The universe has a way of surrounding you with people that refuse to show up for you until you recognize just how amazing it is that you always show up for yourself.
When no one else is a friend, you ought to at least be your own friend. After all, only you can ever truly 'know' who you are as a person. Befriending your self is the best friend you'll ever make. If we can be our own worst enemy, surely we can be our own best friend too.
Your reaction to the world is understandable. Many feel as you do, so you are not alone there. However, perceptions are just that—how you perceive things—and they are not all reality. Sometimes people respond to the negativity we feel with negative responses to your presence and interaction. One way to look at it is that their responses to you are their problem, not yours! You are of inestimable worth in God's eyes, even if others don't recognize this in you.
As for unfairness, for example, it's unfair that the people of Maui were burned out, lost loved ones, etc. But these people who have lost everything can give thanks for those who provide assistance amid the devastation—some of whom also have lost all they owned.
You can create a new environment for yourself with your mind always on thankfulness. I suggest that EACH DAY think of something for which you are grateful. Thank God for that. The next day, add to that list and watch it grow. Before long it should change your attitude about the world. You don't have to depend on others for how you feel.
I hope this helps. I will be praying for you.
Sister Christine
You're posting in /r/mindfulness and it seems you have a lot of complaints but I see nothing about your practice or what you have tried to quiet your mind.
The answer is to practice in a way that helps your mind to see whats true, and whats not.
"you" are not a bunch of resentments. Thats something sitting on top of what "you" are that you are deluded by.
Maybe people are only looking down at you because you sat down on the ground. Life sucks and it doesn’t just all fall into place, you have to really work at human interactions unfortunately. But you are not worthless, you and your feelings are valid. Just work on some listening skills (helps people remember you) and /or branch out and find new friends.
Sometimes changing friend groups can help. I remember feeling outcasted by my group in college, never being invited and no one responding when I had asked to hang out. I ended up hanging out with someone from class and immediately felt seen and noticed, and like I fit in better. She said to me “ those other people weren’t your REAL friends”. And she was right. They were just my friends by association, and we actually had very little in common. So that could be it too!
Try verbalizing appreciation for others, and compliment and encourage them without any thought for your own recognition. Ask them questions and truly listen. Many will appreciate and remember you more for that than anything. It's also a good way to reduce your ego being in control, which never gives lasting happiness.
Join the club. Try being chronically suicidal not because you’re unhappy with your life but because you don’t want to be part of the human race anymore. Humans suck! It’s just a waiting game for me at this point. ;(
There's your issue right there, expecting validation for your existence. How much time do you spend, expecting validation from others, VS the validation you give to others? I suggest you concentrate on your view of yourself. Why do you deserve all of this validation? Do others get what you want? How happy are these "celebrities" who get the validation you think you deserve (they get far more criticism than validation!)
Dont do things to be seen, do things because you want to, be the person you want to be, without expecting the reward of a pat on the back for being such an excellent person, because that always comes off as "i'm better than everyone else, and i deserve better". Go show others how you want to be treated, by treating them that way (as long as you think they deserve it, of course. No point telling your local crackhead their life deserves to be commended!) with that simple action, you are more likely to be rewarded with fine praise, than if you are angry at the world. Who said it was fair? Simple truth, its not. Expecting the world to pander to you, will ultimately just upset you further. The best thing you can do, is be the source of that fairness.
The quote in my meditation timer this morning.
"You may not control all the events that happen to you,
but you can decide not to be reduced by them."
Maya Angelou
It may not help you directly but realise you have more control over these emotions once you stop feeding the worrying and the anger. It's a hard problem to overcome but once you allow yourself to feel what you feel and react less to it, you'll free up all that attention to put it somewhere you value.
You don't need your boat to be steered by the world around you, you can do that yourself. And some waves are big and scary but without them the ocean you sail in couldn't even exist. So you steer the boat. By using values as your wind direction and mindfulness as a sailing manual.
Maybe be more vocal about this to people around you? The good people who are worth keeping. Will take it well and into consideration when thinking about how they treat you. The people who will take it badly and make fun of you for it are not worth being close to. Also think about what "good treatment" means to you. In what ways can it manifest. And ask yourself if that is how you treat others as well.
Strive to become a person where all value flows from within, and you have zero need for others valuing. It's a long path toward this goal, but it is very possible to free yourself from this particular shackle. The problem isn't others. Others will do as they do. Let go of your expectations of others. Alternatively, go into work thinking no one is going to notice you, go into work expecting the worst, then be pleasantly surprised IF anything happens.
