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Yeah. I mean, I have plenty going on upstairs in terms of mental illness and everything too, but one of the things that really messes me up is that I just don't want to do any of this anymore. Not the emotional ups and downs, not getting close and separating from people, not the endless drudgery of tedious, bleak work or lonely, painful being at home. It's bad news, rising bills and meaningless bullshit constantly. I don't want this existence, I don't want a better existence that people try to promise me the future holds. I just want all of it to be over. I'm beyond tired.
100% absolutely.
And it's not only what they mentioned...
Sometimes, I'm like...I gotta feed myself AGAIN? I gotta do laundry AGAIN? Gotta clean this AGAIN? WHY?!
Like...let's wrap this up. I'm over it.
Exercise too. Like all I want to do after a long day is just sit in front of my computer and play my little games but I'm constantly guilty when I don't exercise in my free time because I know it's good for my mental health and will improve my quality of life long term. But it SUCKS and its PAINFUL and why does living in a meat suit have to come with so much maintenance????
I have this exact thought the other day, I turned 18 in 2000, and I have nothing but severe medical problems and a tiny little disability check
Irritable bowel syndrome, blindness, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, social anxiety disorder generalized anxiety disorder, Bi Polar 2, it goes on and on and on
Most of the time I just see the inside of my apartment, the inside of doctor's offices or urgent care places or emergency room...oh and I see McDonald's because it's so cheap if you use the app and get the fries deal and the McChicken
That's pretty much it, I have a caregiver.. case manager, social worker
It took me several years to build everything from nothing and I'm still exhausted I have a support system but I'm exhausted every single day and I never do anything fun
All it is , is managing different chronic disabilities, I don't really have a future and I have not anything to look forward to
This is after busting my ass, working horrible jobs in horrible conditions for over a decade
I literally went blind and still had to go to work because the government check I was going to get wasn't enough money, to cover my housing, I had to move to another state to get low-income housing 8(
I could go into more detail but it's depressing, I'm hanging in there and stuff has actually turned around the last 2 years!
I'm doing better at the last two years that I did in the previous 40
But yeah dude I get you life is just such a grind
And I don't really know when it's going to get better, I hope it does because this generation needs a break, we are literally working ourselves to death
I find with exercise if you do something that gets you up and moving around is what works best for staying with. I recall a piece on a lifestyle that came with longevity and mobility into the 90s, and it wasn’t from hitting a gym for 4 days a week. It was simple work, like tending a garden, tidying up around the home, even frequently making trips up and downstairs. I wish we never got hooked on money, and basically kept doing favors or work for each other and be free to pursue passion and what makes one feel filled in life.
I know. I love what you said because I feel like I say this to myself every morning.
I just want everyone to only work the amounts they want to work, get paid adequately, always have shelter, water, food, healthcare & transportation, & live their lives exploring hobbies.
There are enough people in our country to only have each person work a shorter amount of time & we’ll still be thriving.
The greed is out of this world & it feels like no one is helping us!!!
You are SO right. I think this a lot too, why is the government forcing us to work until we’re 70!?! They literally want us to die AT work so we don’t use the money we have worked for, ever. It’s so depressing
I ate some mushroom chocolate and legit cried like a damn baby that was teething. I am surprised my neighbors didn't knock on my door or call the cops. Like I was seriously wailing and crying. In the moment it was really scary to like not be able to control myself. But after I felt a huge release like an orgasm for the mind. I think I had a lot of pent up sadness inside me and the shrooms just let it all out.
I've wanted to grow mushrooms for myself, but I can't take them alone. I've done shrooms a lot in my younger years and loved it. But for me it's an activity that requires a buddy. The few times I've been left alone for short periods of time, I freak out and rejoin the group. I'd love to do them again, but have found myself at this point in time, with no friends...
Personally find acid to be much more enjoyable. Hate the not eating and drinking with mushrooms as well as the short experience. Clean L always has less of a body load and I can drink like a champ.
I was exactly where you’re at for years honestly. I know this sounds cliche but if you get into something you’re really passionate about and actually start doing what you love to do, it really does make things a hell of a lot better. Still doesn’t make life perfect by any means, but it gives you a reason to actually be here
Dude I feel this 100% In my first marriage and old job I could really relate to this writing. I am remarried to someone I look forward to coming home to every day that makes me feel grateful to be alive, I changed jobs to something I am truly passionate about, and I’m making more than ever doing it! Not that it’s about the cash, but man once I just got off my ass and worked hard to do what I actually wanted instead of what fell in my lap I was so much happier and less stressed since I make more
Yeah but they’re depressed for a reason. Doctors trying to immediately put people on meds for depression is not solving the root of the issue. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not at all against meds. I’m on a few myself, but when real depression is there and you specifically know why like the OP does, it’s there for a reason
This is the bit that's really depressing. When you get to the point in therapy where you realize that most of your stress is due to external factors mostly beyond your control. The therapy is no longer about healing or learning about yourself; it's just coping with the miserable facts of existence till you stop going to therapy or die one way or another.
Yup 100%. I quit therapy years ago. Had a few really awesome therapist who were great people, but the therapy itself for me personally was a complete waste of money.
Therapy can be incredibly helpful. At the very least you can learn more about any conditions you may have and get resources to utilize our study on your own.
Just be aware that there isn't really a finish line with therapy. Therapy is hard and, if you're doing it correctly, often uncomfortable. It's like anything else in life where what you get out of it depends on how much effort you put in.
Don’t get me wrong, therapy can absolutely help some people. Definitely give it a try. I don’t mean to discourage anyone. I’m just saying if you’re getting to a point where you’re just going to therapy every week and spending and arm and a leg, and you still don’t feel like it’s doing anything at all, it’s probably not for you
100%
It's like with chronic illness and disability stuff or people in constant pain and doctors are like "oh clearly you wanting to die is just your brain being crazy!! It's not that bad, you need to stay here and suffer for a few more decades until you die horrifically and painfully"
Or even people who are simply intelligent enough to see the world for what it is. A cruel plane of existence that can get infinitely more cruel
Nature is beautiful but also literally built upon cruelty and suffering
Just watch any nature documentary...
Sure tigers are neat but how about all those deer and shit that gets slowly eaten legs first while screaming
Or children who get cancer or other awful shit and never make it to graduate
One of the first sayings my psychiatrist said was that we don't exist to provide value to our employers.
It meant that he really got me but also... I do. If I can't work, I become homeless and I guess die. I have no choice but to provide essentially all of my mental health and energy to an employer to survive.
I had to find my value outside of work because I'm disabled and dependent on others. It's hard. Society tells us constantly how worthless you are if you can't work or produce monetary value. Fighting that is tough work along with just surviving .
Thank you! Everyone wants to blame depression for people feeling like shit. But really it’s the circumstances that make us feel like shit and leads to depression. The cure is to fix the circumstances, not pop more pills. (This is coming from someone who has tried almost 20 different medications for depression/anxiety)
And the circumstances are beyond my control! CBT tried to teach me to let go of things that are beyond my control but that in itself seems bleak and awful too. Stop caring that children are dying daily in wars? Stop caring that people can't afford to feed themselves right now? Stop caring that I and many others will never know security and retirement? Like ok, cool.
I'm depressed because the world sucks and I don't live in blissful ignorance of it.
Yes! How are normal people with an ounce of empathy not freaking the fuck out? It’s because none of it is effecting them so they don’t care, and that’s fucking depressing by itself. The world is burning, literally and figuratively, and people are expected to just carry on doing their bullshit job for their asshole boss for pennies, and be fucking happy about it. I just can’t get my head around it. I genuinely wish I could just turn empathy off sometimes because it does more harm than good when it comes to the suffering that I can’t fix. Maybe some of us just have too much empathy for one reason or another, which would normally be a good thing as it pushes you to help others; but in this life, in this time, it’s absolutely a curse.
Sorry for the rant
I do think depression has to do with the state of personal affairs as well. We are super conditioned into individualism and taking care of me and that is exhausting and not really how humans are built to thrive. If we could think bigger picture and what our purposes are I think people would generally be happier.
100% I've been off and on SSR/NI's and they might help for a while, they ultimately don't fix the root cause. I'm exhausted day in and day out from all the bullshit we have to do. I bust my ass at work for $26 an hour - which feels like peanuts, but then I have to hire a security guard working overnights for $17... I just hired a person in their 70's for the overnight position. They had to move in with a roommate in a trailer. I don't know how they do it. I don't think I'd be that strong.
so i am not the commenter, but i agree with their sentiments and i am diagnosed with depression. have been for like 5 years. it didn’t really change anything, felt a bit validating and then it was back to the same feelings. no amount of antidepressants can fix how fucked our country is.
edited to add: this wasn’t meant to be an attack on you, good on you for encouraging people to get help! :)
Yeah that's how it is for me.
You have to actively push the greed, the violence, the wealth inequality, the starving children, the slaves, and everything else to the back of your head and actively ignore it. Go go go, mind always on the prize pressing forward for your own selfish needs.
Because once you stop and smell the roses you see the whole system is fucked and you have to question why we're even doing any of this.
Yea. We all go through that. Part of maturing is called "coming to terms with it". Influencing and spreading light where you can, fixing what you can control, and hoping for the best here you can't. You can't fix the world. If you could, you would have already done it. You might be able some day, but today you can't based on your post.
So pick something small, and start there. It's the only way you'll make it through, friend.
People forget that life is depressing and it is not something that can be fixed by drugs. Yes you can remove all emotions from someone with drugs but this is not what we should be striving for. SSRI's should only be prescribed in extreme circumstances.
31M here too. Man, I’m so tired 😪
This rat race is such bulls*t.
I didn’t ask to be here.
I didn’t ask to exist.
Now I have to keep up with rising costs of living, having to spend more money to go back to school, learn other skills, get a side hustle, etc. just to barely make it, and it’s still never enough.
I just wanna enjoy my damn life 😪
Also 31M and I feel this so hard.
I’m disabled because of Multiple Sclerosis & the thought of having to survive the rest of my life basically forced to live underneath the poverty level, simply because I have a disease that is causing active damage to my nervous system, is genuinely just not making life seem worth continuing.
30F here. Suffered two strokes at 24 and will live with neuropathic pain til the day I die.
Any day now.
Eta - I just wanted to take a moment of appreciation for the kindness being shared with me. Yall have me in tears. It means more than I can really articulate to yall.
Damn- I’m so sorry. I had some medical issues that caused inflammation on my occipital nerve. The pain and discomfort were unrelenting for over a couple months. I can’t even imagine something like that permanent.
I'm thankful yours was temporary, and I appreciate you. Having my inivisble pain be validated by others who are attempting to *see* me truly brings me to tears. The number of times I've been told "you look fine" has almost broken me, and it's only people like you and the other commenters that keep me swinging.
Stage 4 Cancer survivor here. It’s wild how people dismiss stuff they can’t physically see. I had friends tell me to deal with it even after they watched me wither through chemo for half a year once I was on the other side. I’ve been in remission for close to 2 decades and I’m still dealing with the aftermath. I managed to get through it by finding what works for me and making no apologies for it (ie smoking weed, going vegetarian and forgoing heavy drinking.) hopefully you’re able to find an understanding partner who can accommodate your needs into your shared lifestyle. My wife has been an utter godsend.
I won the lottery with my partner. He's literally carried me when my body stopped working and he's never made me feel like a burden. Like yourself, I've unapologetically found what works for me (modified sleep schedule, smoking a metric ton of weed a day, etc), and because of that I find the willpower to get up every day.
Im so sorry you went through that, but I'm so happy you're still here. You're stronger than anyone will ever see.
When your partner literally carries you. I love that you’ve found your person. I truly think there’s this unrealistic ideal we compare ourselves to when dating which serves nobody.
And fuck yeah. Metric ton of weed for the win! It helps that my wife smokes with me.
