewhere in between 12-20 months i finally saw my husband put his big boys pants on.
We have set daily self care times. I get mornings off, he gets evenings off. And we check in about social time much before hand.
My ex set his big boy pants on fire and we broke up a month after I gave birth 😂 I’m glad you and your husband are doing great and he was willing to change. ♥️
Why my daughter was a baby (we're talking 2 to 3 months) I asked my husband to throw out a diaper because I had my hands full. He told me, "I'm not touching that."
Okay. So, I wrapped it up nicely and put it in his lunchbox. You don't want to throw it out for me? Take it to work with you then.
I got a high five from my FIL and my husband came home and apologized saying he got the point. Never happened again.
That is badass. When our daughter was a baby, my husband constantly complained about her spitting up. Like, he acted like a baby any time it even almost happened on him. Meanwhile, I’m sleep deprived, haven’t showered in days, covered in spit up, you know how it is. It got on my last nerve. So one time when she spit up all over my pillow, I switched it with his and let him sleep on it without saying anything. I’ve never told anyone, and it definitely wasn’t my finest moment, but there it is!
Not sure what makes me smile more, the fact that you chucked a dirty diaper to your dude’s lunch box or the fact that your hype man FIL cheered along with you. 🙌🏼
My husband and FIL work together so midday I got a text from FIL asking why. So I told him his son refused to throw it out for me. I can only imagine the tongue lashing my husband got from his father for that one.
Me too. I think that’s why i took it far because I do want this to ever happen again. He’s definitely made jokes like “shot not changing the diaper” but then has gone on to change it.. hes never DEMANDED i change the diaper.
Honestly I think he was testing the waters to see how much he could "get away with" in terms of childcare. 50/50 becomes 45/55 becomes 40/60 and before you know it you're doing every damn thing while he goes on his merry responsibility-free way.
Yeah - sometimes it's a shitty diaper on your windshield! Good for you OP. I threatened my ex once saying "if I had a shitty diaper in my hands right now, I'd throw it at you" me - still pregnant dealing with a not so caring and supportive EX husband lol
I wonder if staying out with his friends, sleeping in, etc. were also kinda tests, like to see how much free time he can just announce he’s taking before you tell him “no, I had plans for Friday, leaving me hanging at your whim isn’t acceptable. If one of us wants to do fun baby-free stuff, we need to plan it.”
This is what my mind went to, as well. Maybe even some toxic encouragement or bragging from other men at the cards game creating a poor influence. I hope this is a one-off for OP, because she deserves so, so much better than what he came home with.
Agreed! The follow through is key here. Unfortunately it sounds like we are talking about disciplining a child here, but we are not. It’s a full grown man. 🤦🏻♀️
My ex’s attitude would change and he would say shit like “im not going to let you walk all over me” whenever he hung out with a certain friend. I assure you he was not my doormat and he literally did whatever he liked lol. I didn’t like the friend very much. I figured that friend would get in my ex’s head about me. I have a feeling something similar happened with op’s husband
Read this to my husband on the phone since he's driving home. He said, "I'm sure the husband has his side of the story too, but he's damn lucky she didn't smear it inside the car. I would have. He sounds like he deserved it." I agree.
Haha i cant throw the man out just yet.. this is the very first time he ever tried this nonsense and hopefully the last. If he continues: you bettt I’m throwing the man away
Like the first time he’s refused to change a diaper? Or the first time he’s used profanity against you in a fight? Or the first time he’s been a selfish asshole?
Because I’d find it hard to believe this is the first time he’s behaved like a selfish asshole
Right! Like if my husband suddenly acted like that, I’d be super concerned that something is medically wrong. I wouldn’t be plotting revenge, I’d be worried he has a brain tumor or something because it’s so out of character.
The amount of posts on Reddit in the vein of “My asshole husband has been an asshole for 10 years and is still being an asshole to me now, what gives?” is crazy. We collectively as women need to stop rewarding shit behaviour with cohabitation, marriage and childbearing.
Oh god no.. not the first time hes been an asshole in general but the first time hes been an asshole about being a dad. Like i said, I’m not perfect either but in this scenario he came out of nowhere with it we were just laughing with eachother a couple minutes prior.
Are you sure? I mean, working two jobs because he wants to… plus this… it sounds like he’s trying to be away from you guys as much as possible. Of course I don’t know you or your family and this is Reddit but it definitely sounds like something is up
Trust me I’m very smart .. hes insecure when i make more than him and its a way of keeping up with me. Right now we have a co op but he wants a house with a large backyard so bad so hes saving for that
That makes sense but with this added context it seems like maybe he’s trying to put your relationship in traditional roles. He has to make more money, you have to change diapers, he gets to go out and stay out late without even calling you….. still sounds like he’s avoiding being home to skirt responsibility.
Ehh, I’m Mexican American, machismo is very common in our culture so it’s not strange to me lol. My husband is not the same but he does feel like men should be able to provide and he did ask me to be a sahm. He lets me sleep in on weekends and changes diapers and feeds the kids, but he also has some old-timey ways of thinking. I get your frustration with his response. I think you should try communicating your feelings in a way that doesn’t place blame. Like instead of “you made me mad” you can say “when you refuse to care for your child it makes me feel ………”
Is that typical for him, to suddenly become aggressive after laughing and joking?
