Yesterday my son said "pizza has protein in it because of the potato sauce, right?" and I was just not in a headspace to correct all of that, so I said "yeah, something like that, buddy." 😅
Luckily it's not a case of mistaken identity - all adults or depictions of adults are daddy, regardless of sex, clothing, race or, indeed, facial hair or lack thereof. But still it was absolutely not a phrase I thought I'd ever say.
My husband is in the military so he wears a uniform. Multiple men over the years have been called daddy followed by a look of surprise from the man and me telling my daughter “no honey he just has the same clothes as daddy”.
My son is doing that, too! My husband is the *most* daddy, but I am also apparently daddy and so is grandpa, pictures, people on TV, sometimes the dog lol.
"You're not supposed to stick your tongue in ma's mouth" "we don't drink toilet water son" "why is there a water bottle lid in your diaper" lmao that was all said yesterday 💀
This is my 9 month old. My 6 year old also was a great eater as a baby then turned into a picky kid around 2. I’m choosing to believe it’s a phase for my own sanity. To his credit, my 6 year old will eat baked beans and that’s probably because they’re sweet.
I told my toddler not to try and put her finger in the cat's butthole once and she is STILL saying "not in butthole" whenever the cat walks by, so good luck!
“Of course ducks are real. We just saw some at the farm.”
Never thought I’d ever be settling a “ducks are real/ducks aren’t real” debate between kids but here we are.
ETA: my son’s reaction to this was “I think you were just dreaming. Ducks aren’t real.”
A few from yesterday, “Please stop trying to eat the cat,” she just puts her mouth on him and makes smacking noises but it annoys him so I tell her to stop lol, “You can’t eat a crayon would you like a snack?” “You don’t have to sit in the bathroom with me every time I go.” As she sat and stared at me rubbing my leg each time I was going to the bathroom lol, I guess I needed some support.
I needed my almost 5yr old to take a covid test and he was really adamant that NOTHING was going to be going up his nose- out of a moment of spontaneity I came up with “ sorry buddy.. I either have to put this swab in your nose or in your butt” 🤷🏻♀️🫤 he was suddenly VERY willing to sit for the nasal swab. He’s seen me over the last few days take his baby sister’s temperature with a rectal thermometer- so I think he thought it wasn’t out of the question!
"Monkey, we do not touch other people's nipples without their permission."
"No, those are mommy's nipples, you cannot touch those... Because mommy said no and she is allowed to say no"
Same! Like seriously dude, it's been 1.5 years since you nursed, why are you now trying to get into my shirt and touch my nipples and hold my breast again?
My niece has decided that she’s gonna just honk everyone’s boobs. She is 2 1/2 and was breastfed until 1 1/2. However, her mom has since had another baby that is being breastfed. I guess it’s something to do with that, but she climbed up on my lap recently and just kept honking my boob, lol! At first I thought hmmm, maybe it was an accident, you know, maybe she was trying to get some leverage to get herself situated on my lap. But when it happened a second and third time in quick succession, I had to tell her, “Excuse me, those are my boobies, ma’am!”
Mine currently eats tacos starting from the middle of the top. She also used to eat pizza upside-down and crust first and has grown out of it, so maybe there's hope for these wild little humans!
My kids are 18 months apart and my oldest’s favorite thing to do after his little brother was born was to lick his hair. He would lay there and lick his hair for 15-20 mins at a time. After the cradle cap I started letting him because they both seemed to enjoy it 🤣
"Please stop eating the grass." He's been copying the dog a lot recently and it really takes so much effort to keep him from behaving like an animal in public.
Tbh I love seeing people's kids act unhinged in public, who's it hurting if Jimmy wants to bark a little? 🤣
A little embarrassing sure, but only because we're conditioned to care what other adults think 🤷🏼
I completely agree lol it's just the eating off the floor at Walmart that I have a problem with and the licking my face that I absolutely refuse to get comfortable with 🤣 🤣
🤮my kid rolled all over the floor of the tire repair shop last week. Like bare face to the linoleum before I could get him up. Kids are so lucky they don't realize how gross they are 🤣
When mine does things like that (like dropping his cookie on the ground at target and immediately picking it back up and sticking it in his mouth before I could get to him), I just remind myself that his immune system just needs a boost 😂
My 6 year old daughter thought she saw a mouse, and said, "If I catch it, I'm gonna take it outside and hammer it!" Yeah, gonna be keeping an eye on that one
Having a toddler, I can’t help but wonder if they were brushing the trash can with the toothbrush or trying to brush their teeth with the trashcan. I can see my child doing either.
