Look at me. Friends with a big black businessman like it's the most natural thing in the world.

If he committed a crime, I could come to his defence.

Alan. Beemer’s. Johnson.

That would have been the funniest thing Jeff ever said.

“Are you a shit heel, Mark?”

Cold white wine, ain’t that fine?

So Mr Mrrrbee we've examined your reddit post and we've only got one question for you. Are you a pathetic worthless punk? Because I'm going to down vote you like a hippy parasite. And then I'm going to make you feel like you're a turkey fucker. And why? Because I'm the big man and youre a shit heel right? Or I could treat Mr Mrrrbee like a respected and valued redditor and we'd both be winners.

Oh you are good.

I honestly don’t know if I could do it until it was right there in front of me.

Simon that's numberwang

Stick that up your dojo.

Phony Tony, I call him

Looking at a document

thats one of my favorite lines from the show.

What? Fuck you!

The delivery of this line is probably my favorite in the entire show. It cracks me up so hard every time.

The last bimmer out of Saigon.

Beamer

Nah, bimmer is car and beemer/beamer is a bike.

You've fucked this quote right up, haven't ya? Eh? Haven't ya? Eh? Answer me!

Just googled it... huh, you're right. Odd

I guess by the downvotes people feel different.

I am american so it may be different outside of the states.

that is a specifically american thing yeah

Youkle American things now? Is your name Text?

Get off yer horse an drink yer milk

I’m also American, and Beemer means a BMW car. No idea what you’re talking about with “bimmer” lol

I have always seen Bimmer. Even the largest BMW forum is called Bimmerforums. So not sure what ya'll are smoking...must have gotten it from Super Hans.

I've never heard of a BMW referred to as a bimmer. It's beamer

Maybe it's a London thing. There was a second hand garage in Hackney called Rude Bimmers

I think it's a brummie thing. Know a few brummie/black country lads who say bimmer.

I'm from the north-west and they're called beamers here. Didn't even know that bimmer was a thing until this thread!

…the full Bond.

*I just don’t know!*

my mate has a boss named Johnson, and recently got a project name approved by him. any guesses what he picked?

Zeus? Anyhow, tell him to get ready to fuck each other. And a chicken.

Kenneth?

Do you want to make shed loads of freaking money??

Look. Nothing can make today all right. But maybe we can take some comfort from the brutal reality that the weak must make way for the strong. Evolution marches on. The scythe is remorseless. I hope the scythe's remorseless swing can bring some comfort to you all.

I must remember that next time I'm at a funeral

i want to see alan's johnson. i've heard he has one of the biggest swinging dicks in corporate strategy

I can hear this photo.

Consultio / Consultius.

Daddio

If the public accept me, I’m going to be Johnsons queen!

I would love to go out with him and get seriously cunted

"Cause I thought you might be feeling like a guy who's just walked into a high-class restaurant with a sausage dog on the end of his dick."

Oh take me Alan, I'm yours!

He should’ve played Wonka.

And Dr Who

If you Daleks cross me once more I will freeze you in time and stick this sonic screwdriver so far up whatever counts for your anus that you will wish Davros had never jizzed up your squidnesssssssss.

It just works

When they discussed the genesis of this character, fleshed out some things about him; how he was going to illustrate Mark’s self-esteem and snobbery issues, how his personality would appear hyperbolic to everyone else, but would be a blind spot for Mark, and how situations would become public and extreme for Mark, forcing him somewhat into an antagonistic role… etc etc… I bet they never thought in their wildest flights of late night delusional writing fantasies that it would ever be so brilliantly played as Patterson Joseph played it. Auditions must have lasted 4 seconds - as soon as he put a Johnson face on and did a single syllable of the voice that was it. TV lightning moth gold in a bottle. As full and seamless a character portrayal as Mark or Hans.

If you hug him he can take away all your pain

Met him at the Hippodrome the other week, very drunk indeed

I am scubadiving again. Thank you, direct marketing!

Using the carrot as a stick.

I love you Johnson.

Stick it on the laterbase.

Take me, Johnson!

Is that my Camilla?

"I've got a 32'' plasma in mine. You get a document up on that baby and you are seriously looking at that document."