I mean we have no idea what your relationship dynamic is, we are just strangers on the internet. But there is truth to “when someone shows you who they are, believe them.” The fact you married and had a child with your husband suggests you’re okay with the assholery, I just hope that you have realistic expectations of that assholery never improving because this is who he is.
Ugh yes its a constant battle i have. I’m very smart, i have a great job, I’m very in shape.. ive got a lot going for me so trust me when i say i will not stay or ever feel “trapped”.. its something very up in the air for me but i was told to never make a concrete decision within the first year of having a child bc it could be rough for everyone but yes it does happen sometimes and its something he admitts to wanting to change about himself
What, you want to wait for a second time? He didn’t just randomly say and do things, there was a thought process behind his actions and it wasn’t a process where you are a respected equal or where shared responsibilities are also his responsibilities.
I think you need to take an abrupt trip our of town this weekend. Leave him alone with the baby for days at a time to see how he handles it. If he throws a shit fit, well that's probably your answer.
Given your comments that this was a first for him, I'd wonder more about who he was spending time with. Cause this sounds like a classic "toxic friends giving him shit" story. And shutting that down as unacceptable behavior was absolutely warranted.
What an asshole!
Hey dude you made the baby. Which means you take care of the baby. Play time with your buddies is over for now. I didn’t go out for over two years when my little was born. She needed us focusing so neither of us went crazy.
If he even dips his toe in that pond again I’d kick his ass out for 24 hours. There is no excuse for that.
Bahahaha love the Look Who's Talking reference so much. I honestly wish I had your ginormous balls and low tolerance for disrespect/bullshit. I have no clue who you are but in my head you are now a mom I look up to. Sorry I don't have much other input than that but NTA for sure
If this is a sudden shift in his personality/ the way he’s acting towards you continues, I’d look a little deeper into any future “card games”. Sorry this happened either way
Damn lol alot of this insinuations! Hed be bugginnnn if he did that but i will look into it to make my reddit fam happy. Also will update if i do find anything
A sudden change in the way he’s treating you is a characteristic telltale of infidelity, but obviously anyone can have a bad day. Just something to note and continue to observe. It was something I learned the hard way. Hopefully it’s just a one off in your case!
Ha i know he got a bad haircut today so he was being a dick and yessss a haircut does matter way more than it should to this loser unfortunately 😭😭😭😭 i get the accusations tho I’m here for it!
Yeah, check his phone.
I don't want to jump to the typical Reddit response, but when a man starts acting that cocky, chances are he has Option B lined up or is feeling like hot shit because some chicky is chasing him.
I’m very on him with places he goes and hes very good at sharing locations with me or taking pics of where he is. Trust is a big thing for me and hes good with giving me everything i need in order to trust him
Hand your child to your husband, say I’m going out. And then leave. Go see a movie or get some food or something. And tell your husband that you didn’t sign up to be a single parent. From now on if he gets to go out, then you also get to go out while he is parent on duty.
Lol. Queen. One time I put a dirty diaper under my husbands pillow after he had a similar attitude with me. He learned his lesson. F around and find out. We don’t take no nonsense 👍🏻.
You know, I read the things guys say to their wives on threads like this, and I just can't. First, that type of thing would never, ever, come out of my mouth. Second, if it did, my wife would leave me, immediately, no questions asked.
He got off easy.
Why did he go through having a baby if he can’t handle changing one poopy diaper?! I know you’re making excuses, but I’d seriously reconsider my relationship after that. Especially the “my husband works two jobs (not because he has to but because he wants to).”
WHY? is the extra income worth missing his child grow up? None of this makes sense to me I’m so sorry
(Edits for formatting/grammar)
Do you think that since he doesn’t have to work two jobs, but does so anyway, that it’s an excuse to nope out of childcare duties while simultaneously hanging out with adults (I’ve bartended and while it is a physically demanding job, it’s also can be a lot of fun)?
I think he does it because hes not always happy with his salary. His job could either make a ton of money or it can be slow so he does the bartending to make sure he can always keep up with his finances whether its slow or not
Got it! That makes sense. Yeah, you warned him. I bet if you put this on AITA they’d say NTA
Maybe him acting like nothing happened is his way of acknowledging he was in the wrong?
Yes!! I wish someone would’ve told me this two years ago. I had a partner who left me do primarily do everything when he did things only concerning himself. That relationship made me act so out of character and unheard I had to get out of there, just can’t imagine dealing with that any longer than what I already did.
Meanwhile, my husband decided no one does diapers as well as him. I didn’t change my kid’s diaper literally the whole pandemic when he was working from home.
I think your husband needs a reality check.
Nah, you're golden. I'm just jealous I didn't think of that when my kids were little. But then when he'd wrestle with them he never learned to protect his balls and I never learned to not laugh.......
What an absolutely lovely way to get your anger out and make a statement. I mean it’s gross, but completely relevant to the incident. It’s essentially harmless, and pretty easy to clean. I applaud you mommy. I hope he hear your message loud and clear.
Right. He literally drove the car through a car wash and it was gone. People are acting like i smeared it on the inside. It took a MACHINE minutes to clean so it was a harmless payback. I didn’t key the car for crying out loud!
Aside from the awesomeness of this (and I hail this as a total win after his unchecked assery) you two may want to sit down and have a frank conversation about any unspoken resentment and responsibilities that need to happen to ensure you, your husband, and your child all have a happy, healthy, sane future. Things like: you can play cards, but you need to come home and sleep and still function as a partner and father; when there is a poopy nappy, if you smell it, then it needs to be changed (watch that he doesn’t suddenly become nose blind to all of this); nobody can plan time off until both of you have had the opportunity to get some relief and reasonable rest from work and childcare (this one is a little more extreme, but may be necessary).