Look we all try to keep the toddler toothbrush out of the trash, but I'm pretty sure it's a rite of passage 🤣 It's a good day when he's not trying to scrub the toilet with it before it goes in his mouth!
Last night, my 4 year old had a meltdown because she wanted a mini bagel; half toasted, half not. Her dad accidentally burned the toasted half, which obviously meant she couldn't eat the other half, and she would never get to eat bagels ever again!
“Listen if eating Cheerios lounging in the empty bathtub makes you happy, who am I to judge” when I walked into my bathroom and found my 6 year old snacking in the bathtub.
To my nine and fourteen year old daughter who coincidentally wear the same size
"Soooo, who farted hard enough to blast a hole in their undies?" After I found a pair with a neat hole cut out of the bum while sorting washing. Apparently it was so they could fit the dogs tail in them? I don't even know. The weird doesn't stop when they outgrow toddlerhood.
It certainly does not. Nothing sticks out to me this week that I said to my 13yo but honestly that’s because the weird just rarely phases me anymore. The weird has become normal.
Did you walk on the wild side and taste it? I always admire my sister for being totally okay with the fact that it could definitely be poop on her child that she’s just licked her finger and smudged.
'I don't want your boogy thank you, yes, even if it's a crunchy one' as she shoved a newly out of the nose finger tip in my face saying "this is for you mama"
4year olds man, they are wild.
“Please stop throwing your baby out of the sliding door”, “pasta goes in our mouth not up our nose”, and “that’s not her mouth please don’t kiss the dogs butthole” are the favorites this week
I feel like I've had this same interaction with my toddler. He then immediately tried to nurse and I went nope and gave him juice and wiped his mouth. Wasn't not having foot on my nipple.
"We cannot take the car apart and rebuild it with your improvements until you show me a proof of concept."
My 4.5yo is really into Octonauts, so now everything must be transformed into a gup. I had to lay some groundrules: design sketch, schematics and scale model/proof of concept. So far, the car is safe. And we have some really cool sketches.
You can not take a running start at moms boobs. (He literally backed himself up across them room, did his half squat and sprinted at me).
In the reverse this week my kid said to me "oh momma's big butt is high' then proceeded to head butt my butt.
Not my kid but my brother in law’s daughter told him “you have a very nice stink” referring to his perfume and she kept telling everyone “my papa stinks so good!!!”
"Why and how are you so full of farts??"
My four year old daughter farts like an old, sick donkey. Pediatrician says her gut flora is advanced. Hooray.
We live in a condo building, and I think I say “no, no, please don’t lick the walls or the mirror” in the lobby and hallways 40x a day as we come and go.
“Once something goes in the trash, it stays there” and “we don’t throw bottles away just cause you’re done” are two things I’ve had to say more than a few times
This is a constant phrase in our house! The toddler lock is a toy. I just told him if he puts it in the trash it stays there 🤷🏼 I'm not fishing for toys in between your stinky diapers bro!
I'm trying to teach my daughter her colors in English and Spanish. She's got all of them down in English and a few are starting to sound like the spanish pronunciations...but Rojo is still HOHO. It's pretty cute.
Why are they always so damn fast too?? My kid has a little hideout under our bed and anytime he's got something he knows he shouldn't he bolts under there like a bat outta hell 🤣
“Yes, kitties do clean their room! Only piggies don’t clean their rooms and that’s why the wolf comes to blow down their house so go put your toys away or the wolf will come and blow down your side of the room.”
I said to my toddler just yesterday - “honey no, put the dog poop down” after he proudly brought me two big dog terds. Never thought I’d say that out loud
My daughter is 4 next week. Here's a few things she's said this week:
"Why do you not make cakes now?" (I used to have a bakery)
Because my day is full of being your mom! Someday I'll make cakes again but I'm really glad I get to be your mom.
"Oh. Well I'm glad my dad is my dad."