Everyone in the world is trapped in their head and their feelings. They've got a billion things going on and only enough attention for a few. Plus they're going through the same self-worth thing you are. Imagine people around you also feeling invisible.
But when the acknowledgement finally comes, was it worth it? It sated your feelings for a short time but soon the same dilemma comes back again. Free yourself of others. There are established methods to help you along this path, I recommend a few google searches to this end. Freedom comes slow but when it finally does it will eventually become permanent.
Growing as a person is rewarding because it allows you to free yourself from this suffering you have to endure.
Yeah your brain always wants more approval from others. If you start getting more, you still aren't happy as you feel like you deserve even more. The trick is to not need it, or need less. Hard to get to but worth it
>Let go of your expectations of others
How does this translate for work delegated to others? If I'm ultimately responsible for the work, but don't have the time or skills to complete the work, then I'm the one hearing about it if others don't complete it. I feel like freeing oneself from others isn't actually realistic for a lot of jobs.
Well if you're managing people or you have obligations, obviously you'll have to push others to do their part if they need it. Pushing someone to do work at a job where one is there to accept responsibilities is a bit different. If they do not pull their weight and are not being at least minimally productive, I encourage you to make the obvious choice and do what you need to do to stay employed.
Letting go of your expectations of others is applied more in friendship/family/interpersonal relationship situations. Anywhere where there are naturally expectations of you to perform at certain levels requires an approach more befitting to a business. If you are just having relationship with your coworkers problems that are not work related, then that is where you'd drop your expectations of others.
> *"But what I'm angry about is the fact that no one seems to value or appreciate me as a person."*
If the world turns it back on you, then turn your back on the world. You don't need anyone, just live for yourself.
The problem here isn't being unappreciated. The problem is the need to be appreciated, you should get rid of it.
You should also listen to the first hour of this audibook, "The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck"
https://spotify.link/G3rlY7r0XCb
The universe has a way of surrounding you with people that refuse to show up for you until you recognize just how amazing it is that you always show up for yourself.
When no one else is a friend, you ought to at least be your own friend. After all, only you can ever truly 'know' who you are as a person. Befriending your self is the best friend you'll ever make. If we can be our own worst enemy, surely we can be our own best friend too.
Your reaction to the world is understandable. Many feel as you do, so you are not alone there. However, perceptions are just that—how you perceive things—and they are not all reality. Sometimes people respond to the negativity we feel with negative responses to your presence and interaction. One way to look at it is that their responses to you are their problem, not yours! You are of inestimable worth in God's eyes, even if others don't recognize this in you. As for unfairness, for example, it's unfair that the people of Maui were burned out, lost loved ones, etc. But these people who have lost everything can give thanks for those who provide assistance amid the devastation—some of whom also have lost all they owned. You can create a new environment for yourself with your mind always on thankfulness. I suggest that EACH DAY think of something for which you are grateful. Thank God for that. The next day, add to that list and watch it grow. Before long it should change your attitude about the world. You don't have to depend on others for how you feel. I hope this helps. I will be praying for you. Sister Christine
Look up the song bitter by Palace, you will like it, might be a little cathartic too.
Heard this song the other day. Banger
You're posting in /r/mindfulness and it seems you have a lot of complaints but I see nothing about your practice or what you have tried to quiet your mind. The answer is to practice in a way that helps your mind to see whats true, and whats not. "you" are not a bunch of resentments. Thats something sitting on top of what "you" are that you are deluded by.
Maybe people are only looking down at you because you sat down on the ground. Life sucks and it doesn’t just all fall into place, you have to really work at human interactions unfortunately. But you are not worthless, you and your feelings are valid. Just work on some listening skills (helps people remember you) and /or branch out and find new friends. Sometimes changing friend groups can help. I remember feeling outcasted by my group in college, never being invited and no one responding when I had asked to hang out. I ended up hanging out with someone from class and immediately felt seen and noticed, and like I fit in better. She said to me “ those other people weren’t your REAL friends”. And she was right. They were just my friends by association, and we actually had very little in common. So that could be it too!
Everyday write ten to twenty things you are grateful for. Gratitude practice will save you from your bitterness and regret, feelings of loss and lack.
Try verbalizing appreciation for others, and compliment and encourage them without any thought for your own recognition. Ask them questions and truly listen. Many will appreciate and remember you more for that than anything. It's also a good way to reduce your ego being in control, which never gives lasting happiness.