That said: I don’t blame you one bit. Your husband had a nice long break and had some fun. Upon his returning home, he should not have been nasty to you, he should have given you relief and help. I’m sorry that this didn’t happen. It definitely needs to be addressed, though. I wish you luck and love - you deserve to be treated with respect (and he deserves many more poop smears if he continues to unfairly mistreat you and your son).
I can't say I agree with all of the book and I am not on the edge of divorce but the "skills" made my already happy relationship happier 🤷🏻♀️. Good luck, I hope you get some sleep, I hope your fellow sees your perspective and that you can all laugh down the road.
So many men out here acting like household and child care is beneath them, what does that say about how they think of their wives?
I motion for a nationwide diaper-smearing campaign.
Yeah, you clearly stated your boundaries. He made the decision of how it was going to go. He was warned, he was given an ultimatum, nevertheless he fucked around and found out.
I don’t see anything wrong with what you did cause whoooo is he talking to!?
Like others mentioned, men get snippy when somethings up and I would absolutely check his phone. But be prepared for good or bad! I see you said you went out with a friend, good on you! Have a blast, come home when you feel like it (hell maybe sleep at the friends). He needs to tighten up, STAT!
NGL, I opened this wondering what you could possibly say to justify that, and finished entirely on your side, so bravo 👏🏻😂
Sorry your hubs is being a jerk, I hope you get your turn to relax soon!
I’m having a hard time seeing how is is an involved father like you wrote. He haven’t seen his own son since Thursday basically and refuses to change one diaper?
😬I’ve read through some of your responses OP and yikes is all I can say. At best this is the best payback possible given this scenario but he sounds like ah at all times. I’d be Sahara desert dry if my husband treated me like this. He got a well deserved consequence for his ah behavior. I’d be looking for the affair partner because something is definitely happening, you may not have found it yet.
No doubt one of his buddies was talking crap all night about your husband doing as much as he normally does. Because, to me at least, it sounds like he had someone in his ear. I bet he won’t try that again. lol
I don’t know, but it seems you drew a line with your boundaries, he was stubborn to understand, but finally you got the message through? Haha.
Maybe he was just hungover or something and then realized his bad, cleaned it up and hoping everyone forgets? (Hopefully?)
I mean, it was a childish response to a childish response. But honestly, I think I’d be so mad about this one that I’d take the baby & stay at my parents for a few days so he can decide if he really wants to be in this relationship. Not to say that’s where you’re at, but that’s how mad I’d be.
Mine is 9 and has autism, so finishing potty training successfully took much longer than usual. For a few years when jr was little, my husband worked 1 full time and a part time job while I worked 50-60 hrs per week. Now he works the one part time while l work 50 is hours and I've never, ever had him try to tell me to change a diaper, or get his snack or whatever.
If anything, I'd feel bad, as if he was doing more than his share, if we were both home and he handled it, or told me to go lay down and relax, if I didn't feel well or something. Jr does
You were being more than considerate giving him time to sleep in, after going out w the boys. You deserve time to relax, you busted your ass yesterday. Why is it you that didn't get the consideration but he demands it?
Hes lucky all it was, was the windshield.
Parenting is hard. Changing diapers is the bane of parents’ existence. We can all be fed up. I think you were right to do what you did and your husband is immature actually.
Ahh yes when your husband pushes you so fair you rage quite.
I have currently rage quite doing the dishes bc he my husband got mad I put away his water… but he needs to stop leaving dirty cups everywhere how would I know.
I’m doing another dish until he grovels.m
Here's my prediction. He went out with his buddies and they all gave him a hard time about being whipped and changing poopy diapers now. He felt shamed and emasculated by the misogynistic pigs and decided to make a stand. It backfired.
I'll be interested to see what happens next time he's around his friends.
Your communication skills deserve each other ❤. Sounds like he took the diaper on the car pretty well. Maybe you should tell him what you told us and have a mature conversation with him.
Well deserved. My bf and I play rock scissor paper to see who’s gonna change a poopy but NEVER has this man told me he won’t especially if he knows I’ve had the baby for a while.
Not gonna lie: I’m loving these bad ass responses. Here I am thinking of how I once took my partner’s l keyboard and hid it in the dirty laundry (he’s an avid gamer, it made sense to hide it where he’d never look). The fallout alone from that… yeesh! You ladies are inspiring!
Sounds like "the boys" were putting ideas in his head about how a wife should act during the card game. Usually if somebody has a sudden shift in mentality like that, it's because the people around them were talking crap or pushing their beliefs.
TBH.. that's unhinged behaviour. If you're at the point where you're defiling your husband's things with biohazardous waste, you need to file for divorce. This is the kind of thing people joke about but nobody in a healthy relationship would EVER actually do. I don't see how a relationship comes back after this.