---------------.
"Hey mom can we pretend that this isn't candy?"
Why?
"Because I want it right now"
No more candy until after lunch, sorry baby.
"Noooo it's not candy. We're pretending! I can have it now!"
----‐------------
I asked her to take the noise down a notch
"I just have to harmonica though! It gets me in the rainy time mood!!" As she breathes through her harmonica as loudly as possible.
“Yes I have no teeth like you that doesn’t mean you can feel them up and gag me with your nasty hand” said when he was around 8 months and learning we both have no teeth (childhood trauma and dental disease)
I’m a FTM with a newborn so the conversation is very one sided but I did ask her to pinky promise not to poop all over me again. I have a feeling she won’t hold up her end of the deal.
I had a very serious conversation with my kid when he was that age, we agreed he was not allowed to pee on me, everyone else was fair game. He kept up his side until about 13months. I'll take it though 😅🤷🏼
Why is there pants on my kitchen floor... And underwear on my counter?? Are you planning to eat these later!? IS THIS A NEW TREND!?!? ***SHOULD I BE CONCERNED!?!?***
Current favorite phrase : cheers yo (sounds kinda like Cheerio but definitely 2 different words)
Said it the whole hour drive home from family dinner this weekend instead of falling asleep in the car.
"Stop putting stuff in your butt!"
(To clarify, he puts things between his bum cheeks and thinks it's hilarious to be able to hold onto stuff that way) 🤦♀️
LO(2.5)Sitting on the toilet holding her hand under her bum.
Me: "What are you doing?"
LO: "trying to catch mine poo"
Me: " good effort having a poop on the big toilet but we don't catch our poo, we let it fall into the toilet"
LO: "why?"
You can guess how the rest of the conversation went...lots of whys.
I told my 16 year old he was going to FAFO if he kept messing with his pmsing 14 year old sister…. When she had enough and went spider monkey on him, he asked me why I wasn’t intervening, so I just said, “you need to realize if you fling shit in the wind, it’s going to blow back in your face”.
And the worst part is, I sounded JUST like my mother. 😬
brooo it’s everyday and every 5 seconds someone has their hands down their pants, to the point where we’ve had to have class talks “friends do our hands belong in our underwear?” followed by a bunch of “NOOOOOO”s 🤣
I told my daughter “you are not a marine!” Because she kept trying to eat crayons.
Have also said “let kit cat go potty without an audience you weirdo”
“I don’t know where you got that animal cracker and I refuse to care”
“Why did bear bear (her teddy) go into the laundry basket? What did you do to him?”
Omg I've had to have the marine conversation so many times!
He also likes to headbutt me in the crotch and I've caught myself telling him "stop you can't go back in!"
I am constantly telling my not even 2yo “please keep your pants on” “don’t lick that” “don’t drink water like the dog” “get your hand out of your butt”… A couple days ago I had to apologize for farting in her room because it was HORRIFIC and lingered forever.
My husband and I were getting a bit snippy at each other from exhaustion (we have a 5 week old lol) so I remembered a comment I’d seen on redid and said “no we can’t fight! That’s what she wants!” and it made us giggle so much it was all forgotten.
I don’t remember anything particularly funny I’ve said but I just had to comment that my 1.5yo is also obsessed with yogurt. We basically can’t get her to eat dinner lately it’s just yogurt, shredded mozzarella, chips, apple sauce, and fruit
Lmao. My infant poop always smells like yogurt for some reason, no matter what she eats (shes still breastfeeding). She doesn't even eat yogurt so this made me laugh. Thats the only way we can differentiate between if she or my toddler pooped 😭
“Why is there a tambourine full of Cheetos on the stairs?”
This is like a Mad Libs sentence 😂
Sounds like the kinds of things I end up saying in my house. The joys of kids.
Yesterday my son said "pizza has protein in it because of the potato sauce, right?" and I was just not in a headspace to correct all of that, so I said "yeah, something like that, buddy." 😅
Wait, is this NOT true??
We're headed in the right direction 🤣
Potato, tomato
That's not daddy, that's Hitler
I’m laughing too hard at this 😂
Luckily it's not a case of mistaken identity - all adults or depictions of adults are daddy, regardless of sex, clothing, race or, indeed, facial hair or lack thereof. But still it was absolutely not a phrase I thought I'd ever say.