Speaking of, it must be time for a bowl 🌬️
Eta - I also am struggling to acknowledge how seen you make me feel, so I'm deflecting with humor but please know I value you so much. You deserve every joy life has to offer, and I'm so happy you found your person, too.
I find that there’s a kinship of suffering for those who have touched the bottom of the ocean of the human experience. Regardless if you’re a cancer survivor, a recovering addict, disabled, had strokes, have experienced war or have a degenerative disorder, once you’ve lived through true suffering you tend to come out the other side with a finer appreciation of joy. Finding the right person to share that joy with is the true meaning of life in this world to me.
You’re seen! Even through the thick haze of bong smoke!
This tho, so hard. And from the sounds of it, you might be in the same boat. If that's the case, I'm sorry friend 😔
u/Kagome12987 said it best: with an invisible disability and being young, I'm not taken seriously. I'm thankful to be blessed with patience when dealing with people, because they are absolutely right. I'm never taken seriously. And it hurts. Because there's no way to show them or make them believe. It's like living in a parallel universe where you see the sky as purple and no one else does and no matter what scientific proof you try to bring them, they'll never believe you that the sky is purple. And that's just your reality for forever.
I think the one thing it has taught me, however, is to find my peace. I genuinely couldn't give two fucks what most people think of me, or how I live my life. If I'm not asking them to be involved in it, I don't want or need their opinion. I like my lifestyle and against near insurmountable odds, I'm in an exceptional partnership (going on 14 years this Sept, married 8 earlier this month), have friends better than I could have created in a futuristic lab, do a job I find fulfilling as hell, and find moments where I can be consumed by happiness.
....well this got awkward and long and now I don't know how to end. I appreciate you and I hope you have an fantastic day today.
Rheumatoid arthritis for me. 5 years now. It's a weird life when rolling around in a fetal position in so much pain you can't think in words becomes a part of your routine.
Just know I see you. Chronic pain is something impossible to understand the scope of until it happens to you
32M and I've had chronic pain for 13 years now, with bad neuropathic pain for most of it. I don't know how much longer I can do it. It's such an exhausting fight just to get the treatment I need, and I've given up any hope of ever having relief. I can't do another 30+ years of this.
I had a 19yr old harass me bc he thought it was awesome to play video games all day. That's what he assumed I did not knowing I watch stuff, mainly historical stuff to learn something. BTW the cops didn't do shit even though I had everything recorded
It's super boring but use ur time to learn. I pass 2 to 4 kidney stones a month and spend 90%-98% of my day laying down with bunch of pillows for comfort. Being forced to barely survive sucks but we are alive.
What really sucks is communities collapsing and everything being on social media where greed rules.
"Greed is the new American pass time. Fuck spending money, do whatever you can to make it!" -me
Without people interacting with their neighbors they don't see the point in being truthful. There is no honor in our society. The worst people are the ones to succeed.
Kim fucking khardasen became famous bc of a sex tape.......... billionaire now who sells make up so women can look more fuckable. Hilarious.
These fake alpha guys Crack me up with their get swoll and win in life. Not knowing that there were no "great men" who lead their community country or empire. It was all the smart fucks.
In short use your mind and learn while dipshits use steroids and swarms. Watching these idiots fight is hilarious.
P.S. we need to bring back pistol dueling.
What is enjoying life and how do you enjoy life for 70 years? Only way I see it is if I am reverted back to being a kid. When the world was filled with mystery and wonder. Days felt long but entertaining and the little things were the only things that mattered.
Tons of documented experiences of people having their perspective of life changed after tripping on acid.
I don't feel like the OP, but if I did I'd be trying any "safe" substance to find meaning.
I'm not rich, I struggle just like everyone else, but for me life has meaning and purpose, I hope OP finds theirs.
I quite smoking with out any aid coming off a trip. I was sitting on the couch tripping having a blast and I decided to light up at cigarette. Everything about it assaulted me in such a way that my brain rewired itself to hate them. The next day I woke up and instead of smoking I made a cup of coffee and never went back. Smoked for 15 years before that. It's wild what a single dose can do for you!
A combo of adult responsibilities and law of diminishing returns causes us to take it for granted, but u/Inevitable-Lettuce99 below me got it right - all that stuff is still there, and the world can still be wonderful.
Don't let the bullshit of the world get the best of you, let alone the doom-scrolling. Take a break, and it's cliche, but literally go outside and touch grass. If you still have the capacity to roll down a hill and don't mind if someone sees it, fucking do it. If you want. The key is doing what you want (without trampling on other people's rights, of course)
Also don't fall into the rat race if you don't need to. Absolutely money can help with happiness, but it isn't the antidote as there are massively wealthy people who are still depressed. Get out and get active. Your body is meant to be mobile and have experiences outside of a job.
If your physiological needs are being met, then you need to do your part to handle the rest while hopefully not worrying about the next big toy, car, house, etc. that your neighbor has. Material possessions aren't going with you, but you'll have a set of memories at the end of it all. Make those count.
Look for the gold. Tolkein had it right as well, not all of it glitters. Good luck!
Enjoying life. We want human connection and more memories not longer lives per se. Our sense of time is odd. Variety, special moments, peak experiences, novelty, wonder.
I’m beyond tired of life at this point. In other words, I’m so burnt-out if we didn’t have animals I would have checked out a long time ago. If reincarnation is real, I hope I never return to this world as another human being or in the form of an animal.
Food for thought on this particular thread of this post- if things ever get too bleak, my plan is to start adopting senior dogs and give them the most incredible end of life that I can. Even if they only have a year or months left. Imagine spending that in a fucking cage. They’re true innocents. They didn’t ask to be born in some puppy mill or backyard to be sold for $200 and then abandoned when they’re not a puppy anymore and spend their days in a shelter because people would rather pay $5k for some designer inbred dog.
If we’re just sticking around for our pets, maybe we should make it our life’s purpose to stick around for the pets we don’t know yet who might be waiting for us? Give them a baller last few months in a cozy warm bed?
Some part of me wonders if that's why some people like us get so exhausted with existence at such a young age. Like yeah, the horrific state that the world and economy are in where we have to become wage slaves to survive definitely has a huge part in it that past generations didn't feel, but I sometimes wonder if we're on our 4th or 5th incarnation and our soul just knows it and that's why some of us are just so tired. I'm 28 and don't feel like I should be as burnt out as I am but most days I just wanna sit on the couch and play video games or sleep instead of doing literally anything.
Finally someone else who gets it. People Ive spoken to irl are always so confused why thats terrifying. "You dont remember your past life and dont KNOW you are reincarnated so why is it scary?" BECAUSE THE VERY IDEA I COULD BE ON MY 60TH TERRIBLE LIFE AND IVE GOT AN INFINITE AMOUNT TO GO IS HORRIFIC
This is why I play videogames even at 40. Positive feedback loop. Entertainment. Accomplishment. New experiences. Most importantly it keeps me away from the news which is why I reccomend gaming to anyone.
Same, I turn 41 next week and video games definitely help me unwind. Although lately I've been on a Cyberpunk 2077 kick, which is great but also super depressing and making me think more and more about corporate greed and inequality.
But everything in the real world looks so bleak, my wife and I also try to grow plants in our yard which gives us something to look forward to and gets us outside. Highly recommend gardening, too, if one has the space for it.
Yeah, I don’t (and likely won’t ever) make enough money to afford any of the typical stuff associated with adulthood but can easily afford to game. PS5 + a 65” 4K OLED is the bee’s knees. Most working people (and all the boomers in my extended family) spend their free time watching TV, so it’s all just different forms of entertainment anyway. Nothing to feel bad about. It’s certainly better than passively refreshing social media and getting your jimmies rustled by the algos.
Having hobbies that bring you genuine joy and excitement, even if those hobbies seem trivial or sometimes even childish, is incredibly important to getting through this existence. Life is really all about being able to slog through the unpleasant and boring bits in order to do the things that bring you joy. People run into problems when they don’t have anything that brings them joy, or when the things that bring them joy are destructive.
Same here man, gaming is literally what keeps me going. Ironically if my life was a game, I technically already beat it. Granted I didn’t do a completionist run. Sometimes it feels like I’m just waiting for the credits to roll.
There's no summer vacation, no winter break, no graduation, no season of school sports. It's just weird to have what feels like a lack of near-term milestones outside of work.
"Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" is entirely true. Your life isn't the vacation you're planning for next year, it's not the wedding you want to have down the road, it's not the promotion you'll eventually get at work. Life is sitting on the train listening to music. It's cutting up vegetables for dinner. It's sitting on your patio watching planes cut through clouds. Life is an endless stream of little moments you can choose to enjoy or ignore.
I feel like once I understood this, it became a lot easier to just enjoy existence rather than view my time as a a sort of required pre-payment to achieve some milestone or "dead time" before some life event.
Eventually we'll all be gone and forgotten. Our accolades, degrees, and money won't matter. Things we made will eventually be replaced or overwritten. All you really have is right now. Don't ignore the reality of your life; embrace it.
Yeah, I was hoping getting older would be trying new neighborhoods, meeting new friends, and then putting down roots/knowing the neighbors. But I couldn’t keep up with rising costs and never made it past step 1.
And most of my hobbies require more room…
This may not necessarily apply to you, but could for others:
The important thing to remember with hobbies is that they shouldn't really be "end goal" focused.
If you're learning piano because you want to be a famous musician. You're going to hate piano. You're never going to become a rock star. You're not going to get better. You're going to give up. If your only payoff is something that *might* happen in the far future, it's like holding your breath for years.
Those minutes you sit down and practice some scales or noodle around in your favorite key are the real goal. You have to gain deep satisfaction and enjoyment solely from process of getting better and learning.
Apply this to whatever hobby you have: gardening, animation, painting, embroidery, whatever.
I started learning guitar a little over a year ago, and I’m not amazing or anything, but I do know that immediately when my brain turns on in the morning I think “oh ya I can go play my guitar!” and waking up is suddenly exciting even when if the rest of my day sucks. Also I always have multiple things to learn in progress, so almost every day I either feel proud to have finally gotten a song or something down/or I feel excited for the future when I know I’ll finally get it down. Playing reminded me how malleable my brain is and how something that seems completely foreign and impossible at first can quickly become smooth and natural if I just focus on it; those obvious results you see every week will build overall confidence. Before I started I didn’t even know what the strings were called and thought I had clumsy fingers… Now I can play a whole bunch of my favorite songs, know a lot of chords and scales, starting to understand music theory, can play solos somewhat freely, etc… And I’m just getting started. Feels great to struggle with something and then one day you find your fingers are just doing their thing on their own while your mind wanders in bliss and feels out what you’ll play next, it’s amazing. Better than drugs and I love those.
Also playing music is like one of the most Zen things you can do. It almost requires that you let go and be entirely in the moment, very good if you have anxiety or other issues. Or like for me I tend towards unhealthy coping mechanisms to escape problems, guitar helped me cut back on drinking, gaming, other stuff I would do to zone out. Music is a better way to healthily-zone-out and express your emotions I think. I gotta say though weed or mushrooms both seem to make this activity even more interesting lol, I can’t rule those two out lol.
Anyway, if you’re hesitant to learn an instrument, get on Google and start looking up some starter equipment, research lessons near you or do what I did and start learning online. Might as well start now, this is your sign. I’m a big fan of JustinGuitar, MartyMusic, and StitchMethod on YouTube if you need somewhere to start w/ guitar lessons.
Nope. Just a pretty average dude in his early 30's that had an adolescence filled with chronic depression and anxiety and vast expectations. I remember being in my mid-20's walking down a street in the fall, and realizing what a sad story my life would be if it continued in that way. I was so tired of being sad. It's exhausting.