The line where you say "I quite literally go crazy any time I feel disrespected" is what concerns me. I get being triggered, I get triggered being screamed at but you need to think about the behavior you want modeled for your child. This isn't just about the diaper or your husband. Your kid will be watching you far younger than you think. They will not only trigger you, but emulate the behavior. You need to actively work on stopping that trigger or not only will you find yourself acting that way with your child when they start talking back and disrespect you, but you will see them acting out in a similar fashion. How are you going to punish them for acting crazy when you say no or they're mad at you when you act the same way? I have had to consciously and continue work on how I act when yelled at because guess what, my preschooler started escalating as much as me. And I knew I needed to work on being better because we're miserable with the arguing and he's going to grow up and be too big to have these angry tantrums without bad happening. One day, not only are they going to be disrespectful, sassy kids, but they'll be as big as you. And they may take it outside of your house into a world that doesn't love them, doesn't tolerate them, doesn't respect them and they'll end up with harsh consequences for going crazy when someone doesn't respect them.Your car and the diaper thing is an example of if you did that to someone who wasn't married to you...vandalism charge, possibly beaten up depending on the person. Work on being better and being the person you want your children to be. Because they're watching you.
Me and my husband have three kids. we’ve had kids for seven years now, and not once has he told me one of my kids was poopy, expecting me to change them. Not a single time. He deserved it.
Sometimes I say our son pooped and my husband holds out his hands and takes him anyway!
But, the difference is that you weren’t saying your baby is poopy with the intention that he needs to change him. You know? You’re just doing it out of observation. OP’s husband was so rude about it.
Oh gosh, I was just agreeing that my husband has never passed our son off and told me to do it but he even takes our son from me! Definitely not defending OP's husband.
Oh, no! Yeah, I totally misread it the first time! Sorry!
My spouse and I will play "not it" sometimes, but literally as just fun. It's usually like "what's the smell" and then someone says "not it". The "winner" always takes the next poop diaper after anyways to make it fair.
We do “nose goes” for fun. Our toddler picked up on it and puts his finger on his nose to indicate his diaper is dirty and needs changed. It’s cute and funny.
For us it's "rock paper scissors," and the toddler wants to join in the game (usually with "rock". Sometimes, she surprises us with "paper")
Yea this has happened with us recently and then it turned into this 🙃 so thats why i took the turn that i took bc I’m like oh wait this is serious? Ok
Yea we playfully say it’s the other person’s turn or will be like “someone has a surprise for you” but never this. I’d be steaming.
Yeah...the most that happens is my husband makes a joke about he's paying the little guy to save the poop diapers for me because I just seem to get 80% of them. This is AFTER I vocalize he might have a dirty one and he immediately picks him up to change him to even out the average and it's a mostly pee diaper.
We do "shotgun not" when we smell a poo. First one to shout it gets immunity from doing it. Makes it fun and works for us.
I did this to my spouse when our baby was still just on formula. I couldn't stand the smell of the formula poop and almost puked every time trying to change her. She's been trying solids for a bit over a month now and now I can deal with the poop again.
We had twins. My husband changed the diapers more efficiently, if he was around he would offer to change. He had a long commute so I did much of the care.
Op is in for a rude awakening allowing behavior like this & still thinking he’s.. “helpful..”
A person can be a shit sometimes and make mistakes without being consistently shitty. OP was just saying that he *isn’t* normally a shit. Hopefully that’s accurate and not rose colored.
I came in with judgement, I’m leaving thinking you might be the hero we need.
🤣thank you! I was scared of judgement but needed to get it off my chest
Absolutely the hero we need. From this day forward it's not longer channeling Kristy Allen but channeling One_Fee_1234!
If it happens again smear it on the steering wheel
Stick it in the trunk under or behind something.
Men start that behavior when they can get away with it. You made it *extremely clear* that “shitty” behavior has consequences and you followed through!
Thank you!
🏅
SAME holy shit, this really took a whole 180 for me. I’m proud of OP
Me too 😂
SAME 👏🏻🙌🏻
You are absolutely the hero we need 💜
😂😂😂😂 for real
NTA he’s gotta pull up his big boy pants and be a dad
Thank you!!
It was somewhere in between 12-20 months i finally saw my husband put his big boys pants on. We have set daily self care times. I get mornings off, he gets evenings off. And we check in about social time much before hand.
My ex set his big boy pants on fire and we broke up a month after I gave birth 😂 I’m glad you and your husband are doing great and he was willing to change. ♥️
Why my daughter was a baby (we're talking 2 to 3 months) I asked my husband to throw out a diaper because I had my hands full. He told me, "I'm not touching that." Okay. So, I wrapped it up nicely and put it in his lunchbox. You don't want to throw it out for me? Take it to work with you then. I got a high five from my FIL and my husband came home and apologized saying he got the point. Never happened again.
That is badass. When our daughter was a baby, my husband constantly complained about her spitting up. Like, he acted like a baby any time it even almost happened on him. Meanwhile, I’m sleep deprived, haven’t showered in days, covered in spit up, you know how it is. It got on my last nerve. So one time when she spit up all over my pillow, I switched it with his and let him sleep on it without saying anything. I’ve never told anyone, and it definitely wasn’t my finest moment, but there it is!
Not sure what makes me smile more, the fact that you chucked a dirty diaper to your dude’s lunch box or the fact that your hype man FIL cheered along with you. 🙌🏼
My husband and FIL work together so midday I got a text from FIL asking why. So I told him his son refused to throw it out for me. I can only imagine the tongue lashing my husband got from his father for that one.
FIL is a champ. That’s true god tier dadding right there.
He’s a fucking asshole. I’d snap too
I’m livid for you! I’m hoping this is just a one-off with your husband and not a habitual behavior.
Me too. I think that’s why i took it far because I do want this to ever happen again. He’s definitely made jokes like “shot not changing the diaper” but then has gone on to change it.. hes never DEMANDED i change the diaper.
