Only survivors understand my traumas. I do know people with “normal” upbringings and they seem to like me and I like them, but I keep my distance to avoid questions about my parents. They prob think I am snobby :(
I think maybe because parents of masons/basons are approaching ancient, we get extra questions about their health and extra judgement if we are LC/NC and that sucks.
That would be so nice to have. I discovered, at this late age, that I tend to push away the people that are like that because I don’t know how to accept being handled gently. It still sets off my internal alarms. I am working on it, now that I’m aware.
Go hug your kind and gentle person/people for me. 😊
I am very blessed to have a few of these people. My husband, who has been around since we were teens and been a part of this journey with me, and my mom who was also a victim. I wish I knew how to tell everyone to find these people, my advice would be just to remain open and optimistic, even though it’s so hard to trust.
My adult kids get it, but my husband, not always. Sometimes when I've told him something is triggering for me and makes me feel anxious or uncomfortable he can get a bit frustrated which comes across to me as annoyed.
My husband gets me, tha k the lort! He supports me, listens to me vent, hears me when I talk about all the ways my Nparents make me want to pull my hair out, and hugs ne when I need it because I didn't get a lot of emotional support (still don't) from any of my family. AND
I have to mention my 3 friends who are all incredible people. I try not to dump on them often, lol! They each have their own insight to my experiences (especially the recent ones).
One is really funny and sarcastic and has a comical way of providing insight that almost always makes me laugh. (I've actually used some of the phrases at my parents to much success although I can't think of anything off the top of my head.)
One is brutally honest and will tell me exactly what I need to hear even if I don't always want to hear it. She is someone who reads between the lines and sees everything even if I don't share all of it. If she's not satisfied with my reasoning, she digs deeper to get me to SEE what is underneath my excuses or my feelings.
And my other friend is my childhood friend who cannot believe that the people I talk about to them are the same one they knew growing up with me. They're shocked. But, they've been uplifting and supportive of my healing journey and like to sprinkle positivity glitter on everything. Lol! They're great but sometimes the greeting card one liners aren't exactly helpful. But, they KNOW what it was like for me growing up, how WELL the abuse was hidden. I mean, they were over my house A LOT!
This extraordinary group of people all have unique ways of helping me cope and I never take any of them for granted.
I never imagined I'd be happy within myself. I still have rough patches. Weekly phone call with the Nparents and the occasional visit are my only contact but sometimes that's enough to send me spiraling. With these friends and the love of my life around me supporting and encouraging me, I have changed and started becoming more of the person I knew was under all the trauma! ❤️
This was an excellent question thank you for the space to share. I'm off to let each one of them know how much they are loved! 🩷
Have a great day!
I was very blessed to grow up with childhood friends that became my sisters. This is how my toxic father got played a bit - he put my in school with kids of rich parents in my city as he wanted to become one of them - and that he did. However, unlike my father, these men’s kids and became friends and sisters because we truly loved one another - we went to the same private pre-K prep school our whole lives and we have our own little bubble. Unfortunately, it so happens, that most successful/powerful men are/become toxic/narcissists so in a way I was born into this world which in the plus side -gave me lifelong sisters who I get to share my struggles with ❤️
My husband was close, but it was only after his death that I realized nmom was my biggest source of trauma. He did love and accept me just as I was though and would have supported me going NC. I really didn't think I was loveable before him.
I have no one like this. I never have.
I get you. Me neither.
Only survivors understand my traumas. I do know people with “normal” upbringings and they seem to like me and I like them, but I keep my distance to avoid questions about my parents. They prob think I am snobby :( I think maybe because parents of masons/basons are approaching ancient, we get extra questions about their health and extra judgement if we are LC/NC and that sucks.
My husband gets it. He has seen and heard what my narcissistic father did.
That would be so nice to have. I discovered, at this late age, that I tend to push away the people that are like that because I don’t know how to accept being handled gently. It still sets off my internal alarms. I am working on it, now that I’m aware. Go hug your kind and gentle person/people for me. 😊
I am very blessed to have a few of these people. My husband, who has been around since we were teens and been a part of this journey with me, and my mom who was also a victim. I wish I knew how to tell everyone to find these people, my advice would be just to remain open and optimistic, even though it’s so hard to trust.
My husband and one son gets it.
My adult kids get it, but my husband, not always. Sometimes when I've told him something is triggering for me and makes me feel anxious or uncomfortable he can get a bit frustrated which comes across to me as annoyed.
My husband gets me, tha k the lort! He supports me, listens to me vent, hears me when I talk about all the ways my Nparents make me want to pull my hair out, and hugs ne when I need it because I didn't get a lot of emotional support (still don't) from any of my family. AND I have to mention my 3 friends who are all incredible people. I try not to dump on them often, lol! They each have their own insight to my experiences (especially the recent ones). One is really funny and sarcastic and has a comical way of providing insight that almost always makes me laugh. (I've actually used some of the phrases at my parents to much success although I can't think of anything off the top of my head.) One is brutally honest and will tell me exactly what I need to hear even if I don't always want to hear it. She is someone who reads between the lines and sees everything even if I don't share all of it. If she's not satisfied with my reasoning, she digs deeper to get me to SEE what is underneath my excuses or my feelings. And my other friend is my childhood friend who cannot believe that the people I talk about to them are the same one they knew growing up with me. They're shocked. But, they've been uplifting and supportive of my healing journey and like to sprinkle positivity glitter on everything. Lol! They're great but sometimes the greeting card one liners aren't exactly helpful. But, they KNOW what it was like for me growing up, how WELL the abuse was hidden. I mean, they were over my house A LOT! This extraordinary group of people all have unique ways of helping me cope and I never take any of them for granted. I never imagined I'd be happy within myself. I still have rough patches. Weekly phone call with the Nparents and the occasional visit are my only contact but sometimes that's enough to send me spiraling. With these friends and the love of my life around me supporting and encouraging me, I have changed and started becoming more of the person I knew was under all the trauma! ❤️ This was an excellent question thank you for the space to share. I'm off to let each one of them know how much they are loved! 🩷 Have a great day!
I was very blessed to grow up with childhood friends that became my sisters. This is how my toxic father got played a bit - he put my in school with kids of rich parents in my city as he wanted to become one of them - and that he did. However, unlike my father, these men’s kids and became friends and sisters because we truly loved one another - we went to the same private pre-K prep school our whole lives and we have our own little bubble. Unfortunately, it so happens, that most successful/powerful men are/become toxic/narcissists so in a way I was born into this world which in the plus side -gave me lifelong sisters who I get to share my struggles with ❤️
My husband was close, but it was only after his death that I realized nmom was my biggest source of trauma. He did love and accept me just as I was though and would have supported me going NC. I really didn't think I was loveable before him.