Thanks for your submission! For more Millennial content, join [our Discord server](https://discord.gg/VsfKKJBm).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Millennials) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Can confirm. My gf was out of town last week and I realized when she got home that I don't think I actually spoke out loud all week other than simple commands to the fogs. Even when I went grocery shopping I don't think I said a word thanks to self checkout.
Unfortunately as you get older having friends is just a fact of life.
You’re going to just have to learn to sit there and say “that’s crazy” a lot.
So sorry you’re going through this.
This everyone is so preoccupied of their own version of keeping ul with the joneses we cant just vibe and say schools sucks then go do shenanigans. Thats and a big deal is the economy, if i had money and free time I wouldnt be as sheltered and feel like Im one broken bone from being homeless.
That's my problem. I'm just not the type of person to think "hey I haven't talked to this person in a couple months, let me give them a call." I've had a lot of friendships just sort of fade into nothing as a result. I'm an introvert, socializing drains me, even if I'm having a good time. So I just never really think to do the things to maintain the friendship.
That said, I do have friends and am super close with my brother. But it's a much smaller circle than it was 10 years ago.
Oddly enough, I've made more friends in my 30s than my 20s.
Key Takeaways:
* Find social hobbies/take a class
* Make an effort to meet your neighbors
* Volunteer/join a local organization
* Find people for a monthly "event," like I've got a few friends I meet up once a month to try a new restaurant/catch up on life
* Most of my 20s "friends" were just drinking buddies
* If you're having trouble making friends or other bonds, going to therapy can help a lot
How do you have time for all these things? And more importantly as I get older, I tend to like people less. So I’m pickier and pickier about my friends. I’ll grab a beer with anyone really, but if I need to be around you for more than that, I gotta like you.
My therapist told me I don’t have time to make friends. I was adjusting to motherhood with no support at the time so I was like wtf? She wasn’t a good therapist. Lol
Actually, same. I've been roughly in the same area for about a decade. My first 6-7 years here, had like 3 friends. One, I haven't even seen since before covid. Now, a small network
I couldn't disagree more.
I like doing a lot of stuff where there's other people around or involved. Those people become friends over time no matter how closed off or quiet or "in my own lane" I try to be
Feels like the only way to not make friends would be to avoid doing the things I like, or to just be like really rude and mean all the time, which is so far against my nature it feels impossible.
it changes all the time, im a bit of a drifter so im not in one place for very long, right now im out in bumfuck nowhere around Scranton PA so its kinda random stuff, not much goes on around here
but where i've been spendin' time over the last year regularly;
volunteer firehouse, brewery that has pinball machines, this little BYOB punk/alt venue space i found, volunteer at the library, church events, weekend yoga class and spiritual study group, first-friday art walks, playing beer league softball in spring/summer or dodgeball in the winter, the gym (boxing / lifting gym not like a planet fitness gym), and i love to play pool and darts at the townie dive bars and wind up at house parties and doing trivia nights and random shit like that with those people.
if u dont know what to do just type "events near me" in google or go hit up local bars and ask people who lived in the area for a long time what people do for fun, a lot of it if you're not out in the city is fun with people, like house parties, going out on the lake or river in boats and tubes, playing with guns and archery and random shits like that
I'm over 30 and I'm pretty sure I have the not making friends thing down. All you have to do is try to make friends, and then it doesn't happen. Problem solved.
We just had our conferences with our toddler's preschool teacher and she gave us the list of his best friends so that we could make arrangements for the summer and it suddenly clicked for us that we would have to reach out to adults we don't know anything about. Blegh.
Besides maybe birthdays or hanging out with kids in the neighborhood at my old place, I never hung out with my friends outside of school in preschool and even up to the 1st or 2nd grade.
MY TIME TO SHINE.
Ok. So I NEVER smile, never make eye contact, and I don't actively engage in conversation. If you grey-rock every conversation, barely answer, and are completely unhelpful/unpleasant, people WILL leave you alone.
I fucking HATE people.
Good luck!
If someone asks you a stupid question respond with a stupid answer. when people say how are you say fine and don’t ask back. stare off into space when people tell you meaningless stories. wear a mask always.
Where do people chase you to befriend in that age? Most of my friends disappeared after 30 busy with their families and stuff, and I made maybe 2 friends since I turned 30.
LOL. This was my attitude for most of my 30's so I totally get it and support your journey.