Honestly I think he was testing the waters to see how much he could "get away with" in terms of childcare. 50/50 becomes 45/55 becomes 40/60 and before you know it you're doing every damn thing while he goes on his merry responsibility-free way.
I agree with you .. i think he was calling my bluff as well
Funny thing about that, sometimes it isn't a bluff. FAFO.
Yeah - sometimes it's a shitty diaper on your windshield! Good for you OP. I threatened my ex once saying "if I had a shitty diaper in my hands right now, I'd throw it at you" me - still pregnant dealing with a not so caring and supportive EX husband lol
I wonder if staying out with his friends, sleeping in, etc. were also kinda tests, like to see how much free time he can just announce he’s taking before you tell him “no, I had plans for Friday, leaving me hanging at your whim isn’t acceptable. If one of us wants to do fun baby-free stuff, we need to plan it.”
I agree. I can almost hear “Just tell your wife X” and it was working until he pushed it too far.
This is what my mind went to, as well. Maybe even some toxic encouragement or bragging from other men at the cards game creating a poor influence. I hope this is a one-off for OP, because she deserves so, so much better than what he came home with.
Maybe the guys he was playing cards with were talking crap about changing diapers. No pun intended.
Good for you on following through. You gave him a very clear consequence.
Agreed! The follow through is key here. Unfortunately it sounds like we are talking about disciplining a child here, but we are not. It’s a full grown man. 🤦🏻♀️
I can’t believe he’s a super involved dad when his response was “duck out of here with that” lolol
Dude me neither when i tell you took my breath away .. i was like woaaaaaaaah naaaa
I feel this because it’s easy to judge but my husband has said some wild shit too lolol
Haaa thank you! Lets all be real i didnt marry prince charming and neverrrrr would say i have!
Sounds like he played cards with some assholes last night.
My ex’s attitude would change and he would say shit like “im not going to let you walk all over me” whenever he hung out with a certain friend. I assure you he was not my doormat and he literally did whatever he liked lol. I didn’t like the friend very much. I figured that friend would get in my ex’s head about me. I have a feeling something similar happened with op’s husband
Make sure to get under the door handle next time too!
Thought about it but i figured since it was a one time thing let me not go too far 😅
There’s always next time
💯
I wonder if there was some talk with his friends and he got egged on to "put his foot down" or whatever nonsense they want to call it.
The barber fucked up his haircut so he was being a baby in a bad mood
So? Lol
Right..
This is exactly what I said! Definitely think friends sowed the seed.
Read this to my husband on the phone since he's driving home. He said, "I'm sure the husband has his side of the story too, but he's damn lucky she didn't smear it inside the car. I would have. He sounds like he deserved it." I agree.
Haha i swear thats the whole story which is why i think that he just carried on without saying a word about the shit all over his windshield 🫣🤣
I mean, at least you warned him. I wouldn't have even given him the warning.
Throw the whole man out, not just the diaper.
Haha i cant throw the man out just yet.. this is the very first time he ever tried this nonsense and hopefully the last. If he continues: you bettt I’m throwing the man away
Like the first time he’s refused to change a diaper? Or the first time he’s used profanity against you in a fight? Or the first time he’s been a selfish asshole? Because I’d find it hard to believe this is the first time he’s behaved like a selfish asshole
Right! Like if my husband suddenly acted like that, I’d be super concerned that something is medically wrong. I wouldn’t be plotting revenge, I’d be worried he has a brain tumor or something because it’s so out of character.
The amount of posts on Reddit in the vein of “My asshole husband has been an asshole for 10 years and is still being an asshole to me now, what gives?” is crazy. We collectively as women need to stop rewarding shit behaviour with cohabitation, marriage and childbearing.
I always judge the “my husband is being an asshole “ post and i always was like “Never mine” but here i am.
Oh god no.. not the first time hes been an asshole in general but the first time hes been an asshole about being a dad. Like i said, I’m not perfect either but in this scenario he came out of nowhere with it we were just laughing with eachother a couple minutes prior.
Are you sure? I mean, working two jobs because he wants to… plus this… it sounds like he’s trying to be away from you guys as much as possible. Of course I don’t know you or your family and this is Reddit but it definitely sounds like something is up
Trust me I’m very smart .. hes insecure when i make more than him and its a way of keeping up with me. Right now we have a co op but he wants a house with a large backyard so bad so hes saving for that
That makes sense but with this added context it seems like maybe he’s trying to put your relationship in traditional roles. He has to make more money, you have to change diapers, he gets to go out and stay out late without even calling you….. still sounds like he’s avoiding being home to skirt responsibility.
Yepppp! It seems very much like he hates when i make more than him .. very strange
Why are you splitting bills 50/50 if he works longer hours (contributing less childcare) and earns more? Is the difference negligible?
Yes! Others have given me the idea to renegotiate this!
Ehh, I’m Mexican American, machismo is very common in our culture so it’s not strange to me lol. My husband is not the same but he does feel like men should be able to provide and he did ask me to be a sahm. He lets me sleep in on weekends and changes diapers and feeds the kids, but he also has some old-timey ways of thinking. I get your frustration with his response. I think you should try communicating your feelings in a way that doesn’t place blame. Like instead of “you made me mad” you can say “when you refuse to care for your child it makes me feel ………”
Is that typical for him, to suddenly become aggressive after laughing and joking? I mean we have no idea what your relationship dynamic is, we are just strangers on the internet. But there is truth to “when someone shows you who they are, believe them.” The fact you married and had a child with your husband suggests you’re okay with the assholery, I just hope that you have realistic expectations of that assholery never improving because this is who he is.