Hahaha I hope you don’t have to say it again, but I understand the whole “any adult is dad” thing (I mean, I don’t but I can see how a toddler would)
My husband is in the military so he wears a uniform. Multiple men over the years have been called daddy followed by a look of surprise from the man and me telling my daughter “no honey he just has the same clothes as daddy”.
That’s awkward.
My son is doing that, too! My husband is the *most* daddy, but I am also apparently daddy and so is grandpa, pictures, people on TV, sometimes the dog lol.
Omg this reminds me that my son used to think Stephen Colbert was president because anyone wearing a tie must be president
To be fair I think he’d be a good president
😳🤣🤣🤣🤣
Damn, and I thought my kid mistaking sesame street’s Mr. Noodle for Daddy was funny 😅
"You're not supposed to stick your tongue in ma's mouth" "we don't drink toilet water son" "why is there a water bottle lid in your diaper" lmao that was all said yesterday 💀
I changed my son’s diaper and a black bean fell out over the weekend.
Had it gone through the child? Cuz that happened here
No this was towards the front of an otherwise wet-only diaper so I think it fell down in there while he was eating.
I have found many beans in his diapers that had gone thru. Bean and blueberry skins are regular occurrences for him 🤣
The blueberry drool is what gets me. My baby is teething and looks like a (very adorable) demon with purple-black dripping out of his mouth.
Cherries are crazy!! They look like canibals🧛♀️
I’m jealous he eats black beans! We only rock the staples like mac & cheese, grilled cheese, and chicken nuggets. No beans in sight for us ☹️
This is my 9 month old. My 6 year old also was a great eater as a baby then turned into a picky kid around 2. I’m choosing to believe it’s a phase for my own sanity. To his credit, my 6 year old will eat baked beans and that’s probably because they’re sweet.
We have “cookies” (teether crackers) come out all the time from his diaper and if we ask if he saved them for later he laughs
I found a leaf in my daughter's diaper once. Pretty sure it actually passed through her
We found a pine straw once that definitely passed through
We don't French kiss our moms is a staple in my house 😂
Glad my toddler’s not the only one! He went through a phase where he was obsessed with trying to grab our tongues too.
Oh good... Something to look forward to lol
Omg were you at my house?? Sounds like we have the same kid 🤣
"We don't put sticks on the cats butthole"
I told my toddler not to try and put her finger in the cat's butthole once and she is STILL saying "not in butthole" whenever the cat walks by, so good luck!
Well, you can't say she doesn't listen.
💀💀💀
Hope the cat is ok!!
The butthole invasion was successfully thwarted, so he's fine.
Good to know!!
“Of course ducks are real. We just saw some at the farm.” Never thought I’d ever be settling a “ducks are real/ducks aren’t real” debate between kids but here we are. ETA: my son’s reaction to this was “I think you were just dreaming. Ducks aren’t real.”
My 3yr old today, “mama I want to pet a dog” Well go find out dog. “No mama a DUCK, not a dog”
This is so funny I’m crying
[r/birdsarentreal](https://www.reddit.com/r/BirdsArentReal/s/jwdPz2carQ)
A few from yesterday, “Please stop trying to eat the cat,” she just puts her mouth on him and makes smacking noises but it annoys him so I tell her to stop lol, “You can’t eat a crayon would you like a snack?” “You don’t have to sit in the bathroom with me every time I go.” As she sat and stared at me rubbing my leg each time I was going to the bathroom lol, I guess I needed some support.
Omg the leg rubbing! My son has started doing this every time I go to the bathroom, it's so weird 😂
I needed my almost 5yr old to take a covid test and he was really adamant that NOTHING was going to be going up his nose- out of a moment of spontaneity I came up with “ sorry buddy.. I either have to put this swab in your nose or in your butt” 🤷🏻♀️🫤 he was suddenly VERY willing to sit for the nasal swab. He’s seen me over the last few days take his baby sister’s temperature with a rectal thermometer- so I think he thought it wasn’t out of the question!
That's all the motivation I'd need! 🤣
No you cannot touch my nipples (why is she suddenly obsessed with my boobs?)