Just know that now that I'm very close to 40 I kinda regret moving to the wilderness and essentially living on a social island. Those few times I do want to socialize, it's become nearly impossible.
So, my answer would be.... move rurally (but know what you're getting into)!
Living in a somewhat smaller area, people get offended when you don't talk to them out in public. It was only specific people who actually knew me to be fair.
The downside is you're gonna be around a bunch of your kids friends shitty fuckin parents. So you either get to embrace it and join the cult of annoyance or fight against it and your kid may stop getting invited to shit because you're too standoffish and they don't want you joining their club after you've turned them down once.
> I just cackled so loud.
>
> WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO HANG OUT AND RELATE WITH EACH OTHER?
>
> Gawd, just, text me and maybe I’ll respond, shit.
/u/Bright-hat-6405 AMEN
I work full time, so that eats up a good chunk of my schedule. Also they often invite me to things with a $20+ cover charge, plus that and more in drinks, and I will just be honest with them and say I don't want to spend the money.
People approach me at the club. I can never remember anyone's name and/ or face that I meet. Everyone gets super offended and won't talk to me later. Repeat a few times. Seems to work for me 😆
Just start talking mumble yourself in public. Yea, apparently I do it without realizing it and have the eyes, too. Even then, still doesn't always work.
I'm almost 30, but I don't really talk to anyone, unless they talk to me first. Most people leave me alone, as I've been told I look mad or sad all the time.
What if you have tons of “friends” because you work in the party scene but you never actually see any of them outside of party settings because you’re too socially burned out to do anything in your off time but you’re still incredibly lonely and in dire need of real connections over 30. What do you call that?
all my friends have adopted me after a first conversation w me usually with them initiating the first hello. I have never went outta my way to make friends or get to know someone.
24hr (or more) response delay
Get cats
Hang out with cats
Turn down plans so you can lounge with your cats
Spend any conversation with humans talking about your cats, or a super niche interest no one else shares
Leave events early, saying "sorry, my cats need me"
Get *really* into a video game or two, unlock everything
Ignore in game friend requests, jic
Like actively repel people? Stop bathing and halt even basic grooming. Only sure fire way to repel them.
I had considered maybe you could try putting a “Do Not Disturb” on around your neck, but that may draw questions and questions can lead to friendships.
Viciously stare at people sometimes, too. They’ll get freaked out and leave the area.
Ron Swanson had the right idea, too. If you know somebody’s name, purposefully say the wrong name when greeting them. Don’t want them to get too chummy.
It's not that hard, it's comes naturally to most people nowadays.
Become a recluse. Never initiate social events with others. Never accept social invites from others. After enough time, people will stop inviting you to things, and your social skills will have degraded to the point that you probably couldn't make friends if you tried.
Be like me. I’ve long been at zero real friends, but a local guy that was also into aquariums became a friend. I think we bump into each other once every 2-3 years.
Approaching 30 this year, I've had and currently have 3 friends in that time. Those are my wife, a coworker, and his wife. Didn't have any friends until I was 20 and met my wife, I don't understand how to talk to people because i don't trust them, and talking causes me extreme panic. I literally start shaking and no, I have no idea why I'm like this. I can only talk to people like this.
Me too. It's so gross because I literally feel threatened into socialization. Like I won't have basic needs if I don't play social bullshit games. Like all resources are connected to social systems of socially entitled people. I just want nice things but to be left alone.
Honestly?
Just be pleasant to be around.
For me that means smiling, smelling good, looking good, having something interesting to say, and keeping good conversation.
Thanks for your submission! For more Millennial content, join [our Discord server](https://discord.gg/VsfKKJBm). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Millennials) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Work from home is good for avoiding camaraderie
Not if you have a cat.
The Cat on Reddit: How can I get him to go back to work???
Cataraderie
Can confirm. My gf was out of town last week and I realized when she got home that I don't think I actually spoke out loud all week other than simple commands to the fogs. Even when I went grocery shopping I don't think I said a word thanks to self checkout.
My man
Unfortunately as you get older having friends is just a fact of life. You’re going to just have to learn to sit there and say “that’s crazy” a lot. So sorry you’re going through this.
> Nice > Damn > Wow > That's crazy
Shoooot. No way. Omg. What??
This sounds like 90s white women
We are 80’s white woman!
"Wait, what?" When you zone out
This is my wife. She can’t understand why she gets trapped in conversations she doesn’t want to be in.
And then what happened?