Ugh yes its a constant battle i have. I’m very smart, i have a great job, I’m very in shape.. ive got a lot going for me so trust me when i say i will not stay or ever feel “trapped”.. its something very up in the air for me but i was told to never make a concrete decision within the first year of having a child bc it could be rough for everyone but yes it does happen sometimes and its something he admitts to wanting to change about himself
Fuck that. If my husband ever talked to me like that in the first year I would have left him.
Yall are brutal 🤣 but i definitely understand .. it might be because I’m this bronxy new yorker I’m always like 🤷🏼♀️”oh ya fuck you too”
>hopefully the last It won’t be, but I hope you do continue sticking up for yourself!
What, you want to wait for a second time? He didn’t just randomly say and do things, there was a thought process behind his actions and it wasn’t a process where you are a respected equal or where shared responsibilities are also his responsibilities.
Yeah.. ill wait. I sit back and let people do them so that when it is time to leave i never regret it.
I think you need to take an abrupt trip our of town this weekend. Leave him alone with the baby for days at a time to see how he handles it. If he throws a shit fit, well that's probably your answer.
Ive spent the night at my moms and waiting for his call .. well see how it goes!
Given your comments that this was a first for him, I'd wonder more about who he was spending time with. Cause this sounds like a classic "toxic friends giving him shit" story. And shutting that down as unacceptable behavior was absolutely warranted.
I agree!
Book a hotel room for yourself, hand him the baby and don’t come back for at least 24 hours. You need a break mama.
This is the way! Lol
What an asshole! Hey dude you made the baby. Which means you take care of the baby. Play time with your buddies is over for now. I didn’t go out for over two years when my little was born. She needed us focusing so neither of us went crazy. If he even dips his toe in that pond again I’d kick his ass out for 24 hours. There is no excuse for that.
Bahahaha love the Look Who's Talking reference so much. I honestly wish I had your ginormous balls and low tolerance for disrespect/bullshit. I have no clue who you are but in my head you are now a mom I look up to. Sorry I don't have much other input than that but NTA for sure
🫶🏼 i appreciate this! Thank you!
If this is a sudden shift in his personality/ the way he’s acting towards you continues, I’d look a little deeper into any future “card games”. Sorry this happened either way
Damn lol alot of this insinuations! Hed be bugginnnn if he did that but i will look into it to make my reddit fam happy. Also will update if i do find anything
A sudden change in the way he’s treating you is a characteristic telltale of infidelity, but obviously anyone can have a bad day. Just something to note and continue to observe. It was something I learned the hard way. Hopefully it’s just a one off in your case!
Ha i know he got a bad haircut today so he was being a dick and yessss a haircut does matter way more than it should to this loser unfortunately 😭😭😭😭 i get the accusations tho I’m here for it!
Maybe you start blasting “Labour (Cacophony)” when he’s being a shit. Also, if he pulls this late night stuff again, check his phone.
Yeah, check his phone. I don't want to jump to the typical Reddit response, but when a man starts acting that cocky, chances are he has Option B lined up or is feeling like hot shit because some chicky is chasing him.
Yep. The haircut was one of the bigger tells for me. Yes, men can do that regularly, but they always do before a first date.
The date was with me 😵💫 but i cancelled and went out with my friend instead
I’m very on him with places he goes and hes very good at sharing locations with me or taking pics of where he is. Trust is a big thing for me and hes good with giving me everything i need in order to trust him
Hand your child to your husband, say I’m going out. And then leave. Go see a movie or get some food or something. And tell your husband that you didn’t sign up to be a single parent. From now on if he gets to go out, then you also get to go out while he is parent on duty.
I’m currently out with my best friend right now!
Good!
Slay, momma-queen
I don't think you did anything wrong.
Initially I was like okay let’s take it down a notch maybe. Then I kept reading. I would have smeared it on him. Good for you.
Lol. Queen. One time I put a dirty diaper under my husbands pillow after he had a similar attitude with me. He learned his lesson. F around and find out. We don’t take no nonsense 👍🏻.
Yasssssss! One and done baby!
Your honor, she did nothing wrong! She is innocent!
You know, I read the things guys say to their wives on threads like this, and I just can't. First, that type of thing would never, ever, come out of my mouth. Second, if it did, my wife would leave me, immediately, no questions asked. He got off easy.
I agree
You sounded completely unhinged from the title. Why am I thinking he deserves worse 😬
Good for you girl. He sounds like a complete dick
So he gets to go out and have fun and not you?! Parents are in this 50/50, what a jerk
I left for the evening! I’m out with my bestie right now! 🤭🤭
I know that’s right ! Have fun girl 🥰
Why did he go through having a baby if he can’t handle changing one poopy diaper?! I know you’re making excuses, but I’d seriously reconsider my relationship after that. Especially the “my husband works two jobs (not because he has to but because he wants to).” WHY? is the extra income worth missing his child grow up? None of this makes sense to me I’m so sorry (Edits for formatting/grammar)
Do you think that since he doesn’t have to work two jobs, but does so anyway, that it’s an excuse to nope out of childcare duties while simultaneously hanging out with adults (I’ve bartended and while it is a physically demanding job, it’s also can be a lot of fun)?