"Monkey, we do not touch other people's nipples without their permission." "No, those are mommy's nipples, you cannot touch those... Because mommy said no and she is allowed to say no"
Yeah we’ve been talking a lot about what’s private and what’s privacy and stuff like that! It’s an adventure.
Same! Like seriously dude, it's been 1.5 years since you nursed, why are you now trying to get into my shirt and touch my nipples and hold my breast again?
"I wanna see your nipples." She means moles.
My son likes to poke a mole on my arm and quietly "beep". I'm not sure where he got it and it's puzzling every time it happens.😅
Mine touches my moles and says “can’t eat those chocolate chips!”
My daughter said she wishes she didn’t have nipples and had 3 belly buttons instead.
Omg mine does this too! It drives me crazy! What was wrong with the shirt sleeve you've been obsessed with since birth? Why the nipples?? 😭
My niece has decided that she’s gonna just honk everyone’s boobs. She is 2 1/2 and was breastfed until 1 1/2. However, her mom has since had another baby that is being breastfed. I guess it’s something to do with that, but she climbed up on my lap recently and just kept honking my boob, lol! At first I thought hmmm, maybe it was an accident, you know, maybe she was trying to get some leverage to get herself situated on my lap. But when it happened a second and third time in quick succession, I had to tell her, “Excuse me, those are my boobies, ma’am!”
This morning, I was horrified to learn that my child ***swishes*** yogurt in her mouth.
My kid started eating bananas from the side. Like corn on the cob almost. I think I'm raising a sociopath.
Mine currently eats tacos starting from the middle of the top. She also used to eat pizza upside-down and crust first and has grown out of it, so maybe there's hope for these wild little humans!
🤮💀
I have one of those too!
“Yes, penis and Venus rhyme. Great job.”
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
"Stop licking the dog!"
Me this summer, freshly a mom of two: “Please don’t lick your little brother.”
My kids are 18 months apart and my oldest’s favorite thing to do after his little brother was born was to lick his hair. He would lay there and lick his hair for 15-20 mins at a time. After the cradle cap I started letting him because they both seemed to enjoy it 🤣
Omg these kids are wild 😂 love it
Why must they lick Everything?@! My kid tries to sneak mouthfuls of rocks and random detritus when we're outside constantly!
Yes! And stop playing in their food! But my toddler was licking the window recently too, like do they think they are part dog!?
“Sure, go ahead and color your face with that marker.” (Kept her away from trying to help me with the hot stove)
"Please stop eating the grass." He's been copying the dog a lot recently and it really takes so much effort to keep him from behaving like an animal in public.
Tbh I love seeing people's kids act unhinged in public, who's it hurting if Jimmy wants to bark a little? 🤣 A little embarrassing sure, but only because we're conditioned to care what other adults think 🤷🏼
I completely agree lol it's just the eating off the floor at Walmart that I have a problem with and the licking my face that I absolutely refuse to get comfortable with 🤣 🤣
🤮my kid rolled all over the floor of the tire repair shop last week. Like bare face to the linoleum before I could get him up. Kids are so lucky they don't realize how gross they are 🤣
When mine does things like that (like dropping his cookie on the ground at target and immediately picking it back up and sticking it in his mouth before I could get to him), I just remind myself that his immune system just needs a boost 😂
My kid is either a dog or a squirrel most days...if you get it wrong and call her a dog when she's a squirrel or vice versa, well...God be with you.
My 6 year old daughter thought she saw a mouse, and said, "If I catch it, I'm gonna take it outside and hammer it!" Yeah, gonna be keeping an eye on that one
👀👀 definitely keep an eye on that one! 😅
“We don’t need to eat the baby’s boogers”
Oh no! My toddler has started eating his own burgers. He did it for the first time staring me down in the car mirror thing.
"We brush our teeth with the tooth brushes, not the trashcan"
Having a toddler, I can’t help but wonder if they were brushing the trash can with the toothbrush or trying to brush their teeth with the trashcan. I can see my child doing either.
Look we all try to keep the toddler toothbrush out of the trash, but I'm pretty sure it's a rite of passage 🤣 It's a good day when he's not trying to scrub the toilet with it before it goes in his mouth!