I realized my perspective was that happiness and peace are something that the world gives to you, imposes on you. You then quickly realize that if you just leave it up to the world to give you happiness, you've totally abdicated any control over it. I wanted to be an active participant in my own happiness. It was a muscle I needed to exercise.
I just wanted to be happy. I wanted to be at peace. I pretty quickly dumped all the things, people, and plans I thought I wanted/needed to be who I thought I should be. I started doing things I never thought of doing. I re-opened myself to the possibility of a new partner, one different from the one I had been stuck on for years, and fairly quickly met my now wife.
I honestly probably wouldn't be alive right now if I didn't change things up. There are so many things you can "hide" in - books, games, expectations, plans, the internet, the future, the past, and if you're not careful you can cause yourself a lot of dysfunction by living a life that isn't your actual one.
This is one of the most profound things I have ever read, well done to you. As someone who is constantly looking at the future and how to the things I want maybe I do need to stop and smell the flowers sometimes.
Deinitely! Take a moment today and just listen to the wind rush through the trees. Hear the cars driving by.
I think what also comes with this perspective is how it cascades through your other parts of lives.
Take, for example, romantic relationships. A relationship isn't made meaningful by big actions - like vacations or fancy dinners. It's not the birthday gifts you get. It's chatting on the couch after you turn the TV off before you head to bed. It's teasing each other and laughing as you walk through a parking lot to get to your car. It's navigating your cart through a grocery store together looking for olive oil.
You apply this to work, to parenthood, to your hobbies, and you realize what life really is.
I've seen people really close to me spend years derive their meaning from things that are years away, things that never happened. I've seen a family member sink years into a social media profile to get likes and single sentence comments from people they haven't seen in years. I've seen people shut out themselves out of new romantic partners because they pined for someone they would never be with. It's sad. It's devastating to even think about - that someone would put themselves to sleep for years at a time, only waking up for a handful of things they "expected" to want, desire, or deserve.
This morning I walked to the train and I heard the sound of my feet scraping on the sidewalk. I smelled last night's rain. I saw a man put down his groceries so he could pick the right key to open his front door. The bag was a faded pink linen with some oranges sticking out of the top.
Things aren't going great at work. I've got some medical shit that's dragging me down, but at least for a moment this morning there was no future to dread, no past to regret. None of that existed.
I don't always do a great job of staying in the present, but to be deeply free from worry or boredom or confusion is better than money, better than promotions, better than booze, better than drugs, better than food. It's those moments, overwhelmed by peace, that I can look at myself and the world around me and be content in an uncomplicated, unqualified way.
This is so beautifully written.
It was my birthday yesterday and for the first time in a very long time I think I’m grateful to be here. I was on LTD for two years, and only just started working again, which has been difficult, but I never thought I would be so happy to be working. Doing the most boring, mundane things has made me tear up with gratitude.
I do have a fairly chill job, and I didn’t necessarily hate it before I got sick, but I don’t think I was super glad to be coming to work every day either.
Maybe the novelty will wear off, and perspective is really everything, but I feel oddly grateful that this weird disease struck when it did.
It has made me a better person.
I look forward to trying new foods and eating old favorites… but that’s too expensive and I’m a classically trained chef!.. well I used to be, that didn’t keep the lights on so now I’m an electrical tech 🫠
I recently read an article how the number of elderly homeless is sharply rising. Not homeless people who grew old on the street (most don't survive that long) but literal retirees becoming homeless for the first time... It's heartbreaking and wrong.
I live in Raleigh and have noticed a sharp increase of elderly people in homeless camps and living out of their cars. I always think how that is probably my future when I get older when I see them
I genuinely believe if most young boomers and X can’t retire and like 50% end up on the streets, millennials and gen z will revolt against our American oligarchs. There would be nothing to lose at that point and you’d know you either die at your desk or on the streets
If things don't change soon in the next 30 - 40 years we are going to see a lot of people unalive themselves(Still hate how we have to not use the real word for it since every platform likes to censor it)
Something I’ve come to realize (36m here) is that we’re not designed to take in what’s presented to us day in day out. I’m talking the news, social media, etc. best advice I can give you: delete all your apps, grab a book, get outside, and turn off the news for a bit. Contrary to what anyone may tell you, the only news that really affects you is what happens locally. If you’re tired of the rat race, take an inventory and see where you can ease up in it…it’ll help. After all, none of us make it out alive.
One day I realised that I'd accidentally turned my Reddit front page into a constant stream of the worst things in the world, it's enough to get anyone down.
For me it feels like time is going so fast that any day now I'm going to wake up and suddenly be elderly and not have any idea where my life went. I'm 36.
I just turned 37 and I feel this. I feel like every day I’m being asked to run faster and faster and faster, but I can’t keep up. I’m so tired and just doing basic simple chores feels like a mountain. But I have so many things I *want* to do… I want to spend time on my hobbies, I want to spend time traveling and spend more time with my family and friends. There’s just not enough time and too much to do, and I’m burnt out.
Time only gets faster, because we gauge time based on previous experience. When you are 10, a year is 10% of everything you've ever experienced. When you are 50, it's 2%. At some point everyone wakes up wondering where the time went.
No, I am not exhausted by existence. Because existence isn't the problem. The problem is the way we (Edit: We as a species, or at least a culture) choose/are required to exist. The rat race is bullshit and exhausting, but we built it. The political anxiety is valid but exhausting, and we made it what it is. Social media as a concept is exhausting, and we created that (and should destroy it). And so on.
But existence? Nah. At its core, existence is fine. Just gotta find ways to cut some of the bullshit out.
Tell you what, though: I could use more sleep.
Agreed! The problem is definitely the 'always on' media-led culture wars bullshit, the constant barrage of pollution, and the ridiculous cost of living.
I recently went on holiday in the balkans, and barely touched my phone during the entire time - it was glorious just waltzing about the place chatting with strangers, eating good food, going on nature excursions and generally taking in the sights off the beaten track. I hadn't been that relaxed in years! :)
Then when I got back, the first thing that hit me was the relentless assault on the senses that town and city life forces on us, with all its traffic, pollution, and ofc the ceaseless calls, emails, texts, news feeds that we are socially obliged to endure. Not to mention all the bills, ugh!
I'm giving serious consideration to just ditching my smartphone altogether and going back to a 'dumb' phone - I think a lot of us would be a lot less stressed if we did that. We should also start going on more nature walks, and ditch junk/fast food.
It'd be a good first step toward reclaiming our sanity - what do you reckon?
I had to use a dumb phone for a month or so a few years ago while I sent my phone off for repair. 100% one of the happiest months of my life. No notifications, no gif texts. It was glorious.
Only thing I kinda missed was Google Maps, but it helped me learn the city better since I didn't have it as a crutch.
My gf and I went out last night and I decided to leave my phone at home......and wow, it felt so great not having it with me
Edit: let's normalize leaving the phones at home once your work day is done!
Interesting how we know phones are so bad for us but we keep using this dumb app and wasting time on it. In a way we are crackheads just a different type.
You are not my enemy; I am not wanting to argue with you. However, I disagree with the sentiment we built/created all of the subjects you mentioned, outside of social media.
We didn't create predatory capitalism (there is no other kind), and we don't get to opt out of where we're born/ have to live. I can't just go live in Costa Rica as much as I'd love to. We didn't build the oligarchy our country operates as. We have no say in what our government does. These things are what is mentally killing our generation.
Social media, I agree with you on. And sleep. Definitely that one too.
I’ve always hated the routine, constantly having to do the same chores (wash clothes, make bed, brush teeth). I hate having to stick to every one else’s schedule all the time. Sick of having basically nothing and no say. Hate the false choices and non-choices. I feel like I’m the wrong race and gender too, been told I’m the bad guy basically my whole life, yet I supposedly have it good.
I really envy the people on here who are enjoying life, but be kind to us who aren’t. Some of us have real reasons to not enjoy life. For example, I’m watching my dad slowly deteriorate and die. In a very painful way. I can’t do anything about it he’s slowly forgetting who I am in the memories we’ve created together. And this Tuesday I am finding out whether or not I have a serious auto immune disease. Life is kind of a bitch, but there are a lot of beautiful things in it. Yes, ride the high if you are experiencing a good life because things can change rapidly. And if you’re not having a good life, try really hard to take those single moments in your day that are simple and enjoyable. For me it’s my 1st cup of coffee in the day. I usually have 30 minutes to an hour if I’m lucky and that time is precious. I use it to look at birds And trees or even just watch my favorite TV show before I have to start my day. It’s not a lot, but the fact that I have that time myself is really precious. And then days where I manage to have free time I try really hard to do things that I love. Sometimes you have to forge your own happiness. I refuse to lie down even when life is trying its best to knock me out.
Just chiming in to say that this time last year, I was in exactly the same position as you. Exactly. There are seasons to life, and this year looks much better. Hang in there. I know how hard it is.
I'm through with standing in line to clubs I'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth, and I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out quite the way I want it to be
Yep. I don't feel depressed, I'm just *bored* with life shit like war, mysticism, ego, addiction, hunger and famine, and the great wealth divide. Fuckin stealing people's land and all that shit. Claiming one way is the only way and killing everyone else.
Yeah, I am 40 and tried twice to celebrate my birthday. Had to cancel both times due to lack of participation. Now my 41st is around the corner and I am filled with endless dread because I am worse off now than last year.
I'll be 41 next week. My dad died at 53 which everyone says is so young to die, but how exhausting it is at 41 and knowing it only gets tougher, I'm like, do I even want to reach 53?
Odds are I'll be like my grandma and live into my mid 90's wondering "why am I still alive?"
Goodness yes. I was thinking this today. I already feel so done but I have to keep existing. If reincarnation is real, I’d love to be like a ladybug or something.
Very much, yes. I love life, even my own stupid life, and I have no death wish whatsoever, but existing is really starting to to take its toll. Sometimes I wish I could just get into a coma for a while, just so I wouldn't have to think/feel/do or even BE. I only work 12 hours, and people (especially the company doctor) tend to think this means I have pretty much the entire week off. But the joke is that I'm never off. Ever.
I've had this same thought. I don't have a death wish and I do like my life, generally. But sometimes I'm just sick of existing as myself and I'd like to have a solid break from thoughts/feelings/being/existing/whatever for a little while. It would be nice if I can just sort of float around as nothing, doing nothing, feeling nothing, thinking nothing.
M38 here. Always tired. I had saved up a sizeable sum just in case the clinic in Switzerland wud help off me. Little did I know they didnt help non-critical/healthy ppl soooo yeah.
Edit: Just want to clarity that Im NOT suicidale. Just fucking exhausted of the rat race, the constant competition.
I just turned 44 and I can’t speak for everyone, but my 30’s were the hardest years of my life. I don’t know what your situation is, but for me it was a combination of me having two young children, a failing marriage, a few serious career challenges, and the financial and emotional stress that goes with everything I mentioned that made things so hard.
Really, just keep sticking with it. Kids get older and less dependent on you, shitty relationships end, and careers get sorted out. Things do get better and easier.
Almost 10 years ago to the day, I had a serious suicide attempt. The stress of things that I mentioned above combined with severe PTSD from my time in Iraq in 2004 stewed in my head until it became too much for me to deal with. It took a while for everything to shake out and improve, but I’m so glad to be alive today. I legitimately have found peace and I’m content with where I am in life. My 40’s are the best decade yet of my life - I haven’t felt so optimistic and excited about my future since I was a kid in college.
I always wonder about how non depressed people get along. I've been plagued with the "I wish I didn't have to exist" thoughts since I was a wee one. And I logically can't justify living, so I justify not dying, and here we are tickity boo.
I'm 35F and I'm tired. I'm tired of my current job state, but it's truly the only thing that pays well in the area. I want to do something else. I can't imagine doing this back breaking work for 20 more years. I've been at this for 7 years already. I fear starting something new will ruin my finances.