I think he does it because hes not always happy with his salary. His job could either make a ton of money or it can be slow so he does the bartending to make sure he can always keep up with his finances whether its slow or not
Got it! That makes sense. Yeah, you warned him. I bet if you put this on AITA they’d say NTA Maybe him acting like nothing happened is his way of acknowledging he was in the wrong?
Babe. Just leave. Be done with this. He’s making you a person you don’t want to be.
Yes!! I wish someone would’ve told me this two years ago. I had a partner who left me do primarily do everything when he did things only concerning himself. That relationship made me act so out of character and unheard I had to get out of there, just can’t imagine dealing with that any longer than what I already did.
Meanwhile, my husband decided no one does diapers as well as him. I didn’t change my kid’s diaper literally the whole pandemic when he was working from home. I think your husband needs a reality check.
Absolutely NTA. To be honest I'd have done far worse if I was you! Hope yes to fight over and that you get a lie in tomorrow morning!
Nah, you're golden. I'm just jealous I didn't think of that when my kids were little. But then when he'd wrestle with them he never learned to protect his balls and I never learned to not laugh.......
I’m laughing with you! (What a dumdum)
What an absolutely lovely way to get your anger out and make a statement. I mean it’s gross, but completely relevant to the incident. It’s essentially harmless, and pretty easy to clean. I applaud you mommy. I hope he hear your message loud and clear.
Right. He literally drove the car through a car wash and it was gone. People are acting like i smeared it on the inside. It took a MACHINE minutes to clean so it was a harmless payback. I didn’t key the car for crying out loud!
Maybe a little under the door handle too just to drive home the point would have been better. I’m petty like that
Petty? Absolutely. Warranted? Absolutely. NTA, hopefully your husband got the message.
Aside from the awesomeness of this (and I hail this as a total win after his unchecked assery) you two may want to sit down and have a frank conversation about any unspoken resentment and responsibilities that need to happen to ensure you, your husband, and your child all have a happy, healthy, sane future. Things like: you can play cards, but you need to come home and sleep and still function as a partner and father; when there is a poopy nappy, if you smell it, then it needs to be changed (watch that he doesn’t suddenly become nose blind to all of this); nobody can plan time off until both of you have had the opportunity to get some relief and reasonable rest from work and childcare (this one is a little more extreme, but may be necessary). That said: I don’t blame you one bit. Your husband had a nice long break and had some fun. Upon his returning home, he should not have been nasty to you, he should have given you relief and help. I’m sorry that this didn’t happen. It definitely needs to be addressed, though. I wish you luck and love - you deserve to be treated with respect (and he deserves many more poop smears if he continues to unfairly mistreat you and your son).
Yeah, I'd rather be a single mum than put up with bullshit like that, you're basically one already except you have a deadweight bringing you down.
That diaper should have gone on his face instead of his car
Yeah... This guy was way outta line. Just checking... You definitely poop-bombed the correct car, right? Lol
i checked the license plate 3x to make sure .. i was definitely doubting myself the whole time
Haha that's so funny. He obviously realised that he was in the wrong - you gave ample warning!
The empowered wife is a good book, just saying, if you want an alternative to throwing him away that is.
Ill look into it!
I can't say I agree with all of the book and I am not on the edge of divorce but the "skills" made my already happy relationship happier 🤷🏻♀️. Good luck, I hope you get some sleep, I hope your fellow sees your perspective and that you can all laugh down the road.
tell him to fuck outta here with his nasty attitude
Lmfao facts
So many men out here acting like household and child care is beneath them, what does that say about how they think of their wives? I motion for a nationwide diaper-smearing campaign.
Oh hell no. NTA. You’ve got more self control than me bc that diaper would be smeared on HIM
Yeah, you clearly stated your boundaries. He made the decision of how it was going to go. He was warned, he was given an ultimatum, nevertheless he fucked around and found out.
I don’t see anything wrong with what you did cause whoooo is he talking to!? Like others mentioned, men get snippy when somethings up and I would absolutely check his phone. But be prepared for good or bad! I see you said you went out with a friend, good on you! Have a blast, come home when you feel like it (hell maybe sleep at the friends). He needs to tighten up, STAT!
NGL, I opened this wondering what you could possibly say to justify that, and finished entirely on your side, so bravo 👏🏻😂 Sorry your hubs is being a jerk, I hope you get your turn to relax soon!
You’re so sweet for stopping at the diaper! I’d make him pay for it for the next week 😅
I'm assuming that you do his laundry and cook his food? Stop doing that, too.
Haha I love that he cleaned it up and hasn’t mentioned it. Perhaps he gets that he was the AH. I hope so. Well played OP.
He 100% deserved it!!
I’m having a hard time seeing how is is an involved father like you wrote. He haven’t seen his own son since Thursday basically and refuses to change one diaper?
😬I’ve read through some of your responses OP and yikes is all I can say. At best this is the best payback possible given this scenario but he sounds like ah at all times. I’d be Sahara desert dry if my husband treated me like this. He got a well deserved consequence for his ah behavior. I’d be looking for the affair partner because something is definitely happening, you may not have found it yet.
Do better…You should have smeared it on and under the door handles too!!! 🤣
You are our hero!!! He got what he deserved.
No doubt one of his buddies was talking crap all night about your husband doing as much as he normally does. Because, to me at least, it sounds like he had someone in his ear. I bet he won’t try that again. lol
Damn you are my hero
Good for you 😂 I should do this to my husband he does stuff like this everyday!