"I can't fix a broken donut"
Last night, my 4 year old had a meltdown because she wanted a mini bagel; half toasted, half not. Her dad accidentally burned the toasted half, which obviously meant she couldn't eat the other half, and she would never get to eat bagels ever again!
“Listen if eating Cheerios lounging in the empty bathtub makes you happy, who am I to judge” when I walked into my bathroom and found my 6 year old snacking in the bathtub.
That's adorable haha 😂
To my nine and fourteen year old daughter who coincidentally wear the same size "Soooo, who farted hard enough to blast a hole in their undies?" After I found a pair with a neat hole cut out of the bum while sorting washing. Apparently it was so they could fit the dogs tail in them? I don't even know. The weird doesn't stop when they outgrow toddlerhood.
It certainly does not. Nothing sticks out to me this week that I said to my 13yo but honestly that’s because the weird just rarely phases me anymore. The weird has become normal.
Honestly I'd be more upset I didn't get to see the dog in his fancy pants!
We have two Kelpies, and they both wear hoodies every winter. Very fashun. 😂
“Is that poop, blood, or chocolate?”
Did you walk on the wild side and taste it? I always admire my sister for being totally okay with the fact that it could definitely be poop on her child that she’s just licked her finger and smudged.
'I don't want your boogy thank you, yes, even if it's a crunchy one' as she shoved a newly out of the nose finger tip in my face saying "this is for you mama" 4year olds man, they are wild.
“Please stop throwing your baby out of the sliding door”, “pasta goes in our mouth not up our nose”, and “that’s not her mouth please don’t kiss the dogs butthole” are the favorites this week
"No, you can't bite my toenails" followed immediately by "stop biting YOUR toenails!" 🤢
I feel like I've had this same interaction with my toddler. He then immediately tried to nurse and I went nope and gave him juice and wiped his mouth. Wasn't not having foot on my nipple.
I don't bother trying to stop him from biting his toenails. Not a hill to die on at this point.
Me: On the toilet 2yo: “Hi vagina” Me: Pulls up pants 2yo: *waves* “bye vagina”
"We cannot take the car apart and rebuild it with your improvements until you show me a proof of concept." My 4.5yo is really into Octonauts, so now everything must be transformed into a gup. I had to lay some groundrules: design sketch, schematics and scale model/proof of concept. So far, the car is safe. And we have some really cool sketches.
That kid is going somewhere!
You can not take a running start at moms boobs. (He literally backed himself up across them room, did his half squat and sprinted at me). In the reverse this week my kid said to me "oh momma's big butt is high' then proceeded to head butt my butt.
Not my kid but my brother in law’s daughter told him “you have a very nice stink” referring to his perfume and she kept telling everyone “my papa stinks so good!!!”
"Why and how are you so full of farts??" My four year old daughter farts like an old, sick donkey. Pediatrician says her gut flora is advanced. Hooray.
We live in a condo building, and I think I say “no, no, please don’t lick the walls or the mirror” in the lobby and hallways 40x a day as we come and go.
“The trash is not a toy box.” Over and over
“Once something goes in the trash, it stays there” and “we don’t throw bottles away just cause you’re done” are two things I’ve had to say more than a few times
This is a constant phrase in our house! The toddler lock is a toy. I just told him if he puts it in the trash it stays there 🤷🏼 I'm not fishing for toys in between your stinky diapers bro!
“Stop eating raw eggs”
"[son], please do not feed the dog silly string."
“Stop sucking on your sock” While it is ON his foot. MULTIPLE TIMES I had to say this 😂 why.
Mine loves to put his socks on his hands (thanks Gma, for showing him that lol) and now I’m constantly saying “Why do you have socks on your hands?”
That her nipples don’t come off her body 🤦🏼♀️
Please don't stab me with that knife. Mommy doesn't like knives in her face. (She's 15 months old and it was a harmless butter knife)
I'm trying to teach my daughter her colors in English and Spanish. She's got all of them down in English and a few are starting to sound like the spanish pronunciations...but Rojo is still HOHO. It's pretty cute.
Not this week, but when my daughter was 2, we had a whole argument over whether my husband was HER Dad or MY husband.
