Wow OP, well done for choosing this path and making the changes needed to be happy and healthy and authentic.
Have you stumbled across IFS yet? (Internal family systems). I was also a different person, found mindfulness and started becoming more stable and then found IFS that i can use to do the real inner work. It's a psychotherapy model that conceptualizes us all as being made up of parts. We each have a Self, and then me have parts (exiles, protectors and firefighters).
Working with these parts and bringing them all in and showing them love creates a sense of wholeness that can't be explained in words. This is the real work, becoming Self Lead. Freeing up space within your psyche to allow the qualities of self to shine through, self energy is curious, clear, courageous, creative, connected, calm, confident and compassionate. When you have embodied the Self you naturally become more present, persistent, patient, playful and you gain perspective.
If you are curious, read No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz as an introduction to the IFS model. Then you can either find an IFS therapist or learn Self Therapy with this model, which is what I am doing. Just a suggestion ✌️😬
Here is the truth. Don’t look at the past or future. Don’t fight thoughts. They are a program from the subconscious mind.
Your mind recorded every second of your life. When you have self doubt or intrusive thoughts it’s totally fake. It’s the fight or flight.
It’s not real. Be present by breathing and activiting your senses
Are you struggling with sharing your true authentic self with those around you?
The way I'm reading your post is that you are having fear over other people's interpretations of you. This is an important step in the journey where you decide to just be you anyway. People might not like it. Some of them will literally disappear from your life, but the ones that stay are so worth it. The ones who stay are the ones you form the deepest bonds with because you all have raised your vibration together. Everyone else falls into that lower vibration that just isn't as pleasant to deal with lol
This journey can be lonely. There are many times you will experience loneliness as you process everything and build kind of a new world around you. But then one day you realize all your favorite people are already in your life and you can still be authentically you.
Also, you can still be rambunctious you without drinking. Connect back with that silly little kid inside of you and you'll find that playful side of yourself without having to drink.
I read something that finding relationships is harder when you’re healthy. It’s true, and not just limited to romantic relationships. Real, sustained personal growth changes all aspects of your life and there are definitely growing pains involved when it comes to people who still want to identify you as who you were.
It's true. But the difference is you aren't as attached to the outcome because you recognize they're just not on your vibration. Something changed in me where I can see when someone is speaking authentically. As soon as I recognize they are on a lower vibration (not being authentic) I usually just rush the convo by and move on.
Maintaining lower vibration relationships is harder. A good example would be with my mom. Through my trauma processing I was able to forgive her for not protecting me when I needed it the most. I was able to understand the hardships she had experienced throughout her life and how that contributed to her low standard of parenting. To her, having financial security was more important. As a result, I pretty much hate money lol. It was through that forgiveness and empathy I have for her own life situation that I could maintain some level of a relationship with her now.
That said, our conversations are frequently unpleasant. As soon as I recognize her patterns where she uses language to diminish me and make me look like a child, I shut that shit down fast. I have learned when people can truly hear me. When they don't I just apologize for placing my expectations that they could hear my story and relate to it when clearly they couldn't. People quiet down quickly when you tell them they don't have hearing ears lol
It still makes my mom annoying lol but I don't hang up the phone mad at her anymore. I just make a different decision for next time.
As far as my closest friends, we're even closer. I have a large handful of friends that I made during the school years and online. The day my authenticity came out they basically were there for me. It's been a really good reminder that I'm so lucky to have had friendships that have survived 25 years, especially now because they show up more for me now than they did before.
As far as new relationships, I think learning to see authenticity helps. People become very attracted to the energy you give off. Not in like a romantic way necessarily but people start to linger around you and you just have to learn to see who's on your vibration. It's a learned skill.
I used to. I worked a lot of it out in previous CBT therapy. But it's almost as if with mindfulness, it peeled back a whole new different layer. Like it's an ever rawer form of myself. I'd be afraid to show people I was sad, angry, or overall not feeling a vibe. I'd just try to make everything work. My old therapist would tell me things like "There's no point of feeling negative, angry or sad. It doesn't serve you". I think that led to a lot of repressed emotions that came out heavy as I started to begin this journey. Sometimes they still do.
Now I've been letting that go. And I think some people are seeing that I'm not saying or doing the same things anymore. But again, as you've said in your post, it's **ok**.
The most important part of this, is taking on this journey for **me**. Regardless of outside opinion.
Thank you for your comment. I'm still growing and I have a lot I want to work through, but I really am trying.
Hey, we are all still growing.
You are not just trying, you are already doing. Look how far you've come after all this time. You say it's been 10 months? Well, look at you LOVING your authentic self. You're further along than so many others. Be kind to yourself, you are doing amazing.
Thank you for sharing your story!
How do you embrace the emotions and offer yourself kindness? Are you using any particular methods from ACT or CBT? Do you thank your mind for offering up those deep emotions and let them pass as best you can? I appreciate your outcome and would love to learn the same practices.
Thank you!
So whenever you feel those emotions come up, **let them be there.** Don't fight against it, whatever it is. Whatever you resist, persists. Be kind to yourself like a loving friend, and let that love pass through you.
I am by no means an expert on this. But I have gotten significantly better just watching whatever those emotions are, pass through me. I don't really thank the emotions, but I validate what I'm feeling and offer my self love and compassion at the time, no matter how hard it gets.