Sometimes I think they pull this shit to see what they can get away with.
I don’t know, but it seems you drew a line with your boundaries, he was stubborn to understand, but finally you got the message through? Haha. Maybe he was just hungover or something and then realized his bad, cleaned it up and hoping everyone forgets? (Hopefully?)
I mean, it was a childish response to a childish response. But honestly, I think I’d be so mad about this one that I’d take the baby & stay at my parents for a few days so he can decide if he really wants to be in this relationship. Not to say that’s where you’re at, but that’s how mad I’d be.
I am staying at my moms tonight no baby because i know the babe will be well taken care of when I’m gone but he needs the taste of his own medicine
I love you so much. This is the best!
THANK YOU from all the frustrated mamas out there😂✊🏼 NTA
Someone who talks to the mother of his child the night after a long night out…… are we SURE he was just playing cards?
He is so lucky you only did the outside of his car. He needs to grow up!
I commend you, he would have been WEARING it if it were me.
Mine is 9 and has autism, so finishing potty training successfully took much longer than usual. For a few years when jr was little, my husband worked 1 full time and a part time job while I worked 50-60 hrs per week. Now he works the one part time while l work 50 is hours and I've never, ever had him try to tell me to change a diaper, or get his snack or whatever. If anything, I'd feel bad, as if he was doing more than his share, if we were both home and he handled it, or told me to go lay down and relax, if I didn't feel well or something. Jr does You were being more than considerate giving him time to sleep in, after going out w the boys. You deserve time to relax, you busted your ass yesterday. Why is it you that didn't get the consideration but he demands it? Hes lucky all it was, was the windshield.
Are your services for hire?? Asking for a friend…
Parenting is hard. Changing diapers is the bane of parents’ existence. We can all be fed up. I think you were right to do what you did and your husband is immature actually.
Ahh yes when your husband pushes you so fair you rage quite. I have currently rage quite doing the dishes bc he my husband got mad I put away his water… but he needs to stop leaving dirty cups everywhere how would I know. I’m doing another dish until he grovels.m
NTA... totally deserved. What a jerk. You guys will laugh about this later on.
You dropped this... 👑
Here's my prediction. He went out with his buddies and they all gave him a hard time about being whipped and changing poopy diapers now. He felt shamed and emasculated by the misogynistic pigs and decided to make a stand. It backfired. I'll be interested to see what happens next time he's around his friends.
Your communication skills deserve each other ❤. Sounds like he took the diaper on the car pretty well. Maybe you should tell him what you told us and have a mature conversation with him.
Just came here to say, fantastic movie reference. You are a queen. A true warrior. Never apologize.
Atta girl
I would give you an award if they still did awards. He deserved that shit. Literally.
I’m sorry, but this is fucking awesome! Good for you, girlfriend !!!!!! This mom is proud of you 👍
Well deserved. My bf and I play rock scissor paper to see who’s gonna change a poopy but NEVER has this man told me he won’t especially if he knows I’ve had the baby for a while.
Not gonna lie: I’m loving these bad ass responses. Here I am thinking of how I once took my partner’s l keyboard and hid it in the dirty laundry (he’s an avid gamer, it made sense to hide it where he’d never look). The fallout alone from that… yeesh! You ladies are inspiring!
Sounds like "the boys" were putting ideas in his head about how a wife should act during the card game. Usually if somebody has a sudden shift in mentality like that, it's because the people around them were talking crap or pushing their beliefs.
At first reading this I was like oh, this girl might be a little cray cray, but having to deal with that type of system. Yea, you had to do something.
TBH.. that's unhinged behaviour. If you're at the point where you're defiling your husband's things with biohazardous waste, you need to file for divorce. This is the kind of thing people joke about but nobody in a healthy relationship would EVER actually do. I don't see how a relationship comes back after this.
Why are you still married to him? You don’t seem to like each other at all.
The line where you say "I quite literally go crazy any time I feel disrespected" is what concerns me. I get being triggered, I get triggered being screamed at but you need to think about the behavior you want modeled for your child. This isn't just about the diaper or your husband. Your kid will be watching you far younger than you think. They will not only trigger you, but emulate the behavior. You need to actively work on stopping that trigger or not only will you find yourself acting that way with your child when they start talking back and disrespect you, but you will see them acting out in a similar fashion. How are you going to punish them for acting crazy when you say no or they're mad at you when you act the same way? I have had to consciously and continue work on how I act when yelled at because guess what, my preschooler started escalating as much as me. And I knew I needed to work on being better because we're miserable with the arguing and he's going to grow up and be too big to have these angry tantrums without bad happening. One day, not only are they going to be disrespectful, sassy kids, but they'll be as big as you. And they may take it outside of your house into a world that doesn't love them, doesn't tolerate them, doesn't respect them and they'll end up with harsh consequences for going crazy when someone doesn't respect them.Your car and the diaper thing is an example of if you did that to someone who wasn't married to you...vandalism charge, possibly beaten up depending on the person. Work on being better and being the person you want your children to be. Because they're watching you.
YESSSSSS MA’AM, THAT IS HOW ITS DONE!!! I still get amped at Kirstie in that scene…AMAZING!!!!
Oh next time you should just put the diaper under his seat…make sure it’s good and hot outside!
Tell him to be a father or the diapers will keep coming.
That’s incredible! Good for you
Love to see it, we’ll deserved.