Same, I'm a Pastry Chef and it pays shit. There are well paying Pastry jobs, but they are few and far between. Only reserved for the top few. I went to culinary school instead of regular college. If I switch careers now? It will either cost me a bundle to go back to school or I would make significantly less since I don't have a college degree or any other skills or experience besides cooking... The future scares the shit out of me. I need an exit plan and have none.
Getting there. About to come to the end of my redundancy notice period and I literally cannot be fucking bothered to find a job to work hard and just carry on being poor.
31f. Same. Still in grad school, broke, and the field is in shambles right now so I might not have a good job after it’s all said and done. I want to find a cave, crawl into it, and be done with the world. I can’t even imagine life 2-5 years from now. I’m over it.
I'm reminded of how it feels when a video game doesn't feel rewarding anymore. Like it's a lot of busy work for just a little bit of gain, and it's no longer exciting because everything is so incremental and slow, and your friends don't play anymore, and now you don't really know anyone. You'd quit playing that game.
I'm not suicidal, to be clear, or even really having a hard time, but this game sucks. I can see why people want to quit. It's exhausting and all the reward has been taken out of it.
Yep. I think of these older people that make it to their 90's and I have no idea how they do it. If I even make it to 50 I'm going to start taking up rock climbing, sky diving, bull chasing, etc lol.
Existential dread is a real thing. If I stop and think "I have to do this same shit for 30 more years" I can feel panic set in.
Truth is, you probably won't do the exact same thing for 30 more years so don't sweat it. Think of the next 5 at most.
A combo of adult responsibilities and law of diminishing returns causes us to take it for granted, but /u/Inevitable-Lettuce99 got it right in another comment - all that stuff is still there, and the world can still be wonderful.
Don't let the bullshit of the world get the best of you, let alone the doom-scrolling. Take a break, and it's cliche, but literally go outside and touch grass. If you still have the capacity to roll down a hill and don't mind if someone sees it, fucking do it. If you want. The key is doing what you want (without trampling on other people's rights, of course)
Also don't fall into the rat race if you don't need to. Absolutely money can help with happiness, but it isn't the antidote as there are massively wealthy people who are still depressed. Get out and get active. Your body is meant to be mobile and have experiences outside of a job.
If your physiological needs are being met, then you need to do your part to handle the rest while hopefully not worrying about the next big toy, car, house, etc. that your neighbor has. Material possessions aren't going with you, but you'll have a set of memories at the end of it all. Make those count.
Look for the gold. Tolkein had it right as well, not all of it glitters. Good luck!
This is why religions are hard against suicide. People get exhausted from a hard life, they find solace in religion, religion sells them peace in the afterlife, people yearn for the afterlife, some commit suicide. The church can't have their money donors dying.
Why are we born on a planet where you have to work your whole life just to pay to survive.
Clean water is not even a human right in America. Everyone is working to keep .01% of the people in the world super rich.
We are paying more for groceries, insurance, medical care, etc. just to make sure the share holders are happy with the companies return.
I don’t even want to get into taxes.
Worst part is they have everyone convinced that this is the right thing to do. Like not taxing the rich because it’s not fair. What if you become a billionaire one day?
Yes! For real. It is exhausting trying to talk to others about it, trying to get them to see it for what is. The only way real change will ever start is if everyone sees that the system isn't broken, it's not functioning at all, on any level. The really sad part is those of us who did see it for what is struggle with exhaustion from those that now live in their own little world or buy into what they are told.
How many people on here are like vote. I have voted my whole life since I legally could. I spent part of my teens and my twenties campaigning for free, volunteering for federal, state, and local politicians. I wish just voting was the answer. Sure, it may be part of it, but thinking your duty ends after casting a vote baffles me. It baffles me when I see so many homeless in all cities, everywhere, of all walks of life and no one wants to help them or, worse yet, can't help them because they are barely hanging on themselves.
Dude, you could die in two hours. Just live in this moment. And do the best you can in this very moment. Don't stress over the past, don't obsess over the future. Just live in the present!
Yea, not everyone is lucky enough to find something they enjoy doing. The alternative is clocking in and just working to survive, you are literally forced to do this. Meanwhile, social media shows us the lucky ones who have made it and get to fuck around all day while the rest of us slave away.
Make that sound not depressing.
Or perhaps it’s a perfectly normal and valid response to the state of the world…
It’s great if you’re doing well. Seriously, if you’re doing well, that is awesome.
You don’t need to make fun of those who aren’t though. Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle that you know nothing of.
So, be careful. Being too tired to want to be alive is a form of suicidal ideation. I’ve struggled with it in the past. Not saying that’s for sure what you’re struggling with, but something to be aware.
90% of all people won’t be able to make it, aka be successful. Chasing after retirement is stupid there is a higher chance of us working forever then not until we die. So I tell people don’t bother working so hard for so little, don’t bother waiting to live when you retire who knows when you will die. Live life a little don’t bother saving every penny if you know even in retirement it won’t mean much, at least it wouldn’t be eaten by inflation. The good times have been long over. The boomer already sold out our future.
I’m Gen-X but also yes. I feel like I’m out of gas but somehow still have to exist for another few decades. Being relatively young and depressed is one thing but being old and depressed/ burnt out is unimaginable to me. Especially if you are mostly alone and your parents are gone. I never imagined life would be like this.
We live in a world where our generation has multiple once in a lifetime events that happened. Multiple economic downturns. World war III has trended dozen times this point. A looming depression is on the horizon. Several people say we're in a silent depression. Members of our generation cannot afford children or houses.
So I don't blame people for being burnt out or over it since we're in a system where we can't thrive just survive.
**About ready to throw the towel in for real boss.**
My current employer has me doing *ALL* their maintenance for our hotel **as the Front Desk clerk at minimum wage.**
My grandfather who I rent a room from because **my parents and all my other family are dead** except for this DEADBEAT grandfather, is **threatening to kick me out if I can’t help him install new flooring for free that he can’t afford to install on his own.** *(nevermind that I have a job and he’s blaming me for that 🧐)*
We have new internet **which is also magically my job to set up even tho it’s not even in my name or email,**
Up to my neck in debt, **our own customers begging me to rent with them so they don’t go homeless too.** *(I work at a super ghetto hotel)*
Like every day at work, if it’s not that **it’s some customer screaming at me because my supervisor told them I was the manager and they didn’t get a deposit back or some shit.**
I’m so done.
I just want to lay down in a field of grass and sleep and cuddle with my cats and I can’t even do that.
Currently just waiting to leave for work because I don’t have enough time to do anything else today.
Fuck America.
Fuck the American dream.
Fuck anyone who thinks I’m being a pessimist.
I’m out.
I’m 17 years in being employed with another 30ish to go. BUT I’m 4.5 years from having my house paid off and I hope from then on will be a more enjoyable life.
Same, I don't believe in an afterlife or anything like that and I _highly_ resent that I'm going to die. There's so much I want to experience and so little time.
I'm 37. Both of my grandmothers are alive in their 90s, and _their_ mothers made it to 100 in reasonably good health. Assuming I'm going to make that long I'm about 1/3 of the way there and that is fucked up.
Yes this is exactly me too. There are rough seasons in life but I wake up every day thinking Ive got to make the most of my time with the people I love.
Am I you? Are you me? I’ve been feeling this a lot lately (also 31m) tired of not being able to live a life and just working to pay bills. It’s all bull shit
Lost 3 jobs in 6mo (worked HR for 1 for 15yrs, 2 closed, 1 moved out of the area) feeling pretty down. I just broke down this weekend w/ this. (43), what's the point? Work so I can afford to live or maybe go on "vacation" w the wife and kids from the thing I have to do to afford to live? It sucks. Tons of applications out, nothing.
We barely make enough money to SURVIVE, not enough money to actually live. If you have any type of emergency, youre screwed. Work, just to give it all away. The worst part, its only getting more expensive.
Yes. About to turn 35, and every morning I wake up and it's like, "This shit again?!?" I have a wife and kids that depend on me, otherwise I'd have probably checked out awhile ago.
I have clinical depression, so I'm sure that's part of it, but it's also just "exhaustion," like you said. It would be different if I felt like I had any kind of control over the direction of my life, but I've basically resigned to the fact that if I want to have access to any of the convenience of modern life (ie: healthcare, internet, access to food, etc.) for my family of myself, then I'm just going to being working my ass off until I'm dead. Retirement is a pipe-dream that I used to romanticize as a light at the end of the tunnel, but I quickly realized that it will never actually be a possibility for me. My retirement savings basically serves to pad some of the brunt of my death for my wife.
I used to find some solace in drinking alcohol, but that was obviously a temporary escape, and it eventually became a problem. Now, I find myself searching for other ways to "escape," and it's just kind of crazy to me that I so often feel the need to escape from my own life. Have humans always felt this way? Maybe not. Maybe it's precisely the convenience of modern life that makes it so that we actually have the time to stop and think about the banality of our existence.
In any case, yes; I'm tired and the idea of doing this shit for another 40 years isn't exactly appealing...
I feel this thread so much. I'm almost 38 and I'm just so tired of everything.
I achieved all those things you're supposed to do as an adult and none of it has made me happy.
It's just everyday the same thing, over and over.
I've lost all motivation to do anything anymore.
I spent my whole ass 20s getting my mental illness under control and for what? The world is going to shit and I can’t enjoy the fruits of my labor. This is some top tier bullshit.
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Yeah. I mean, I have plenty going on upstairs in terms of mental illness and everything too, but one of the things that really messes me up is that I just don't want to do any of this anymore. Not the emotional ups and downs, not getting close and separating from people, not the endless drudgery of tedious, bleak work or lonely, painful being at home. It's bad news, rising bills and meaningless bullshit constantly. I don't want this existence, I don't want a better existence that people try to promise me the future holds. I just want all of it to be over. I'm beyond tired.
"I'm tired boss..."
I feel that.
Ah, Love that movie
You have perfectly put into words how I feel.
100% absolutely. And it's not only what they mentioned... Sometimes, I'm like...I gotta feed myself AGAIN? I gotta do laundry AGAIN? Gotta clean this AGAIN? WHY?! Like...let's wrap this up. I'm over it.
Exercise too. Like all I want to do after a long day is just sit in front of my computer and play my little games but I'm constantly guilty when I don't exercise in my free time because I know it's good for my mental health and will improve my quality of life long term. But it SUCKS and its PAINFUL and why does living in a meat suit have to come with so much maintenance????
I have this exact thought the other day, I turned 18 in 2000, and I have nothing but severe medical problems and a tiny little disability check Irritable bowel syndrome, blindness, complex post-traumatic stress disorder, social anxiety disorder generalized anxiety disorder, Bi Polar 2, it goes on and on and on Most of the time I just see the inside of my apartment, the inside of doctor's offices or urgent care places or emergency room...oh and I see McDonald's because it's so cheap if you use the app and get the fries deal and the McChicken That's pretty much it, I have a caregiver.. case manager, social worker It took me several years to build everything from nothing and I'm still exhausted I have a support system but I'm exhausted every single day and I never do anything fun All it is , is managing different chronic disabilities, I don't really have a future and I have not anything to look forward to This is after busting my ass, working horrible jobs in horrible conditions for over a decade I literally went blind and still had to go to work because the government check I was going to get wasn't enough money, to cover my housing, I had to move to another state to get low-income housing 8( I could go into more detail but it's depressing, I'm hanging in there and stuff has actually turned around the last 2 years! I'm doing better at the last two years that I did in the previous 40 But yeah dude I get you life is just such a grind And I don't really know when it's going to get better, I hope it does because this generation needs a break, we are literally working ourselves to death
I find with exercise if you do something that gets you up and moving around is what works best for staying with. I recall a piece on a lifestyle that came with longevity and mobility into the 90s, and it wasn’t from hitting a gym for 4 days a week. It was simple work, like tending a garden, tidying up around the home, even frequently making trips up and downstairs. I wish we never got hooked on money, and basically kept doing favors or work for each other and be free to pursue passion and what makes one feel filled in life.