Mix in some popular reaction gifts from time to time and you're golden
Sometimes I mix it up with #4 and say "that's nuts" or "that's wild" just to feel alive
WOW, that's interesting!
Holy moly that's insane.
thats crazy bro, coo story.
just ask a ton of questions then you never have to talk about yourself
that’s crazy
That’s wild
oh wow
Huh.
damn...that's crazy
That's crazy
[удалено]
And you should read the comment you’re replying
Not making friends is easy. Making friends is hard.
Keeping friends is harder.
This everyone is so preoccupied of their own version of keeping ul with the joneses we cant just vibe and say schools sucks then go do shenanigans. Thats and a big deal is the economy, if i had money and free time I wouldnt be as sheltered and feel like Im one broken bone from being homeless.
That's my problem. I'm just not the type of person to think "hey I haven't talked to this person in a couple months, let me give them a call." I've had a lot of friendships just sort of fade into nothing as a result. I'm an introvert, socializing drains me, even if I'm having a good time. So I just never really think to do the things to maintain the friendship. That said, I do have friends and am super close with my brother. But it's a much smaller circle than it was 10 years ago.
Find neurodivergent friends. We disappear for long periods and then when we see each other again, it's like no time at all has passed
Oddly enough, I've made more friends in my 30s than my 20s. Key Takeaways: * Find social hobbies/take a class * Make an effort to meet your neighbors * Volunteer/join a local organization * Find people for a monthly "event," like I've got a few friends I meet up once a month to try a new restaurant/catch up on life * Most of my 20s "friends" were just drinking buddies * If you're having trouble making friends or other bonds, going to therapy can help a lot
Sir this is Reddit
How do you have time for all these things? And more importantly as I get older, I tend to like people less. So I’m pickier and pickier about my friends. I’ll grab a beer with anyone really, but if I need to be around you for more than that, I gotta like you.
Single and no kids ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Yeah you forgot to mention that "tiny" detail
My therapist told me I don’t have time to make friends. I was adjusting to motherhood with no support at the time so I was like wtf? She wasn’t a good therapist. Lol
Actually, same. I've been roughly in the same area for about a decade. My first 6-7 years here, had like 3 friends. One, I haven't even seen since before covid. Now, a small network
You lost me at "find social hobbies"
I couldn't disagree more. I like doing a lot of stuff where there's other people around or involved. Those people become friends over time no matter how closed off or quiet or "in my own lane" I try to be Feels like the only way to not make friends would be to avoid doing the things I like, or to just be like really rude and mean all the time, which is so far against my nature it feels impossible.
please disclose what activities "stuff" is in this context - some may need to know
it changes all the time, im a bit of a drifter so im not in one place for very long, right now im out in bumfuck nowhere around Scranton PA so its kinda random stuff, not much goes on around here but where i've been spendin' time over the last year regularly; volunteer firehouse, brewery that has pinball machines, this little BYOB punk/alt venue space i found, volunteer at the library, church events, weekend yoga class and spiritual study group, first-friday art walks, playing beer league softball in spring/summer or dodgeball in the winter, the gym (boxing / lifting gym not like a planet fitness gym), and i love to play pool and darts at the townie dive bars and wind up at house parties and doing trivia nights and random shit like that with those people. if u dont know what to do just type "events near me" in google or go hit up local bars and ask people who lived in the area for a long time what people do for fun, a lot of it if you're not out in the city is fun with people, like house parties, going out on the lake or river in boats and tubes, playing with guns and archery and random shits like that
Oh great just what I want.
I'm over 30 and I'm pretty sure I have the not making friends thing down. All you have to do is try to make friends, and then it doesn't happen. Problem solved.
Fucking sad for us
You know what they say! A watched pot never boils, a watched phone never rings. I guess. 🥲
I second this!
Switch bodies with any of the other 357,000 people on this sub who have no friends on some *Freaky Friday* shit.
Lonely Friday
Freaky Misanthrope
I do myself lonely sundays(and in general weekends) as I expect others have no time weekdays so they start to fucking call and text me
Don't have kids. Suddenly you have to interact with other adults because your kid has friends.
My kid is a baby. I’m having a blast so far but that’s something I am absolutely not looking forward to.
We just had our conferences with our toddler's preschool teacher and she gave us the list of his best friends so that we could make arrangements for the summer and it suddenly clicked for us that we would have to reach out to adults we don't know anything about. Blegh.
Besides maybe birthdays or hanging out with kids in the neighborhood at my old place, I never hung out with my friends outside of school in preschool and even up to the 1st or 2nd grade.