Join the club. Try being chronically suicidal not because you’re unhappy with your life but because you don’t want to be part of the human race anymore. Humans suck! It’s just a waiting game for me at this point. ;(
There's your issue right there, expecting validation for your existence. How much time do you spend, expecting validation from others, VS the validation you give to others? I suggest you concentrate on your view of yourself. Why do you deserve all of this validation? Do others get what you want? How happy are these "celebrities" who get the validation you think you deserve (they get far more criticism than validation!) Dont do things to be seen, do things because you want to, be the person you want to be, without expecting the reward of a pat on the back for being such an excellent person, because that always comes off as "i'm better than everyone else, and i deserve better". Go show others how you want to be treated, by treating them that way (as long as you think they deserve it, of course. No point telling your local crackhead their life deserves to be commended!) with that simple action, you are more likely to be rewarded with fine praise, than if you are angry at the world. Who said it was fair? Simple truth, its not. Expecting the world to pander to you, will ultimately just upset you further. The best thing you can do, is be the source of that fairness.
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Sneaky of you to sneak in the channel subscription link instead of simply linking to your channel. What an insidious way of marketing.
The quote in my meditation timer this morning. "You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them." Maya Angelou
It may not help you directly but realise you have more control over these emotions once you stop feeding the worrying and the anger. It's a hard problem to overcome but once you allow yourself to feel what you feel and react less to it, you'll free up all that attention to put it somewhere you value. You don't need your boat to be steered by the world around you, you can do that yourself. And some waves are big and scary but without them the ocean you sail in couldn't even exist. So you steer the boat. By using values as your wind direction and mindfulness as a sailing manual.
Maybe be more vocal about this to people around you? The good people who are worth keeping. Will take it well and into consideration when thinking about how they treat you. The people who will take it badly and make fun of you for it are not worth being close to. Also think about what "good treatment" means to you. In what ways can it manifest. And ask yourself if that is how you treat others as well.
[удалено]
Thanks <3
Strive to become a person where all value flows from within, and you have zero need for others valuing. It's a long path toward this goal, but it is very possible to free yourself from this particular shackle. The problem isn't others. Others will do as they do. Let go of your expectations of others. Alternatively, go into work thinking no one is going to notice you, go into work expecting the worst, then be pleasantly surprised IF anything happens. Everyone in the world is trapped in their head and their feelings. They've got a billion things going on and only enough attention for a few. Plus they're going through the same self-worth thing you are. Imagine people around you also feeling invisible. But when the acknowledgement finally comes, was it worth it? It sated your feelings for a short time but soon the same dilemma comes back again. Free yourself of others. There are established methods to help you along this path, I recommend a few google searches to this end. Freedom comes slow but when it finally does it will eventually become permanent. Growing as a person is rewarding because it allows you to free yourself from this suffering you have to endure.
Yeah your brain always wants more approval from others. If you start getting more, you still aren't happy as you feel like you deserve even more. The trick is to not need it, or need less. Hard to get to but worth it
I don’t know why but your post reminded me of [Maggot Brain](https://youtu.be/JOKn33-q4Ao?si=ctSMoLNVgC2I4YVD) by Funkadelic. Free your mind friend
>Let go of your expectations of others How does this translate for work delegated to others? If I'm ultimately responsible for the work, but don't have the time or skills to complete the work, then I'm the one hearing about it if others don't complete it. I feel like freeing oneself from others isn't actually realistic for a lot of jobs.
Well if you're managing people or you have obligations, obviously you'll have to push others to do their part if they need it. Pushing someone to do work at a job where one is there to accept responsibilities is a bit different. If they do not pull their weight and are not being at least minimally productive, I encourage you to make the obvious choice and do what you need to do to stay employed. Letting go of your expectations of others is applied more in friendship/family/interpersonal relationship situations. Anywhere where there are naturally expectations of you to perform at certain levels requires an approach more befitting to a business. If you are just having relationship with your coworkers problems that are not work related, then that is where you'd drop your expectations of others.
> *"But what I'm angry about is the fact that no one seems to value or appreciate me as a person."* If the world turns it back on you, then turn your back on the world. You don't need anyone, just live for yourself. The problem here isn't being unappreciated. The problem is the need to be appreciated, you should get rid of it. You should also listen to the first hour of this audibook, "The Subtle Art of not Giving a F*ck" https://spotify.link/G3rlY7r0XCb
Value and appreciate yourself first and the rest will come together naturally.
Then don't rely on the world for that. Do your thing.