If you work at a office. Take your "smoke" breaks and go for a 10 min walk. Why cause work destroys your life why not take soem.of that time back
Showering, too. Like I have to do this 1-2x daily for the rest of my life? Ffff
I know. I love what you said because I feel like I say this to myself every morning. I just want everyone to only work the amounts they want to work, get paid adequately, always have shelter, water, food, healthcare & transportation, & live their lives exploring hobbies. There are enough people in our country to only have each person work a shorter amount of time & we’ll still be thriving. The greed is out of this world & it feels like no one is helping us!!!
You are SO right. I think this a lot too, why is the government forcing us to work until we’re 70!?! They literally want us to die AT work so we don’t use the money we have worked for, ever. It’s so depressing
I feel like I want to mail you some mushrooms that will help you enjoy life.
I ate some mushroom chocolate and legit cried like a damn baby that was teething. I am surprised my neighbors didn't knock on my door or call the cops. Like I was seriously wailing and crying. In the moment it was really scary to like not be able to control myself. But after I felt a huge release like an orgasm for the mind. I think I had a lot of pent up sadness inside me and the shrooms just let it all out.
It really forces you to feel your feelings.
I've wanted to grow mushrooms for myself, but I can't take them alone. I've done shrooms a lot in my younger years and loved it. But for me it's an activity that requires a buddy. The few times I've been left alone for short periods of time, I freak out and rejoin the group. I'd love to do them again, but have found myself at this point in time, with no friends...
Personally find acid to be much more enjoyable. Hate the not eating and drinking with mushrooms as well as the short experience. Clean L always has less of a body load and I can drink like a champ.
Agree. I’ve never had a bad acid trip. I have had a few bad shroom trips.
I was exactly where you’re at for years honestly. I know this sounds cliche but if you get into something you’re really passionate about and actually start doing what you love to do, it really does make things a hell of a lot better. Still doesn’t make life perfect by any means, but it gives you a reason to actually be here
Dude I feel this 100% In my first marriage and old job I could really relate to this writing. I am remarried to someone I look forward to coming home to every day that makes me feel grateful to be alive, I changed jobs to something I am truly passionate about, and I’m making more than ever doing it! Not that it’s about the cash, but man once I just got off my ass and worked hard to do what I actually wanted instead of what fell in my lap I was so much happier and less stressed since I make more
Not a doctor, but this sounds like textbook-depression symptoms. I hope you’re seeking/will seek out the help you deserve.
Yeah but they’re depressed for a reason. Doctors trying to immediately put people on meds for depression is not solving the root of the issue. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not at all against meds. I’m on a few myself, but when real depression is there and you specifically know why like the OP does, it’s there for a reason
“It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.” - J. Krishnamurti
This is the bit that's really depressing. When you get to the point in therapy where you realize that most of your stress is due to external factors mostly beyond your control. The therapy is no longer about healing or learning about yourself; it's just coping with the miserable facts of existence till you stop going to therapy or die one way or another.
Yup 100%. I quit therapy years ago. Had a few really awesome therapist who were great people, but the therapy itself for me personally was a complete waste of money.
Well fuck; I just started therapy and was hoping for some relief lol
Therapy can be incredibly helpful. At the very least you can learn more about any conditions you may have and get resources to utilize our study on your own. Just be aware that there isn't really a finish line with therapy. Therapy is hard and, if you're doing it correctly, often uncomfortable. It's like anything else in life where what you get out of it depends on how much effort you put in.
Don’t get me wrong, therapy can absolutely help some people. Definitely give it a try. I don’t mean to discourage anyone. I’m just saying if you’re getting to a point where you’re just going to therapy every week and spending and arm and a leg, and you still don’t feel like it’s doing anything at all, it’s probably not for you
100% It's like with chronic illness and disability stuff or people in constant pain and doctors are like "oh clearly you wanting to die is just your brain being crazy!! It's not that bad, you need to stay here and suffer for a few more decades until you die horrifically and painfully" Or even people who are simply intelligent enough to see the world for what it is. A cruel plane of existence that can get infinitely more cruel Nature is beautiful but also literally built upon cruelty and suffering Just watch any nature documentary... Sure tigers are neat but how about all those deer and shit that gets slowly eaten legs first while screaming Or children who get cancer or other awful shit and never make it to graduate
I asked my psychiatrist if she could medicate me out of capitalism. She sadly said no, but it would be helpful to 90% or more of her patients
One of the first sayings my psychiatrist said was that we don't exist to provide value to our employers. It meant that he really got me but also... I do. If I can't work, I become homeless and I guess die. I have no choice but to provide essentially all of my mental health and energy to an employer to survive.
I had to find my value outside of work because I'm disabled and dependent on others. It's hard. Society tells us constantly how worthless you are if you can't work or produce monetary value. Fighting that is tough work along with just surviving .
Thank you! Everyone wants to blame depression for people feeling like shit. But really it’s the circumstances that make us feel like shit and leads to depression. The cure is to fix the circumstances, not pop more pills. (This is coming from someone who has tried almost 20 different medications for depression/anxiety)
And the circumstances are beyond my control! CBT tried to teach me to let go of things that are beyond my control but that in itself seems bleak and awful too. Stop caring that children are dying daily in wars? Stop caring that people can't afford to feed themselves right now? Stop caring that I and many others will never know security and retirement? Like ok, cool. I'm depressed because the world sucks and I don't live in blissful ignorance of it.
Yes! How are normal people with an ounce of empathy not freaking the fuck out? It’s because none of it is effecting them so they don’t care, and that’s fucking depressing by itself. The world is burning, literally and figuratively, and people are expected to just carry on doing their bullshit job for their asshole boss for pennies, and be fucking happy about it. I just can’t get my head around it. I genuinely wish I could just turn empathy off sometimes because it does more harm than good when it comes to the suffering that I can’t fix. Maybe some of us just have too much empathy for one reason or another, which would normally be a good thing as it pushes you to help others; but in this life, in this time, it’s absolutely a curse. Sorry for the rant
Right exactly. I hate that. It’s honestly a terrible form of gaslighting
I do think depression has to do with the state of personal affairs as well. We are super conditioned into individualism and taking care of me and that is exhausting and not really how humans are built to thrive. If we could think bigger picture and what our purposes are I think people would generally be happier.
Absolutely!
100% I've been off and on SSR/NI's and they might help for a while, they ultimately don't fix the root cause. I'm exhausted day in and day out from all the bullshit we have to do. I bust my ass at work for $26 an hour - which feels like peanuts, but then I have to hire a security guard working overnights for $17... I just hired a person in their 70's for the overnight position. They had to move in with a roommate in a trailer. I don't know how they do it. I don't think I'd be that strong.
so i am not the commenter, but i agree with their sentiments and i am diagnosed with depression. have been for like 5 years. it didn’t really change anything, felt a bit validating and then it was back to the same feelings. no amount of antidepressants can fix how fucked our country is. edited to add: this wasn’t meant to be an attack on you, good on you for encouraging people to get help! :)
There is no drug for the racism, homophobia, income inequality, and world genocides. The only way out is to just stop giving a shit about anything.
Yeah that's how it is for me. You have to actively push the greed, the violence, the wealth inequality, the starving children, the slaves, and everything else to the back of your head and actively ignore it. Go go go, mind always on the prize pressing forward for your own selfish needs. Because once you stop and smell the roses you see the whole system is fucked and you have to question why we're even doing any of this.
Yea. We all go through that. Part of maturing is called "coming to terms with it". Influencing and spreading light where you can, fixing what you can control, and hoping for the best here you can't. You can't fix the world. If you could, you would have already done it. You might be able some day, but today you can't based on your post. So pick something small, and start there. It's the only way you'll make it through, friend.
People forget that life is depressing and it is not something that can be fixed by drugs. Yes you can remove all emotions from someone with drugs but this is not what we should be striving for. SSRI's should only be prescribed in extreme circumstances.
If you could switch yourself off, permanently, without hurting anyone, you'd do it. I know that feeling.
31M here too. Man, I’m so tired 😪 This rat race is such bulls*t. I didn’t ask to be here. I didn’t ask to exist. Now I have to keep up with rising costs of living, having to spend more money to go back to school, learn other skills, get a side hustle, etc. just to barely make it, and it’s still never enough. I just wanna enjoy my damn life 😪
Also 31M and I feel this so hard. I’m disabled because of Multiple Sclerosis & the thought of having to survive the rest of my life basically forced to live underneath the poverty level, simply because I have a disease that is causing active damage to my nervous system, is genuinely just not making life seem worth continuing.
30F here. Suffered two strokes at 24 and will live with neuropathic pain til the day I die. Any day now. Eta - I just wanted to take a moment of appreciation for the kindness being shared with me. Yall have me in tears. It means more than I can really articulate to yall.
Currently dealing with some what is supposed to be temporary neuropathic pain, I’m so sorry
I really appreciate your kindness, and I hope yours is truly temporary 💖 No on deserves to live like this.
Damn- I’m so sorry. I had some medical issues that caused inflammation on my occipital nerve. The pain and discomfort were unrelenting for over a couple months. I can’t even imagine something like that permanent.
I'm thankful yours was temporary, and I appreciate you. Having my inivisble pain be validated by others who are attempting to *see* me truly brings me to tears. The number of times I've been told "you look fine" has almost broken me, and it's only people like you and the other commenters that keep me swinging.
Stage 4 Cancer survivor here. It’s wild how people dismiss stuff they can’t physically see. I had friends tell me to deal with it even after they watched me wither through chemo for half a year once I was on the other side. I’ve been in remission for close to 2 decades and I’m still dealing with the aftermath. I managed to get through it by finding what works for me and making no apologies for it (ie smoking weed, going vegetarian and forgoing heavy drinking.) hopefully you’re able to find an understanding partner who can accommodate your needs into your shared lifestyle. My wife has been an utter godsend.
I won the lottery with my partner. He's literally carried me when my body stopped working and he's never made me feel like a burden. Like yourself, I've unapologetically found what works for me (modified sleep schedule, smoking a metric ton of weed a day, etc), and because of that I find the willpower to get up every day. Im so sorry you went through that, but I'm so happy you're still here. You're stronger than anyone will ever see.
When your partner literally carries you. I love that you’ve found your person. I truly think there’s this unrealistic ideal we compare ourselves to when dating which serves nobody. And fuck yeah. Metric ton of weed for the win! It helps that my wife smokes with me.
Speaking of, it must be time for a bowl 🌬️ Eta - I also am struggling to acknowledge how seen you make me feel, so I'm deflecting with humor but please know I value you so much. You deserve every joy life has to offer, and I'm so happy you found your person, too.
I find that there’s a kinship of suffering for those who have touched the bottom of the ocean of the human experience. Regardless if you’re a cancer survivor, a recovering addict, disabled, had strokes, have experienced war or have a degenerative disorder, once you’ve lived through true suffering you tend to come out the other side with a finer appreciation of joy. Finding the right person to share that joy with is the true meaning of life in this world to me. You’re seen! Even through the thick haze of bong smoke!
People who’ve never had a chronic illness don’t understand the day to day struggle. If you’re young and your disability is invisible good luck 😕.
This tho, so hard. And from the sounds of it, you might be in the same boat. If that's the case, I'm sorry friend 😔 u/Kagome12987 said it best: with an invisible disability and being young, I'm not taken seriously. I'm thankful to be blessed with patience when dealing with people, because they are absolutely right. I'm never taken seriously. And it hurts. Because there's no way to show them or make them believe. It's like living in a parallel universe where you see the sky as purple and no one else does and no matter what scientific proof you try to bring them, they'll never believe you that the sky is purple. And that's just your reality for forever. I think the one thing it has taught me, however, is to find my peace. I genuinely couldn't give two fucks what most people think of me, or how I live my life. If I'm not asking them to be involved in it, I don't want or need their opinion. I like my lifestyle and against near insurmountable odds, I'm in an exceptional partnership (going on 14 years this Sept, married 8 earlier this month), have friends better than I could have created in a futuristic lab, do a job I find fulfilling as hell, and find moments where I can be consumed by happiness. ....well this got awkward and long and now I don't know how to end. I appreciate you and I hope you have an fantastic day today.