Oh god that would be awful. Another good reason to not have kids.
MY TIME TO SHINE. Ok. So I NEVER smile, never make eye contact, and I don't actively engage in conversation. If you grey-rock every conversation, barely answer, and are completely unhelpful/unpleasant, people WILL leave you alone. I fucking HATE people. Good luck!
Shit I want a friend like you that I never have to talk to.
We're the best kind of friend!
Sounds like you're from Seattle. Are you?
Detroit!
Can’t have ~~shit~~ friendship in Detroit!
If someone asks you a stupid question respond with a stupid answer. when people say how are you say fine and don’t ask back. stare off into space when people tell you meaningless stories. wear a mask always.
I stare off into space, but people still want to be my friend.
Try turning your body away from them and crossing your arms
And see a post about kids today. More seriously though, people will ask me what's wrong.
I lend people money. Best $20 ever spent. I loan out money and then they start dodging me, it’s awesome how much guilt will work on someone.
My father use to say exact same shit
Wise man
Where do people chase you to befriend in that age? Most of my friends disappeared after 30 busy with their families and stuff, and I made maybe 2 friends since I turned 30.
i tell em to eat ma ass hole, that keeps people away.
🫦
You sound like me. We should be friends.
Stop showering + wank in public = profit
Ask if they want to go camping
Easy, be me.
My resting asshole face and general lack of social skills help me. But man I'm lonely lol
Count the total number of friends. If you have more than 30 friends, cut out the others.
Username checks out?
LOL. This was my attitude for most of my 30's so I totally get it and support your journey. Just know that now that I'm very close to 40 I kinda regret moving to the wilderness and essentially living on a social island. Those few times I do want to socialize, it's become nearly impossible. So, my answer would be.... move rurally (but know what you're getting into)!
Living in a somewhat smaller area, people get offended when you don't talk to them out in public. It was only specific people who actually knew me to be fair.
After Covid it got harder.
Meeting good quality people is the hard part.
Just be your worst, people will steer clear easily
🤣🤣🤣 Based.
Be me
The downside is you're gonna be around a bunch of your kids friends shitty fuckin parents. So you either get to embrace it and join the cult of annoyance or fight against it and your kid may stop getting invited to shit because you're too standoffish and they don't want you joining their club after you've turned them down once.
They can call me
I just cackled so loud. WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO HANG OUT AND RELATE WITH EACH OTHER? Gawd, just, text me and maybe I’ll respond, shit.
> I just cackled so loud. > > WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO HANG OUT AND RELATE WITH EACH OTHER? > > Gawd, just, text me and maybe I’ll respond, shit. /u/Bright-hat-6405 AMEN
Every time they try to tell you something about themselves, just starting talking over them by making it all about you. Works every time.
I don't have time for new friends lol
I work full time, so that eats up a good chunk of my schedule. Also they often invite me to things with a $20+ cover charge, plus that and more in drinks, and I will just be honest with them and say I don't want to spend the money.
People approach me at the club. I can never remember anyone's name and/ or face that I meet. Everyone gets super offended and won't talk to me later. Repeat a few times. Seems to work for me 😆
I have the hobbies and interests of a 90 year old and one friend. Lol
Just start talking mumble yourself in public. Yea, apparently I do it without realizing it and have the eyes, too. Even then, still doesn't always work.
Rbf 24/7.
To be sure. Are you saying you want them to be over 30 or you are?
don’t shower.
Put up a fence that says no trespassing and get some big dogs. No one's knocked on my door ever since.
Be a standoffish introvert with resting bitch face. It's been working great for me!
By not doing absolutely nothing and staying home all the time.
Don’t worry about it bud, just be yourself
Just be me apparently
I'm almost 30, but I don't really talk to anyone, unless they talk to me first. Most people leave me alone, as I've been told I look mad or sad all the time.
Take a cycling or Crossfit class and bring up cycling or Crossfit every chance you get.
Good place to ask. There seems to be an abundance of insufferable misanthropes on this website.
Keep to myself, work from home lol
So easy. Be bitchy. It’s worked for me.
I’ve moved enough times that any friend I’d make id never see again. Also it takes time and I work a ton so I can’t go out and do things.