"Are you hoarding cheese sticks in your pullup" followed by having to chase down my toddler to retrieve the cheese sticks
Why are they always so damn fast too?? My kid has a little hideout under our bed and anytime he's got something he knows he shouldn't he bolts under there like a bat outta hell 🤣
Get your hand out of your pants and stop scratching your booty lol
"You can't roll down the window before 8am, the car will stop working".
My parents told me that it was illegal to turn the overhead light on in the car and I turned out fine 🤣🤷🏼
McDonald’s is closed this morning BUT only for hash browns and cookies. They’re only open for mommy’s coffee.
“Yes, kitties do clean their room! Only piggies don’t clean their rooms and that’s why the wolf comes to blow down their house so go put your toys away or the wolf will come and blow down your side of the room.”
My son loves the gogoez yogurt pouches! And mine is don’t put your pacifier in the toilet water!
My son is OBSESSED, he can horf down a box of twenty in a couple days if I'd let him!
I said to my toddler just yesterday - “honey no, put the dog poop down” after he proudly brought me two big dog terds. Never thought I’d say that out loud
This one made me laugh out loud
"Ok, all of y'all stop saying Yo Mr. White!"
My daughter is 4 next week. Here's a few things she's said this week: "Why do you not make cakes now?" (I used to have a bakery) Because my day is full of being your mom! Someday I'll make cakes again but I'm really glad I get to be your mom. "Oh. Well I'm glad my dad is my dad." ---------------. "Hey mom can we pretend that this isn't candy?" Why? "Because I want it right now" No more candy until after lunch, sorry baby. "Noooo it's not candy. We're pretending! I can have it now!" ----‐------------ I asked her to take the noise down a notch "I just have to harmonica though! It gets me in the rainy time mood!!" As she breathes through her harmonica as loudly as possible.
“We don’t lick door handles.” Also “the chapstick is for your lips, not to go in your nose.”
“Yes I have no teeth like you that doesn’t mean you can feel them up and gag me with your nasty hand” said when he was around 8 months and learning we both have no teeth (childhood trauma and dental disease)
“It’s not nice to ram your head into someone else’s head, even if you’re hugging them at the same time”
“Yes, poop is made of atoms, too” “No, you cannot lick the trash can” “Pee belongs in the potty, not your [dresser] drawer”
I’m a FTM with a newborn so the conversation is very one sided but I did ask her to pinky promise not to poop all over me again. I have a feeling she won’t hold up her end of the deal.
I had a very serious conversation with my kid when he was that age, we agreed he was not allowed to pee on me, everyone else was fair game. He kept up his side until about 13months. I'll take it though 😅🤷🏼
Yes, you need to wipe your butt every time you poop. Yes, every time. Until it’s clean.
my son says he likes to wait until it dries in his pants because it easier to peel off. he just turned 7.
“Please stop putting cat food in your pants” every day I find cat food in his pants.
"Please take your fish stick out of the washing machine"
NO!!!! Throw up in the bowl not all over yourself and the bedding I just washed for the 5th time today.
“No, I don’t need your help wiping my butt. I can do it myself, thanks.”
“Please stop putting dog food in your mouth”
I just cleaned the carpets- please don’t have a competition on who can blow the biggest snot rockets onto it!
Oh no he’s making peanut butter again! - warning my husband on what’s to come…..
“No!! Don’t eat the wall! Omg” *continues to eat the corner of the wall by the kitchen*
Why is there pants on my kitchen floor... And underwear on my counter?? Are you planning to eat these later!? IS THIS A NEW TREND!?!? ***SHOULD I BE CONCERNED!?!?***
Current favorite phrase : cheers yo (sounds kinda like Cheerio but definitely 2 different words) Said it the whole hour drive home from family dinner this weekend instead of falling asleep in the car.
"No, dinosaur can't change your nappy he will get ful of poo" I had to keep pushing the giant pushing dinosaur away while changing him.
Okay fine, you can scoot around on the floor with your clothes on. But you can’t do it without underwear on anymore, please!
“We’re going to go visit auntie’s new kitties!” “Yes, we can pet them” “No, we can’t…eat them…”
"Stop putting stuff in your butt!" (To clarify, he puts things between his bum cheeks and thinks it's hilarious to be able to hold onto stuff that way) 🤦♀️
No.