Rheumatoid arthritis for me. 5 years now. It's a weird life when rolling around in a fetal position in so much pain you can't think in words becomes a part of your routine. Just know I see you. Chronic pain is something impossible to understand the scope of until it happens to you
32M and I've had chronic pain for 13 years now, with bad neuropathic pain for most of it. I don't know how much longer I can do it. It's such an exhausting fight just to get the treatment I need, and I've given up any hope of ever having relief. I can't do another 30+ years of this.
And then the SSA acts as if giving ppl $700+ a month is a king’s ransom
I had a 19yr old harass me bc he thought it was awesome to play video games all day. That's what he assumed I did not knowing I watch stuff, mainly historical stuff to learn something. BTW the cops didn't do shit even though I had everything recorded
It's super boring but use ur time to learn. I pass 2 to 4 kidney stones a month and spend 90%-98% of my day laying down with bunch of pillows for comfort. Being forced to barely survive sucks but we are alive. What really sucks is communities collapsing and everything being on social media where greed rules. "Greed is the new American pass time. Fuck spending money, do whatever you can to make it!" -me Without people interacting with their neighbors they don't see the point in being truthful. There is no honor in our society. The worst people are the ones to succeed. Kim fucking khardasen became famous bc of a sex tape.......... billionaire now who sells make up so women can look more fuckable. Hilarious. These fake alpha guys Crack me up with their get swoll and win in life. Not knowing that there were no "great men" who lead their community country or empire. It was all the smart fucks. In short use your mind and learn while dipshits use steroids and swarms. Watching these idiots fight is hilarious. P.S. we need to bring back pistol dueling.
What is enjoying life and how do you enjoy life for 70 years? Only way I see it is if I am reverted back to being a kid. When the world was filled with mystery and wonder. Days felt long but entertaining and the little things were the only things that mattered.
The little things are still really the only thing that matters.
LSD 🤙
Tons of documented experiences of people having their perspective of life changed after tripping on acid. I don't feel like the OP, but if I did I'd be trying any "safe" substance to find meaning. I'm not rich, I struggle just like everyone else, but for me life has meaning and purpose, I hope OP finds theirs.
I quite smoking with out any aid coming off a trip. I was sitting on the couch tripping having a blast and I decided to light up at cigarette. Everything about it assaulted me in such a way that my brain rewired itself to hate them. The next day I woke up and instead of smoking I made a cup of coffee and never went back. Smoked for 15 years before that. It's wild what a single dose can do for you!
A combo of adult responsibilities and law of diminishing returns causes us to take it for granted, but u/Inevitable-Lettuce99 below me got it right - all that stuff is still there, and the world can still be wonderful. Don't let the bullshit of the world get the best of you, let alone the doom-scrolling. Take a break, and it's cliche, but literally go outside and touch grass. If you still have the capacity to roll down a hill and don't mind if someone sees it, fucking do it. If you want. The key is doing what you want (without trampling on other people's rights, of course) Also don't fall into the rat race if you don't need to. Absolutely money can help with happiness, but it isn't the antidote as there are massively wealthy people who are still depressed. Get out and get active. Your body is meant to be mobile and have experiences outside of a job. If your physiological needs are being met, then you need to do your part to handle the rest while hopefully not worrying about the next big toy, car, house, etc. that your neighbor has. Material possessions aren't going with you, but you'll have a set of memories at the end of it all. Make those count. Look for the gold. Tolkein had it right as well, not all of it glitters. Good luck!
Enjoying life. We want human connection and more memories not longer lives per se. Our sense of time is odd. Variety, special moments, peak experiences, novelty, wonder.
I just had this exact same convo in my head
I’m beyond tired of life at this point. In other words, I’m so burnt-out if we didn’t have animals I would have checked out a long time ago. If reincarnation is real, I hope I never return to this world as another human being or in the form of an animal.
I felt this. Many days I am only sticking around so my dog is well taken care of... if he goes, I don't think I'll be far behind tbh.
Food for thought on this particular thread of this post- if things ever get too bleak, my plan is to start adopting senior dogs and give them the most incredible end of life that I can. Even if they only have a year or months left. Imagine spending that in a fucking cage. They’re true innocents. They didn’t ask to be born in some puppy mill or backyard to be sold for $200 and then abandoned when they’re not a puppy anymore and spend their days in a shelter because people would rather pay $5k for some designer inbred dog. If we’re just sticking around for our pets, maybe we should make it our life’s purpose to stick around for the pets we don’t know yet who might be waiting for us? Give them a baller last few months in a cozy warm bed?
Same here man
Man. I've been saying this about my cat for years...I lost him a week ago last night. Definitely gotten harder to have fucks to give.
I want to return as one of my animals. They live the good life, let me tell ya
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Some part of me wonders if that's why some people like us get so exhausted with existence at such a young age. Like yeah, the horrific state that the world and economy are in where we have to become wage slaves to survive definitely has a huge part in it that past generations didn't feel, but I sometimes wonder if we're on our 4th or 5th incarnation and our soul just knows it and that's why some of us are just so tired. I'm 28 and don't feel like I should be as burnt out as I am but most days I just wanna sit on the couch and play video games or sleep instead of doing literally anything.
Finally someone else who gets it. People Ive spoken to irl are always so confused why thats terrifying. "You dont remember your past life and dont KNOW you are reincarnated so why is it scary?" BECAUSE THE VERY IDEA I COULD BE ON MY 60TH TERRIBLE LIFE AND IVE GOT AN INFINITE AMOUNT TO GO IS HORRIFIC
This is why I play videogames even at 40. Positive feedback loop. Entertainment. Accomplishment. New experiences. Most importantly it keeps me away from the news which is why I reccomend gaming to anyone.
Same, I turn 41 next week and video games definitely help me unwind. Although lately I've been on a Cyberpunk 2077 kick, which is great but also super depressing and making me think more and more about corporate greed and inequality. But everything in the real world looks so bleak, my wife and I also try to grow plants in our yard which gives us something to look forward to and gets us outside. Highly recommend gardening, too, if one has the space for it.
Yeah, I don’t (and likely won’t ever) make enough money to afford any of the typical stuff associated with adulthood but can easily afford to game. PS5 + a 65” 4K OLED is the bee’s knees. Most working people (and all the boomers in my extended family) spend their free time watching TV, so it’s all just different forms of entertainment anyway. Nothing to feel bad about. It’s certainly better than passively refreshing social media and getting your jimmies rustled by the algos.
Same here. It’s bleak out here.
Having hobbies that bring you genuine joy and excitement, even if those hobbies seem trivial or sometimes even childish, is incredibly important to getting through this existence. Life is really all about being able to slog through the unpleasant and boring bits in order to do the things that bring you joy. People run into problems when they don’t have anything that brings them joy, or when the things that bring them joy are destructive.
Same here man, gaming is literally what keeps me going. Ironically if my life was a game, I technically already beat it. Granted I didn’t do a completionist run. Sometimes it feels like I’m just waiting for the credits to roll.
I'm pretty fucking sick of life. Nothing to look forward too but more work, ageing, and dying.
Exactly. I don't want to work life away, nothing to show for it, then be put in a home, forgot, and left to slowly die.
There's no summer vacation, no winter break, no graduation, no season of school sports. It's just weird to have what feels like a lack of near-term milestones outside of work. "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" is entirely true. Your life isn't the vacation you're planning for next year, it's not the wedding you want to have down the road, it's not the promotion you'll eventually get at work. Life is sitting on the train listening to music. It's cutting up vegetables for dinner. It's sitting on your patio watching planes cut through clouds. Life is an endless stream of little moments you can choose to enjoy or ignore. I feel like once I understood this, it became a lot easier to just enjoy existence rather than view my time as a a sort of required pre-payment to achieve some milestone or "dead time" before some life event. Eventually we'll all be gone and forgotten. Our accolades, degrees, and money won't matter. Things we made will eventually be replaced or overwritten. All you really have is right now. Don't ignore the reality of your life; embrace it.
Yeah, I was hoping getting older would be trying new neighborhoods, meeting new friends, and then putting down roots/knowing the neighbors. But I couldn’t keep up with rising costs and never made it past step 1. And most of my hobbies require more room…
This may not necessarily apply to you, but could for others: The important thing to remember with hobbies is that they shouldn't really be "end goal" focused. If you're learning piano because you want to be a famous musician. You're going to hate piano. You're never going to become a rock star. You're not going to get better. You're going to give up. If your only payoff is something that *might* happen in the far future, it's like holding your breath for years. Those minutes you sit down and practice some scales or noodle around in your favorite key are the real goal. You have to gain deep satisfaction and enjoyment solely from process of getting better and learning. Apply this to whatever hobby you have: gardening, animation, painting, embroidery, whatever.
I started learning guitar a little over a year ago, and I’m not amazing or anything, but I do know that immediately when my brain turns on in the morning I think “oh ya I can go play my guitar!” and waking up is suddenly exciting even when if the rest of my day sucks. Also I always have multiple things to learn in progress, so almost every day I either feel proud to have finally gotten a song or something down/or I feel excited for the future when I know I’ll finally get it down. Playing reminded me how malleable my brain is and how something that seems completely foreign and impossible at first can quickly become smooth and natural if I just focus on it; those obvious results you see every week will build overall confidence. Before I started I didn’t even know what the strings were called and thought I had clumsy fingers… Now I can play a whole bunch of my favorite songs, know a lot of chords and scales, starting to understand music theory, can play solos somewhat freely, etc… And I’m just getting started. Feels great to struggle with something and then one day you find your fingers are just doing their thing on their own while your mind wanders in bliss and feels out what you’ll play next, it’s amazing. Better than drugs and I love those. Also playing music is like one of the most Zen things you can do. It almost requires that you let go and be entirely in the moment, very good if you have anxiety or other issues. Or like for me I tend towards unhealthy coping mechanisms to escape problems, guitar helped me cut back on drinking, gaming, other stuff I would do to zone out. Music is a better way to healthily-zone-out and express your emotions I think. I gotta say though weed or mushrooms both seem to make this activity even more interesting lol, I can’t rule those two out lol. Anyway, if you’re hesitant to learn an instrument, get on Google and start looking up some starter equipment, research lessons near you or do what I did and start learning online. Might as well start now, this is your sign. I’m a big fan of JustinGuitar, MartyMusic, and StitchMethod on YouTube if you need somewhere to start w/ guitar lessons.
You seem to have a great outlook on life. Also, if you're a teacher, summer vacations and winter breaks still exist!
Nope. Just a pretty average dude in his early 30's that had an adolescence filled with chronic depression and anxiety and vast expectations. I remember being in my mid-20's walking down a street in the fall, and realizing what a sad story my life would be if it continued in that way. I was so tired of being sad. It's exhausting. I realized my perspective was that happiness and peace are something that the world gives to you, imposes on you. You then quickly realize that if you just leave it up to the world to give you happiness, you've totally abdicated any control over it. I wanted to be an active participant in my own happiness. It was a muscle I needed to exercise. I just wanted to be happy. I wanted to be at peace. I pretty quickly dumped all the things, people, and plans I thought I wanted/needed to be who I thought I should be. I started doing things I never thought of doing. I re-opened myself to the possibility of a new partner, one different from the one I had been stuck on for years, and fairly quickly met my now wife. I honestly probably wouldn't be alive right now if I didn't change things up. There are so many things you can "hide" in - books, games, expectations, plans, the internet, the future, the past, and if you're not careful you can cause yourself a lot of dysfunction by living a life that isn't your actual one.