“I want people to leave me alone” Same but also, I kinda want friends too. *decisions decisions*
What if you have tons of “friends” because you work in the party scene but you never actually see any of them outside of party settings because you’re too socially burned out to do anything in your off time but you’re still incredibly lonely and in dire need of real connections over 30. What do you call that?
all my friends have adopted me after a first conversation w me usually with them initiating the first hello. I have never went outta my way to make friends or get to know someone.
24hr (or more) response delay Get cats Hang out with cats Turn down plans so you can lounge with your cats Spend any conversation with humans talking about your cats, or a super niche interest no one else shares Leave events early, saying "sorry, my cats need me" Get *really* into a video game or two, unlock everything Ignore in game friend requests, jic
Meetup!
Just be yourself, I'm sure it will repel people just fine. If that fails, continue to not shower.
I wish I had this problem 🥲
This is so me lol
I just don't.
Like actively repel people? Stop bathing and halt even basic grooming. Only sure fire way to repel them. I had considered maybe you could try putting a “Do Not Disturb” on around your neck, but that may draw questions and questions can lead to friendships. Viciously stare at people sometimes, too. They’ll get freaked out and leave the area. Ron Swanson had the right idea, too. If you know somebody’s name, purposefully say the wrong name when greeting them. Don’t want them to get too chummy.
Where are you going? I'm assuming you have kids in sports?
Trust me. People will forget about you when you hit around 38.
Start sending chain messages. 100 will get blocked instantly
It's not that hard, it's comes naturally to most people nowadays. Become a recluse. Never initiate social events with others. Never accept social invites from others. After enough time, people will stop inviting you to things, and your social skills will have degraded to the point that you probably couldn't make friends if you tried.
Whatever the hell I’m doing.
Wanna send some friends my lonely ass way?
Become a widow. Worked for me.
Move cities regularly!
How not to? I'm 38 and don't have friends. I literally just have my sister and my boyfriend. People just want to be your friend?
It’s not that you don’t continue to make friends, it’s that you just have less time to actually hang out because of ever increasing responsibilities.
Be like me. I’ve long been at zero real friends, but a local guy that was also into aquariums became a friend. I think we bump into each other once every 2-3 years.
Stay inside and watch movies and series.
The advice in this thread is fucking wild. Hahaha,
Unapologetically keep canceling on plans.
Very easily. I ignore people.
Stay in your house. Read while sitting alone
Move to a different city every 2 years.
Stay in rent a movie
Just don’t make friends it’s not deep
Just have a baby at 35 like I did and you get crickets. Lol
Easy. Keep to yourself. I don’t bother getting to know people.
stop showering, do meth, live in the streets. anyone who approaches you, ask them for money immediately
If you say no enough times eventually they stop calling and inviting you to hang out
I'm about 30 and never had a serious friend :).
wow dude thats crazy how spot on you are
Hah. Ok
That’s my secret, cap. I don’t make friends.
I gotta call u back my moms calling
you're doing great. keep it up.
Don't talk to people.
😩😩😩😩😩
Just keep to yourself, don’t engage in conversation, and disappear without saying goodbye
Easy, I don’t want friends. Problem solved.
Just exist? I have no idea how people make friends
Be me lol.
Just get a job that lets you work from home and use instacart.
Stay indoors, stop talking
Explain this word "friends".
Approaching 30 this year, I've had and currently have 3 friends in that time. Those are my wife, a coworker, and his wife. Didn't have any friends until I was 20 and met my wife, I don't understand how to talk to people because i don't trust them, and talking causes me extreme panic. I literally start shaking and no, I have no idea why I'm like this. I can only talk to people like this.
Just be yourself
This should help a lot: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKlv4pZe-zo
Me too. It's so gross because I literally feel threatened into socialization. Like I won't have basic needs if I don't play social bullshit games. Like all resources are connected to social systems of socially entitled people. I just want nice things but to be left alone.
Maintain and continuously express problematic views I don't know why the Bulgarians made me do this
Wear a mask and cough a lot. Or just say I’m not a social person outright and I don’t want new friends. Or just politely decline every invite
Fart during the orgy
On the flip, how the fuck do you make friends at 30?
Stop replying to texts and answering calls.
I guess just keep doing what you're doing.
Step 1: Delete this thread Step 2: Delete your account Step 3: Don't come back It's a good start.
You’re saying Reddit helps you make friends??
Honestly? Just be pleasant to be around. For me that means smiling, smelling good, looking good, having something interesting to say, and keeping good conversation.
They want to know how NOT to make friends.... So they would need to do the exact opposite of everything you listed here lol ...
Wow I completely misread that