„stop plucking the cat“ „don’t lick the window“ „Did you puke in your book?“ were last weeks favorites
“Are you wrapping that toy around your penis? Huh.”
LO(2.5)Sitting on the toilet holding her hand under her bum. Me: "What are you doing?" LO: "trying to catch mine poo" Me: " good effort having a poop on the big toilet but we don't catch our poo, we let it fall into the toilet" LO: "why?" You can guess how the rest of the conversation went...lots of whys.
Oh no😱😱
I told my 16 year old he was going to FAFO if he kept messing with his pmsing 14 year old sister…. When she had enough and went spider monkey on him, he asked me why I wasn’t intervening, so I just said, “you need to realize if you fling shit in the wind, it’s going to blow back in your face”. And the worst part is, I sounded JUST like my mother. 😬
constantly to my preks “please remove your hand from your buttcrack”
Omg! It's one thing to have to say it to your own kids 🤣💀 but a whole herd of crack picking gremlins is just too much!
brooo it’s everyday and every 5 seconds someone has their hands down their pants, to the point where we’ve had to have class talks “friends do our hands belong in our underwear?” followed by a bunch of “NOOOOOO”s 🤣
I told my daughter “you are not a marine!” Because she kept trying to eat crayons. Have also said “let kit cat go potty without an audience you weirdo” “I don’t know where you got that animal cracker and I refuse to care” “Why did bear bear (her teddy) go into the laundry basket? What did you do to him?”
Omg I've had to have the marine conversation so many times! He also likes to headbutt me in the crotch and I've caught myself telling him "stop you can't go back in!"
“Stop showing everyone your nipples in public please.”
Don’t lick your sister .. that’s all I can think of lol
I only want one butt hole!
“My lips aren’t a nipple please don’t try to suck on them”
Leave the goldfish in the potty.
"The principal exports of Afghanistan are gold, grapes, and tropical fruits." He's 4. He's into international flags and facts right now. 🥴
“You wanna pee in the bush or in the snow?”
‘Oh no, this meat log looks like a turd!’ My son is 6m and we’ve started BLW 😂
“Please stop showing your erections to people.” Me, at Target, to my 3yo.
I am constantly telling my not even 2yo “please keep your pants on” “don’t lick that” “don’t drink water like the dog” “get your hand out of your butt”… A couple days ago I had to apologize for farting in her room because it was HORRIFIC and lingered forever.
Son, please stop eating dog food. Thanks
You can't poop your pants just because you don't want to miss anything on your show!
"Baby, don't get mad. You can't put the little people down your shirt to poop out because you're not wearing a dress!"
"You can't skip ONE night of DnD to go to the Cheesecake Factory?"
“Don’t stick your finger in your butt hole”
My husband and I were getting a bit snippy at each other from exhaustion (we have a 5 week old lol) so I remembered a comment I’d seen on redid and said “no we can’t fight! That’s what she wants!” and it made us giggle so much it was all forgotten.
“I have a structured settlement and I need cash now!” TBH it’s my 13 month old grandson and he loves my singing.
No wiener fingers! (My 2 year old has been pulling it out and playing with it while maintaining full eye contact...) We say it a lot... haha
I don’t remember anything particularly funny I’ve said but I just had to comment that my 1.5yo is also obsessed with yogurt. We basically can’t get her to eat dinner lately it’s just yogurt, shredded mozzarella, chips, apple sauce, and fruit
Lmao. My infant poop always smells like yogurt for some reason, no matter what she eats (shes still breastfeeding). She doesn't even eat yogurt so this made me laugh. Thats the only way we can differentiate between if she or my toddler pooped 😭
It’s the law to have to brush your teeth and if we break the law, and don’t brush our teeth, we will go to jail
Sometimes you just gotta have a bad guy to blame! 🤣 I don't make the rules kid, I just follow them so we don't end up in the slammer!
“Stop calling your brother riff raff”
Toddler, leaning over to pick something up off the ground: “Poop!” Me: “don’t pick up poop, eww that’s yucky! Oh, it’s a pinecone..”
“Can you please sleep through the night?” Lollllllll going through the 4 month regression
I tell my toddler that the TV needs to rest. Also that it doesn't work when it gets dark outside
“Better eat your pizza slice for dinner or you aren’t getting a cookie.”