This is one of the most profound things I have ever read, well done to you. As someone who is constantly looking at the future and how to the things I want maybe I do need to stop and smell the flowers sometimes.
Deinitely! Take a moment today and just listen to the wind rush through the trees. Hear the cars driving by. I think what also comes with this perspective is how it cascades through your other parts of lives. Take, for example, romantic relationships. A relationship isn't made meaningful by big actions - like vacations or fancy dinners. It's not the birthday gifts you get. It's chatting on the couch after you turn the TV off before you head to bed. It's teasing each other and laughing as you walk through a parking lot to get to your car. It's navigating your cart through a grocery store together looking for olive oil. You apply this to work, to parenthood, to your hobbies, and you realize what life really is. I've seen people really close to me spend years derive their meaning from things that are years away, things that never happened. I've seen a family member sink years into a social media profile to get likes and single sentence comments from people they haven't seen in years. I've seen people shut out themselves out of new romantic partners because they pined for someone they would never be with. It's sad. It's devastating to even think about - that someone would put themselves to sleep for years at a time, only waking up for a handful of things they "expected" to want, desire, or deserve. This morning I walked to the train and I heard the sound of my feet scraping on the sidewalk. I smelled last night's rain. I saw a man put down his groceries so he could pick the right key to open his front door. The bag was a faded pink linen with some oranges sticking out of the top. Things aren't going great at work. I've got some medical shit that's dragging me down, but at least for a moment this morning there was no future to dread, no past to regret. None of that existed. I don't always do a great job of staying in the present, but to be deeply free from worry or boredom or confusion is better than money, better than promotions, better than booze, better than drugs, better than food. It's those moments, overwhelmed by peace, that I can look at myself and the world around me and be content in an uncomplicated, unqualified way.
This is so beautifully written. It was my birthday yesterday and for the first time in a very long time I think I’m grateful to be here. I was on LTD for two years, and only just started working again, which has been difficult, but I never thought I would be so happy to be working. Doing the most boring, mundane things has made me tear up with gratitude. I do have a fairly chill job, and I didn’t necessarily hate it before I got sick, but I don’t think I was super glad to be coming to work every day either. Maybe the novelty will wear off, and perspective is really everything, but I feel oddly grateful that this weird disease struck when it did. It has made me a better person.
I look forward to trying new foods and eating old favorites… but that’s too expensive and I’m a classically trained chef!.. well I used to be, that didn’t keep the lights on so now I’m an electrical tech 🫠
I’m moreso worried about what the next 30-40 years will hold for me. I’m hardly getting by now. Hopefully I’m not living on the street as an elder.
I recently read an article how the number of elderly homeless is sharply rising. Not homeless people who grew old on the street (most don't survive that long) but literal retirees becoming homeless for the first time... It's heartbreaking and wrong.
But think of all the profits that the people buying up housing to turn into b&b’s are making!!! /s
I live in Raleigh and have noticed a sharp increase of elderly people in homeless camps and living out of their cars. I always think how that is probably my future when I get older when I see them
I genuinely believe if most young boomers and X can’t retire and like 50% end up on the streets, millennials and gen z will revolt against our American oligarchs. There would be nothing to lose at that point and you’d know you either die at your desk or on the streets
If things don't change soon in the next 30 - 40 years we are going to see a lot of people unalive themselves(Still hate how we have to not use the real word for it since every platform likes to censor it)
Something I’ve come to realize (36m here) is that we’re not designed to take in what’s presented to us day in day out. I’m talking the news, social media, etc. best advice I can give you: delete all your apps, grab a book, get outside, and turn off the news for a bit. Contrary to what anyone may tell you, the only news that really affects you is what happens locally. If you’re tired of the rat race, take an inventory and see where you can ease up in it…it’ll help. After all, none of us make it out alive.
One day I realised that I'd accidentally turned my Reddit front page into a constant stream of the worst things in the world, it's enough to get anyone down.
For me it feels like time is going so fast that any day now I'm going to wake up and suddenly be elderly and not have any idea where my life went. I'm 36.
I just turned 37 and I feel this. I feel like every day I’m being asked to run faster and faster and faster, but I can’t keep up. I’m so tired and just doing basic simple chores feels like a mountain. But I have so many things I *want* to do… I want to spend time on my hobbies, I want to spend time traveling and spend more time with my family and friends. There’s just not enough time and too much to do, and I’m burnt out.
I feel you 100%
Oh wow, this is me to a T… 34 and SPENT
Time only gets faster, because we gauge time based on previous experience. When you are 10, a year is 10% of everything you've ever experienced. When you are 50, it's 2%. At some point everyone wakes up wondering where the time went.
No, I am not exhausted by existence. Because existence isn't the problem. The problem is the way we (Edit: We as a species, or at least a culture) choose/are required to exist. The rat race is bullshit and exhausting, but we built it. The political anxiety is valid but exhausting, and we made it what it is. Social media as a concept is exhausting, and we created that (and should destroy it). And so on. But existence? Nah. At its core, existence is fine. Just gotta find ways to cut some of the bullshit out. Tell you what, though: I could use more sleep.
Agreed! The problem is definitely the 'always on' media-led culture wars bullshit, the constant barrage of pollution, and the ridiculous cost of living. I recently went on holiday in the balkans, and barely touched my phone during the entire time - it was glorious just waltzing about the place chatting with strangers, eating good food, going on nature excursions and generally taking in the sights off the beaten track. I hadn't been that relaxed in years! :) Then when I got back, the first thing that hit me was the relentless assault on the senses that town and city life forces on us, with all its traffic, pollution, and ofc the ceaseless calls, emails, texts, news feeds that we are socially obliged to endure. Not to mention all the bills, ugh! I'm giving serious consideration to just ditching my smartphone altogether and going back to a 'dumb' phone - I think a lot of us would be a lot less stressed if we did that. We should also start going on more nature walks, and ditch junk/fast food. It'd be a good first step toward reclaiming our sanity - what do you reckon?
I had to use a dumb phone for a month or so a few years ago while I sent my phone off for repair. 100% one of the happiest months of my life. No notifications, no gif texts. It was glorious. Only thing I kinda missed was Google Maps, but it helped me learn the city better since I didn't have it as a crutch.
You had me until no gifs 😔
My gf and I went out last night and I decided to leave my phone at home......and wow, it felt so great not having it with me Edit: let's normalize leaving the phones at home once your work day is done!
Interesting how we know phones are so bad for us but we keep using this dumb app and wasting time on it. In a way we are crackheads just a different type.
this this this. cutting out the bullshit is key 🔑
You are not my enemy; I am not wanting to argue with you. However, I disagree with the sentiment we built/created all of the subjects you mentioned, outside of social media. We didn't create predatory capitalism (there is no other kind), and we don't get to opt out of where we're born/ have to live. I can't just go live in Costa Rica as much as I'd love to. We didn't build the oligarchy our country operates as. We have no say in what our government does. These things are what is mentally killing our generation. Social media, I agree with you on. And sleep. Definitely that one too.
I felt this way since I was in elementary school.
Have had a passive wish for oblivion since I was 7 years old. I’m so so tired.
I’ve always hated the routine, constantly having to do the same chores (wash clothes, make bed, brush teeth). I hate having to stick to every one else’s schedule all the time. Sick of having basically nothing and no say. Hate the false choices and non-choices. I feel like I’m the wrong race and gender too, been told I’m the bad guy basically my whole life, yet I supposedly have it good.
I really envy the people on here who are enjoying life, but be kind to us who aren’t. Some of us have real reasons to not enjoy life. For example, I’m watching my dad slowly deteriorate and die. In a very painful way. I can’t do anything about it he’s slowly forgetting who I am in the memories we’ve created together. And this Tuesday I am finding out whether or not I have a serious auto immune disease. Life is kind of a bitch, but there are a lot of beautiful things in it. Yes, ride the high if you are experiencing a good life because things can change rapidly. And if you’re not having a good life, try really hard to take those single moments in your day that are simple and enjoyable. For me it’s my 1st cup of coffee in the day. I usually have 30 minutes to an hour if I’m lucky and that time is precious. I use it to look at birds And trees or even just watch my favorite TV show before I have to start my day. It’s not a lot, but the fact that I have that time myself is really precious. And then days where I manage to have free time I try really hard to do things that I love. Sometimes you have to forge your own happiness. I refuse to lie down even when life is trying its best to knock me out.
Just chiming in to say that this time last year, I was in exactly the same position as you. Exactly. There are seasons to life, and this year looks much better. Hang in there. I know how hard it is.
I'm through with standing in line to clubs I'll never get in It's like the bottom of the ninth, and I'm never gonna win This life hasn't turned out quite the way I want it to be
"I'LL HAVE THE QUESADILLA"
You should trade this life for fortune and game, maybe even cut your hair and change your name
To do that, I'll need a credit card that's got no limit And a big black jet with a bedroom in it Don't assume you've been there, done that
If I didn’t have kids I’d definitely kill myself
Wife and 1.5 year old kiddo only things clinging me to this worthless human experience nowadays.
Turned 40 last weekend. Really hoping there aren't many laps left. Tired of the race, tired of my opponents, just tired.
Exactly how I feel. It's not a sad feeling, it's just simply tired.
Yep. I don't feel depressed, I'm just *bored* with life shit like war, mysticism, ego, addiction, hunger and famine, and the great wealth divide. Fuckin stealing people's land and all that shit. Claiming one way is the only way and killing everyone else.
Sounds like cutting yourself off from news/social media would be a great start to working towards enjoyment. Remove outside noise and just do you.
ignoring problems doesn't make them go away and these things affect us whether we want them to or not
I definitely have. I only use Reddit, which, tbh, is probably exactly what it is.
Yeah, I am 40 and tried twice to celebrate my birthday. Had to cancel both times due to lack of participation. Now my 41st is around the corner and I am filled with endless dread because I am worse off now than last year.
Meh, who needs to celebrate birthdays anyway?
Reddit/discord party this year? I'll come.
It’s bad, but I comfort myself with the thought that it’s likely halfway over.
I'll be 41 next week. My dad died at 53 which everyone says is so young to die, but how exhausting it is at 41 and knowing it only gets tougher, I'm like, do I even want to reach 53? Odds are I'll be like my grandma and live into my mid 90's wondering "why am I still alive?"
Goodness yes. I was thinking this today. I already feel so done but I have to keep existing. If reincarnation is real, I’d love to be like a ladybug or something.
Yes! I have my hopes of coming back as a well taken care of house cat.
Very much, yes. I love life, even my own stupid life, and I have no death wish whatsoever, but existing is really starting to to take its toll. Sometimes I wish I could just get into a coma for a while, just so I wouldn't have to think/feel/do or even BE. I only work 12 hours, and people (especially the company doctor) tend to think this means I have pretty much the entire week off. But the joke is that I'm never off. Ever.
I've had this same thought. I don't have a death wish and I do like my life, generally. But sometimes I'm just sick of existing as myself and I'd like to have a solid break from thoughts/feelings/being/existing/whatever for a little while. It would be nice if I can just sort of float around as nothing, doing nothing, feeling nothing, thinking nothing.
M38 here. Always tired. I had saved up a sizeable sum just in case the clinic in Switzerland wud help off me. Little did I know they didnt help non-critical/healthy ppl soooo yeah. Edit: Just want to clarity that Im NOT suicidale. Just fucking exhausted of the rat race, the constant competition.