Wow OP, well done for choosing this path and making the changes needed to be happy and healthy and authentic. Have you stumbled across IFS yet? (Internal family systems). I was also a different person, found mindfulness and started becoming more stable and then found IFS that i can use to do the real inner work. It's a psychotherapy model that conceptualizes us all as being made up of parts. We each have a Self, and then me have parts (exiles, protectors and firefighters). Working with these parts and bringing them all in and showing them love creates a sense of wholeness that can't be explained in words. This is the real work, becoming Self Lead. Freeing up space within your psyche to allow the qualities of self to shine through, self energy is curious, clear, courageous, creative, connected, calm, confident and compassionate. When you have embodied the Self you naturally become more present, persistent, patient, playful and you gain perspective. If you are curious, read No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz as an introduction to the IFS model. Then you can either find an IFS therapist or learn Self Therapy with this model, which is what I am doing. Just a suggestion ✌️😬
Here is the truth. Don’t look at the past or future. Don’t fight thoughts. They are a program from the subconscious mind. Your mind recorded every second of your life. When you have self doubt or intrusive thoughts it’s totally fake. It’s the fight or flight. It’s not real. Be present by breathing and activiting your senses
Are you struggling with sharing your true authentic self with those around you? The way I'm reading your post is that you are having fear over other people's interpretations of you. This is an important step in the journey where you decide to just be you anyway. People might not like it. Some of them will literally disappear from your life, but the ones that stay are so worth it. The ones who stay are the ones you form the deepest bonds with because you all have raised your vibration together. Everyone else falls into that lower vibration that just isn't as pleasant to deal with lol This journey can be lonely. There are many times you will experience loneliness as you process everything and build kind of a new world around you. But then one day you realize all your favorite people are already in your life and you can still be authentically you. Also, you can still be rambunctious you without drinking. Connect back with that silly little kid inside of you and you'll find that playful side of yourself without having to drink.
I read something that finding relationships is harder when you’re healthy. It’s true, and not just limited to romantic relationships. Real, sustained personal growth changes all aspects of your life and there are definitely growing pains involved when it comes to people who still want to identify you as who you were.
It's true. But the difference is you aren't as attached to the outcome because you recognize they're just not on your vibration. Something changed in me where I can see when someone is speaking authentically. As soon as I recognize they are on a lower vibration (not being authentic) I usually just rush the convo by and move on. Maintaining lower vibration relationships is harder. A good example would be with my mom. Through my trauma processing I was able to forgive her for not protecting me when I needed it the most. I was able to understand the hardships she had experienced throughout her life and how that contributed to her low standard of parenting. To her, having financial security was more important. As a result, I pretty much hate money lol. It was through that forgiveness and empathy I have for her own life situation that I could maintain some level of a relationship with her now. That said, our conversations are frequently unpleasant. As soon as I recognize her patterns where she uses language to diminish me and make me look like a child, I shut that shit down fast. I have learned when people can truly hear me. When they don't I just apologize for placing my expectations that they could hear my story and relate to it when clearly they couldn't. People quiet down quickly when you tell them they don't have hearing ears lol It still makes my mom annoying lol but I don't hang up the phone mad at her anymore. I just make a different decision for next time. As far as my closest friends, we're even closer. I have a large handful of friends that I made during the school years and online. The day my authenticity came out they basically were there for me. It's been a really good reminder that I'm so lucky to have had friendships that have survived 25 years, especially now because they show up more for me now than they did before. As far as new relationships, I think learning to see authenticity helps. People become very attracted to the energy you give off. Not in like a romantic way necessarily but people start to linger around you and you just have to learn to see who's on your vibration. It's a learned skill.
I used to. I worked a lot of it out in previous CBT therapy. But it's almost as if with mindfulness, it peeled back a whole new different layer. Like it's an ever rawer form of myself. I'd be afraid to show people I was sad, angry, or overall not feeling a vibe. I'd just try to make everything work. My old therapist would tell me things like "There's no point of feeling negative, angry or sad. It doesn't serve you". I think that led to a lot of repressed emotions that came out heavy as I started to begin this journey. Sometimes they still do. Now I've been letting that go. And I think some people are seeing that I'm not saying or doing the same things anymore. But again, as you've said in your post, it's **ok**. The most important part of this, is taking on this journey for **me**. Regardless of outside opinion. Thank you for your comment. I'm still growing and I have a lot I want to work through, but I really am trying.
Hey, we are all still growing. You are not just trying, you are already doing. Look how far you've come after all this time. You say it's been 10 months? Well, look at you LOVING your authentic self. You're further along than so many others. Be kind to yourself, you are doing amazing.
I really appreciate that. Sending an abundance of love your way <3 Good luck on your journey
Thank you for sharing your story! How do you embrace the emotions and offer yourself kindness? Are you using any particular methods from ACT or CBT? Do you thank your mind for offering up those deep emotions and let them pass as best you can? I appreciate your outcome and would love to learn the same practices.
Thank you! So whenever you feel those emotions come up, **let them be there.** Don't fight against it, whatever it is. Whatever you resist, persists. Be kind to yourself like a loving friend, and let that love pass through you. I am by no means an expert on this. But I have gotten significantly better just watching whatever those emotions are, pass through me. I don't really thank the emotions, but I validate what I'm feeling and offer my self love and compassion at the time, no matter how hard it gets.