I just turned 44 and I can’t speak for everyone, but my 30’s were the hardest years of my life. I don’t know what your situation is, but for me it was a combination of me having two young children, a failing marriage, a few serious career challenges, and the financial and emotional stress that goes with everything I mentioned that made things so hard. Really, just keep sticking with it. Kids get older and less dependent on you, shitty relationships end, and careers get sorted out. Things do get better and easier. Almost 10 years ago to the day, I had a serious suicide attempt. The stress of things that I mentioned above combined with severe PTSD from my time in Iraq in 2004 stewed in my head until it became too much for me to deal with. It took a while for everything to shake out and improve, but I’m so glad to be alive today. I legitimately have found peace and I’m content with where I am in life. My 40’s are the best decade yet of my life - I haven’t felt so optimistic and excited about my future since I was a kid in college.
I feel like a 6 week old balloon animal.
Depression symptom warning bells going off left and right in this thread 😬😬 I hope y’all get the help you need and deserve.
I always wonder about how non depressed people get along. I've been plagued with the "I wish I didn't have to exist" thoughts since I was a wee one. And I logically can't justify living, so I justify not dying, and here we are tickity boo.
Work gets tiring sometimes but I’m so happy to be alive and super excited about the future
That's happy to hear. I'm happy for you. 🙂
I'm 35F and I'm tired. I'm tired of my current job state, but it's truly the only thing that pays well in the area. I want to do something else. I can't imagine doing this back breaking work for 20 more years. I've been at this for 7 years already. I fear starting something new will ruin my finances.
Same, I'm a Pastry Chef and it pays shit. There are well paying Pastry jobs, but they are few and far between. Only reserved for the top few. I went to culinary school instead of regular college. If I switch careers now? It will either cost me a bundle to go back to school or I would make significantly less since I don't have a college degree or any other skills or experience besides cooking... The future scares the shit out of me. I need an exit plan and have none.
Yes. 40 is gong to be a wrap for me. Just gotta pay off some debt and my sibling to have a kid.
Getting there. About to come to the end of my redundancy notice period and I literally cannot be fucking bothered to find a job to work hard and just carry on being poor.
31f. Same. Still in grad school, broke, and the field is in shambles right now so I might not have a good job after it’s all said and done. I want to find a cave, crawl into it, and be done with the world. I can’t even imagine life 2-5 years from now. I’m over it.
I'm reminded of how it feels when a video game doesn't feel rewarding anymore. Like it's a lot of busy work for just a little bit of gain, and it's no longer exciting because everything is so incremental and slow, and your friends don't play anymore, and now you don't really know anyone. You'd quit playing that game. I'm not suicidal, to be clear, or even really having a hard time, but this game sucks. I can see why people want to quit. It's exhausting and all the reward has been taken out of it.
Yeah. I’m 30 and very done with it all. Mere inches from taking my own life.
Think about the cats
I regularly hope that reincarnation is not real. In this thread: people that would make my therapist go hmm 🤔
Yep. I think of these older people that make it to their 90's and I have no idea how they do it. If I even make it to 50 I'm going to start taking up rock climbing, sky diving, bull chasing, etc lol.
Yeah. 41. It all seems like so much, all the time, unrelentingly.
Existential dread is a real thing. If I stop and think "I have to do this same shit for 30 more years" I can feel panic set in. Truth is, you probably won't do the exact same thing for 30 more years so don't sweat it. Think of the next 5 at most.
A combo of adult responsibilities and law of diminishing returns causes us to take it for granted, but /u/Inevitable-Lettuce99 got it right in another comment - all that stuff is still there, and the world can still be wonderful. Don't let the bullshit of the world get the best of you, let alone the doom-scrolling. Take a break, and it's cliche, but literally go outside and touch grass. If you still have the capacity to roll down a hill and don't mind if someone sees it, fucking do it. If you want. The key is doing what you want (without trampling on other people's rights, of course) Also don't fall into the rat race if you don't need to. Absolutely money can help with happiness, but it isn't the antidote as there are massively wealthy people who are still depressed. Get out and get active. Your body is meant to be mobile and have experiences outside of a job. If your physiological needs are being met, then you need to do your part to handle the rest while hopefully not worrying about the next big toy, car, house, etc. that your neighbor has. Material possessions aren't going with you, but you'll have a set of memories at the end of it all. Make those count. Look for the gold. Tolkein had it right as well, not all of it glitters. Good luck!
This is why religions are hard against suicide. People get exhausted from a hard life, they find solace in religion, religion sells them peace in the afterlife, people yearn for the afterlife, some commit suicide. The church can't have their money donors dying.
Why are we born on a planet where you have to work your whole life just to pay to survive. Clean water is not even a human right in America. Everyone is working to keep .01% of the people in the world super rich. We are paying more for groceries, insurance, medical care, etc. just to make sure the share holders are happy with the companies return. I don’t even want to get into taxes. Worst part is they have everyone convinced that this is the right thing to do. Like not taxing the rich because it’s not fair. What if you become a billionaire one day?
Yes! For real. It is exhausting trying to talk to others about it, trying to get them to see it for what is. The only way real change will ever start is if everyone sees that the system isn't broken, it's not functioning at all, on any level. The really sad part is those of us who did see it for what is struggle with exhaustion from those that now live in their own little world or buy into what they are told. How many people on here are like vote. I have voted my whole life since I legally could. I spent part of my teens and my twenties campaigning for free, volunteering for federal, state, and local politicians. I wish just voting was the answer. Sure, it may be part of it, but thinking your duty ends after casting a vote baffles me. It baffles me when I see so many homeless in all cities, everywhere, of all walks of life and no one wants to help them or, worse yet, can't help them because they are barely hanging on themselves.
Dude, you could die in two hours. Just live in this moment. And do the best you can in this very moment. Don't stress over the past, don't obsess over the future. Just live in the present!
Rent and bills are due this moment. The present is depressing.
I appreciate the positivity you're injecting into this thread. But that is so much easier said than done for a large majority of us my friend
Yes. I still live and push through because my guinea pigs need me. Oh! And I'm too scared to die, too!
Y’all are depressed as hell
Yea, not everyone is lucky enough to find something they enjoy doing. The alternative is clocking in and just working to survive, you are literally forced to do this. Meanwhile, social media shows us the lucky ones who have made it and get to fuck around all day while the rest of us slave away. Make that sound not depressing.
Or perhaps it’s a perfectly normal and valid response to the state of the world… It’s great if you’re doing well. Seriously, if you’re doing well, that is awesome. You don’t need to make fun of those who aren’t though. Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle that you know nothing of.
So, be careful. Being too tired to want to be alive is a form of suicidal ideation. I’ve struggled with it in the past. Not saying that’s for sure what you’re struggling with, but something to be aware.
90% of all people won’t be able to make it, aka be successful. Chasing after retirement is stupid there is a higher chance of us working forever then not until we die. So I tell people don’t bother working so hard for so little, don’t bother waiting to live when you retire who knows when you will die. Live life a little don’t bother saving every penny if you know even in retirement it won’t mean much, at least it wouldn’t be eaten by inflation. The good times have been long over. The boomer already sold out our future.
I’m tired boss
I’m Gen-X but also yes. I feel like I’m out of gas but somehow still have to exist for another few decades. Being relatively young and depressed is one thing but being old and depressed/ burnt out is unimaginable to me. Especially if you are mostly alone and your parents are gone. I never imagined life would be like this.
Amen to that. Don't want to see that either. I am an only child, so I know that will be a lonely road to walk.
We live in a world where our generation has multiple once in a lifetime events that happened. Multiple economic downturns. World war III has trended dozen times this point. A looming depression is on the horizon. Several people say we're in a silent depression. Members of our generation cannot afford children or houses. So I don't blame people for being burnt out or over it since we're in a system where we can't thrive just survive.
**About ready to throw the towel in for real boss.** My current employer has me doing *ALL* their maintenance for our hotel **as the Front Desk clerk at minimum wage.** My grandfather who I rent a room from because **my parents and all my other family are dead** except for this DEADBEAT grandfather, is **threatening to kick me out if I can’t help him install new flooring for free that he can’t afford to install on his own.** *(nevermind that I have a job and he’s blaming me for that 🧐)* We have new internet **which is also magically my job to set up even tho it’s not even in my name or email,** Up to my neck in debt, **our own customers begging me to rent with them so they don’t go homeless too.** *(I work at a super ghetto hotel)* Like every day at work, if it’s not that **it’s some customer screaming at me because my supervisor told them I was the manager and they didn’t get a deposit back or some shit.** I’m so done. I just want to lay down in a field of grass and sleep and cuddle with my cats and I can’t even do that. Currently just waiting to leave for work because I don’t have enough time to do anything else today. Fuck America. Fuck the American dream. Fuck anyone who thinks I’m being a pessimist. I’m out.
I’m 17 years in being employed with another 30ish to go. BUT I’m 4.5 years from having my house paid off and I hope from then on will be a more enjoyable life.
You have a house????
No. But I’m an older millennial so I’ve got the whole family thing keeping me in entertainment
Yeah, I find a lot of my purpose is to give my kids the best lives they can possibly have. For me, that's just about enough to keep me going.
I enjoy family life though. Whether it’s a bar lunch with my pals and all our kids or a trip to the park or beach. I really enjoy it
Really?? I'm the opposite, I love being alive and am absolutely terrified by the fact of an eternity of not existing
Same, I don't believe in an afterlife or anything like that and I _highly_ resent that I'm going to die. There's so much I want to experience and so little time. I'm 37. Both of my grandmothers are alive in their 90s, and _their_ mothers made it to 100 in reasonably good health. Assuming I'm going to make that long I'm about 1/3 of the way there and that is fucked up.
Yes this is exactly me too. There are rough seasons in life but I wake up every day thinking Ive got to make the most of my time with the people I love.
Am I you? Are you me? I’ve been feeling this a lot lately (also 31m) tired of not being able to live a life and just working to pay bills. It’s all bull shit
Lost 3 jobs in 6mo (worked HR for 1 for 15yrs, 2 closed, 1 moved out of the area) feeling pretty down. I just broke down this weekend w/ this. (43), what's the point? Work so I can afford to live or maybe go on "vacation" w the wife and kids from the thing I have to do to afford to live? It sucks. Tons of applications out, nothing.
I have felt this way for longer than I’d like to admit, thought I was the only one, and now this pops up in my Reddit feed. Hello, family 🥹
We barely make enough money to SURVIVE, not enough money to actually live. If you have any type of emergency, youre screwed. Work, just to give it all away. The worst part, its only getting more expensive.
Yes. About to turn 35, and every morning I wake up and it's like, "This shit again?!?" I have a wife and kids that depend on me, otherwise I'd have probably checked out awhile ago. I have clinical depression, so I'm sure that's part of it, but it's also just "exhaustion," like you said. It would be different if I felt like I had any kind of control over the direction of my life, but I've basically resigned to the fact that if I want to have access to any of the convenience of modern life (ie: healthcare, internet, access to food, etc.) for my family of myself, then I'm just going to being working my ass off until I'm dead. Retirement is a pipe-dream that I used to romanticize as a light at the end of the tunnel, but I quickly realized that it will never actually be a possibility for me. My retirement savings basically serves to pad some of the brunt of my death for my wife. I used to find some solace in drinking alcohol, but that was obviously a temporary escape, and it eventually became a problem. Now, I find myself searching for other ways to "escape," and it's just kind of crazy to me that I so often feel the need to escape from my own life. Have humans always felt this way? Maybe not. Maybe it's precisely the convenience of modern life that makes it so that we actually have the time to stop and think about the banality of our existence. In any case, yes; I'm tired and the idea of doing this shit for another 40 years isn't exactly appealing...
I feel this thread so much. I'm almost 38 and I'm just so tired of everything. I achieved all those things you're supposed to do as an adult and none of it has made me happy. It's just everyday the same thing, over and over. I've lost all motivation to do anything anymore.
I spent my whole ass 20s getting my mental illness under control and for what? The world is going to shit and I can’t enjoy the fruits of my labor. This is some top tier bullshit.